SEASON 1 – NBC
Created by Allan Burns and Chris Hayward
Theme song composed and conducted by Ralph Carmichael, written and sung by Paul Hampton
- 001. Come Honk Your Horn – 9/14/1965
- While browsing a California car lot, lawyer David Crabtree (Jerry Van Dyke) comes across a 1928 Porter jalopy that seems to speak to him through the radio in his late mother Gladys’ (voiced by Ann Sothern) voice. Soon Dave is convinced that his mother, who had died in 1949, had been reincarnated as the Porter. He buys the car for $200 and brings it home, attempting to explain to his wife Barbara (Maggie Pierce) and children Randy (Randy Whipple) and Cindy (Cindy Eilbacher) that the car is his mother. Barb wants no part of it and insists he sell the car, and an attempt at convincing Barb that the car is Dave’s mother fails because she will not talk to anyone but Dave. Meanwhile an antiques collector named Captain Bernard Manzini (Avery Schreiber) pursues Dave in hopes that he will sell him the car, gradually upping his offer from $400 to $1000. Dave gets the car cleaned up and painted, but Barb still insists that he sell it. She enthusiastically accepts Manzini’s offer of $1000, but Dave convinces her that if they hold out, they will get more. The family enjoys a night out in the car, and Gladys tells her son what a wonderful homecoming she had. George N. Neiser is the salesman. 11/18/15
- 002. The De-Fenders – 9/21/1965
- When Dave’s neighbor Phil Durkin (Bill Daily) tells him about the car-strippers in the area, Dave starts to get worried that his mother/car is going to fall prey. He spends a sleepless night trying to leave the light on in the garage, putting on and removing two locks on the garage, and rigging an alarm contraption that ties to his big toe – all to the chagrin of Barb. Eventually Dave decides he needs to spend the night in the garage, and soon his entire family has joined him. One officer (Don Haggerty) finds the entire scenario strange, but once he realizes that it is Dave Crabtree he is dealing with, he lets it slide. The next morning the family wakes up in the garage only to find that their house has been robbed while they slept. Phil finds it all funny, until he realizes that his car was stripped overnight. 11/18/15
- 003. What Makes Auntie Freeze – 9/28/1965
- Barbara attends the wedding of her friend Marcia (Joyce Taylor) in the mountaintop city of Skycrest. Marcia’s uncle Rex will be in attendance as well and may be offering Dave a job. Despite promising Barbara that he’d take a bus, Dave takes the Porter and struggles with the cold and steep elevation. He stops at a filling station where he runs afoul of another customer (Thomas Browne Henry), and is advised by the attendant (Harvey Gardner) to fill the tank with antifreeze. This gets his mother drunk and causes her to weave all over the road. Dave is pulled over by the Sheriff (Paul Bryar) and his Deputy Oliver Woods (Alvy Moore) who are surprised when Dave can pass all sobriety tests. Dave stops at a diner and pours a tank of coffee into his mother. He is pulled over again and finds out that Rexford P. Osgoode has also been arrested and accused of bribing the officers. Osgood is ‘Uncle Rex’ and the customer who Dave had problems with at the gas station. Dave ends up trying to defend Osgood to Judge Beane (Bob Jellison) – who also happens to be the town barber – while getting a haircut and shave. Dave loses the case, but miraculously makes it to the wedding. Driving home he and Barbara accept that Dave may not be executive material, while filling his mother with tomato juice to nurse her hangover. Kai Hernandez is the waitress. 12/27/15
- 004. Lassie, I Mean Mother, Come Home – 10/5/1965
- The Porter falls asleep and glides into the truck of Pedro & Pedro, used car salesmen from Chapultepec, Mexico, who are surprised to find the additional car in their inventory when they arrive home. Dave initially thinks that Captain Manzini has stolen the car, but Manzini takes pity on Dave and not only tries to help him find the car by reporting the theft to the police Sergeant (Larry J. Blake) and sketch artist (Richard Clair), but also becomes his new friend “Jerome.” Back in Mexico, the two Pedros (Jose Gonzales-Gonzales, Nacho Galindo) become concerned that the car is stolen and attempt to destroy it. Mother speaks to them to stop, and gets them to drive away, but the men get scared and jump out of the car. She is picked up by a young boy named Pancho (Larry Domasin) with a burro, who drives off with her. Mother hitches a ride until she finds a drunk man named Abernathy (George Cisar) to drive her on home. Dave is relieved to get her, but Manzini turns back to his old ways of hounding Dave to sell her to him, thus ending their temporary friendship. Norm Grabowski is the auto wrecker. James Sikking is the doctor. 12/28/15
- 005. Burned at the Steak – 10/12/1965
- Acting on advice from Mother to be more like his father, Dave gets involved in the lives of newlywed neighbors Fred (Charles Grodin) and Suzy (Peggy Miller), who have separated after Fred is served a barrage of mediocre meals. Dave tries to make Suzy feel better and ends up acting as her lawyer, which leads Fred to believe they are having an affair. Dave pursues trying to get them back together, although Dave’s lawyer Nick Fitch (Lee Van Cleef) tries to keep Dave away from his client. Dave arranges for Suzy to invite Fred over for dinner so they can be friends, and then brings food over that Barbara has cooked. This goes well until Dave is caught delivering a pie, which Fred delivers to Dave’s face. During the divorce proceedings, Dave uses reverse psychology to get Fred to admit that he loves Suzy, resulting in them getting back together. The judge (Harmon Stevens) tells Dave that he really saw glimpses of Dave’s father legal flair in court. 3/2/16
- 006. I’m Through Being a Nice Guy – 10/19/1965
- Captain Manzini has plans to steal the Porter by hiring henchmen Inge (Barbara Bain), Pitt (Arthur Gould-Porter), and Jennay (Fernando Roca) to swipe it and substitute a replica Porter that is rigged to blow up and destroy everything but the driver. Before enacting his plan Operation Unscrupulous, he makes a last ditch effort to bestow gifts on the Crabtree family, including a pot of chili con carne that Dave loves, and then offer him $1500 for the car. When Dave refuses, Manzini makes a big production about going to Phoenix so he will have an alibi, even having a man (Harmon Stevens) in Phoenix tell Dave his location over the phone. The three thieves then set about their plan, while a confused Dave who is suffering the pains from the chili, sees the Porter first outside the garage, then sees two Porters side-by-side. Mother intervenes and swaps places with the fake Porter, causing the thieves to load up the fake Porter and take it back to Manzini… where it promptly explodes as soon as Manzini gets inside of it. 3/3/16
- 007. Lights, Camera, Mother – 10/26/1965
- Dave’s neighbor Ernie Stewart (Peter Leeds) is circulating a petition to have Dave’s Porter removed because it is an eyesore. Meanwhile an advertising agency executive named Duane McVey (Stanley Adams) representing the Stops on a Dime company wants to use the Porter in a TV commercial, as it still has the original brakes installed. Dave takes the car to Doc Benson (Harry Holcombe) for a check-up, and then gets to work with her to practice stopping on a dime, a task which proves impossible until Dave wipes off her headlights. The crew shows up at 5am and tries to arrange the house and family to be authentic. The director Todd Millstone (Michael Quinn) even replaces Dave with another actor named Freddie (Scott Graham), as well as the house decor, and the rest of the family and dog Moon, while Ernie interrupts the filming. The crew then restore the house and family back to the original, with Dave now driving the Porter as the family awaits his return and throwing a dime into the driveway. The Porter then crashes into the house, as its brakes have fallen out. The commercial airs anyway, inviting customers to not wait 37 years to have their brakes repaired. Ernie is sued by the advertising company for the damage he caused during the commercial… and Dave is representing them. John Willis is the commercial announcer. Richard Jury is makeup man Chick Flagg. 6/10/16
- 008. The Captain Manzini Grand Prix – 11/2/1965
- Manzini challenges his think tank at Manzini Enterprises to come up with a plan to get him the Porter, but when they can think of nothing, he puts them through a rigorous game of ‘musical employment’ firing Hockstader (Hal Taggart), De Muth (Robert Carson), and Brokaw (Sam Flint), and eventually leaving Meeks (Byron Foulger) as the last man standing. Meeks comes up with the vague plan to try to win the car in the race. Dave refuses every offer for the gamble, no matter whether Manzini offers to ride on a scooter, a skateboard, or have him race against power walker Pinky Trotter (Joseph R. Ryan). Gladys gets offended about the walker and orders Dave to accept the challenge, even though she is only topping out at 9 MPH. Dave accepts the bet of the Porter vs. $2000, forcing Manzini to sign a no-cheating agreement. Manzini cheats anyway by shooting a hole in the tire of the Porter, simulating a fake railroad crossing, and buying the gas station so that Dave can’t refuel and has to push the car for the last leg of the race. Although they are neck and neck, Trotter ends up winning, and Dave is forced to sign over the Porter. Dave tries to invoke the no-cheating contract, but Manzini has signed it in disappearing ink. However Dave realizes that he too has singed the ownership papers with the same pen. Back at the office, Manzini forces Meeks to play the ‘musical employment’ game. 6/10/16
- 009. TV or Not TV – 11/9/1965
- Mother does so well at answering questions on the game show Stump the Experts, she asks to get her own TV in the garage. He has his mechanic Willman (Harold Peary) hook a remote control to the car battery so he doesn’t have to be bothered to change the channels. Dave also sends in the answer to one of the questions on the show on her behalf and she not only wins 1000 gallons of gas, but “Mrs. David Crabtree” gets invited to be on the show for the change to win for a giant mystery prize. Dave talks Barb into going on the show, with the promise that he’ll get her the answers to the questions. During the show, Dave goes outside to get the answer from his mother, but gets locked out of the studio. Although he climbs up to the ceiling window, he cannot get her the answer before the time runs out, and they miss out on the grand prize of a new car. However the consolation prize is a new color TV, which is all Barb had wanted in the first place. Lee Zimmer is the show’s emcee. Dennis Turner is panelist Mordecai Fish. 8/27/16
- 010. My Son, the Ventriloquist – 11/16/1965
- When Mother overheats, Dave considers putting an air conditioner in the car pointing toward the engine, even before putting an air conditioner in the house. However Barb and the kids plead for their own air conditioner, and Dave thinks he can pull it off if he lands new client Franklyn Hotchkiss (Harold Peary). Hotchkiss favors Dave because he is unaggressive and can play the banjo at his party. Dave however takes his mother’s advice and acts aggressive and turns off Hotchkiss and his partner Herman Elvine (Willis Bouchey). Dave nearly wins him back by showing off his ‘ventriloquist’ skills with Mother’s talking being his secret method. Dave agrees to perform at Hotchkiss’s party with Mother’s help, but Hotchkiss insists on picking up Dave and driving him to the party. Dave goes through a horrible routine with a dummy named Fifi, before Mother is finally able to break free of the garage and drive herself to the party where she helps Dave with his act. Dave is able to buy both air conditioners, but Mother catches a cold, and his family get his to turn off and they end up having to bundle up. Rock band The Spats perform the song Baby, Hold Me Tight at the party. 8/27/16
- 011. My Son, the Judge – 11/23/1965
- Dave is offered a job as a judge in Domestic Relations Court, which excites him and his family. His mother knows the pair who are going to interview him, Councilwoman McFee (Florida Friebus) and Horace Congrieve (Bartlett Robinson), and encourages him to act very proper and sophisticated. Dave drills his family to act in such a manner and then agrees to take the kids rollerskating. Dave put the skates on but can’t get them back off when the skate key breaks. His neighbor Phil (now played by Dave Willock), who is anxious for Dave to become judge so he can fix his parking tickets, tries to help him get the skates off in the kitchen while Barb tries to stall McFee and Congrieve in the living room. Just when he resigns to being caught, Captain Manzini shows up and offers to help him get the skates off in exchange for the Porter. When Dave refuses, Mazini welds the skates together. When Mazini gets burnt by the blow torch, it causes a chain reaction that leads to McFee and Congrieve getting pies in the face. Dave later acknowledges that he was only being interviewed as a courtesy, and the judgeship has gone to someone else. Dave has the skate removed by the fire department, Phil is no longer willing to do Dave any favors, and Manzini makes a final offer that is declined. 11/17/16
- 012. And Leave the Drive-In to Us – 11/30/1965
- On her birthday, Dave’s mother wants to go the drive-in movies to see Surf Beach Drag Strip starring her favorite actor Sonny Tufts. Despite the cold weather, Dave loads up his family and they head out. With Barb in the restroom and the kids getting snacks, Dave moves the car when his mother can’t see the movie around a truck. While everyone is trying to reconnect, Moon chases a man’s (George Barrows) cat through the theater and causes havoc. When the wind kicks up, they attempt to put the top up and it get stuck. The theater manager (Frank Faylan), who is encouraging them to leave, tries to help them, and the Porter runs over his bicycle and another man’s (Ed Deemer) foot. Everyone eventually leaves except for the Crabtrees, but despite pleas from the manager and the projectionist (Herbie Faye), Dave wants to stay so his mother can see Sonny Tufts. Finally when it starts to snow, Dave decides to leave, but Mother refuses to start and flattens her tires… but when Dave threatens a tow truck, she re-inflates. The picture finally ends, and they notice one other car in the theater… containing Sonny Tufts (himself) himself, who thanks them for staying through the end of the movie. 11/17/16
- 013. For Whom the Horn Honks – 12/7/1965
- Manzini has nightmares about trying to possess the 1928 Porter and comes up with an idea in the middle of the night which he shares with his butler Trembley (Jack Raine). He surrounds himself with the fake Dr. Kadigan (Del Close), fake nurses, a fake mother (Mathew McCue) and spreads the word to Doc Bensen. When Doc tells Dave about it, Dave rushes to see the bedridden Manzini, where he hears from Kadigan that Manzini’s melancholia illness stems from an extreme disappointment from not getting what he wants. Gladys is skeptical so she sends Dave back to check on him again, but Manzini is able to jump back into bed in time to fool him again. Dave agrees to sign over the car until Manzini’s passing, and after he does, Manzini reveals the ruse to a furious Dave. The first night of ownership the Porter’s horn goes off incessantly in his bedroom so he calls Bensen, who relays the message to Dave. He shows up in disguised as Billy Joe Tucker, a backwoods night mechanic, who fixes the car once, then has to return when the lights keep flashing. When the Porter seemingly comes alive as “The Avenger” and accuses him of being a thief, Manzini flees. Trembley suggests that he return the car to Dave, which he does in addition to hiring a medicine man to keep the Avenger away from him. 2/20/17
- 014. Hey Lady, Your Slip Isn’t Showing – 12/14/1965
- Dave’s mother-in-law Mrs. Netwick (Paula Winslowe) comes for a visit and is manipulated by Captain Manzini to track down the pink slip to the Porter, offering to replace their car with a new stationwagon if he can acquire it. Mother overhears this and tells Dave so he too searches for the pink slip. All parties bribe the children to help as well, and unbeknownst to anyone it is actually located under the phone and winds up in the trash, then gets carried around by Moon. Manzini is watching all of this from inside the closets and cupboards of the house, and after retrieving it from Moon underneath the Porter, Mother deflates her tires and traps Manzini and Dave is able to get the slip back. 2/27/17
- 015. Many Happy No-Returns – 12/21/1965
- With Christmas approaching, Dave and Barb decide to buy themselves gifts instead of for each other. Barb buys herself an ‘manicurizer’, and Dave, who actually wanted a combination AM/FM radio and electric shaver with a built in stereo recording of The Barber of Seville, takes the advice of his mother and buys Barb the manicurizer and forgoes his own gift. Meanwhile Dave and Barb are taking art classes and they each volunteer to donate their work – Dave’s painting Twilight Dream and Barb’s sculpture The Head of the Future – to a charity auction. Worried that no one will bid on their spouse’s piece, both Dave and Barb return the manicurizers and Dave enlists Phil to bid on Barb’s work, and Barb enlists her friend Helen (Chris Noel) to bid on Dave’s. When their teacher Mr. Cheskin (Del Close) auctions them off, the ruse works for both… until Barb catches Dave and Phil burying her sculpture, and Nancy returns the painting because it is so ugly. They reconcile and are both surprised to find the gifts they wanted under the tree on Christmas morning… gifts from Dave’s mother. Lois Roberts is the saleslady. Jan Reeves is the woman who assists Helen. 8/16/17
- 016. Shine On, Shine On, Honeymoon – 12/28/1965
- After eight years of not having a honeymoon, Dave’s mom suggests that he take her one… which seemingly will work out because Barb’s mother-in-law is coming and could watch the kids. Initially she is willing until she realizes that their horoscope indicates that something bad will happen if they go. Dave and Barb decide to go anyway, so Mrs. Netwick goes through numerous schemes to stop them: pretending that Moon has run away, that Cindy and Randy are missing, and then hiring an actor named Bates (Herb Ellis) to portray a gangster breaking into their house. Things are complicated further when a representative of the Mirimar hotel they booked named Manfred Heckendorn (Stuart Nisbet) shows up and awards them numerous baby products for being the 1000th couple to reserve the honeymoon suite. When Bates thinks that Barb is pregnant, he can’t bring himself to continue the facade. Finally Mrs. Netwick pretends that she herself is lost, but when Dave locates her and tries to force her to come back home, he is arrested by an officer (George Ford) and is thrown in jail with a cell full of bums (among them, Mathew McCue, Joe Ploski, Wally West). Barb bails him out, and Dave goes home and ties everyone up so that they can leave. As they are pulling out, Mother Netwick slips on a skateboard and breaks her ankle, finally forcing them to stay home and go to the Lawrence Welk Festival. 8/16/17
- 017. I Remember Mama, Why Can’t You Remember Me? – 1/4/1966
- While running errands downtown, the Porter is hit in the bumper by a truck and causes Gladys to lose her memory. The truck driver (Buddy Garion) hears Dave calling to his mother and calls an ambulance. Dave convinces the ambulance driver (Bruce Todd) and police officer (Norman Grabowski) that they are being filmed for a gag TV show, then takes her back home. She has no memory of Dave, and he tries various methods of trying to cure her amnesia: having Doc Benson check her over, showing her photo albums and home movies, performing old cheers and songs from his youth, ices her down, and shocks her with electric, but nothing seems to work. She is mostly standoffish, but then suggest that Dave run into her bumper with a tow truck. He brakes before he hits her but manages to knock himself out. Her worry for her son causes her to suddenly regain her memory. The police officer later pulls Dave over and tells him how excited he is for his TV debut. 2/4/18
- 018. Goldporter – 1/11/1966
- Just when Dave thinks that Captain Manzini has given up trying to acquire the Porter, while he is visiting his Uncle Louie (Bruno VeSota) from the covert underground operation DURK, who assigns his henchman Droog (Fuji) to assist in drugging Dave with Hypnozine into a state of hypnosis that will ensure he sells Manzini the car. It works and Dave accepts his offer of $1500, which also thrills Barbara who takes Dave to a car salesman (Milton Frome) to purchase a new car. As he is about to sign the contracts for both cars, the Hypnozine wears off and he cancels the deal. Manzini and Droog drug him again when he and Barbara eat out at a restaurant, but when Dave signs the registration, Manzini accidentally burns it on a flaming shish kebab. Mother figures out that Dave is being drugged and takes him to the Department of Health, where he receives the antidote. One more attempt is made with a pen full of Hypnozie, but Mother again gets him back to the Department of Health. Irritated at Manzini’s failures, Louie gives him a dozen rings containing an even stronger agent that will last three days for which there is not antidote. Dave disguises himself as Manzini in order to get a ring from Droog, and when he and Manzini shake hands, they inject each other, making them both willing to give up the Porter. For added fun, they shake hands with Droog. 2/4/18
- 019. The Incredible Shrinking Car – 1/18/1966
- Scientist Dr. Goff (William Glover) has crated a molecular compressor capable of shrinking and then enlarging pieces of matter, and tries to plead for more funding for the program from a congressman (Bruno VeSota). This comes to Manzini’s attention and he is able to buy one from Goff. After threatening Dave that he will resort to drastic measures if he doesn’t sell him the Porter, he shrinks it down to the size of a toy car. Dave still refuses to sell, and after Randy trades the Porter for another talking toy, Dave and his mother hatch a plan to send her in to investigate what Manzini used to shrink her. Once she learns that the compressor has a reverse function, she tells Dave. He tells Manzini that he is willing to sell, but when he enters he tries to point the compressor at the Porter, and ends up breaking it. With Dave and Manzini both depressed that they’ll never be able to restore it, Manzini offers to give him the money anyway. Goff visits Manzini at Dave’s house and tells him that the compressor only lasts for 24 hours, which is the cue for the Porter to restore itself in the kitchen where Randy is playing with it. Dave takes her apart to get her out of the house, but puts her back together backwards with the gas tank where the radiator should be. Gertrude Astor is the old lady on the bus. Norman Grabowski is Manzini’s assistant Cato. 10/22/18
- 020. I’d Rather Do It Myself, Mother – 1/25/1966
- When Dave and Barb nearly send the kids off to school on a Saturday, they realize that their lives have become too busy and chaotic. Dave offers to help with the chores, but when he ends up shrinking his own socks and thinking that Barb is expecting a baby, he decides to hire a maid named Emmy Pebbles (Marge Redmond) instead. Barb consequently has a plenty of free time, and Dave spends a lot of time tiptoeing around so as not to upset Emmy and he her stringent rules. Barb starts to miss doing things around the house, and starts doing housework for her friend Andrea Durkin (Anita Gordon). Dave gets tired of Emmy always being right when she warns him that he will stub his toe and that his hammock will slip off a tree. The kids too are miserable, so Dave and Barb finally admit that they want Emmy gone… but naturally argue over who gets to fire her. Dave tries, but can’t work up the courage, so he decides to help her get on the game show Stump the Experts, since she is such a natural and reads the encyclopedia for fun. Six weeks later, Emmy is still a contestant and the Crabtrees are gleefully cleaning their own house. John Willis is the game show host. 10/22/18
- 021. You Can’t Get There from Here – 2/1/1966
- Dave and Barb prepare to head to an island for a second honeymoon, but first they need to drop the kids off at Camp Tokopee. Dave is initially worried that the Porter won’t make it, and then gets blown into a tree when Randy attempts to smuggle a chemistry set in his luggage, but soon they are on the way. When they stop off for gasoline in the sleep town of Plentyville and Dave attempts to use his credit card, the proprietor Mr. Skinner (Walter Baldwin) turns out to be the sheriff as well and won’t let them leave when he finds out that Dave’s license has expired. He agrees to administer Dave a driving test, but uses a test manual from 1928.. and Dave fails. Dave tires to phone Camp Tokopee and then hitch a ride with a carful of kids driven by a frustrated lady (Shirley Chambers) on the way, but only manages to get a note off for them to deliver. They attempt to sneak off but find that Skinner’s dog Sponge has hitched a ride, so they get caught. They then attempt to let Barb drive out of town, but her inability to drive a stick causes them to have to return. Finally one of the camp counselors (Del Close) has received the note and comes to pick up the kids. Dave and Barb end up staying in Plentyville and fishing for their honeymoon, but since Dave fishes out of season without a license, he gets a ticket from Skinner, who is also the game warden. 7/30/19
- 022. A Riddler on the Roof – 2/8/1966
- While and Dave and the Porter are dropping off Barb and the kids at the airport so they can visit Barb’s mother, Gladys overhears thug Fish (Stanley Clements) and his men, the giant Cracks (Richard Kiel) and the midget Grundy (Frank Delfino) plot to assassinate the visiting President Romano (Nacho Galindo) from Copa Rica. She tells Dave and forces him to call the police, but the sergeant who takes the call complains of all of the crackpot calls they are getting warning of danger to Romano. Dave attempts to warn the president at his hotel suite when he disguises himself first as the maid and then a reporter, but Romano tells him that he is not worried now that he has three new bodyguards… which turn out to be the assassins. Grundy follows Dave back to his house and overhears Gladys talking to Dave, and although he tells the other two, they won’t believe him, but kidnap Dave anyway. Gladys catches up with Cracks and makes him tell her of Dave’s location. She rescues Dave, and Cracks refuses to pursue them after realizing that the Porter is a ‘nice old lady.’ Gladys drives Dave to the assassination spot and springs him through the air toward Romano, saving his life as Grundy attempts to take the shot. Dave is a hero, but upon her return, Barb doesn’t believe his story… until she sees it for herself in the newspaper. Pedro Gonzales-Gonzales is Romano’s secretary Alberto. 7/31/19
- 023. My Son, the Criminal – 2/15/1966
- Dave is patching up the garage floor with cement in an area that Moon has been burying his bone. He is overheard by the mailman Ralph Kroot (Byron Foulger) saying to himself that now his mother will be more comfortable. Kroot assumes that he has buried his mother there, and notifies the police who send over Lt. McKeever (Don Haggerty) and Sgt. Riddle (James Sikking) to question him. They are also joined by IRS agents Hanley (Tom Hatten) and Clark (Richard Clair), who question him about accidentally claiming his mother as a dependant, and insurance representatives Cauldwell (Irwin Charone) and Harris (Robert Nash), who investigating him for fraud for collecting insurance money on her for the last ten years. Since they don’t have a search warrant, all parties leave to get one. That night Kroot returns and starts to dig up the floor on his own, but is stopped when Gladys speaks to him thinking he is Dave. The next day, all of the men return, along with Kroot who now swears that Gladys is alive. With seemingly no way out, Dave and his mother bring Kroot into the garage and tell him the truth about her being the car, giving him exclusive rights to break the story to the world. Naturally when the men hear this, they think he is crazy and drag him away. Later as Dave finished the floor once again, he and his mother joke about him being a criminal who has buried bodies in the garage… which is then overheard by the new mailman (David Lipp), who proceeds to call in the authorities once again. 3/10/20
- 024. An Unreasonable Facsimile – 2/22/1966
- Captain Manzini offers a $1000 to a trumpet-blowing raven-owning beatnik named Dig (Jerry Van Dyke), who happens to look just like Dave, to impersonate him to get and Barbara to sign the Porter over to Manzini. Manzini trains Dig to act and talk just like Dave. To ensure that Dig completes the job, Manzini holds his raven Gig as hostage, the cuts his hair and shaves him to complete the disguise. Manzini calls Dave with a phony real estate business proposition that takes him 500 miles away to Appleton. On the way to the airport, Dave spots Manzini and Dig on their way to his house, and asks the cab driver to turn around. As Dave and cabbie get lost and struggle to find their way back home, Dig seals the deal with Barbara and leaves with the Porter. As he is driving it to Manzini, Gladys starts talking to him, causing him to jump out of the moving Porter. Dave arrives home and sees the Porter gone and heads back out, followed by Glady driving herself home, and then Dig returns to retrieve the Porter. Gladys recognizes Dig as an imposter causing him to jump out again, but this time with the signed registration slip, which he gives to Manzini. Dave confronts Manzini, but he thinks he is Dig. Dave returns home and meets Dig, who is apologetic about what he did. Manzini shows up with Gig, who conspires with Gladys to steal back the registration slip. Gig grabs it and flies into the house, and the look-alikes are able to subdue Manzini. Although Manzini has lost this round, he next spies on the Porter from a floral truck with a woman who looks identical to Barbara. 3/10/20
- 025. Over the Hill to the Junkyard – 3/1/1966
- With the Crabtrees’ neighbors getting new cars, his family starts to want one as well. He naturally refuses, but without warning, Barb wins a new luxurious car from the Feedbag Supermarket which is delivered by the company president Walter Frack (Bob Jellison) and public relations manager Jenkins (Dick Wilson). Barb admits that she doesn’t regularly shop their store, but had only gone in for a bottle return, and regularly shops at the Costa Lessa market. In any case, the Porter is immediately jealous of the car, and even more so when she is forced out of the garage. Barb initially agrees to sell it, but Dave talks her out of it initially, and by the time he realizes how upset his mother is, she had decided to keep it and relishes polishing it up. Dave builds the Porter a carport, but immediately runs into trouble when his new neighbor Baxter (Charlie Brill) says it impeded on his property. This is followed by visits from the building inspector Harper Cassidy (Richard Jury), Mr. Barnes (Robert Carson) from the property tax department, district tax collector Mr. Farley (James Wellman), insurance man Mr. Harris (Gil Lamb), and seat covers salesmen Mr. Fink (Robert Easton) – all of whom want money. Dave sees this as a golden opportunity to get Bart to want to sell the car, and does everything he can to drive up how much they will ultimately owe if they keep it. Mr. Frack and Mr. Jenkins later show up to reclaim the car and tell them that they had given it to the wrong Mrs. Dave Crabtree. In actuality, Barb has called them and asked them to donate the car to a day nursery. This is overheard by Mother and she tells Dave the truth. Barb then puts more effort into polishing up the Porter. 6/20/20
- 026. It Might as Well Be Spring as Not – 3/8/1966
- Gladys laments to Dave how tough it is being a non-human car. Later Dave has a meeting with a charming and wealthy real estate investor named Conrad Byron (Frank Faylen) who chooses Dave because he has a 1928 Porter. He is currently developing the Shady Acres retirement community, with the slogan that it is being sold at 1928 prices. Dave invites him over for dinner and then sheds the house of any modern conveniences and puts in some decor to hearken back to the 1920’s. When Conrad meets the Porter, Gladys becomes smitten with him, especially when he grabs a ukulele and beings singing Cuban Love Song. Dave can’t stop his mother from joining in singing, trying to pass off the singing as his. Conrad is spooked by Dave’s strangeness, but later make him an offer to trade the Porter for his limousine which comes with chauffeur Francis Cutler (George Washburn). Dave naturally refuses, but Gladys says that she is crazy about Conrad and asks to be let go to live with him. Dave reluctantly agrees and the deal is made, although Dave and Barb both seem uncomfortable with the formalities of having a chauffeur. Dave later goes to check on his mother and the both overhear Conrad confess to his date Goldie (Eve McVeagh) that he plans to use the Porter as a promotional tool for Shady Acres, and will cut the car in half and weld each half to the entrance of Shady Acres. Dave follows Byron and his date in the Porter to the drive-in movie, and advises his mother to generate a flat tire, and malfunctioning top, and to spew black soot from the heater into their faces. Dave then appears and offers to trade the car back, which is gladly accepted by Conrad at this point. Francis returns to the employ of Mr. Byron, but has now been ruined by being informal with the Crabtrees. Lois Roberts is Dave’s secretary Susie. 6/20/20
- 027. Absorba the Greek – 3/15/1966
- A landlord named Henry Heckendorn (John Holland) hires Dave to represent him in trying to close down a restaruant called the Greek Grotto, by saying that they are exhibiting immoral belly dancing. Dave’s mother warns Dave that Heckendorn has tried to engage many lawyers including Dave’s late father to shut it down because its proprietor Stanislas Absorba (Peter Mamakos) has a fifty-year lease on the location. Dave decides to go see the place himself to make the determination on whether Heckendorn has grounds to petition its shut-down. Barb accompanies him and they have dinner and watch the belly-dancer Minerva (Tanya Lemani). Dave starts to feel that it is unethical for him to be there since he could be swayed if Absorba were to comp his meal. The Grotto’s Captain Alexander (Dan Seymour) phones Heckendorn to let him know that Dave has come in, so he rushes in to catch him and have him disbarred. Dave spots him so he and Barb attempt to hide. Dave borrows the fake mustache from a waiter (Jack Tesler) and then the outfit of the cook (George Barrows) and first spills food on Heckendorn then douses his coat in a bucket of water. Barb is forced to dress as a belly dancer, and the dresser (Barbara Pepper) directs her into a belly dancing contest. Dave is about to be caught by Heckendorn, so he too covers his face and pretends to be a dancing girl. He and Barb wind up as the two finalists in the contest. Heckendorn’s wife Agnes (Maudie Prickett) comes in looking for her husband, and when she spots Barb and a mustached Dave in the contest, she faints. Her husband brings he to with a bottle of Greek alcohol taht he mistakes for water, causing her to go wild and dance all over the restaurant. Dave negotiates that Heckendorn will drop the charges and Absorba won’t reveal what happened with his wife. Later Heckendorn comes to thank Dave for changing his outlook, now that he is having fun with his wife again. 10/6/20
- 028. The Blabbermouth – 3/22/1966
- One night Dave falls alseep on the highway and relies on his mother the Porter to drive him home. He heads straight to bed, but the realizes he forgot to say goodnight to his mother. When he goes to the garage to speak to her, Barb overhears him and thinks Dave is sneaking around with another woman. The car then reveals herself to Barb, who is incredulous but soon accepts that the car is her mother-in-law Gladys. She agrees to keep it a secret, but the kids also overhear it and brag to their friend Kelley Durkin (Kelly Van Dyke) about the talking car. She tells her mother Andrea (Patty Regan) about the car, and then goes around the neighborhood telling everyone. Soon the Porter is in the newspaper and the Crabtrees are bombarded by reporters (Marianne Kanter, George DeNormand, Earl Spaniard) and a TV producer (Oscar Lane) who wants to do a TV show about the car. Dave manages to clear everyone out, as they try to take apart the Porter. Captain Manzini also shows up and ups his offer to Dave, who still refuses to part with his mother. Manzini then goes straight to Gladys and flatters her by painting her and offering a luxurious life. Nearly completely seduces by Manzini, she starts to drive off with him, but is interrupted by Dave dressed as an Arab Sheik. He offers Manzini the opportunity to obtain the even rarer 1908 Marman. Manzini takes the bait and abandons Gladys to go after the Marman. She wants to follow Manzini, and when Dave tries to stop her, she runs him over. He wakes up on the floor, realizing that everything had been a nightmare. He can’t help but laughing about the gag he pulled on Manzini dressing as the Sheik. He then leaves the room to go tell his mother goodnight. Their conversation mirrors the same one they had in the dream… as Barb approaches and hears him talking to a ‘woman’. 10/6/20
- 029. When You Wish Upon a Car – 3/29/1966
- When Dave finds Cindy’s turtle in place of his shower soap, he punishes her by making her wash the car. When Cindy mentions turning on some music, and the car does, and then that the music were more hip, and the car makes it so, Cincy starts to believe that the car is magic. She tells Randy, and he makes a wish for a spy doll Secret Agent 004+3, which the Porter then tells Dave to buy. When it shows up ‘magically’, both kids believe there is a ‘jeeny’ on the car and begin charging the neighborhood kids to see. Their friend Kelley wishes that her missing rabbit would return, and since the Porter had been having Dave feed it, Kelley finds the rabbit in the car’s back seat…with babies. The kids then start making wish lists from the department store catalogs of items they’re going to wish for. When Dave realizes what is going on, he puts the Porter in storage, but has to go get it when the kids stop talking to him. The neighborhood kids give the Porter a grand welcome upon its return, and the kids raise the price of making wishes on her. One skeptical boy named Billy (Joel Davison) wishes for the power to go out… and it coincidentally does. Dave has had enough of this, so he tells the kids that the reason the genie is working for Cindy and Randy is because they have the magic cloth, then tosses it into the Porter. All of the kids jump on it, and tear up the car in the process. Dave also threatens his mother with replacing her with a new stationwagon if she doesn’t cut out the genie nonsense. Later he chats with the kids, and tells them it’s okay to pretend but it’s even better to be ground in the reality that genies do not exist. In any case, they head to the garage and start making wishes again. Bob Johnson is the TV announcer. 1/23/21
- 030. Desperate Minutes – 4/5/1966
- Dave and Barb return home arguing after a night of bridge, only to find an armed jewel robber named Bullets Morgan (Robert Strauss) in their driveway. He takes them inside and calls his partner Frankie to come meet him at the house with the diamonds they stole from Robinson’s Jewelers. Dave makes an attempt to phone for the police while he is making coffee in the kitchen, but Bullets gets on the line and hears him… then rips the phone from the wall. When the Porter beckons him to the garage, he is able to get a message to her to go for the police, but is unable to open the door. He also attempts to throw hot coffee in Bullets face, but winds up only scalding himself.The kids come downstairs with bullhorn and toy gun and nearly get Bullets to surrender before their cover is blown. Phil comes over to tell Dave about the robbery, and is taken as hostage as well. Frankie (Barbara Bain) shows up with the diamonds, and turns out to be Bullets’ girlfriend, and they declare they are staying there for a couple of days until the heat is off. Phil supplies sleeping pills for Dave to put in the coffee, but it only manages to knock out Phil and Barb, and then makes Dave groggy. While Bullets is tucking in the kids, Dave tries to romance Frankie and they wind up dancing. He retrieves the gun without her knowledge, but while she dances, he is too groggy to use it. The kids thank Bullets for the bedtime song, and then apologize for calling the police on their room phone. Bullets and Frankie flee, taking Dave with them in the Porter. Bullets can’t operate it, but the Porter gyrates them all over the driveway, flinging them onto the roof. Phil and Barb think Dave has been taken, and tearfully sing his praises, but both are irritated that they’ve spilled their guts when he wakes up in the back of the Porter and tells them he’s safe. 1/23/21
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