The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Michael Jacobs and Danielle Alexandra

Theme song: “You Can Count on Me” written by Greg Evigan, Lenny Macaluso, and Michael Jacobs, and performed by Greg Evigan

• 001. Pilot (aka My Two Dads) – 9/20/1987
  • New York City financial advisor Michael Taylor (Paul Reiser) is called to appear before Judge Margaret W. Wilbur (Florence Stanley) for the reading of the will of a former love interested named Marcy Bradford. He comes accompanied by his attorney and potential love interest Kathryn (Amanda Horan Kennedy). Also attending the reading is artist Joey Harris (Greg Evigan), who also had a fling with Marcy, which caused the falling out between him and Michael when they competed for her on a trip to Key West thirteen years earlier. They are both awarded custody of her Marcy’s daughter Nicole (Staci Keanan), with the hopes that they can live together as a family. Michael is unsure, and realizes that this would be life-changing, while Joey is more impulsive and takes her home with him. However, Joey’s lifestyle is messy, and he quickly has to cancel out on taking her ice skating to attend a meeting about getting his artwork in a gallery. Nicole takes the subway to see Michael, who returns with her, irate that Michael is unfit to take care of her. This causes a huge fight between the dads, and Nicole declares that she doesn’t want to live with either one of them since they don’t seem to really want to make room in their lives for her. After she goes to bed, Michael and Joey discuss it over champagne and decide to try and cooperate to raise her. Judge Wilbur comes to check up on them, but the guys find that Nicole has left. They are about to admit this to the judge, when Nicole comes home with breakfast. The guys acknowledge that they are very different, but they agree that having a daughter is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Max Perlich is the pizza delivery boy. NOTE: Theme song in the pilot: You’re a Friend of Mine by Jackson Browne and Clarence Clemons. 6/26/21

• 002. Soho’s By You – 9/27/1987
  • The Judge attempt to assign a social worker to Nicole’s case, but the first one Cindy (Ann Gillespie) is a former girlfriend of Joey’s. Meanwhile, Michael starts to complain about coming to see Nicole at Joey’s all of the time and doesn’t think his loft downtown is the appropriate place to raise her. They all agree to spend a few weeks at Michael’s fancy apartment, and Nicole claims to like them both equally. However she is taken aback to find out that the building doesn’t allow children, although Michael is exempt because of the age of his lease. Joey feels cooped up and uninspired to paint, but he eventually gets motivation to paint some ‘friends’ on the walls of the apartment. Unbeknownst to Michael, Joey also makes an appointment with the headmaster (Tony Steedman) at Woodcrest private school. He nearly doesn’t let her in because she hasn’t been in any extra-curricular activity, but Joey reads him the riot act, and he lets her into the school. When Harriet Crandall (Linda Carlson), the president of the tenants association, sees that Joey is living there, Michael becomes worried that she could have them voted out of the building. They guys wind up in another fight, and agree to live separately and have joint custody. This goes okay, but Nicole doesn’t feel like she has a home, so she declares that Woodcrest is her new home, and that if her dads want to see her, they need to come there together. The dads then talk it over and realize that when they were kids, they didn’t care where they lived as long as they were with their parents. Michael gives in and brings his furniture to live in Joey’s apartment. Joey makes him a window display that replicates his view from his apartment. The judge brings another social worker named Gabrielle (Christine Haber), but this time she has dated Michael. The judge winds up buying the guys’ building and becomes their new landlord, and gives up the notion of finding a social worker and just decides to look in on them herself. 6/26/21
• 003. Crime and Punishment – 10/4/1987
  • Michael catches Nicole lying to her friend Cindy’s (Hannah Cutrona) mother Sandy (Peggy Walton Walker), and telling her that Cindy is with her when she’s really out with her boyfriend. Michael thinks she needs punished for it, but Joey doesn’t think it is a big deal. Michael doesn’t want to seem like a tyrant, so he quietly lets it go, merely telling her not to lie. The next night, Joey permits her to go out with Cindy to the movies, and while Michael is still questioning whether they should have let the lying go, Joey gets a call from Nicole, telling him she wants them to come get her because she wound up at a party with boys in New Jersey. The dads hightail it over there, where they run into a teenager named Tom (Willie Garson), who swears there is no one there who is only twelve years old. Another oaf named Ralph (Kevin King Cooper), however, says he drew her name from a hat and should have been kissing her in the closet while playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. Nicole is scared to come out of the closet, because she think her dads will yell out her. They finally convince her to exit, and find that she’s has sprayed her hair different colors. They take Nicole back to their house. They force Cindy to tell her mother what she did when she comes to get her, but her mother couldn’t care less… and takes her to get ice cream. Joey admits that Michael was right before about punishing her, and dishes out a two-week grounding. Nicole tries to sweet talk the judge to get out of it, but the judge says the fathers are doing the right thing. Nicole accepts the punishment by the dads both feel terrible for having to do it. Nicole apologizes… and then brings them both ice cream. 9/15/21
• 004. Nicole’s First Date – 10/18/1987
  • Nicole comes home from school in a chipper, bubbly mood, and it isn’t long before her dads figure out what is going on when they see heart doodles on her folder. She is smitten by a boy named Cory Cupkiss (Giovanni Ribisi aka Vonni Ribisi), who calls her and asks her out to the movies that afternoon. Joey is against it and thinks she is too young, while Michael relishes the landmark even of her coming to him and asking permission. The dads eventually both resign themselves to the rite of passage, and Michael even buys her new shoes for the occasion. Shortly before Cory is supposed to come pick her up, he calls and tells Michael that he isn’t coming. Nicole is inconsolable, but the judge talks to her about how everyone is stood up at some point, and how she got ultimate revenge when a guy that once stood her up later came before her in court. Joey is especially furious that Cory hurt his daughter, so he storms over to Cory’s house and takes Michael with him. When they arrive, they meet Cory’s brother Roy (Bradley Gregg) who brags about how he taught Cory all his moves to make on a girl. Cory comes out of his room, and is just a little guy and it turns out, he was just scared to death, and confused by his brother’s moves since all he wanted to was to go see a movie. Joey embarrasses Roy by predicting correctly that Roy actually fumbled his first date, and would up without even getting a kiss. The dads bring Cory back to the apartment and surprise Nicole. Cory apologizes and admits his fear, and they both head off for ice cream. Nicole gives him permission in advance to giver he one kiss on the cheek. The judge jokingly warns the guys not to let Nicole see them spying on her. They deny that they’d ever do that…as they sneaky out with the video camera. 9/15/21
• 005. Friends and Lovers – 10/25/1987
  • While Joey is on one of his dates with a bubbleheaded gal, Michael brings home his date Robin (Sarah Abrell), but when she meets Nicole, she tells Michael she has no interest in having a family, so she abandons the date. Nicole overhears the reason that she left and feels terrible, so she immediately tries to set him up with her babysitter Dana (Amanda Wyss). They all three go out and have a fabulous time. It doesn’t take long for Michael to ease himself the relationship and enjoy Dana’s constant home cooking. However, Joey throws a wrench into the relationship when he points out that although the relationship is ‘comfortable’, Michael hasn’t spent any time alone with Dana, so he questions whether there is any future. This gets Michael thinking, and he grabs Dana and kisses her, and then guides her back to apartment elsewhere in the building. She acts surprised rather than pleased, and the best she can rate the kiss is ‘fine’, admitting that she really never thought of him in that way. Michael asks for another kiss, and they attempt a passionate one… but then both admit they feel nothing. Michael returns home and tells Joey there was nothing there, and Joey is quick to point out that what he really loves is Nicole, so since Dana loved Nicole too, this is why it felt right. Nicole overhears the conversation and is upset because she felt she owed Michael a girlfriend after Robin left him. Michael assures her that there will never be a woman in his life unless she loves Nicole as much as he does. 3/14/22
• 006. Whose Night Is It, Anyway? – 11/1/1987
  • Both Joey and Michael think it is the other’s night to babysit Nicole, and they both get dates. It turns out that Michael was looking at the wrong month in his calendar. Neither will let Nicole stay home alone, but they agree to let her have her friend Rebecca (Kellie Martin) over, and they agree to double date in the restaurant downstairs. Joey’s date is a fun-loving botanist named Madelaine (Lisa Hilboldt), and Michael’s date is a classy, yet stuffy, professor named Elizabeth (Mary Cadorette). Joey tells Michael how fun loving and sexy Madelaine can be and they spend the dinner feeding each other chili, while Elizabeth watches on in horror. However when a flower salesman (Mark Schiff) brings a rose to the table, Madelaine begins describing roses in a sexy way that even penetrates Elizabeth’s emotions and gets her to ask for chili. The two pairs go upstairs to the guys’ apartment, only to find that Nicole’s sleepover had grown to a full-scale pajama party with other friends. The girls capture the attention of Madelaine and Elizabeth and pull them away from the dates. Joey thinks he can get Madelaine back by wearing a sexy shirt she got him, and while he is changing, Michael notices that Madelaine is giving the girls advice on how to get sexy boys to notice them. Michael thinks the conversation is inappropriate, so he throws her out. Michael is furious and tells him that he didn’t seem to mind that Madelaine heated up his dates. This makes Elizabeth angry and she storms out as well. The girls eat up the goings-on like a soap opera, until the guys tell them they have to go to bed. They want a bedtime story, so Michael tells them the Goldilocks story using the bears as a metaphor for him and Joey, Goldilocks as Nicole, and the porridge for their behavior now that they are dads. He makes sure to note that their porridge cannot be too hot, nor too cold. Joey gets the message, and tells Michael he had every right to throw out Madelaine. Yael Nucci is Courtney. Erica Rizzi is Rachel. Alitzah Wiener is Nina. 3/14/22
• 007. Once a Son – 11/8/1987
  • Joey is excited when he gets an opportunity to feature his artwork at an art show, but when Michael asks him if he’s inviting his father Lou (Milt Kogen) to come see it, he says that his father has always been disappointed with his career choice and doesn’t understand his artwork. Michael invites him anyway, and when he arrives he seems surprisingly supportive and congratulates him on his show. However, as soon as he finds out that Joey isn’t being paid for the show, and has to sell his work at the show in order to make anything, he is back to his old ways of trying to convince Joey to come work for him in the plumbing business. Eventually the bickering reaches its apex, and Joey agrees that if he doesn’t sell anything, he’ll come work as a plumber, but if he does, his father can never nag him again. Joey takes all of his artwork off the walls at home and takes it to the gallery for the show, but it seems no one is buying anything. Joey starts to lose faith, and starts taking apart the toilet in order to prepare for his new career. Michael circles the room trying to get folks interested in making a purchase, but most don’t have the money to pay the high prices he is charging. As Michael tries to get Lou to understand the work, suddenly one of the pieces clicks with him and he realizes that it is a representation of Lou’s late wife, Joey’s mother. He barges into the bathroom where Joey has the toilet completely disassembled and tells him that he finally understands some of his work, and wants to buy it. Then a second customer named Watson (Kenneth Kimmins) wants to buy another piece. Joey thinks they are both taking pity on him and refuses to sell. However, once the customer is able to explain the work to Joey, he lets him make the purchase. Joey and his father reconcile with a hug. Michael Gregory is the customer who likes the car. Robert Nadder is the man looking at the painting. 7/16/22
• 008. Sex, Judge, and Rock & Roll – 11/15/1987
  • While out to eat, Nicole asks her fathers if she can go on another date with Cory, and they agree that she can make dinner for all of them at their house. Meanwhile, Joey spots an attractive lady named Christine (Wendy Schaal) at the restaurant and tries to hit on her, but she turns him down. However, she does seem attracted to Michael, and the two of them go out and spend a late night together. Michael comes home gloating because he dated a lady who turned Joey down. Nicole asks Michael to bring Christine to the dinner, but she turns him down because she has family plans. She also invites the judge, but she initially turns her down because she’s spending time with her niece. However, she then agrees to bring her niece for dinner as well. When Michael learns that the judge’s niece is named Christine, he starts to wonder if she is the same woman he is dating. It turns out that not only is it the same woman, but he also learns that she is engaged to be married to a man named Alan (Ralph Bruneau). The dinner is somewhat awkward, as Michael is angry that Christine never told him that she was engaged, while Cory is allergic to the peppers that Nicole makes in the pepper steak, and the lemons in the lemon pie. She is annoyed with him, while Michael is annoyed that Christine still plans to go through with the wedding. He tells Christine that she should tell her aunt that they spend the night together and see if she still encourages the wedding. After they leave, the judge returns that thanks to Michael, for whatever he said, because Christine now wants to get married sooner. The judge invites them all to the wedding. Despite Joey’s warning, Michael can’t keep his mouth shut, and he tells the judge about his relationship with Christine. Initially, the judge wants to go on with the wedding, but then during the ceremony, she tells Christine that she should do what she wants. Christine stops the wedding and tells Alan that she needs to talk to him. Michael is just pleased that no matter who she ends up with, it won’t be Joey. Cory redeems himself by bringing Nicole flowers of which he is also allergic. She is impressed that he did that knowing that they would cause an allergic reaction. Tony Rizzoli is the waiter. 7/17/22
• 009. The Artful Dodger – 11/29/1987
  • Nicole brings home a note from her art teacher Karen Spielhaus (Wendy Kaplan aka Wendy Foxworth) indicating that Nicole is receiving an F in class for non-participation. She had been assigned an art project but turned in a black piece of paper and called it Before Awareness. Joey is initially incredulous, but when Nicole explains that it is conceptual art, he understands her explanation and decides to go see the teacher. When he arrives at school, he reads the riot act to the teacher, but it turns out to be Nicole’s English teacher (Linda Rand), who teaches a class that Nicole really loves, who he is yelling at. When he finally meets Miss Spielhaus, he can’t seem to convince her that he has a valid argument because she thinks it was a cop-out. Instead of arguing further, he asks her out on a date. Although he claims he was just trying to get her a better grade, he does anything but, and they have a horrible date. He thinks she has no imagination and only teaches by the numbers, which greatly offends her. Nicole doesn’t seem to care about the grade but is adamant that he does not date her art teacher again. Michael then goes to see her, and he doesn’t do much better. He asks if she can bring up the grade if she does the assignment over and turns in an actual picture, and she tells him that she has offered to let her do that three times, but she refuses. When he gets home, he tells her the offer, but Nicole refuses to draw another photo. Michael finally realizes that she is scared that she isn’t able to draw, which could mean that Michael is not her father since she hasn’t inherited his talent. Michael is able to comfort her by telling her that his father couldn’t draw at all either and that talent doesn’t always get passed to the kids. She tells them that she doesn’t want to find out that either of them isn’t her father. They tell her that they feel the same way. Michael draws a horrible picture, compared to which Nicole says she can draw much better. They all agree that drawing-talent-wise, Nicole is right in the middle. Dick Butkus is Ed Klawicki, proprietor of the Klawicki’s restaurant in the apartment building. 11/10/22
• 010. Quality Time – 12/6/1987
  • Joey is working on a granite sculpture at home but has plenty of time to hang out with Nicole and catch up on all of the latest school gossip. Michael feels left out because he has to head off to work. He calls Nicole from work and offers to take her to an early movie after work, but his boss Herb Kelcher (Dakin Matthews) insists that he work late that evening on a merger proposition. Michael comes home that evening to find that Joey took her in his absent. Even though it is 2:30am, he wakes up Nicole to tell her that to make up for the movie, he will take her to the Sunday matinee Broadway show Starlight Express. However, on that Sunday, Mr. Kelcher finds him as he is getting ready to leave work and has him make his merger pitch to Arnold Beaumont (Sid Conrad), Chairman of the Board of Beaumont Pharmaceuticals. When Michael tells Kelcher he has obligations with his daughter, Kelcher threatens to give his work to “Hungry Sid.” Michael tries his best to get home before the show starts at 3:00 when the show starts but doesn’t make it until after 4pm. Michael tells the Judge how worthless he feels, even after closing such a huge merger. After Joey and Nicole return from the show, Michael tries to convince her how much he wants to be part of her life, but she only asks that he doesn’t make plans he can’t keep. At Joey’s suggestion, Michael agrees to call in sick for himself and Nicole so they can spend the day together. The Judge stops by the apartment when she gets a call that Nicole didn’t show up for school. The Mr. Kelcher shows up to drop off some work for Michael. As Joey is trying to cover for him, Michael and Nicole return home. Michael tells everyone how important Nicole is to him, and he calls Kelcher’s bluff when he mentions giving Michael’s work to “Hungry Sid”. With the Judge’s help, they convince Kelcher that Michael’s family time is important. He agrees that Michael can spend the time he needs with Nicole, but he will need to have his work done immediately when he is needed. He also is inspired by Michael, and decides he needs to spend some time with his own family as well. 11/10/22
• 011. ‘Tis the Season – 12/20/1987
  • With Christmas approaching, Joey and Michael are excited to spend their first holiday with Nicole and have purchased her many gifts including a puppy. Meanwhile, the Judge is arranging a party at Klawicki’s for orphans who haven’t been adopted and insists that Ed portray Santa Claus. When Nicole comes home from school to begin her Christmas break, her fathers are surprised when she doesn’t want any part in the decorating the tree at Klawicki’s and furthermore, plans only to do extra credit schoolwork over the break. They follow her home and find that she has removed the decorations from her room. They talk to her to try and find out what her Christmas traditions were, and during the discussion suddenly realize they’ve not thought about the fact that this is her first Christmas about her mother. Joey goes to talk to her, and unintentionally angers and upsets her when he mentions that he wants her to put the sadness of the past behind her and be happy with them for their first Christmas. Joey becomes depressed and thinks he is not a good father. When Michael attempts to talk to her, he starts to feel the same way when she won’t engage in discussion. They retreat to Klawicki’s and asks the judge for advice, but she surprisingly has none. Ed is called away to the airport to pick up his sister Patti Ann (Kim Ulrich), so he turns the orphans to Joey and tells them that he is his assistant. Joey talks to one orphan named Debbie (Ashley Bank), who asks that Santa get a message to her late parents that she is going to be adopted and is sorry that she is unable to speak them. Joey and Michael then bring a tree home and present Nicole with a gift, the only existing photo of both of them with her mother. They tells her that they know her mother is alive in her heart and ask if they can be part of that love as well. Nicole cheers up, and they all return to Klawicki’s for the orphan party, and lead them all in singing a jazzed-up version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. Ed returns with Patti Ann, and it is clear that both Joey and Michael are attracted to her. Joey and Michael decide not to give the puppy to Nicole since she is just getting used to them, but the Judge finds use for it by giving it to Debbie. Humberto Ortiz is Jesse. Lindsay Price is Annie, Gabe Witcher is Davey. Ingrid Dupree is Molly. The back-up trio is Bilal Abdul-Samad, Hakeem Abdul-Samad, and Tajh Abdul-Samad. 4/16/23
• 012. The Only Child – 1/3/1988
  • Nicole tells Joey and Michael that she really wants to have her own baby brother since all of her friends seem to have one. The guys tell her that at some point in the future, they might meet wives of their own and then they may indeed have more children, but she makes it known that she really wants one now. The guys feel guilty because they can’t give her what she wants, so they go and see the judge for advice. She tells them that she is on the board of the Riverside Children’s Center, a state-funded program that houses kids while they are waiting to go into foster homes. She offers to set the guys up with a little boy on the weekends so they can foster temporarily while waiting for homes. Meanwhile, Nicole discusses with her friend Nina (Alitzah Wiener) how her plan is going to make her fathers feel guilty for not being able to give her a brother, so that they will allow her to go with Nina to Hartford for a Bon Jovi concert. When she gets home, she plays up how sad she is and then ask them for permission to go to the concert. The fathers tell her no… because she will be busy that weekend taking care of her new brother. A little boy named Ben (Brandon Bluhm) then jumps up from behind the couch where he is hiding, completely stunning Nicole. That weekend they go to the Giants game and do football activities, including tossing the ball in the house, and then tossing Ben as they play ‘FootBen’. Nicole excuses herself to do her homework, then privately tells the judge how she feels like she’s being neglected and that it seems like her dads wish she was a boy, and also how Ben is frankly getting on her nerves. When the dads come down to announce Ben’s upcoming ninth birthday party that they’re going to throw, the judge clues them in that Nicole feels neglected. They get her alone and try to explain that they see her as their daughter, a young woman, and not a little boy or little girl. They explain how they brought Ben into their lives to fulfill her wish. She then admits to them that she lied about wanting a brother to make them feel guilty enough to let her go to the concert. The fathers are livid about that, but explain that what she did is beyond punishment and now they have to be sure that they don’t hurt Ben. Nicole shows a positive attitude about the birthday party and even gets him a gift. However, when Ben realizes that he is now another year older, he excuses himself to be alone. Nicole believes he needs a big sister at that moment, so she goes to talk to him. He expresses his concern that his last foster parents got rid of him as he got older because they wanted a small child. She tells him her tale about how she was alone at twelve and wound up with Joey and Michael. Ben is relieved to hear this and feels comforted. Later, the judge announces that his former family has now reconsiders and now wants him back. He leaves a note behind for Nicole about how he’s love for her to remain his sister and keep in touch. 4/16/23
• 013. Joey’s Mother-In-Law – 1/10/1988
  • Michael’s mother Evelyn (Polly Bergen) calls and tells Michael that she is going to be coming to visit for four days from her home in Florida. Although Michael has some trepidation, Joey has always gotten along with her and is hooked on her tuna salad. However, after she arrives and meets Nicole, who also falls for her tuna, Evelyn starts lecturing Joey on not utilizing his artistic talent to its full potential, causing Michael to try and intervene to keep them from arguing. Making matters worse, Evelyn starts poking holes in the way they are raising Nicole, particularly stressing that Nicole is too young to be dating Cory. She tells them that Nicole should be studying with other boys in order to not become too serious about one. Michael stresses keeping the peace and suggests that they can comply for the short amount of time that she is there. Nicole begrudgingly agrees to study with another pompous boy named Marshall (Andre Gower), which causes Cory to become jealous and depressed. Joey decides that he is no longer going to bend over backwards to please Evelyn, but he thinks it should be Joey who talks to her… even though it is 3:00am. He takes Nicole and they go have milkshakes at Klawicki’s. He also tries to get Ed to replicate Evelyn’s tuna salad. They run into the Judge there and when she suggests that he has Nicole out too late, Joey shouts at her and tells her that as her father, he can do as he sees fit. Michael has a talk with his mother about how she is interfering, and she tells him that he has not fully experienced being a father and she thought he needed the guidance. He tells her that she did her job with him, and he will now do the same job with Nicole. She agrees to back off and decides she should probably go back home. Before she leaves, she sends Cory an anonymous message that Nicole needs to be walked to school. When Cory comes over, she tells him that she will trust the judgment of Nicole’s two fathers. She asks Joey to take her to the airport and bribes him with telling him that the mystery ingredient in the tuna is fennel. 8/29/23
• 014. Nicole in Charge – 1/17/1988
  • After Michael’s co-worker George Blankenship drops dead at work, Joey suggests that Michael join him at the gym so that he can get back into shape since he too has such a high-stress job. Michael thinks he is perfectly fit, and they decide to settle it by playing for the ‘racquetball championship.’ They had always competed evenly in their early days as friends and had always said that they need to have a final championship. Each of them independently starts their own workout routine, both ending up back at Klawicki’s afterward… and both barely able to stand. Joey looks particularly warn out, and when he starts having pains in his abdomen, he tells Joey to call an ambulance for him. When he gets in to see Dr. Quinn (Robert DoQui), he is told that after eating six eggs for breakfast and going for a run, all he has is a gas attack. Later, Nicole finds out that they still plan to have their championship, she becomes even more worried after Michael’s scare and asks them not to play competitively as she can’t bear to lose another parent. Michael agrees and tells her that they won’t play, but after Nicole leaves, they decide that what Nicole doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Meanwhile, Nicole leans on Cory to help her bone up for her history exam, even though it means that she isn’t helping him prepare for his Algebra test. Nicole buys Cory a milkshake at Klawicki’s on the day of the test to help him break his fall. While they are there, Patti Ann comes in raving about the tremendous contest the guys are having in their racquetball game. Nicole drops everything and heads to the gym, where the guys are both exhausted to the point of collapse, but in otherwise fine health. Michael has won the contest and is gloating, but when they see Nicole there, they have to switch gears and be apologetic. When she tells them about how similar this had been to her mother’s death, especially how they kept her in the dark when she was asked to leave the room at the doctor’s office. They both promise to never lie to her again, and while they are being honest, Joey claims that he let Michael win the game. Richard Minchenberg is Brian Brull, the man who is super excited about the racquetball game. 8/29/23
• 015. The Wedge – 2/7/1988
  • Joey’s old friend Malcolm O’Dell (Davy Jones) stops by the loft in the middle of the night for a surprise visit. Although Michael thinks he is a burglar initially, Joey is glad to see him and pleased to find out that he is a successful musician who is opening for Fleetwood Mac at Madison Square Garden that weekend. Michael is rather annoyed by the way he and Malcolm consider their life’s goal to have fun at all costs and be the most unconventional. Nicole wakes up and recognizes Malcolm from MTV, not to mention being utterly smitten by him. Malcolm agrees that the arrangement between the three is the most unconventional of all. Michael and Malcolm take Nicole out all afternoon and evening to ride in a hot air balloon. Nicole utilizes Malcolm for bragging rights with her friends Rebecca and Nina, especially when she tells her friends that she is going to the big concert and has backstage passes. However, since it is a two-night concert, Michael thinks it would be better to skip the first one since it is a school night, especially since Nicole has an exam the next day. Malcolm thinks that Michael is really exerting his authority over Joey, but ultimately Joey sees things Michael’s way and agrees that it is more responsible for her to stay home on a school night. When Nicole’s friends come over, her friends tell him that they can’t go to the concert either since it is a school night. Malcolm and Joey perform a song that they had written together called You Can Count on Me for the girls. Malcolm keeps pushing Joey and telling him that he’s changed, insisting that Michael has taken the life out of him. Malcolm and Joey stay out all night and come home singing (Theme From) The Monkees. Later, Michael is furious when no one has come home three hours after work, feeling both like a responsible parent and a wet blanket. They finally show up at Klawicki’s dressed as a gladiators and slaves, having appeared in Malcolm’s new rock video. Michael is even more furious when he finds out that Joey took her out of school after her test. Joey and Malcolm promise Nicole that they’re going to stay out all night after the concert and visit all of the places of their youth. However, things go awry when Michael comes home late at night and tells Michael that he lost Nicole after the concert. He is worried sick, but once he wakes up Michael and they start to head out to find her, Malcolm and Nicole come home. Nicole is ecstatic with how much fun she had with Malcolm at a big party where she had her first glass of champagne. Now Joey is angry with Malcolm and tells him that he doesn’t understand that she is just a kid. He admits that he has changed, but not because of Michael, but because of Nicole. Malcolm apologizes and says he will see Joey the next time he comes to town, but Joey warns him that it can’t be on a school night. Joey admits that it wasn’t Malcolm who is his best friend, but rather Michael. 12/22/23
• 016. Advice and Consent – 12/14/1988
  • Nicole and her father celebrate Cory’s thirteenth birthday with him at Klawicki’s, and at the end, Michael and Joey offer to treat them to a movie the next night. Cory’s older brother Roy (Bradley Gregg) comes to pick him up and sees him give Nicole a kiss on the cheek when she leaves. Roy tells him that at his age, he should be doing more passionate kissing with Nicole and that he should start at the movies the next night. Cory seems unsure of this, so he goes to talk to Michael and Joey since he doesn’t have a father of his own. Naturally, their concern is for Nicole, so they advise him that Nicole is not ready for that type of kissing and that he will risk losing her if he tries. When Nicole comes home that night, Cory tells her that he is going to have to cancel their movie plans as he has an English assignment to compose a sonnet that he will need to work on all weekend. Nicole is upset and thinks that she did something wrong. Over at Cory’s house, Roy brings in his girlfriend Samantha (Sherrie Wills) and her younger sister Sabrina (Stefanie Ridel). Roy tells Cory that this is his birthday gift and then puts on a sad movie so that the girls will be more apt to get physical. Cory admits he doesn’t want to do this, but he keeps getting pressured. Nicole comes over to see Cory to see if he needs help with his poem and walks in on Cory and Sabrina slow dancing. She runs off and tells her dads what happened, and they get nervous that their advice to Cory will backfire on them. While Nicole is up in her room, Roy stops by looking for Cory, and he tells Michael and Joey about trying to set Cory up with Sabrina. Cory is moping at Klawicki’s, and the judge finds him there and has a talk with him. They go up to see Nicole, and Cory asks Nicole point blank if she thinks they should be kissing at this point. Nicole admits that she is not ready yet but one day will be. Cory is fine with this, and the judge offers to take them both out for ice cream. Michael and Joey feel as if they did their duty as fathers and worry about the problems that they will face in future days. 4/28/24
• 017. She’ll Get Over It – 2/21/1988
  • One of Joey’s art customers, who happens to be a modeling agent, thinks his work is terrible, but thinks that Nicole, who was the subject of one his sculptures, is worthy of modeling. Michael is immediately against it, but Joey has checked him out and verifies that he is a legitimate agent. Michael eventually agrees to let her give it a try but says he doesn’t want to be involved. However, he is right there on the first day of auditions where she is going out for a role to model socks. There they meet another young model named Ginger (Marissa Ribisi) and her overzealous mother (Ann Ryerson) who tries to scare Nicole out of the role. Nicole is consequently nervous about the role, so Michael intentionally makes Ginger and her mother nervous as well. The casting director (Lisa Cloud) comes out of the audition room and tells the fathers that Nicole did very well, implying that she has won the role. When Cory finds out, he panics because he thinks that Nicole will move to Hollywood and forget about him. Joey then shows up at Klawicki’s to report that Nicole didn’t get the part after all. He says that they changed the ad so that now it is not just shots of her feet, but her face looking at the feet. Nicole takes this to mean that there is something ugly about her feet. Nicole feels terrible, so Michael calls in a favor from one of his clients, who gets her another shot at a commercial for Dippi Cakes with TV actor Scott Cameo (Scott Baio). Joey doesn’t think that it is a good idea to rig it for Nicole every time she experiences a disappointment. When Scott meets the two dads, he thinks it might make a good TV show, then rejects the premise as stupid. The director (John Apicella) films the commercial, whereas Scott keeps making mistakes while Nicole hits her line every time. He then tells Michael and Joey that Michael’s client Mr. Cannon simply asked him to take five minutes to shoot a ‘fake’ commercial to appease Nicole. He tells them that Nicole did very well, but you can’t just make a phone call and get a national commercial and that it takes years of experience. He then brings in Ginger, who also happens to be his daughter to shoot the real commercial. Michael admits that he screwed up and expects Michael to come down on him. However, Joey thinks Michael is just being a good father, but he’s glad he failed since he doesn’t want Michael always coming through in areas that he can’t. Joey says it is just important that they just need to make Nicole feel better. However, nothing either of them say can convince her that she’s pretty. Joey tells her that it was rigged and that she never had a chance. However, they can’t explain why she didn’t get the sock commercial. However, when Cory shows up to tell Nicole how she is more beautiful than any girl he knows. Nicole brightens up when he tells her that. Michael doesn’t understand why she’ll believe Cory but not him. Joey just doesn’t know how he knew to come up at the right time and say the right thing, but the judge stops by to tell the guys that they are welcome. 12/22/23
• 018. Michael’s Sister Comes Over and Visits – 2/28/1988
  • After seeing photos of Michael’s twin sister Lisa (Lisa Sutton) in scrapbooks, Nicole has Joey invite her to come for a visit. The judge assumes that Lisa and Joey are romantically tied together, and when she hears Lisa ask him if Michael knows about her being there, she thinks that Michael is in love with her as well. However, she finds out the true story soon enough when Michael comes into Klawicki’s and sees Lisa and Joey together. Joey had to explain to Nicole that Michael and Lisa have not spoken in two years because they have been fighting. The reason is that Lisa went through four years of medical school and after graduating, abandoned ambitions for the medical profession and took up photography, traveling to exotic lands to take photos of indigenous tribes. Michael thinks she has been throwing her life away, but she maintains that her decisions are her choices. In the middle of the night, Michael asks Joey if he and Lisa ever slept together. Joey tells him that he won’t like the answer since it that they did not… but only because they care for each other like brother and sister. Michael vows to be more of a brother and invites her to visit his office with Nicole. There Michael’s boss Herb Kelcher (Dakin Matthews) tells Lisa that one of his clients runs an architectural magazine and needs a photographer. Lisa becomes angry at this too, because once again Michael is interfering with her life. He thinks he is only doing good for her, but she wants no part of his help. She tells him that he was never there for her when she made the hard decision to leave the medical profession, so she had to turn to Joey for advice. Michael then blows up at Joey for giving her the advice to follow her heart and to not commit to her medical career. Joey then walks out on Michael, leaving him sullen at Klawicki’s. The judge intervenes and takes Michael to see Joey, Lisa, and Nicole at a poetry reading nightclub, where Michael endures a brutal poet named Nigel Lunch’s (John Fleck) attack on businessmen. When Michael tells her that he only wants to help and doesn’t understand why she won’t accept it, she admits that she’s not ready to commit to photography either. She also admits that Michael is right about her and her fear to commit to the medicine. She tells him that she’s afraid that she couldn’t catch up to Michael’s success when she came out of medical school, but Michael tells her that he will always be to help her if she needs it. Everyone celebrates their reconciliation and the Anarchist Dancers dance with them onstage. Darrow Turner is the woman who Klawicki tells he is John Elway because he maintains that women only recognize the quarterbacks on a football team. Daniel Moriarty is the man in the audience. 4/28/24
• 019. Nicole’s Big Adventure – 3/19/1988
  • Nicole asks her dad for permission to go on a weeklong camping trip with her seventh-grade class to Camp Anaconda, which is the same camp that Joey and Michael went to when they were her age. Michael is reluctant to sign the waiver because of bears and other dangers, but eventually he gives in. They overpack for her and send her on her way with a tearful goodbye. After she is gone for roughly five minutes, they find it unbearable without her, so they decide to get their mind off of it by inviting some of their friend over for a poker game. Although Michael’s friends Brian Brull and Stuart (William Tucker) appear to be polar opposites from Joey’s artistic friends Abner “Truck” Swemberg (Ritch Brikley) and Vince (Mel Johnson, Jr.), they are shocked when Brian and Stuart are familiar with Abner’s poetry. Michael is too preoccupied with wanting to call and check on Nicole to pay much attention. Suddenly, the receive a call from the camp that Nicole has had an accident, so they drop everything and head to the camp, where they promptly run into their old counselor Ethel Baumgartner (Lu Leonard), who immediately recognizes them and thinks that they never left camp. Although Michael had known all along that the accident was minor, they are officially told that Nicole broke her foot. She is under medication, so she barely wakes up when they take her home. The next morning, they are both sitting vigil over her when she wakes up. She is surprised to be home and tells them that she was showing off when she saw her crush Roger Cotterman and fell through the emergency door of the bus. She desperately wants to go back to camp… and Roger. Michael doesn’t think it is a good idea, but the judge tells them that it was not their fault she got hurt. She says that life hurt her, will fix her, and then hurt her again, Michael finally gives in and lets her return. When Nicole returns from camp, she finds that her dads and their friends have expanded and redecorated her room. Then they all play poker, including Nicole. Joey blames her knowing that game on Michael sending her to camp. 9/16/24
• 020. My Fair Joey – 3/28/1988
  • As Nicole is making a tape to describe the events of her life to her out-of-town friend Molly, Joey comes home walking on air because he has met the girl of his dreams, Ashley Bokowski (Jane Sibbett). When Michael meets her, he also thinks she is perfect, mostly because she has a lot more in common with him than she does Joey. In fact, Michael and Ashley share interests in finance, speaking French, and opera. As they discuss how much they have in common, Ashley keeps making out with Joey. Even Nicole catches on to Michael’s crush on her and reports it to Molly on the tape. When Michael can take it no more, he goes down to Klawicki’s for some meatloaf as a form of suicide. He asks the judge for advice, but she can only sarcastically tell him that the girl is more valuable than his friendship with Joey. Michael tries to be supportive of them, but is even more taken aback when he finds out that she is the daughter of one of the richest men in the world, Charles Von Duren (Joseph Maher). She also tells Michael that she had once been married, hence the different last name, but that her father didn’t approve of Bokowski and convinced her to leave them. Ashley invites Joey, Michael, and Nicole to go with her to Connecticut to visit with her father. Joey naturally wants to make a great impression, so he asks Michael to coach him on how to behave with manners. Nicole notes to Molly the similarity to their situation to the film My Fair Lady. Although he is resistant to some of the formalities, Joey does his best once he meets Mr. Von Duren. However, he makes it clear that he is an artist on the verge of success and wants Von Duren to respect him for that. He tells him that similar to Mr. Von Duren starting off as a bricklayer, he is starting off as a plumber. Von Duren actually finds that he likes Joey, and he tells Ashley that she had finally picked a winner. She seems disappointed that he actually approves of Joey, and then starts pointing out some of Joey’s flaws, like the fact that he doesn’t know if Nicole is his, and then she tells him that Joey is a Democrat. Von Duren is unfazed, so Ashley whisks Joey off to talk to him. Meanwhile, Michael asks the butler Harrison (Arthur Malet) what is going on, and Harrison tells him that Ashley often brings home men of whom she doesn’t think her father will approve so that he will buy her off to break it off with them. He also confesses that he is actually Harrison Bokowski, her first husband. In the other room, Ashley is demanding that Joey stop acting some formal and be himself. She says that Michael is only pressing him to do that because he is jealous and hopes that it will turn her off so that he can have her. Joey takes her words to heart, so that when Michael tellS her what the butler said, Joey accuses him of wanting to steal Ashley from her. However, Nicole has accidentally recorded a conversation between Von Duren and Harrison which corroborates Michael’s story. They spend the entire ride home apologizing and complimenting each other. When they get to Klawicki’s, Mr. Von Doren calls for Joey to plead with him to take Ashley back, but he won’t speak to him. Michael, on the other hand, shows some interest. 9/16/24

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