The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Greg Garcia. 

Theme song: “What Comes Around Goes Around” by Jeff Silbar and Dillon O’Brian

• 001. Pilot – 9/20/2005
  • In the county of Camden, Earl J. Hickey (Jason Lee) is a petty thief who marries a woman named Joy (Jaime Pressly) after a one-night stand. Joy has a baby of her own named Dodge (Louis T. Moyle) on the way, and then cheats with their black friend, who works at their hangout Ernie’s Crab Shack, Darnell “Crabman” Turner, with whom Joy leaves Earl for, and has another child, Earl Jr. (Trey Carlisle). Earl wins $100,000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket, but while cheering, he is hit by a car and loses the ticket. While in the hospital, Earl watches The Carson Daly Show in which Carson Daly (himself) tells guest Trace Adkins (himself) that he owes the success in his life to karma. Earl makes a list of 259 wrongs that he has committed in his life and decides to make as much retribution as he can. Earl moves into a motel with his brother Randy (Ethan Suplee), who begins an affair with the motel maid Catalina (Nadine Velazquez). While picking up trash in the parking lot, the wind blows his lotto ticket back to him. Randy helps Earl track down Kenny James (Gregg Binkley), a classmate Earl used to pick on mercilessly as a kid (Noah Crawford), through Kenny’s parents (Frank Collison, Laura Gardner). At first Earl tries to fix Kenny up with prostitute Patty (Dale Dickey), but when he finds out that Kenny is gay, he decides to forget about helping him. Karma intervenes again and causes Joy to return with sights set on half of his winnings. He resumes helping Kenny by taking him to a gay bar, which restores Kenny’s confidence. Earl crosses his first item off his list. Leo Fitzpatrick is Earl’s friend Sonny. 8/18/15

• 002. Quit Smoking – 9/27/2005
  • Earl searches for the next item to cross off his list and decides that it will be to quit smoking. However Randy and Catalina push him to face his fears and meet with his old crazy friend Donny Jones (Silas Weir Mitchell), who once took the rap for Earl’s robbery of a convenience store and served two years in prison. Earl refuses to meet with him out of fear since Donny is crazy, but Catalina and Randy drive him there and drop him off. Earl finds it easier to make his confession when he finds out that Donny became religious in jail. After a bit of tension, Donny forgives Earl… but Earl’s mother (Kathryn Joosten) does not, and attacks him with her large-print Bible. She demands to be put on Earl’s list to make up for the two years of her life she lost with her son. Earl notices that she is a smoker, so he kidnaps her and forces her to quit so that she will live longer and have more time with her son. In the process, Earl is able to quit smoking as well. Meanwhile Joy finds an old unofficial video will that Earl made and tries to kill him several time in order to get half of his lottery winnings. Crabman tips off Earl as he is delivering poison cookies. Earl notifies Joy that he has made a new will so killing him will get her nothing. Tracy Ashton is Didi, the one-legged girl. Jack Axelrod is the old man with electrolarynx. 8/19/15
• 003. Randy’s Touchdown – 10/4/2005
  • Earl retrieves a cuckoo clock that Joy sold to a pawn shop, and also pays back the proprietor Rosie (Cheryl Hawker) for a high school football game he had fixed by having Randy thrown the game. Realizing that he had denied Randy the chance to score a touchdown, he adds him to the list, gets him a fake birth certificate and gets the electrolarynx man to pretend to be Randy’s father, to re-enroll him in high school. Meanwhile Joy has Earl’s car – which contained all of his money – impounded and no one can get it out until they pay the $3000 he had accumulated in traffic tickets. Joy sells everything she owns and steals aluminum guardrails to raise the money. Inspired by a Trojan Horse, Earl gets Kenny to hide inside his car and let it be towed so that he can retrieve the money. Kenny ends up getting trapped by dobermans and can’t exit his car. Donny blows his chance to score a touchdown when he fumbles again. Joy gets the money and heads to the impound lot, just as Randy pulls up with the car and cash. It turns out that he threw the game once again and used his winnings to claim the car. Joy crashes her car on the way to the lot. Donny gets a ‘participant’ badge in the science fair, and is okay with not scoring a touchdown, instead pleased that he was able to help Earl. Kenny is released by a gay impound employee (Jake Galasso), whom he ends up dating. Kevin Farrell is Bruce. Jeanette Miller is the purse-snatch victim. Bob Rumock is the Principal. Kendall Clement is the loan officer. 10/23/15
• 004. Faked My Own Death – 10/11/2005
  • While returning items that he had once stolen from a Quick Stop, Earl spots his ex-girlfriend Natalie Duckworth (Beth Riesgraf), who Earl had met at a biker party, only to find out that she was in costume and was in fact a very perky, needy, doormat who drove him crazy. He gets out of the relationship by faking his own death… but feels the need to set the record straight. Their meeting goes well and Earl meets her current boyfriend Dirk (Dax Shepard). Natalie later show up at Earl’s motel, and tells him that Dirk has died as well. Later Earl finds that Dirk has used his idea and faked his death as well. Earl tries to comfort Natalie, but she end up falling for him all over again. Catalina advises Earl to try and get her to break up with him by acting like a jerk, but nothing he does will drive her away. Eventually Earl tells Natalie all the things that are wrong with her, to the point that Natalie gets upset and commits suicide. At the funeral, Natalie rises from the coffin and confronts Earl about his lie. It seems that he has now given her confidence and courage and she is able to go on with a successful life. Darcy Shean is Natalie’s mother. Montel Williams appears on TV.  10/23/15
• 005. Teacher Earl – 10/18/2005
  • In order to make up for making fun of people with accents, Earl takes on teaching a class of non-English speaking students to speak English, first trying to convey how to get to the library, then to his residence. Meanwhile his old friend Ralph Mariano (Giovanni Ribisi), with whom he and his Randy used to steal, gets out of prison. At first Earl convinces Ralph to go straight and get a job in a lamp factory, but Ralph ends up stealing a roomful of lamps and moves in next to Earl. Disappointingly Randy wants to stick with Ralph and just have fun, but Earl tells Ralph they can no longer be friends. Ralph sends Earl on a wild goose chase when he tells him that Randy got stuck in a chimney at a woman’s (Patty Maloney) house, and then kidnaps and tortures Randy until he tells him where Earl keeps his money. Randy knocks out Earl with a lamp and steals his safety deposit box key, tying up Earl and Randy. When Earl calls on his karma, his class of students shows up and frees them, having rehearsed Earl’s directions to find him multiple times. They call the police and Ralph is stopped, but not caught. Earl forgives him, Ralph returns Earl’s key, and Randy decides to stick with Earl instead of having fun with Ralph. Joy sabotages one of Earl’s students named Kim (Wahn Lee) because Earl teaching her English is interfering with competing with her in her nearby manicuring business. Pramod Kumar is Vali. Abdoulaye N’Gom is Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop. Phoenix Smith is young Randy. Tanner Maguire is young Ralph. 12/27/15
• 006. Broke Joy’s Fancy Figurine – 11/1/2005
  • Joy is after Earl’s money again, and specifically she wants him to buy her a hot tub. Earl admits that she is on his list, but it is for breaking one of her figurines with a bottle rocket. His goal is to replace it to avoid buying her the hot tub. Earl remembers the sticker on the bottom of the figurine and it leads him to Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers. There he meets Gertrude Balboa (Ellen Albertini Dow), who tells him that the figurine was the prize for the annual Prettiest Pretty Princess Contest, a mother-daughter event that Joy and her mom had previously won. Joy seeks out former winner Shelly Stoker (Missi Pyle) to try and buy one of her prizes, but she tells him that she and her daughter Candy (Chloe Grace Moretz) are entering and if he will assist in helping hone her talent that will lead to her win, she will give him the prize. The talent is knife throwing, and although Candy pretends that she can’t do it, she really has the gift but hopes to not exploit it. Joy enters the contest herself, using her supposedly dead mother’s ashes – which are actually cigarette ashes – to comply with the rules. When Earl finds out how much Candy would rather pursue becoming a doctor rather than exhibit her knife throwing, he tells her to hit him in the leg with her knife. Joy ends up winning the contest, which means that Earl can cross her off the list since it restored Joy’s glory days, while also paving the way for Candy to enjoy the future that she desires. Gigi Goff is young Joy. Timothy Stack is himself as the pageant’s host TV’s Tim Stack. 12/27/15
• 007. Stole Beer from a Golfer – 11/8/2005
  • Randy is desperate to go to the Camden County Fair to see the Smokey and the Bandit car, but Earl insists that he cross something off his list before they go. He recalls a time when a golfer named Scott (Johnny Galecki) got a hole-in-one and bought free beers for everyone at the country club clubhouse, so he started putting Scott’s golf balls into the holes to make him think he was scoring hole-in-ones all the time and thus would buy Earl and others free beer. Earl tries to make it up to him by buying Scott cases of beer, but finds out that Scott lost his job and girlfriend because he become obsessed with becoming a golf pro after all of the great games. Earl is able to convince Scott’s former boss (Raymond Ma) to give him his job back, and convinces his ex-girlfriend Tess (Kristina Hayes) to take him back. He then finds out that Tess had given away his dog, so he has to complete the task of restoring Scott’s life back to normal. Randy whines about missing the fair, and Earl tells him that he needs to grow up. Randy takes off for Hagerstown and makes Earl feel bad about neglecting his brother, equating his obsession with his list to Scott’s obsession with golf. Earl tries to follow Randy but he passes him on a bus Randy is returning with Scott’s dog. Earl adds Randy’s name to his list and vows never to cross it off so he won’t stop trying… and he also rents the car from Smokey and the Bandit for Randy to drive. Jill Benjamin is the nurse. 2/29/16
• 008. Joy’s Wedding – 11/15/2005
  • Joy plans her wedding to Crabman to be held on Earl’s birthday, and then only sends an invitation to Randy. Earl is initially upset but then hopes to get along with Joy the same way that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore get along. He shows up drunk at the wedding attempting to make friends, but ends up accidentally knocking her out with a soccer ball and ruining the wedding. Earl adds this to his list and then begins trying to help her plan another wedding to make up for it. Joy and Earl then get along too well and end up sleeping together. Earl feels bad about this as well, and adds it to his list to tell Crabman what he did. Joy gets furious and wants him to keep it a secret, but at their rehearsal lunch, Earl realizes he must tell him regardless. Joy says she will tell him, but ends up saying that Earl slept with Crabman’s mother (Toya A. Brown). Crabman attacks Earl, but then realizes that it was actually Joy who he slept with. Crabman is inconsolable, but Earl comforts him by telling him that Joy was scared of losing him and that’s why she didn’t want him to find out. The wedding continues and Earl gets to do his birthday breakdance, and Randy gets to watch Catalina dance. Bill Suplee is Willie the one-eyed mailman. Johnny Hoops is DJ Dave. Pam Trotter is Darnell’s sister Daneesha. 3/2/16
• 009. Cost Dad the Election – 11/22/2005
  • Things go awry when Earl tries to visit Didi, the one-legged girl from whom he stole a car, when he is attacked by her no-legged boyfriend (Cameron Clapp) with a mayoral campaign poster for Marty Park (Kipp Shiotani). This reminds him of the time that he cost his father Carl (Beau Bridges) the election through his many illegal antics, including attacking police officer Bob Smiley (George Frangides) who tased Joy. Earl pays his parents Carl and Kay (Nancy Lenehan) a visit, but is met with a cold reception, although they seem to have forgiven Randy. Carl refuses Earl’s offer to help him run again, recalling how he lost the election to Park, who has re-routed airplane travel over their neighborhood. Earl tries to force the issue by going on TV to debate Park in Carl’s place. When Carl goes to the TV studio to try and stop him, it reminds the town of how much they actually hate the airplanes overhead. Carl re-enters the race and despite his insistence that Early stay out of it, Earl and Randy assist by registering voters who will vote for his father. When they fly out of the car, Earl is pulled over by Officer Smiley again, gets tased, and winds up on the news again, once again costing Carl the election. Although his effort failed, Earl realizes he has made headway with his father, who came to bail him out of jail for the first time in six years. Niecy Nash is Rhonda Gibbs. 6/6/16
• 010. White Lie Christmas – 12/6/2005
  • Earl is trying to make up for past Christmases that he has ruined, buy winning a car for Joy and buying bikes for Dodge and Earl Jr. He is quickly ejected from the contest in which he has to keep a hand on the prize car at all times when he shakes hands with Randy, who remains in the contest along with Catalina, who attempt to win the car for Earl to give Joy. Meanwhile Joy’s parents waterbed salesmen Buzz (Blake Clarke) and Connie Darville (Brett Butler) from Medford show up for a Christmas visit, and Earl reluctantly agrees to pretend to still be married to Joy and to have just returned from the war Afghanistan because Joy thinks her father is racist and will not accept Crabman. Earl has to keep yet another secret when he finds out that Connie is faking a kidney illness in a wheel chair in order to get money for her gambling addiction, as well as enjoying being pushed around. Randy and Catalina end up being the last two standing in the car contest, and Catalina wins when she cuts herself and shows Randy the blood, causing him to faint. Catalina then reveals she plans to keep the car, but the host of the event (Harland Williams) discovers that Catalina has no social security number, so Randy wins by default. Earl gets everything in place for Christmas morning, but Connie steals the car to take to an Indian Casino, which she then loses. When they return, Buzz finds out about Connie’s lies, Buzz and Connie find out about Crabman, and then everyone finds out that Buzz has been having numerous affairs with black women, and is not a racist after all. When the boys find their bikes on Christmas morning, everyone forgets their disputes and enjoys the holiday. Saginaw Grant is Dakota. Dee Shaw is Mrs. Turner. 6/8/16
• 011. Barn Burner – 1/5/2006
  • When Dodge and Earl Jr. can’t get into a behavior camp the Right Choice Ranch, Earl realizes that it is his fault they are not being accepted because as a child he had burnt down a barn there and gotten kicked out after his parents had sent him and a young Randy (Ryan Armstrong) to it for behavior modification. Earl has to trick Randy to visit the ranch to try and get the kids accepted, because Randy is scared of birds. The owner of camp, Bud (Jeremy Slate), tells Earl that he is a legend and used as an example for what not to do. Counselor Bobby (John Ducey) gets Earl to build an ostrich pen to make amends. Earl realizes that he also needs to add Randy to the list, because by getting Randy thrown out, it ruined his chances to become a better person too. Randy then admits that it was actually him who burned down the barn. Earl then insists that Randy now has to take over the list since it had been him that ruined Earl’s chances of becoming a better person. Earl has to step back in though to make amends for not taking his boys to Mystery Fun Land. He tries to take them, but it is closed down. The boys remind him that they have the ability to just forgive him. This teaches Earl that he can now forgive Randy and take the list back over. 8/27/16
• 012. O Karma, Where Art Thou? – 1/12/2006
  • Earl finds an old wallet that he stole from a guy at a gas station named Jeff Muskin (Jeremy Howard) and attempts to make amends by selling everything to pawn he bought with the stolen money to pawn shop owner Jasper (Juan Pope) and then returning it to Jeff. Jeff’s wife Jesse (Adria Dawn) is livid because the missing money caused them to miss his honeymoon. Earl agrees to work Jeff’s shifts at the fast food restaurant, and Jeff’s boss Pat Patrick (Jon Favreau) agrees to accept the arrangement. Earl soon learns that Patrick is womanizer, thief, and regularly abuses Earl and his other workers. Joy doesn’t help when she complains about finding a hair in her food, and Earl is forced to wear a hair and mustache net. Earl assumes that karma will take care of Patrick, but he soon finds out that he has a beautiful house, truck, and wife named Charmaine (Tyler Kain), plus a mistress (Lisa Katara), and is well endowed. When Patrick pushes Earl too far by forcing him to make balloon animals, Earl punches him in the eye, and is joined in by chubby co-worker Xena (Lindsay Hollister), sending him to the hospital. When both his wife and mistress visit him in the hospital, Charmaine leaves him and also finds out about his theft and has him sent to prison. Earl feels horrible, but then Randy reminds him that karma doesn’t have fists, so likely used Earl to enact its punishment. Charmaine takes over the restaurant and makes Jeff the manager, who improves conditions for all of the workers. Jessica Cauffiel is Jasper’s mail order bride Tatiana. 8/27/16
• 013. Stole P’s HD Cart – 1/19/2006
  • The ‘old gang’ gets back together at Earl Jr.’s birthday party, but it is not exciting as the things they remember doing – namely criminal acts including the act of stealing Pops Wieners hot dog cart when paid off by the competition Winky Dinky Dogs’ manager Jack Knox (Mark Christopher Lawrence). In order to make amends, Earl returns the hot dog truck and gets Pops (Ramon Chavez) back in business, but Ralph is paid off by Knox again to set it on fire and does so. Earl tries to get Knox to pay the $10,000 to pay for a new truck, but realizes he can’t call the police since he was originally involved in stealing it. He ends up getting a job at Winky Dinky Dogs headquarters, having his friend Kenny James switch his typing test with him to qualify. He manages to meet with the CEO Mr. Covington (Lou Wagner) who blows him off when he tries to report Knox. Earl then gets his friends to all get jobs – again using Kenny – so they can remain in the building and rob it after hours in order to pay for the new hot dog truck. When Ralph insists on stealing the giant copy machine, they end up getting it wedged in the doorway and get locked in the copy room overnight. With the failed plan, Ralph feels bad and severs his own pinkie toe and had Joy put it in Crabman’s hot dog, so they can sue Winky Dinky Dogs. This plan actually works, and Covington writes a check that buys back the hot dog truck. Earl and Ralph have an ongoing competition of ‘stinky lips.’ Terence Bernie Hines is Fred. Patricia Belcher is the receptionist. Mary K. DeVault is the H.R. woman. 11/14/16
• 014. Monkeys in Space – 1/26/2006
  • Earl’s friend Hank Lange (Tim DeKay) is arrested for robbery and is about to sent to prison, and he happens to be on Earl’s list for the time that Earl told a story to Hank’s family about Hank making out with a transsexual unknowingly. Earl visits Hank in prison and they decide the best way for Earl to make it up was to give him a nice day before Hank goes to prison by bringing Hank’s grandma (Dona Hardy), a copy of his hometown paper Gibtown Journal that Earl would have to get from Hank’s uncle Charlie (E.J. Callihan), and some fresh donuts from Yummy’s. Meanwhile after prodding from Joy, Randy goes searching for a job in order to find his purpose. He tries to work as a cleaning spray salesman but only ends up cleaning Joy’s camper, then as a pre-surgery shaver, and then as a cosmetics tester…where he becomes temporarily blind when the ‘scientist’ (Booth Colman) sprays powder in his eyes. Earl tries for four days in a row to fulfill Hank’s wishes, each day getting up earlier and earlier, but running into obstacles each day: having to take the wheelchair-bound Uncle Charlie down numerous flight of stairs to get the mail, encountering the one-legged Didi who hates him at Yummy Donuts, finding a place to park in front of Hank’s grandmother, and finally having to give the grandmother eye-drops every ten minutes. He fails each day, until finally he gets up at 5am. Randy has finally taken a job as a busboy, but goes along with Earl on his day off and they get the job done in 90 minutes. It dawns on Earl that Randy’s purpose must be helping him complete his list. They are finally able to cross Hank off. Michael Hagiwara is the orderly. 11/14/16
• 015. Something to Live For – 2/2/2006
  • Earl pays back a man named Philo (Adam Goldberg) for the gas he used to siphon from his car when he lived in the same trailer park. Philo is very disagreeable and annoying, but accepts the gas. Earl later spots Philo trying to get run over by a car, explaining that he had tried several times to kill himself with carbon monoxide but since the car kept stalling, he thought God might be intervening. Now that he knows that it was Earl’s fault, he’s back to trying to kill himself. Earl and Randy stay with him and try to stop him, although on several occasions Philo sneaks away to kill himself. When Earl tries to set him up with Catalina, Philo tells them he already has a girl he loves, but who knows nothing about him. The woman turns out to be Joy, so Earl arranges for Joy to meet him at the Crab Shack and tell him how much she’d love to go out with him if she wasn’t married. Joy agrees, but only to make Crabman jealous because she had found a stack of porn books in the house. A distraught Philo wanders off again, but tells Earl that he won’t try and commit suicide now that he has friends, meaning Earl and Randy. They reluctantly agree to go into Philo’s trailer and watch old videos of him wrestling with his sister. Peter Spruyt is the salesman. 2/21/17
• 016. The Professor – 2/9/2006
  • Earl decides to return a laptop computer that he had once stolen, which takes him to the owner Frostburg State University Professor Alex Meyers (Christine Taylor). On the way Earl accidentally runs over a bus top sign while staring at the laptop’s screen saver, and promised the old lady (Jeanette Miller) at the stop that he will fix it later. While Randy joins a frat party and then attempts to pledge the fraternity, Earl ends up hitting it off with Alex, who invites him to attend one of her classes to talk about his karma list. She invites him to go to a regents lunch the next day and Earl accepts… but soon finds that he keeps getting hit by Frisbees, darts, champagne corks, and eventually gets stung on the lip and ear by bees. Earl surmises that this is karma’s way of getting back at him for not fixing the bus stop sign. He decides to defy karma to date Alex, but when the bees attack her and sting her face, he realizes he needs to break it off and return to focusing on his list. Randy convinces the pledgers not paddle the pledgees, but to paddle those who original paddled them. Samm Levine is Tom. Cameron Bender is Todd. Kasan Butcher is another frat guy. Kevin Michael Walsh is Greg.  Eric Larkin is the manager. Michael Taylor Gray is the waiter. 2/22/17
• 017. Didn’t Pay Taxes – 3/2/2006
  • Earl realizes he never filled out his tax forms when he used to work with Randy, and thus owes the government back taxes. The government worker won’t allow him to simply write a check, and when he tries to mail one, it comes back. Earl tries to pay his taxes through service by filling a pothole, but Officer Bob Smiley tells him that only authorized government workers can perform the work. Earl then volunteers on a chain gang with an old friend of his named Hank Lange (Tim DeKay) to help work on the road, but when the day is over he finds that a new guard (Countrified Wedman) is on duty and brings him back to the prison where he is incarcerated for several days. Earl then decides to pay his debt by being fined for climbing to the top of a water tower. Randy goes along with him, and they end up falling through the top and get suspended by their safety ropes. They are eventually found and rescued thanks to Joy, Catalina, the police, and the firemen. He considers his debt paid when he is fined. Although he offers to pay for the costs to rescue him, he is told that the rescue is free for taxpayers. Michael Bailey Smith is the skinhead prisoner. Yvette Cruz is Inez. Thomas Crawford is Tim. 6/19/17 
• 018. Dad’s Car – 3/16/2006
  • Because a young Earl and Randy had so often disappointed their mother on Mother’s Day – one time in particular when they stole a book of ‘coupons’ from their classmate Kenny (Andy Pessoa), gave it to their mother, but didn’t honor her coupons when she cashed them in – Earl and Randy decide to try and make it up to her. Earl’s presence greatly annoys his father, but Earl and Randy make good on all of the coupons that she had kept. However when watching old movies makes their father even more irritated, especially when he sees film of the Mustang that Earl drove into the lake. Earl’s mother uses her last coupon to convince Earl to try and reconcile with his father. Earl had actually lost the car by racing a neighborhood teen named Billy Reed (Timothy Olyphant) and his brother Ed (Ben Falcone). Earl offers to race him again in his car and Billy accepts. Although both of the cars stall before the finish line, Earl is able to win when Randy can push his car faster than Ed, a chronic smoker. When Earl presents the car to his father, he tells Earl that the car was actually going to be for him. Earl realizes that he had short-changed himself so he puts himself on his list and vows to fix up the car. Eventually Earl’s father joins in helping him and has many of the needed car parts, which makes Earl understand that he had actually short-changed himself out of time with his father, who had planned to work on the car with Earl. Meanwhile Crabman takes the kids out of town, leaving Joy alone to get drunk every day. She ends up asking Randy to spend the night… so that she has someone childish to take care of. 6/29/17
• 019. Y2K – 3/23/2006
  • Earl, Joy, Darnell, and Donny work on the next item on Earl’s list: to return a take-a-number dispenser to the Bargain Bag store. Randy tries to prevent this because it holds such a sentimental memory for him of the earliest days of the year 2000. Thinking back Earl recalls how they were scamming at Christmas by having Joy, Randy, and Donny singing carols at the front door of houses while Earl breaks in and steals their gifts. While going over the loot at the crab shack, they meet Darnell who has just been released by FBI agents presumably as part of the witness protection program. Darnell tells them about Y2K, and the potential for the havoc the computer may cause. They decide to hold up in the house of Donny’s sister, and when the clock strikes midnight, the power goes out thanks to her not paying her electric bill. They also mistake fireworks for gunfire, and the fact that the entire town is empty because they are at the holiday parade, as meaning they are the last people on earth. They break into the Bargain Bag – closed for the holiday – to loot and end up deciding to live there. However, they have constant disputes of ownership of the wares in the store. Randy gets the idea to use the take-a-number to decide who wins in each scenario. Everyone is so proud of him that they make him president of this ‘new world’. The next day they wake up to a store full of customers. Meanwhile Earl recalls the tale of how Catalina shipped herself to America during this time period. Back in the present, Randy gives up the dispenser and they turn it in, but on the way out, Joy is caught by a security guard (Rob Elk) for shoplifting. Alejandro Petino is the man at the crate. Doug Wax is the guard. William Charlton is the Dad who is robbed, and Tatum McCann is his daughter Cindy. Charles Howerton is the Federal agent. Pattie Tierce is the store worker. 2/4/18
• 020. Boogeyman – 3/30/2006
  • Earl relates the tale of the time he, Randy, and Joy robbed a house, and when Earl got stuck inside during a birthday party, he hid under the bed of a young boy named Alby (Khamani Griffin) and caused him to believe in the Boogeyman. In the present day, Earl visits an older Alby (Malcolm David Kelley) and explains that his trying to make up for what he did. Alby has him be his slave for the day, often treating Earl cruelly and hitting him with paint pellets. For his last act, Earl is told by Alby to stay outside while he sleeps, and Earl realizes that Alby is still afraid of the dark. Earl stays outside in a tree for the next several nights as Alby slowly dims his light each night, and they stay up late chatting. After he is finished, Alby shows up at the motel and tells Earl he want to live with him because his own father (Leonard Earl Howze) doesn’t pay attention to him in favor of his stepmother (Andrea de Oliveira). Earl refuses and tries to call Alby’s father, but he mistakes the call for Alby being kidnapped. Soon the swat team surrounds the motel, and Alby threatens to say he has been kidnapped if Earl goes outside. Earl’s father makes it to the scene and tries to get around the hostage negotiator (Tucker Smallwood), and when he finally does and climbs up to the roof of the motel to save Alby, he finally realizes that his father loves him and he goes home. Earl and Randy are smoked out of the room with tear gas before Alby can tell the truth. is Cece Tsou is news anchor Tiffani Lopez-Chang. Warren Watkins and Anne Johnson are party guests. 2/6/18
• 021. The Bounty Hunter – 4/6/2006
  • Joy is petrified when she finds out that a girl named Jessie is after. Jessie (Juliette Lewis) is a girl who worked as a secretary for a bail bonds man (Don Swayze) who brought Earl in, with whom she dated for several weeks. Earl cheated on her and married Joy, using the Metallica tickets the Jessie bought for their honeymoon trip. When Jessie confronted Joy and Earl, Joy knocked out Jessie’s front teeth. Jessie eventually learned karate and swore vengeance on Joy. When Joy became wanted for a traffic violation, Jessie volunteers to search for her as the bounty hunter. Earl tries to apologize to Jessie, but she continues her hunt, tracking them to the motel, and then to their abandoned hideaway RV, now inhabited by a bum (Jackson Bond Jr.). Joy confesses to Earl that she stole Earl from Jesse to help pay for the baby, by scoping him out, having her friends Bobbi (Dana Cuomo) and Robin (Tiffany Haddish) get him drunk, and marrying him while he was drunk. Joy accepts responsibility for Jesse and crosses her off his list. Earl tries to take Joy to turn herself in, but they are confronted by Jesse, who plans to knock out Joy’s teeth. Joy tries to get out of the fight, but when attacked, Joy ends up winning and knocking out Jesse’s gold teeth, asking Earl to use them to bail her out of jail. Joon Lee is the instructor. Maxie Santillan Jr. is Sparky. Derek Mears is a karate student. 10/22/18
• 022. Stole a Badge – 4/27/2006
  • While Randy is foraging in a storm drain, Earl comes across a police badge that he recalls that he, Randy, and Joy had stolen from a pair of bowling shoes at the alley. Once they realized that by having the badge they could get free food from a waitress named Alisa (Helen Siff), they began flashing the badge all over town in order to get special treatment. They use it to save a car from being towed by a driver (Joe Kay), in order to cheat at pool, scare off a neighbor (William Stanford Davis) during a party, and to steal some loot from a security guard named Ramirez (Steve Seagren). This all nearly comes to a halt when Creepy Rodney (Clint Howard) pinches the badge from Randy and begin using it to his advantage. They eventually get it back, but then begin fighting over it so much that they decide to throw it in the storm drain. Now that they have it back, Earl realizes he needs to return it, so he brings it to the station where he gives it to Sergeant Nancy (Kerry O’Malley), one of four sister cops who answer to their mother Captain Daniels (Lauri Johnson). The badge belongs to their brother – and son – Stuart Daniels (Mike O’Malley), who has no desire to be a police officer, and is assigned to watch a rest stop where he routinely performs the duties of a janitor. Trying to make Stuart look like a hero, Earl and Randy trick Creepy Rodney into robbing a diner, and then stealing loot from shoes at the bowling alley. When it is clear that Stuart has no desire to make an arrest, Earl pulls him aside and admits that he took the badge, only to find out that Stuart really wants to be a professional bowler. However once Stuart hears about all of the laws that Earl has broken, he instead arrests him. Earl tries to escape, but Stuart knocks him over with a bowling ball. Realizing that he went for his ball instead of his gun, Stuart finally admits to himself that bowling is what he really wants to do and he lets Earl go. Meanwhile Creepy Rodney uses the badge he found in Stuart’s shoe, but ends up arrested by the Daniels ladies. Joan Blair is the truck stop woman. 10/22/18
• 023. BB – 5/4/2006
  • Earl gets issued a ticket by Officer Ross (John DiMaggio) for putting change into meters to help repay all of the money he had stolen from them in the past. Ross also cites him for not having his license, which Joy had found earlier and refused to pay back until Earl repairs a hole in the side of her trailer. Crabman does two good deeds by returning Earl’s license, and then patching up the hole… but Joy punches it in because she wants Earl to do it. Earl goes to the station to pay his tickets and runs into an old crush named Gwen Waters (Miriam Shor), who is now a courtroom sketch artist, and whom he once shot in the butt with a BB as a child (Shailene Woodley), which has not only caused her to beep in metal detectors all of her life, but caused a rift between her and her drunken father (Geoffrey Lewis). Earl vows to get them back together, but Mr. Waters won’t sober up long enough to cooperate. He and Randy end up locking him in his trailer dragging him to the courthouse. He and Gwen do not reconcile, but when she sees him, she loses all anger and realizes that he got what was coming to him. Mr. Waters then steals Earl’s car. Meanwhile Judge Matthew Simon (Tom Carey), prosecutor (Jack Betts), and lawyer (David Raibon) struggle to deal with Patty the prostitute. Grace Bustos is Claretta. Jen Relyea is Sara. Sam Scarber is the deputy. 7/31/19
• 024. Number One – 5/11/2006
  • Crabman suggests that Earl cross off the number one item on his karma list, which is that he stole ten dollars from a guy at the Camden Market on the day that he won the lottery. He and Patty review the footage from the surveillance camera thanks to the worker Iqball (Abdul Goznobi), and they determine that it belonged to a man named Paul (Max Perlich). They also realize that Paul had intended to buy a lottery ticket, meaning that he would have had a winning ticket. Against Randy’s trepidation, Earl returns all of the money to Paul with a promise to give him the remaining $5000 he already spent. As Earl and Randy begin to stave and lose their motel room to the Yamaguchi family (Mio Takada, Andrew Vo, Rachel Pham), Earl works on his list by allowing Joy to use him as a body piercing pin cushion since he once ruined her attempt to join an art school, and to dance with Too Tall Maggie (Alexis Skye), whom he denied at a school dance. As Earl and Randy reach their low point, they are able to sell the El Camino for $1200 to a man named Roy Wade (Dennis Burkley)… but Earl insists on bringing the money to Paul. On the bus ride there, they get into a fight, just as the bus smacks into Paul. He survives, but in the hospital, he tells Earl that he wants him to take the money back, and that it has brought him nothing but bad luck. He relates how he saw Earl get hit by the car, but instead of helping him, he took the ticket… only to be hit by the same car and driver, Joan aka Old Lady Karma (Yetta Ginsburg) three minutes later. The ticket then traveled through the city nearly being picked up by Willie the one-eyed mailman, Didi the one-legged girl, Patty, and Joy, before finally returning to Earl. After getting the money, Paul had become a complete jerk, put his mother (Lin Shaye) in a nursing home, and just after denying a homeless man (Stan Yale) a handout, he was hit by the bus, the driver of which had had a map shoved in his face by Old Lady Karma. Earl gets his money back and Joy gets her piercing license. Kevin Dorian is the man at the wrong address. 7/31/19

SEASON 2

• 025. Very Bad Things – 9/28/2006
  • Earl’s next item on his list is to take Joy’s side since he never did when they were together. When she wants to have a surprise birthday party, he takes her side and tells Crabman to give her one. Meanwhile Joy has talked Crabman into buying a $3000 entertainment center and TV, but then finds that it won’t fit in their trailer. She attempts to return it to Bargain Bag, but the clerk (Harry Karp) won’t take it back because her receipt has gum on it. She tries hooking it up outside the trailer, but rain destroys it. She returns it to  Bargain Bag and tells them that she’ll get her money back one way or another… and then steals one of their trucks. She tries to then sell the truck to Jasper at the pawn shop, but he thinks it is too risky. His wife Tatiana, who has just cut off his earlobe, is interest in buying it though, so Joy brings her home to get the keys, and is surprised by a birthday party that is one month early, and spook Tatiana off. Earl and Randy help repaint the truck so it is easier to sell, and Earl and Joy discover that there is a Bargain Bag worker named Josh (Josh Wolf) who is inside the truck. They try to let him go, but since they’ve insisted he blindfold himself, he runs into a tree and knocks himself out. They then attempt to take him to the hospital, but run out of gas, so Earl has to hike to a gas station. When he returns, Randy has shown up to do more painting on the truck, and Josh has escaped when Joy tried to get food from the back. Joy knocks him out with a crowbar, and Randy is asked to put him back in the truck. Unfortunately he puts him in the cab of the truck, and Josh drives away. They all pursue him for a while, then Earl realizes that it would be the best thing for Joy to just drop it, so he refuses to go after Josh, thinking that Josh probably wouldn’t recognize her. However, he does… and Joy is sent to prison for assault, kidnapping, and grand theft auto. 3/10/20
• 026. Jump for Joy – 9/28/2006
  • Earl tries to assist with Joy making bail, but it turns out that this was her third offense after counterfeiting and being turned in by Kenny James and the assaulting Officer Hancock (Jack Nathan Harding), so her bail is set at one million dollars. The only rich guy they know is Richard Chubby (Burt Reynolds), who will only agree to supply the bail money if they can convince his favorite stripper to return to his club Chubby’s. That woman turned out to be Catalina, who vowed to never strip again after giving an elderly man named Clark Tucker a heart attack doing her jump routine. While trying to search out his family to apologize, they learn from sweat shop workers Penelope (Carla Jiminez) and Hector (Dominic Flores) that she is looked at as a hero because Tucker was a tyrant. She agrees to return to the club, but when Crabman thanks her, she realizes she is doing this to help Joy, who she can’t stand, and then refuses. Earl, who is becoming more stressed by the situation and dealing with a twitching eye, takes Catalina to visit Joy in prison so they can make amends, but they wind up in a huge fight again. Joy then decides to do the dancing herself, but she winds up getting drunk and throwing up during her dance, causing Earl to have an anxiety attack and pass out. Catalina realizes that if she dances, she is doing it for Earl and not Joy, so she agrees to go on stage. Chubby puts up the money for Joy’s bail. Brad Grunberg is the DJ. Lisa K. Wyatt is Doris, the inmate who asks Randy to talk to her. 3/10/20
• 027. Sticks & Stones – 10/5/2006
  • While assisting with waxing Catalina’s fellow housekeeper Willma’s (Wendy Worthington) mustache, he remembers that as a kid, he had made fun of a new girl in school named Maggie Lester who had a mustache. He goes to see Maggie (Judy Greer) at her home in the Shady Acres community and finds that she now has a full beard. She quickly forgives him and tells him that getting to know her as a person has made up for the fun he made of her as a child. She now works in a sideshow, and much to Earl’s surprise, he realizes that all of the residents of Shady Acres are part of the show as well: Paul (Carel Strucyken) the giant, William (Gabriel Pimentel) the dwarf, Jean (Catherine Anne Hayes) the fat lady, Tommy (Brandon Haas) the lobster-boy, and Kevin (Brandon Ficara) the unicorn man. He realizes quickly that he is making fun of them as well, so he decides to hold a cookout and get to know all of them. When Paul wants to go skip rocks in a nearby pond, Earl drives them but then takes a detour to treat them to ice cream. They all jump out of his truck and run back to Shady Acres, not ready to be in public during their private time. Earl remembers back to when Coach Lou (Paul Ben-Victor) made him take his short off to jump off the high dive, which exposed his hairy nipples to the other kids. He decides to go back and confront the coach, but the coach tells him that he should never let other people’s mockery stop him from doing anything. He asks the sideshow folks to come watch him dive, but they all decline. He returns to try the dive but chickens out… until he sees that they have all decided to come. He – and they – then all jump off the high dive. They all go on to live out their dream lives and careers. Meanwhile Joy sees a lawyer named Ruby Whitlow (Marlee Matlin), who is deaf and uses an interpreter named Doug (Jonathan Slavin). Initially she rejects Ruby because she is deaf, but when she realizes she doesn’t understand the law well enough to represent herself, she returns and promises to give her the dignity and respect she deserves if she will take her case. However once she hears Ruby try and speak, she laughs and makes fun of her voice. Patrick Thomas McCarthy is the teacher. Jack Axelrod is the man with the electronic voicebox who calls everyone freaks. 6/20/20
• 028. Larceny of a Kitty Cat – 10/12/2006
  • When Earl and Randy get trapped in one spot because a black cat keeps crossing their path, Earl thinks karma is telling him to correct a time three years earlier that he stole a cat named Sebastian from a cat show to increase Joy’s chances of winning. Joy’s cat was taken from her when she revealed that she had put contacts in its eyes and lipstick on its lips, but Earl had already dropped Sebastian off at a sleeping cat lady’s house. Earl visits Sebastian’s original owner Judy (Amy Sedaris) and takes her to retrieve Sebastian, who had gotten quite fat over the past three years. Randy develops feelings for Judy and begins dating her, although he is allergic to cats. Earl worries that Randy will follow the same pattern he has in the past: pretend to me someone he isn’t, start to behave like himself, get dumped, get into a depressed state and listen to Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time on repeat. Since he is miserably allergic to the cat, he decides to tell her that he hates cats. Surprisingly, she agrees to get rid of Sebastian and keep him, so Earl takes the cat. Judy seems tolerate every one of Randy’s foibles and eccentricities and treats him with affection no matter what he does. Crabman points out that Sebastian may need to go on his list, because he looks sad that he had fallen from a former champion to a fat loser cat. Earl take this to heart and begins working Sebastian out until he returns to his old form. Earl enters him into a the Camden County Cat Show and he takes second place. Randy however realizes that Judy had been treating him like a cat when she gives him a necklace/collar, and she is forced to admit that she is a ‘cat lady’ at heart. They decide to go their separate ways, but Randy is not depressed this time because he knows that she really liked him. William Newman is the cats show judge. 6/21/20
• 029. Van Hickey – 10/19/2006
  • Earl is photographing Joy’s contribution to a nursing home where she is working for her community service, and happens upon an old friend named Tom Sparks (Larry Hankin), the former lead singer of his band Phish Tahko. Earl relates how he, Randy, and Ralph had decided to form a band while going through a fast food drive-thru. The guy over the speaker volunteered to be the lead singer, so they hired him sight unseen… then found out when they pulled to the window that he was an old man. Wanting to live the rock lifestyle, Tom’s age caused women to snicker so they kicked him out of the band. The band only played one gig as a trio, but they managed to have a wild party with three groupies (Amy Amerson, Natalia Reagan, Caitie Uhlmann). Since kicking out Tom was on Earl’s list, he offers to give him the $20 he earned for the gig, but Tom states he would rather have the experience. Earl and Randy then recruit Ralph so they can re-form the band and play another gig. Ralph however is ready to kick him out again when Catalina mocks his age. Tom tells Ralph that he is also on his list because Earl slept with Ralph’s mother Lorraine (Beth Grant) when his groupie fell asleep. Ralph is furious and threatens to kill Earl in twelve hours, but then after trying and failing sleeping with Earl’s mother, agrees that if Earl marries her and makes her an honest woman, he will forego killing him. Earl agrees and they get married, and although he enjoys the home and family life, Earl is too disgusted by Lorraine to sleep with her. After avoiding her night after night, Ralph finally confronts him and tells him that if he doesn’t consummate the marriage, he will still kill him. Earl agrees to do it after the band’s gig at the Crab Shack, and drinks himself into a stupor until Lorraine is just a blur… but then passes out. When he comes to, he heads to Lorraine’s place to sleep with her, but find her in bed with Tom, who impressed him as lead singer at the show. Earl and Lorraine annul the marriage, and Tom, Lorraine, and Ralph live happily ever after. Bill Erwin is the nursing home resident who plays ping-pong with Tom. Frances Bay plays Red Rover in the nursing home. 10/6/20
• 030. Made a Lady Think I Was God – 11/2/2006
  • After watching a war movie together, both Earl and Randy contemplate how to tell each other ‘I love you.’ Meanwhile Joy’s lawyer advises her to try and get various restraining orders against her dropped, one of them being their trailer park manager Millie Banks (Roseanne Barr). She used to be incredibly cruel, issuing citations for every minor infraction. Earl, Randy, and Joy had decided to take revenge by stealing stuff from her, and while using their walkie-talkies to stay in communication, they discover that she is picking up their conversations on her hearing aid and believe that God is talking to her. Earl starts posing as God and telling her to do various things, including giving away her valuables to Earl and Joy. Since she wound up on Earl’s list, he decides to bring her replacements for everything they stole, but find that she now lives in the Sisters of Redemption convent as a nun, where she is now kind and works with orphaned children, including a lonely little girl named Celeste (Lily Jackson). Another nun named Sister Kate (Carol Mansell) tells another nun (Marcia Ann Burrs) that she is jealous that God has spoken directly to Sister Millie. Earl confesses what he did, and although she initially forgives him, it soon makes her angry that she based her life on a lie. She leaves the convent and moves back to the trail park, now meaner than ever. She makes Crabman get rid of his pet Mr. Turtle, so Randy is forced to be his foster parent. Earl, Joy, and Randy then try to stage a series of miracles to convince her that she is being ‘called’ again. When she catches Earl in the act of planting a grilled cheese with the face of Jesus in her trailer, she shoots Earl with a slingshot. She also shoots Randy, but one of the pellets is stopped by Mr. Turtle in his pocket. Although the miracle plan failed, Earl is able to convince Millie that she was much happier in the convent. Millie finally sees Earl as the sign she had been waiting for. She signs the cancellation of the restraining order, Crabman gets Mr. Turtle back, Millie brings Celeste a doll head, and Earl and Randy are finally able to say ‘I love you’ to one another. Marcy Goldman is the basketball nun. 10/6/20
• 031. Mailbox – 11/9/2006
  • Catalina wants to get the good feeling that Earl does when he crosses someone off of his list, so he lets her help hi with his next endeavor… to clean out a mailbox that he and Randy used to use as a garbage can. While cleaning it out, they find two letters stuck inside due to milkshakes they had poured into it. Earl and Catalina take one letter and return it to its sender, a guy in the trailer park named Will (Johnny Sneed). He had sent the letter to a girl he loved named Wendy (Jenny McCarthy) to see is she felt the same way about him. When he never heard back, he quit his job at the fitness center where they worked together so he wouldn’t have to face her. He had since grown out of shape, so wants to get his muscled back before going to see her. He sends Earl to join the club and keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t fall in love with anyone else in the meantime. Unfortunately, Earl falls for her and thinks that she might feel the same. She later find the letter from Will that Earl had been holding, and thinks it is from Earl, and she tells him that she feels the same way. Earl decides to abandon Will and keep her for himself, but Catalina wants that good feeling, so she brings Will and tells him to profess his love or he’ll lose her forever. Earl knows Catalina did the right thing, but it feel like a gut-punch that he lost her in the process. Meanwhile Randy takes the other letter to Joy, which contains papers from the Witness Protection program indicating that Crabman is actually named Harry Monroe. Darnell refuses to tell her the reason for the letter, so she kicks him out and he is forced to stay with Earl and Randy. He tries everything he can to win her back, but she refuses to listen since she feels like she doesn’t know him. Finally he wins her over by telling her that if he reveals what he knows, he’ll have to leave and start his life over and he doesn’t want to do that because he loves her. That night, unable to hold his secret any longer, he tells Dodge and Earl Jr. his story as their bedtime story. David Ringwald and Hayden Lee are Barbershop Quartet singers, the latter with the electrolarynx. 1/24/21
• 032. Robbed a Stoner Blind – 11/16/2006
  • During a heat wave in Camden County, Earl remembers the time he and Randy stole an air conditioner from a guy named Woody Maruzak (Christian Slater), who was too stoned to realize that he was being robbed blind. Since Joy still had the air conditioner, Earl and Randy take it from her while she is practicing fooling a lie detector, and return it to Woody, who had finally sobered up and was living on the Sunshine Collective commune. Since he no longer used anything electric, he tells Earl that he can cross him off the list if he spends a week at the commune to learn their way, and at the very least decrease their carbon footprint. They wind up bunking with an elderly nudist woman named Nora (Eve Sigall), growing and eating vegetables, burning wood in order to take hot showers, and watching the other people put on live plays based on episodes of Friends. Randy goes crazy and passes out, and is given a root and herb substance to rub on his skin. He is so hungry that he eats it, and it causes him to hallucinate that everyone is Claymation, which lasts for days. Earl is given a presentation on carbon emissions and global warming by Woody, and is inspired enough to take it seriously. He quickly sees that no matter what he does, Joy is causing just as much damage so he targets her to start being a better steward of the environment. Then he realizes that the entire county is polluting the environment, so he starts emptying the air from car tires, shutting off electricity, and planting trees. When he hears an anchorwoman (Sandy Brown) talk about China’s coal pollution, he realizes he is fighting a losing battle. He returns to the commune and is given sound advice from Woody to just concentrate on what he can do… with his number one priority being his list. As he calms down, and just starts doing the little things, the drug finally wears off Randy. The two discuss who the Muppets can beat up before going to sleep, while at their place, Joy and Crabman discuss who his aunt can beat up. James Martin Kelly is the cell tower workman. Jennifer Kenyon and Hollywood Steve Huey are hippies in the Friends play. Michael Patrick McGill is the hippy playing Chandler. 1/24/21 
• 033. Born a Gamblin’ Man – 11/30/2006
  • With Christmas approaching, Earl works on preparing 274 bologna sandwiches to give to his high school classmate Kenny James, to represent each sandwich he stole from him in high school. When they arrive to deliver them, they find that Kenny’s boyfriend (Nat Faxon) has just walked out on him for not being masculine enough. Earl volunteers to try and make him more manly, and one of the ways is to teach him to gamble. Meanwhile, Randy is working up the courage to tell Catalina how much he loves her. Joy is working with her lawyer Ruby to try and make sure that Joy doesn’t lose her temper in court, but she keeps beating up her assistant Doug. Ruby sends her to an anger management, but because of budget cuts, everyone in Camden who has a control issue, sees the same moderator (Bonnie Hellman) including pen kleptomaniac Necobar-A-Lop-Lop. Earl and Kenny begin placing bets with bookie Rosie, and they keep winning. Earl believes it is karma helping build his funds back up, but Kenny starts losing and eventually has to sell all of his furniture. Earl takes him to the same group therapy that Joy is in, but Earl keeps gambling. When he runs out of things to gamble on, a guy (Kadeem Hardison) at the bar directs him to an underground chicken pooping gambling ring. He drags Catalina to the gambling ring so that Randy can set up the motel room to tell Catalina he loves her. He winds up hooked, and refuses to leave so that Catalina can wire money back to her family in Mexico and then go to work, so Catalina leaves by herself and speed off. She winds up getting arrested and deported back to Mexico. Making matters even work, Earl bets Catalina’s money and loses it. When Joy makes fun of Doug for getting beat up by a girl, he admits that he too has anger issues, but is taking medication, so Joy starts taking it herself. Kenny winds up in the support group to get help with his problems. Earl and Randy head out to bring back Catalina. 5/18/21
• 034 & 035. South of the Border – 12/7/2006
  • Earl and Randy plan to travel to Mexico to retrieve Catalina, who is now working as a maid in a motel where a Hispanic version of Earl (Benjamin Benitez) and Randy (Oleg Zatsepin) are working on their own list. At the airport, they are told by the desk clerk (Tangie Ambrose) that they need passports, so they head to the passport office. Earl is unable to keep his eyes open so Randy tapes fake ones on him, causing the TSA agent (Gil Glasgow) to question his photo. Earl starts to get nervous about the flight when the attendant T. Jackson (Penny Balfour) starts talking about the safety precautions, and he exits the plane. Since Joy is having so much luck with feeling good from the pill she is taking, Earl goes to see Dr. Rudin (William Schallert), to get a sedative and a forced inoculation. Earl falls asleep before the plane even takes off… but when he wakes up, he finds out that the plane has been sitting on the runway for hours. He tries to escape, but he’s beaten and tied up by the flight attendant (Lauren Glenn) and T. Jackson. They arrive in Mexico and have to take a bus to Catalina’s village, but Earl insists on getting tacos before they board… so Randy attacks him and carries him onto the bus. Earl is furious and tells him that he has no chance with Catalina, but when Randy sees a bird on the bus and doesn’t freak out, he realizes that he’s been wrong and that Randy’s been brave to go after what he wants. As he’s going to Randy to apologize, bandits Victor (Emilio Rivera) and Mario (Ray Santiago) kidnap him from the bus and hand him over to their boss Diego (John Leguizamo). Meanwhile, Darnell is struggling with Joy’s happy pills, because she won’t address the issues with their neighbors David (Jimmi Simpson) and Tina Hayes (Susan Foley) who have moved their mobile home too close to theirs. Randy arrives in Mexico and is befriended by an elderly couple Maria (Shelley Morrison) and her husband (Winston J. Rocha), who think that Randy is carrying the spirit of their dead son Manuel, and promise they’ll help him find Catalina if he’ll spend the evening with them. Earl finds out that Diego is Catalina’s uncle, and Mario is her brother, and the guys take Earl on a crime spree. However, Earl tells them about karma and saves an old man (Joaquin Garrido) from their wrath. Diego turns over a new leaf and gives Earl back his wallet and pants, then goes to retrieve Catalina for him. Unfortunately, Diego got it wrong and told Catalina that it is Earl who is going to marry her so she can get her Green Card. Naturally Randy is furious, until Earl decides to throw the three challenges he must face in order to marry her: walk over a pit of leeches, walk over hot coals, and walk through a sea of rakes. Earl purposely fails them all, so Randy asks Catalina if he could try. He passes them all, only receiving a few rakes to the face, so he marries Catalina. She tells him that he’s a good friend, but he doesn’t tell her that he loves her for fear of ruining the wedding. Back home, the David, hits one of the kids with a beer can, so Joy finally has reached her limit. She goes next door to warn them that she’s going to stop taking her pills so they will fully experience her wrath. They take the warning, and agree to move the mobile home away from theirs. A rival gang ties up Victor and Mario, and cuts out Mario’s tongue because Diego is now nice, so he vows that the old Diego is back, and anyone who does bad things will have something bad done to them. Destiny Ramirez is the Hispanic girl on the bus. Kim Delgado is the bus passenger. Phil Abrams is the main in line at the airport. Jesus “Chuy” Perez is Pedro the guitar player. 5/18/21
• 036. Our ‘Cops’ Is On! – 1/4/2007
  • Earl is spending a boring afternoon at the Crab Shack along with Randy, Crabman, and Joy. Additionally, many of their acquaintances from around town are there pondering their lives: Kenny James, Patty, Willie the One-Eyed Mailman, TV’s Tim Stack, and the Electrolarynx guy. Things perk up when the episode of Cops on which they all once appeared comes on TV. They all gather around the TV and watch the program, which follows the shift of Officer Bobbi Bowman (Kathy Kinney), Officer Bob Smiley, and Officer Stuart Daniels as they respond to calls, starting with Bowman investigating a domestic disturbance at the trailer park where Earl and Joy lived together. Joy is throwing things at Earl because he and and Randy are getting ready to work, taking garage door openers around the area and seeing which ones will open so they can rob them. Earl takes off on his bicycle. Daniels responds to a call from Didi the one-legged girl because Donny Jones is out on his lawn naked, save for a giant snake. Earl happens by with his garage door openers and when he tries to show them to Stuart, a house’s garage opens. Officer Bowman then responds to Darnell’s grandmother (Phyllis Applegate) who is reporting a noise complaint, but when she brings the officer inside, she finds Darnell’s room full of marijuana plants. Darnell grabs one and escapes out the window. Officer Smiley responds to a robbery at a liquor store in progress, and finds not only Vali holding Earl and Randy at gunpoint, but finds Patty in the photo booth doing business with Willie. Officer Bowman returns to the trailer park because Joy in on the roof throwing Earl’s belongings off of it. One of the items is his bowling ball which puts Willie’s eye out when it shatters a mirror. Officer Daniels then follows a drunk driver who turns out to be TV’s Tim Stack, but Daniels lets him go since he is famous. Stack promptly drives off weaving down the road. Daniels then move on to the crab shack where the electrolarynx guy is in a dispute with Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop. Patty is outside with her hand stuck in a soda vending machine, claiming she is trying get her hand cold for a client who likes dead people. Smiley returns to an accident and finds a unconscious Tim Stack’s car crashed against a tree. Officer Bowman catches Earl and Randy in the act of robbing a garage, and when she pursues them, Earl steals her police car, with the Cops cameraman Kevin (Jonathan Walker Spencer) in the back of it. Earl drives to his trailer to pick up Joy, who is thrilled to go on a joy ride, and drive the car. Kenny calls Officer Daniels to report a robbery in his house, but it is clear that Kenny set it up himself just to get Daniels over there to feed him cookies. Joy pulls over Earl’s ex-girlfriend Natalie Duckworth and Joy harasses her. Just as Officer Bowman is getting ready to report her car stolen, she spots Darnell hiding in a pile of leaves, and Randy stuck up a tree. Officer Daniels find Earl and Joy having sex in the back of the stolen cop car, and chases them down the street. Earl falls down and scrapes up his penis, while Joy hides in a dumpster already occupied by a bum. Officer Smiley and the firemen shoot Randy with a tranquillizer to get him down from the tree. Back at the crab shack, the mood is significantly brightened, and everyone who was on the show is treated like celebrities for the day. 9/13/21
• 037. Buried Treasure – 1/11/2007
  • Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy (Helen Slayton-Hughes) are moving out of the trailer park to a retirement trailer park, and Earl is grateful because that means he can cross unburying something out of their back yard and returning it to its rightful owners. He flashes back to the time when he, Randy, and Joy decided to rob the Public Library and Museum and wound up stealing a box of rare silverware that is on display. They find out from a newscast featuring the museum curator Dotty Lake (Peggy Stewart) that it had belonged to famous Civil War General Philip C. Graber and is valued at $2000. They attempt to sell the silverware to their pawn shop fence Jasper, but he thinks it is too hot. They all agree to bury it near their trailer and save it for later. Earl wants to use the money to buy a motorcycle, so he decides to send a ransom note to the library asking for $2000 to return it. He digs it up and takes a picture with it to enclose in the ransom note. He tries to return to bed, but Joy tells him he is too filthy and sends him to sleep on the couch. The library agrees to the demands, but when Earl goes to spy on the drop-off spot, he watches a homeless guy (Doug Wax) get to the bag before he does, and it blows blue powder into his face. Earl decides to leave the treasure where it is buried. Back in the present, he and Randy dig where the silverware was located, but it is not there. Randy knows why, and he reminisces his own show My Name Is Randy. As Earl is creating the ransom note in the bathroom, Randy stresses out because everyone is fighting and heads to the Crab Shack where a Russian con man (Victor Raider-Wexler) and his moll Tatiana are watching Randy’s every move. Tatiana has found out from Jasper that he’s in the possession of the silverware, so she sends the con man over to try and get Randy to invest $2000 with the prospect of making $20,000, and best yet, he tells Randy that he will even accept valuable silverware in lieu of cash. Randy returns and digs up the silverware and the returns to the Crab Shack and gives it to the con man. The con man tells Randy to pick up his money from his associate at the old train station. Randy goes there the next day, and it is near the ransom pickup. It is Randy who sends the homeless guy Bruce to grab the food bag out of the trash, and causes him to get inked with the blue powder. In looking for the con man’s associate, he also nearly picks up a gay guy named Bruce. In the present, Joy watches Randy and Earl digging up the silverware, and thinks to herself about how they will be surprised what is in the silverware case. She imagines her own show My Name Is Joy. She flashes back to the time she threw Earl out of the bedroom for being too dirty, and how she suspected that Earl and Randy were up to something with the silverware. She sneaks out the window, digs it up, and substitutes the rare silverware for her own cheap silverware. She tries to melt it down and sell it, but Jasper won’t take it either. She decides to bury it elsewhere as her insurance policy. In the present, she tells this to Crabman, who remembers his own version of My Name Is Crabman. He finds Joy’s silverware while trying bury his fish Mr. Fish, to whom he accidentally fed pepper. Crabman takes it to the library and although Dotty thinks it is trash, she still puts in the display case. In the present, when Earl can’t find the silverware, he goes to the library to make a donation to Dotty. Randy sees the ‘caveman’ silverware in the display case, and Earl recognizes it as the original. Although he has no idea how it got there, he is able to cross this one off his list. As Dotty returns with the donation box, she imagines a different life for herself… and her own show My Name Is Dotty. 3/13/22
• 038. Kept a Guy Locked in a Truck – 1/18/2007
  • Earl keeps finding himself getting locked inside bathrooms, his car wedged in a parking spot, and then getting himself wedged into the back window of his car, where he can plainly see the Bargain Bag behind him. He takes this as a sign that he needs to make amends for the guy named Josh Martin that Joy locked in the back of the Bargain Bag truck. Earl decides to hire a massage therapist named Tammy (Claudia Choi), but when they arrive at his apartment, they find that Josh was killed by his retractable bed, an event that his landlord (Windell Middlebrooks) happens frequently. Now stuck looking for something he can do for Josh in death, he visits the Hamerick’s Funeral Home, owned by Walter Hamerick (John Waters), who creates tableaus out the dead bodies based on the interests of the person being honored at the funeral. Hamerick tells Earl that Josh’s body had never been claimed. Earl also visits various neighbors and business associates and finds that no one knew anything about him. At a loss for what to do, Earl gives up ad crosses him off the list. That night he dreams of Josh who informs him that he wants him to give him a funeral. Earl re-visits Hamerick and decides to give him a tradition funeral, and he invites patron of the Crab Shand and offers free food and beer. The place fills up with strangers, and co-workers of Catalina, but devolves into a drunken party atmosphere. When no one will even listen to the eulogy Earl has been working on, and Darnell knocks over the casket while trying to retrieve his purple suit that the corpse is wearing, Earl throws everyone out. Then Joy also has a dream that she sees Josh’s living face in his picture cake, off of which she ate his face. Their final act is to clear out Josh’s apartment, and there they discover that Josh had tons of online friends on his computer, with whom he played poker, video games, chatted, and had online dates. Earl decides to throw another funeral, and invites all of his online friends. This time he opts for a tableau of Josh behind his computer. This even inspires many of his online friends to get together in person. One online friend turned out to be his next door neighbor (Seth J. Cohen). Randy and Catalina, who had been looking for an apartment together to satisfy the INS, end up taking Josh’s apartment. The landlord even attaches a chain to the retractable bed to keep it from smashing anyone else, and Joy takes care of Josh’s cactus that Darnell dubs Mr. Prickly. Bob Clendenin is Slow Roger. Christopher Gehrmanl is a guy at the funeral speaking in chat initials. Rasika Mathur is Josh’s online Indian date. Lacy Baxter is Catalina’s stripper friend. Jermaine Jackson is a poker buddy. Hamilton Mitchell is the guy eating on the coffin. 3/13/22
• 039. Foreign Exchange Student – 2/1/2007
  • Earl recalls the days in grade school when he mercilessly picked on a French foreign exchange student (Adam Riancho) so much so that he drove him to go back home with a sour taste for America. He sends the now-adult Pierre (Ernie Grunwald) a ticket to return to the states so that he can give him a better impression of the country. Unfortunately, when he arrives, he headbutts Earl and tells him how much he ruined America for him, then tries to leave. Earl sneakily steals his passport so that he is forced to stay, so Earl can get him a room at the motel, and take him around to see the gravel pit, the car pile-up junkyard, the art being sold on the street, and the people at the Crab Shack. Meanwhile, Randy has moved his stuff into Catalina’s apartment just to make sure their marriage looks legitimate in case they are check on by Immigration. Randy tries to work up the courage to tell her that he really wants be a husband, and especially wants to sleep with her. However when Earl gets Catalina to tell Pierre how great America is, Randy gets jealous and thinks he is falling for her, so he strangles him and tells him to go back to France. Randy and Earl then get in a fight about this, and Earl tells Randy it is his own fault for not telling Catalina how he really feels. Randy then builds up the courage and tells her that he loves her. Catalina tells him that she loves him too, but then signals to Earl that she’s not in love with him at all. Earl finally gets in to see Pierre, who is angry about being thwarted again just when he thought he was going to score with a girl. It turns out that when Earl attacked him and told him to go back to France when they were kids, Pierre has just been ready to make out with four girls in school. Earl then realizes how to cross him off his karma list: by taking him around to see those four girls so that he can make out with each of them… as well as their teacher (Stacy Reed Payton). Earl and Pierre decide they’re now friends, and Pierre plans to come back the next time he needs a break from his wife and kids. Joy advises Catalina to sleep with Randy, but to let her mustache and armpit hair grow, and cover herself in disgusting odors so that Randy will no longer have any interest in her. She follows this advice, and they sleep together, much to Randy’s disgust. However, an unexpected thing happens when she finds him to be gentle and loving, causing her to really fall in love with him… although he is no longer interested. Jasmine Jessica Anthony is the young girl smitten by Pierre. 7/15/22 
• 040. B.L.O.W. – 2/8/2007
  • Joy finds out from her lawyer’s assistant Doug that she has a half-sister while he is looking for family members to have in court for her trial. The sister’s name is Liberty Washington (Tamala Jones), and ever since they were children, young 6-year old Joy and young Liberty (Brooklin Yearwood) have been rivals. It lasted through their adolescent Joy (Kelli Goss) and Liberty (Arreale Davis) years right on through adulthood. At that time, Earl helped Joy get back at her by swiping her credit card and going on a spending spree. Because of this, she had made his list so he and Randy go to see her. It turns out that she knew that Joy was her half-sister all along. She now is an aspiring female wrestler that goes by the name Lady Liberty, who fights in the local matches. She uses her neighbor Karen (Bess Fanning) to wrestle as the racist masked wrestler Klanimal, while Liberty’s husband Ray-Ray (DJ Qualls) portrayed Klanimal’s manager “Da Man.” Ray-Ray doesn’t like the wrestling lifestyle and wants to settle down and raise a baby, but Liberty can’t get pregnant since she’s hoping to advance her wrestling career to the Black Ladies of Wrestling – B.L.O.W. – franchise. Randy offers to take over as the new “Da Man” and they go to work on rehearsals. Meanwhile, Joy is looking for more ways to appear sympathetic to the jury, and tries to talk Darnell into getting pregnant. When he refuses, she turns to Earl, but he also refuses. However, he gets the idea that Joy could be the surrogate for Liberty and they could both get what they want. However, he knows neither will go for it because they hate each other. He tries to explain the procedure separately to each of them and then bring them together. However, as soon as Liberty sees her, they have words and she storms out. On the night of the big local matches, Earl brings the B.L.O.W. producer Mr. Saticoy (M. Darnell Suttles) to the matches. Randy assumes the role of “Da Man”, but the crowd’s boos hurt his feelings, and he leaves. As Liberty and Klanimal start to fight, Liberty realizes that she is being hurt by Klanimal, who reveals herself to actually be Joy under the mask. The match gets pretty violent as they take out their previous grievances with each other during the fight, with Liberty concentrating on all of the time that their father spent with Joy instead of Liberty. By the end of the match, Joy has sympathy for her and tries to give her a hug, but Liberty tosses her out of the ring. After the match, the two reconcile, and Joy agrees to carry Liberty and Ray-Ray’s baby. Mr. Saticoy offers them both jobs with B.L.O.W., but only Liberty accepts, and Joy soon has the baby growing inside of her. Marnie Crossen is the teacher. Jon Hughes is the man who orders Patty. Sam Menning is the homeless guy. 7/15/22
• 041. The Birthday Party – 2/15/2007
  • It’s Earl’s birthday and his intention is to celebrate with friend at the Crab Shack and to focus on all of the good deeds he’s done over the past year. However, everyone there seems to want to bring up the old times from when he was not such a good guy. Randy recalls the times he would tie his shoelaces together or pour water in his crotch while he was sleeping. His mother reminds him of the time he got drunk and came home and peed on her carpet. Crabman remembers the time that he was selling pot brownies for $5.00 and regular brownies for 25 cents. Earl and Randy swapped the price signs so that Crabman would sell all of the regular brownies and then Earl would buy the pot-laced ones for a quarter each. However, Earl and Randy got drunk and fell asleep on the pool table, so Crabman takes the pot brownies to eat with his mother while playing Scrabble. Jasper and an angry mob also attack him for selling him expensive brownies with no pot. Donnie reminds Earl how he got him hit in the head by a potted plant. Joy was pregnant and feeling bad about herself, and even more so when her female friends in the trailer park talk about being spied on by a peeping tom… and no one has bother to spy on Joy. The peeping tom turned out to be Earl, but he was actually just trying to find out the owner of a big screen TV since the local kids were playing with its box in the park. Joy wanted to tempt the peeping tom so she was having a lot of unusual sex with Earl, who then hires Donnie to do some peeping on Joy. When she sees him, Donnie tries to escape, but he is discovered by the other ladies who beat him to a pulp and hit him with the potted plant. Earl also talks about the time he went to Ladies Night at the Crab Shack and went home with one-legged Didi. It was the next morning that he discovered her fake leg in the bed, and when he does, he tries to steal from her wallet and make his escape. She catches him in the act and chases him down the street. Even Earl’s father has bad memories of Earl: he recalls a time when Earl was a kid, and he tells Earl to get his feet off the coffee table. Earl smarts off by leaving his feet a couple inches above it, causing Carl to take the coffee table away, breaking a lamp in the process. When Earl laughs at him, Carl smashes in the TV with the coffee table. Earl later visits his friend Eric (Cody Klop), whose scantily clad mother (Melody Thomas Scott) flirts with him. When Earl sees her taking ‘happy pills’ with her martini, Earl steals some and slips them into his father’s drink at his and his wife Kay’s anniversary party, causing Carl to goose female guests’ butts and try to instigate a key party. Other like DJ Dave, the Electrolarynx guy, and Slow Roger have similar stories about Earl, prompting him to simply leave the party. He heads home, but is spotted by One-legged Didi, who chase him back to his motel room. When he arrives, he finds all of his friends inside yelling ‘surprise’ and then offering their gift: to each cross one thing off of his list. Everyone was in on the surprise… except for Didi, who he waits for to leave his door before settling into the party. Carla Renata is the trailer park girl. Casey Strand is Karen of the trailer park. Samantha Larsen is the screaming tooth brusher. Susan Isaacs is Randy’s bar woman. Thomas Lumberg Jr. is party guest Mark. 11/9/22
• 042. Guess Who’s Coming Out of Joy – 2/22/2007
  • Earl relates the story of the very pregnant Joy telling Darnell that he needs to take care of the kids because she needs to lay down for the rest of her pregnancy, and of Earl finishing up an old lamp project from his Industrial Arts class in high school and nearly electrocuting himself. He recalls how he met Joy, who was pregnant at the time by a guy she met at a Dio concert, and her first introduction to Earl’s parents, who really don’t approve of the fact that she doesn’t know who the father of the baby is. Earl does his best to help Joy take care of the baby Dodge, but he and Joy begin to become stressed out by their constant fighting. While watching Montel Williams (himself) on TV, he advises that couples need to take time for themselves. Joy takes this to heart and immediately leaves the house. She goes drinking at the Crab Shack and begins an affair with Darnell “Crabman.” After having load of sex, Darnell starts asking to have a normal relationship with her, and their arguing sends Joy back to sleeping with Earl again. Joy then becomes pregnant again, and Earl is thrilled to become a father of his own baby boy. Joy realizes that the timing of her pregnancy could mean that the baby could either be his Earl’s or Darnell’s. Joy asks the doctor (Hugh B. Holub) what color the baby is. Soon enough, Earl and Joy find out that the baby is black. Joy tries to say that Earl has black in his genes, much to the offense of the African American nurse (Yolanda Snowball). Earl asks another doctor (John O’Leary) for his opinion, and he tells Earl that Joy obviously had an affair, reducing Earl to tears. He is scared to tell his parents, so he points out a different white baby at the hospital as being his… a story that falls apart when the baby’s real mother comes in and nurses him. Earl’s parents are disappointed, and Earl feels like a clown. He decides to leave Joy and have nothing to do with her kids. Darnell is scared to death that he will now be forced to take care of the kids. Earl and Randy gather up their stuff and had home to move back in. Their father then tells Earl that he needs to finish what he started and return to Joy to help raise the boys. He said that he will not have his son quit at one more thing… like he did his lamp in art class. He begins throwing Earl’s old gerbils out the window until he vows to return to Joy. Earl recalls that it was ultimately fulfilling to return to his family, as they needed him. Joy later resumed his affair with Joy, and they ultimately got married. Earl still helps out when need, doing the only good thing he ever did before he made his list. Earl finishes the lamp and gives it to his father in appreciate for showing him the way. Both parents comment on what a nice lamp it is, just before it shocks the hell out of Carl. 11/9/22
• 043. Harassed a Reporter – 4/12/2007
  • While up at night checking to see if Randy is still breathing, Earl sees reporter Nicole Moses (Leigh-Allyn Baker) on TV, far removed from her old job in prime time. He recalls the time a meth trailer blew up near them and Nicole came to report on it. Earl and Randy did their ‘crazy arms’ routine on camera behind her, and they received so much attention from their friends for it that they began following her and the news around and interrupting her reporting at every chance possible. Earl goes to the TV station and explains his karma list to her, and she decides that this might be the interesting story that can get her back into primetime. Randy is particularly excited to be a part of the story as he discovers the magic of TV and chroma key. They decide to show Earl in action as he rights one of his wrongs, but the first one on the list is the time he cost Patty a client. Realizing that Patty is a hooker, Nicole suggests they move to a different story, so they decide that Earl will build Earl Jr. and Dodge a new clubhouse after running over their old one with a car while he was drunk. Randy is disappointed when he finds out that he is not going to be included in the story. When he complains to Joy, she tells him that he needs to be his own person, and not to just be latched onto each one of Earl’s endeavors. He decides to make a list of the good things he had done, and then to go ‘wrong’ them. When he goes to the studio and appears as a ‘floating head’ thanks to the green screen in one of Nicole’s broadcasts, and then starts acting rude to Earl, he figures out that Randy is just jealous about the attention he is getting and decides to make sure that Randy will be fully credited in the story. Nicole and her team films Randy and Earl building and presenting the clubhouse to the boys, but then edits the footage to make it appear as if Earl’s good dead is all about supporting his ‘mentally disabled’ brother. Earl is crestfallen and goes to confront Nicole, who tells him that she faced a deadline and the clubhouse story wasn’t all that engaging. She tells Randy that she only did what he had been doing for years: made her look stupid on TV. Randy is thrilled that karma has suddenly taken an interest in him. Jorge Noa is TV host Nick Chavez. 4/15/23
• 044. Two Balls, Two Strikes – 4/19/2007
  • When evil local businessman Richard Chubby accidentally shoots and kills himself, his son Little Chubby (Norm MacDonald) returns to town to take over the family business. Most consider Little Chubby an even worse bully that his father. In the past Little Chubby had put a dart through Earl’s ear, thrown a customer’s head through Crabman’s jukebox, and cut off Randy’s rat tail and made Joy drink it in a glass of water. Joy insists that Earl stick up for her, so he sneaks into the bar in disguise and knees Little Chubby in the testicles. The pain is so excruciating and the cheering so tremendous that Little Chubby re-thinks his entire life. With Chubby back in town, Earl approaches him to admit that it was he who injured him. Little Chubby thanks him and tell shim that after he was kneed and heard all of the cheering, that he realized he wasn’t a well-liked person and sought to turn over a new leaf by being kind to everyone. He even invites Earl and the gang to stay on his estate along the Aboriginees he has befriended. Earl can’t think of anything more to do for Chubby… until he happens to get a look at the testicles that he had been the one to cause to swell. Earl and Randy get him in to see a doctor (Charles Robinson) who is able to drain them back to normal size. During the procedure, Chubby admits how much he misses his mother and has Earl hold his hand, stroke his hair, and sing Lynyrd Skynyrd to him. After Chubby begins making testosterone again, he starts to get his cruelness back, and once again starts to mistreat women and bully his friends. When Earl confronts him about it, he smashes a beer bottle over Earl’s head and knocks him out. When Earl wakes up, he is strapped to the backstop of a baseball field with an automatic pitcher pointed at his testicles. Earl is able to convince Chubby to be more like his mother than his father by singing Freebird to him. As the pitcher hurls the ball toward Earl, Chubby steps in and takes the ball himself. Although this puts him in a wheelchair, he returns to the kind self that he had been. Norm Johnson is the Aborigine man. 4/15/23
• 045. Get a Real Job – 5/3/2007
  • Earl adds an item to his list indicating that he had kept himself from being an adult. He first gets his G.E.D. and then starts to look for a job. After deciding that sawing up dead horses isn’t for him, he and Randy take a job unloading trucks on the dock of an Waadt Appliance store. They meet the boss, Mr. Waadt (Chelcie Ross), and the dock workers Reggie (Charles S. Dutton), Billy (Billy Gardell), and Fred (Fred Stoller). Although Earl is happy at the job, once he visits the showroom, he feels lured to try for something better up front. When he inquires about how to work up there, the guys in the back try to dissuade him from even trying because the salesmen up front, Rick (Sean Astin) and Brandon (Mackenzie Austin), have both gone to Junior College. When Mr. Waadt compliments Earl on how well he handles a customer (Polly Humphreys) up front, he tells Earl if he shows him that he wants to job bad enough, he’ll bring him to the front. Earl starts working extra hard but draws criticism from his back dock workers. Waadt notices his effort and tells him that if he can sell $5000 worth of merchandise by Sunday, he can become a salesman. Rick and Brandon are also resistant to giving Earl a chance. After they let Earl have a little old lady named Mrs. O’Leary (Pamela Kosh) as a customer and she winds up buying several items for her church, the dockers refuse to load up the merchandise. Earl does all of the loading himself in the rain, only to have the sales stolen by Rick, who says he attends Mrs. O’Leary’s church. Meanwhile, Joy is told by her lawyer’s assistant Doug that there is a very real chance she will go to prison, so she begins selling things around the trailer to help Darnell prepare for life without her. She also gets him a sex doll to take her place while she is gone. She then has a homeless man (Paul Short) smuggle her over the border to Mexico. Earl doesn’t make his sales goal due to the stolen sales, so his dock workers, impressed by Earl’s effort, each make purchases after the store closes in order to boost him to his goal. Joy arrives in Mexico and takes the job of cutting up dead horses. Jenny Fahn is the customer who likes Rick’s cologne. Cristina Maria is the Mexican worker with the horse. NOTE: This episode tied in with a promotion from Oreo, who gave out “Laugh ‘n’ Sniff” cards that were to be used in conjunction with numbers that flashed on the screen in the episode indicating when to smell. 8/23/23
• 046. The Trial – 5/10/2007
  • Earl and Randy move out of the motel now that Earl has gotten his G.E.D. and gotten a job. They move into their first apartment together, but Earl feels like something is missing from fully becoming an adult. Meanwhile, Joy runs into Duane “Dog” Chapman aka Dog the Bounty Hunter (himself) in Mexico, and then realizes that he is there to arrest her and being her back to America to stand trial. She calls Earl to come see her at the prison and gives him the task to go find character witnesses for her. Earl also stops in to see how Darnell is doing with Dodge and Earl Jr., and he is barely walking around in a trance with completely flat hair. When he sees how much Darnell misses Joy, he realizes that a female partner is what is missing in his life. He decides to look up his old girlfriend Alex Meyers and leaves a message for her. Earl begins looking for character witnesses for Joy. He tries her old friend Lulu (Irene White), her former minister (Yvans Jourdain), Catalina, and TV’s Tim Stack, but has no luck with any of them. Alex calls back and tells Earl that she’s gotten married. Earl goes to see Ruby to tell her that he hasn’t been able to find any character witnesses. When he sees her, he falls for her instantly, and she tells Earl that he’d be a great character witness. She says that even though Earl has a checkered past, the fact that he’s been working on his list will make him credible. Earl meets with Joy, Ruby, and Doug, and when Earl objects to Joy telling embarrassing stories about Earl, Joy realizes that he likes Ruby and spills the beans to her. Ruby is receptive and go out on a date to dinner and then wind up in bed together. As Ruby compliments Earl on his list, she notices that she is actually on the list herself, and Earl has noted that he “robbed a deaf girl.” She storms out, furious that Earl had stolen her cat, who actually had followed them out of her house. On the day of the trial, Ruby is still furious with Earl. Darnell brings lemon squares to the proceedings, but accidentally gives Doug the ones in which he hid a razor for Joy to shave her legs. When he bites into it, the razor cuts his tongue and he is unable to translate, necessitating another translator (Nancy Yee) who speaks only Mandarin Chinese, and Mandarin Chinese interpreter Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop. The prosecutor (Larry Clarke) seems to have a rock-solid case. but Ruby is able to discredit the fingerprints, photos, and witnesses. Earl is put on the stand and tells glowing stories of all of the good things that Joy had done in her life until he feels he had captured them. However, the prosecuting attorney then plays dozens of 9-1-1 calls that Earl had placed every time Joy tried to kill him or someone else. All Earl can think about is that it will be his words that split up her family, so he surprises everyone by confessing to the crime since he had no family and had no prior convictions. He sees it as paying back for all of the things he was never caught for, and even Ruby tells him how much character this act took. When it comes time for sentencing, Judge Miller (Don Perry) states that it took courage to do what he did, but since it took so long, he considers him a piece of trash and sentences him to two years in prison. He realizes he has given up Ruby, his apartment, his job, and his list. When he gets into the cell, he winds up sharing it with Ralph Mariano, who tells him that he has just ticked off a skinhead, who will soon be coming after them. Rob McCabe is the bailiff. Mio Takada is the Asian father at the motel. 8/26/23

SEASON 3

• 047 & 048. My Name Is Inmate #28301-016 – 9/27/2007
  • Earl is put in prison for two years for the confession he made in court to prevent Joy from having to serve time. He is placed in a cell with Ralph Mariano and assigned the inmate number 28301-016. During his first night in the cell, Ralph escapes through a hole behind a Dolly Parton poster. Earl is then moved to the much rougher General Population dorm where he is forced to sleep in a room full of prisoners. Randy, Darnell, and Catalina come to visit him, but Joy feels too guilty about Earl going to prison for her. She spends her time trying to make him something crafty to pay him back but struggles to come up with anything. Earl tries to find a prison gang to join so that he isn’t as vulnerable, but he quickly gets kicked out of the white supremacist gang when he tries to suggest that they don’t really need to shave their head. He joins up with the elderly gang, but when a big guy tries to steal Whiskey Pete’s (Bill Macy) snack nuts, Earl punches Pete instead of risking a fight with the big guy. Joy finally shows up and presents Earl with a quilt, but when he doesn’t ask as enthused as she wants him too, she yells at him for making her feel guilty. Randy has a ton of questions saved up to ask Earl how to do simple things on the outside, so Earl tells Joy she can repay him if they let Randy come live with them. Earl then meets up with his old friend named Sonny, whom he used to play Beer Can Tag with. Sonny teaches Earl how to be invisible in prison, mostly by sitting behind fat guys. He also teaches him not to take any favors from any other prisoners, as it will cause him to owe a return favor. Earl then spots a guy named Glen Shipley (Ben Foster), who Earl once got into trouble when they were kids. Earl took advantage of him being a Camden Scout and had young Glen help him break into a house. Glen was attacked by dogs inside the house, and then got arrested, leading to a series of prison fights, more arrests, more fights, and more arrests. Although Glen was on Earl’s karma list, he decides to stay away from him in the interest of survival. Sonny also owes Glen a favor, so he points out Earl in the prison yard. When Glen spots Earl, he tries to attack him, but winds up getting caught and thrown into the outdoor hot box. Earl winds up getting thrown into the hot box as well when he accidentally knocks over some officers’ Jenga game. Although Glen tries to attack him by digging under the fence between them, Earl offers to pay him back some other non-violent way. Glen agrees they will be even if Earl makes him a shiv, so when they get out, Earl makes one from a pair of glasses. However, when he gives it to Glen, he stabs Earl in the arm with it. Joy struggles with Randy not knowing how to do anything including looking both ways before crossing the street, deciding what to eat, and going to sleep without a bedtime story. She decides to employ tough love and deliver him consequences for everything he doesn’t do right. Earl realizes that Glen always gets into fights right before he is about to be paroled and understands that it is because he is afraid to return to the outside because no one will trust him. This was how Glen was treated after getting after juvenile hall when he was first put in. Realizing that he really did cost Glen his life in prison, Earl offers to do something for him. Glen tells him that he never got his Honor Sash in Camden Scouts because he was sent to juvie, so Earl offers to help him. He just needs the badges in archaeology and natural sciences. In order to get permission from the gang’s that controlled the necessary areas for digging in the yard and bug collecting, Earl had to make deals with various gang members. Most of the favors asked of Earl are impossible to pay back, but Earl makes the deals anyway. He then finds that the prison is full of Scout Masters, and Earl achieves his Honor Sash. In addition, Glen earns his parole and is able to leave prison. Glen is so proud of being a Camden Scout again that he turns the other cheek when a teenager (Doyle Stack) sees him in his uniform and taunts him. Everyone in the prison is so happy that Earl got Glen out of prison, since he was the one causing all of the lockdowns, that they forgive Earl’s debts to them. Joy has much success with Randy, and he becomes a man ready to make decision on his own. Randy decides he wants to be in prison with Earl, so he breaks a car window and steals the car, drawing obvious attention to it so he will get caught. Bill Henderson is the old black man, Charlie. Michael Bailey Smith is the skinhead who wants Earl’s steak. Victor Varnado is the albino gang leader. Bennet Guillory is the corrections officer who says visiting time is over. Joey “Coco” Diaz is the inmate who offers Earl a candy bar. Andy Mackenzie is the inmate with the imaginary dog Simon. Josh Wolf is the Bargain Bag worker. Keith Oney is the skinhead with the black grandfather and wants a day to himself. Edward “Grapevine” Fordham, Jr. is the large black inmate with dead flesh in his back wound. Camden Garcia is young Glen. Roger Burton is the old guy Skinny John. Angel Oquendo is the prison medic. 12/18/23 
• 049. The Gangs of Camden County – 10/4/2007
  • While clipping his toenails Earl is told by the guard Ron (Larry Joe Campbell) that he needs to speak to Warden Jerry Hazelwood (Craig T. Nelson), who gives him a special certificate for the work he did to help Glen Shipley make his parole, along with the bonus of one week off of his prison sentence. Hazelwood had only been appointed the warden because his wife, Governor Katherine Hazelwood (Dee Wallace), becomes tires of him playing Guitar Hero around the house and embarrassing her in front of their company. He has struggled with making mistakes, including having prisoners create ladders, which they used to escape. The warden had also tried to resolve the gang conflict by putting their two leaders Hector (Rigo Sanchez) and Jamal (Page Kennedy) into solitary confinement together to resolve their issues. However, when they let them out, they were fighting as much as ever. Hazelwood tells Earl that if he can resolve their issue, he would give him another certificate, which will include a month off of his sentence. Meanwhile, back home, Randy tries to get arrested by stealing a car, but after three days, no one arrests him. He tries to tell a policeman (Edward James Gage) that he’s a serial killer, then hits the policeman. He does get arrested, but Joy bails him out and tells him that this will never send him to prison. Randy and Joy come to see Earl, but they keep fighting, so Earl makes them say one nice thing about each other. He then tries to employ this same tactic with Hector and Jamal and is surprised when he finds out that they are in love when they start kissing. It turns out that the time in solitary confinement did in fact bring them together after all. However, since one is Mexican and one is black, they don’t think they can be together, so they arrange gang fights so they can have time to touch each other under the pretense of fighting. Randy, who misses Earl unbearably, begins studying on how to become a prison guard so that they can be reunited with his brother. Earl puts the smell of Jamal’s clothes on Hector’s pillow, then causes Jamal to have a wet t-shirt out in the prison yard. He also gives Jamal an ice cream push-up so that Hector will watch him eat it. Randy takes his test to become a guard, but the instructor (Jerry Hauck) tells him that he scored a 55%. When Earl can’t get Hector and Jamal back together, Hector tries to commit suicide by running into the electric fence. Jamal saves him by making it look like he is beating him. Earl convinces the warden to let the two men use his office to /work out the gangs’ differences’. Earl earns another month off of his sentence. He realizes that if two people want to be together enough, they’ll make it happen. Just then Randy shows up in his guard uniform since 55% was the highest score that they had had all year. Doug Wax is the guard who lets the gang leaders out of solitary. Terrence Edwards is Jamal’s gang member with the spoon. 4/26/24 
• 050. The Frank Factor – 10/11/2007
  • While Joy is visiting Earl with a care package at prison, they spot an inmate named Frank Stump (Michael Rapaport), who they knew from the old days when they had just been kicked out of their house by their parents hiring an exterminator (Duane Shepard Sr.) to spray it. At the same time, Joy was getting thrown out of her parents’ house when she finds out that she’d been knocked up. While Earl and Randy are sleeping on a discarded couch on the curb of a couple’s house, Joy is moving into a smelly motel and looking for a sugar daddy. Earl finds an ad put up by Frank looking to share a trailer, where Earl and Randy will live in the kitchen along with Frank and his roommate Paco (Raymond Cruz), who is lamenting his lost love Catalina, who is living in Mexico as a maid with her mother (Julia Vera). Earl looked up to Frank because he had an El Camino and had a good job working in the Crab Shack. Meanwhile, Darnell, who was still known as Harry Monroe, is going through training in the Witness Protection training from an FBI agent instructor. Earl and Randy meet the hooker Patty, who is milking a Japanese businessman named Yoshimitsu (Ken Takemoto), and Earl gets the idea to steal his fancy watch so that he can pay the rent. At the same time, Joy is in the Crab Shack trying to seduce TV personality Timothy Stack. When Earl and Randy break into Yoshimoto’s motel, where they are surprised that Frank and Paco have also broken in to steal his watch. In the ensuing fight, Randy knocks out Paco. In the next room at the motel, Tim Stack has dressed up like a baby with a pacifier, so Joy tells him things aren’t going to work out. The guys all sell the watch for a $1000 and split it four ways. Frank and Paco plan to invest their money in guns that they can use to rob a casino during a performance of Howie Mandel (himself). Elsewhere, Darnell is talked into grinding off his fingerprints by the FBI agent, and then after he’s done, he is told that it was optional. Catalina and her mother work with a Coyote (Alejandro Patino) to smuggle them out of Mexico but are told that it will cost one of them their liver. The guys plan out the casino robbery, which involves guns and costumes. On the night before it is to take place, Earl gets drunk at the Crab Shack, meets Joy for the first time, and they have a quick wedding. He tells Randy, who is dressed as a stereotypical Indian, to go on the robbery without him. After their honeymoon, Joy and Earl return to the trailer, where Randy has forgotten to go on the robbery. Back in the present, Earl catches up with Frank, who tells them that the robbery went off smoothly and they had made a killing, and then ended up taking Howie Mandel as a hostage. The FBI agent sends Darnell on his way by dropping him off in Mexico, where he runs into Catalina on the road. Paco sees them on the side of the road and crashes into the FBI van that just dropped off Darnell. Frank is now doing twenty years in prison for the crime. Joy realizes that if she hadn’t married Earl, he would have been in prison for twenty years. She now thinks that Earl owes her since she saved him eighteen years of prison time. 4/26/24
• 051. Creative Writing – 10/18/2007
  • Earl talks about how prisoners feel trapped, but recognizes that Randy, Joy, Darnell, and Catalina also feel trapped in their own ways. Earl thinks he can alleviate some of this feeling by taking a course on Prison Creative Writing, in which the teacher (Jill Basey) assigns everyone to write a story. Sonny has no problem starting on his composition about a male gymnast that he beats up. Earl draws a blank, and even when he closes his eyes to imagine, he comes up with a white blank room, although Sonny’s gymnast (Daniel Taylor) keeps making unwanted appearances. When Randy finds out about the assignment, he starts writing his own story about being a superhero crimefighter assisted by H.R. Pufnstuf (Van Snowden) and a monkey named Richard. In the story, he gets a call from Commissioner Darnell that Earl is in trouble at the crab shack. He and Catalina are being held captive by crime lord Kevin the Unicorn Man. Randy and H.R. get shrunk and crawl in under the door. They manage to fight off all of the evil ninjas, only to find that one of them is Joy. He says he’d never hurt a lady, but since Joy is no lady, he breaks her neck. Inspired by Randy, Earl tries to imagine again, only to find the gymnast. Meanwhile, Joy is feeling trapped by Randy and her kids making messes. She escapes in her own imagination, where she dreams of an animated world in which flies away with her kids to show her how they will end up if they don’t start buckling down, using Earl as the example of a dummy who gets hit by a train and is decapitated. Then she returns to the mobile home to show her how a lazy guy like Randy who doesn’t clean up after himself and starts attracting everything and begins rolling along and picking up everything that sticks to him along the way. He gets so large that he rolls off the Earth and winds up on God’s desk, where he is promptly squished by God with his coffee mug. In reality, she then sends her kids off to clean up under threat of being killed by God. Darnell is inspired by Joy’s imagination and comes up with song about saving the crabs from death. He performs the tune Please Respect the Meat, with all of his friends participating. Catalina is inspired by this and comes up with her own story, inspired by dubbed Spanish-speaking soap operas called Catalina: Woman of a Thousand Tears. In the story, she is happy that she can stop her dancing because she will now have enough money to pay for her kidnapped brother’s freedom. Then she plans to marry her true love Javier (Miguel Varoni), who doesn’t know that Catalina dances to raise money. Joy, who is jealous that Catalina is prettier than her, takes Javier to see Catalina dance. The forces Javier to call Catalina a cheap tramp, but she explains that she is only dancing to raise money to save her brother. Javier forgives her and tells her that dancing isn’t as bad as being a maid in a motel. Back at the prison, Earl continues to try and come up with his own story from his imagination. Finally, he gives up trying to come up with something interesting or cool, but instead he starts writing down the only thing that would make him happy: sitting down at the table with Randy, Joy, Darnell, and Catalina and having chicken wings and beer. When he reads his story, he gets a standing ovation from his class. John Edmund Parcher is the strange guy stalking Joy. 9/13/24
• 052. Frank’s Girl – 10/25/2007
  • The prisoners all get ready for conjugal day with their wives, girlfriends, or pen pal strangers. Frank is in the hotbox, so he sends Earl to find his girlfriend, Billie Cunningham (Alyssa Milano), to tell her how much he loves and misses her, giving Earl a nude photo of her with her wing tattoos visible. Meanwhile, a very pregnant Joy has an accident and poops her pants at the Crab Shack. Catalina walks in on her and sees her in a disgusting position and snaps a photo of her to use for blackmail. Randy takes Earl to meet with Billie, who is furious when Frank doesn’t show up. She gets even angrier when Earl mentions seeing the photo of her tattoos and tells Earl that she is breaking up with Frank. Having had his old list confiscated, Earl starts a new list of things for which to atone on a pillowcase, and it includes making Frank’s girl dump him. When Earl tells Frank the news, he is inconsolable. Earl decides to try and find Frank a new girlfriend, so he starts writing letters to women on the Convict Match website. Meanwhile, at Darnell’s suggestions, Joy tries to be nice to Catalina by buying her a pinata, but only offers the stick to break it in exchange for her phone. Catalina insists that she will keep the pinata, the phone, and the stick, or else she would start showing the picture. Earl has good luck with the Convict Match site and arranges for two women to come see them. Frank gets a very attractive blonde girl named Lucy (Fiona Gubelmann), while Earl gets a transsexual named Annie (John Farley). While Annie and Earl chat, Frank and Lucy go back to the bedroom, but when Frank tries to get something sharp to pierce Lucy’s belly button so that she will look more like Billie, Earl stops them and tells him that he is going to try and get Billie back for her. Joy steals Catalina’s phone and deletes the photo from it, but it doesn’t work since Catalina has already downloaded the photo. Earl takes a nude photo of Frank and then has it displayed on a billboard with the caption, “Take Me Back Billie. I LOVE YOU.” The plan works, and Billie shows up to see Frank. Earl stops in to see Billie before Frank gets to her and finds out that she had re-enrolled in Nursing school after having quit once she had met Frank and joined his life of crime. She tells Earl that now that she is back with Frank, she is going to have to miss her classes to come see Frank and will likely have to drop out of school for a while. Earl tells Frank that as much as he wants Frank, but if he really loves her, he will let her go so that she can live the life she deserves. Joy sends Catalina some cookies filled with laxatives, causing her to have to rush off the stage while she is dancing. Joy then takes an equally compromising photo of her on the toilet, which once again evens the playing field. Frank does the right thing and breaks it off with her, and after he does it, he feels like he did the right thing for the first time in his life. Earl can’t stop thinking about Billie, someone like him who is finally doing good things after years of doing bad. Bobby Wolfe is the prisoner with the throat scar. Dot-Marie Jones is his conjugal letter writer. Big Jim Calloway is James, the inmate who tattoos Frank. Cristos is the tattooed inmate who find the bottom half of Billie’s picture. 9/13/24

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