The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Theme song: “Thank You for Being a Friend” written by Andrew Gold and sung by Cynthia Fee

• 001. The Engagement (aka The Pilot) – 9/14/1985
  • Substitute teacher and brassy divorcee Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and obtuse widow Rose Nylund (Betty White) live as tenants in the Miami, Florida home of man-hungry southern belle widow Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan). In their employ is a live-in gay cook named Coco (Charles Levin). Rose, who misses her husband Charlie and now works at a grief counseling center, fears that Blanche is going to accept the proposal of her boyfriend Harry (Frank Aletter) after finally being happy in her arrangement. Meanwhile Dorothy’s mother Sophia, who has had a stroke and no longer has any filter on what she says, finds herself homeless when her nursing home burns down, and comes to stay with the ladies as well. Blanche accepts the proposal, but Rose has a strong suspicion about Harry and minutes before the wedding tries to tell Blanche, but Dorothy stops her. As they wait for Harry to show up for the wedding, and officer (Meshach Taylor) arrives and tells them that Harry has been arrested for bigamy. After a week of mourning, Blanche realizes that her friends have made her happy again. As they head out to celebrate, Sophia heads out for a date at the dog track. F. William Parker is the minister. NOTE: This is the only appearance of Coco. 9/20/16

• 002. Guess Who’s Coming to the Wedding? – 9/21/1985
  • Dorothy is excited that her daughter Kate (Lisa Jane Persky) is finally getting married to a podiatrist named Dennis (Dennis Drake), but isn’t so happy that they plan to get married in the Bahamas. She and the ladies offer to throw the wedding party at their house, and Kate agrees, with the stipulation that Dorothy bury the hatchet and invite Kate’s father Stan (Herb Edelman). Dorthy reluctantly agrees but nearly backs out of attending the wedding until Blanche lays down the law with her. Through the receptions, Dorothy can’t help but take jabs at Stan, and pretty soon he starts to return them. Sophia tells Dorothy she needs some closure to get the bitterness off her chest, so before Stan leaves to return to his young wife Chrissy and their home in Maui, Dorothy takes him outside and lays into him from walking out on her. After he is gone, Dorothy tells the ladies that she’ll always have a piece of him with her… the toupee she forced him to take off. Kurt Smildsin is the priest. 9/21/16
• 003. Rose the Prude – 9/28/1985
  • Blanche pleads with Rose to go on a double date with two brothers, and although she has apprehensions since she hasn’t dated in fifteen years since her husband Charlie passed away, she finally agrees to go. Blanche’s date is turns out to be a bore, but Rose has a great time with her date Arnie Peterson (Harold Gould). The gals talk her into accepting Arnie’s invitation to go on a cruise with him to the Bahamas. Although Rose is attracted to Arnie, she has a breakdown because she is nervous about the potential of sleeping with him, especially since Charlie died while they were making love. Arnie is understanding and says he felt the same way when he lost his wife, but didn’t let it stop him. Rose finally asks to be held, and when she gets home, she reveals that she did in fact sleep with him. Meanwhile Dorothy is tired of getting beaten by her mother at gin rummy and refuses to play, until Sophia admits that for her, it’s more about having the chance to chat with her over cards. 10/16/16
• 004. Transplant – 10/5/1985
  • Blanche is expecting a visit from her sister Virginia Hollingsworth (Sheree North), with whom she has never gotten along. Although Virginia wants to try and get along, Blanche can’t repress her bitterness that Virginia stole her boyfriend Tom and ended up marrying him. After Virginia tells her that Tom fooled around on her, she drops the bomb that she is dying. Blanche comes home and tells the gals that Virginia wants one of her kidneys. Blanche has serious doubts, but after her sister admits that she’s not sure if she would to it either, but that she loves her, Blanche decides to fly to Atlanta and move forward. When she returns, she announces good news: her kidney wasn’t compatible, someone else donated a kidney, she met a doctor who is visiting Florida soon, and she and Virginia finally feel like sisters. 10/17/16
• 005. The Triangle – 10/19/1985
  • Dr. Elliot Clayton (Peter Hansen) comes to the house to tend to a sick Sophia, and ends up making a date with Dorothy. Blanche is interested in him too, but agrees to step aside for Dorothy. Their dates go well, but Elliot makes a pass at Blanche, which she rebuffs. Rose convinces Blanche that she needs to tell Dorothy, but when she does Dorothy accuses of her of lying and calls her a slut. Dorothy finally confronts Elliot, but he lies and says it never happens, which causes the fight between the ladies to escalate and Blanche tells Dorothy to move out. Rose tries to intervene and make a pass at Elliot, and although he rebuffs her, he does admit that he had made the pass at Blanche, which Dorothy overhears. Dorothy throws him out and apologizes to Blanche, who ultimately forgives her. Sophia tells the story of how she and pizza tycoon Mama Celeste parted ways in their pizza business over a man. She tries to get the ladies to prefer her pizza over Mama Celeste’s but they unanimously vote for Mama Celeste. 1/15/17
• 006. On Golden Girls – 10/26/1985
  • Blanche’s daughter Janet sends their 14-year-old son David (Billy Jacoby aka Billy Jayne) to stay with Blanche while they work out some marital difficulties in Hawaii. Trouble starts when he doesn’t show up at the airport and is brought home by a policeman (David Hostetter) brings him home after he tried to stowaway to the Bahamas in the airplane lavatory. Meanwhile Dorothy is studying for a French final and has to bunk with her mother to make room for David, but they are awoken in the middle of the night when David brings a bunch of friends back to the house to party. David smarts off and insults all of the ladies, leading to Sophia slapping him in the face. Blanche is irritated by her actions and goes to talk to David, who admits he feels ignored at home since his parents are always fighting. The ladies make a list of chores for David to do to give him some structure, but it is too much for him and he tries to run away. Dorothy talks him out of it, and from the on, David is so pleased to stay with them that he requests to live there. Blanche is ready to take on the task although the other are apprehensive, but when she tells Janet this, she reacts angrily. Blanche gives her a warning that she better start giving him more attention or receive her wrath. David departs knowing he has a place to stay if things don’t improve at home. Dorothy passes her French exam. Karl Wiedergott is one of the boys. 1/15/17
• 007. The Competition – 11/2/1985
  • Blanche is excited to enter a bowling tournament with Rose, and they hope to beat the Neilsen twins this year. Dorothy wants to enter with Sophia as well, but Sophia is busy with plans to visit with an old ex-fiance from Sicily named Augustine Bagatelli (Ralph Manza). Rose agrees to find Dorothy a partner, which turns out to be her, hoping for a better partner than Blanche to beat the twins. Sophia and Augiee hit it off and Sophia asks Dorothy if she can lend her the money to travel to Sicily for a trip with him. Blanche is furious that Rose dumped her, so she signs up with Olga Nielsen since Olga has gotten into a fight with her sister Sonja. Dorothy reluctantly agrees to stay with Rose, but then Rose teams up with Sonja and abandons Dorothy. When Blanche announces the twins reunited, Dorothy decides to go with Blanche and leaves Rose without a partner. Sophia, angry that Dorothy had refused to lend her the money, agrees to be Rose’s partner, and they concoct a wager that Dorothy will pay for Sophia’s trip if they win. Sophia agrees to let Dorothy have her antique silver earrings. During the tournament Rose and Sophia try to distract Blanche by wearing the same outfit as her, and distract Dorothy by having Rose call Sophia ‘Ma.’ After a tense game, Dorothy sees how well Sophia and Augie are getting along and throw the game. When Sophia returns from the trip, she confesses she knew that Dorothy blew the game on purpose and gives her the earrings. Rose tries to make up for her behavior by buying a trophy with all of their names on it… even though her name is three times larger. 4/26/17
• 008. Break-In – 11/9/1985
  • While the ladies are out, they are robbed and the house is ransacked. Suddenly scared to be four women alone, they meet with a home security salesman (Christian Clemenson) who scares them even further. Dorothy throws him out, but agrees to buy a security system from a competitor. Rose is particularly nervous and buys an attack dog and other weapons. Blanche has a terrible experience when she maces herself with Rose’s mace, causing Dorothy to lay off the weapons… but it is too late as Rose has purchased a gun. Dorothy thinks Rose has gone overboard and recommends that she sees a psychiatrist, and agrees that they’ll all go to see him. After a visit everyone feels better except her Rose, who feels even worse. When Blanche’s date Lester (Robert Rothwell) accidentally sets off the alarm when they come home from a date, Rose fires the gun at them and destroys a giant vase. Rose confesses that in her mind, the robbers will always be there. She is later pursued by a man in a parking lot. Back home Blanche announces that the robber has been caught, with Dorothy’s stole being returned whereas her jewelry has not. Rose comes home and tells the tale of how she ended up attacking her pursuer and knocked him to the ground. She has lost her fear… even though the man was actually the parking attendant. Blanche finds her jewelry in the freezer where she had left it all along. 4/27/17
• 009. Blanche and the Younger Man – 11/16/1985
  • Blanche is asked out on a date by her much younger Jazzercise instructor Dirk (Charles Hill), and starts doing double duty on her workouts to keep herself feeling young. However when they go out to dinner, Dirk tells Blanche that he loves being around her because she reminds him of her mother. Blanche feels ridiculous and over the hill, but Dorothy and Rose won’t give her any sympathy and convince her that she still has a lot going for her. Meanwhile Rose’s mother Alma Lindstrom (Jeanette Nolan) comes for a visit, and quickly gets irritated by Rose micromanaging her every move. She gets even more worried when she goes out gambling with Sophia. After an argument, Alma storms out and ends up getting picked up by the police who think she is confused and disoriented. Alma gets even more angry at being scolded by Rose, and decides to leave to visit with Rose’s brother. Dorothy tells Rose that she only wants to have her independence respected. Rose confesses to her mother that she is afraid of losing her like she has other loved ones. The two reconcile, and Alma continues to take Sophia’s money through gambling. 12/27/17
• 010. The Heart Attack – 11/23/1985
  • After throwing a party for friends on an especially windy night, Sophia gets tired and tells Dorothy she feels like she has a bubble in her chest. Dorothy feels it may be a heart attack and calls the paramedics, who are delayed due to the wind causing fallen trees to block the roads. As they wait, the ladies express their love for Sophia, remember loved ones, confront their own mortality. Dorothy is especially touched when Sophia tells her that she is her favorite child. Dr. Harris (Ronald Hunter) eventually gets through and diagnoses the problem with her gall bladder, which is a typical symptom after eating all of the Italian food and Milk Duds that Sophia has throughout the day. Everyone is incredibly relieved, but Sophia won’t admit that she said that Dorothy is her favorite. The ladies decide they need to adjust their attitudes since they are mortal, and consider diving into a chocolate cake, but then realize that it’s possible that they could survive a long time so they should probably not put on any extra weight. 12/27/17
• 011. The Return of Dorothy’s Ex (aka Stan’s Return) – 11/30/1985
  • As the gals try to decide where to go on vacation – sans Sophia – Stan shows up and needs Dorothy to sign a paper to relinquish some property they bought on their honeymoon that he wants to sell. However when they meet to sign the paper, Dorothy finds out that his girlfriend Chrissy (Simone Griffeth) has left him for a younger man. Dorothy agrees to go for a drive with Stan and she ends up allowing him to spend the night. To Dorothy it was just a night of passion, but Stan wants to reignite their relationship. Dorothy struggles with what to do, but ultimately decides to turn him down. Before she can tell him, Chrissy returns and wants Stan back, but he refuses and tells her that he wants to be with Blanche. After Chrissy leaves, Dorothy tells him that she doesn’t want a life with him now that she is happy with her own. Stan hightails it out of his motel to try and catch up with Chrissy. 8/18/18
• 012. The Custody Battle – 12/7/1985
  • Dorothy and her mother at odds, when Sophia keeps telling Dorothy that she needs to be in a relationship. Dorothy finally tells her that she’s had enough and asks for her space. Meanwhile, Dorothy’s younger sister Gloria (Doris Belack) comes for a visit from her estate in California. After spending some time with Sophia, Gloria asks Sophia to come live with her. Dorothy is shattered when Sophia agrees, but has a hard time expressing her feelings to her. Dorothy finally lets Gloria have it, saying she already had everything, and wanted this time with their mother. Gloria confesses that Dorothy is really the favorite, and that she feels that Dorothy’s life is much richer than her, even despite her money. Meanwhile Blanche auditions for the play Macbeth, and thinks she has the leading role of Lady Macbeth since she’s sleeping with the director Jason, but she only ends up getting the part of Witch #3, while Rose gets the part Blanche wants. Dorothy tells Sophia that she wants her to stay, and Sophia agrees. Everyone makes peace with the decision. 8/21/18
• 013. A Little Romance – 12/14/1985
  • Rose is dating a psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Newman (Brent Collins) who works in her office, but is reluctant to let her friends meet him. Much to Rose’s irritation, Blanche takes it upon herself to invite Jonathan over for dinner. When he shows up, it is revealed to everyone that he is a dwarf. Rose and Dorothy can’t seem to refrain from making ‘short’ references, but he ultimately wins them all over. When Jonathan asks Rose out for dinner to talk about something important, Rose fears he may be proposing to her. Although she enjoys his company she find herself uncomfortable when they are in the company of other people. That night she dreams that her late father, who is also a dwarf (Billy Barty) in the dream, attends their wedding. She is also visited by psychic Jeane Dixon (herself), who offers no advice whatsoever. Eventually she is convinces by Jonathan that they will conquer any problem no matter the size. When she wakes him, she has become resigned to accepting his proposal. However when they begin discussing their relationship at dinner, Jonathan breaks it off with her because she isn’t Jewish. Rose is angry at first, but then is able to laugh off the situation. Meanwhile Sophia takes a brief trip to her son Phil’s place to attend the pet grooming graduation of her grandson, but comes back prematurely when he fails the class. 5/22/19
• 014. That Was No Lady – 12/21/1985
  • Dorothy has a date with a gym teacher named Glen O’Brien (Alex Rocco), which progresses into a loving relationship within three weeks, but when Dorothy asks Glen to go the Bahamas with her, Glen reveals that he is married. He tries to convince her that their marriage has been over for years and he only stayed for their kids, but Dorothy storms out. Soon she finds that she misses him too much to give him up, and despite Rose’s disapproval, she returns to seeing Glen. Blanche is more understanding, but admits she’s never been with a married man. When Sophia finds out she is disgusted by the situation and calls Dorothy a floozie. Although Dorothy refuses to take anyone’s advice, she eventually decides to end the relationship despite her love for Glen. Meanwhile Blanche gets a new car and lets Rose test drive her old one to see if she wants to buy it. As Rose drives it, the car’s performance begins to disintegrate. Then it gets stolen, which infuriates Blanche until she realizes she can get full book value from the insurance company. 5/22/19
• 015. A Bed of Rose’s – 1/11/1986
  • Rose has been dating a man named Al Beatty (Richard Roat) who wants to sleep with her, but he can’t go to his house because he lives with his sister and doesn’t want to take her to a motel, so Rose agrees to let him spend the night if he promises to be quiet so no one knows he’s there. The next morning Sophia announces to everyone that there is a man in Rose’s bed, and worse yet, he’s dead. Dorothy confirms that he’s dead, so Rose is charged with the unpleasant task of notifying his sister via phone… only to find out that the woman he lives with is actually his wife Lucille (Priscilla Morrill). The task becomes even more unpleasant when Rose has to visit Lucille to tell her not only that Al is dead, but that he died in bed with her. Lucille is barely surprised at the affair since he’s been cheating on her since their honeymoon, but is visibly upset about his death. Rose is also upset that she has now killed two men in bed, since her late husband Charlie died the same way. The two ladies end up comforting each other, and Rose decides never to date again. Lucille later visits Rose to tell her that according to the autopsy, Al’s arteries were so badly clogged that he would have died no matter what, thus freeing Rose from the guilt and allowing her to return to the dating world. She returns from her date with Arnie and tells the ladies that he also died when she slept with him… but she is only kidding. 2/7/20
• 016. The Truth Will Out – 1/18/1986
  • Rose is excited for her daughter Kirsten (Christine Belford) and granddaughter Charley (Bridgette Andersen) to visit, but nervous to go over her will with her daughter. When she finally shows it to her, Kristen is surprised to see how little there is left in her estate. She berates her mother for squandering an entire fortune in fifteen years and tells her that she is ashamed of her. Rose claims that it is all from making bad investments, but admits to the ladies that she is lying about the money, which revolves around her late husband Charlie. Rose is later visibly upset when she hears Charley talking about how rich her grandfather was. That night when Sophia angrily leaves Dorothy’s bed because she can’t sleep, Rose takes her place and tells Dorothy while she is sleeping that she has been telling lies about her late husband Charlie and vows to tell the truth to Kirsten and Charley. The next morning she tells Kirsten that as successful and kind her father was as a person, he actually left her no money because he was a terrible businessman. Meanwhile Rose follows the Duncan Osgood murder case in the newspaper, and is surprised when the killer wasn’t Osgood, who she thought it was. 2/7/20
• 017. Nice and Easy – 2/1/1986
  • Blanche’s niece Lucy (Hallie Todd) comes into town to interview at a college in Miami. Upon arrival she announces that she met a doctor on the plane and has an immediate date with him. Blanche is initially proud, but when Lucy doesn’t come home until the next morning, she becomes worried. Despite the fact that she says she’s in love with the doctor, she also accepts a trip to the Bahamas with the college interviewer Charles. She ends up meeting another man named Ed (Ken Stovitz), a Miami Vice fan and member of the Miami vice squad who arrests Charles for smuggling marijuana. At this point, Blanche has had enough and forbids Lucy to leave with Ed, threatening that she can never come back if she does. This doesn’t stop Lucy, who walks right out the door. As Blanche tries to tackle this problem with her friends, Dorothy tries to figure out how to get rid of a mouse that has made its way into the kitchen. Rose says she can talk the mouse into leaving, but once she thinks she has it convinced, it changes its mind and stays. Blanche decides to track Lucy down at Ed’s apartment, and brings Dorothy and Rose with her. Ed and Rose hit it off discussing Miami Vice trivia. Blanche talks to Lucy privately, and Lucy admits that she always admired the way Blanche was pursued by men, and after she blossomed following an awkward fat stage in her life, she decided to take advantage of attracting men. Blanche coaches her on having self-respect, and Lucy ends up leaving with the ladies to go back home. Ed asks Rose to go with him and some friends to go through Don Johnson’s garbage. Dorothy is all set to kill the mouse with the broom, but she eventually talks the mouse into leaving. Rose overhears this and tells Dorothy that she too has the powerful ‘gift’ of communicating with animals. Lucy heads back home and all is well. 5/19/20
• 018. The Operation – 2/8/1986
  • Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche are attending tap dance classes and intend to perform in a recital as the Tip Tap Trio. However Blanche comes home one night after her foot hurts. Everyone insists that she see a doctor, and after she does, she reluctantly tells everyone that she has a tumor on her foot that needs operated on. She adamantly refuses to go to a hospital, as she was once left in one alone by her father when she was five years old and had her tonsils removed. Sophia guilts her into going to the hospital, but after meeting Dr. Revell (Robert Picardo), who tells her that her original doctor is facing a malpractice suit, and a Priest (Bill Quinn) who mistakenly visits her to give her the last rites, she escapes the hospital on foot and goes back home. Once again she refuses to get the surgery, until Sophia threatens to perform it herself in her bedroom. When she returns, she meets a new roommate named Bonnie (Anne Haney), who is having her second mastectomy operation and is facing it bravely. Dorothy feels like a fool for resisting so much. On the night of the surgery, Blanch refuses to go to the recital and admits to Rose that she has stage fright from once wetting her pants on stage as a child. Rose insists that they go, and afterward they come to visit Dorothy, who has had a successful surgery and is recovering well. Rose and Blanche put on their dance number for Dorothy, and then tell her that they’ve changed their routine and their name to the Two Merry Widows, edging Dorothy out of the act. Dorothy responds by punching a hole in Rose’s hat. Belita Moreno is the nurse. 5/19/20
• 019. Second Motherhood – 2/15/1986
  • Blanche is dating a wealthy man named Richard (Kevin McCarthy) who is sweeping her off her feet, even taking her to Atlanta for dinner on his private jet. Blanche suspects a marriage proposal is on the way when Richard asks her to come meet his family. She returns home with an engagement ring, and although she accepted the proposal, she tells Dorothy and Rose that she is going to back out because he has children that are 7 and 9 years old and she doesn’t want to raise more children. The gals convince her to spend some time with the kids to get to know them so she agrees. She and Richard and the kids go to Bermuda, and she likes them quite a bit. However she winds up spending more time with them than Richard, and begins to suspect that his motive for marrying her is for her to be a mother to children more than a wife for him. She confronts him with the fact that she comes third after work and his children, and convinces him that the children need him more than anything else. She gives back the ring and tells him to call her later if he decides he has room in his life to be a husband. Meanwhile Dorothy rejects a bid of $3000 from a plumber (Terry Wills) and with Rose’s apparent knowledge of plumbing, they decide to do it themselves. They order a toilet from another plumber named Lou (Alan Blumenfeld), but they tell him they plan to install it themselves. He is annoyed and leaves the toilet in the living room, and the ladies are unable to move it to the bathroom. Eventually they get it in but have nothing but trouble, causing the shower to start when they turn the water on in the sink. Sophia brings back Lou to fix everything, but Blanche throws him out. Dorothy and Blanche finally finish the job and the bathroom looks great and they are able to turn on all of the water and flush the toiliet successfuly. 9/2/20
• 020. Adult Education – 2/22/1986
  • As Dorothy is on hold on the phone trying desperately to get tickets to see Frank Sinatra whom she has always missed in the past, Blanche comes home and announces that she failed her Psychology exam which could jeopardize her graduation and a promotion she is trying to get at the museum. Dorothy is finally told that the concert is sold out, and when she has no luck with a broker, she decides to turn to a scalper. Rose tells her that she will have to skip the concert because her final exam is that night, and furthermore she laments about how much trouble she is having and how much time she is spending on studying. Dorothy advises her to go see the teacher for advice. The next class she stays to talk to Professor Cooper (Jerry Hardin), whose only suggestion to passing is to come to his house for a night of romance. Blanche is angry but tell him that she’ll consider it. When she tells Rose and Dorothy, they insist that she report him for sexual harassment. Blanche goes to see a rattled Dean Tucker (James Staley), he says there is nothing he can do since there weren’t any witnesses. She tells him off, and then goes home and studies all night. After the exam she turns it in, convinced that she got an A, telling Cooper that she has too much self-respect to ever take him up on an offer like that. She attempts to tell her news to her friends, but first she has to hear how Rose won Frank Sinatra tickets from a radio contest, Dorothy bought tickets from a stranger who she convinced that she was dying, and Sophia got tickets from a friend who new a Sinatra cousin. Blanche is certain that she passed the test and will be getting her degree, although her promotion went to co-worker Sally Folgeson, who spent her money on a tummy tuck and butt lift instead of on an education. Since Blanche had so many extra Sinatra tickets, she attempts to scalp them before the show and gets caught and arrested, meaning she missed him once again. 9/2/20
• 021. The Flu (aka Flu Attack) – 3/1/1986
  • The ladies are preparing to attend a charity dinner for the Friends of Good Health, but Rose seems to be coming down with a cold. As much as Dorothy tries to avoid her, pretty soon the illness has spread to her and Blanche as well. They get a surprise when the female Dr. Richmond (Sharon Spelman) shows up instead of Dr. Harris, whose wife is having a baby. She tells them that they have the flu and will be laid up for at least seven days, meaning that Sophia will have to go alone. As the days linger on, the ladies start to get on each other’s nerves and pretty soon they are at each other’s throats. Finally they realize they should be supporting each other so they all make up. However when Sophia announces that she thinks one of them was slated to win the Best Friend award at the dinner, they start to bicker again about which one of them was the most deserving. Stubbornly they all decide to go to the dinner despite their illnesses. Rose brings her date Harold (Ray Reinhardt), and Dorothy brings Dave (William Cort), but Blanche’s date cancels on her when he sees how terrible she looks. She tries to pose the waiter Tommy Cochran (Tony Carreiro) as her date, but the ruse fails when the waiter (Dom Irrera) yells at him to get back to work. Sophia brings a young man named Raoul (Marcelo Tubert), a florist half her age who can’t speak English. As the emcee (Silvano Gillardo) gets ready to announce the winner, the ladies continue to argue about who is going to win… but it turns out to be Sophia. She makes a moving speech about how much her friends mean to her, which causes the ladies at the table to hold hands and count each other among their blessings. She also brags about how much better looking her date is than the others over the age of 75. The ladies toast friendship and sneeze on the table. 12/19/20
• 022. Job Hunting – 3/8/1986
  • Rose comes home and announces that they are closing the Grief Counseling Center where she works, which causes her to fear for the people that need their services. One guy named Milton (Richard Venture) is invited to their home after his wife ran off with his business partner, and Rose volunteers to try and help him, inviting him to call her day or night. She continues to get messages from people who need help. Meanwhile, Dorothy’s high school crush Barry Glick is in town and she is excited to see him, but is afraid she will look terrible when she is woken up in the middle of the night by Milton. Dorothy and Blanche lecture Rose on giving up on all the people calling her and start looking for a job. Rose confesses she’s been looking and no one wants a woman her age, and she is scared of being out of work. The ladies try and help her polish up her resume, and then celebrate with a late night snack. The snack turns into a feast and all-night gab session about their first times with a man. The next day Rose announces that after a bad interview for the job of a hospital administrator, she stopped in for a root beer float at the Fountain Rock Coffee Shop, and wound up taking a job as a waitress. Dorothy goes out on the date with Barry and announces to the others that he turned out to be gay. Blanche makes a date with Milton, and runs it by Rose to make sure she wasn’t interested in him. Rose tells her that he isn’t interested in her because he only dates fat women. 12/19/20
• 023. Blind Ambitions – 3/29/1986
  • Rose’s sister Lily (Polly Holliday), who six months earlier has gone blind, visits from Chicago, and seems hellbent on doing things herself, but has been resistant to attending a school for the blind. When she starts a minor fire in the kitchen, however, everyone pressures Rose to have a talk with her and convince her that she needs help. Lily agrees that she does need help, but wants Rose to move back to Chicago and take care of her. Again the others convince Rose that this is not a solution, so Rose refuses to go along with her, prompting outrage from Lily. After Lily goes back to Chicago on her own, Rose visits her and is delighted to find that Lily has finally started to accept some help and now has a seeing eye dog named Becky. Lily acknowledges that Rose was right and was just the nudge she needed to go back to the school for the blind. Meanwhile, the ladies try to raise money to buy a new TV by holding a garage sale, but when they refuse to dicker and are too attached to most of their things to actually sell them, the decide to just nix the sale and all pitch in for a down payment on the TV. Annie Abbott is the customer who bargains with Sophia. Bill Gratton is the man who wants the Elvis salt and pepper shakers. Stuart Fratkin is the customer who wants the hockey stick. Donna LaBrie is the stewardess. 4/12/21
• 024. Big Daddy – 5/3/1986
  • Blanche’s father Big Daddy Hollingsworth (Murray Hamilton) comes for a visit from Georgia, but Blanche is taken aback when she finds out that he’s come to sing and play guitar in a small bar called the Sagebrush Club. She is even more stunned to find out that he has sold their Twin Oaks plantation and is planning traveling around and performing. She doesn’t think he has the talent to perform and fears he might be going crazy, which leads to a big fight between them. She later has a change of heart and decides to bring the girls and go see him perform, but when they arrive, they are told by the waiter (Gary Grubbs) that management had canceled his second show. Blanche goes to see him back stage, but he seems unphased, telling her that when he was a young man he had planned to travel the country, but got detoured by meeting her mother and having children. Although he has no regrets, now that Blanche’s mother has passed away, he wants to finally realize those dreams. They reconcile and she offers her support. Meanwhile a palm tree from the neighbors Leonard (Gordon Jump) and Gladys Barton’s (Peggy Pope) yard fall onto the ladies’ patio. When Leonard refuses to even pay for half of its removal, Sophia puts an Italian curse on him. When bad things start happening, he finally agrees to pay for it if Sophia will remove the curse. After she ‘removes’ it, Gladys then admits to the ladies that she thought he was being a jerk, and it was her that had flattened his tires and hid his golf clubs. The boil on his butt was just a bonus. Tony Frank and Blake Emmons are cowboys at the club. 4/12/21
• 025. The Way We Met – 5/10/1986
  • One night the ladies can’t sleep because they have just watched Psycho. They decide to stay up and dig into the cheesecake, and begin reminiscing about the circumstance that brought them together. Blanche had just kicked out some strange ladies from Minnesota that she was living with, and went to the supermarket to put up an ad for two more roommates. She meets Rose at the store and Rose tells her that she got kicked out by her landlord for bringing in a stray cat named Mr. Peepers. Blanche takes a liking to her… until Rose tells her about her wild side, which is way too subdued for Blanche. She tells Rose she is going to keep looking for a roommate, but when she sees Rose give Mr. Peepers to a little boy (Edan Gross), she decides to give her another chance. She keeps interviewing strange folks including a psychic named Zelda (Shirley Prestia), who says everyone in the house will die. Then Dorothy shows up, with her mother in tow, and explains that her mother had a stroke and is living in a nursing home, and only Dorothy wants the room. Blanche eventually goes with Rose and Dorothy, but friction between them begins when Blanche promises them both the same room, then Rose breaks an heirloom vase while helping Dorothy move in, and then when they go to the grocery store together, they start bickering about what everyone is picking out, so they decide to do their own shopping. When they get back to Rose’s place and start putting the groceries away, they all have different ideas where the Raisin Bran should be stored. They nearly reach a boiling point, when Rose starts to tell one of her nonsensical stories about the Great Herring War back in Norway. They all find themselves laughing, so they realize that it might be worth pursuing the friendship. Back in the present, they all decide to finally turn in, and just as they start to leave the kitchen, Sophia comes in and scares them half to death with a big butcher knife. They decide to finish their cheesecake, and Blanche offers to get the whipped cream out of her room. Dom Irrera is the produce clerk. 8/8/21

SEASON 2

• 026. End of the Curse – 9/27/1986
  • While Blanche is laid up with illness, the other ladies are setting up cages for minks that they’ve purchased and plan to breed for furs. Blanche comes out of her room in tears and tells everyone that she’s pregnant. However, she realizes it is between five different men who could potentially be the father. The minks arrive, but they do not breed with each other. Blanche realizes she can’t breed either, when she finds out that she’s not pregnant, but merely going through menopause. This depresses her to the point that she won’t get out of bed, so Dorothy and the others convince her to go see a psychiatrist Dr. Barensfeld (Philip Sterling). He tells Blanche that she equates menopause with her inevitable aging and loss of sexuality. He says that men will still find her intellectually stimulating. Blanche stays depressed but gradually starts coming out of her room. When the veterinarian Dr. Parks (Vince Cannon) comes to check on the minks, Blanche flirts with him and gets a date, which cheers her up almost completely. He also tells the ladies that the minks are too old to breed. Rose wants to keep them, thinking that they’ve served man all their lives, and they still have value now that they’re too old to breed. This hits home to Blanche so she and Rose both agree that they should keep the minks, despite Dorothy’s objections. The notice that two of the minks do in fact start breeding, but Dorothy says it won’t matter because they are both males. George J. Woods is the crazy man at psychiatrist office. 8/8/21
• 027. Ladies of the Evening – 10/4/1986
  • Blanche comes home excited because she has won three tickets to the see the new Burt Reynolds film, and to attend the star-studded party afterward with Burt himself. Sophia is hurt that she is automatically cast aside since there are only three tickets. Meanwhile, an exterminator (Phil Rubenstein) tells the ladies that they have an insect infestation including termites. Since the house will be tented, the ladies decide to get a hotel in Miami Beach and make a weekend out of the film and party. Blanche picks out the hotel due to the price and number of men in the lobby. The desk clerk (Ron Kappa) talks to a hooker (Suanne Spoke) and her client, and it becomes clear that the hotel is a cathouse. After the ladies are approached by three men from Kenosha, Walter (Peter Gonneau), John (Tony Swartz), Carl (Ron Michaelson), they realize the nature of the hotel. Before they can leave for their Burt Reynolds night, the place is raided and an officer (Peter Jason) announces that everyone is being taken to jail. While in the slammer, Rose accidentally flirts with a woman officer, Blanche gets into a fight with one of the hookers (Ursaline Bryant) that Dorothy gets her out of, and Rose tells a hooker named Meg (Rhonda Aldrich) that she should give up the profession and go back home. Eventually Sophia shows up to bail them out, but wants one of the Burt Reynolds tickets. When all of the ladies refuse to give theirs up, Sophia grabs the tickets and tells the jail guard (Jim Kelly) that she doesn’t know them. Back home, the ladies are all furious with Sophia, even though she sent them bail money an hour after she left. Sophia claims she went to the movie and party, telling stories about the stars she met, even though no one believes that she actually went. Meg shows up at the house to thank Rose for convincing her to go back home, telling her that she didn’t want to still be a hooker at her age. The bell rings and it is Burt Reynolds (himself) coming to pick up Sophia for lunch. Cheryl Checcetto and Amelia Kinkade are hookers. 2/6/22
• 028. Take Him, He’s Mine – 10/11/1986
  • Dorothy has been on cloud nine since dating a Commodore naval officer named Jeffrey, so when Stanley shows up depressed because he has lost his job, Dorothy refuses to cancel her date to comfort him by having dinner. Instead she asks Blanche to spend the evening with him and keep him company. She is mildly shocked when Blanche comes home late and tells her that she had a nice time with him. Dorothy is even more shocked when Blanche says she plans on seeing him again, and then practically stays out all night. To add insult to injury, Jeffrey leaves town and puts an end to his relationship with Dorothy. When Blanche suggest seeing Stanley yet again, this angers Dorothy, even if she doesn’t know why, and she takes it out on Blanche and has no problem letting her know while they are shopping together in a grocery store that she forbids her to see Stanley again. That night before bed, Dorothy works herself up so much that she head out in her nightgown to track down Stanley at a hotel. Dorothy reads the riot act to him, as well as to Blanche who is in bed with him…. but it really isn’t Blanche after all, but another woman (Lana Schwab) altogether. Dorothy rushes home and finds Blanche, and the apologizes to her, and yet has a hard time explaining why she felt that way, except for thinking she might just be trying to hold onto the memories of when times were good. In any case, the two reconcile. Meanwhile, Sophia talks Rose into going into the sandwich business, by making them and taking them to a construction site and selling them. They appear to have come under fire from the mafia since they are competing with another food vendor named Johnny No-Thumbs. He sends over intimidating thugs Vinnie (Tom La Grua) and Rocco… but they only bring flowers on behalf of Johnny since Sophia had Old Uncle Vito from the old country had sent an intimidating note to him… also telling him that Rose and Sophia were getting out of the sandwich business since profits were terrible since Rose kept accepting I.O.U.s. 2/7/22
• 029. It’s a Miserable Life – 11/1/1986
  • The ladies are collecting signatures for a petition for the city to not cut down a 200-year old oak tree that sits on their neighbor Frieda Claxton’s (Nan Martin) property. The only problem is that Frieda herself refuses to sign the petition. She claims she has no use for trees, or other people in general. Everyone in the neighborhood hates her, but Rose thinks she can appeal to her good nature, so she starts bringing her baked goods. Finally she says she’ll sign the petition, but when they all show up at the City Hall meeting, she says she only said that in order to get the pastries. During the proceedings, Dorothy, Rose, Sophia, and Blanche try to present their case, but Frieda keeps interrupting and telling the council commissioner Ed (Johnny Haymer) to cut it down. Rose gets frustrated and tells her to drop dead… and she does so literally. Rose keeps having nightmares that she hears the ghost of Frieda, and feels guilty that she killed her. When they find out that she had no friends and no family, they decide to chip in and give her a service. They go casket shopping, and buy a pine box from the salesman Mr. Pfeiffer (Thom Sharp). No one besides the ladies show up for the funeral, and even though they understand why, they feel bad for her. Finally, one woman (Amzie Strickland) shows up, claiming to be Frieda’s best friend. She gives a speech about all of the charitable acts that Frieda did, but then the ladies realizes she is talking about another lady named Celia Rubinstein whose funeral is going on at the same time. When the lady finds out that it is Frieda Claxton in the box, she kicks the casket. Mr. Pfeiffer then apologizes that Frieda accidentally got cremated, and gives the ladies the ashes. Rose sprinkles her around the oak tree, and then reports to the City Council that it wouldn’t be right to move her final resting place, thus saving the tree. The ladies are happy that at least one thing in Frieda’s life had meaning. 6/15/22
• 030. Isn’t It Romantic? – 11/8/1986
  • Dorothy’s friend Jean (Lois Nettleton) comes for a visit around a year after she lost her beloved Pat. Dorothy discusses with Sophia that she’s not sure how Jean will get along with Blanche and Rose, and Sophia knows the reason is because Jean is gay. When Jean arrives, Dorothy asks her if she wants to be ‘outed’ to them, and she says that if they can handle, she’s like them to know the truth. However, when Rose comes in with clown ice cream cones for all of them, Jean thinks it might be better to keep it a secret. Blanche keeps asking Jean if she’s like her to set her up with any men in town, but Dorothy always seems to change the subject. Blanche becomes suspicious and assumes it is because Jean is seeing a married man. Rose and Jean hit it off and start going out to movies in the afternoon. Soon Jean tells Dorothy that she is planning head home, because she is starting to fall in love with Rose. Dorothy and her mother discuss this while in bed that night, and when Blanche hears them laughing she comes in. Dorothy and Sophia explain the situation to Blanche, and although she has trouble comprehending it, she has no problem with it. The next night after everyone goes to bed, Jean and Rose stay up late talking about their late partners and playing board games. Jean accepts Rose’s invitation to sleep in her room, and before Rose goes to sleep, Jean tells her how fond she is of her. Rose finally gets it, and pretends to be asleep while clearly disturbed. The next morning, Rose tells Dorothy and is a little upset that Dorothy never told her about Jean. When Jean gets up, she apologizes to Rose and tells her that she needs to be getting home. Rose assures her that she’d like her to stay if Jean is okay just being friends. She also says that although she doesn’t understand her lesbian thinking, if she did think the same way, she would most certainly be flattered at Jean’s reaction to her. Sophia is listening at the door, while the other two are listening at the kitchen window. 6/15/22
• 031. Big Daddy’s Little Lady – 11/15/1986
  • Blanche’s father “Big Daddy” Hollingsworth (David Wayne) plans to come for a visit, and Blanche couldn’t be more excited to see him. When he arrives, he announces he is going to be married to a widow from Atlanta, and plans to have the wedding in the Bahamas. Blanche instead offers to have the wedding at their home. However, she is quickly taken aback when she meets his fiancé Margaret Spencer (Sondra Currie), who turns out to be younger than Blanche. Meanwhile, Rose and Blanche enter a contest to write a jingle promoting Miami. After several proposals of Dorothy’s lyrics to Rose’s music, they get stuck trying to find a rhyme for the word ‘orange’. Blanche becomes adamant that Margaret is a gold-digger and a hussy, criticizing Big Daddy to the point that he storms out and tells her that if she won’t support him, he doesn’t need her in his life. Eventually, the other ladies convince her that age isn’t that important in a relationship, and if two people love each other, they will find a way to thrive with or without approval. Blanch goes to see her father at his hotel before he heads to the Bahamas, and tells her that she understands that he wants someone to take care of him and replace her mother… and feel younger. He agrees with that, and adds that when someone can date again after watching their spouse wither away and die, then it must be real love. He says this applies to Margaret as well as him. Blanche speaks with Margaret and tells her that they have something in common, their love for Big Daddy, and she welcomes Margaret to the family. Back home, Dorothy and Rose come home disappointed that they took second place in the contest, after coming up with lyrics based on Blanche saying “I have to say what I feel”. They perform the song for Blanche and Sophia, who has been attempting to date widowers just after their wives die. 10/6/22
• 032. Family Affair – 11/22/1986
  • Rose is getting ready for a visit from her daughter Bridget Nylund (Marilyn Jones) who is en route to London to go to Oxford College, when Dorothy’s son Michael Zbornak (Scott Jacoby) pops in for a few days after getting fired from his gig playing at a jazz club because he refused to wear a tie. Blanche is also confined to stay in bed for a week after hurting herself showing off for a man at aerobics. Rose thinks that Bridget is an angelic girl focused on study in success, while Dorothy worries that Michael is too flighty and floats along without any purpose or desire for a steady job. Blanche thinks it might be a good idea if the two went out together, so that Bridget’s attitude might rub off on Michael. Their mothers disagree, and don’t think they should interfere. However, while Dorothy and Rose are out, Blanche offers them tickets to see Henry Mancini do a Pink Panther tribute. Their mothers are a bit irritated that Blanch meddled, but they nearly combust when the ladies find the two kids together in bed. Sophia is so upset, that she starts wearing all black and a veil around the house. This also escalates an fight between Dorothy and Rose, whereby Rose calls Michael a loser, and Dorothy calls Bridget a tramp. Dorothy has a talk with Michael about how disappoint she is, while he maintains he is an honest and decent man and hopes she will love him for who he is. She concurs that she already does. Sophia also forgives him when he apologizes and promise to call her more often. Likewise, Rose chats with Bridget, who tells her that she isn’t the angel that her mother thinks she is, and in fact already lost her virginity four years earlier. They make up as well, before she gets ready to press on to Oxford. Michael also gets ready to leave, as he has found a job playing in New Orleans. Michael and Bridget wind up leaving together and take a cab to the airport. Blanche decides she is going stir crazy without a man’s touch, so she arranges to ignore the doctor and go on a date. 10/6/22
• 033. Vacation – 11/29/1986
  • The ladies are all getting ready to leave for a vacation at a resort in the Caribbean, but Sophia decides to stay back and enjoy some alone time. As soon as everyone leaves, Sophia calls in their gardener Toshiro Mitsumo (Keye Luke) and asks him if he would like to spend some time with her now that she has the house to herself. He understands just enough of her English to agree to get to know each other. The ladies arrive at the Rustling Palms and find that it’s nothing like it is represented in the brochure. They encounter a rude bellboy named Ramone (Paul Rodriguez) who is more interested in the coming revolution than he is handling their bags gently. They call for the manager Jacques De Courville (Stuart Pankin) who is no help whatsoever. They threaten to leave, but he warns them that there will be no refunds, and since Rose has pre-paid for the hotel, they have little recourse. Later, they also learn that they are sharing their bathroom with the room on the other side of it. They meet the three rude guys named Winston Hardwick III (Brett Porter), Rick (Tom Villard), and Dwayne (Stephen Lee). After the girls have a terrible dinner in the lobby, the three guys approach them and apologize for their behavior and invite them to go out with them on their sailboat that night. They wind up caught in a storm and stranded on an island. Rose takes charge of the situation since she was once a pioneer scout. She sends everyone to gather water and supplies, but after four hours the guys still have not returned. Rose becomes convinced that they’re all going to die, so they start confessing things to each other. Rose admits she read Blanche’s diary; Blanche and Dorothy both admit they slept with Rose’s cross-eyed cousin Nolan. They all wind up in a fight, but then make up and confessing their love for each other. The guys then return and tells the ladies that they are near a resort and actually never left the island. They book the ladies a new room and they all go off to complete their vacation at a new location. Back home, Toshiro introduces Sophia to sushi, and she introduces him to Italian food. They enjoy each other’s company and eventually kiss. 2/1/23
• 034. Joust Between Friends – 12/6/1986
  • Blanche brings home a lost dog (Inky) from the grocery store parking lot. Blanche is reluctant to let him stay at the house, but ultimately tells her that he can stay for a while if Dorothy, who hates dogs, will allow it. Dorothy is adamant that she wants the dog to leave but agrees to let him stay for the night. Meanwhile, Dorothy is also out of sort because she’s having trouble landing a local job while she is taking mandatory ten-week leave from teaching. Blanche offers to try and get her a job at the art museum, so she takes her in to see her boss Andrew Allen (Reid Shelton). He is distracted because he’s just been caught by his best friend having an affair with his wife but says he’s okay with her working there. Several days pass and Rose still hasn’t found a place for the dog, much to Dorothy’s irritation. Dorothy gets a surprise call from Mr. Allen telling her what a great job she’s doing. Later he puts Dorothy in charge of a banquet at the museum, which Blanche would have normally handled. Blanche gets very jealous and accuses Dorothy of being a backstabber and taking her work. Dorothy says she didn’t seek the job but was appointed to it by Mr. Allen. The next day at work, it is revealed that the banquet will be in Blanche’s honor and Mr. Allen wants Dorothy to proofread his speech honoring Blanche. When Blanche comes into work, after another crack about Dorothy being a butt-kisser, Dorothy lets her know how upset she has made her by the accusations. Blanche apologizes, but when Mr. Allen hands Dorothy the speech to proofread, Blanche gets jealous all over again when Dorothy won’t tell her what it is…. to the point that Blanche threatens to quit. When Dorothy tells her mother about what has transpired, Sophia can’t contain herself and yells at Blanche for treating her daughter so horribly while she is planning her surprise testimonial. Blanche feels terrible and offers to give Dorothy a check for $75 as an apology. Dorothy says she’ll take the check and not cash it, just so she can use it to remind Blanche if she ever acts crazy again. The dog, who has become fond of sherry, sneaks into Dorothy’s bed while she is sleeping. Dorothy orders it to leave, but then confesses to it that she hasn’t had a dog since her dog Wawa died, as she couldn’t stand the thought of losing another dog. She orders Rose to get rid of the dog once and for all. Rose finally finds the true owner of the dog and returns it, which makes Dorothy shed a tear and admit that she really loves dogs but can’t stand losing them. 2/1/23
• 035. Love, Rose – 12/13/1986
  • Dorothy and Blanche both have dates and ask Rose if they can borrow pieces of her jewelry. When even Sofia has a date, Rose starts to feel depressed about the lengthy dry spell in her dating life. The ladies suggest that she take out a personal ad in the local paper in order to meet someone and potentially kickstart her dating again. But after some time goes by, Rose doesn’t get a single response. Making matters worse, one of the guys from the Senior Center named Wilfred “Willy” Whitney Cheswick (Colin Drake) begins stalking Sofia, while Rose can’t even get a response to her ad. Finally, Rose does get a letter from a man named Isaac Newton who read her ad. Rose is thrilled because the two of them seem to hit it off so well. Rose confesses to Dorothy that it is actually she who wrote the letter. Dorothy thinks it is a bad idea but starts helping Rose compose the letters from Isaac. They plan to have Isacc eventually move to Saskatchewan but hope that the relationship will give Rose the confidence that she needs. All of the ladies get invited to attend a reception, and Rose decides that she wants to meet Isaac. Although she gets a response the he is moving away, Rose decides to call him and invite him to the reception. She only finds one Isaac Q. Newton (Paul Dooley) in the phone book, so she calls and insists that he goes with her. This Isaac Newton is a bit of a wallflower and doesn’t find anything strange about the situation. However, when the get to the reception, Rose starts to find it suspicious that Isaac can’t dance when his letters indicated that he did. Dorothy and Blanche finally break down and tell her the truth, causing her to run off crying to the bathroom. Mostly she is embarrassed that she hadn’t found anyone who really thought so highly of her, but Dorothy and Blanche plead outside the bathroom that they truly think that highly of her. Rose decides to forgive them since their intentions were good. Willy, having barged in and talked Sofia into going to the reception with him, breaks it off with her as soon as he finds out she’s not a rich widow. Dorothy and Blanche get back to their dates Howard and Roger, but Blanche can’t remember which one is hers. 7/13/23
• 036. ‘Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas – 12/20/1986
  • With Christmas coming up, Dorothy is annoyed that the holiday has become too commercial. Rose suggests that they make gifts for each other instead of spending money. Sofia doesn’t like the idea and is holding out for a lamb’s wool sweater. Blanche is just happy that a sidewalk Santa Claus named Ed Kleckner came home with her on his lunch hour. The ladies are all planning on flying home to be with their families on Christmas Eve, but they exchange their gifts the night before. Dorothy gets a molasses barrel spigot from Rose, who returns the pearl necklace she had originally bought for her. Blanche hand out calendars titled The Men of Blanche’s Boudoir. The next morning, they all plan to travel to the airport together, but since Rose has to work that morning at the crisis center, they stop by her office to pick her up. Rose is engaged with several cases including Mr. Thompson, Mr. Meyer (Sam Anderson), who is a pathological liar, and Mr. Thurber (Craig Richard Nelson), who just lost his wife, girlfriend, car, house, money, and job. Rose thinks that most of their cases are better suited to the real psychologist Dr. Escobar. As the ladies are finally getting ready to leave, a man (Terry Kiser) in a Santa Claus outfit shows up and holds everyone at gunpoint. He simply wants to force people to enjoy an old-fashioned Christmas with him since he has been alone year after year. He has them all sing Christmas carols and then attempts to give them gifts. Rose gets angry and tells him he has no right to interfere with the rights of others just because he has been hurt. Sofia, who has been waiting in the cab, comes up and grabs the gun out of his hand. Rose turns him over to Escobar before she leaves. Mr. Meyer also wants to speak to Escobar… then claims to be with the Mayo Clinic. The ladies rush to the airport and arrive in the nick of time to catch their planes, but minutes after boarding, it is announced that due to severe weather, all flights out of Miami are canceled. They are all depressed that they won’t get to be with their families at Christmas, and head to Albert’s diner. There they meet the waiter Albert (Teddy Wilson), who assumes that they are all family by the way they interact with each other. They all realize that they are spending the holidays with family after all. In order to do something nice for the waiter, they offer to look after the diner while he runs home for an hour to be with his family on Christmas Eve. They look out the window and admire the rare Miami snow coming down and Rose plugs a quarter in the jukebox… and accidentally plays the song Surfin’s Safari. Buddy Daniels is the airport beggar. 7/13/23
• 037. The Sisters – 1/3/1987
  • Sophia’s birthday is coming, and she is bound and determined to find out what Dorothy is getting for her like she does every year. Dorothy keeps a tight lid on it and doesn’t even want to tell Rose as she notoriously can’t keep a secret. However, she eventually has to tell Rose because she needs Rose’s help in keeping her mother busy while she sneaks in the surprise. The surprise is that she is bringing Sophia’s sister Angela (Nancy Walker), who moved back to Sicily thirty years ago. Sophia then tries various tricks to try and get the surprise out of Rose, and even manages to sneak away from her while they go shopping. Even under pressure, Rose manages to keep the secret, and it is a genuine surprise when Dorothy brings out Angela at the birthday party. However, Sophia is not only disappointed in the surprise, but claims that she hates Angela and has no desire to see her. They both march off to their room and Dorothy can’t get either of them to come out. She and the other ladies chat and agree that they need to get them to sit down and talk out their differences, which are still unknown to Dorothy at this point. Dorothy goes off to talk to Angela and finds out that during a Christmas party in 1955, Sophia kissed Angela’s husband Carmine, who was dressed as Santa Claus when he passed under the mistletoe. They wound up in an argument and neither has talked to the other since. Rose and Blanche go talk to Sophia, who claims that at that very same party in 1955, the neighborhood heartthrob Salvadore Di Milo tried to kiss her. Sophia didn’t cheat on her husband, but she tells Angela what happened. It isn’t five minutes until everyone knows about the incident, so Sophia confronted Angela about blabbing, and the two hadn’t spoken sense. The ladies collectively are able to talk both Angela and Sophia into talking, but it just turns into an insult hurling session. With no progress being made, Dorothy gets ready to take Angela back to the airport, but before they leave, Dorothy makes a speech about how both of them were her role models growing up, and she is now so disappointed in them that they can’t even say goodbye to one another. When Dorothy mentions Angela’s tale about Sohpia kissing her husband, Sophia flatly denies this and says that it was actually Maria Fenestru who kissed Carmine, and that Sophia had lent her shawl to Maria, which is why it might have looked like her. Furthermore, Angela denies every having told anyone about Salvadore trying to kiss her, and that it was Vinny Jamala who had passed out under the table when Sophia told Angela the story. Angela says she would never have betrayed her own sister’s confidence. This leads to the two of them finally reconciling and hugging, and Dorothy remarking that they both should be committed 11/12/23
• 038. The Stan Who Came to Dinner – 1/10/1987
  • As Blanche and Dorothy are getting ready for a double date with a pair of twins named Bob (Odil Sabbe) and Rob (Rob Sabbe), Stan stops over and wants to go over some paperwork with Dorothy. She tries to blow him off, but he seems highly distressed so she cancels the date so she can see what he needs. It turns out that Stan’s doctor has said that he is in life threatening danger with his heart and has ordered him to have bypass surgery. He is incredibly scared about the procedure, and Dorothy reluctantly agrees to let him convalesce at their place. The night before the surgery, Stanley tells Dorothy how much he is afraid of dying and wants to know that he has Dorothy’s forgiveness, not only for breaking up their marriage, but he also confesses to three affairs he had that she never knew about. He tells her that he loves her, and she forgives him, although she also hits him in the crotch with his suitcase. The next day during the surgery, Dorothy is surprised how worried she is, and tells everyone how she will think of herself as a widow if he doesn’t make it. Fortunately, Stan’s doctor Dr. Stephen Deutsch (Steven Kramer) announces that he had a successful surgery and is in recovery. He also announces that it will take Stan three months to recover from the surgery, which makes Dorothy feel even worse. After two months of being at Dorothy’s house, Stan is driving everyone is crazy. He runs his mouth with Rob, thinking he is Bob, and causes him to break it off with Blanche, and he breaks one of Rose’s family heirloom plates. The ladies tell Dorothy that Stan is taking advantage of Dorothy’s hospitality, but she insists that he is in recovery and needs them to take care of him. When Stan has a relapse the day before he is supposed to be able to return home, Blanche and Rose become even angrier, but Dorothy still wants to help him get through it. However, when she catches Stan out of his bed and playing basketball in his room while watching the sport on TV, she finally reads him the riot act. He tells Dorothy that is is nice to have them wait on him, but the main reason he wanted to stay longer is because he is happiest when he is with the people whom he loves. Dorothy tells him that everything he is staying is crap, and that he has just discovered that life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. She tells him that he will be forced to survive alone for as long as it takes, and that it is finally time that he grow up and not lean on her to take care of him. Mario Machado is the voice of the sportscaster. 11/12/23
• 039. The Actor – 1/17/1987
  • Sophia needs more money that Dorothy is giving her, so she gets a job at Captain Jack’s Seafood Shanty, where they require her to dress in pirate’s garb and carry a saber. Meanwhile, Blanche brings home news that the play they are all doing at the Community Theater has secured a famous TV actor named Patrick Vaughn (Lloyd Bochner) to star in the production. Dorothy confesses that she’s always had a huge crush on him and can’t wait to meet him. When he arrives at the theater, Blanche tries to be the one to show him around. Sophia even shows up in her pirate uniform to greet him. Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose all audition for the same leading role of Josie opposite Patrick, who is starring as Biff. Dorothy gets to kiss him in her audition, while Blanche wears an inflatable bosom that gets deflated when they start to get intimate at the audition. In the end, none of them are chose, and the lead role is given to Phyllis Hammerow (Janet Carroll). After the rehearsal, Patrick asks Blanche to go out to dinner with him, even though she didn’t get the role. Then when he gets Rose alone, he asks her out as well. Ditto Blanche. At one point, after dating all three ladies all week, Patrick brings Blanche home, and is caught by Dorothy. Patrick said he had no idea they lived together but is able to lie and act his way out of the situation. When Rose comes home, things get even more complicated, but it ends with Patrick pretending that he lost his contact on the floor and then putting a fake one in his eye. Dorothy marvels at his acting ability, thinking that he fooled the other two ladies. Dorothy winds up getting the role of the Sheriff after the chosen actor, Ronald Bromberg, has to bow out. When Blanche and Rose see Phyllis bringing a flower for Patrick, they realize he has been dating her all week as well. They discuss this with each other during the middle of the play, and then bring Dorothy into the loop. The ladies then accost him during the show and tell him to get out of town. The crowd cheers, thinking the scene was part of the play. Later, Dorothy tells the ladies they should all blame themselves for acting like a teenage girl fawning over a heartthrob actor. Frank Birney is Ed, the stage manager. 3/20/24
• 040. Before and After – 1/24/1987
  • Rose is working overtime trying to help their neighbor Joanne Winston get ready for her wedding. Blanche and Dorothy try to get her to slow down and enjoy sundaes together, but Rose quickly returns to do too much work. She is then suddenly struck with chest pains and rushes to the hospital. Fortunately, Dr. Wallerstein (Nat Bernstein) tells the ladies that it was merely an esophageal spasm and that she should take it easy for a few days and will then fully recover. After the doctor leaves, Rose tells them that she believes she died and came back while she was out. She remembers being a train station where all destinations were to heaven, but she then ran into her Uncle Johannson, who tells her that her ticket is round-trip and that she will be heading back. One item of advice he gave her was to live her life the fullest, so Rose is now vowing that she will “eat life.” Soon Rose is staying out all night partying, meeting new friends at the beach, and getting calls in the middle of the night. Blanche and Dorothy get fed up with the chaos and tell Rose that her lifestyle is affecting their lives. Rose tells them that she should move out then, so she quickly packs up her things and says goodbye. She rents a condo on the beach with two roommates, a stewardess named Liz (Deborah May), and a lady named Stephanie (Rosanna Huffman). These ladies have lived together for a year and know nothing about one another. Furthermore, they have no interest in getting to know Rose. When Rose offers to cook them a dinner, they tell her they already have plans. Meanwhile, Dorothy and Blanche admit to each other how much they miss Rose. Sophia advises them to go tell Rose that they miss her, as there is always a chance she misses them just as much. The ladies stop by just as Liz and Stephanie are leaving, and Rose tells Dorothy and Blanche that living with them is like a dream come true. Although Blanche nearly tells Rose that they miss her, Dorothy stops her, and simply tells Rose that they are happy for her. However, it is clear that Rose is lonely without them, and it isn’t long before she shows up that weekend to find that Dorothy and Blanche are without dates and looking for something to do. They all have sundaes, and Rose tells them that she is back, if they’ll have her. 3/20/24
• 041. And Then There Was One – 1/31/1987
  • Sophia is planning on participating in a local charity walk-a-thon, while the other gals agree to act as babysitters for other walkers’ children. On the day of the race, parents begin bringing their children, starting off with Bob Henderson (Ray Combs) who drops off his adolescent son Norman (Christopher Burton), who is rude to everyone right off the bat. While working on a project with clay, Norman smashes everyone’s projects and then begins tearing pages out of one of their books. Dorothy thinks she can handle him since she is a teacher, but he is relentless with her. Blanche admits that she has very little experience with children since she let her nanny raise her kids. She thinks kids can sense how uncomfortable she is around children. At the end of the day, Sophia returns from the walk-a-thon, and parents file in to pick up their kids. However, one baby named Emily remains, and there doesn’t seem to be any sign of her parents. When Rose finds out that everyone has left the race and the parents still aren’t there, they start to suspect that her parents have abandoned her. While Blanche tends to Emily, Dorothy calls the police to see what they should do. They tell her that they can either wait for Children’s Protective Services to contact them and keep Emily, or they can take her to the police station. Blanche insists that they keep her for the night, and she spends more and more time caring for her, she starts to consider the notion of keeping Emily. The next morning, Blanche admits that she regrets not being there for her own children and intends to make sure that Emily always has someone. Shortly after, Emily’s father (Nat Bernstein) shows up at the house to get Emily. Dorothy gives him a hard time about leaving her there without calling, and he tells them that he did call and talked to Sophia. He had had to go to the hospital with his wife, who delivered triplets. Sophia thought that he had said ‘gimlets’ and just assumed he was drunk. They release Emily to their father and then check on Blanche, who feels she just missed her last chance to make up for her own shortcomings as a mother. Dorothy reminds her that her children still need her, so Blanche calls her daughter Janet to see if she can meet up with her. Initially, Janet tries to blow her off and tell her she is too busy to see her, but they finally agree on meeting that weekend. Blanche tells her that she loves her and has been thinking about her a lot lately. Ariana Richards is Lisa, and Scott Curtis is Timmy, the kids who jump at playing hide-and-seek. 8/11/24
• 042. Bedtime Story – 2/7/1987
  • Sophia is making her ziti in the kitchen, while Rose is cooking her shipped beef alongside her. Dorothy announces to everyone that her Uncle Vito is coming for a visit, so they begin discussing where he will sleep. Dorothy says she will sleep with her mother, but then Rose tells Dorothy that she was planning on staying with her since her cousin Milo is also coming to visit during the same time. Dorothy and Blanche agree that they can work it out, but Blanche doesn’t want to sleep with Rose because she talks in her sleep. They all recall a time when they had a cold snap and the heat gave out. Through flashback, they remember that Dorothy climbed into bed with Sophia, who didn’t want her there. But it then got worse when both Rose and Blanche also crept in and they all four had to share the same bed. Rose then gets up to stay her prayers, but when she prattles on, Dorothy assumes the voice of God and tells her to stop now and get in bed. Dorothy denies to Blanche that it was her, so this worries Blanche, and she figures she had better pray as well. Back in the present day, it starts to storm outside, and Rose becomes worried. Blanche says this is another reason that she can’t bunk with Rose: everything makes Rose nervous. She recalls the time that Rose heard about two escaped killers from Georgia and becomes worried that they might make their way to Miami. She is too scared to go to sleep and asks Blanche to tell her a story. Blanche becomes annoyed and tells her about an escaped convict who snuck in and murdered a girl named Rose. This scares Rose so much that she goes off to hide in the closet. In the present day, everyone tries the ziti, but only Dorothy will try the chipped beef. After forcing down one bite, Rose wants her to take second one, so when the electricity goes out for a minute, Dorothy uses the opportunity to pour the chipped beef into Sophia’s purse. They resume their conversation about where they will sleep, and Dorothy says that it will be best that she sleeps with her mother like they’ve done many times before. They recall the time that Sophia tries to nurse Dorothy back to health when she had bronchitis. Dorothy gets cranky, and Sophia gives her a guilt trip about how many times she’s watched over her when she is sick. Dorothy starts to reminisce about the many times her mother had taken care of her, and when she finishes, she realizes that her mother had climbed into the bed in her place and has gone to sleep. Back in the present, Sophia tells her that she heard every word she said that night. Blanche then recalls a trip they all took to attend the funeral of their friend Edna McCarthy. On the way back, they try to make a train connection along the way, only to find out that the train to Miami had come and gone a half-hour early. With the next train not leaving until the next morning, they are forced to try and sleep on the benches in the station. However, during the night a bevy of clowns arrive at the station to make a connecting train to Sarasota. It came to pass that Blanche wound up dating Floppo the Clown for several months after that. In the present, they all decide to chip in and send Milo and Visto to the Holiday Inn during their visit. After they have finished all of the ziti, Sophia starts eating the chipped beef out of her purse. Randy Bennett is the stationmaster. 8/11/24
• 043. Forgive Me, Father – 2/14/1987
  • Dorothy has been working on Saturdays with other teachers at the school on a Youth Fair, and Blanche and Rose detect that she has a crush on one guy helping named Frank Leahy (John McMartin). Blanche convinces her to invite him over to the house for dinner to break the ice and so they can all meet him. The next Saturday when Frank starts talking about how many of students call him by his first name and how he has been to many of their houses for dinner, Dorothy takes this opportunity to invite him over, to which he gladly accepts. She chooses a night when her mother is playing Bingo, and when he shows up at the door, Blanche is flabbergasted to see that he is wearing a priest’s collar. Rose is equally shocked, and finally when Dorothy sees him, she finds the whole thing humiliating. Nevertheless, they agree they can still be friends, and they all enjoy a nice dinner. Sophia comes home from Bingo, thinking that the game was rigged, and is stunned to see that Dorothy’s date is a priest. She gives Dorothy a stern warning about the fact that this will send her straight to hell. As Frank is leaving, he says he’d like to have dinner with her before they see each other again on Saturday at the school, as he she has helped him toward possibly making a decision to leave the church. Dorothy doesn’t know how she feels about this, and Rose talks her into staying up late to talk about it with her and Blanche. Sophia feels so strongly about it that she goes to the church to talk to Father Frank, but she winds up in the confessional of another priest (Charles Summers) who remains quiet as Sophia makes her case for him to stop dating her daughter. Meanwhile, the real Father Frank is talking to Father Callahan (Barney McGeary) about leaving the church to become a teaching priest at St Helen’s. Dorothy then arrives at the church to try and talk him out of leaving the church for her. After she prattles on about how flattering it is, Frank tells her that he isn’t leaving the priesthood, just the church, as she has inspired him to return to teaching. She is then further embarrassed, but he says that there really is a special respect for each other between them. They agree to continue their friendship and have dinner together. As they embrace, Sophia comes out of the confessional and thinks that her words meant absolutely nothing. Charles Erikson is Tony the student. 12/7/24
• 044. Long Day’s Journey Into Marinara – 2/21/1987
  • Just after Sophia returns from a mambo contest with her new friend Tony (Joe Alfasa), Rose brings home a piano-playing chicken named Count Bessie that she is babysitting for a patient at the home named Sylvia Butell. After showing off its skills, Blanche agrees to let her pet sit while Sylvia is out of town. Meanwhile, Sophia’s sister Angela shows up from Sicily to visit for vacation, claiming that she had sent a letter, which Sophia believes she forgot to do. When everyone sees how well they get along, Dorothy and the others encourage Angela to move to Miami so that she can be closer to her only sister. Dorothy also offers to have Angela stay with them until she can find her own place, an idea to which Sophia is strongly opposed. She fears that Angela will try to take what is her and move herself in permanently. After three weeks of Angela living at the house and sharing a bed with Sophia, they seem to be clashing about everything. Angela continues to look for her own place but keep casting them all aside as being too small, not enough light, and having no place to keep her goat. One night, Angela throws away the dinner that Sophia prepares and serves up her own fried chicken. Just before everyone digs in, Rose comes in looking for Count Bessie, whose cage has been emptied in the garage. When Angela says that she got the chicken she prepared in the garage, Rose starts looking for another chicken that can play piano to give to Sylvia when she returns, but she has no success. Angela finally finds a place to stay when she sees an advertisement for a roommate at the Senior Center. As she is getting ready to meet her roommate, Sophia stops her because she has taken the necklace that their mother gave to Sophia. Angela returns it and tells her that she has found a place to live. Sophia then softens on her, until the new roommate shows up and it turns out to be Tony. Sophia is furious and thinks that Angela targeted rooming with him on purpose. When Sophia calls over to Tony and hears a woman giggling in the background, she storms over to the apartment to face Angela. When she arrives and finds Angela in her bathrobe, Angela claims that she has just returned from shopping and just got out of the shower. Tony then emerges in his bathrobe but tells Sophia that Angela is only his roommate and that there is no other woman in the world for him besides Sophia. Then another woman (Esther Larner) emerges from his bedroom in her nightgown, complaining that he also told her that she was the only woman for him. Angela stands up for Sophia’s honor, and the two women beat him with their purses. Back home as they are recounting the story, the ladies hear Count Bessie plucking at the piano again. It turns out that Angela had gotten the chicken from the freezer in the garage. Angela then says that she needs to start looking for another apartment again, and Dorothy offers to let her stay with them. This time, both sisters take issue with her suggestion. 12/8/24

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