The Terrible Catsafterme

The first six months of 2006 can be told in what amounts to a two-part story. I first began this website on September 13 of that year, after I had begun what I perceived as a ‘new life’. By the time I had reached that point, I had very little resemblance to the person I had been for the last few years – neither physically, mentally, or spiritually. The catharsis had come about as a result of six months of various injections of misery that seemed to bombard me from every facet of my life. Although the memories would have been much fresher when I began this site, at the time I had no intention of ever really chronicling my life so in-depth – so I began my 2006 odyssey with the summer vacations of that year. Incidenatally,  most of the photos I am sharing here have little to do with the major events of this time period, but were mostly all taken by Ashleigh during this time period with her new camera that she had gotten from her Big Daddy for Christmas upon her return from vacation.

Carolyn and I began 2006 harmlessly enough. Ashleigh had gone with Billy & Jill and Briana to Naples, Florida immediately following Christmas, and so the two of us spent New Years Eve alone at home, engorging ourselves with a gargantuan variety of junk food snacks. I was at the heaviest I had ever been at this point, weighing in at about 240 pounds. Although Carolyn and I had been struggling with our marriage, we put much of our quarreling on hold during the holidays, but resumed with our marriage counselor Steven early in the year. We had decided to switch from Liz, whom Carolyn felt wasn’t making any progress with us.

January 21. In the midst of our misery, Tiny was enjoying herself and this rose on Ashleigh’s bed.

The New Years day gathering was at Darlene’s house. This was only memorable in retrospect because it was really the last time that I ever saw my Grandma Murphy. Two weeks later, she went into the hospital for surgery on a cracked ball joint in her hip. It was repaired, but the cement used in the procedure got into her bloodstream and sent her into a coma. After a few days in the hospital, it became apparent that she was not going to recover. Initially, I had decided that I didn’t want to see her in the hospital like this, but eventually decided to see her, which immediately caused me to burst into tears. Our family then had to make the toughest decision of our lives to remove the oxygen that was allowing her to breathe.

Her breathing tubes were removed on the morning of Thursday, January 18, 2006. Many members of the family gathered to be with her in her final moments. I held her hand as she passed away. Unfortunately Bev couldn’t be there because she was up in Bowling Greene where Karen had just given birth to Abigail Elizabeth on January 12.

There were three interesting things that happened to me that morning that gave me some faith in her after-life. The first was that I randomly opened the Bible that morning to search for a random passage of comfort and came  directly to this passage from Psalm 24: Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart. If there is such a thing as a saint, my Grandma Murphy was one.

We ate at Wendy’s that morning on the way to the hospital and it occurred to me that this would be the last meal that I have while my Grandma was still among us. As I pulled into the parking garage at Kettering Hospital, I curiously noted the last music that I would hear while she was still alive – the song City Soleil by the Afghan Whigs. Before I shut off the engine, they belted out the lyrics: Ooh child, I’ll meet you child, on the sunny side. It’s alright.

The third thing to happen had more to do with my mental state than any other outside factor. I had been a basket case all morning and in fact the days preceding this moment, but as she lay there in the bed, dying before my eyes, I was overtaken by a tremendous sense of calm that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Grandma’s viewing was on Sunday, January 22, at the Newcomer-Farley funeral home. Many family members gathered whom I hadn’t seen in quite a while. Grandpa’s brother Duane, Mom’s cousin Bobbie, Jim’s ex-wife Becky and her daughter Megan, and Frank and Mary Rosati stand out as faces I enjoyed seeing again. Over the weekend I had written something that occurred to me after Grandma’s passing and I gave it to my Mom at the viewing. You can see what I wrote here.  

Memorial card from Grandma’s funeral service

The funeral was held on Monday the 23rd at the Church of the Ascension where she and Grandpa attended. Carolyn bought me a suit jacket to wear and my boss Sue came to show support from work. It was a nice service and we followed it up with a family gathering at Fricker’s. Ashleigh had her camera but only took the one picture and video seen below, both featuring 15-month old Tori. As a result of her interest in the bubbles, Dan and Natalie went home and bought her more bubbles.

Briana and Tori at the lunch at Fricker’s after the funeral

Tori and I enjoy the bubbles

That night as Carolyn and I hit the sack, she got a phone call that her Grandpa Raymond O’Connor had been taken to the hospital and was not doing well. We got out of bed and headed there immediately, where we joined his other family members. Janette sang to him to comfort him. He passed away the next morning. On Friday, January 27, we were back at Ascension for another funeral. And as death usually comes in threes, her Grandpa’s cousin Nedra, whom Carolyn was realtively close to, passed away shortly thereafter.

During the week of the funerals, our cat Baby had apparently eating something toxic – which we assumed was a Peace Lily in our living room  – and was deathly ill. She had developed sores in her mouth and couldn’t eat, couldn’t clean herself, and was in constant pain. We had to administer oral injections of medicine into her mouth, which obviously wasn’t a pleasant experience. (The photo at the top shows Baby when she was sick). Also during that week, I had discovered a deep, dry gash on the Tiny’s back. Again, I have no idea what caused this, but it appears she had roamed into a tight spot and had scraped her back against a nail. She had to be stitched up at the vet. Once the dust had settled, I got a speeding ticket on Beaver Valley Road whilst picking up Ashleigh from one of her Beaverettes practices in February.

Tiny with stitches on February 6th

Ashleigh finds beauty in our own front yard on February 6th

We did have one nice diversion on Friday evening, February 10, the day after Mom’s birthday. We had a nice dinner at Jay’s in Dayton and we were also joined by Aaron’s immediate family. The birthday itself was somewhat overshadowed by Denise’s announcement that she and Aaron were expecting their first baby in September.

Briana, Mom, Denise, Barbara, Melissa, Jenny, Jason, Joe, Maura, Micah, Aaron, Bob, and just a smidgeon of Carolyn at the dinner table at Jay’s

Ashleigh and her friends Hillary and Jessica at a Beaverettes competition on Sunday, February 12

A few other enjoyable aspects of this time period included the La Comedia show Smoke on the Mountain on February 15, which was one of the most enjoyable that I had ever seen. We also saw the Beavercreek High School drama club put on the play The Desperate Hours. The Laurel and Hardy tent meeting was held on February 4th at the home at home of Charles Sexton. And Carolyn hosted a couple of dinner/movie parties at our house. On one occasion we had her sister Melanie, Brett, and Brennan over for dinner. There was also a family gathering at Marion’s on Sunday, February 19, likely for Charles’ birthday which had been on the 13th.

Emma and Ashleigh at Marion’s

Brittney with Karen’s new baby Abby at Marion’s

Carolyn and I had pulled together during the bad times we were facing. In fact at our counseling sections, we ended up talking more about our squabbles with other family members at the time. But soon it was back to reality and our problems. We could not agree on how best to raise Ashleigh as she went through her teenage years. She was a good kid, but was prone to getting in some trouble with friends, doing things like sneaking out or sneaking boys in. We continued with our marriage counseling, but our attention was once again diverted with a medical emergency on Saturday, February 25th.

We were enjoying our first night with some friends that Carolyn had just made at the water aerobics class she was teaching at the YMCA, playing games at one of their houses when we got a call from Christi that Ashleigh, while at a Beaverettes competition, had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance with severe stomach pains. This turned out to be her appendix and she had to have it removed at Children’s Hospital. This was her second stay at Children’s in two years. She stayed overnight and had her surgery on Sunday the 26th. Seeing your baby girl lying in hospital bed for two days, about to undergo surgery, is not a pleasant sight. Paying off the ridiculous bills was almost as unpleasant.

Jamey and Asheligh at the fateful competition on Saturday

Post-surgery on Sunday

Ashleigh and her new monkey, a gift she got while in the hospital

Back at home, Tiny cuddles with Ashleigh’s new gifts – the Fluffy Lion and Curious Joe Ridge – on our living room sofa

The beginning of Lent was on March 1st, and being miserable in almost every aspect of life, I decided to begin to try to drop some pounds. I gave up soda and sweets for the duration of the two months pre-Easter. This helped me to drop about 10-15 pounds, before the real diet would begin.

Fire-eyes Tiny on March 3rd

Creed and Ash on March 16th

No one can say that Carolyn and I didn’t try to mend our differences. We pulled together during these emergencies. We tried to do things together, attending Ashleigh’s events, even volunteering at the concession stand on March 4 at an all-day jazz festival, and participating in helping during the Invitational that was hosted by the Beaverettes at the high school. We were just never able to make much sense out of the advice we were given by our counselor and our disagreements over Ashleigh’s behavior and responsibilities were eroding our chances.

We’d do well at hosting a nice party for Ashleigh’s 16th birthday, but after that, we’d only last a couple more months.

2006 will continue…

P.S. If you think Carolyn and I were the only ones fighting during this time period, check out the two bonus videos below…

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 8th, 2011 at 6:06 am and is filed under 2000's - Late. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.