The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – ABC

Theme song: “Iron John’s Rock” by Dan Foliart

• 001. Pilot – 9/17/1991
  • Tim Taylor (Tim Allen) is the manly host of his own Detroit-based home improvement show Tool Time with co-host Al Borland (Richard Karn), sponsored by the Binford Tool Company, with which Tim used to be a tool salesman. Tim’s is married to Jill (Patricia Richardson), and they have three sons: Brad (Zachery Ty Bryan), Randy (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), and Mark (Taran Noah Smith). Tim frequently converses with his next door neighbor Wilson Wilson (Earl Hindman), who is generally hidden from the eyes down by the fence between their properties. Tim has the philosophy that everything is better with ‘more power’… and demonstrates this on the show by using a giant drill to create a hole in a door. Tim has to bypass a trip to a tool sale at Sears so that Jill can go to a job interview. While Tim stays at home with the kids, he occupies himself by re-wiring and souping up the dishwasher. As he works on it with Mark, he ends up getting a giant electrical shock and burn. Tim gets the call from Jill’s prospective employer before she even gets home, leaving the message that she didn’t get the job. However he doesn’t have the heart to tell her when she gets home excited about her interview. When he demonstrates the dishwasher, it blows a hole through the back of the counter. Mark then spills the beans to his mother about not getting the job, which infuriates Jill who feels unfulfilled by not working even though Tim makes enough for them both. Wilson advises Tim that sometimes women just need to be listened to. Tim gives an apology on the show, via giving advice how to be ‘symmetrical’ with one’s wife. Pamela Anderson aka Pamela Denise Anderson is ‘tool girl’ Lisa. John Cothran Jr. appears as the handyman Phil. 6/21/16

• 002. Mow Better Blues – 9/24/1991
  • As Tim works to attach a motorcycle engine to his riding lawnmower, he shows Mark his prized torque wrench that has been in his family for years. Mark hears Tim yell at his mother for touching his tools, so when he accidentally breaks his father’s torque wrench, he hides it in the dryer and doesn’t tell him about it. Making matters worse, Brad and Randy, who are helping their mom collect junk for a rummage sale, tell Mark that their father had traded their younger brother ‘Peter’ for Mark when Peter broke his flashlight. After Tim questions Jill about the broken wrench, he grills Brad and Randy, who tell him that it was actually Mark who broke it. With the help of Wilson, Tim finds Mark hiding in a tree in the backyard, and although angry at him for hiding his accident, tells him he’d never trade him for anything. Tim tries out his ‘lawn chopper’, which takes off in reverse and crashes. On Tool Time, Tim hides a welding torch from Al, which Al doesn’t take very well. 6/21/16 
• 003. Off Sides – 10/1/1991
  • Tim is all set to watch the Lions vs. Rams football game with the boys, until Jill reminds him that they had a date that night at Chez Pierre restaurant. Tim has forgotten to get a babysitter, so Jill finds a party magician named Larry Houdini (Eric Christmas) and pays him handsomely to watch the boys. At the restaurant Tim tries to sneak an earpiece in to listen to the game, but eventually gets caught. Another man named Rick (John Marshall Jones) at the restaurant keeps sneaking off to the kitchen to watch the game as well, so Jill finally breaks down and tells Tim to go ahead and join him. Meanwhile at home Houdini had gotten himself stuck in a trunk during an escape trick. When Jill and Tim arrive home, they have to call Houdini’s son Cyril to come get him out. Tim feels horribly about what he did and talks to Wilson about it, as is assured that men and women don’t have to understand everything about one another. Still Tim apologizes to Jill, and dances with her in the backyard as Wilson serenades them with Always. Rudolph Willrich is Franco. Deborah Lacey is Rick’s wife Alice. 8/10/16
• 004. Satellite on a Hot Tim’s Roof – 10/8/1991
  • Tim gets a new satellite dish, but when he asks Al to install it, Al claims he needs some alone time… while actually helping Lisa put together a bookshelf. Tim decides to put the dish up himself and is laughed at by the delivery men (Rocky Giordani, Bari K. Willerford). Meanwhile Jill’s colleague Rondall Kittleman (Sam McMurray) offers to spend his Saturday helping Jill polish up her resume, much to the chagrin of Tim, who thinks any man who would do that wants something in return. As Jill and Rondall work on the resume, Tim works on the dish, continually interrupting them. When Tim goes up on the roof, it becomes clear that Rondall indeed is interested in more from Jill, and she finally throws him out of the house. Jill apologizes to Tim, but he is more interested in getting free from the pulley he is tangled in. 8/10/16
• 005. Wild Kingdom – 10/15/1991
  • Jill is freezing in the house and sends Tim down to check the furnace. On his way Randy reads his future in cards and he gets the death card, the ace of spades. Down in the basement he hears the rustling of an animal and assumes there is a mouse downstairs, which petrifies Jill. Wilson advises him that it is more likely a snake, which petrifies Tim since he horrified by reptiles. A shed snake skin proves that it is indeed a snake, but an exterminator (Stephen Root) fails to find. Jill hosts Mark’s cub scout troop, and one of the kids Jimmy Wagner (Adam Wylie) becomes scared when he gets the death card as well. Tim gives him and the rest of the kids a speech about facing up to your fears, which then forces him to face his own when the snake makes its appearance coming out of a light fixture in the kitchen. Tim rips the light off the wall and sends it outside, but then while gloating, the snake comes out of the hole in the wall and goes down Tim’s shirt. The other Cub Scouts include Cody Burger, Everett Wong, and Rickey D’Shon Collins. 10/19/16
• 006. Adventures in Fine Dining – 10/22/1991
  • When the Taylor family is kicked out of Wacky Jack’s Pizza Pagoda for bad behavior, Jill blames Tim for being a bad influence on the boys and their manners. Tim promises Jill that they will have a quiet normal dinner the next night, and she bets him he can’t pull it off and if not, he has to buy her season opera tickets. On Tool Time, Tim discusses manners, and then tries to do the same with his boys unsuccessfully. Wilson advises him that their mealtime aggression stems back to men not being able to hunt their own food when domesticated. Tim pretends to be that evening’s chicken and has them attack him. That evening at dinner the boys are polite but lethargic and eventually fall asleep at the table, since Tim has tired them out. Jill decides to take what she can get and utilizes the quiet time to take Tim up to the bedroom. 10/21/16
• 007. Nothing More Than Feelings – 10/29/1991
  • When Jill ignores a ‘check engine’ light in her car, it burns up the motor and the vehicle becomes inoperable, leading to Tim discussing on Tool Time how wives don’t respect equipment. He brings two guests from the audience, Jim (Art LeFleur) and Kyle (Ron Taylor), and it turns into a gripe session about all of the things wives do, leading Tim to talk about how Jill drools in her sleep. Al feels left out since he is single and lonely. When Jill sees Tim’s discussion on TV she becomes furious, so Tim attempts to discuss on being sensitive with wives on the next episode. Although it digresses into sharing more manly feelings, Jill is appeased. Al brings up how much Tim has hurt his feelings, so Tim has to try and make that better as well. Randy worries that his hands are too feminine. 1/23/17
• 008. Flying Sauces – 11/5/1991
  • Tim receives a letter from Rock Lannigan (Casey Sander) from Bay City, whom Tim invites, along with Rock’s friends Pete Bilker (Mickey Jones) and Dwayne Hoover (Gary McGurk), onto the show to demonstrate how they cook at their construction company using ‘power and steel’. Meanwhile Jill gets irritated with Brad and Randy for always leaving Mark out. Although she and Tim try to correct them – although Tim remembers tormenting his own brother – they still tell Mark that their family is comprised of aliens. Tim and Jill decide to join forces with Mark and out-torment them by dressing as aliens and scaring Brad and Randy. Tim makes his Happy Trails spicy chili. Tim and Jill have a bet that he can’t remember what song they first danced to. Tim surprises her by remembering that it was Without You by Harry Nilsson. 1/23/17
• 009. Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble – 11/19/1991
  • When Jill complains about finding shaving cream in their bathroom sink, Tim gets an inkling to install a dual sink in the bathroom. Jill reluctantly agrees to it when she is promised a whirlpool and that Tool Time will pay for most of it if they televise the project. Trouble begins when Tim busts a hole through the wall into the bedroom. Then after ten days, he realizes that the whirlpool won’t fit up the stairs so he has to cut a hole in the roof. On day 17, Tim hits a water mane so he has to borrow water from Wilson. The guys also shut off the gas in fear that he hit the gas line too. Jill is so angry that she takes the kids to a hotel until the project is over. Tim feels terrible and Wilson explains that men’s desire to create stems from not being able to give birth. Jill misses Tim and comes home and apologizes for getting angry. Tim understands… and shows her the new bathroom, with which she is thrilled. Meanwhile Brad spikes his hair in order to win over a girl, and it works; she asks him to sit next to her on the bus. Al Fann is Felix Myman. Gary Bayer and Dorien Wilson are workmen. 5/8/17
• 010. Reach Out and Teach Someone – 11/26/1991
  • When Tim tries to teach Jill some basics of plumbing repair. He gets irritated with her lack of understanding, and she gets mad at his impatience. On his next episode of Tool Time, he promises to bring women on the show to teach them how to do some basics around the house. Wilson explains the concept of Tim’s meta-message, using complicated terms to make themselves appear superior. When no one shows up for the show, Tim swaps the audience of Cooking with Irma so that he can get some women in the audience. Tim ends up bringing Jill and two other women, Greta Post (Jennifer Nash), and Judith Potter (Ja’net DuBois). Al ends up running off with the beautiful Greta, and Judith shows Tim that things can be done even easier than he demonstrates. Jill confesses on air that she would love to learn if her husband were more patient, and Tim confesses that her husband must have been using meta-messages. Meanwhile Tim buys the frame to a 1934 Ford Roadster, and is disappointed when Randy has no interest in working on it, and Brad’s grades are too low to work on it. They push for Brad to raise his effort and they are all pleased when he gets a C+ on an exam. Carol Mansell is Rose. 5/8/17
• 011. Look Who’s Not Talking – 12/10/1991
  • Jill has volunteered to make a speech for the local library, but is procrastinating because she is afraid of public speaking. Tim volunteers to help do the housework so that she can write the speech without interruption. Tim does a piece on housework on Tool Time, although Al insists that he does all the work. Tim enlists the boys’ help and tries to make the cleaning fun for them. Tim tries to help Jill write the speech and give her the courage to deliver it, while Tim revs up the vacuum cleaner which now has a suction so powerful that it lifts Mark off the floor. Meanwhile Brad fosters a crush on a girlfriend named Jennifer who hangs out at the park. Tim and Mark let Jill practice the speech on them dressed as women, so she can get more of a real feel on how the speech will be delivered. Tim is able to give her the confidence she needs and she delivers a successful speech. 12/31/17 
• 012. Yule Better Watch Out – 12/17/1991
  • As Christmas approaches Tim delivers his grunting version of Jingle Bells and creates a rotating Christmas tree that spins out of control. At home Jill works on over-the-top costumes for the boys’ Christmas pageants at church, and Tim competes with retired urologist Dr. Johnson for best home Christmas decorations. As he puts up the rotating Christmas figures, he slips and gets his tongue frozen to a hammer. After the firemen (Gary Warshofsky, Gary Bayer) rescue him, he vows to quit the competition, but still works on sabotaging Johnson by getting his power shut off. Meanwhile Brad and Randy tell Mark that Santa Claus died before he was born. Jill and Tim try to convince him that Santa really exists, although Tim isn’t sure if they are doing the right thing. After Tim talks to Wilson about it, Wilson shows up dressed as Santa and gives Randy the remote controlled dinosaur that he wanted. Tim appreciates Wilson’s gesture, but then spots Wilson over in his yard as Randy watches Santa take off in his sleigh. Tim finally unveils the Christmas décor, which looks great for a few seconds before it all shorts out. 1/1/18
• 013. Up Your Alley – 1/7/1992
  • Tim and Al have a race on Tool Time to see who can nail their drywall up the fastest. It appears that Tim wins until his side falls down. Meanwhile after Mark handcuffs Tim at home and the other boys threaten to shoot him with silly string, Jill calls for a family fun night… and they settle on going bowling. Jill makes Tim promise not to be so competitive, even so far as not to keep score. Meanwhile Brad and Randy play Glaxxon in the video arcade, and face a bully named Chuck (Sean Baca), who at first steals their game, then unplugs their machine when Randy is about to beat his high score. When Jill bowls a strike and Tim only gets a single pin down, Tim says it is only because they are not competing, so Jill agrees that they can score the game. Pressure intensifies for Tim when his friends Rock, Peter, Dwayne, and their friend Roger (Lewis Dix, Jr.) show up to play and end up watching the competition. Brad tries to fight Chuck but he is too big for him, so the boys seek an alternate revenge of using Mark’s handcuffs to attach him to the video game and the pelt him with silly string. Although Tim catches up to Jill, and wins the game with a strike at the end, his friends point out that the buzzer went off because he faulted, so he loses… and has to kiss her bowling shoes. The boys are brought to their parents by the alley manager (Nick Shields). Tim and Jill’s competition carries on into the home when they get in a Silly String fight. 9/2/18
• 014. For Whom the Belch Tolls – 1/14/1992
  • As the family readies for family movie night, Tim gets a call from his friend Stu Cutler (Christopher McDonald) who is in town, and despite Jill’s aversion to him and his crass behavior, Tim makes plans to meet him for a beer before their movie. Stu comes to Tool Time, and quickly irritates Al and Lisa, then talks Tim into taking him to his house to see Jill. Once Stu has seen the boys and had a beer, Jill is ready for him to leave, but despite Tim’s hints, Stu runs out to being more beer back to Tim’s house. Jill accepts it, but can’t believe that Tim would ever be friends with him if they just met. Tim talks to Wilson about the fact that he really never has fun with Stu, as all they ever do is reminisce about old times, and is no longer the same person he was in college. Stu returns and invites Tim to meet some old friends at Club Piranha, so Tim has to tell him that things really aren’t the same, and that he intends to stay home with the family and have chili and watch The Sound of Music. Stu says his goodbyes to the family and heads to the bar to meet the old friends. They start the movie and it is Bayonet Hell. 9/2/18
• 015. Forever Jung – 1/21/1992
  • Tim takes Mark on a shopping spree at the hardware store where he buys a heavy duty Binford reciprocating saw, only to be teased by Jill’s feminist friend Karen Kelly (Betsy Randle) for needing tools to show off his dominance and aggression. Tim tries to show on Tool Time that men are not only destroyers but builder, but ends up getting his head stuck to a board covered in glue. When he comes home, it is all the women can do not to make fun of him. Meanwhile Brad gets a date with Jennifer Sudarsky (Jessica Wesson), but gets nervous and has to have his mother teach him how to dance. When he expresses his nervousness to Tim, he handles him very sensitively and tells him all men get scared. After some advice from Wilson about how there are times when women can dominate men, but everything works the best when they share responsibility, Tim demonstrates his ability to work together by dancing with Jill with neither of them leading. On the next Tool Time, Tim continues his talk about building and craftsmanship by showing off some intricate Chinese screen… and manages to break off a piece. 5/28/19
• 016. Jill’s Birthday – 2/4/1992
  • Brad and Randy remind Tim that Jill’s birthday is coming up, and when he brings it up to her, Jill reminds him of all of the horrible tool-related gifts he had given her in the past. He attempts to go shopping with Al, where the department head Mrs. Chapman (Gloria Dorson) and the salesgirls (Nancy Wagner, Sarah Pasquin) recognize Al since he goes there to meet women. He ends up meeting one named Joan (Jeannine Renshaw) and leaves Tim high and dry. Tim finally consults Wilson who tells her that she might like a gift that reminds her of the journey to get to her age. He ends up giving her a touching videotape that includes photos of her and him through childhood. Having spent all of their money on baseball cards, Mark and Randy extort money from Brad by telling him that he owes them a little brother tax. They buy her the world’s worst perfume, a giant bottle of Treasure Island. When Tim finds out they got the money from Mark, he tells them they’ll owe their upcoming allowance to him. Meanwhile Tim and Al work on a live episode of Tool Time to remove the front porch and expand the living room of the home of Eugene “Ink” Ingram (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), but Tim ends up driving his ‘Blood, Sweat, and Gears’ truck through the front porch. Jill works out to try and keep a youthful look and winds up sore. 5/28/19
• 017. What About Bob? – 2/11/1992
  • Tim is irritated when both Al and Lisa spring the praises of home repair guru Bob Vila (himself), and becomes even more frustrated when his sponsor John Binford (Noble Willingham) of Binford Tools plans to have Vila as a guest, and in addition wants them to compete to see who can answer more questions from the public. Tim plans with  Jill to have her call in and ask about an ‘adze’ which Tim has brushed up on. Meanwhile Randy is in trouble for filling the shoe of nerdy classmate Curtis (Aaron Freeman) with Cheez-Wiz, and Jill forces him to have Curtis over so he can apologize to him. She ends up finding him just as annoying as Randy does, and he also causes her to delay in calling into the show as planned. When she does, Bob Vila immediately knows the answer any way. Tim then accidentally knocks Vila out with a 4 x 8 board. Tim is embarrassed and he is yelled at by Binford, then goes home and seeks Wilson’s council. He tells Tim that he needs to be humble and admit when he doesn’t know everything. Binford tells Tim that Vila is returning to the show, so Tim takes the opportunity to apologize and tell Vila that he needs help in hooking up a light switch on the show. Vila is scared that the electric hasn’t been turned off properly so Tim moves forward… and winds up getting a nasty shock. Back home, Curtis returns for a visit, and everyone in the house refuses to answer the door. 2/12/20
• 018. Baby, It’s Cold Outside – 2/18/1992
  • With Valentine Day approaching, Tim presents Jill with a weekend getaway at the luxurious Stone Creek Lodge. However on the episode of Tool Time that day, John Binford plugs his line of camping gear and orders Tim to take his family camping that weekend and take some home videos. Tim has to break the news to Jill, but thinks they can just spend the afternoon capturing the video and then drop the kids off and head to the lodge. Meanwhile Brad gets a G.I. Joe Valentine card for his love interest Jennifer Sudarsky, but then chickens out giving it to her after another classmate Bobby Pilsky gives her a fancy Valentine. The camping trip doesn’t go too well when Tim can’t get the tent put together, his electric socks catch on fire, and then can’t find the car that contains the food. He runs into Wilson who is also camping, and he helps Tim find the car. Jill puts the tent together with the boys, and actually realizes she is having a good time. They give up on the idea of going to the lodge and decide to spend the night. Tim ties his leg to the car, but when he forgets to put on the emergency break, it rolls down a hill and pulls him with it. Back home, with Tim’s help, Brad makes Jennifer a card bashing Bobby and she is touched. 2/13/20
• 019. Unchained Malady – 2/25/1992
  • Tim tosses out a chain letter despite the warnings from Jill and her friend Karen that it could bring bad luck. Later at work, Tim finds out that it was Al who sent the letter and who is now having a run of good luck. Tim lands boxer George Foreman (himself) as a guest on Tool Time, so thinks he is having good luck as well. However he later manages to dye his hands green. Then while showing Jill how to box, he is distracted by Mark’s bubble blowing and gets hit in face and receives a black eye. Meanwhile Randy has wrecked his bike by accepting a challenge to jump it off a five-foot ramp. Jill thinks he should be punished, but Tim is quietly proud that he accepted a challenge and broke a record. During Foreman’s appearance on the show, Tim interviews him and George admits that he learned that a man needs to know when to accept his limitations when he faced a daunting seafood buffet and couldn’t beat the record of plates consumed. As he and Al bring out a small staircase they are building, Al smashes Tim’s finger in it, and then Foreman destroys it when he attempts to drive in a nail. Tim  tries to find the letter but it has already been taken by the garbage men. He then talks to Wilson about his bad luck, and Wilson advises him that once he gets it in his mind that he has bad luck, then he is more likely to find bad luck. He gives Tim some garlic and Wolfsbane to ward off the ‘evil spirits.’ Although he denies the existence of bad luck, Jill catches him with his good luck charms. When asked how they work, Tim says that you have to kiss your wife three times and then does so. Jill admits that he will in fact get lucky. Later Jill and Tim practice more boxing, but she keeps hitting him when his guard is down.  When he goes after her, George Foreman chases him out of the house set onto the Tool Time set. 5/24/20
• 020. Birds of a Feather Flock to Taylor – 3/3/1992
  • As Tim works on a fancy bird house with the boys, Jill reminds Tim that they are scheduled to attend an opera fundraiser on Saturday night. Tim maintains that Jill never told him about it and is resistant to going. On Tool Time that day, Tim talks about cleaning a car engine. Two of the audience members, Hick Peterson (Jack Elam) and Eddie Phillips (Ernest Borgnine) worked on an auto assembly line in Detroit, so Tim brings them on the show. He promises them Tool Time hats, and they invite Tim to join them at their favorite hangout Big Mike’s Tavern. Tim wants to go, but when Jill mentions the fund raiser again and shows him that she is wearing a tuxedo, he gets irritated again about not being filled in about the plans. Tim goes to the restaurant in the afternoon before the fundraiser and gives the guys their hats and chat with them over Mike’s (Earl Billings) famous Stinky sandwich. Tim talks through his problem, and realizes that Jill had in fact marked the fundraiser on the calendar, but Tim had read it as “fur raisin.” Jill meanwhile talks over the problem with Wilson and comes to realize that she didn’t in fact tell him specifically about the event. Tim however, thinking that she told him in her own way and he hadn’t paid attention, make the apology to her and she lets him go with it. However she does insist that they spend half of the evening at Big Mike’s with the guys and then half at the fundraiser. As Hick dances with Jill to the jukebox, Eddie reminisces about his late wife and came to the conclusion that you don’t have to understand your wife, you just have to love them. Tim finishes the birdhouse and puts them up, but feels the birds aren’t going in because it’s too fancy and they don’t think they can ‘afford’ it. 5/24/20
• 021. A Battle of Wheels – 3/17/1992
  • Tim is upset when Jill moves into his garage with her pottery wheel, as she is now taking classes and is currently working on a pot. He tries to kick her out, but can’t lift the wheel so he agrees to let her stay. Once she starts using potpourri and playing opera music, he finally tells her that she needs to get out, and then accidentally damages the pot she is working on. Although he tries to fix it, she is angry and creates a schedule for them to use the garage at different times of the day, with most of his time allotted when he is working or asleep. He finally asks Wilson what the should do, and Wilson diagnoses the situation as her wanting more intimacy. This proves to be incorrect, as she says she took the classes to get away with him. They finally agree that they both need time with each other, and this then leads to some real intimacy in the garage. Meanwhile, when Tim insults Al on the air one too many times, Al starts to think that Tim doesn’t take him seriously. Tim insists that he only jokes around to entertain the audience, and then gives Al his chance to get even by allowing him to host the show while Tim acts as the assistant. Al excitedly agrees, but when the showtime comes, Al’s jokes all fail miserably and starts to fall apart. Tim comes to the rescue and bails him out of the situation, and much to Al’s appreciation, they reverse roles again. Brad and Randy play commandos and tie up Mark and put him in the closet. 9/8/20
• 022. Luck Be a Taylor Tonight – 4/7/1992
  • On an episode of Tool Time, Tim mentions that men aren’t sensitive and don’t pay attention to details, but he says they are wrong in that men can see the details that go into a beautiful hot rod. To prove the point he has on his friend Fred Alexby (Raye Birk), who has lacquered the fender with 120 quotes. Fred is also coming to Tim’s monthly poker game, but when one of the normal players can’t make it, Tim is forced to invite the inexperienced Al. He also has over his brother-in-law Charlie (Tom Verica), who has been married to Jill’s sister Robin (Amy Ryan) for just 23 days. On the way to the house, the couple has a fight and Robin forces Charlie to walk part of the way to the house. By the time he arrives, he is furious so they spend a good portion of time arguing. As they play poker, each man has advice for Charlie, whereas Fred thinks it is best to never apologize, Al thinks it is best to give a sincere apology, and Tim subscribes to apologizing often just to keep the peace. Eventually the couple makes up when Charlie attempts an apology, and then when that fails and he then ignores talking to her when he as a good hand, he finally tells her that he thinks marriage means the other person will always be there to work things out. Charlie and Robin go home, leaving just three players. While Fred and Al suggest he allows Jill to play, Tim will have no women in his game. Later he talks to Wilson who convinces him that men and women can grow in opposite directions but still be connected like they are meant to be, similar to a barb wire growing through a tree. Tim then apologizes to Jill, and she says he can pretend that she is a guy named Murray, but that seems odd to him when they play high-card for a kiss. 9/8/20
• 023. Al’s Fair in Love and War – 4/28/1992
  • Al has a crush on Greta Post, who participated in the female version of Tool Time, and thinks that she wants him to ask her out based on a letter she wrote him. Her presence in the studio audience causes him to mess up his lines and fumble through the episode they are filming. Finally he asks her out on the air and she agrees to a date, and the consensus is that she likes him because of his sensitivity.  Al feels more comfortable going to Tim’s for a barbecue on their date. Tim warns Al that the sensitivity routine can backfire and tells him he needs to act more manly. On the way to the barbecue when Greta tells him how sensitive he is, he tears off his shirt to show off the hair on his chest and then throws her out. Meanwhile Jill is doing some Spring cleaning, and one of her old diaries, causing Tim to become curious about what she had to say about her old dates… and him. He eventually finds the diary, and although he promised not to touch it, he has Randy turn the pages. He gets caught by Jill, and she eventually reads the diary to him, and although she talks about his clumsiness, she raves about his kissing. Randy has his girlfriend Jennifer over to study, and although he is embarrassed by Tim, Jennifer scores huge points with Jill for her politeness. Tim has a talk with Al, and brings Greta to the studio where Al is hiding out. He apologizes and they agree to start over by going to play Bingo. Jill convinces Tim that she also got together with him because he is also a sensitive man whether he wants to admit it or not. Tim continues the cookout and explodes the high-charged propane tank. Pearl Shear is the older woman in the audience. 12/25/20
• 024. Stereo-Typical – 5/5/1992
  • Tim and Al spend the week on Tool Time doing a a “Salute to Saws.” Tim highlights the fact that tools can also make music, and he has Janeen Rae Heller (herself) to play the Greensleeves on the saw. Tim goes home and blares his rock music on the stereo, and although Jill tells him to turn it down, he manages to blow out the woofers. Tim talks Jill into allowing him to buying a new stereo system, and letting him pick it out… as long as he keeps it simple and buys something of which she would approve. He naturally buys one that is top of the line, then discards the instructions as he puts it together. She is furious when she sees it, and he doesn’t help his case when he installs a ‘clapper’ sound sensitive device, and everything comes on and he can’t get them off. The next day on the show, Tim invites a group of musicians from K&B Construction in Bay City, Michigan who play music on their tools. Members Dwayne Hoover (Gary McGurk), Rock Lannigan (Casey Sander), Pete Bilker (Mickey Jones), and John “Juke” Logan (himself) are joined by Janeen, and they play the song The Ratchet Rhapsody. Tim rewired the stereo and presents some opera to Jill and Mark, but he is unable to turn it down, causing all of the glass in the room to shatter. Jill tells Tim that insurance will cover the damage but they are doubling their rate, thanks to Tim being so accident prone. Tim thinks about the damage he has done over the course of the first season, and has to agree. 12/25/1992

SEASON 2

• 025. Read My Hips – 9/16/1992
  • Tim and Al are doing their Salute to Safety week on Tool Time, and bring the K&B Construction guys on the show. They wind up using a torch to burn a fan mail letter that suggests that Tim stop using his grunt. That night Tim boes to the bar with Al and the K&B guys. Back home Jill has made a romantic dinner for her and Tim, and sent the boys off with her mother. Tim calls home and promises to be there in fifteen minutes, but then he gets lured back by a challenge to throw peanuts into a construction hat, causing him to not head home for two hours. Jill is furious that the evening was spoiled and that Tim missed her flirtation in her call, but Tim maintains that she wasn’t clear that she wanted him home. She is temporarily appeased when it seems that Tim made her breakfast, but then becomes irritated again when she realizes that he had made it for himself. Meanwhile, Brad is curious about the signals being sent by his girlfriend Jennifer, and whether it means she wants to kiss or not. Tim turns to Wilson for advice on Jill, and he suggests that Tim can hear the slightest noise when it comes to a car motor, making him realize that he can only do that if he is tuned into it. Tim poses as a phone repairman named Fred to use the analogy of a ‘bad reception’, and the two make up, although after he is done with the phone, it starts to smoke when it rings. Brad and Jennifer nearly get to the point of kissing, but are interrupted by Tim… and his brothers who are watching from in the backyard tree. 4/20/21
• 026. Rites and Wrongs of Passage – 9/23/1992
  • Tim and Al have a Scottish guest named Angus McLain (Will Nye) to promote the Scottish Highland Games in Detroit, and Tim is talked into participate in the caber throwing event. At home, Tim surprises the boys with front row tickets to the Monster Truck Rally at the Silverdome. But when the school principal Mrs. Blackburn calls to report that Brad has put a dead frog in place of a jello square in the cafeteria and she picked it up, Jill tells him he is grounded for the weekend, which includes the Monster Truck Show. Tim thinks the incident is somewhat amusing, an convinces Jill to let him have the show if he will apologize to the principal. However, Brad winds up sneaking out while he is grounded and police Officer Kerry (Virginia Watson) brings him home and reports that he and some friends were throwing bricks at an abandoned greenhouse. This time Tim grounds him from the Monster Truck Show, causing Brad to give him the silent treatment, even when Tim tries to be friendly. Tim turns to Wilson for help in how to handle a boy going through puberty, but Wilson disappoints him by telling him that every boy is different. Tim is able to connect with Brad in the garage by letting him cut a piece off of a tailpipe with his acetylene torch. The play fight like men, and then Tim embraces him and tells him that he took a big step toward manhood that day. Jill ends up taking the other boys to the truck show, while Tim stays home with Brad. Jill comes home nearly deaf. 4/20/21
• 027. Overactive Glance – 9/30/1992
  • Tim is getting ready for a night to dinner with Jill at the Bombay Inn, but he pauses to help Randy with his football skills by showing him how to apply adhesive to his hands to keep hold of the ball and avoid fumbling. In the process, he gets his hands stuck together. Karen has come over to babysit the boys, and she and Jill watch a segment of Tool Time called Gadget Corner, and they notice that Tim looks back to leer at the guest Barbara’s (Sheila Franklin) butt when she exits the scene. Tim says he is innocent and vows he can go all night without looking at another woman. While in the restaurant, he is recognized by several fans (Kevin Brief, Bob Destri aka Bob Hilgenberg) who entice him to do his famous grunt. Tim also manages to look at a couple women, and get Jill onto his case. One well-endowed customer named Kiki Fursterwallenscheinlaw (Debbe Dunning) come in, and Tim purposely tries to avoid looking at her until Jill leaves for the restroom and another man (Mike Randleman) points her out. Once he makes contact with her, she comes over to table for his autograph, only to still be there until Jill gets back because of her long name. Tim starts to choke on a piece of bread, and everyone in the restaurant joins in doing his grunt. When they get back home, Jill starts asking if he’s happy in their relationship, and if so, why he needs to look at other women. Tim starts to feel bad and wonders the same question. Wilson tells him that it’s within his collective unconscious that its a primal fantasy to seek out many women. Tim does a piece on Tool Time, talking about how much he loves his old saw, and while a newer one might look more attractive, he’s in love with the one he has. Jill sees the coded message, which Al interprets as being about him. Jill appreciates the message, but Tim doesn’t do so well in explaining his fantasy of having many women while Jill’s should be fulfilled since she has him. Tim later builds a football obstacle course in the backyard, which malfunctions and sends Tim through the fence into Wilson’s yard. Kevin Raz is the Maitre d’. 8/15/21
• 028. Groin Pains – 10/7/1992
  • While cleaning off a shelf for new encyclopedia’s, Tim tries to impress Jill by picking up a heavy box of books, and winds up pulling his groin. Mark sees him writhing in pain, but Tim tells him to keep in a secret. Tim tries to hide the injury, but when Al throws him a bag of cement on Tool Time after Tim insults Al’s mother’s cookies. Later at home, when Jill asks Tim to help carry in the groceries, Tim gets ready to tell her the truth, but Jill then tells him how much it turned her on to see him carry those heavy books. She wants some action in the bedroom and asks him to carry her up the stairs, before jumping into his arms and knocking him over. Jill blames herself, and starts to pamper Tim, and he tries to milk it for all its worth. However, Mark gives away the real cause of the injury, and puts ice down Tim’s pants. Meanwhile, Randy gets the role of Peter Pan in the school play, and Tim offers to help build a pulley so that Randy can fly rather than ‘prance’ around the stage in his costume. Wilson tells Tim that to be a great lover, he only needs to romance his woman for the rest of his life, which gives him a leg up on musclebound men who try to impress all women. Once he gets done building the pulley for Randy to fly, he tries it on himself and flies up greet Jill in the upstairs window, and tells her he doesn’t need thousands of Chinese women. This is before the boys hear an ice cream truck and let the ropes go. Tim falls to the ground and breaks his arm. After the play is over, Jill is ready for romance again, but when Tim reaches down to pick up a piece of Randy’s costume, he throws out his back. 8/15/21
• 029. Heavy Meddle – 10/14/1992
  • Tim plans to spend the weekend with his friends putting his 350 Chevy engine in his street hot rod. Al hints around that he would like to join them, and tells Tim that he and Greta broke up. Tim invites him to come as well, and jokingly tells Al that the party will be a Western theme. Meanwhile, Jill’s friend Karen has broken up with her boyfriend Greg. When Jill finds out that Tim is going to have Dave (Tony Carreiro) over, she gets the idea to start matchmaking. Tim is adamantly against it, and furthermore he wants the afternoon to men only. This notion starts to dissolve when Bob (Tom Gallop) brings his pregnant wife Leslie (Jessica Tuck) along, and Hank (Dion Anderson) brings his wife Wanda (Eileen Brennan). Also interrupting the day are the boys, who keep getting bullied by Paul and Vinnie McGurn. Jill thinks they should invite the boys over for lunch, while Tim thinks they should beat up the biggest one. Al shows up solo, but with his Western attire. Tim really starts to get angry when the afternoon turns into a barbecue, which takes the men away from working on the car. Jill turns to Wilson for an explanation of Tim getting so upset, and Wilson explains that Tim has put his heart and soul into the car, so when she rejects the car, it’s like she is rejecting him. As they wind up for the evening, Al tells Tim that he plans to ask Karen out on a date, but before he gets the chance, he sees that she is leaving with Dave. Tim tries to console him by inviting him back the next day to wire the car. Jill apologizes to Tim, and shares some interest in the car. Tim gets her under the car so he can romance her. The boys try to attack the McGurn brothers with water balloons, but the McGurn mother makes them go in to clean their rooms. Tim tries to hide a water balloon under his shirt so Jill doesn’t see, but she manages to pop it while it’s in there. 2/13/22 
• 030. The Haunting of Taylor House – 10/28/1992
  • With Halloween coming up, Tim features his pumpkin carving skills and winds up exploding pumpkin innards all over Al. Meanwhile at home, Tim has been busy in the basement creating the Catacomb of Terror for the Halloween party that Brad will be hosting. Jill claims that she has the scariest costume ever, but her costume reservations get screwed up and she winds up having to dress as a carrot. Brad dresses as Raggedy Andy, which provokes Tim and Randy to poke fun at him. It turns out that he only did it for his girlfriend, and she shows up to the party dressed as a biker, angry at Brad, and with another snotty boy named Danny (Rider Strong). Among all the other kids is a boy named Curtis (Aaron Freeman), who dresses as an atom and inadvertently makes fun of Jill constantly. Tim borrows some chains for the catacombs from Wilson, and as he carves out a pumpkin of himself behind the fence, he explains the human chemical that causes fear. Brad gets into shoving match with Danny, and then storms out of his own party to sulk in the backyard. Tim advises him to try and make up with her, by repeating the two words that all women like to hear: I understand. This works more or less, and Brad finds out that she was angry because he picked another girl for his kickball team at school. Once that is all settled, Jill takes the kids down to see the catacombs. Most everyone is scared by Mark in a mask, and Tim as Nana-stein. However, Danny tries to act tough and rude, and makes fun of the setup… but when a headless Al appears in a collapsible toolbox, Randy jumps out as the headless body, and a floating Mummy Al comes after him, he runs out in terror. Tim leaves Al stuck in the tool box, and Al is stalked by a live tarantula. 2/14/22
• 031. Roomie for Improvement – 11/4/1992
  • On Tool Time‘s episode Salute to Lubricant, Al gets irritated at Tim for making fun of his plaid shirts, so he locks his arms inside an engine. Later at home, Jill tells Tim that he needs to leave the house because Mark has chicken pox and Tim’s never had them. Randy also wants to leave the house, but Jill wants him to catch it. Although Tim plans to stay at a hotel. Jill tells him that Al has already volunteered to have him stay with him. Tim doesn’t want to, so he looks to Wilson for advice on how not to hurt Al’s feelings. Wilson tells, who is barbecuing grasshoppers and crickets, tells Tim to take his own feelings into consideration and be honest with Al. However, when Al comes to pick him up, he sees the crushed look on Al’s face when he tries to tell him, and decides to grin and bear staying with him. Things get off to a rocky start when Al tries to play his square dance music for Tim, and then shows him hours on end of his own home movies growing up. Tim is also surprised when Al doesn’t take advantage of his next door neighbor Cynthia’s (Debra Engle) invitation for Al to come have dessert with her. After a couple of days, Tim has also not been able to sleep because of Al’s snoring, which Tim recorded on tape to prove. He and Jill decide to meet at a hotel that night while Wilson watches the boys. On Tool Time that day, they have racecar drivers Mario Andretti (himself) and his son Michael Andretti (himself). Tim berates Al for fawning all over them, and then Tim challenges the father-son team to identify engines by their sounds. For the third one, he invites Al to play, the plays a recording of Al’s snoring. Al is furious that night when Tim comes back to his place, and suggests that Tim should leave, putting his bags in the hall and locking him out. Cynthia overhears their conversation about their three-year relationship and assumes they are gay. Tim sets her straight, and then tells her how much Al likes her, but is too kind and sensitive to take advantage of her until she gets to know him. Tim orchestrates Cynthia coming to dinner with Al, and then takes off to meet Jill. Unfortunately, the bed at the hotel is uncomfortable too, so he is especially thrilled when Mark’s chicken pox ends and they can all be home together again. 6/21/22
• 032. May the Best Man Win – 11/11/1992
  • Tim is excited to get started on remodeling a project house, and 1950’s bungalow, on Tool Time. After he delivers the promo on the show, the show’s producer John Binford’s daughter Maureen (Vicki Lewis) shows up on the set and announces that her father, who just ran off with a young Black & Decker tool model, has just made her the show’s producer. Although Al seems to like her and is fully compliant, Tim is taken aback and doesn’t like the ideas she has or where she is headed, and considers Tool Time to be his show. He is especially upset when Maureen suggests a breakfast nook in the project house. He tries to tell his woes to Jill when he gets home, but it just so happens that she is too excited by her own news – that she has been offered a job writing for the magazine Inside Detroit – that she doesn’t have time for his problems. The next day at work, he tries to get to the house early, but Maureen is already there and telling the crew about the nook. Tim goes in guns blazing, telling her he doesn’t want a nook, and then insisting on filming the first scene from atop the house. Maureen warns him that it isn’t safe, but he insists… and as a result, winds up falling through the roof and injuring his leg. When he gets home, Jill isn’t there yet, and Mark’s only advice is to ‘tell mom’. Even Wilson is too busy taking in eucalyptus leaves from the yard  for his bath to give Tim any attention. When Jill finally gets home from work, she gives Tim her full attention, and completely agrees with him, even threatening to fight Maureen. Tim doesn’t want to hurt her, but feels better that Jill is talking tough on his behalf. He decides to outsmart her by suggesting some sweatshirts to market the show, and that she should present them at a trade show in Chicago. This means that she will leave and be out of his hair for the next week. Before she leaves, she gives Tim a sample of the shirt… which pictures a giant Al on it instead of him. 6/21/22
• 033. Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way – 11/18/1992
  • Jill is pestering Tim to work with her on putting their wills together, but Tim is trying to watch football. He also has refused to update it since before their boys were born, and every time they’ve made an appointment with their lawyer, he’s feigned an illness and cancelled. As they go through the motions of creating it, Tim is having trouble sleeping. He talks to Wilson about this, and the speculate on the origin of wills, all the way back to the cavemen. Mark overhears some of his parents’ conversations about wills and asks his brothers about them. They are more concerned with arguing over who gets the hot rod, and who gets the stereo. Mark starts having trouble sleeping as well, and he gets up at 3am as Tim is ordering Kasaki steak knives off of an infomercial and asks his father if he is going to die. Tim tries to tell him that it is something he doesn’t have to worry about, and then Jill gets up also and gives him some better explanations about it being a responsibility of all adults to plan their future. Tim confesses to Jill that he’s been hedging on signing the will, because his own father died when he was just three years older than Tim is currently, and they have other parallels like having all boys and building a Ford hot rod. He worries that if he signs the will, it will ensure his impending death. Jill reminds him that signing the will would prevent his car from being sold by one of the brothers, like his father’s Ford Fairlane was. He admits that he really misses his father. Before taking Mark up to bed, Tim signs the will. Jill notices the Kasaki commercial and pontificates on what idiot would order something like that in the middle of the night. The next morning Mark writes his own will and leaves everything to his mother. Jill gives Tim permission to remarry if she dies, and he says he would find someone who is a good mom, sensitive, caring, funny, and loving… because he’s like his second marriage to be better than his first. Meanwhile on Tool Time, Al talks about building his cabin by Houghton lake, but since he is of pioneer stock, he is using a standard ax, while Tim recommends the high-powered Binford 8200 chainsaw. On the next episode, Al invites the members of his fan club, while Tim plans to cut some logs with the chainsaw. However, when he sees how huge it is, he volunteers Al to do the cutting… before Tim hits his head on the giant log. Jim Boeke is Phil Gaxton, and Wilson Raiser as Red Jenkins, the lumberjacks. 10/12/22
• 034. Let’s Did Lunch – 11/25/1992
  • When Tim identifies American Walnut wood incorrectly on Tool Time, Al corrects him and brags on how he can identify types of wood based on smell alone. He arranges to bring in wood for Al to smell on the next episode. Meanwhile, the Taylor brothers build a catapult to launch garbage into their neighbors’ yard to get revenge on the McGurn brothers with whom they often feud and have recently covered Mark in mud. Tim and Jill get a visit from their friends Dave and Karen, who are heading to the opera that night. Dave brings Tim aside and asks him to lie for him and tell Karen that they had lunch together the day before if Karen asks. Tim is very reluctant, especially since Karen and Jill are good friends. Dave admits to Tim that he’s seeing someone else, but Tim doesn’t want to get involved. However, when he is put on the spot, he ultimately covers for him… then tells Dave that he owes him $20 for lunch. Wilson overhears this, he tells Tim that the truth is always the high road. Jill knows that Tim was working at the project house on the day of the supposed lunch, so after a few lame lies, Tim finally admits that Dave is having an affair. Jill is angry at Tim, and Tim tells Dave that he put him on the spot. When Dave finds out that Jill knows, he gets angry at Tim for telling her. Dave also takes back the distributor that he was going to give Tim. Later, Dave calls Tim and tells him that Karen dumped Dave, but it had nothing to do with the affair. She just told him that she didn’t want to see him anymore. This is no surprise to Jill, as she had told her that she might be breaking up with him. This annoys Tim that Jill knew all along, but she never told him, leaving him completely confused about the rules of keeping secrets between husbands and wives. Tim brings wood onto the next episode of Tool Time, and Al correctly identifies Hickory and Western Red Cedar, but he has trouble when Tim puts one of his dirty socks on top of the block of the final piece. Tim comes back home and tells Jill that she owes him an apologize for being less honest than he was. She gives him his apology, although it is less than enthusiastic or serious. He retaliates by threatening to spray her with a can of soda. The boys launch the garbage into the McGurn boys. By the time Tim catches onto the catapult, the garbage gets returned right into his face. 10/13/22
• 035. Abandoned Family – 12/2/1992
  • Jill has been busy at work and Tim is supposed to be taking care of things at home, but he has let the dishes pile up and has run out of coffee mugs and is drinking out of a cow-shaped cream dispenser. Jill gets assigned to do a cover story on compost, so she has to rely on Tim even more to take care of things at home. He resents the fact that she wants everything done her way, including packing vegetables in the boys’ lunches rather than giving them money to buy their own food. Tim has also tinkered with the washing machine so that it automatically dispenses fabric softener, bleach, and detergent. He has plans to soup up on the motor in the dryer. At work, he and Al have been doing household tip like how to find a stud with an electric razor and how to remove a broken light bulb from a lamp with a potato. Tim wants to do more on sheet rock, but Maureen Binford insists that they do more household tips, even if they are geared more toward women. She also wants them to do a Bachelor’s Corner segment for Al. Tim assists Mark with creating a gingerbread house for Mark, and when he tries to cook the molasses batter in a paint tray cleaned with turpentine in the oven, he fills the kitchen with smoke. Jill comes home with smoke everywhere, the boys fighting, and a disastrous kitchen. Also, the new souped-up dryer is out of control and spinning all over the garage. Tim tries to slow it down but gets stuck on top of it while it is spinning. Jill thinks this an omen telling her she needs to quit her job, but Tim convinces her that there were plenty of things that went right that day. She decides to give a little of her home responsibility up, starting with letting Tim clean up the kitchen. Jill tries to eat some of the icing, but it turns out to be caulk. Tim finishes the gingerbread house, which is actually a service garage. Jill gets her sweater out of the dryer and finds that it has shrunk to the size of a child’s. 2/10/23
• 036. I’m Scheming of a White Christmas – 12/16/1992
  • Tim has again gone all-out to put up a massive Christmas light display at his house, but the lights are so bright that the neighbors all gather around to yell at him… and the lights drain the power from the house. Meanwhile, Brad and Randy are canvassing the neighborhood, collecting donations for the school’s children’s charity. After they count up the $90 that they collected, they decide that they should be getting paid for their hard work. Over at Tool Time, Maureen has the guys film a Christmas promo for the show, so Al dresses like Santa and Tim dresses like an elf. They board a snowmobile in front of a green screen that makes it look like they are flying all over the place as they promote the show. Back home, the boys go out to collect more charity, and while they are out, Tim and Jill find their new stack of comic books, a new watch that Tim assumes is for him, a locket, and a GameBoy. While getting their plum cake gift from Wilson, he mentions that he had given the boys $10 that morning for their charity. Jill is puzzled by this since the boys said they had only collected $5 that morning. Jill suspects they are stealing from the charity, and when the boys get home, they freely admit it. Jill has them both go to the charity and returns the money and personally apologize. On Tool Time, The Manhattan Transfer (themselves, with Cheryl Bentyne, Tim Hauser, Alan Paul, Janis Siegel) sing Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, while Al tries to come through the fake chimney dressed as Santa. He winds up getting stuck, and Tim has to cut down the chimney with a chainsaw. After Brad and Randy return from the shelter, they feel terrible for stealing money from them, and decide to gather up their toys that they never use and give them to the charity. Tim’s giant Frosty statue goes missing, but it seems he melted from the lights. 2/10/23
• 037. Bell Bottom Blues – 1/6/1993
  • Tim is annoyed with how crowded their closet has become, so the warns Jill that if she doesn’t get some of her things thrown out and straightened up, he will get involved with remodeling the closet with ‘more power’.  Meanwhile on Tool Time, Tim and Al have a Salute to Tool Boxes. Al makes fun of Tim because his box is bigger, and he proves he needs it by pulling out a ridiculous amount of First Aid supplies need for Tim’s projects. Brad brings home a note from the school principal for punching his classmate Mickey Walker, and Randy helps him trick his parents by placing the note under a simple Field Trip permission slip, but Jill catches on very quickly. When his parents scold him for fighting, he blames his dad for giving him a hug when he dropped him off at school and causing the other kids to call him Brad the Diaper Baby. Tim talks to Wilson about his issue, and Wilson points out how men are comfortable showing affection through aggression, which is proven when Brad is okay with wrestling with his father, but when Tim laughingly mentions the hug, Brad gets angry again. Back at Tool Time, Tim brings back the KNB Construction Company trio Rock, Dwayne, and Pete. They are supposed to talk about stucco, but Tim changes the topic to men hugging. Tim gives Brad some advice about laughing at himself so others can’t laugh at him. He says that he’s his father, not just another man, but that he will use discretion around Brad’s friends, and that they are going to have a code where “How about those lions?” is translated as “I love you.” Tim moves forward with the closet remodel and pleasantly surprises Jill with his work, which includes a talking closet host, a rotating clothes rack, and shoe carousel, a scarf drawer that smells like potpourri, and an alarm if one of Jill’s pink hangers winds up on Tim’s clothes rack. 7/20/23
• 038. Howard’s End – 1/13/1993
  • Tim drives Jill’s car recklessly and hits a speed bump while doing 35, causing an oil leak. Tim buys an oil pan to put on the car, along with some new shock absorbers. Meanwhile, Brad’s girlfriend Jennifer is going out of town for three days and asks Brad to watch her goldfish Howard, telling him to make sure he gets plenty of light. Brad takes this literally and moves him too close to the lamp, which heats the water and kills him. Randy suggest they try to find an identical replacement, but they can’t find a goldfish that looks like him. Tim isn’t happy when he finds out that Jill has opened her own checking account, claiming that he thinks of everything as ‘theirs’. Jill placates him by telling him it will be her private fund to get Tim gifts. Mark helps Tim work on the Jill’s car, but when Mark mentions that she is mad about what he did to her car, Tim says that technically he bought and maintains the car, so that it is his. Jill overhears this and asks him if the house is hers since she maintains it, but he says that he is the one who bought it, which leads to a bigger fight. Brad decides to put a ball bearing in Howard’s mouth so that he won’t float and Jennifer will think that he dies on her watch. Tim talks to Wilson, who is making snow angels to ensure that his snow suit is warm enough, and Wilson tells him about the Modoc tribe who had no words for ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ because the tribe owned everything. Over on Tool Time, Tim demonstrates a souped-up sander that promptly crashes through a piece of wood. Tim relates this to the topic of the day, how men put too much emphasis on their possessions. When Brad is ready to give back the fish, Jill notices it is standing up, and knows immediately it is dead. Jennifer comes to get it and Brad tells her nothing. However, with Jill watching, he decides to tell her the truth about Howard. Randy steps in and tells Jennifer that Brad only kept it quiet because he was afraid she’s be too sad and he couldn’t take seeing her cry. Jennifer finds this very appealing and has Brad walk her home. Jill comments on what a nice thing he did. Tim comes home and tells Jill about the ‘Moped’ tribe, and tells her that he calculated all of the work she has done in the house, with an added bonus of the pains of childbirth, and decides he owes her 580 million dollars, but will have to make it up by fulfilling her every desire. Jill tells Tim that she is going to add him to her checking account and writes in their names: Mrs. and Mr. Jill Taylor. 7/20/23
• 039. Love Is a Many Splintered Thing – 1/20/1993
  • The boys execute a great trick on their father by getting up early and preparing breakfast. By anticipating that Tim would switch his covered dish with Jill’s, they are able to get him to open the plate with the plastic spring snakes inside, while Jill gets a delicious breakfast. Later, Randy decides he wants to do a ventriloquist act for the talent show, and despite the fact that Brad is making fun of him, Tim offers to build the dummy for him. Meanwhile, Tim discovers that Jill’s magazine is going to publish a compatibility test. She has already taken one for Tim and he scored a 98 out of 300. On Tool Time, Tim and Al demonstrate a lathe and how it can build a table leg, a baseball bat, and an actual wooden leg. He also talks about the compatibility test and how laughable it is. In fact, he makes one of his own and then tells Jill that she scored an 88 out of seven million. Randy works on his ventriloquism with a coat hanger and a hat but feels like he can’t say any words without moving his lips. Tim tells Jill that he was only kidding around about their compatibility, but Jill says she really wasn’t. Tim maintains that they get along pretty well for not being compatible, but she says it is only because she lets him have his way all of the time. Tim goes outside to talk to Wilson about the compatibility issues, and Wilson says that the relationship paradox is not a bad thing, and a successful relationship needs to be rebuilt every day, particularly the bridge over the chasm between man and woman. Tim doesn’t really understand what he’s talking about, but he tries to explain it to Jill, and says he likes going to the mall so he can buy lingerie for her. Tim presents the finished dummy to Randy, and it looks just like Tim. He shows him how he can make Tim’s various growls and noises, which give Randy more confidence. He also gives Jill a dummy that looks just like her, so they can interact with each other. 11/21/23
• 040. Dances with Tools – 2/3/1993
  • The boys execute a good joke on Tim when they put shaving cream all over his hands while he is sleeping, unbutton his pants, and then tickle his nose. When he scratches it, he gets shaving cream all over his face, and when he tries to chase them, his pants fall down. Later, when Jill asks Tim what special event is coming up for the week, Tim is proud of himself for remembering that it is their anniversary, even if he can’t remember the day. Jill lets him off the hook for the gift and tell shim where he can pick up the sweater she has on hold. Tim pays off Mark to tell him where she is hiding his gift, and when he learns that it is a steering wheel from Mario Andretti’s racecar. Tim realizes he has to step up his gift, so he offers to take her to dinner and dancing at the Excalibur. He also offers to take her to ballroom dancing lessons before the dinner. She is thrilled with him offering such a great gift. Tim is rather awkward during the lessons, and soon starts making fun of the dance steps. He meets a guy there named Andy Paxton (Michael Pniewski) who is a fan of Tool Time. When the teacher Mrs. Keeney (Ann Miller) pairs Jill off with a better dancer named Mr. Green (Dirk Lumbard), Tim and Andy continue to joke around and make fun of the dancing. Mrs. Keeney then pulls Tim in to dance with her, and he winds up spinning her right out of the room where she hits the piano and gets knocked out. Back home, Al is babysitting the boys, and they try to play the shaving cream trick on him, but it backfires when he smears the shaving cream on their faces. Jill and Tim come home and relieve Al, and then Jill tells Tim that she’s disappointed in how he behaved when he ridiculed yet another thing that was important to him. Jill is annoyed with the way that Tim behaved and tells him to call off the night of dancing for their anniversary. Tim lets it slip that he was only trying to give her something as great as what she got him. She is even more furious when she realizes that he went snooping and found her gift to him. On Tool Tim, the guys advertise the Binford Roof Nailing Gun, and Tim accidentally shoots the cameraman with it. He then has Jerry Hobert (Gregg Daniel) from the Village Association to give Tim a safety award, at which Al scoffs and reminds Tim of all of his mishaps. Tim later consults Wilson about how he has upset Jill, and Wilson advises him that men often mock what they do not do well. Wilson tells him to dance like he would drive a racecar, letting his instinct do the movement rather than thinking about what he’s doing with his body. Wilson gives him an example of the cha-cha. On the night of their anniversary, Tim gives Jill the sweater, while she gives Tim the steering wheel. Tim says he never cancelled the reservations for the Excalibar, then shows Jill how he can now dance since he’s learned to use his instincts. She is surprised at how suave he is, so they go dancing after all. She tells him the next day how great he was the night before. She tries to mimic the way he pulled the tablecloth out from under the dishes, but the things on the table fly everywhere. 11/21/23
• 041. You’re Driving Me Crazy, You’re Driving Me Nuts – 2/10/1993
  • On Tool Time, Tim and Al introduce an entertainment center that they’ve built. Tim has included a sliding drawer for the VCR, but Al proves that he didn’t put the necessary stoppers on it when it falls off the back of the structure. At home, Tim wants to watch the Pistons vs. Bulls basketball game that he recorded without anyone telling him the results. Brad and Randy make him give them money to keep their mouths shut, but when Karen shows up to babysit the boys, she spills the beans that the Pistons won at the buzzer. Tim and Jill head of to the wedding of their friend Sheila, who had previously been left at the altar. Jill maintains that she is the good-luck charm to prevent that from happening again. On the way, it begins to snow, and Tim has trouble figuring out where he is. Eventually, the realize they have crossed from Michigan into Ohio. Despite his objections to Jill’s suggestion, he stops at a Shop-a-While convenience store and asks the clerk Marty (Cleto Augusto) and a police officer, John Lambert (Kevin Scannell), for directions. After realizing how many roads are closed or blocked by frozen cows, they give him convoluted directions. They set out again, but an hour later, it seems they are lost again. Tim again agrees to stop for directions, and then realizes he is at the exact same convenience store. Tim blames it on the snowstorm, and the fact that Jill was changing clothes in the back seat. This time, Jill follows him in and makes a few phone calls. The police officer spots their car rolling backward in a ditch. By the time Tim gets it out, he is wet and filthy, so he heads home, while Uncle Bill takes her to the wedding, and then later brings her home. Jill tells Tim that the wedding never happened, as Sheila was again stood up at the altar. Tim admits that his directional instincts were off and that he should have asked for directions earlier. Wilson tells him that men have a small compass built into their noses which normally gives them good instincts. Jill and Tim share some of the wedding cake, and Jill tells him that she is glad she didn’t listen to the advice of her family and friends and not marry Tim. He wipes some of the cake on her face as retaliation. Later, he shares more cake with Brad and Randy, giving them advice that weddings aren’t really for men. When Jill asks him what his ideal wedding would look like, he says that the wedding would be like a football game, and the honeymoon would contain air hockey. 3/27/24
• 042. Bye Bye Birdie – 2/17/1993
  • Tim is awakened in the middle of the night by a woodpecker pecking on the roof. In an attempt to swat it with a blanket, he pulls the gutter down. Then while he is getting a broom, Jill closes the window to keep out the cold air, and Tim accidentally breaks it with the broom. The next morning, Brad feigns being sick and attempts to heat up his thermometer in a cup of coffee, which yields him a 108-degree fever. He confesses that he needs to skip because he didn’t do his math homework. He had tries to get his girlfriend Jennifer to do it for him, but when she refused, he broke up with her. Jill sends Brad to school, where he fails a math test. Randy tells his mother that Jennifer had broken up with him, and it his causing his depression. This seems to work initially, as Jill has nothing but sympathy for him. However, when Jennifer comes to the house to give Brad back his math homework workbook, Jill overhears her saying that the broke it off because she didn’t do his homework. This irritates Jill, so she grounds him for a week. She and Tim then attempts to help him multiply compound fractions, but they are even more lost that he is. This is made even worse when the woodpecker’s pecking interrupts them. After Tim tries using a Binford Blastmaster into an air horn fails to remove the woodpecker, named Pete by Mark, Tim turns to Wilson, who advises him that woodpeckers are scared of owls. Tim puts a wooden owl on the roof, but Pete pecks away nearly half of it. Tim privately admits to Wilson that compound fractions are a waste of time. However, on the next Tool Time, Al actually shows a case where the ability to multiply compound fractions is required to measure the size of some flooring. Tim then suggests they use dry ice to remove the old flooring, but Al thinks they should stick with a scraper. Tim drives a truck with dry ice onto the stage, and causes havoc, breaking Al’s mother’s teacup collection that he had earlier used for a demonstration. Back at home, Tim soups up Mark’s remote-control helicopter to go after the woodpecker, but when he sets the toy loose in the back yard, it not only stalks him through the back yard, but manages to enter the house and go after him there too. 3/27/24
• 043. Karate or Not, Here I Come – 2/24/1993
  • Tim has a karate instructor named Robert “The Human Hatchet” Cho (Stuart Quan) on his show to promote an upcoming charity demonstration. Cho shows the audience how to break a board with his head. Al, who has some karate experience of his own, is able to do the same thing with a board. However, when Tim attempts it, he merely hurts his head. Later, when Brad and Randy won’t let Mark play football with them, Tim thinks that maybe it would be good for him to get into karate, while Jill thinks that gymnastics is much more suitable. They leave it up to Randy, who chooses karate, so Tim takes him to his first class under Cho. Jill comes to watch the class, and while initially thinking it looks okay, she gets more nervous when the kids have to spar. Making matters worse, the boy Artie (Ryan Tomlinson) who is partnered up with Mark, keeps picking on him and smacking Mark in the head. Jill confronts Artie’s mother Daphne (Mary-Pat Green) and they wind up in a shoving match. When Tim tries to break it up, he winds up getting hit in the head by Daphne’s purse. Jill becomes even more annoyed by the fact that all of the men in her family seem to be fascinated by fighting. On the next Tool Time episode, Tim introduces the concept of camouflaging a light switch with the wallpaper, but it winds up being Al’s who gets camouflaged by the wallpaper. At the next karate class, Tim confronts the guy named Mike (Perry Anzilotti) who is with Artie and demands that there be no more incidents of the kid picking on Mark. Since Tim towers over Mike, he tries to act tough and domineering with him, but then learns that Mike is actually Artie’s uncle. Artie’s father Roy (Greg Collins) actually towers over Tim, and when he hears that Tim is running his mouth, he confronts Tim and winds up getting into a fight with him. Although Tim lands a punch in Roy’s gut, it merely hurts Tim’s hand, before Roy delivers him a full punch in the face. Later at home, Tim finds out that Jill received a call from Mr. Cho, who is moving Mark into another beginner’s class because Mark and his family don’t have a basic philosophy of karate and have a lot of pent-up anger. Jill suggests that she and Tim blow off some steam in the bedroom. 8/15/24
• 044. Shooting Three to Make Tutu – 3/3/1993
  • On Tool Time, Tim accidentally breaks Al’s guaranteed one-hundred-year bulb. The two then attempt a commercial for Binford magnets, but they keep getting stuck to every piece of metal in the vicinity, including the boom mike and the TV camera. Back at home, Tim is preparing for an afternoon of watching the Pistons vs. Bulls basketball game on TV with Brad and Randy. Unfortunately, when Jill is called to work, she asks Tim to take Mark to see Swan Lake, as he has been looking forward to it for months. Although Tim balks, as he has absolutely no interest in ballet, he eventually agrees to take him. Before he goes, Wilson tells him that he was going to give him courtside seats to watch the game in person, so he tries to talk Mark into going to see the game instead of the ballet. When he suggests that they can actually fit in both – assuming they leave Swan Lake after about twenty minutes. After everyone leaves for the afternoon, Brad finds Jill’s hidden supplies of cookies, and Randy takes one of Tim’s cigars from his bedroom so that they can smoke outside. When Tim and Mark return from the game, Tim tries to convince Mark to lie about the game without lying, knowing how much trouble they will be in with Jill. When she returns home, she starts to ask them about the ballet, and their answers start to make her wonder if they ever actually went to Swan Lake. Finally, Tim is forced to admit that they only stayed at Swan Lake for thirty minutes and then went onto the game. When Tim tells Wilson what he did, Wilson tells Tim that he is acting ignorant, prejudiced, and foolish for jumping to opinions about ballet without ever actually watching one. Tim tries to smooth things over with Jill, but she tells him that she feels like that he never cultivates any of her insterests with the boys, and she feels like she is living in a ‘boys only’ club sometimes. Tim tries to make it up to her by editing a video together of scenes from various sporting events along with scenes from a ballet, which he calls The Peasants Rejoice. Jill finds the boys’ cookies wrappers and cigar butt, so Tim tells the boys that he has to take Wilson to the emergency room because he gave them one of his sock drawer cigars and the tobacco was infected. When he tells them about Wilson’s itchy rash, the boys start to feel itchy themselves, so they decide that they’d better go along with them to the emergency room. 8/15/24

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 21st, 2000 at 11:32 am and is filed under Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.