The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas

Theme music: “Hey Beautiful” by The Solids

• 001. Pilot – 9/19/2005
  • In the year 2030, Ted Mosby (voiced by Bob Saget) relates to his son (David Henrie) and daughter (Lyndsy Fonseca) tales of his youth which promises to culminate in how he met their mother. Via flashback, he begins his tale with his younger self (Josh Radnor) finding out that his best friends Marshall Eriksen (Jason Segal), with whom he shares a New York apartment, and Lily Aldrin (Alyson Hannigan) are getting engaged. The proposal goes well despite the fact that the cork from the bottle of champagne hits in her the eye and she winds up with a patch. But for Ted, the proposal causes a panic that he isn’t dating anyone, so his other best friend Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) takes him out to look for women. He immediately meets a viable candidate in TV reporter Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders). They hit it off, bonding at the restaurant over a joke about a blue French horn, but when she is called away for work, his friends chastise him for not kissing her goodnight. His friends accompany him to her apartment and wait with cab driver Ranjit (Marshall Manesh), and he seems to be doing well with her again, until he lets it slip that he is falling in love with her on their first date. She is taken aback and Ted leaves, again without a kiss. 2030 Ted reveals to his kids that this was how he met their ‘Aunt’ Robin. Joe Nieves is Carl MacLaren, the bartender at MacLaren’s Pub. Monique Edwards is Robin’s producer. 1/11/14

• 002. Purple Giraffe – 9/26/2005
  • Ted is still hellbent on pursuing Robin, especially after Lily tells him that Robin confided that she likes him. He decides to try and play it ‘casual’ by first bumping into her while she is working a story at a convenience story where a child is caught in a claw machine trying to secure a purple elephant, then throwing a party where he will have a chance to hang out with her without it being a ‘date’. In order to get her there before she leaves town, he has to throw the party on that very Friday, and when she doesn’t show up, he has to throw one on Saturday…and then Sunday as well. When she finds out that he went through all this trouble, Ted tries to cover by setting her up with a random party-goer named Carlos (Jon Bernthal). He then changes his mind and pursues her, telling her that can turn off his ‘love’ for her at will…and the two kiss. But he realizes that he cannot in fact turn it off, so they agree to just be friends – with her promising to help him find his future wife. Meanwhile Marshall and Lily cannot keep their hands off each other after becoming engaged, while he is supposed to be writing a paper for law school. Barney has trouble getting rid of a girl (Beth Riesgraf), known only as a ‘co-worker of Carlos’, after he hooks up with her. 1/12/14
• 003. The Sweet Taste of Liberty – 10/3/2005
  • Barney promises Ted a ‘legendary’ night on the town, starting with trying to pick up girls at the airport by bringing luggage and pretending to be international businessmen flying in from Japan. They meet two girls and decide to follow them to Philadelphia, but mid-flight learn that the girls have boyfriends. Upon arrival, they get arrested for leaving their luggage in New York, as Marshall works his way toward the ‘legendary’ night in Philly. Eventually they go to a party at the T.S.A. agent’s house, but it is excruciatingly boring. However they do meet one of the guards of the Liberty Bell, and cap their night off by licking it. Meanwhile, Robin and Lily spend a night out trying to get to know each other, but when Lily becomes jealous of the attention Robin is getting, she decides to take off her engagement ring. The only man she attracts is gay, but it is still enough to make Marshall temporarily jealous. 1/19/14
• 004. Return of the Shirt – 10/10/2005
  • Ted finds a shirt that he used to dislike and finds that it now suits him. This inspires him to re-visit ex-girlfriends to see if they might ‘take’ now that he has matured. One who he targets is Natalie (Anne Dudek), whom he had dumped by leaving a message for her on her birthday, while her friends ready to surprise her were listening in. At first her reaction is negative, but he eventually wins her over. They enjoy a few weeks of dating, but Ted decides that she is not ‘the one’, and is forced to break up with her again…on her birthday. She attacks him physically using what she has learned in Krav Maga classes. Meanwhile, Barney dares Robin to say off-color things while on the air for money, which causes her to realize that no one is really listening. As she’s ready to do the Icky Shuffle after an interview with Henry (Buck Kartalian), an elderly hansom cab driver, she realizes that the it is the people in the news who really matter, and as she is ready to proclaim it on the air, she falls into horse poop. Charlene Amoia makes her first appearance as Wendy the MacLaren’s waitress. 1/21/14
• 005. Okay Awesome – 10/17/2005
  • Robin’s minor celebrity status gets her VIP tickets into the exclusive club known as “Okay.” Lily, in an effort to appear more mature for her kindergarten job, arranges a wine and cheese tasting so Marshall is not invited. Robin sets up ted with her friend Kelly, but since it is so ridiculously loud in the place, Ted spouts off something inappropriate just as the music stops. He ends up making a date with the coat check girl (Jayma Mays). Barney ends up grinding all night with a girl who winds up being his cousin. Robin is denied entrance to the VIP room and ends up getting locked out of the club. Marshall is so bored at the wine tasting that he sneaks out the bathroom window, and is soon followed by Lily to the club. Marshall and Lily realize that they can be themselves and not have to do “classy grown-up things” until they are ready. Stephen Keys is the bouncer. 2/9/14
• 006. The Slutty Pumpkin – 10/24/2005
  • Ted opts to skip the Victoria’s Secret Halloween party that Barney offers to get him into, in favor of attending the lame apartment rooftop party – with musical entertainment by the Shagrats – in hopes of meeting the girl dressed as a slutty pumpkin that he had connected with four years earlier, but lost her number. Barney joins Ted and  keeps hitting on the same hot ‘Hula Girl’ (Krizia Bajos), and every time he blows it he changes costumes and tries again. Robin and her new boyfriend Mike (Jeremy Gabriel) go on a double date with Marshall and Lily, but Robin finds that she’s not as into being ‘a couple’ as he is. Mike breaks up with Robin, and she joins Ted on the rooftop. 2/9/14
• 007. Matchmaker – 11/7/2005
  • Barney tricks Ted into visiting a matchmaking agency called Love Solutions that Robin had featured in a news story, by telling him that his boat was sinking. The proprietor Ellen Pierce (Camryn Manheim) sees through Barney’s charade of just trying to find a one-night stand and throws him out, but promises to find Ted a partner. When Ted doesn’t hear back, he goes back to the agency only to find that Ellen is unable to find anyone for him. However, she does mention a near-perfect match that she already hooked up to another man. Ted secretly takes her information and goes to visit her, at her place of business. She is a dermatologist by the name of Dr. Sarah O’Brien (Beth Lacke), and although they have a connection, she says she is getting married that weekend. When she calls him back for a visit, Ted assumes that she wants to hook up, but it turns out that she only wants to remove Ted’s mole. Ellen vows to keep searching. Meanwhile Marshall and Lily encounter a bizarre rodent in their apartment that they dub the ‘cockamouse.’ They end up catching it and setting it loose, and it flies away. 3/23/14
• 008. The Duel – 11/14/2005
  • Even though Lily has been staying with Ted and Marshall, she still has an apartment…until she realizes that her landlord has died and it has been turned into a Chinese Restaurant. Ted agrees that she can officially live with them, but when he starts to feel edged out, he gets in a sword fight to determine who will ultimately get the apartment. Lily gets accidentally stabbed with the sword, and also reveals that once she and Marshall get married, she will want to start in their own new place. Meanwhile, Barney gets tired of having fake emergency phone calls placed to him to help him get out of bad dates, so he comes up with the ‘Lemon Law’ where he can end a bad date in the first five minutes guilt-free. Robin doesn’t agree with the law so Barney sets her up with a freak named Kevin (Martin Starr) to see how long she can last with him. She in fact has to end the date when she gets the call that Lily has been stabbed, and Kevin naturally thinks it is a fake call. Barney ultimately gets ‘Lemon Lawed” himself, which pleases him that his invention is making the rounds. The gang has dinner in the Chinese restaurant, where they are playing a mix tape that Marshall once gave to Lily.  3/23/14
• 009. Belly Full of Turkey – 11/21/2005
  • Marshall and Lily spend Thanksgiving with Marshall’s family in their hometown of St. Cloud, Minnesota. There Lily gets lost among his family of giants, who play bask-ice ball and eat seven layer mayonnaise salads. She develops a fear of becoming an Eriksen and delivering a 15-pound baby, especially since she fears she might actually be pregnant. Feeling the pressure, she takes off to buy a pregnancy test and gets arrested for public urination. When Marshall visits her in jail, she finally gets the result of the test: not pregnant. Marshall realizes that St. Cloud may not be the best place to raise their child. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin attempt to work at a homeless shelter that already has too many workers. Among them they find Barney who has been working there regularly as community service for public urination. Ted gets the all kicked out after he discovers a girl named Amanda (Elizabeth Bogush) who is stealing the food, and tries to pass out her mushrooms to the homeless. Barney then takes Ted and Robin to the Lusty Leopard strip club, where Ted does his good deed by buying a homeless guy a lap dance. Bill Fagerbakke and Suzie Plakson play Marshall’s parents Marvin and Judy. 6/19/14
• 010. The Pineapple Incident – 11/28/2005
  • Barney convinces Ted that he does too much thinking when it comes to relationships, so Ted downs five shots of ‘Red Dragon.’ The next morning he wakes up with a woman in his bed, a sprained ankle, a burnt jacket, and a pineapple next to his bed with no recollection of what has happened. Barney, who is found in the bathtub at Ted and Marshall’s (and was the one who set Ted’s jacket on fire in order to stop him from calling Robin again), Carl the bartender, and a girl named Trudy (Danica McKellar) help him recall the night. After Ted got drunk, he placed several calls to Robin, but the final call went to Trudy, a girl he had met at MacLaren’s earlier that night while singing Karaoke – during which he sprained his ankle – and became the girl found in his bed. Robin is concerned about the number of calls she got from Ted while she was on a date with a hundred-millionaire, but Ted insists that he still just thinks of her as a friend. They never figure out where the pineapple came from. 6/19/14
• 011. The Limo – 12/19/2005
  • To make up for past failed New Years Eve nights, Ted rents a limo for him and his friends on the eve of 2006. The plans are to attend five parties in three hours with the fifth being the ultimate party for them to greet midnight. Ted picks up his date Marybeth (Kathleen Rose Perkins), a co-worker and a hugger with whom he works. Robin passes up the evening to spend it with her date Derek (James Tupper). Barney picks up a Russian girl named Natalya (Natalie Denise Sperl), who disappears and ends up being found in the front seat with the driver Ranjit. Robin’s date cancels, so she re-joins the party. Other events that disrupt the evening are Lily needing to leave to get different shoes, picking up a Moby-lookalike named Eric (J.P. Manoux) who is carrying a firearm and eventually steals Barney’s mix-tape (which gets them hyped repeatedly with Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name), Marshall’s need for hot dogs and leaving to find Lily, and a flat tire. Marybeth ends up leaving when she realizes that Ted is in love with Robin. They end up inside the limo in gridlocked traffic at midnight, so Ted pours the champagne right there. He is excited that Robin and he have agreed to kiss, but just before the hour strikes, Derek appears and enters the limo. Ted walks away solemnly, but Robin follows him and kisses him first before returning to Derek. 8/31/14
• 012. The Wedding – 12/19/2005
  • Ted needs to find a date for an upcoming wedding and the timing is perfect to ask Robin after she breaks up with Derek. She accepts and Ted is ecstatic, until he bumps into the bride-to-be Claudia (Virginia Williams) and she adamantly tells him that he indicated he would be coming alone, and there was no way  he could add someone at this point. Ted turns to the groom Stuart (Matt Boren) and he is more understanding and tells him it will be fine. This causes a fight between them and the wedding ends up getting canceled. While Barney hits on Claudia, Ted and Marshall pay a visit to Stuart, who ends up convinced to go back to his fiancée. With the wedding back on and Claudia finally agreeing to let him bring a date, Ted and Robin are set to go when she gets a call that she has a chance to anchor the news that night. Ted ends up at the wedding alone, where Claudia gives him the RSVP that does in fact indicate that he’d be coming stag – and Ted spots a girl (Ashley Williams) who he instantly falls for. Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall try to agree on something for their future wedding. 8/31/14
• 013. Drumroll, Please – 1/23/2006
  • Ted approaches the girl from the wedding, who tells him that she never dates guys at weddings. However, when he flirts with her, she agrees to have a great night with him and then never see each other again. She gives him the fake name “Buttercup” but then tells him that her real name is Victoria. Ted recounts the wonderful night they had as they steal away from the wedding to spend time together with a bottle of champagne. Ted decides that he must try and find her, so he he calls Claudia on her honeymoon, who tells him that there was no Victoria at the wedding. He also has Barney contact the Bridesmaid Tonya (Napiera Groves) whom he hooked up with, but she is no help either. However, Robin does in fact know who the girl is because she had actually come to the reception, saw Ted with Victoria, and barricaded herself in a restroom stall crying, and was actually consoled by Victoria. Meanwhile, Claudia calls Ted back to apologize for snapping at him, and at Marshall’s request, reveals who made the delicious wedding cake: Buttercup Bakery. Ted realizes that Victoria must work there. Lily tries to stop him from going since she knows Robin has feelings for him, but Robin tells him to go get her. When Ted arrives at the bakery, she is relieved to see him and they kiss for the first time. 9/22/14
• 014. Zip, Zip, Zip – 2/6/2006
  • Ted and Victoria spend their first weekend locked away in Ted’s room. Everyone assumes that they had sex, but Ted reveals that she wants to take it slow and wait at least a month. But when she realizes that she is going to be out of town on their one-month anniversary, she decides they should do it early. Marshall and Lily are celebrating their nine-year anniversary of meeting by planning a trip to a Bed & Breakfast, but when it seems to difficult, they decide to stay home. When Ted and Victoria come back to the apartment, Marshall and Lily are in the bathroom and are forced to stay in there for most of the night while the new couple gush over each other. Marshall and Lily lament that their relationship has become tired and that they have no more ‘firsts’ to look forward to, but when Lily has to pee in front of Marshall for the first time, they have a new ‘first’. Ted and Victoria finally make their way to the bedroom. Meanwhile, with Ted out of the picture, Barney makes Robin into his ‘bro’ for the night, and the two embark on adventures at a cigar bar, playing Laser Tag, and Robin acting as Barney’s wingman. But when they go back to play Battleship at her place, Barney assumes they are going to have sex…which was not in Robin’s agenda. Robin admits her feelings for Ted, who promises not to break the ‘bro code’ by telling. 9/22/14
• 015. Game Night – 2/27/2006
  • As the all-time game champion, Marshall creates a game called “Marshgammon,” which includes asking private questions to find out more about Victoria. Lily delivers a VHS tape to Barney that was given to her by his old girlfriend Shannon (Katie Walder), and when they watch it against his wishes, they see a younger Barney looking like a hippie pleading for Shannon to come back to him. Barney takes the tape and quickly leaves the apartment in a rage. Later the gang reconvenes at MacLaren’s and Barney tells the story of Shannon. However he is able to squeeze secrets from the others before he will tell the full story: Marshall tells about a time he was caught with his pants down in front of Lily’s class, Lily tells about she and Marshall had sex while Marshall’s mother was still on the phone, and Ted tells how he ‘re-returned’ to Robin’s house the night of their first date and ended up throwing up on her welcome mat. Barney tells how he and Shannon had planned to join the Peace Corps and leave for Nicaragua, but instead she dumps him for a rich yuppie named Greg (Mark Derwin). This ultimately inspires the hippie Barney to get into a suite and pursue a more material lifestyle. Earlier that night, he had visited Shannon only to find out that she now has a kid. He sleeps with her and leaves her behind. 9/23/14
• 016. Cupcake – 3/6/2006
  • Victoria receives a scholarship to a culinary institute in Germany, which presents the conundrum on what Ted and Victoria will do with their relationship if she leaves. Each of them separately spend time with their friends trying to decide how to proceed. Ted decides to tell her to go as he doesn’t want to halt her career, while Victoria decides to stay. However when they meet up to discuss it, they each reverse their positions, but in the end, she decides to leave. They spend one last day and night together, the majority of it in bed. Meanwhile, Barney, who wants Marshall to work at his company, takes him to his tailor to get a suit for an upcoming job interview. Lily goes wedding dress shopping with Victoria and Robin – who spends most of her time trying to get Victoria to take the scholarship, since she herself has feelings for Ted. Lily ends up sitting on a cake while wearing an $8000 dress. Barney springs the bill on Marshall for his new suit, which is $4000. Marshall decides that to get out of debt, he will in fact have to come work for Barney’s company. When Ted takes Victoria to the airport, they decide to try to have a long distance relationship…but “Future Ted” reveals that the long distance relationship doesn’t work. Caroline Lagerfelt is the bridal shop attendant. 9/23/14
• 017. Life Among the Gorillas – 3/20/2006
  • In a flashback, young Marshall (Tyler Peterson) reads the book Life Among the Gorillas by Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez (Diane Salinger) and pledges his life to Anthropology. Despite this, he is staring work at Barney’s company Atrucell, and soon finds that he can’t stand his co-workers led by Bilson (Bryan Callen) and Blauman (Taran Killam), but Barney convinces him that he is working there to make money for Lilly. He finds that applying the same principles as living among gorillas helps him interact with them. Lily can’t stand this behavior, and convinces him to be himself whether it means losing the job or not. He symbolizes his break with the ‘new Marshall’ by singing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with Lily in front of his co-workers. Meanwhile, Ted second-guesses his long-distance relationship with Victoria, and has to use Robin’s help to send her a care package. An ambiguous email makes Ted think that she’s about to break up with him, and while he waits for her call in the middle of the night, Robin calls and invites him over. 10/24/14
• 018. Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM – 4/10/2006
  • Ted agrees to go over to Robin’s to ‘make juice’ – but since Marshall and Lily both know that she has feelings for Ted, they try to discourage him from going, citing Ted’s mother’s old saying “nothing good happens after 2 AM.” It is also revealed that earlier in the day, Robin was left feeling vulnerable by being questioned about her loneliness from kids in Lily’s kindergarten class, as well as being hit on by her news co-anchor Sandy Rivers (Alexis Denisof). Ted desperately wants to sleep with her, despite the fact that he and Victoria haven’t officially broken up, and his conscience – in the form of Victoria – tries to talk him out of it. While in Robin’s bathroom, Victoria calls on Ted’s phone, which looks like Robin’s, and she answers it and finds out the truth. Led laments hurting both Robin and Victoria in one night. Meanwhile, Barney tries to convince Marshall and Lily that good things do happen after 2 AM – and tries to prove it by drinking with a Korean Elvis Karaoke singer (George Cheung). He ends up offending Lily and she knees him in the crotch. 10/24/14
• 019. Mary the Paralegal – 4/24/2006
  • Three months earlier, Robin had invited the gang to attend the LAMA (Local Area Media Awards) dinner, as she has been nominated for her piece Pickles, the Singing Dog. At the time, Ted was dating Victoria, but now is dateless. Barney suggests a prostitute he knows named Mary (Erinn Bartlett), but Ted refuses – until he find out that Robin is bringing Sandy Rivers. Ted is surprised how much he likes Mary, who tells everyone that she’s a paralegal. Robin wins the award, and irritated by Ted and Mary’s romance, she leaves with Sandy. Barney had paid for a room in the hotel, so Ted decides to go up with Mary. Robin comes back after putting Sandy in a cab, and Barney reveals that Mary really isn’t a hooker. Ted tells Mary that he can’t sleep with her because she’s a hooker, although she insists that she’s a paralegal. Ultimately she ends up slapping and walking out on Ted, and in retaliation Ted runs up the hotel bill on Barney’s credit card. Robert Michael Morris is Vampire Lou. 11/28/14
• 020. Best Prom Ever – 5/1/2006
  • Marshall finds out that the Van Smoot house that he and Lily have been wanting to use has an opening in two months for their wedding. This causes extreme pressure on Lily to throw together the wedding quickly. Marshall find the band The 88 (themselves) to play at the wedding, but Lily won’t accept them until she hears them play their song Good Feeling by Violent Femmes. The only place they are playing is at a prom in New Jersey, so she and Robin – with Barney tagging along – get dressed up and go to it. Ted and Marshall stay back for a boys’ night out…which ends up being stuffing wedding invitations. In order for the girls to get in, they have to have high school dates so they let two geeks named Andrew (Brent Tarnol) and Sean (John Reha) accompany them. Barney only sneaks in by wearing the school’s turtle mascot. Lily thinks back to her prom and her date Scooter (David Burtka), recalling all of the things she wanted to do with her life before getting married – including travel and a lesbian affair. Ted and Marshall are called to come to the prom to bring the sheet music to Good Feeling, and Marshall ends up getting into a fight with Andrew. Lily recalls breaking it off with Scooter, and then telling her new hall-mate in college – who turns out to be Marshall – all about her dreams for the future.11/28/14
• 021. Milk – 5/8/2006
  • On the day after his 28th birthday, Ted gets a call from Bob Rorschach (Eric Allan Kramer) from Love Solutions, a computer dating business that has found a perfect match for Ted based on his very specific criteria. She looks perfect so he agrees to set up a date with her. Meanwhile, Lily has applied for an art fellowship in San Francisco because she needs to know if she could get it. Marshall spends a late night helping Barney wage a war of practical jokes on Clark Butterfield (Nate Torrence), man in the building across from his. Barney does ‘something’ to his sandwich, and Clark does ‘something’ back to Barney’s coffee. Marshall help arrange to get white mice to ship to Clark. This gives Lily a chance to head to New Haven for her fellowship interview, but she is forced to call on Ted for help when she gets a flat tire in Dutchess County. Ted helps her with the tire, but is then stranded on the side of the road. Robin picks him up and shows him her poorly highlighted hair to get him happy before his big date. Ted ends up skipping the date because he realizes that it is still Robin whom he wants. Ted later asks Lily about the interview (using milk as the code word for the fellowship). She says she got it, but isn’t taking it. 11/30/14
• 022. Come On – 5/15/2006
  • Despite the pleas of all of his friends, Ted has decided to once again pursue a relationship with Robin. He arranges a four-piece orchestra with blue instruments to be inside her apartment with him when she returns from work. Her forgotten keys nearly ruin the plan, but she is surprised nonetheless. However she is reluctant to commit to Ted without thinking about it, which causes Ted to give her the ultimatum of now or never. He also finds out that she was going to go on a date while on a camping trip with work. Meanwhile, Marshall finds out that Lily had sought out the San Francisco fellowship, and the two argue about it, periodically pausing and un-pausing their argument. Ted decides to continue his pursuit and has Barney look up his old girlfriend Penelope (Amy Acker) to teach Ted a rain dance…which miraculously works. Barney and Penelope end up kissing, and Robin and Ted end up falling into each other’s arms presumably starting a relationship. Ted comes home ecstatic to find a sullen Marshall on the stoop, holding onto Lily’s engagement ring. 11/30/14

SEASON 2

• 023. Where Were We? – 9/18/2006
  • 2030 Ted continues the story of how he met his kids’ mother by recalling the summer of 2006, during which Marshall is depressed for months and refuses to even join the blissful Ted and Robin, who have been enjoying their new relationship, for pancakes. Barney takes Ted to a strip club, Ted takes him to a Yankees game, and Robin, who reveals herself a gun enthusiast, takes him to a firing range…none of which seem to work. When Marshall receives Lily’s credit card bill, he tracks her last movements, which turn out to be in New York. He stalks her to a hotel and discovers a guy in her room, whom he punches in the face. The guy turns out to be someone who stole her credit card. By day 67 of his slump, Marshall finally makes pancakes. As the group enjoys themselves at MacLaren’s, Lily considers going inside but changes her mind. George Clinton appears as himself in Marshall’s imagination. 1/16/15
• 024. The Scorpion and the Toad – 9/25/2006
  • Lily returns and visits Robin, telling her stories of her amazing summer in San Francisco. Ted thinks her happiness is masking misery and they bet on whether Lily is truly happy. They all get drunk together to get her to reveal the truth. It turns out that Lily’s summer was miserable and she can think of nothing but Marshall. Meanwhile Barney takes Marshall out to get him hooked up, but then keeps stealing his dates using his magic to charm them. He even excludes Marshall when they go out with a pair of twins, Jenny & Jessie (Natalie and Nicole Garza) in hopes of having a threesome with them. Lily finally approaches Marshall to ask him to get back together, but Marshall turns her down, having suffered a broken heart and not quite sure what their future holds. Lily does do Marshall a favor and enters MacLaren’s and throws a drink in Marshall’s face in front of the twins and claim he gave her chlamydia, then re-enters as a twin sister in a hat and douses him again. 1/16/15
• 025. Brunch – 10/1/2006
  • Ted directs his kids attention to a photo of the gang with Ted’s parents at brunch and recalls the events leading up to it. Ted’s parents Alfred (Michael Gross) and Virginia (Cristine Rose) arrive in town and everyone plans for dinner together. When Lily asks if Marshall would be okay with her coming, he says that he now thinks of her like a sister. She dresses especially sexy that night leaving him highly tempted and angry. Barney competes with Robin to make Ted’s parents like him more and ends up going out with Alfred after dinner and Alfred acts as his wing man with a waitress (Noel True), but ends up making out with the waitress himself. Barney takes a picture of the two of them kissing and shows it to a flabbergasted Ted. Robin is expecting Ted’s mother to pressure her to get married and have children, but she is offended when she doesn’t. At brunch the next day, Marshall exposes his calves and turns Lily on so much that they end up going at it in the bathroom. Robin confronts Virginia and she tells him why she thinks its more important not to marry the wrong person. Ted confronts his father and finds out that his parents have actually been divorced for nine months. Ted’s parents tell them all the reasons their marriage didn’t work out, and Ted sees the many similarities between him and Robin, but Robin is only thrilled that they like her. 3/1/15
• 026. Ted Mosby, Architect – 10/9/2006
  • After Ted and Robin have their first fight because Robin finds it boring when Ted talks about his job as an architect, Barney tries to convince Ted that women find architects hot. Ted tests this theory on a kickboxer named Anna (Dawn Olivieri). Robin and Lily go looking for Ted at MacLaren’s and find out that he left with Anna. They then follow him to a party where everybody seems to know him. Robin really becomes jealous when she finds out that he took Anna out dancing. When she calls Marshall, he tells Robin that Ted is working, so she thinks that Ted is cheating on her, and worse, that she drove him to it. A bouncer tips off Robin and Lily where Anna lives, and so they barge into her apartment… only to find Barney tied to the bed. Barney it seems had been posing as Ted all night with Anna, while Ted had actually gone to work. Robin make is a point to take an interest in Ted’s work from then on. Joe Manganiello plays Brad Morris. Aisha Kabia is Anna. 3/1/15
• 027. World’s Greatest Couple – 10/16/1996
  • Ted relates the story of how Lily was the first of the group to see Barney’s apartment… and how they woke up in bed together. Ted and Robin visit Lily’s housewarming and find that she is living in a closet-sized hovel with a stray raccoon. Lily talks Barney into letting her stay with him for a couple of days. Barney realizes how useful she is at getting rid of one-night-stands. However when he starts to fear they are acting too much like they are in a relationship when they fall asleep watching TV in his bed together, and he bribes her to leave by paying to have her apartment furnished. Meanwhile Marshall is tired of missing out on the things he can only do as a couple, so he hooks up with his old friend Brad Morris (Joe Manganiello), who has recently lost his girlfriend Kara (Aisha Kabia), and they do couple things together. Marshall thinks things are getting weird when Brad invites him to accompany him to a wedding out of state. He breaks it off with Brad when he sees him about to give Marshall flowers… but it turns out they were for Kara. Valerie Azlynn is Barney’s date Dawn. 5/18/15
• 028. Aldrin Justice – 10/23/2006
  • Lily is trying to find her vocation, after only having taught kindergarten for her entire career, and in order to support herself she takes a job as an assistant at Ted’s firm. She thinks that Ted’s boss Hammond Druthers (Bryan Cranston) is a real jerk, so she steals his Pete Rose signed baseball, a technique that she used to employ with her kindergartners. Ted ends up firing her when she won’t return it, but takes her advice to present his architectural plans when Druthers’ are refused by a Bank President (Charles Robinson) because they look too much like a penis. Ted offers Lily her job back, but she ends up going back to teach kindergarten. Meanwhile Marshall’s Professor Lewis (Jane Seymour) is moody and making class tough, so assuming she is a cougar, Barney offers to pleasure her to loosen her up, but she only will give the class the same grade that she thinks Barney’s performance deserved. Barney becomes obsessed and in love with her and finally musters a B-plus performance…but ends up throwing out his back. 5/19/15
• 029. Swarley – 11/6/2006
  • Marshall gets the courage to ask out a girl named Chloe (Morena Baccarin) from the coffee shop. Lily acts like she’s going to be okay with the date, but secretly is extremely jealous. Ted and Barney – who everyone starts calling “Swarley” due to a misspelling on his coffee order – both think that Chloe has crazy eyes and try to convince Marshall to get rid of her. Indeed she begins to act crazy when she phones Marshall and tells him that she is being followed by a humpback midget, and furthermore when she seemingly shatters a picture of him with Lily. It turns out that the midget was in fact Lily following her and it was Lily who broke the picture, while staking out the apartment. Lily interrupt Marshall and Chloe before they can kiss. Marshall admits to her that she has the crazy eyes, but that he can’t stop thinking about her. They kiss and reconcile and everyone goes out to celebrate. When they return, Chloe is still in the apartment, which she has ransacked while looking for her keys that are right in front of her. Tom Lenk is Scott (aka Brian). Dana Power and Vanessa Vander Pluym are former crazy-eyed dates Lauren and Janine. 7/11/15
• 030. Atlantic City – 11/13/2006
  • With Marshall and Lily back together and deciding to continue with their wedding plans, they realize that Marshall’s family now hates Lily, so they decide to avoid a big wedding and head to Atlantic City to get married, taking along Ted, Robin, and Barney. The quickly realize from the receptionist (Patricia Belcher) at the chapel that they need to get a marriage license and there is a waiting period of three days. The plead with a judge (Richard Gant) to waive the waiting period but he ultimately declines. They then charter a boat to take them into international waters, but the Captain Steve (Todd Stashwick) charges them $5000. Barney admits that he was hooked on gambling with Chinese men in Atlantic City in the past and engages them in a bizarre Chinese game and wins. Once on the boat Marshall and Lily have second thoughts about being without their family and decide to put the wedding on hold. Ted is attracted to Robin’s t-shirt that features a cartoon bikini body. Kate Micucci is the registrar. Ron Nicolosi is Mike. 7/16/15
• 031. Slap Bet – 11/20/2006
  • As Ted and Robin learn more and more of each other’s secrets, Ted discovers that Robin refuses to go to malls. Barney thinks that Robin was in porn, while Marshall believes that she was married when she lives in Canada. Barney and Marshall make a ‘slap bet’ by whichever one is correct gets to slap the other one, with Lily acting as Slap Bet Commissioner. Robin admits that she is in fact still married and Marshall gets to slap Barney. However, Marshall later finds out that there is no record of her marriage, forcing Ted to tell Robin about Marshall’s finding, and thus admitting that he told her secret. Barney gets to take revenge slaps on Marshall. Later Barney thinks he’s uncovered Robin’s porn career when she played “Robin Sparkles” in a Canadian production. He gets another slap on Marshall. However, it turns out that Robin was actually a famous pop singer with a hit song called Let’s Go to the Mall. Lily appoints Marshall to get to slap Barney ten times right away or get five slaps spread out over an indefinite amount of time. Barney chooses the latter. 9/5/15
• 032. Single Stamina – 11/27/2006
  • During the winter everyone wants to hibernate in the warm except for Barney, who is desperate for a wingman… so he calls in his brother James. Although never explained to him how or why, James (Wayne Brady) is both black and gay. James is able to rouse everyone to get out of the house for some partying. James and Barney help set each other up with dates, but soon everyone realizes that James isn’t hooking up with anyone. He has to admit that he is not only in a committed relationship with a man named Tom, but engaged to be married. Barney is so appalled by the idea of monogamy that he refuses to be James’s Best Man. Later Barney takes James out to celebrate and tries to get him hooked up, but then has a change of heart when he finds out that James and Tom are adopting a baby and he will be an uncle. A year later, the gang attends their wedding. Magan Mullally provides the voice of Mrs. Stinson. 9/6/15
• 033. How Lily Stole Christmas – 12/11/2006
  • Ted passes on going to visit either his mother, father, or his cousin Stacy (Moon Unit Zappa) in Staten Island for Christmas, and instead opts to spend it locally with Robin and his friends. Marshall is beyond excited for the ‘winter wonderland’ that Lily always creates in his apartment, but has to leave to study, and looks forward to seeing it when he returns. But when Lily finds an old message on the answering machine where Ted called Lily a “grinch” – which substitutes for an unspoken horrible word – Lily gets upset and takes down the decorations and retreats to her apartment. Ted tries to apologize, but then says that she really was a “grinch” for the way she left Marshall. Meanwhile Barney is deathly ill but won’t accept it, until he finds out that Robin will baby him. Ted decides to leave for Stacy’s house of religious fanatics so that Marshall can enjoy the holiday with Lily. Marshall loves the decorations and gives Lily an Easy-Bake Oven, which Ted had told Marshall that she always wanted. This makes Lily gather up everyone to retrieve Ted from Stacy’s house, where they decided to nix the apologies and just begin the forgiveness. Harry Groener plays Ted’s mother’s boyfriend Clint. Wayne Knight is the voice of Lily’s landlord. 12/8/15
• 034. First Time in New York – 1/8/2007
  • As Robin struggles with being ready to tell Ted that she loves him, she is excited that her 17-year old little sister Katie (Lucy Hale) is coming to town. However she quickly becomes worried when she realizes that her boyfriend Kyle (Ryan Pinkston) is also in New York City, and that Katie plans to sleep with him for the first time while she is there. This also causes the gang to recount their first sexual encounters: Barney fakes his based on movies he’s seen, Robin recalls that her boyfriend announced he was gay as they were about to do it, and Marshall and Lily argue over whether their first time they were together since Lily confesses that she had ‘almost’ done it before she met Marshall. They all try to keep Katie busy at the Empire State Building, and Robin is unable to talk Katie out of having sex. However Ted does in fact talk her out of it when he tells her about his first time when he quickly fled from the girl after they were finished. Ted later confesses to Robin that it was actually the other way around, and the girl had fled from him. Robin responds by telling Ted that she loves him. Marshall and Lily agree that their first time was together after using standing in the Empire State Building lobby as an analogy. Barney finally confesses that he was 23 and slept with one of his mother’s friends the first time. 12/9/15
• 035. Columns – 1/22/2007
  • When Ted comes up with the idea of using columns in an atrium his firm is designing, he is undermined and made fun of by his former-boss turned underling named Hammond Druthers. Ted is given permission to fire him by his boss Mr. Brady (William Schallert), who doesn’t know Ted’s name. As Ted is about to fire him, his co-workers present Hammond with a birthday cake. Ted later finds out that Hammond’s wife has left him and he is served divorce papers at work. Ted lets Hammond stay at his apartment and the two become friends, but Hammond once again undermines him in front of everyone when they talk about the atrium. Ted this time fires him for good… just as Hammond is having a heart attack and is taken by an ambulance. This makes everyone in the office hate Ted, until he wins them back by putting a margarita machine in the breakroom. Meanwhile Barney finds a nude painting of Marshall that Lily had made in college. Initially Barney plants it at MacLaren’s in order to humiliate Marshall, but then decided that he wants a nude paining of himself by Lily. She and Marshall had agreed that she would see no other man naked, but when Barney offers $5000, they agree to use the money for a honeymoon in Scotland. Marshall then decides to have it stopped, in order to up the price to $10,000, which Barney agrees to. Despite the fact that he posed nude, Lily paints Barney without his genitals. 2/10/16
• 036. Monday Night Football – 2/5/2007
  • When someone named Mark passes away, Carl makes the gang feel so guilty about thinking about skipping the funeral to watch Super Bowl XLI, that they decide to TiVo the game and attend the funeral even though they have no idea who Mark is. Since it had been a tradition for them to get together for the Super Bowl since 2003, during which they developed their traditions of drinking, eating wings, and Barney’s gambling addiction, they decide to go all day Monday without finding out who wins the game and reconvening Monday night to watch it together. Barney has Ted handcuff him to the radiator because he doesn’t trust himself to not find out who won since he had money riding on the game. He eventually escapes and then can’t find anyone – including former NFL player Emmitt Smith (himself) – who can tell him who won. Eventually he finds out from a newspaper who won, and indicates that he lost his big bet. Robin keeps her fellow broadcasters Kevin (John Ducey), Sid (Dwight Hicks), and Lou from saying the team name on Metro News, even as they deliver the sports highlights. But she ends up finding out the winner when she sees an unrelated broadcast about the zoo. Marshall tries to avoid media by attending Lily’s show and tell day with her kindergarten class, but is blackmailed all morning by a bratty student named Doug (Nicholas Roget-King) who threatens to tell him the winner. Marshall ends up reversing the blackmail by spraying juice on Doug’s crotch and threatening the to tell the other kids that he wet himself. Marshall and Lily end up hearing the winner announced on the radio. Only Ted, who has invented the Sensory Deprivator 5000 to wear in public doesn’t find out the winner. However when Barney shows up and bemoans his gambling loss, it gives it away for Ted as well. Ted later realizes that he never remembered who won or who even played the Super Bowl, but that he still remembered the great time he had watching it with his friends. 2/10/16
• 037. Lucky Penny – 2/12/2007
  • Ted arrives at the airport too late to catch his flight to Chicago, where he would be interviewing for his dream job. As he waits with Robin to see if he can get another flight, he traces back the events that led him to be late, starting with his court date that morning for jumping a subway turnstile in order to rescue Barney, who had run the New York City marathon without training and whose legs stopped working on the subway. Then Marshall gets the blame because Barney had taken his spot, when he fell in the bathroom and broke his toe rendering him unable to run. It then comes back to Robin because she surprised Marshall by walking in on him while he was putting Vaseline on his nipples. Robin had went to Ted’s apartment to sleep after staying out all night with Lily, who made her wait overnight in line for a wedding dress sale across the time, and consequently they got no sleep due to a car alarm that blared all night. Finally Ted realizes that he was the one to blame because he had a found a penny from 1934 and bet Robin that he could buy dinner with the amount of money that he got for it. Since he only got $1.50 for it, they are forced to go across town to eat cheaply, and it was during this trip that he and Robin discovered the dress sale. Ted tells his children that it all worked out because the guy who got the job ended up having to relocate to Chicago, and consequently he would have never met their mother if he had gotten it. Bill Macy is a man on the subway. Connie Sawyer is the old lady. Writer/producer Gabrielle Allan is the pregnant lady. 5/8/16
• 038. Stuff – 2/19/2007
  • When Ted keeps mistaking things he did with former girlfriends with things he did with Robin, she finally starts to get jealous of all of the things around his apartment that were given to him by other women. After Robin explains that she sees a different woman in every object in the place, the group votes that Ted should get rid of the stuff, so he complies, and it nearly empties out his apartment. Then Ted finds out that Robin’s dogs were all given to her by ex-boyfriends, and although he is voted down in making her get rid of the dogs, he starts to see every ex-boyfriend in them. Robin finally surprises Ted by taking the dogs to live with her aunt… but then finds out that Ted hadn’t thrown away all of his things, and has returned them to his apartment. The massive ensuing fight’s resolution is ultimately that they decide to move in together. Meanwhile the group goes to see Lily in a performance art play, and everyone pretends to like it except for Barney, who tells her how bad it is. When she berates him for not acting like a friend, Barney performs his own terrible and tedious play that consists of him repeating the word ‘moist’, shooting Lily with a water gun, playing a recorder, and talking like a robot. Lily finally had to admit that Barney won the argument and apologizes, but Barney is upset that they can’t see how bad the second act is. Lily forces everyone to stay until Marshall finally uses his second slap from the Slap Bet on Barney. E.E. Bell is the play’s director. 5/8/16
• 039. Arrivederci Fiero – 2/26/2007
  • Marshall’s Fiero is about to cross the 200,000 mark but it hits a pothole and stalls with .7 mile to go. As Ted and the gang wait with him at the mechanic (Jonathan Browning), they reminisce about the car. Through flashback, Marshall receives the car from his older brothers Marcus (Ned Rolsma) and Marvin Jr. (Robert Michael Ryan), who force him to drive naked and pick up 12 cups of coffee without a carrier in order to get the car keys… which leads to his ‘no food or drinks in the car’ policy. They also reminisce about the time Ted and Marshall get lost in snowstorm as they drive to Ohio during their college days, with the tape deck stuck on a loop of I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by the Proclaimers… and mostly how they nearly starved to death because Marshall had thrown out the food because of hit policy. Lily admits how she and Robin were the culprits the time that a bum supposedly broke into the car and threw up inside. She had actually picked up Chinese food and spilled it all over the car and then smoked Marshall’s cigars inside. Barney recalls the time Ted taught him to drive in the car, and had a meltdown as he inched along and nearly hit a dog and then softly crashed into a tree. Marshall decides to to fix the car because it would be very costly and still not guaranteed. An effort to push it its last .7 miles fails immediately, and Marshall is just glad to move forward with new memories. The scrap metal from the car pays their bar tab for two nights. Jack Salvatore Jr. is the drive-thru attendant. Frank Clem is the hick. 8/11/16
• 040. Moving Day – 3/19/2007
  • Ted is ready to take the next step and move into Robin’s apartment. Barney is interested in renting Ted’s old room from Marshall and Lily so he can quickly take his dates back to his place from MacLaren’s without the 23-minute drive to his place. Barney also feels that Ted is making a big mistake and steals his truck full of his belongings, forcing Ted to go out with him during his first night with Robin. Ted also starts to resent Robin forcing him to put many of his things in the storage unit. Meanwhile Marshall and Lily experience their first night by themselves. Although initially excited to have the freedom to do whatever they want, they realize they need Ted to get along. After playing Laser Tag and going to the bar, Ted returns home, but then realizes that Barney has stored the truck behind MacLaren’s, which he has furnished and is using to take women to. After Ted retrieves his things, he and Robin realize they are not yet ready to move into together. Ted returns home, much to the delight of Marshall and Lily. Rachelle Lefevre is Sarah. Other girls include Jessica Barth, Alisa Marshall, Ella Thomas, and Necar Zadegan. 8/11/16 
• 041. Bachelor Party – 4/9/2007
  • Marshall wants a low key bachelor party, but Barney who insists that he is the Best Man instead of Ted pressures him to get a stripper. The three guys head toward Atlantic City with their other friends Stuart and Brad, but actually veer off to Foxwoods in order to trick Barney. It doesn’t work, and Barney has a stripper named Treasure (Erin Cardillo) waiting. The evening ends up being ruined when Treasure injures her ankle and they have to take her to the hospital, and then Barney starts a fire in the room with his Cuban cigar and they get thrown out of the hotel. Meanwhile Robin attends Lily’s shower, and at Barney’s suggestion brings along a sex toy as a gift. However when she arrives she finds that the shower is populated by Lily’s family, including young nieces, her mother Janice (Meagan Fay), Grandma Lois (K Callan), and aunts Florence (Patricia Place) and Margaret (Corie Vickers). An embarrassed Robin switches the tags with another gift, and it turns out to be with the family heirloom sewing machine brought by her grandmother. Robin can’t help but laugh as Lois describes the gift before Robin opens it, and how she and her ancestors had used it through the years. Robin finally admits that it is hers, and the women at the party take more interest in the gift than she and Lily feel comfortable with. Marshall tells Barney he may not even be welcome at the wedding, but then Lily tells Marshall that it was Barney who came and got her and paid for her to return to New York when she and Marshall were broken up. Jamie Hagan is the flashback stripper. 10/19/16
• 042. Showdown – 4/20/2007
  • Barney goes to great lengths to bone up on pricing as he intends to go onto the game show The Price Is Right, for the purpose of seeing Bob Barker (himself), whom he was told as a young man (Tanner Maguire) was his father. Meanwhile Marshall and Lily, when accused of being co-dependent, agree to spend the two weeks before their wedding apart. Their friends think they are handling it remarkably well, but then find out that they’ve been meeting at a hotel every night. Lily has trouble gaining weight as she has lost some since she bought in her wedding dress and it is now too big for her. Ted struggles with what to write for his wedding toast because most of his stories involve sex or alcohol, but settles on talking about how they couldn’t keep away from one another for two weeks. Barney presents all of his prizes, including a Dune Buggy, from the show to Marshall and Lily for their wedding gifts as they watch him flawlessly win everything on the show including both Showcases. He does not however confront Bob Barker about being his father. Price Is Right stars Rachel Reynolds and announcer Rich Fields (voice only) appears as themselves. Sharon Madden is Showcase contestant Millie. 10/20/16
• 043. Something Borrowed – 5/7/2007
  • Lily tries to keep a positive attitude as things have gradually gone wrong with the wedding planning, but finally loses it when the harp player Andrea (Shulie Cowen) can only play half the harp because she is pregnant, her ex-boyfriend Bill “Scooter” shows up to try and win her back, her special underpants and veil get misplaced, and the flowers don’t show up. Meanwhle Marshall gets horrible hair highlights from Lily’s cousin Amy (Candice Accola aka Candice King) and then shaves part of his head to try and correct it. he tries a toupee from Uncle Ben (Michael Mantell) before realizing a hat will do the job. Barney realizes he can get everyone to do as he asks as long as he tells them it is for the bride. Lily winds up outside with Robin smoking, where the guys run into them. They end up getting married outside with only Ted and Robin present and with Barney officiating before going through with the real wedding. Joe Manganiello is Brad Morris. P.J. Marino is the bartender. Thomas Bethke is the gardener. Rachelle Wood is the woman. 1/27/17
• 044. Something Blue – 5/14/2007
  • At Lily and Marshall’s reception, Barney gets wind that Ted and Robin have something to tell people after the wedding is over. As Marshall and Lily desperately try to find something to eat at their own reception, Barney breaks Ted and Robin down into telling him their announcement, starting at the beginning when Robin finds an engagement ring in her champagne – which wasn’t actually hers but a mistake – and has a knee-jerk repulsed reaction. This leads to them talking about their future plans and how Robin would like to one day move to Argentina. Ted tells her that he is at a point in his life where he could actually go with her, and would even be willing to raise their future kids there. As they are finally ready to return the blue French horn to the restaurant that Ted stole it from, they suddenly remember that they had once planned to move in together… but were ultimately all talk. They do in fact decide to break up as a result. Barney offers his sincere condolences but is excited that he gets to be Ted’s wing man again. Lily and Marshall head off for their honeymoon in a limo driven by Ranjit, but make a stop at Wienerburger first so that they can finally eat. The wedding videographer (Gary Kraus) has a tough time getting good footage with all of Barney and Ted’s ranting about love. K Callan is Grandma Lois. Scoot McNairy is the Wienerberger cashier.  Mark Cirillo and Tony Rossi are waiters. Gattlin Griffith is the boy. Jeff Meacham is the DJ. 1/27/17

SEASON 3

• 045. Wait for It  – 9/24/2007
  • After Ted and Robin’s break-up, Barney is forced to wait for Ted to be ready to date again, during which time Ted grows a beard and paints his apartment, while Robin spends some time in Argentina. When Robin returns from vacation with an free-spirited masseuse named Gael (Enrique Iglesias). Lily is enamored by Gael and asks them to go out on a double date, during which she gets a massage from him… and eventually Marshall does the same. When Robin tries to make Ted feel better by making sure he is okay with it, Ted steps up his effort and ends up making out with a wild, tattooed girls named Amy (Mandy Moore). Even though Lydia’s friend Lydia (Amanda Loncar) is a fun date for Barney, he is more obsessed with not being Ted’s wingman and Ted’s decision to get a tattoo. The next morning Ted wakes up with a butterfly tramp stamp, vaguely remembering that the tattoo artist was Amy’s ex boyfriend Steve (Frank Alvarez). Ted visits Robin to get his yelling out, and Robin confesses that she too had a lot of trouble getting over the breakup… and that Ted is more endowed. Marshall starts a website with a slap countdown for Barney. Donovan Dustin is Amy’s son Travis. 5/7/17
• 046. We’re Not from Here – 10/1/2007
  • Robin’s Argentinian vacation free spirit starts to clash with her real-Robin persona, and when Gael moves in and invites a group of ‘travelers’ to move into the apartment as well, she starts to have dreams of her having a showdown with herself… and to make out with herself. Meanwhile Marshall works on writing a heartfelt letter to put in his ‘death’ envelope to be ready by Lily if she survives him. When he sneaks and reads her letter, he finds that it is just some reminders about passwords. Barney gets the idea to impersonate Missouri tourists so that he and Ted can pick up girls for one-night stands. They meet girls named Colleen (Michele Nordin) and Lindsay (Nikki Griffen) and they agree to show the guys around New York, but soon they find that the girls seem to know nothing about New York, and cause the guys to get robbed. When Ted learns that the girls are actually from New Jersey, he admits their lie and berates them for claiming to be New Yorkers. When Robin can stand no more, she throws the travelers out and breaks it off with Gael. Lily finally writes a new letter, which Marshall finally prematurely opens in the year 2029, only to find that it is merely Lily telling him that he sucks for opening the letter… and is then yelled at by the real Lily, still very much alive. Darryl Sivad is Officer Roque. 5/7/17
• 047. Third Wheel – 10/8/2007
  • Ted places a frantic call to Barney and Marshall, who are stuck in a game of Wii Wimbledon, announcing that he is going for the ‘belt’ – referring to an actual championship belt Barney purchased to award the first one of them who had a threesome. Ted explains that he ran into a girl named Trudy with whom he once nearly had a fling and the hit it off. Then they are joined by one of Trudy’s old Kappa sorority friends Rachel (Busy Philips), with whom Trudy has always had a friendly rivalry when it comes to men. Ted clears everyone out of his apartment and brings them upstairs, only to nearly be stymied by Barney, who thinks he should win the belt – having previously chickened out his opportunity with two girls (Melissa Ordway, Chantelle Barry) – and Lily, who recognizes Rachel as a girl who swiped her boots in a huge boot sale. Eventually the pathway is open for Ted, but he too chickens out, until he is given a rousing pep talk by his friends. Meanwhile Robin goes out with an attractive surgeon named Ian (Neil Jackson) and purposely doesn’t shave her legs to keep her from going too far on the first date. However she is so charmed by him that she changes her mind and bribes a waitress (Christine Woods) to buy her a razor. While trying to shave in the bathroom using butter, she slips and knocks herself out. Ian has the waitress check on her, but she lies and says that Robin has sneaked out through the window and steals away with Ian herself. Ted refuses to disclose whether he went through with the threeway or not. 1/2/18
• 048. Little Boys – 10/15/2007
  • Lily sets up Robin with a guy named George (Brad Rowe), who has a lot of great qualities, but one huge “but” – he has a six-year old son named Doug (Nicholas Roget-King), who is one of Lily’s students. Although Robin doesn’t want kids, she claims that she likes him and gives George a shot. All goes well with him, even when she admits that she’s not into kids and has no desire to meet Doug. However after they eventually run into each other, Robin finds herself somewhat taken by Doug, but plans to break up with George when Lily shows a picture that Doug drew of Robin that he captioned as My New Mommy. She has a talk with Doug, but then realizes that George is also seeing a girl named Brooke (Deanna Russo) whom was the girl that Doug had actually drawn. Meanwhile when Ted makes fun of Barney’s idea to wear an eye patch to get women, they wind up in a contest to see who can sleep with a girl named Stacey (Janet Varney) first. Barney is out immediately when he gets slapped by her, and tells Ted that he had slept with her a year ago. Ted really falls for Stacey, but when Barney taunts him about ‘being there first’, Ted breaks it off with her. He assumes that he and Barney both lost, but in fact Barney had orchestrated the entire maneuver of having her slap him to give Ted the courage to ask her out. Then he kept running into her and using information he had gotten from Ted to convince her that she and Barney had a lot in common. Once Ted dumped her, he was right there to swoop in. The plan is brilliant, but backfires when Stacey decides she doesn’t want to be physical for a long time after her breakup. Marshall tries to convince Ted and Barney that he has ‘game’ and is still relevant even though he’s only been with Lily for the past eleven years. Olivia Howard Bagg is 11-year old Robin, and Pamela Darling is her 4-year old sister Katie. 1/3/18
• 049. How I Met Everyone Else – 10/22/2007
  • Ted recalls a date he once had, but since he can’t remember her name, he just refers to her as Blahblah (Abigail Spencer). Ted preps everyone that they met online, but she wants to tell everyone they met in a cooking class, prompting Barney to introduce everyone to the Hot/Crazy scale. Barney thinks she’s crazy, and in fact she becomes crazier throughout the night as everyone relates the tales of how they met and she becomes extremely jealous of Robin. Ted and Lily tell how she was drawn to his room and it was love at first sight, but Ted tells Blahblah privately that he and Lily actually made out at the Freshman dance and she had come to see him. Blahblah wants to tell Marshall this tale, but Lily intercepts with saying she first met Ted when he was crying to his girlfriend on the phone. Marshall recalls the night and insists that they were each making out with someone different, so Ted goes along so that they can have their ideal meeting story. It’s not until 2020 at a college reunion that Ted finally encounters Alexa Leskys (Jolie Jenkins), who verifies that Marshall was correct and it was her he made out with. They also talk about how Ted met Marshall when they became roommates, and Marshall mistakenly thought Ted was the college dean, while he was ‘eating a sandwich’ – their code word for smoking pot. Ted met Barney at a bar and became his wingman, although in fact Ted actually stymied Barney’s date with Audrey (Alexa Blue) by speaking sign language to her. Barney met Marshall though Ted and is surprised when Marshall is so quickly able to cheat on his girlfriend with a hot girl – who is actually his girlfriend Lily. Blahblah’s craziness scale finally goes off the charts and she walks out on her date with Ted, mentioning that they actually met while playing Worlds of Warcraft. At the 2020 reunion, Ted, Marshall, and Lily all ‘eat a sandwich’ before Ted realizes he doesn’t know where his wife is. Ray Auxias is Phil. 9/4/18
• 050. I’m Not That Guy – 10/29/2007
  • Both Marshall and Barney bring good news to Ted: Barney tells him that he has found a porn star that goes by the same name as Ted, and Marshall tells him that he got the job with the NRDC, the Natural Resources Defense Council. Marshall also has an interview that was set up by his father with Nicholson, Hewitt, and West, a more unscrupulous company known for damaging the environment. Marshall has no intention of accepting the job, but Lily convinces him to go to the interview anyway. Marshall is wined and dined by a slick executive named Jeff Coatsworth (John Cho), and is offered a huge amount of money. Lily admits to Robin that she secretly wants Marshall to take the job because she has huge amounts of credit card debt from shopping whenever she is depressed. Marshall ends up taking the job, but then has remorse, and Lily, despite her debt, convinces Marshall to turn it down because she doesn’t want him working at a job he loathes. Jeff is able to change Marshall’s mind again when he takes him to Funland and tells him they will be his only client… although they wind up amidst numerous irresponsible scandals. Ted and Barney go to visit porn-Ted (Kevin Heffernan), and find out that his real name is Steve Biel, and has actually adopted his film name as an homage to Ted, who once stuck up for him to bullies. Ted tries to convince him to change his stage name to Lance Hardwood, but this goes over Steve’s head and he merely gives that name to his character in the next film. Barney acts as location scout for the film, which is filmed inside Ted’s apartment. 9/4/18
• 051. Dowisetrepla – 11/5/2007
  • Now that he and Lily are married, Marshall starts to irritated with Ted interrupting their lives, so he and Lily begin looking to buy an apartment. Marshall dreams of their family life with his rock band that includes his sons, and Lily dreams of teaching daughters Daphne (Kaliya Skye) and Persephone (Megan Bowers). They are shown a very nice place in a place with the mysterious name Dowisetrepla by their real estate agent Margaret (Maggie Wheeler) and fall in love with it. Barney pretends to be interested in the apartment, so Magaret tells him how to get in. Barney however just wants to impress a girl named Meg (April Bowlby) so that he can pretend he is in love with her, sleep with her, and then leave her when she takes a shower. Lily is petrified of Marshall finding out that she is a shopaholic and deep in debt, and it does in fact come to light when they visit a loan officer (Phil Lewis). Ted uses his powers of deduction to determine that Marshall and Lily had a huge fight and then re-dials the phone to find out the last call they made and find out it is a divorce lawyer. Barney laments the potential divorce with real tears, while Marshall drinks a giant celebratory bottle of champagne at MacLaren’s that he bought when they had thought they were getting the house – which also yielded a huge cork explosion that hit waitress Wendy in the eye. Lily shows up at the bar and tells Marshall that she had consulted a lawyer about a divorce so that her credit wouldn’t be taken into consideration. Marshall says there’s no way he would divorce her, even on paper, and that they will manage as a couple. They end up accepting the apartment at an 18% interest rate. When they arrive at their new home, they are overcome by a horrible smell which only surfaces on the weekend days. It turns out that Dowisetrepla actually meant “down wind of the sewage treatment plant.” Rhomeyn Johnson is the cab driver. 5/30/19
• 052. Spoiler Alert – 11/12/2007
  • Ted has a new girlfriend named Cathy (Lindsay Price) whom he’s crazy about, but all of his friends are rude to her. They won’t tell him why, but only that there’s something blatantly wrong with her… something he can’t see. Meanwhile Marshall gets ready to check online to see if he passed the New York Bar Exam, but can’t remember his password to get onto the site. Barney seems more fixated on showing him a video of a dog pooping on a baby. Barney offers to help him by getting some illegal software from a friend in order to break through the school’s firewall… but when he goes to show this to Marshall, it is just the dog/baby video. Ted finally breaks everyone down and they tell him that Cathy talks incessantly, which shatters his high opinion of her; now he can think of nothing else. Irritated that he now knows this, Ted mentions to Marshall how loud Lily is when she eats, and everyone gets irritated by this. This starts off a chain reaction of shattering the illusions of each other by pointing out how Ted corrects everyone, Robin misuses the world ‘literally’, Barney speaks in a high-pitched voice at times, and Marshall sings everything he is doing. While Robin is demonstrating Marshall’s singing of nonsensical words, she inadvertently sings the phrase he used to remember his password. Marshall checks the website and finds out he has passed the bar and is now a lawyer. Everyone forgets their petty irritations with each other and they all celebrate. Ron Butler is the proctor. Steve Little is the test taker who has a meltdown. 6/1/19
• 053. Slapsgiving – 11/19/2007
  • With Thanksgiving coming up, Marshall has christened it “Slapsgiving” as he intends to administer his third slap to Barney and has set a countdown on his computer until it happens. Barney tries to convince him that this is easier on him than the element of surprise, but finally breaks down and pleads with Marshall not to hit him. Lily finally has mercy as Slap Bet Commissioner and orders Marshall not to give it to him on Thanksgiving. But when Barney continues to rub it in Marshall’s face, she finally recants and Marshall delivers his third painful slap. Meanwhile Robin is dating a 41-year old named Bob (Eben Ham), but everyone sees him in an incredibly old form (Orson Bean). Ted laments that as exes, many of their inside jokes and rituals go by the wayside, and it is difficult to be alone with them. They wind up together alone baking holiday pies when Marshall and Lily end up with too much to do to get ready for their dinner. They get in an argument when Ted realizes they are baking Bob’s pie, but the argument leads to them sleeping together. Later at the dinner, they argue over who’s fault it was, and finally decide they can no longer be friends. They managed to make it through the dinner awkwardly, but when an old inside joke resurfaces, they realize that the will always be friends. Marshall sings a song specially tailored to the slap he gave Barney. 2/16/20
• 054. The Yips – 11/26/2007
  • Ted realizes how out of shape he is and encourages everyone to join Total Rip Fitness. Barney is already a member as he often goes to encourage overweight girls, so that when they slim down, he will be the first man they think of. While there Barney runs into the juice bar attendant Rhonda (Stephanie Faracy), who had been the woman he lost his virginity to after his brother James, who is still struggling with his own sexuality, bribes her to sleep with a depressed Barney who had just lost his girlfriend Shannon, by sleeping with her himself. Rhonda sarcastically tells Barney that he is the greatest in bed, which gives him the confidence he needs to become the womanizer that he became. However when Rhonda has no recollection of him, it gives Barney the ‘yips’, the inability to do certain simple tasks, namely sex, because he is trying too hard. Even attending a Victoria’s Secret after-party doesn’t help as Barney becomes tongue tied with each model, even being given pity advice by model Heidi Klum (herself). Eventually Ted asks Rhonda to try and help Barney, so she tries to convince him that he doesn’t always have sex with a woman to enjoy them. They play Go Fish together until boredom drives them back into bed, at which time Rhonda really does become impressed and gives him back his confidence. Meanwhile Marshall gets help from an attractive trainer named Trish (Meredith Roberts) but she is such a tyrant, Marshall is miserable and even Lily can’t get him out of it. Lily takes a trainer as well, and Marshall gets rather jealous of the way he stretches her out, and it turns out that he isn’t even employed by the gym. Robin turns Ted off when she appears manly at the gym, while everyone realizes that Ted isn’t working out at all. It gets worse when Marshall unleashes Trish on him and makes him whimper, thus making the breakup equally easy on Robin. They all agree it was a great thing joining the gym…but then they never go again. Supermodels Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Miranda Kerr, Adriana Lima, and Marissa Miller are themselves. Mick Harrity is Max. Annie Ilonzeh is Becky. 2/16/20 
• 055. The Platinum Rule – 12/10/2007
  • In September of 2007, Ted wakes up realizing he has a tramp stamp tattoo, and months later he is seeing a Dr. Stella Zinman to have it removed. He also plans to go out on a date to the movies with her, much against the wishes of all his friends. Barney in particular is adamant that he learn his ‘platinum rule’: never ever ever ever ‘love’ thy neighbor. Everyone relates tales of relationships with people they knew that went sour, as Barney describes the various phases of relationships gone awry: attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, the tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, and fallout. In November 2005, Barney becomes attracted to Wendy the waitress  at McLaren’s against the advice of his friend. He quickly regrets it when he can no longer hit on other girls in the bar. After he breaks it off, he lives in constant fear of her poisoning him. In December 2006, Marshall and Lily meet their new apartment neighbors Michael (John Slaon) and Laura Girard (Kristen Schaal). Despite Barney’s warnings, they initially have a great time and consider them Charades playmates, but when the Girards keep showing up at their apartment, they eventually have to break it off. They live in constant fear running into them. In October 2007, Robin becomes attracted to her sports anchor Curt “The Iron Man” Irons (Hayes MacArthur), a former hockey player. He quickly becomes too needy and clingy so she has to break it off… resulting in him having a depression meltdown on the air. Ted still won’t listen to Barney’s advice and goes out with Stella anyway. It turns out that it was just as friends anyway, as the American Medical Association has a law about doctors dating their patients. Ted also recognizes that there is a ninth step to the Platinum Rule: coexistence, which is when you start to let go of the built-up resentments. 5/27/20
• 056. No Tomorrow – 3/17/2008
  • No one wants to party with Barney for St. Patrick’s Day. Lily and Marshall are working on moving into their new apartment, so Ted finally gives in when Barney tells him that there will be no tomorrow so he needs to spend it having fun. The future Ted tells his kids that their mother was at the party, but he didn’t meet her. Barney gets them hot dates Mary (Arielle Vandenberg) and Stephanie (Mieko Hillman), but they the guys abandon them when the bouncer (Terrell Lee) tells them that the bar is full of women so they don’t have to wait in line. Ted starts to think that the universe is working backward because there is only good luck coming his way even though they are doing bad things. To prove this, Ted orders expensive drinks and puts them on the tab of another customer named Gurito. In answer to this, a hot girl named Ashlee (Vanessa Lachey) begins flirting with him and agrees to a one-night stand. However things start to go awry when he finds out that Ashlee is married and he is confronted by Rick Gurito (Brian Letscher), who punches him out. The next morning Marshall criticizes Ted’s behavior and tells him that he is acting like Barney. To prove it, he plays the messages that Ted left while out, and Ted is not very happy with himself. Having left his cell phone at the party, he returns to look for it, but cannot find it and winds up caught in the rain. He takes a yellow umbrella left on the floor, which happened to belong to his kids’ mother. Meanwhile Marshall and Robin discover that their new apartment is crooked, but they don’t want to tell Lily. When things start to move in the apartment, they tell her it is the ghost of a Confederate General. Eventually they tell her the truth and she is devastated… until they start playing games on a skateboard left in the house. Ryan Burnham and Matthew Hatchette are the bartenders. Nicole Muirbrook is the woman Ted bumps into. Hope Riley is the girl with Barney. 5/27/20
• 057. Ten Sessions – 3/24/2008
  • Ted visits the Dermatology & Tattoo Removal Clinic to have his butterfly tattoo removed. There he meets Dr. Stella Zinman (Sarah Chalke), whom he becomes instantly attracted to. As they are talking about the worst movies ever made, he asks to meet her at a screening of Plan 9 from Outer Space, which he thinks is a date. She however is there with her girlfriends Kourtney (Christine Joaquin), and Gloria (Ria Pavia), and Brenda (Caroline Whitney Smith), and Ted winds up paying for all of them, while Stella tells him that she is unable to date patients. She also tells him that if he asks her out at the end of the ten laser removal sessions, she will still say no. Ted tells his friends that he is going to pursue her and charm her over the course of the visits. It starts off rocky when he embarrasses himself, but he starts to turn things around when he buys coffee and a doughnut for her painfully shy secretary Abby (Britney Spears), but this only causes Abby to fall for him. Marshall and Barney also all go to see her to see if they can find a way to hook them up. Barney tells Ted that she is turned on by mustaches and gets him to grow one, but it is only for a bet they had a year earlier  that Barney could make him grow a mustache. Still, Ted and Stella get closer, but when he asks her out at the end of the ten sessions, she tells him that she has an eight-year old daughter that she needs to focus on. Ted later realizes that she never actually said no, so he asks her for a two-minute date during the time she usually has for lunch, and uses that time to full capacity on the streets of New York to take a taxi on building, have a meal, see a movie, have dessert, and buy her flowers. She gives him a passionate kiss, proving that he can turn a no into a yes. He tells her that if she ever wants to date to let him know. A crushed Abby then turns to Barney for comfort. Don Creech is the old guy in the theater. 9/10/20
• 058. The Bracket – 3/31/2008
  • Barney keeps experiencing a recurring issue when he meets a girl: they talk, he walks away, and when he returns, she slaps and him and storms off. This happens to him with hardware store girl Maggie (Jennipher Foster), pet store girl Karen (Katie Savoy), and art gallery girl Julia (Kathy Uyen). Lily solves this mystery when a mysterious woman (Tess Alexandra Parker) sees her with Barney and when he walks he away, gives him a stern warning that he will do whatever it takes to get her into bed. Ted and Marshall has recently swiped Lily’s classroom blackboard under the nose of the janitor (Brendan Patrick Connor) for the NCAA bracket, but instead they use it for a bracket of women that Ted could have potentially angered, eliminating them by severity of the infraction. They get it down to the final four and then Barney and Lily visit each woman to try and identify the mystery woman, with Lily vowing not to tell him who she is unless he apologizes to them all. They start with a girl named Meg (April Bowlby) who is quick to try and take Barney back. He then meets up with Anna (Dawn Olivieri), whom he told was as architect named Ted, who has started a website called TedMosbyIsAJerk.com. Kate (Hallie Lambert) attacks him outright. Finally he meets with Holly (Maite Schwartz) who he abandoned on a camping trip. She is now married to Mark (Chris Tallman) who is grateful that Barney drove her to him… but it all ends when he realizes that the camping incident took place after they got together. With all four eliminated, Robin comes up with a plan to find the girl by having him hit on her in the bar, and then identify whoever comes up to her. When she finally does, Barney doesn’t recognize the woman at all. He delivers her a heartfelt apology, making Lily proud of him… but she turns out not to be the woman, but rather Robin’s friend Sally from work. The future Ted tells his kids that eventually Barney did find out who she was, but it would be a story for another time. Barney fills out his computer journal ala Doogie Howser with his thoughts about the mystery girl, recognizing that he is awesome as a girl named Charna (Yvonne Delarosa) waits in bed for him.  Ken Barnett is Colton Dunn, the guy who hits on Robin. 9/10/20
• 059. The Chain of Screaming – 4/14/2008
  • Ted is celebrating his raise and purchase of a new car that Barney had claimed eternal shotgun in, when Marshall comes to McLaren’s in a funk because his boss ‘Artillery Arthur’ Hobbs (Bob Odenkirk) has laid into him for a late report the same way he has done in the past for his co-worker Ferguson (Jordan Black). Making the situation worse, Marshall broke down into tears when it happened. His friends try to coach him on how to behave when he finally return in the report – which they dub as the Ninja Report. Robin thinks he should bring a gun and be intimidating, Ted thinks he should make a Lincolnesque speech, and Lily thinks he should talk to him like a child. Barney however thinks he should ignore it altogether and try his theory of the chain/circle of screaming, by which when one is screamed out by a superior, that one retaliates by screaming at an underling. He relates the story of his co-worker Gary Blauman who tried to pee on the conference table and then quit after being yelled at by their boss Mr. Bilson, only to wind up jobless and dead. Barney tries to coax him into yelling at a waiter (Avner Garbi), but Marshall doesn’t get far when the waiter yells back at him. He then allows Marshall to lay into him to let out his anger, but he winds up continuing the anger with Hobbs… and quits the job. He meets with Ted, Robin, and Barney in Ted’s new car, and everyone seems hellbent on spilling something or stinking it up, to come up with ideas on how to tell Lily that he’s quit and that it may ruin their lives and dreams of a family. He finally builds up the courage, but Lily simply tells him that they’ll get through it together… before making love in Ted’s car and on the kitchen floor. Ted sells his car so he can loan Marshall the money to get through the crisis. 12/26/20
• 060. Sandcastles in the Sand – 4/21/2008
  • Robin has made herself up to look terrific to meet up with her teenage short-term boyfriend Simon Tremblay (James Van der Beek), a member of the band Foreskin who dated Robin when she was a pop star in Canada. They met when he appeared in one of her music videos, and when Barney finds out that there’s another video besides Let’s Go to the Mall, he becomes consumed with finding it. She shares that after a couple of months of dating, Simon dumped her for Louise Marsh, whose parents put in a pool. Although Robin has ‘won’ in life in nearly every way, when he makes his appearance at the bar to see her, Robin is smitten with him all over again, despite the fact that to everyone else he looks like a fat, balding losier. Marshall dubs the phrase ‘revertigo’ when she reverts to behaving like she did in high school around certain people. Lily experiences the same thing with her friend Michelle (Ryan Michelle Bathe), so Marshall encourages Lily to bring her around some everyone can experience they way Lily adopts her ‘black-cent’. It turns out that Michelle only speaks that way in Lily’s presence as well. Robin’s friends try to convince her that she is too good for him now, but when he asks her out, she quickly accepts and begins fawning all over him again, and even supports his band Foreskin by playing their song Murder Train on the air. He eventually dumps her again for Louise Marsh, when her parents get a jacuzzi… once again in the back of his van as Robin is loading it with his equipment. That night at McLaren’s, Robin is upset by being dumped, and Barney cheers her up by telling how amazing she is. She rewards him by inviting him back to her place… and then shows him the other video called Sandcastles in the Sand, which stars Simon, pop singer Tiffany (herself), and actor Alan Thicke (himself). After they watch it multiple times, they end up making out on her couch. Chris Romano is Ted’s friend Punchy. Veronica Estrada and Cara-Lee Knodel are Catholic school girls in the video. 12/26/20
• 061. The Goat – 4/28/2008
  • Future Ted tells his kids the story of the goat, an event that took place as he approached his 30th birthday. Just before this, Barney and Robin sleep together and they agree never to mention it again. Barney however is racked with guilty for breaking his own Bro Code of never sleeping with your friend’s ex. In order to try and assuage his guilty, he hires Marshall to find a loophole in the Code that will make him feel better. He makes Marshall swear not to tell anyone, since it now falls under attorney-client privilege. Barney holds the code very dear and claims it was written by George Washington (Jeff Austin) and Benjamin Franklin (Ian Abercrombie), but Marshall can not find any loopholes, nor can he find any times that Ted had broken the code. He cites examples where he lied to girl named Cindy (Megan McNulty) about Barney saving him from an avalanche, and bought condoms and wine for Barney when he was with a a girl named Carol (Alexis Krause). Meanwhile, Lily has Farmer Frank (Alan Fudge) bring a goat in to show her class, but when they find out that Frank is planning to take it to the butcher, a little girl (Destiny Whitlock) makes her promise not to let him… so Lily brings the goat home and puts it on the roof. While his friends throw him a rooftop party, Ted is dragged off to Las Vegas in a limo driven by Ranjit, in hopes that he can tell Ted what he did on the way. However when he tells him, Ted informs he already knew because Robin had confessed to him. Although he had forgiven Robin, and pretended to forgive Ted, he blows up at Barney and tells him he no longer has any use for him as a friend… considering he thought that ‘he’ was the line that Barney had drawn at doing horrible things, and the punctuates by punching Barney in the groin. Ted has Ranjit turn the limo around, and Ted goes home to his rooftop party. Although the goat did something dramatic in the bathroom, Future Ted remembers that it was actually something that happened on his 31st birthday. 4/23/21
• 062. Rebound Bro – 5/5/2008
  • Ted is trying his best to work his way back into Ted’s life, but Ted keeps blowing him off. He has forgiven Robin, mostly because his relationship is going so well with Stella…except for the fact that they haven’t yet slept together. Ted is trying to be patient, but finally asks her if they can do it. She admits that she hasn’t had sex in five years, and always finds a good reason not to. However she agrees that she is now ready to sleep with Ted, so they plan a night out. Meanwhile Barney is trying find a replacement wingman for Ted. He looks to his old friends Pete (Blair Hickey), Stepleton (Dean West), and Crazy Willie (Bill Parks), but they respectively just became a father, found a new wingman in Doug Stein, or is having game night with his family. In light of this, he turns to his loser co-worker Randy (Will Forte) go out with him… although he’s not had sex in thirteen years. He gets so nervous around the ladies that he hides under a table. Barney tries to coach him, but he winds up getting a drink thrown in his face by a girl named Haley (Floriana Lima), and tells a girl named Kate (Rome Shadanloo) that koala bear meat is delicious. Barney then brings in Robin to help tutor him, and Randy gets a bloody nose, which goes hand-in-hand with his erection. However when Barney learns that Randy was a short-term New York City police officer before getting fired, he uses that with a girl named Sadie (Sonia Rockwell) and she winds up taking him back to her apartment to clean up his bloody nose. Barney is able to declare himself the greatest wingman of all time, but still gets choked up at the mention of Ted’s name. Stella shows up at Ted’s apartment to go to a motel together, but she quickly gets turned off when Lily mentions her not having had sex in five years. She storms out and says this is a good reason to not be with someone. Ted then accuses her of looking for such a reason out of fear of getting too close. She later returns and apologizes, and admits he was right. She says she is ready for a big step… and finally introduces him to her daughter Lucy (Darcy Rose Byrnes). After meeting her, Stella gets a babysitter, and she and Ted head to a motel and finally sleep together. When they’re done, Ted jokes about calling Marshall and Lily to tell them about it. 4/23/21
• 063. Everything Must Go – 5/12/2008
  • The mystery from the episode The Bracket continues: Every time Barney start chatting up a girl, when he walks away, the girl slaps him. He finally tracks the girl down who is coming in and bad-mouthing him when he walks away is Abby, Stella’s secretary who fell for Ted and then turned to Barney for comfort. When he confronts her, she tells him that he didn’t call her after they slept together… and then Ted started dating Stella. Barney blames the whole thing on Ted, who is still on bad terms with Barney. Abby and Barney then sleep together again. Meanwhile, Marshall finds out that re-doing the floors in their new place is going to cost more, so he convinces Lily that she needs to sell some of her designer clothes to help pay for it. She decides that she wants to try and sell some of her artwork, but Marshall has a slip of the tongue, and implies they are not real paintings. They make a deal that if Lily can sell $1500 of her art, then Lily can keep her clothes, which Robin is itching to buy. Ted argues that women have clothes in their closet they’ve never worn, whereas he’s worn everything…including his red cowboy boots. He’s convinced he can pull them off, and it becomes his goal to prove so. Lily displays her works at an art show and at a local cafe, but the only interest she gets is from a woman (Petrea Burchard) who wants to buy Lily’s clothes. She tries to sell on the street next to guy (Matt Besser) who is selling socks so he can buy heroin. Finally, two gay guys, referred to as the Gay Couple without Kids, or G-CWOK named Lawrence (Todd Sherry) and Walter (Steve Hasley) are excited when they see her painting and snatch it up for $500. Lily later offers them a chance to look at her other work, and Lawrence tells her that they only bought it for the frame. Marshall feels bad so he goes to try and get the painting back and finds that they’ve thrown it away. A veterinarian named Dr. Greer (Larry Wilmore) has picked it up from the garbage and finds that it somehow soothes the pets in his office, except for birds, which it drives to suicide. Barney continues to see Abby, and then tells her that they should teach Ted a lesson by asking like a domesticated couple since Ted likes that type of lifestyle. They show up to see Ted dressed in matching sweaters and Barney proposes. She gets excited and accepts the proposal, but Barney tries to assure her he was playacting. He then gets out of it, but telling he that Ted begged him not to marry her, and tells her she needs to go to him. Justin Alston is the guy who once flirted with Lily. Jennifer Lothrop is the woman Barney accuses. Johnny Palermo is the guy in the coffeehouse. 8/18/21
• 064. Miracles – 5/19/2008
  • Ted talks about how a specific cab ride led his life in a direction that could have made his life dramatically different had he not taken it. Then he gives some background on how he had broken up with Stella when she asked him to go to a wedding that was six months down the road. Ted is criticized by his friends for making that move. Later, he gets into a cab which is hit by another car, and when all of his friends get the message, they all rush to the hospital. They find Ted sitting up and eating, feeling fine, but the nurse Bill (Jayden Lund) won’t release him until he gets his test results back. Ted also says his life flashed before his eyes, and he now wants Stella back. Marshall insists it is miracle but Robin won’t use the world. Marshall relates various tales of miracles that have happened to prove his point: a pencil falling from the ceiling and going up Barney’s nose, a near-miss when a very stoned Marshall flies back into town carrying contraband just as a shift changes between a very strict customs guy (Anthony Palermo) and a cool, high customs guy (Doug Benson), and the time he got lice from trying on hats in Lily’s classroom then goes for a job interview with lawyer Bob Hewitt (John Getz), but doesn’t get the job when he starts scratching head against the desk; Hewett is later arrested due to SEC violations . Lily calls Barney to give him the news, and he simply hangs up on her. Then he tells the Korean General (Vincent Fenequito) that his best friend needs him. He runs to the hospital, and just as he gets there, he himself is hit by a bus. Stella comes to see Marshall and it appears all is forgiven and they make out in the bed. But when she leaves the room, and Lily says she’s glad they’re back together, Stella realizes that Ted had broken up with her. She marches back in and breaks it off with him, fearing that he questioned their relationship. Ted then gets a call from a nurse (Taira Soo) telling him about Barney’s accident. Ted and the gang go to see Barney in traction, and the two reconcile their friendship. Robin reveals why she doesn’t believe in miracles when, as a 6-year old girl (Shelby Zemanek), her dog Scratchy died, and the vet told her there was a miracle and he had come back as a turtle. Bill the nurse releases Ted, and he goes to see Stella and asks her to marry him. When the group asks Barney what flashed before his eyes, he doesn’t reveal to the others that his thoughts were of Robin. 8/19/21

SEASON 4

• 065. Do I Know You? – 9/22/2008
  • Stella accepts Ted’s proposal, much to his relief since he though of every other possible reaction, including thinking she may have accepted the proposal of her high school quarterback Mark Johnson (Kyle Archer). Marshall is still out of work, and seems to just be hanging around bothering everyone else. When Marshall realizes that Ted knows very little about Stella, he insists that she find out whether Stella likes Ted’s favorite movie Star Wars. Meanwhile, Barney goes through physical therapy, and Robin starts to realize that the news she is delivering is sensationalist. Barney finally brings himself to admit to Lily that he is in love with Robin. Lily agrees to help him with her, as long as Barney promises to stop sleeping with other girls, especially since he has one (Nicole Taylor) in his bedroom at that moment. With Barney having too much trouble making the first move, Lily arranges for Barney to have dinner alone with her. All through the dinner, Barney is on his best behavior, won’t make a crass statement even when Robin leaves him numerous openings, and encourages Robin to go for another reporting job. Ted has Stella over to watch Star Wars, but she finds it hard to concentrate as Ted keeps watching her, and Marshall keeps popping up to check on them. She winds up insisting that she be allowed to watch it alone. After it is over, she tells Ted that she loved it, while confessing to Marshall that she hated it. He tells her how important the movie is to Ted, and asks her if she can support him watching it at special and emotional times in Ted’s life… and she says she can. At the end of the dinner with Barney, Robin brings in a hot girl named April (Heidi Lynne Herschbach) for Barney in order to serve as his wing man. Barney tells Lily that he turned down the offer and tells April that he is in love with Robin, but in reality he did in fact bring April home. Lily tells him that he will have to choose between Robin and bimbos, and he chooses bimbos. Alonza Maxwell is the bartender. 2/17/22
• 066. The Best Burger in New York – 9/29/2008
  • Barney’s company takes over Goliath National Bank, so Barney keeps pushing it on everyone. Meanwhile, Marshall keeps getting sadder and sadder as he struggles to find a job that he likes. As the group tries to decide what to eat for dinner, the subject comes up of the best burger in New York that Marshall had when he and Ted first moved to New York. Marshall was afraid of being mugged, so Ted make him wander around outside. While talking a walk, he passes a strip club pamphleteer (Casey Washington) and finds a burger joint with red sign and a green door, goes in, and has the best burger he’s ever had. When he tries to tell Ted about it, he can no longer find the place. A nice guy (Jay Lay) overhears their conversation and recommends the Corner Bistro, which Marshall has heard over and over again through the years. One clue was the fact that there was an autographed photo or Regis Philbin (himself) in the restaurant, and one time Barney had spotted Regis working out in his gym. The immediately went to see him, but Regis was in the same predicament of not remembering where it was. They had promised to let him know if they find it. When Robin finds out about the place, she said she knows right where it is, as she walks by the red sign and green door all of the time. They head there and text Regis to let him know. However when they arrive there, the burgers are great, but not the ones that Marshall remembered. The waitress (Mandy McMillian) tells them that their restaurant was modeled after a different one uptown. When they arrive, Marshall sees the same pamphleteer and recognizes the area, but the restaurant has been replaced with a Goliath National Bank ATM. As they are all depressed together, Marshall tells Lily that he took a job at the bank, and until he is able to follow his dream, this will finally give him a reason to put on his pants in the morning again. The pamphleteer tells them that the burger place that used to sit there has moved, and for $100 he’ll tell them where it is. Barney suggests the Goliath ATM. They find the restaurant and get their burgers. Marshall declares it the same burger, which brings back his memories of arriving in New York as a hopeful youth. Regis initially doesn’t think it’s the right one, but then finally agrees that it’s the one. 2/17/22
• 067. I ♥ NJ – 10/2/2008
  • Ted has been traveling back and forth between seeing Stella in New Jersey and home, and consequently misses out on many of the evenings with Stella because he doesn’t arrive until late, and misses out on the events in his friends’ lives. For instance, Robin is starting a new job broadcasting the news on a national station, and is getting ready to host her final segment for Metro News 1. When Ted tells Stella his concerns, she suggests that he invite his friends to come to New Jersey for the night. They all meet at Stella’s place, but since she was unable to get a babysitter for Lucy, the are forced to stay at her place instead of going out. Robin shows up late after reporting to her new job, only to find that she is only there for an audition. Barney tells a misfire joke and when he goes for a fist bump, no one will give it to him. He vows to keep his hand up all night until he gets a return fist bump. When Stella mentions Ted moving to New Jersey to be with her, Ted starts to freak out because he always envisioned her and Lucy moving to New York. Everyone discusses the merits of New York vs. New Jersey. Marshall confesses that he hates New York because he is physically too big for most everything in New York, but he enjoys the New Jersey Price Co. store. Robin starts to consider returning to her old job, although she hates everything about it including the puns they force her to say, but Barney and Lily try to talk her out of it and to have confidence in herself. Ted finally pushes Stella too far when he agrees that he’ll go so far as to move to Brooklyn, so she finally gives up and tells him to live wherever he wants, because she’s not walking away from her responsibilities as a mother. When Ted tries to find her in the house to talk to her, he runs into Lucy who has woken up and wants Ted to read her a story. After he gets done, he finds Stella and tells her that he plans to move to New Jersey to be with her. Robin calls her old producer Joel Adams (Michael Kagan) and asks for her old job back. Joel wants to blow her off, but her replacement anchor Brian (Edward Kiniry-Ostro) appears to petrified to go on camera. He tells Robin if she gets there by 11:00pm, she can have her job back. Robin takes Lucy’s bike and rides it to the subway, then to her studio where she makes it just in the nick of time. However, after delivering her first bad pun, she quits on the again right on the air. Since Barney helped support her, Lily finally gives Barney his fist bump, so he is free to put his arm down. However, he makes another bad joke and gets left hanging mid-high five. Later at McLaren’s, Robin announces that she didn’t get the job, but has accepted another job as a correspondence report… in Japan. Shammy Dee is Matisse, the guy on the subway. Elaine Kao and John Pollono are the New Jersey couple who no longer miss New York. 6/24/22
• 068. Intervention – 10/13/2008
  • As Ted prepares to move to New Jersey and marry Stella, Robin prepares to leave for Japan, and Marshall and Lily slowly get ready to move into their new house, Barney is experimenting with dressing as an older version of himself, telling a girl named Cindy (Shaila Vaidya) that he is the Barney of the future, and that she needs to sleep with the young Barney when he comes in so that he can save the planet from global warming. Ted suggests that they all toast the end of their era together with a bottle of expensive Glen McKenna Scotch… until he finds out it is $2500. Back at the apartment, everyone is packing up, and Marshall mentions he’d like some of the security deposit back since it is mostly Ted who created the damages: putting up a book shelf, hitting the ceiling with a flail, and allowing Robin to act Canadian, get drunk, fight Lily, and get Barney upset by stopping the fight, causing him to punch the wall. There is also a burn mark on the wall that came for the first intervention they held for their friend Stuart’s alcoholism. Barney shows up and offers Stuart alcohol thinking it is his birthday party. They then start doing regular interventions, including one for Marshall for constantly wearing a Dr. Suess hat, Lily for using a British accent, Robin for using a spray tan, and Barney for doing a magic trick. Barney disagrees with the reason for his, and then does a magic trick and catches the Intervention poster on fire, searing the wall. As they continue to pack up, Ted realizes that he just saw the Intervention poster, and that it wasn’t burned. He figures out that his friends were all planning an intervention for him to break up with Stella. Ted wants to hear what they were going to say, but Lily accidentally sent it home with her student Gilbert Abergast (Declan Beaty), whose mother (Michelle Gunn) thinks that her son is getting too serious with a girl named Stella. Robin didn’t write a note since she is his ex-girlfriend, and Barney burns his before he can read much of it. Marshall’s however hits home with Ted, because it mentions that he hasn’t known her long enough to risk marriage and fatherhood. Even though they all agree that they now feel differently about Stella, Ted starts to get cold feet about moving. He says he’s never leaving the apartment. Marshall tries to talk sense into him, but soon he and Lily start to feel the same way, and don’t want to leave the apartment. Robin decides not to go to Japan. Barney is more interest in trying to prove now that he can sleep with someone while in his old man makeup. He nearly finds one (Alex Lombard), but he finds out she’s 31, it is a turnoff to him that she’s so ‘old’. He finally makes it with a girl named Claudette (Emily Baldoni aka Emily Foxler), but since she’s French, they all say it doesn’t count. However, seeing Barney this age inspires Ted to change his mind again. He says he’s moving to New Jersey after all, and encourages Lily and Marshall to move to their new house, and Robin to go to Japan. They agree to save up and buy the expensive Scotch so they can meet at McLaren’s a year from now, and toast their lives. They do in fact do just that – although they can’t taste a difference in the Scotch with a $10 bottle – but the kicker is at this time, Ted, Marshall, and Lily allude to the fact that they still live up in the same apartment. Michael Christian Alexander is the intervention leader. 6/26/22
• 069. Shelter Island – 10/20/2008
  • Stella’s vegan sister Dora (Danneel Ackles aka Danneel Harris) is planning a wedding on Shelter Island, and keeps bragging about her perfect wedding, which also happened to be Stella’s dream wedding. However, Dora and her fiancé break up, which drives Stella back to meat. Stella then offers to take over the wedding, and get married to Ted, and then reimburse Dora the full cost. Ted has to throw water in his own face to lessen the shock of now getting married so soon. The future Ted warns his kids to never invite an ex to their wedding. Back in 2008, Ted is inviting Robin, who is hosting the news show Tokyo Ichi, where they regularly turn high wind on her face and have a monkey pelt her with marshmallows, to his wedding. She initially says that she cannot come due to the job, but eventually finds a way. Lily is surprised that Barney isn’t trying to stop Ted from getting married, but he explains that her coming back might be the key he needs to sleep with Robin again, if she waxes nostalgic and gets drunk. When they arrive at Shelter Island at the Namaste Yoga and Meditation Collective, they find out that all of the food is vegan, and there is no alcohol, causing Barney, Marshall, and Lily to freak out. Ted mentions to Stella that Robin is coming, but Stella doesn’t want any exes to come to the wedding, fearing that it might stir up old emotions. She says that the only person that would be worse is if her ex-husband Tony (Jason Jones) showed up. Ted decides to ask Robin not to come and asks Barney to call her. When Barney calls her, he decides not to, and then tells Ted that she’s already on her plane from Tokyo. Ted hopes that another crisis will come up to make her forget about Robin, and soon it does: Tony refuses to bring Lucy to the wedding. Ted thinks he can resolve this issue and then be in the clear, but when he drives back to get Lucy, he sees that Tony is a depressed mess, so he invites him to come to the wedding. Stella is furious when he returns with Tony. Meanwhile, Dora propositions Barney to have a wild night so she can forget this was once her wedding. Barney tries to control himself until Robin gets there, but the struggle gets worse and worse. Robin finally arrives, and Ted agrees to talk to her and send her away, and likewise Stella agrees to send Tony back. Ted explains to his kids that if they had talked to each other’s exes, their lives would all be different – as illustrated by Ted now having blonde kids and finishing his story of how he met their mother. But things turned out differently. When Ted tells Robin that she needed to leave, she feels a sense of relief, and told Ted that she was dreading watching him get married and admitted that there may still be feelings there. Ted says it is a good thing she is leaving because he loves Stella and wants to marry her, but when Ted returns to his room, he finds Stella gone and a note left behind explaining that she had called off the wedding. Robin heads to Barney’s room with some alcohol that she brought and offers to spend the night with him. However, when she sees another girl in the room, she leaves and takes the fairy back to the city. On board she sees Stella with Tony, now reconciled. Dora shows up to Barney’s room, and also sees him with another woman, the resort desk clerk (Annie Abrams), but doesn’t seem to mind and goes inside anyway. Aaron Hendry is the juice bar guy. Derek Shizuto is a host on Tokyo Ichi. 10/16/22
• 070. Happily Ever After – 11/3/2008
  • They day after the breakup with Stella, Ted seems to have fully recovered and has a great outlook on his future. His friends want to comfort him, but he appears to be coping complete. However, they soon realize there is one catch: they can’t go anywhere where there is an even remote chance of running into Stella. He has even mapped off roughly half of the city designated as the red zone. Lily suggests that they go out to a tapas place that is in the white zone, so they do. After Ted orders some almonds from the waiter (Chris Dotson), Lily notices that Stella has in fact walked in. Ted demands that everyone hide under the table. There they discuss whether there is anyone in their lives they’d hide under a table to avoid. Lily’s person was a kid in ninth grade named Michael Sasser (Max Prado), who was breaking out of his loser shell and becoming a cool kid… until Lily passed gas in class and blamed it on him, even christening with the nickname ‘Gasser,’ forcing him to change schools. Barney thinks there is no one he would hide from, until Ted reminds him of Rebecca DeLucci (Meegan Godfrey), a prisoner he used to visit for conjugal visits. During a visit he spotted a blonde prisoner (Heidi Pascoe) who he tries to proposition, causing a major fight. Rebecca now threatens to kill him the day she gets out of prison. Robin’s avoided subject is her father Robin Sr. (Eric Braeden), who always wanted a boy. When she was born, he treated her like a boy and gave her the middle name Charles. From then on, he tried to mold her into a boy by taking him hunting and putting her on the hockey team. When Robin kissed a hockey teammate named Kyle (Michael Bolton), he freaked out on her and told her that he no longer had a son. Ted decides not to make the mistakes his friend have made, and to talk to Stella. By this time, she has left, so they chase her down in a cab. Marshall convinces Ted to get angry at Stella, especially when she realizes that she has move in with Tony, so when he finally catches up with her, he tells her that she made the wrong choice and will have to live with it. She agrees with him… but then he realizes he’s only fantasizing. When he actually catches up with her, she meets Tony and Lucy at the door and they all embrace. Ted then realizes that she had actually made the right choice. It was the perfect ending to a perfect love story, just not Ted’s. His was still out there waiting. Andre Navarro is the waiter helping Stella. 10/16/22
• 071. Not a Father’s Day – 11/10/2008
  • After Barney explains the theory of the Cheerleader Effect, whereby a group of girls look hot even when individually they are not so hot, he gets a phone call from a girl that tells him he might be a father. At the same time, Marshall and Lily have started to fall in love with the idea of being parents. They also fall in love with their new neighbor Charlotte’s (Lindsey Stoddart) baby boy Jeremy. After studying Jeremy’s cute little sock, they decide to go for it, but with Robin living in their apartment while she looks for a job, they find have a hard time finding time to be romantic. They ask Robin if she might consider staying at Ted’s so that they can have a night alone. Barney heads to church to pray that he isn’t a father, and sure enough, he gets the call while he is there that the baby is not his. He decides to start a new holiday called Not-a-Father’s Day, even marketing t-shirts and souvenirs to mark the occasion. Marshall’s boss Nolan (Dan Lauria) tells him he needs to say late for an important meeting with Mr. Li (Michael Hagiwara), which gives Lily a reprieve becauolse she starts to have second thoughts… especially when she hears Charlotte’s nearly insane babble from her exhaustion from taking care of the baby. Lily turns to Ted and Robin for advice, even though she knows that Robin is anti-kids and Ted is pro-kids. In fact, the girls tell him how much he lives like a dad already, between his dad jokes, lectures, and the way he talks to waitresses. Robin, on the other hand, acts like she’s scared of babies. Lily gets drink and decides she wants a baby, so she shows up drunk at Marshall’s office and tries to seduce him amidst Marshall trying to conduct the remote meeting with Mr. Li. Marshall had to take care of Lily as if he was caring for a baby. Ted and Robin continue their argument about having babies, and it leads to Robin saying she is doing to stay somewhere else for the weekend. However, when Ted finds Jeremy’s sock in Robin’s purse, he realizes she is warming to the idea of having kids after all. Ted offers to let Robin stay at his apartment in the spare room. Lily wants to go out dancing, but Marshall takes her for a cab ride to put her to sleep. Barney gets a group of guys to join his not-a-father group, but Ted points out that they are all losers if you look at them using the Cheerleader effect. The next morning, Marshall admits to Lily that despite the fact that he took care of Lily, he realized that he’s not ready to be a father with all of the hours that he’s working at his new job. Barney finds the sock, and starts to get baby fever himself, singing Cat’s in the Cradle at Karaoke. Michael Antosy is one of Barney’s recruits. Michael McCafferty is the cabbie. Elena K. Smith is Ted’s cousin. Daniele Watts is Lori the waitress on the receiving end of Ted’s dad-jokes. 2/14/23
• 072. Woooo! – 11/17/2008
  • With Robin single and out of work, she comes to rely on Lily’s company more and more, so when Lily tells her that she has plans with a fellow teacher named Jillian (Jamie Lynn-Sigler) for a birthday celebration, Robin is somewhat hurt. When Robin points out that they get very little quality time without Marshall being there, Lily invites Robin to come along. Meanwhile, Barney shows up at the bar declaring that he has now most certainly won over Ted as his best friend by getting him an interview to be the architect of Goliath National Bank’s downtown headquarters. Bilson had planned on hiring the architect firm SVEN, represented by Sven Jorgenson (Kevin Christy) and his partners Sven Pilsen (Sam Littlefield) and Sven Johanssen (Ted Cannon). Ted is thrilled, and both Barney and Marshall are excited at the possibility of including Ted in their afternoon ‘conference calls’ whereby they steal away to the roof of the building and drink beer. Lily and Robin show up to meet Jillian and her friends Misty (Krista Kalmus), Stacey (Erika Medina), and Crystal (Jae Suh Park), and both surprised to find that they are ‘woooo!’ girls, who bellow out a ‘woooo!’ at nearly everything they say or encounter. When Barney finds out, he rushes over to Giddy Ups to meet the girls. Ted makes his presentation at Goliath, but later Barney tells Ted that he didn’t job and that the board went with SVEN. Just then, a car drives by with Robin hanging out the sunroof yelling ‘wooo!’. Lily is incredibly disappointed to find out that Robin has join the ranks of Jillian and her ‘woooo’ crew. Marshall later finds out that Bilson wanted to give the job to Ted, but it was actually Barney who was sucked into SVEN’s presentation of making the building look like a fire-breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex. Marshall is disappointed with Barney and refuses to have ‘conference calls’ with him. Lily tries to join Lily with the girls and become a ‘woooo’ girl, but the girls aren’t buying into it. Robin explains to Lily that the girls have nothing else in their lives, so the ‘woooos’ only occur because they need something to cling to, whereas Lily has it all together. Robin further explains that currently she is one of them. Barney starts having conference calls with SVEN, but they find it to be a waste of time. He regrets his decision and gets Ted his job back. He is about to admit that it was him who picked SVEN, but Marshall stops him before he can tell him. However, Marshall gets drunk and spills the beans to Ted, so they tie Barney to a mechanical bull for three hours. When the operator (Matthew Stephen Young) finally let him off, he overhears Stacey offering to find a guy and have a three way with Jillian, but he can’t approach them without falling down….so they go look for Ted. 2/15/23
• 073. The Naked Man – 11/24/2008
  • After his breakup with Stella, Ted starts flirting with a girl named Vicky (Courtney Ford) with whom he rides the elevator every day. Finally, he gets the nerve to ask her for a date and she accepts. Meanwhile, after years of seeing strange things when he enters his apartment, including Robin holding a gun on two robbers (Kevin Michael Walsh, Jim Woods), he walks in to find a naked man named Mitch (Adam Paul) sitting on his sofa waiting for Robin to get off of the phone outside. He explains that it is a tactic he uses to sleep with women, and it generally works two out of three times. Ted leaves immediately and heads to McLarens with the others, thinking there is no way that Robin is going to fall for this. Much to his surprise, he returns to find out that his tactic really did work and she is having sex with him. Barney is particularly delighted and challenges Ted for them both to get naked on their next dates to see if it works. Marshall thinks that the only reason to have sex is for love, but Lily thinks there are at least 50 reasons and begins writing them down. Marshall thinks that seeing a naked man is a terrible reason and that Robin behaved like a slut. She clearly questions her own motives but acts as if she has a real connection with Mitch and asks him out again. He also recognizes that it is an “I am not a slut” date and admits he has absolutely nothing to offers. Robin continues to persist. Ted takes Vicky out for a nice dinner, but can easily tells that she is not a nice person by the way she treates the busboy (David Tran). Therefore, Ted decides to try the naked move. However, he has second thoughts when he finds a book of poetry that he loves in her apartment, and she tells him how she could talk about architecture all day. He quickly puts his clothes back on, but when she says how horrible the poetry book is, he removes the clothes again. This works out for him and she is into it. Barney, on the other hand, strikes out with his date Christina (Candace Moon), who is freaked out, throws him out, and threatens to call the police. Lily gets naked for Marshall when he walks in order to change the subject from an argument, which becomes #49 on her list. He tells her that he loves her, which becomes #50. Robin brings Mitch to McLarens to show that she is really dating him, but Marshall tells her that he no longer thinks she is a slut. She immediately dumps him, but the guys tell him how great his system works. With Barney’s botched attempt, this makes his ‘two out of three’ prediction exactly correct. Ted sees Mitch as the hero that got him dating again. Barney searches for a way to hide his nakedness in the street, but he still won’t put on a cheap suit. 7/25/23
• 074. The Fight – 12/8/2008
  • While Lily is having trouble with two of her 6-year-old students Andy (Davis Cleveland) and Ben (Ethan Dizon) keep fighting, Ted is still getting sympathy from everyone about being left at the altar. Meanwhile, the bartender at McLarens Doug Martin (Will Sasso), who has a hot temper, doesn’t like anyone talking about his toupee, and is fiercely loyal to his friends. throws out a trio of guys (Ryan Freeman, Jess Rowland, Khary Payton) who sit in Ted and his friends’ booth. They think it is cool… until Doug then invites them out to help him fight the guys he threw out. Barney, Ted, and Marshall all debate going, and Ted and Barney both decide to go help fight. Ted finds it to be a rite of passage, while Barney finds out that Robin finds fighting and resulting injuries toe be sexy. Marshall, however, thinks fighting is immature and says that he’s been in plenty of fights with his brothers Marcus and Marvin Jr. Everyone makes fun of Marshall for this, accusing him of acting like a frightened little girl. By the time Barney and Ted get outside, Doug has already laid out all three guys… and thinks that Ted and Barney helped him. They decide to take credit for the fight, so Barney punches himself in eye and Ted in the nose. They are temporary heroes to everyone in the bar and use the fight to try and pick up girls Amanda (Kate Mansi aka Katie Morris) and Esmerelda (Sarah Michelle Campbell). When they tell the girls that the fight happened because the three guys sat in their booth, the girls ask them if they are going to fight the two guys (Courtney Ray Geigle, Andy Hoff) who were currently sitting in the booth. They approach the two guys and tell them to leave, but quietly offer to buy them drinks. The guys seem to recognize Barney and Ted, and then present them with subpoenas for assault on the original three guys. Lily brings Marshall into her class to talk the boys out of fighting, but they end up calling him a wuss. Barney and Ted go running to Marshall for help with the charges, and he tries to scare them by telling them that they could go to prison. Ted admits that they really didn’t fight, leading to Marshall erupting on them for not sticking up for him. Robin enters and asks Barney to go to a hockey match with her, but when Marshall tells her that they faked the fight, she immediately loses interest. Marshall gets the guys to drop the charges against Barney and Ted by admitting how wimpy they really are. However, this then upsets Doug that he is left holding the bag. He takes them outside to fight, but Barney runs off. Ted convinces Doug that he had beat up the guys without his help, and Marshall convinces Doug how wimpy Ted is. Doug tells Ted he can’t be counted on and says this is why he was left at the altar. Ted punches Doug in the face, which hurst his hand. Doug punches him back and knocks him out. Barney returns and Ted wakes up, only to see Doug knocked out and Marshall holding Doug’s toupee in his head, proving that Marshall’s brotherly fighting was a little more severe than everyone thought. Ted goes in to talk to Lily’s class, and they call him a wimp as well. Alec Gray is the kid who punched Ted at camp. 7/25/23
• 075. Little Minnesota – 12/15/2008
  • Winter in New York seems mild to Robin, who is from Canada, and Marshall, who is from Minnesota. Robin starts to lament how much she misses home, so Marshall takes her to a bar that he often frequents called the Walleye Saloon, which is full of former residents of Minnesota. Meanwhile, Ted’s sister Heather (Erin Cahill), who has been consistently irresponsible when it comes to men, jobs, money, and life in general. One time she sold Ted’s couch and TV in order to buy tickets to see a Nine Inch Nails concert in Spain.  Barney has never met her but has often seen pictures and teases Ted incessantly about how he wants to seduce her. During this visit, Ted once again tries to keep Barney away by telling him that they are going to have a Kathy Bates marathon… without Misery. However, Lily can never keep a secret so she tells Barney that Heather is coming is arriving and will be at the apartment that night. Heather has decided that she wants to go into banking in New York and plans to live there, and then she asks Ted to co-sign her lease. When they get back to the apartment from McLaren’s, Barney is waiting to meet Heather, and has brought over a swivel chair to make his grand appearance. Ted has to think about it, but Barney offers to get her foot in the door at Goliath National Bank where he works. Robin loves the Walleye Saloon since many of the Minnesota men remind her of Canadians. She also starts playing the video game Fisherman’s Quest, on which Marshall currently has the high score. However, Marshall warns her not to reveal that she is from Canada, so she begins to claiming that the is from Bemidji, Minnesota. Ted worries that Barney will try to seduce his sister in his office when she goes in for an interview, but Lily promises to come by to see Marshall and will spy on them. However, since she can’t keep a secret, she tells them that she plans to spy on them. A couple of days later while Ted is shopping with Heather and Lily, Heather spots a briefcase she likes and goes in to see it. Ted reminds her that there are security cameras and a guard nearby, making sure she doesn’t shoplift. When she goes in to look at the briefcase, she tells Ted that she did spy on Barney and Heather and saw them half-dressed when she went into their office. The next time that Marshall goes into Walleye’s, Robin has the attention of everyone when she tells Marshall’s story of how it affected their family when the Minnesota Vikings lost a playoff game. When Robin lets a word slip in her Canadian accent, everyone starts to tell jokes about how Canadians are afraid of the dark. Marshall thinks that she will give up on the bar, but instead, she starts telling jokes about Canadians as well. Ted is furious about the encounter between Heather and Barney and finally confronts them about it. Knowing that Lily would blab about it, they admit that they simply played a trick on them and merely pretended they were getting dressed after sex, but that nothing really happened at all. Heather tells Ted she is going to go to a hotel and will come back and get her things later. When Robin beats Marshall’s record on Fisherman’s Quest, he announces to everyone that she is Canadian. When they question her on the 1999 NFC Championship game, she in unable to name the kicker who missed the Field Goal. The guys at the bar have no choice but to throw her out. She tells everyone that she’s proud to be a Canadian, that they’re not afraid of the dark, and wishes she were there right now. As Heather is packing to leave, she finds that Ted has gotten her the briefcase she wanted and has signed the lease and put in inside. Ted tells her that he wants her to stay so he can get to know the new Heather. Marshall apologizes for having Robin ejected from the bar, and Robin says she shouldn’t have tried to take over, and admits she misses being home for the holidays and that this year she has no excuse for not going back home. Marshall says that they all love her, and that if she went to Canada, they would bring her back to where she belongs. When she says, she wishes she could just visit Canada for an hour, Marshall shows her a new bar he found called the Hoser Hut, a bar full of Canadians. As one guy named Wayne (Sean Graham) is singing music from the Crash Test Dummies, Robin bumps into a guy named Glen (Scott Michael Morgan), who apologizes and offers her a donut. Marshall accidentally bumps into the light switches, and the entire bar panics, and it’s clear that Robin has found her home away from home. Marshall volunteers to sing a song on Karaoke, and he sings Robin’s pop hit song Let’s Go to the Mall to the crowd’s wild approval. Eric Bruskotter is George, who asks where Robin is from. Tug Coker is Bud, who throws out the guy from Dallas, Herm (Jon Paul Burkhart). 11/24/23
• 076. Benefits – 1/12/2009
  • Since moving in together, Ted and Robin have been fighting more and blaming each other for making messes around the apartment. They can’t understand why they never fought this much when they were dating since they usually stayed over at each other’s places during that time. They realize that the only thing that is different now is that they no longer have sex. The surmise that the sexual tension might be causing them to fight more often, so they agree to start having sex again with friends as benefits. They decide to keep a secret among themselves, but Marshall pops in on them to read his magazine in their bathroom and catches them. Once he tells Lily, the secret is out, and Barney feels crushed since he still has feelings for Robin. Marshall explains that he came to their place to read the magazine because he feels self-conscious about doing it at work, thinking everyone is watching him when he carries the gossip magazine Weekly Them to the bathroom. Barney takes out his frustration behind McClaren’s where he keeps going to the dumpster to throw a TV to the ground. When he eventually runs out of TVs to trash, he goes to the electronics store and buys one from the clerk Brian (Jason Rogel) so that he can take it behind McClaren’s and destroy it. Marshall thinks his problem might be solved when he figures out that they are remodeling floor eight and there is no one there. However, after enjoying the solitude for a while, the construction guys eventually put a giant hammer through the wall while he is on the toilet. Ted nearly messes up his situation with Robin when he kisses her in the morning before leaving for work. They both find the situation strange and decides to stop their benefits activities. Barney is finally relieved that they are stopping, but as soon as Ted finds an empty milk carton the refrigerator, they wind up back in bed. They agree to keep it a secret, Marshall shows up again to read his magazine, and the word gets back to Barney. He is then jealous again, so he comes over to the apartment to clean it up, fill the refrigerator with milk, and install a dishwasher. Ted finally realizes that Barney might be in love with Robin. He questions him, but Barney won’t admit it. Barney shows up at Lily’s school and tries to join in with sharing time, so he can get it off his chest, but she makes him leave. Marshall has a revelation and decides to own his decision to bring a magazine to the bathroom. He now walks with confidence and no longer faces the ire of his co-workers Bilson, Donald (Kevin Kirkpatrick), or Jill (Ambrit Millhouse). Barney then shows him that he has a bathroom in his office that Marshall can lose anytime. Marshall’s story inspires him to tell Ted the truth about him being in love with Robin. When he arrives, Ted isn’t there, and he nearly tells Robin that he loves her, but saves himself when he instead says that he is in love with tacos. Robin then tells Barney that her arrangement with Ted is off since he feels someone is going to get hurt. Robin thinks that it is Ted who may get hurt, while Barney knows that Ted did it for him. She tells Barney that dating friends never work out and then she invites him to go get a taco. Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Kim Kardashian, and Kendra Wilkinson all appear as live versions of themselves on the covers of the magazines. Ethan Dizon is Ben, the boys whose parents are getting divorced. Greg Collins is Matt Zinman, the foreman. Jack J. Bennett is Craig Gerard the construction worker with the sledgehammer. 11/24/23
• 077. Three Days of Snow – 1/19/2009
  • Ted tells his children about March of 1998 when Marshall and Lily started a tradition of Marshall picking Lily up and the airport while holding a sign that reads ‘Lilypad’, and Lily greeting Marshall with a six-pack of beverage from the city she just left.  In January of 2009, however, Marshall decides not to meet her because he believes the relationship has matured beyond rituals such as this. Meanwhile, Ted and Barney meet two girls named Melissa (Eileen Boylan) and Amanda (Amy Gumenick) who are in town for a concert with their band. Barney thinks it would make them seem pathetic to attend the concert, but he offers to meet them at McLaren’s after their show. It begins to snow after their meeting. Later, Robin and Marshall discuss the ramifications of the tradition being broken, causing him to imagine another man named Colin (Jordan Masterson) with a nice six-pack on his abdomen picking her up instead. Likewise, Lily tells an old lady at the airport named Thelma (Pat Crawford Brown) that she’s not going to bring Marshall his beer, but she then imagines Marshall being lured away at the airport by a pretty gal who has beer. Barney and Ted wait at McLaren’s for their dates, but the snow is coming down hard, so Carl decides to close down the bar. Ted and Barney remember their desire to own a bar from their younger days when they believed they would never have to announce a ‘last call’, and they beg Carl to let them have the keys to the bar so they can keep it open and meet their dates. He reluctantly agrees, and once he is gone, the guys start to treat the place like the bar in Cocktail, accidentally breaking lots of glasses and bottles. When the girls finally show up, they tell the guys that the members of their band are coming as well. This sounds okay until they realize it is a marching band, which fills the entire bar. Lily runs into the limo driver Ranjit, who immediately abandons the client Rachel Sondheimer (Gita Isak) who he is waiting for and instead drives Lily to help her find some beer to give Marshall. The go to a liquor store that Lily spoke to about picking up the Supersonic Tonic, but the only beer the clerk Ryan (Cal Gibson) has is in a keg, so Sanjit picks it up and carries it. Robin talks Marshall into picking up Lily after all, so she drives him toward the airport. However, they get into an argument along the way when Robin makes fun of their rituals, and Marshall retaliates by telling her that she’s never been in a solid relationship and thinks more like a robot. She pulls the car over to rebut him, but they are covered by snow due to a passing snowplow. When Barney and Ted get a call from Carl telling them that he is returning, they declare that a ‘last call’ in order to clear everyone out. However, when they remember their vow of never having a last call, they invite everyone back to the apartment. Marshall apologizes to Robin, but tell her that he and Lily know no other way than to have personal rituals and getting to the airport is one of them. She tells him to close his eyes, and then she opens the sunroof and snow falls in. However, he thinks she is hitting on him. They get out through the roof and rush to the airport. Although it appears that the stars have aligned and that both Marshall and Lily are at the airport at the same time, it turns out that the events depicted took place over the course of three days. On Tuesday, Lily is not at the airport because her flight was delayed by two days due to the storms. She had left a message for Marshall, which he had not yet listened to. Ted and Barney’s events took place on Wednesday, and on that day, Marshall tells Ted that it was a sign that she wasn’t at the airport, so he has decided to give up the ritual. On Thursday, Lily returns to the airport with the keg of beer, but Marshall is nowhere to be found. However, Melissa and Amanda’s band are all there, and they play Auld Lang Syne for her, followed by Marshall’s entrance with the Lilypad sign. Yves Bright is Patrice, the guy who wants to start a bar. Ute Werner, the girl to whom Ted says that he’d like to start a band called Puzzles. 4/2/24
• 078. The Possimpible – 2/2/2009
  • While making fun of the Lottery Girl (Colleen Shannon) on TV, Robin goes through her old fan mail that Metro News One had recently forwarded to her. At this point, she had been out of work for months, and has just come from another interview where she initially felt confident, but then realized she was going up with a famous Colorado newscaster named Rochelle Harper (Angela Martinez). Both Rochelle and another applicant named Marisela Diaz (Tina Casciani) tell her that she needs to come up with a catch sign-off phrase. She winds up psyched out, and she struggles to wing a sign-off phrase and winds up prattling on and on, ending with “wear a condom.” Ted tells her that she needs to streamline his resume like his, which includes his days in college as the mysterious “Doctor X” as a radio DJ. Robin then finds a letter from the Department of Immigration saying that her work visa is expiring in one week, and she will be sent back to Canada if she doesn’t find a job in her field. The only other option is to get married. Marshall mentions that he had being a basketball ‘dunk champion’ on his resume, but that he can no longer dunk after being diagnosed by Dr. Goodman (Mark Tomesek) with a tendonitis known as ‘Dancer’s Hip,’ a common injury with ballet dancing, causing everyone to poke fun at him. Barney offers to help Robin redo her video resume, since hers is out of date and heavy with her work in Canada. He shows them his video resume that got him eleven job offers, which shows him saying everything but doing nothing, since corporate America is full of people who talk about doing something but do nothing. In the video, he states that he goes where the possible and impossible meet: at the Possimpible. Marshall confesses to Lily that he dances more than anyone knows, mostly when he’s alone. The source of the injury is from when his co-worker Herm (Ara Anton) tells him they are getting a half-day, and he dances and injures himself in his office. Robin finds the footage that Barney is shooting for her video to be ridiculous, especially when he wants her to break a stack of bricks with her forehead. Instead, she heads to the TV studio to audition to be the next Lottery Girl. The director (Seth Morris) and producer (Regan Burns) tell her that she needs to be more wry with more twinkle. Ted keeps making fun of Marshall for his dance condition, and Marshall retaliates with Ted’s Doctor X inclusion. Lily tells both of them that they need to modify their resumes to get rid of such lame entries, but they retaliate with the fact that Lily has winning a Coney Island hot dog eating contest on her resume. Robin announces that she didn’t get the Lottery Girl gig and has to move back to Canada. However, Barney says that he finished her video resume and sent it out to numerous TV stations in the area. He received two responses, one from Channel 12, who offered her a job hosting their morning talk show. Ted removes his DJ experience from Wesleyan University from his resume. Marshall removes his Nicollet County Slam Dunk Champion job from his resume. Lily beats her old record of 29 by eating 33 hot dogs in eight minutes, so she updates her resume to reflect this. Wayne Lopez is the hot dog referee. 4/4/24
• 079. The Stinsons – 3/2/2009
  • When Barney starts passing on hitting on girls at the bar and making appointments to meet up with someone, the gang starts to suspect that he has a steady girlfriend. They decide to follow him to see where he goes, and they wind up at a suburban house, where they barge in and meet Barney’s family, his mother Loretta (Frances Conroy), his wife Betty (Brooke D’Orsay), and his son Tyler (Zachary Gordon). Naturally, everyone is stunned, but Barney explains that when his mother was sick and on the verge of death seven years earlier, she made him promise not to wind up alone like she had in her life. Barney hired an actress named Margaret to play his fiancé, and when Margaret went off script and said she was pregnant, and then his mother recovered from her illness, he had to pretend that he actually had a son. When it became too difficult to use random babies, he had to have a casting call to find a young actor and wound up with a kid named Grant. Unfortunately, Grant has lost his zest for acting and has become more and more difficult. He chats with Robin, and they compare notes about wishing they were further along in their careers. Ted actually recognizes Margaret from one of her acting gigs. The two hit it off, and Margaret starts giving Ted tips on acting. Loretta admits to Marshall and Lily that she used to be a ‘dirty whore’, which may explain the way that Barney is toward women. However, Loretta can’t understand how Barney got to be wholesome. As Marshall and Lily are discussing mothers, Lily admits that she hates Marshall’s mother,which upsets Marshall and makes him say that she hates Lily. Marshall and Lily try to convince Barney that she should tell her the truth. During dinner, Margaret and Grant go through the lines that Barney gave them to say as Betty and Tyler. When Loretta goes into the kitchen to get dessert, she finds Ted and ‘Betty’ kissing. Using the tips that Margaret gave him, Ted improvises a series of lies about how Barney actually stole Betty from him. Robin convinces Grant that he still loves the craft of acting even when he doesn’t care for the gig. Grant then tells Robin that it might be that way for her too, then tries to kiss her, much to Robin’s surprise. Barney tells his mother that Tyler is dying and that Betty will kill herself when he goes. He then tells her the truth that they are both actually actors. Loretta is actually relieved as she never liked either one of them. Loretta tells Barney that she loves him whether he has a perfect family or not. Barney admits his wild lifestyle, and Loretta does the same. However, she tells him that if he ever does meet someone special to not run away from it. Barney takes a look at Robin and gets the message. On the way home, Lily calls Marshall’s mother and tells her that she loves her and would like to spend more time with her… but she actually talking to Ted and Margaret, who is giving her acting lessons as she goes through her speech. Later, the gang all has a discussion about how Barney always roots for the villain in movies, starting with how he rooted for Johnny in The Karate Kid. Angelo Diona is Ricky, the kids who Ted once directed. Kimberly Pfeffer aka Kimberly Dawn Guerrero is the stage mom who slept with Barney. 8/24/24
• 080. Sorry, Bro – 3/9/2009
  • Robin gets a job co-hosting a morning show called Come On, Get Up New York!, which means she has to get up at 1:45am each morning. As she tries to catch up with her friends, Barney is obsessed in making Marshall share a funny story that happened to him that week. Marshall tries to brush past the story, while Ted tries to gloss over the fact that his college girlfriend Karen (Laura Prepon) has moved back to New York. Marshall and Lily never liked Karen, because not only was she pretentious, but she kept cheating on Ted with another guy named Darren (Patrick Moote), who simply tells Ted, “Sorry, bro.” He would break it off with her, but they would get back together, and then they would repeat the process with another guy named Trevor (Rowly Dennis). Lily is especially adamant that Ted not hook up with her for lunch again, and Barney points out the various reasons that one might meet up with an ex: 1) to try and get back together as Lily’s ex-boyfriend Scooter did with her, 2) to try and kill them, as Barney once thought his ex-girlfriend Wendy (Charlene Amoia) was going to do to him, 3) to return something, as Robin’s ex-boyfriend Curt Irons did with her gun, and 4) to rub a new and better boyfriend into one’s nose, as a young girl named Nicole (Laura Ann Kesling) did to an 8-year-old Marshall (Koby Rouviere). Ted reveals that he actually did have lunch with Karen, and although they made fun of their earlier pretentious selves, they quickly went back to their old ways with the waiter. They also kissed goodbye, and then went back to Ted’s apartment and had sex. Robin whose sleep was in some really bizarre states didn’t even realize they were there. Meanwhile, Marshall finally shares the story of how he went to the office gym with his co-workers Bilson and Blauman, and then realized that he forgot to pack his pants. He has to go back to the office in his shorts and then calls Lily to bring his pants. Lily gives them to Barney to give to him, but Barney cuts them up below the knee so he appears to be wearing knickers and is the laughingstock of the office. Ted continued to see Karen all week, and Lily admits that she has a special hatred for her because once when she was painting Marshall in the nude, Karen walked in and lingered while staring at Marshall’s junk. Ted tells everyone that his story with Karen ended when he was having sex with her at her place, and her current boyfriend Jerry (Houston Rhines) walks in on them. Ted tells him “Sorry, bro,” and then tells her that he never wants to see her again because she is a hurtful and reckless person. Everyone celebrates the fact that Ted broke it off with her, and when they stand up to applaud, Marshall is still wearing his cut-up pants. Everyone agrees it was a good thing that Ted had called Karen, and Ted tells them that Karen finally sat down and had the breakup talk with Jerry. Lily asks how he would know that since he was never going to talk to her again, and Ted reveals that they ended up back together… just as she shows up at McLaren’s since they had another talk and are back together again. 8/25/24

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