The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Neal Marlens

Theme song: “As Long As We Got Each Other” written by John Bettis and Steve Dorff, performed by B.J. Thomas

• 000. Pilot – 1985 UNAIRED
  • Psychiatrist Dr. Jason and Maggie Seaver head a family of three in the Huntington suburbs of Long Island, New York. Maggie has just decided to return to work as a reporter after fifteen years of raising her children 15-year-old troublemaker Mike, bookish Carol (Elizabeth Ward), and the youngest Ben, who follows Mike as his role model. Jason is now running his practice out of his home and is doing most of the caregiving for the kids. Ben is starting to miss having his mother around, while Mike thinks he can use his father to start bending the rules. In this case, he wants to go to a dance club called House of Sweat with his friend Jerry DeLish, and although he knows that Maggie would never approve, Jason decides to give him some leeway, but also asks that Mike start behaving responsibly. Maggie doesn’t agree with the choice, but Jason thinks Mike is old enough to get the chance to prove himself. He quickly regrets it when he gets a call from the police, who tells him that Mike was arrested for driving the car. The family goes to the jail to meet him and find out that Jerry is drunk on the floor of the cell, and that Mike was doing donuts in the parking lot of the House of Sweat and side-swiped a police car. Jason is livid and ground him for two months. Even after getting back home, he can’t seem to get past his anger. Maggie tries to talk him down and tell him that Mike has made just as bad of mistakes in the past and will probably make more. Jason finally decides to talk to Mike, and he tells him how he wanted to have a more trusting, loving relationship with him, which he and his father never had. He also admits that he did some silly things as a youth, including mooning everyone as he and his friends drove through town, including the mayor’s wife. After they’ve finished talking, Jason calls Mike back into the room and attempts to moon him… but it is Maggie who comes in and gets the full effect. NOTE: The DVD release features only the scenes that include Elizabeth Ward, all of which were re-filmed with Tracey Gold.  6/24/21

• 001. Pilot – 9/24/1985
  • Psychiatrist Dr. Jason (Alan Thicke) and Maggie Seaver (Joanna Kerns) head a family of three in the suburbs of Long Island, New York. Maggie has just decided to return to work as a reporter after fifteen years of raising her children 15-year-old troublemaker Mike (Kirk Cameron), bookish Carol (Tracey Gold), and the youngest Ben (Jeremy Miller), who follows Mike as his role model. Jason is now running his practice out of his home and is doing most of the caregiving for the kids. Ben is starting to miss having his mother around, while Mike thinks he can use his father to start bending the rules. In this case, he wants to go to a dance club called House of Sweat with his friend Jerry DeLish, and although he knows that Maggie would never approve, Jason decides to give him some leeway, but also asks that Mike start behaving responsibly. Maggie doesn’t agree with the choice, but Jason thinks Mike is old enough to get the chance to prove himself. He quickly regrets it when he gets a call from the police, who tells him that Mike was arrested for driving the car. The family goes to the jail to meet him and find out that Jerry is drunk on the floor of the cell, and that Mike was doing donuts in the parking lot of the House of Sweat and side-swiped a police car. Jason is livid and ground him for two months. Even after getting back home, he can’t seem to get past his anger. Maggie tries to talk him down and tell him that Mike has made just as bad of mistakes in the past and will probably make more. Jason finally decides to talk to Mike, and he tells him how he wanted to have a more trusting, loving relationship with him, which he and his father never had. He also admits that he did some silly things as a youth, including mooning everyone as he and his friends drove through town, including the Mayor’s wife. After they’ve finished talking, Jason calls Mike back into the room and attempts to moon him… but it is Maggie who comes in and gets the full effect. Alan Blumenfeld is Mike’s patient Walter. Jack Andreozzi is the officer. C.E. Grimes is the prison biker. 6/24/21

• 002. Springsteen – 10/1/1985
  • Mike is knocking himself out trying to get tickets to the local Bruce Springsteen concert but can’t get any further than the Ice Capades. Jason then surprises a sulking Mike by presenting him with two seventh row tickets. Mike assumes he will be taking his friend Jerry, but then realizes that Jason had wanted to go with him. Mike doesn’t have a problem flaunting the tickets to his friends Eddie (K.C. Martel) and Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone (Joshua Koenig aka Andrew Koenig), but when he tells them that he is going with his father, they both make fun of him. The have a terrific time at the show, and afterward they are interviewed by a reporter (Haunani Minn) from Newsline New York who asks if it is unusual to see a father and son attend a rock concert together. Jason goes on and on about how Mike is his best buddy, and then gives him face kisses and noogies on the air. Mike is so embarrassed that he runs off in the middle of the interview. He refuses to speak to Jason for days and faces the wrath of his friends at school. Jason finally confronts him, and tells him that he doesn’t understand how much razzing he has taken due to his father’s display on TV. Mike then admits that he really enjoys doing things with his father but doesn’t want it all in the spotlight. Mike admits that he did go overboard, but also admits that he enjoys doing things with Mike too. Later Mike has to yell at Mike and his friends for playing Springsteen music too loud, but once he leaves the room, he dances his way to Maggie in the kitchen. 6/24/21
• 003. Jealousy – 10/8/1985
  • The Seavers are getting ready for the day, and while Ben is trying to come up with an idea for his Science project, Jason is trying to get Maggie to make time to have lunch with him. She has been busy on an article about toxic waste, working with a man named Fred Mathis (Tom O’Rourke) who calls her Mags. When Jason arrives at her office and meets Fred, he invites him to come to lunch so that Maggie and Fred can continue to talk shop. That night Jason becomes increasingly irritated when Maggie comes home late. When she gets home, she doesn’t want to talk about work… until Fred calls. The next morning, Mike wants an estimate of when Maggie will be home, so she estimates around 10pm. She starts to realize that Jason is jealous but denies it. That night as the kids do homework, and Ben keeps experimenting with finding a science project, Jason gets more and more restless as he waits for Maggie to get home. Finally, he decides to go to her office and spy. When she catches him there, Jason claims that he wanted to discuss Ben because he didn’t like his idea about doing a project on mold. Fred leaves, and Jason and Maggie discuss the issue of his jealousy. He finally realizes that Maggie put up with all of the same things when he was working and realizes that he had professional relationships with other women. The next morning, as the family is eating breakfast, Ben looks in the refrigerator and asks if they know what happened to his Science project on mold. 8/10/21
• 004. Carol’s Article – 10/15/1985
  • Carol is working on a ‘tryout’ to join the school paper by writing an article that will be reviewed by the hard-nosed teacher Mr. Simmons (Biff McGuire). Carol asks her mother to review the article before she turns it in. Meanwhile, at his friend Jerry DeLish’s advice, he wants to place a bet on a horserace. He borrows $20 from Ben, with the promised to give him 70% of the profits. Maggie reviews the article she wrote called I Clam, Therefore I Am, and Maggie thinks it is too pretentious with its overuse of big and fancy words, and isn’t straightforward enough for the average audience. She struggles with how to tell Carol the truth about it, praising her effort and vocabulary, but telling her that it is not newspaper material. She also gives her a book called Introduction to Journalism. Carol doesn’t take the news well, and throws the book away that Maggie gave her, then starts in with the silent treatment. The next day, she meets with Simmons, who offers her the job… but criticizes her writing, and tells her that the main thing she has going for her is how well she can spell words that nobody knows. Carol turns down the job, and comes home sulking. Maggie has a talk with her and convinces her that she does in fact have potential, by pulling out a letter she wrote to them from camp as a child where she gets a point across without excessive verbiage. Mike and Ben win their first bet, but when Maggie finds out, she tries to put a stop to their gambling. Jason, however, convinces them to parlay their bet, hoping to teach them how easy it is to lose. That horse comes in as well, and although Jason is tempted to let them keep the money that is now up to $450, Maggie talks him into convincing the boys to let it ride again. They nearly win a third time, until the horse collapses just feet from the finish line, and the jockey attempts to drag it in. Evan Arnold is Richie. Jack Carter is the voice of the race announcer. 8/10/21
• 005. Superdad – 10/29/1985
  • Mike is dog sitting for a disagreeable dog named Stuart, mostly because the owner is an attractive girl in the neighborhood named Wendy (Olivia d’Abo). Meanwhile, Carol comes home upset because her friend Melissa said that Carol’s crush Kevin said she looked like a Gummi Bear. Carol tries to call her mother at work to talk to her, so she tells her problems to Mike. He gives her some sound advice, implying that Melissa could be lying. By the end of the conversation, Carol feels better. When Jason tells Maggie that he handled the issue with Carol, Maggie says she’ll talk to her anyway, implying that Jason may not be equipped to handle her issues. Mike manages to lose Stuart, so he goes and gets a white dog and dyes it black so that he can fool Wendy. Carol comes home from ice skating with her friends, and she is again upset because she heard that one of Kevin’s friends told him that Carol sweats a lot. Maggie tries to comfort her, but she only wants to talk to Jason. Maggie gradually feels more and more jealous because Jason seems to have so successfully replaced him. They have a talk and Maggie is forced to admit that Jason might be the home parent better than she was. Jason tells her that he knows how she feels, because he missed so many magic moments of their childhood. When it starts raining, all of the dye comes off of ‘Stuart’, and Jason forces Mike to admit to Wendy that he had to swapped the dog. Although Mike gets grounded, Wendy is grateful because Stuart was such a fortunate dog. Later the real Stuart returns, chasing Ben through the house. Carol doesn’t wind up getting invited to the dance she had hoped to go to with Kevin, but she is excited at another prospect. 2/8/22
• 006. Mike’s Madonna Story – 11/5/1985
  • Mike is seeing a new girl named Lisa (Dana Plato), but his parents have their concerns since she seems like an icy loose Madonna-wannabe. Mike seems to act differently around her, pretending to be cooler than he is. Maggie is most concerned, while Jason thinks they shouldn’t judge her until they get to know her better. On the night that they are going to the movies with the Kuzmans, they tell Mike that he has to stay home and babysit Carol and Ben, and reluctantly give him permission to have Lisa over for the evening. Jason has to work hard to convince Maggie that they need to trust Mike to use the values they’ve instilled in him, and if he decides to sleep with her, he’ll find a way no matter what they do. Maggie can hardly sit through the movie with all of its gratuitous sex, and she winds up disturbing an old lady (Janet Clark) who wants to watch it. Back home, Lisa does indeed try to seduce Mike, but he keeps changing the subject, although she does cause him to lie about being a virgin himself. By the time his parents get home, Mike is alone. Maggie tries to tactfully find out what they did that night, but Mike is evasive. Eventually he admits that he ‘chickened out’ of sleeping with her, but Maggie convinces him that it wouldn’t be worth sharing something so special with someone who he really didn’t care much about. Meanwhile, Carol is doing an experiment to see whether a plant that she talks to would grow faster than one she ignored. When Ben tells the favored plant that Carol hates it, a leaf falls off. He tries to save it by pouring concentrated plant fertilizer on it, but it kills it altogether. 2/9/22
• 007. Weekend Fantasy – 11/12/1985
  • Jason and Maggie decide to take a little vacation getaway in Vermont and re-visit a ski lodge that they found fifteen years earlier. Despite Maggie’s reservations, they agree to leave Mike in charge while they are gone. Mike makes his first mistake before they even leave when an encyclopedia salesman (Derek McGrath) shows up at the door, and Mike tells him that his parents are too busy to talk because they are going out of town. Still, the folks head out, and when they arrive five hours later, Maggie wants to call home to make sure the kids are safe. Jason says they can call in the morning, but when Maggie calls and there is no answer they both start to worry. Each forms a mental image of what might be going on, with Maggie picturing Ben stacking dishes and cups in the living room and Mike barbecuing on a charcoal grill in the house. After an explosion in the kitchen, Carol tries to put the fire out by smothering it with the tablecloth… and toppling all of the dishes and glasses. Jason has a different picture of Mike reading Great Expectations to his siblings like a good boy, but when the encyclopedia salesman shows up, he pulls out a sub-machine gun and then ties up the kids so they can’t answer the phone. In reality, the parents are worried enough to call the neighbor Ellen Coozman and have her check on the kids, but she reports that they’re not home. Jason then worried that Mike has taken the kids to a nightclub called Hell on Earth, gotten past the bouncer (K.C. Winkler) who is dressed in a devil costume, and has gotten jobs for the three of them from the owner Slash (Joey Camen). One tough customer (Nicholas Kadi) has Ben hold his gun and then makes a pass at Carol. Mike tries to defend her honor, but the guy tries to fight him… until Ben pulls the gun on him. This time, Jason calls the local police to have them make a check at the house. He also decides that he and Maggie should fly home quickly. When they get there, Mike is in bed, but he hears the noise they’re making and he evacuates the other two and they call the local Huntington police (Dennis Haysbert), who bust in and hold Jason and Maggie at gunpoint, until they can get the kids to make a positive identification. It turns out that the police had checked on them earlier and they were home from their neighbor Mrs. Moisiodis’s house, where they had been all evening eating a Bundt cake and looking at her slides of Norway. Jason and Maggie realize they just did what they had promised themselves as kids that they would never do. They decide to forgive themselves and go have some ice cream… but their car is still in Vermont. Morgan Kester is the gal who hits on Mike at the bar. NOTE: Robert Firth is credited but does not appear. 6/16/22
• 008. Slice of Life – 11/19/1985
  • Ben is trying to set a world’s record and become immortal by taking the longest shower. After an hour and a half, Carol turns the water off so she can get in the bathroom, but then promises to help gain immortality by setting some other record. They try having him impersonate Elvis the longest and complaining the longest, but they finally believe they hit a record: most failed attempts to set a record in one day. Meanwhile, Mike wants Jason to pay for new Karate lessons, but Jason is skeptical and believes he wants to join because of a girl. Mike refers to Mr. Miyagi’s teachings in The Karate Kid, and gives Jason a line about how he wants to learn karate to maintain discipline. Later, a girl named Linda (Ami Dolenz) comes to walk with him to karate class. Since he doesn’t want his father to prove to be right, he shoves Linda into a closet so Jason won’t see her. He then proceeds to tell his father how there is indeed a girl in the class, but he tells Jason how ugly she is. This causes Linda to give Mike a martial arts throw down. Later Mike has moved on and wants to take a dance class, presumably to be near another girl. Jason designs a marriage compatibility test for couples with problems he counsels. Maggie finds out about the test and wants them to take one. Jason tries to avoid it, but eventually she badgers him into it. As Maggie later goes over the answers, she finds that Jason has indicated that he doesn’t think he should always be honest with her. Maggie can’t get past this and honestly disagrees. She gets even madder when Jason tells her that he ran into an old girlfriend and didn’t tell her. After Maggie goes for a jog to clear her head, she returns to talk to Jason about it. To make a point, Jason questions her about whether one of their friends Marty Brandt hit on her at last year’s Christmas party. She is forced to admit that he did. Jason already knew this, but questions her on why she never told him. This helps Maggie see that sometimes, it isn’t worth it to bring things up that will never end with a good result. 6/16/22
• 009. Carol’s Crush – 11/26/1985
  • Old friends of the Seavers’ Fred and Doris, who moved to Ohio five or six years earlier, have a son named Jeff (John Scott Clough) who is coming back to town for a law school interview, and the Seavers have volunteer to let him stay at the house while he’s in town. Although he used to have buck teeth and talk like a goofball, he has grown into a handsome 23-year old, and 14-year old Carol develops a crush on him on first sight. They all play Trivial Pursuit that night, and Carol and Jeff team up, and Carol makes her crush obvious to her parents. The next day, while the rest of the family goes to Ben’s Pee-Wee Football, Jeff skips the game in order to visit his Aunt Vera and then go to dinner and a Gershwin concert with his friend Tommy. Carol decides to stay behind so she can see more of Jeff, and when Tommy cancels on him, he invites Carol to in his place. Carol’s parents hope that when Carol realizes that he’s not interested in her the way she is in him, she won’t be too crushed. They go to the show and have a good time, but when they go to dinner afterward, Jeff runs into an old girlfriend named Lesley (Bader Howar) and Carol gets moved to the sideline. She comes home furious and locks Jeff outside, and then slams the door in his face when he comes to the door. Jeff explains to her parents what happened. The next morning when Jeff leaves, Carol won’t come say goodbye to him, and then grabs the paper boy Richie and pretends he is her boyfriend who just returned from Paris. She takes him upstairs and then forces him to exit through the window. Jason and Maggie come up and speak to Carol, who feels humiliated by the whole situation. They tell her that Jeff considers her an attractive and intelligent girl, but obviously too young for him. She is relieved he thinks of her that way, and agrees to go down and say goodbye to him. Jeff tells her that if he were 14, he would be smitten by her. He kisses her on the cheek and tells her that one day a worthy boy her age will come along and sweep her off her feet. Richie finally makes it down from the roof, and Carol apologizes to him. He tries to tell her that he certainly an interested 14-year old, but she tells him to leave. 10/8/22
• 010. Dirt Bike – 12/3/1985
  • Mike pretends that he is into birdwatching and nature in general in order to talk his parents into going camping at Bear Mountain with his friends Boner, Mitch (Brian Robbins) , and Jimmy (Gary Riley). However when he mentions that they are going to be dirt biking as well, they are more reluctant to let him go. After discussing it, they decide to let him go camping, but forbid him to do any dirt biking since it could be so dangerous. Mike is upset, but agrees to the terms. Meanwhile, Maggie is taken aback when Jason gets a Simone’s of Syosset’s Sexy Sleepwear catalog. She rips it up and tosses it, but it winds up taped back together and placed in Maggie’s lingerie drawer. She finally gets it out of Jason which one he would like her to order. On the camping trip, the guys start making fun of him when Mike refuses to ride the dirt bike, and telling him that his Mommy won’t let ride. Mike finally gets tired of the ribbing, and mounts the bike and takes off…but the bike comes back by himself. Mike limps back to camp with his jeans shredded. His friends take him to see Dr. McCloskey (Richard McKenzie), who sees that Mike can barely sit down. Back at home, Jason has rented a dirt bike in order to teach Mike how to drive safely. When Mike gets home, he limps into the house but doesn’t confess that he’s hurt. Jason shows Mike the dirt bike and pushes him to sit on it, but Mike can hardly stand the pain from his injuries. While he is wincing in pain, Dr. McCloskey calls and talks to Maggie about his butt injury. They confront Mike about what happened, and Mike finally admits what he did. They are upset by him disobeying and then being deceptive and not telling them that he is injured. He gets grounded to his room for a week, but he’s okay with it as long as he can lay down on his stomach. They later all go to the movies, and Mike stuffs his pants with pillows. Carol works on a dream interpretation project for school, and starts buying Ben’s dreams and nightmares so that she can analyze him. However, she finds out that Ben is buying nightmares from his friend, rendering her research false. Jason and Carol decide that a good punishment would be to do Carol’s chores for a week. Sukey Smith is the nurse. 10/8/22
• 011. Standardized Test – 12/5/1985
  • Mike and Carol are playing Trivial Pursuit, and Mike’s correct answers actually impress Carol. When report cards arrive in the mail, Carol is anxious to see her since she got all A’s, but Mike makes a hasty retreat out the front door. When his folks open it, they see that he has maintained a C average, with one D…and a B in Phys. Ed. When he returns, his parents question him as to why his grades seem to be continually slipping. They know he’s not dumb, but it always seems like he’s either sleeping or x’ing when he supposed to be studying. Eventually Mike gets angry at the questions and storms out of the room, making snide comments about Carol’s perfect grades. This leads to an argument between them, with Mike alluding to Carol as a nerd, and her making him out to be stupid. She tells him that he’ll get a chance to prove his supposed intelligence during the upcoming standardized test which will show their IQ’s. Although Mike’s classmate Richie is nervous about the test, Mike makes it a point to let him know that he doesn’t care. In fact, he simply fills out the Scantron form with dots that make little pictures. Later, Mike gets a call from the school that they want he and Maggie to come to the school to talk to the guidance counselor Dr. Marlen (Earl Boen). When they arrive, Marlen tells them that Mike scored a 27, and he wanted to make sure that Mike wasn’t brain damaged. When he shows them the drawings on the answer sheet, they realized he simply did it on purpose. They confront Mike about it when he gets home, and he explains that he knows he’s smart, but didn’t feel the need to prove it. Again, he storms out of the room. Carol talks to him and tells him that she only told him he was stupid to retaliate for him calling her a nerd. She admits that he’s actually very smart, and had an easy time remembering trivia about things that interest him. She also admits that he’s clever, like the time he wrote her an I.O.U. that he’d pay her back a loan by February 29th. Mike appreciates her words and the two walk back in the house arm in arm, as their parents proudly watch them from the window. Hart Sprager is Mike’s teacher Mr. Lipstone. Oliver Clark is Jason’s patient Mr. Ellis, who claims that he’s cured from being a pathological liar. 2/2/23
• 012. A Christmas Story – 12/10/1985
  • With Christmas coming up, Ben is anxious to find out what his Christmas present will be since he doesn’t have one under the tree. Ben is starting to lose faith that there is actually a Santa. Meanwhile, one of Jason’s patients Walter Bodewell (Alan Blumenfeld) show up to see him. He is dressed as Santa Claus because he is about to play Santa for the kids at the orphanage and he thinks they are going to hate him. He has wrapped gifts for them, which includes wrapped raw ground beef and Tupperware containers. Jason suggests that he get some toys, and has a few suggestions of things he can say. After he leaves, Mike and Carol head out to pick up Ben’s gift, and while they are out, Mr. Bodewell returns. The kids tell him that Jason has left, so Bodewell heads to the Seaver rooftop and yells down the chimney, threatening to jump headfirst. Ben talks to him for a bit, and then Mike and Carol join Ben and find out that he plans to commit suicide. Carol grabs one of her father’s textbooks, and they all try to keep him talking. Jason and Maggie finally come home, and Jason immediately heads to the roof to try and talk him down, while Maggie calls the police. Bodewell tells Jason that the orphans all hated him. Jason tries to convince him that his life is too valuable, but Bodewell keeps stubbornly telling him that he’s going to jump. Jason then says that he is going to join him since he can’t talk his patient out of killing himself, and he sticks his head down the chimney. Bodewell sticks his head down there as well to pull him out, and they both hear the sounds of the puppy Nick they just bought and wrapped up for Ben. Bodewell tells Ben and the others about the German Shepherd he had as a kid. Ben tells Bodewell that if he doesn’t kill himself that he can have Ben’s puppy. Bodewell and Jason come down and come into the house, and Ben gives him his puppy. Bodewell sticks around through Christmas Eve and helps distribute the gifts. When it comes to Ben, Bodewell apologizes that there isn’t anything for him. The family tells him to check his bag, and there he finds another puppy for Ben, which Ben names Walter. Although Ben still won’t say he believe in Santa, he does leave out milk and cookies… before hearing footsteps on the roof and a voice yelling out “Merry Christmas!” 7/15/23
• 013. The Love Song of M. Aaron Seaver – 1/7/1986
  • The Seaver family is getting ready for their annual bowling match with the Kuzman family, with the loser having to take the winners out for surf and turf at Furber’s House of Meat and Fish. Where Carol and Maggie are lacking, they hope that Mike can make up for them as his bowling average is way up. However, Mike comes home with other things on his mind after he meets a new girl at school named Juliet Van Druten (April Lerman). He wants to impress her in their Literature class with a neo-symbolist poem, so he asks if Carol will write one for him for $3. The poem does indeed impress Juliet, so Mike invites her over for dinner at his house. Mike makes up entire fake backstories for each family member, making Jason a painter, Maggie a Pulitzer prize-winning author, and Ben a child prodigy. Juliet invites Mike, whom she calls ‘Mishka’ to attend some Gerheart’s performance art in the city. Mike accepts the invitation, even though it conflicts with their family bowling bet. Mike decides not to force Mike go bowling, suspecting that he will only be ‘Mishka’ for so long. Sure enough, Mike doesn’t understand any of the art, Gerheart’s odd performance, or Juliet’s pretentious friends Andre (Larry Poindexter) and mime Fabrizzio (Artur Cybulski). When Juliet asks Mike to perform some of his poetry, Mike admits that he didn’t write the poem in school, but rather purchased it from Carol. He admits that he was supposed to be bowling with his family. Juliet criticizes him for being the type of guy that goes bowling, to malls, and out to eat hot dogs on a stick. Mike takes issue and tells everyone off, before heading to the bowling alley where the Seavers are desperately behind. Mike tries to apologize, but Mike tells him to hurry up and get in the game, where he eventually leads his family back to victory. 7/15/23
• 014. First Blood – 1/14/1986
  • Mike turns down the invitation of an attractive girl named Jennifer Miller (Stacey Young) to go to her sister’s wedding because he doesn’t want any part of the ballroom dancing that will be involved. His parents show him what ballroom dancing looks like and tell him how the right moves can really win over a girl. He immediately changes his mind and calls back Jennifer to let her know he can go, then gets his mother to start teaching him the movies. Meanwhile, Ben comes home furious because one of his ice hockey teammates named Rodney Brockton (Chance Quinn) keeps tripping him. Rodney’s father (Dan Lauria) is the coach of the team, and encourages the kids to play dirty, and therefore has no problem with his son tripping other kids. Jayson decides to go talk to the coach, but the coach isn’t receptive to him at all. In fact, when Jason makes a joke about the coach being married to Wayne Gretzky, Brockton takes it as a crack at his sexuality. He winds up starting a fistfight with Jason, and Jason retaliates by punching and tackling the coach. When they get home, Ben is bragging about Jason won the fight with the coach, and Jason starts to get into the spirit of the trash talking himself. Maggie is disappointed with him and thinks he didn’t set a good example. Sure enough, Ben comes home with a black eye the next day, courtesy of Rodney Brockton. When Maggie and Jason hear how Ben wants to set out on a course of revenge, Jason realizes he needs to return and try to smooth things over with the coach. Jason apologizes to the coach, but the coach isn’t receptive and thinks he still owes a punch to Jason. He tells the coach he can go ahead and hit him, because he is not concerned for himself nor the coach, but only the example they are setting for the boys. He gives the coach the opportunity to shake his hand, but instead, he punches Jason in the gut. Ben is disappointed that Jason doesn’t fight back, and instead takes Ben and they head home. When they get home, Ben tells him how much he wished he had beaten up the coach, but Jayson goes through a narrative where each person escalates the battle until they are using weapons, and Ben’s entire family is killed in the ‘war’ with the Coach’s family. Ben finally understands that escalating the battle will ultimately not solve anything at all. Mike’s date comes over to get him but tells him that the wedding has been canceled because her sister found her fiancé in the church confessional making out with one of the bridesmaids. Mike is so anxious to show off his dancing, he tells Jennifer to try and get her sister to go through with the marriage. When Mike grabs Jennifer and dances with her and dips her in the living room, Jennifer is ready to make that call to her sister. Eventually, Coach Brockton gets canned and it is Jason who ends up taking over as the hockey coach, using less violent means to motivate the team. Scott Curtis is the player who gets fined. 11/12/23
• 015. Slice of Life II – 1/21/1986
  • Jason is working diligently on an article in his den, while Maggie tries to keep everyone quiet. Carol and Ben and both being noisy, but Mike goes over the top when he skateboards through the house and nearly knocks his father down. Maggie vows that he will have a severe punishment if he is caught skateboarding in the house again. Carol is forced to work on a project with Richie, who has bribed all of the other boys in class not to pick her as a partner. They have to pretend they are a married couple and come up with a budget. When Carol finds out about the payoffs and that Richie has saddled them with eleven children, she tells him that she wants a separation to make the budget herself. Maggie keeps interrupting Jason’s quiet time by talking to him about the idea of having another kid. Jason says that he is so happy to be past all of that and would never want to risk having another kid like Mike. However, his tune quickly changes when she tells him that she might actually be pregnant but is waiting on a call from the doctor to find out for sure. He says this will make up for all he missed out on with the other kids now that he can work from home and take care of the new kid. He doesn’t even want to entertain the idea of Maggie quitting her job. While they are talking, Mike starts skating around the kitchen and accidentally slips and propels the skateboard through the window. He begs Ben to take the rap for him and promises he will pay him back. Ben makes him promise to be his servant for the week, and as their parents come out to see the damage, Mike frantically agrees. Once the dust clears, Ben makes Mike stay true to his word and then begins to run him ragged acting as his butler, making him make sandwiches, answer the phone, change the TV channel, etc. Mike finally reaches his limit and is ready to strangle Ben. Jason overhears them arguing and learns that it was Mike who broke the window, and that Ben is blackmailing him. However, he is so ecstatic about the baby, he just wants to take their pictures and reminisce about how he used to play patty-cake with them… but still manages to interject that they are grounded. Richie comes to Carol and begs her to take him back since he can’t handle the budget since he is now stuck with the eleven kids. When Carol finds out that he spent $60 to be her partner, she agrees to a temporary fake reconciliation. The doctor calls and delivers the news that Maggie is actually not pregnant after all. They consider this both good and bad news, since it is bad that she wasn’t pregnant, but good that they have realized they really want another baby and can keep trying. Jason and Maggie use Mike and Ben as their personal butlers as their punishment. 11/13/23
• 016. The Seavers vs. the Cleavers – 1/28/1986
  • Mike is aghast when Carol gives their parents a note sent home by the school principal Mrs. June Hinkley (Annette Funicello) trying to make parents feel guilty for not volunteering to chaperone the school dance. Mike makes it clear that he doesn’t want them there, but Carol couldn’t care less. However, once a boy named Scotty Siegler (Keith Coogan) asks her to the dance, she too is relieved when they tell her that they’ve decided not to chaperone. Mike then belabors the point that Carol is only concerned because she has been asked to go by a boy. This also winds up being a contributing factor of Jason and Maggie changing their minds about going. Later at school while Carol and Scotty are decorating, Carol overhears Mrs. Hinkley telling her associate Ward (Drew Snyder) that the Seavers are unacceptable parents with Jason treating his mental patients in their home, and Maggie going back to work when the kids need her the most. Carol is mortified this as the word starts to get around, the rumor mostly being spread by Mike who is thrilled and proud that Mrs. Hinkley sees his parents that way. Jason and Maggie go over to visit the Hinkleys, and witness their squeaky-clean lifestyle of Mrs. Hinkley and her husband Jimbo (William Cort). Jason and Maggie decide to defy the fact that they are told that there is no need for them to chaperone, and they show up at the dance anyway. They get out of the dance floor together when Land of 1000 Dances starts to play, virtually knocking the Hinkleys off the dance floor. Mike and Carol are told by friends that their parents are actually pretty cooled, so they decide to let this one slide. However, Mike warns his mother never to wear her hot red dress again. Carol is surprised when she introduces her parents to Scotty and they let him walk her home. Meanwhile, Ben hopes for a role in his school play Robin Hood. He winds up getting cast as a rock, which is thrilling to him. However, he later wants to quit when he finds out that Friar Tuck has to sit on him throughout much of the play. Eric Gordon is the Hinkley’s son “Sport.” Drew Snyder is Ward, one of the teachers at school. 3/20/24
• 017. Charity Begins at Home – 2/18/1986
  • On allowance day, the kids are all surprised when their father doubles their money. However, they then remember that it is his birthday on February 8, and he will be expecting a nice gift. Jason is disappointed when Maggie tells him that she has been assigned to work on the TV special Let’s Get Serious About Raw Sewage and will be busy on his birthday. Furthermore, Maggie tortures him by pretending to not even remember that it is his birthday. Mike and Carol compete on who can get their father the best gift. They gradually keep raising the price limit. Ben is worried that he won’t have enough to get his father anything nice other than the human-heart-shaped ashtray he made in school. When a lady (Marta Boyle Slout) comes to the door collecting money for the needy, Ben thinks the money is there for his taking. She takes back the money in a huff, and Mike jokingly tells Ben that he can take a can and go collect money door to door for their father’s gift. The family has a party for Jason with a cake and gifts, and Carol and Mike argue over whose gift he should open first. Mike gives him a Super Stars of the Sixties record, while Carol gives him two tickets to the off-Broadway show Nuts. Maggie gives him a fishing pole. Then he opens Ben’s gift, which is a $300 camera. When they ask him where he got the money for the gift, Ben freely admits that he collected it for the needy door-to-door. Mike gets blamed for telling him to do that, while he insists that it was a joke and a clear misunderstanding. Carol tries to defend Mike and winds up getting sent to her room by Maggie, who then tells Mike how he is a role model for Ben. She tells Mike that he has to donate his next month’s worth of allowances to charity. Mike tells Ben that he acted stupidly and has him come up with his own punishment. They decide on Ben returning the camera and then going back to each house that he visited and apologizing and giving back the money. Maggie thinks this a little bit harsh, but Jason informs her that Ben has committed a felony. Jason accompanies Ben around the neighborhood, and then brings him back home sound asleep. Carol reminds her mother that she’s been in room all night, so Maggie apologizes and lets her out, admitting that she isn’t always perfect. As Ben is falling back to sleep in his bed, he gives his father the ashtray shaped like a human heart that he made. Jason agrees the gift might convinces some of his patients to quit smoking. 3/21/24
• 018. Reputation – 2/25/1986
  • When Jason criticizes the way Mike is studying for his history test while blasting music in his room, Mike buckles down and tries to take his studying seriously. He has Carol help him late into the night, but he can’t seem to stay focused. She gives him tips on how she studies by reading the material, underlining it, and then quizzing herself. This gives him the idea to print the answers on the bottom of shoes. The morning of the test, Ben finds the shoes with the answer on them, but keeps quiet. Mike wears the shoes during the test but manages to take the exam without ever referring to them. In fact, he scores a 94, the highest grade in the class. When he gets this news, he celebrates in class by putting his feet up on Boner’s desk, giving the teacher Mr. Willie Dewitt (Sam Anderson) a full view of his ‘cheat sheet’. Dewitt takes his shoes and tells Mike to have his parents get hold of him. Mike tries to tell his friend Boner and Eddie that he really didn’t cheat. When he gets home, he tries to tell the story to his parents. When they hear he got a 94 on the exam, they find it difficult to believe that he didn’t cheat, but ultimately, they decide to believe him. However, when he tells them about the shoes, it is too much to ask them to trust Mike’s word. They all go to the school together, and Mike gives up in trying to convince them of the truth. However, he does admit that he intended to cheat, but then found that he knew the answers. Jason mentions some incorrect historical fact, and Mike is quick to correct him with the right answers. This finally convinces his parents that he’s telling the truth. Mike learns that his intention to cheat was nearly as bad as actually cheating, but Mr. Dewitt gives him an opportunity to take a make-up test, which he does in his underwear. Later, Jason and Maggie mention that Mike is upstairs studying for his French test, as they can attest to by the loud music coming from his room. 2/2/23
• 019. The Anniversary That Never Was – 3/4/1986
  • The kids try to surprise their parents with breakfast in bed on the Saturday morning of their wedding anniversary but are surprised themselves when their folks are no in their room. They show up just in time to startle them and cause them to spill the food. After preparing them a second breakfast, they also tell them that they’ve arranged for their grandmother to take them to Manhattan to see La Cage Aux Folles, with Carol excited to surprise Mike after telling him about all of the dancing girls who are actually men in the show. Jason and Maggie think this is a nice gesture but agree that they both have plans to work during the day but will meet for dinner at night. However, as they reconsider, they decide to cancel their plans and go to lunch at Rockaway Beach. As they are leaving, the plumber Buzz (Bill Erwin) from Rapid Plumbing show up to fix their garbage disposal that the kids broke while making breakfast. Initially, they tell him that he’ll have to come back, but since he is an old man, they feel bad and opt to push out their lunch plans. Before they can make the change, Maggie gets a call from her editor, who tells her that he arranged for her to do an interview that day in Washington D.C. Maggie decides to go but promises to be back by that evening for dinner. Over five hours later, the elderly Buzz is still working at a snail’s pace to get the disposal fixed. Jason then gets a call from Maggie, who tells him that the plans go changed and that she has to stay all night in Washington. The kids come home and feel bad that they’re not going to see each other. Ben comes up with the idea to buy him a ticket to go see Maggie in Washington. He accepts the offer, not knowing that Maggie is also making plans to fly home to see him. When she arrives, Jason has already gone to the airport. Maggie follows him and joins him on the plane, where they are forced to sit with a guy named Luther (Richard Sanders) who refuses to give up his seat, while they exchange flowers and champagne and romantic talk. They kiss right in front of Luther’s face, and he declares his love for both of them. Jason and Maggie arrive back home in the morning, just in time for their kids to barge out of the house as they run out the door. Maggie and Jason decide that their celebration “isn’t over until it’s over.” 8/8/24
• 020. Be a Man – 3/11/1986
  • Maggie has a feeling that something is amiss with her parents Ed (Gordon Jump) and Kate Malone (Betty McGuire) in Boston, so they decide to take Carol and Ben with them and pay a visit. They allow Mike to stay home on his own to complete a job for a neighbor, allowing him to have one guest over. When the family arrives at Maggie’s parents’ home, they are surprised to see another man (Joseph Reale) and wife (Leigh Kelly) entering the house, and then a man named Harry Biddle (Barry Pearl) hosting a show-and-tell. Jason manages to get rid of everyone by mentioning that bodies were found in the house. Maggie wants to help her parents, but Jason knows that her father doesn’t care for him. Maggie also tells him for the first time that he doesn’t respect Jason’s job. Meanwhile back home, Mike has his friends Boner and Eddie over for the evening, hoping to order pizza and watch dirty movies on cable. However, they talk Mike into allowing a few other friends, including some girls over to the house. Although Mike is smitten by one girl named Linda McManus (Ami Dolenz), he is also annoyed by a rambunctious guy named Slug (Bradley Gregg). Soon the house is filled with kids and a giant dog. The kids break things, take Maggie’s car out for pizza deliveries, have a food fight, and trash his parents’ room. Unable to control the situation, Mike finally calls the police and poses as a neighbor complaining. Back in Boston, Mike makes an offer to Ed to lend him some money so that they don’t have to sell their house. Ed is insulted by the offer and refuses to accept it. When Jason sees how much it means to Maggie that they convince him to take the money so they can keep their home, Jason brings in a bottle of Irish Whiskey and begins gambling with Ed on who can drink entire shots. After several times of betting double or nothing, Jason suddenly owes Ed $6400. Jason acts as if he was outsmarted and refuses to pay it, but Ed insists that Jason owes him the money. Both wives are thrilled that Jason was able to save the house without Ed suffering a loss of pride. As Mike waits for the police, more and more things start getting damaged at the house, so finally Mike starts to tell everyone he is kicking them out, even if it makes him look uncool. Just then, the police officers arrive and help Mike clear everyone out, as Mike acts annoyed that the police were called. As the officers leave the house, one of the cops (Jim Hackett) pokes fun at Mike for pretending to be the neighbor. Mike is somehow able to clean up the entire house by the time his parents get home, but when they arrive, the dog comes down the stairs wearing a party hat. Bob Perlow is the house browser looking under the couch cushions. NOTE: Troy Shire is credited but does not appear in the DVD version of the episode. 8/8/24

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