The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1

Created by Al Lewis

Theme music by Wilbur Hatch

NOTE: This show is a continuation of the radio program of the same name that aired between 1948-1957

• 001. Trying to Pick a Fight – 10/3/1952
  • Constance “Connie” Brooks (Eve Arden) is a sarcastic high school English teacher at Madison High School, where she has a budding relationship with Biology teacher Philip Boynton (Robert Rockwell), and lives in the home of her landlady Margaret Davis (Jane Morgan) on Carroll Avenue. Her principal is the blustering and irritable Osgood Conklin (Gale Gordon), whose daughter Harriet (Gloria McMillan) attends the high school. Harriet’s boyfriend is squeaky-voiced Walter Denton (Richard Crenna), who also proclaims that Miss Brooks is his favorite teacher is Miss Brooks and often gives her rides to school in his topless jalopy. Walter tells Miss Brooks that he has picked a fight with Harriet because it always leads to an amorous make-up. Connie decides to try this herself with Philip but she can’t seem to make him angry. She then mentions this to Mr. Conklin, who tries it with his own wife Martha (Paula Winslowe). It seems to work too well when his housekeeper reports that she has left with her valise. He assumes that she is going to her mother’s house in Montrose, so he heads to the train station. When Martha calls the school, Connie explains the idea she put into his head and advises her to let his heels cool at the train station. Philip overhears this and becomes genuinely irritated with Connie. Martha invites Connie over to wait for Mr. Conklin’s return, but she begins to panic when he is out late, having borrowed Walter’s jalopy. Walter reports the car stolen to get the police to look for him, and eventually finds out that Conklin has gone all the way to Montrose. He is brought back by a police officer (Edwin Max) soaking wet from the rain. Conklin and his wife make up, Walter and Harriet make up, but when Connie thinks she is going to get a kiss from Philip, he merely feeds her a jellybean. Later Walter is arrested for driving his own ‘stolen’ car. NOTE: This episode was later broadcast as a rerun as a flashback episode with new footage in which Connie tells Mrs. Davis about her dream that relates to this episode. 3/28/16

• 002. The Loaded Custodian – 10/10/1952
  • Mr. Conklin has Miss Brooks working on taking school inventory, while also denying requests from her for a new desk, from Mr. Boynton for a lab cage, and from the school custodian Mr. Burwell (Cliff Arquette) to replace a window that in his living quarters that was broken by vandals. Mr. Conklin maintains that Burwell likely broke it himself, so refuses to give him the $2.00 to get it fixed. Burwell mentions that the former janitor that had the room, Mr. Jensen had recently passed away, and with rumors circulating that Jensen had lots of money and used to like to hide it in his homes, Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton, Mr. Conklin, and Walter all get the same idea to visit the room alone and start tearing it up looking for the money, but they actually all descend on the room together. Eventually Harriet reports that she just saw Mr. Jensen alive, so they all start to leave…only to be surprised when Mr. Burwell jumps out of the closet having photographed them all tearing up his room. He blackmails Boynton and Brooks for a few small odds and ends, but then demands many repairs from Conklin before turning the film over to Miss Brooks, who then proceeds to blackmail Conklin for the desk and the cage. Miss Brooks attempts to blackmail Mr. Boynton for a kiss, but after turning off the lights, Boynton merely develops pictures of his frog. 3/30/16
• 003. The Embezzled Dress – 10/17/1952
  • Mrs. Davis purchases a dress for Connie with the $25 cash that she believes Connie left for her for back rent, not knowing that the money was cash that Connie had collected as part of the school savings fund that Mr. Conklin has put her in charge of. Connie attempts to sell the dress to her heavyset fellow teacher Miss Atterberry (Kathleen Freeman), but she is too big for it and rips it. Mr. Boynton is planning to sell a raccoon coat to Mr. Conklin for a masquerade party for $25, so Connie also attempts to sell the dress to him so that he can attend the party dressed as a woman. Harriet suggests that her mother might like to buy the dress, so she brings it to her house. However when Martha goes to retrieve the money from the sugar bowl, she finds that Osgood as already taken the money to pay for the raccoon coat. As Osgood is balancing the school fund and discovering that there is $25 missing, his wife gets the money from him, gives it to Connie, who gives it to Osgood to balance the books. 6/11/16
• 004. The Birthday Bag – 10/24/1952
  • It’s Connie’s birthday, but she doesn’t remember it. However her friends are planning on throwing a party for her, and Mrs. Davis finds out that Connie wants an alligator skin bag. The only problem is that she plans to buy it herself, so Mrs. Davis concocts a scheme for her, Walter, Harriet, Mr. Conklin, and Mr. Boynton to all give her a hard-luck case and borrow money from her. This runs her out of money, but she is still resolute on buying the purse so she visits the bank loan officer Mr. Blake (Bob Sweeney) and takes out a loan. Walter has Sherry’s department store hold the bag so she can’t buy it, and they end up selling it to Harriet. Connie visits the Conklins’ house as they’re preparing for the party to see if she can get another bag for Harriet. Everyone tries to hide the fact that they’re getting ready for the party, but eventually they come out and tell her… and present her the purse, which has all of the money that they borrowed stuff back inside. 6/12/16
• 005. The Wrong Mrs. Boynton – 10/31/1952
  • Philip has an interview to become a biology professor at State University, but since Dean Farraday prefers family men, Philip tells him that he lives at home with his mother. He passes this information on to Mrs. Davis, but she only conveys part of the information to Connie. When the Dean wants to meet Philip’s mother, Connie agrees to become Mrs. Boynton, thinking she will be posing as his wife instead of his mother. Harriet overhears part of this conversation and tells her father that Connie and Philip are getting married, which he aims to stop out of fear of losing Connie as a teacher. Farraday visits Philip’s apartment while he is out trying to get a wedding ring for Connie to wear, and when she tells the Dean how she met Philip, the Dean starts to become incredulous, especially when Philip tells the same story referring to the girl he plans to one day marry. When Connie tells the Dean that Philip is older than her, she finally realizes that he thinks she is his mother. She demands a kiss from Philip and storms out just as Mr. Conklin storms in and spills the beans that she is actually Miss Brooks. The Dean gets angry at being lied to and Philip loses the job, while Conklin chases the Dean down to explain why he sounded so foolish. Virginia Gordon takes over the role as Martha Conklin. 9/1/16
• 006. Living Statues – 11/7/1952
  • Walter is working on inventing a transparent quick-drying paint and wants to paint her house as a model to induce other teachers to have their houses painting. Meanwhile Mr. Conklin has met with the head of the School Board Mr. Stone (Paul Harvey) who is very unhappy with the blemishes all over the office walls. After Connie breaks Conklin’s glasses once again, she is assigned to clean up the office. Connie enlists Philip and Walter to help paint the office using Walter’s new paint, which he has added the new ingredient Jeffrey’s Marine to for better consistency, which unbeknownst to him has the same properties of liquid cement. After the trio paint the office, Walter gets glued to a pedestal, Philip to the wall, and Connie with her hand to her face. They try to hide it from Conklin by telling him they are there deep in thought about buying him a gift, but then Conklin gets his hands stuck to the desk. Mr. Stone throws a fit and plans to report them to the school board. Philip breaks free and he and Walter get to work on a dissolving agent. Conklin requests that Connie break his glasses again, so he doesn’t have to see her since they are both glued to the desk. 9/1/16
• 007. Madison Country Club – 11/14/1952
  • After Mr. Conklin and his rival Jason Brill, principal of Henry Clay High, are turned down by the Board of Education for funds to renovate their offices. Brill’s school rallies around him and raise a collection amounting to $300, which is then matched by a benefactor named Mrs. Troy Graybar (Nana Bryant). Conklin’s students don’t donate anything to his cause, but when Conklin finds out who she is, he immediately calls her anonymously to put a bug in her ear about the school being in poor condition. Connie happens to be wearing an old dress since their cat had swallowed the key to her wardrobe, and Conklin encourages her to keep wearing it so that she will look poor in the eyes of Graybar, whom assumes the name of Smith whenever she visits potential charity cases. Connie thinks that she is a different Smith, namely a snob who had recently prodded Conklin about the poor conditions of his school. Connie, Philip, and Walter then hatch a scheme to appear to ‘Mrs. Smith’ dressed in fancy costumes from the play’s wardrobe department. As Conklin tries to appear destitute, they parade their haughty selves through his office, prompting her to berate Conklin and storm out. She not only leaves, but also steals the 40 cents that Conklin had put in his own collection box. 11/18/16
• 008. Mr. Whipple – 11/21/1952
  • Mrs. David acts as nurse for Dr. Bond to administer a vitamin shot to Mr. Whipple (Thurston Hall) and assumes that because he hasn’t eaten in ten days, he is destitute. She later learns that Whipple is a multi-millionaire who is simply on a liquid diet, but not before she tells Connie about Mr. Whipple, and Connie takes pity on him and decides to return her formal dress that she bought for the school dance and donate the money to him. The word soon gets around – with embellishments – and Mr. Boynton takes back his formal attire as well. Meanwhile Mr. Conklin is advocating getting the school’s gymnasium rebuilt, and Board of Education agrees to let a powerful government consultant look at it… which turns out to be the miserly Mr. Whipple, who has already made up his mind not to grant the gymnasium. Conklin disqualifies Connie and Philip from being the homecoming king and queen at the dance because they won’t have formal attire. Connie, Mr. Conklin, Walter, and Philip all separately bring Mr. Whipple the food they’ve collected. Conklin takes the name of his secretary Bennett (Parley Baer), and claims that Whipple is his gardener. They all lay into ‘Bennett’ for his mistreatment of Whipple, which so impresses Whipple that they would do this out of the kindness of their hearts that he grants the not only promises a new gymnasium, but offers to help make the dance as nice as possible, buys them new clothes, and reinstates Connie and Philip as king and queen. 11/18/16
• 009. The Big Game – 11/28/1952
  • With the big football championship game coming up between Madison and Clay, Walter suggests that their old-timer assistant coach Gus “Snakehips” Geary (Burt Mustin) is their good luck charm. Despite the fact that Snakehips is having a hard time keeping a job, Mr. Conklin tells Connie that she will have to fire Snakehips because the school board won’t allow anyone to be employed by the school who didn’t graduate. Connie tutors him to give him an English final that would allow him to receive his diploma if he passes. After he takes the test, Mr. Boynton and Walter take a peek at his test and find that he only scored a 19. However when she tells Mr. Conklin what he received, she says he got 66 on the test, a passing grade that allows him to get his diploma. Connie admits to Mr. Boynton that she simply followed Mr. Osgood’s suggestion that she take into account his contribution to a big football championship of 1912, so she added the number of points he scored in the game to his score. Meanwhile Connie stresses about the fact that Mr. Boynton doesn’t seem to want to go to the game with her, but find out it is because he short on money, a situation that is rectified when Snakehips gives him an extra ticket that he purchased. 3/5/17
• 010. Blue Goldfish – 12/5/1952
  • Walter, Harriet, and Mr. Boynton each ask Miss Brooks to talk to Mr. Conklin about getting new equipment and school supplies that have been damaged by cold temperatures in the school. Conklin finds the temperatures to be comfortable and character-building, and refuses her request for him to ask the school board for $500 in appropriations plus additional coal. Miss Brooks comes up with the idea for everyone to fake having a bad cold in order to convince him of the need to warm the school. Conklin is onto the ruse immediately and still denies turning up the heat. However he is embarrassed when Harriet comes into the office in front of Walter and Miss Brooks to retrieve the space heater under his desk since her mother needs it because of a backache. 3/5/17
• 011. The Stolen Aerial – 12/12/1952
  • Mrs. Davis asks Connie to drop off their broken aerial to Mr. Seymour (Hy Averback), who has a crush on Connie. He flirts with her mercilessly and gives her a temporary replacement aerial to take with her. At school Mr. Conklin discusses the fact that the aerial at their home has been stolen, and becomes suspicious when Connie shows up with a similar looking aerial. Everyone in school hears how Mr. Seymour is sweet on Connie, and starts bringing her their aerials and TV sets so that she can try to get a deal on repairs for them. When Conklin matches up the serial number on the aerial that Connie has to his, he calls the police to report her. When she, Mr. Boynton, and Walter hear this from Harriet they try to hide the aerials in their possession, but Mr. Conklin holds them at gunpoint. When he finds out that his wife had send in their aerial for repairs, he tries to flee the scene, but his car ends up rolling down the street and hitting the policeman that he had called. 8/22/17
• 012. The Hobby Show – 12/19/1952
  • As Connie works overtime to prepare exam questions, Mrs. Davis comments on how she appears to be wiped out and needs more rest. This is followed by Walter, Harriet, and Mr. Boynton comment on how she has lost her ‘shine’ and liken her to an old run-down horse. Mr. Conklin calls her into the office and suggests that she get a hobby to help her relax. That night her friends show up with various hobbies to share with her: Mr. Boynton has chess, Harriet has finger painting, Walter has his electric trains, and Mr. and Mrs. Conklin show up with toys to repair for children. As everyone pressures her at once to participate in their hobby, soon the pressure and noise become to much and she starts to lose her mind causing her to finger painting her own face. 3/5/18
• 013. Christmas Show – 12/27/1952
  • Connie is planning to borrow $20 from Harriet Conklin for her Christmas shopping, but Harriet finds out that Osgood is getting her an expensive bracelet so decides she decides she’s better spend more on his gift and can no longer afford to loan Connie the money. Harriet also delivers Connie’s gift from Mr. Boynton and opens it early to find a $7 bottle of perfume, which she takes back to Sherry’s Department Store and exchanges it for a Breyer Pipe for Mr. Boynton. Mr. Conklin then drops off his gifts for both of them: the same pipe for Mr. Boynton and the same perfume for Connie. She then returns both the pipe and perfume for two ties and a razor for Mr. Boynton and a tennis racket for Mr. Conklin. Mr. Boyton then comes in to exchange his pipe, followed by Connie exchanging some cheap perfume she got from Walter, and the Osgood exchanging all of his gifts to get his wife her bracelet. By this time the saleslady Mrs. Carney is on edge. Later Mrs. Davis arranges a Christmas get-together with everyone, including Mrs. Carney who also works for the Helping Hands society and plans to drive the Conklins to Eagles Springs for the holiday. When everyone sees Mrs. Carney they attempt to disguise themselves with a Santa beard… but they are eventually recognized. 3/18/18
• 014. Aunt Mattie Boynton – 1/2/1953
  • Miss Brooks is not only irritated with Mr. Boynton for giving her additional secretarial work, but is also annoyed when he mentions that he is considering promoting Miss Daisy Enright (Mary Jane Croft) to be head of the English Department is school. Enright is Miss Brooks’ arch rival, and regularly competes with him over the affection of Mr. Boynton. In fact when Mr. Boynton tells them both about how much he admires his Aunt Mattie for working all day long and then going home and taking care of her husband and nine kids, both women try to compete to take on more work. Mr. Conklin is no longer interested in the secretarial duties but is looking for an instructor to take over and new Business Administration class. Miss Brooks wants the job, and Walter recommends that she should prove her business savvy by filling the Conklins’ home furnace with wholesale oil that he can help her get. This will save him $10 and prove her prowess. Unbeknownst to either, Mr. Conklin has celebrated his anniversary with his wife by converting the oil heater to a forced air furnace. Miss Enright comes over to flirt with Mr. Conklin and ask him for a photograph of him to hang in her class. Miss Brooks stops by also to tell Mr. Conklin that she can put money in his pocket and he is naturally interested. When the heat finally kicks on, it winds up dousing Mr. Conklin, Miss Enright, Miss Brooks, and Walter through the vents. She explains what had happened, all the while spilling a can of oil on him and the floor. In the end, all she can offer is that he finally got the pool at his house like he always had wanted. 6/28/20
• 015. The Pet Shop – 1/9/18
  • Connie has a restless night after Mr. Boynton stands her up when they were supposed to meet in front of the Pet Shop, and Walter advises her to act as if she hadn’t shown up at all in order to get him to realize he loves her. Connie and Walter play out the whole scenario, causing Ms. Davis to think that Walter and Connie are getting married. Later Connie speaks to Boynton, who has no recollection that he had even made a date with her, and only recalls missing a lunch date with Professor Schmidt. Boynton hopes she will cool off by that afternoon, as according to his date book, their date is for that afternoon in front of the Pet Shop. Walter further suggests that she make a date for that afternoon and then stand him up. Since he thinks the date was for that afternoon anyway, he says he’ll be there with bells on. Boynton begins to worry that Connie has lost interest in him, particularly when he overhears her telling Walter that she has no intention of showing up for the date. When she can’t bear the thought of him waiting in the rain, she goes to the Pet Shop, only to find that he isn’t there, while Mr. Conklin shows up to buy Harriet a pet turtle. After waiting for a bit, Boynton does in fact show up, and tells Connie that the date was so important that he had put it in his calendar. She then realizes that he hadn’t forgotten her at all, and they prepare for a fine date. 11/7/18
• 016. The Hurricane – 1/16/1953
  • During a rain storm, Miss Brooks agrees to drop off a radio that Walter built at the school. Meanwhile Mr. Conklin is expecting a shipment of bamboo furniture that reminds him of his single days in Hawaii, and when it is delivered, he heads home and puts Miss Brooks in charge of the school. When she hears a radio broadcast on Walter’s radio indicating that a hurricane is heading their way, she makes the decision to close down the school… not realizing that the broadcast is actually from Bombay, India. Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton, Walter, and Harriet all head to the Conklin house. When Mr. Conklin finds out, he is incredulous and furious until he hears the same radio broadcast. When the radio says that boarding up the house with bamboo is the most safe, they go at work to destroy all of Osgood’s new furniture. After it is destroyed, they turn the radio back up for further information. When start talking about ox carts, elephants, and natives, they become suspicious, and realize that the broadcast is from India. Mr. Conklin likens them all to monkeys and takes his blood pressure medicine. 3/18/18
• 017. Monsieur La Blanche – 1/30/1953
  • Miss Brooks has loaned Mr. Conklin $75 for his trip to a science teacher’s convention, but it doesn’t take much prodding from Walter to agree to accept a date from Monsieur Maurice La Blanche (Maurice Marsac), a French teacher at the school. Despite not knowing any French, Connie agrees that it might make Boynton jealous enough to ask her out. Meanwhile Mr. Conklin has spotted Miss Brooks talking to La Blanche and wants Miss Brooks to help persuade him to buy Conklin’s $50 Stutzmobile. La Blanche has given Connie a note in French, and she pretends she understands it. Walter also pretends to understand French and tells her that it is a love letter. Harriet however can actually read it and tells Walter that the letter is actually a plea to borrow $50 to buy Conklin’s car. Walter feels bad and tries to get her out of it by calling Conklin and offering him $150 for the car. Conklin tells Miss Brooks that he’ll split the profit and hands her $50, which La Blanche assumes is for him. Conklin avoids completing the transaction by telling La Blanche it is a lemon, so La Blanche takes the money and heads to the dealer.  Mr. Boynton returns unexpectedly early, and concerned that the teachers are always running out of money, he decides that he and Connie should enter the used car business and takes the remaining money from his trip and buys Conklin’s car for $150. 8/20/19
• 018. Old Marblehead – 2/6/1953
  • Miss Brooks is irritated with Mr. Conklin, whose new practice of finding teachers and student for violations of his ‘carelessness code’, which is causing her to have to skip lunch after paying her fines each day. Conklin wants to use the raised money to purchase a bust of himself for the library, planning to accidentally/on purpose destroy the existing bust of Julius Caesar. Walter invites Miss Brooks to speak to Conklin on the students’ behalf to get him to stop taking everyone’s money, but she only manages to get fined again and is forced to give away the 40 cents she is holding for Walter… finally completing the fund. With no lunch money, Miss Brooks is forced to sit at lunch with Harriet and beg her to share her food. Adding insult to injury, Conklin also forces Miss Brooks to stay after school to help straighten up the library, which Walter has messed up with acting as aide. They witness Conklin come in and drop the Caesar statue which breaks off its nose. Walter puts the statue in a bag and vows to have it fixed. When Mr. Boynton delivers the new statue of Conklin, which they dub Old Marblehead Part II, they hide it inside the bag where Caesar had been. Conklin comes in with a mallet and destroys the statue in the bag, while Miss Brooks takes her sweet time telling him that he is destroying his own bust. She vows to have the Caesar statue fixed, but apparently is fined so much this time that she is forced to look at pictures of food the next day at lunch instead of eating food. 11/8/18
• 019. The Model Teacher – 2/13/1953
  • Connie is surprised one morning when Mrs. Davis wakes her up and tells her that a reporter from Snap magazine has arrived and plans to photograph her all day long for the article “SNAP Snaps a School Teacher.” It isn’t quite clear who submitted her to be a candidate of this model teacher, and Mrs. Davis forgot to make her letter in, Harriet sent hers without a stamp. and both Mr. Boynton and Walter never got around to actually writing their letter. The reporter Stephanie Forrest who shows up is abrasive and seems to take the most unflattering pictures possible of Miss Brooks. However she quickly charms every man she is around, staring with Walter who asks her to attend the Malt Hop school dance. Both Harriet and Miss Brooks think it might be a good idea to ask Mr. Conklin if it is okay for her to do the magazine spread, thinking and hoping that he might decline allowing her. Sure enough he does… but once he meets Stephanie, he is charmed by her and offers his full cooperation. Things take an even worse turn when Stephanie sets her eyes on Mr. Boynton. She tries to get him to take her to the Malt Hop, despite the fact that she’s agreed to go to Walter. Mr. Conklin also offers to accompany her there to assist with her story. Connie winds up stealing the unflattering pictures she developed out of the darkroom and sending her a fake letter from the editor of Snap telling her to report to Miami for another story immediately. 6/28/20
• 020. Wake-Up Plan – 2/20/1953
  • Mr. Conklin has a new exercise plan for the teachers, in that he expects them to arrive before class for calisthenics. Miss Brooks gets a warning from Harriet that her father will be attending this himself the next morning, but when Mrs. Davis mixes up her sleeping pills and aspirin and gives them to Connie, it causes her to oversleep and miss three classes. Conklin is ready to punish her by reporting her to Mr. Gleason, a Board of Education member had nearly been named principal instead of Mr. Conklin. He assumes that Gleason will pass the information on to the head of the School Board Mr. Stone, so he invites all parties to visit the school. Miss Brooks is ready with her excuse and brings the pills in to show Mr. Conklin, who tired from the morning exercises, falls asleep in his new comfortable chair while waiting for Mr. Gleason. When Gleason arrives, he finds Conklin asleep and intends to turn him into Mr. Stone. But when Gleason accidentally takes the pills, he also falls asleep. Miss Brooks is able to wake up Mr. Conklin before Stone sees him, but then Conklin takes some sleeping pills accidentally as well. Stone then walks in and finds Mr. Gleason asleep, but Miss Brooks assures him that Conklin is busy at work. However when they wheel him out in his chair, he too is fast asleep again. 3/18/20
• 021. The Cafeteria Strike – 2/27/1953
  • Walter has organized a strike on the cafeteria’s food, as it has gotten much worse since the district has fired Mr.  Douglas for publicly complaining about his equipment, and hired Mr. Edgar Turnbull, whose food is terrible. Mr. Conklin is furious about this and puts Miss Brooks in charge of heading it off as a goodwill ambassador, but unbeknownst to her, Walter and the kids have put her in charge of the strike. Meanwhile a reporter named Mr. Dunbar with the Evening Gazette, who is also a former teacher at the school, is also hanging around with the kids in order to report the story. When Conklin gets wind of it, he reveals to Miss Brooks that Turnbull happens to also be his brother-in-law, and if he gets fired as a result of the article, then she will be fire also for referring to the food as ‘putrid’ in the presence of Dunbar. Since the food is so horrible, not only is Mr. Conklin hiding his carry-in lunch in his safe, but Mr. Boynton is cooking his own meatballs in his classroom. Everyone seems to like them, so Miss Brooks gets the idea to invite Dunbar over and have Boynton pose as Mr. Turnbull, and serve him the meatballs, so that he will see that the food is not in fact putrid. Everyone agrees, but each person has ideas about what needs to be added to make the meatballs even better. So as Boynton is cooking them, Mrs. Davis adds wine vinegar, Walter has red peppers, Mr. Conklin adds Tabasco, and Miss Brooks adds salt. When Dunbar tries the meatballs, he declares them delicious… leaving each of the four parties to think to themselves that it was their ingredient that saved the day. 3/18/20
• 022. Mister Casey’s Will – 3/6/1953
  • Mrs. Davis’s sister Angela Devon (Jesslyn Fax) has a cat named Mr. Casey, and upon his passing she decides to hold a reading of the cat’s will, and wants to include Mr. Conklin, Mr. Boynton, and Walter since they once played with Mr. Casey as a kitten. She asks Connie to give the men the information about the reading of the will, but not to tell them that Mr. Casey was their old friend the cat. Connie believes they will all decline because they won’t know who Mr. Casey is unless she tells them, but Mrs. Davis thinks it is human nature that their greed will take over. Mrs. Davis ends up being exactly right, as Walter needs money for his car, Mr. Conklin wants to by some fishing gear, and Mr. Boynton needs rent money. Each one of them carries on about how close they were with Mr. Casey, each even going so far as to say that each had once saved his life. When they all show up at the reading of the will, they get things like a ball of yarn, a tennis ball, and an empty milk carton. Miss Brooks however gets Mr. Casey’s treasure chest, which includes the cat’s ‘wife’ and his baby kittens. 10/12/20
• 023. Conklin’s Love Nest – 3/13/1953
  • One morning on the way to work, Miss Brooks and Walter discuss her relationship, or lack thereof, with Mr. Boynton. Walter decides to talk to Mr. La Blanche and get him to try and convince Mr. Boynton that two can live cheaper than one. He also hopes that Boynton might start to worry that Mr. La Blanche will move in on Miss Brooks himself. Against Miss Brooks’ wishes, he does in fact speak to Mr. La Blanche, but accidentally convinces him that Miss Brooks wants him to propose to her. Meanwhile Mr. Conklin has gotten rid of his brother-in-law over his garage and is now looking to rent it as an apartment. Miss Brooks accidentally accepts the proposal since she doesn’t understand what he says in French, but Harriet tells her what she did. She sets Mr. Le Blanche straight, and then convinces him to persuade Mr. Boynton that he could save half of his rent if he moved into Mr. Conklin’s apartment with someone else. Mr. Boynton accepts an invitation for dinner with Miss Brooks, who continues to lay it on how much money can be saved by living as a pair. Finally Mr. Boynton tells Miss Brooks that he’s glad they are alone so that he can discuss something important. He mentions that Mr. Conklin has dropped the price on the apartment and that two can live cheaper than one, and that a man needs companionship. Then he tells her that he and Mr. Le Blanche are moving into the apartment together. 10/13/20
• 024. The Honest Burglar – 3/20/1053
  • In the early morning hours, Miss Brooks discovers a burglar in the kitchen. He is friendly and identifies himself as Joe Phillips (Horace McMahon), who is out of work and only looking to eat some breakfast from the icebox. Miss Brooks agrees to feed him, and then suggests that the he come fill in for the school custodian who is out on leave. The next morning Mr. Conklin tells Miss Brooks that his wife is out of town and he is running out of money and food, and asks if he can come eat at her place. She has to turn him down, as Mrs. Davis will be gone and she is low on funds as well. She also introduces him to Joe and suggests using him as the custodian. He is in agreement, even though Miss Brooks becomes aware that Joe had recently stole Mr. Conklin’s fried chicken, and he sends Harriet to show him around the school. Shortly after Joe leaves the office, Mr. Conklin can’t find his pen and watch. Later Miss Brooks visits Mr. Boynton in his classroom, and Boynton can’t find his desk. She tells him that she’s also heard that two sewing machines and a typewriter have come up missing, and when she goes to have lunch with Walter, she finds out that all of the silverware has been stolen. Suspecting Joe, Walter helps her with a plan to tell Joe that Miss Brooks is going to be having a turkey dinner that night, to see if he tries to break in again. It turns out that Mrs. Davis has actually left a turkey for Connie. She, Mr. Boynton, and Walter do in fact catch a prowler coming in the window and taking some turkey… but it turns out to be Mr. Conklin. Joe shows up as well, but only to explain that Harriet had brought him the silverware too late for him to have it returned by lunch. It also turns out that he was only repairing the other equipment, and Harriet had dusted her father’s office and put his watch and pen in the desk drawer. Everyone is apologetic to Joe, and Miss Brooks offers to warm up the turkey for everyone, but it is too late. While they are chatting in the other room, someone comes in the kitchen and steals most of the turkey. 1/30/21
• 025. Fisher’s Pawn Shop – 3/27/1953
  • Miss Brooks is excited to attend Madison’s opening baseball game, now that she has coerced Mr. Boynton to take her, but she wants to get a new outfit to wear. Mrs. Davis recommends a dress she saw at the pawn shop run by Mr. Fisher (Frank Nelson), and allows her to use the vacuum cleaner as a trade-in since she plans to turn in the carpet later. Mr. Fisher tries to talk her into some other items, before finally settling on taking the dress, which she brings to the school for alterations. Mr. Conklin is disappointed when Miss Brooks misplaces a letter that Harriet handed off to deliver to him, but is even more upset that he is going to have to cancel the first game against Henry Clay high school because he has overspent on the basketball season and doesn’t have money for uniforms. Later he finds Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton, and Walter in the lunchroom and tells them that he has found a way to rent the uniforms for $25, but doesn’t know where that money will come from. Miss Brooks takes the bust of Yodar Kritch from Mr. Conklin’s office to the pawn shop. In order to stay out of sight, she hides when Mr. Boynton comes in and tries to pawn Miss Brooks’ new dress. He too hides from Walter, who brings in Mr. Boynton’s hamster cage. And finally, he hires when Mr. Conklin comes in with the trophy from a previous Madison win. After they all are surprised to find each other, Mr. Fisher agrees to pay the $25 for the trophy cup alone. However he finds the missing letter inside the cup, and when Miss Brooks reads it, everyone is surprised to hear it is a letter from Jason Brill, the principal at Henry Clay, telling everyone that he was to withdraw from the game because they don’t have money for uniforms either. 2/1/21
• 026. Lulu, the Pinup Boat – 4/3/1953
  • In honor of Public Schools week, Mr. Conklin declares that the teachers and students must wear subdued and somber clothing to school that week. Walter shows Miss Brooks the female pinups that he is using to adorn his locker, and she warns him that he better not let Conklin find them. Naturally Conklin searches the gym lockers and finds his collection of photos. He orders Harriet to burn all of them but one of Betty Grable, which he keeps as ‘evidence’… and frequently admires while singing Mademoiselle from Armentieres. Conklin is also certain that he’s seen Mr. Boynton smuggling in pinup pictures as well, so he charges Miss Brooks in getting to the bottom of it. She does some investigating in the lunchroom, and he shows her the photos, and they are all photos of various animals. When she brings them to show Mr. Conklin, she nearly catches him looking at the Betty Grable photo, but he shoves it in his desk and tells her that it is a photo of his boat Lulu that he is excited to use this weekend. As he goes to look for more pinups to confiscate, Miss Brooks stays in the office to await a visit from the superintendent Mr. Michaels (Joseph Kearns). When he shows up, he finds the phots in Conklin’s desk. Miss Brooks still thinks the photo is of Lulu, so she starts describing the boat in ways that Michaels misinterprets. When Conklin returns, he isn’t able to summon any excuse for having the photo, but automatically breaks into whistling Mademoiselle from Armentieres again. 5/26/21
• 027. The Yodar Kritch Award – 4/10/1953
  • While Miss Brooks and Mrs. Davis are having breakfast, Mr. Conklin stops by the house to run by his thoughts about what should be written on the academic award for English that he intends to hand out, and to ask Miss Brooks to help administer the test. He already has the answer and doesn’t give Miss Brooks a chance to comment on his choice: The Yodar Kritch Award for Unique Achievement in English. Walter stops by as well, and while Conklin is in the kitchen, he overhears Walter laughing about how Harriet told him that Mr. Conklin was throwing a fit over a missed sock. Walter also invites Miss Brooks to attend a barbecue thrown by his friend Winston “Bones” Snodgrass (Eddie Riley), and makes it wound quite appealing when he mentions the romantic possibilities for her and Mr. Boynton. The next day, Bones tells Miss Brooks that the party is now off because his father is angry about his terrible grades… unless he can win the Yodar Kritch Award. In order to help save the party, Miss Brooks tries to tutor him, but everything she tells him is over his head. Nevertheless, she declares him ready to take the exam. Later she marches into Mr. Conklin’s office and declares Bones the winner. Conklin, Harriet, Walter, and even Bones are dumbfounded, but she reminds Conklin that the criteria for winning is that the achievement be ‘unique’, and since he was the only student to miss every answer on the test, it was certainly unique. 5/28/21
• 028. Madame Brooks DuBarry – 4/17/1953
  • After attending a dance together in Walter’s car, Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks run out of gas and get stranded in a desolate area of town. It is hinted that Miss Brooks set the whole things up, but nevertheless, nothing comes of it, as Mr. Boynton simply goes to sleep while waiting for someone to pass by. Meanwhile, the next morning, Mr. Conklin criticizes Harriet for allowing Walter to kiss her the cheek the night before and insists that she stop emulating Miss Brooks’ lifestyle, although Harriet attempts to assure her father that Miss Brooks leads a very boring romantic life. That afternoon Mr. La Blanche tries to convince Miss Brooks that the only way to win over Mr. Boynton is to make him jealous, so he offers his services to romance her and do just that. Miss Brooks thinks it is a good idea. Harriet has bet her father a dollar that Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton will have no romance between them when they visit that night at Mrs. Davis’s house while she is out at a masquerade party. Harriet has invited her father to come along with her and sneak him into the house and hide in the living room and observe. The date starts out very innocent, but when Mr. La Blanche shows up unexpectedly and romances Miss Brooks, Mr. Conklin witnesses Mr. Boynton getting jealous when La Blanche kisses up and down her arm. Then Mrs. Davis enters the room dressed like Teddy Roosevelt and pretends to be a love interest of Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin is further left with eyes gaping when Miss Brooks tells Mr. Boynton to close his eyes, and then gives him a passionate kiss. Mr. Conklin is shocked, and Harriet is disappointed, but Miss Brooks pays off her $1 bet and declares that it was worth it. 9/22/21
• 029. Marinated Hearing – 4/24/1953
  • Expecting a visit from Mr. Stone (now played by Charles Evans) with the Board of Education, Mr. Conklin designates the day as Board of Education day. Meanwhile, Walter has written an editorial for the school paper The Madison Monitor which criticizes the Board. He brings the article to Miss Brooks to read, but she advises him to destroy it. Walter also asks Miss Brooks to help tutor Bones Snodgrass who is worried about exams, especially in Biology, where he has written a paper on the various types of baboons. Mr. Conklin is preparing for Mr. Stone’s visit, by moving the school cannon to the front of the school, and plans to read the editorial that Walter has written, not realizing that it is a scathing review. Miss Brooks tells Mr. Conklin that Walter has lost the speech, trying to keep him out of trouble, and encourages Mr. Conkling to write his own speech. When Miss Brooks goes to see Mr. Boynton, he has found Walter’s editorial, so Miss Brooks rips it up, also accidentally ripping up Bones’ paper on the baboons as well. Walter later finds Mr. Conklin’s speech and thinks it is his editorial, so he rips it up and tosses it in the trash can. Bones informs him that he has ripped up Conklin’s speech, and offers to tape it back together… but he actually combines Conklin’s speech, Walter’s editorial, and Bones’ essay on the baboons. Later as Mr. Conklin is going over the afternoon’s ceremony, Walter fires off the cannon, causing Mr. Conklin to go temporarily deaf. Conklin then has Miss Brooks read the speech to Mr. Stone. Since Conklin is deaf, he is oblivious to the contests of the three papers combined, although Stone is extremely insulted. Conklin even finishes off the last few lines, before realizing what it says… and holding Miss Brooks responsible for the entire affair. 9/22/21
• 036. Cure That Habit – 6/12/1953
  • Mrs. Davis has received two kittens from her friend Minerva, and she asks Connie to drop them off with the pet shop owner Mr. Snodgrass on her way to school with Walter, but since the vet is not open yet, they have to take the kittens to school and hide them in Philip’s lab. Meanwhile Walter has played a joke on Mr. Conklin and sent in a request in his name to Cure That Habit Inc., the local Alcoholics support group for information. Mr. Chambers (Parley Baer) is the citizen who runs the group, and since he has a son at the school, he brings it to Mr. Stone (now played by Herbert Heyes), the head of the school board, who finds it unlikely that Conklin is an alcoholic, but was planning to visit the school anyway. Connie and Walter pass off the kittens to Snodgrass’s son Stretch (Leonard Smith), who also borrows Mr. Boynton’s bullfrog and had a small snake that he intended to trade for the frog. All of these animals become lost in Mr. Conklin’s office when Stretch is asked to clean it to prepare for the visit. Conklin is shocked as the animals turn up, and he claims he is bitten by the snake, hiccups nervously as he awaits Stone, becomes dizzy and loses his glasses as Stretch spins him in a chair to cure the hiccups. By the time he returns to the office to find Mr. Stone and Mr. Chambers, he appears to be drunk due to all of these factors. When Stretch brings him some ‘alcohol’ for his snakebite, this is the last straw and Stone and Chambers storm out. Miss Brooks has to tell him about the mailed-in card, but refuses to give up Walter. However Walter gives himself away when he comes in and boasts about sending in another card, nor realizing that Conklin is standing behind him. 8/21/19
• 037. Capistrano’s Revenge – 6/19/1953
  • Mrs. Davis has rescued a sparrow whose wing is injured and is keeping it in a shoebox and asks Connie is Mr. Boynton can take a look at it. Connie tells her that she doesn’t like birds, so she recommends that she look at as if it were a human, so Connie names it Philip after Mr. Boynton, and when she takes one look at the injured bird, she suddenly swells with empathy for the poor thing. Walter joins her for breakfast and also has no use for birds… until he takes one look at it. Mr. Conklin is even less understanding when she brings the box into the school, and he orders her to get rid it and keep it out of Mr. Boynton’s Biology lab. She pleads with him, then ultimately ignores him and takes it to Mr. Boynton anyway. Bones also catches sight of the bird, and when he takes a look at him, he thinks he should take it to his veterinarian father, but Connie decides to have Boynton take a look at him first. Boynton has no interest in helping the Philip the sparrow until he take one look at the poor creature as well. Mr. Conklin catches them with the bird, and decides to get rid of it himself, but when he takes one look at it, he has a change of heart and insists that Mr. Boynton try to cure it. Miss Brooks is so touched that she gives Conklin a kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately after Miss Brooks leaves the room, Boynton discovers that he bird has died. Neither he nor Conklin nor Walter can bring themselves to tell Miss Brooks that the bird has expired, but none of them like Walter’s idea of taking a sparrow from the park and substituting it for Philip. They all attempt to tell Miss Brooks the truth, but they can’t get it out. However, Miss Brooks returns to the Biology lab and finds the sparrow dead. Each of the guys later show up at her house with a sparrow that they’ve taken from park. Connie then tells them that she knows the truth, but then Bones surprises them all and shows up at her house with the real Philip now fully recovered. He had taken him and substituted him with one of Mr. Boynton’s stuffed birds, in order to ensure it got proper care from his father. Connie then gives each of the guys a kiss on the cheek, but Mr. Boynton runs out before she can give him his. 3/21/22
• 038. June Bride – 6/26/1953
  • Walter stops by for breakfast to tell Miss Brooks that he and Harriet have decided on a June wedding, even if it is six years from now after he finished college. Miss Brooks tells him that she’s like to be a June bride as well, but for now Mr. Boynton can’t muster much more than taking her to a square dance that afternoon. Mr. La Blanche stops by the house and asks Miss Brooks if she will act as a proxy for a woman from France named Georgette Dubois, and marry him that afternoon. While he had visited France, he met another teacher named Jacques and they became fast friend. Jacques introduced him to Georgette and they date while he was there for six months. Now that he’s back home, she’s fallen deeper in love with him and wants to move to American, and this will be made much easier if she can marry La Blanche. Miss Brooks agrees to stand in as his proxy bride, and Walter overhears part of the conversation: the part where she and La Blanche are getting married. Walter quickly blabs it to Miss Davis and Harriet. Miss Davis is offended that Miss Brooks didn’t tell her, so Miss Brooks reveals the true nature of the wedding. Walter and Harriet think they should stop the wedding, so they enlist the help of Mr. Conklin, warning him that if those two get married, it could jeopardize her continuing to teach at the high school. Miss Brooks cancels her square dance plans with Mr. Boynton. Mr. La Blanche brings Judge Goodwin (Arthur Q. Bryan) to marry them, and he explains the nature of the marriage to the judge. When the judge asks if anyone objects to the wedding, Mr. Conklin bursts in to stop it. When he learns the true nature of the wedding, they continue with the ceremony. The Walter busts in to object to the wedding, and a surprised Mr. Boynton follows him. Once everyone is aware that it is a proxy wedding only, they proceed. Then a messenger (Jerry Hausner) shows up with a telegram before the ceremony is completed. It is from Georgette who tells Mr. La Blanche to cancel the proxy marriage, as she has married Jacques that morning. Mr. Boynton tells everyone they should take advantage of them all being there, so he positions himself where the groom was, and moves everyone around the room… all so they can have their own square dance. 3/22/22

SEASON 2

• 039. Clay City Chaperone – 10/2/1953
  • With Madison getting ready to play the Clay City Cubs in the Cereal Bowl in Clay City, followed by a school dance afterward, Miss Brooks longs to go along, especially since Mr. Boynton has plans to go, but she cannot afford it. However, she has word that Mr. Conklin is going to choose between her and Miss Daisy Enright, who also has eyes for Mr. Boynton. She stops by Miss Brooks and offers her a free ticket to the Fireman’s Ball, which happens to be the same night, and taunts her that she is going to be picked to be chaperone. Miss Brooks plans to butter up Mr. Conklin by giving him an early Christmas gift, wool socks that he can wear at the game. It seems Miss Enright is always one step ahead of Miss Brooks, as she too gives him the same early gift, as well as cleaning out his office closet, and bringing him lunch to the cafeteria. Mr. Conklin then announces that he has picked the chaperone, but it isn’t either of them but rather his own wife. Miss Brooks then sullenly joins Mr. Boynton at lunch and tries to talk him out of going to the game by telling him all of the bad points of the trip. However, he is adamant about going. Then Harriet finds her and tells her that her mother won’t be able to make it to the game, so he has flipped a coin and chosen Miss Brooks to go after all. Then unexpectedly, she finds out from Boynton that he has changed his mind about going and has decided to stay in town for the weekend. Once she finds this out, Miss Brooks is no longer interested in going, and sells her ticket to Miss Enright for $5. Then she finds out that Mr. Boynton has decided to go after all, so she returns the money to Miss Enright and gets the ticket. With everyone set to go, Walter hands Miss Brooks yet another memo with directions for the buses, but since she has read it so many times already she doesn’t bother to look at it again. Miss Conklin arrives in Clay City 80 miles away with the band and cheerleaders, as well as the team manager Walter, and Mr. Boyton. She gets a call from Mr. Conklin that he and the 25 players on the football team are stranded without a ride because the third memo had said that she was supposed to hold the bus until 9am for the players to ride with them. Her only suggestion is to have the band members play the game that is starting in less than a half hour. 7/22/22
• 040. Bones, Son of Cyrano – 10/9/1953
  • Walter stops over one morning at Mrs. Davis’s place, feeling sullen and lovesick because Harriet seems to be cooling on him now that she is receiving an anonymous poem in her lunch pastry every day by a secret admirer. Once he can muster his appetite and eat breakfast, Miss Brooks advises that he also send her some poetry and then reveal himself later. He takes a crack at writing his own poem, but then is offered a verse from the book Cyrano de Bergerac, which he recently borrowed from Miss Brooks. Mr. Denton writes it down for Walter, but when Harriet gets the poem, she recognizes his handwriting as being Mr. Denton’s. She tells Miss Brooks gleefully that she’s figured out who is writing her poems, but doesn’t tell her who. She decides to hand it back to him to let him know that she now knows it is from him. Miss Brooks puts it in an envelope from her, but it has her name on it, he assumes that Harriet wants him to pass it on to her. Meanwhile, Miss Brooks notices all of the plants that are adorning the lunch room and Mr. Boynton’s room, and he tells her that all she has to do is requisition it from Mr. Conklin. She also waits for a romantic gesture from him because of the poem he he has given to her. Bones Snodgrass comes and sees Miss Brooks, and admits to her that he has been Harriet’s secret admirer, and since he’s lost the Omar Khayyam book he’s been using, he is forced to write his own poem to give her next, and wants Miss Brooks to hear it. She thinks it is pretty repugnant, so she gives him the Cyrano poem she thinks that Mr. Boynton wrote for her. She also asks Bones to drop off her flower requisition to Mr. Conklin. However, he mixes up the notes and gives Harriet the requisition, and passes the poem to Mr. Conklin and tells him it is from Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin is puzzled and asks her in to talk about it, and tells her that he is a married man. She tells him that all she wants are a few little plants, but he thinks she is talking about babies. The conversation finally reaches a confusing head, when all of the players hurry in when they realize that the note has been passed around from person to person. They go in reverse through its path, and it winds up with Mr. Boyton as they all head to the incinerator to burn it. 7/22/22
• 041. Spare the Rod – 10/16/1953
  • Miss Brooks is called into Mr. Conklin’s office one morning after he walked by her classroom earlier and noticed that she still had chalk slurs against him on her chalkboard from the day before. He also goes on a ‘spare the rod’ tirade, with various quotes of that nature plastered on his office walls. He insists that the school be decluttered and cleaned that day, with Miss Brooks and Stretch Snodgrass cleaning out the janitor’s closet, and Walter cleaning out his old files from when the former principal Mr. Darwell was still there. While he is cleaning, Walter finds an old letter from Edgar P. Stone of the Board of Education calling him out for being dictatorial and tyrannical and warning him that if he continues, it will cost him his job. Walter decides to play a joke and re-seal the envelope and address it to Mr. Conklin. When Conklin discovers and reads it, he immediately panics and starts kissing up to faculty and students. Walter and Stretch confide in Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton about what they did. The agree to keep their mouth shut since they can see the obvious change in Conklin’s behavior. Mr. Conklin joins them all for lunch, and Mr. Conklin asks them to compile a list of his shortcomings so that he can start improving himself. Later, when he tells his daughter Harriet about his predicament, she discovers the letter to Mr. Conklin… and the fact that it is post-marked 1944. Mr. Conklin immediately realizes that he has been the victim to a ‘monumental’ hoax. He turns all his motivational signs back around to their original quotes. He asks them all to read their list of Conklin’s shortcomings. He patiently listens and then shows them the letter’s postmark, blows up, and they all run out of the office. 11/16/22
• 042. Faculty Band – 10/23/1953
  • Mr. Boynton has taken over as the conductor of Madison’s faculty band. He also has room to add one teacher to the band. Miss Brooks wants to audition so she can be closer to Philip but hasn’t played since she was a child. Mrs. Davis illustrates how she used to play violin years earlier… and it sounds like it. At school, Mr. Conklin is telling Harriet how he plans to audition as well. He has a ukulele, harmonica, and peckhorn to choose from, but he plans to grab Mr. Boynton on his lunch hour and audition for him before he rehearses the other teachers after school. When Miss Brooks gets wind of this from Walter, she invites Mr. Boynton to come over to Mrs. Davis’s place to have lunch on his hour, convincing him that the prices of roast beef and pie have gone up. Miss Brooks tires to warm up in the room on her free period before lunch, and Mr. Boynton comes in with a new harp just acquired for the band. Conklin comes in also and insists that Mr. Boynton audition him there and now. Walter fills his peckhorn with water, but Miss Brooks doesn’t see it. She says that anyone can play the peckhorn, so he insists that she play, causing her to blow the water into Conklin’s face. They go over to Mrs. Davis’s house as planned for lunch, but since Miss Brooks hasn’t had a chance to practice, she talks Mrs. Davis to actually play the violin, while Miss Brooks pretends that she is the one playing. Mrs. Davis screws it up by playing when Miss Brooks isn’t playing, and not playing when Miss Brooks is supposed to be playing. Mr. Boynton catches on and asks why she is faking it. She tells him that she wanted to get into the band before she was able to practice. He says he is flattered and tells her that she can still audition with the others after school. Mr. Conklin then shows up at Mrs. Davis’s house and wants to audition. Mrs. David gets him coffee, and accidentally spills it into the horn, and then onto Mr. Conklin. After school, Miss Brooks is the only one auditioning, playing the trio of a triangle, horn, and tambourine. Mr. Conklin then enters and says that after chatting with the other dozen teachers, they have all chosen to withdraw from the audition. After Mr. Conklin takes all of Miss Brooks’ instruments, she reveals she also has cymbals on her knees. 11/17/22
• 043. The Little Visitor – 10/30/1953
  • There are rumors circulating around the school that Mrs. Conklin is expecting another baby. Miss Brooks hasn’t confirmed it yet, but Mrs. Conklin hasn’t been very visible lately and told Miss Brooks over the phone that she is doing a lot of knitting and expecting a little visitor. Walter confirms that Harriet also keeps turning down his date offers because she is busy helping her mother. Later, Mr. Conklin discusses with Harriet how he is annoyed that his wife waited so long to tell him that they have to babysit Harriet’s sister Elsie’s pet monkey Baby, while Eslie is away on a ski trip. Meanwhile, Mr. Conklin is waiting to hear from the Superintendent Edgar T. Stone (now played by Joseph Kearns) whether he is being appointed to become the District Supervisor for the school. Harriet is waiting on Jenny McPherson’s mother to drop off Jenny’s baby sister Patsy for the Home Economics class to experiment with. Miss Brooks finally broaches the subject of Mr. Conklin’s new baby, but he thinks she is talking about the monkey, and her new job, and the McPherson’s baby. While Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks go shopping for a baby bassinet for the Conklins. Boynton gets nervous talking to the clerk and begins to hiccup, which he does when he’s nervous. Mr. Stone gives the job to Mr. Conklin over competing principal Jason Brill because Brill has two children at home and this job will require time away. However, Conklin has a hard time explaining it when Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton bring him a baby bassinet as a gift. Mr. Stone comes to believe that Conklin has two babies as everyone discusses the monkey and Home Economics baby, who is brought into the office by Harriet. Mr. Stone winds up giving the job to Brill and telling Conklin that he’s going to be investigated. When Conklin explains the truth about the monkey and the baby, all Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton can do is hiccup. In the end, Miss Brooks winds up babysitting the monkey. 4/24/23
• 044. Trial by Jury – 11/6/1953
  • Miss Brooks is in a depressed mood because she received a traffic ticket for speeding, running a red light, reckless driving, driving on the sidewalk, and running through the fruit stand. She claims she was just getting gas on the top of the hill, and when another car bumped into hers, the car started rolling down the hill. To fight the ticket, she has asked for a jury trial, even though it is the middle of school hours. After accidentally snagging Mr. Conklin’s fishing pole on him as he heads into his office, she is more nervous than normal to ask for the time off. He, in fact, does not grant the request. Walter spreads the word around about Miss Brooks’ ticket to Mr. Boynton and Bones, much to her annoyance. They want to help her, so they consider telling Mr. Boynton that they are sick and need Miss Brooks to drive them home. Mr. Boynton doesn’t think it is a good idea because the gets the hiccups whenever he tries to lie. Regardless, each of them visit Mr. Conklin and tell them that they are sick… after Miss Brooks has already told him that she is sick. He is already in a bad mood because he has been called away for the afternoon to serve on jury duty… for a woman who called for a jury trial for a traffic ticket. This will cause him to miss his fishing trip. As Miss Brooks tries to figure out how to leave school grounds, Harriet tells her about the jury duty, so she now has no problem leaving. Unfortunately, her speech about ‘the quality of mercy’ from The Merchant of Venice. When Mr. Conklin applaudes at her speech before exclaiming that she’s ‘guilty as charged,’ Miss Brooks offers her wrists to the judge and tells him to carve out a pound of her flesh. 4/24/23
• 045. Phone Book Follies – 11/13/1953
  • Mr. Jackson (Lawrence Dobkin) from the phone company comes around to Mrs. Davis’s place to deliver the new phone book but cannot leave it unless they can return their old phone book to him. Since they cannot locate it, they don’t receive a new one. They ponder who might have taken their phone book accidentally or otherwise. They suspect Mr. Boynton at first since he was just there the day before and was spotted by Walter carrying a phone book. He is able to convince Miss Brooks that the phone book he was carrying was his. She suspects that Mr. Conklin could have take it since he was also at the house, but Conklin is enraged already because his wife calls to tell him that their phone book is also missing, and they can’t get a new one. He suspects that Miss Brook may have taken when she was over to play Canasta with his wife. Miss Brooks tries to get a look at the phone book in Conklin’s office, but he won’t let her see it out of fear she may try to steal it. He then realizes that his office phone book is now missing as well. Mrs. Davis invites Mr. Conklin over for dinner since his wife and daughter are visiting Montrose, and Miss Brooks thinks she can shame him into admitting that he took the phone book by locking everything down in the house including his chair at the table and the salt and pepper shakers. Mr. Conklin thinks he’ll hind the phone book in the house somewhere. Walter brings over the microphone he made in class and attaches it to Mrs. Davis’s radio and makes a fake announcement about all cars proceeding to Mrs. Davis’s house to recover a stolen phone book. Conklin finds the radio, and announces that Miss Brooks needs to return the phone book. However, Miss Brooks finds three book in Mrs. Davis’s shopping bag just in time for Mr. Jackson to stop by and deliver three new ones. Connie then finds an additional tall stack of phone books that Mrs. Davis had taken from various places. She admits that she might be losing her mind. 9/7/23
• 046. Thanksgiving Show – 11/20/1953
  • Mrs. Davis goes to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving but finds that it is too expensive, so she settles on a tiny squab. She encourages Miss Brooks to try and find another place to have her Thanksgiving meal, starting with Walter Denton. He describes the delicious meal that his mother typically serves, making Miss Brooks’ mouth water… but then tells her that he isn’t eating with them this year as they are going away for vacation over the holiday. He plans to stay with Stretch, but Stretch’s parents are also going out of town, so Walters says that the two of them will come over to eat with Mrs. Davis and Miss Brooks. At school, Mr. Boynton tells her how he won an 18-pound turkey in a drawing, so Miss Brooks is quick to invite him to come as well, hoping he will bring his turkey. However, he tells her that he sent it away to his parents’ place since he can’t afford to visit them this year. Mrs. Davis then suggests that Miss Brook try to get Mr. Conklin and his wife Martha to host them all for the meal. Miss Brooks speaks to Martha and hints around that she’d like to spend Thanksgiving with them. Mrs. Conklin misunderstands and agrees to bring Osgood and Harriet to her house for Thanksgiving. Martha then has Harriet give away their turkey to the mission since they won’t need it. When Mr. Conklin wakes up from a nap, he is livid that they’ve given the turkey away and has no desire to go to Miss Brooks’ place. Eventually he realizes he has no choice and gives in. Miss Brooks tries to fill up the guests as best as she can before the meal, but Mr. Conklin refuses to eat until the turkey is on the table. After they all work together to set the table for the meal, Miss Brooks brings out the squab, and Conklin finds it ridiculous how small his portions of drumstick and breast are. Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton ends up leaving during the meal. Mrs. Conklin assumes that it is because she wanted to leave more for the guests. After the meal, Mr. Conklin is still grumbling about how they gave up their turkey. Martha winds up taking him past the mission, so that he could see and appreciate everyone they helped that holiday. While they are there, they spot Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks, who is pounding the giant bass drum, while Boynton carries their two plates of food. 9/7/23
• 047. Vitamin E-4 – 11/27/1953
  • Miss Brooks is feeling a bit blue because her sister Doris is going to have a baby while her husband Freddy is out of work. Miss Brooks has told her sister that she is going to assume the expenses of the baby until he can get work. She plans to go to work for a Professor Anderson (voice of Frank Nelson), a physicist who has invented the new vitamin E-4, who is hiring schoolteachers to assist in manufacturing the new vitamin. She will be making $150 more dollars per month with this job. Unfortunately, she and the other teachers have signed a pledge not to quit Madison High School during the school year. To get around this, she plans to be insubordinate so that she can get fired. In order to soften the blow for her fellow teachers, she plans on giving them the cold shoulder, so they won’t be so upset when she leaves the school. She kicks this off by being nasty toward Walter when he shows up to pick her up for school. Meanwhile, the local police Lieutenant (Barney Phillips) calls in Mr. Stone to let him know about Professor Anderson, who has been identified as a fraud for selling pills made of molasses, powdered sugar, and chicken fat, and passing them off as vitamins. Although Anderson has been arrested, he wants to stakeout the school to try to catch his confederates. Miss Brooks begins her initiative of getting fired by spending her first period class time picking four-leaf clovers by herself on the school lawn. Mr. Conklin is furious when he finds out and turns to Mr. Stone to get her dismissed, but Stone refuses to fire her and blames her attitude on being overworked. Mr. Boynton is also having a financial issue because his brother is expecting a baby while his wife is out of work. He wants to go and work for Professor Anderson too but isn’t sure how to get out of his schoolteacher pledge. When Walter tells him how Miss Brooks treated him that morning, Mr. Boynton gets the idea to act the same way to his fellow teachers. When Miss Brooks arrives for lunch, they both act cooly toward each other. Miss Brooks then tells him how her attitude is leading Mr. Conklin to want to fire her. He gets the idea to behave the same way to get fired himself. When Miss Brooks and Mr. Conklin stop by Mr. Conklin’s office dressed casually to skip classes and hang out in the outdoors, Mr. Conklin decides he can’t stand their action, and since Mr. Stone won’t fire them, he decides to quit the school himself… and go and work for Professor Anderson. That afternoon, Mr. Conklin, Miss Brooks, and Mr. Boynton all show up at Anderson’s lab, where he has left behind a record of his voice guiding them through making the E-4 vitamin. With all of them wearing masks, they don’t recognize each other. However, once they begin making the vitamin, Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton misunderstand several of the directions, and they wind up covering Mr. Conklin with the fat and molasses. Then while Conklin tries to fix the conveyor belt, Boynton and Brooks send pans full of the gook down on top of them. They finally take their masks off and recognize each other, just as Mr. Stone and Lieutenant arrive and criticizes them all for being so gullible. Later Miss Brooks reveals to Mrs. Davis that all arrangements have been made for her sister to have the baby at the esteemed Maywood hospital. Freddy is now utilizing his talents as an artist to painting the maternity ward at the Maywood hospital to pay for the baby’s delivery. 12/29/23
• 048. Swap Week – 12/11/1953
  • As Mrs. Davis attempts to serve Miss Brooks veal scallopini for breakfast, Miss Brooks tells her that it is Swap Week at school, a day started by new student Larry Clayton (Robert Ellis). In fact, Larry shows up to pick up Miss Brooks to drive her to school since he has swapped an outboard motor and a football for 50% interest in Walter Denton’s car, so since they alternate days of driving it, this is his day to pick up Miss Brooks. Larry tells Miss Brooks that since he will be picking her up every other day, he wants Miss Brooks to swap a record player for 20% of Walter’s car for his compensation of driving Miss Brooks to school. After considering taking a bus, which means getting up earlier and possibly walking through the rain. Meanwhile, Mr. Boynton is planning to head up to Mr. Stone’s cabin at Eagle Springs. Since he has fractured his ankle and is stuck there, he wants a representative from each school to report to him to fill him in on what is going on at the school’s. Larry suspects that Mr. Conklin might be annoyed that Stone appointed Mr. Boynton rather than him, but Miss Brooks says that Conklin is being a good sport and has offered to drive Boynton to Eagle Springs. It turns out that Mr. Conklin is in fact bitter about only being an alternate to represent the school for the visits to Mr. Stone, who is angry at Conklin because it was the ice skates given to him by Mr. Conklin that caused his fractured ankle. Therefore, he refuses to drive Mr. Boynton to Eagle Springs, and Mr. Boynton has no alternate way to get to Stone’s cabin. When Walter hears about Miss Brokes trading the record player, he tells her that he would have given her even more interest in his car for the player, then asks her to keep an eye out for any other musical device for him. When she finds out about Boynton needing a ride, which might help earn him a promotion to head of the Biology department from Mr. Stone, she brokers a deal for Boynton to trade his radio for 20% of the car, and ten offering to give him her 20%, so that Mr. Boynton will have the controlling interest of the three-way split with Walter and Larry and would be able to take the car to Eagle Springs that weekend. Mr. Conklin overhears this deal and quickly makes a deal to get Walter’s remaining 30% of his car with his shotgun, then calls Larry to the office and is able to get his 30% as well. With 60% controlling interest now, Mr. Conklin can stop Mr. Boynton from using the car. Miss Brooks decides to use her initiative to solve this problem, expecting to go on a date and parking with Mr. Boynton in exchange for her efforts. She has Walter and Larry disassemble the car, and has most of the exterior, or roughly 60% of the car, delivered to his office. Mr. Boynton takes his 40% of the car, mostly the carcass, and drives it to Eagle Springs. 12/29/23
• 049. Oh, Dem Golden Slippers – 12/18/1953
  • Miss Brooks stops in at the shoe store on the way to work to find some slippers to wear at the school’s masquerade ball and meets up with a strange salesman named Mr. McFadden (Dan Tobin). After taking Connie’s measurements, he claims that he has a perfect pair of shoes for her that are designed precisely to her exact measurements. However, he tells her that they are not for sale, but says he will allow her to wear them that night up until midnight, at which time they will be picked up and returned to the store. No money changes hands, and Miss Brooks takes the slippers. After bringing them to school, Mr. Boynton notices that the heels are made of solid gold. Meanwhile, Mr. Conklin plans to dress up as the devil, and hopes to win the door prize, a new golf bag. Mr. Boynton dresses as Prince Charming, and Walter dresses as Little Lord Fauntleroy. Throughout the day, Miss Brooks receives numerous cards referring to her as Cinderalla, each one with a gift for her, including a gown, flowers, and the promise to send a coach and four to pick her up that night. Miss Brooks returns to the shoe store to find out what is going on, and not only is Mr. McFadden not there, but the store owner, Mr. Hillman, who claims there is no one by that name, and furthermore that he has been there all morning. Mr. Conklin makes plans to rig the door prize so that he can get the golf bag, by bringing around a slipper to see what lady it fits, hoping that one of his teachers gets the prize and can give it to him. That night at the ball, Mr. Conklin goes around with the slipper to find a match, but Miss Brooks tells him that Mr. Finley has already measured her foot. Conklin hasn’t heard of anyone there named Mr. Finley, but the shoe doesn’t fit anyway. It turns out that slipper not only fits his daughter Harriet, but it belongs to her. Thus, the golf bag has made it into the Conklin family. Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton spend some time on the chilly outdoor balcony, as she drops hints for her to warm her up. However, when she realizes that it is 11:30, she has to rush home. Mr. McFadden shows up when Miss Brooks and Mrs. Davis are out of the room and swaps her box with the shoes for another box. They ladies then sit down to listen to the radio, and they hear on the news that a gambler named Lucky McFadden has made the news by betting a rich shoemaker that a pair of golden slippers wouldn’t fit any woman. McFadden then paid off Mr. Hillman to work in his store under complete secrecy. After finding the perfect fit, McFadden made the lady a Cinderella for a day. The shoe manufacturer, Mr. Finley, had also crashed the ball to measure the lady-in-question’s foot, and then promptly paid the bet. The radio announcer named Miss Brooks as the Cinderella. Once Miss Brooks realizes that it is after midnight, she looks inside the shoe box and finds a pumpkin inside. 5/7/24
• 050. The Magic Tree – 12/25/1953
  • It is Christmas Eve, and Mrs. Brooks is planning to spend the evening alone since Mrs. Davis is going to visit her sister Angela. She originally had planned to spend the night with Mr. Boynton, so she has placed mistletoe all over the house, but he had to cancel plans and go upstate to see his parents. She settles in with Mrs. Davis’s cat Minerva in a rocking chair, when the doorbell rings and a little boy (Sammy Ogg) shows up with a sob story and Christmas trees for sale, which he claims are magic. Since the one they have is rather skimpy, she buys another one for fifty cents. She then returns to her rocking chair and hears the doorbell once again. This time it is Walter Denton stopping by to give her a Christmas gift. He also tells her how much he has appreciated the friendship of a much older woman, which Miss Brooks takes in stride, considering the insult. The doorbell rings again and it is the Conklin family, also coming to drop off a gift. Mr. Conklin questions whether Miss Brooks has started planning her year’s curriculum, but she says she is on vacation and is treating it as such. Harriet notices all of the mistletoe and she and Walter take full advantage of it, much to Mr. Conklin’s irritation. Mrs. Conklin tries to get Osgood to fuss over her as well, but he claims to be allergic to the plant. The doorbell rings again and it is Mr. Boynton, whose plans to visit his parents have been cancelled as they are now coming down to see him. After he gives her his gift, Harriet tries to get him to stand under the mistletoe with Miss Brooks, but the only think that it elicits is sneezing from his as well. They all decide to open their gifts, but when Walter tries to put gifts under the new ‘magic’ tree, it lights up and gives Walter a funny feeling. He tells Harriet that she will only keep his interest if she becomes more alluring and youthful like Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin then attempts to move the tree, and when he touches it, he suddenly becomes full of Christmas spirit and tells Miss Brooks that she suddenly seems incredibly intelligent and makes her head of the Madison High English department. Finally, Mr. Boynton touches the tree, and is suddenly overcome with attraction for Miss Brooks, calls her under the mistletoe, and gives her a passionate kiss. Miss Brooks says that she feels like she is dreaming, and then suddenly wakes up in the rocking chair with Minerva to the sound of the doorbell ringing again. It is the Conklins, Mr. Boyton, and Walter all stopping by to visit with Miss Brooks. She has knowledge of the fact that Mr. Boynton’s parents are now coming to visit him, and Mr. Conklin again asks about the curriculum for the next year. She asks Mr. Boyton to touch the tree, but then realizes that it is no longer there. She surmises that she dreamt the tree, along with the fantasy about her friends. The little boy tree salesman then returns and offers Miss Brooks a tree, and this time she asks to buy five of them. She then puts some mistletoe over Mr. Boynton’s head… but it only solicits a sneeze. 5/10/24
• 051. Hospital Capers – 1/8/1954
  • Mr. Boynton is in the hospital after falling into a hole on a piece of property near the school. Miss Brooks has been visiting him during every possible visiting hour, bringing him books about marriage. While she is there, the window washer named Gus (Jack Kruschen) comes into the room to clean the windows from the ledge outside. Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks discuss the fact that when Walter called the ambulance when he fell into the hall, a lawyer named Mr. Glint (Frank Nelson) came along with them on their ride to the hospital. Glint talked Mr. Boynton sign a legal document for him to act on his behalf to file a lawsuit for $5000 against the owner of the property with the hole. Front the ledge, Gus agrees with Mr. Boyton employing the lawyer, but Miss Brooks tells him to mind his own business. When she opens the window shade, he is gone, and she freaks out that he has fallen. Gus then comes in the other window and tells her that there’s a big ledge out there. When Miss Brooks gets to school, Mr. Conklin calls her into his office and tries to butter her up and asks her to talk Mr. Boynton into dropping the lawsuit, since the property with the hole belongs to him. She wants no part of it, and he tells her that at least he is insured and reminds her that she has actually mailed his premium in. Miss Brooks struggles to remember if she actually ever mailed it… until Mrs. Davis tells her that she just saw the letter in the desk drawer that morning. Mr. Conklin then tells Miss Brooks that she will be liable for any payments that he might have to make as a result of the suit. Miss Brooks gets Mr. Boynton to agree to drop the lawsuit, but when she goes to see Mr. Glint, he tells her that Boynton’s signature enables him to file the suit without Mr. Boynton’s involvement. He also shows her that the fine print indicates that Mr. Boynton is liable for his $250 legal fee. Miss Brooks returns to the hospital disguised as a nurse to see if Mr. Conklin comes to see him to try anything underhanded. She winds up hiding on the windowsill when Conklin arrives, and she overhears him giving Mr. Boynton $25 and telling him that he will pay for the $250 fee if he drops the case but says that it will actually be Miss Brooks paying the fee because it’s her fault that the property is no longer insured. He then hears her on the windowsill, and she tells him that she’s going to jump if she has to pay that money himself. When she disappears from the sill, he panics and thinks that she has jumped. He begins lamenting that he would have given anything to prevent the scandal this would cause. Miss Brooks then enters through the other window. She threatens to expose the fact that Conklin tried to bribe Mr. Boynton to drop the case, but Boynton admits that Conkln had borrowed the $25 from him and was just paying it back. Miss Brooks hops in a wheelchair and asks Gus to take her to the sanitarium. 9/22/24
• 052. Postage Due – 1/15/1954
  • At breakfast one morning, Mrs. Davis gives Connie a piece of mail from her sister Angela of some brochures from Niagara Falls, thinking it might give Mr. Boynton some ideas if she shows them. Connie notices that the envelope shows a 20-cent postage due note, but Mrs. Davis says that she never paid it. Connie decides that she needs to pay the mailman Mr. Bagley (Steven Geray) back the money, but Mrs. Davis says that she heard that Mr. Bagby quit the post office. Connie worries that he may need the money now that he is without a job. She heads to the post office to see if she can find any information about Mr. Bagby. The only thing she finds out is that Mr. Bagley was definitely liable for the 20 cents, and that he moved out from his landlady’s boarding house without leaving a forwarding address. Miss Brooks starts to worry that something has happened to Bagley. Miss Brooks goes to Mr. Conklin to ask if she can have some time off to report this to the police. He initially denies her request, but then he starts to remember how nice Mr. Bagley was when a piece of Conklin’s mail went missing, and Bagley rushed to get him a mail claim document to fill out. The plot thickens when Harriet tells her father and Miss Brooks that a pathetic-looking Mr. Bagley has used their phone the other day and she overheard him say “I can’t go on with this much longer.” Although they seem to think that Bagley might be dead, the two of them enlist Mr. Boyton to help them track down Mr. Bagley’s whereabouts. Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton go to see Mr. Bagley’s old landlady, and they find out that Bagley had cleaned out his room and left, but Miss Brooks finds one of his old coats which had the label torn from it. They then go to see the barber who he was known to frequent. Although they find blood on the barber’s white coat, it turns out to be from a customer with multiple bandages on his face. She then meets Mr. Conklin at the grocer where he had been tipped off by the druggist was where Bagley regularly shopped. At first, he won’t give any information, but when Mr. Conklin pulls a banana on him, the grocer (Peter Leeds) spills his guts that Mr. Bagley planned to sail out to exotic lands all over the world. Mr. Conklin and Miss Brooks then head to the Dale Street Pier, where they finally find Mr. Bagley with his suitcases, getting ready to board a boat. Bagley tells them that he was headed to South American to stay with some friends, and when Miss Brooks tells him that the post office had planned to offer him some inside work, he seems to have reservations. Two officers then show up and arrest Bagley, who is also known as Slippery Jackson. He is wanted for forgery, and one officer (Barney Phillips) explains that he has been stealing checks out of the mail and forging the recipients’ names and collecting the money himself. Mr. Conklin thinks that it all must be a mistake, until he recalls that the letter that he had been trying to find was one of his paychecks. He then realizes that Bagley was a crook after all and can’t believe that Miss Brooks finally returns the 20 cents to him. Miss Brooks later shows up at the penitentiary where Slippery was sentenced to ten years in prison. However, the police officer arrives with only Slippery’s coat, as he has been slippery enough to escape from their clutches. 9/22/24

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