The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Neal Marlens and Carol Black

Theme Song: “With a Little Help from My Friends” written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, performed by Joe Cocker

• 001. Pilot – 1/31/1988
  • Kevin Arnold (voice of Arye Gross) narrates the recollection of his younger self (Fred Savage) as he gets ready to enter school and Robert F. Kennedy Junior High in 1968, and his life in the suburbs of Anytown, USA. His father Jack (Dan Lauria) is a manager at the defense contractor NORCOM, and his mother Norma (Alley Mills) stays at home. Kevin has an older brother named Wayne (Jason Hervey) and an older hippie sister named Karen (Olivia d’Abo). He has been friends with neighbors Paul Pfeiffer (Josh Saviano) and Gwendolyn “Winnie” Cooper (Danica McKellar) since early childhood. Winnie’s older brother Brian (Bentley Mitchum), who was the idol of the neighborhood kids and often defended Kevin when Wayne would pick on him, is sent to Vietnam. Kevin starts his first day at the new school at the bus stop, where he sees Winnie dressed in a cut outfit and is stunned by his feelings for her. At lunch that day, Winnie joins him and Paul at the table elevating his hopes that he might achieve some popularity by being her friend. However Wayne quickly squashes that by embarrassing him and teasing him about his crush on Winnie, causing him to declare that he doesn’t even like her and storm out of the lunchroom. He is stopped at the door by Mr. Diperna (Raye Birk), who says he cannot leave the lunchroom with his apple. In his anger, Kevin throws the apple back into the lunchroom, prompting him to be marched to the principal’s office where his parents are summoned to pick him up. Kevin dreads what will happen to him when he gets home, but upon arrival, they are all met at the door by Karen and Wayne who announce that Brian Cooper had been killed in Vietnam. Kevin takes a solo walk to the climbing tree in Harper’s Woods and finds Winnie there. He effortlessly comforts her in her grief by hugging her and sharing their first kiss. Robert Picardo is Coach Cutlip, the physical education teacher. Linda Hoy is Mrs. Ritvo, Kevin’s homeroom teacher. Sean Faro is the mean greaser with the locker next to Kevin. Dah-ve Chodan is the hot girl by his locker. Donnie Jeffcoat is Eric Antonio, and Jacqueline Square is Gail Aslaynian. NOTE: Daniel Stern took over the role as narrator Kevin in the next episode. He then recorded the narration for the syndicated and DVD versions of this episode. 2/28/21

• 002. Swingers – 3/22/1988
  • The adult Kevin Arnold (now voiced by Daniel Stern) continues to narrate his life in Junior High in 1968, following the death of neighbor Brian Cooper in the war. Kevin and his family attend the funeral of Brian, and then the wake afterward, where Kevin can think of very little other than comforting Winnie. He imagines he sees Brian and is advised that he is a man after Brian’s heart, but it would be better form to wait. Back at school Coach Cutlip attempts to teach the kids the fundamentals of the female reproductive system, which brings about snickering from Kevin, Paul, and some of the other boys (Douglas Emerson, Danny McMurphy, Dante Basco). The Coach sends home the book Health and Human Sexuality with strict instructions not to read beyond chapter two. Naturally that is exactly what they head toward but can find nothing titillating in it whatsoever. Winnie stops by and asks Kevin if he can hang out with her on Saturday afternoon, which he naturally accepts. Wayne sees the boys reading the book and tells them that if they truly want to find out about sex, they need to get the new book out called Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Kevin and Paul head to the bookstore to get a copy, but when they are too scared to approach the female clerk (Bobbie Eakes), they buy some other books and Paul steals the sex book. They are interrupted from reading it when they are called to lunch, and when they quickly come back to resume their investigation, they find Wayne reading it and making fun of them. Kevin attacks him viciously, which brings their mother to the room. When she finds the book, she takes it away and accuses them of taking it from her drawer. Later Kevin goes for a walk to the park with Winnie, and though they both desperately want to kiss again, both are too shy to make the first move. Therefore, they just head to the swing set and spend their afternoon there. William Bogert is the preacher at the funeral. 2/28/21
• 003. My Father’s Office – 3/29/1988
  • Kevin has been observing his father’s temperament when he comes home from work, usually in a bad mood, which often leads to him blowing up at Kevin or his siblings, before going out in the yard alone and paying with the telescope. After discussing potential careers with their friend Steve (Mars Callahan aka Gregory ‘Mars’ Martin) on the bus, it becomes painfully obvious that neither Kevin nor Wayne have any idea what their father does at NORCOM. Later at home, Kevin can’t get a straight answer out of his mother as to what he does either, so he goes straight to his father. Since he is in a bad mood again, he doesn’t want to take the time to explain what he, as a Manage of Distribution and Product Support Services actually does. Norman criticizes him for this, so he decides to let Kevin skip school and spend the day at the office with him. Kevin is bombarded by Jack’s co-workers Phyllis (Deborah Rose), Marian (Cherie Franklin), and Betty (Nancy Fish), while Jack is bombarded with work. Kevin enjoys seeing him in the swing of things, and starts to gain a new respect for his father. Jack has to correct another worker named Stan (Sandy Helberg) who made a mistake, but then Jack takes the biggest brunt of criticism from his boss Al (Ken Swofford). That night Jack comes home in a horrible mood, but now Kevin can understand why, and his mood is a mirror of his father’s. This time they check out the telescope together. Zachary Benjamin is young Kevin via flashback. 6/23/21
• 004. Angel – 4/5/1988
  • As Karen dissolves more and more into the hippie lifestyle, communication between her and her parents becomes worse and worse. Kevin hates to see things fall apart, and he blames her new boyfriend Louis (Jack Corbett aka John Corbett). When he sees them making out on the lawn, he purposely hits them with his football to break it up. Later he overhears Louis talking to a girl named Marissa about attending a protest, and telling her that he loves her. Kevin confronts him about this, but Louis just espouses the theory of free love. Louis even doesn’t have any issue talking about her to Karen, so Kevin thinks it must be on the up and up. Kevin patiently waits for his mother to snap at Louis when he talks to her about the demeaning lifestyle of a housewife, but she is patient with him. Then when his father and Louis start talking about the death of Brian Cooper and Vietnam, it becomes painfully obvious that they have opposing viewpoints on war. When Louis starts talking about the senseless deaths of war, Jack takes issue since many of his friends died in Korea. Louis simply states that he will accept the designation of ‘chicken’ if it means he doesn’t have to die for the government duping its citizens. Even years later, Kevin doesn’t know how he feels about the argument and could see the merits in both sides. However, Karen finds out that Louis didn’t just love Marissa, but was sleeping with her as well, and thus ended their relationship. Kevin and his classmates learn about moral values from their teacher Miss White (Wendel Meldrum), and question when they should change and when they are timeless. Michael Bacall is Joey, Dante Basco is Eddie, and Melanie Gaffin is the know-it-all Christine, Kevin’s fellow students. 6/23/21
• 005. The Phone Call – 4/12/1988
  • Amidst the taking off and landing of various spacecraft, Kevin has a new crush named Lisa Berlini (Kathy Wagner), but he can’t bring himself to talk to her, despite the fact that she seems to like him as well. Paul finally catches on and tries to help Kevin get to the bottom of whether she likes him by asking Patty Galvin if she likes Kevin. She doesn’t know, so Patty asks another friend, who asks another friend, who then goes directly to Lisa. Kevin is so mortified that he runs out of the lunch room, and then pretends to be sick the next day so he can stay home from school. Inspired by President Kennedy’s challenge to land a man on the moon by the end of the decade, he decides to call Lisa by 8pm that night. He encounters several obstacles, including Wayne getting on the phone, Wayne trying to eavesdrop, Wayne dialing Lisa’s number himself, but mostly his own irrational fear that Lisa will be on the other end with all of their classmates and teachers laughing at him. He chickens out, until he gets a glimpse of the Earth as it looks from outer space on TV. He decides to just bite the bullet and make the call. Fortunately for him, Lisa is receptive and they have a nice conversation. Paul Price is Mr. Katz. Geoff Witcher and Ron Tank are the newscasters Frank and Jim in Kevin’s nightmare fantasy. 11/17/21
• 006. Dance with Me – 4/19/1988
  • Fresh off of his four-minute phone call with Lisa Berlina, Kevin and she are flirting in the classroom, and Kevin even builds up the courage to ask her to go with him to the upcoming school dance. Kevin wants Paul to ask Carla Healey (Krista Murphy), but every time her name is mentioned, Paul’s allergies star to act up. When Paul tells Winnie that Kevin is going to ask her to the dance, Winnie seems a little surprised and sad. Passing notes in class, Kevin build up the courage and asks her, and she agrees to go. However, the minute they walk out of class, the popular Brad Gaines (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) asks her to the dance, and she accepts his invite. Kevin confronts her about it, but she tells Kevin that she just wants to be friends. That day at lunch with Paul and Winnie, Kevin seems to re-connect with Winnie, so he asks her to go to the dance… but she has already accepted an invitation from eighth grader Kirk McCray (Michael Landes). Kevin decides to not even go to the dance. He also blames Winnie’s parents for allowing her to go out with an ‘older’ boy. Kevin’s mother tells him that he can skip the dance, but it means he’ll have to help his parents entertain guests that night. Kevin finally decides to go, and his family coaches him on dancing techniques. Paul goes along with him, and winds up having a great time dancing with Carla. Kevin sees Winne there with Kirk, so he asks a cute little girl (Erica Gayle) to dance. However, he can’t take his rejection from Winnie so he wanders outside, where he imagines Winnie appearing as Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie. He realizes it is his own fault since he forgot about Winnie first. She comes outside to see him and Kevin asks to have a dance with her. As they dance, Kevin realizes that things won’t be the same now that they’re order and other boys and girls come into their lives. 11/17/21

SEASON 2

• 007. Heart of Darkness – 11/30/1988
  • As Kevin has recurring dreams about being lost in a cave, and winding up standing up in front of his class in embarrassing situations, he also struggles with staying friends with Winnie at school since she is now dating Kirk McCray. She’s also stopped wearing her glasses, and seems to be hanging out with the cool kids. With all of the swirling social confusion, Kevin helps a hooligan fellow student named Gary Cosay (Breckin Meyer) cheat on his algebra test. Paul tries to stop him, but they all three wind up getting detention from Mrs. Ritvo (Linda Hoy). They also get passes to take home for their mothers to sign, but Gary signs them for them. He later invites Kevin and Paul to spend the night out in the woods with him. Kevin talks Paul into telling his parents that he’ll be staying with Kevin. While Kevin and Paul bring along marshmallows and other snacks, Gary brings cigarettes and beer. Kevin has no problem smoking the cigarettes, but he nearly has second thoughts about the beer. Paul, however, guzzles it, and quickly becomes drunk. They then decide to go exploring in a storm drain, which is too close to Kevin’s dream for his taste. They tells spooky stories, but when Gary won’t let up in making scary noises, Paul yells at him to stop, and then falls and twists his ankle. When Gary still won’t stop, Kevin has had enough as well, so the two of them abandon Gary and head back to Kevin’s house, where they tell his parents that they’ve decided they wanted to come home. They next day, Winnie sees Paul and Kevin outside, and she comes to ask them if they are mad at her for something. She is also wearing her glasses gain because she has lost a contact. Kevin tells her that she looks good in glasses, but looks stupid in contacts. They all tease each other and have fun out in front of Kevin’s house. Shantel Cropper is the girl in the cool crowd. 5/1/22
• 008. Our Miss White – 12/7/1988
  • While watching a film of the late Martin Luther King Jr. in class, Kevin notices his teacher Miss Diane White (Wendel Meldrum) crying with emotion. He realizes how much of a crush he has on her, and takes pride when she seems proud of the answers he gives to her questions about Civil Rights. Miss White personally invites him to be in the school play that she wrote to inspire Civil Rights, where he will play Robert Kennedy. Although he hates plays and acting, he agrees to be in it so that he can be near to her. He takes it seriously and even adopts a Boston accent. Paul plays the role of J. Edgar Hoover, whose two aides (Matthew Kohnt, Dustin Wride) stand by him as loyal lap dogs. When Kevin’s father comes to pick him up, Kevin starts to feel uncomfortable when he tells her that he thought Kevin hated acting, especially when he had to play Winnie the Pooh in a play in grade school. Miss White seems more interested in Jack’s time in the war, and he starts to take it out on his father at home. His performance in play practice starts to be affected, and he loses the Boston accent. One day he tells his father that he doesn’t need to pick him up. so that Miss White will offer him a ride home. Although he wants something to happen in the car, but then realizes how ridiculous it seems to be in a relationship with someone who is almost thirty. The most he can muster is to tell her that she is pretty. Later at the play, Kevin almost falls apart before he delivers his monologue, but then winds up giving a powerful performance. After the speech, he makes his way to a proud and genuinely moved Miss White… only to see her boyfriend Steve (Shea Farrell) approach her and start kissing her. Kevin is utterly disappointed and can hardly bring himself to smile as he takes his bows with the cast, but then he spots his father in the audience, leading a standing ovation and moved to tears by Kevin’s performance, and then feels much better about the play. E’Lon Cox is the boy playing Martin Luther King. 5/1/22
• 009. Christmas – 12/14/1988
  • It’s the Christmas of 1968 and the item on everyone’s mind is a color TV. Kevin thinks he can get his father to spring for it by buttering him up, but Wayne thinks he has a better chance by being blunt and passive aggressive about lamenting their lack of owning one. Meanwhile. even though Winnie is still going steady with Kirk McCray, she gives Kevin a gift that she asks him not to open until Christmas. Between trying to finagle the TV, he is then saddled with finding an appropriate gift for her. He works with a perfume saleslady (Robina Suwol) on finding the same perfume that Winnie uses, but then Paul asks him why he is getting her something she already has. Kevin winds up settling on a snow globe. On Christmas Eve night, the mood is sullen in the house, as Wayne keeps criticizing their black and white TV, and Karen tries to leave to go on a date. Kevin takes the gift over to give to Winnie and imagines a warm homecoming with her greeting and kissing him, but it turns out that he comes face to face with a house sitter (Mary Gregory) who tells Kevin that the family decided last minute to leave home and go to relatives for Christmas, still reeling from the death of their son Brian. Kevin leaves the gift there, and heads home, then spots his family out singing Christmas carols with other neighbors. He joins them, and then it begins pouring down rain. They family just stands there for a minute, but then his father bursts into laughter, which becomes contagious with the entire family. With the mood considerably lightened, the family has a good time together, and Kevin can’t even remember what he got. He recalls that this was the year that Christmas stopped being as much about gifts as it did about memories. He opens his gift from Winnie and finds a four-leaf clover. He also recalls that his father finally bought the family the color TV… two years later. Tyde Kierney is the TV salesman. Gary McGurk is the tree salesman. Liz Torres is the French teacher Mrs. Gambino.  8/30/22
• 010. Steady as She Goes – 1/11/1989
  • After watching a fellow boy student (Robin Thicke) go through the motions of watching a fellow girl student named Karen (Melissa Clayton), Kevin and Paul go about their gossip about Winnie and how she might be on the verge of breaking up with Kirk McCray. Another student named Becky Slater (Crystal McKellar), a friend of Winnie’s, tells Paul that Carla Healy likes him and will be at the ice skating party. Paul tries to talk Kevin into going, but Kevin would prefer to torture him rather than lose him to a girl, but hemming and hawing about going. He ultimately opts to go along, but sits on the sidelines until Winnie, who seems to be struggling with her relationship with Kirk, comes up to talk to him. He thinks she is going to ask him to skate with her, but instead she asks him to skate with Becky. Irritated by waiting on the sidelines for Winnie, he not only asks Becky to skate with him, but asks her to go steady. It doesn’t take long before he realizes that he doesn’t really even like her, and then plans to break it off with her. He has trouble finding the right moment to do it, but then when he senses that Winnie seems jealous when she sees them together, he decides to stay with her and take full advantage of that. However, Becky realizes that Kevin still likes Winnie, so she breaks it off with him instead. Utterly confused by the signals he is getting from Winnie, so he goes to confront her… and sees her kissing Kurt. Annoyed again, he storms up to Becky and tells her that he doesn’t like Winnie, even though he used to. He also admits that he really doesn’t know Becky and didn’t want to go steady. However, he can see that she is hurt, and when she misses her bus home, he finds that he does in fact feel an attraction, and offers to walk her home. William Lantau is the music teacher Mr. Frace. Karin Woodward is the waitress. Michael Tricario makes his first appearance as Randy Mitchell, telling Kevin “tough luck about Slater.” Jeremy Vecs is the kid in the drinking fountain line. 8/30/22
• 011. Just Between Me and You and Kirk and Paul and Carla and Becky – 1/18/1989
  • Kevin and Paul have been spending blissful hours in Kevin’s basement watching Star Trek making out with Carla Healy and Becky Slater, but the adult Kevin notes that those days would have to come to an end. Events are triggered when Kirk McCray comes to Kevin and asks him to talk to Winnie and find out if she is going to break up with him, as he is picking up the signs. Kevin reluctantly agrees to ask her, despite Paul trying to talk him out of it. With his crush on Winnie still in full force, he asks her the question about Kirk. Winnie wants to know why Kirk doesn’t ask her himself, but they can’t get beyond deciphering the difference between “liking someone” and “liking liking someone.” Kevin reports his finding to Kirk, but he pulls back when Kirk wants his advice on how to handle it. He winds up asking Kevin to give Winnie his All-Star patch. When Kevin gives it to her, she declines taking it and tells Kevin that she’s going to break up with Kirk. Kevin returns the patch, and then asks Paul to ask Winnie if she likes Kevin now. Kevin then sees Winnie and Kirk making out in the school hallway. Kirk is as surprised as anyone, so he sends Eric Antonio to find out what Winnie is thinking. Paul reports back that he couldn’t talk to Winnie because she spent the afternoon talking to Eric. They all confront Eric, and he tells them that all they talked about was Kirk and Kevin. He also admits that he now likes her too. During all of this, Becky has asked Carla to ask Kevin if he is mad at her. He goes to see her and break it off since he still likes Winnie. He tries to be kind and sensitive, but she punches him in the stomach anyway. Kevin imagines he is on Star Trek, dealing with ‘alien beings’, which are they women in their lives. Kevin stays awake all evening trying to determine his next move. When Winnie gets home after her afternoon with Eric, Kevin goes to see Winnie and ask her point blank if she likes him. Her answer is that she doesn’t know. To Kevin’s surprise, he realizes that girls are just as confused as the boys. He apologizes and really doesn’t know why but realizes that they are both miserable. Winnie tells him a knock-knock joke to ease the tension. 12/10/22
• 012. Pottery Will Get You Nowhere – 2/1/1989
  • Kevin notices the relationship dynamics between his parents: how they disagree, how they make joint decisions, and how they express their love for each other. He and Paul are also in the middle of studying tectonic shifts and earthquakes taught by Mr. Cantwell (Ben Stein). Meanwhile, Norma starts taking pottery classes, and shows off a new bowl that she made during dinner. When she finally reveals that she had made it, everyone pays her compliments except for Jack. Kevin notices how utterly unenthused he is about it and doesn’t understand why. As Paul continues to worry about earthquakes, Norma makes Jack a new mug in her pottery class, despite the fact that he already has a favorite mug. Jack angrily agrees to use it but doesn’t say he likes it. Jack seems even more annoyed when Norma talks about her pottery teacher Richard. When she keeps talking, Jack accidentally knocks the new mug off the table, and it shatters. When Kevin can’t stand the silence between them, he decides to make them jointly yell at him by throwing potatoes in Wayne’s face. His mother says nothing and his father storms off. They get into yet another argument when they run out of Pepsi, and they argue about who is going to replace it. When Jack sees a new ashtray in the living room that Norma made, he ridicules it to Kevin, who tries his best to defend it. When Norma comes home with a new vase, but without the Pepsi, their argument escalates until they are yelling at each other. Jack storms out to get the Pepsi and doesn’t come home until midnight. The next morning, tensions are still high, but when Norma burns her finger on the iron and burst into tears, Jack changes his tune and gives her a huge hug in the kitchen. Kevin realizes this is the first time he’s seen his parents ‘alone together’. Kevin equates the shifting plates in the earth with the stumbling of people, and how they grasp for the closest thing and hold on as tight as you can. 12/14/22
• 013. Coda – 2/8/1989
  • Kevin is playing football in the streets with Paul and their friend Doug Porter (Brandon Crane), when his mother calls him in to go to his weekly piano lesson with Mrs. Carples (Maxine Stuart). While he is waiting his turn, he gets to witness the near-perfect playing of fellow student Ronald Hirschmuller (Joseph Dammann). Kevin hates playing his scales, and it is obvious to Mrs. Carples that he’s practiced less than an hour through the week. That night his mother tells him that she ran into Mrs. Carples at the store and found out that there is a recital coming up, and that Mrs. Carples also told her that Kevin has a natural talent but needs to practice more. Kevin claims he could be as good as Ronald if only he practiced more. His father hears this and gets annoyed that he is paying ten dollars a lesson for something Kevin doesn’t even practice. He tells him to either start practicing or quit piano. Kevin tells his teacher that he plans to quit piano, but she tells him that he has real musical talent, even more so that Ronald, who just memorizes the pieces. Kevin changes greatly increases how much he practices, and Mrs. Carples convinces him that he is ready for the recital. He continues to work hard, and soon his family recognizes how good he is sounding. However, at the recital rehearsal, he learns that Ronald is playing the same song as him: Canon in B Major. Ronald plays first and he does it flawlessly, but Kevin becomes nervous with everyone watching him and botches the piece all th way through. He backs out of the recital, and then gives up piano altogether. He bicycles by the house where the recital is taking place and laments giving it up. As he narrates from the present day, he says that he never forgot the music but can no longer play it. Alexis Fish, Jake Jundef, and Michael Weiner are recital students. 5/28/23
• 014. Hiroshima, Mon Frere – 2/15/1989
  • Kevin pontificates on why his brother Wayne hates him so much. Meanwhile, Kevin and Paul’s teacher Mr. Cantwell give them through the weekend to get their Science project completed. They decide to take home two hamsters from the lab and experiment on the amount of time it takes them to get through a maze when one of them has been eating nothing but junk food. Paul has never had a pet, so he has a special fondness for them. On the way home on the bus, Wayne swipes one of the hamsters and threatens to drop it out the window. Kevin tries to divert his attention from the hamster by pointing out Wayne’s crush Angela Chompsky (Sarah Jo Martin), but Wayne just continues joking with the hamster and trying to put it on Angela’s breasts. Kevin and Paul set up their experiment in Kevin’s kitchen, and Kevin and Paul start to panic when his parents go out to the movies. Initially, they leave Karen in charge, but she leaves and puts Wayne in charge. Wayne argues that he is having Angela over and Kevin and Paul are in the way. As soon as everyone leaves, he threatens to put one of the hamsters down the garbage disposal if they don’t leave the kitchen and go to Kevin’s room and stay there. Kevin has to leave the room a few times to get root beer and water to feed the hamsters, who Paul has named Weaser and Puffy. Each time he goes to the kitchen, he overhears Wayne on the phone, begging Angela to come over. Wayne later falls asleep and she never shows up. Wayne then comes into Kevin’s room with the vacuum cleaner and pretends he’s going to suck up one of the hamsters. In all the commotion of Kevin trying to stop him, he does in fact suck up the hamster, which kills it. Kevin is furious and lets loose on Wayne, telling him that Angela didn’t come over because no one likes him, telling him that he has zero friends for a reason. This really hurts Wayne, even if he won’t show it. Kevin gives Wayne the silent treatment for days, until they encounter each other sitting in the park. Wayne finally blurts out that he’s sorry and hopes Kevin doesn’t think he did it on purpose. Kevin apologizes for the things he said as well, and they head home together. Kevin remarks that he wasn’t sure if he liked the fact that he now knew he had the power to hurt Wayne. Kevin gives Wayne a couple of slaps. before Wayne takes him down and wrestles with him. Erin Reed is Angela’s friend. Laura Mooney is Donna Holton, the speaker in the Science class, either Miss Clark or Miss Rodino. NOTE: Ian Fried is credited as Doug but does not appear in the episode. 5/29/23
• 015. Loosiers – 2/28/1989
  • Kevin remembers his friendship with Paul, with whom he often spent time shooting baskets and talking about sports. Paul was an adequate player but was seen as one of the worst in gym class. Everybody is excited in gym class when Coach Cutlip announces that they are going to be playing basketball. However, he nearly douses their excitement by going over the various theoretical plays and rules of the game. Eventually, the boys are permitted to play, and the Coach chooses four team captains: Norklen, Simeonee (Adam Jeffries), Rygot, and O’Hara (Matt Norero). It takes several rounds before Rygot finally picks Kevin, but Paul has no such luck. He is the second last kids to be picked before the final pick Joey Harris (Dustin Diamond). However, it turns out to be Paul who plays the worst during the game, making every mistake possible, and making him the inevitable last pick the next time they play. Paul is devastated and takes his anger out on Kevin, storming out of the gym after class. Kevin wants to practice basketball with Paul, but not only will Paul not play basketball, but he won’t even play a game of War with cards with Kevin. Upset by the situation at school with Paul constantly picked last, Kevin goes to see Coach Cutlip and tells him that this is not fair. Insulted that he has been called unfair, Cutlip changes up the team captains and makes Kevin one. Kevin is worried that he too will have to pick Paul last, so he takes a different tack and picks Paul first, followed by Harris, and the rest of the nerdy kids. Naturally, once they start playing, they look terrible on the court. Kevin starts yelling at them all, and then zeroes in on Paul after it appears he’s not even trying. When Kevin makes a lob toward the basket and the ball hits Cutlip on the head and makes him spit out his candy, all of the kids start laughing. They all resume play, and for the first time, they all have a good time on the court, despite the fact that Kevin and his team still lose. Kevin goes on to say that he and Paul still play basketball together, even as adults. Salim Green, Art Hoffman, Matt Norero, Marshall Raduziner, Larenz Tate, and Kyle Thompson are basketball players. 10/2/23
• 016. Walk Out – 3/7/1989
  • With constant coverage of the Vietnam war being played on TV, Kevin believes that the family has become desensitized to it. Later at school, Kevin and his seventh-grade classmates are encouraged by Principal Diperna to get involved in school government on the day that the homeroom elections are going on. Mrs. Ritvo announces they will be voting for the homeroom representative. Kevin excuses himself to go the restroom, and while he is out, he is voted to represent the class. He learns that Paul has been elected to be one as well, mostly because he actually campaigned for it. During his first meeting, he finds that most of the ideas from the kids were in the vein of push-ups in the ice cream case or putting a jukebox in the cafeteria. However, one student named Mark Hooper (Michael Manasseri) proposes that they honor the National Moratorium by organizing a school walk-out to oppose the Vietnam war. The class president (David Markus) can’t get a second to the motion until Mark tells everyone that they’ll get to walk out of class. Their advisor Mr. Tyler (Denis Arndt), whom they consider the cool teacher, tells them that it is their student council to vote how they want. Kevin and Paul join the walk-out committee. At the next meeting, Mr. Arndt doesn’t force them to start the meeting until Mark brings it up. Arndt then suggests that they figure out how to mobilize 800 students. After Rusty Brothman (Paul Harkins) suggests the get someone to knock on all of the classroom doors to get it started. Ideas start rolling, and Kevin suggests that they involve the media, and other kids suggest involving other schools. During the discussion, Mr. Diperna visits the committee and tells them that walking out could lead from school suspension and a mark on the permanent record. Paul suggests that they organize a school survey to get signatures to share with Mr. Diperna. After they get over 400 signatures, but he only responds by showing them the state education code. After he lets down the kids, he has words with Mr. Diperna privately. Mr. Diperna tells the kids that they kids can do whatever they want, but he wants them to consider the consequences. He won’t guide them one way or another, telling them they all have to decide for themselves. That night Kevin visualizes what it would mean to have this on his permanent record and stopping him from manning the first space flight to Mars. Kevin and his friends decide to move forward with the walkout and look forward to telling Mr. Tyler. However, when they arrive at school, they find that Mr. Tyler is home with the flu and there is a substitute teacher (Sheila Pinkham), disappointing them all. Kevin can’t decide whether to lead the walkout at 9am or to chicken out. He gets up, walks out, and heads into the bathroom sick to his stomach. By the time he comes out, the hallways are full of kids, all marching out their classroom doors. All the kids gather outside and sing Give Peace a Chance. Kevin acknowledges that they likely changed nothing that day, but they all carry the memory of being with 800 students on the football field. Lindsay Price is Lori. Sean DeVeritch is Bobby. Tanya Fenmore, and Misty McCoy are students.  10/2/23
• 017. Nemesis – 3/14/1989
  • Kevin is anxious to continue his romance with Winnie, but when he sees Becky Slater around her, it makes him nervous, especially as their teacher Miss White is talking about the history of women who were scorned. Although she now makes him nervous, Kevin thinks about the laughs they had, especially at others’ expense, as Kevin often poked fun at other kids… including Winnie, saying that she can be a priss and she looks like she still has a hanger in her clothes. Soon Kevin realizes that Becky has spilled the beans about his insults to the other kids. Donna Holton, Carla Healy, Kirk McCray, Bobby, another huge kid (B.J. Barie) whose locker smalls like a stockyard, and even the bus driver (Skip O’Brien) all confront him about his insults. When Winnie starts acting strange around him as they walk home from school, Kevin fears that Becky has told her what he said about her as well. However, it turns out that Winnie is sick with the flu, so Kevin takes the opportunity to take care of her and bring her homework from school. Kevin tries to make peace with Becky, but when she mentions that she is heading over to see Winnie, he rushes over to try and do damage control. However, Winnie is already disgusted with him when he arrives, but Kevin realizes that Becky never told him what he said about Winnie, only about the other kids. Kevin attempts to have a showdown with Becky for telling all of the kids what he said, but she turns it around on him and tells him that he only used her to get closer to Winnie. He tells her that he really liked her, then wonders why she didn’t tell Winnie what he said. She says that she didn’t want to hurt Winnie, but that she told everyone else to make his life miserable. With her sweet attitude toward Winnie, Kevin wonders if it is possible to love two girls, but then she reminds him of all of the people who she told about what a backstabber he is. Kevin wind up coming down with the flu himself, and in his sickness, he confesses to his mom how everybody hates him for talking behind their backs. She tells him that they will likely soon forgive him. Winnie stops over and Kevin is thrilled to see her, but then she lets him have it because Becky finally told her all of the thing he said after all. After she storms out, Kevin surmises that she must really like him to be so angry. 1/30/24
• 018. Fate – 3/28/1989
  • There’s a bully in the school named Eddie Pinetti (Bobby Jacoby), who often marches around with his henchmen (Justin Whalin, Matt Levin) picking on the smaller kids. Kevin is more focused on Winnie because although he is as in love with her as ever, she hates him for talking about her behind her back. He tries to approach her, but she wants no part of him. When he sees Eddie getting into Winnie’s locker, he confronts him, causing Eddie to lash out and threaten him. Mr. Diperna stops the fight before it starts, but Eddie vows revenge. Later in class, Carla asks Kevin if it is true that he stopped Eddie from messing around in Winnie’s locker. He thinks that this is the beginning of Winnie finally forgiving him. After Kevin purposely spills paper mâché onto Eddie’s arm when Eddie comes to confront him in his classroom, Kevin tries to make amends with Eddie and says they can count the whole thing to a misunderstanding and forget about it. This earns him a punch in the face from Eddie. He is also shocked to see that Winnie is now dating Eddie, so he goes to see her to tell her what a dangerous person Eddie is, but Winnie thinks he is just misunderstood and tells Kevin that she really likes him. That night his family notices his swelling face, and Wayne announces that Keving picked a fight with Eddie. Although Kevin desperately wants his father to intervene somehow, Kevin tells him that the fight is over, and his father lets it go at that. Eddie continues his harassment of Kevin by pushing him around, knocking books from his hands, and filling his locker with jock straps. When Kevin sees Eddie sexually harrassing Winnie by trying to lift her skirt with a hockey stick, Kevin has had enough and attempts to punch Eddie in the face. However, he misses his face and hits Eddie’s shoulder, which angers Eddie enough to beat up on Kevin for ten minutes solid. Once he gets up, Winnie comes over to see if he is okay. She and Paul help walk him home. Kevin thinks that he and Winnie are even since she told Eddie that he is a jerk, but Winnie still thinks it was all Kevin’s fault. He tries to tell her that he and she are subjects of fate, but she doesn’t understand that either. Ryan Rushton is the kid who gets his locker stolen by Eddie. 1/30/24
• 019. Birthday Boy – 4/11/1989
  • Kevin’s 13th birthday is coming up on March 18th, with Paul’s coming four days earlier. All through their lives, the young Kevin (Zachary Benjamin) and Paul (Benjamin Diskin) celebrated their birthdays together, but this year will be different as Paul’s will see his Bar Mitzvah. Wayne and his friend Steve poke fun at Paul, but when they hear about everything he will have at the party and all the gifts and money he will receive, they suddenly don’t find it so funny. Kevin hopes that his birthday will yield something equally special, like possibly a dirt bike, but it seems that his father is too wrapped up in the money he is going to have to spend on their car. Kevin has dinner at Paul’s house, where his family, father Alvin (John C. Moskoff), mother Ida (Stephanie Satie), sister Debbie (Torrey Ann Cook), and grandfather (Philip Sterling) all love Kevin and regale with him of stories of their Jewish heritage. Kevin goes home and asks about his family’s heritage, but it seems that he is mostly a mutt, with relatives coming from many different countries. When Kevin finds out that the Bar Mitzvah is going to be on March 18th, the same day as his birthday, Kevin angrily declares that he won’t be able to come as his family will be celebrating his birthday. However, Kevin is disappointed by his birthday and the gifts, most of which are practical clothing. After taking some time to feel sorry for himself, Kevin goes to Paul’s Bar Mitzvah and walks in as Paul is doing his reading at the synagogue. He goes on to have a great time at Paul’s party. 6/15/24
• 020. Brightwing – 4/18/1989
  • Karen starts to seem more and more distant as she becomes involved in the hippy movement and her grades start to deteriorate. Kevin can’t help but remember all of the good times that he had with her when she was a little girl (Jodie Rae). One day as Kevin and Paul are heading to school, Karen and her friends Julie (Kyra Stempel) and Sandy (Devon Pierce), pull up and pick them up, asking them to drop off a note in one of the high school lockers. The girls tells the boys that they can’t do it, as they will be taking a ‘free day’ from school. Kevin reluctantly agrees to do this, under the watchful eye of some guy named George Finch (Darren Powell), who identity is a mystery to Kevin. The girls then drop Kevin and Paul off at their school. That night, Wayne tries to question Kevin in front of their parents as to what he was doing in the car with the girls, but Kevin and Karen collaborate on a lie. After doing this same task a couple of times for Karen, Kevin decides to read the note, which is merely telling one of the boys at school to meet them on the hill. After school, Kevin goes to find them, and finds the girls and a boy named Brightwing (Trevor Owen) painting rocks and playing guitar. He confronts Karen about her lies and school skipping, but she just hugs and tickles him. He has such fun that he begins joining them every day after school. Kevin starts to feel guilty about lying to his parents about the whole situation. Later, Norma gets a call from George Finch, who turns out to be the school guidance counselor that he wants to have a meeting with them. Kevin panics and tells Karen that they should confess, but she refuses. However, he manages to get her to promise to stop skipping school and returning to class. He feels good about this, but in the middle of the night, he hears his parents trying to find Karen. While he tries to tell them that she has been going to the hill, they find out that she and Julie ran away to San Francisco. Kevin feels shattered as he thinks back through his memories of Karen. Then one morning, he hears Karen crying in the kitchen with her parents. Without revealing the explanation, he is happy that she has returned. 6/16/24
• 021. Square Dance – 5/2/1989
  • The adult Kevin narrates the fact that there are people from your childhood who never cross your mind, and then there are those who you wish wouldn’t, but they do. For example, when Coach Cutlip announces that their Physical Education class will be focusing on square dancing, many of the boys get excited at being paired up with members of the girls’ gym class. Although Paul gets paired with the lovely Heidi Gambowski (Ashlie Walker), Kevin is stuck with the ultra-weird Margaret Farquhar (Lindsay Fisher). He is disgusted by her and her strange three pigtail hairstyle, but worse yet, some of the boys like Randy Mitchell and Mike (Johnny Green) poke fun at him as if he had picked her. Although Kevin tries to steer clear of her, she keeps talking to him, asking him strange questions, and even trying to sit with him at lunch. Even Wayne makes fun at him at home, but when Kevin says he’s going to dump her, his mother tells him that she expects more out of him than that. These words haunt him and make it hard for him to be cruel to her. The more she tries to talk to him, the more the guys make fun of him. The next time they are in class, Kevin tries to get Paul to let him dance with Heidi. When he refuses, Kevin fakes a wrist injury and then pretends that he has to tie his shoe during their square dancing, so he never has to touch Margaret. Later, Kevin is repulsed yet again when Margaret show up at his house with her pet bat Mortimer in a shoe box. Kevin’s mother greets her and invites her to stay for dinner. While Kevin is entertaining her, he actually starts to become interested by the facts that she randomly spouts. Just as he is getting to enjoy her company, he sees Wayne coming home, so he rushes her out the door and promises that he would come to her house that night to meet her tarantula, Isabelle. However, once he gets to her front doorstep, he imagines his friends showing up and exposing him to the world. He then runs off before she can even answer the door. The next day at school, Kevin tells her that he would like to be friends with her, but he doesn’t want to be seen talking to her at school or at his house. He thinks he is doing her a favor, but her feelings are instantly hurt, and she runs off lamenting that he doesn’t want to talk to her, telling him that she thought he was different. He dances mostly alone at their last square dance class and admits to himself that they could have been friends but that his reputation in seventh grade was whatever the other kids said it was. Margaret grew up to be a biology professor and mother of six. 10/20/24
• 022. Whose Woods Are These? – 5/9/1989
  • Harper’s Woods was a place near Kevin’s house where he, Paul, and Winnie had played since they were little kids carving their initials into a tree. During the Spring of 1969, while Kevin and Winnie are doing some chores outside, they decide to take a walk to the woods, where they had shared their first kiss. Just as it seems that romance will blossom again, Paul shows up with the news that there are construction men with trucks who has showed up in the area. Sure enough, the men all pull up to where they are sitting, and the foreman (Madison Mason) tells them that a shopping center is going in there. The kids are all aghast, and Kevin rushes home to tell his parents, both of whom already know about it. Karen tells Kevin that he should attend a planning board meeting and see what he can do to stop the progress of the mall. Kevin, Paul, and Winnie all agree to go there, and Kevin plans to make a speech. A woman (Angela Paton) tells Kevin that there will be an open mic after the meeting. After sitting through one City Hall official (Matthew Faison) speaking for a seemingly eternal amount of time, Kevin gets up to make his speech. He convincingly tells the board not to take their childhood away, achieving unanimous applause and glory… before realizing that he is just daydreaming. As he clears his head, he sees another member (Charles Kahlenberg) adjourn the meeting. The next day at school, tensions start to rise between Kevin and Paul and Winnie as they try to come up with far-fetched ideas about how to stop the progress. Kevin snaps at the assistant principal, Mr. Diperna, and is sent to the office, where he is given a lecture about the fact that Kevin is not special. He leaves Kevin to think about it, and Kevin, while in a daze, carves his initials into Mr. Diperna’s desk. Kevin gets grounded but can’t help but think that nothing was permanent anymore, not Harper’s Woods, nor his friendship with Paul and Winnie. That night he takes a walk to say goodbye to the woods, and he finds Paul and Winnie there, where they’ve concocted a stunt to have Winnie tied to a bulldozer. Kevin snaps at them for the dumb idea, and then starts to lecture them about letting go to a place they’ll never remember anyway. He is interrupted by Winnie counting in a game of hide-and-seek. Kevin is glad that the found his childhood spirit the night before they tore down Harper’s Woods. Jeremy Yablan is the young Kevin. Daniel Lee is the young Paul. Jenny Drugan is the young Winnie. 10/21/24

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