The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Theme music by Henry Mancini

NOTE: Although not technically a spin-off, the final episode of the series indicated that the entire series was a continuation of “The Bob Newhart Show”

• 001. In the Beginning – 10/25/1982
  • Dick Loudon (Bob Newhart), a how-to author from New York, and his wife Joanna (Mary Frann) are being introduced to the Stratford Inn, a 1774 inn in Vermont, on which they have placed a down payment. Despite the fact that the place needs quite a bit of work, the caretaker George Utley (Tom Poston) seems inept, and their neighbor Kirk Devane (Steven Kampmann) is a habitual liar, the Loudons decide to go for it. After hiring a maid, the filthy rich Leslie Vanderkellen (Jennifer Holmes), they begin to take guests. One of the first groups that comes to the inn is a group of women from the Daughters of the War of Independence whose ancestors had stayed there. Dick must deliver a speech and deliver the unsettling news that he just found out that the Stratford had been a cathouse during the Civil War. Jack Dodson appears as Mr. Shaver, the real estate agent.  5/8/13
• 002. Mrs. Newton’s Body Lies A-Mould’ring in the Grave – 11/1/1982
  • Despite the fact that everyone else in town seems to know already, the Loudons find out that there is a lady named Mrs. Sara Newton buried in the basement. George tries to tackle the task of putting in a new furnace while the Loudons try to figure out how to get the body removed. When they visit the church where her husband is buried, the minister (Bill Quinn) informs them that she had been accused of being a witch. Despite this, he crosses her name off the ‘witch list’ and agrees to let her be buried at the church. The Loudons make arrangement for this by hiring brothers Larry (William Sanderson), Daryl (Tony Papenfuss), and Daryl (John Volstad) to remove the body. At the last minute, Joanna begins to feel remorse for Mrs. Newton, and decides to leave her right where she is. Dan Frischman appears as the mortician’s son. 5/9/13
• 003. Hail to the Councilman – 11/8/1982
  • Dick almost gets into a car accident in front of the inn and decides to petition for a stop sign. Road Commissioner Jim Dixon (Thomas Hill) and Town Council member Chester Wanamaker (William Lanteau) convince Dick that his civic-mindedness makes him a good candidate to run for Town Council. He discusses his aspirations for public service with Joanna and soon he is off on a tagent about becoming President. He shows up underdressed for the council meeting, but nonetheless gets voted into office, which was simpler than he ever expected since virtually everyone in town is on the council. 5/9/13
• 004. Shall We Gather at the River? – 11/15/1982
  • When the lake freezes over, everyone in town is excited to head off for an evening of bonfires and ice skating at the River Party…except for Joanna. Dick convinces her to go along despite the fact that she can’t ice skate. She ends up falling into the freezing water and is furious at Dick for making her go. Dick apologizes and they decide to spend a quiet evening together, but when she comes downstairs in a sexy nightgown, she finds a large group of townpeople that Dick has invited for surprise party. She is mortified, but she forgives Dick for this as well and since nearly everyone leaves, they get their quiet evening together after all. 5/9/13
• 005. This Probably Is Condemned – 11/22/1982
  • The Stratford undergoes a building inspection, and Kirk is terrified that his cafe will be inspected. Not long after the inspector leaves the inn, Kirk shows up downtrodden that the Minuteman has been condemned. Joanna, Leslie, George, and a relunctant Dick all agree to pitch in and bring the cafe back up to standards. On the day they begin, Kirk leaves to get everyone breakfast and doesn’t return until that night after all of the work has been completed, claiming to have been in the hospital. Kirk is touched and agrees not to lie anymore, confessing that he had actually been in Boston playing video games all day, and that the restaurant had never actually been condemned. 12/18/13
• 006. No Tigers at the Circus – 11/29/1982
  • Everyone is excited that the Stratford is going to be reviewed to see if it qualifies as a historical landmark. Dick gets carried away with impressing the inspectors when they visit, but ultimately the inn is rejected because it is not unique in any way. Dick becomes depressed and decides that he no longer likes the inn, and even considers selling it. Eventually he spends some time alone on ‘Thinking Hill’ and realizes that his life is better at the end and it really doesn’t matter if it achieves a landmark status. 12/19/13
• 007. The Perfect Match – 12/6/1982
  • Kirk is beside himself when Leslie’s old boyfriend Blake LeMaster (Howard McGillan) shows up to court her. Blake is a traveler and adventurer and impresses everyone with his tales. Eventually he proposes to Leslie and she accepts, but she then has second thoughts when she realizes that Blake has only been wooing her because she is something he could never have. 12/19/13
• 008. Some Are Born Writers…Others Have Writers Thrust Upon Them – 12/13/82
  • When Joanna meets an aspiring writer named Vicki Bicksel (Judith Kahan) at the supermarket, she volunteers Dick to help assist her in getting her career off the ground. After she and her husband Len (Earl Boen) get some encouragement from Dick, they decide to roll the dice on her literary career and Len quits his job. This puts extreme pressure on Dick, until he is forced to finally tell them that he can’t help them any more than he has. 12/19/13
• 009. No Room at the Inn – 12/20/1982
  • Inclement weather threatens to ruin everyone’s Christmas when Leslie’s flight to visit her family is cancelled, the slopes are closed for a visiting group of people known as the Silverbird Ski Club, and George realized that he is alone in the world. Kirk is thrilled that Leslie can’t leave, so he is the only one with Christmas spirit and brings over the souvenir trinkets to decorate the tree. A couple with a pregnant wife show up when there is no room left at the inn. She delivers the baby, and thankfully the entire group of skiers are doctors. The analogy to the birth of Jesus isn’t missed by anyone, and is even more solidified when a man named Wisemen shows up with his two brothers. Terry McGovern appears as Joe. 12/20/13
• 010. The Senator’s Wife Was Indiscreet – 12/27/1982
  • Maggie Dannon (Penny Fuller) has left her husband Senator David Dannon (Robert Hogan) in Washington D.C. and has come to the Stratford, to see their family friend Leslie. Joanna and Dick are immediately pulled into the marital strife, and Dick is coaxed into calling the Senator to come to Vermont to win her back. When he arrives, she is all to willing to return with him, and Dick is compelled to stammer his way for outlining why she had left in the first place. 12/20/13
• 011. Sprained Dreams – 1/3/1983
  • To celebrate the completion of his new book, Dick talks Leslie into teaching him to ski, but he accidentally falls on her in the process, spraining her leg. He feels horrible and attempts to go to her college class to record notes for her, and is chastised by the entire class (one of them played by Stephen Furst). Kirk has trouble forgiving Dick also because Leslie had agreed to go on a date with him, but it had to be cancelled. In the end, the doctor (Bill Wiley) determines that Leslie will heal, but has to stay on crutches for a while. Alley Mills is the professor. 12/20/13
• 012. The Way We Thought We Were – 1/10/1983
  • George’s former flame Eleanor (Rue McClanahan) comes to visit George from Montpelier after an absence of 31 years. They find it hard to connect because George seems to have become even more rustic and Eleanor seems to sophisticated. On Dick’s advice, George takes Eleanor to the old Clover Café that they used to frequent…even though by now it has become a shoe store. The pair decided that they have changed too much to rekindle their old affair, but for their farewell dinner George dresses up and Eleanor dresses down and it seems to re-ignite their spark. Meanwhile, Kirk convinces Dick to contribute to the jerseys for the local pee-wee hockey team The Eye Gougers, but the Stratford logo on the shirt is tiny next to the Minuteman Café’s. 1/4/14
• 013. The Visitors – 1/17/1983
  • Dick and Joanna are extremely excited to see Sam and Janet Ebersol (Dana Elcar, K Callan), a couple that the Loudons met while touring England who are coming to stay at the Stratford. They are disappointed the first night when the Ebersols don’t show up for dinner, and even more so when they cancel their sightseeing date the next day. They finally arrange to have dinner, only to be interrupted by another couple that the Ebersols just met. Dick gets angry enough to bill them for their stay at the Stratford, and the Ebersols explain that they’re not really friends of the Loudons, just general ‘fun junkies.’ Meanwhile, Kirk finds a rooster and attempts to mate it with a chicken. Nancy Lenehan appears as a waitress. 1/6/14
• 014. What Is This Thing Called Lust? – 1/31/1983
  • Leslie’s cousin Stephanie Vanderkellen (Julia Duffy) comes to visit and think about whether she wants to go through with her impending marriage to a man with whom she has no passion. After she meets Kirk she directs her lust toward him, and seeks out Dick’s advice. She ends up throwing herself at Kirk, who, although he feels guilty because of his feelings for Leslie, lets her have her way with him. This trivializes passion for her and she ends up going back to her fiance Carl. Joanna brings a piano into the inn and gets bored with it quickly. 1/6/13
• 015. Breakfast Theater – 2/7/1983
  • An old friend of Dick’s named Manny Silver (Bobby Ramsen) shows up at the inn with his girlfriend Corinne (Linda Darlow) and asks Dick if he can perform his stand-up comedy routine in the dining room. Joanna is aghast, but Dick feels obligated because long ago Manny bought $7 worth of jokes from Dick, and this inspired Dick to pursue his writing career. Manny bombs on his first night of performing at the inn and Dick tells him to call it quits. The next morning he shows up during breakfast and starts performing, still bombing. Manny decides to open his own theater and asks Dick to invest. Dick gives him $7 and they call it even. 1/23/14
• 016. Ricky Nelson, Up Your Nose – 2/14/1983
  • Dick and Joanna are set to go to a writers conference in New York when Kirk announces that he is going to have surgery to have a Ricky Nelson charm removed from inside his nose. Dick declines watching the Minuteman for him, but agrees to take him to the hospital the next morning. Kirk says he’s arranged to have someone watch the cafe and that he’s given them Dick’s number to call if he has any question. The guys he’s chosen are Larry, Daryl, and Daryl and problems start when they can’t figure out how to get inside the cafe, and get worse when a truck full of prisoners being transported show up to eat. Since Kirk has a contract with the state, Dick and Joanna help prepare their meal. They make a visit to Kirk before heading off to New York, having missed the conference, and bring along Larry, Daryl, and Daryl as Kirk’s sunshine squad.  Tom Everett is a prisoner and William Lucking is a guard. 1/24/14
• 017. A View from the Bench – 2/21/1983
  • Dick is heading to Boston with a couple of friends to see a Celtics game, but the friends cancel at the last minute. Kirk and George invite themselves to go along and attend their first game. Dick is excited that he has Bench Passes, but when he gets hit with a ball and goes to the restroom to clean off his jacket, he loses his pass. A police officer (Ernie Sabella) won’t let him sit on the bench with the others without a pass, so he has to stand in the hallway with the cop. Kirk and George have a great time and get invited to visit the locker room, but Dick isn’t allowed. Meanwhile back at the Inn, Joanna and Leslie spend the night preparing for a guest named Daniel Travanti on the off-chance that it is the actor of the same name. He doesn’t show up until after the guys return from the game and Dick and Joanna go up to bed, but it does turn out to be the actor (played by himself). Kirk checks him in and makes him promise to visit his cafe. Wolfe Perry and Julius Carry play Celtics. 2/22/14
• 018. The Boy Who Cried Goat – 3/13/1983
  • The Minuteman Cafe is robbed and when the insurance claims officer Tom Carson (Brandon Maggart) questions Dick about Kirk’s character, Dick lets it slip that Kirk fibs a lot. As a result, Kirk is required to take a lie detector test about the robbery. Dick goes along with him and has to sit in to test the equipment when it won’t register on Kirk, who is beyond nervous. Since the polygraph examiner (Michael McGrath) cannot get a reading, he cannot verify Kirk’s story. Desperate, he and Dick stop at a seedy bar to search for information about the robber, but no one is anxious to help. Back at the inn, the gang tell Kirk the story of the boy who cried wolf, which Kirk has never heard before. He calls his mom to blame her for being such a liar. 2/22/14
• 019. Heaven Knows Mister Utley – 3/20/1983
  • George wakes up everyone in the inn in the middle of the night to take them downstairs and show them a cup-shaped UFO that he’s spotted in the woods. By the time everyone gets down there, it is gone.  The next morning they check to see if anyone else has spotted the UFO, but George is the only one who has seen it. Soon word spreads around town that George is nuts. He retreats to the Minuteman Café, where Kirk is among George’s hecklers. Dick follows him over there and ends up standing up to a trio of bullies (James Avery, Bill Capizzi, Terence Goodman) who are making fun of George. That night, George sits outside waiting to spot it again, and Dick keeps him company. Hansford Rowe is Mr. Feifer. 3/29/14
• 020. You’re Homebody ’til Somebody Loves You – 3/27/1983
  • Dick and Joanna are doing an interview with Mrs. Botsford (Anne Gee Byrd) a local publication called The Weekly Horn. Dick mentions that the thing he loves most about Joanna is that she is such a ‘homebody’. This offends Joanna and causes a fight between them, which culminates with Joanna admitting that she isn’t really satisfied with herself, just staying at home and tending to the inn. She goes out and tries to find a job with at Herzog’s Travel Agency. Mr. Herzog (Jerry Van Dyke) is reluctant to give her the job, thinking she will quit right away, but decides to give her a chance.  As Joanna is telling Dick about her job, she realizes how much she will miss about her daily role at the inn, and decides not to take the job with the travel agency. She breaks the news to Mr. Herzog, who nearly has a meltdown about her quitting so quickly. 3/29/14
• 021. Grandma, What a Big Mouth You Have – 4/3/1983
  • Leslie surprises Kirk by actually accepting his invitation to go on a date, so he immediately begins planning – by asking Dick for money. The next day before the date, Kirk’s grandmother Blanche (Ruth Gordon) comes for a visit. Kirk wants to ditch her but his sense of loyalty to his grandmother forces him to bring her along on the date. When Kirk leaves the table during the dinner, Blanche asks Leslie point blank if she has any interest in a future with Kirk, and her response is that she only thinks of him as a friend. When he returns to the table, his grandma promptly ends the dinner, much to Kirk’s dismay. Although he is angry, he also accepts the fact that he has no future with Leslie and decides to stop pursuing her. Martin Ferrero is the waiter, and Frank Coppola is the maitre d’. 9/7/14
• 022. I Enjoy Being a Guy – 4/10/1983
  • When a townsman named Wally passes away, Dick gets invited to replace him in a golf foursome at Maple Knolls with Jim, Chester, and Doc Owens (Richard Venture). He is excited to have some man-time, but then somewhat distraught when he finds out they are gambling on the game…but even more so when he wins $233 their first time out with a score of 98. They assure Dick that they can win their money back at poker, but he wins another $470. Dick plans to purposely let them win their money back but they are so bad at golf that he manages to lose less than $100. Everyone keeps folding in poker so he can’t get rid of the money that way either. Eventually he insists they draw for high card, but keeps winning until they owe him 38 thousand dollars. Eventually he loses the game and gives them back their money, vowing that he’ll never play with them again and tells them that they are lousy at being guys.  Meanwhile Kirk reluctantly agrees to take George clothes shopping, but is embarassed when George wears a turtleneck with his overalls. 9/7/14

SEASON 2

• 023. It Happened One Afternoon: Part 1 – 10/17/1983
  • Dick travels to New York with his manager Elliott Gabler (Lee Wilkof) to interview with actress Erica Chase (Stella Stevens) to write her biography. Meanwhile back home, Stephanie shows up having divorced Carl after two days of marriage, with instructions from her parents to accept some responsibility in taking care of herself. Joanna offers her the job as maid since Leslie is off in England studying. Kirk is freaked out about having her around since he slept with her during her previous visit. When her parents find out she’s become a maid, her parents then demand that she come home. Joanna keeps calling Dick to give him updates while he is interviewing Erica and her manager John Carson (John Reilly). Dick accepts the job to write the novel and then finds out that Erica intends to sleep with him. NOTE: This is the first of two parts. 7/14/14
• 024. It Happened One Afternoon: Part 2 – 10/24/1983
  • Erica tells Dick that she was only testing him to see if he is serious about writing her biography and that she really doesn’t want to sleep with him. But soon enough she starts attempting to seduce him again. Back at the inn, Stephanie has decided to stay and work at the inn, but her father Arthur (Richard Roat) flies in by helicopter to retrieve her. He attempts to bribe her with a necklace, but Stephanie stands strong, so her father supports her decision. Back in New York, Dick hides in the bathroom to stay away from Erica. She ends up having to leave while he is still in there, and Dick makes a fool of himself yelling through the door when the maid comes in. Tom Hatten appears as a man from Guam. 7/14/14
• 025. Animal Attractions – 10/31/1983
  • Stephanie freaks out when her ex-husband Carl (Murray Matheson) calls to announce that he’s coming to see Stephanie to find out why she left him without saying anything after two days of marriage. At first Stephanie says she’s going to Japan, but Joanna threatens that if she leaves, she cannot return. When she meets Carl – who is revealed to be much older than her – she explains that their age difference was just too great. Meanwhile George finds a stray dog that hates Kirk – and after it goes unclaimed, he decides to keep it and name it Lucky. A couple (Kenneth Kimmins, Ellen Crawford) do their best to sneak out of the inn without paying. 10/5/14
• 026. The Stratford Wives – 11/7/1983
  • Joanna drags a reluctant Dick along to the town pot-luck dinner, but balks when she realizes that the women are seated separately form the men. What’s worse is that no one seems to care, although she beings a phone campaign to try and change things. Jim and Chester seeks Dick’s involvement to get her to stop, but he refuses. At the next pot-luck, Joanna simply sits with the men. The other ladies, lead by Jim’s wife Shirley (Lois de Banzie) and Chetser’s wife Dora (Estelle Omens), finally admit that they’d be more comfortable in the main seating area, and they join the men…although at their own table. Stephanie performs her beauty treatment and has to hide when guests (Mary Farrell, Ken Hill) arrive. Kirk keeps opening Dick’s mail. 10/5/14
• 027. The Girl from Manhattan – 11/14/1983
  • The town has been doing a yearly production of My Fair Lady Without the Songs since 1956, and when Joanna suggests that they do something different, everyone volunteers Dick to write a new play. Dick agrees to let them use a play called The Girl from Manhattan that he had written for Joanna years earlier. Despite his better judgement, he also agrees to direct it. Joanna gets angry when Dick chooses Stephanie to play the part of “Joanna”, and Joanna to be “Joanna’s Mother.” Dick amends the script so that she can play Joanna’s older sister. Joanna realizes she looks ridiculous, so during the play, she rips off her wig and tells everyone that she is really Joanna’s mother. Meanwhile Kirk is after George to borrow his truck after wrecking his car, which George finally allows him to use in trade for a hamburger. Jackie Joseph stars as Myrna Peck. 11/8/14
• 028. Don’t Rain on My Parade – 11/21/1983
  • Chester and Jim ask Dick to be the Thanksgiving Day parade director. He declines, but George accepts the position. Dick does however volunteer the Stratford to host the parade committee’s Thanksgiving dinner, much to the chagrin of Joanna, who has to prepare dinner for over one hundred people, all while her parents Ernest (George Wallace) and Flo McKenna (Peggy McCay) are visiting. George is upset when his parade is rained out, but things get worse when, after seven days of Joanna cooking, the river starts to rise and everyone has to abandon the dinner in order to sandbag their homes. The Loudons, McKennas, and Kirk end up delivering the meals to the people’s homes, and forget to leave any for themselves. In the end, a group of American Indians show up at the inn, completing the Thanksgiving Day festivities. Iron Eyes Cody appears as the head Indian. 11/8/14
• 029. Lady & the Tramps – 12/5/1983
  • When Stephanie’s date John cancels on her because he is getting married, she storms out to go for a walk on her own. When it begins to snow heavily and Stephanie doesn’t come back, Dick, Joanna, Kirk, George and Lucky head out to try and track her down, reporting her absence to town constable Mike Peterson (James Gallery). Stephanie finds a cabin in the woods in which to take refuge, and it ends up being owned by Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. Although she is scared of them at first, they end up caring for her and taking her back to the inn. There she vows that she has learned her lesson: to remain shallow so she doesn’t end up like Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. Meanwhile Kirk tries to talk Dick into buying a set of cannons. William Sadler plays a clumsy guest. 12/14/14
• 030. The Man Who Came Forever – 12/12/1983
  • As Dick attempts to rush though his latest book about camping in order to make a deadline, he is continually interrupted. George wants to talk about his financial future and Dick sends him to the bank, eventually offering to match whatever George can save. Kirk wants Dick to go in on building a miniature golf course, which Dick refuses…but Kirk proceeds to try and put it on his property until Dick threatens to call the police. Finally a guest named Ed Halstead (Ernie Sabella) checks in after having a fight with his wife. He tries to reconcile but gets kicked out again and comes back to the inn. Dick counsels him to talk to his wife, and reluctantly agrees to go along with him. Dick and Joanna wait in the car as he goes in, but he returns to tell them that he found her with another man. 12/14/14
• 031. The Looks of Love – 12/19/1983
  • Kirk talks a reluctant Dick into allowing him to host a Singles Club meeting at the inn. Kirk is late for the first meeting and then wants to adjourn it immediately when no attractive women show up. Among the attendees are George, Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, and Ed Halstead. But then Iris Beecham (Shanna Reed) shows up and Kirk is instantly smitten. She doesn’t seem interested so he ends the meeting and schedules another one for the next night…even though Dick and Joanna are planning on entertaining their friends Clifford (Michael Griswold) and Peg Murphy (Gail Landry). Kirk has a crisis when she still is uninterested and her interrupts Dick’s dinner to get his advice. Dick urges him to settle for someone more ‘normal’…and Kirk finally sees it Dick’s way and accepts a dance with a less attractive woman. Meanwhile Joanna buys Dick a stationary bike that he has no desire to use. Stephanie receives her first paycheck and spends it all on clothes. 1/27/15
• 032. Kirk Goes for the Juggler – 1/2/1984
  • While Dick and George work on building a birdhouse, Kirk is ecstatic that he has met a girl named Cindy Parker (Rebecca York), and has fallen in love. Initially nervous about his second date, he gets a list of all of his shortcomings from Dick and works toward avoiding them. But when he meets her at her apartment and finds out that she works as a clown, he is immediately put off. He takes her to meet everyone at the Stratford but is embarrassed when she performs some of her clown tricks. He discusses his disdain for her profession with Dick, who warns him that he either learns to live with it or miss out on the girl of his dreams. After initially lying about attending a long cafe convention in Las Vegas, he finally admits to Cindy the real reason he needs to break it off. She tearfully accepts this, but Kirk soon returns and decides that he can’t live without her. She is relieved and happy, but still delivers a pie to his face. Dick and George are unable to get the giant birdhouse out of his office. Ken Sansom and Edith Fields paly a couple who check into the inn for just a few minutes. 1/28/15
• 033. A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, and POW – 1/9/1984
  • Stephanie invites Joanna to accompany her to a poetry reading at the college so that she can meet men, but it turns out being Joanna in whom the professor David Cameron (John Reilly) takes an interest. He calls and invites Joanna to attend his class on Yeats the next morning. Joanna maintains that the professor’s intentions are innocent, while Stephanie and Dick are concerned that he is attracted to her. After the class he invites her to have wine and cheese with him in the classroom, and then invites her to go away for the weekend. Joanna feels foolish and blasts him for his behavior. Dick visits him too, smashes a chair and the professor’s statue, and has him promise to never go near Joanna again. Meanwhile Dick orders a snowmobile, and George goes in with Kirk and Cindy to buy season basketball tickets to Dartmouth. When Kirk gets sick, George goes with Cindy. Stephanie questions her attractiveness since Joanna was the only one to get hit on. John Walcutt is the student named Ted. 3/15/15
• 034. Cats – 1/16/1984
  • A couple named Ted (David Huffman) and Tish Ellison Kingston (Alexandra Johnson) check into the Stratford on their honeymoon. Ted was an old boyfriend of Stephanie’s and Tish was her best friend from high school, who has come to rub Stephanie’s face in their marriage. Tish’s bragging and backhanded remarks do in fact make Stephanie depressed, but then Ted proposes to Stephanie and says he will leave Tish if she accepts. Stephanie ultimately turns him down, but struggles with her conscience about whether to tell Tish for revenge. Ultimately she just wishes them well, but trips her as she leaves the inn. Meanwhile Dick and Joanna attend a dinner party with Kirk and Cindy at the Minuteman. Kirk has everyone order off the menu, and gets irritated when George and Stephanie show up. 3/15/15
• 035. Curious George at the Firehouse – 1/23/1984
  • After failing at so many endeavors, George is excited to become a volunteer firefighter and is assigned to be the one to spend the night with the firetruck. While playing on it, he drops the keys down the grating on top of which the firetruck is sitting. He enlists Dick to help him, who brings along Kirk. George’s worst nightmare comes true when there is an actual fire for the first time in more than five years. The trio take Dick’s car to fight the fire and George reportedly jumps on a pan of burning fish. Everyone but Kirk tries to convince him that he is heroic. Fireman Hank Dawson (Ray Girardin) tells him not worry about the keys because they get lost all of the time. Meanwhile Stephanie can’t find anything to donate to Cindy’s charity rummage sale, so she helps work at it and is moved by the ‘outpouring of love and clothes.’ 6/7/15
• 036. Book Beat – 1/30/1984
  • Dick is invited to be a guest on the TV filler show Book Talk, where host Paul Frazier (Macon McCalman) interviews him about his latest book How to Build a Barbecue. After the show, producer Michael Harris (Peter Scolari) tells Dick that Paul is leaving the show and asks him to become the new host… which is all news to Paul. Dick accepts but has trouble lining up a guest. His agent Elliot find author Lloyd Mennenger (Guy Boyd), who has penned a memoir called Up the Amazon about his boat journey in South American, at the last minute before Dick can read his book. On the air Mennenger professes to have found live dinosaurs and extra-terrestrials on his trip, and mentions that the Soviet Union controls the television stations… which results in Dick walking off the show. 6/7/15
• 037. Kirk Pops the Question – 2/6/1984
  • Furious that Cindy is planning a trip abroad with a friend, Kirk fears he might lose Cindy if he doesn’t pop the question. He takes her to Barney’s Restaurant to propose but keeps getting sick in the bathroom and has to fend off Stephanie and her date Marshall Coleman (Peter Nelson) when they happen by and join them at the table. Kirk leaves without asking the question, and heads down to Handy Sam the Hardware Man where Dick is autographing copies of his book Let’s Build a Barbecue to a microscopic crowd. Pressed to give Kirk advice, Dick encourages him to propose. He and Cindy return to Barney’s, but he instead asks if Cindy will live with him, which she rejects. She does however say that she is open to marriage. Kirk and Cindy bang on the door of the inn to wake everyone up and tell them the good news. Meanwhile the Stratford hosts a customer named Mr. Pack (Frank Bonner) who has a fear of hotels. Richard Stahl is the waiter. Richard Carlisle is Ralph, who buys Dick’s book. Kelly Ann Conn is a Handy Sam employee. 7/27/15
• 038. Best Friends – 2/13/1984
  • Kirk is beside himself when he finds out that a restaurant chain called Rocket Burger plans to build in town. He convinces Dick to take his side, which Dick is willing to do in order to stand up for the small business owner. Rocket Burger representative John Payne (Michael Horton) wins over the Town Council, and even Kirk changes his tune when he finds out that Rocket Burger only will build if they can buy out Kirk and build on the site of the Minuteman. Kirk is ready to sell and Dick is livid that the company will build a giant metal rocket next door to him. The Council votes to let Rocket Burger into the community despite Dick’s opposition. But Cindy convinces Kirk that he should really think about his friendship with Dick. Kirk abandons the notion of selling with the stipulation that Dick publicly tell Kirk that he is his best friend. Meanwhile Stephanie struggles with a pimple. 7/29/15
• 039. Kirk Ties One On – 2/27/1984
  • Kirk and Cindy rehearse for their wedding with Dick and Joanna as the Best Man and Maid of Honor. When the day comes, Reverend Miller (Bill Quinn) advises Kirk of the seriousness of his commitment. Kirk takes it to heart and it causes him to faint during the ceremony at the Stratford. Although embarrassed, Kirk agrees to try the wedding again the next week. During the second attempt he faints again. Although Cindy is willing to settle for a civil service, Kirk asks that they try one more time. This time Dick brings Dr. Perlow (Arthur Roseberg), but Kirk faints when he offers to inject him with a tranquilizer. Kirk finally ends up getting through the service once he is strapped to a gurney and wheeled out by two medics. 10/24/15
• 040. Go, Grandma, Go – 3/5/1984
  • Kirk’s grandmother Blanche shows up at the Stratford after missing Kirk’s wedding, after she got sidetracked with a man in Akron, Ohio. Kirk and Cindy have already left for their honeymoon in Niagara Falls, but return because they have car trouble. Blanche offers them her car, and arranges to stay at the Startford, and later assists Larry, Daryl, and Daryl who are watching the Minuteman. Dick then gets a call that Kirk and Cindy have been arrested because Blanche’s car has been reported stolen. Dick, Joanna, and Blanche show up at the police station. Kirk is released, but Blanche is arrested. Kirk tries to offer up first Dick, then himself, as the scapegoat. Blanche decides to own up to her crime and face the consequences. Before the police can get her transferred, Blanche end up stealing their police car. Meanwhile George buys a set of walkie-talkies and attempts to use them to help with the chores at the inn. Squire Fridell is the Officer, F. William Parker is the Constable, and Beau Starr is the other prisoner. 10/24/15
• 041. Leave It to the Beavers – 3/12/1984
  • George is excited when his lodge The Beavers opens up their memberships, and although it is against Dick’s nature due to being turned down for a fraternity in his youth, he allows George to sponsor him for membership. Member Cliff (Ed Call) has no trouble in getting his out-of-work brother-in-law Harley Estin (Jeff Doucette) voted into the club, but when it comes time for Dick’s membership to be decided, he is unanimously rejected. Joanna forces Dick to return to the lodge for an explanation, and head Beaver Bill Rivers (Alan North) explains that they think Dick is too rich for the club of everymen. George pleads Dick’s case, and Dick’s membership is accepted… with the initiation being that he has to wear a giant beaver tail for a full year. Meanwhile Kirk and Cindy have their first fight when Kirk steals a parking space, and each seek the advice of the Loudons. A man named Cecil Breech (Richard Sanders) checks into the Stratford with an imaginary wife. The staff tolerates this until Cecil and his wife get into a fight, and Cecil insists that his wife will be paying the bill. Will Hunt is Tommy Hayes. 12/28/15
• 042. Vermont Today – 3/19/1984
  • Michael Harris returns to Dick’s life and offers him a job hosting a new TV show called Vermont Today at WPIV Channel 8. Dick isn’t very eager to consider it until he visits the studio and sees his name on the show logo. After interrupting the taping of Pearl’s Kitchen hosted by Pearl Reskoff (Anne Haney), Dick accepts the job. Although the first scheduled guest is to be the president of the University of Vermont, Michael pulls the plug on him and instead invites Florida native Jocko Braverman (Britt Leach), owner of the world’s smallest horse. The show quickly becomes a free-for-all with challengers show up with a medium-size horse, the world’s oldest horse, and a Bassett Hound. Dick ends the broadcast with an apology to the audience. Meanwhile a romance begins brewing between Stephanie and Michael. John Lawlor plays the director. Lucy Lee Flippin brings the Bassett Hound. Hennen Chambers and John C. Becher are horse owners. 12/28/15
• 043. Send Her, Ella – 3/26/1984
  • Kirk has an Incredible Chicken toy machine delivered to the Stratford because he doesn’t have enough money to pay the deliveryman (Jack Lindine). Dick won’t let him have it until Kirk pays him back. Consequently Kirk keeps bringing kids to the inn to put a quarter in it. Meanwhile Doc asks Dick to be the emcee at the Maple Syrup Days contest for Maple Syrup Queen. Stephanie agrees to watch the inn that night, so Dick agrees. However when Stephanie finds out about the contest, she sulks that she can’t go. A customer named Ella (Billie Bird) offers to watch the inn so Stephanie can go. She shows up last minute at the contest disguised in a black wig and going by the name Inez Velasco. Stephanie ends up winning, but is disappointed that the prize is a college scholarship and that she is paired with high school junior Ricky Bowen (Michael Sharrett). When they return to the inn, they find that all of the furniture – including the Incredible Chicken – has been stolen. Alice Cadogan is contestant Corey Bishop. Lenora May is another contestant. 3/3/16
• 044. New Faces of 1951 – 4/16/1984
  • When George gets a birthday card from his insurance man, Dick and Joanna find out that George has never had a birthday party and decide to throw him one. Unfortunately they can’t find anyone to attend, so they search through his room to find phone numbers of his friends. His phone book is blank, but they do find a picture on the wall of the 32nd Support Group Vermont Air National Guard taken in Korea in 1951. Dick goes to great lengths to contact members of the group to invite to the party. They have a rousing turnout, including many friends brought by the National Guard friends that were not invited, and the party starts to get out of hand. Then when they bring George in for the surprise, he tells them that he was in the National Guard; he merely liked the photo of the plane that he hung on his wall. George is still happy to be surrounded by his real friends. Meanwhile Stephanie starves herself for her date with Eric Hall (Ernie Lively), and ends up passing out as soon as she leaves for the date. She later feasts on leftover hotdogs. The party guests include Michael Currie, Charles McDaniel, Garry Goodrow, Michael Harrington, Gene Ross, and Frank “Junior” Coghlan. 3/3/16

SEASON 3

• 045. Tell a Lie, Get a Check – 10/15/1984
  • Dick and Joanna return from a trip in Paris and find that Kirk and Cindy have moved to Europe because Cindy got a job as a circus clown, leaving Dick to sell the Minuteman Cafe for Kirk. Michael is more interested in shooting a promo for Vermont Today using a swimsuit model named Judy (Pamela Bowman), and advises Dick to try to exaggerate how great of a deal the cafe is at $18,000. The first prospective buyer Mr. Hinton (Ford Rainey) doesn’t deem the cafe good enough to store his hay, so Dick follows Michael’s advice to the next buyer Claude Darling (Ray Walston). Joanna’s remorse at being a swindler spreads to Dick, and soon they come clean with Darling, even paying him an extra $500 when he thinks they are going to sell to a higher bidder. Meanwhile Dick refuses to exaggerate about the upcoming guests in Michael’s now-live promo, so Michael gets around it by displaying doctored photos of Dick with various celebrities behind Dick. Larry, Daryl, and Daryl end up purchasing the Minuteman. Elaine Nalee is real estate agent Betty Reed. 6/7/16
• 046. Twenty Year Itch – 10/22/1984
  • Joanna had once promised her ex-boyfriend Jonathan Hill that they would meet at the Sky Room in New York City twenty years later, and as the date approaches, Dick tries to demonstrate that he would allow Joanna the leeway to keep the date. Much to his surprise, she decides to go, and Dick insists on going along with her to the city. He declines the invite to go along with them, opting to spend the evening with his publisher Elliot. However Dick ends up showing up to spy on them, only to find that Jonathan didn’t show up. Dick ends up consoling and having dinner with Joanna. Meanwhile the Stratford’s guest Mr. Bennett (Douglas Rowe) is driving them all crazy practicing the song Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White on his trumpet for an audition. He ends up failing the audition and dumping the trumpet, which allows Michael and Stephanie to spend a quiet evening together. Derek McGrath and Gerry Gibson are waiters. David Selburg is the Maitre d’. Christopher Thomas is a man at the restaurant whom Joanna mistakes for Jonathan. Don Draper is Sommelier. 6/10/16
• 047. A Hunting We Will Go – 10/29/1984
  • Dick is irritated when Michael tries to line him up with a guest who claims to have preserved a soap bubble for sixteen years, but perks up when George, Jim, and Chester tell Dick he can come along on their duck hunting trip. Michael wants to film the proceedings, and although Dick is against it, the others think it would be a great idea. Michael breaks a date with Stephanie to go along, but when they arrive at their roofless shelter area, Michael forgets to tie off the boat and it floats away. Fearing for their life, they end up getting drunk on the wine that Michael has brought. Dick berates Michael for never taking responsibility for his actions. When the guys don’t come home, Joanna gets the police to send over a search party: Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. While drunk Jim and Chester argue amongst themselves and Michael finally accepts responsibility for all of his actions. Dick leads the group in a rendition of Ya Got Trouble. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl show up and rescue the group. 8/28/16
• 048. Miss Stephanie – 11/5/1984
  • During a rain storm that washes out the bridge, Michael is forced to stay overnight and wakes up looking terrible. Then when grumpy guest Mr. Armintrout (Peter Vogt) insults Stephanie, Michael backs down from defending her. However Larry threatens Armintrout, prompting Stephanie to tell Michael she needs to be more like Larry. This results in Larry telling Dick that he plans to ask Stephanie to marry him. Dick tells Stephanie Larry’s intentions. When the Darryls bring Stephanie a dinner invitation, she accepts that asks that Dick and George wait outside the Minuteman in case she needs help. The Darryls play Dueling Banjos on their combs just before Stephanie turns Larry down. When Larry sends for a sack, Stephanie screams prompting Dick and George to rush in, only to find out that Larry had makeup that he picked up for her.  8/28/16
• 049. But Seriously, Beavers – 11/12/1984
  • George is ecstatic that he is being named the Beavers Man of the Year, and asks George to participate in a roast they are having for him. Dick agrees but has writers block about writing a speech for George. Eventually with some inspiration from Joanna he comes up with some insults revolving around George’s simplicity and homeliness. Although George takes the ribbing of the other Beavers in stride, Dick’s insults hurt his feelings so much that he thinks about looking for another job. Dick tracks him down at his favorite fishing spot and they two reconcile. Meanwhile Stephanie receives a huge shipment of De Forest Cosmetics, not realizing that only one makeup kit is free and she has to sell the rest. After trying her best in her lazy fashion, she eventually passes them off to the now out-of-work Harley to sell for her. Parley Baer is Chair Beaver Buck. Brad Logan is Al ‘Sweaty’ Whitlow. Ed Morgan is one of the roasters. 11/18/16
• 050. Tickets, Please – 11/19/1984
  • Dick gets arrested by Officer Shiflett (Todd Susman) in front of one of the guests (Barbara Perry) for unpaid parking tickets, which Dick insists that he paid. When he finds the receipts for them he marches down to the courthouse and makes demands that Judge Drayton (Jeff Corey) reverse his decision, not knowing that Stephanie had also received parking tickets when she used Dick’s car when he was in New York for the writers conference. The Judge is irritated by Dick’s attitude – and for throwing a snowball at him – and sentences him to community service of painting the courthouse. Stephanie feels so guilty that she eventually goes to the courthouse and confesses and relieves Dick of his duties so he can join George at the game in progress. Although livid at first, Dick eventually forgives her. Meanwhile Joanna deals with the guest Stuart Coswell (Patrick Collins), who is clearly sneaking a pet into his room. When she confronts him and demands he opens a ventilated box, the pet is gone… which sends Coswell scouring the inn for his missing unnamed pet. 11/18/16
• 051. Poor Reception – 11/26/1984
  • When Stephanie finds out that Michael is looking for a receptionist at WPIV, she begs him for the job and quits the Stratford. After she is criticized for letting in crazy Steve (Randy Oglesby), who disrupts a broadcast, Stephanie is more stringent with the next visitor, who happens to be Fran (Eve Roberts) the station manager, who orders Michael to fire her. Instead he turns her over to be Dick’s secretary and saddles him with the job of firing her. Although furious with Michael, he moves forward with the firing and agrees to giving Stephanie a raise to come back to the inn… even though the job has already been filled by Harley Estin. George tries to think of a way to get even with Dutch’s practical jokes, and does a test run on himself. John Ingle is the breakfast customer. 2/27/17
• 052. The Fan – 12/3/1984
  • Dick meets his biggest fan, a college girl named Tracy (Deena Freeman), who follows Dick home and ends up checking into the Stratford and starting a Dick Loudon fan club and newsletter. Joanna insists that she merely has a crush, and after a while Dick agrees and tells Tracy so, but she claims that she is holding a fan club meeting and asks Dick to be the guest speaker. The turnout is surprisingly large, but when no one seems to take an interest in him, Dick realizes that they are all just there for the free food and beer. Tracy explains to a disappointed Dick that she now realizes that she did only have a crush, but now even that is gone as she met new friends and a boyfriend named Rob (Brian Robbins) during the membership drive. Meanwhile Stephanie hurts George’s feelings when she declines his offer to bowl with him, so in order to make it up, she agrees to be his bowling partner. Later she insists that her night was worse than Dick’s because she found out she likes bowling. Dick pushes to get the President of the University of Vermont on the show, but Michael can only get a guy who gets a radio signal in his teeth. Dick Clair and Gloria Henry are guests. 2/28/17
• 053. Happy Trails to You – 12/10/1984
  • Harley delivers a subpoena indicating that Dick is being sued for plagiarism by small-time author Whitley McVeigh (Raye Birk) who claims that Dick stole his book How to Seal, Grout, and Plumb Your Way to a Dream Bathroom. Dick wants to fight it but his lawyer Nelson (Philip Sterling) convinces him to settle. However when McVeigh refuses, they are forced to go to court, leading some in town to turn against Dick, and him being put on leave by the station. McVeigh’s attorney Arlene (Maryedith Burrell) cites passages of McVeigh’s book which Dick identifies as his own, but Nelson makes the case that any monkey could write a how-to book, and Dick reads more colorful passages that are wildly different from McVeigh’s writing. Judge Oscar Parsons (Than Wyenn) finds in favor of Dick. Meanwhile George tries to learn new words in order to become smarter. 7/11/17
• 054. Georgie’s Girl – 12/31/1984
  • Although he doesn’t like to be teased about it, George begins seeing Dutch’s sister Sarah (Susan Ruttan), but becomes afraid that Sarah likes him more than he likes her. Geroge is nervous about breaking it of with her, so during a rare visit to George’s room, he convinces Dick to accompany them to the drive-in movies. Although the evening is awkward for everyone – especially Dick, who gets caught outside the car in the rain – George manages to fumble breaking it off. Meanwhile Stephanie is forced to get her license renewed, which means studying for the test and getting made up for the new photo. 7/11/17
• 055. Pillow Fight – 1/7/1985
  • When Dick struggles to write his how-to book about making pillows, Joanna offers to pitch in and help. When they’re finished, Dick offhandedly mentions making Joanna a co-author, and she gleefully accepts. Dick however instantly regrets it, especially when Joanna starts making suggestions on how to improve it. When they reach a stalemate, Dick’s publisher Eliot, who has come to the inn to ski, volunteers to read it and give his opinion on which manuscript is better. Dick and Joanna become more willing to compromise on their own, so they don’t take it kindly when Elliot starts taking out the parts that they actually agreed upon. Meanwhile Larry, Darryl, and Darryl move into the inn while exterminators rid their home of termites. Following the norms of their own home, they wear their long underwear to breakfast and became embarrassed to show their faces to the other guests. George tries to keep them busy by playing Monopoly, but they leave when they get a Chance card telling them to take a ride on the Reading Railroad. 2/13/18
• 056. Local Hero – 1/14/1985
  • George rescues a pair of teenagers from the frozen river when their snowmobile goes into it, but he refuses to take any credit for it. Dick and Joanna figure out that it was him, but promise they won’t tell anyone. However when Dick finds out that there is a reward and key to the city involved, and then that Crazy Ollie takes credit for the rescue, he spills the beans to Jim and Chester. George is upset at first, but when everyone in town makes a fuss over him, he finally begins to enjoy it. Michael even wants George to be Dick’s guest on Vermont Today, and George agrees. Later when a student named Kelly Hepplewhite (Tanya Fenmore), whose science project is being used by NASA becomes available, Michael tries to preempt George. Dick refuses to go on unless the guest it George, but at the last minute Michael has Kelly go on the show along with George. Dick gets furious when the only calls that come in are for Kelly, but George accepts that his five minutes of fame are over. Joanna makes him feel better by naming one of the Stratford suites after him. 2/13/18
• 057. Dick Gets Larry’s Goat – 2/4/1985
  • Stephanie is getting down from the Vermont weather and wants Michael to take her to Bermuda, while Dick gets angry when Larry, Darryl, and Darryl’s goat Martha keeps roaming into the inn. When the goat eats part of Dick’s latest book, he gets angry enough to the call animal control. This gets the guys angry and they declare that they and the Loudons are no officially feuding. Dick initially tolerates the egging, the toilet papering, and flattening his garbage cans, but when they pour water down the chimney, Dick finally retaliates by spraying them down with a hose. Just as Michael is able to arrange the Bermuda trip for Stephanie and himself, the guys build a snow wall at the end of the driveway, preventing them from leaving. Stephanie tries to mediate a truce, but when Dick surrenders and Larry claims ownership of the inn, Dick reneges on the truce. Finally they settle on an apology and Dick kissing the offended party… Martha the goat. Mary Betten and John Putch are guests at the inn. 10/24/18
• 058. Once I Had a Secret Love – 2/11/1985
  • With Valentine’s Day approaching, Michael proposes a special edition of Vermont Today with special guest Franklin Todd (Jack Bannon) aka “The Love Doctor.” He also proposes that Dick have Joanna co-host the show with him. Dick doesn’t like the idea, but when Michael tells Joanna first and Dick can see how excited she is, Dick reluctantly agrees. Meanwhile Michael forgets to get Stephanie a gift, so he sends his assistant Chuck to do the buying. The gift he brings back are heavy pagoda-shaped earrings and a tasteless poem, and when Stephanie finds out that Michael outsourced the gift, she gets furious. Michael consequently spills the beans that Dick had no faith in Joanna hosting the show, causing her to give him the silent treatment on the air. Things are made worse when Dick humorously recalls Joanna being scared of dust bunnies, making her the laughing stock of the whole town. Dick tries to better the situation by admitting on air that he once posed for an Adam and Even portrait wearing nothing but a fig leaf. This seems to do the trick as Joanna has a beautiful Valentine table set for him when he gets home… but then he finds out that Joanna hadn’t even seen the show. Larry presents Stephanie with a locket that may or may not have been found in a septic tank, and George gives Dick a pair of shoes. Michael takes Stephanie on a spending spree as a way of groveling for her forgiveness. 10/24/18
• 059. Lady in Wading – 2/18/1985
  • A captain of industry named Wade Northlander (Charles Frank) contemplates buying the station, and Michael hopes that he might get a transfer to a metro city out of it. He sucks up to Wade doing menial tasks for him, while all the while Wade is trying to romance Stephanie under his nose. When Dick spots them kissing, he breaks his rule of not getting involved in other people’s relationships and warns Michael that he better spend more time with Stephanie. When Michael doesn’t take the hint, he tells him outright. As Stephanie contemplates going off in Wade’s private jet, Michael storms in and lays down the law. Stephanie was ready to break it off with Wade anyway, so Michael has needlessly jeopardized his career plans. Meanwhile George is straining to solve a crossword puzzle with all of the wrong answers. 8/7/19
• 060. Look Homeward, Stephanie – 2/25/1985
  • Stephanie is asked to come home to attend the wedding of her ex-husband Carl, and upon arrival is surprised when her parents Arthur (Jose Ferrer) and Marian (Patricia Morrill) tell her that she is no longer cut off from their money. They invite her to stay at home, and with Michael ecstatic about the prospect of living in the mansion, she agrees. Although at first it is obvious she has changed since she has been a maid, particularly when she is nice to the maid Rose (Zoaunne LeRoy), she quickly begins to revert to her old spoiled self. Michael attempt to confront her, but she just snaps at him. After she yells at Rose, she realizes she doesn’t like the person she’s become and decides to leave and go back to her job. Her father tells her that all of her gifts including a new car will be at the house when she visits. Meanwhile Dick is hellbent on surprising Joanna for her birthday, but she keeps stumbling on the gifts, or inadvertently guessing what it is, even when Dick has a star named after her. Liz Sheridan is the rude guest Mrs. Spencer. 8/4/19
• 061. My Fair Larry – 3/4/1985
  • Larry and the Darryls come looking for advice on how to increase their business at the Minuteman so that they no longer outnumber their customers. Dick doesn’t want to get involved, but Joanna offers to critique them. As she watches them serve a customer (Sandy Helberg), she notices several things wrong, including pulling the plates out of their clothes, throwing the pancakes from the kitchen, and pulling the coffee sugar out of Darryl’s pocket by the handful. Her reaction causes Larry to announce that they are quitting the business and retreating to the woods as failures. She volunteers to help them get up to speed, and proceeds to re-decorate the restaurant and coach them until the early hours of the night on how to treat customers. They hold their grand re-opening and get a large influx of customers, but soon find that they cannot keep up with the demands. Larry has a meltdown and pulls down all of the decorations, causing all customers to leave except for four. Larry considers this a huge success because for the first time, the customers out-number them. Meanwhile a customer at the inn named Mr. Thurman (Walter Olkewicz) checks in hoping to find enough solace to allow him to sleep. George takes him under his wing to try and help him get some sleep. Nothing seems to work… until he falls asleep in the lobby chair while reading one of Dick’s books. Donald Bishop, Theresa DePaolo, and Lawrence Braude are Minuteman customers. 3/13/20
• 062. You’re Nobody ’til Somebody Hires You – 3/11/1985
  • Michael tries to get Dick to vouch for him as he makes unrealistic demands of station manager Bev Dutton (Linda Carlson), including getting a hot tub in his office. Bev ends up firing Michael for being so slimy, and then asking Dick to take on the role as producer. She gives him a staff of  Len (Richard Stahl), who inundates Dick with paperwork, Bud (Ralph Manza), a prop man who can’t handle getting him an easel and pointer, and Ernie (Stuart Charno), a gopher who wrecks Dick’s car. Meanwhile Michael is unable to find a new job and down on his luck, starts staying at the Stratford, forgetting his hygiene and surviving on potato chips. Dick brings Michael back to the station and demands that Bev hire him back, threatening to walk if she doesn’t. Michael tries to reinstate his demands, but settles on a 10 percent raise that will come out of Dick’s salary. He thinks it is worth it to get rid of all of the paperwork, but Michael informs him that Len has always filled it out in the past. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl try a new promotion at the Minuteman by offering a special with anyone with Type O Negative blood. 3/13/20
• 063. Out with the New, Inn with the Old – 3/18/1985
  • Joanna is preparing for a yard sale and hoping it doesn’t rain like it always has in the past. In the course of clearing out old junk for the sale, Dick finds a chest that has a 1780 drawing of the Stratford, which shows the original carriage house that is now the garage. Dick decides that he wants to renovate it back to its original form. He hires Harley to assist and attempts to get George on board, but he seems to try and talk Dick out of it. When it starts pouring down rain, the yard sale winds up inside the inn and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl set up their own table of stuff to sell, as does Michael. Larry doesn’t understand why Michael is outselling them but it comes down to the dishonest high-pressure way Michael goes about it. Michael tries to assist and nearly ropes a customer (Susan Blu) into buying one of the guys’ bear gallstone. Larry however is too honest to sell it. Stephanie finds the idea of buying used clothes repulsive, but she sees a Trudeau original dress and can’t take her eyes off of it. She eventually talks the customer out of it and takes it upstairs. Meanwhile as Harley and Dick work on the carriage house, all of the tools start disappearing. Dick realizes that George is actually taking them and putting them into the sale. When Dick confronts him, George admits that the carriage house was part of his growing up with his father, and that by renovating it, Dick will be erasing some of George’s history. With Joanna’s help, George eventually convinces Dick not to move forward with his plans… and also forcing him to once again fire Harley. Florence Schauffler is the inquisitive customer, and John Short is the mood ring customer. 6/23/20
• 064. R.I.P. Off – 4/8/1985
  • When Harley is fired from his job at the car wash for accidentally hot waxing the owner’s wife, he promises to come around daily to the Stratford to ask Dick for work. Dick tries to help him by calling an inquiring about a job in the classifieds, and Harley ultimately gets hired by Eternity Limited selling burial plots. Meanwhile the Beavers around time are engaging in a game whereby they sneak up on a fellow member and say “bang” causing the victim to fall to the ground and play dead. Dick first disappoints George by refusing to play, and then angers fellow Beaver Kyle Nordoff (G.W. Bailey). Stephanie asks Dick for the day off so she can have Michael take her to Boston to try on the latest Spring fashions. Once Dick buys burial plots for himself and Joanna, word spreads around town and other, including Larry, Darryl, and Darryl start buying them. The brothers go to see the plots and find out they are in swamp land. Harley is arrested by Officer Shifflett for fraud since everyone has made their checks out to him. Harley maintains that he always gave the money to his boss Emmett Devore (George Wyner), so Shifflett agrees to a sting operation. Michael smells a story, so he veers off from taking Stephanie on her trip. Harley invites Devore to the inn claiming that Dick and Joanna are potentially big clients and need his help sealing the deal. Dick hands over $3000 to Harley and they try to pass off the money to a reluctant Devore. He is just about to take the money when Kyle comes in and says “Bang” resulting in Harley throwing the money in the air as he plays dead. Devore leaves without the money, and the sting fails. However once Harley lets it slip that he has purchased plots too, Shifflett comes to the conclusion that Harley was a definite dupe and puts out an APB on Devore. 6/24/20
• 065. The Prodigal Daryl – 5/6/1985
  • Larry, Darryl, and Darryl win $30,000 in a popcorn jingle contest, but vow not to let the money go their heads. It isn’t long before the brothers are fighting about the money, and the only thing they can agree upon is buying hats. Darryl wants to bury it, and Darryl wants to move to Kansas City. Dick advises them to invest the money to earn interest, and to spend a little to improve their lives. Meanwhile during the early Summer heat wave, Joanna wants to take a picture for their Christmas card, so George goes out and gets a tree. Stephanie sees the opportunity to make Michael buy her Christmas gifts so she can participate. Two of the guests Mr. (Dennis Robertson) and Mrs. Duncan (Kimberley Farr) think it’s a great idea and are anxious to take pictures as well. Larry and the other Darryl return to the inn and tells Dick that Darryl has left with his share of the money. Dick helps them engage Officer Shiflett to track him down, and he thinks he’s found him with some frat guys (Michael Zorek, Dave Coulier) at a ski lodge in Stowe. Dick accompanies Larry and Darryl to see him, but once they find him, Larry attacks him. Dick tries to talk to him, but has nothing to say after a beautiful woman (Charlotte Carpenter) comes out of his room. Larry tells him he can be as decadent as he wants, but that he shouldn’t give up his family. Darryl ignores him, so they leave without him, a return to the inn where everyone is having a Christmas party. As the group is singing Auld Lang Syne, Darryl returns and joins in with his wax paper comb just in time to take their Christmas picture. 10/9/20
• 066. What Makes Dick Run – 5/27/1985
  • After having an informative show with cross-country runner Morris Dribbling (Scott Jaeck), Michael asks Dick to spice up his next program in hopes that he will be nominated for a VITA, a Vermont Industry Television Award, so that he can compete with sensationalist journalist Walt Bledsoe. Dick is reluctant to change anything about his personality, and even more hates the idea of competition, especially when he reflects upon losing a diving contest for Tomahawk Days at his childhood camp. Michael gathers the crew together and J.J. Wall (Fred Applegate), Bud, and Len discuss various ways they too could earn a VITA. Michael tries to tempt him further by swiping a VITA and leaving it with Dick to touch and feel. Meanwhile Stephanie comes down with a cold and demands to be pampered in bed as it runs its course. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl come over and put on a puppet show, performing the story of the ant and rubber tree with the song High Hopes. Inspired by the show, Dick decides that he does in fact want a VITA. On his next show, he has a librarian named Elsa Carruthers (Estelle Getty) who perfected a substitute for the Dewey Decimal System. Throughout the show, Dick acts dramatic and obnoxious, hoping to add pizzazz to the show. The others take that as a cue and fill the show with special effects like fog, lights, and an echo effect. Elsa just wants the show to end, and Dick finally realizes how he has been rude to her and apologizes to her and the folks at home… while a new fancy lighted sign lowers behind him. 10/9/20

SEASON 4

• 067. Pirate Pete – 9/30/1985
  • When the host of Pirate Pete’s Cartoon Lagoon, Pete Pittman (David Wayne) gets hit in the head with a studio light, Dick has Bev right where he wants to negotiate getting a microwave in his office and new carpet on his set in exchange for going on it Pete’s place. Although he initially doesn’t realize that it’s a children’s show, he agrees to step into the replacement character Long John Loudon. While on the air, he quickly gets wind of the violence the show’s cartoons promote, and worse yet, the overpriced junk that he is forced to peddle to kids. Before the show is over, Dick denounces parents who let their kids watch this garbage. Before the day is over, the station has cancelled the show. Dick is charged with going to Pete’s hospital room and giving him the news. He feels terrible, so he agrees to go on with Pete after he returns and steer him toward more wholesome entertainment. However Pete finds Dick’s ways so atrocious that he kicks him into the mail net and hoists him in it while on the air. Meanwhile, George plays a joke on Stephanie and adds a couple of pounds to her scale. Stephanie is beside herself and tries desperately to lose the weight. Finally when she is forced to admit her ‘gain’ to Michael, who is less than sympathetic, Dick tells her the truth. George is slightly nervous about what subtle revenge who will plot… which takes shape in the form of a Pirate Pete harpoon attack. Gail Landry is Ellen the nurse. 1/27/21
• 068. The Way We Ought to Be – 10/7/1985
  • Dick and Michael are ready to participate in the WPIV dart tournament, and Dick thinks he will be the big hero since he is using his old college set of darts. Stephanie wants Michael to attend the grand opening of a French restaurant that night, but reluctantly agree to go with Joanna instead. At the tournament, Dick can’t seem to accumulate any points, blaming one layer of his own clothes after another. Michael is the hero and comes through with high scores… but when the restaurant catches on fire and Stephanie is left with nothing to do, she comes to the station and demands Michael leaves with her. This causes Dick to lose his first tournament in 17 years. Michael confesses to Dick that for the first time ever, he found himself not liking Stephanie for making him leave. Following Dick’s advice, he tries to talk to her but she refuses to budge… so he breaks it off with her. Surprisingly he sticks to his guns, even though he is reduced to tears. Stephanie begins dating a different man every night, but she doesn’t care for any of them. Finally during her date with paint salesman Patrick (James Staley), she takes him to the station to demand that he come back to her. As they argue, everyone ignores Dick who is on the air with anteater expert Francine Maurhoffer. Michael and Stephane finally come to a compromise and reconcile. Station manager Bev blames Dick for the bungled show, despite his pleas that he’s the only one doing his job. Eugene “Pineapple” Jackson appears as an uncredited dart spectator. 1/28/21
• 069. Summa Cum Larry – 10/21/1985
  • Larry confides in Dick that he has been going to night school after seeing how close he was to answering all of the questions on Jeopardy, and asks Dick to keep it a secret from the Darryls. Dick initially tells them that Larry was working to photograph UFOs for Dick’s new book, and that he couldn’t ask all of them because space aliens are afraid of trios. When they prove him wrong in the book U.F.O.’s and You, Dick finally tells them the truth. Larry not only takes ribbing from his brothers, but other students laugh at him, forcing him to drop out. Dick offers to tutor him, and gives Larry a pneumonic device to remember the continents. Unfortunately, Larry still fails, so Dick goes and talks to his teacher Paul Steuben (Sandy Helberg) and manages to get him to allow Larry to re-take the test… orally… answering questions Jeopardy style. Larry still struggles and is on the verge of passing, but misses the final questions. Dick talks him into allowing Double Jeopardy, but Larry struggles to uses Dick’s method of remembering the continents. Meanwhile, Joanna is furious when the Vermont Tour Guide book drops them from three maples leaves to two. She writes the editor a letter and calls the reviewer braindead. She also puts George and Stephanie to work cleaning and fixing. The reviewer Alan Woodall (Richard Seff) shows up at the inn and shows Joanna that she was actually just reading the guide wrong, and he didn’t in fact lower their rating. George and Stephanie douse Joanna with water to get revenge. Larry does in fact pass the final answer, but not by using Dick’s method. The Darryls present him with a graduation cap, but show him the Dunce cap they would have given him if he had failed. Jean Hayworth is the old guest who complains about the light bulb. Joshua Grenrock is the guest who complains about the cantaloupe. 5/22/21 
• 070. Oh, That Morocco – 10/28/1985
  • The inn loses for the week while Dick and Joanna work on renovations and vacations, and Dick assigns George to build a bookcase in the lobby, insisting that he use his how-to book Shelf Help. Stephanie and Michael plan a getaway trip, and Stephanie insists that they go to Morocco, despite Dick’s warnings that Morocco was terrible when he went and the food made him sick. Joanna wants to go to New York, but Dick says they can’t because they are on a waiting list for a cruise. Joanne laments she’s had trouble finding friends in Vermont, so Dick suggests joining one of the local societies, and she chooses the Elm Street Society. Unfortunately when she meets the members of the group Professor Edward Bellows (Dean Santoro), Amy (Radha Delamarter), Reese (Tom Kindle), Nancy, and Kendra, she realizes they are a Satanic cult. When Stephanie sees how upset Joanna is, she agrees to be Joanna’s best friend. The two go to lunch together and take delight in giving the waiter (John Walter Davis) a hard time. Stephanie asks Joanna if she and Dick will come with them to Morocco, and after pleading with Dick, he finally agrees to go against his better judgement. After boarding the plane, Stephanie mentions Prince Rainier, and then they all realize that Stephanie thought Morocco was Monaco. Stephanie and Michael are able to exit the plane, but when Dick returns from the restroom and they try to leave, the stewardess (Rebeca Arthur) won’t let them. George completes the bookcase and finds that it is nice and sturdy, making Dick gloat… until he realizes that the shelves are tall enough for most books. Will Jeffries is the optometrist Joanna meets at the restaurant. 5/23/21
• 071. Candidate Larry – 11/4/1985
  • Citizens of the town attend a council meeting where Mayor Dodds (Earl Boen) presents his case for destroying the Stony Ridge Woods, and he seems to successfully shut down every objection. Many of the towns people see that the only way to stop him is to vote him out of office. However, the only person who seems interested in running for mayor is Larry. and although his objections seem sound, Dick doesn’t think he could win because of his reputation. When Dick tells him that he could maybe get more votes than ‘no one’ running, he takes it to mean that Dick endorses him. When Chester hears this, he decides to run again after previously serving, and Dick agrees to endorse him. Dick then tries to talk Larry into dropping out, but Larry refuses, even though he is crushed that Dick has endorsed Chester. Despite giving a heartfelt campaign speech, Larry only gets the votes of himself, his other brother Daryl, and one other supporter (Sam Anderson), and Chester ultimate wins. Dick convinces him that the townsfolk don’t think of Larry as a politician, but as a restaurateur. Dick however tell him that he thinks of him as a friend as well. Meanwhile, Michael watches a dog named Juliet for a friend while he looks to live elsewhere. Stephanie thinks that Juliet takes too much attention, and doesn’t like having her around, especially when Michael starts shopping for the dog and buying her jewelry. She finally gives Michael an ultimatum, so Michael promises to get rid of her. He asks Stephanie to watch her while he goes and passes out flyers. Naturally Stephane falls in love with her too. However, once they are both attached to her, the friend returns and has found a place that allows dogs, leaving Michael and Stephanie both crying in each other’s arms. Blake Clark provides the “I disagree” voice. 9/17/21
• 072. Locks, Stocks, and Noodlehead – 11/11/1985
  • During Colonial Days, in which every citizen is required to dress and behave as they did in Colonial Days, Stephanie’s father show up at the inn to see Stephanie. She questions his motives, especially when he starts doing odd things like sleeping over the garage on cot in George’s, chopping wood, and whittling with Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. Finally he admits to Stephanie that he has left her mother. Stephanie is aghast and begs her mother to come to the Stratford and talk to him. When she shows up, he refuses to talk to her and is still bitter that she called him a Noodlehead in front of her Bridge club. Stephanie runs to get Officer Shifflett and has her father arrested for not being in costume. While he is making the arrest, he notices that Dick is out of costume as well, as he finally could take no more of wearing it while trying to work on his book. Both Arthur and Dick are taken to the town square and put into a pillory. Stephanie then brings her mother to speak to him while he can’t move. It turns out that Arthur has been feeling useless since retiring, and is not getting the attention he craves since Marian has always had her activities in place to keep her busy while Arthur was working. They are able to compromise with her promising to quit some activities, and him agreeing to work part-time. Officer Shifflett then lets him out of the stocks, but keeps Dick in there for another hour since his offense was ‘legit’. He is left with an itch on his nose that he can’t scratch so he offers five dollars for someone to scratch his nose. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl each take their turn… each giving him five dollars as they take their scratch. 9/18/21
• 073. The Geezers in the Band – 11/25/1985
  • Dick is excited to have a reunion at the inn of his old college band the Jazz Tones, with whom he used to spend the wildest, madcap days of his life. He tells Joanna of all of the wild things that he, who went by the nickname Slats, and his bandmates Al “Sheik” Frasier (Sorrell Booke), Walter “Hog” Ambrose (Raleigh Bond), and Phil Bradley, who used to make the wildest entrances possible. Dick gets ready for their arrival by setting up their old instruments. Sheik and Hog arrive first, but Hog has lost so much weight, and Sheik has lost all of his hair, that Dick doesn’t recognize them. Soon he realize through tales of all of their medicine, their new flaccid hobbies, and the fear Sheik has of his wife, that they’ve become old, rundown, and hen-pecked. Even when they start to play music, Sheik throws out his back while playing the sax. When Dick calls to find out what is keeping Phil, who he hopes will bring some excitement, he learns that he died three weeks ago. Dick becomes depressed, but gets some council from Joanna that a lot of things in life get better with age. Dick won’t hear it, so he wakes the guys up the next morning and insists that they do something wild and risky. After throwing out ideas like eating Mexican food or going bowling, they decide on toboggan sledding. The proprietor (Kevin Scannell) warns them of the danger, but the do it anyway. Later they come home invigorated, but Joanna learns that they only made it twenty feet before being thrown into a snow bank. Hog is still suffering, but not from the crash, but rather from the Mexican food they ate after sledding. Meanwhile, George loans Michael $500 to get him by, but then has trouble collecting. George watches with increasing irritation when Michael dodges him and continues to buy Stephanie extravagant gifts. Finally, George disassembles Michael’s sports car and won’t return the parts until Michael gives him his money.3/17/22
• 074. The Shape of Things – 12/2/1985
  • Joanna and Stephanie are doing aerobics at the inn when one of the guests (Laura Waterbury) walks by and asks to join the group, even offering to pay. Stephanie points out that this has happened several times, and suggests that she and Joanna open up an aerobics studio  in town. Stephanie says that if Joanna can come up with $500, she can get the rest from her father. Joanna says she needs to discuss it with Dick, but since Dick has bought a new fancy phone for half that amount without discussing it with her, she has no problem convincing him to allow it. They move forward with the plan, but on the first day it becomes obvious that Stephanie wants to run the show, when Michael shows up to shoot a commercial and Stephanie kicks Joanna out of screen range. She also tells them that they’ll be learning her new “Stephaerobics”… then sends Joanna off to wash the windows. She tells Joanna that she put up $2000 so the place is more hers than Joanna’s and consequently she is Joanna’s boss. Joanna retaliates back at the inn by giving Stephanie extra work to do so that she can’t go on a date with Michael. This bumps into Stephanie’s work at the studio, so she assigned more work for Joanna to do there. This cycle repeats until Joanna and Stephanie begin arguing in front of the class while teaching a stretching technique. Dick is obsessed with the new donut shop next door, so he keeps stopping by the studio to see how they are doing and if they are on their way to getting the investment back. When the fight between the gals intensifies. Joanna has Dick take over the class while the gals go an argue. Dick knows just enough to teach them the Hokey Pokey. Joanna tells Stephanie that she isn’t interested in working with her unless they are equal partners, but Stephanie wants to be in charge, although she admits she can’t do it alone. With nothing else to do, the ladies tell the class that they are closing up shop. Dick is quick to point out that he warned Joanna about the pitfalls of working with Stephanie, and that they’ve now lost their money after two days of business. Meanwhile, George is trying to write an article about the most interesting person he knows. He selects Dick, but they can’t find anything to write about him. Dinah Lenney is the class member. 3/17/22
• 075. Write to Privacy – 12/16/1985
  • Michael gets the okay to go on a Vermont road trip to find new talent to book on Vermont Today, and he leaves a sulking Stephanie behind to water his plants and flatten his sweaters. While she and Joanna are at his place together, Stephanie stumbles onto Michael’s diary and doesn’t have the willpower to not break into it. When she sees some of the horrible things that he wrote about her being self-centered and immature, she takes the diary with her and reads it all, getting more and more upset by what he wrote. Michael had also written some nasty things about Joanna’s righteousness and Dick being incredibly boring. Dick, however, doesn’t want to read it or hear about it. George is upset because Michael hasn’t even mentioned him. When Michael returns from his trip, he gets the cold shoulder from everyone, and when he shows up the next morning to talk to Dick about the next show, Stephanie, Joanna, and George are all cruel to him. Dick reminds them that they are bad-mouthing Michael because they are angry, which is the same thing he did to them. Eventually, Dick is able to talk them all going over to Michael’s place with an apology, but when she sees the Michael has taken down some of her pictures from ‘Cupcake Corner’, she stops the apology. Dick has to finish the apology, while maintaining he didn’t do anything wrong. He does however admit that he is often angry and Michael and sees him as shallow. This comment sets Michael over the edge, and he becomes more upset with Dick than any of them. Dick slowly explains that his privacy was wrong and he has the right to be outraged. Michael then gets outraged and throws them all out, then consults with Dick about how long he should remain outraged, so Dick tells him he should remain angry for six days. Meanwhile, Stratford guest Rupert Kellman (Nat Bernstein) comes with a true hunger for nature, but as the week goes on, he gets stung by bees, sprayed by a skunk, infected with poison oak, and bitten by a wild animal. By the time he leaves, he is covered in bandaged, and promises to tell everyone about the Stratford. 7/18/22
• 076. Still the Beavers – 12/23/1985
  • George wins a trip to go on the Large Mouth Bass Bonanza with the Beavers who sold the most nightcrawlers. He talks Dick into attending the meeting when his name will be read, which isn’t a hard sell since it gets him out of Joanna’s plans for him to go to a folk dancing class that night. When they get there, George sees that his name isn’t on the list, but has been substituted for the Head Beaver Buck’s cousin Wally (James T. Callahan), who isn’t even a member of the Beavers. Before George can question it, Buck thanks George for understanding about Wally going along. George gets over it quickly, but Dick persuades him to be angry about it and not stand for it. George finally feels the anger and stands up and complains, and when Buck blows him off, George quits the lodge. When they get home, George tells Dick that he’s going to start his own lodge and invites Dick to come along. In order to get out of the folk dancing classes, Dick plans to attend. However, the meeting winds up being just George, Dick, and Harley, who is only there to make more contacts to find work. George decides to disband the lodge before it even gets started. While George is moping around the house, Dick asks Michael to help George create some promotional advertising for the lodge. Dick is impressed with his work, until he realizes that Michael’s ads promise a TV giveaway, the car from Knight Rider, and gourmet food. The turnout is great, so much so that the Beavers all come over so that Buck can give George a warning that he will experience the Beavers’ wrath if he doesn’t disband his lodge. One by one the Beavers get seduces by the food and beer and refuse to leave. Buck warns them all about the rule that once they leave the Beavers, they can never come back. When he is the last man standing, he quits the Beavers as well. They then decide to meet at the old Beavers meeting house, name the new group The Beavers, and invite Buck to be the head Beaver. Dick tries to tell him he’s being steamrolled, but George tells him to shut up, perfectly happy just to be back in the lodge. Meanwhile, Stephanie throws a slipper at a songbird and kills it, but when George tells her that it is illegal to kill a songbird, she tries to get rid of the murder weapon. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl keep finding the slipper wherever she leaves it. They wind up finding it buried and bring it back to Dick, who hands it off to Harley to get rid of. He puts it in the napkin drawer, and Stephanie finds it while looking for napkins. She freaks out and confesses he crime. Even the biker (Robert Pastorelli) and his friends who showed up for George’s meeting are disappointed in her. Bill McIntyre is one of the Beaver defectors. 7/18/22
• 077. Much Ado About Mitch – 1/6/1986
  • Michael teaches Stephanie how to dabble with a Ouija Board, and after they get makeup tips from Cleopatra, Michael asks it if his true love will remain faithful to him. He is clearly rattled when the Ouija Board answers no. Meanwhile, George fills out an application to be a Big Brother with the Vermont Family Support League and is assigned a young boy named Mitch Stevens (Scott Curtis). George and Mitch have a great time going fishing and they look forward to building a treehouse. When Mitch meets Dick, he is fascinated by the fact that Dick is a talk show host and author. George gets Dick to agree to let them come see him film an episode. George asks Dick to look after Mitch while he goes outside to unveil a wigwam that he made for Mitch. While Dick and Mitch chat, Mitch asks Dick if he could make him a character in one of his books, and Dick tells him that if he ever has a took that needs a name for his tool in his books, he can create Mitch the Monkeywrench. Mitch adds to the story and tells Dick that he can be Dick the Drill and that they can be crime fighters. Dick is taken aback when Mitch tells him that he wishes he could be Mitch’s Big Brother. The next day, Mitch and George come to see Dick on the show, which seems more exciting than a normal show, when a photographer comes to take Dick’s photo since the current one was vandalized. Dick’s boring agricultural scientist guest cancels, and he winds up with the Amazing Dwayne (Greg Otto), who Mitch finds funny and exciting. George tells Mitch that it is like being in a big Hollywood studio. When Mitch starts talking about doing a book and TV show with Dick starring Mitch the Monkeywrench and Dick the Drill, and then calls him Uncle Dick, George is crestfallen and thinks Dick has stolen him away. The next morning, George gives Dick the silent treatment and steals Dick’s cinnamon cross buns. Michael keeps pressuring Dick to help him account for Stephanie’s whereabouts, but Dick won’t help him. He forces Stephanie to use the Ouija Board again, but when Stephanie asks if she will be faithful, the board answers yes, but when Michael asks if his true love will be faithful, it answers no. Stephanie than deduces that she is not his true love, so she asks the Ouija Board who it is and board answers TZ. Stephanie begins calling women with those initials in the phone book and threatening them. However, when Michael mentions his Turbo Z car, she realizes he loves the car more than her and is then furious with him. Dick has another talk with Mitch and tells him that most of what Mitch thinks is exciting about him is just glitz – similar to Mr. T’s chains. Dick tells him how his talk show and his books are pathetic, to the point that Dick becomes morose and depressed about his own life, which ultimatley scares Mitch off. He goes back to George and asks him how to hammer a nail… then tells him that he’s glad that it is George who is his uncle. Joshua Grenrock is the stagehand. 11/13/22
• 078. Look Ma, No Talent – 1/13/1986
  • Michael is excited when his mother Lily Casiano (Ruth Manning) pays him a visit while her fourth husband Paolo is playing cello in Boston. He also informs Dick that he’s arranged for Dick to do an advertisement for Swiss Style Dog Food, which Dick refuses to do. Michael tries to impress his mother by bossing the staff around. No matter what he says, Lily remains unimpressed and asks what Michael has done with his life now that he’s 28 years old. Later, Michael shows up at the inn for his date with Stephanie, and winds up showing Dick and Joanna how he can play the violin. He is terrible, even after having hundreds of lessons. He forgets all about his date and leaves. With the next episode of Vermont Today coming up, Dick makes a rare appearance to attend the production meeting since Michael hasn’t told anyone anything about the new episode. He is late thanks to his ballet class and Bev has nearly had enough of Michael and is getting close to firing him. Dick tries to defend Michael to save his job. He eventually shows up and fills in everyone on the guest being Norton Firth, a pie-eating contest winner. Michael continues to try to create a great work of art to impress him mother including writing his epic poem The Iliad 2: The Day After, a novel, conceptual art that looks like garbage on Dick’s lawn, and a painting of children with big ears. He also continues to forget about Stephanie, who finally goes to see him to demand what is going on with him. She gives him advice about standing up to her and telling her that his identify is that of a producer and not an artist. When she comes over that day and meets Stephanie for the first time. Meanwhile, Winston Bedell (Barry Dennen), the owner of Bedell’s Swiss Style dog food, shows up to film the dog food commercial. Dick is ready to back out of it since Michael didn’t get Dick out of it, but when Bedell threatens to go see Bev, Dick agrees to do it to keep Michael out of trouble again. He has some challenges getting the dog to lick his face on cue, so he reluctantly agrees to cover his face with liverwurst and put ice cream in his ear, again to make Bev think that things are going smoothly. When Michael’s mother shows up at his apartment, Michael tells her that he is proud of being a producer, and she again tells him that he is 28, and asks what he done with his life. Stephanie reminds Michael that he is 27 years old, which causes Michael to throw that in her face. He insists that a mother should know how old her son is. He tells her that she can either be proud of what he has become and accept that he’ll never be an artist, or she can leave and not be part of his life. She decides to stay in his life, and they all head out to eat, Michael thrilled that he has redefined the terms of their relationship. 11/13/22
• 079. Larry’s Dead, Long Live Larry – 1/20/1986
  • As George joins the volunteer fire department and begins looking for fire code violations around town, Harley Estin sees an opportunity to follow behind him and offer to make repairs where violations are found. George begins his efforts at the Minuteman Cafe where he finds numerous items out of compliance, including the cabling behind the jukebox. Michael gets wind that George will be inspecting his apartment and tries to bribe him $30 to look the other way. When guests Mr. (Ralph Bruneau) and Mrs. Nelson (Patricia Estrin) check into the Stratford for some peace and quiet, and then encounter the blaring jukebox from the Minuteman, Dick calls over there and speaks to Larry, who then drops off the line. As Dick is yelling at him to come back to the phone, Harley comes running over and tells Dick that Larry was electrocuted and is dead. Dick runs over to see him and find him very much alive, but claiming that he had left his body, until he was called back by Dick on the phone. He also maintains that a God who resembled Tootie from The Facts of Life told him that he was brought back to do something important for Dick. He begins looking out for Dick day and night, even camping outside the inn and watching through the window. George issues Michael citations for fire violations, Michael confronts him, but once George realizes he was bribed, Michael backs off and offers more money for him to look the other way. Larry keeps doing small things for Dick hoping that it is ‘it’, but never being quite satisfied that he had served his purpose. Finally, he puts out a fire caused by a careless guest named Mr. Jessup (Barry Vigon) with a cigar in the dining room. Even though he has saved the place from burning down, he still claims there is more to do. Dick says that he is done and sends him home, When Dick goes down into the cellar to get mop buckets to clean up the dining room, he trips over Harley’s toolbox and falls down the stairs and breaks his ankle. Larry returns and claims that his job had been to remove the toolbox from the stairs and that Dick has stifled him from doing the work of Tootie the God. Joanna has purchased a mystery book with the solution to the crime in a sealed envelope, which she gives to Dick to hide. She tries to guess the identity of the murder but gets it wrong before finally getting it right. She then admits that she looked at the answer. When Dick compliments he on finding the hiding place, she admits that she had purchased another copy of the book. 4/18/23
• 080. Stephanie Nightingale – 1/27/1986
  • Dick gets some good news when Michael finally books the president of the University of Vermont to be on Vermont Today. However, things start to take a sour turn when Doc Wylie (Peter Hobbs) diagnoses several guests with measles. Stephanie gets an offer from her father for her to come stay with them, but Dick and Joanna tells her she can’t go. When Joanna then starts to feel sick, she too is diagnosed with the measles, leaving Dick, Stephanie, and George to care for everyone else. When Dick also starts to get sick, he is confined to bed and is bummed that he will miss the interview he’s wanted since day one. Michael abandons everyone, including his own briefcase, at the Stratford in order to avoid the measles. He tries unsuccessfully to book Arnold Schwarzenegger to take over for Dick. Joanna and Dick fight over the TV as he wants to watch a Celtics game, while Joanna wants to find out a key plot point on her soap opera. George accuses Stephanie of doing menial busywork, wjhile he takes care of everyone. Stephanie admits she’s been lazy, but insists that George not send her up to do work now since he deserves all of the credit. This works for a while… until George starts to get sick himself. This leaves only Stephanie to care for everyone, and she finds the job utterly disgusting. She calls her parents and asks them to send a limo for her so she can get out of the Stratford for the duration of the epidemic. After loading Dick and Joanna up with food, she heads down to wait for the limo driver. George comes downstairs hallucinating, thinking that Stephanie is both his father and mother. When the drive shows up, she realizes that she can’t leave George in this state, so she cancels her trip home and nurses George back to help. Dick and Joanna are surprised when they start to feel better and come downstairs to make their own breakfast and Stephanie tells them to get back to bed and she will serve them. Dick tunes into Vermont Today and finds that Michael has replaced him with Binky the Clown, who honks the nose of the president of the University of Vermont. George wakes up and talks about a dream with his father and mother, and an angel who appeared. Stephanie thinks the angel is her, but George informs her that it was the limo driver. 4/18/23
• 081. The Stratford Horror Picture Show – 2/3/1986
  • Stephanie has trouble sleeping one night because she hears George banging with his hammer, but George claims that he was not in fact doing anything. Two guests (William Bassett, Peggy J. Scott) claim that they heard someone knocking on their door. This all results in Stephanie speculating that the Stratford is haunted. George has not experienced anything throughout his many years at the Stratford but reminds Dick and Joanna that Sarah Newton is still buried in the basement. Eventually the couple leaves, and another woman (Annie Gagen) also complains about supernatural sound, and she leaves with her husband as well. Although Dick fights the notion of the place being haunted tooth and nail, eventually he starts to witness doors closing on their own and books falling off of shelves. The mysterious goings-on culminate with them finding a stack of books in the lobby taller than themselves and the couch turned on its edge. Dick and Joanna ask the former owners Ned (Bruce French) and Gloria Tate (Marilyn Schreffler) to come over to talk. Dick and Joanna ask if they had ever experienced any unusual events, they are quick to let Dick know that they believed the place was haunted by Sarah Newton. Stephanie has Officer Shifflett investigate, and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl come over on their own to offer to take Mrs. Newton. They go downstairs to look over the area, and Larry declares the place clean. However, Darryl #2 disappears while in the basement… but Larry admits that he is prone to wandering off. When an apparent ghost types a message on Dick’s typewriter for them to get out, Dick finally calls the police on his own. That night when they experience even more strange sounds, Stephanie, Michael and George all sleep in the same bed with Dick and Joanna. When they hears sounds coming from their closet, the finally find that Darryl #2 is inside. Although he maintains his innocence, everyone suspects that it had been him performing the faux haunting. Officer Shifflett comes to arrest him, but when the lights go out and the ghost of Mrs. Newton actually makes an appearance, Stephanie, angry at having her sleep interrupted, attacks the ghost. It is then revealed that the ghost is Gloria Tate. Her husband then comes out of the wall. They admit that they were trying to scare Dick and Joanna to sell them back the inn now that it is doing so well. Ned also tells everyone that Darryl had merely wandered into the secret passages in the walls and got lost. 8/31/23
• 082. I Do, Okay? – 2/10/1986
  • With their fifteen-year anniversary coming up, Joanna hopes to renew their vows since they were rushed through their first wedding in order to catch a discount airfare for their honeymoon. Dick thinks it is a ridiculous idea, but he gives in for Joanna’s sake. The next morning, Joanna has Dick share the news with Stephanie and George. Stephanie is excited to be the Maid of Honor, and George asks Dick if he can be the Best Man. Dick couldn’t care less but gives him the go-ahead. Joanna wants to write their own vows, but Dick says he is too busy with his new book Grouting Without Pouting. Dick also wants to keep the affair small, with just George, Stephanie, and them, but when Joanna tells the Petersons at the drug store when she is buying invitation, she feels she has to invite them. They start spreading the news all over town like wildfire, and soon Michael, Larry, Darryl, and Darryl come asking if they can be the Best Man. Harley simply wants a job parking cars at the wedding since Dick claims there isn’t enough room for him to be a guest. Finally, the day comes, and they all get ready to head to the church. Stephanie hates her own red dress since she doesn’t stand out from the other bridesmaids, so she changes into a wedding dress herself. Dick thinks Joanna looks beautiful, but when the Petersons call and tells them they can’t make it, Dick blows his top since they are the ones who got them into this ‘stupid’ thing. Joanna takes offense at Dick’s annoyance and tells him the wedding is off. Dick tries to talk her into coming to the church since everyone was already there and had brought stacks of gifts. When he can’t convince her, Dick goes to the church and tells everyone that she isn’t coming because she spilled various things on her dress. She has a change of heart, and the wedding continues. Dick reads his vows that he had written from their first wedding, which is full of hippy phrases of the early 70’s. He ends it the right way in saying that his love for her will only grow and stands by that statement. Joanna is so please with him that she kisses him before the minister (Michael Flanagan) even announces them married. 8/31/23
• 083. The Snowmen Cometh – 2/17/1986
  • The town is preparing for their annual Snow Carnival, and Joanne is creating special caps to sell. George is creating their sleigh-style Stratford Inn float for the parade, and Michael has appointed Stephanie to be the 1986 Snow Carnival Ice Maiden. He is also planning to produce a TV special around the carnival. The only problem is that there has been no snow this year and it doesn’t appear that there is any in the forecast. George thinks that it will snow because he saw rabbits running into the woods, which is a sure sign of an upcoming snowstorm. The town calls an emergency town council meeting to decide what to do. Although they get hope when they overhear Dick talking about the rabbits running into the woods. However, George then admits they might have been chased by a dog. Some folks think the carnival should be cancelled, but others complain that most of their yearly business comes from the carnival. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl announce that they will guarantee snow if the town pays them $1000, or $2000 if they want it to stick. Chester laughs them off and decides to wait until he hears the National Weather Service’s prediction. Later, Chester meets with Jim and Dick to try and decide what they should do, and when the Weather Service calls and says it will be fair and warmer. Chester finally agrees that they should cancel the carnival… but then considered paying Larry, Darryl, & Darryl for their services. By this time, the guys say they will only perform the snow ritual if the town believes in them, and Dick is forced to tell them that they have the town’s confidence that it will snow at some point after their ritual. They make their list of supplies – including fabric softener, a cannonball, and two pounds of veal – and promise that it will snow by 1:00pm the next day. The next day at the next town council meeting, they find out that Larry, Darryl, & Darryl have withdrawn all of their money from the bank, taken their cash register from the Cafe and left town. Officer Shiflett is ready to go after them, but Dick suggests they give them until 1:00pm. When the clock strikes one and no snow has come, Chester decides to officially cancel the Snow Carnival and resign from being the Mayor. Shiflett goes to pick up the three guys and brings them to the meeting. They explain they were just transferring their money to a bank with a higher interest rate, and that they were using the cash register to calculate the town’s bill, not being aware that calculators existed. As they are discussing this, the snow starts falling hard outside. Larry offers the check back to Chester since they were a minute and a half late and two of the snowflakes looked alike. Chester declares that the Snow Carnival is back on. Three weeks later, Michael tries to get the Ice Maiden costume back from Stephanie so he can return it to the costume rental store. Bill McIntyre is the townsman worried about their lives being played with. 12/25/23 
• 084. Will the Real Dick Loudon Please Shut Up? – 2/24/1986
  • Dick receives good news from a video company who wants to start producing Dick’s ‘how-to’ books for series of video cassettes, starting with So You Want to Be a Plumber? They decide to shoot test footage at WPIV, which they can do where Dick feels comfortable, in addition to it being cheap. Meanwhile, Larry, Darryl, & Darry start up the ACME Escort Service in order to raise money so they can buy a time-share condo near Epcot Center. Joanna buries their flyer in the middle of a stack of brochures. The producer of the video series, Jerry Nurco (Philip Charles MacKenzie), comes to Vermont, and Michael introduces him to Dick and the film crew, J.J. and Bud. They shoot some test footage, which is nearly ruined by Michael hiring Stephanie to be his assistant with a giant tool chest on wheels covered with colored sparkles. After shooting the test footage, Dick goes out and buys a VCR so he will be able to record his shows. Their guest Mrs. Parkman (Carolyn Mignini) goes through the brochures and finds the ACME brochures, but Dick and Joanna talk her out of it. Jerry stops by the inn and tells Dick that the executives didn’t think that Dick was right for the part of Dick Loudon, and they decide to re-cast since Dick is boring, stammers, and has shifty eyes. Dick is naturally offended, but when he meets the new host of the show, Ed McKendrick (Alan Autry), he finds Ed charming and is flattered when Ed tells him that he’s a big fan of Dick’s. However, when they start filming Ed trying to host as he tries to install a sink, it becomes clear that he knows nothing about home improvement. Dick points out his errors when Ed forgets to turn off the main water valve before starting the process. Ed admits to Dick that he doesn’t know the first thing about plumbing, but then lies to Jerry and the others. They shoot the video, but when he turns the water off at the end, it starts spraying everywhere. They have to fire Ed at this point, and Jerry has to deliver the video quickly. Dick agrees that he will do it, but only if Jerry, Michael, and J.J. will do a song and dance routine to the song Fine and Dandy. Mrs. Parkman winds up calling ACME and spends all night out with Larry, Darryl, & Darryl. The next morning, she returns to the inn for breakfast after trapping part of her own meal and visiting a bat cave. 12/25/23
• 085. He Ain’t Human, He’s My Cousin – 3/3/1986
  • George is excited because his great-great-great-great grandfather Zebediah Utley, one of the founders of the town, is finally getting his due and will have a bronze bust erected in his honor, and George will do the unveiling. Chester and Jim come over to the inn to give George even better news: they have located another living relative of Zebediah named Eugene Wiley (Derek McGrath), and he will be coming into town from Milwaukee. George is excited that he will finally be able to replace his fake family picture hanging on the wall with an actual relative. Meanwhile, Michael has switched to a new cologne and is nervous about getting Stephanie’s approval. Fortunately, when she smells it, after being initially taken aback, she falls into his arms and loves it. However, Michael doesn’t take kindly to the fact that Stephanie accidentally calls him Alan because the aroma reminds her of an old boyfriend. When Cousin Eugene arrives, he immediately gets on the bad side of Dick when he flirts with Joanna and then attempts to sell Dick his Romwhite products. He also manages to annoy every guest in the inn by waking them up in the middle of the night trying to sell them products, and then walking to the shower naked. Michael decides to switch back to the old cologne, so as not to remind Stephanie of her former lover. George admits to Dick that he can’t stand Cousin Eugene, and that he is afraid that Eugene will embarrass him if he goes to the dedication. George then tells Eugene that he doesn’t want him there, causing Eugene to start pouting and lamenting the fact that he’s never had a family. George takes pity on him and tells him that he can come, as long as he keeps his mouth shut. The ceremony is held at the courthouse, and Eugene struggles not to offend anyone. George makes a very quick dedication and tries to end the gathering, but Chester invites Eugene up to speak as well. Eugene starts off okay, but then quickly devolves into trying to sell his Romwhite products. The crowd turns on him, but George sticks up for him and tells them that they’ll have to go through him to get to his cousin. After the crowd disperses, George pours a giant bowl of punch over Eugene’s head and chases him out of the courthouse while Eugene continues to try and plug his products. 5/2/24
• 086. Dwight Schmidlapp Is Not a Quitter – 3/10/1986
  • Dick decides to play a trick on his publisher Barney by putting his former pen name “Dwight Schmidlapp” on his latest book Panel It Perfect. Meanwhile, an ultra-cheap family named Van Cleve check into the Stratford, and the father Jake (Ken Lerner) and his wife (Bernadette Birkett) try to pass their young teenage son Brian (Adam Carl) as a five-year old. When Dick’s book is rejected by a junior editor at his publishing company, Dick decides to teach them a lesson and take his book to another publisher. Unfortunately, after submitting to several, each one of them rejects him as well. Dick starts to second guess if the new book is any good and then begins tearing it apart and rewriting it, losing confidence along the way. Dick becomes depressed and decides to quit writing and begins spending his free time at Jackie’s Bar shooting pool and sharing tall tales with his new friends Snake (Ebbe Roe Smith) and Wild Mel (Larry Hankin). After four days, Joanne comes to see him and tries to convince him to return to writing, but Dick won’t do it unless a publisher will accept his work under his pen name. He heads to see several New York publishers, but still doesn’t get any takers. After two weeks, the Van Cleve family finally get ready to check out, leaving a one-dollar tip for Stephanie and George to share. They also try to only pay for the hours that they actually spend in the room. Joanne is furious at the notion, but when Jake tells Dick that he knows a publisher who happens to be his brother-in-law Jake’s best friend, Dick goes along with the con and charges him even less than he is willing to pay. Dick gets a meeting with the publisher (Keith Charles), but when it becomes clear that Dick doesn’t really know Jake, the publisher tries to kick him out. Dick then threatens to call customs and report the illegal Cuban cigars that the publisher has been bringing into the country. The publisher finally sits down to read the book, not finding it that great at all. Nevertheless, Dick returns home with a Cuban cigar and a publishing contract using his pen name. Michael gives Stephanie $27.50 to make up for the lost tip that the Van Cleves stiffed her out of so that she will stop pouting. 9/18/24
• 087. Torn Between Three Brothers – 3/17/1986
  • George is upset because the local WPIV station has taken reruns of Barnaby Jones off of the air. Michael has stopped by to celebrate the fact that he’s just been put in charge of programming for the station, and he explains that the show Lifestyles of the Solid Platinum Dancers appeals to a younger demographic. Nevertheless, George begins a petition to reinstate Barnaby Jones to the airwaves. Meanwhile, a guest at the inn named Cathy Newman (Teresa Ganzel) finds out that her fiancé Edward (Tom Tarpey) has left her, even though they were going to be married that very afternoon. Joanna offers her money so that she can return to her hometown in Arizona, but much to Dick’s relief, she says she’d rather earn her own way. She wonders if they are hiring at the Minuteman Cafe, but Dick tries his best to steer her away from there. Nonetheless, she decides to give it a try, but Larry quickly insists that they have enough help with the two Darryls. However, when she shows them how easily she can talk Officer Shiflett into buying a piece of pie, even though he has refused the pie for weeks, Larry decides to hire her after all. Cathy comes back to the Startford and tells them how much she likes working there. Soon after, each of the Darryls comes by to offer flowers for Cathy. When they see each other, they have a stare down, and each of them takes one another’s flowers and grinds them into the floor. When Larry comes over and sees what is happening, he sends them both home, then tells Dick that he needs to find out which Darryl she likes. Dick says he’s pretty sure that she wouldn’t go for either one of them, and he then heads home to tell them. He asks Dick if he will tell Cathy what is going on. When Dick reluctantly tells her, she confesses that she actually has feeling for Larry, much to Dick and Joanna’s surprise. Shortly after Larry tells his brothers that Cathy doesn’t like either one of them and has them shake hands, Cathy comes over and shows her feelings for Larry by giving him a big kiss.  The Darryls quickly turn on Larry, but he tells them that “the flea has picked out her dog.’ Then when Larry asks them to prepare a fruit salad, the Darryl’s attack Larry with a barrage of fruit. Larry decides to turn over the Minuteman to the Darryls and to go back to Arizona with Cathy. She is excited to start their life together, even when Edward returns and tells Cathy that he can’t live without her and invites her back into his life. Even though she refuses Edward, Larry can tell that they belong together, so he encourages her to reconcile with Edward and have a happy life. She tells Larry that he is very wise and that she will never forget him. When the Darryls come over after Cathy leaves, Larry is afraid that they will attack him, but they have only brought him a chafing dish and card wishing them well. Larry tells them that she has returned to her fiancé and then prepared for them to make fun of him, but they only can muster a big hug for him. After Michael is attacked all over town from folks who want to keep Barnaby Jones on the air, Stephanie is furious when one person splashes Michael with mud and spot gets on her outfit. She tells him that she can’t be with him until this is settled. Michael agrees to return Barnaby Jones to its time slot but asks George if he can put the dancers on in place of Eight Is Enough. George says he will think about it. Wortham Krimmer is the impatient customer. 9/18/24

SEASON 5

• 091. Co-Hostess Twinkie – 9/29/1986
  • After Dick does an episode of Vermont Today in which a live scorpion gets lost on the set while interviewing Professor Chatsworth (Jeffrey Alan Chandler), Michael tells Dick that the show has been canceled. Dick disappointedly tells the crew, but they have already received the news. Michael then tells Dick that he is getting a new show called On the Town, in which he can work with co-host and that they can go out on location around Vermont. The crew has already heard this information as well. Dick gets excited by this prospect and sits in on interviews with Michael. They first interview a peppy but brainless weather girl named Buffy Denver (Julie Brown), followed by a man-hating woman named Liz Sable (Frances Conroy), who yells at Dick any time he looks at her. Finally, they get an excellent candidate named Nancy Preston (Susan Cash), who has perfect chemistry with Dick and a degree in Vermont history to boot. Dick and Michael agree that there is no contest between the candidates, but when Buffy Denver shows up for work the next day, it becomes obvious that Dick and Michael were not seeing eye to eye. Dick hates her and wants her gone, but Michael talks him into giving her a chance. Their first show takes place in the Vermont Museum of History, where Buffy has no clue about any of the pieces around them. When Buffy questions when Ethan Allen got into the furniture business as they are introducing the exhibit, Dick sternly asks that she let the museum curator Dennis Longfellow (Robert Moberly) do the talking. This causes Buffy to break down crying about always getting hollered at in museums, which prompts Professor Chatsworth to yell at him and tell him to go to hell. Michael has no choice to admit that he was wrong about the chemistry between him and Buffy, but much to his surprise, Michael fires Dick and replaces him with a smiling, plastic face named Biff Randall (Michael Lemon). The good news is that Dick has polled somewhat well too, and the station is giving him back his show Vermont Today. When Dick tells this to Joanna and the others, they’ve already heard the news, as Biff had wandered into the kitchen and told them. Larry, Darryl, and Darryl name their pig Miss Stephanie, much to Stephanie’s irritation. She attempts to set the pig loose, but they manage to recover it. In the process, they find out that Miss Stephanie is male, so they re-name him Dick. 3/8/24

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