The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Bill Lawrence

Theme song: “Superman” performed by Lazlo Bain

• 001. My First Day – 10/2/2001
  • Jonathan “J.D.” Dorian (Zach Braff) prepares for his first day as a medical intern at Sacred Heart Hospital in an inner city in California. His good friend Chris Turk (Donald Faison), with whom he roomed in college and medical school, is also starting as an intern, but as a surgical intern, a group that has a friendly rivalry with the medical interns. J.D. thinks he is losing Chris’ friendship when he decides not to room with him. J.D.’s mentor Dr. Percival “Perry” Cox (John C. McGinley) is quite sarcastic and hard on J.D., especially when he has to rely on Nurse Carla Espinosa (Judy Reyes) to perform a routine IV placement. J.D. also strikes up a flirtatious interest in medical intern Elliot Reed (Sarah Chalke), with whom he gets an immediate date – but then cancels after she doesn’t reciprocate helping him with an answer to a question during rounds asked by the seemingly friendly Chief of Medicine Dr. Bob Kelso (Ken Jenkins). J.D. has a hard night his first night on-call, and one of his patients actually dies. He ends up on the bad side of Kelso, who berates him for wanting to help a patient without insurance and asking to bypass requesting the permission of a family to perform an autopsy on the patient he lost. He also runs afoul of the hospital janitor (Neil Flynn) by making small talk about a broken door. Some friction develops between Carla and Elliot, after Elliot makes a snide comment about Carla having a sexual encounter with J.D. in the on-call room. In the end, it is Dr. Cox whom J.D. realizes is the ‘good guy’ when he talks him through inserting a chest tube. Chris changes his mind about rooming with J.D. and also tells him that he is scared to death by his job on a daily basis. Elliot helps J.D. out by arranging the autopsy for the patient who died…and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Sam Lloyd stars as hospital attorney Ted Buckland. Aloma Wright is Nurse Laverne Roberts. Robert Maschio is ‘high-fiver’ Todd Quinlan. Matt Winston is Dr. Jeffrey Steadman. 9/16/14

• 002. My Mentor – 10/4/2001
  • As J.D. adapts to hospital life, he continues to vie for the acceptance of Dr. Cox. His patient Will (John Ducey) is test for cancer and it comes back negative, but he looks for Cox’s approval to coach him on reasons to quit smoking, resulting in Cox throwing him out of the break room. He thinks Cox behaves that way because he is lonely so he shows up at his apartment with beer to watch the game on TV. Cox throws him out again when his friends show up, but he gives him some advice: J.D. cannot worry about changing people, only curing them. Elliot ticks off the nursing staff when she rats out Carla to Dr. Kelso and has difficulty apologizing. Eventually she gives credit to Carla, but by that point, Carla refuses to forgive. Despite the fact that Elliot has been putting her foot in her mouth around Turk, he lectures Carla that she should be nicer to Elliot – which earns her respect…and him a date with her. Johnny Kastl is Dr. Doug Murphy. 9/16/14
• 003. My Best Friend’s Mistake – 10/9/2001
  • J.D. is interrupted when he and Elliot are about to kiss, and then fears that if 48 hours passes without a kiss, he’ll wind up in the ‘friend zone.’ Turk closes up a patient named Mr. Bidwell (Max Kerstein) for the first time, but when he becomes deathly ill in post op, Elliot fears an infection caused by Turk leaving something inside him. He also feels that he and Turk are not spending any quality time together since Turk has been dating Carla. Elliot is offended when Dr. Kelso calls her ‘sweetheart’ and seeks the advice of a very annoyed Dr. Cox. In order to get rid of her, Cox tells her to confront Kelso, who doesn’t take it well and switches her to a patient that keeps exposing himself. Turk ends up diagnosing the sick patient and determines that he has diabetes and J.D. had actually given him insulin. J.D. is thankful and realizes that Turk still has his back. He also races to kiss Elliot before the 48 hours expire. He misses it by seconds, and manages to wind up in the ‘friend zone’ after all. Nearly everyone in the episode has the song A Little Respect stuck in their head. Charles Chun is Dr. Wen.  P.D. Mani is Dr. Simotas. 10/10/14
• 004. My Old Lady – 10/16/2001
  • J.D. learns that 1 out of 3 patients – other than maternity and emergency – will die in the hospital. He becomes close with Mrs. Tanner (Kathryn Joosten), who leaves the hospital to attend her grandson’s birthday party and refuses dialysis in favor of dying. Turk becomes friendly with a young patient named David Morrison (Travis Wester), in whom he discovers a terminal cancer. Kelso berates Turk for playing ‘hallway bowling’ with David, insisting that he needs a doctor, not a friend. Elliot becomes closer with Carla, who helps her out with Spanish-speaking patient Mrs. Guerrero (Esther Mercado). Elliot can’t decide whether to give her thermbolytic drugs until Carla pushes her, noting that she is smarter than most doctors that come through her ward. She ultimately loses her patient, but Dr. Cox insists that she had made the right decision. J.D. and Turk lose their patients as well, noting that sometimes the odds are even worse than 1 in 3. Lela Lee is surgical intern Bonnie Chang. 10/10/14
• 005. My Two Dads – 10/23/2001
  • J.D. brings it to the attention of Dr. Kelso that a dead patient is about to receive a TIPS procedure. Kelso is grateful and invites him to play golf with him, but Dr. Cox explains that he was going to use the dead man’s insurance and then give the procedure to Mrs. Blitt (Marlena), a patient who needs it. J.D. winds up on the golf course amid the two doctors’ arguments on hospital responsibility versus patients’ needs. J.D. ultimately decides to help Cox give her the procedure, but he has already performed it and just wanted to see what side J.D. came down on. Cox is suspended by Kelso. Meanwhile, Carla informs Turk that she wants a real relationship before they sleep together. Turk wants to buy her a special pen to show that he knows the kinds of things she wants, but since he doesn’t have time, he takes it from a box of items that have been stuck inside people’s butts. He tells her at the last minute, and she ends up rewarding his respect for their relationship. Elliot helps both a young and old patient recover by lifting their spirits by lifting her shirt. But when she tries it on a dead man, she gets embarrassed. The janitor continues his taunting of J.D. Louie Anderson appears as himself in a daydream about Family Feud. 11/10/14
• 006. My Bad – 10/30/2001
  • Kelso assigns J.D. an attractive but difficult patient named Jordan Sullivan (Christa Miller), who is on the board of Sacred Heart. After J.D. gets angry and lays down the law with her, she sleeps with him in the hospital. After that he finds out that she is Dr. Cox’s ex-wife. J.D asks her to help Cox keep his position at the hospital following his suspension. She refuses but, helps him anyway. Carla’s mother (Gina Morelli) comes to stay with her and has big problems allowing Turk to stay over. When they go to spend the night at his house, she falls in the shower and breaks her leg, which she blames on Turk. Cox helps her realize that it would have happened anyway and she is just using her mother as an excuse not to advance her relationship, and she helps him realize that he would have nothing without the hospital. Elliot becomes attached to her psychiatrist patient Dr. Greenberg (Mark Chaet), using him for advice despite the fact that his jaw is wired shut. After he is released, she continues to see him professionally. J.D. catches the janitor talking to himself through a stethoscope. Jimmie Walker appears as himself in one of J.D.’s fantasies. 11/10/14
• 007. My Super Ego – 11/6/2001
  • J.D. is feeling at the top of his game, until a new hotshot intern named Nick Murdoch (Sean Hayes) shows up and wins over the admiration of Kelso and the crush of Elliot, who is afraid to approach him for a date. J.D. finally accepts passing the proverbial torch to Nick, but when Nick is faced with having to tell the parents of a seven-year old that he is going to die, he ends up quitting. Meanwhile, when Turk has a scare that he nicked a colon during an operation, he freezes during his next surgery. He doesn’t share his fears with Carla, which upsets her, and causes Cox to steer him toward pleasuring himself before a surgery. Kelso eventually steers Carla back toward Turk, despite having an obvious crush on her himself. J.D. awaits the next insult from the janitor, which end up simply being “you’re stupid.” Cody Estes is young J.D. 12/20/14
• 008. My Fifteen Minutes – 11/15/2001
  • J.D. and Turk save the life of a cameraman who is reporting the picketing of a strip club. This brings them undue attention, which Kelso decides to exploit to promote the hospital, but much to Turk’s chagrin, he uses the diversity angle since Turk is black. Turk asks that all of the promotional material using his image is removed, but Kelso refuses…until Buckland – who has been snubbed for a raise – tells Kelso that Turk could own him if he doesn’t comply. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox insists that J.D. write his own review, but J.D. insists that Cox do his job and write it. Cox tells J.D. his faults and insists that he was trying to get J.D. to do some serious self-analysis. Later, in front of the board and unbeknownst to J.D., he sings his praises. When put on the spot by J.D., Carla asks Elliot to join he rand her friend Patricia (Alex Wright) to go out with them, but cancels on Elliot and still shows up with Patricia, causing Elliot to feel bad. Elliot later has to assist Patricia when her son Darryl (Mane Andrew) is stabbed. Turk seems to inspire Darryl to abandon the thug life. An offhand comment to the janitor causes him to think that J.D. has taken something from his cleaning cart. 12/20/14
• 009. My Day Off – 11/20/2001
  • On his day off, J.D. is stricken with appendicitis, and is examined by Elliot, who he tells is too cold both figuratively and literally, and asks that Turk not operate on him. Meanwhile the former Chief of Medicine Dave Benson (Paul Collins) is admitted for a heart condition. Dr. Cox admires him and tries to make a good impression, but Kelso tries to release him an hour before he has a heart attack in the hospital. Cox gives Benson this information and makes a fool of Kelso, but Benson is unimpressed and tells Cox that he is too stubborn to ‘play the game’ just a little so that he can get in a position to make positive changes at the hospital. Elliot tries being more physical with her patients, with disastrous results. J.D. needs emergency surgery and Turk ends up performing the operation, later telling J.D. that he takes his work very seriously. Michael McDonald plays patient Mike Davis. 2/3/15 
• 010. My Nickname – 11/27/2001
  • An extremely annoying patient named Jill Tracy (Nicole Sullivan) gets Dr. Cox so riled that he takes it out on J.D., who has recently surpassed Carla in medical knowledge. Carla agrees to go to an photography exhibit with J.D., and reads the riot act to Cox for his treatment of her “Bambi” J.D. He is embarrassed by her looking out for him and demands some respect from her. He later apologizes and they head to the exhibit, but she can’t get over the fact that now she feels inferior to him about her job. Things become strained between them, but they are able to maintain their working relationship. Understanding the stress of Jill’s home life, Elliot lets Jill stay at the hospital through the weekend, much to Dr. Cox’s chagrin. Instead of punishing her, he teaches Elliot that, like Jill, she tries to carry to much responsibility on her shoulders sometimes and needs to take time for herself. Meanwhile Turk and Dr. Kelso engage in a turf war over a bench outside where they both like to have lunch. The janitor gives J.D. the nickname “Scooter”… because he hates Scooter Pies. 2/3/15
• 011. My Own Personal Jesus – 12/11/2001
  • On Christmas Eve, Dr. Kelso makes a remark that Elliot will end up in an OBGYN practice instead of internal medicine. She goes out of her way to pass off pregnant patient Meredith (Granger Green), who then disappears, causing Elliot to desperately search for her and embrace her female instinct. Dr. Cox assigns J.D. to video tape the birth of the baby of his friends Randy (Joel Hurt Jones) and Jackie Wheeler (Kathy Herd). J.D. uses one of Cox’s video tapes which can’t be recorded on, thus ruining the birth tape, made worse by the fact that Cox’s ex-wife Jordan is also there for the birth. She and Cox clash over everything… except criticizing J.D. When a patient wakes from a coma, Turk attributes it to God and insists that J.D. and Carla go to mass with him, despite their lack of interest. But when he has a bad night at the hospital, he starts to lose faith… until he follows a star and locates Meredith and helps her deliver her baby. J.D. keeps accidentally knocking over the janitor’s Christmas decorations. Monica Allgeier is Nurse Tisdale. Derek Miller is an orderly. 3/18/15
• 012. My Blind Date – 1/8/2002
  • Dr. Cox hopes to complete a 24-hour shift with all 27 patients staying alive, and although Elliot is willing and able to help him, Kelso puts all the pressure on J.D. Dr. Kelso also occupies J.D. with sweet-talking a social worker named Alex Hanson (Elizabeth Bogush) who slipped on the janitor’s wet floor. He connects with her while she is stuck in the CAT Scan, and tries to decide whether to go on a date with her before seeing her face. Turk gives Carla the cold shoulder after she takes some french fries off his plate, and patient Mike Davis (Michael McDonald) ends up refereeing their arguments. Carla thinks that he is going to break up with her, but he ends up telling her he loves her even though the excitement of their new relationship is over. One patient dies five minutes before midnight and Elliot wants to wait to call the death, but Cox insists that she call it and that they start on trying to make the achievement again, but he now has a new-found respect for her. Inspired by Turk and Carla, J.D. asks out the patient before seeing her face. 3/19/15
• 013. My Balancing Act – 1/15/2002
  • J.D. begins dating Alex and all is successful until J.D.’s pages from work start to get in the way. He accepts a date with her to make up for it, but then stays late to diagnose a patient with Dr. Cox and misses it. She breaks it off but later has a change of heart when he professes that she’s the first thing he’s wanted to pursue since being a doctor. Meanwhile Dr. Cox takes rounds and convinces the interns to not be scared of Dr. Kelso. This deflates Kelso’s ego, and he gives the rounds over to Cox, but eventually takes them back with a vengeance when Kelso continues to prod him…most likely hoping to coax him back. Turk and Carla are in the “I love you” phase of their relationship, which leads to trouble in bed… namely Carla’s. She confides in Elliot, who in turn admits she’s never had an orgasm. Elliot corrects that by teaching her how to sit on a clothes dryer. Carla admits that she is over-thinking her commitment with Turk, and he says that she will never scare him off, so their intimacy becomes more successful. Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson appears as himself in an imagination sequence. Manley Henry makes his first appearance as an intern. 6/12/15
• 014. My Drug Buddy – 1/22/2002
  • J.D. is ready to consummate his relationship with Alex, even though the janitor assures him it will never happen. Unfortunately, Elliot and Alex are not getting along, and it seems to stem from the fact that some Perkoset pills have gone missing from the hospital and Elliot thinks that an addict patient has stolen them, and Alex in her capacity as a social worker, assures her that the patient is clean. J.D. accuses Elliot of being jealous, earning him the cold shoulder. Meanwhile Turk and Dr. Cox are at odds when they keep winding up taking their pee breaks at the same time. They eventually realize that Cox is in love with Carla, but he finally promises that he won’t interfere with their relationship… but will be waiting when Turk inevitably screws it up. Kelso gives Carla a ride to work one morning when she misses the bus, and quite enjoys her spunk when she stands up to a rude man in line for coffee. But when he begins giving her special treatment, the other nurses start giving Carla the cold shoulder. Kelso reverts to being mean to Carla, but she’s unsure if it’s because he’s doing her a favor, or her embarrassment of being on his good side ticked him off. J.D figures out that it was actually Alex who stole the pills, thus ending their relationship and pleasing the janitor. J.D. apologizes to Elliot, who admits that she actually was jealous and captures him in a passionate kiss. 6/13/15
• 015. My Bed Banter and Beyond – 2/5/2002
  • In the aftermath of J.D. and Elliot having sex, they spend an passionate and wonderful day in bed together. Kelso arranges for certain members of the staff to participate in a psychological study in which they discuss why them became involved in the medical field and about their relationships. As time progresses, things that Elliot found cute about J.D. now seem to annoy her. What’s more she gets downright angry when he makes a joke about their sexual exploits, and when he doesn’t defend her call to Dr. Cox. They also notice how natural and smooth the relationship is between Turk and Carla. After two weeks, they discuss the difficulties they are facing, and they both tell the psychologist that they are not in relationships. NOTE: This episode is extra length at 28 minutes. 8/4/15
• 016. My Heavy Meddle – 2/26/2002
  • In the wake of the breakup of J.D. and Elliot, Turk chooses Elliot to help him write a study required of the interns. When Todd tells her that she was only chosen because she is a ‘medical geek’, she balks at helping, but Turk talks her into coming back. J.D. acts like he can’t stand the sight of her at his apartment, and Turk just keeps shirking the work and getting her to watch Red Dawn. When she threatens to quit, Turk tells her that he only picked her so that she and J.D. could make amends and they could continue being friends. Meanwhile Dr. Cox goes berserk and destroys Franklyn’s (Masi Oka) lab. Carla and Laverne tell J.D. that he does this once a year. Cox visits J.D. that night and drags him to a bar in his pajamas. The next day Cox is in a great mood, which J.D. can’t understand. Cox tells him that he needs a yearly release in order to cope with hospital. After hearing of the death of one of his high school teachers, J.D. lets his release take place by dropping watermelons off the roof with Turk, Carla, and Elliot, who he has accepted back as a friend. Carla tries to honor a coma patient’s request to play Poison’s Talk Dirty to Me to him by having Buckland track down his nearest relative, nephew Matthew Rice (Dan Sachoff) whose only interest is his uncle’s will. Buckland and Carla sing a version of the song to the patient, and Buckland falls deeper in love with her. 8/4/15
• 017. My Student – 3/5/2002
  • J.D., Elliot, and Turk are all feeling confident and cocky now that they are receiving their first med students to tutor. J.D.’s student turns out to be bumbling student Josh (DJ Qualls), who is very unsure of himself. J.D. is extremely annoyed by him at first, but then comes to realize that Josh is quite a bit like his former self, and he employs many of Dr. Cox’s tactics to bring him around. Turk’s student is the confident and attractive Kristen Murphy (Kelli Williams), to whom Dr. Cox immediately becomes attractive. When Cox can’t summon the courage to ask her out, Turk steps in and forbids them from dating, knowing full well it will drive Kristen right into his arms… which it does. Elliot’s student is the lazy and cocky Philip Chambers (Adrian Wenner), which suits her fine because she wants someone she can unleash her rage upon. But when Philip ends up being the son of Whitaker Chambers (Don Chastain), the CEO whose company owns the hospital, she is forced to let Philip slide on everything and doing his work for him. However Dr. Kelso tells her that it is not her job to suck up to either Chambers, so she ends up coming down hard on him again. 11/8/15
• 018. My Tuscaloosa Heart – 3/12/2002
  • Dr. Cox thinks highly of Kristen but cannot get his mind off of Carla and cancels a date with Kristen to help her move a dresser. He also turns to his ex-wife Jordan for advice, as she is seducing him. Cox finally decides to give Kristen 100% of his devotion, but she dumps him when she finds out about Carla and Jordan. Cox finally admits his loneliness and sleeps with Jordan again. Meanwhile J.D. does his best to ignore his angry and mean patient Aaron Simon (Jack Shearer), but when Simon dies, J.D. questions on whether his neglect contributed to his death. Kelso finds no fault in J.D.’s treatment, but Cox points out that it was obvious he cared less about Simon since he was mean. Elliot tries to get to the bottom of whether Dr. Kelso used to sing folk music in his younger days, when patient Mr. Sloane (Steven Shaw) claims to remember his performances during their college days. Kelso ultimately denies this, but later plays guitar in his office, and addresses his wife as the mysterious ‘Bunny’ from his songs. Eric Saiet is Jerry Donovan aka J.D. “Number One.” 11/9/15
• 019. My Old Man – 4/9/2002
  • Elliot and Turk have written a paper that they have to present at a medical conference, and both are upset that their parents are coming to see the presentation. J.D. gloats about their situation, but then finds out that his father Sam (John Ritter), who is flighty and prone to embarrassing him, is coming as well. Elliot’s father Simon (Lane Davies) is also a doctor and immediately rubs Dr. Kelso the wrong way. Kelso tries to embarrass Elliot by putting her on the spot with questions during rounds, but she passes with flying colors. Kelso then suggests to her that she has only become a doctor to please her father. Elliot begins to question her career choice and tries to talk to her mother Lily (Markie Post) about it, but her mother assumes she is coming out as a lesbian. Eventually she realizes that she actually loves the job. Turk’s mother Margaret (Hattie Wilson) is a domineering woman, and Turk is afraid to introduce Carla to her. However when they hit it off magnificently, Carla is very pleased… until she realizes that she and Margaret are exactly alike, causing her to become bothered that Turk is in love with her because she reminds her of his mother. Eventually Turk admits that this is true, but doesn’t see it as a bad thing. J.D.’s father lets him down once again when he bails on seeing J.D. give a lecture to med students on heart murmurs. Although condescending as usual, Dr. Cox tells him that he could have been raised much worse… and also shows up to J.D.’s lecture. The janitor’s father (R. Lee Ermey) spends the week with his son as well and proves to be even more tyrannical than his son. Alexandra Lee is young Elliot. David S. Robinson Hicks is young Turk. 1/6/16
• 020. My Way or the Highway – 4/16/2002
  • J.D. is frustrated by Turk’s competitive nature, especially considering he loses every competition that Turk forces him into. A patient with colitis named Mr. Hoffner (Fred Tealy) requests a surgical consult, and Turk agrees to back up J.D.’s opinion that Hoffner doesn’t need surgery. However, after examining him, Turk does in fact recommend the surgery, inflaming the medical/surgical feud that J.D. sees akin to the Jets and the Sharks from West Side Story – with a musical interlude of Above It All. J.D. confronts Turk, who tells J.D. that he needs to be just as competitive in selling what he believes to his patients. Meanwhile Elliot falls for attractive patient Sean Kelly (Scott Foley), who is apparently too obtuse to take her many hints and is discharged before Elliot can get a date with him. She tries dressing up nice as he is leaving, but gets called to help one of her patients, and she and Sean end up just talking about poop. Finally, Carla coaches her to be confident, and Elliot catches him the parking lot where she kisses him and demands that he ask her out. Dr. Cox confronts Dr. Kelso about the firing of two nurses and embarrasses Kelso in front of a group of interns. Kelso retaliates by firing Cox’s favorite nurse Patti (Katie O’Rourke) who makes Cox’s coffee just the way he likes it. Cox ends up apologizing in front of the interns and Kelso brings Patti back, but still manages to continue his embarrassing of Dr. Cox. Cox and J.D. team up against Turk and Wen for a wheelchair race. Paige Peterson is Nurse Shelly. 1/7/16
• 021. My Sacrificial Clam – 4/30/2002
  • Elliot’s relationship with Sean is going wonderfully, but when her works starts to slip, she has starts to have second thoughts and eventually breaks it off with him after confessing how important it is for her to succeed at her job. Meanwhile J.D. gets accidentally pricked with the needle of a patient who has Hepatitis B. He becomes scared of contagious patients and tries to avoid them and get the nurses to take care of one contagious patient named Mr. Winston (Robert Dolan). Shattering his confidence even more are experienced doctors, Dr. Bailey (Ed Begley Jr.), Dr. Douglas (William Daniels), Dr. Franklyn (Stephen Furst), and Dr. Lamar (Eric Laneuville), who are all suffering from Legionnaires’ pneumonia in the same room, and spend their time poking fun at J.D. To J.D.’s surprise, Dr. Cox trades Mr. Winston for his patient Mr. Schaffer, but J.D. realizes that Cox wanted him to figure out his fear on his own…and face it. Dr. Kelso tries to use Bob to get J.D. to sign a waiver in case he contacts the the disease. Carla pokes fun at the weight that Turk has been putting on, and Turk, noticing the great shape that Cox is in, asks if he can work out with him and Todd. Turk gets so into the workout that he starts ignoring Carla. He eventually realizes the irony of this and bails on working out with Cox and Todd, and accuses them of not having a life. NOTE: The four experienced doctors were all actors from the medical drama St. Elsewhere. 3/15/16
• 022. My Occurrence – 5/7/2002
  • Dr. Cox’s former brother-in-law Ben Sullivan (Brendan Fraser), with whom he get along with better than his ex-wife Jordan, is admitted into the hospital with a nail through his hand. J.D. also takes a liking to Ben and asks to join Dr. Cox and Ben for a night out. Cox allows him to come as a designated driver, but Ben ends up slipping him beer all night. Cox and J.D. also notice that Ben’s hand is still bleeding, and they both insist on running some additional tests. Meanwhile Turk nearly removes the testicle of the wrong patient, a mistake that Dr. Kelso refuses to acknowledge. Elliot tends to her old friend and patient Jill Tracy and mistakenly tells her that she is pregnant. Jill has already admitted to her fiancee that she has slept with someone else. J.D. gets Ben’s results which are positive for leukemia, but with all of the other mistakes going on in the hospital, he stops short of delivering the news and has admit nurse Nancy (Mary MacDonald) re-check Ben’s file, asks Franklyn re-check Ben’s lab work, and asks the temperamental hematopathologist Fred Bobb (Steven Hack) re-check the blood smear. J.D. finds out that the results were erroneous and that Ben doesn’t have leukemia… but the celebrations that ensue becomes surreal. He then realizes that he is back in Ben’s room ready to reveal the news, and that the re-check events had all been inside of his head. J.D. delivers the bad news. NOTE: This episode is to be continued. 3/15/16
• 023. My Hero – 5/14/2002
  • Ben puts on a brave front about his leukemia, but soon reality sets in and Dr. Cox brings in oncologist Dr. Zeltzer (Bob Clendenin), who reports that Ben’s blast levels are higher than expected. Dr. Cox makes an excuse not to be there for Ben’s first chemotherapy treatment, which causes J.D. to begin to question the ‘hero’ status that he has placed on Cox. Meanwhile Dr. Kelso is particularly hard on the interns during rounds, and Cox tells him that they don’t see it as ‘tough love’, but rather hate him. Kelso gives Elliot an evaluation form to fill out about him, promising anonymity. Carla grabs the form and belittles Kelso, bringing every question back to Kelso’s sexual inadequacy. Elliot later finds out that she was the only one given the evaluation, and although Carla tries to step up and take the blame, Elliot takes it herself. Turk is disappointed when his rival Bonnie Chang is chosen by Dr. Wen to assist with a Whipple procedure. Initially Turk accuses Wen of choosing her because they are both Asian, but then apologizes and asks who the best surgical intern is, getting the surprising and disappointing answer that it is the Todd. J.D. goes to visit Dr. Cox and confront him about being afraid to lend his support to Ben, but realizes that it is he who is afraid he will need to motivate Ben without Cox’s support. Each intern summons their courage, and J.D. goes to see Ben, only to find that Cox has had a change of heart and is there with him. Turk announces that he will one day own the surgical unit. Carla admits that it was she who wrote the evaluation, while Elliot tells Kelso to his face that he is mean. Ben later responds to the chemo and the cancer goes into remission. J.D. considers to see Cox as his hero. J.D. cannot figure out why the janitor knows so much about him. It is revealed that the janitor is reading J.D. journal that he keeps in his locker. Ted introduces his acapella vocal group The Worthless Peons Crispin (George Miserlis), Roy (Philip McNiven), and Randall (Paul Perry), who mostly sing cartoon theme songs. 6/17/16
• 024. My Last Day – 5/21/16
  • On his last day as an intern, J.D. reminisces about the past year and then heads into work. He has a patient named Frank Bober (Don Perry) who is troublesome and has no insurance. He passes the patient on to Elliot, who pass him off to Turk. When all three realize they can’t remember what he looks like, they start to realize that they are becoming uncaring, and decide to push to remove his gall bladder. J.D. seeks Dr. Cox’s support, which he is surprised that he actually gets. Elliot turns to Jordan, to whom she is giving a physical, for board support, but it goes awry when Jordan tells Elliot she knows she’s still in love with J.D, and Elliot returns the jab by telling her that the whole hospital knows she is still sleeping with Cox. Turk and Carla approach Dr. Wen and ask him to keep the surgery slot open. Dr. Cox convinces Dr. Kelso that it would be fiscally beneficial to go ahead with the surgery rather than treat Bober so often. Meanwhile Kelso offers to push for Cox to get the job as Residency Director, but only if Cox will stop ‘busing his chops’ for money. Cox sleeps with Jordan again, but says he didn’t ask her to help with Bober because her refusal would have been too predictable – just like the way she regularly shows up for sex – and advises her to ‘stir things up’. Jordan and the board approve the surgery, and the gang finishes their internship. J.D. is even congratulated by the janitor, who then sets his sight on new intern Michael (Michael Cotter). J.D. feels like everyone is a family… until Jordan shows up and reveals everyone’s secrets: that Kelso is in love with Carla and that Turk knows about it and discusses it with him, that the promotion that Kelso is promising Cox has been filled months ago, that Elliot is still in love with J.D., and that she slept with J.D. and that it was great. Everyone walks away from each other as they head into summer. April Pressel is Denise Bober. 6/17/16

SEASON 2

• 025. My Overkill – 9/26/2002
  • The day after Jordan spills the beans with everyone’s secrets, J.D. finds work a living nightmare, fearing that Dr. Cox will retaliate, watching Elliot avoid him, as well as seeing the friction between Carla and Turk. J.D is surprised when Cox tells him that he forgives him, but then fears that Cox no longer cares about him. Dr. Kelso assigns Turk to treat a patient named Mr. Zerbo (Scott Peacock) a big benefactor of the hospital, but he has no idea how to considering he has been passed around through many specialists. Turk can’t figure out how to apologize successfully and Carla won’t tell him. J.D. suggests that he and Elliot have sex to clear up remaining feelings, but she finally realizes it’s because they work together that she’s never gotten any space or closure. Carla finally tells Turk that she’s angry that Turk thought Cox was a threat, and eventually forgives him and invites him back into her room instead of making him bunk with J.D. With everything going on, J.D. forgets about Zerbo and has to admit to the interns that he did nothing to treat him. Kelso praises him because sometimes patients suffer from ‘medicine fever’ after visiting so many specialists. Cox berates J.D. for leaving his pager somewhere, returns it to him, and throws it across the lot… a way of welcoming him back into his tutelage. The janitor keeps spraying J.D.’s crotch with water. A troubadour (Coin Hay) serenades J.D. with the song Overkill until Cox smashes his guitar.  Bob McClurg is the car driver. 9/8/16
• 026. My Nightingale – 10/3/2002
  • Dr. Kelso is being honored at a testimonial by the Board of Trustees and wants Cox to deliver his introduction, but Cox flatly refuses. Because everyone is out at the testimonial, J.D., Elliot, and Turk are left at the hospital to run things. Cox continues to sleep with Jordan, and Carla points out that he is developing feelings for her again. During the night shift is plagued by Ted and his acapella group singing primetime TV theme songs, Turk answering every page from the free clinic, the admitting doctor (Marcus Ashley) allowing everyone into the ER, and J.D. having to make a decision on whether to order surgery on a police officer who was in an accident. Cox finally realizes that he does have feelings for Jordan and wants her back, but she insists that he must prove that he won’t sabotage himself any longer and forces him to give the introduction at Cox’s testimonial. At the last minute, he lets out his true feelings about Cox and Jordan walks out on him. Carla convinces the doctors to own up their responsibility, so J.D. orders the surgery. Carla later reveals that she switched shifts so that she could be there for them all. J.D. pulls a splinter out of the janitor’s foot, and then tries to pay back J.D. by helping him in very unhelpful ways. Richard Cansino is Dr. Rose. 9/8/16 
• 027. My Case Study – 10/10/2002
  • Dr. Kelso announces that he will be sending one doctor to an AMA conference, but he will choose the one who brings him the best case study. J.D. claims he won’t be participating which is a move that Dr. Cox really admires. However once he is challenged by Elliot, J.D. does in fact find a case study in a patient named Mike Davis (Michael McDonald) who broke his penis, without telling Cox what he is doing. It is all for naught however when Davis changes his mind about allowing J.D. to use him. Meanwhile Elliot desperately searches for common ground with Carla so that they can be friends in their own right without the guys. Dr. Cox impresses Mrs. Warner (Maree Cheatham), one of the hospital’s benefactors, but he refuses to allow her to help him advance his career. The hospital staff plans to take advantage of Dr. Kelso’s good mood following his traditional night of passion after his anniversary by hitting him up for favors. He turns mean before Turk can make his request, but then Turk finds out that his wife is actually out of town. Kelso admits that he just does this so people will only ask him for favors once a year. Turk blackmails him to grant his favor under condition that he keep it quiet. J.D. ends up finding Mrs. Warner’s case to be more interesting, so he ask her to allow him to use her as a case study. Cox is disappointed in J.D., but then decides to let Mrs. Warner also help him. Elliot and Carla finally start to become closer after working with a woman named Mrs. Kellerman (Jill Basey), who wants breast implants. J.D. buys the janitor a mop which chokes him up initially, but eventually he reverts to old one and is mean to J.D. once again. Douglas Sutherland is Mrs. Warner’s son. 11/30/16
• 028. My Big Mouth – 10/17/2002
  • Carla and J.D. handle a patient named Mr. Hogan (Brian Powell) who isn’t supposed to be eating meat, and along the way they start confiding in each other with secrets. J.D. reveals that he adjusts the schedule of a hot nurse named Lauren Halston (Lindsey Stoddart) so they work together, and Carla reveals that she is jealous of Turk’s rivalry with Bonnie. Turk finds that notion ridiculous since they are always at each other’s throat. When Kelso chooses Turk to go on a Doctors Without Borders program with him to Mexico, Turk initially gloats to Bonnie, but then he finds out that she was overlooked because she is a woman. Turk confronts Kelso about this, so Kelso lets Turk decide who gets to go… and he ultimately chooses Todd. Meanwhile the janitor teams up with Troy (Joe Rose) the cafeteria worker to make J.D.’s life miserable when they perceive that he thinks they’re dumb. When Carla finds out that J.D. told Turk that she was jealous, she retaliates by telling Lauren about her schedule. J.D. pleads for forgiveness, but when Carla refuses, he gives her the cold shoulder which gradually lures her back to confiding in him. Elliot still desperate for Cox’s approval volunteers to deliver all of the ‘bad news’ to patients so Cox dumps it on her. Eventually he advises her that this will depress her, and more importantly not to seek his or anyone else’s constant approval. 11/30/16
• 029. My New Coat – 10/24/2002
  • J.D. starts to feel more confident as a doctor, and his new white coat reflects this, much to the irritation of Dr. Cox, which also arouses the ire of the janitor who begins wearing a white coat as well. Meanwhile Elliot has a one night stand with Dr. DiStefano (Brian McGovern), and the word quickly spreads giving her a reputation as a slut. Even Turk is caught by her spreading jokes. Turk, who is suffering from a backache, keeps getting paired with the extremely short Dr. Amato (Jeffrey Asch) because he skipped a boys night out with the other surgeons. Elliot gets Dr. Cox to okay patient Mrs. Bumbry (Carrie Michaels) entering a G.I. clinical trail even though she doesn’t qualify, causing Dr. Kelso to become furious. Carla saves him when she tells Kelso that Bumbry is actually ten years younger than reported due to an error and thus a perfect candidate for the trial, forcing Kelso to apologize to Cox, who would rather rub in his face that he’s a rebel and doesn’t care how old she was. J.D.’s patient Mr. Blair (Ted Lange) loses his sense of smell after J.D. gives him antibiotics. J.D. becomes hellbent on proving it wasn’t his fault, and though it turns out actually not to be, Cox tells him that the patient just wants to blame someone. Elliot decides she likes her new reputation. Turk demands that his fellow surgeons give Elliot and Dr. Amato some respect. Bruce Sledge is Dana Gould, the tenor. 3/12/17
• 030. My Big Brother – 10/31/2002
  • J.D. and Turk are feeling old on the eve of Halloween, but a visit from J.D.’s older brother Dan (Tom Cavanagh) perks him up… until he starts flirting with Elliot. J.D. realizes that he’s not as jealous as he is embarrassed by the fact that Dan is a bartender living with his mother. Meanwhile Turk feels guilty when he denies a woman (Susan Grace) who invites him to attend her husband’s funeral after he dies in surgery. The janitor vows to prank J.D. for Halloween while an unknown person in a gorilla outfit goes around pranking people. Turk feels even more guilty when he bets Cox that a patient will live or die in surgery. He and Carla end up attending the funeral but are berated by the widow and her mother (Lyla Graham) for not knowing the deceased man’s name. Carla berates Dr. Cox for getting Turk so down, so Cox tells him that doctors need to disassociate themselves and be humorous to cope with death. J.D. tries to make up with his brother after admitting that he’s ashamed of him, but ends up telling Dan that he is just too afraid to take a chance on himself, causing Dan to simply drive off. J.D. and Turk bring out the kid inside by dressing like pigs on Halloween night. Dr. Kelso is revealed to be the gorilla. Kelly McCracken is a patient. 3/12/17
• 031. My First Step – 11/7/2002
  • J.D. warns a skateboarding accident victim named Mike (Cole Williams) to be less risky, and then similarly takes a conservative approach by recommending that Elliot wait-and-see on a patient before recommending a surgery. Elliot ignores him, and the patient dies on the table. J.D. is smug and gets Elliot angry, but then has to eat crow when Kelso advises that she did the right thing, and that ‘wait-and-see’ doctors will never be great doctors. Meanwhile Carla gets belittled for being ‘just a nurse’ and Turk tries to recommend that she continue her education, much to her irritation. Beautiful pharmaceutical saleswoman Julie Keaton (Heather Locklear) visits the hospital, and turns off Cox right away because he hates the industry. It is obvious that he is attracted to her, and she finally gets him to work past the facade and join her on a date. J.D. admits that he’s never had the guts to take a risk, so Elliot and Mike take him bungee jumping. Carla decides to continue her education. The janitor blames J.D. for him missing his son’s baseball game, and feigns subservience to him. 9/1/17
• 032. My Fruit Cups – 11/14/2002
  • Struggling to get by, Turk and J.D. have been stealing snack cups and toilet paper from the hospital. J.D. thinks the janitor is on to them but he is tracking someone stealing narcotics. Turk cheats J.D. out of a $100 when he charges a ‘finders fee’ for recommending a moonlighting job at the hospital. J.D. gets revenge by reporting that Turk smokes marijuana, and he is not asked to come back and has to resort to driving an ambulance. J.D. realizes he went too far, but then delivers some good news to Turk when Carla refers to herself and Turk as ‘we’ when talking about their financial affairs. J.D. and Turk reconcile, and Turk admits that he wants to eventually marry Carla. Meanwhile Jordan interrupts Dr. Cox’s affair with Julie by showing up at his apartment pregnant. Although the baby is not his, she announces that she wants him back to help raise it. She tries to compete with the sexy Julie, but appears clumsy because she’s pregnant. Ultimately Cox chooses to be with Jordan. The ‘gyno-girls’ try to convince Elliot to become an O.B., but she doesn’t want to. Kelso laughs at the notion that she can stand up to anyone, but she gets the chance to prove it when her father visits and tells her that her becoming an O.B. is his idea. She refuses… and he cuts her off completely.Julie Hudson is Dr. Gerson. Donald Sage Mackay is Dr. Page. 9/1/17
• 033. My Lucky Day – 12/5/2002
  • J.D. makes a diagnosis that Dr. Cox misses based on a documentary he saw on TV, and proceeds to display his cocky attitude, liking it to one of his greatest moments when he did a trick for magician David Copperfield (himself). Meanwhile Elliot struggles with being cut off by her father, and faces a lawsuit from a patient named Mr. Bragin (Alan Ruck) who lives longer than Elliot had diagnosed him to. J.D. and Cox then diagnose two identical patients, but this time J.D.’s patient dies while Cox’s recovers. It drives J.D. insane when Cox insinuates he missed something, even driving him to have the medical examiner Dr. Walch (Biff Yeager) inspect the body, but Cox later reveals that what he missed was the ‘luck’ aspect of recovery. Carla feels the need to tell Cox that she doesn’t approve of him getting back together with Jordan, who quickly finds out about it and tells Carla she might want to examine herself, before going into premature labor. Kelso tells Elliot to grow up, and reveals that he has been sued multiple times too. Elliot in turn tells Bragin that he blames everyone, including his father (Richard Livingston) for all of the problems in his life. Turk and J.D. try to use their stuffed dog Rowdy to make their neighbor laugh, and Turk finally succeeds. Carla recognizes that she has a problem interfering. Elliot decides she can’t afford her apartment and begins the process of moving. Deonte Gordon is Mark the orderly. 4/4/18
• 034. My Monster – 12/5/2002
  • As Christmas nears, J.D. pontificates that the hospital is a monster that feeds on he and his friends’ personal lives… and also that he needs to be with a woman. Lisa (Sarah Lancaster) the gift shop girl accepts a date with J.D., but while thinking about some of his more disgusting patients like Mrs. Watson (Marcy Goldman) and Mrs. Koppleman (Damara Reilly), he is unable to get aroused after they kiss. Meanwhile Turk falls asleep immediately after having sex while watching The Jeffersons, causing Carla to think all the romance is out of their relationship. Elliot looks for a place to live, including the hospital sleeping area and a storage truck, but refuses to stay with J.D. and Turk. J.D. loans the janitor a dollar when he is short on money and is trying to snag a candy bar from the vending machine. When J.D. can’t explain his actions to Lisa, she dumps him. Dr. Cox asks Jordan to move back in with him, and then can think of nothing he regrets more. Cox’s and Turk’s women issues pale in comparison to J.D.’s and gives the janitor a new nickname for him: PeePee LaFritz. Elliot finally agrees to swallow her pride and stay with J.D. and Turk, leading to J.D. getting physical with her… and redeeming his manhood. Carla decides she’s been too hard on Turk, who has been working so hard that he has every reason to be tired. Cox makes amends with Jordan too, by bringing her and her appetite extra fast food. 4/5/18
• 035. My Sex Buddy – 1/2/2003
  • Despite knowing it’s not a good idea, J.D. and Elliot continue to have sex, and finally decides that they can remain ‘sex buddies’ without getting involved, an idea in which J.D. takes a lot of pride. Unfortunately with the chaos in Elliot’s life, she is messing up a lot at work, and Turk begins warning patients that they should request to change doctors, fearing that Elliot might really mess something up. This upsets Elliot even more, and J.D. starts to think she is getting too clingy when she seeks comfort from him. Elliot is initialy furious when she finds out what Turk did, but then realizes he is right. Dr. Cox however thinks he should have been man enough to discuss it with her instead of going behind her back. He gives her some advice to get her life in order, but warns her to tell no one that he helped her. Just as J.D. is starting to warm up to the idea of a real relationship with Elliot, she decides that they need to stop being sex buddies so that she can straighten herself out, much to his dismay. Meanwhile Dr. Kelso criticizes Carla for giving patients concrete answers when she advises Mr. (Don Tiffany) and Mrs. Marrick (Stacy Barnhisel) not to get their baby (Garrett Donovan) circumcised. Shortly after, she dismisses patient Mr. Woodbury (Kevin Cooney) before she finds out that Cox wants to keep him longer. J.D. tries to tell Cox that Woodbury should be dismissed, but Cox tells Carla she needs to take responsibility. However once she tells Woodbury and angers him, Kelso double-crosses her and tells him that he is dismissed. The janitor gets angry when J.D. won’t reveal anything that he considers doctor-patient privilege, so he changes J.D.’s lock on his locker, citing “janitor-locker” confidentiality. 12/3/18
• 036. My New Old Friend – 1/9/2003
  • Elliot warns J.D. that he might have a harder time adjusting to just being friends again than she will. She also encourages him to ask Lisa out on a date again. When Elliot’s truck of all her belongings, J.D. continues with the date. Elliot gets upset with him for not simply being a friend. Meanwhile Dr. Cox has to deal with an annoying patient named Harvey Corman (Richard Kind) who is a hypochondriac, but offers to check his bone marrow via a very painful needle-through-the-hip test. Corman agrees wholeheartedly to the test, and they find out that he does in fact have cancer. Even though the prognosis is positive, Cox feels bad and blames Carla for not calling him out for being a jerk to Corman. Carla surmises that they’re not as close as they used to be. Dr. Cox orders Turk to call the DMV and have Mrs. Kaye’s (Phyllis Applegate) license taken away after her brain surgery. Turk hedges on it, which leads Mrs. Kaye to crash into Cox’s car. Kelso berates Turk, and tells him that all patients lie. When J.D. makes fun of the janitor for going to his kid’s career day, the janitor pretends to be Dr. Jan Itor, using J.D.’s work clothes. J.D. realizes that Elliot was putting on a brave face and lying about being okay with her stuff being stolen, and blows off a date with Lisa to bring her flowers. Cox and Carla go out for a game of pool. Kelso continues to bemoan the fate of his car Bessie. Larry Udy is Mr. Grimmett. Mike Schwartz, Jessica Wright, and Trevor Wright are lying patients. 12/3/18
• 037. My Philosophy – 1/16/2003
  • Turk finally decides to pop the question to Carla, but mishaps keep taking place with the ring, including having it swallowed by a young patient named Ralphie (Joey Saravia) at the hospital. J.D. shares his philosophy about death with a lady named Elaine (Jill Tracy), who is at the hospital hoping for a heart transplant. She believes that the world will suddenly turn into a Broadway musical upon death. He also faces a confident pregnant woman named Sandy Larkin (Toni Ann Rossi), who needs a heart valve transplant immediately, which will put the baby in danger. Her husband Steve (Sam Jaeger) is meek and unable to make a decision. J.D. likens their relationship to his and Dr. Cox’s. Eventally J.D. talks him into approving the operation, and luckily both baby and mother are saved. This seems to undermine another of his philosophies that in a hospital, balance is maintained as one is given life as another loses it. However this does in fact come true, when Elaine passes away, to which J.D. can see everyone performing in a musical. Carla has to rush to Chicago to be with her mother when her aunt dies, so Turk pops the question even though the ring is still inside Ralphie. He is dumbfounded when she tells him that she has to think about it. Meanwhile Dr. Kelso thinks he is going to be able to expand his office when Dr. Koppelman vacates his office next door. However Elliot is hellbent on getting a separate locker room for the women, and when Ted gives her a tip that not having one is in violation of the law, Kelso is forced to turn the office into another locker room. He has high hopes that the new neighbor on the other side, Dr. Mitchell (Kit Pongetti) will soon vacate, but she is doing a fellowship that could last up to fifteen years. J.D. gives the janitor a pen in an effort to make peace, but it leaks all over his clothes. Daniel Edward Mora is Ralphie’s father. 10/4/19
• 038. My Brother, My Keeper – 1/23/2003
  • Carla returns from Chicago and still doesn’t have an answer to Turk’s proposal. When Turk’s successful brother Kevin (D.L. Hughley) comes for a visit, Turk thinks this will bode well when Carla sees what a family man he is. However he ends up announcing that he has walked out on his wife. Turk is annoyed, but eventually finds out that his wife actually left him, and he is broken up about it. Turk takes his brother out drinking, but when they return home drunk, Carla walks out on them. Meanwhile, Dr. Kelso’s friend Dr. Townshend (Dick Van Dyke), the most popular doctor to ever work at the hospital, impresses everyone, and even asks the janitor to take good care of J.D., which the janitor takes to heart. However it turns out that his work is unsafe and outdated, and by forcing J.D. to do an antiquated procedure, J.D. nicks a patient’s carotid artery. Although Townshend takes the rap, J.D. thinks it his duty to tell the truth about both of their performances. This ultimately forces Kelso to confront Townshend about his old methods and gets him fired. The janitor, who has gotten Crispin, Randall, and Troy, all to vow their allegiance to J.D., has a change of heart after Townshend gets canned, and they turn J.D.’s car upside down. Dr. Cox wants to know the sex of Jordan’s baby, but she doesn’t and forces him to look away. Elliot however sees the ultrasound so uses that knowledge to her advantage to get Cox to ease up on her. Ultimately Elliot gives the sex of the baby in an envelope to Jordan, who tells Perry he can look at it if he keeps it to himself. However he feels too guilty to look at it. Robert Beckwith is Roy. 10/4/19
• 039. His Story – 1/30/2003
  • J.D. and Turk argue over which of them a waitress named Jenny (Lenore Thomas) has a crush on, but they finally agree it must be J.D. when she says she prefers vanilla over chocolate. Turk is frustrated when Carla won’t accept his proposal, but vows to continue to ask her until she can put her finger on why she won’t. Perry visits his psychologist Dr. Gross (Eric Bogosian), who has the cold steel will of Perry, and makes no qualms about diagnosing him as a narcissist, before dropping him as a patient. Dr. Kelso insists that Cox examine him for a physical for an insurance policy but Cox refuses to rubber stamp him, and ends up diagnosing his high blood pressure, causing Kelso’s premium to rise six grand. Elilot meets a great guy named Paul Flowers (Ricky Schroder), but when she finds out he is a nurse at the hospital, she blows him off and is embarrassed when Nurse Roberts spreads the information all over the hospital. That doesn’t stop her from making out with him in the closet, before turning cold again and hiding their relationship. The janitor gets angry when J.D. won’t hold the door for him. J.D. tells Dr. Cox that he needs a break from him, and switches mentors with the extremely nervous Doug, who Cox immediately begins to abuse. No one shows up at Cox’s football party, so he begins to think about what Gross told him. Carla rants at Elliot for not dating Paul, blaming the fact that she has an idealized version of her mate, but all the while is obviously diagnosing her own hang-ups about marrying Turk. Elliot decides to continue dating Paul and to not care what anyone says. Kelso thanks Cox for diagnosing his blood pressure, as his doctor told him it may have saved his life. Cox tracks down Gross when he is out to eat with his wife, and tells him that he made progress by listening to the advice of J.D. and not insulting Dr. Cox when he thanked him. The janitor traps J.D. in the elevator, and is about to tie him up with duck tape, when Cox rescues him unintentionally and asks him to come be his resident again. He even briefly pats J.D. on the back. Turk finally gets tired of asking Carla, so decides to not ask anymore. He runs into Jenny, who tells him that it is him she had the crush on. Turk is about go for coffee with her, when Carla calls and tells him to ask her again; this time she says yes. Bergen Williams is Carol Stonewater, the patient who J.D. always hides behind. 3/25/20
• 040. My Karma – 2/6/2003
  • Turk admits to J.D. that he nicked the artery of a patient named Mr. Simms (Keith Blaney) during surgery, but didn’t tell him why he had extra pain in his chest. As the the two of them hit golf balls off of the hospital roof, J.D. warns Turk about bad karma. Turk then hits a golf ball that hits Dr. Kelso and causes him to spill coffee on his face and burn it severely. J.D. hits a ball that causes a window to break. Later the two doctors get a patient named Mr. Foster (Ron Ostrow) who got a car accident when a golf ball hit his car. They try to decide whether to tell him or not, and visit Ted for his advice, but he pretends he hasn’t heard what they said. Meanwhile Paul raves to Elliot how normal she is, so she immediately becomes self-conscious about him finding out how neurotic and crazy she is. She plans to sleep with him on their next date, but he declines and heads home. The next day he explains that there was something wrong and it didn’t feel right. Later he realizes that what was wrong was that he felt like she was holding back her true self. She breaks like a dam and tells him every crazy thing about her… which actually turns him on and they sleep together. With Jordan ready to give birth, Cox reserves the ultra-nice birthing suite, but it is not available when she visits the day before and she is forced to endure the ultra-bubbly Dr. Donna Berlutti (Debra Azar). As hard as he tries, Jordan is all over Cox’s case. It gets to the point where he doesn’t want to see her and he asks J.D. to look in on her. She admits to J.D. that she has been too hard on him and might have sabotaged their relationship. She also confesses that the baby is in fact Cox’s, and she only told him that it was someone else’s to ensure that he really wanted to be with her. He makes his way back to her regardless of her shrewish behavior and insists on being with her when she gives birth. The janitor finds out that it was Turk and J.D. on the roof and blackmails them to fix his car’s windshield. With full karma in force, after they fix it, it is hit by a golf club when Sam decides to play some golf on the roof himself. J.D. and Turk admit to Mr. Foster that they hit the golf ball, and find out that he was downtown when it happened, so they couldn’t have done it. 3/25/20
• 041. My Own Private Practice Guy – 3/13/2003
  • J.D. desperately wants to tell Dr. Cox that Jordan is carrying his baby, but every time he tries to talk to him, Jordan interrupts. Dr. Cox seems put off by a private practice doctor named Peter Fisher (Jay Mohr) who is taking care of patient Mrs. Grayson (Kathryn White). Peter is charming to everyone and reveals that he was once Dr. Cox’s intern, and he helps give J.D. some pointers on how to win Cox over. Sure enough his advice works, and Cox invites him to join him with a procedure. J.D. lies and tells him his grandmother died, and then goes out with Peter. Meanwhile Turk lets off steam before performing surgery by playing basketball, but Dr. Kelso ruins their good time by parking in the court area. Turk gets revenge by unplugging the Ms. Pac-Man video game on which Kelso has the high score. Carla struggles with feeling unattractive since she’s been engaged. Making it worse, a somnambulist named Mr. Hilliard (Barry Kivel) who falls asleep when he gets aroused by women, has no problem staying awake for Carla. The janitor is nice and helpful to Elliot, and pretends to be nice to J.D. whenever she is around. Dr. Cox warns J.D. to stay away from Peter, and when Peter attempts to talk to Cox, he tackles Peter. J.D. thinks that they are fighting over him, but in reality, Cox had once confided in Peter when he and Jordan were having issues, and Peter slept with Jordan. J.D. decides to throw his loyalty back to Dr. Cox. J.D. attempts to tell Dr. Cox about the baby again, but once again Jordan interrupts. Carla realizes that no one hits on her when her engagement ring is on, but when she slips it off, Todd quickly goes into pervert mode… and Hilliard falls asleep. Since neither Turk nor J.D. can de-stress the way they normally do, they go play golf together. J.D. soundly defeats Kelso, but then Kelso reports to the golf club security (D. Elliot Woods) that he has no idea who Turk is, and Turk is ejected from the course. J.D. can stand no more of the janitor so he demands that he tell Elliot what a miserable person he is. However when the janitor’s son appears after being insulted, Elliot thinks that J.D. behaved despicably. However the boy (Hayden Tank) isn’t his son at all. Jay Leno appears as himself in J.D.’s fantasy. Jason Baumgard is the ultra-tall Chet. Robb McKindles is the angry golfer. 7/6/20
• 042. My T.C.W. – 3/20/2003
  • Carla catches J.D. in the act of practicing making out on the stuffed dog, which leads to Nurse Shelly making fun of him, and Carla arguing with Turk about her being a gossip. They argue even more when the young patient Ralphie spills the beans to Carla that he had swallowed her engagement ring. Turk tells Carla that the ring is so clean that he would put it in his mother, which he does… and then swallows it. Dr. Cox and Jordan continuously argue as well because Jordan can do nothing but dote on the baby while barking orders at him. The janitor turns every Asian in the hospital against J.D. when he asks him for a crossword puzzle answer that turns out to be chink – as in armor – but it is overheard by Franklyn and spread around. J.D. hires Ralphie to throw up all over the hospital to retaliate against the janitor. Elliott is at odds with Paul when he refuses to eat some of her turkey jerky, after she causes him to trip while being kinky with a blindfold. J.D. has a major crush on a T.C.W. – a ‘tasty coma wife’ – named Jamie Moyer (Amy Smart), whose husband Jack (Adam Harrington) has been a coma for two years after just three weeks of marriage. After being completely distracted while thinking about Jamie and trying to listen to a patient’s (David Martel) heartbeat without the stethoscope in his ears, J.D. decides he needs a night out for a beer with a wingman. Jamie offers to go out with him and be his wingman, but when others catch wind that he is dating a coma wife, they all tell him how disappointed they are. Although J.D keeps imagining seeing Jack wherever he goes, he nevertheless retaliates against all of them by telling them that their petty squabbles are all ridiculous while he sits home alone night after night. He ends up going out to dinner with Jamie and kissing her, but when she asks him to come back to her place, he tells her that she might be moving too fast, and urges her to think about whether she is ready for another relationship. Ultimately she chooses to perhaps call him at a later time. The other couples work harder at appreciating each other… while J.D. feels as alone as ever. Melanie Rockwell is the breast-feeding is Mrs. Brady and her son Justin is Jonathan Conrad when he’s older and Adam Gobble when he’s younger. 7/6/20
• 043. My Kingdom – 3/27/2003
  • On the even of starting his surgical elective, J.D. realizes how nerdy his doctor colleagues are, while the surgical doctors seem to all be cool. J.D. tries to make an effort to be cool when he’s with the surgeons, but falls on his face and has to rely on Turk to defend him. However J.D. turns it all around when he tells them all that Turk once practiced ballet. Turk responds by ignoring him and assigning him to another surgeon. Meanwhile Dr. Cox gets frustrated with the computer and tosses it into the parking lot. Kelso won’t spring for a new one, but has no problem buying himself a new desk and a painting of himself to hang in the office. Cox adds a death date to the portrait, which makes most everyone – especially Ted – rejoice. The janitor buys himself a new saw but has nothing to use it on, but when maintenance men (J.K. Baker, Larkin Campbell) clear out Kelso’s office, the janitor helps get the desk out by sawing it in half. When Kelso returns, he is crestfallen, and Cox gives him a half-apology and a blank check to replace everything. Kelso buys a new computer… but puts it in his own office, replacing Cox’s with another old piece of junk. Paul and Elliot continue to date, and Elliot mostly loves the way he controls her to do things better. At one point she finds an old U2 CD and declares to her self ‘I love U2’, which makes Paul think she’s in love with him. He is thrilled, but continues to control her to the point that she has to break it off with him… but needs him to talk her through the break up to say the right things. When J.D. sees a woman (Monica Allison) offer to buy Turk a drink, he admits that he’s always made everything seem so easy because he’s so cool, and only wanted an opportunity for other to think he is cool. Turk tells him that they’re friends because J.D. is nerdy but never cared what others think. Tim Benedick is one of the surgeons. Angee Hughes is a nurse. Danny Swerdlow is Rudy, the doctor with the grapefruit. 10/22/20
• 044. My Interpretation – 4/3/2003
  • When Jamie’s coma husband Jack passes away, J.D. attends the funeral to pay his respects, and winds up sleeping with her in the closet. J.D. thinks she is grieving and doesn’t think she should be dating, even though she swears she has moved on since she’s been without Jack for two years. Meanwhile, Perry babysits for Jordan’s baby, still not knowing that he is his child. He is bored to death and feels nothing for the baby, even though he wants her to name the baby Jack. After one night of babysitting, he tells Jordan he can’t do it the next day because he had to give a lecture. She is annoyed when she finds him playing basketball with friends. He starts to tell her the truth about how he feels, but when the baby responds to Jack, his face lights up and it becomes clear that Perry enamored by him. Turk has sex dreams about Elliot and can’t stop thinking about her. He tells Elliot and makes he promise not to tell. He discusses with the other surgeons while they are operating on a patient (Leslie David Baker),  and when the patient wakes up, he tells Turk and Carla what he thought her heard while he was under. Carla acts angry and gives back her ring, but then laughs it off and tells Turk that it is natural. She admits that she hasn’t had any sex dreams since they became engaged…but then has one starring Ted. J.D. has to stop to pee while driving home one night, and winds up in the bushes of the janitor and spots him inside taking a shower. When he identifies a possible melanoma on his penis, he feels it is his duty to tell him. The janitor is aghast, but ultimately thanks him for caring enough to speak up, although it winds up looking benign. J.D. has to deliver bad news about possible cancer in a German-speaking patient named Rolf Mueller (Soren Hellerup), but when Rolf’s brother Hermann (Ingo Neuhaus) helps him interpret his diagnosis, Hermann lies and tells him he will be fine. It turns out that his prognosis improves greatly, but J.D. still can’t understand why Hermann lied. He takes it as his cue not presume how Jamie should feel, so he approaches her when she is out to dinner and professes his feelings for her… only to find out that she is dining with Jack’s parents. Dr. Cox is in a bad mood because his new shoes hurt, and he takes it out on Ted, who, at Cox’s encouragement looks in the mirror to find out how ugly he is. 10/22/20
• 045. My Drama Queen – 4/10/2003
  • J.D.’s relationship with Jamie is sizzling, with her tying him up in bed with rope. Carla is shopping for wedding dresses, and J.D. remarks how much he likes the janitor’s shorts. Then unexpectedly, Carla announces that her mother had died. A week later after the funeral, Jamie has become boring in bed, and when she drops off some of his things from her apartment at the hospital, Elliot speculates that their relationship has gone sour. Meanwhile, after Dr. Kelso gives a warning that the doctors need to watch what they say to patients in order to avoid legal Dr. Cox berates an overweight patient Mr. Weisfelner (Larry Udy) for gaining nine pounds in a week. Cox refuses to take Kelso’s class on patient relations, so he is forced to teach it himself. He mostly blows off the teaching and sleeps through class, but when Kelso demands that he actually teach, the best he can do is tell everyone that if they want to be doctors and nurses, they have to be prepared to get in trouble, because sometimes patients need to yelled at. Cox has trouble comforting Carla about the loss of her mom, but Turk offers to do whatever he can, and what she chooses is to get married right away. Turk arranges to the use the hospital chapel and Chaplain (Robert Noble), but at the last minute, he talks her out of it, remembering that she had always dreamed of a big wedding. J.D. realizes that Jamie is addicted to drama, and figures out whenever they want to spice things up, he just brings some drama into the fold… including telling Jamie that he used to date Elliot and now she wants him back. When Jamie calls Elliot a ‘slut’, J.D. convinces her that it’s in a good way, so Elliot starts misusing the word around the hospital. The janitor has his wife make J.D. some shorts out of scrubs, which after J.D. wears them once, he throws them away. When the janitor finds them in the garbage, he confronts J.D. who tells him that he’s not allowed to wear them at work. He claims she only has two fingers, so he has her make him some to wear in public. These seemingly are enough to keep the relationship with Jamie spicy enough. Fred Berry appears as himself doing the ‘Rerun Dance’ in J.D.’s fantasies. Gillian Vigman is the patient who accuses Todd of sexual innuendo. Gabriel Pimentel is Mike the little person at the bar. 2/10/21
• 046. My Dream Job – 4/17/2003
  • As the residents settle into the end of their second year, lulled into all the pitfalls of stagnation, Dr. Kelso decides to make an example of one of the residents and mercilessly pick on them. At first he chooses Doug, but when Elliot accidentally stabs in the face with a shot, he starts to hound her to the point that she can’t take it any longer. J.D. and Turk’s old college friend Spence (Ryan Reynolds), a successful investment banker, comes into town to attend the gay wedding of their friends Schmitty and Dan, they all go out drinking every night. When Spence comes to see them at work and get a hydrating i.v., he spills the beans to Dr. Cox about Jordan’s baby being his. Spence, J.D., and Turk all wind up drinking in someone else’s hot tub… and are eventually joined by the couple Frannie (Sarah Lilly) and Ed (James Henriksen). When they get called into work to attend to a highway pile-up, Cox recognizes that they’ve been drinking and sends them home. They are hurt by this, and blame Spence, but he tells them that it’s obvious they’ve been looking for an excuse to go out because they hate their jobs. The janitor picks on J.D. by telling him that he makes more than him, and while J.D. is in a horrible mood, he tells the janitor that at least the job he does matters. Later he feels bad and apologizes and tells him that the floor is clean enough to eat off of… and proves it to him. Cox tells Jordan that he’s hurt by the fact that she never told him the truth and that while he’ll always be in the baby’s life, he’s not sure they should be together. She won’t take that for an answer and continuously follows him around until he finally gives in and tells her to go home and wait for him. He tells J.D. that he wasn’t really mad at her, only scared that he won’t be a good father. J.D. reminds of him of a diagnosis he made on a diabetes patient named Mr. Groff (Steve Susskind), and how Dr. Cox had just complimented him on it. He tells him that he’s naturally fatherly… and he seems to prove this by punching Kelso in the face when he sees him berating Elliot again. Richard Voigts is dementia patient Mr. Weinberg. 2/10/21

SEASON 3

• 047. My Own American Girl – 10/2/2003
  • J.D. begins his third year of residency, and is faced with figuring out a diagnosis for a woman named Mrs. Farr (Bonnie Perlman), who is having acute abdominal pain. Dr. Kelso is still recovering from the punch he took from Dr. Cox, and his nose whistles whenever he approaches, alerting anyone messing around when they should be working. Kelso is taking out his revenge by assigning Cox to give physicals to prison inmates. He also refuses to find someone to cover Cox’s shift so that he can see his son.  Elliot is looking for ways to feel better about herself, but after purchasing a new car, it is smacked by another car, ripping its door off… twice. She also faces a rude radiologist named Dr. Moyer (Lee Arenberg), who refuses to take responsibility for a bad diagnosis he made, leaving Elliot to face the patient alone. She goes out to buy everyone Smoothies and runs into her old boyfriend Sean Kelly, but he is already with another girl (Jennifer Lothrop). J.D. enlists Carla and Turk to help him stay late and figure out Mrs. Farr’s diagnosis. J.D. is even able to bribe the x-ray technician Laddy (Sean Whalen) to push her x-rays through. Meanwhile Carla is irritated that Turk never seems to get jealous of her, but when she gets a cardiologist named Mitchell Franks (Brad Koepenick), with whom she once had a fling, to do an echocardiogram, he finally starts to feel it. They finally run into a brick wall with getting Moyer to do an EKG. Elliot has finally had enough and decides to take control of her life by getting a makeover and taking on a whole new badass attitude. She marches into Moyer’s office and insist that he perform the EKG, under threat of her exposing his misdiagnosis. Even after all of the research, they come up short in determining what is wrong with Mrs. Farr. Dr. Cox finally pushes them to determine the actual answer: Familial Mediterranean fever. Cox gives them all the credit, but then takes the credit with Mrs. Farr. Dr. Cox asks for a truce with Kelso and then fixes his nose. Dr. Kelso is now able to sneak up on his associates and catch them goofing off. J.D.’s attraction for Elliot is re-kindled, but just as he’s about to make his move, Sean shows up to see her. Umoja Butler is the big basketball player. Nicholas Di Nardo is the car delivery kid. Jerry Farmer is the convict. Mark Meismer is Steven the dancer. 6/7/21
• 048. My Journey – 10/9/2003
  • Turk and Carla announce their wedding date for April 24, so J.D. wants to have a final send-off to their inseparable relationship, but Turk doesn’t seem too gung-ho about it, and then invites Todd to go along with them. J.D.’s feelings are hurt, and he involves Turk’s patient Will Quinn (Michael Hagerty) in his concerns. It turns out that Quinn is gay, and when Turk sees him with his lover Tracy (Vaughn Lowery) – who looks much like him – he admits his homophobia, and his inability to open up to another man. Elliot continues to awkwardly go out with Sean, and goes to see him at SeaWorld, where he swims with the dolphins. He confesses that Elliot really hurt him when she broke it off before, and he’s skeptical about dating again. She tells him that the ‘new Elliot’ will always put him first… but sure enough Dr. Cox guilts her into canceling a dinner with him in order to take care of a patient procedure. She eventually tells him that the hospital will in fact come first, but when it is her choice, she will always pick him. This is good enough for him. Meanwhile, Carla finds an unmarked urine sample, and becomes obsessed with finding its origin. When the janitor makes a joke about it, she reads him the riot act, and he becomes scared of her. He eventually digs through the trash to find the discarded urine sample label. Dr. Cox makes fun of him for it, but he stands up to Cox and tells him he’s not scared. Turk and J.D. finally have their night out, and J.D. confides how scared he is about the marriage, thinking they would stay engaged forever. Nurse Roberts falls and chips her tooth when she is surprised by J.D. lying in the bed where she expects to find a dead patient. Maureen McCormick appears as herself in a fantasy J.D. has about marrying Brady Bunch character Marcia Brady. David Doty is the priest marrying them. Vince Brocato is the patient hit by J.D.’s clipboard. John Hemphill is the spleen patient. Shelley Malil is the bartender. Melody Butiu is the lunchroom cashier. 6/7/21 
• 049. My White Whale – 10/23/2003
  • Perry and Jordan are looking for a pediatrician for their baby Jack, and they settle on Dr. Norris (Christopher Meloni) at the hospital, even though he is every bit as witty and nasty as Dr. Cox himself. Meanwhile, the third-year residents are taking on their own interns. J.D. is more interested in making them like him than putting his foot down to force them to learn. He also runs afoul of the janitor again, when he is singing a paper and the janitor pulls it out from him, causing him to mark the wall with a magic marker. the janitor is unable to get the mark off the whole, even when trying a substance that burns the skin off of Doug’s ear. Elliot has a lot of trouble with Dr. Kelso for constantly riding her interns, particularly Bruce (Robbie Swift), who gets nervous every time Kelso is around. Elliot describes Kelso to Sean as her ‘White Whale’ in her effort of self-improvement. J.D. can’t help his jealousy, so he asks Elliot to help give him some pointers over dinner to how to handle them, since he keeps letting them get away with not doing most procedures. She shows up, but brings Sean with her… then leaves him to work with J.D. He doesn’t want to take his advice since he works at the zoo rather than the hospital. But he finally realizes that he does care more about what others think of him as he thinks back to even his college days when he is manipulated by a frat guy (Patrick Macmanus) and a gorgeous girl (Torrey DeVitto). Elliot finally stands up to Kelso and tells him that the interns usually do things wrong because Kelso routinely makes them nervous. Then she has Bruce show off how great he can do a beat box. When the baby develops a cough, Kelso keeps taking him to Dr. Norris, no matter whether he is already in other appointments. No matter how often Kelso threatens him or his stuffed animals, Norris won’t see the baby. He later explains that he knows too much in the medical field and knows what ‘can’ happen… and he needs to get over it. J.D. apologizes to Sean for not taking his advice seriously, and also for liking Elliot still. Sean isn’t angry, he says, because he never saw J.D. as a threat. Turk recommends that the janitor paint over the mark. Dr. Cox still snaps awake when he hears the baby cough. John E. Cheffy is Norris’s patient Benjamin. Jace Milstead is intern Jimmy. Kiran Rao is intern Brian. Luke Gregory Wilson is intern Seth Brogan. Catherine Langlas is the “Dr. Jerk” intern. Frank Encarnacao is Dr. Mickhead. 10/4/21
• 050. My Lucky Night – 10/30/2013
  • J.D. is applying for a fellowship, but Dr. Cox sees it as a sign of weakness to ask for help, so he refuses to write a letter of recommendation. Meanwhile, Dr. Steadman has attached himself to Dr. Kelso’s hip in hopes of being assigned to become the new Residency Director. J.D., Elliot, Sean, Turk, and Carla all go out for drinks, where they spot a hot girl (Jennifer O’Dell) who Sean used to date. Turk then reveals that Elliot used to sleep with J.D., which is a surprise to Sean. He mopes around and acts angry, but then admits that he was only acting angry in order to relieve the tension of the fact that he has to tell Elliott that he has to leave town for work for six months. Making it even worse, he has had such bad luck in long-distance relationships that he thinks he’d rather let fate decide whether they find their way back to each other. Dr. Cox decides he might like to go for the job as Residency Director, but he refuses to allow Jordan to sway the other members of the Board to give him the job. However, he does want J.D. to vouch for him, and promises to sign his letter of recommendation. The janitor and Troy team up again to pick on J.D., but he distracts them by giving them a riddle to resolve: two coins equal thirty cents, but one is not a nickel. Carla covers for a surgical nurse and gets to work with Turk for two days. After the first day, she drives Turk crazy, so he brings in another nurse to cover. Dr. Wen thinks that Turk upped his game their first day together, so he offers to let him assist in a gastric bypass procedure. Turk then thinks he needs Carla in the room as his good luck charm. Since her feelings are hurt, she refuses to join him unless he apologizes, which he stubbornly refuses to do. J.D. overhears Sean and Elliot’s breakup while he is bicycling by, which causes him to crash into a shrub full of bees. J.D. gets Dr. Cox to sign his recommendation, but then criticizes him for never wanting to ask for – or offer – help. Elliot decides to try and talk Sean into a long distance relationship, but the bus driver (Fred Ornstein) won’t letter on the bus to see Sean, and he leaves without responding to her. J.D. decides to win her back, so he heads to her place with flowers that a man (Jeff LaPensee) gives him when he finds out his baby wasn’t his after all. J.D. arrives to see her crying alone in the window, but when he goes upstairs with the flowers, he finds that Sean is there; they have decided to take a later bus and try the long distance relationship. Perry decides to bust into the Chairman of the Board meeting and ask Jordan to help him get the job. Everyone in the room including the Chairman of the Board (Ian Kerr) decides to give Cox the job so that Jordan won’t whine to them for the rest of their lives. Carla decides to join Turk for the surgery, and tells him that he can apologize later. Cox gives J.D. the night off in gratitude of his new job, although he tells him it is because he’s sick of the sight of him. J.D. gives the answer to the riddle to the janitor and Troy: one coin isn’t a nickel, but the other one is. The respond by destroying J.D.’s bike. The janitor says that two guys did it, but one of them wasn’t him. Arthur Roberts is the boring board member. Jan Devereaux is the resident with the ‘hairmet’. 10/4/21
• 051. My Brother, Where Art Thou? – 11/6/2003
  • Elliot desperately misses Sean, who is working in New Zealand. She tries to have phone sex with him but she is overheard by a group of boy scouts. J.D. is having trouble accepting the fact that he is not with Elliot, and calls his brother Dan to talk about it, but Dan can only think about the fact that their mother is getting married for the seventh time and plans to kick him out of the house. He shows up unannounced to stay with J.D. Dan comes to work with J.D., and Dr. Cox tries to kick him out, but as soon as he finds out that J.D. doesn’t want him there, Cox allows him to shadow them at work. Dan notices that J.D. seems jaded about an elderly patient named Mr. Bober who can only say the word ‘pickle’, and tells J.D. that he plans to stay longer because he is worried about his attitude about work. J.D. gets angry at Dan and tells him off, saying that he is self-centered and was never there for him, and then telling Dan he wants him out of his life. Although Dr. Kelso warns everybody sternly about moonlighting, Turk takes a job with a mammogram-mobile, and Carla helps Elliot get a job moonlighting as a veterinarian assistant so she can some extra money to see Sean. When Kelso visits the vet to get his dog Baxter, he sees them both there and suspends them. The girls turn to Ted to try to get them out of it, but when he confronts Kelso about it, Kelso just tries to get Ted to prove that he is more intelligent than Baxter… and wins. Turk suggests that J.D. should apologize to Dan because his family always hugs out all of their many issues during Thanksgiving visits, then does it all over again at Christmas. J.D. takes his advice and tells Dan he can stay as long as he needs to, but Dan decides to leave anyway. Before he goes, he warns Dr. Cox not to take away J.D.’s sense of wonderment at becoming a doctor just because he is cynical. Cox takes his advice seriously, and when Mr. Bober returns to the hospital after being discharged, and J.D. once again makes a cynical remark about him being back, Dr. Cox reminds him that at least they’re doing what they love. Elliot and Carla go directly to Dr. Kelso to make their case for not being suspended, and Elliot tells him that she’s doing what she needs to do to see the one she loves. Kelso surprisingly reverses his decision. The Kelso calls home with a loving message, but he is actually calling a mistress. Kattia Ortiz and Scott Rabideau are residents who admit to moonlighting. 4/2/22
• 052. My Advice to You – 11/13/2003
  • Turk is upset when he finds out that Carla’s brother Marco (Freddy Rodriguez) is coming for a visit, since they haven’t gotten along since Turk confused him with a parking attendant at the funeral parlor at their mother’s funeral. Marco keeps taunting Turk in Spanish, and Carla defends Marco because he can’t speak English so constantly feels like an outsider. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox surprisingly asks J.D. to fall in behind him so that he will have an easier time as the Resident Director. Dr. Kelso tells the residents that he’s getting complaints that they are not spending enough time with their loved ones, so he orders them to make sure everyone gets equal time, no matter what the condition of the patient is. J.D. still is dealing with his feelings for Elliot since she continues to be comfortable sleeping next to him in the on-call room, and is constantly physically close to him but always talking about Sean. J.D. meets an annoying girl named Danni (Tara Reid) who keeps coming to the hospital to see her sister who just had a baby. She also is lovelorn after breaking up with her boyfriend, but J.D. doesn’t seem to have any interest in her. They agree to both work on not being hung up on their exes. Dr. Cox orders the residents to give Mrs. Bartow special attention since she has a chance of recovery. J.D. does what was asked and encourages the others to follow his orders, but he starts to think that Kelso is right about about not ignoring the other patients who have no chance of recovery. When Cox asks him to watch Mrs. Bartow so he can go on a date with Jordan, J.D. tells him that he has to give the other patients a chance too. Kelso finds it amusing that Cox is losing the respect of his doctors. Marco finally loses his patience with Turk and speaks to him in English, but when Turk tries to tell Carla, she doesn’t believe him. However, when Turk starts talking about having sex with his sister, Marco punches him, and reveals to Carla that he really can speak English. When Elliot asks J.D. if she can cut him out of a picture of them at the beach so she can use her own photo in a collage for Sean, J.D. starts to take an interest in Danni, just as she is ready to end her visits with her sister. When Mrs. Bartow recovers, Dr. Cox explains to J.D. that sometimes their team needs a win, so when they encounter someone they can actually fix, they need to put everything they have into attending her… and J.D. finally understands. J.D. goes looking for Danni, and offers to have coffee with her, and indicates he might be open for more. As they get ready to go on a date. Jordan reveals to him that Danni is her sister. Marco reveals to Carla that having their own language helped him feel close to her, so he never told her that he could speak English. Carla tells Turk that she hopes he doesn’t mind if they sometimes speak Spanish together. Turk uses slang phrases to talk to Carla, but she tells Marco she has no idea what he said. Christopher R.C. Bosen is the male Danny. 4/2/22
• 053. My Fifteen Seconds – 11/20/2003
  • J.D. begins dating and sleeping with Jordan’s sister Danni, which doesn’t bother Jordan at all, but really starts to get under Dr. Cox’s skin. Meanwhile, J.D. and Cox have the returning talkative patient named Jill Tracy who is found passed out on the floor by her landlord. J.D. notes that doctors typically give an average of fifteen seconds of attention to each patient, which is proven by a countdown clock every time they visit with her. Elliot and Carla are becoming best friends outside of work. Turk and J.D. imagine them getting closer when they meet at an Erik Estrada (himself) meet-and-greet, but then remember that it was actually themselves who ran into each other there. When Ted shows Dr. Kelso a supply of stethoscopes that everyone is saying are too tight, Kelso tries them on and punctures his ear drums. Turk tells everyone that Kelso is now temporarily deaf so they should take that too their full advantage, which everyone does. Kelso even gives the janitor permission to make the P.A. announcements, all of which seem to be inappropriate. J.D. and Cox keep trying to figure out what caused organophosphates to show up in Miss Tracy’s system, but are coming up short. Carla advises Elliot to give her patient Mrs. Koenings (Patricia Gebhard) a Benzo instead of Haloperidol, and Elliot does it against her better judgement. It winds up causing an adverse reaction in the patient , causing Elliot to regret listening to Carla, and leads to bad feelings between them. Turk takes Elliot’s side on this and advises Carla that patients are the ultimate responsibility of the doctor, so Elliot is in charge in the hospital… although Carla is in charge of everyone outside the hospital. Cox is forced to go a carnival with Jordan, Danni, and J.D., and gets so annoyed that he blurts out that J.D. had slept with Jordan. Danni is slightly annoyed about it, but tells J.D. that she can get over it since she’s staring to fall in love with him. J.D. promptly asks her to go get some pineapple pizza, but she says she’s rather be alone. Their relationship starts to go downhill form there. When J.D questions the reason, she says it’s not because he slept with Jordan, but because he changed the subject when she mentioned falling love with him. Jordan defends J.D. and says that all doctors have a hard time registering what people are saying. It suddenly dawns on J.D. and Cox that if they had listened carefully to Jill Tracy, they might have realized she was depressed and had tries to kill herself with the chemicals that were found in her body. They rush back to the hospital as she is checking out and ask her if she needs to talk. While Ted is chewing out Dr. Kelso, he regains his hearing. His first order of business is to kick the janitor off the P.A. after hearing the inappropriate announcements he is making. When Elliot is reluctant to give Carla an order at the hospital, Carla tells her that she’ll do anything she needs. Kaidy Kuna is the father at the carnival. 7/31/22
• 054. My Friend the Doctor – 12/4/2003
  • Turk freaks out when Carla mentions having a baby shortly after they are married. Dr. Cox is starting to questions why he and Jordan no longer have sex. And J.D. and Danni have sex at every opportunity. J.D. also discovers that the janitor pretends to be a British guy named Nigel whenever he is around Todd, a German guy named Klaus around Doug, and a stutterer named Efram around Dr. Page. J.D. is puzzled by this, but when he sees an actor in The Fugitive who he believes is the janitor, he starts to think that he is a former actor. Turk is forced to perform a difficult surgery on his own with Dr. Wen is in a car accident on the way to work. When the patient pulls through successfully, Turk has a new confidence and is in a terrific mood. Dr. Cox tries to bring him back down to earth while playing basketball and winds up hurting his own back, while trying to hide it from everyone. While Elliot is out at a bar with J.D. and meets a guy (Adam Biesk), she is reluctant to say she is a doctor, having never had an experience like Turk did. J.D. mentions that after he had a similar experience, he took the surviving patient Mr. Booker (Sam Menning) to his high school reunion to show him off to a fellow classmate (Adrian Armas). One of Elliot’s patients named Mr. Moran (Bernie Kopell) tries to pay Elliot a compliment on how pretty she is, but when her page goes off for a patient coding, she rushes out to try and get to him… but J.D. beats her there and performs the surgery, earning him accolades and appreciation from the patient’s wife (Sheila Wills) and family. Elliot is furious with him for robbing her of the moment she felt she needed. Jordan has wild sex with Dr. Cox, which only hurts his back even more. Carla finds him lying in a room supposedly under quarantine, and he expresses his fears about being an ‘old’ father who everyone assumes is the boy’s grandfather. She admits she too is worried because by the time Turk is ready to have a baby, she could be in her forties. The next time a patient codes, J.D. and Elliot race to the patient and J.D. gets there first… but lets Elliot take it. J.D. watches how professional she is at performing the surgery, but the patient still doesn’t make it. The janitor laughs at the suggestion that he was in The Fugitive, and J.D. tells him that he hoped it was true because it might have explained why the janitor behaved the way he did… but it turns out he’s just a jerk who likes to mess with people. The janitor then repeats his lines from The Fugitive and tells J.D. that if he tells anyone, he’ll kill him. Carla helps Cox get to his car by wheeling him on a gurney. A lady (Yolanda Snowball) outside the hospital asks Elliot what she does in there, and she tells her that she’s a doctor… and that the lady should quit smoking. 7/31/22
• 055. My Dirty Secret – 12/11/2003
  • When the janitor repeats an insult that he used months earlier, J.D. accuses him of having run out of ways to annoy him. The janitor starts to realize that J.D. is right, so he turns his sights on Turk, who claims to be untouchable. Elliot accidentally gives her patient Mrs. Cantwell an orgasm while giving her a pelvic exam. However, she can’t talk about it because she has trouble saying the real names of genitals, a trait she inherited from her mother. J.D. can’t help but picturing Mrs. Cantwell as being a young hot beautiful woman (Carrie Stroup). He and Elliot make fun at each, but as J.D. points out, no one is allowed to make fun of Carla… as evidenced by her reaction when a delivery man Frank (Mike Schwartz) makes fun of her handwriting. Dr. Cox is beside himself because Jordan is constantly snapping at him, and he seems to have no time to himself after a hard day. J.D. tries to help him out, and he advises him to tell her how he feels. This results in him getting kicked out and then heading over to J.D.’s place to crash until he can come up with a better idea. Cox and J.D. have a patient named Mr. Randolph (Barry Bostwick) who has some dangerous PSA levels, so they take a biopsy. Randolph and his wife Catherine (Julie Sanford) don’t speak a word to each other, because he’s afraid she’ll panic. Carla ‘surprises’ Turk by telling him that she doesn’t want to have sex anymore until their wedding night, which the janitor overhears. The next time he sees Turk he plays the sing We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off. by Jermaine Stewart While doing rounds, Elliot still can’t use the correct verbiage for private parts, while Doug’s patients keep dying on him when he isn’t even aware. When the biopsy comes back, J.D. is forced to tell Mr. Randolph is forced to tell that the biopsy came back positive, but it still operable. Carla tries to coach Elliot on how to say the real medical terms for body parts. Mr. Randolph decides he doesn’t want his surgery because it will interrupt sex with his wife. When Elliot isn’t making progress on language, Carla starts to make fun of her. This bothers Elliot because no one is allowed to make fun of Carla, who says that her real friends can make fun all they want. This opens the floodgates for all of her friends starting in on her. When J.D. sees Cox and Jordan fighting again, this time he makes it up by offering to babysit for them, and they jump at the chance for some intimate alone time. Elliot tells Sean that he has a penis, and she has a vagina, which manages to turn him on. Turk says he’s willing to get on board with Carla’s sex idea, but after she is put down by everyone she knows, she wants to have sex with him. J.D. spends his time watching Cinemax, while turning the baby away from the TV. David Platt is the guy pushing the cart that Eliott bumps into. NOTE: This episode aired out of sequence and should have been positioned before the episode My White Whale 11/26/22
• 056. My Rule of Thumb – 1/22/2004
  • Dr. Kelso tells Ted that all of the vacation he had saved up has just expired, causing him to consider throwing himself off the roof. Turk is acting especially immature about the wedding, and seemingly purposely picking a fight with Carla. Elliot attempts to send photo of her breasts to Sean, but they are actually going to a stranger. The janitor has a little person named Randall (Martin Klebba) hide in his locker and crotch punch him. Dr. Cox shows up with his friend Barry Iverson (Mike Starr), who has worked his way to the top for a liver transplant, and his good mood starts rubbing off on everyone. Ted even cancels his suicide because life is too good. Carla asks Dr. Cox how he really feels about Turk but gets distracted before he can answer. Turk then privately asks him what he would have said, and Cox tells him that Turk is a self-involved jock itch who isn’t good enough for her. Elliott and Carla work with a terminal patient named Maggie Himsel (Cheryl White), who only regrets that she will die a 38-year-old virgin. She asks Elliot and Carla about paying for sex, so they set out to find a gigolo. After Danni walks in on her sister and Perry having sex, she asks J.D. if she can move in with him for a while. Turk worries that Carla might have second thoughts about their wedding and that Dr. Cox will be able to convince Carla that Turk isn’t good for her. He tries to suck up to him, but Cox won’t hear of it. Turk is put in charge of conducting the pre-op interview for Iverson, but when Iverson mentions that he had some champagne at his daughter’s wedding, Iverson tells Cox that he’s violated the rules and isn’t eligible for the liver. Elliot and Carla get arrested by a cop (Joe Sabatino) for solicitation, and J.D. has to bail him out. J.D. starts to have cold feet about Dani moving in but can’t bring himself to tell her. Cox tries to talk Turk into signing off on Iverson’s transplant, but Turk introduces him to another patient named Stephanie (Jessica Kate Meyer), who has followed the rules and is going to get the liver. Elliot and Carla stop in to check on Maggie and see that she has found sexual partner… Ted. Danni moves in with J.D. who is curled in the fetal position on his bed on her first night there. Carla asks Dr. Cox again what he thinks of Turk, and he tells her that Turk is a complete tool… but he supposes she could do a lot worse. Nickolaus Brown is Larry the surgeon. Joel Huggins is Slim, the surgeon Larry thinks is a girl. 11/26/22
• 057. My Clean Break – 2/3/2004
  • J.D. notes that no one working in the hospital can spend much time on their appearance… except for Eliot. She gets a new haircut and impresses the janitor, but it seems everyone else is making fun of her. Dr. Kelso demands that she fix her hair back to look more like a doctor. Meanwhile, Dr. talks Cox to an unseen counselor about how happy he is with his home life and family, even relishing destroying a woman (Susan Slome) in the park who asks to borrow one of his son’s balls. When Danni takes J.D. to say the new apartment, she’d like to move into with him, he decides that it is time to break up with her. Since that is a new experience for him, he has no idea how to do it. Dr. Cox feels that his happiness is taking away his edge, and he is able to remain calm when the class he is teaching about defibrillators to acts extra dumb, and then just doesn’t show up. He decides he needs to get his meanness back. As J.D. tries to break up with Danni over the phone, he puts Danni on hold to tend to Elliot who is devastated that people are making fun of her appearance. To get back at Dr. Cox, the janitor causes him to slip and hit his head, knocking him out. While J.D. and Turk are skipping Cox’s class and disguising themselves as a tall man in the parking lot, Jordan tells J.D. that Danni wants to break it off with him. He has a hard time accepting this so he tries to track her down and find out why. Dr. Cox decides to get his mojo back and lays into the class about how important it is to learn how to use the defibrillator. Danni comes to see J.D. and tells him that she broke up with him because she overheard his conversation with Elliot after he though he hung up with her on the phone. She realizes that he is still in love with her and no one has a chance with him until he gets over it. He is thrilled with himself for having finally broke up with him. Carla tells Elliot that she likes the way she looks, although she’s glad she toned down the eye liner. Elliot helps a grumpy patient named Mrs. Gorski (Joyce Fessides) put makeup on and feel better about herself. It is revealed that Dr. Cox has been using his baby son as his counselor. J.D. decides to try and hit on a hot nurse named Sheila (Janelle Marra aka Janelle Giumarra) while he tries to get over Eliot, but she tells him to leave her alone. Elliot hurries J.D. to take her home so she doesn’t miss a phone call from Sean. Jordan Feldman is Scott Gerber, the boy from J.D.’s past who wanted to be more than friends. Ilene White is Janice with the messy hair. 5/10/23
• 058. My Catalyst – 2/10/2004
  • J.D. goes to Dr. Cox for help diagnosing a patient named Mrs. Barlow and her interstitial lung diseases, but Dr. Cox tells him that he should work it out on his own. Meanwhile, both J.D. and Turk are excited that a new doctor Kevin Casey (Michael J. Fox), who is both a medical attendant and a surgeon is coming to Sacred Heart. It is only when he arrives that J.D. learns that Dr. Casey has a severe form of OCD. Turk is thrilled with himself after performing a near-perfect laparoscopic cholecystectomy. However, once Dr. Casey shows off his surgical skills both Turk and his boss Dr. Wen realize he is out of their league. Likewise, Dr. Cox begins to feel inferior also as he is able to easily diagnose seemingly any medical condition, as well as the oatmeal served in the cafeteria. Dr. Kelso is tired of birds pooping on his car so he goes up onto the roof with an air horn, not realizing that Ted is secretly scattering bird see on top of it. Kelso also tells Ted that if the hospital doesn’t stop putting their regular trash in with the medical trash that they are going to be charged double. The janitor and his friend and wrestling partner Randall offer to take care of the trash for $23. Dr. Kelso then becomes obsessed with finding out where they are putting the trash. When Dr. Casey tells J.D. that he wouldn’t be as good of a doctor as he is without his OCD driving him to continually study and to look for every scenario to every medical case, JD starts to wish that he was his mentor. However, Casey pokes fun at physicians who have been attending for three years but are still looking for a pat on the back. Ted vows that if one more person says something mean to him that he is going to jump off the roof. Dr. Casey sees how upset J.D., Turk, and Cox are, but when he asks them about it, they tell him that it is Ted who has given them the blues. Casey quickly insults Ted, which sends him straight to the roof. He tries to summon the courage to jump but can’t do it, but when Dr. Kelso goes up to use his air horn on the birds, Ted falls off the roof, thrilled all the way down that his misery will end. However, he winds up landing in the garbage bags that the janitor has been hiding, thus ending their deal with Cox. J.D. decides to lay into Dr. Casey, but when he finds him, he is in a state of panic because he can’t stop washing his hands. He realizes that everyone carries their own burden, so he and the others decide to leave him be as Casey struggles with turning a light on and off. Kelso decides to not worry as much about being the best doctor, but rather to put his efforts into making his son a great baseball player. John Maynard is the doctor who offers to help J.D. 5/10/23
• 059. My Porcelain God – 2/17/2004
  • Dr. Kelso informs Dr. Casey and J.D. that patients have been complaining of a flushing sound, so they go explore the roof with the janitor and find that there is a roof toilet installed there. The janitor uses it often and uses it to soul searching and has had many epiphanies there. Meanwhile, Turk and Carla ask J.D. to be the Best Man in their wedding. J.D. is incredibly flattered, but later overhears a message from Turk’s brother apologizing for having to turn down his offer to be Best Man. When Dr. Cox asks Elliot to intubate patient Mr. Tanaka, and she nearly chokes him. She loses confidence in herself performing intubations, so she asks Dr. Casey for help. He is preoccupied with trying to convince himself that he can use the toilet on the roof but tells her that he will help her. In order to save money, Dr. Kelso shuts down one of the wings of the hospital, causing much overcrowding in the hospital. Then when he asks Dr. Cox to find a room for his gardener Hector (Juan Carlos Cantu), Dr. Cox moves him into Kelso’s office, an epiphany he has on the rooftop toilet. Irritated by not being the first choice for Best Man, J.D. orders Turk’s pants too short and jacket too large from the tailor, but it is the red bowtie and cummerbund that Turk objects to most. When he tells Carla, it reduces her to tears. The janitor gets annoyed with everyone using his toilet and begs all of the people waiting in line not to tell anyone else. J.D. gets an epiphany on the toilet to talk to Dr. Casey for advice on how to handle his Best Man jealousy. Casey tells him that he has been called back to his hospital. Elliot is upset that he had helped everyone but her. Dr. Kelso finally gets so annoyed about Hector being in his office that he re-opens the wing that he had closed. Elliot finds a toilet paper trail from her locker to the epiphany toilet, and there she finds a picture of Casey on the toliet and note telling her that it is ‘her turn.’ 9/18/23
• 060. My Screwup – 2/24/2004
  • Elliot is worried about a bunion on her foot since Sean is coming back soon, so J.D. and Turk agree to remove it for her. Meanwhile, Turk is devastated when Carla tells him that she’d like to keep her name after they are married. Jordan is preparing Jack’s first birthday party, and although they were going to use J.D. in his SpongeBob SquarePants costume but thinks maybe he shouldn’t come since Danni will be there. Jordan’s brother Ben also shows up, taking pictures as usual, and tells Perry that since his leukemia went into remission, he has been out seeing the world. Perry chastises him for not getting his cancer checked on at any point, so he agrees to let Perry test him. As Turk is trying to help Elliot with her mole, he tells her that he’d be dying to take care of anything that Carla didn’t like. At that point, she tells him that she hates his mole. While he runs a birthday errand, Dr. Cox makes J.D. take Ben to get his tests, even though J.D. is concerned about his patient Mr. Taylor’s (Warren Munson) irregular heartbeat. Cox tells him not to worry, since Taylor won’t be dying in the next half hour. Carla and Turk go to see plastic surgeon Dr. Green (Ned Bellamy). Not only does Ted want to talk to Dr. Kelso during his lunch about the member of his barbershop quartet who is planning on going solo, but then Carla wants to talk to him about Turk’s mole. When Dr. Cox returns, J.D. has to tell him that Mr. Taylor went into cardiac arrest and died. Cox clearly feels guilty, but he tells J.D. that it is his fault and then takes all of his patients. Turk tells Carla he will shave his mole if she takes his name, and she jumps at the chance and agrees, much to his disappointment. Two days later, Dr. Cox is still at the hospital and relies on a homeless man (Richard Clarke Larsen) as his alarm clock. Cox tells J.D. that since he’s been watching his patients, none of them have died. He also refuses to leave the hospital to go to the birthday party. Turk asks Elliot to go tell Carla how much he doesn’t want to have his mole removed, while Carla talks to Dr. Kelso how much she doesn’t want to give up her name. Kelso tells her outright that he doesn’t care anything about his co-workers. Ben tries to coach Perry to take the weight of the world off his shoulders and begs him to leave to go to the party. He also tells him that he needs to forgive J.D. Kelso talks privately to Carla and tells her that he made his wife have surgery to get rid of her snoring, but it made things worse. However, whenever she leaves town, he can’t sleep without her. He tells her that the very thing she hates might be the thing she misses when it’s gone. Carla rushes in and stops the procedure before it is started. leaving the plastic surgeon free to remove Elliot’s bunion… which causes the nurse to faint. Dr. Cox tells J.D. that what happened wasn’t his fault and apologizes. Perry and Ben arrive at the party together, and Ben tells him that he has to forgive himself for everything that happened the other day, and Perry agrees. He asks Ben if he is going to take some pictures, and J.D. approaches him from behind asks ‘pictures of what?’ Perry answers that he should take pictures of babies covered in chocolate and his son. J.D. asks him where he thinks they are, before it is revealed that they are actually at Ben’s funeral. Randall Winston is Leonard the one-handed man. 9/18/23
• 061. My Tormented Mentor – 3/2/2004
  • Dr. Cox is still reeling from the loss of his brother-in-law Ben, and although J.D. desperately wants to say something comfort him, Cox is resistant to talking about it. Meanwhile, most of the guys are smitten with the new attending surgeon Dr. Grace Miller (Bellamy Young), with many of them making sexist comments that put her off. Turk is just the opposite and tries to not only be respectful but tells her that he has her back if Todd or the others get out of line. She is also offended by this and accuses him of being sexist in his own way by acting as if she needs his manly protection. She demands that he apologize for this, but he maintains that he did nothing wrong, so she kicks him out of the operating rooms. Dr. Cox’s depression is made even more unpalpable by the fact that two of Jordan’s annoying friends Maddie (Embeth Davidtz) and Allison (Julie Warner) came in for the funeral and are still staying with her. Cox gets J.D. to entertain them at the hospital, but when he walks in on them and finds them in his bras, he tells them that they should leave town since Dr. Cox is so vulnerable right now. This arouses the ire of Jordan when she finds out, and she takes it out on Cox. Meanwhile, because of the high number of sexual harassment complaints in the hospital, Dr. Kelso assigns Carla to teach the sexual harassment class. Todd, who has 34 complaints, and Kelso, who has five, have to sit in the class. Ted tells Dr. Cox that the has four complaints against him for calling males by female names, so he has to join as well. When Elliot confronts Turk and asks him if he believes that women are as good of doctors as men, Turk realizes that he does have a sexist nature. He makes his apology to Dr. Miller, and she lets him re-join the OR. While listening to Carla’s words about women’s feelings in the class, he suddenly realizes that Jordan has been keeping her friends nearby because he had emotionally checked out when Ben died, and she needed someone to take care of her. He goes home and apologizes and holds her, as he realizes that she was just as affected by Ben’s death as he was. Carter Jenkins is young Todd. Lawrence H. Toffler is his father. 1/16/23
• 062.  My Butterfly – 3/16/2004
  • A little girl named Gaby (Lily Goff), who is getting her bone marrow transplant loses her pink stuffed doggy that she wants to take into the operating room with her. Elliot doesn’t realize that it is lost, so she tells her that she’ll make sure that she has it. Turk can’t find his lucky Tobasco do-rag, which he has had with him for the last 23 successful surgeries. J.D. pontificates that the smallest thing could change the outcome of events. To prove this, he and Turk watch a butterfly land on a well-endowed woman’s breasts. Consequently, he knocks the drinks out of Nurse Roberts’ hands and the janitor has to clean it up. When Elliot asks him to keep an eye out for the stuffed dog, he refuses to help because he’s cleaning up the mess. When Carla’s shift ends, Turk sends her to go home and look for his do-rag, but when she gets home, she gets a call from Elliot, who begs her to help her find the stuffed dog. As she leaves the apartment, she misses the do-rag that is sitting on top of the stuffed dog. Dr. Kelso is late showing up for work, so Kelso tells J.D. that he can be in charge for the day, which Cox thinks is a fine idea. J.D. and Cox disagree on a patient named Mr. Strauss’s (Zaid Farid) condition, with J.D. thinking his pains are coming from a gastro-intestinal bleed, while Cox thinks it may be angina. In any case, his CAT scan comes too late, and he dies on the operating table from an aortic dissection, a possible victim of Turk’s missing lucky do-rag. Dr. Cox explains to the J.D. that they just didn’t have a chance as there had been no reason to order a CAT scan any earlier for him. J.D. then imagines what might have happened had the butterfly have a different effect by landing on the breasts of a fat man in the waiting room. In this instance, J.D. does not bump into Nurse Roberts, and no coffee is spilled. The janitor is now in a better mood and agrees to help Elliot find the missing stuffed dog, since he had experienced the same trauma of losing a stuffed animal as a child (Brandon Waters). The janitor also agrees to be nicer to J.D. and seals the deal by shaking hands with him for a full ten minutes. This causes J.D. to be late rather than Dr. Cox. This time Dr. Cox ignores his theory about the g.i. bleed, but when J.D. gets on an elevator and overhears Drs. Mickhead and Page discussing an aschemic bowel, J.D. suggests a CAT scan to check for that in Mr. Strauss. Although the diagnosis proves to be wrong, they discover the aortic dissection. Since the janitor is helping Elliot find the stuffed animal, she doesn’t call Carla, and thus Carla finds Turk’s do-rag on the stuffed dog and brings it to him. The janitor finds the stuffed dog in the lost and found, and Elliot is able to get it to Gaby for her surgery. Although the aortic dissection was found earlier and Turk had his lucky do-rag, Mr. Strauss still dies on the operating table. Dr. Cox explains to J.D. that sometimes it is just the patient’s time to go. As J.D sees the butterfly gliding through the air, he wonders again what it would have been like if things were different. Michael Coleman is one of the janitors hanging out in the janitor closet. Renee Ryan is the young janitor’s mother. 1/16/23
• 063. My Moment of Un-Truth – 3/30/2004
  • J.D. and Carla have been becoming best buddies after spending an evening at a bar together for Mardi Gras and getting a collection of beads from J.D. raising his shirt. Meanwhile, Carla is getting annoyed that Turk keeps staring at other women. Dr. Cox keeps making it a point to let Elliot know that he’s always right and she is seemingly always wrong. A plastic surgeon named Dr. Ramirez (Nestor Carbonell) returns from a stint in South Africa, and Carla, having previously had a crush on him, seems to be falling for him again. The janitor slaps on a fake mustache and pretends to be his own twin brother Roscoe, even if it means jumping out the window and nearly breaking his ribs to try and fool Turk and J.D., who aren’t falling for it. J.D. knows about Carla’s crush, and then overhears her accept a dinner date from Dr. Ramirez. She explains to him that it is not only men who get cold feet before a wedding, and if she goes out with him and is unaffected about her feelings for Turk, she’ll know that they will be okay. He fells he can’t tell Turk because it will betray their newfound friendship. Elliot comes across a patient named Mr. Thompson (Alexander Chaplin) who has severe abdominal pain, causing her to think it is pancreatitis. He refuses pain medication and wants her to try and get to the bottom of the root cause. Dr. Cox is of the opinion that he is a drug addict who just wants the medication, but she doesn’t think that is the case. J.D. feels bad about not telling Turk about Carla’s date, but it all turns out well when Carla discovers that she has no feelings for Dr. Ramirez and wants to tell Turk the good news. J.D. advises her not to and says that it will get him in trouble since he knew about it. The janitor shows J.D. and Turk a poorly made video that is supposed to serve as ‘proof’ of the existence of his twin brother, but it never shows the brothers together on screen. Finally, the janitor is forced to admit that his gag isn’t working and wants to call it a draw, even though the guys insist that he simply lost. After seeing Mr. Thompson writhing in pain when it didn’t appear anyone was looking, Elliot decides to prescribe him some drugs, but when she delays because her pen is out of ink, he has a meltdown demanding the drugs and admitting to his entire ruse, leaving Dr. Cox laughing at her and celebrating in the background. He does however admit that he was the doctor that last gave Thompson drugs several years ago. Carla gives Turk permission to stare at a woman’s butt. J.D. tells the janitor that for a minute, he really believed he had a brother. Cathleen Gallagher is the woman on the elevator hitting J.D. Paul Tigue is the waiter with condoms. 5/17/24
• 064. His Story II – 4/6/2004
  • Dr. Cox has chosen J.D. to help him with a research project, but when J.D. goes over and above to organize the charts that Cox asked for, he kicks J.D. off the project in favor of an intern named Lonnie (Michael Hobart). Meanwhile, Elliot is excited that she has been picked to be the clown for the pediatric department, but her schedule is so full that she doesn’t time to do it. Since J.D. had cleared his schedule for the project, he now has plenty of time to step in and take her place. Much to his annoyance, he winds up being a clown alongside the janitor, who bullies him through the performance. Turk is asked to mail the invitations to the wedding, but fearing that Carla can suddenly read his mind, she appears in a vision to him inside the mailbox, forcing him to mail the invitations… so consequently, he doesn’t. Elliot calls Sean in New Zealand to tell him how upset she is that she can’t be the clown, but he only berates her for calling at 4:00am, his time. Dr. Miller assigns Turk to assist in a tumor debulking of a teenage pianist named Brian (Kyle Sullivan), but when Turk acts cocky around the kid, Dr. Miller threatens to turn him into the guy that sponges off her forehead. However, Brian takes a liking to Turk, who tells him that as a piano prodigy, he will get lots of women in his lifetime. Elliot has an attractive patient named Mrs. Bell (Portia Dawson), whose husband (Michael Edwin) is short and dumpy. Elliot finally asks her why she chose her husband, and she tells her that he was the man who was always there for her. Dr. Kelso invites Dr. Miller to attend an administrator’s luncheon with him, but Dr. Cox tries to warn her to stay away from him. She goes anyway, so Dr. Cox tells her that he only had her there so he could get his picture in the medical journals because people will think they are together. During Brian’s surgery, Dr. Miller points out that Turk lacerated the brachial artery and has to take over for him, which will cause nerve damage in his right hand. Turk feels horrible because of Brian’s piano playing, but he doesn’t know how to tell him that it was his mistake that caused this. As Dr. Miller keeps going back and forth between Kelso and Cox insulting each other, Dr. Kelso invites her to attend a Proctology Dinner with her, but she says she’ll have to think about it. J.D. is called away from his clowning in order to help Lonnie and deliver the bad news that a family’s patriarch has passed away, which he does while wearing his clown makeup. Elliot suddenly realizes that it is J.D. who is always there for her, so that night while they are watching TV, she comes onto him and the sleep together. Carla makes Elliot come back in as he is getting ready to go home, and although he isn’t sure what he has done, she takes him to see Brian so that he can talk to him and confess that the mistake was his. Dr. Cox is thrilled when Dr. Miller turns down Dr. Kelso for his date request, but she makes it clear to Cox that she’s not in his camp, and if she had been asked to go somewhere that was good for her career, she would have gone. She also points out that Cox acts as if Kelso is a guy who turns on people who don’t do his bidding, while Cox was ready to write her off for going to lunch with Kelso. She winds up going out on a date with another man, and she blows him a kiss as she’s leaving. After Carla pushes Turk to do the right thing with Brian, he realizes that she’s the woman he wants to spend his life with, so he finally mails the invitations. Elliot tells J.D. that she slept with him because he was a clown for her, but as they are saying goodbye, Sean shows up to whisk her away, telling her that he came home because he could tell from her voice that she needed him. Mackenzie Hannigan is the bratty kid, Brad. 5/17/24
• 065. My Choosiest Choice of All – 4/20/2004
  • Still reeling from the fact that Elliot was whisked away by Sean right after she and J.D. made love, he arranges to meet with Elliot so they can talk. As he makes his way into Sacred Heart, he sees the security guard Irv (Hank Lindsley) try to stop a patient (Brogan Roche) from parking on the curb, only to be insulted be insulted by him. He also runs into Danni and quickly blows her off. When he sees Elliot, she blows him off because Sean shows up. Throughout the day, J.D. has to watch them kissing constantly and faces the pain of being told by Elliot that she really wants to make it work with Sean. In retaliation, he tells her that he is getting back with Danni. Dr. Cox and Dr. Miller clash over the care of a patient named Jeff (Joshua David Jordan), and the fact that Cox can’t stop talking about how much he despises her to Jordan leads her to believe that he has a crush on her. The janitor keeps having to fix the emergency door when someone keeps disconnecting the alarm on a door. He suggests that if he was the security guard that this would stop happening. Turk and Carla encourage him to go for the job, since Irv was just let go for trying to smother the patient who insulted him. After sleeping with Danni again, J.D. starts to remember more and more why he can’t stand her, especially when it comes to her smoking and her desire for rough sex. Dr. Kelso gives the security job to the janitor. It isn’t long before he sets up an ink trap to find out who is disabling the alarm, and it turns out to be Kelso himself, who tells him that he does it so he can get to his car quicker. The janitor has no choice but to look the other way and help him disable and reenable the alarm. Cox and Miller disagree even further when Jeff wants to leave the hospital after his kidney surgery to go play with his band for an evening. She wants to allow him to leave, while Kelso forbids it. When Dr. Miller asks Dr. Cox if he is married, he tells her no, but then runs it by Jordan to see how she normally answers that question. She tells him to go ahead and enjoy his crush. Turk and Carla suddenly become quite judgmental of Dr. Cox, the janitor, and J.D.’s relationship with Danni, shaking their head and bemusement when they pass any of them in the halls. J.D. tries to talk to Elliot again to criticize her for running back to Sean, and she asks him to keep it a secret that they were ever together. Dr. Cox decides to impress Dr. Miller buy bringing in Jeff’s band The Polyphonic Spree, who performs the song Light and Day. As they are singing, Dr. Miller asks Dr. Cox if he’d like to go out for drinks at the end of the day. Sean tells J.D. that he thinks Elliot is acting a bit different and wonders if anything happened between them. Despite his strongest urges to say otherwise, he tells him that nothing happened. After Turk and Carla talk to the janitor about not compromising his principles, the janitor tackles Dr. Kelso the next time he tries to use the emergency exit. Dr. Cox is seen having beers in a bar that evening with a blonde woman, but it turns out to be Jordan, who has dyed her hair for him. J.D. goes home with Danni, and the janitor resumes his work as janitor. Jennifer Anderson is baby Jack’s nanny. 10/3/24
• 066. My Fault – 4/22/2004
  • Dr. Kelso asks Dr. Cox his opinion on offering full body scans at Sacred Heart, and Cox tells him that it is a scam to show patients every imperfection in their body just so they can make money off of needless procedures. Kelso appears to agree with him and thanks him for his opinion, which completely stuns Cox. J.D. is still tolerating Danni, but when she seems to start calling out her own name during sex, he finally decides to break it off. She tells him that it is fine since she is now seeing a guy named Danny anyway and cautions him not to chase after her, because the thing that everyone knows about J.D. is that he always wants what he can’t have. Dr. Cox joins the janitor at the bar and tells him about his shock at Kelso’s agreement with him, but as they are watching TV, they see a cheesy commercial advertising the full body scans now being offered at Sacred Heart. Dr. Miller seems to be acting much nicer to Turk then she had been which is complete relief to him. She also tells him that she is excited to attend his and Carla’s wedding. Carla, however, starts freaking out about every little detail and starts miring Turk in all of the seemingly insignificant decisions. Cox confronts Kelso about the scan and tells him that they will never sell any, even promising to ‘kiss his ring’ if he sells a single scan. Naturally, chronic hypochondriac Harvey Corman shows up at the hospital, and Kelso immediately tries to sell him on the scan. He is all ready to do the scan, but then Cox tells him that the insurance company won’t cover it. Dr. Miller suddenly starts giving Turk the menial jobs and lets Todd take over the important components of their next surgery. Turk then finds out why she has had a sudden change of heart about him: Carla has uninvited her to the wedding. As Corman is leaving the hospital, Dr. Kelso offers to do the body scan free of charge. As the janitor is telling J.D. to let Elliot be happy with Sean, Elliot announces that they have decided to move in together. J.D. starts trying to convince Elliot that terrible things happen once you move in with someone, including the man killing the woman. Sean confronts J.D. about messing with her head and tells him that if he cares about her, he won’t mess this up for her. Dr. Cox takes Mr. Corman to lunch to try and talk him out of the scan and finally admits that he doesn’t want to lose the bet to Kelso, which helps Corman to decide to do the scan. Carla drags Turk to the meet the cake baker (Austin Kelly) and then complains that the couple on top of the cake are white folks. J.D. tells Elliot that he was just kidding around before and thinks that it is great that she is moving in with Sean. However, he thinks to himself that even if he does want what he can’t have, this could be the girl that he is supposed to end up with. He stops her as she is leaving and says that she should be with him. He admits that he is crazy about her and that he’d rather sit around eating pizza and watching TV with her than be with anyone else in the world. She tells him that she has to leave without responding. Cox makes one final plea to Mr. Corman to not take the scan as it will ruin the next year of his life, even going so far as to offer him free medical treatment for the rest of his life. Furthermore, when Kelso comes into the room, he tells him that Corman has already gotten the scan and then kisses his ring. Turk finally blows up and tells Carla that the entire wedding has been about her, and he grabs her wedding planning notebook and looks through it. However, when he sees that she has arranged to have a big screen TV at the reception so that he can watch the playoff game, he realizes that she really is considering him too. As Sean shows up with all of his things, Elliot tells him that it is not going to work after all. J.D. is shocked when Elliot shows up at J.D.’s apartment with a pizza. Dr. Kelso shows Dr. Cox the list of the hundreds of people who have signed up for the full body scan. Mr. Corman tells Dr. Cox that he decided not to get the scan and then asks for Dr. Cox’s home phone number so that he can be on call for his medical needs. Carla asks Turk if she should re-invite Dr. Miller, and Turk decides if Carla doesn’t want her there, then she doesn’t need to. J.D. tells Elliot that she made the right choice to walk away from Sean for him. However, after she tells him that he finally has her and they kiss, he screams inside his head that he no longer wants her. Sybil Azur and Cheyenne Haynes are the mother and daughter in the Sacred Heart commercial. Jeffry Stein is the man in the bar thinking about getting a scan. Dayna Devon is the nurse who sends Elliot to check on the stabbing victim. 10/4/24

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