The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

TV series is based on the 1970 film “M*A*S*H,” which was based on the novel “MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors” by Richard Hooker

Developed by Larry Gelbart and Gene Reynolds

Theme song: “Suicide Is Painless (Instrumental Version)” written for the film by Johnny Mandel 

• 001. Pilot – 9/17/1992
  • In Uijeongbu, South Korea in 1959, the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital – aka MASH – 4077th unit is run by Lt. Col. Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson), who is assisted by Corporal Walter “Radar” O’Reilly (Gary Burghoff), who is seemingly one step ahead of Henry’s requests every time. His head surgeon is Major Frank Burns (Larry Linville), who although married, is having an affair with head nurse Major Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan (Loretta Swit). Burns lives in a tent known as “The Swamp” with doctors Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce, Captain Trapper John McIntire (Wayne Rogers), and Captain Oliver Harmon “Spearchucker” Jones (Timothy Brown). After a hard night of surgery, during which they bicker with both Frank and Margaret, Hawkeye and Trapper return to the Swamp where they are tended to by their local Korean houseboy Ho-Jon (Patrick Adiarte). They receive mail from home, Trapper from his wife, and Hawkeye from his alma mater in Maine. However this means they need to raise $2000 for a deposit and transportation to get him there. They come with the idea to host a party and raffle to win a weekend pass into Tokyo, and the date with a nurse. Hawkeye has been flirting with the engaged Lt. Maria “Dish” Schneider (Karen Philipp) and manages to talk her into being the date. Henry agrees to issue the passes initially, but when Hawkeye and Trapper get in a fight with Frank, he rescinds his offer and tells them they can no longer have the party. They also find out he will be off base having dinner with Brigadier General Hamilton Hammond  (G. Wood) the night the party is scheduled for. Radar tricks Henry into signing two passes as planned and they move forward with the party. In order to get Frank out of the picture, they drug him and wrap him like a patient. During the party, Margaret becomes suspicious and phones General Hammond, with whom she once had an affair. The event raises $1800, and Hawkeye rigs the raffle so that the winner is the unit chaplain Lt. Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahy (George Morgan). Margaret finds Frank and wakes him just as Henry and General Hammond return. They are both ready to have Hawkeye and Trapper arrested, but then incoming wounded are announced and they ask to wait until after surgery to be arrested. They enlist General Hammond to assist in surgery, and he is so impressed with their work, he warns Henry not to lose them as surgeons. Odessa Cleveland is Lt. Ginger Bayliss. John Orchard is Capt. “Ugly John” Black. Linda Meiklejohn is Lt. Leslie Scorch. Laura Miller is Knocko. Bruno Kirby is Pvt. Lorenzo Boone. Jamie Farr is the speaker announcer. 11/8/20

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SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Seaman Jacobs, Ed James, and Jim Barnett

Theme song written by William Lava and Irving Taylor

• 001. Scourge of the West – 9/14/1965
  • Near the end of the Civil War, bumbling Private Wilton Parmenter (Ken Berry), a member of a Quartermaster corp and a proud Philadelphia military family, is sent to do the General’s (Barry Kelley) laundry. Along the way, he accidentally sneezes and causes a charge that ultimately leads to a Union Victory, earning Parmenter the nickname “The Scourge of Appomattox.” His family attends his ceremony where he is promoted to Captain, and awarded a Medal of Honor, followed by a Purple Heart, after being pricked with the Medal of Honor. He is also assigned to take over assigned to the remote Fort Courage. Upon his arrival there, he meets Sgt. Morgan Sylvester O’Rourke (Forrest Tucker), Corporal Randolph Agarn (Larry Storch), and Private Hannibal Shirley Dobbs (James Hampton), the bugler who can only play two songs. He also meets “Wrangler” Jane Angelica Thrift (Melody Patterson), the young attractive owner of the Trading Post and postmaster, who takes an instant liking to him. The men seem rather inept, especially when Agarn immediately fires the cannon into the lookout tour causing it – and the lookout Trooper Vanderbilt (Joe Brooks) – to collapse. O’Rourke and Agarn secretly run “O’Rourke Enterprises,” which makes money by selling war relics to tourists. They have also established peace with the Hekawi tribe, and often work with them on money-making ventures. Through their manipulation, the F troop is also collection rations for thirty men when they actually only have seventeen. Other than the Shug tribe, F troop sees very little action, but when they get word that Lieutenant Jefferson Hawkes (Jay Sheffield) is being sent by the Inspector General to check out the camp, O’Rourke and Agarn work with the Hekawi Chief Wild Eagle (Frank DeKova) to fake an attack to make it look like they are busy. They are instructed to attack when the cannon is fired. The defer to the elderly Roaring Chicken (Edward Everett Horton) on how to do a War Dance, but when they can’t figure one out, Agarn tutors them on how to do one. Meanwhile the Shug Indian Chief (Henry Brandon), decides to attack the fort for real. Just after the arrival of Hawkes, the Shug attack, and between Wrangler Jane’s crack shooting, Parmenter’s bumbling, and the name recognition of Parmenter as being the “Scourge of the West,” the Shug retreat, making it appear that Parmenter is a big hero. Later when Parmenter sets off the cannon for Retreat, the Hekawi make their fake attack. Alan Hewitt is Colonel Malcolm. 11/7/20

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SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Barry Kemp

Theme music composed by John Morris.

• 001. Kelly and the Professor – 2/28/1989
  • Coach Hayden Fox (Craig T. Nelson) works as the coach of the Minnesota State Screaming Eagles football team, aided by assistant coaches Luther Van Dam (Jerry Van Dyke) and student Michael “Dauber” Dybinski (Bill Faggerbakke). He is in a long-distance relationship with TV sportscaster Christine Armstrong (Shelly Fabares), whom he sees whenever she is in town from the Twin Cities. His daughter Kelly (Clare Carey) has recently decided to attend the school, after moving from Ohio, where she had lived with her mother Beth for the fourteen previous years following her parents’ divorce. As Hayden and Luther try to deal with an overweight player named Fred Webb (Travis McKenna) who is trying to slim down eleven pounds to 290, Kelly mentions to her father that she is going on a date with one of the college professors. Although Kelly demands that he trust her, Hayden can’t help but seek out the professor by having Dauber get Kelly’s schedule to figure out which professor it might be. By eliminating all of the females on the list, Hayden determines in must be English Professor John Sterling (Alan Rosenberg), so Hayden pays him a threatening visit. Sterling is apologetic and fearfully promises not to go forward with the date. The next night when Hayden has Kelly over for dinner, she mentions that the date went well, so Hayden immediately leaves the house and heads to the university to threaten Sterling again. Kelly follows him and reveals that she did not go out with Sterling, and in fact , the professor she dated wasn’t one of hers. Although Kelly still refuses to reveal the actual professor, she and Hayden agree to work on trusting each other more. Karl Wiedergott is a student. NOTE: Although it is never stated, Minnesota State is assumed to be located in Mankato, Minnesota. NOTE: This is the second episode to be filmed after the pilot, and second sequentially as far as storyline, but aired as the first episode. 11/7/20

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