The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Bill Cosby, based on his comedy routines of reminisces of the friends of his youth first heard on his LP “Revenge”

The series was preceded by a 1969 one-hour NBC comedy special titled “Hey, Hey, Hey, It’s Fat Albert“

Theme song: “Gonna Have a Good Time” composed by Ricky Sheldon and Edward Fournier, performed by Michael Gray with Kim Carnes and Edward Fournier on background vocals

• 001. Lying – 9/9/1972
  • Bill Cosby (himself) hangs out in a Philadelphia junkyard and talks about the dangers of lying, and then introduces us to the animated Fat Albert (Bill Cosby, Michael Lee Gray singing voice) and his friends James “Mushmouth” Mush (Bill Cosby), Dumb Donald (Lou Scheimer), Bill Cosby‘s younger self (himself) and his younger brother Russell (Jan Crawford), Weird Harold (Gerald Edwards), Rudy Davis (Eric Suter), and Buckey Miller (Jan Crawford). They too discuss lying and perform the song Don’t Go Telling a Lie. They run into their friend Edward (Eric Suter), who has just got back from Florida and claims to have lost his shoes wrestling alligators. The kids simulate alligator wrestling down at the muddy river, and get filthy. The kids go to Edward’s house to seek advice on how to get clean, but his cousin Violet (Erika Carroll aka Erika Schemier) refuses to let them see Edward and then spray them down with a hose. Edward gives them advice on how to lie to their parents to explain why they got so wet. Bill later tells Edward’s sister about the alligator stories, and she tells him that Edward can’t even swim. The boys then coax Edward into swimming, but Violet shows up and pleads with them to save her cousin, which they do. The gang forgives Edward but tells him that if he lies again, they’ll clobber him. Live action Bill recaps that there is no need to tell lies, because the truth can be trouble enough. 10/11/17

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SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Paul Henning

Theme music composed by Del Sharbutt, Frank Stanton, Richard Uhl

NOTE: This series was re-named “Love That Bob” in syndication. NOTE: Robert Cummings portrayed a character named Bob Collins in the 1945 film “You Came Along”

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• 001. Calling Dr. Baxter – 1/2/1955
  • Photographer Bob Collins (Robert Cummings) is a photographer and Air Force Reserve officer living in Hollywood with his widowed sister Margaret MacDonald (Rosemary DeCamp) and her teenage son Chuck (Dwayne Hickman). As a bachelor who often takes pictures of models, Bob is quite the ladies’ man, but wishes to remain single despite the fact that his secretary Charmaine “Schultzy” Schultz (Ann B. Davis) being in love with him. She goes to great lengths to assist Bob, including dressing in a gorilla suit for a shot with a model bride (Joi Lansing)… which causes confusion when one of Margaret’s older friends named Mrs. Anderson (Isabel Randolph) comes to have her dog’s photo taken by Bob, and thinks that Bob’s assistant Schultzy is actually a gorilla. Later Margaret asks Bob to have a father talk with Chuck, because she thinks he is becoming too fixated a former neighbor girl he knew as a child named Francine Williams (Diane Jergens). Bob thinks it is harmless until he sees how much Francine has grown up. He tries to Chuck at his studio, but he is too distracted by the various models (Donna Foster, Beverly Kidd, Trudy Wroe) Meanwhile, Margaret gets a letter from an old classmate named Dr. Tony Baxter (Frank Wilcox), who requests to see a recent picture of Margaret. She plans to send him a picture of her and Chuck, but Bob, anxious to help marry her off, takes some sexier photos of her to send Baxter. Schultzy takes it upon herself to send off the photos when she sees how young Margaret looks, and also tells Baxter how much her ‘little boy’ Chuck needs a father. Once Baxter gets the photos, he immediately departs on a flight to Los Angeles. Margaret thinks she will look too old when he sees her in person, so Bob sets up special studio lighting in the house. When he first arrives, he meets Mrs. Anderson, who had come to pick up a card table and is sitting in the light. He also meets Chuck who is dressed like a little boy and claims to be eight years old. Bob runs her out of the house and volunteers to have Schultzy drive her home, but Mrs. Anderson still thinks Schultzy is a gorilla. Just as both Margaret and Bob thinks that Baxter going to propose, he tells her that he only came to find out who took the great photos, so he can hire the photographer to take pictures for him and his wife. Bob immediately puts the champagne he has passed out back in the bottle. 1/6/22

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SEASON 1 – FX

Created Louis C.K.

Theme song: “Brother Louie” written by Errol Brown and Anthony Wilson, performed by Ian Lloyd

• 001. Pilot – 6/29/2010
  • Louie C.K. (himself) is a divorced comedian raising two young daughters named Lilly (Hadley Delany) and Jane (Ashley Gerasimovich). He talks about his life while performing at the Comedy Cellar nightclub. He helps chaperone a field trip for Lillie’s class to the Bronx Botanical Garden and runs afoul of the bus driver (William Stephenson), who has no idea how to get there and ends up abandoning the bus in Harlem. The teacher (Ashlie Atkinson) wants to take the kids to the nearest subway station, but Louie hires limos to come pick up the kids and take them home. Later Louie goes on a first date with a girl (Chelsea Peretti), which goes terribly. He runs into her naked neighbor (Kathleen Butler) when he goes to pick her up, they end up at a cheap pizza place for dinner, and the girl mistakes Louie for a man who bangs on the bathroom door when she uses the restroom. When he tries to kiss her, she runs away and leaves in a helicopter. 10/10/14

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SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Parke Levy

Theme music written by Eliot Daniel

NOTE: This series was adapted from the CBS radio series of the same name that aired 1952-1953

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• 001. Lily Ruskin Arrives – 10/4/1954
  • Matt Henshaw (Dean Miller) is an architect who works for Gordon & Co. Architects living in Westwood, California, with his wife Ruth (Frances Rafferty). Matt prepares to meet his widow mother-in-law Lily Ruskin (Spring Byington), who is arriving from Philadelphia for a visit. His friend and neighbor Pete Porter (Harry Morgan), who is constantly complaining about his wife Gladys, comes with the Henshaws to train station to meet Lily, and warns Matt that her ‘visit’ could turn into years. Matt hasn’t seen Lily for five years since the wedding, but remembers her as a wonderful person. She arrives with a man named Gus Warner (Harry Cheshire) whom she met on the train and has already proposed to her. Matt takes a disliking to him when he starts borrowing money for Matt and never picking up the check when they go out to eat. When Gus gives Lily an expensive ring, Pete and Matt begin to suspect that he committed a recent jewelry store robbery. Matt starts to question Gus to find out what he does for a living. Before he can answer, he needs to take a phone call, and asks to be excused. In reality he is buying stock in steel, but when Matt, Ruth, and Lily overhear his end, it sounds as if he is trying to unload stolen merchandise. Gus asks Lily for the ring back so he can have it ensured, but Lily steals it back and takes it to Police Lieutenant Morgan (Moroni Olsen), who confirms that it is stolen. However back home, Gus is panicking because the ring is missing, and shows Matt the bill of sale for the ring that cost $3200. Matt and Ruth and Gus meet them at the station. It turns out that it was them that had reported the ring stolen. It all leads to a big fight between Warner and the family, and he and Lily call the engagement off. Matt is apologetic, but Lily says that she could never marry a man with a temper like that. Lieutenant Morgan comes to pick up Lily for a date. Sam McDaniel is the train porter. 1/19/20

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Series based on a story by Ned Marin

NOTE: This series was re-named “Susie” when it was aired in syndication

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SEASON 2

• 033. Vive L’Amour – 3/7/1954
  • Mr. Sands has booked a sold-out show in Chicago for three weeks for performer Armende (Marcel Dalio), but he, Susie, and Armende’s American girlfriend Selma Heckendorn (Peggy Maley) are becoming nervous because Armende is back in his hometown of Paris, and wont take any of their calls. Susie gets the idea to go to Paris herself and fetch him. Sands likes the idea, but plans to go himself rather than sending her. However when a man named Mr. Harris (Charles Drake) shows up the office, flirts with both Vi and Susie, and then serves Sands a court subpoena, Sands is forced to send Susie to Paris instead. When she arrives and catches up with Armende she is able to flatter him into agreeing to come back to America for his performances. However, then his Paris girlfriend Peppy (Bibs Boorman), pleads with him and tells him how much she needs him, so he changes his mind and decides to stay in Paris. Susie changes his mind again… then Peppy does likewise. Finally Susie pleads with Peppy to do what is best for Armende, but she reveals to Susie that she needs him for all of the lavish gifts that he gives her. Susie then tells Armende that she will prove that Peppy is a gold-digger and only wants him for his wealth. She hires a man to repossess her mink and diamond bracelet, and then has Armende tell her that he is broke. She storms out of his life as predicted, but Armende then becomes too depressed to travel to America. Susie then call Armende, posing as a New York operator, a Paris operator, and Selma. She is able to sweet-talk him into coming home to America as she juggles her roles on he phone and Armende is the other room. 6/2/21

SEASON 3

• 061. A Scream in the Night – 5/8/1955
  • Horror novelist Owen Bancroft passes away, and Mr. Sands is interested in acquiring the rights to his literary works, but so far no publisher has been able to get them from Bancroft’s niece Honoria (Judith Evelyn). Sands is able to wrangle a meeting with her, but since it will take place at his old mansion rumored to be haunted, he sends Susie to meet with her. Honoria is dressed like a vampiress, and everything about the house is creepy including creaky doors and random screams in the halls. Also attending the meeting is Mickey ‘Cagey’ Calhoun to put his hat in the ring. Honoria warns both of them beforehand that she has already turned down numerous agents who weren’t familiar with her uncle’s room, and tells them they must spend the night in the house in order to have the meeting the next day. Calhoun is beside himself with fear, but Susie finds it rather humorous, and even adds a few ethereal moans to enhance the scares when she overhears Calhoun calling his pal Ben to tell him how scared he is. When Susie glances at Bancroft’s book A Scream in the Night, she is even more sure of herself, for it holds the key to all of the goings-on. When Calhoun can stand it no longer and comes to Susie for comfort, he makes him promise to let him have the contract, and then takes him to see Honoria, who admits that all of the sounds and effects are explained in her uncle’s books, so if one read the books, they’d know how it is all being done and that there’s nothing to be scared of. After Susie leaves the room, Calhoun tries to tell Honoria that he actually knew all of this, but Susie begged him to let her have the contract out of fear of losing her job. Susie dresses like a ghost in order to scare Calhoun out of the house one last time. 6/2/21

SEASON 4

• 081. Old Dogs, New Tricks – 2/19/1956
  • Mr. Sands is thrilled to be riding the coattails of success of his child actor client Harold Lemaire (Danny Richards Jr.), but Susie is worried that his success might be going to Harold’s head. When Harold seems to want her approval the most, she pulls back and won’t stroke his ego. Meanwhile another agent named Mickey “Cagey” Calhoun (Jesse White) and his partner Ben Moss (George E. Stone) is looking to steal Harold’s contract from Sands, and since Harold feels snubbed by Susie, he decides to teach her a lesson and pretend to be wooed by Calhoun’s offer to bring him to Hollywood. Susie plays right along and brings in lackadaisical child actor Dickie Darling (Tiger Fafara) who has no talent, but is always being promoted by his mother (Geraldine Hall). She calls Harold into the office, and although he thinks she is going to apologize to him, he is astounded that she asks him to coach Dickie on the part he is taking over from Harold. This breaks Harold and he grovels and asks to come back. She manages to work it out with Calhoun as well, as he is now convinced that Dickie is a rising superstar and he woos him – by literally carrying the lazy boy  out of the office. 10/1/19
• 082. Oh Brother! – 3/4/1956
  • The whole office is listening to the newest episode of Surprise Surprise! which reunites a mother and son after 42 years. Franklin Hopper (Harold Peary), the producer of the show, is meeting with Mr. Sands. She has come up with an idea of her own when she finds out that the night watchman Vinchenzo Marizani (Ernest Sarracino) had left the old country twenty years ago, and hasn’t seen his brother Antonio (Frank Puglia) since then. She pitches the idea to Mr. Hopper and he loves it, and a big bonus is promised to Mr. Sands if it works out. Susie goes to see Antonio’s wife Maria (Argentina Brunetti) to tell her that she’d like to bring Antonio to America and surprise both him and Vinchenzo. She brings over four of her Italian friends who each lend contradictory clues as to the whereabouts of Antonio. They bring Antonio to America under the guise of winning a contest. Vinchenzo overhears Susie talking about the surprise reunion he will soon have with his brother. Vinchenzo is absolutely incredulous about it, but for all of the wrong reasons as he reveals that he and his brother hate each other, although he can’t remember exactly why. Susie goes to see Antonio at his hotel, but he doesn’t want to talk about Vinchenzo either. Sands wants to call off the reunion, but Susie believes they might be ready to reconcile if they see each other. She also reminds him that there will be no chance of a bonus if they call it off. They arrange a meeting between the two, and as the camera rolls, they at first go at each other’s throats, but Susie is able to calm them down and they break down in happiness at seeing each other. As they are about to discuss the reason they were fighting, everyone hones in on listening as they are dying of curiosity… but unfortunately they switch to speaking Italian as they discuss it. 7/2/20
• 083. Cat in the Hot Tin File – 3/18/1956
  • A cat roams into her office and she names it Mr. Pimm. Vi really wants to keep the cat at the office since their apartments won’t allow them, but Mr. Sands won’t have it… especially since his client Edmee Esmond (Jean Parker) is allergic to cats and recently turned down an offer to star in the play The Cat’s Paw because it had a cat in it. Susie offers the cat to Mr. Sandor (John Banner) at the Black Cat restaurant to use as a mascot, and he gladly accepts it. Unfortunately once they return to the office and assure Sands that they’ve gotten rid of it, Mr. Pimm shows back up at the office. Ms. Esmond shows up at the office and considers taking the role if the playwright will eliminate the cat from the play. He refuses, just as Mr. Pimm makes his appearance, causing Ms. Esmond to freak out and fire Sands as her agent. Vi takes him to her apartment basement and they double down on their efforts of finding someone to take the cat. She also makes an appointment to meet with psychologist Dr. Palmer (George N. Neise) and has Ms. Esmond meet up at the Black Cat restaurant. Palmer, charmed by the doctor, diagnoses her of becoming violently ill when she saw a cat right after another actress took away a part from her. Ms. Esmond agrees that she may be the victim of a false allergy. Vi calls Susie back to the office, where they find the file cabinet full of Mr. Pimm’s kittens. Mr. Sands is won over by the cute kittens, while Ms. Esmond calls and agrees to do the play, even using Mr. Pimm as the lead in the title cat in the play. 11/26/18
• 084. The Little Caesar of Bleeker Street – 4/1/1956
  • The office is visited by a shoeshine boy named Chuckie Willis (Harry Shearer) and after conning his way into shining Mr. Sands’ shoes, and then Susie’s, he pockets a five dollar bill out of Susie’s purse. She catches him but lets him keep the money if he promises to return and give her twenty shines. He agrees, but then the next day, he doesn’t show up. She calls the police and gets Sgt. O’Halloran (Don Haggerty) to give her some information about Chuckie, a boy who lives alone in a tenement apartment and is known as the ‘Little Caesar of Bleeker Street.’ Susie visits him and gives him some advice that he could make even more money by being honest instead of being a thief. He agrees to try shining shoes in the office legitimately, and even gets his friend Hermie (Barry Froner) to help. One day however Susie’s diamond rings disappears while Vi is shining it for her. Everyone but Susie thinks that Chuckie is probably the culprit, but when she questions him, he denies it and leaves angrily. Later Vi finds that she had the ring on her hand the whole time. Vi and Mr. Sands head over to his apartment and apologizing, Susie reminding him that she forgave Chuckie when he made a mistake. Mr. Sands even goes so far as to shine Chuckie’s shoes for him. Sgt. O’Halloran stops by and invites Susie for dinner as his place. Mr. Sands reminds her that she has to return to work, but O’Halloran threatens to arrest him for shining shoes without a license. 3/21/20
• 086. Passing the Buck – 4/29/1956
  • While cutting Mr. Sands’ hair, his barber Barney (Frank Cady) asks him to read a play that he wrote. Sands blows it off and passes it off to Susie to read. She in turn doesn’t have time, so passes it off to Vi, who falls to pieces at the prospect of having to give a critique. She hands it off to the office boy Scotty (Paul Smith), who thinks that his girlfriend Gladys Daly (Vera Ferguson) is more cultured and would give a better review. Gladys admits to her boss Mr. Tillsbury (Thomas B. Henry) that she has seen very few plays and asks him to read it as he heads out of town. He then gives it to Mr. Sands, and says he thinks he may have a great writer on his hands. Mr. Sands then perks up and insists that Susie read it right then and there. She does and is thinks it is wonderful, so she has Mr. Sands read it and he agrees. At that point they realize they have no idea who wrote it, so they begin searching for the author by calling in nearly 200 young authors, all the while Barney keeps popping in to see if anyone has read his play. One fledgling writer (Richard Emory) attempts to claim it, but Susie calls him out when he misses basic plot points of it. Eventually Tillsbury returns to town, and they trace back the origin of the play to Barney. When he stops in yet again, they all congratulate him on the play that Sands wants to produce, but alas, by this time Barney thought they weren’t interest so took it to another agent, who made him an offer on it. Susie and Sands make sure they questions his new barber Marcus (Don Orlando) thoroughly to make sure he isn’t a playwright at heart. 3/21/20
• 090. Elusive – 6/9/1966
  • Susie, Vi, and Mr. Sands rush off delivery boy Scotty, because actress Inga Kovar (Fay Wall), who tries to remain elusive and keeps away from people, is coming to see Mr. Sands for a potential new acting part. When Scotty returns unexpectedly to grab his delivery, he immediately scares her off. From that point, Sands can’t get her back on the phone, but Susie isn’t ready to give up and thinks she can convince her to return to sign a contract. She heads to Kovar’s apartment building where she tries to convince the doorman James (Richard Deacon) that she is with the rectification department with the census bureau and is able to get directed to Kovar’s room. When she gets inside, she poses as Daisy Cornwallis and when Maud the maid (Virginia Christine) doesn’t believe her, she has her call Vi, who poses as the census bureau. Nevertheless Maud claims that Kovar isn’t at home, and when Kovar comes home downstairs, James tells Susie that the she was the maid, and claims that Maud is actually Kovar in disguise. Susie then poses as the police hot on the trail of Cornwallis. She then reveals herself, but Maud is actually the maid after all. Giving up for the day, she returns to the office and she, Vi, and Scotty go through the movie magazines to try and get to know Kovar, learning that she likes quiet souls and takes a walk around the reservoir every day. Susie gets the idea to intercept her on her walk, posing as a quiet confused soul herself. Kovar takes a liking to her, but denies her own identity. However Susie is able to get her re-creating her acting scenes, which are noticed by a policeman (James Gavin) passing by. Although Susie and the officer try to convince her to return to acting, she isn’t hearing it, and storms off when she realizes that Susie works for International Pictures. Mr. Sands tells Susie the next day that she knew she’d never be able to get Kovar, and is foolish for trying. Just then Inga Kovar struts into the office and thanks Susie for making her realize that acting is her true calling and passion in life, and she is ready to take the role. Mr. Sands is too shocked to speak a word. 10/19/20

SEASON 5

• 093. The Sow’s Ear – 10/14/1956
  • Mr. Sands and Susie are courting elusive writer Lady Elizabeth Standish (Barbara Morrison) by decorating the office and speaking to her according to her English roots. She comes to the office complaining about certain American customs such as frankfurters and be-bop dancing. While Sands is meeting with her, Cagey Calhoun comes to see Susie and offers to reveal the whereabouts of Lady Standish in exchange for half of the interest in her contract, but when he sees her come out of his office, Calhoun feels like a fool. He stars lamenting his two-bit status to Susie, so she offers to try and polish him up and make him more debonair and appealing to potential clients. She takes him out to the same restaurant where Sands and Standish are having dinner and coaches him in etiquette. The next thing she knows, Mr. Sands is furious because Calhoun has stolen Lady Standish from him. She does such a good job that he is even able to charm Vi who hates him. To add insult to injury, Calhoun asks Susie to supply him with a list of Lady Standish’s likes. Susie refuses, but then leaves the list in a place where he can easily steal it. However it contains all false information, causing him to buy her a frankfurter and dance be-bop with her at the fancy restaurant. Mr. Sands arrives at the restaurant just in time to see Calhoun throwing Lady Standish around the dance floor and falling on her. Calhoun is forced to acknowledge that Susie is not only beautiful and smart, but that she is sneakier than he is. Vito Scotti is the waiter. 7/2/20 
• 094. How to Handle a Boss – 10/28/1956
  • Susie gets contracted to write a magazine article called “How I Handle the Boss” for New Feature magazine. Because she has writer’s block and is being hounded by Mr. Sands to actually do work, she engages her boyfriend Tony Kirkland (Stephen Dunne) to write it for his as a ‘collaboration.’ Tony composes a scathing draft as a joke, which belittles Mr. Sands, Vi, and Tommy, while he writes another acceptable version. Unfortunately Tony accidentally submits the joke version, and when her co-workers find it, they are furious. Susie goes to see the publisher Walter Light (John Archer), and although he claims the story is locked in and can’t be changed, Susie makes her plea by singing the praises of her co-workers. When she sullenly returns to the office, everyone is thrilled to see her; Mr. Light has re-written her article and published it based on her praises. It turns out that Light had started his career as a secretary himself. Frances Mercer is Light’s secretary Helen Birch. Scott Elliott is Bill the magazine photographer. 10/10/17
• 095. What Every Secretary Knows – 11/11/1956
  • Mr. Sands overhears famous producer Bernard Hugo mention that he is casting for a stage production Samson and Delilah, and Sands wants to get his performers Jeff Richie (Jeffrey Stone) and Phyllis Gerarde (Nan Leslie). Sands can’t get through to Hugo on the phone, so Susie has the idea to work with Hugo’s secretary, who has informed her that Mrs. Hugo makes all the decisions in the family. She goes to visit her, but finds that Hugo’s wife Dolly (Madge Blake) is filling in as his secretary. With Hugo stepping down as chairman of the Opera Association, Susie volunteers Sands to fill in for the role to organize their next dinner. When Sands learns that the Hugo will be present at their dinner, he willingly accepts. Knowing that Mrs. Hugo is on a diet, Susie talks Sands into creating two menus, so the men can have a hearty meal and the ladies can have a low-calorie meal. Dolly, having been won over, asks Susie what she can do for her, and agrees to stop by the office while Jeff and Phyllis are auditioning for the Golden Bread Variety Hour. Although Mr. Hugo doesn’t appear to take the bait, Susie isn’t worried. Minutes later the Hugos return and he tells Sands that he’s interested in using them for the play. Mrs. Hugo gives Susie a wink, while Sands thinks that he himself had maneuvered the whole plan. 10/9/17
• 096. Dollars and Sense – 11/25/1956
  • Susie is having trouble controlling her spending, and Vi really gets on her case when she spends the money that the girls were collecting for a bridal shower gift. In order to get control back, Susie asks Vi to hold her paycheck and only give her one dollar a day. Susie begins scrimping on everything is back on track… when she finds out there is a sale on petticoats. Vi tries to keep the money from her, but when she tears up her own petticoat, Vi has mercy and gives her the money, which Susie promptly spends on a shopping spree. She then decides to give the money to Mr. Sands, thinking he will be more rigid. When Susie finds out about a dress and handbag sale from her friend Cecile (Kay Cousins Johnson), Susie lies to Sands and tells him that her electricity is out and that her friend Cecile has an emergency. Sands gives in and gives her the money, which she passes on to Cecile to go shopping for her. Vi then realizes that Susie has spent the money that she was supposed to pay back for the shower gift. Sands won’t give her the money, and she can’t borrow it from Georgia (Elaine Riley) or Connie (Florence Shaen), so she tries to return the clothes to Madame Stella (Claire Du Brey) at the department store, then to a pawnbroker (Mel Welles), who only offers $10. Susie returns to work downtrodden, but finds that Sands has the gifts. Curious how he was finally convinced that she and Vi were not lying, he said that the gifts came C.O.D. 11/26/18
• 097. Her Best Enemy – 12/9/1956
  • One of Cagey Calhoun’s top clients Hernando Kelly is threatening to leave him if Cagey can’t get him a contract similar to the one drawn up by Mr. Sands for Lance Meredith. Cagey wants to try and finagle it out of Susie, so he thinks the best route is to use reverse psychology, so instead of asking for the Meredith contract, he asks her for the contract for Jack Howard. She offers to give him the Meredith contract instead, but he thinks it’s a trick and declines. Following his instruction, Susie sends him the Howard contract per his request, much to his surprise and irritation. He decides to steal the Meredith contract, so he goes in person to thank her and bring her flowers, also offering to assist Mr. Sands in getting into shape since he’s lamenting gaining some weight. Cagey gets Susie out of the room by having his associate Ben Moss phone Susie pretending to be a Frenchman. When Cagey gets into the file cabinet, he actually sets it on fire while using a match to snoop. Ben suggests again that Cagey simply defer to Susie’s kind heart. Instead of asking for the contract, he makes arrangement for his ‘mother’ to visit the office. Susie and Mr. Sands immediately recognize her as Cagey in disguise, allowing him to sneak the contract out of the drawer and photograph it. Susie then tricks Cagey into mounting the mechanical bull in Mr. Sands’ office, then turns it on until he is flung about and camera falls from his pocket. She demands to know what he took pictures of, and finally admits what he wanted. Sands and Susie are both incredulous since they would have allowed him to have the Meredith contract all along. He apologizes and goes on his way, just in time for Susie to rescue Mr. Sands who has tried out the exercise bull himself. 10/21/20 
• 098. Three’s a Crowd – 12/23/1956
  • To show his appreciation for introducing him to a potentially lucrative play, Broadway producer Bailey Thorton (Gerald Mohr) buys Susie a gold bracelet and asks her to dinner. Meanwhile the playwright Tyler Boone (Charles Nolte) shows up to meet Mr. Thorton, and he too is attracted to Susie. When Thorton overhears Boone also ask Susie to dinner, he starts to feel protective of her, despite his admiration for Boone’s work. Vi is giddy that Susie is now in the middle of a ‘love triangle.’ She continues to date both men, and eventually the men get into a feud and request to cancel their deal with one another. When the play’s lead actor Gordon Hunter gets wind that the play might be off, he threatens to sue Mr. Sands. Although he wants her to stop fraternizing with the clients, Mrs. Sands sends Susie to reconcile the men, but they are adamant about remaining enemies, and both hold out for winning Susie’s affection. She invites both men over and then fakes getting calls from other suitors, disillusioning both Bailey and Tyler and causing them to reconcile and continue with plans for the play. Now with nothing to do, she invites Vi, who has been unwittingly making the ‘phony’ calls to Susie, to play Scrabble. 4/2/18
• 100. That’s No Lady, That’s an Agent – 1/20/1957
  • There’s a new agent in town named Blanche Colvey (Hillary Brooke), and Sands is too busy wooing her to listen to Susie’s warnings that she is a shark who will go after his clients. One of the biggest names that Sands is getting ready to sign is Russian singer Gregor Tiomkin (Sig Ruman), and when Susie gets wind from Vi that Blanche is looking to hire a secretary who speaks Russian, this clinches it for her that she is going to try and steal Tiomkin. Susie then disguises herself as a Russian and is hired for the job. She meddles in the contract signing and when Blanche is out of the room, she reveals herself and makes him a better offer. Sands finally sees the light of day, and all three walk out of Blanche’s office, now business partners, but leaving her in disgust at being foiled. 10/1/19
• 101. Not Quite Paradise – 2/3/1957
  • Susie arranges for Mr. Sands and herself to attend a dinner party with Vi and her Aunt Martha (Zasu Pitts) in Canarsie, but Martha’s friend Della Loganberry (Hope Summers) believes that Vi has a romantic interest in Mr. Sands. She convinces Martha that it could mean marriage, so once they arrive, the old ladies do everything they can to push forward their ‘romance’. Disappointed that Susie has tagged along and fearing she will be competition, they also strive to tear down Susie by presenting her as someone who drinks a lot of hard liquor. When they try to make Susie sit on a short stool at dinner, she starts to suspect what is going on. Susie decides to play along and puts herself down, but then warns Aunt Martha that she had better stop her campaign. She doesn’t listen, and then tells Mr. Sands that he and Vi will be a great couple. He is furious, storms out, and fires Vi, blaming her for the whole thing. Susie tries to repair the damage by bringing Mr. Sands some of Martha’s fried chicken. Although he initially refuses to eat it, hunger overtakes him and he devours it, asking for more. This paves the way for Martha and Della to go in and apologize and explain their mistake. He forgives them and they bury the hatchet… but then the ladies try to convince him that he and Susie would make a lovely couple. 3/19/18
• 102. The Efficiency Expert – 2/17/1957
  • Mrs. Sands receives a visit from J.B. Sherman (Raymond Bailey) with the American Entertainment Agency. When Sherman arrives, he is clearly irritated by the fact that Vi is working a crossword puzzle, and Tommy Simpson (Joe Corey) is working on a model car. The three of them listen in on the conversation, and discover that Sands is thinking about whether to merge International Pictures with his company. Sherman is quick to point out how he can made the business make be made so much more efficient, and allow Sands to step back from his duties and have plenty more time and energy to do his own activities, when the office made more efficient. Sands decides to see what could be changed,  and he brings in an efficiency expert named Oliver Benson (Frank Nelson). Although Benson tells them all to pretend he is not there, he is constantly in the way, and making changes left and right. He seeks to eliminate subscriptions to the trade papers, eliminate coffee, and insist on drinking only a half paper cone of water at a time. Vi thinks they should rebel against the new mandates, but Susie thinks they should follow them to the letter. Mr. Sands is taken aback when he can’t get the trades or his coffee, and he nearly chokes when he has to take his medicine with only a swallow of water… but still he goes on observing the new rules to make the office run better. Meanwhile, Susie surprisingly accepts a dinner invitation after hours with Mr. Benson. The next day when Sherman comes into the office to solidify the merger, Mr. Sands signs the agreement, but then realizes that Susie put the carbon paper in backwards. She also confronts Sherman with the fact that he never takes the vacations, or plays the golf, that he sold Mr. Sands on. He also is forced to admit that he has merged with several other agencies, but then drove his partners so crazy that they were bought out by Sherman at a fraction of the company value. Sands then tells Sherman he is no longer interested in merging. Susie admits she found out all of this information at the dinner with Benson, after filling him with seven martinis. Sands throws Benson out as well. 10/1/21
• 103. Two and Two Make Five – 3/3/1957
  • Susie is beside herself when she gets a call from the Internal Revenue Department that her taxes from three years earlier are being audited. It is made even worse when her taxman reminds her that this was the year that she did her taxes herself. Mr. Sands orders her to take some time off to prepare for the meeting, so that she can get it over with and start concentrating on work again. He is trying to help an artist named Fritz Kaslo (Tommy Vize) find an actor to voice a cartoon character named Binkley Piper that he has created for a series of oil commercials. Susie prepares to meet with the agent Mr. Bascom (Mel Blanc), but when she reads an article about a millionaire getting ten years for tax fraud, she chickents out. Sands then calls Bascom to see if he can come see Susie at the office where she will be less terrified. Susie insists on covering every aspect of her taxes, taking him through wild tales of green stamps for gas write-offs, car repairs she had done after an accident while picking up a client, and questioning where her tax dollars have gone as it relates to a battleship that went missing. Sands recommends that Susie resorts to crying, but doesn’t go through with it when Bascom preemptively tells her how much he hates that. She then resorts to having Vi call her and pretending to be friends needing recipes in order to distract him. When he casually mentions that he often avoids phone calls by disguising his voice, and then demonstrates some of the voices he uses. Susie is convinced that he would be a perfect voice actor for the Binkley Piper character. She and Mr. Sands manage to talk him into auditioning for Kaslo and then taking the job. He resigns from the Revenue Department, but warns Susie that his successor would continue to work with her. Finally he tells her that she has paid taxes on an inheritance that year, for which she did not owe…meaning that the government owed her $800 back. 2/6/20
• 104. Thy Name Is Sands – 3/17/1957
  • Susie notices some missing and objectionable clauses in the Famous Pictures contract for their client, actress Gloria Tidings, so she shares the contract with Mr. Sands. He gets angry when she tells him, but when he looks at the contract, he can’t read it because everything goes blurry. Susie sends for Dr. Martin (Frank Wilcox), but by the time he arrives, he thinks Vi is the patient because she has fainted while being so concerned about Mr. Sands. Martin assures Sands that there’s nothing wrong with him but his eyesight, so he sends him to see an eye doctor (Howard McNear). Mr. Sands is adamant about not getting glasses, but the doctor is able to convince him that degradation of the eyesight is one of many signs that he is just getting older. Sands finally agrees to get the glasses… but when the doctor’s granddaughter (Linda Lowell) mistakes him for her grandfather, he storms out, adamant that he doesn’t need them. Walter Harly (Glenn Langan) comes to negotiate the Tidings contract. Both Susie and Vi are smitten with him, but when Mr. Sands still can’t read the contract, Susie doesn’t want Harly to see that she wears glasses. Her attitude quickly changes when she sees that he wears glasses himself. She then reads the contract to find that Harly has made note of the changes. Sands is livid, and demands that he come back with a new contract. The next day, Susie gives Mr. Sands a wrapped present…which ends up being new glasses. He still insists that he doesn’t want to wear them, but when he puts them on and the girls compliment him, not to mention the fact that he can now see the girls and the office so much more clearly, he decides he likes them. Unfortunately he can now also see all of the mistakes in Susie and Vi’s work, and he insists that they do it all over. 2/6/21