The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by James Fritzell.

Theme song: “Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be Will Be)” composed by Jay Livingston, lyrics by Ray Evans, sung by Doris Day.

• 001. Dinner for Mom – 9/24/1968
  • After her husband Steve passes away, Doris Martin (Doris Day) and her two sons Billy (Philip Brown) and Toby (Todd Starke) move from their home in New York to their father Buck Webb’s (Denver Pyle) ranch in Mill Valley, California, which is tended by housekeeper Aggie Thomson (Fran Ryan) and ranch hand LeRoy B. Simpson (James Hampton). Doris is celebrating her birthday and her boys have been saving up to take her out on a dinner date. Doris plans to bring along some of her own money to cover any extras, but the boys hide her wallet so that they can handle the bill. Doris dresses up for a fancy night, but when they arrive, she finds that it is a seedy cafe ran by a crotchety proprietor (Norman Alden). After ordering three fillets at $5.00 each, it becomes clear to Doris that their money, which amounts to $7. 36 is not going to cover the bill. She tries to phone home, but Aggie has the line tied up talking to a friend about Gone with the Wind. She also talks to the manager, but he has no patience for the kids and demands payment. After Billy talks to the manager and asks for a birthday cake, and tells him how he and his brother plan to pay with their own money, the manager softens and lowers the bill to the amount that the boys have… and even throws in a birthday cake. After returning home and reporting about the night, they find that Aggie is still on the phone. Leonard Stone is the waiter. Lord Nelson is Nelson the Sheepdog. 6/3/18 

• 002. The Uniform – 9/24/1968
  • Billy gets a lot of attention when he is selected for the baseball team, leaving Toby feeling left out. He tells his mother that he too will be receiving a uniform when he joins the choir, and she tells him that he should be proud. However when he tries out for the music teacher Maxwell Digby (Woodrow Parfrey), he is terrible and doesn’t get selected. Since Toby believes his mother is so proud of him, he doesn’t tell his mom, but confides in Billy, who tells him he better confess. However as he is about to confess, Grandpa gives both boys new bikes, citing how proud of them he is for making the baseball team and the choir. When Toby then hints that he might quit, Grandpa gives him a lesson about sticking with things he started. Doris deduces that he might have stage fright, and asks him to bring home his uniform to hem it. Toby tries to borrow one from Mr. Digby, and then from classmate Ben Spring (Scott Crawford), who agrees to loan it to him if he can borrow his new bike for a day. Doris hems the robe to fit it to Toby, prompting Toby to stay home sick the next day. When Ben comes over to retrieve his robe, Doris and Grandpa find out the truth. Doris explains that they love him for being a good boy, and his gifts aren’t earned. She leaves it to Toby to confess the truth and he comes through with flying colors. After the dust is settled, Grandpa tries to help Toby hit some notes by using his ukulele, and finding that he truly can’t sing. 6/4/18
• 003. The Friend – 10/8/1968
  • Doris is visited by Mr. Digby and Grace Henley (Peggy Rea) from the school board and tells her that dairy farmer Henry R. Pritchart (R.G. Armstrong) has agreed to donate milk to the school if Doris will allow the dairy to photograph Doris and her family for their advertising campaign. Pritchart’s assistant Brig Mitchell suggests that the typical American farming family should have girls, so want to arrange for two ‘daughters’ to be in the family photos as well. Doris suggests that her boys bring home some classmates. The boys bring home the little girls Jackie Clements (Lisa Gerritsen) and a little Asian girl named Patty (Cheri Grant), much to the surprise of Mitchell and cameraman Harvey Miller (Raymond Kark). Mitchell tells Doris that Patty can’t be in the picture, but Doris stands her ground, not wanting to hurt her feelings. Doris goes to see Mr. Pritchard, but he too won’t hear of allowing Patty in the picture… until Doris convinces him that it will help his business to shoot a more diverse photo that targets all families. The new campaign even allows for Buck to be in the photo too. 8/5/18
• 004. The Matchmakers – 10/22/1968
  • When Buck delivers an exceptionally poor performance in the Father/Son Picnic, Billy and Toby decided they need a more athletic man to become their father so they do better the following year. Doris insists that she has to get to know someone before she’d ever consider marrying them, so the boys decided that Cotina Deputy Sheriff Ubbie Puckam (Noam Pitlik) would be a terrific fit. The boys visit the Sheriff’s office where they drop hints that their mother would like to get to know the egotistical wanna-be playboy better. He gives them a ride home, but is surprised by her being seemingly uninterested. Later he insists on giving the boys a ride home again, so he can continue his pursuit. Doris had absolutely no interest, but concocts a plan to get rid of him by inviting him to dinner. While he is there, he is bombarded by marriage and fatherhood talk by Doris, Buck, and Aggie, until he finally flees the scene in fear. The boys promise to no longer play matchmaker, and instead decide to start working on Buck to get him in shape for the next year’s picnic. Frank Maxwell is Sheriff Ben Anders. Carl Byrd is Deputy Dan Case. 8/6/18
• 005. The Songwriter – 10/29/1968
  • LeRoy reads an article about a songwriter named Pee Wee Harwood who has made $250,000 writing country-western songs, so he decides that he’s like to take a crack at doing the same. He comes up with a tune called “Weeds in Garden of My Heart” and sends it to the publisher. Henry the mailman (Jerry Hausner) eventually brings him a letter from the publisher stating that they love his song and request five more so that they can put together an album and submit it to a contest in Nashville. LeRoy is on cloud nine and promises everyone in the family gifts when he is rich and famous. After Doris sings the song with the music that the publisher put to the music, she and Buck realize the lyrics are terrible. What’s more they find out that LeRoy paid $50 for the service of them putting the words to music. In order to prove that the company is a scam, Doris writes a song called “Your Love Is Like Butter Gone Rancid.” LeRoy realizes that it’s terrible but doesn’t have the heart to tell her. Sure enough Doris receives the same offer from the publisher. LeRoy is inconsolable, mostly because he won’t be able to buy the gifts he promised. Doris tries to make him fell better by telling him that many people take years before they become a success… which prompts LeRoy to vow to work harder on his craft. 2/28/19
• 006. The Antique – 11/12/1968
  • While Doris, Buck, and LeRoy get ready for a rummage drive, the boys get ready to set up a lemonade stand. Buck had to chastise the others when they suggest he get rid of an old table that was a family heirloom and means a lot to him. Doris meanwhile has to talk to the boys about taking things that don’t belong to them when they use her lipstick to make their lemonade sign. As the boys set up for the sale, they use the antique table that Buck loves as the stand. When a pair of sisters named Gertrude (Estelle Winwood) and Bertie Fields (Maudie Prickett) who are out antiquing happen by the stand, they perk up when they see the table and offer the boys $5 for it. The boys think that Buck will be thrilled to get the money, so they sell it to the sisters. When the sisters inquire about other junk they may have, the boys take them to the attic where they see an antique stove and offer $20 for it. This time the boys say they’d better wait until the family returns from the rummage sale. When Doris and Buck get home and learn what the boys have done, Buck is crestfallen and Doris is livid. When she finds out the women are returning to inquire about the stove, she comes up with a plan to act like a hayseed and tell them that they’ve obviously overpaid for the table. When the ladies won’t take the bait, she says she’ll only sell the stove if they return the table since it was worthless. The eventually agree, only to find that Doris has switched the stove with another worthless old stove, warning them that if they don’t get out of there, she’ll involve the sheriff. Doris sings Down by the Old Mill Stream while Buck plays a mandolin upstairs. 3/3/19
• 007. LeRoy B. Simpson – 11/19/1968
  • Doris is making some bread, and the smell of it brings back the memory of a similar morning when she was baking that she first encountered LeRoy B. Simpson. Through flashback we see that LeRoy is hiding out in the barn and Billy and Toby are bringing him bread to eat. The boys think he would make a great farmhand, so while Buck is busy trying to catch a crow that keeps causing him to break windows when he throws rocks at it, LeRoy attempts to fix the farm’s water pump. This causes all kinds of damage when the sink squirts muck into Buck’s face and causes several electrical shortages. Doris has pity on LeRoy and asks Buck to hire him on, but Buck wants no part of him… until Doris tells him how disappointed the boys will be if Buck sends him away. When Doris’s heart necklace goes missing, Buck begins to suspect LeRoy, and when Aggie loses and earring and Buck loses a lodge ring, Buck is ready to call the police. Doris finds all three pieces of jewelry on the floor of the tool shed, and asks LeRoy to guard them while he goes to get Buck. When they return, as Buck suspected, LeRoy and the jewelry are gone. However it isn’t long until they spot Buck going after the crow, who is now carrying Buck’s watch. Now feeling guilty, Buck hires LeRoy on but warns him to stay out of the mechanical equipment. It isn’t long though before Buck is trying to fix the leaky sink… and shooting water into Buck’s face again. 1/21/20
• 008. The Black Eye – 11/26/1968
  • Billy gets a mysterious letter in the mail but won’t reveal the contents and quickly burns the letter. That day he comes home from school with a black eye, but won’t say he who gave it to him, but says he didn’t fight back. He also refuses to go to school the next day, but Doris makes him go. When he comes home with a second black eye without fighting back, Buck is insistent that Billy return to school and fight back, but Doris insists otherwise. When Doris questions Toby, he says that he knows what happened but that it is a secret. However he lets it slip that the secret is about someone named Jackie. Doris goes to see Billy’s teacher Mr. Digby to ask about Jackie, but there is no one in the class by that name. When Aggie spots Jackie Clements sneaking around the farm, it dawns on Doris that she is Jackie and must be the perpetrator of the black eye. Doris confronts her and finds out that Jackie actually has a crush on Billy and had sent him a love letter that he rebuffed. Doris gives her better advice than delivering two shiners to get Billy’s attention. Buck apologizes to Billy and tells him that it took a man to do what he did. Later Jackie shows up at the house dressed in pink dress, but Billy runs away initially and hides in the haystack. Buck drags him out and tells him that if Jackie tries to kiss him to just enjoy it. The two kids approach each other for a civil meeting. 1/21/20
• 009. The Librarian – 12/3/1968
  • Doris asks LeRoy to drop a book at the library for her, and initially he balks because they make him uncomfortable, but when he goes and returns, he comes back with a library card and huge stack of difficult book on such topics as Greek philosophy and North American ducks. The next day, he heads out to return the book, and soon it becomes obvious what is going on: he has a crush on the librarian Winifred ‘Winnie’ Proxmire (Kelly Jean Peters). While visiting with her, he notices that she seems to have a great deal of respect for Professor Travis Peabody (Ryan MacDonald), who is studying 19th century literature. Before he knows it, he claims to be an expert in the subject and agrees to join Winnie at her poetry club and recite a poem. By the time he realizes what he has done, he is ready to pack up and move to avoid getting caught in his lie. Instead Doris talks him into learning and reciting a poem, so she works with him to learn Shelly’s To a Skylark. On the night of the reading, after a man named Carl (Keith Taylor) recites the Keats poem Ode on a Grecian Urn, Dr. Peabody gets up and recites To a Skylark, the only poem that LeRoy knows. He is forced to get up and recite Whittier’s child poem Don’t Quit which his father taught him, which garners some laughter from the crowd. He quickly exits the building, but after Doris talks with Winnie, she chases him down and tells him she would like to have coffee with him, and assures him she doesn’t care what he knows, but only who he is. 5/5/20
• 010. The Camping Trip – 12/10/1968
  • Buck is getting ready to go on a camping trip with his longtime friend Joe Whitecloud (Henry Corden), who delights in telling tall Indian tales to Billy and Toby. Buck fancies himself just as good of a camper, so he begins to get irritated with what he refers to as lies. By the time they arrive, Joe has insulted John Wayne one time to many, so Buck decides to end the trip before it even starts. They return home and the boys are crestfallen. They try to talk Doris into taking them, but she doesn’t feel safe without one of the men. When she sees LeRoy get tangled up in a rope and nearly hang himself from the barn loft, she gets an idea. She visits Joe and tells him that LeRoy is taking the boys camping, which causes him to scoff in outrage at LeRoy’s incompetence. Doris tells Buck the same thing, and he feels the same way. As Doris and LeRoy load up the trailer for the trip, both Joe and Buck watch on. When he spills the trailer for the second time, they can take no more, and they pick him up and set him aside so they can head out with the boys. LeRoy tells the boys that he needs to stay behind to tend the farm… but Buck doesn’t want him doing that either, so he insists that LeRoy come along. 5/6/20
• 011. The Job – 12/17/1968
  • Doris is sent a telegram from her old boss Maggie Wells (Linda Watkins) who wants to woo her to come back to New York City and work on the magazine Ladies World. She asks Doris to come back for just four days to assist cleaning up an article, but Doris declines. Maggie makes her assistant Jo (Jo Miya aka Nobuko Miyamoto) aware that she plans to get Doris back for good, and heads off to Cotani to the ranch. There is able to talk Doris into coming back, especially after her father and boys seem to not be concerned. After the job is done, she returns back home with Maggie in tow to a huge welcome home party. Maggie talks privately to Buck and tells her how happy Doris was in New York and that it would be best for her and the boys to be back there, but that if he or the boys expressed concern, she would never do it. Buck talks to the boys, and they all encourage her to take the job. The more Doris thinks about it, the more she realizes that Buck and the boys sounded too rehearsed ands wakes them all up to see if Maggie put them up to it. They had all assumed that Doris wanted to move back, but at that point she realizes she has no desire to move to New York. Maggie confides in her as she heads home that she believes that Doris made the right decision to stay on the ranch. Naomi Stevens makes her debut as Juanita the housekeeper. 8/18/20
• 012. Buck’s Girl – 12/24/1968
  • Buck’s veterinarian and  friend Doc Carpenter (Walter Sande) comes over to tend to one of Buck’s heifers, and mentions that there is a new manicurist named Verna McIntosh (Kay Stewart) working at the Bernie’s (Paul Barselou) Barbershop. Buck suddenly decides that he needs a haircut and goes into the shop, only to find Doc already there. While Doc is getting his hair cut, Buck gets a manicure, which ultimately leads to a date with Verna. The two get closer, but unbeknownst to Buck, she is also seeing Doc. Both men decide they are going to propose to her, but when they tell each other the good news about their nuptials, they realize they are talking about the same woman. This leads to a rift between them that costs them their friendship, and a continuous bad mood for Buck. Doris decides to get involved and goes to see Verna, who tells her that she thinks both men are wonderful, but they’ve created an impossible situation by forbidding her to see the other one. Doris goes home and talks to Buck about the situation and how it is not fair to leave Verna hanging while the men iron out their differences. Buck agrees so he goes to see Doc and they agree that they will let Verna decide who they want and will remain friends either way. However when Buck notes how much Doc struggles with being alone, he decides to tell Verna that he is going to step aside since he has his family to keep him company in his golden years. Doris tells him how much she has always admired him and still does. Doc and Verna set a date for their marriage, and plan their honeymoon at Disneyland. 8/18/20
• 013. The Relatives – 12/31/1968
  • Buck and Leroy are getting ready to take the boys on a camping trip, while Doris and Juanita plan to stay behind and do some painting and wallpapering in the house. Buck warns them that they won’t be able to handle it and that they’ll likely need to call in professional painters Ben and Ernie. Nevertheless Doris and Juanita get started on the job, but before they get going, they receive a visit from LeRoy’s cousins Edgar (Alan Sues), Herman (Dennis Fimple), and Albert (Robert Easton), who are even more backwards oddballs than LeRoy is. Still, Doris feels an obligation to at least serve them some coffee and pancakes before they move on. The cousins feel so indebted that they insist on helping with the chores and the painting, and won’t take no for an answer. Unfortunately their help yields more mess, as they blow dirt from the vacuum, mix tomato paste to the paint, cnd continuously bump Doris and spatter her with paint. When she leaves to get more wallpaper after some of it gets stuck on her, Edgar takes the lead and pains the living room lavender, even though it causes an argument with Albert, who locks himself in the truck. Edgar appeases Albert because he doesn’t want him to tell their mom about the disagreement, and they decide on orange. Once Doris returns, she manages to get the guys off to their next visit with another cousin without even surveying the damage. Later, everyone returns from the trip, and Buck is very impressed by the job done by Doris and Juanita… but it turns out to be a job that actually done by Ben (Bard Stevens) and Ernie (Patrick Cranshaw). 12/5/20
• 014. Love a Duck – 1/7/1969
  • Buck and both boys are laid up sick in bed, but Doris cannot find Billy, and it seems that both Toby and LeRoy are harboring him. He is in the barn tending to a wounded duck that he’s named Sherman, and when Doris takes Sherman to Buck to mend, he finds that the duck’s been hit by buckshot. LeRoy has reported seeing their neighbor Tyrone Lovey (Strother Martin) on the lake on their property. When Doris hears a rifle shot, she and LeRoy head to the lake to investigate, and although they find Lovey’s dog Snake, he is able to escape back to his house without getting caught. Doris visits him there, and Lovey pretends to be outraged at the thought of ducks getting shot on their property, denying any involvement. Doris calls out his lie and promises to call the police if he is caught shooting animals on their property. LeRoy later tries to con Lovey into thinking that he has left the employ of Buck’s ranch and that he is interested in going into the poaching game, but Lovey doesn’t buy it. Although he is munching on a duck leg, he says that a drunk duck fell out of a tree and died in front of him. Buck surmises that with the threat of the police, Lovey may try to kill as much as he can while he is still able, so Doris gets up extra early and heads to the lake with a duck call. Love is there using his call, and thinks that Doris’s is a duck. As he investigates, he falls into an abandoned well. He doesn’t want Doris to call the police, and she refuses to help him until he vows never to shoot anything on their property again, so he reluctantly agrees. Later when a flock of ducks fly overhead migrating south, Buck and the kids release a recovered Sherman to join them. 12/5/20
• 015. Let Them Out of the Nest – 1/21/1969
  • Billy is offered the job of taking over Arthur Nader’s (Robert Graham) egg route, and although Doris doesn’t think it is a good idea, Buck thinks it is good for a boy to learn responsibility. Knowing they’ll have to get up at 4am to get the eggs delivered by 6am, the boys stay awake all night, and then set out to complete the job on their own. They start out by pretending to brush their teeth and wash up by wetting their toothbrushes and towels, then they prepare their own breakfast of spaghetti, jelly, pickles, and root beer, not wanting to disturb their mother. However when they go to gather the eggs in the barn, they find that Doris and Juanita are already doing the job. Irritated, the boys go back to bed while they finish the job. When Doris comes to get them for the route, they say they are sick, which may or may not be from the hideous breakfast. Doris then goes on the route on her own, breaking more eggs than she delivers, in no small part due to a paper boy (Keith Huntley) that keeps hitting her in the rear end with his papers. She is also startled by Marvin (Raymond Kark) the cop, who thinks she is a prowler. A drunk named Mr. Peavy (Hal Smith) even throws Mrs. Wilkins’ (Barbara Pepper) eggs through her window. She comes home exhausted and beat only to find the boys having a pillow fight in their room. She is furious and yells at them for shirking their responsibility, but then Buck reminds her that she didn’t give them a chance to do it on their own whatsoever. She decides to let them handle the route, and sure enough, the next morning they are up at 4am. However, Doris does think it is still her right to interfere with their home life, when she tells them to brush their teeth and wash their faces properly. 3/28/21
• 016. The Clock – 1/28/1969
  • Doris has been up for two days, delivering Alma’s calf, and just before she heads to bed, she gets a visit from Grace Henley, reminding her that she needs to have a financial report for the women’s club ready for a meeting the next day. Then the family gets a visit from their neighbor Tyrone Lovey, who no one trusts, and who wants to sell them an antique chest of drawers. He won’t tell them the price until they try it out where it’s going to be placed, and in her weary state, Doris agrees with him. Buck and LeRoy lug the furniture up the stairs, before he tells them that it is $85. Again Doris agrees with him that it is a fair price, and Buck has no desire to carry it back down, so he pays for it. As he leaves, Lovey suggests that a chiming clock would be perfect on top of it. Doris wholeheartedly agrees, but says it is not in her budget. Later LeRoy brings her a surprise: a chiming clock like she always wanted. Doris finally gets to hit the sack, and vows to do the financial report in the morning. Unfortunately, every hour on the hour, the clock chimes with bells that sound like a bell tower, waking her up each and every time. The next day, she can barely deliver her report to the club, falling asleep every time she stops talking. Buck can stand it no longer, and calls Lovey and offers him the clock for free. He comes and gets it, but charges Buck $10 because he says it’s bad luck to haul a chiming clock at night. The next morning, Doris is shocked that the clock is gone, so LeRoy offers a reward for its return. Sure enough, Lovey returns with the clock, and collects the $20 reward from Buck. Doris has figured out that he gave it away, and had him pay to teach him a lesson. Doris then gets the idea to tell LeRoy that it is broken, thinking that if he tries to fix it, he’ll surely destroy it. However, everyone is surprised that he somehow returns it to its chiming glory, despite the fact that their are lots of clock pieces left over. 3/29/21
• 017. The Buddy – 2/4/1969
  • Doris gets an invite to visit her pregnant friend Louise in Phoenix, but with Juanita off, she doesn’t think it would be a good idea. However as soon as Buck and LeRoy assure her that they can handle things, they take off. It starts off well with Buck getting up and making breakfast, then sending the boys off to school. But the boys are late, Toby doesn’t have socks on, and LeRoy mistakes the eggs for pancakes. Then they create a disaster in the kitchen as they start to clean up, and when LeRoy puts in an entire box of detergent into the washer, they fill the laundry room and kitchen with soap suds. Doris calls home, and Buck assures her that everything is alright. As they struggle to clean up the disaster, Buck’s old friend/girlfriend Emma Flood (Mary Wickes) from the World War 2 era Marines pays him a visit. She offers to stay and help the family, and Buck jumps at the chance. However, she begins running the household in military style, using whistles, and waking everyone up at the crack of dawn. The men are afraid to go into the house and smuggle their dinner into the barn, and the boys don’t want anything to do with her. Buck finally tries to ask her to leave, but then realizes that she was forced out of the Marines and faces a lonely life ahead of her. Doris eventually returns, with Juanita on her way shortly after, but when Buck tells her Emma’s story, none of them has the heart to ask her to leave. Doris then remembers that she has recently spoke to Colonel John Brock (Willis Bouchey) with the nearby Foxwood Military Academy, who was looking for an administrator to work for them. He stops by the house, and it takes very little convincing before Emma jumps at the chance to take the job. Later, Doris has to employ the use of the whistle to get the boys out of bed. 7/25/21
• 018. The Flyboy – 2/11/1969
  • Buck is furious when some flyboys from a nearby air base fly over the farm, and the sonic boom causes some damage to it. Colonel Andy Carson (Frank Aletter) comes out to assess the damage, and he is smitten when he sees Doris. Despite the fact that he tries to convince Doris that he grew up on a farm when he clearly knows nothing about farming, Doris still takes a liking to him. Meanwhile, Colonel Carson brags to his friends Charlie (Tom Curry), Ben (Al Travis), and Al (James Truesdell) about the plans for his ‘conquest’. When they find out who he has in mind, they laugh at the notion that he could get a date with her, leading Carson offering to wager. He works his way into seeing Doris again to further assess the damage, and then asks her to go the officer’s dance with him, and she agrees. Unbeknownst to Carson, his driver (Tom Falk) tells LeRoy about the bet. LeRoy then tells Buck, who relays it to Doris. She decides to go on the date anyway, although she makes it clear to Buck that she will handle it. She shows up at the dance looking glamorous and surprising Carson’s friends. All night she appears to be drinking, when she is really pouring it out, getting more and more amorous with Carson, until he thinks he has her in the bag. At the last second, she pulls the rug out and reveals she is not drunk, and not interested, leaving him high and dry. After he pays off his friends, he comes to see Doris again and apologizes, asking her if she’ll go out with him again. She tells him that she will think about it, but when he gets cocky, she reels him back in. Later, Doris tells Buck that Carson is arranging another sonic boom, so he can return again to assess the damage. 7/25/21
• 019. The Tournament – 2/18/1969
  • Buck is practicing for the upcoming horseshoe tournament with his friend Doc Carpenter, when LeRoy accidentally slams Doc’s hand in a chicken feed bin, rendering him unable to throw his horseshoes. Buck thinks has nixed his change to even enter the tournament, and cause him to give LeRoy the cold shoulder for several days. Doris tries to make it up to him, by offering to enter it with him, and immediately gets practicing. When she asks LeRoy to toss one of the horseshoes back to her, LeRoy hits a ringer. She asks him to do it again, and to her surprise, finds that he can hit it repeatedly without a miss. She runs to tell Buck, who can scarcely believe it himself, but once he sees LeRoy in action, he is more than happy to take him on as a partner. However, when Toby tells LeRoy that Buck will kill him if he misses in the tournament, LeRoy suddenly develops a psychosomatic condition that causes him not to be able to operate his arm. Doris blames Buck for putting too much pressure on him, and Buck suddenly realizes that he has done a disservice to LeRoy. Buck then asks as if it is a relief to himself that he won’t be able to enter, and says he has put too much emphasis on the victory trophy and is having a crisis of confidence. This calms LeRoy down and his arm suddenly begins to heal itself. LeRoy is now concerned about Buck losing faith in himself, so he goes and gives the same diagnosis of Buck that Buck gave himself. He tells him that there is no doubt that they will win if they enter, and now that his arm is healed, they can now enter. Later they are all seen admiring their trophy, but when Buck mentions that they will have to defend the trophy the following year, LeRoy once again loses the use of his arm. 1/20/22
• 020. Love Thy Neighbor – 3/4/1969
  • The farm’s tractor Henrietta continues to be a problem, and the fact that it won’t start and keeps throwing black smoke in everyone’s faces, finally angers Doris enough that she demands that Buck buy a new one. He says they don’t have the money right now, so she looks over his accounting books and sees that numerous people owe him money. She gives him some customers to visit and she decides to take Zeno Tugwell (J. Pat O’Malley0) and his son Stonewall (Read Morgan) who bought some horses from Buck six months ago and haven’t paid for. When she arrives, Zeno tells Doris that they don’t have the money, so she tells them that she’ll have to take the horses. He suddenly decides to negotiate, but while they are inside talking it over, Stonewall removes the tires from Doris’s Jeep. His thinking is that if they keep her there long enough, and Stomewall is able to charm her, she will marry him and they will be able to keep the horses. Zeno sends in the dimwitted Stonewall to try and kiss her, but Doris fights off the advances. However, she feels sorry for him and tells him that he needs to stand on his own, and there is a woman out there that he will fall in love with. He stops the courting, but is still to scared to defy his father and put the tires back on. Doris decides to take horses and walk home with them, but Zeno stops her and returns her to the house. Stonewall then has a change of heart and returns the tires to the Jeep, but as she is leaving with the horses, Zeno attempts to fire his rifle at the tires, but Stonewall stops him and takes his gun. Stonewall later visits Doris to buy the horses again, this time with cash. He also tells her that he now likes courting and has found himself a woman of his own finally. 1/20/20
• 021. The Con Man – 3/11/1969
  • Doris is gung ho to bring in an architect named Roger Flanders (Joseph Campanella) who is anxious to pitch his model and plans for a new community center to the Civic Improvements Committee in Cotina. Doris knows it will be a hard to many members like Jed Anslinger (Peter Brocco) who are slow to budge when it comes to spending money, and Horace Burkhart (James Millhollin), who fears that it will run his meeting place out of business. Flanders has all the right answers, and even suggests a fundraiser by selling personalized plaques that will hang in the new community center for those who buy one. He offers to help get the plaques created at cost, so Doris and Buck make the collections and then get a certified check made out to Flanders. While they are gone, Lord Nelson knocks over Flanders’ briefcase, and she sees all of the stationary from phony organizations who had sent letters to the town asking to bring their events to town, looking for a recommendation for a place for them to hold the events. She knows from this that Flanders is in fact a con artist, and blows her stack, telling Buck that she is going to have him arrested. Buck advises her to cool down, and reminds her that if the town finds out that he was a con artist, it will kill their spirit. He advises her to re-direct her anger and energy and Flanders’ talent. When Flanders returns, she confronts him and he admits that he had pulled this con before in other towns, but could never be found guilty because all he did was sell the town some plaques and present an idea for a community center. She tells him that she will destroy the town and pleads to his conscience… and also use his real talent to see through building the center. He finally agrees, but when the day comes for the meeting, he doesn’t show up even after waiting a half-hour. Doris is about to announce the con, when he does show up, and tells her that he had a flat tire. He comes with a progress report and a date for when the project can start. Lord Nelson knocks over his briefcase again, and Doris mentions that this was how she found out the truth the first time. Flanders thank Lord Nelson for being the one to give him the opportunity to do the work of an architect for real. Madge Blake is Mrs. Hardy. Committee folks include Bard Stevens, Kay Stewart, Evelyn King, and Dodie Warren. 5/31/22
• 022. The Musical – 3/18/1969
  • Buck attends the school board meeting at the Cotina Elementary School and volunteers Doris to head up the school musical. Although she acts put out by it, she is glad to jump in and take charge of it. After several rehearsals without anyone watching, the school principal Eric Ekstrom (Ray Teal) who is an old friend of Buck’s, finally gets permission along with Buck to watch the kids rehearse their parts. The play has two kids standing behind two fake bodies that are dressed in the turn-of-the-century attire lamenting the new fads that kids are participating in during the current day, mostly the go-go dancing style of the hippies. The kids barely get into the performance, before Mr. Ekstrom insists that they stop dancing, and he shuts down the entire production because it doesn’t fit into his current day ideas of decorum. Both Doris and Buck are taken aback, and she tells the kids they have to cancel the play. They are extremely disappointed and beg Doris to make another plea to Mr. Ekstrom. Buck even stages his car breaking down so that Ekstrom has to give him a ride home. They bring him inside and feed him coffee and cookies and make another stab at getting him to reconsider. He is convinced that his point of view is correct, and that he is entrusted to mold and guide the students to be more respectful, and he finds the quest for free thinking and their disregard for past mores to be irresponsible. Doris makes one more attempt by reworking the play and then inviting Mr. Ekstrom to watch it. For the sake of his friendship with Buck, he promises to watch it in its entirety before passing judgement. However, when he sees that instead of the kids dancing like hippies, they instead are dancing like flappers from the 20’s, he has her stop them again. But this time he apologizes and tells her that he gets her point and will allow the play to continue as originally written. It is a wild success, and Doris even gets flowers form Mr. Ekstrom. Buck tells Doris that now the guys from the lodge want her to help them stage their own musical. Gary Dubin is Freddie. Michele Tobin is Gloria. 5/31/22
• 023. The Baby Sitter – 3/25/1969
  • Buck takes Billy and Toby out for an evening of bowling, leaving Doris at home to bask in the silence and Juanita’s hamburgers. However, she doesn’t rest long before her friend Dorothy Benson (Peggy Rea) calls Doris to tell her that she is going into labor, and her husband Hal’s (Paul Smith) car has broken down. Doris leaves immediately to take her to the hospital, but on her way, her car runs out of gas. A heavily intoxicated Mr. Peavy show up to help her by siphoning his gas into her car, but he winds up passing out in the trunk. Doris siphons all of his gas so that he can’t drive, and when he agrees to sleep in his car Matilda instead of driving, Doris promises to bring him gas in the morning. Doris finally makes it to the Benson house, but instead of taking Dorothy to the hospital, she lets Hal use her car, and she offers to stay back with their four kids Elizabeth (Julie Reese), Jenny (Jodie Foster), Adam (Ted Foulkes), and Rachel (Lynnell Atkins). Trouble starts immediately when Adam starts squealing in agony when Jenny steals his marbles in the house, and hides them in the dishwasher. Elizabeth cooks a huge pot full of popcorn, and that begins popping and raining all over the room. While Doris is getting the latest news from Hal – indicating the baby won’t be coming until the next day – the kids turn on the dishwasher, and the marbles inside shatter every dish in the washer. Doris calls Buck and tells him that she will staying later to watch the kids, while Hal stays at the hospital after Dorothy goes back into labor. The chaos starts up again when Doris gives Rachel a bath, and in an effort to get more bubbles, Rachel adds shoe polish to the bath. The other kids are playing Indians and ties up Doris, who is attempting to start the fireplace and winds up covered in soot. Doris also tries to find some blankets for a cold Elizabeth, and winds up locked in the closet, where she sets up a makeshift pallet and falls asleep. Eventually Hal comes home and announces they had a boy. The kids ask Doris why she didn’t ask for their help to get out of the house, and she tells them that she assumed she had found the safest space in the house. An exhausted Doris finally goes home and tries to stay awake playing checkers with Buck. She then gets locked in their own closet and lays down to go to sleep there… where she might need to stay for a while after Buck accidentally breaks off the closet doorknob. 9/22/22
• 024. The Still – 4/1/22
  • The Cotina sheriff Ben Anders (now played by Barney Phillips) comes barreling onto the Martin residence to report that Treasury agents in the Alcohol and Tax division have come snooping around town. He is worried that the elderly sisters Lydia (Jesslyn Fox) and Adelaide McLindsay (Florence Lake) have been using their still to make alcohol. The sheriff sends Doris out to their place to talk them into hiding their moonshine as they are only receptive to Doris. Doris searches the ladies house to try and find all of the alcohol, then plans to take it and dump it in the river. She tells the sisters to get rid of the still. As Doris drives away, she winds up getting a flat tire. The Treasury agents Willoughby (Jeff DeBenning) and Bronson (Tom Falk) drive by and offer help, then find the jars of alcohol in the back seat of the car. Sheriff Anders is forced to put Doris in jail, but as soon as the Treasury agents leave, Anders lets them out and she goes back to verify with the sisters that they got rid of the still. They tell Doris that they did indeed hide the still… in Doris’s house. When the agents spot a woman they think is Doris on the road, it’s a race back to the prison. She manages to get into her self and appear as though she never left. The Sheriff again lets her out and she then races the police back to her place. She is able to take a shortcut and beat them back to her place. There she finds that the sisters have hidden the still in one of their stacks of hay. The t-men arrive, and Doris pretends to be one of Buck’s sons. She tries to get the still hidden in the attic while the men are snooping around. When the agents give up looking for the still, Doris and LeRoy head back to the jail and attempt to steal the evidence. Instead, LeRoy manages to light a match in the closet where the evidence has been stored, and causes it all to explode. They all give an update to the sisters, who vow to go straight and never make alcohol again, but it is only a matter of minutes before Doris and the sheriff find their new still hidden in an alcove in their living room. 9/22/22
• 025. The Gift – 4/8/1969
  • Doris calls a mysterious family meeting, causing Buck and the boys to all think that they’ve done something wrong. It turns out that she only wants to tell them that they are coming up on the one-year anniversary of LeRoys working for them. She wants them to help find out what LeRoy would like as a gift to celebrate his anniversary. They try to figure out the best way to ask LeRoy without letting him figure out what they are doing, so they run a test on Juanita, but she is on to them. Then the boys try to play a game where they list the presents that they want, but the boys end up fighting among themselves and LeRoy doesn’t get a word in. Doris finally gets it out of him that he has almost no possessions, and doesn’t want any, thanks to the advice of his father. However, when LeRoy gets a letter from his grandmother and mentions how he misses her and hasn’t seen her for a year, Doris gets the idea to give him a week off and buy him a bus ticket to see his grandmother. Buck is concerned that the chores won’t get completed while he is gone, so Doris sets out to prove that she and the boys can handle them. She tries to prove it by washing the car, working under the pickup, and fixing the fence, and not letting LeRoy help even when he offers, but they wind up making a mess of things. LeRoy starts to question why everyone is doing his work, and then when he finds a going away sign for him in the boys’ room, he believes that he is about to get fired and set on his way. On the night they plan to have a surprise party for him, the family finds that he has already left a note in his room indicating that he would rather leave on his own than be fired. Doris and the family set out to catch up with him and find him hiking his way out of town. Although embarrassed by the mistake and reluctant to come back because of it, they finally get him loaded up in the car and get him back home. Later, he sends a note from his grandmother’s place indicating all of the chores he has done for her, and he’s ready to come home early to get a rest. 1/15/23
• 026. The Tiger – 4/15/1969
  • When LeRoy attempts to fix a latch on one of the pens, he accidentally lets a group of piglets loose to run amok all over the farm. Buck is so angry that he fires LeRoy for the fourth time that week and tells him that this time it is forever. When LeRoy goes to say goodbye to Doris, she makes Buck feel guilty by telling him how much LeRoy means to the boys, so Buck is forced to reluctantly let him return to work. Meanwhile, Doris goes to the market, and while she is there, a tiger that is in the truck belonging to a circus gets free and enters Doris’s truck bed. She doesn’t realize the tiger is there until she gets home and the tiger causes Juanita to faint in the driveway. The tiger turns out to be very tame, so much so that they bring it into the house and feed it a pail of milk. The boys even want to keep the tiger, but Doris is trying to reach Sheriff Ben Anders to have him come get the tiger. He doesn’t answer for an hour because he has rounded up a posse to go search for the missing animal. Doris tells him to keep the dogs and guns behind because the tiger is tame, but Ben wants proof of that. Doris has the boys put the tiger in the barn and then she adds a sign saying not to enter the barn. When LeRoy goes to store some hay in there, he sees the sign, but his curiosity gets the better of him and he enters, letting the tiger walk out. When the police, the posse, and the dogs all arrive, they find only LeRoy standing dumbfounded in the barn. Buck is furious again and tells Doris to make sure Buck is gone when he returns. He joins the police in searching for the tiger, planning to do whatever he can to stop them from hurting it. Doris feels terrible too and also doesn’t know what to do with LeRoy this time. She and LeRoy head out with a rope and lantern to search for the tiger in the hills. The police track the tiger to a cave. Doris and LeRoy find the same cave, but a different entrance. When they go inside, they are able to find the tiger, and Doris gets a rope around his neck. Doris sees on way to get Buck to forgive LeRoy, so she sends LeRoy ahead to exit out the same portion of the cave where the police are waiting. Thanks to LeRoy walking the tiger out with a leash, the police stand down and allow the tiger to exit unharmed. Back home, Doris makes a fresh pie for buck and credits it to LeRoy, but he also gets credit for destroying it when he bursts into the kitchen and bumps into Buck, causing Doris to drop the pie on the floor. 1/16/23
• 027. The Date – 4/22/1969
  • Doris feels guilty when she heads out for a night on the town, while Juanita stays home and does the ironing. Even though Doris tells her to stop working and relax, she says that working helps pass the time since she has nothing else to do. She gets the idea to set her up with Buck’s friend, fishing supply salesman Frank Gorian (Joe De Santis). Doris visits him at his shop and tries to get him to ask her out, but he is not interested. However, when Doris asks him to do it as a personal favor to her, he agrees. They go out to the fair together and stay out past midnight. When Juanita gets home, she tells Doris and Buck about the wonderful time they had. After she goes up to bed, Buck reminds Doris that if they get married, she is out a great housekeeper. Later, Buck stops by Frank’s shop and tells him how happy he and Doris are for him and Juanita getting together. Frank is offended that Buck is implying that they are planning a to be an item, or even get married. Juanita is thrilled that Frank has asked her out again to go to the lodge dance, but after Buck’s conversation with him, he cancels the plans. Juanita is crestfallen, so Doris goes to see Frank again and warns Franks not to get too serious with Juanita because she is not the marrying kind and doesn’t want him to get hurt. He then changes his tune and decides to ask her out again, but unfortunately, Juanita hears Buck and Doris ‘trapping’ Frank into asking her out again. This makes her feel foolish and she tells Doris that she never wants to see him again when Frank tries to call her. Even though Juanita won’t talk to him, Doris tells him that she’s interested in going out again and he should pick her up that night. When he arrives, they both tell him the truth about what damage their meddling has caused. Frank understands why she doesn’t want to see him now and starts to leave, but Doris calls him back and asks him to talk to her and tell her how he feels. Frank marches upstairs and bangs on her bedroom door, then crashes through it. He drags Juanita out of the house with a smile on her face, and she tells Doris not to wait up for her. After their second successful date, Frank brings Doris a gift for setting them up in the first place. He also brings Buck a replacement door. 6/30/23
• 028. The Five Dollar Bill – 4/29/1969
  • Billy and his friend Alfred Loomis (Stuart Lee) are working together to enter their pigs into the State Fair. Alfred stops by to deliver the sparkly collars that he bought for the pigs, but Billy is out fishing. When Billy finishes fishing, he stops by the Helms Bakery truck to purchase a doughnut and runs into Billy’s mother (Shirley Mitchell), who is trying to purchase a few bags of baked goods, but is distracted by her barking dog Gigi, and winds up hurriedly running back to her car. In the commotion, she drops her wallet which Billy finds and tells the Bakery truck driver Mr. Kibbler (Jerry Hausner) that he will have his mother call Mrs. Loomis to come get the wallet. When she arrives to get it, she is thankful to Billy for finding it, but when she realizes that there is $5.00 missing from the wallet, she starts to accuse Billy of stealing it. Furthermore, she accuses Doris of putting too much blind faith in her son. Doris defends him tooth and nail until Mrs. Loomis storms out of her house. Later, Billy and Toby go into town and buy a belt for their mother as a surprise. When Toby mentions that Billy had just made $5.00 that day to buy the belt, Doris and Buck are a little suspicious. Although Billy is hurt that it seems his mother is accusing him of stealing the money after all, she believes Billy when he tells them that he sold one of his fish to a man who needed it to ‘prove’ that he had caught a giant fish. Doris believes him unconditionally. Later, Mrs. Loomis tells Billy that she doesn’t want him associating with her son. Doris later finds out hat Alfred had given Toby a brand-new baseball glove, and Toby tells his mother that Alfred does this all of the time with his friends. Doris starts to suspect that Alfred is stealing the money from his mother to buy things for other kids. When Alfred stops by to see Billy, Doris questions him and tells him that her boys like him for who he is, not for what he gives them. She tells him that Billy feels sick about the situations that he was blamed for stealing money that he didn’t take. Doris tells him that a good friend would confess that it was them who took the money in order to prove his friend innocent. Later, Mrs. Loomis stops by to apologize to Doris and Billy for being so accusatory, and she admits that Alfred had confessed to taking the money. Mrs. Loomis is beside herself trying to figure out what she and her husband did wrong, and Doris tells her that the first step was Alfred admitting what he did. She says she will now do her part to show her son love and forgiveness. Everyone from both families head off to the State Fair together with the pigs. 6/30/23

SEASON 2

• 029. Doris Gets a Job – 9/22/1969
  • After a twelve-year absence from the workforce, Doris decides to go to San Francisco to try and find a job in the city. She is a nervous wreck that morning and changes her outfit multiple times. She walks out of one interview with a lawyer named Willoughby (Eldon Quick) when she realizes she will be taking care of five lawyers. Mr. Lavelle (Joseph Mall) wants to hire her to sell dance classes to a business that doesn’t even have a dance studio. One man (Larry Gelbart) is more interested in chasing Donna around his desk. Finally, she comes upon Today’s World magazine and gets an interview with the managing editor Michael Nicholson (McLean Stevenson). His temporary secretary Myrna Gibbons (Rose Marie) tells her that she might want to not mention her kids at home because Nicholson might night understand having to take care of her boys when he needs her at work. Doris maintains that she doesn’t want to work for a man who doesn’t like kids, but she gets dragged into the interview regardless. She also finds herself changing the subject when they get near talking about her home life. Not only does she get the job, but Mr. Nicholson asks her to start right away that day. Doris also meets Myrna’s boss, associate editor Ron Harvey (Paul Smith), who quickly develops a crush on Doris. She struggles right away with taking dictation and trying to reconstruct the letter after she leaves the office, especially between phone calls home to Buck. Nicholson reviews the letter, and despite its mistakes, he says she improves on his original even if it wasn’t entirely accurate. Back home, Buck decides to take the boys into the city and treat Doris to a Chinese dinner to celebrate her new job. She is shocked when they all arrive at the office, and she tries to keep them hidden from Mr. Nicholson, even locking him in his office. When he bursts out and demands to know what is going on, she has a private conversation with him and tells him that she has two boys and isn’t ashamed of them. She also says she likes working there, but won’t work with a man who doesn’t like kids and can’t understand she will need to take care of them sometimes. He then tells her that, like usual, Myrna has gotten him wrong completely, and he has no problems with children. He invites himself to go out to eat Chinese with the family in order to get to know them better. They have a nice time, and the next day, Doris asks him how he feels about dogs… since she was forced to bring Lord Nelson to work with her that day. He promptly jumps on Nicholson and knocks him to the floor. 11/1/23
• 030. A Frog Called Harold – 9/29/1969
  • Before leaving for work, Doris is forced to try and help Toby find his frog Harold, which got loose in the house. He doesn’t turn up inside or outside, but secretly jumps into Doris’s purse in the car before she leaves for work. Once she arrives at the office, she is quickly pulled into a meeting by Mr. Nicholson of a group of bank inspectors led by the crotchety Mr. Harold Thornby (Parley Baer), who are there to inspect the magazine’s operation before giving them a loan. The croak of the frog coming from Doris’s purse interrupts the meeting, until Mr. Thornby forces Doris to open up her purse which reveals Harold inside… which jumps onto Thornby’s head. When Doris gets out into the reception area, the frong jumps out of her purse again. As they are looking for it, Mr. Nicholoson goes to show Mr. Thornby the rest of the operation, and he Thornby trips over Doris, who is crawling on the floor. Harold then makes his next appearance in the water cooler, where a hungover Ron Harvey is getting a drink. Harvey tries to impress Doris by getting Harold out of the water jug, and winds up spilling the jug of water all over the office. After Mr. Thornby is suitable impressed with the Accounting and Circulation departments, they return to the executive office where they are greeted with the mess caused by the water spill. Harold then jumps into Thornby’s briefcase, before he storms off and heads back to his bank. Doris follows him and tries to get Harold out from his briefcase, but the security guard (Ralph Neff) spots her and turns her into Mr. Thornby. Doris tries to smooth things over by asking him if he ever had a frog when he was growing up. He did, indeed, and begins to reminisce about his frog Hoppy. He then assures Doris that he will come back to the office and start over with Mr. Nicholson. That evening, Doris brings the frog home and gives it to Toby… who tells her that they had already found the real Harold earlier that day. They determine that the new frog and the real Harold indeed like each other. Later, Mr. Nicholson takes Doris out to Alberto’s for lunch, but Doris is turned off when she overhears another customer (Ed McCready) order a platter of frog legs. David Manzy is Harvey’s assistant Dave. Jack Garner is Mr. Hopkins. Issa Arnal is the black office girl. 11/1/23
• 031. Married for a Day – 10/6/1969
  • While Doris is out for lunch with her boss Mr. Nicholson, he spots an old girlfriend named Karen Carruthers (Julie Adams) who he insists on hiding from. After they get out of the restaurant, he tells Doris that she has a way of manipulating him and that if left to her devices, he would surely be talked into marrying her. Since she has just gone through a divorce, he assumes she is back from Europe and now in San Francisco to bait and catch him. Sure enough, she calls on the phone to the office, so Doris tells her that Nicholson is on an African safari. However, he accidentally answers the phone when she calls again, so Doris suggests that they go back to her house to work. Nicholson puts Ron in charge of the office, and when Karen shows up looking for him, Ron is manipulated into telling Karen where he is. She soon shows up at Doris’s house, so in order to fend her off, Michael tells Karen that Doris is his wife. Doris reluctantly agrees to go along with the ruse and has to get her father to not give the lie away. Karen eventually leaves, but after explaining to Buck what is going on, Karen returns and tells them that her car broke down a mile away and wants to know if she can stay the night. Doris pleads with her father to let Michael sleep with him overnight. They put Karen in the guest room, and Doris and Michael go into her room to work. When Karen comes to the door to ask for something to relax her, Doris puts Michael into the bed under the covers and gives her some pills. The two work late into the night, and then Michael climbs in bed with Buck to try and sleep, but Buck edges him out of the bed. Michael goes downstairs to sleep and winds up falling down the stairs. He wakes up the entire house, and Karen tells them that they never fooled her for a minute and just wanted to see him squirm. She tells him to get dressed so they can go out for a drink, but Michael tells her that he refuses to see her and tells her buzz off. Karen finally takes the hint and storms out. Doris and Mr. Nicholson have lunch again at the same place and she congratulates him on his liberation. They wonder who the next guy will be that she tries to hook… and then spots her with having lunch with Ron. 3/3/24
• 032. The Woman Hater – 10/13/1969
  • A writer named Alex Rhinehart (Anthony Eisley) is writing an article called Women: The Unnecessary Sex for Today’s World, which Doris naturally finds offensive. Mr. Nicholson defends the fact that women read him, even if they hate him. Nicholson sends Doris over to meet him and pick up his article revisions. Doris gets so annoyed while he is reading his article that she tugs on her necklace and spills beads all over the floor. While helping her pick them up, Rhinehart notices how beautiful she is. When his back goes out when he stands up, Doris helps him fix it. She asks if he really hates women, and he tells her that he only writes what he believes. However, he gives her so many compliments that she agrees to let her take a walk with him and rebut his arguments. They develop a good rapport, even as they tease each other about their viewpoints about women. The next day, the doorman Dave (Johnnie Collins III) brings in flowers from Rhinehart along with an additional bead he found from her necklace. He then stops by to drop off his revisions and invites Doris to dinner. After he leaves, Mr. Nicholson calls her in and is furious about Rhinehart’s new article, which Rhinehart now won’t allow the magazine to print. Doris is concerned that this will cause her to lose her job. That night, the two meet at La Petite Maison in town for dinner, where Doris plans to rectify the situation that she’s created. She shows up late, chewing gum loudly, and gabbing incessantly. When Claude (Luis de Cordova) the maître d’ seats them, Doris insists on moving tables several times. Instead of ordering French food, she orders a hamburger and fries. Alex becomes more and more irritated and tells Doris that she seems different than earlier. She gabs about her family through the entire meal, and then orders a huge ice cream sundae, and then begins primping at the table while making Alex hold her mirror. As they are leaving after the dinner, Alex tells Doris that she gave an Oscar worthy performance. She is shocked to learn that he knew she was only acting. He tells her that he has decided to let the magazine publish his article, but only on the condition that they also publish his next article called Women Are Here to Stay. Doris agrees to help him with it. The next morning, Nicholson suspects that Doris went out with Rhinehart since she has lost her voice. Pete Kellett and Judy March are the couple in the park. Julius Johnsen is the bartender. 3/3/24
• 033. The Chocolate Bar War – 10/20/1969
  • Mr. Nicholson has been invited to a cocktail party of an important advertising agent named Craig Fletcher (Max Showalter), and Nicholson wants Doris to be his date to the party, as Mrs. Fletcher (Amzie Strickland) is rather stuffy – suburban square – and he feels that Doris is more the wholesome type. Although she is a bit offended by this, she agrees to go along. Meanwhile, when Doris gets home, she finds out that Billy was trying to sell candy bars in front of Genson’s Market to support his Scout Week but was run off by a woman whose son Jonathan (Tim Weldon), who claims that they sell in that spot every year. This angers Doris, so she decides to go along with the boys to stand up for them when the woman shows up. It turns out that the woman is Mrs. Fletcher, but Doris doesn’t know this. She stands her ground and refuses to leave, even though Mrs. Fletcher insists that Toby can’t sell the candy bars because he isn’t actually a scout. Doris and the boys do so well that they actually run off Mrs. Fletcher and her son. The boys sell all of their candy and are sure that Billy has won the selling contest. Over at the Fletchers’ place that night, Doris spots Mrs. Fletcher and freaks out, trying to hide herself from Mrs. Fletcher by snaking through various conversations at the party. Eventually, she gets cornered into locking herself in the closet. When Mr. Nicholson and Mr. Fletcher, they insist she come out, where Mrs. Fletcher immediately identifies her and asks her to leave. However, once Mr. Fletcher realizes what the argument is about, Fletcher marches his wife off, telling her that they need to have a talk. Later, Mr. Nicholson confesses that he thinks that Fletcher was just waiting for a reason to tell off his wife. Doris comments on how she has always taught her children that they need to lose gracefully. However, when Billy tells her that Robby Sizemore won the candy contest when his pretty older sisters were giving away kisses with each candy bar outside the Marine base. Doris nearly flips out until Mr. Nicholson reminds her that winning isn’t all that counts. Doris agrees and tells Billy that they will try again next year, as she knows a nearby Air Force base that is bigger than the Marines. Jane Aull is the blonde woman at the market. Howard Culver is the man who buys from Toby at the market. Brad Trumbull is the man who buys from Billy because his mother is Doris. Marshall Kent is the older man with the wife at the market. Don G. Ross is party guest Charlie Isaacs. Walter Mathews is the party guest with the bear joke. Jan Arvan is the party guest talking about the interest rate. Lynn Wood is the woman at the party talking about the family picture. 7/16/24
• 034. The Health King – 11/10/1969
  • Mr. Nicholson is hoping to pay bodybuilder and author Bruce Sanders (Michael Forest) a sizeable amount to print his book How to Build a Better Body in installments in their magazine Today’s World. Unfortunately, Sanders won’t even give Nicholson a meeting, so he asks Doris to try and arrange a meeting with him. She goes to see him at his home, and his butler Ling (Ernest Harada) allows her to see him while he is working out. He doesn’t give her any kind of direct answer but invites her to have lunch with him at a health food store where he is promoting his book to discuss business. Doris feigns liking a cabbage juice cocktail and a kelp salad. She manages to dump most of her food onto the waiter’s cart, but this just makes Sanders think she loves it and wants more. They are also interrupted by a pair of autograph-seeking women, Gladys Damon (Joan Lemmo) and Harriet (Bunny Summers). Sanders decides it is too difficult to talk business there, so he invites her to dinner that night. She tries to get out of it but realizing that it might be her only chance to talk him into selling his story, she accepts. That night, they have a normal dinner and drinks, and Doris is surprised to realize how much she enjoys being with Sanders, even forgetting to ask him about the story. Sanders finally comes into the office to pick up Doris for jogging and meets Nicholson, who requests to go with them. He quickly finds that he is unable to keep up with Sanders and Doris and has to take frequent rests. He then requests to ride bikes, so Sanders carries him to some rental bikes. Nicholson winds up riding his bike off the trail and into a lake. Doris then tells Nicholson that she has another date with Sanders and plans to stay in town with Myrna after the date. That night, Mr. Nicholson keeps calling Myrna to see if Doris has shown up, requesting that she not tell Doris that he’s asking about her. It ends up raining that night, and Sanders brings Doris back to his place so that she can dry off and change clothes. It gets to be after 2am, and this time when Nicholson calls Myrna, she becomes worried as well. Nicholson heads over to Sanders’ place and barges in, just after Sanders has told Doris that he intends to allow his story to appear in Today’s World. Nicholson tells him to stay away from Doris and tries to physically attack him, but Sanders simply swats away his punches. Once Nicholson learns that he has agree to sell his book to him, they finally shake hands on it. Later, Doris is seen feeding Nicholson his lunch, as he has two broken hands. Lavina Dawson is Mary the waitress. 7/16/24
• 035. Doris the Model – 11/17/1969
  • Doris has a new long hairstyle, and she is excited when Mr. Nicholson sends her to meet French fashion designer Monsieur Montagne (Johnny Haymer) at the airport with his models. He is in town to perform a fashion show and Today’s World magazine has exclusive rights to cover the event. Myrna claims that she can speak French so that she can go with Doris. When he arrives, they also meet his two models Yvette Bouchard (Gail Stevens) and Simone Giroux (Arlyn Genson), both of whom have a craving for American food and keep disappearing in the airport to get food. Nicholson meets with editor Ron about their schedule, and he has it pinpointed to minute, although until Myrna brings it to him, he can’t find the schedule. They then get word that the models have both disappeared, but they are found getting sandwiches at Hal (Paul Marin) and Nat’s (Larry Gelman) Delicatessen. Worried that the models will keep disappearing, not to mention the fact that they will gorge themselves before the show, Doris volunteers for her and Myrna to act as their chaperones and stay in the hotel with them all night. They soon find that the models are conspiring with Hal and Nat to have food snuck into the room via the waiter (Sam Javis) and the valet (Jerry Fitzpatrick). They keep intercepting the food and eating it themselves. That night when Doris and Myrna fall asleep, the models pack up and sneak out. The next morning, Doris assumes that they will head to the deli when it opens, so she and Myrna stake it out. When they do show up, they find out that the models have eloped and married Hal and Nat. Doris has to deliver the bad news to Nicholson and Montagne just before the show. Out of options, everyone begs Doris to act as the model to show off Montagne’s new line of clothes. She reluctantly agrees but does a stellar job at showing off nearly a dozen outfits. The crowd is receptive, and Montagne thanks Nicholson and Doris for the great job they did at the last minute. The next day, Myrna shows up to work in one of the groovy new outfits, and Mr. Harvey is indeed both surprised and pleased… but only at the fact that Myrna showed up on time. 11/14/24
• 036. Doris Strikes Out – 11/24/1969
  • When Myrna finds out that Mr. Nicholson is meeting with French movie star Claude LeMaire (Jacques Bergerac), she nearly loses control with excitement. Doris thinks she is overreacting and has no particular interest in LeMaire. However, when she meets him during their meeting, she quicky becomes smitten and clumsy, which annoys Nicholson but manages to charm LeMaire. As he is leaving, he invites Doris to be his date at the premiere of his movie, which is what Today’s World is covering. After enthusiastically accepting the date, she starts to panic about what she will wear, how she will accessorize, and how she will do her hair. Myrna agrees to accompany her on a shopping trip. When Doris gets home, she is surprised to find the boys helping with the chores, only to be told by Buck that he has agreed to umpire their Little League game, so they are trying to butter him up. On the day of the premier, Doris makes the rounds at all of the stores and salons in order to get her outfit for the date. When she gets back home, she finds that Dr. Parker (James Chandler) is there and is tending to Buck’s bad back. With him laid up for a few days, the kids tell her that she now needs to umpire in Buck’s place. Feeling that she can’t let them down, she agrees to do it before her date. Although she doesn’t think the game can go long, she soon finds that her boys’ team the Indians are winning 62-14 and the opposing Yankees’ pitcher Joey (Darrell Rice) keeps throwing balls. She tries to talk the Yankees coach (Gordon Jump), who is Joey’s father, to put in another pitcher, but he refuses. Needing the game to end, Doris starts calling strikes on obvious balls, sometimes before the pitcher throws the ball, even when the ball hits the batter, and then calling the boys out during the second strike. Eventually, the Indians revolt and attack her. She finally gets home, gets dressed, and heads to the theatre where she meets up with LeMaire. By this point, she is so tired that she can’t stop yawning. By the end of the film, she is sound asleep, and everyone in the theater is laughing at her. By the time she gets home, she is wide awake, so she and Buck tune into one of Claude LeMaire’s movies on TV. As she and Myrna lament the outcome of the date the next day, LeMaire stops by and asks Doris to lunch, having forgiven her for falling asleep. Since Doris has been heading out with Myrna, she asks if she can join them, giving Myrna the thrill of a lifetime. Alan DeWitt is the hairdresser. 11/14/24

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