The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

NOTE: This series was a spin-off of the the radio series of the same name which was broadcast until 1955. In previous incarnations the radio series had been known by the titles “The Canada Dry Ginger Ale Program” (1932-1933), “The Chevrolet Program” (1933-1934), “The General Tire Revue” (1934), “The Jell-O Program Starring Jack Benny” (1934-1942), “The Grape Nuts Flakes Program Starring Jack Benny” (1942-1944), and “The Lucky Strike Program Starring Jack Benny” beginning in 1944.

Theme song: “Love in Bloom” by Ralph Rainger, and lyrics (not used in the theme music) by Leo Robin.

• 001. Premiere Show – 10/28/1950
  • Anheuser-Busch and Ken Murray’s program give up their time slot for the premiere episode of The Jack Benny Show presented by Lucky Strike. A bus arrives in New York City and Jack Benny (himself) is obviously on it as indicated by the man hanging his violin out the window. The Sportsmen Quartet (themselves) sing There’s No Business Like Show Business. Jack addresses the audience and introduces the first episode of his new show. He says that his radio fans have been asking him to get into television, which will bring him to New York from Beverly Hills. He says the show will be on once every eight weeks. He explains that he’s not really stingy, but rather it is a character he has played on the radio, although he admits that he’s staying in a dump in the city. The TV technician (Mel Blanc) comes onto the stage during his monologue to direct the lights and camera on how to make Jack look okay for the audience. He also says hello to his aunt. He then introduces his radio announcer Don Wilson (himself), who has been with Jack for seventeen of his nineteen years in radio. Don tells Jack that some of their jokes from radio won’t work on TV, for instance Jack’s jokes about Don’s weight won’t work now that the audience has seen him. Don does a commercial for Lucky Strike while Jack holds up the pack of cigarettes for him. Jack then starts to tell Don about how he planned for his first show, flashing back to his house in Beverly Hills, where his valet Rochester Van Jones (Eddie Anderson) sings the song My Blue Heaven as he dances and cleans he house. He then talks to his girlfriend Susie and they arrange their date for the evening. Rochester tells her that Mr. Benny is down at CBS negotiating his contract for his first TV show. When Jack gets home, his parrot Polly tells him to count the fruit, and Jack finds out that Rochester ate a banana. Jack’s friend Mr. Kitzel (Artie Auerbach) to wish Jack well with his show and trip to New York. When Kitzel asks Jack for a cigarette, Jack reveals a cigarette machine in his house. He has his housekeeper Mrs. Higgins use one of the Bendix pay washing machines to do his laundry. Jack then decides to get Dinah Shore (herself) as his first guest star. He calls her up to discuss it but doesn’t care for the price of $5000 she quotes him for her appearance. However, she sings the song I’m Yours over the phone. Jack returns to the stage and thanks Anheuser-Busch and Ken Murray (himself) for letting him have his time slot. Ken comes onto the stage to give Jack his well-wishes for the new show. Dinah Shore comes onto the stage and sings Tess’s Torch Song. Jack asks if he can accompany her with his violin, but she declines. After she finishes the song, Jack comes back on the stage and asks her to go out with him. The pair then duet the song I Ought to Know More About You. The Sportsmen Quartet join her to insert some lyrics for Lucky Strike. Jack then plays Love in Bloom on his violin, causing the audience to file out. 45 minutes. 7/28/23

SEASON 2

• 005. Dorothy Shay – 11/4/1951
  • To kick off his second season, Jack announces that there will be some very famous guest stars coming up on his shows, mentioning trained seals. He announces that for this show, his guests will be the Park Avenue Hillbilly Dorothy Shay (herself), Frank Remley (himself), and Don Wilson. Jack begins to tell a show about a British actor whose uncles are dying, but before he can finish the joke, Bob Crosby (himself) takes the stage and says that a few weeks ago, he did a song on The Alan Young Show, and will now sing an encore, Bouquet of Roses.  Jack then finishes his joke before questioning why Crosby did the encore on his show. He tells Jack that his brother Everett, who gets ten percent of Bob’s income, has arranged the appearance. Everett handles Bob, his brother Bing, and the trained seal that Jack plans to use. Bob also mentions his fifth baby at home, and that when he has five more, he’ll have to give one to Everett. Don shows up and apologizes for being late, telling him that he had plans to introduce Jack as the greatest comedian in America. Don’s cab driver Harry Gilmore (Mel Blanc) shows up to give Don the briefcase in the cab. Don gives the driver a five-dollar tip, which Jack has trouble understanding… even though Jack gave a lifeguard $5.00 for saving his life. Gilmore wind up being an old classmate of Jack’s from Waukegan High School, who was voted the most likely to be successful. He says he now owns his own cab and asks Jack what he does. Jack ad-libs that he is the voice of Bugs Bunny. Jack introduces Dorothy Shay, who sings A Little Western Town Called Beverly Hills. She then introduces her cousin Zeke Benny (Jack Benny) and his Mad Mountain Boys (The Beverly Hillbillies), performing in the Ozarks. With Zeke at the helm of the violin, he and the band perform You Are My Sunshine, with a little girl (Lynette Bryant) singing the lead vocals. He introduces the group beginning with Charlie Bagby (himself) on the concertina, Wayne Songer (himself) on the clarinet, and the little girl as his wife, along with their boy Samuel, who is taller than Jack. Frank Remley is introduced as the guitar player, who learned to play by accident since his hand was shaking anyway. Two hillbillies get into a gunfight, and one shoots the other, Lem (Robert Easton). The band then plays the instrumental medley Fascinating Rhythm and Puttin’ on the Ritz. 7/28/23

SEASON 3

• 017. Fred Allen Show – 4/19/1953
  • Jack Benny (himself) addresses the audience and tells them that he’s now wearing glasses when he comes on stage so people might think he is Mr. Peepers. He also tells the audience that he has paid for Fred Allen (himself) to come via bus from New York to be on the show, letting everyone know that he isn’t really in a feud with Fred, although he has no problem with insulting him. In the middle of the monologue, the stage manager (Byron Keith) tells Jack that they can stop rehearsing and break for lunch because Fred Allen has not shown up yet. Rochester comes out and sells food on behalf of Jack using his Benny’s Meals on Wheels cart. Jack tells Rochester to sing so that they can also charge a cover charge, so he sings Side by Side as he hands out food. Since they are going to have a two-hour break, Jack decides to go and meet his sponsor Mr. Lewis (Pierre Watkin) with the American Tobacco Company so they can renew their contract for Jack to sponsor Lucky Strike cigarettes. Jack arrives at the office but can’t get a word in edgewise with the secretary (Dorothy Green) because she keeps answering the phone… so he calls her on the other line. Meanwhile, Fred Allen is inside with Mr. Lewis trying to convince him to put Jack out to pasture so that he can take over the TV show. Lewis tells Fred that he will think about it over the next few days, and Fred hides in the closet so that he can call Jack in. Jack gets rather nervous when he finds his option in the trash can but agrees to wait a few days while Lewis thinks about his contract renewal. Ahs he goes to leave, he accidentally opens the closet and finds Fred hiding inside. Fred admits to Jack that he is a heal, and Jack forgives him, and they leave to go have a cup of coffee together. Once they have left, Eddie Cantor (himself) appears from another closet where he has been hiding, after trying to convince Mr. Lewis that he could easily replace either Jack Benny or Fred Allen. Dorothy Collins is the woman spokeswoman for Lucky Strike. Lester Matthews is the sponsor. Don Wilson is himself as Jack’s friend, announcer, and sponsor spokesman. 2/22/23

SEASON 4

 

• 019. Honolulu Trip – 9/13/1953
  • Jack introduces his new season and talks about his summer vacation to Honolulu with Rochester. Paul Frees (himself) narrates the flashback scenes in Travelogue style. He talks about how the departing visitors get leis based on their popularity as they depart for their ship, with Jack naturally receiving almost none, until the Deli Manager (Frank Nelson) gives him one. Rochester is filled up after attending a luau in which they’ve toasted King Kamayamaya the First through Fourth; Rochester has become King Kamayamaya the Fifth. One passenger is so covered in leis that Jack can’t even see his face. Finally he pulls some of them off to reveal longtime cohort Mr. Kitzel (Artie Auerbach). He also mistakes a woman (Kay Stewart) being interviewed for a celebrity, and it turns out she is being interviewed by Dr. William H. Masters (Tyler McVey). Jack attempts to strike up a conversation with a passenger (Joseph Kearns) who has no interest, while a fat woman (Maxine Gates) tries to talk to Jack, who has no interest. However when he nods off, he thinks about watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and dreams that the fat woman turns into Marilyn Monroe (herself), who is madly in love with Jack and sings him Bye Bye Baby. When he wakes up, he is with the fat lady again. Jack brings Marilyn back out after a Lucky Strike commercial with Dorothy Collins, and they plug her new picture upcoming film How to Marry a Millionaire in CinemaScope. Jack recalls that if his film The Horn Blows at Midnight had been in CinemaScope, it might have done better. 9/9/18
• 021. Humphrey Bogart Show – 10/25/1953
  • Jack tells the audience that he was going to have Mary Livingstone on the show, but he told her to ask for a lot of money and forgot that he was going to have to pay for it. Instead, he announces that movie star Humphrey Bogart (himself) on the show to perform in a play with him called Baby Face. Bob Crosby (himself) is upset that his song is getting cut, while Don Wilson is annoyed that he won’t be doing any sponsor spot. The Baby Face play begins with Jack acting as the narrator, and it stars Bob, Don, and Jack as detectives in a police precinct. Detective O’Brien (Benny Rubin) brings in a suspect who looks more like the detective. Officer Burke brings in Slim Fingered Sara (Sara Berner) for stealing coins at the automat. She calls her neighbor Shirley and tells her to lower the gas on her pot roast at home. She starts singing I’m Walking Behind Your, and keeps returning to the tune, much to Jack’s annoyance. Detectives Simmons and Ross bring in hardened criminal Baby Face Bogart for the murder of a man named Blinky Mason. Bogart calls his moll Shirley, who had planned a pot roast dinner for him. Bogart claims that he didn’t commit the murder and that there is a witness. Jack gets rough with Bogart and makes him give details, most of which revolve around his cigarettes, as Bogart goes into a Lucky Strike pitch. Benny gets ready to put him in the slammer, but Bogart pulls out a gun and holds it on the cops. Jack tells him to throw the gun down and Jack will show him a real coward. Bogart throws down the gun, and Jack runs out of the precinct. Bogart comes out on the stage and reminds Jack to promote his new film Beat the Devil. Jack tries to tell him about his last picture, but Bogart isn’t interested. Lou Little and Dorothy Collins are in Lucky Strike commercials. 2/22/23
• 022. Johnny Ray Show – 11/15/1953
  • It is Rochester’s day off, so Jack is having trouble fending for himself and making an omelet. Don comes over and looks for advice for a Lucky Strike jingle, and Rochester performs one for him to the tune of On the Sunny Side of the Street. A courier brings a contract from Johnny Ray (himself) for the next show, but Jack bulks at his $10,000 fee. Don drops Jack off at Johnny’s house and Jack counteroffers a lengthy contract reducing his fee to $250. Johnny insists that his fee is reasonable and performs Please Don’t Talk About Me When I’m Gone and Cry for Jack, who is so moved by the music that he signs the contract for $15,000. Addressing the audience, Johnny brings out Danny Thomas (himself) who plugs his new show Make Room for Daddy and asks Jack to take a pay cut so that he can get paid for his show. 10/7/15
• 023. Irene Dunne Show – 12/6/1953
  • Jack goes to get his haircut from the barber (Rolfe Sedan) and reads a movie magazine while he is in the chair. He learns from the magazine that directory Gregory Ratoff (himself) has just finished casting a picture starring Irene Dunne (herself) and Vincent Price (himself). Jack laments how he’d like to work with Irene Dunne. He doesn’t understand why Ratoff hasn’t asked him to play the role of Vincent Price. Jack then barges in on him at his office and asks if he’d like to use Jack rather than Vincent Price, causing Gregory to fall over in his chair. Jack tells Ratoff that he can save hm money by playing in the orchestra as well. Ratoff tells him that as far as he’s concerned, Vincent Price has the role. Jack tells him that this isn’t good enough and he will take the matter up with Irene Dunne herself. Jack has trouble with the phone operator Gertrude (voice of Bea Benaderet), who sends him on a goose chase through phone numbers. Eventually, he gets hold of Irene Dunne, who seems annoyed to hear from him. Jack tells her that she could demand that Jack plays the role of her husband instead of Vincent Price. She pretends to be Sadie from the fish market to get him off the phone. Jack tells her that he is going to stop by her house while they all rehearse together. Jack surprises everyone by showing up that evening, where Vincent Price is quite condescending to him. When Gregory Ratoff shows up, he guarantees Vincent the part, but allows Jack to hang around and act in the role as Smedley the butler. Jack interrupts much of the scene by cracking walnuts and generally getting in the middle of the action between Vincent as the husband and Irene as the wife, as she is suspicious of him for coming home late, and his admission that he only married her for her money. Eventually, Ratoff gets annoyed and storms off. Jack tells Vincent not to worry, since he believes that he could direct the picture if needed. Vincent gets even more annoyed, and he too marches out. Jack tells Irene that he didn’t want to get the part this way but congratulates Irene on how she ‘maneuvered’ Jack getting the part. Irene quits too, and even her butler Gordon (Rex Evans) won’t get his hat and coat for him. Lois Kimbrell is Gregory Ratoff’s secretary. Dorothy Collins is the Lucky Strike commercial girl. 11/27/23
• 025. Liberace Show – 1/17/1954
  • While Jack is performing on his show, Rochester gets a call from TV Guide, who is requesting an interview with Jack, but it turns out that they actually want Beany of Beany and Cecil, not Jack Benny. Rochester tells Jack that he looked great on stage, comparing him to Victor Mature, Gary Cooper, and Katherine Hepburn, due to the accessories he was wearing. Rochester then tells Jack that Liberace (himself) called for him while he was on his show. Jack has to go through the switchboard operators Gertrude and Mabel (Shirley Mitchell), but his line is busy. Jack tells them to relay the message that he is heading to his house if they ever get hold of him. Liberace’s house is profusely decorated with lit candelabras, and the house is run by the eternally smiling butler Geoffrey (Rex Evans). Liberace invites Jack to stay for dinner, and he brings out his chef Pierre (Rolfe Sedan) to make recommendations for dinner. Jack also meets Liberace’s candle changer Martin, and his gardener Yamaguchi, who is also dressed formally. Martin inserts candles onto the prongs of Yamaguchi’s rake because, as Liberace explains, it is so that he can burn the weeds. Liberace finally get around to the reason he called Jack and asks Jack to stand in for Liberace’s brother George during a concert that night. Jack says he normally charges $7500 for a personal appearance, but he only charges $1.80 an hour for playing violin. Before he leaves, Jack meets Liberace’s nephew, and then they have dinner and get ready for the concert. As they wait for the curtain, Don Wilson tells his wife Lois (Lois Corbett) that everyone in the lobby is smoking Lucky Strike cigarettes, and the proceeds to check what everyone is smoking. The curtain then comes up and Liberace plays a solo number. He is then joined by Jack, who has a candelabra attached to his violin. Liberace tells him that this is too much, so Jack removes it. They then play a duet of the song The September Song. At the end of the song as the audience is cheering, the curtain goes back up and Liberace is seen paying Jack his $1.80. Jack then addresses the audience and introduce Liberace, who offers to have Jack play again for $1.80. Jack tells him that he will busy playing a wedding. 11/30/23
• 026. Jack Dreams He’s Married to Mary – 2/7/1954
  • Rochester goes to bed and writes in his diary about his day. He mentions that Mr. Benny asked him for ideas for his show, and Rochester suggested that he just do the things that happen to him in real life. For instance, in flashback we see the events of the day as Jack gets a frantic call from Mary with her requesting that she wants to see him. She tells him that she’ll get a cab over to his place, making him speculate as to what she might want to talk to him about. He thinks that after his numerous marriage proposals that she might want to finally accept. He is anxious to ask her again, but then starts to resent how many times she had turned him down. He says that he’ll make her get on her knee to propose to him this time. When she arrives, it turns out that she wants to talk about something completely different: Jack’s cheapness and the way that it is tarnishing his reputation around town. Jack is disappointed and decides to take a nap. He then dreams that he had married her 21 years earlier, with Don Wilson acting as the Justice of the Peace and administering their vows while speaking about Lucky Strike cigarettes. He then envisions Mary coming home on their 21st anniversary from her job at the May Company with her friend Emily (Barbara Pepper) and greeting their neighbor Mrs. Krasmire (Ann Wiltern). When she gets inside, she is greeted by their seventeen-year-old daughter Joanie (Joan Benny). Jack has never taken a job and works at home doing the cooking and housekeeping for his family. Joanie has a date with a boy named Calvin (Leon Tyler), and Jack is reluctant to invite him to dinner. However, since he knows that Calvin’s father works at the bank, he gives him an extra-large portion… until he realizes that his father is a janitor, so he takes back most of the food. Jack then insists on playing the violin during the meal. Jack’s dream ends with Mary telling him how cheap he is to have never gone to work. Once he awakens, he calls Mary to tell him about his dream, but when he tells her that she was still working at the May company, she says goodbye and hangs up. Rochester finishes up his diary posting by talking about how Mr. Benny is on the cover of this week’s Collier’s. Jack introduces both his real-life wife and daughter, Mary and Joan, to the audience. Jack asks Joanie if she’d like to do another show, and she refers him to the agent that her mother recommended that she employ. 4/6/24
• 028. Goldie, Fields and Glide – 5/21/1954
  • Jack is lounging in his hammock outside, while making Rochester use one foot to rock him, while using the other foot to operate a fan, a hand to churn butter, and his other hand to squeeze orange juice, all while reading a suspenseful book called Murder in the Attic, which causes him to start pumping the hammock so fast that Jack is thrown into a tree. Jack gets a call from Mary and tells her that he has a golf date with Bing Crosby (himself) and George Burns (himself). Don Wilson stops by and tries out the hammock, causing it to collapse. Jack tells Don that he plans to ask Bing and George about guest-starring on his show. He also explains that the three of them used to do an act together in Vaudeville known as Goldie, Fields, and Glide – with Bing being Goldie, George being Fields, and Jack being Glide. He flashes back to one of their performances in Scranton, Pennsylvania where they did a soft shoe number and sang the song Honey I Will Long for You and M-O-T-H-E-R. George then does his own solo dance before ending their act by telling the audience that they’d like to be born again in Scranton if the opportunity ever arises. Back in the present day, George and Bing show up at Jack’s house and while Jack and Rochester go inside to get refreshments, George and Bing speculate that he’s going to ask them to be on his show. Bing then sings Gypsy in My Soul. Jack comes back outside and asks Bing to lay in the hammock while he asks him about being on his show. Jack swings him as he makes his proposal, but when Bing says he wants $10,000, Jack makes the hammock go so fast that Bing is thrown into a tree. Jack tells him that he won’t help him down until his price comes down. From a different tree, Bob Hope (himself) tells Jack he’d better do it as he’s been up there for four months. NOTE: This episode was rerun as the last episode of the sixth season of the show, with Jack doing a new intro regarding running out of gas on a date, and a new exit monologue thanking his guests and announcing that the show will be back in the Fall on September 23. 4/6/24
• 031. The Road to Nairobi – 5/23/1954
  • Between rehearsal and the airing of the new episode of the show, Jack gets a shave from Rochester, who sings him his version of Oh My Pa-Pa and wonders if he cut Jack since he can’t actually see the blood. Don Wilson stops by, and Jack tells him that Bob Hope is unhappy because he thinks Jack didn’t give him a big enough part as the guest on the show. Mary, who is moonlighting as the announcer, calls for everyone to be on the set in one minute, but Jack cannot find his pants and is delayed to the stage. Bob Hope then goes out, with Jack’s pants in his hands, and gives the opening monologue. Jack peeks through the curtains to plead for his pants but Bob won’t give them to him. As Bob goes through Jack’s pants pocket and wallet, hoping to find the birthday on his driver’s license, which has been erased so many times it is now invisible, Don peeks out and demands Jack’s pants since Jack took his. Jack comes out with pants that are way too big and kicks Bob off the stage. Jack finds a lambchop and shrimp cocktail in Don’s pants. He insists that Don come out, so he reluctantly does, wearing pants that are much too small. He introduces the sketch that will star Jack and Bob called On the Road to Nairobi, which finds the guys – Bob as Clyde and Jack as Marlon – on an African expedition. The scene opens with a group of African cannibals (The Sportsmen Quartet) singing the song Diga Diga Do. Jack and Bob enter, and they are carrying around a dead tiger, which winds up actually being a functioning refrigerator. They hear roars in the jungle, but Jack’s gun barrell is all rolled up since it was in with his rolled-up bedding. They spot what appears to be a father and son pair of monkeys dressed for a game of golf. The cannibals reappear and put Jack and Bob into a large pot of water to make soup out of them. The cannibals sing the Campbell’s Soup Jingle as they taste it. The cannibals find that they cannot start the fire below the pot, when suddenly two men emerge from the audience offering their assistance with a match. The guys turn out to be Dean Martin (himself) and Jerry Lewis (himself). After the skit, Jack introduces Bob Hope to the audience and says that after several rehearsals, Bob had changed the dialogue multiple times, so he never knew what he was going to say. He then introduces Martin and Lewis to the audience. Jerry tries to speak to the crowd, but Dean pulls him away. Jack then talks about his plan to tour and then film a fictional movie called California. 8/21/24

SEASON 5

• 033. Jam Session at Jack’s – 10/17/1954
  • Jack introduces his second show of the season of The Lucky Strike Program, reading the reviews of small-town critics who liked the premiere episode and skipping the bigger ones who didn’t. Jack goes home for his neighborhood jam session with his actor friends Tony Martin (himself) on clarinet, Fred MacMurray (himself) on saxophone, Dan Dailey (himself) on drums, and Kirk Douglas (himself) on drums, as well as Jack’s radio orchestra. They all have to use the coin operated machines to get drinks, snacks, cigarettes, and in Douglas’ case, weigh himself. They all perform Basin Street, but Douglas only knows how to play Bye Bye Blues on banjo. Rita Gam delivers the first Lucky Strike commercial, while Don Wilson performs their jingle while jumping rope. Billy Halop is a call boy. 5/30/15
• 034. How Jack Found Mary – 10/31/1954
  • Rochester has his friend Roy (Roy Glenn) help him clean the house on the morning after one of Jack’s parties, while Jack is in the other room with reporter Mr. Kearns (Joseph Kearns). Mary calls and speaks to Jack to tell him that she has just gotten a new Cadillac, which she got after having a winning raffle ticket, which she got using the money she saved up from her salary from Jack. Jack and Kearns go outside for a photo shoot, and they point out how nice Jack’s polka dot shirt will look. During the shoot, Don Wilson brings over the Sportsmen, and Rochester joins them in singing I Get So Lonely (When I Dream About You). Mr. Kearns asks Jack for the details on how he found Mary, so Jack takes him back to the Fall of 1932 when he is walking down the street singing Just a Gigolo to himself when he sees the same polka-dotted short that he was currently wearing in the window of the May Company. After being yelled at by a newsboy (David Saber) for trying to read his paper, told by a man (Benny Rubin) at the information counter that he knew nothing about the store, and lectured by a strange man (Sheldon Leonard) on which elevator to take, Jack finally makes his way to the store’s clothing level. He purchases the polka-dotted shirt from the salesman (Frank Wilcox) and the insists on his change, which is a penny. He spots Mary behind the counter and takes a liking to her. He tries to impress her by throwing his straw hat around the room and having it return to him like a boomerang. Mary tells her friend Sally (Barbara Pepper) that she isn’t interested. As Mary is selling a pair of stockings to a young lady (Judy Kelly), Jack makes his way over to her. The customer returns wearing the new stockings to test them out when she jumps off the counter and lands in the splits. Jack tries to impress her by telling her his name, which quickly gets passed around to the other saleswomen Sally, Judy (Mildred Bruce), and Peggy (Bea Benaderet), but none of them know him. Jack tries to convince Mary that he is in radio and can make her a star. He also repeats his boomerang hat routine, but on the second spit, a derby hat comes back. Sally convinces Mary to go out to dinner with him, and Jack promises to take her to the Brown Derby where money is no object… just as the salesman returns Jack’s penny. Back in the present, Mr. Kearns concludes the interview and prepares to leave, when Rochester brings him his hat, which turns out to be the straw hat that Jack lost. Jack returns the derby to Mr. Kearns. After the show, Jack brings Mary to the stage, and she questions him about the penny that he got back in change… which he still has in his pocket. Pauline Drake is the elevator woman. 8/25/24
• 041. Four O’Clock in the Morning Show – 2/6/1955
  • Jack is awaken at 4am by Hank the all night D.J. (voice of Herb Vigran) who attempts to get Jack to participate in a contest. Jack then realizes that Rochester is just now getting home from his social club. By the time Jack gets back to bed, he realizes he is no longer tired so, enchanted by the clean morning air, he decides to go for a long walk. He is so tired when he gets home, he can barely keep his eyes open. The Sportsmen sing an upbeat medley, but Jack falls asleep. Mary wakes him up to take him shopping but Jack keeps falling asleep despite the boisterous salesman Mr. Nelson (Frank Nelson), and keeps getting mistaken for a mannequin by the window dressers (John Frederick, Robert Spencer). Mary eventually finds him in the window as part of the display. Jack fills his arms with suits just so he can go home and sleep, but before he leaves, he finds out that the shop sponsors Hank the D.J. and strangles Nelson. He goes home and goes to bed, waking up at 4am again. Bea Benaderet is the voice of Gertrude the switchboard operator. 2/16/16
• 045. You Bet Your Life aka Jack Is a Contestant – 4/3/1955
  • Jack hangs out with Rochester, trying out various costumes that the wardrobe department sent over, starting with a costume as Little Boy Blue. Jack reads in the paper that Groucho Marx (himself) will be giving out $3000 worth of money on the next episode of the game show You Bet Your Life. The Sportsmen Quartet dress as Groucho to perform the song Hooray for Captain Spaulding. Groucho has on a sailor (Don Durant) and a young woman named Miss Johnson (Jean Mahoney) on the show, and when he finds out that the sailor has never kissed a girl, Groucho gets Miss Johnson to agree to kiss him while he reads a book. The then hands the book to the sailor and takes his own turn. The pair answer a couple of questions correctly then miss a question which should have had the answer Peter Minuit. Next up, Groucho brings out psychiatrist Dr. Jeanette Eymann (Irene Tedrow) and then Jack, wearing a fake wig and mustache, who introduces himself as Ronald Forsythe. Groucho is quick to note that they rehearsed it as ‘Rodney Forsyth’. Groucho notifies the contestants that if he says the secret word, they’ll win $100 to split. After arguing about having to split it, Jack starts naming every object in his house. However he doesn’t hit on the world ‘telephone’, the actual secret word, until he says he can ‘tell a phony’ when it comes to counterfeit Startavariuses. Dr. Eymann keeps choosing to gamble high dollar amounts, much to Jack’s worry, but she is able to answer the questions. He quickly can answer the question about interest compounded, because the bank recently borrowed money from him. However when asked how old the comedian Jack Benny actually is for $3000, he sticks with 39. Groucho then recognizes him as Jack Benny and asks why he didn’t reveal his age for that amount of money. Jack tells him that $3000 is a great deal for 22 years. Jack brings out Groucho after the show, who tells Jack he’s prefer cash to a check for his payment, because he too can ‘tell a phoney’. 1/2/21

SEASON 6

• 049. Massage and Date with Gertrude – 10/9/1955
  • Jack talks about his new haircut and the fact that he doesn’t wear a toupee. A fan sends him a letter asking how he relaxes after the show, so he flashes back to what he did after the last show when he and Don were visited by an elderly fan named Hallene (Hallene Hall) from Waukeegan who wants his autograph and claims that Jack was before her time. Next Jack is visited by his wisecracking masseur (Frank Nelson) who lathers him up in chicken fat, causing Jack to throw him out without a tip. Jack then goes on a date with Gertrude to the seedy Cafe Michel at the same time as Parisian sewer workers, where the host Michel (Mel Blanc) sits them at a tiny table, which Jack agrees to when he realizes that Gertrude will have to order less food. The Sportsmen Quartet perform a French song, followed by a pair of Apache dancers who drag Jack into the action. When Michel seats a Frenchman named Monsieur Poirot (Rolfe Sedan) at their table, Jack demands private seating… which ends up being behind a curtain where Jack’s masseur is working. The next night Gertrude returns with another date to find Jack playing violin with the band. Sara Berner is Mabel Flapsaddle. Harry Shearer is the young boy who claims to be one of Jack’s writers. Dick Curtis is the page. Richard Reeves is the guy at the bar. 1/6/18
• 051. Isaac Stern Boosts Jack’s Morale – 11/6/1955
  • Jack’s violin playing becomes so bad to Professor Pierre LeBlanc’s (Mel Blanc) ears that LeBlanc has a meltdown and destroys everything in Jack’s music room, slits his wrists, and jumps out the window. Jack is inconsolable that he has not become a great violinist after all of the years of hard work. Rochester wants to cheer him up, so he brings violin virtuoso Isaac Stern (himself) over with plans to have him lay down a violin track on a recorder, and then play it back to Jack and have him believe that it is his own playing. He then changes his mind and has Isaac hide in the closet, and play live while Rochester pretends he is playing back Jack’s recording. This quickly boosts Jack’s confidence, so Jack decides to abandon and play he is working on and heads over to the recording studio. When he lays down a track, the producer (Grandon Rhodes) tells him that it is the worst thing he’s ever heard… and this time it sounds just as bad on the recording. Jack blames the engineer (Robert Petersen) and heads home, but then listens to the audio recorder and hears the recording of Rochester instructions to fool Jack. Rochester is so worried about getting fired by Jack that he wears a suit of armor when Jack confronts him, but ultimately Jack forgives him, knowing he did it for Jack’s own good. Jack introduces Isaac Stern to the audience and he plays the Polanaise Brillant in D Major with his pianist Alexander Zarkin (himself). 2/22/20
• 053. Jack Hunts for Uranium – 12/4/1955
  • Jack thinks that Don is ridiculous for planning a trip with his wife to go into the desert and look for Uranium… that is until Rochester tells him about a fellow who recently found eight million dollars worth. Although it is a hard sell, Jack talks Mary into going along with him on the hunt. They go to a supply store where he again runs into his nemesis clerk (Frank Nelson), and a rude customer (Herb Vigran). No matter who he turns to, he gets a smart-alec answer. Once they are all stocked up, they head out into the desert and try to catch up with Don, although they can never seem to find him even after walking six miles. They run into a Mexican man (Mel Blanc) who is dying of thirst, so they give him some water, and he repays Jack with a set of a maracas. Rochester takes possession of them and keeps playing all day long. The man, now quenched of his thirst, returns to work posing as a sleeping man for a billboard advertising tableau for Mexico. Jack spots a group of prospectors (Robert Bray, Ken Clark, Kem Dibbs) and gets closer to see if Don is with them. He overhears them pinpointing a location and saying they will return to dig the next morning. Jack naturally thinks they have found Uranium, and tells Mary he is going to jump their claim by showing up earlier than them the next morning In actuality, they are working to put a shut-off valve on a gas line. Jack does get there early and begins digging. One of the prospectors tells him to beat it, but another has the idea to just let him dig. They sit by idly as he does all of the work, and then they tell him that they’re looking for a gas line. Jack is so embarrassed that he keeps digging, all the way back to his house. He later returns all of his equipment, and the clerk agrees to take it all back. He even asks for Jack’s glasses… so he can punch him. 6/27/22
• 056. Don Invites Gang to Dinner – 1/15/1956
  • Jack is laid up with a bad cold, but too cheap to pay for his doctor to pay house calls. Since the doctor won’t give him advice over the phone, it is up to Rochester to be his nurse – complete with a nurse’s hat – and Mary to bring him eggs laced with Vap-o-Rub. Jack is waiting for his lawyer Mr. Kearns (Joseph Kearns) to come over to look over Don Wilson’s contract. Jack wants to break it and fire Don because he feels the Don is to blame for his horrible cold. When the lawyer asks why, he flashes back to the show rehearsal from last Tuesday. Don has just celebrated an anniversary, and the gifts are still coming in. Jack verifies that Don got his gift of wax fruit and that he liked it. He offers for Jack, Mary, Dennis, and Bob Crosby to all come over after rehearsal and have dinner and check out the gifts they got. Jack warns Don repeatedly that Don better call his wife Lois and give her some warning that he is bringing home his friends. Once Dennis rehearses his song It’s Almost Like Being in Love, they all head out in a taxi toward Don’s house. All the way there, Jack keeps telling Don that he should have warned his wife. Once they arrive and Jack gets the cab driver (Benny Rubin) paid, they all start to head in the house. Don then suddenly starts wishing that he had given Lois some warning. He asks everyone to wait at the side of the house so he can go in and break it to her gently. Jack keeps telling everyone that he warned Don to call his wife. Don soon comes out and tells Mary and Bob to come in, after telling Lois that they just pulled up in a car. Jack tells Dennis again that he had warned Don, and that if it starts raining, he will hold Don responsible. Don then comes out and gets Dennis after telling Lois that Dennis had pulled up on his bike. After he goes in, it starts to pour down rain on Jack, who keeps telling himself that he warned Don. Jack decides to go inside regardless, but as he gets up, a burglar (Joseph Downing) descends on him and robs him. Don comes out and calls for Jack but can’t see him on the side of the house, so Lois assumes Don is mistaken about Jack showing up. Back in the present day, Mr. Kearns tells Jack that he won’t have any problem breaking Don’s contract, but at the last second Jack changes his mind. After he looks and sees how much he is paying Don, he comes to the conclusion that he deserves him. Harlan Warde is the director. 10/19/22
• 059. Rochester Sleeps Through Jack’s Show – 2/26/1956
  • Joey helps Jack get ready for the show and gives too much of a tip out of Jack’s money. Bob Crosby and Mary rehearse the song How About You. Jack looks forward to Rochester’s feedback about the show. Back home Rochester is visited by his friend Roy (Roy Glenn), with whom Rochester plans to take a camping trip. Rochester finishes up his cleaning and turns on the TV just in time for Jack’s show. He promptly falls asleep and wakes up hours later to a western on TV. Rochester skirts the question when Jack asks his opinion on the show but has to spill the truth when Rochester mentions that he hasn’t heard the song How About You in months. Polly the parrot notifies Jack that he had actually slept through the show. Jack sends him to his room without his dinner. Mary tells Jack that her mother did the exact same thing, and calls Jack a ‘fuddy-duddy’ when he doesn’t find it amusing. Jack decides to forgive Rochester, but when he goes to tell him, he finds Rochester packing for his camping trip… but thinks that he is quitting. Rochester milks it for all it is worth, as Jack pampers and makes him dinner in an effort to get him to stay. When Roy calls for Rochester and speaks to Jack, the con is revealed to him and he sits down and finishes the meal he made Rochester. Leon Tyler appears as the messenger boy. 6/4/19
• 060. Jack Drives to Palm Springs – 3/11/1956
  • Jack recalls to the audience the vacation he took the previous week, starting bright and early the Monday before as he and Rochester prepare to head to Palm Springs. He tries to trick his demanding parrot Polly (voiced by Mel Blanc) about the trip, but when she finds out, she insists on going along. Mary decides to ride with Don Wilson rather than ride in Jack’s broken-down jalopy. Along the way he and Rochester have car trouble, but the eventually make it to their destination. Jack is excited to jump in the pool, but doesn’t realized that it is being cleaned and is empty, so he jumps directly into a bucket and injures his back. He winds up laid up for the week being tended to by an obnoxious doctor (Frank Nelson). He ends up getting his car towed home. Mel Blanc and Johnny Silver are gas station attendants. Leon Tyler is the bellboy. Benny Rubin is the man cleaning the pool. Jan Arvan is the doctor’s assistant. 10/7/15

SEASON 7

Theme music: “Love in Bloom,” music by Ralph Rainger, lyrics (not used) by Leo Robin

• 065. George Burns / Spike Jones Show – 10/7/1956
  • Don Wilson introduces the show in which Jack is waiting in his dressing room at Carnegie Hall before his violin concert at which he will perform Felix Mendelssohn’s Concerto in E Minor. Rochester tries to garner some interest from the press and he and Jack discuss the Broadway show Damn Yankees that Jack saw the night before. Spike Jones stops by to wish him well, and the Jack takes a nap. He first dreams he is visited by Medelssohn (Artie Auerbach) and Jack turns him on to Lucky Strike cigarettes, and then then George Burns, who is the devil. He offers to make Jack a great musician, but when he starts playing he finds out the price: the conductor becomes Spike Jones, and his City Slickers (Peter James, Freddy Morgan, Paul ‘Mousie’ Garner) become part of the orchestra, whose antics interrupt the show. Jack addresses the audience and encourages everyone to vote in the upcoming election. 1/30/14 
• 066. George Gobel / Red Skelton Show – 10/21/1956
  • In the spirit of election time, Jack is running for office himself – as the President of the Beverly Hills Beavers, a local kids’ club. He will be relinquishing his job of Treasurer if he wins and the kid running for the next Treasurer is Alvin, the nephew of George Gobel. When it is discovered that Jack will be running un-apposed, Gobel steps in to run against him. They take a mental vote and Stanley, the boy who is supposedly the son of Joseph Dunninger, determines that it is a tie. They each end up with only one vote, and then the uncle of the current President steps in, and the office is awarded to Red Skelton. Benny addresses the audience and introduces his guests, who note that despite both being comedians, it is ironic that they are meeting on a dramatic show. Benny also announces that his radio show will begin playing on CBS the following Sunday. Barbara Pepper plays the skeptical mother in whose basement the meeting is held. 2/1/14
• 067. Jack Is Invited to the Colmans – 11/4/1956
  • Rochester finds one of Jack’s old diaries and reads an entry from 1945 about the time that Jack was invited to visit the Ronald Colmans and his wife Benita Hume (as themselves). Through flashback, the story starts with Jack having lunch with Mary and Don and Lois Wilson. They question why the Colmans would have invited him, but Jack has the invitation to prove it. Over at the Colman house, they discuss their guest for the evening, their old friend Jack Wellington (John Sutton). It seems that they invitation they had prepared for that Jack had blown out the window. They also discuss their annoying neighbor Jack Benny. Jack arrives over-dressed, and out of his element in dignified conversation. Before the evening is over, Jack smashes a priceless goblet after a toast. As he leaves, he notes that Colman is very patient to put up with Wellington. As he goes to bed, Mary calls him and Jack claims that he did the Colmans a favor by leaving when they were so tired, as they were yawning 10 minutes after he got there. Eric Snowden plays the Colmans’ butler. 2/9/14
• 069. Jack Locked in the Tower of London – 12/2/1956
  • Don Wilson introduces the first of four episodes highlighting Jack’s trip to Europe. Jack has been in London several days and Mary is getting anxious to tour the city, while Jack is working with Mr. Wickers (Michael Ward) on understanding the monetary system. Finally he and Mary hook up and they join a sightseeing tour and the guide (Frank Atkinson) takes them to the Tower of London. Jack keeps gravitating toward the Crown Jewels as the group visits King Henry VIII’s dining room and the torture chamber. When the tour ends, Mary finds that Jack is missing again, having again wandered back to the Crown Jewels and gotten locked inside. Jack hears the ghost of King Henry XIII (Clifford Buckton), who accuses Jack of being Sweetin, the secret lover of his wife Anne Boleyn. Suddenly Jack is wearing period clothes and is found guilty by a court of nobles and sentenced to the torture chamber. After being put on a rack, Jack gets in a sword fight with his captors, and is able to overcome them. In the middle of the fight, the tour guide and group return to let Jack out, where they catch him fighting thin air with his umbrella. Edward Forsyth is the doorman. Derek Waring is the court cryer. Robert Raikes is the Tower guard. 5/11/17 
• 071. Talent Show – 12/30/1956
  • 12/23/24
• 072. Jack and Mary in Rome – 1/13/1957
  • Don introduces the program, the second of his four European episodes, beginning with this episode in Rome. Jack and Mary arrive at the airport late at night, with Jack hoping to avoid fans, which does quite well, as they all run past him to greet opera singer Vittorio Rizetti (Gaylord Cavallaro). Jack ends up in a small room next to Rizetti, who keeps Jack awake with his singing. Jack finds out form the hotel manager (Paul Stassino) that Rizetti was actually discovered in that very room by a visiting American staying next to him. Mary finds Jack at the Trevi Fountain, where he has taken some coins. Mary goes in search of a glove store and they wind up going up and down the Spanish Steps several times. Later after Rizetti has checked out, Jack hears some terrific opera singing coming from the Rizetti’s old room, and decides to invest in the wine salesman Emilio Garibaldi (Marne Maitland) to try and replicate the financial success of Rizetti’s manager. Jack buys Garibaldi’s remaining $3000 of wine inventory, before finding out that Garibaldi can’t sing at all, but rather was playing a Rizetti record in his room. Jack is left with 60 barrels of wine. Sean Connery is the porter. Alan Thornton is the bellboy. 2/5/17
• 076. Jack Falls into Canal in Venice – 3/10/1957
  • Jack and Rochester work on Jack’s European scrapbook and Jack recalls his and Mary’s trip to Italy, beginning with Vitelli’s Violin shop across from the La Scala Opera House in Milan. Jack handles an original Stradivarius, and plays it so poorly that he scares away another customer (Victor Rietti). Back home Jack laments the amount of money he spent in Europe and briefly considers letting Rochester go, until Rochester distracts him and gets him talking about his trip to Venice. Jack is given the evil eye for feeding pigeons in the Campo san Boldo with other people’s pigeon food. He also starts a chain reaction of passing around a cigarette light around a circle of benches and then gets up before it ever stops with him. Jack mistakes Chief Thundercloud (himself as Thundercloud Marques) as an Italian and asks him directions to the Cafe Sorrento, where he runs into an American tourist  (Ronan O’Casey) who wants nothing to do with him. The tourist relates the tale of meeting Jack the day before when he wound up on a gondola trip with him. Jack puts the group behind schedule when he is late boarding while buying a hat, then falls into the water. Since the tickets are non-refundable, he takes the trip anyway, and manages to fall in a second time when he hits his head on a bridge while telling a joke. Then when the tourist, who has been acting as his translator, tries to help him out of the boat, he knocks the tourist in. Edward Evans is the violin salesman. Robert Rietty is the waiter. Umberto Spadoro is the Cafe bartender. Emilio Busetti is the tour guide. 5/11/17
• 077. Jack in Paris – 3/24/1957
  • While visiting Paris – in the fourth and final of his European episodes – Jack learns some basic French from Robert the room service waiter (John Serret). To get back at him, Robert gives him the French phrase to introduce himself, which translates to “I drive a garbage truck.” Jack visits the Eiffel Tower with Mary, he uses the phrase, but using the phrase only endears himself to a fellow garbage truck driver (Paul Whitsun-Jones). While doing some shopping, Jack and Mary run into Jack’s friend Maurice Chevalier (himself), who invites him to join him for a fancy dinner, where Maurice is invited to sing and he performs his song Happy. Jack acts obnoxious, particularly with Maurice’s friend Lorraine (Tonia Bern). Jack stays so late at the club that he and Mary are unable to get a cab, but run into the his new garbage truck driver friend who gives them a lift. Martin Benson is the man using the telescope. Carl Duering is Andre. John G. Heller is the other room service waiter. Ernst Ulman is the gallery proprietor. Susan Maryott is Mary’s chambermaid. Guido Lorraine is the restaurant waiter. 2/5/17 

SEASON 8

• 083. Ginger Rogers Show – 11/3/1957
  • Jack gets a visit from his producer Joe (Russ Conway) and finds out that the sponsor reject his show’s last script. Joe and Jack settle on doing a music in which Jack will portray an agent who puts together two young dancers. Jack thinks that Ginger Rogers (herself) and Fred Astaire would be perfect in the role of the dancers. Jack goes to visit Ginger, who is getting ready to throw a party that she hasn’t invited Jack to. She goes to great lengths to convince him that there is no party, as Francois Caterers are bringing loads of food in. Meanwhile Joe has visited Fred Astaire, who agrees to do it, but won’t be back until just before the show, so wants to do the dance from his earlier film Shall We Dance. When it comes time to put on the show, Fred’s plane is grounded in Chicago and he can’t make it. Before even Ginger finds out, Jack steps into Fred’s role, much to Ginger’s surprise. He does admirably, although fancy moves are filmed in long-shot with an obvious stand-in. At the end of the show, Jack introduces his ‘double’ (Jack Benny), the spitting image of Jack. He also asks Ginger to go out for dinner with him, but she already has a date with Jack’s look-alike double. 9/9/18
• 085. Jack’s Life Story – 12/1/1957
  • Mary discusses with her maid Pauline (Claire Carleton) how 20th Century Fox is making a film based on the life of Jack Benny. At Jack’s house, he is walking on air and reading the coverage in the newspaper of the new film… in an ad that he had placed. Don stops by and offers his congratulations, and Jack tell him that he and Mary are going over to talk the executive producer Buddy Adler (himself). Once Jack gets through Herman the security guard (Mel Blanc), who was once the director of Jack’s film The Horn Blows at Midnight which ruined his career, he goes to see Adler. The secretary Miss Dutton (Sue Darrin) has him wait in the reception area where he runs into actor Van Johnson (himself), who Jack claims has been too successful and is upstaging everyone. The two finally reconcile when Van pays Jack some compliments and tells him how swell he is. Jack’s discussion with Adler doesn’t go as planned, since Jack planned to write, direct, and act as himself in his life story. Jack becomes furious when he tells Jack that he’s been Jack Benny too long, and he’s hired Van Johnson to play him. Jack says he’ll leave and produce his own film, so he retrieves Herman the parking lot attendant to direct it. Johnny Silver is the baker who sword fights Rochester. 4/28/21
• 086. Christmas Shopping Show – 2/15/1957
  • 12/23/24
• 089. Honeymooners Show – 1/26/1958
  • Dennis Day comes on stage to complain to Jack about how he hasn’t been using him much this season on his show, then sings The Twelfth of Never. In a parody of The Honeymooners, Jack portrays Ralph Kramden, Dennis is Ed Norton, and Audrey Meadows plays Alice. In the sketch, Alice is doing some alterations to make some extra money so that she can buy Ralph a new bowling ball. She also agrees to feed the neighbor’s cat while she is out of town. When Ralph comes home, he is about to add to his bowling ball fund and finds his money missing, as well as new dresses in the drawers. He thinks Alice has taken the money to buy the dresses, and rebels by getting his own supper, and invites Ed to eat along with him. The food ends up being the cat food. All is well when the bowling ball is delivered and Ralph acknowledges that Alice is the greatest. After the show, Jack introduces Audrey to the audience and she complains about her Hollywood hotel accommodations. 2/19/14
• 090. Jack Goes to the Races – 2/9/1958
  • Jack spends some time in a steam cabinet and boils some potatoes in order not to waste the heat. Mary comes over and they prepare to head out to the horse raises. Much to Jack’s chagrin, Mary tells him that she has invited Dennis to go along with them. Dennis comes over and announces that he is suing Jack for $10,000 for telling people that he is stupid; he also sings If I Loved You. At the track, Mary and Jack grab some lunch and run afoul of a fussy waiter (Joe Besser) and a tout (Sheldon Leonard) who gives Jack advice on what table to sit at instead of which horse to bet on. Dennis has a complicated system of predicting who will win, and Jack is adamant about betting on Speedy Girl, and talks his sponsor Mr. Lewis (Pierre Watkin) into doing the same. Jack however switches his bet to Lewis’ recommendation Flying Cloud, who ends up winning the race. Mel Blanc is the voice of the racetrack announcer. 3/23/14

SEASON 9

• 096. Gary Cooper Show – 9/21/1958
  • Jack invites his guest Gary Cooper onto the stage and they plug his new film Man of the West. The Sportsmen Quartet back up Cooper’s performance of Johnny Is a Joker. Cooper mentions that they are filming a sequel to the film and are casting the part of Cooper’s twin brother. Jack shows up to the audition wearing platform shoes to appear taller and using the name Tex Morgan. Another actor is auditioned and is beaten so bad that Jack slinks out on his knees and claims that he was going to try out for a sequel about Toulouse-Lautrec. Jack bring Gary Cooper back onstage and introduces Cooper’s wife and daughter, who are visiting the TV filming for the first time. The show’s sponsor Lucky Strike cigarettes had two segments, the first being a jingle sung by the Sportsmen, the second being a bit with Benny having a conversation with himself via a split-screen effect. 3/25/14
• 101. Jack Goes to the Doctor – 11/30/1958
  • During rehearsal with pianist Oscar Levant (himself), Jack finds his intro corny and unfunny, which causes him to bicker with Don Wilson. Don threatens to walk out as a result, and Jack storms off himself. Oscar plays his piano solo to check the timing. Mary comes to the set and discusses with Oscar how irritable Jack has been. Jack returns and they start rehearsing again, but Jack starts yelling at the director Don Weis (himself), who then calls off the rehearsal and leaves the set as well. Oscar invites Jack to come see his psychiatrist (Olan Soule), but when he arrives the secretary (Jeanette Eymann) informs him that the doctor is with another patient. Jack and Oscar discuss the source of Jack’s stress, and Jack seems to think he might have anxiety about going to New York to sign his new contract. Jack flashes back to the first time he went to New York to sign a contract. Before his trip, he goes to dinner with Mary to discuss it, and he runs afoul of the waiter (Frank Nelson), who annoys him so bad that he leaves the restaurant. He then recalls that he went to a men’s store for a shirt before an appearance in Chicago, and the clerk is the former waiter, who again annoys Jack by cutting the sleeves off his shirt when Jack wants a short-sleeved shirt. He then meets him again on a trip to a show in New York at the train station, where he is the station master. Jack realizes that he meets this man everywhere he goes, which causes Jack to retreat under the rug in the waiting room. When the doctor comes out his office, he is with the same man, who freaks out when he sees Jack, and literally starts climbing the walls because he feels he sees Jack wherever he goes. Jack feels all better, realizing that he is now even with the man. 1/2/21
• 105. Ernie Kovacs Show – 1/25/1959
  • Jack has Ernie Kovacs on the show, and Ernie confesses to be a fuzzamologist – a collector of mustaches – and shows off his collection of fakes ones to Jack. Don Wilson comes out wearing a fake beard and posing as a beatnik to join the singing group the Beatniks aka The Lucky Strike Singing Quartet to advertise the cigarettes with a jingle. When Ernie turns down an offer for a prison picture, he and Jack begin to speculate about the current trend of rehabilitating and being nice to prisoners, and how the prisons will look in 1970. We visit Clermont Prison in San Francisco, where in Blockhouse 90, “Killer Kovacs” and “Benny the Louse” are comfortably living in luxury with other prisoners Muggsy McGurk (Len Lesser), counterfeiter Inky Green (Walter Burke), and Alfred (Ray Kellogg). Kovacs is released and has to be dragged away kicking and screaming, and we find out that Benny didn’t break any laws to get into the prison, but won it on a game show. Ken Christy is the warden. 6/22/14
• 106. Jack Goes to Nightclub – 2/8/1959
  • Jack talks to the audience about how he now cheats at golf. He also introduces his sponsor Mr. Lewis (Raymond Bailey) and his wife (Doris Packer) who are in the audience. He then brings out novelty violinist Orville Gifford (Sam Hearn) who tells a story while plucking the instrument. Before he leaves the stage, he introduces Jack to his beautiful young wife (Joi Lansing). When Jack looks back up, he sees that the Lewises have left. Later that night Jack tells Mary he is nervous about meeting with Mr. Lewis the next morning for the renewal of his contract. She suggests that Jack take Lewis out for dinner, but Jack doesn’t want to go anywhere that might have a comedian performing who might upstage him. He winds up taking them to the Ascot Room to see Marcel and His Puppets. However it is announced that Marcel was sick so there is a substitute performer… Danny Thomas. He is a huge hit with the audience and the Lewises. In addition to his comedy, he performs the song When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbin’ Along. After the show Danny comes over to the table and delights in the praises of the Lewises. Jack attempts to tell a joke which falls flat… and which he stole from Danny. However when Danny re-tells it, it is a hit. Mr. Lewis wants to stay for Danny’s second show, but Jack warns him that they have an early meeting. When Lewis tells Jack that the meeting probably won’t be necessary, Jack starts to beg that Lewis doesn’t cut him loose on his contract. Lewis tells him that the contract for renewal is already complete and he will just send it over to sign it. He also tells Jack that the reason he left the show early was because he wanted to catch Orville Gifford and offer him the job as Jack’s summer replacement. Jack introduces Danny Thomas to the audience and says that Danny is donating his paycheck from doing the show to charity. Danny says that was the original intention, but the check was so small that he was embarrassed to give it away. Kenneth Gibson is the waiter. 6/2/20

SEASON 10

• 111. The Jack Benny Show 30 Years in the Future (aka Jack Switches Sponsors) – 10/4/1959
  • Jack and the cast are having trouble adapting to the changes of the new season – including his new doctor/writer, a later starting time (he oversleeps for the opening), and the new sponsor Lever Brothers, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap and Lux Liquid. Jack talks about meeting Nikita Khrushchev and then introduces the Lux Girl Joyce Davidson. She’s concerned that Don Wilson hasn’t shown up for his first commercial, but he makes it in time fresh from a trip to Switzerland where he climbed the Matterhorn. Don and the Sportsmen Quartet have a hard time adapting their jingles to Lux after advertising for Lucky Strike for the last 14 years. Dennis sings A Woman in Love. Jack has to talk Don out of quitting for making such a serious blunder. This gets Jack to thinking that his cast might be with him for another 25 years. In a flash forward, everyone has aged except for Jack, and his guest will be an aged Elvis Presley. The Sportsmen Quartet still are singing the Lucky Strike jingle. 6/22/14
• 112. Harry Truman Show – 10/18/1959
  • Jack’s director (Jack Albertson) insists that 20 seconds be cut from the next show, so he insists that The Sportsman perform their Minute Waltz version of their pitch for Lux in 40 seconds rather than cut a joke mentioning Benny’s blue eyes. A lady named Mrs. King (Doris Packer) visits and asks to get an autograph on photo of Jack with ex-President Harry S. Truman (himself). Jack explains his meeting with the President at the Harry S Truman Library in Independence, while he was in the area playing a benefit concert in Kansas City. Jack visits with the secretary and is aghast when he finds out how much the library cost. He meets with Truman and drools over his solid gold Presidential seal. Truman gives Jack a tour of the museum and afterward Truman asks the secretary to not let anyone disturb them in his office. She overhears them playing piano and violin together. 9/5/14
• 115. Jack Paar Show – 11/29/1959
  • Jack addresses the audience with the new CBS ‘honesty’ policy (in response the quiz show scandals, not mentioned) stating that he is not really 39, Rochester is not really his butler, and Don Wilson is not really fat, but inflated with air. He also mentions that Dennis is not really underpaid, but when he calls him up to the stage, he is wearing a CBS usher uniform. Lux girl Joyce Davidson attempts to advertise the soap, but is constantly interrupted by Jack and Don. Dennis sings Climb Every Mountain. Jack Paar (himself) comes onto the show and asks if Jack might fill in for him on The Tonight Show while he goes to Honolulu. The set is recreated on stage and Jack practices, though Paar interrupts him with a commercial every time he talks. Jack insists that he’d have to rely on Tonight Show staple Charlie Weaver to be part of the show if he agreed to do it, so Dennis comes out and does his impersonation and fools Jack into signing the contract. 9/5/14
• 116. Jack Visits a Pasadena Fan Club Meeting – 12/13/1959
  • Don introduces Jack, but can’t muster any new complimentary words to say, so Jack jokingly fires him. As they are discussing their twenty years together, Dennis interrupts to sing his song, after missing rehearsals while going on a fishing trip. Dennis sings the song Sinner Man, and then asks Jack if he will drop him at the hospital where he can visit his father, who had stepped in a bucket of cement and was forced by his wife to keep it on for six months. Jack tells him that he’ll drop him off if he does in fact go home. He explains to the audience that although he always intends to go home, sometimes things happen. He relates the story of the last show and what occurred after when the president Clara (Madge Blake) and secretary Emma (Jesslyn Fax) of the Pasadena chapter of the Jack Benny Fan Club stopped by his dressing room and asked him to come to their meeting that night. Jack says he already has plans, but when they ask him to play his violin, he suddenly becomes available. The club is entirely comprised of old ladies who are currently working to get Jack’s face on the next six-cent stamp, having failed to get him on Mount Rushmore and the penny. Jack shows up and is greeted with a speech by Ethel McMermack (Hallene Hill) who often gets Jack’s history confused with that of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Jack plays his theme song Love in Bloom on the violin, and when he hits the high notes, ladies coo and screech, and one even faints. He then introduces his next song Swanee River, and the ladies ask if they can play along. As he plays a slow version of the song, they all join in with a jazzy version of When the Saints Go Marching In, to which Jack has trouble keeping up. They ultimately march around the room with Jack leading the way as they play the uptempo number. Cheerio Meredith is Lola. Connie Van is Lillian. Eva Pearson is the Sergeant-at-Arms. Rose Parenti is the pianist. Jeanette Eymann is the telephone operator. Gladys Whitman is the tall club member. Charity Grace and Ida Moore are club members. 5/1/21
• 121. Jack Is Arrested – 2/21/1960
  • At 10pm one night, a narrator overlooks Jack’s Beverly Hills community as the lights go out for the night. One light however remains on, and it belongs to Jack Benny, who is looking for his pajamas. After he finds them blended in with his bed sheets, he hits the sack, but can’t manage to fall asleep. He tries to read a book, but gets distracted with practicing the violin, which keeps the lights of his neighbor going on and off as Jack stops and starts. Eventually the police come to Jack’s house and arrests him for disturbing the peace. As Jack is disturbed behind bars by a drunk (Mel Blanc), Rochester shows up and tries to act as Jack’s lawyer, but Jack sends him to get another one… which turns out to be Frank Brandon (Frank Nelson), so Jack sends him away. Jack winds up participating in a lineup where he is identified as a safe robber by a woman. Jack finally comes before the judge, but he overhears him sentence a jaywalker to a month of hard labor, explaining to the clerk of courts (Olan Soule) that he is irritable because he was up all night because of a guy playing a violin. Jack won’t admit his real violation, so he says that he robbed a safe. The next night Jack yells at Rochester again for misplacing his  pajamas, but it turns out he still has them on under his clothes. Herb Vigran and John Sebastian are policeman. Leonard Breman and Lewis Charles are cellmates. Frank Gerstle is the lockup policeman. Ray Walker is the lineup room plainclothesman. 2/22/20
• 122. Natalie Wood/Robert Wagner Show – 3/6/1960
  • Jack makes an appointment to meet with the brass at CBS and demands that he be able to direct his own show. They reluctantly agree, then Jack changes his demand to be able to direct the dramatic anthology Playhouse 90. Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood (themselves) are the stars of the episode he directs, the story of which finds Wagner and his wife waiting for news as to whether he gets a part in a Broadway play. They perform a dance number before he shows up and starts barking orders that include having the stars re-arrange the furniture. Ultimately he threatens to fire them if they don’t play the scene his way – having been angered over not being invited to their wedding. They purposely over-act to try to get out of the show, but it turns out their inflated performance was just what Jack wanted. The walk out anyway, and the crew leaves Benny trapped on top of a camera lift. 10/4/14
• 124. Easter Show – 3/6/1960
  • Rochester helps Jack get ready for the day, and Jack chooses to wear the white suit that Rochester had planned to borrow. Jack, who keeps getting mistaken for Admiral Byrd in his white suit, meets up with his girlfriend Mildred Meyerhouser (Barbara Nichols) meet up on Easter morning for a walk on Wilshire Boulevard, breaking into the song Happy Easter periodically. They meet up with Dennis Day walking his pet duck Harvey, Don Wilson in drag peddling Lux to a TV reporter, Jack’s suicidal violin instructor Pierre LeBlanc, a pair of matronly fans, and a difficult photographer (Frank Nelson). They bump into Dennis again – who has taken his duck to the maternity hospital to lay an egg – and he sings Easter Parade. 10/4/14
• 125. Final Show of the Season – 5/1/1960
  • Jack has just gotten back from a tour of the Orient where he visited Tokyo and Hong Kong, and he has Don Wilson pull him in a rickshaw. He has purchased two dozen flagpoles to give as gifts. Dennis Day comes out and sings (Your Eyes Are the Eyes of) A Woman in Love, and afterward the two banter about Dennis having had his tonsils out before performing. Don brings in Japan’s #1 announcer Mr. Kyoto to pitch Lux, which he pronounces “Rux.” Jack says the reason he came back early from his trip is that he is going to negotiate his contract with his sponsors Mr. Hall and Mr. Wheeler (William Schallert, John Hoyt). They offer him a 50% pay cut, stating that it is not him getting the laughs…and they proceed to play a replay of his banter with Dennis: first with both sides of the conversation, then with only Jack’s ‘straight’ lines. When Jack refuses to take the pay cut, they bring in a dummy who reacts the same way to Dennis that Jack did. 11/3/14

SEASON 11

• 126. Night Beat Takeoff – 10/16/1960
  • George Burns, Robert Wagner, Tony Curtis, and Johnny Green (themselves) wait for Jack to play golf with them at the club, while Jack is at home preparing for the first show of the now-weekly season. Rochester returns from his one-day vacation and Don Wilson practices with is group the jingle for Lipton Tea. Jack’s promoter are over-zealous and are running people over to leave tire tracks on their back promoting Jack’s show, and throwing rocks with advertisements for Jack through windows. Jack gets to the club and runs into Mike Wallace (himself) who requests an interview that Jack denies. Both Mike and George allude to the fact that he will have a hard time handling a weekly show. Jack skips the golf game and heads home tired. He falls asleep and dreams he is on Wallace’s show Night Beat. He is grilled about why he is going on weekly. His doctor (Frank Nelson) show up as well to heckle him. As he throws a fit about answering questions, he wake up at home. Don gets ready to share the new opening song with him, while fans throw rocks through his window…fans that end up being his golfing buddies. 11/4/14
• 128. Milton Berle Show – 10/30/1960
  • Jack rents out his garage as a polling location to Mr. Smith (Howard Wendell) as a gesture of patriotism and plans to sell sandwiches and soft drinks. He heads to the studio to do his show and stops at a restaurant for a martini. Milton Berle (as himself) stops in at the restaurant and between putting on an impromptu stand-up show, he gives Jack advice about trying to put on a weekly show and tells him he needs more jokes, offering to act as his straight man. The show begins with a musical introduction from the Sportsmen Quartet – advertising Lipton Tea – and then out comes Milton, followed by Jack in a hobo clown outfit. Milton coaches him through the telling of several stale jokes, culminating in Jack getting a pie in the face. Milton sets him up to get water poured on him, but it hits Milton instead. Jack introduces Milton and at his urging, recommends his show Jackpot Bowling. Benny Rubin appears as a waiter. 12/1/14
• 130. John Wayne Show – 11/20/1960
  • Jack hosts the show from New York and talks about hosting one of his press parties at an Automat. He introduces several friends who are in audience: Betty Furness, John Wayne, and Frank Fontaine in his role as John L.C. Silvoney, who comes up on stage and chats with Jack. Also in the crowd is Howard K. Brawley, an agent who gave the show’s sponsor State Farm the idea for the song the horn plays in their advertisements, and everything he answers is to the tune of the horn. Jaye P. Morgan sings Won’t You Come Home, Bill Baily? Jaye reminds Jack that he had made a dinner date with her, but he has forgotten and claims he has a business engagement he can’t get out of. John Wayne volunteers to take her out, and she swoons over him. He takes her to a gypsy restaurant where the trio Sasha, Pasha, and Yasha puts on a musical performance…and Jack is the violin player in the act, playing for all the tips he can get. He introduces John Wayne on stage and mentions that they are often up for the same parts. NOTE: This episode is a remake of John Forsythe Show from 1957. 12/1/14
• 133. Jack Goes to a Concert – 12/11/1960
  • Rochester helps Jack dress up in his formal attire – and a very pesky tight collar and a bow tie that snaps off and flies out the window  – to take Mildred to the violin concert of Ernesto Pedicini (Erno Neufeld), although the unrefined Mildred would rather attend the boxing matches. Before they leave, a delivery boy (Pat Colby) brings an orchid corsage to the house, which Mildred appreciatedly claims and Jack doesn’t question. Meanwhile Jimmy Stewart and his wife Gloria are heading to the same concert, and Jimmy is anxiously awaiting the delivery of the corsage. Jimmy mentions that Jack often gets his things delivered as he lives on North Cannon Drive while Jack lives on North Camden Drive. The Stewarts decide to avoid confrontation with Jack so they just head to the show. Mildred treats the concert like a boxing match and brings along peanuts to snack on. After Pedicini performs Allegro from Symphony Espagnole, Jack spots Jimmy and Gloria sitting below them and attempts to get their attention by throwing peanuts at them. The ignore until Jack’s bowtie springs loose and hits Jimmy. The Stewarts leave the concert to avoid them, and then everyone else around Jack and Mildred leaves when she turns on her radio to get coverage from the game. Back at home, the Stewarts wind down from the night when Jack and Gloria show up, after the cab driver brings them to Cannon Drive instead of Camden. While they are there, they decides to make themselves comfortable by eating some of their snacks. Jimmy and Gloria go into the kitchen to get more tea, and end up driving off. Robert Patton is the usher. Damian O’Flynn and Hank Weaver are annoyed men at the concert. 9/14/20
• 139. Jack at the Supermarket – 1/22/1961
  • After Jack loses gin rummy to Rochester, he is forced to give Rochester the day to golf while Jack is left at home to do the chores. Jack uses the same cheating techniques in a game with Don Wilson and then turns the chores over to him. Dennis comes over and sings Let There Be Love while he attempts to set up a bucket of water booby trap for Jack, but ends up triggering it on himself. Jack heads to the grocery store were he has a run in with the shopping cart, a snarky grocery clerk (Frank Nelson), the produce clerk (Benny Rubin), butcher (Herb Vigran), and boy violin player Tommy (Flip Mark) who wants his autograph. Jack takes two cakes, the silverware, and the tablecloth from a cake sampling display. He ends up demanding help from the grocery clerk, who shoves him into the cart and pushes him around the store throwing food on top of him. Meanwhile Dennis gets cheated by Don and ends up being the one doing the chores. He also shoves Don into the refrigerator. Karen Norris is Tommy’s mother. NOTE: This is a remake of episode 37, Shopping Show. 7/18/15

SEASON 12

• 156. Tennessee Ernie Ford – 11/19/1961
  • As Jack is getting ready to introduce Tennessee Ernie Ford (himself), Don notifies him that Ford is not in the studio, but rather is appearing via remote from Lakeport. Remote Transmission Engineers (Joe Besser, Eddie Ryder) get the communication going by connecting them via split screen as Ford transmits from his barn. After using a goat to tune his guitar, Ford sings John Henry. Jack loses his transmission and while waiting, Don gives a pitch for State Farm while standing next to a man named Vern Smith on a pogo stick. When the transmission comes back, Jack meets one of Ford’s attractive pea pickers (Jane Burgess). After talking about the square eggs he has invented, Ford suggests a violin duet with Jack and they attempt to play Sweet Georgia Brown. When the transmission malfunctions, Ford winds up on Jack’s stage, and Jack ends up in the barn, where he is harassed by the livestock. Ross Elliott is Jack’s director Freddie. 12/15/15
• 161. Christmas Party – 12/24/1961
  • It’s Christmas Eve and Jack brings out Dennis Day (and a fake reindeer) to sing Winter Wonderland. As Rochester prepares the Christmas tree, Jack chats with people in the audience including a woman promoting Mother Sara’s Jam and Frank Nelson and his wife Mary Lansing (herself). Don Wilson employs three Santa Clauses to help him promote Lipton Tea. As the gift exchange starts, Dennis gives Jack a Jack Benny bust that turns out to be a cookie jar. He also brings out Mel Blanc, who had recently been in a car accident, and he does some of his voices including Bugs Bunny, Sy, and Professor LeBlanc. When he brings Frank onstage to give him his gift, Frank exposes the fact that all of the boxes are empty. Dennis sings O Come All Ye Faithful and Jack wishes the audience a Merry Christmas. 1/19/15
• 169. Rock Hudson Show – 2/18/1962
  • Jack introduces Rock Hudson (himself) who is sitting in the audience, but then cannot continue with a joke because the audience demands that he brings Rock onstage. Jack submits that a random female audience member cannot tell his kiss apart from Rock’s if she is blindfolded. Jack passionately kisses her and gets no reaction, but when Rock kisses her head she faints. He also introduces Hugh Downs (himself), who takes the stage and wins over Jack with his version of Lipton advertisements, distressing Don Wilson. Dennis appears in the audience thinking that is the only way he will be introduced. Jack then does a parody of The Jack Paar Show, with Jack playing Jack Paar, Dennis as musical director Jose Melis. They play the Mystery Relative game with the daughter of Lassie. Jack brings out harmonica player “Irving” Hudson, who ends up teaching everyone on stage to do the Twist. 1/19/15
• 170. Julie London Show – 3/4/1962
  • Jack talks about his encounters with fans who seek his autograph, then says he will read some of his fan mail, but the giant mailbag only contains Don Wilson’s lunch. Explaining that he often gets requests to finish his violin numbers, he attempts to play Czardas, but is interrupted by 12-year old fan Toni (Toni Marcus) who wants an autograph, and then ends up finishing his song for him. Jack introduces Julie London (herself) who performs Daddy and then serenades a swooning Jack with You’re Sweet That Way. Jack then attempts another solo performance of Meditation, but is joined again by Toni who says that Jack spelled her name wrong. The two then perform a violin duet of Getting to Know You twice, the first time with Toni upstaging Jack with many flourishes, the second time with Jack restricting the use of her bow. Charles Cantor appears as the deliverer of rosin. 2/16/16
• 175. Jack Is a Violin Teacher – 4/8/1962
  • After show rehearsal, Jack removes his shoulder pads, lifts, and corset that makes him look better on camera. Maggie (Barbara Pepper) the laundress cautions Jack not to bring his personal items in to be pressed when he brings in his drapes. She also tells him that the corset belongs to her. Dennis was late for rehearsal and missed it, but finally arrives wearing the glasses his late uncle left him in his will even though he doesn’t need them. Since the director has left, he rehearses his song On the First Warm Day for Jack. Don Wilson brings in a national magazine reporter named Mr. Sanders (John Alvin) who asks Jack what he thinks he would have been doing if he never left Waukegan. Jack imagines himself as a violin teacher, married to a bitter cleaning lady named Mabel (Elvia Allman). He is teaching a boy (David Birnbaum) whose mother Mrs. Jameson (Mary Treen) is wearing cotton in her ears. It is also revealed that Jack and the boy himself are also wearing cotton. His next student Joey Tinmin (Jay Rosen) plays fairly well until he takes Jack’s direction, then starts playing worse. His father (Herb Vigran) becomes indignant, destroys the violin, and storms out. Mabel also walks out on Jack and two men come and repossess his furniture. Needing to make a living, he becomes a cleaning man for one of Mabel’s customers, Mrs. Johnson. Mike Ross is one of the repo men. 5/31/20

SEASON 13

• 183. My Gang Comedy – 10/30/1962
  • Jack talks about his need for his glasses to keep him from walking over the stage and right out the door. Jack brings out Dennis Day whose cold prevents him from singing, but requests to stay and watch the show anyway. Jack’s next guest is Darla Hood (herself) from the former Our Gang comedies, and she talks about retiring at the age of 12. Darla talks about how she currently sings in nightclubs and then sings It’s a Most Unusual Day. Darla sees the parallel between the Our Gang comedies and his cast. Jack imagines himself as Alfie in his own ‘My Gang’ comedy, with Darla reprising her role, Don Wilson playing Spunky, Rochester playing Oatmeal, and Dennis Day as the rich kid Rodney, who tries to steal away Darla by entering his dog Fifi in a dog show and offering Darla the trophy. The gang decides to end their dog Spot into the show too, and try to apply new curly hair that they stole from the barber (Benny Rubin) to the Spot so he can compete. They also steal other cosmetic items from him, so he and a copy (James Flavin) chase the kids from their clubhouse. After the skit ends, Jack questions the cop as to why he is still chasing the game, but they are just trying to get the costumes back according to the deal Jack made to have them returned five minutes after the show. Frances Mercer is Alfie’s mother. 10/28/16
• 187. Jack and Bob Hope in Vaudeville – 12/4/1962
  • Jack comes onstage and thanks the American Tailors Association for voting him as the best dressed male performer on television. Bob Hope comes out prematurely onto the stage and starts telling jokes. Jack gets him to leave so he can then introduce him properly. They tell the story of their friendship, and then Jack tells the false story about how they used to be Vaudeville partners. The Sportsmen Quartet perform the song Dear Old Dad. Via flashback, Jack and Bob go to see a talent agent who they used to work with named Mr. Weber (Jesse White). While waiting, Weber’s secretary (Iris Adrian) throws out a juggler (Duke Johnson) while Weber sees a two-headed client (Maurice McEndree). They exchange some barbs with her before getting into see Weber. They try to convince Weber to get them a job, and they put on their act of Jack playing Tea for Two while Bob dances, and they take breaks to banter with one another. They are interrupted by a child Jimmy Durante impersonator (Riki Marcelli). Weber ends up telling them that he only has openings for single performers. They are both aghast at the thought of breaking u the act and their friendship, but when Weber offers $15, Jack jumps at the offer. They get into a bidding war as each offers to take less than the other, until they work their way down to playing for free. During the final monologue, Jack admits that they never were actually a team. They sing a tune to the audience to the tune of Thanks for the Memory about Bob getting paid for the gig. 8/23/21
• 194. The Peter Lorre/Joanie Sommers Program – 1/22/1963
  • Jack introduces Peter Lorre (himself) in rather unflattering terms. Lorre asks Jack to use kinder adjectives and then requests to do a song, which starts with I Want a Girl Just Like You Who Murdered Dear Old Dad. Jack then introduces Joanie Sommers who sings I’ll Never Stop Loving You. Jack tells Lorre about a nightmare that he had, and the audience witness the dream: Jack goes to visit plastic surgeon Dr. Heinzinger (Mel Blanc) for a cold. In the waiting room is escaped killer Luverne Goodheart (Lorre) along with the nurse (Sommers). Goodheart forces Heinzinger at gunpoint to perform plastic surgery on him, and the doc makes Goodheart look just like Jack Benny. Goodheart then shoots the real Benny and the doctor and goes on to host the show. After being irritated that no one is laughing at his stale jokes, he shoots a stagehand (Frankie Darro), the cameraman, and Don Wilson. Dave Willock is a stagehand. 7/18/15
• 195. The Murder of Clayton Worthington – 1/29/1963
  • Jack introduces Dick Van Dyke (himself), who talks about The Dick Van Dyke Show and sings Any Place I Hang My Hat Is Home and uses Jack as a hat rack. Dick shows his concern that Jack works his guest stars half to death, but Jack says he has very little to do in the upcoming sketch The Murder of Clayton Worthington (or He Was Facing East When He Was Stabbed in the West End), which takes place in London. Dick plays Reginald, who finds his Uncle Clayton Worthington stabbed and shot, as well as the butler, Fifi the maid, and Mrs. Worthington, all of whom are played by Dick and are questioned by the Inspector (Benny). Dick is also the Inspector’s partner Judson, and has to alternate several times between the roles. Dick halts the sketch in the middle, angry that Jack was too cheap to hire actors. Stagehands come to remove Uncle Clayton’s corpse, who is also revealed to be Dick. 3/10/15
• 198. Connie Francis Show – 2/19/1963
  • Jack talks the audience about the perils of walking to the studio, and when he got a ticket for jaywalking, the cop believed that he was ‘Joe Smith.’ Jack introduces guest star Connie Francis (herself) and tries to get her to talk to him for a while before launching into her song Follow the Boys. Jack performs a skit with Connie in which he plays Stephen Foster, with Connie as his wife. Foster can’t come up with any ideas, and inadvertently writes down various phrases quoted by Mrs. Foster and Schultz the butcher (Wilson) when they talk about her parents who live near the Swanee River, and when her friend Susanna (Nan Leslie) visits and the Foster baby (voiced by Mel Blanc) mispronounces Stephen’s name as “Doo-Dah.” Susanna also mentions her friend Jeanie, with the light brown hair. Mrs. Foster also quotes Beautiful Dreamer to the baby. When Mrs. Foster takes a shot at her husband and hits the wall, Foster strips off the wallpaper and accidentally inserts it into the piano instead of a roll. This plays out the music for the poems he just composed based on the others’ words. NOTE: The Follow the Boys numbers is missing from the syndicated version, nor is Don Wilson plugging Jello. 10/28/16
• 202. Jack Fires Don – 3/19/1963
  • In the CBS soundstages, Jack is rehearsing announcers to replace Don Wilson, whom he has fired. The first one (Bob Jellison) is okay, but he moves on to another guy (Norman Leavitt) but Jack thinks he is too skinny to replace Don Wilson. The third one (Tol Avery) is a perfect match… until he speaks in a high-pitched voice. He explains that when he’s in the lower register, he stutters horribly. Jack’s director Freddie tries to get Jack to re-hire Jack, but he is too angry with him. When a crew member (Robert Patten) asks Freddie what happened between them, he flashes back to a party that Jack recently threw for his cast and crew members at his home. After a strange percussion performance by Jack’s drummer Sammy Weiss (himself), Don gives a toast to Jack’s generosity at having everyone over, and Jack responds with a speech in which he uses the phrase “Don’t give up the ship” and attributes it to John Paul Jones. Don calls him out on it and makes sure that Jack and everyone there knows that the quote actually was said by Captain James Lawrence. This leads to a big argument between them, and Jack ends up firing Don. Back at the rehearsal, Don shows up to pick up his things from his dressing room. As he totes out loads of food from his dressing room, Dennis rehearses his romantic song Ebb Tide. Eventually Freddie and Dennis mediate a truce between them, and Jack apologizes for overreacting. The two become fast friends again, and Jack cancels the rehearsal and invites Don and Freddie over for drinks at his house. He tells Rochester to bypass the leftovers from the party and to cook up some steaks. Jack makes another speech, and once again mis-attributes a quote made by William Shakespeare to Rudyard Kipling. They get into another argument and Jack throws him out. Freddie tells Jack that Don was correct about the quote, and he leaves as well. Rochester serves Jack the one steak he cooked, having abandoned the other two when he heard Jack makes the wrong quote attribution. Jack goes looking for the Kipling book he was reading, but Rochester reminds him it was a Shakespeare book. It had the name Kipling written on the cover because Jack borrowed it from his friend Sam Kipling. Jack calls and apologizes to Don and invites him to come over whenever he wants for a huge steak meal. Before Jack can even hang up the phone, Don is at his door ready for his meal. Jack introduces Don to the audience, and he tells Jack how much he enjoyed this episode because they had to re-shoot a couple of times, and he got to eat three steaks. Jack says he didn’t have the heart to tell him that they were plastic. Frank Remley appears as himself, drinking all of the drinks. NOTE: Although excised from syndication, Dennis performs a commercial for Jell-O doing impressions of other celebrities. 10/18/22

SEASON 14

• 206. Billy Graham Show – 9/24/1963
  • It’s the first show of the season and the musicians show up late, having spent their summer vacation in the bar across the street. Frank Nelson brings guests to their seats in the audience during Jack’s opening. Jack forgoes having Dennis sing in favor of Peter, Paul, and Mary, but since they couldn’t make it, Jack, Don, and Dennis perform dressed as them, singing a State Farm jingle. Jack talks about how nervous he was when he had previously asked President Truman to appear on the show and then introduces the Reverend Dr. Billy Graham. Jack and Billy chat and Billy questions the amount of insults that are used on the show. They re-create the first scenes with the musicians and Dennis without any of the insults. Rochester comes on concerned that his TV broke, or that Jack’s TV show will fail without the insults. Billy leaves some parting words from the wisdom of Solomon. 3/10/15
• 211. Jack Directs Film – 10/29/1963
  • Rochester makes himself a nice breakfast for himself, but it is quickly taken over by Jack when he gets up early to watch This Is Hollywood to see Jimmy and Gloria Stewart being interviewed. They chat with the show’s host (Dan Tobin) about Jimmy’s new movie Night Train to Albany, a dramatic film in which Gloria will be playing Jimmy’s character John’s wife. The subject of Jack comes up, and the couple give Jack some backhanded compliments. Jack doesn’t hear any of the sarcasm, so he heads down to the set of the film they are making so he can wish Gloria luck in her first film role. He interrupts a dramatic scene in which Jimmy’s character John is leaving to Albany to help his ne’er-do-well brother Henry, and his wife is telling him if he leaves, he leaves for good. When he enters the room during the scene, he knocks Jimmy from behind and he falls on the couch. The director Dick Crane (Dan Tobin) allows Jack to watch the filming, but Jack keeps interrupting and trying to give Jimmy pointers. Jimmy agrees to let Jack act out the scene with the script girl (Jeanette Eymann), and when Gloria returns to the set, she likewise hits Jack in the back and knocks him out. Jack leaves the set, but then reappears after talking Jimmy into letting him play the part of Henry. John McKee and Philip Garris are film assistants. 9/15/20
• 219. How Jack Met George Burns – 1/7/1964
  • Don tries to get Jack focused on rehearsing for his next show, but he is more interested in going to play golf with George Burns. However, when he returns he is in a sour mood because George was too much of a stickler on the rules, while Jack got into an argument with a priest over which ball was his. George stops by the office to drop off the club that Jack destroyed, but the argument continues and Jack storms out. Jack’s secretary Miss Gordon (Maudie Prickett) ask George how he and Jack met, so George flashes back to his early days in Vaudeville after Billy Lorraine quit their act. George was in Chicago getting a room at a cheap boarding house, where his next door neighbor was Jack Benny. The landlady (Jane Dulo) shows off the room, tells Jack that the previous tenant Mr. Thromberry (Dave Ketchum) disappeared, and keeps trying to help get her daughter into show business. That night when he goes to bed, Jack finds that Thromberry is trapped in the fold-out bed. George meets Jack by throwing his shoes through his wall to get him to stifle his violin. Jack comes over and tries to give George his own shoes, and keep Jack’s. George asks him if he’s interested in going on as his partner. Jack agrees, and the pair tour the country as a team, with each performance in a different city, gradually getting worse and worse, and getting a colder and colder reception, until they start getting the hook. Eventually they get back into Chicago and the same boarding house, where the landlady again asks for help getting her daughter into show business. Jack is upset that he is still getting less in the act than George, and threatens to quit the act. George calls is bluff and says anyone can do the jokes that Jack was doing. In fact, he decides to perform the act with the landlady’s daughter…who turns out to be Gracie Allen (herself, in voiceover), who manages to get laughs delivering the same lines that used to get booed at when Jack delivered them. Jack introduces George to the audience, but George says he didn’t have any fun because he prefers singing. Jack says he will let him sing if he doesn’t have to pay him for his appearance. George breaks into song, and Jack uses the hook to get him offstage. Maria Sokolov is the lady stuck in the bed. George Riley is the man reading the newspaper. 8/23/21
• 220. Peter, Paul and Mary Show – 1/14/1964
  • Jack discusses with the audience how he almost used an old magazine at his dentist’s office for his topical humor. Jack introduces folk singing act Peter, Paul and Mary (themselves, Peter Yarrow, Paul Sookey, Mary Travers) and they sing Blowin’ in the Wind. Jack questions what makes folk so popular, and Peter explains that the music will sustain itself in the oral tradition, and then sings a song about Jack called The Ballad of Jack Benny (aka Waukegan) describing Jack’s cheapness. Jack later invites the trio over to house and tries to persuade them to record a song he wrote called When You Say I Beg Your Pardon Then I’ll Come Back to You. They humor him by singing it, but then refuse to record it. Jack doesn’t mind since he’s secretly recorded it. He ends up getting $5000 for the song, and it is revealed that Peter, Paul, and Mary were the buyers to ensure that it is never heard. 8/14/16
• 222. Bobby Darin Show – 1/28/1964
  • Jack’s agent Saul (Howard Caine) and Bobby Darin’s agent (Peter Leeds) get together and convince Jack to come meet at a nightclub to see Bobby Darin (himself) perform. They are hoping to convince Jack that he would be the perfect performer to portray Jack in the biographical film they are wanting to film. Jack just doesn’t think Bobby is the right guy to play him, although he enjoys Bobby’s performance singing As Long as I’m Singing, and his impressions of Jimmy Cagney and Robert Mitchum. Jack prepares to let him down easy, but Bobby is so complimentary of Jack and tells him how much he worships him that Jack can’t refuse to give him the part. Jack invites Bobby to spend a couple of days with him so he can get to know the real Jack and his various mannerisms. Bobby is forced to spend all day looking through Jack’s albums. Bobby is also surprised to learn that Jack runs his own laundromat out of the house, and has his own record recording booth in the house that he charges a sailor (Jacquie Shelton) to use. When it comes time to negotiate Bobby’s contract, Bobby stays in character as Jack, in all his cheap and stingy glory. He demands much more than he is worth, still speaking like Jack, and eventually turning down the role. Jack says he’s relived they found out how stingy he was before they were too late. He then demands money from Bobby’s agent for the room and board of having Bobby stay at his house. Benny Rubin is the waiter. Ned Miller is Mr. Miller, who comes to get his dry cleaning. 2/22/22
• 223. Don Breaks His Leg – 2/4/1964
  • Jack comes on stage to introduce something new they are going to do on the show, but winds up talking about trading stamps. He then invites Don Wilson out to introduce the new concept, but instead of Don, his son Harlow show up. He explains that his father had broken his leg the night before, so he sent him down instead. Jack is angry that he would send Harlow without telling him, and tells Harlow he doesn’t need his services. Jack then introduces his first act Lisa Porter (Miss Beverly Hills aka Beverly Powers) who sings the operatic song One Kiss (from New Moon). She then starts a second song called Body and Soul, which digresses into a striptease act. Harlow comes out with a screen to cover her, but covers Jack instead initially. Once she has left the stage, Harlow insists on reciting his poem Ode to California. From home Don and his wife Lois proudly watch Harlow, and discuss the fact that he had faked the broken leg in order to get Harlow onto the show. After the show, Harlow overhears Jack phoning Rochester that he is going to stop by and see Don, so he rushes home to tell him. Meanwhile, the stagehand Bill (Herb Vigran) tells Jack that he had seen Don playing golf just that morning, so Jack realizes that he was faking. Harlow gets home and tells his father that Jack is coming, so Don decides to leave town for a few days. In the process of grabbing his suitcases, he falls off a chair and indeed breaks his leg in three places, according to his doctor, Dr. Adolph Schletzinger (Benny Rubin). When Jack arrives, he smugly asks Don about his ‘broken’ leg, all the while slapping and hitting Don’s leg and laughing, causing Don immense pain. Eventually Jack speaks to the doctor and finds out the breaks are real. Don confesses that he didn’t initially break his leg, but now he had. Jack feels bad, so he tells Don that Harlow can act as his announcer for the next six weeks. Harlow is so excited that he jumps up and down on the chair, falls off, and breaks his leg as well. The doctor volunteers to do the announcing, so Jack takes him along. He refuses to tend to Harlow’s leg since now he is show business. Jack introduces his cast to the audience, but Beverly Hills is still behind the screen. 6/27/22
• 225. The Final LeBlanc Sketch – 2/18/1964
  • Jack returns home from the studio after filming a show that Rochester said was ‘sensational’ when he really thought it was lousy, and returns a frantic call from psychiatrist Dr. Johnson (Herb Rudley), whom he’s never met before. Jack obliges him and goes to his office and is told that he has an amnesiac patient who has been angrily talking about Jack. When she Jack sees him, he recognizes him as Professor Pierre LeBlanc, his violin teacher for the past nineteen years. Jack relates the tale of their meeting, where Jack claimed to just need a little practice to get back into playing, but who ended up systematically driving him crazy. Jack even related one tale where LeBlanc had sprained his ankle, so Jack showed up at his house to practice. Jack drove him so crazy that LeBlanc nearly has a mental breakdown and both he and his wife Suzette (Naomi Stevens) tell Jack that he stinks. That was his last session with LeBlanc. Dr. Johnson surmises that he couldn’t accept the fact that he was never able make Jack play well and has escaped from his own identity. Jack offers to play for him to show him that he’s a fine violinist… and remarkably he plays so well that he snaps LeBlanc out of his amnesia and cures him. Jack privately tells the doctor that since he’s made so much money with his bad-violin-playing shtick that he’d like to keep it quite that he plays so well. Jack introduces Mel Blanc to the audience, and asks him what he really thinks of Jack’s violin playing. He answers in Rochester’s voice that he is ‘sensational.’ 6/5/19
• 232. Harlow Gets a Date – 4/14/1964
  • After Jack goes over his opening monologue with his secretary Miss Gordon, he announces that his sponsor Mr. Lewis (Henry Hunter) is coming into town to see him and bringing his lovely daughter Roxanne (Ahna Capri). Jack wants to find a suitable date to take her out on the town during their visit. He thinks of a few celebrities, before opting to call John Wayne and see if his son is available. However, he is stopped by Don, who tells him that he plans to have his son Harlow (Dale White) take her out. Jack thinks he is a big, lazy oaf, and tells Don that if anything goes wrong, he will be fired. Don goes home and discusses it with his wife Lois, and Don finds out from her that Harlow has no experience with anything, including women. Jack goes across the street to play cards and lament his problems with his neighbor Arnie Weber (Cliff Norton), and gets the idea to ask Arnie’s daughter Judy (Charla Doherty) if she might go out with Harlow and tutor him on how to behave around a woman. She agrees, and starts working on him. Although it is initially a slow process to get him to think about girls rather than food or childish things, after five days, he has become a perfect gentleman. As Lewis and Roxanne make their way to his house, Jack and Don tell Harlow that he is going to take her out. Harlow, however, has fallen in love with Judy and refuses to go out with any other girl. The Lewises arrive as Jack is in the other room screaming at Harlow and trying to get his point across. Jack eventually comes out wearing a toupee and a letterman’s sweater, pretending that he is the college man who will be taking out Roxanne. 2/23/22
• 233. I Am the Fiddler – 4/21/1964
  • Jack reminisces about the days of radio and plays a snippet of a soap opera featuring young lovers, and the brings out the performers: two browbeaten elderly folks known as Liz Lamont (Charles Cantor) and Rick Barton (Jesslyn Fax). When he has them do the script live, the man and woman swap voices. Dennis Day comes out to tell Jack that he lost the Outstanding Comedian of the Year award with the Elks, then sings I’m Glad There Is You. Jack then introduces Mel Blanc and the many voices he used for Jack on the radio. Jack recalls The Whistler radio program and introduces their parody The Fiddler. Jack, as the Fiddler, spies on couple Gwendolyn (Eliza Ross Thorne aka Elizabeth Ross) and Griffith Park (Dennis Day). The Fiddler spies and comments on the action when Gwendolyn’s lover Derek (Mel Blanc) comes over when Griffith leaves for work. He influences them to plan Griffith’s murder by having Derek hide in the closet and strangle him when he returns. When Griffith returns, the Fiddler plants the sees of suspicion in Griffith’s head. The men have a brutal fight in the closet much to the delight of Gwendolyn. Derek is beaten up, but it is by a third man in the closet: the radio performer with the female voice. The Fiddler encourages Griffith to let her have it, but he only gives her an anniversary gift. The Fiddler volunteers to play the violin so they can dance, accompanied by the sound of the calliope that plays through Griffith’s head thanks to him having ‘holes’ in it. When Jack says goodnight to the audience and plays his violin, the Whistler (Harry Raven) comes out and destroys it. Evelyn Dutton is the woman on the street. NOTE: This is he last episode for CBS. This is also a remake of the Season 7 episode The Fiddler. 1/6/18

SEASON 15 – NBC

• 236. Andy Williams Show – 10/9/1964
  • Jack discusses his auto trip to Salt Lake City and some of the restaurant oddities he encountered along the way. Jack introduces Andy Williams. Members of the Pasadena chapter of Jack’s fan club Emma (Jesslyn Fax) and Tillie (Madge Blake) make their way onto the stage and present Jack with a sweater, and Andy dedicates and sings the song On the Street Where You Live to the fan club. Jack recommends that Andy try and stay in the public eye, and agrees to let Andy accompany him to an opening that he is attending. At the event Andy performs Moon River, and then it is revealed that opening is actually the opening of a Meat Market, where he and Jack are expected by the manager (Benny Rubin) to entertain the customers. Jack and Andy attempt to perform With a Song in My Heart, but it is interrupted when the head butcher (Henry Beckman) announces a sale on lamb chops. Andy is embarrassed by the affair, but ends up winning a live turkey. Lee Meriwether is the customer with the baby. 5/11/16
• 238. Jack Makes a Comedy Record – 10/23/1964
  • Jack’s writers Mel (Mel Blanc) and Bobby (Robert Ball) write new material for Jack to use on a record he is planning to make with Bob Hope, who will only enter a room when Thanks for the Memory is playing. Jack is very pleased with the material but his secretary Miss Gordon points out that it is Jack who gets all of the jokes. Jack arrives at Bob’s palatial mansion to record the album, but Bob’s producer Dick Reilly (Peter Leeds) suggests that they ad lib the record. Jack reluctantly goes along but every time he tries to deliver his big joke that the writers wrote for him, Bob plays off his key words to tell jokes of his own. Jack gets frustrated and storms out and refuses to do the record… until Dick tells him that they’ve taken pre-orders for a million copies and that Jack is going to get half of the profits. Jack then willingly lets Bob have all of the jokes and sits idly by feeding him responses. 8/14/16
• 244. Wayne Newton/Louis Nye Show – 12/4/1964
  • Jack rides in on stage on an elephant that he won in a raffle, and only Don Wilson can get him off. Jack introduces Wayne Newton (himself), and Wayne explains how Jack was the one who first gave him his start in show business. They flashback to a Beverly Hills charity garden party hosted by Harvey Hollis Pickering (Louis Nye), at which Jack is supposed to perform. As he is the only performer, Jack tries to get Louis to find him an opening act, but instead of going with Louis’s bird calling act, he asks waiter Wayne to perform a song. Wayne sings Falling in Love with Love, You’re Nobody ’til Somebody Love You, and When the Saints Go Marching In, adding a horn, banjo, and violin. Jack tosses Wayne’s violin aside in order to be upstaged. Jack then performs Brahm’s Hungarian Dance #5, but is so out of tune that the entire audience, including the garden statuary, leaves the event. Ned Miller is the orchestra leader. 5/10/16
• 247. One Man Show – 12/25/1964
  • Jack has given his cast off for Christmas, so he comes on stage, tells jokes, shares some of his childhood photos, and works his way into the audience. Jack has a random audience member named Charles McAdams sing the One-a-Day Vitamin jingle. He runs into performer Gisele MacKenzie (herself) and her French aunt. Jack invites Gisele to sing on stage and she performs This Is All I Ask at the piano. She and Jack then do a violin duet of Getting to Know You, where she keeps trying to upstage Jack. 5/27/15
• 261. Smothers Brothers Show – 4/16/1965
  • The Smothers Brothers (Dick Smothers, Tommy Smothers) fumble their way through introducing the show by singing Love in Bloom, but Jack has to excuse them while he does the introduction during which he talks about his health. The Smothers Brothers return and perform Boil That Cabbage Down. Jack joins them and Tommy talks about his original plans to be a brain surgeon, and the fact that Jack inspired him to go into show business because he made it big standing around staring at the audience. Next the Smothers Brothers perform Never Will Marry. Jack mentions that the boys remind him of two bomb defusers in London during World War 2. The scene flashes back to when Jack has a bomb land on him. Dick and Tommy try to defuse the bomb, but when they realize who he is, they audition for him by singing Jimmy Crack Corn until the bomb explodes. Donald Journeaux and Mark Harris are English Air Raid Wardens. Phyllis Coghlan and Queenie Leonard are English women. 12/15/15

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 26th, 2000 at 10:51 am and is filed under 1990's - Late, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.