The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1

Theme music by Shelly Palmer. 

• 001. Pilot – 9/17/1996
  • The daily operations of the New York City mayor’s office are supervised by Deputy Mayor Mike Flaherty (Michael J. Fox). Mayor Randall Winston’s (Barry Bostwick) staff also includes Press Secretary Paul Lassiter (Richard Kind), to whom everyone lies and plays jokes on, City Hall chief of staff Stuart Bondek (Alan Ruck), speech writer James Hobert (Alexander Chaplin), Mike’s secretary Janelle Cooper (Victoria Dillard), and office worker Nikki Faber (Connie Britton). With the city in the midst of a garbage strike, the Mayor makes it even worse when he tells a report that he ‘must be drunk’ when he asks the Mayor if he would march in the gay pride parade. Amidst a barrage of bad press, Mike also contends with his personal life when he realizes that his girlfriend, reporter Ashley Schaeffer (Carla Gugino), has let her lease lapse on her apartment. Although she has been staying with Mike for a year and a half, he becomes paralyzed with fear at the thought of living together. She responds by saying they should take a break from each other.  Mike’s idea to combat the bad press for the mayor is to have James’s claim to be a gay staffer. When the Mayor is deeply criticized by gay activist Carter Heywood (Michael Boatman), Mike decides to give him a job on the mayor’s staff to help be the conservative Mayor’s liberal voice. Mike decides to not only live with Ashley but to get their own new apartment together. Taylor Stanley is the young cheerful intern Karen. 9/21/16

• 002. The Great Pretender – 9/24/1996
  • Mike is labeled the “Sexiest Man in New York” by Manhattan magazine, but when the Mayor warns him about life in the public spotlight, it inhibits his ability to have sex with Ashley. Meanwhile the Mayor is being honored by the Association of Christians and Jews, and Mike wants someone to babysit the Mayor’s wife Helen (Deborah Rush) at the dinner party. He first assigns it to whomever has no date, but to be fair says that if they can all get dates, he will do the chaperoning. James ends up taking Nikki and then gets drunk, while Paul takes Karen and being left out, Stuart takes Carter. Paul is feeling like Ashley is putting more pressure on ever to get him to tell the truth about public affairs, particularly about a school janitor that somehow can afford a yacht. Mike finally realizes that Paul has a ‘tell’ of touching his face when he lies. Mike gets advice form the Mayor about the public spotlight, and the Mayor tells him how it inhibited his ability to play golf, but if he were to return, he’d focus on the beauty of the game. Mike tries this with Ashley and they end up having sex at the Mayor’s dinner party. Sylvia Kauders is Roberta. Robert Trumbull is the priest. Jimmy Palumbo is the bartender. Kim Serafin is Lila. 9/21/16
• 003. The Apartment – 10/1/1996
  • Mike and Ashley move into their new apartment together, but they are both so busy with the garbage strike that they scarcely have time for each other. As Mike focuses on negotiation with the sanitation workers union, he puts Stuart in charge of the staff. Stuart ends up booking the Mayor to do a ribbon cutting at park, forgetting that it is full of garbage. The stench causes the Mayor to collapse and vomit in front of the cameras, but after Mike lays into Stuart, he feels bad. The garbage strike ends being resolved with the city buckling to nearly all of the demands, but Mike sends Stuart to assist the mayor with addressing the press, both to show confidence in him, and have a chance to spend time with Ashley. Both Mike and Ashley opt out of going to the celebration after the announcement in order to spend time with each other… and hear the garbage trucks back on the streets the next morning. Sam Stern and Michael Goldfinger are Union guys. John Scurti and Avery Glymph are reporters. 12/4/16
• 004. Pride and Prejudice – 10/8/1996
  • Mike is riding his wave of success and is excited about being interviewed as Deputy Mayor by a reporter named Gwen (Gretchen Mol). His interview is interrupted by Carter, who is pushing an AIDS prevention plan for the city to offer a needle exchange. Mike denies him as would make the mayor appear that they are soft on drug use, but Carter goes behind Mike’s back and directly to the Mayor, who announces the plan to the press. Meanwhile Ashley gets irritated with Mike when she sees the interview in which he jokingly says that the reason he is dating her is so that she will go easy on him in her reporting. Mike pleads for forgiveness, and Ashley does so, noting that she wants to do her job effectively, even if it is at his expense. The Mayor later retracts his idea about the needles, with Carter and Mike falling over each other to take the blame… all in front of the amused press. Most of them laugh off the situation, but Ashley nails them with a probing question, asking them if the move is merely cowardly. Gwen begins dating James, but in the face of the problems he is going through, Mike forbids him from dating her. He later apologizes to James, whom he finds without pants in his office with Gwen. Mike and Ashley set some ground rules about when they are to act as lovers and when to act as colleagues. 12/5/16
• 005. The Rivals – 10/15/1996
  • When a former Mayor Garfield (Tom Lacy) keeps badmouthing the current administration, Mike comes up with the idea to ‘buy him off’ by erecting a tiny fountain in his honor. During the unveiling, Garfield berates the Mayor for thinking this would shut him up and an argument ensues, which ultimately causes Garfield to die of a heart attack. As the Mayor is getting ready to address the media and accept responsibility, he accidentally sprays himself in the eye with breath freshener, causing the illusion that he had teared up, thus gaining respect from the people. Meanwhile Mike and Ashley contend with their new neighbors in 2B, Yale (Bray Poor) and Maria (Welker White), activists who continually want to show their rainforest videos. When they can’t seem to shirk them no matter what they do, Mike finally submits to enjoying their videos. Nikki challenges the guys to care for a napkin as proof of their further fatherhood potential. Everyone loses the bet except for Carter. Edmund Ikeda is Mr. Fong. Mario Mendoza is Jesus. John Harrington Bland is a reporter. 3/18/17
• 006. A Star Is Born – 10/22/1996
  • With the Mayor’s approval ratings on the decline, Mike suggests a focus group and to generate some excitement by nominating respected professor Joel Bronsteen (John Bedford Lloyd). However when it comes out that a tape was found of Bronsteen smoking marijuana from a Grateful Dead concert decades earlier, his popularity begins to wane and Mike is forced to dump him for another candidate. James takes this to heart since Bronsteen was a former teacher of his, but Mike tells him that feelings have no place in politics. James begins imitating Mike as a show of protest, causing Mike to admit that it affected him as well, but not in the same way as it did James… but also admits that he sometimes he wishes he were more feeling. Meanwhile Ashley fills in as a pundit on local talk show Focus New York, leading to a bigger audition for a national show. Mike is turned on by seeing her on TV, but she bungles the first audition. After deciding to try again she goes back for a second one. Bill Boggs is one of the TV moderators. Lisa Louise Langford is a TV reporter. 3/18/17
• 007. Grand Illusion – 10/29/1996
  • When the Mayor refuses to come out for gay marriage, Carter voices his his displeasure by announcing that he is marrying Nikki as a public sham marriage, then compare their marriage to real gay relationships where they cannot get married. Ashley, who is tired of the fluff pieces that she is being assigned jumps at the chance to cover this wedding. Mike wants to think of a way to put a stop to it, but the mayor thinks it will appease the liberals. However, Nikki starts to get cold feet because she feels sentimental. When it comes time for the vows, Nikki says her ‘I do’ but Carter puts a stop to it out of respect for her. Carter is still able to put a spin on it for the press, citing the fact that they both deserve to be married to a man they really love. Meanwhile Paul becomes a ladies’ man when he is forced to wear a patch over an eye that was hit by a piece of toast. After the wedding, he vows to be himself and throws away the patch… and immediately gets shot down by a woman (Claudia Rocafort). Jane Cecil is Marge, the daughter of an elderly hockey player. 9/6/17
• 008. The High and the Mighty – 11/12/1996
  • The Mayor gets the visit from real estate tycoon Dan Donaldson (George Wendt), and soon Mike has appealed to his soft heart and convinced him to purchase, and thus save, the Sharon retirement center. Soon however Mike finds that Donaldson had an ulterior motive, to get Mike to tell him about the low bid on a city construction project which will eventually open the door for him to get future city contracts. Mike refuses even under the threat of Donaldson closing the retirement center. Donaldson then turns to Stuart who has respect for his cold nature, to try and get the insider info. Stuart ends up recording his conversation, which gives the mayor leverage to return the threat of exposing Donaldson. Meanwhile Mike tries to convince Ashley to watch Sports Center with him, but he doesn’t like the way she ‘watches’ it. Despite the fact that crime in the city is at an all-time low, Paul gets mugged on the way to work, then gets his apartment robbed, and his paycheck claimed by, presumably, the same man. Andrew Daly is the payroll guy. 9/8/17
• 009. Meet Tommy Dugan – 11/19/1996
  • Mike thinks that parading the winner of an elementary school Mayor-of-the-day writing contest in front of the press will distract them from the budget and job cuts that the mayor is going to be implementing. However, when the winner Tommy Dugan (Woody Harrelson) arrives, it turns out he is the janitor of the school and in his 30’s. When he addresses the press they love him, and he begins getting more attention than the actual Mayor. Even Mike recognizes that Tommy has some great ideas and is a media darling. During a press conference, Mike is forced to announce more job cuts and is criticized by Tommy in front of the press. The mayor responds to a focus group poll to try and make some changes with the way addresses the press, but then takes control and chastises them for the way they’re criticizing what must be done to save the city. He and Mike both bid farewell to Tommy when the day is over and invite him to come back. Tommy scores a date and a kiss with Nikki. David Carlson is a reporter. 4/11/18
• 010. The Competition – 11/26/1996
  • With Thanksgiving coming up, Mike allows everyone to start mentally checking out, but Speaker Rosen’s (Ed Koch) aide Lisa (J. Smith-Cameron) tells Mike that he and his staff need to compete with the City Council to see which team can feed the most homeless people for the holiday. She goads him into accepting the challenge, and the Mayor is all about winning for the first time in 13 years, and then ups the ante that the losing team will have to sing at a public meeting. Mike chooses to feed the homeless at St. Mary’s church, not realizing it is completely run down. He gets it cleaned up and has Paul spy on the City Council at St. Stephen’s. In his effort to win, Mike feeds under-cooked turkey before the time limit is up to three homeless men who get food poisoning. Meanwhile James tries to find a way to break it off with his seven-year hometown girlfriend Becky (Jennifer Garner), but feels too sorry for her. As they head back home to Wisconsin, he finally breaks it off and then has to endure a 14-hour trip with her crying. The Mayor’s team sings So Long, Farewell to the press. Stephen Colbert is Frank. Brian Tarantina, Soby (aka John Sobestanovich), and William Preston are homeless men. James E. Tripp is a reporter. 4/11/
• 011. Dog Day Afternoon – 12/10/1996
  • Mike understands why everyone is making mental mistakes with the long hours they are working, so he tries to solve the problem by putting an air hockey table in the break room. Meanwhile the Mayor’s relationship becomes strained when the Police Commissioner Howard (Jerry Adler) tries to take all of the credit for the police’s performance in the city. When Bingo, one of the canines on the police force, dies, Mike tries to smooth over the relationship by having his team handle and host the funeral. He sends Paul and Carter to pick up the body of the dog, but when they get in a skirmish with the cab driver (Jason Antoon) and get kicked out, they leave the dog’s body in the trunk. Ashley finds out about this when they leave a voice message for Mike, but can’t run with the story because of the circumstances, so she tries to find any other way to ‘find out’. When it is time for the funeral, Bingo hasn’t been recovered, so Mike gets a similar looking dog to tranquilize and put in the casket. It does the trick and even fools Bingo’s partner (Robert Maschio). However, during the Mayor’s speech, the dog wakes up in the casket. Mike attributes it to a miracle… again fooling Bingo’s partner, who takes the new dog back out onto the beat. Stuart tries to assert dominance on the air hockey table, but is beaten repeatedly by Janelle, much to his chagrin. 12/8/18
• 012. Criss Cross – 12/17/1996
  • Paul comes down with the flu and quickly spreads it to the mayor, who then has to cancel his appearance on the debate program Counterpoint, in which he was going to be facing Ashley as they discuss putting up giant super stores in the city. Mike has to step in for the mayor and spends hours preparing to crush her. However, when the Mayor points out that he once lost a relationship with a woman when he repeatedly beat her in tennis, Mike has a change of heart and ‘throws’ the debate, much to the irritation of the show’s host (James Murtaugh). When Ashley confronts him on a break, Mike gives his reasons, and she assures him that their competitions are healthy. Mike is then free to let loose on her during the debate… and when they both catch the flu and debate which one is sicker. Meanwhile, it seems that everyone has a relationship problem and is taking it to Carter: Nikki is waiting on a call back from a date she had, James mistakenly thinks that Nikki likes him, and Karen really does like James but can’t get his attention. Even the bartender (Paul Reggio) thinks that Carter is the perfect go-to. Nikki finally calls her date Jeff, only to find that he is actually married. 12/8/18
• 013. Bye Bye Love – 1/7/1997
  • The Mayor’s staff returns from Christmas break discussing that they heard that Mike and Ashley had broken up when she accepted a job in Los Angeles. Mike shows up to work and acts as if the decision had been mutual and that he has gotten over it. However, he is a carrying a break-up box of Ashley’s belongings that he intends to mail to her. Back at home however, Mike cannot stop talking about Ashley to whomever will listen including Clayton (Eric Kushnick), the pizza delivery boy, and Jimmy (Tom Riis Farrell), the UPS guy, whom Mike refuses to release the box to. Meanwhile Nikki has a new boyfriend named Dan (Ken Marino), but her date with him is interrupted by both Mike, who wants to talk about Ashley, and James, who is jealous that she is dating. They wind up accompanying her on a ‘group date’. Mike finally breaks down to Nikki outside the restaurant and tearfully tells her that he had begged Ashley to stay, and she left anyway. His friends keep him continually occupied by staying with him at his apartment. Paul has made a New Year resolution to not be so gullible in 1997, but his co-workers continually trick him into believing various lies. 12/1/19
• 014. Starting Over – 1/14/1997
  • With the word of his breakup out, Mike gets multiple invites from women for dates, but Mike maintains he’s not ready to date again yet. The staff is irritated that Mike is burying himself in his work and causing them to have to stay late at work. The new district attorney named Danielle Brinkman (Courtney Thorne-Smith) arrives and turns out to be an old schoolmate of Mike’s. He agrees to a dinner date with her in order to discuss business and catch up on old friends. However she dresses sexy, he realizes it is a date and suddenly gets nervous and calls it off.  Nikki finally talks him into moving on and going out with a group of friends that includes Danielle. Although they begin getting along, they do all they can to avoid a traditional date scenario. Despite this, Danielle tries to kiss him, but Mike decides he can’t do it, despite trying to talk himself into it. Paul gets invited to a meeting of his fan club, where he meets its president Claudia Sachs (Faith Prince)… but she is the only one who shows up, which becomes even more embarrassing when the Mayor shows up to greet the ‘fans’.  The Mayor covers for him the next day and pretends it was a rousing success. Claudia later makes her intentions known shares a kiss with Paul. After a night of heavy drinking, Stuart and Carter wind up in bed with each other, but neither can remember what happened, making things awkward when they have to work on an all-night project together. Finally Carter admits that nothing happened, but that he was trying to teach him a lesson that they are just friends and Stuart shouldn’t look at him as only a gay man. Iraida Polanco is the cleaning lady. Judy Stadt is the waitress. 12/1/19
• 015. Gabby’s Song – 1/28/1997
  • The Speaker of the City Council appoints a new chief of staff named Gabrielle “Gabby” Sanchez (Constance Marie) and Mike wants to take the opportunity to charm her so that they can effectively have more control over the City Council. He brings her wine, and shows her around the building in order to build the relationship, but when she goes behind his back to arrange one-on-one meetings with the Mayor, he becomes scared she will push their agenda on him. The bickering turns petty when he has the locks changed on her office. She then turns the tables and has his locks changed as well. When Mike runs into her six-year son George (Jared Johansen), he finds out from the boy that his mother is scared of her. He behaves smugly toward her, but then admits to George that he is scared of her too. Meanwhile Paul’s girlfriend Claudia wants to sleep with him, but he confesses to Carter that he is nervous and rusty in that area. Stuart overhears the conversation and makes fun of Paul. Later Claudia is able to seduce him, turning Paul into a wild animal in bed. The next day he struts into the office and tells Carter that he went through with it. However he becomes self-conscious and needy when she Claudia doesn’t call him. When she finally comes to visit him later in the day, he plays it off like he is allowing her space… but then had to admit that he got nervous and called her parents and told them that they slept together. Despite Claudia thinking it is weird, she still finds him endearing. Karen, who has graduated college, looks to Nikki to help her get hired on as a permanent job. Nikki coaches her in acting and dressing professionally, and she finally gets the courage to ask Mike and the Mayor. The Mayor wholeheartedly endorses her and she is hired on, despite the fact that the Mayor actually had no idea who she is. Tom Shillue is the man who Mike got tickets for. 3/28/20
• 016. Kiss Me, Stupid – 2/11/1997
  • With Valentine’s Day coming up, Mike is disappointed when Danielle has her wisdom teeth out, so he has Nikki set him up with her friend Veronica (Kim Dickens). She claims that she can tell if she is going to sleep with a date in fifteen minutes, and she quickly counts him out. He then goes to visit Carter, who is seeing ex-boyfriend Spence Kaymer (Luke Perry) and told Mike to come meet Carter’s friend Melissa (Anney Giobbe) as a back-up date. Stuart goes to the bar to hang out alone, claiming everyone will wind up there anyway. James joins him there when he fails to make any headway with Nikki, and she chooses to go out with an ex-boyfriend instead. Her night ends quickly as well, and soon she winds up at the bar, where James tries to make a pass at her, which fails miserably. Paul takes Claudia to the press room where he dances with her and injures her, and then feeds her strawberry, which she is allergic to, so she has to go to the hospital and Paul heads to the bar. Carter is stunned to find out that Spence is engaged to Melissa and wants him to be his Best Man. Carter retaliates by pretending that Mike is his boyfriend. Mike reluctantly plays along, even though it means taking a big kiss. Carter declines being Spence’s Best Man and storms out of the apartment, and he and Mike head to the bar. Veronica shows up at the bar with a change of heart and asks Mike to leave with her. Unfortunately Spence also shows up to apologize to Carter, so Mike has to keep his charade going, losing out on the night with Veronica, who ends up leaving with Stuart. Paul and Claudia try to resume their night after she is better, but he gives her a daiquiri that sends her back to the hospital. 3/28/20
• 017. An Affair to Remember – 2/18/1997
  • The Mayor has been spending a lot of time with Holly Cohen (Anne Twomey) and their seemingly romantic dinners are gathering the attention of the press. Mike seeks to do damage control, as the Mayor’s 50th birthday is coming up and both Holly and the Mayor’s wife Helen will be attending his public party. Mike overhears Holly and the Mayor flirting and starts to get worried that an affair is imminent. Meanwhile James and Carter work on editing a birthday video of celebrities sending their best wishes to the Mayor. James has a more artistic vision and ‘fires’ Carter from the job. Paul is trying to get his old friend George Stephanopoulos (himself) to shoot video as well. No one believes that he even knows George, who is a long time friend and rival. After nearly getting into a fight with George’s secretary (Judy Krause), George comes out to see Paul and agrees to the video, but their old rivalry surfaces and they wind up in a physical fight. On the night of the party, Mike picks up the Mayor in limo, but only Helen comes out. She tells Mike that the Mayor has gone ahead with Holly as they had some business to attend to. Mike jumps out of the limo and chases down the limo with the Mayor and Holly on foot. At the party, the Mayor clearly intends to share a dance with Holly in front of the reporters, so Mike pulls him aside and using the Mayor’s first name Randall, tells him how much he has always respected him and hope that doesn’t come to an end. The Mayor makes the decision to have the dance… but with his wife. Everyone at the party is dumbfounded by the strange montage of greetings that James edited, including birthday greetings from celebrities (as themselves) David Letterman, Rosie O’Donnell, Larry King, Patrick Ewing, Monday Night Football hosts Dan Dierdorf, Frank Gifford, and Al Michaels, and members of the cast of Rent Wilson Heredia, Anthony Rapp, and Daphne Rubin-Vega. The video from George Stephanopoulos shows up after most of the guests have left, so when George mentions being an old friend of Paul’s, no one is there to hear it. John Bland is the second reporter. Shelton L. Palmer is the bandleader. 7/9/20
• 018. Snowbound – 2/25/1997
  • As a naked male college student (Gabriel Macht) who was expelled from college roams the building and is pursued by an inept security guard (Nick Phelps), the city faces a severe snow storm which is made worse by the Department of Transportation dragging their feet in getting snow plows on the road. Carter and Stuart are assigned with handling the paperwork to authorize them overtime, but they get sidetracked when an electrical short causes Stuart to not get his Zagnut in the candy machine. They go down to the furnace room to check the fuse box and wind up getting locked in. Their solution is to crank up the heat to get everyone’s attention. Meanwhile Mike is visited by an old high school crush named Shelly McCrory (Amanda Peet), who confesses that she had a crush on him as well. She plans to move to Paris the next day, but offers to spend the evening with him in a hotel ordering room service. Paul and James work directly with the Mayor to set up a radio command center to address the blizzard. Although Nikki and Claudia think Mike is looking for meaningless sex, Mike is anxious to get there… but is stymied by the roads not being plowed. The Mayor is forced to shut down the city as power begins going out in various areas. As Mike is finally able to leave for the hotel, he overhears Paul on the radio talking about how boring the Mayor is. Claudia begs him to stay and get Paul out of the mess. Stuart and Carter get so hot that they try to turn off the heat, but break the handle, resulting in them having to strip to their underwear. They start to mess with the water pressure in order to get maintenance’s attention. Mike considers having the fire department shut down the airport so Shelly can’t leave. Mike goes into hiding, but Claudia convinces him to own up to his mistake. He apologizes to the Mayor, who brings him on the air to talk about their good-natured joking, only for Paul to insult him once again for being long-winded. Mike finds Stuart and Carter in the boiler room, almost passed out from the heat and lack of water. The phone that has been in the room the entire time rings and Mike answers and tells the person on the other end that the guys have been found. Later that night Shelly shows up at the office, but Paul won’t let her disturb Mike, who has fallen asleep at his desk for the exhausting night. 7/10/20
• 019. Striptease – 3/4/1997
  • Mike has been dating an attractive law student named Gayley (Cynthia Watros), and after dinner one night, Mike takes her back to his apartment and sleeps with her, then later finally introduces her to everyone at the office. Later Mike tells everyone that a bachelor party is going to be required because it is for a friend of the administration. The party turns out to be at a strip club. Paul, who has convinced Claudia that he never lies, is forced into one because he doesn’t want to tell her that he is attending, so he says he is going to a hockey game with friends. The gang is surprised on two counts during the party: the press has found out about and publishes photos of everyone there, and Gayley turns out to be one of the strippers. Mike sadly tells everyone he needs to break up with her, but when she comes to see him, he can’t seem to do it and winds up kissing her instead. When the press asks him if he is dating a stripper, Gayley calls him away before he can answer to be sure that he doesn’t ruin his career. Mike says he is ready to date her, even if a small part of him can’t get over the fact that she’s a stripper. He leaves it up to her on what they should do. When he returns to the press, he tells them that he is in fact not dating her. Meanwhile Claudia sees Paul’s picture in the paper at the strip club, but instead of being angry, she tells him that he had no reason to lie because he is a grown man. Nikki learns from an ex-boyfriend who is a psychotherapist, that she can dominate others by ignoring them… which she proves repeatedly on Stuart. Jordan H. Fischer is the second reporter. Marie Gabrielle is the third reporter. 10/25/20
• 020. Deaf Becomes Her – 3/18/1997
  • The Mayor delivers a press conference and is using a temp (Sam Seder) for a sign language interpreter, who has no idea how to speak in sign language. Once Mike realizes what is going on, he tackles him and fires him, criticizing him for falsifying his resume. This sparks the conversation about the resume of everyone else in the office, and as they look them over, they find out that nearly everyone lied. James however, who stated things about his ability to tap dance and his vocal range, appears to be telling the truth about everything. Paul winds up with a broken leg when a neighbor runs into him with a Big Wheel, starts to worry that Claudia is ‘nesting’ when she stays at his place and starts cleaning up his apartment. He tells her out of sorts it is making him, especially when she stores her bird in his bathtub, causing him to fall and break his toes. She eventually returns everything to the way it was and tries to leave, at which point Paul can only crawl on the ground and beg her to come back, telling her that he loves her. Mike tries to do damage control with Hearing Impaired community by meeting with the Director of the New York coalition for the Hearing Impaired, Sarah Adelman (Marlee Matlin). Mike seems to have the ability to charm her, but he takes two steps back when he chips a molar, had to have a dental work involving Novacaine, and consequently sounds like he is mocking the deaf reporter Tim (Lews Merkin) while being interviewed. The coalition threatens a demonstration, but Mike has a dinner with Sarah, who had two other deaf friends (Carole Addabbo, Frank Dattolo) over, and no one will speak to Mike. He gets frustrated and starts to storm out, when she reveals that she can speak. The spend the rest of the evening ironing out differences and flirting over coffee and dessert. Back at work, after Stuart races in Paul’s wheelchair, Mike tries it as well and winds up in front of the press again. Mike finds out that James never graduated college because he was missing gym credits, so he is forced to buy the group beer all night. Unfortunately the jukebox in the bar isn’t working, and the guy ‘fixing’ it turns out to be the fake temp. 10/25/20
• 021. Hot in the City – 4/1/1997
  • The staff is closely following Mike’s relationship with a girl named Carrie (Daphne Zuniga), and he tells them he is planning on breaking up with her because she is too looney. Meanwhile Paul has to work with a nun named Sister Margaret (Kathleen Chalfant) who has security concerns in her school’s neighborhood. He misses the meeting with the team, so they record it for him and throw in a red herring about an early morning meeting. Mike starts to break up with Carrie, but then finds out that she wants to have kids and if he’s not interested, she needs to break it up. He takes it as a golden opportunity to get out of the relationship without being the one to end it. Still, after they are done discussing it, they sleep together. The ladies at work try and convince Mike that they had makeup sex and are not really broken up, so Mike calls her in to verify. She says that they are indeed broken up, but she has saved his sperm and is going to move forward with having his baby. When he can’t talk her out of it, or find any legal recourse, he assigns Carter and Stuart to break into her house and steal it. Paul talks Carter into trading Sister Margaret for a group of lesbians, and he also trades places with Carter for the break-in. Paul ends up leaving with a container of frozen yogurt. Mike arranges for a 60’s rock band Maxwell, Travis, and Jones to reunite for a benefit concert at Madison Square Garden. However when signing the contract, the Mayer inadvertently starts a fight between band members Kevin (J.K. Simmons) and Tommy (Charle Landry). Mike sends in James, who is a huge fan, to patch things up, but he only does by lying to Kevin and telling him his father can get Kevin’s daughter into Yale. As the band is ready to perform, the power goes out all over the city, thus ending the concert. Mike is happy though because it means that Carrie’s freezer is out. Paul gives his speech about lesbian love in the dark… and when the lights come back on, he realizes he’s been giving it to the nuns. Steve Gaasche is the band P.A. 2/13/21
• 022. Bone Free – 4/29/1997
  • While the Mayor is listening to a speech from Heidi Longley (Anna Holbrook), with the Women’s Action Caucus, she reminds him of his high school French teacher Miss Lowell, who was also the first love of his life. His fantasy about her gets him too aroused to stand up for an ovation, which provokes the ire of women and the press. Paul explains to the press that he wasn’t feeling well, and when he’s led to name symptoms, the press concludes that the Mayor has heart issues. This is even worse for his career, so Mike arranges for the staff to keep the Mayor up all night and then have him checked out by the doctor, who will declare that he is sleep deprived from all of his hard work. Meanwhile, Nikki is seeing a screenplay writer named George Rudell (Sam Seder), who appears to be taking advantage of her and using her money to survive on. They warn her, and Carter and Stuart offer to sneak into her house and get a look at the screenplay he is writing. While they are at her apartment, Stuart gets turned on by Nikkie’s underwear, and Carter gets turned on by George’s… so neither is able to stand for some time. When they report back how terrible it is, she breaks it off. Later she reads that there is a bidding war for his script that is in the seven-figure territory. Dr. Maria Barrow (Rebecca Boyd) declares to the press that the Mayor is indeed fit as a fiddle, but sleep deprived from all of his hard work. Mike gets turned on by the doctor, and is unable to leave the podium. Ellen Bethea is the reporter. 2/13/21
• 023. The Mayor Who Came to Dinner – 5/6/1997
  • The city team is putting on a charity fashion show and brought in famous designer Isaac Mizrahi (himself), who begins dating Carter. The team has a dinner at the mayor’s house, but when his wife Helen is late, it leads to a fight between them which is embarrassing for everyone. With all the pressure this has put on Mike, he wants to go out drinking with someone, but only Paul is available. Stuart has to give a speech at his apartment co-op board, pressuring them to put in a new laundry room. James helps him write the speech, which proves to be so effective that they make Stuart president of the board. Soon the Mayor shows up at Mike’s house, having been kicked out of his residence, so Mike allows him to move in with him. This drives him crazy, as the mayor takes showers for nearly an hour, emptying out all of the hot water. Carter starts to tire of Isaac’s tireless lifestyle of fashion and parties and confides to Nikki that he prefers a quieter lifestyle. She, however, jumps at the chance to model one of Isaac’s dresses when another model drops out. Mike tries to reconcile the mayor and his wife by inviting her to the event, keeping an eye on them so the press doesn’t catch them in an argument. Stuart starts to feel the pressure of being a co-op president when everyone bothers him to get things fixed. When he tries to hit on a beautiful woman (Rachel York) at the runway event, it turns she is one of the tenants, and she recognizes him for spying on her through her sunroof. Nikki’s big moment on the runway is interrupted when Mike notices the Mayor and Helen fighting, and he runs across the runway, knocks her off, and stops the press from taking photos. Later, as the Mayor heads off after eventually reconciling, he discusses the prospect of eventual divorce, and Mike assures him that he should do what is best for their marriage, and let Mike handle the public relations ramifications. Mike also stops him from stealing his bathroom supplies and shuts the door on him when he mentions that he might need to come back. James helps Stuart write a speech to step down from being president, but the only one who shows up at the meeting is Mrs. Schnoll (Kathleen Claypool), who wants her gutters cleaned. 6/10/21
• 024. Mayor Over Miami – 5/13/1997
  • When the Mayor is served divorce papers, he becomes despondent, mulling over the shambles made of his life and career over the past year. This doesn’t bode well, as he is scheduled to deliver a State of the City address to the press. Meanwhile, Paul is starting to get cold feet when the date arrives for Claudia to move in with him. Stuart has a new girlfriend named Carolyn (Marin Hinkle), and the gang can’t believe how nice and normal she seems. What’s more, they think that Stuart acts like a very sweet gentleman when she’s around. During a press briefing, the mayor starts to question out loud the mistakes of his administration. Mike arranges a get-together for everyone, hoping that it will cheer up the mayor. Little does he know that Paul has turned to the mayor for advice about his relationship with Claudia, and the mayor talks him into running off to Miami with him to celebrate their new freedom. Mike does what he can to hold off the press, but one reporter (John Harrington Bland) has already spotted the Mayor and Paul at the airport, but Mike denies that the mayor has left town. The gang confronts Stuart about the different way he behaves around Carolyn, and he finally sees it in himself. However he can’t bring himself to stop, as he finds her hot and it gets him sex. As Mike pulls out his own hair trying to cobble together old speeches to present as the Mayor’s current State of the City, Claudia comes to see Mike and ask for advice about Paul. When he says that he’ll talk to him about the great catch he has, she offers up the location that Paul can be reached in Miami. Mike is able to buy a center aisle coach ticket from an agent (Marcia DeBonis), before flying down to Miami to try and talk everyone to their senses. Timothi Jane Graham is the Miami waitress who Paul attempts to flirt with. 6/10/21 

SEASON 2

• 025. Paul Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – 9/24/1997
  • Mike tries to find an excuse to explain why the mayor went to Florida, and off of the top of his head, he tells the press corps that the mayor went with a friend who was suffering a nervous breakdown. Just then Paul walks in and announces that he had gone with the mayor. Mike tries to do damage control by having him see psychiatrist Dr. Benjamin (Mark Linn-Baker). Meanwhile, the Mayor is expecting Mike to act as his lawyer and work with his wife’s lawyer Laurie Parres (Paula Marshall). Mike tries to get out of it, but as soon as he sees Laurie, he falls hard for her, so he takes the job. The feeling appears to be mutual, but Laurie asks that they not get romantically involved while they are working on opposing sides of a hearing. Claudia is deeply offended by Paul taking off like that on the day she moves into his place, so she asks that they take a break from each other. Because of this, by the time he sees Dr. Benjamin, he is so upset that Benjamin has to have him committed. Laurie gets irritated when Mike continues to woo her, so she says she’s going to play hardball against him. Mike retaliates by digging in and demanding some of the essential things that the mayor’s wife needs like her summer wear and eye creams, and she does the same against him by taking the mayor’s cigars and painting of his mother. Mike apologizes to Laurie and tells her that she amazes him and he is still crazy about her and hopes she forgives him after the case is over. When Mike is called to address the press again, he does so after accidentally taking Paul’s anti-depressants, thinking they were aspirin, and causing him to sing Mack the Knife to the press, and drawing a map on his chest. He thinks it is great that this winds up on every channel, as it diverts the attention from the Mayor and Paul. When Laurie hears him say this, she confronts him and says that his speech to her must have been manipulative as well. Carter complains that the newlywed couple across from his window is driving him crazy with all of their inappropriate sex with the window shade open. James accuses him of being ‘heterophobic’, so he invites everyone over to see, and they all agree it is in fact inappropriate… except for Stuart, who just wants to hang out there. 10/9/21
• 026. Porn in the U.S.A. – 10/1/1997
  • Mike goes out for lunch on his second date with Laurie, and hopes to get a kiss on his third, but then finds out that he has to go to a work gathering with the mail. He asks Nikki to go along on the date, so that when he is called away, she can stay there and keep Laurie company. Paul introduces his mother Abby (Raquel Welch) to his co-workers, and they are all stunned how attractive she is. In fact, they all accept invitations to go to Paul’s house to eat her dinner, so that they can watch her remove the food from the stove. Mike comes up with the idea to use Public Access TV pornography as the daily subject for the Mayor to discuss. But soon the lawyer Greg Mullins (Peter Jacobson) unearths a video of the Mayor going into a video shop and wandering around the adult section. The Mayor claims he tough it was the western section because it had a swinging doors. Mike and Greg agree to meet and discuss coming to an agreement to keep him from releasing the video store tape. He puts Stuart in charge of keeping Greg and a group of porn actresses busy, while Mike and the Mayor preemptively talk to the press. They tell the press that this was the video showing how easy it was for anyone to go in and find pornography. After Stuart has the porn girls autograph some of his things, including a pair of underwear, Greg and the girls storm the press room to present the tape, but it is only after Mike has already passed them out to the press, rendering the porn industry’s ‘evidence’ useless. Nikki and Laurie have such a good time hanging out together after Mike leaves, that Laurie has lunch and dinner the next day. Mike takes issue with her monopolizing Laurie, so they argue over who ‘get her’ the next night when Mike asks her to dinner and Nikki gets tickets so she and Laurie can go see Cats. Mike settles for eating dinner at Mike’s apartment, then Laurie going to the play with Nikki, and Laurie then returning to Mike’s place. Mike starts running out of candles while he waits for Laurie and keeps calling the theater manager to get updates on when the play lets out. Blanca Camacho is the flower woman. 10/9/21
• 027. Wonder Woman – 10/8/1997
  • Mike and Laurie spend the evening together and sleep with each other, but when he offers for her to spend the night, she declines. Mike is enthusiastic about her because they seem to see eye to eye on everything, and neither of them wants a commitment. However, it soon becomes clear that Mike is feeling something more powerful about her, as when she has to skip out on going out with him because she is having dinner with her mother (Linda Stephens), Mike tries to get her to go along. When Laurie declines, Mike crashes the dinner, where he is subject to listening to her mother complain because she’s not married yet. Laurie then tells her mother that her relationship with Mike is very serious, and he might be the one. Mike reciprocates by telling her how much he cares for her. When her mother leaves the table, Laurie remarks that her mother bought their ‘act’ and it will keep her off Laurie’s back for six months. Meanwhile, James is leaving for lunch every day, and both Stuart and Carter are so curious about where he’s going that they follow him. It turns out he is taking the remote-control boat that he and his grandfather made together and driving it around on the lake in Central Park. Stuart makes fun of him for it, while also trying to convince him to enter a racing competition with it. He even tries to convince James to put a blender motor in it. Mike tries to get the mayor to agree to a raise for his secretary Janelle, but the mayor won’t allow it. However, when she mentions the fact that the Mayor had abolished rent control, he has second thoughts. He winds up giving her the raise… and a promotion to become his assistant so that he can get rid of incompetent assistant Nadine (voice of Melinda Wade). James declines racing his boat once and for all, but Stuart has already added the blender motor, so James goes ahead. Unfortunately, the boat explodes seconds after it take off. Paul suggests that if Mike can get Laurie to spend the night at his place and wake up in one of his sweatshirts, the commitment will finally happen. Mike manages to get her to fall asleep in his bed, but when she wakes up on the morning, she doesn’t seem very happy about it. Finally, Mike gets up the courage and tells Laurie that he loves her. She sits and stares at him all morning with no response. 4/4/22
• 028. The Goodbye Girl – 10/15/1997
  • Laurie tells Mike that she cannot give him any commitments at this time in her life, but she does want to remain friends, the type who can go out to eat, go to movie, and continue to sleep with each other. Meanwhile the rumor mill is circulating that the mayor is dating a new woman named Jennifer (Marla Maples). Mike is concerned that this will not resonate well with the public since he is only a few weeks divorced, but the mayor doesn’t seem to care. As Mike is getting ready to go to a fundraiser with the Mayor, he questions Laurie about why she is against commitment, and her answers make it sound as if she is not completely against the idea of marriage, but just isn’t smitten by him. When he goes to pick up the Mayor, Jennifer gets in the car with Mike, who has been drinking from the car’s wet bar, and the two end up making out with each other. Jennifer rushes out of the car when the mayor shows up to get in the car. Paul is trying to help Mike find a new assistant since Janelle is now working for the Mayor. He finds a great candidate in a girl named Stacey Paterno (Jennifer Esposito), but since Paul thinks that by doing the assistant’s role himself, it keeps him in the loop, so he blows off the determined Stacey. Mike tries to figure out how to handle Jennifer and the Mayor, and Carter tries to help him through it without offering any practical advise. The Mayor tries to get advice from Stuart and James on how not act so old-fashioned. When Mike gets home that night and is changing clothes, Jennifer shows up and tries to seduce him. Laura also comes over to pick up her things, and although Mike tries to hide her, she discovers Jennifer there and is upset she wasted time feeling bad about breaking up with Mike. Then the Mayor shows up to ask his advice on how to win over Jennifer, only to find her there as well. The mayor is somewhat understanding, but laments the fact that women think of him as an old man now. Stacey searches the office to try and find Mike directly and gets to meet the mayor and tell her how handsome he is and the fact that her ‘young’ mother is smitten by him as well. She knows just what to say to make the mayor feel young again, and consequently, Mike gives her the job. Laurie comes to say goodbye to all of Mike’s co-workers and asks them to tell him that maybe someday in the future they can try again. Nikki says that would be too difficult for Mike to handle, so when Mike shows up and asks if Laurie mentioned him, Carter tells him that she did not. 4/5/22
• 029. In the Heat of the Day – 10/22/1997
  • When the Mayor is asked about childhood obesity, he responds by attempting to do push-ups, but one and half is all he can get. This draws more attention to the issue, so the team responds with a children’s fitness program, and Mike volunteers Carter to take part in a weight loss program himself. Mike joins him for part of his jog, although he is wearing roller blades, but then chases after a woman. Carter gets pumped by running, but his exhilaration is cut short when a police officer (Timothy Devlin) arrests him. He is let go by the Sergeant (Dennis Paladino) when Mike comes to the station and vouches for him. Apparently, they were after a black man who had just mugged a woman, and mistook him for the offender. Carter is so upset about the situation that he books an appearance on Good Morning America to denounce it. Mike thinks it is a bad idea and asks him not to do it since the mayor’s record on crime is so good. Meanwhile, Paul makes a comment about greasy Mexican food, and Councilman Rodriguez (Manuel E. Santiago) thinks he is talking about him. Paul tries to prove to himself and other that he is not racist, even choreographing saying hello to a black man. In the end, he asks Claudia to meet him. She thinks he is going to ask to get back together, but he asks her instead if he is racist. She tells him no, and then storms off. Paul later joins a gospel choir. James has been dating the supply girl Katie (Zandy Hartig), and Nikki and Stacey give him pointers on how to get to first base with her. On their next date at the movie, James overzealously squeezes her leg, and when she asks what he is doing, he tells her that he really likes her. She then leans in for a kiss, but he accidentally bumps her head. Carter goes on Good Morning America despite Mike’s wishes, and the TV reporter (Raul Esparza) not only shows clips of Carter but shows clips of Mike encouraging everyone not to make amount of a mole hill. When he hears himself, Mike is embarrassed, so he tracks down Carter at the bar to apologize. Carter thought he was going to be fired, so he bought the bar numerous rounds of drinks on Mike’s account. Carter said he needs some time to get over it, but Mike apologizes and tells him he wasn’t being a good friend, but he thinks he is now. 8/2/22
• 030. Radio Daze – 10/29/1997
  • The Mayor is promoting his ghost-written autobiography Winston on Winston by attending a book signing. Unfortunately, shock jock Andrew “Drew” West (Gerry Red Wilson) is also holding a book signing on the same day. The Mayor doesn’t sell any books, other the ones that his employees were forced to buy. Mike asks Paul to do a review of the book, but instead of reading it, he just turns in a handful of reviews for movies that he’s read. Drew West makes fun of the Mayor’s book on his show. Mike decides they might be able to use West’s show to promote the Mayor, so they arrange an interview for him on the show. The Mayor handles West’s insults gracefully, and counter attacks with some witty zingers. Meanwhile, the girls in the office have their eyes on Brent (Brian Van Holt), the guys who delivers water. They keep bringing him back to deliver more water and answer questions about water. Eventually, he calls them all out for sexualizing him like a slab of meat. West shows up at Mike’s press conference to lay down a challenge that he can get more votes in a phone-in election. When Paul finally does finish the Mayor’s book – around the same time that the Mayor finishes it himself – they sit down to discuss it, and the mayor realizes about all of the chances he missed taking throughout his life. Regis Philbin (himself) and Kathy Lee Gifford (himself) have Drew West on their show, and Mike and the mayor crash the interview, until the mayor starts singing How Sweet It Is with Kathie Lee, at which point West just slinks off the show. The appearance gets the mayor just 500 votes behind West. Carter questions Mike as to his motive to be taking on Drew West and accuses him of not ever being willing to lose. Stuart has the idea to make the contest about issues, and not try to out-sleaze West. They hold a press conference by the Hudson River and manage to appeal to some of West’s followers. Mike struggles to come up with a reason to even have the contest, so Mike admits that he just couldn’t turn down West’s challenge, and that the Mayor is doing it because he would do anything for the people of New York City. West then dares him to jump into the river to prove it, and the Mayor, remembering all of the chances he didn’t take, agrees to do it. Mike joins him and they jump into the river hand-in-hand. Afterward, they have drinks while the Mayor starts narrating his life on tape for his next book. Rod McLachlan is the reporter. 11/30/22
• 031. The Thirty Year Itch – 11/5/1997
  • It’s Mike’s 30th birthday and he’s having a small gathering at his house, but he’s rather preoccupied by a card he got from an old girlfriend named Renee Miller (Tracy Pollan), who me promised to meet at the top of the Empire State Building if he was single on his thirtieth birthday. He hems and haws about whether to actually show up. He opens all of his $25 gift certificate from his friends, and then the $475 one from James for Electronics U.S.A., since Stuart told him that one guy who actually stuck to the $25 limit in the past would up losing his job over it. Mike ultimately decides to leave his apartment to go to see if Renee shows up. His friends stay behind at his place and start going through his things, looking for clues as to what he might like to get for his birthday. They find his old letters to Santa indicating what he wanted for Christmas each year, with a pony seemingly being listed every year. Meanwhile, the Mayor is trying to figure out if he nephew Stephen (Bradley White) is gay or not, so he asks Conrad to meet with him and find out if he is gay. When the Mayor brings him to the office, Stephen makes catcalls at women from the window, but otherwise has the mannerisms of a gay man who organizes closets for a living. Mikes makes it to the Empire State Building, and Renee does indeed show up. She gives him a Don Mattingly rookie card for his birthday, but it blows out of his hand and over the ledge of the building. They hit it off immediately and decide to go out for dinner. Back at home, Mike’s friends find an old yearbook and see an inscription from his old teacher Helen Walker (Jan Owen) that says, “I’ll never forget you.” They try to track her down and eventually find her, but when Paul and James ask if they can take her to see her old student Mike, she sprays them with mace. While Renee is making a phone call, another former classmate named Bridget (Hope Chernov) shows up, also having had made plans to meet with Mike on his 30th birthday. She is crushed and hyper-ventilates. Mike confesses that he just wants to meet the right person and settle down… just as two more girls, Cathy (Whitney Allen) and Kathy (Geneva Carr), show up to meet him. Mike laments how much power he has in the city but can’t meet his dream girl without screwing it up. Carter finally makes his determination that Stephen is straight. He admits is purposely being ambiguous so that his parents will stop trying to set him with a date of either sex. Mike asks Renee to meet him again, but she concludes he is trying too hard to get is life in perfect order, and there would too much pressure on her to date him now. They agree to meet in the same place on his 31st birthday. When he gets home, he finds that his friends have indeed found him the perfect gift: a pony. 11/30/22
• 032. My Life Is a Soap Opera – 11/12/1997
  • Mike begins dating Lisa (Susan Floyd), a writer for the soap opera All My Children. She has also developed a character named Mick Flannery (Scott Brasfield), based on Mike. Mick is the deputy mayor of New York City as well, and all of interaction with the character Gillian (Esta TerBlanche), who is based on Lisa, rings true to the action interactions between Mike and Lisa. Meanwhile, Paul complains that young men don’t give little old ladies their seats on the subways. He also has an idea for the Mayor do a live TV program of unscripted Town Halls. Mike hates the idea, but Paul has already ran it by the Mayor and he loves it. The first episode is a disaster, as Paul is feeding him answers, and when he spills hot coffee down his pants, the Mayor repeats what Paul is saying: “hot coffee!” “911!,” and “pour ice down my pants!” Stuart is aghast when a photo of Conrad and him appears in the paper, and the paper refers to Stuart as Conrad’s “friend.” This gets many women thinking that Stuart is gay, including a woman in the office named Jeannie (Kim Raver), who previously thought that Stuart was a stalker. However, in this new light, she takes a liking to Stuart and the two end up going out for drinks. Stuart tells her that he is now questioning his sexuality since he’s developing feelings for her. She invites him back to her place so they can iron it out. Then when he wants to dump her, he tells her that it was fun to experiment with her, but he is now back to being gay. Since Mike knows his first time being with Lisa is going to be critiqued on the show, he is quite nervous about it. On the next episode of All My Children, she describes their night together as ‘not great’. Even Roberta offers to give Mike some pointers in bed, which is seconded by Kenny the janitor (Kenny Sheehan). Mike is embarrassed by the whole thing, so he writes a script for him to break it off with her. She then retaliates by having Gillian say that Mick was even in worse the second time and furthermore, that Mick paints his toenails. Mike feels he has to prove to everyone at the office that he doesn’t. Stuart meets another woman named Susan (Brette Taylor), who wants to straighten out his sexuality. Carter is offended how Stuart is using his ‘fake gayness’ to get women, so he doesn’t bother to tell Stuart that Susan is actually a man. An angry Mike tells Lisa to kill off the Mick character, but she tells him that he’ll have to come up with something just as juicy to replace the character. Mike refuses to let the Mayor go back on the Town Hall show and tells Paul to take it over. During his first press conference, a bully named Bob Connor (Paul Romero) refuses to let a little old lady (Peggy Shay) have a chair, a rumble breaks out on the show, which make it to the NYN Live news. Mike has the Mayor replace his character on the show with Lance St. Andrews, so Gillian kills off the Mick character. However, Lance also announces that Mick’s going to make it. John Callahan is the soap character Edmund. John Thrall Bush is the Town Hall questioner. 12/2/22
• 033. Family Affair: Part 1 – 11/19/1997
  • Mike’s mother Macy (Meredith Baxter) is in town from the west coast and she comes to visit the office while Mike is addressing his team. Meanwhile, Nikki goes on a blind date with a guy named Steve (Mitch Rouse), a ventriloquist who can’t seem to speak to her without using his puppet Mr. Bungle. Despite this issue, she really takes a liking to him. When Mike has another meeting to attend, he talks the Mayor into having lunch with his mother, who wants to talk to him about integrating her company’s software into the New York City school system. As Stuart and Stacey return from lunch, he messes with her but putting metal objects in her pockets as she goes through the metal detector. When she says she doesn’t have time for it and runs back to her desk, Stuart encourages the elderly security guard Hank Dorsett (Charles White) to take action. He fires a bullet through the ceiling, which grazes Paul, who is standing at the candy machine upstairs. Hank winds up getting fired, and he decides to sue Paul, who had lodges the complaint against him. Nikki has a talk with Steve to see if they can talk without Mr. Bungle present, but he can barely speak when she puts the doll into his suitcase. When Carter makes fun of Mike for how close he is with his mother, Mike tries to show how much she thinks of him by offering to let her spend the evening alone. When she jumps at the chance, Mike starts to get upset and rents The Way We Were. Carter comes to see Mike late at night while he is watching it and tells him that a reporter named Jason Lane who he is dating has a photo of the Mayor giving money to a known prostitute from earlier that evening. Mike calls everyone into the office to go search the city for the Mayor before the press finds him. After a night of searching, Mike stops by his mother’s hotel… where he finds the mayor coming out of the bathroom in his robe. Hank tells Paul that he’s suing him for causing him to lose his job. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 5/16/23
• 034. Family Affair: Part 2 – 11/26/1997
  • Although Mike knows it was his mother with the Mayor, Jason Lane (David Aaron Baker) plans to run with the prostitute story. Paul applies and is accepted to handle his case with Hank on The People’s Court, despite the fact that Mike knows this will cause bad publicity for the Mayor’s office. Meanwhile, as everyone prepares for the Thanksgiving holiday, Carter books plans to spend time alone at a resort in the Bahamas. James, Nikki, Stuart, and Janelle learn of this and all want to go along as well. Carter tries to tell them no, but they are so persistent that he books extra rooms for all of them. When the prostitute photo gets plastered on the front page of the newspaper, the Mayor tells Mike that he was just giving her change and that they have an alibi for what he was really doing. Mike naturally wants to keep his mother out of the scrutiny of the press. Paul asks Stacey to testify as his character witness, and she agrees in order to get the publicity of being on TV, hoping that a rich man will spot her. During the court proceedings, the scales of justice seemed swayed toward Hank since the judge Ed Koch (himself) allows him to use the lawyer Alan Dershowitz (himself), whose father was saved by Hank during the war. Everyone who is going to Bahamas can’t agree on the view of the room, the food, their dining section, and who gets the room to themself. Eventually they all decide to cancel, even though Carter has made it clear that the trip is non-refundable. Paul is incredulous that he is being sued for being shot. Stacey gives her testimony, which amounts to her telling everyone that she is single and available. Macy finds out about the prostitute story and resents the fact that Mike tried to shield her from it. She goes before the press to tell them that the Mayor was her the night in question. She also calls out a reporter (Jay Russell) who asks her if she slept with the Mayor and tells him to go call his mother. After the trial, Hank is interviewed by Curt Chaplain (himself), the court reporter, and asks him if he is surprised that he was awarded more that the he was asking for. Paul refuses to talk to him. Although the Mayor has agreed to use Macy’s software, she decides she needs to break it off with him before she returns home. Carter tells everyone he has decided to go home for Thanksgiving, but when they rips his jacket off, they find he is dressed for the Bahamas. He admits that he traded in their room for a solo suite for himself. They all decide to follow him to the airport and then on to the Bahamas. Josephine Longbardi is herself, the court officer. 5/15/23
• 035. They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? – 12/10/1997
  • Mike arrives at work feeling good in his new calf skin jacket, but it isn’t long before Paul, who has found a new anonymous pen pal through his lonely Christians group at church, spills coffee on it. Meanwhile, the Mayor’s daughter Megan (Alyssa Milano) is coming home from school at Berkely for the holiday break. Mike hopes that it will show that the mayor is normal single father, but is intent on covering up Meg’s crop top, tattoo, and piercings. She and her father greet each other coldly in front of the press with a mere handshake. Mike wants her to accompany her father as he renews the hansom cab drivers’ licenses at a publicity event, but she feels that using horses for transportation is cruelty to animals. Stacey takes Mike’s jacket to the cleaners, and although he says he can get it cleaned, she has a gift for telling when people are lying. Mike asks James to hang out with Meg and keep her away from her father so that she doesn’t cause any political embarrassments, but she winds up riding naked on a horse past the press and winding up all over the newspapers. Paul’s co-workers find his pen pal letters pathetic, so they attempt to set him up with his ex-girlfriend Claudia. However, when she shows up at the bar, he snubs her because he is reading the lengthy poetic letter that he just received from the pen pal. Mike scolds Meg for her stunt, but she feels that if it was important, her father should be talking to her. She decides to head back to Berkeley, and the mayor does nothing to stop her. Mike doesn’t believe that James actually took her to the airport, so he and Stuart play good cop/bad cop with him in order to find out what really happened. He lets it slip that he is meeting her later at a PETA rally. When he laments that he doesn’t know how to break through to her, Mike encourages him to show up at the rally. An activist (Andrea Maulella) there tries to convince Meg to tell the people not to vote for her father because of his lack of empathy for animals. With the traffic lights down in the city, the mayor rides a horse with Mike holding on for dear life behind him to the rally. There he tells Megan he’d like to talk to her, and they depart on horseback. He thinks this is a big step, and later, he walks in while James and Meg are making out. He pretends he doesn’t see them, but everyone hears him weeping in the hallway afterward. It turns out that Paul’s pen pal is in fact Claudia, and she and Paul reconcile. However, Stacey points out that Claudia was lying about being the pen pal, and Carter admits he wrote the letters to Paul. 9/19/23
• 036. Miracle Near 34th Street – 12/17/1997
  • The team puts up a Christmas tree in Mike’s office as they prepare for the holiday. Mike introduces the Mayor to Justin Falby (Scott Terra), the young winner of the state spelling bee. He brings him in front of the press, but then accidentally talks about the time he found out there was no Santa Claus, reducing Justin to tears. Mike wants to make it up to Justin by bringing in one of the City Hal Santa Clauses but is then reminded that he laid them all off this year. Meanwhile, James can’t afford to go home for the holidays, so his parents send hm a care package that includes a chocolate nativity scene. Stuart starts eating them one by one, and soon the others join in with gobbling them up as well. Mike wants Stacey to throw the Christmas office party, but she maintains that every time she throws a Christmas party, someone dies. Mike brings in the Santas to negotiate their city contract but wants one of them to show a gesture of goodwill by meeting Justin in front of the press. One particularly bitter Santa (Kevin Brennan) picks a fight with Mike. As the Mayor tells Justin in front of the press that not only is Santa real, but he is going to make special stop there from the North Pole. Mike finally stumbles in wearing a Santa outfit in a disheveled state. The bitter Santa then tackles him to the floor in front of the press. Mike then arranges to have Paul dress as Santa and get lowered down Justin’s chimney by Carter. While Mike goes inside to talk to Justin and his mother (Julia Gibson) to convince Justin that Santa is going to stop by his house, Paul gets stuck in the chimney and Carter steps on black ice and falls off the roof and winds up dangling by a rope. Over at the office party, everyone gives James a ticket to go home for Christmas. Stuart eats the baby Jesus, which James substituted for a ceramic piece, causing Stuart to choke. The old union Santa (James Harder) who is looking for Mike, falls over and dies at the party. Mike brings Justin to see the mayor dedicate a Christmas tree and ready a Christmas story to the city, but winds up catching the tree on fire with his cigar. Since Justin wanted a big fire for Christmas, he believes in Santa again. Unfortunately, he nearly sees the dead Santa being hauled out of the office, but Mike pulls Justin’s Santa hat over his eyes. Paul’s claustrophobia in the chimney starts to get the better of him. Craig Mathers is the newscaster. Christopher Cooke is drunk Santa Jerry. 9/19/23
• 037. Same Time Next Year – 1/7/1998
  • As the staff prepares for their annual New Years party at the mayor’s house, Stuart looks for a place where he can have his elderly cat Piglet put to sleep. Mike asks Nikki if he can pick her up for the party, since they had agreed to be each other’s ‘safety date’ if they weren’t seeing anyone. However, Nikki tells her that she is bringing a date named Jay (Scott Bryce), a gynecologist she has been seeing. The next day, everyone is very hungover and hazy about the events of the party, and they all agree not to talk about it, but when the mayor arrives, the first thing he does is ask Mike to come talk to him about the party. Flashing back to the events of the party, the champagne is flowing heavily as everyone gets more and more inebriated. The mayor suggests they talk about their resolutions, and if they don’t have any, he suggests they assign them to each other. He tells Paul that he should be his own man and not always agree with him. From then on that night, Paul refuses to fulfil even the simplest requests from the mayor. Stacey tells James that he needs to work out more. All evening, James handles the criticism poorly and wants to fight Stacey, until she puts him in a painful finger lock. Mike and Nikki begin mildly flirting until Jay interrupts them. Later, Mike catches Jay making out with the catering girl (Wendy Marlow). He chases Jay out of the party with a fireplace poker, fires the catering girl, and tells Nikki. Stuart gleefully tells everyone that his cat has finally passed away. It doesn’t seem to faze him until Carter finds him drinking alone in the basement. Carter encourages him to let out his emotions, and although resistant, once he does, he can’t stop crying about the cat all night long, leaving Carter to try to cheer him up. As almost everyone is counting down as the New Years ball drops, Mike and Nikki discuss her love life, and he tells her that she is a smart, funny, and gorgeous woman who whose dream guy is out there. They wind up in a food fight with the desserts, and then making out on the dining room table. When they realize that everyone will be coming into the room shortly, they stop, only to be found covered in desserts by the mayor and his guests. Back at work, Mike and Nikki talk again and agree that it was good that everyone came in before they went any further. They agree it is a mistake but are hesitant to part. Nikki suggests that they get really close to each other and see if there are any feelings between them. They stand up against each other, and although they resist kissing one another, once they walk away, they both collapse over their chairs. James desperately tries to beat Stacey at arm wrestling, but they settle on a draw. 1/17/24
• 038. The Paul Lassiter Story – 1/21/1998
  • The mayor is contracted by his publisher to write a second book, but he needs someone, preferably Mike, to ghost write it for him. Paul is still upset about not being mentioned in the mayor’s first book and wants to help co-write it and include stories about himself. Mike’s solution is to bring in Donald Trump (himself) to give him tips on writing, but he proves to be no help at all. Meanwhile, Mike is having trouble urinating, so he sees a doctor (Stephen Kunkin) and is told that prostate cancer is always a possibility. Reeling from this, Mike flatly refuses to help the mayor meet his publisher’s deadline. The mayor tries to make him feel guilty by telling Janelle to tell Mike that he was up all night in his office working on the book, when he actually went home right after Mike did. When Paul notices that Mike is having trouble using the restroom, Mike confides in him that he has seen a doctor and is waiting for test results. It isn’t long before Paul tells the others about the situation. The mayor and Mike continue to bicker ab9ut Mike not helping him, and the arguing spills over into an interview with New York Examiner writer Betty Simms (Jennifer Van Dyck), leading to them not looking too favorably as a ‘power team.’ While racing chairs in the hallway, the guys manage to destroy two of them, and the supply supervisor Walter (Sam Lloyd) refuses to replace them. Trying to strong arm him has no effect, and when Nikki and Stacey try to hit on him, he doesn’t seem to care. Carter also takes a shot at making a pass at him, then realizes how pathetic he seems. Eventually, they get him to acquiesce by kidnapping his Giga Pet Benjamin and refusing to give it back until they get the chairs. The mayor also finds out from Paul about Mike’s predicament, but by then Mike has found out that the cancer tests were benign, and he had a simple prostatitis. The mayor apologizes for always making things about himself and tells Mike he wants things to be a two-way street. However, he then quickly wants to get back to working on the book with Mike. Anne James is Stephanie the nurse. 1/20/24
• 039. Gentleman’s Agreement – 1/28/1998
  • When Al Jenkins, a 106-year-old member of the mayor’s gentlemen’s club Cabin House, passes away, the mayor tries to talk Mike into joining. Mike isn’t much interested, but when he visits the club and gets a great steak and a massage between meal courses, his tune quickly changes. Carter thinks he won’t be welcome, but he is surprised when all of the men seem to accept him wholeheartedly when he visits and has a great time as well. Both Mike and Carter realize they can’t join the club since it is exclusive to men, and they try to keep the mayor’s membership a secret from the press. However, one unfriendly reporter, Phil Hockner (Josh Stamberg) gets photos of the mayor coming out of it. Mike tries to hightail it over to the club to warn the mayor, but he winds up getting stuck inside the steam room with the reporter just outside the door waiting for him. Meanwhile, James is short of money because he keeps getting taken by a street hustler named Monty (Mos’ Def aka Yasiin Bey), who keeps conning him at 3-Card Monte. Paul, who fancies himself an amateur magician, thinks he can help James by following his sleight of hand, but he winds up losing too. Carter informs them that Monty is palming the card they are trying to follow, so they return once again to show they’ve caught on. However, the game gets broken up by the police, before James can win his money back, which happens to leave with Monty as he runs away. With Mike and the Mayor getting hotter and hotter in the sauna, they call Carter to come rescue them by causing a diversion, but he winds up just coming into the steam room and getting stuck with them. They then call Stuart and the ladies, who are busy discussing The Great Gatsby with their book club that Stuart has just joined, and when they lights go out, they think that they’ve created a diversion, but they too have just entered the sauna. The women have no choice but to get undressed and into towels. Eventually, Mike and the mayor come out, and Phil thinks he’s caught them. However, when he brings out the ladies and declares that it’s time the club was made co-ed, the smear piece is destroyed. Eventually, the book club morphs into everyone in it trying to pick up dates at the bar. Leslie Barrett is club member Wilson, who claims to be gay to get on Carter’s good side. Reathel Bean is John Dorres, a club businessman who tries to steal Mike away. NOTE: John Elsen is credited as the cop but is not shown on screen. 5/21/24
• 040. Deaf Man Walking – 2/25/1998
  • The mayor is developing a hearing problem, causing him to make comments about the recent Groundhog Day that lead the press to believe he is in a gay relationship with Mike. Meanwhile, when Mike has nowhere to go for dinner, Stacey invites him to come over and eat with her and her mother (Maria Tucci) and father (Richard Portnow). As she has been thinking about moving out and getting her own place, the conversation comes to a head during the meal, causing Stacey to storm off and tell them that she is moving out. Stacey’s grandmother Sophie (Tina Bruno) suggests that Mike talk some sense into her, but when he refuses, she puts a curse on him. Back at the office, Stuart learns that Bob from Accounting has died, and Stuart wants to move into his office on the second floor. The others jump at the chance to move him, as they believe it will restore courtesy, honesty, and respect to the floor. No one on the floor, including the bald Ben (Matt Malloy) care for Stuart’s rough humor, so Stuart fantasizes about Carter coming up to see him to be insulted. When Mike comes into work the next morning, he finds that Stacey is sleeping on his office couch. He tells Stacey that ever since her grandmother cursed him, bad luck has been following him, starting with his pen leaking in his mouth. The bad luck continues during a photo op with the New York Rangers hockey team when Mike accidentally injures two of the players. From then on, Mike begins wearing a helmet to work. When the Mayor runs into Candice Foxworthy (Margaret Reed), whom he currently is dating, at the bar, he has to ask James to help interpret what she is saying since he can barely hear her. Candice then forces him to go get checked out by the doctor. When Stuart comes down to the first floor to make copies of his butt, Carter admits that it is boring without him, and Stuart admits that he misses everyone, so he starts preparing to return to the first floor. After Mike gets hit the head with a hockey puck, Mike goes to see Stacey at her new run-down apartment to see if she will go talk to her parents so the curse can be lifted. She goes to see her parents and makes it clear to her parents that she loves them but really needs to move out to get on with her life. Mike tries to take the blame for her, but she won’t let him. Sophie thinks that Mike did a nice thing for her and lifts the curse on Mike, who later gets a call stating that all of the Rangers are now back to practice with minor sprains. The mayor finds out that he merely had an infection in his ear which will clear up. James gives him a speech to read to the ACLU and warns him to stick to it, but the mayor finds that difficult since it is just a blur to him. Stuart returns to his desk and immediately throws all of Carter’s things onto the floor. Natalie Venetia Belcon is the waitress. John Bland is the first reporter. Adam Graves, Pat LaFontaine, and Dan Cloutier are themselves as New York Rangers. 5/21/24
• 041. The Marrying Men – 3/4/1998
  • Valentine’s Day is coming up, and for the first time in eighteen years, Mike doesn’t have a date. Likewise, Nikki doesn’t have a date, and Stacey is waiting to get an invitation to Skeet Ulrich’s party. When Stuart hears this, he claims he knows Skeet and offers to get her into the party, but really has no idea who he even is. Paul plans to propose to Claudia, and he goes with Carter and Mike to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Naturally, he has forgotten his wallet, so Mike puts the money down for him, but refuses to give him the ring until he pays him back. Meanwhile, Laurie comes back to see Mike after having broken his heart in the past, telling him that she doesn’t want to break her Valentine dating streak. However, she then admits that she is sorry that she left him because he was the best thing that has ever happened to her. Carter tries to tell Mike to take it slow, and that is his intention, but when she tells him that she loves him and invites him to make love, he can’t resist. Paul tries to practice his proposal to Claudia by using Nikki, but his words are terrible and insulting. She and James decide to help him come up with the words, and plan to have him deliver the proposal during his press conference, so she can watch it on TV later that night. They plan to have a marching band, along with balloons and confetti, appear when he calls her ‘baby’. After Mike and Laurie make love, he tells her that he had been ready to marry her before. When she goes to get a mint out of his jacket pocket, she finds Paul’s ring and agrees to marry him, much to Mike’s surprise. Paul tries to get the ring from Mike, but he still won’t give it up until he forks over the money. He then goes to his press conference and tells the reporters that he is going to share something very personal with him. He is then handed a news brief about an apartment fire that has left a family without a home… including a baby. When he says “baby,” the band comes out and the room fills with balloons and confetti, as Paul attempts to make the proposal over the noise. When Stuart and Stacey arrive at the party, Stuart knows his name won’t be on the list, but after making up a few names to the bouncer (Chris Tallman), he is startled to find that it is on the list after all. After the party, Stacey admits that she got their names on the list after finding out that he wasn’t on there. She finds it sweet that Stuart knew he’d make a fool of himself, but went through with it anyway so that he could spend time with her. Naturally, Stuart then asks if they are going to sleep together. Mike asks Laurie how she knew that she was ready to marry him, and she says that she looked in his eyes and knew that he was the one she wanted to spend her life with. He looks into her eyes, and then tells her that he never actually proposed to her. Then he does in fact ask her to marry him and she accepts the proposal. Paul tries to deliver the ‘surprise’ to Claudia but turns off the TV before she can hear him making his proposal. He says he’d rather say it to her in person, and then proceeds to tell her about the apartment fire. Herb Foster is the ring salesman. Jimmy Fallon is the photographer. 10/6/24
• 042. One Wedding and a Funeral – 3/11/1998
  • After having sex, Laurie starts to ask Mike about setting a date for their wedding. Meanwhile, Nikki and Janelle are amazed that Mike is getting married, and each start to have their own fantasies about marrying a man like Mike, who himself stands in for such a man in their fantasies. Mike decides he wants to move forward with the wedding that Saturday and promises to make all of the arrangements himself. He asks the mayor to stand in as his Best Man. Paul, realizing that Mike really can’t get the ring back from Laurie, returns to the jewelry store to buy another ring for Claudia. Nikki imagines her marriage to be like The Dick Van Dyke Show with Mike continuously tripping over the ottoman. Janelle imagines that she and Mike are called to the podium during a press conference, where she is the President of the United States. Everyone throws an engagement party for Mike and Laurie, and while the ladies are all admiring her ring, she notices the inscription to Claudia. When she questions Mike about it, he turns to Claudia and asks her to explain. When Claudia sees this, she immediately accepts the proposal from Paul, but he thinks this is just one more example of things going wrong in his proposal since he has already bought another ring. He storms out and says that their marriage just isn’t in the cards. Mike explains to Lori how the situation with the ring took place, and she tells him that she forgives him. However, she says that they’re really not technically engaged as he never put her own ring on her finger. He tells her that she will receive another ring and another proposal. Carter tells Paul that he is using any mishap as an excuse to delay the real proposal to Claudia. Stacey then has a fantasy of her own of her and Mike in the pottery scene from the film Ghost. She snaps out of it, but then is sure she sees Mike walking right through a closed door. Stuart then emerges in his suspenders without a shirt. Mike and Laurie arrange to get Paul and Claudia together at the bar, where Paul melts when he sees her again. They know each other so well that they are able to recite each other’s order perfectly to the waitress (Natalie Venitia Belkin). Mike and Laurie also try to do this, but each gets it abysmally wrong. Carter daydreams about getting together with Mike after playing basketball to have sex. Paul takes Claudia to just outside the pressroom where they first kissed to make his proposal, giving her a choice about which ring she wants. She takes the one that isn’t fake. Despite the disconnect at lunch, Mike proposes to Laura, but she says no, and admits that they may have jumped in too quickly. Mike makes his case for marriage, but they realize that each of them are arguing on behalf of the other person. Unsure what to do, Mike suggests a pre-engagement commitment, but Laurie suggests that those are for people who are scared. She doesn’t think she can go from fiancé to friends. She starts to leave, telling him that she hopes he will stop her… but he does not. Instead, he tells her that he will leave the door unlocked for her. Mike later dreams about Nikki, Janelle, and Stacey, all inviting him into bed to comfort him, but before he can get in, Carter also makes an appearance to tell him that they all want to comfort him. Joe Hurt Jones and Jay Potter are the reporter and press secretary in Janelle’s fantasy. 10/8/24

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