Upon my return from my October 2005 trip to California (which strongly mirrored in many ways my most recent trip this past February), I had the itch to really create some sort of record, writing, scrapbook – whatever – of my misadventures and experiences from the vacation. As this was my ‘pre-website’ days, the only outlet I had was to write them into a Quark document for future possible printing – with photos – ala a newsletter of sorts. (The photo at left was the first one of the trip – Bob on the Walk of Fame). Because this required quite a bit of effort, I never finished it. In fact I only finished the first two days of chronicling the trip. Memory will help me fill in the blanks, but here’s what I had written for day one:
What you are about to read is real. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. In fact, I admit my guilt. I pushed myself to the point of complete mental exhaustion. . . on a quest to do more than any living human being should be permitted to even consider.
The following diary covers my nine-day journey to the belly of California and the outlying districts. You will hear tales of fun and excitement and of disappointment and tragedy. But I must re-iterate, it is almost all true.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30: DAY OF THE VAMPIRE
It doesn’t get much earlier than 4:00 a.m. but that was the time it was necessary to grope for the alarm, stumble out of bed, crawl to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawnin’ stretchin’ time to come alive. Sorry about that. But truth be told, it was really early and I wasn’t yet entirely ready without some last minute packing. Anyway, travel discussion is lame. So I caught the 6:00 American Airlines flight to Dallas and then to Ontario, California.
Nothing memorable on the flight itself except for the ginger ale I received on the first leg that had absolutely no syrup whatsoever. I was beginning to think that Canada Dry had a different name for club soda. There was an extremely long layover in Dallas where I worked a crossword from the airline magazine. I listened to my one and only CD for the entire trip: “Flaming Pie” by Paul McCartney.
So I arrived in Ontario at 12:55 local time – California is three hours behind Ohio so it was really almost four according to my watch (if I had one). As I was eating lunch at work on Thursday, I commented that my next lunch would be at a sushi bar in California. And so it was. My long time friend Bob Satterfield picked me up at the airport and headed straight for an all-you-can eat Sushi Bar. About one hour later, I was stuffed to the gills with raw fish and eel and boy was it delicious. Nothing like California sushi bars.
We had a couple of hours to kill before we – believe it or not – had dinner reservations. We headed to the Hollywood photo store where we were picking up some photos of stars we thought we might meet. Bob already had a Penn & Teller, Daniel Stern, and Crystal Bernard photo waiting for me and I picked up a few additional ones (most of which proved to be of no use). It was also necessary to pick up a lithium battery for my camera and some Clearasil for a painful pimple rearing its ugly head. Jimmy Wiley III, the co-host for this trip, phoned while we were on the walk of fame. We purchased a Los Angeles Times newspaper that featured the obituary of Sons of the Desert founder John McCabe.
We made our way to our hotel in Burbank where the Hollywood Collector’s show would be held on Saturday and Sunday. Bob had won two nights in the hotel in an auction so we agreed to upgrade our room to a suite for just $30.00 a night. It was a good idea as it allowed us lots of extra room, a sofa, table, and additional seating. Outside, the great Burbank fires scorched the mountainside within viewing range of our window.
Although, still partially stuffed with sushi, we had dinner reservations at 5:00 in order to be done in time for the play we had tickets for. We ate at the famous Scottish Tam O’ Shanter Inn, a place that Stan Laurel had often frequented and counted among his favorites. As my birthday was approaching, Bob informed the waitress and I received a free piece of cake. No problem with that.
A birthday treat at the Tam O’Shanter
I must have been getting slaphappy to pose inside the phonebooth outside the Tam O’Shanter
The play we had tickets for was called “Barbra’s Wedding,” written by Daniel Stern. He and Crystal Bernard (of “Wings” fame) played the leads – in fact they were the only performers in the play. I found it very entertaining, funny, and at seventy minutes, nice and tight. Our seats (in the intimate 99-seat theater) were in the front row. In this small theater, our knees were about two inches from the stage. Much of the action actually took place on the stage floor right in front of us. I felt each actors’ spit during the performance and they were so close I named each goosebump on Crystal’s legs.
As planned, we stuck around to meet the actors. Daniel Stern came out first but quickly wandered outside to the front sidewalk where he mingled with some friends. Bob and I hung around inside the theater and soon enough Crystal popped her head out and came out to sign autographs and pose for photos with us. She was very sweet and seemed genuinely pleased to talk with us. I told her that her performance reminded me of Lucy and she appreciated the compliment. When we had had our way with her, we meandered outside to meet Daniel and pose for a photo with him (our request). He scribbled his signature on a photo and DVD cover of “Home Alone” for me. Bob always asks for an addtional signed photo to display at his school (he’s a highschool teacher). Crystal did not disappoint with the quote “Fly High with Education.” The playwright was less inspiring with: “Education is Important.”
After the play, we headed over to the apartment of our friend Steve Cox. Steve is a writer/author who has penned some great volumes on “The Munchkins of Oz,” “I Dream of Jeannie,” “The Addams Family,” and “The Abbott and Costello Scrapbook” to name just a few. Steve had his friend Ray over and the four of us chatted and looked at some of Steve’s memorabilia. Steve made the obligatory mention of swimming in “Bob’s Pool.” (That’s a really long story. Ask me if you really care.) Steve has a really cool collection of film and TV memorabilia. On his wall you will find a color photo of W.C. Fields from his personal collection, autographed photos of the cast of “Gilligan’s Island,” “Batman,” “The Beverly Hillbillies,” and many other fun pieces. Steve was kind enough to loan me his Laurel and Hardy file. That is, his collection of very, very rare original one-of-a-kind photos to take to Jimmy’s and scan into his computer for future use. I nearly had to sign my name in blood to get access to these, but had them under my arm when we left.
With Steve Cox in front of his impressive collection
Bob notes the mountainside fires outside of Steve’s apartment (or was he just hinting that he wanted to play on the playground?)
We got back to our hotel about 12:30 a.m. I purposely stayed awake until 1:00 in order to hit the 24-hour mark. The vacation had begun with a vengeance. Outside the fires raged.
Me at the 24-hour mark
Click here to see Crystal Bernard and Daniel Stern…
Bypass this trip and continue with 2005…
I just jumped in the shower, blood starts pumpin’, out on the street the traffic starts jumpin’
No need to apologize for a little 9 to 5. (Lyrics supplied by Sarah)
Chris Tangeman
July 8th, 2007