The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

Theme song: “Dobie” written by Lionel Newman and Max Shulman, performed by Judd Conlon’s Rhythmaires

NOTE: This series was based on the Max Shulman short stories between 1945-1951, collected in a single volume of the same title, and subsequently the 1953 motion picture “The Affairs of Dobie Gillis”

• 001. Caper at the Bijou – 9/29/1959
  • Dobie Gillis (Dwayne Hickman) is a girl-crazy teenager living with his parents, the gruff and easily frustrated Herbert (Frank Faylen) and the placid and flighty Winifred (Florida Friebus), who run a grocery store attached to their home. After his father refuses him, his mother slips him some money to attend Jackpot Night at the theater. A girl named Thalia Menninger (Tuesday Weld) approaches him to partner up and split the jackpot if one of them wins. Dobie not only agrees, he immediately falls in love with her. Thalia admits that she might be interested…if Dobie only had some money. Dobie promises her that he’ll come up with enough to take her to the Junior Prom. Dobie and his friend Maynard G. Krebs (Bob Denver) concoct a scheme to cheat at Jackpot Night by calling Dobie’s number no matter what he draws from his seat in the front row. At the last minute Dobie’s conscience catches up with him and he refuses to claim the prize, so another number is drawn. Thalia is disappointed and tells Dobie she’s like to stick with him, but she can’t be with someone who is penniless. Maynard then shows up at the theater late indicating that Dobie’s number had rightfully been drawn after all. Herbert Anderson plays the teacher Mr. Pomfritt and Jason Wingreen is the theater manager. 1/10/14

• 002. The Best Dressed Man – 10/6/1959
  • Dobie is hung up on Thalia but she only goes for the rich and the well-dressed…like Milton Armitage (Warren Beatty), a rich classmate who comes to school dressed to the nines every day. After he is denied money from his father to buy new clothes, Dobie approaches local haberdasher Mr. Ziegler (Mel Blanc) with an offer to wear his suits to school in hopes of attracting more teenage customers. Dobie eventually wins the clothing war and Thalia passes him a note to ask him to be her steady. Milton visits Ziegler to buy a new suit and finds the note in one of the pockets, giving away Dobie’s ruse. When he tells Thalia, she doesn’t care because she notes that Dobie has initiative – but when she finds out that Dobie isn’t getting paid, she leaves him flat again. William Schallert makes his first appearance as teacher Leander Pomfritt. William Kinney is a café patron, making his first of 72 various, mostly uncredited appearances.  1/10/14
• 003. Love Is a Science – 10/13/1959
  • Dobie fancies himself a poet, but Thalia insists that he become a doctor if he wants to date her, so he signs up for a zoology class. The teacher (Charles Lane) recognizes that Dobie has not talent for science, as does Dobie – but the girl next to him, Zelda Gilroy (Sheila James) is in love with him and agrees to do his homework for him, thinking that ‘propinquity’ will eventually bring them together. He lies and says he is working at the YMCA, but really he continues to court Thalia, who has dollar signs in her eyes. When Zelda finds a poem that Dobie wrote for Thalia, she feeds him the wrong answers for the exam and he winds up with a 0%. He quits the class and returns to the world of poetry. 1/21/14
• 004. The Right Triangle – 10/20/1959
  • Dobie falls for a girl named Felicia (Yvonne Fedderson), whom he meets in the park, but she has no interest in him. Based on advice he gets from his brother Davey (Darryl Hickman), Dobie pretends that he is having an affair with a married woman with an alcoholic husband, which elicits sympathy from Felicia and makes her not only attracted to him, but willing to pay for all of their dates. When she spots Dobie talking to their new math teacher Ruth Adams (Jean Byron), Felicia assumes that she is the married woman and tells Dobie’s father. He confronts Mrs. Adams, who thinks that Mr. Gillis is referring to Dobie’s grades, but he leaves thinking that he has gotten Dobie out of the affair. 1/21/14
• 005. Maynard’s Farewell to the Troops – 11/3/1959
  • Maynard is feeling unwanted when Dobie tells him that he needs a break from him after Maynard forgets to deliver a note to Thalia. Making it even worse, Maynard is kicked out of the records store, Charles Wong’s (Guy Lee) ice cream parlor, and his own parents’ (Willis Bouchey, Kay Stewart) house. Maynard gets a draft notice and when he tells Dobie, he passes it on the classroom. Mr. Pomfritt assigns the kids to do a concise essay “What Maynard Krebs Means to Me,” and they all read them at the ice cream parlor as a testimonial to a choked-up Maynard. When Maynard reports for duty, he finds out that it wasn’t actually a draft notice that he received, bur rather a classification. Maynard doesn’t want to let everybody down so, with his parents’ enthusiastic permission, he enlists. Soon he is made an  acting corporal and has his troop growing goatees like his. Maynard’s cousin Jerome (Michael J. Pollard) comes to live with Maynard’s parents from New Orleans. Tommy Farrell plays Riff Ryan. 2/17/14
• 006. The Sweet Singer of Central High – 11/10/1959
  • Thalia’s new obsession is finding a singer to be her boyfriend, and once again it is Milton and Dobie competing for her affections by auditioning for the Central High Octet. Milton gets into the group but Dobie is turned away, so he goes off and practices continually much to the chagrin of his father…until he hurts his throat and has to have a tonsillectomy. The scar tissue in his throat somehow transforms into singer reminiscent of Elvis, causing all of the girls at the soda shop – including Thalia – to swoon over him. Under Thalia’s management, Dobie becomes a local icon and Thalia starts a fan club for him. As more girls fawn over him, his head begins to swell, until he nearly dumps Thalia, who then walks out on him. During the octet’s competition with another school, the fans clamor for Dobie – but as he begins a solo number, he loses his voice, returning him back to his former self. Steve Franken makes his first appearance as Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. 2/18/14 
• 007. Greater Love Hath No Man – 11/17/1959
  • Maynard is discharged from the army because he drives them crazy, returns home and find Dobie in love again with a new girl named Pearl Arnold (Diane Jergens). Unbeknownst to either one of them, Maynard falls for the same girl. When Dobie gets grounded for locking his father in the freezer, Maynard comes to the rescue and sleeps in Dobie’s bed so that Dobie can sneak out. When Maynard confesses that he is in love, Dobie offers to feed him the words to win the girl over ala Cyrano de Bergerac (a scene from which factors into one of Dobie’s daydreams). When Dobie finds out that Maynard is in love with Pearl, Dobie decides to dump her so that Maynard can have her. She finds this noble, but as Maynard and Dobie argue that the other guy is more deserving, Pearl gets annoyed and goes off with another boy, saying that Dobie and Maynard are perfect for each other. 4/13/14
• 008. The Old Goat – 11/24/14
  • The Central football team is getting ready to play Webster, whom they’ve never beaten. Dobie concocts a plan with Maynard and Randy (Robert Paget) to steal their lucky goat mascot and hide it in Maynard’s room. They all take an oath not to reveal that they stole it to anyone despite the fact that Dobie thinks that being the hero would get him a date with Lola (Joan Aldrich). The Webster boys figure out that it was Dobie who masterminded the operation and they send in one of their girlfriends Vivienne Bardot (Romney Tree) to find out where the goat is. Despite the fact that he knows she’s lying about her identity, Dobie still tells her where the goat is being held…then has to find a way to move him. They are caught by former Central quarterback Officer Chuck Winters (Milton Frome) who forces them to return the goat, thinking that they’ll never look in place he belongs. Dobie becomes quite popular and has his pick of the girls…until Webster slaughters Central since they are so angry about their lost goat. In the end, the girls turn against Dobie and Webster gives Maynard their goat since they don’t think they need it any longer. James Yagi plays Charlie Wong, Joel Crothers is Ted. 4/14/14
• 009. Dobie Gillis, Boy Actor – 12/1/1959
  • Dobie is crazy about high school actress Annabelle Huffaker (Anita Sands), and conspires to be starred opposite her in the play Magnolias at Manassas: A Drama of the Civil War. Also trying out for the part of Captain Culpepper is Milton Armitage. Milton tries out with a scene from A Streetcar Named Desire, while Dobie tries out with A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but plays Oberon as Gary Cooper based on a tip from Milton. Maynard gets cast as a Union soldier who fights Culpepper, and hatches the idea to spring the stage trap door, so that Dobie can step in as understudy and get the chance to kiss Annabelle. The plan work, but Milton escapes and strips Maynard of his costume, entering as the Union soldier, changes the play so that he beats up Culpepper. However Maynard springs the trap door again before Milton can kiss Annabelle. Jesslyn Fax is the play’s director Ruth Erdlatz. 7/13/14
• 010. It Takes Two – 12/8/1959
  • The latest object of Dobie’s affection is Poppy Herring (Penny Parker), who explains to Dobie that he must love and want children before she will consider going steady with him. Dobie acts excited about children, but lets it slip that his father is a miserable old codger. After having just learned from Mr. Pomfritt how traits are passed through genes, Poppy denies Dobie’s request. Dobie then changes his tune to tell her what a wonderful man his father is, even delivering groceries for him so that he will be in a good mood when he meets Poppy. Unfortunately, Dobie lets Poppy eat some of their customer Mr. Phillips’ (Charles Watts) fruit, delivers beer to teetotaler Mrs. Lear (Sondra Rodgers), and lets Poppy drive the car, which scares off the birds that birdwatcher Mr. Turnby (Colin Campbell) is enjoying. All three summon Herbert to court, and needless to say, he rages at Dobie when they return, driving Poppy away. 7/13/14
• 011. Dobie’s Birthday Party – 12/15/1959
  • Dobie asks his parents not to mention his birthday the next day, so they don’t – but unbeknownst to him, they are planning a surprise party for him. Maynard is supposed to keep him out until 6:15 that evening, but he forgets and they come home. His father gets him out by giving him work, but then he becomes so depressed that no one has remembered his birthday that Maynard can’t seem to him back home. They have Georgie (Ronny Howard) sell Herb back his own bottles to make money to eat ice cream. Then they get diverted at Riff Ryan’s record shop where Maynard ruins a sale to the Far-Out Girl (Janice Carroll). By the time they get home, the party is over…but Dobie is pleased he is remembered. His father brings him a cake in bed that night and wishes him many happy returns on the day. 9/6/14
• 012. Deck the Halls – 12/22/1959
  • Dobie laments that fact that his father will be spending Christmas in jail. The judge (Alan Carney) and police chief (Jack Albertson) try to release him for fear of bad publicity, but he refuses to leave the jail. Through flashback, Dobie relates the reasons that led up to Herbert’s breakdown, which include: Winifred pestering him about Christmas cards, Dobie chastising him for his gift choices, Davey asking him for $50 to tip the servants at a rich friend’s house, Mrs. Blossom Kenney (Marjorie Bennett) refusing to buy a giant candy cane that Herbert had specially made, and finally Mrs. Lapping (Verna Felton) who returns a six-month old turkey and expects to be paid the current price for it. At this point he throws the turkey through the window of the store and gets arrested. The judge and chief eventually give up on him, but his family comes to see him at the jail, prompting him to agree to leave and celebrate Christmas at the store, inviting in the carolers that include Mrs. Lapping, Mrs. Kenny, the judge, and the chief. 9/7/14
• 013. Couchville, USA – 12/29/1959
  • Dobie wants to take Thalia to the Junior Prom, but she strings him along, and will only consider going if he can raise the necessary $6 to take her. Winnie convinces Herbert to be more understanding with Dobie, but the best he can do is offer Dobie a job at the store. Dobie does well until he mismarks some import hams for $1.10 instead of $3.99. Herbert is convinced that Dobie hates him and seeks the help of Dr. Gicker (Harvey Stephens), a psychologist who shops in the store. He thinks that if Herbert to get Dobie to say that he hates him, it will be cathartic and help cure him. Herbert offers Dobie the $6 to tell him he hates him, which Dobie reluctantly does. However, he feels guilty and uses the money to buy his father a tie and breaks his date with Thalia. When Herb finds this out, he is so relieved that Dobie loves him that he gives Dobie the money for the dance. 10/4/14
• 014. The Gaucho – 1/5/1960
  • Herb wants to rent out Davey’s room to earn some extra income, but Dobie is scared that Thalia will see it and think they’re poor. On the contrary, she thinks it is industrious and gives Dobie the credit. But when the room is rented to Carlos Romero (Joe Sonessa), the son of an Argentinian general, things start to turn upside down for the Gillis men. Thalia assumes he’s rich and starts to fall for him, and Winnie insists on re-decorating his room and that Herb emulate his manners. Dobie has a fantasy sequence about the situation being reversed, and him being popular in Argentina. Dobie and Maynard teach Carlos some insulting American words and mislead him to believe they are compliments, but they seem to have no affect on Thalia. But when Carlos’ father Sebastian (Alberto Morin) comes to visit, Carlos passes on some of the phrases to him and he ends up insulting Winnie, who then wants Carlos out of the house. Dobie tells them that Davey is coming home, in order to get rid of them…an act that makes Herbert proud of his son. 10/4/14
• 015. The Smoke-Filled Room – 1/12/1960
  • Milton is running for Junior class president, but Thalia feels that Dobie would make a more suitable candidate because he is more in touch with the common people. With Maynard and Thalia helping him, Dobie is soon poised to be the victor. Milton turns to his mother Clarice (Doris Packer) for help, and she offers to throw lots of business to Herbert if he can get Dobie to withdraw. Dobie refuses at first, but later decides that he will withdraw in order to bring his father some happiness. But as he’s read to quit, Herbert shows up leading the way with banners campaigning for Dobie. He ends up winning the election, and Mrs. Armitage thinks it may be the best for Milton to have lost, and vows to give all her business to Gillis Groceries anyway. 11/7/14
• 016. The Fist Fighter – 1/19/1960
  • Thalia’s newest craze is athletes after she realizes how much money the professionals make. She has her sights set on Milton, captain of the football team. After Milton belittles him, Dobie pays a visit to the athletic Central High graduate Moose McCullough (Page Slattery), and gets him to agree to take fall during a fight with Dobie. The plan works so well that everyone becomes scared of Dobie and calls him “Top Fist.” Milton however refuses to back down and challenges Dobie to a fight. Even a follow-up warning from Moose won’t get Milton to back down. Moose convinces Dobie that he’ll have to fight, and Dobie gets psyched to do so…but punches the Thinker statue and breaks his hand. He shows up with a cast, and so does Milton, both showing x-rays to Thalia to convince her that they’re not scared. Milton’s, she points out, is actually an x-ray of a foot. Thalia dismisses both since Dobie no longer has the fists and Milton doesn’t have the courage to be ‘her’ athlete. James Westmoreland is Paisan. 11/7/14
• 017. The Hunger Strike – 1/26/1960
  • When Thalia throws Dobie over again, this time for the rich Chatworth Osborne Jr., Dobie is inspired by a book of poetry to become wan and pale by hunger strike until Thalia agrees to be his girl. By 11:00 that night, Dobie is ravenous and raids the refrigerator, only to find that his father has put an alarm on it to teach him a lesson. The next morning Dobie resumes the strike, and just when he’s about to eat Maynard’s ice cream, he finds that the girls think what he is doing is dreamy, much to the chagrin of their boyfriends Herm (Ryan O’Neal) and Frank (Les Brown, Jr.). Maynard begins sneaking junk food into Dobie at night, but convinced he is starving to death, Winifred talks Thalia into being his girl. Dobie can’t talk to her because of the garlic salami on his breath, but her offer is short lived when Chatsworth also threatens a hunger strike. The boys later grab him and force-feed him a pizza so that their girls will resume dating them, all having tried to convince them to go on hunger strikes to no avail. Dobie is again force-fed by his father, his mother, and finally Thalia, who has decided to come back to Dobie. However, Dobie is so repulsed by her cooking the he tries to send her back to Chatsworth. Marlo Thomas aka Margaret Thomas plays Frank’s girlfriend. 12/12/14
• 018. The Flying Millicans – 2/2/1960
  • Dobie falls in love with new student Aphrodite Millican (Yvonne Craig) the day she enrolls in school. She takes a liking to him as well, and explains that she is part of a family of acrobats known as The Four Flying Millicans, along with her father (Francis X. Bushman) and brothers Hercules (Jud Beaumont) and Atlas (Tip McClure). Dobie meet her father doesn’t seem to mind that she kisses Dobie in front of him, and in fact hopes that he will become part of the family and replace him in the act. The brothers put Dobie on a strict diet and exercise regiment, to the point that Dobie is so sore he can hardly move. Concerned about Dobie’s weakness, Mr. Millican orders some groceries so that he can get a look at Dobie’s father. Herbert is disgusted by the family’s weirdness and tells Dobie to stay with them for all he cares. Dobie’s final attempt to get out of the arrangement is to have Maynard visit the family and say that wherever Dobie goes, he goes. Aphrodite ends up throwing Dobie over for Maynard, because he is an even weaker specimen for her to mold. 12/13/14
• 019. Room at the Bottom – 2/9/1960
  • Thalia threatens to break up with Dobie if he doesn’t get on the track of becoming successful by attended the private school Willoughby Hall. Dobie is resistant, but Thalia makes a case with Mr. Gillis – who daydreams of Dobie becoming friends with his wealthy roommate Winthrop von Money VIII (Steve Franken) and von Money’s father (Charlie Watts) offering a bank job for Dobie and buying Herbert a chain of grocery stores. When Herbert decides to send Dobie to Willoughby, Dobie pleads with Thalia, who agrees that if Dobie gets 100% on his math test, he wouldn’t have to go. Dobie seeks help with his teacher Mrs. Adams, but her husband Esmond (John Bryant) ends up coaxing him and Maynard to babysit for their son Dan (Ronny Howard). Dobie finds a copy of the math test, and consequently he and Maynard score 100%. Mrs. Adams knows they cheated and is quite hurt that they betrayed her, but she feels much better when they confess their crime. Thalia is still concerned about Dobie’s future, and Herbert calls off sending him to Willoughby Hall when Maynard arranges for him to be Dobie’s roommate there. 1/24/15
• 020. The Power of Positive Thinking – 2/16/1960
  • Thalia chooses Chatsworth over Dobie, this time because she prefers a male who can dominate her. While minding his father’s store, Dobie is visited by salesman/author Professor Dobkin (John Abbott), who sells Dobie his book The Power of Magnetic Thinking. The theories seem to work when Dobie places his Thalia in the ‘susceptible listening position’ and utilizes the magnetic force of the Earth, she agrees to go out with him – although Chatsworth had already rudely cancelled their date. Dobie agrees to help Dobkin sell more books by again convincing his father to go to the movies – which again, had been arranged with Winnie already – and using the store to sell the book. When Dobkin isn’t doing so well, Dobie takes over and uses his salesmanship to sell a copy to everyone in the store. Herbert forces Dobkin to admit that the book is phony, but lauds Dobie for the power he has within. Dobie then threatens to fight Chatsworth, and ends up winning the admiration of Thalia, despite Dobie admitting to Chatsworth that she indeed is rotten. 1/24/15
• 021. Dobie Spreads a Rumor – 2/23/1960
  • Zelda is adamant about dating Dobie and brings him home where she discusses her marriage to him with her parents (Dabbs Greer, June Walker), causing Dobie to flee. She even agrees to work for free in the Gillis Grocery store and calls Dobie’s folks mother and father. Dobie has an idea to spread a rumor that the Gilroys have inherited a large amount of money from her fictional Uncle Max, hoping that this will draw the attention of Chatsworth, Alfred Wilson (John Rockwell), and other suitors. It also convinces Chatsworth Osborne Sr. to give Mr. Gilroy a bank loan, which he uses to put in a swimming pool, hoping it will be an investment to get his many daughters (Ahna Capri, Jeri Lou James, Sherri Alberoni, Larrian Gillespie, Glenda Padgett) married off. Once the pool goes in, Dobie can’t get an invitation as Zelda now has too many rich suitors. But once the bank finds out there was no inheritance, they repossess the pool. Cynthia Pepper is a girl at the malt shop. 3/12/15
• 022. Love Is a Fallacy – 3/1/1960
  • Thalia breaks it off with Dobie once and for all, giving him back his HIWI pin, because Dobie’s mind is too dumb and muddled. But when a new girl named Whitney (Ronnie Haran) joins the class and shows an interest in Dobie because he will provide security, Thalia wants him back. She tries to work with him to make him a thinker, but his stupidity frustrates her and she dumps him again. Dobie returns to Whitney, but Thalia gets jealous again and she takes him back. She continues to work with him until he finally learns to think, and the first thing he does is reason that Thalia will eventually dump him, so he breaks up with her. He returns to Whitney, but she is no longer interested because she deduces that now that Dobie is a thinker, he is more likely to scheme and plot, so she selects Maynard as her steady. It is all for naught though because she and her family moves to Cleveland. Jason Wingreen plays the kids’ teacher Mr. McGruder. 3/12/15
• 023. The Chicken from Outer Space – 3/8/1960
  • Zelda continues her pursuit of Dobie, and convinces him that he needs her guidance to secure his future… as a farmer with her as a wife. She, Dobie, and Maynard enroll in a Biology class so that Dobie can learn about farming. The teacher Mr. Millfloss (Lee Goodman) assigns them to give hormones to chickens, which Zelda convinces Mrs. Gillis to let them hide in the grocery store basement. Dobie then falls for another girl named Imogene Burkhart (Jody Warner), so Zelda has to do damage control and show her a picture of Dobie’s father to get her to break it off with Dobie, leaving Maynard to take care of the chickens. Maynard mistakes two ‘cc’s’ for two cups of hormones, and the result is a giant human-sized chicken that emerges from the basement, which is then shot by Mr. Gillis. 5/31/15
• 024. Dobie’s Navy Blues – 3/15/1960
  • Dobie has a new love named Myrna Lomax (Yvonne Craig), but he has not made a good impression on her father John (Harry von Zell), a former Chief Petty Officer with the Navy. When Mr. Lomax mistakes Dobie’s picking up shipping orders for his father, he assumes that Dobie is joining the Navy and takes a new liking to him. Dobie goes along with it in order to date Myrna, but soon Mr. Lomax has spread the word to Myrna’s friend Betty Lou (Judy Harriet) and the word gets all over town. Dobie embraces the fame, until Myrna brings him back to earth. He tells Mr. Lomax that he didn’t pass his physical due to water on the knee, but Lomax pulls strings with one of the Navy bigwigs to get him in. However since he is only seventeen, Dobie needs his father to sign a release. Lomax tells Dobie’s parents that Dobie is heading into the Navy and they nearly have a meltdown. They are relieved to find that it will require a signature, but when Dobie starts to get patriotic, his father actually does sign the form… which turns out to be his grocery inventory, not the consent form. 5/31/15
• 025. Taken to the Cleaners – 3/29/1960
  • Thalia agrees to go to the dance with Dobie with the stipulation that he hire a taxi and have her dressed pressed among other things. This will cost $11, which Dobie’s father staunchly refuses to give him. Dobie finds a discount dry cleaner on the outskirts of town ran by Mr. Edwards (Dick Elliot) and his partner Gunnison (Joey Faye), which unbeknownst to Dobie and Thalia is actually a racket by which they are stealing clothes. Thalia gets the idea to promote the half-price dry cleaning to fellow student and receive a 5% commission, which Edwards happily accepts. The kids bring all their clothes to Herbert’s store, and he ends up dropping it off, getting arrested by Officer Mulcahey (Alan Carney) in the process. The Police Chief (Ben Welden) lets Herbert go, but he is still livid with Dobie and puts him to work in order to pay for all of the stolen clothes. Thalia feels terrible and promises to turn over a new leaf, but when she spots the thieves and Dobie and Maynard catch them, Thalia refuses to split her $50 reward. Dobie discards her, but she ends up giving him $5 to take her to the dance. 7/20/15
• 026. That’s Show Biz – 4/5/1960
  • Dobie’s new girlfriend Clothilde Ellingboe’s (Roberta Shore) parents Cecil (Richard Deacon) and Laurabelle (Reta Shaw) and brother Arthur (Joey D. Vieira) do not approve of Dobie because his parents do not participate in the Central High School Student and Parents Betterment League (CHSSPBL). Clothilde is inclined to agree with them. Dobie and Winnie manage to talk Herbert into attending a meeting, during which they discuss the upcoming musical revue that will be a benefit for the teenage canteen. Herbert reluctantly agrees to help Miss Adams backstage. The revue is terrible with gym teacher Mr. O’Malley performing on the parallel bars, the Ellingboes doing a reading of Incident in the French Camp, and Mrs. Armitage singing Sweet Cider Time, Mrs. Kenney performing Down Among the Sheltering Palms. When Winnie starts to perform Down in the Mead, with Dobie and Maynard dressed as sheep to her shepherdess, Herbert pulls the plug and gets Mrs. Adams to agree to do a dance with him, tying up the Ellingboes and highjacking their Lincoln-Douglas debate costumes. The Ellingboes bring the situation to the Board of Education, but the head board member (Burt Mustin) just wants to see more dancing. Dobie is too enthralled and proud of his father to worry about Clothilde, who desperately wants Dobie to take her out now. 7/20/15
• 027. The Prettiest Collateral in Town – 4/12/1960
  • Dobie is enamored with Melissa Frome (Yvonne Lime), who is crazy about Dobie and loves the way he is so nice to the grouchy new waitress Mrs. Tarantino (Rose Marie). Meanwhile Herbert is trying to get a bank loan for a new delivery truck from Mr. McCurdy (Hugh Sanders), whose daughter Mignonne (Sherry Jackson) has eyes for Dobie. The loan seems to hinge on whether Dobie will go out with Mignonne, who thinks that she can mold and shape Dobie into the man she wants him to be. Herbert and Dobie go back and forth about the setup, but Dobie ultimately decides to do it, and tries to get rid of Melissa and Maynard by acting like a callous ruffian. The ruse works, but Dobie ends up standing up to Mignonne and he ultimately refuses her. Mr. McCurdy is impressed with his resolve and when Dobie teaches him how to stand up to his daughter and wife, it seems more like that he will come through with the loan. Angelo De Meo is Mrs. Osborne’s chauffeur Vedaglio. 10/9/15
• 028. Live Alone and Like It – 4/19/1960
  • Dobie is getting tired of being disrespected by his father and babied by his mother, so he pressures them into letting him move out of the house. Herbert agrees that if he allows it, and he fails, that Dobie will never mention it again. Unable to afford an apartment on his own, he enlists Maynard to move in with him. Before long Dobie and Maynard are running low on money and getting on each other’s nerves. The long to return home but won’t give in. Back home Herbert misses Dobie, but Winnie convinces him that they can’t force Dobie to come home. Winnie secretly goes to the apartment and cleans it and stocks it with food. The boys return home just as Herbert stops by for a visit, and all three are surprised to find it spotless. Herbert tells Dobie that he has proven his point and the he will be treated like a man if he comes home, and Dobie agrees. Back home Herbert confesses that he knew Winnie had cleaned the place because she left her glasses there. Esther Dale is Mrs. Finch the landlady. 10/11/15
• 029. The Big Sandwich – 4/26/1960
  • Thalia agrees to be Dobie’s date to the Cedar Lake school picnic on Saturday if he will get his father’s car and she can charge her friends for rides to the picnic. The plans are foiled immediately when Herbert is forced to go to Winnie’s family reunion and Dobie has to stay back and mind the store. Thalia’s next plan is to order food on Mr. Gillis’s account that they can use to make sandwiches and sell at the picnic. After spending $46 of Mr. Gillis’s money and making 400 sandwiches, the picnic is called off because of rain. Meanwhile Herbert is trying to find out what is happening back at the store, while not arousing the suspicion of his overbearing in-law Wilfred (Gordon Jones), who has already insulted Dobie. Thalia manages to get Mr. Pomfritt to re-schedule the picnic for Sunday, and they freeze the sandwiches. It is a beautiful day on Sunday, but they find that all of the sandwiches are frozen together. They find various ways to unthaw them, salvaging about 300… when it starts raining again. The next idea is to hold the picnic at the Cedar Lake Pavilion, and they talk its proprietor Mr. Stocker (Jack Bryan) into keeping it open on Sunday… but then realize that he only did that to sell food, and insists that the sandwiches are taken away. Dobie’s punishment is to pay his father back in lunch money, but eating only the ham and cheese sandwiches for the next 300 lunches. Sam Allen is the customer in the raincoat. 12/18/15
• 030. Soup and Fish – 5/3/1960
  • Dobie meets the sister of Milton – and cousin of Chatsworth – Sabrina’s (Iris Mann), back from her schooling in the East, and gets invited to her posh home for a party. Maynard shies away from going until he meets Sabrina’s school roommate Venice West (Phyllis Standish), herself a beatnik in his vein. Herbert is initially excited for Dobie to go, as he hopes to secure Sabrina’s mother’s business, but then become afraid that Dobie will make a fool of himself and break her things. When the Dobie and Maynard show up at the party, they are turned away by the haughty butler Tremblay (Clinton Sundberg) because they aren’t wearing black ties. After they go home and get black neckties, he further advises them they need tuxedos. The guys agree to let Chatsworth into their inner circle if they can take turns wearing his tux, and he reluctantly agrees. They take turns going in one at a time, each one having such a good time that they don’t want to leave. Eventually this escalates into a disagreement and they rip the tux into three pieces. Just then Herbert arrives to deliver some groceries, and is so embarrassed that Dobie is in his underwear that he gives the boys his clothes, only to be caught by Mrs. Armitage and the other party-goers in his underwear. 12/18/15
• 031. Where There’s a Will – 5/10/1960
  • Herbert’s attorney Mr. Martindale (Robert Nichols) is after him to sign his will, but Herbert is more interested in planning a honeymoon for him and Winnie to Lake Winnemucca and practicing the Kangaroo Jump dance. Herbert’s stress levels start reach their highs when Dobie tries to borrow money for Cha-Cha lessons and Davey tries to get money for a set of golf clubs. Furthermore when Herbert’s argumentative customer Mrs. Lapping (Arlene Harris) tells him about Herman Stalker, a man younger than Herbert, who recently passed away, Herbert starts feeling old beyond his years and finally signs the will. That night he dreams that he has passed away and his sons are running the grocery store, Davey bringing in big clients like the rich Mr. Mammouth (Charles Watts) with his schmoozing on the golf course, and Dobie bringing in customers by teaching them to Cha-Cha. Winnie is now dating the rich Señor Carlos (Eduardo Noriega). Herbert wakes from his dream to find his family struggling to keep up in the store without his help, which rejuvenates him. Blanche Sweet is Mrs. Dowell. 2/22/16
• 032. Put Your Hands in Our Feet – 5/17/1960
  • The lovely Daphne Root (Diana Millay) breaks it off with Chatsworth because he refuses to do any work. Dobie is right there to swoop in and take her for his own, telling her that he works for his father’s grocery store. Daphne plans to come see Dobie in action working, but Dobie has to contend with difficult customer Blossom Kenney and ends up locking her in the freezer, so when Daphne shows up, Dobie tells her that he has quit the grocery store. Daphne offers Dobie a job at her father’s (Max Mellinger) shoe store and he accepts, but when Chatsworth gets wind of it, he shows up to work in the shoe store as well. Daphne says she’ll go out with whoever sells the most shoes. Dobie realizes that Chatsworth is selling shoes at a discount and then putting in the extra money himself, so sends Maynard to tell Chatsworth’s mother that he is working. She drags Chatsworth away, leaving Dobie behind to do all the work himself. By the time Dobie and Daphne are ready for their date, Dobie is too exhausted and falls asleep… leaving the door open for Chatsworth to take her out for dancing before Dobie wakes back up. Cheerio Meredith and Virginia Sale are shoe store customers. 2/22/16
• 033. Competition Is the Life of Trade – 5/24/1960
  • Dobie has a new love interest in Delphine Quimby (Sally Todd), who recently moved to town from Cleveland. Chatworth quickly steals her away with boasts of his wealth, but Dobie gets a pep talk from his father about how important competition is to growth, and quickly gets her back by going to work for her father (Jack Albertson). Meanwhile Herbert finds out that the new grocery store Quimby’s – run by Delphine’s father – is opening in town, so he goes to scope out the competition and finds Dobie, who had no idea that it was a grocery store when he took the job, working there. Chatsworth then returns with a large order for Quimby’s on the condition that Delphine go on a date with him. Dobie visits Mrs. Osborne and talks her into giving half of her business to his father’s store. Dobie then negotiates a fair wage with his father to help him prepare the orders, but it leaves him little time to go out with Delphine… who the relies on Chatsworth to take her to the dance. 5/19/16
• 034. The French, They Are a Funny Race – 5/31/1960
  • Dobie and Maynard approach Mr. Millfloss, concerned about Maynard’s future direction. They realize that no one relies on Maynard, so he has no direction. Meanwhile Dobie is smitten with a new French student named Francoise Desjardins (Danielle Aubrey) who speaks no English. Although Maynard can’t understand her, he is able to recognize her cadence, and thus becomes the only one who can communicate with her, thus giving Maynard someone who needed him. Chatsworth returns from a yachting event and his ability to speak French wins him over and steals her from Maynard. Dobie coaches him through improving his appearance by having him sell his jazz collection to Riff Ryan to buy a new suit of clothes… and shave off his beard. The made-over Maynard shows up to school, but is all but ignored by Francoise and turns back to Chatsworth. Maynard is inconsolable, but Francoise later comes to him and has Chatsworth translate and tell him that she only associated with Chatsworth to speak French, and that she liked Maynard as his old self. Maynard later gets a letter from Francois, who has returned to France, but he can’t read it… even though it is in English. Joey Faye is barber Mr. Sneed, and Henry Gillen is one of his customers. 5/20/16
• 035. The Unregistered Nurse – 6/7/1960
  • Dobie is in love with a nurse named Valerie Brown (Nancy Hadley). Dobie does everything he can to try and win her over, but can’t make an impression, so he decides to feign an illness to get her sympathy. He comes up with a blood disease known as citronyosis and researches its symptoms, and convinces his father that he is sick by doing extra work, so he sends him to see Dr. Simpson (John Stephenson). Valerie does in fact have sympathy, but unbeknownst to Dobie, she is already in love with Dr. Simpson. Dobie intercepts the bloodwork report from the delivery boy Eldon (Tommy Ivo) and has him deliver a fake one that matches his ‘symptoms’. The disease ends up being the most contagious in the world and the health officials quarantine Herbert’s store while Dobie is out and about. A police officer (Herb Vigran) finds Dobie and starts to bring him in, but Dr. Simpson has seen the real report, and has Dobie released. He is depressed, but soon spots a girl named Cora Klaus (Carole Wells), who just got out of boarding school, and falls in love again. Jack Orrison is the Health Department official. 8/19/16
• 036. The Long Arm of the Law – 6/14/1960
  • While picking flowers for his new love Arabella Parmalee (Jane Wald), Dobie is accosted by a police officer, and he and Maynard accidentally knock him over while scrambling to put the flowers back. Later when Dobie goes to pick up Arabella, he finds that the officer is her father Sam (Richard Reeves). He tries to stop them from dating, but Arabella’s mother Edith (Margie Liszt) permits them to go. Officer Parmalee then turns to Herbert to try and get him to stop them from dating, and when Herbert refuses, the officer begins to harass him and threaten him with citations. Herbert retaliates by proving that Sam is not within the fitness specs required of an officer. In the midst of bickering, they discover that they are both members of the Bison lodge and become instant friends. Meanwhile Dobie and Arabella are now at odds because Dobie keeps allowing Maynard to come on their dates. As the kids argue, the fathers begin arguing once again. Dobie later tells Maynard that he is now following all the rules as Officer Parmalee watches him from a distance. 8/21/16
• 037. Here Comes the Groom – 6/21/1960
  • Tired of the constant female rejection, Dobie decides to get married and breaks the news to his exasperated parents. Winnie finally gives in because she doesn’t think it will happen, nor does Maynard who says no one will have him. Dobie however knows that Zelda would be happy to marry him, and so amidst the nose twitching, Dobie offers his hand in marriage and she agrees, but isn’t keen on doing it so quickly without a standard courtship. Zelda counts on her father Walter saying no, but he is excited and talks his wife Edna (now played by Joan Banks) to be enthusiastic, hoping that Zelda will do just the opposite, thinking that as a fail safe, Dobie’s parents will never permit it. Dobie on the other hand is now getting invitations from girls Bernadine (Marlo Ryan), Mary Ellen (Jayne Davis), and Monica (Kathleen ‘Kitty” Wellman), all of whom once turned him down, but now think he is mature because he is engaged.With the day approaching, everyone is panicking, but no one wants to be the one to call it off. When they convene at the Justice of the Peace Jethro R. Wiggins (Burt Mustin), both kids affirm their vows, but it is only Maynard who refuses to hold his peace, opening up the floodgates for everyone including Dobie and Zelda to admit they don’t want want the marriage to go forward. 11/8/16
• 038. A Taste for Lobster – 6/28/1960
  • Dobie has a new love named Gwyneth Krausmeyer (Kris Kay), a fellow outsider and free spirit he meets at a record store, who has no interest in money and wealth. Herbert is surprised but impressed that Dobie no longer is asking for money. Dobie and Gwyneth are approached in the park by a young boy named Chrissie Tyler (Michael Burns) who has an enterprising babysitting business. Gwyneth wants to convince him of the evils of money, and after watching him run his cutthroat business at Wong’s, Gwyneth decides to get her younger sister Hermione (Gina Gillespie) to get him to see the error of his ways. The two kids hit it off, and soon Hermione is buying into the pampered lifestyle that Chrissie is bringing her. Gwyneth starts to get jealous and accepts a date with Mason (Robert Westbrook), whose extravagant lifestyle once disgusted her. Dobie takes revenge by honing into Chrissie’s business and making his own fortune to win Gwyneth back. It works remarkably and Chrissie soon comes begging Dobie for a job, so Dobie lets him manage the company so he can court Gwyneth. She however has found she can’t stand the rich life again, and has fallen in love with a ‘simple, unaffected child of nature’… Maynard. Making matters worse, the kids have decided they don’t need Chrissie or Dobie as a manager and can babysit on their own.  Joey D. Vieira aka Donald Keeler is Bobby Wilkins. Rickey Murray and Billy Booth are boys. Wendy Winkelman is Ellen. 11/8/16
• 039. Rock-A-Bye Dobie – 7/5/1960
  • Dobie is planning on marrying his latest girlfriend Ginny Metzger (Denise Alexander), but Dobie’s parents disapprove of the marriage, not to mention Ginny’s short shorts. Nevertheless Winnie talks Herbert into giving Dobie the birds and the bees talk. Meanwhile Ginny talks Dobie into starting a babysitting business to support them after they get married. Dobie gathers his supplies for the business from the grocery store as Herbert tries to give him the talk, later jumping to the conclusion that Dobie and Ginny are married with a baby. The Gillises invite Ginny’s parents museum curator Esmond (Don Knotts) and his wife (Kathleen Freeman) to discuss the situation. Mrs. Metzger finds the notion ridiculous, but the Gillises rush over to see Dobie and Ginny when they hear the baby they are babysitting in the background during a phone call. When they arrive and find Maynard taking care of the baby for Dobie and Ginny, Herbert gets emotional thinking that he is a grandfather. When he finds out the truth, he is forced to apologize for jumping to conclusions. 2/15/17

SEASON 2

• 040. Who Needs Elvis? – 9/27/1960
  • Dobie is trying to win the affections of Esme Luaterbach (Kathe Green), a classmate a head taller than him. Meanwhile Mr. Pomfritt conducts a contest for the students to compose a jazz song, and Maynard’s knowledge of music makes Esme swoon for him. Dobie thinks that if he can catch up to Esme’s height, he can win her over, so talks a reluctant Maynard into going steady with her to keep her busy until he grows. Plans go awry though when Maynard ends up returning her affection. Zelda, who is also trying to win over Dobie, ends up giving him her song since she claims she wants him to be happy. He performs the song I’m a Lover, Not a Fighter for the class, impressing Maynard into handing over Esme, and Esme into going steady with Dobie. However Dobie feels guilty since Zelda actually wrote the song, and she confesses that she knew he would feel that way. In the end, Dobie and Zelda end up going steady. Dobie fantasizes about looking like Elvis and performing for screaming girls. 2/15/17
• 041. You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Houn’ Dog – 10/4/1960
  • Despite the fact that Herbert is angry at Dobie for not having entered an essay about him for a contest in The Daily Bugle, Dobie assures the audience that from that point onward, his father never mentioned that he had to ‘kill that boy’ again. Meanwhile Dobie writes an essay on his dog that receives an A, catching the attention of southern belle Mason Dixon (Jacqueline Ravell). She agrees to go out with Dobie if he can come up with $25 to donate to her father’s project to restore their southern plantation. Maynard has the idea that he can take Dobie’s essay about the dog and modify it to be an essay about Dobie’s father. Dobie wins the contest and $25, which also thrills Herbert who vows to spend more time teaching Dobie the ways of life. He takes him to play tennis and fishing, both interfering with Dobie’s date with Mason… but ends up actually bringing Dobie and his father closer together. In fact Dobie cancels his third date with Mason so he can go bowling with his father. Herbert ends up irate however when he finds the original copy of the essay, but when he overhears Dobie refusing to give Mason the $25 in favor of buying his father a new fishing reel, Herbert again realizes what a lucky father he is. Jack Albertson is the reporter. 6/1/17
• 042. Baby Talk – 10/18/1960
  • A down-on-their-luck couple Tomas (Harold Dyenforth) and Eva (Violet Rensing) abandon their one-year old baby girl Katrina in the park, trying to get back to their homeland. She is quickly found by Maynard who wants to keep her and even goes to far as to sneak her into his chemistry class. Maynard meets up with another mother named Myrtle Kluth Tarantino (Jo Anne Worley), and later in an attempt to hide the baby from Dobie’s father, hide it with Myrtle’s baby Gerald. They later retrieve the baby, and although Zelda and Dobie feel they should call the police, Maynard wants to make sure the baby has a nice home. They zone in on Chatsworth’s mother Clarissa, who was actually the one who had fired Tomas and Eva, who decide they love Katrina too much not to take her back with them to the ‘old country’. By this time Clarissa has grown attached to the baby and insists that she stay…along with her parents. David Bond takes over the role of Tremblay. 6/1/17
• 043. Dobie Goes Beatnik – 10/25/1960
  • Dobie is distraught when his girlfriend Charlene (Carol Byron) dumps him he tries to set up Charlene’s friend Joanee (Susan Silo) with Maynard, and as a he result he literally stumbles into a man named Edward J. McClusky (Richard Wessel) and knocks him over. McClusky turns out to be the National Grand Exalted Bull Bison of the Bison Lodge, who could potentially appoint Herbert to be the Grand Exalted Bull Bison of the local lodge. Herbert brags that Dobie is a good influence on people, particularly beatnik Maynard, but when Herbert finds out that it was Dobie who knocked him over, he asks that Maynard and Dobie swap places. Maynard agrees to pretend to be Dobie, while Dobie becomes the beatnik. They successfully fool McClusky, but when he decides to stay another day, Herbert, so touched by Maynard’s generosity to help him, decides to come clean so that Maynard doesn’t have to miss sitting in on a jazz session with Thelonious Monk. McClusky points out that if this were TV, he would forgive Herbert since he wanted to be the Grand Bull Bison so badly, but that he’s not going to appoint him since he lied. Dobie, however, points out that TV is more interesting than reality so, McClusky recants and gives the job to Herbert. 1/28/18
• 044. The Mystic Powers of Maynard G. Krebs – 11/1/1960
  • Mr. Pomfritt teaches the theory of Extra-Sensory Perception in class, but admits that he doesn’t believe that it is real. However when Maynard is able to tell him every item in his pocket, as well as further details of his life, he and the class start to question the truth. Maynard says he’s had the ability all of his life, but typically never uses it, and is seemingly able to conjure it up at will. At a class lunch, this comes to the attention of Clarissa Osborne when Maynard names everything in Chatsworth’s lunch and her purse, and she puts him a TV show called The Hot Seat hosted by Henry R. Starbuck (Dan Frazer) on her station KASH-TV. Here Maynard comes under the scrutiny of prominent psychologist Thaddeus Emmons (Dwight Marfield), Carlotta Kaggel (Winnie Coffin), and Otto von Schwering (John Banner), where he is able to prove his ability. Mrs. Osborne sees the potential financial gain, and schedules him to go on TV and predict the Presidential winner, Nixon or Kennedy, but Dobie tries to dissuade him from using his ability because it could swing the election. Maynard however wants his day in the spotlight, and he quickly becomes the best-known man in the world. When he gets on the air, Dobie tries to send him thoughts about preserving democracy. Maynard gets the signals and says he doesn’t know the winner. Mrs. Osborne throws him out, but Dobie is ecstatic with his friend, whom he considers a hero. Later Dobie tells him that he picked the wrong winner anyway, and Maynard can no longer tell Dobie what he has in his lunch. Susan Shamroy is the blonde. 1/28/18
• 045. The Face That Stopped the Clock – 11/15/1960
  • With Dobie working hard to raise money for his father’s birthday, he is finally able to convince Maynard – who has a strong aversion even to the word ‘work’ – to take a job. He and Herbert find him a job available at the Army, Navy, & Civilian Surplus Store. The guys running the shop, Harry (Alan Carney) and Charlie (Joey Faye) decide to use him to try and sell a load of ugly Confucius statues with clocks in their stomachs. Maynard’s confidence is shaken when he can’t sell any clocks, so Dobie talks Zelda and Chatsworth into going to the shop and buying a clock. Although Maynard only vaguely recognizes Dobie and the others, he sells each of them multiple clocks. The managers decides to promote him to sell $49.99 yard mowers. Having spent all his money on the clocks, Dobie is forced to give his father one of the clocks for his birthday. Winnie has Officer Sam compliment the clock to make Herbert feel better, prompting Herbert to put in order for two dozen of them as Christmas gifts for his customers. However when he orders, Maynard and the guys think he wants the power mowers. The customers all line up to claim their power mowers, much to the outrage of Herbert. As a result his business goes up by 14 percent. Maynard is paid his commission in Confucius clock. Marjorie Stapp is one of the customers. 9/28/18
• 046. Maynard G. Krebs, Boy Millionaire – 11/22/1960
  • Maynard finds a purse in the park containing $512, and after much internal debate he decides to turn it in to the authorities. The Sergeant (Jack Albertson) and Officer Dugan (Harry Jackson) tell Maynard that if no one claims the money in sixty days, it will rightfully belong to him. Maynard continues to check with the police every day for 59 days, driving them crazy. On the day before the money is his, he decides to throw a huge party, buying all of the supplies and even getting a cash advance from Dobie’s father. Meanwhile prisoners Willy Frymass (Joey Faye) and Alfred Montcalm (Milton Frome) have been witnessing Maynard the full two months, and hatch a scheme whereby Willy dresses like an old lady and stops in at the party dressed as a flower saleswoman, dropping her tale of woe on how she lost all of her money in the park. When Dobie hears this, he tells Maynard, who ultimately decides to take her to the police station to claim the money. Although she can only describe the purse with Maynard’s help, the reluctant officers finally release the money to him/her. However when she kisses Dobie goodbye, Dobie can tell that the ‘woman’ is unshaven and tackles Willy before he leaves the station. Maynard ultimately get the money and uses it to pay Herbert back for the party. Jan Norris and Marianna Hill are the girls in the park. Seffi Sidney is the girl at the party. Homer Garrett’s Hollywood Square Dancers perform their dance to Dobie’s vocal accompaniment. 9/28/18
• 047. Around My Room in 80 Days – 11/29/1960
  • Two dropouts (Paul Biheller, Gerald Trump) hang around the school looking for trouble, and are surprisingly beaten up by Chatsworth and his judo. However a former model student named Paul Merrick (Steve Mayhew) is thinking of quitting school and joining their ranks because he is too poor and doesn’t feel he has a future. Mr. Pomfritt challenges Dobie and Maynard to persuade him back on the right track, so they attempt to visit him but find that he lives in an unfurnished hovel and is not home. Once they catch up with him, they are unable to persuade him. Pomfritt challenges them to try again, and assigns the class to write a paper describing their room at home. Dobie’s new idea is to get Linda Mayhew (Diana Millay), a girl who Chatsworth is currently chasing, to go to the dance with Paul and help get him on the right track as well. Linda is impressed when Paul presents his paper, describing his room, only it is full of  furniture, books, and equipment ideal for study. Linda tells him she’s like to go to the dance with him, but when he runs off with the two dropouts, she has second thoughts. Dobie pleads with Chatsworth to loan him all of the furnishings that Paul described in his paper, and Chatsworth sees the charity in it over his desire for Linda and agrees. Dobie takes Linda to see his furnished room, but when Paul comes home unexpectedly, she realizes it is another lie. Dobie explains that this how Paul would have liked to have had his room furnished, and she agrees to give him another chance… if he agrees to lose the dropouts and stay in school. 7/7/19
• 048. Drag Strip Dobie – 12/6/1960
  • When Dobie and Maynard wreck their tandem bike, they are spotted by a girl named Charlotte Lamarr (Jody Fair). who expresses her desire and attraction to speed. When she meets Chatsworth in his hot rod, she begins spending her time with him, much to Dobie’s irritation. He decides to join the Downshifters Club, where he can design his own hot rod, and convinces Zelda to utilize her mechanical knowledge to help build it. She agrees with the stipulation that there are no other girls involved in this endeavor. Dobie also convinces his dad to scope out the Downshifters and meet with its manager Mr. Sullivan (Alan Dexter). He also agrees and even pays the $25 entrance fee in hopes that Dobie can win the trophy for original design, and knock Chatsworth down a peg. Zelda supplies the engine that she retrieves from a car at the bottom of the lake, and in no time they build the car from scratch and have it up and running. Dobie and Chatsworth are the two finalists, but before they can make the final examination of the “Dobie Dart,” Zelda overhears Dobie dedicating his hard work to Charlotte, and takes the engine and leaves. Nevertheless Dobie defeats the “The Osborne Special” when Maynard climbs under the hood and imitates the engine. Zelda later gives the engine back and Dobie and Charlotte have a brief affair before she gets bored with road travel and desire more speed on a boat… which Chatsworth eagerly provides. Dobie turns to Zelda to see if she might be able to assist with boatbuilding. 7/7/19
• 049. Jangle Bells – 12/20/1960
  • Dobie, Zelda, and Chatsworth are doing a rendition of A Christmas Carol for their class, and when Maynard arrives late, Mr. Pomfritt gives him some advice about not standing out as a clown, but rather trying to fit in with the others. He talks him into throwing a Christmas Eve party for his friends. Dobie however has already accepted an invitiation for that night to Chatsworth’s expensive Christmas soiree, based on Zelda’s suggestion that he mingle with the upper crust in order to get ahead in life. Dobie struggles with the notion of friendship vs. self-advancement, and turns to his father for advice, but only gets platitudes that could favor either decision. Dobie takes a nap and dreams of Maynard visiting him as both the Ghost of Christmas Past and Future, with thoughts of the boys meeting as children and Dobie helping Maynard with the simplest task, and of a now-rich Dobie and his wife Zelda having a dinner of money and seeing a downtrodden Maynard through the window. Although he decided to go to Maynard’s party, his mother’s enthusiasm for him mingling with the rich finally drives him toward Chatsworth’s. He cannot enjoy it though, as he sees the Maynard Ghost in every party participant including Zelda. Over at Maynard’s place, his only guest is a stray cat, but soon Dobie, his parents, and Zelda all show up and Dobie sings the song I Pass Your House. The song is cut short when Chatsworth, also overwhelmed by the Christmas spirit shows up with all of his guests singing Deck the Halls. On Christmas day, Maynard shows up for dinner, which has to be delayed while he takes of his multiple layer of coats. 2/29/20
• 050. Parlez-Vous English? – 12/27/1960
  • When Winnie finds out that Dobie’s most recent intellectual conquest is reading the book How to Hypnotize People, she decides to get him to attend the Le Blanc Exhibit of Modern Art with her. However when she suggest that he need more cultured friends and should abandon Maynard, Dobie instead heads off with Maynard for flapjacks. Winnie attends the exhibit alone where she meets the artist Aristede Le Blanc (Marcel Hillaire). When she finds out that he has a cultured 17-year old daughter named Yvette (Danielle De Metz), she invites the family over for dinner. Aristede quickly becomes bored with Herbert, his wife (Allegra Varron) is simply ravenous to eat, and Yvette takes an instant disliking to the simplicity of Dobie’s brain. She reluctantly agrees to take a walk with him, but they can’t agree on everything and she behaves like a snobbish bohemian writer. Oddly though, she requests to come take walks again with him, and they do so every day for the next two weeks. Dobie starts trying to avoid her, so he stays over at Maynard’s house, where the two can work on Maynard’s lip-reading. When Yvette shows up when Dobie isn’t there, she reveals that she is in love with Herbert because he is so savage and unsophisticated. She chases around the frightened Herbert and makes it known to Winnie that she wants her husband. The parents retrieve Aristede who sends Yvette home and to her room. Winnie is then grateful for Maynard’s friendship with Dobie and apologizes for trying to take him away. Dobie works with his father on lip-reading as well. 2/29/20
• 051. The Day the Teachers Disappeared – 1/3/1961
  • Dobie and Maynard are upset when they hear that Mr. Pomfritt is going to be quitting the teaching profession because he is not being paid enough money, and plans to begin working for a guy (Tom Toner) operating an ice cream truck. Dobie tries to talk to his father since he is on the School Board, but Herbert won’t even listen and adamantly refuses to consider giving a raise. Mr. Pomfritt shows up at the board meeting that night to announce that none of the other teachers will be attending the meeting because they all are suffering from influenza. Herbert wants to shut down the school even if it means that the kids will be at home to bother him, but Winne and Mrs. Osborne decide it should stay open and the parents should take up the duties to teach. Winnie is given the girls gym class, Herbert is given literature, Mrs. Osborne is given Home Economics, and Mrs. Kenney is given music class. Mr. Pomfritt tries to keep it all together by visiting classes, but finds that Herbert wants to play baseball and read Casey at the Bat rather than Hiawatha, Winnie can’t manage the Swedish Yoga so she teaches a ‘rhythmic expression’, Mrs. Kenney only wants to sing or have Dobie sing – which he does in the form of Don’t Send a Rabbit, and Mrs. Osborne knows nothing about cooking but only how to fire members of the staff. Once the teachers are all well and able to attend a School Board meeting, Herbert refuses to meet the asking raise of $15 a month, nor the $7.50 that they will settle for, but instead he and the others offer higher amounts, landing on a $40 monthly raise. With everyone now happy, Dobie sings another round of Don’t Send a Rabbit. 6/12/20
• 052. What’s My Lion? – 1/10/1961
  • A lion (Zamba) is gifted to the local city zoo from the Prince Dumafon of Imbodia to the people of America, with whom they plan to sign an oil treaty. The lion escapes right under the nose of the Imbodian servant (Aaron Saxon) and the zoo guard (Wayne Tucker) and roams into the park where Maynard meets it first-hand. The lion then roams into the school, where Maynard is able to calm it down. He is declared a hero and will be rewarded by the Prince. When Maynard shows up to meet him, he is met by two American diplomats Mr. Hargrove (James Milhollin) and Mr. Huggins (George Ives) who plan to sign the treaty. The Prince is detained so the presentation is made by the Grand Wazir Abdul Ali Hakim (Henry Corden). They drink a toast of goat’s milk and receive a few valueless rewards and a future promise of diamonds if they discover any. The lion is returned to the zoo, but Maynard thinks all animals should be set free, so he borrows Herbert’s van and steals him. Herbert thinks his van is stolen, and once Maynard returns it, he nearly is mauled by the lion who only gets a piece of his pants. He tries to return him to the Prince, but he is still out so they visit the beatnik hangout The Inside at the Outside, where they listen to the jazz drumming stylings of the Imp (Santy Josol). The establishment’s host Riff Ryan informs Maynard that he is wanted for the theft of the lion, and he and the cigarette girl Prudence (Joanne Timmons) try to delay a cop (Ward Wallace) when he shows up to give Maynard a ticket for parking the van in a five-minute parking zone. The cops end up catching Maynard and the lion and taking him to let the Prince determine the punishment, but the Prince ends up actually being the Imp. He agrees to not press any charges, if Maynard and Dobie will keep his secret. The Prince takes the lion back to Imbodia and promises to set it free in the jungle, while the diplomats get their oil treaty, Dobie gets grounded for lending Maynard the van, and Maynard becomes addicted to goat’s milk. 6/12/20
• 053. The Big Question – 1/24/1961
  • As graduation closes in, Mr. Pomfritt doles out a final assignment that should answer the question “Whither Are We Drifting?”, to answer what direction each student’s life is heading. The paper is not to be only about the job they will ultimatley do but what they expect out of life. Student Betty Jean Millhausen (Mary-Robin Redd) says she only wants a fella. Dobie on the other hand can’t even come up with something that simple, although he puts ample thought into it. He and Maynard roam the streets, getting a warning citation from Officer Dugan (Harry Swoger) for littering Maynard’s peanut shells, while Maynard maintains that plans go astray thanks to others. Dobie thinks that everyone has the power to do what they set out to though. Maynard aspires to simply listen to jazz, take naps, and eat donuts. Dobie tries to convince him that he’ll lose interest in jazz like he outgrew marbles and stilts when he was a kid. Back at Dobie’s house, they discuss their parents influence and how they meant well but made pets out of them, both protecting them and punishing them when needed. Back at school the next day, they discuss their difficulty with the paper, and they talk about work and military options. Maynard also suggests they consult a weight and fortune machine. They then move on to political aspirations and the possibility of marriage. Dobie finally admits defeat and that he can’t come up with a paper. When it finally comes time to present their papers, Betty Jean talks about her future husband, Maynard talks about his dog and how it ate most of his paper, and Dobie admits he has no paper. He talks about how he has no idea what his future will hold, but that he isn’t afraid. He cites watching a net of robins and how when it came time for the mother to push the babies out of the next, it flew. Mr. Pomfritt thinks that Dobie’s speech is brilliant and gives him an A. He also tells the class how proud of them he is, and encourages them to have confidence, but not cockiness in life. The kids invite him out to the soda shop with them after school. 9/25/20
• 054. Have You Stopped Beating Your Wife? – 1/31/1961
  • Dobie has taken a sudden interest in exploring the ins and outs of marriage as he thinks about his future, and has gravitated toward a book on the subject. He laments that his own parents are not a good example because his father is way too caught up with his Bisons lodge and is currently campaigning to be the next Grand Exalted Big Bull Bison. Winnie is clearly fed up, but it is not until Herbert sees her loaning her luggage to a friend that he starts to fear that she is leaving him. Herbert starts trying to sneak and read Dobie’s book on marriage, and when Dobie catches him, he supports him and gives him some advice on how to be a better husband. Herbert takes to the part in the book that says he should emulate his own courtship, so he drags out his sombrero and ukulele from their honeymoon in Tijuana and serenades Winnie with the Cuban Love Song, not realizing that all of the women from her bridge club are watching. Winnie tells them proudly how Herbert hasn’t been to a lodge meeting in a week and has been taking her out on dates every night. They all change their tune about Herbert and think he is wonderful. Winnie encourages him to keep campaigning to be the Big Bull Bison, but when he returns to the lodge, the members all shun him for giving their wives ideas about how husbands should act. They try to eject him from the lodge, but the wives all pour in and force their husbands to vote him in. He vows to continue the meetings, while teaching them all how to treat their wives. Dobie has to decline Maynard’s offer to go to the movies because he has to watch the store while his parents continue to go on dates.  Jack Albertson is lodge member Zabinski. Milton Frome is Mr. Kinney.  Alan Carney is a lodge member.  Winnie Coffin aka Winnie Collins is a bridge player. 9/26/20
• 055. The Bitter Feud of Dobie and Maynard – 2/7/1961
  • Zelda is trying to help Dobie bring more culture to his life, by taking him to concerts and helping him with his homework. Chatsworth offers to get Dobie into his country club so they can play tennis together. Unfortunately it seems that Dobie’s association with Maynard is disrupting his growth, as he is missing assignments, skipping dates with Zelda, and being put off by Chatsworth due to Maynard. Dobie flat out refuses to give Maynard up, but when Maynard overhears both Zelda and Chatsworth saying how much Maynard is bringing him down, Maynard starts to question whether it is true., especially when recalling Zelda giving a report about how brave explorers often lost their lives looking out for weaklings. He even imagines being stuck in the desert with Dobie, and drinking all of Dobie’s water, only to watch Dobie die. He goes to Herbert for advice, using a fake scenario where a bum is bringing down a great guy, and Herbert sides with the great guy and tells him that the bum needs to let him go so the great guy can excel. The next day in school, Maynard is rude and dismissive of Dobie in class, and even announces to everyone that they are no longer friends. Although Dobie tries to make up with him, Maynard refuses, and even announces to the class that the two of them are no longer friends. Everyone else supports this notion, and pretty soon Dobie is hanging around Chatsworth and his girls, and ignoring Maynard. When Zelda hears Maynard lamenting alone his sadness at the loss of Dobie as his friend, Dobie has had enough and goes and tells Maynard that he wants to be there for him again. Later Herbert also berates Dobie for dumping Maynard, but when Dobie tells him that they are friends again, Herbert quickly regrets that now he’ll be seeing him in the shop constantly again. 1/12/21
• 056. Zelda, Get Off My Back – 2/14/1961
  • Dobie has been pursuing a Southern belle named Jessica Zeffelhorse (Toby Michaels), but he is constantly interrupted by Zelda who want to knit him a sweater, feed him vitamins, and tutoring him for school. Dobie is fed up and tries to come up with ways to get rid of her, but doesn’t want to do anything cruel. Meanwhile, Mrs. Osborne gives Chatsworth a stern warning that if he doesn’t improve his grades, he will never make it into Yale. When he sees Zelda tutoring Dobie, he gets the idea to ask her out, even bringing Lawrence Welk into town to perform for them. Dobie, seeing this as a great way to be free of Zelda, encourages her to go with him. They begin spending their time together, enjoying the finer things in life, and studying between them. Mrs. Osborne is initially not thrilled to see Chatsworth with Zelda, but then realizes that this could get him back on track. Sure enough his grades start to rise. Dobie strikes out with Jessica when there isn’t anything she can’t find an excuse not to do. Dobie tries dating Monica Klaus (Linda Bennett aka Linda Hauser), but she can do nothing but brag about herself. Despite Dobie’s newfound freedom, he finds himself miserable. Zelda comes to see him, and is chomping at the bit for him to ask her back, but he refrains. Finally he is forced to admit to Maynard and himself, that he misses having her around. He goes to the Osbornes and interrupts her barbecue with them to ask Zelda to get back ‘on his back.’ She takes him up on it and starts nagging him immediately, leaving the Osborne family shocked that she’s prefer to be with Dobie. 1/13/21
• 057. I Was a High School Scrooge – 2/21/1961
  • When Dobie and Maynard walk into the yearbook office to borrow money from Zelda, she enlists them onto the staff and send them on assignment to cover a Where Are They Now? story. The subject is Walter ‘Show-’em-no-mercy’ Appleby (Douglass Dumbrille), who is currently a ‘jillionaire’ business owner who keeps buying and purging the workforce of companies. Dobie and Maynard encounter him in the park and track him down to his latest venture, the Kane Iron & Steel Company, where Appleby is cleaning house, and has cut the salary of the company lawyer Withers (James Milhollin) by 75%. When they find him, he is checking the literal company waste to see what is being wasted, but the guys think he is scrounging for trash because he is a broken, beaten down old many. The start a charity drive across the school to raise money for him, but as soon as Appleboy gets wind of articles stating such, he decides to sue Dobie and his father for libel to get revenge. As Herbert drives the boys to the high school for a rally to raise more money for Appleby, Withers and Appleby visit the grocery store and tell Winnie their intentions. She criticizes him and tells them what the boys are trying to do for him, so he has Withers take him to the rally for more ammo for their lawsuit. He winds up so touched by Dobie’s speech, which gives Appleby credit for all he did for the school as a champion football hero, that he gives the students back all of their money and offers to help contribute to a new auditorium. He has had a change of heart and hopes to mend his ways, yet still tells Withers that he’s covering the cost of the auditorium by slashing his salary by an additional 75%. 5/8/21
• 058. Will Success Spoil Dobie’s Mother? – 2/28/1961
  • Herbert is irritated with all of the time Winnie has been spending entering contests, leaving him without supper night after night. He says she’ll never win one, and tells her that if she does, he’ll allow Winnie to invite her mother (Esther Dale) and sister Gladys (Jeane Wood) to come and stay with them for six months. Meanwhile, Dobie’s new love interest Jessica Tichborn (Sibyl Rickel) has just broken up with the letterman galoot Fast Freight McCurdy (Norman Grabowski), and has her eyes set on a wimpy, simpleton… namely Dobie, who is thrilled to finally get a date with her. Back home, Dobie gets a letter that he’s won a contest to win a date with movie star Merilee Baribou (Joyce Jameson), which was entered on his behalf by Winnie. She argues that she’s won a contest and should get to invite her family, but Herbert contends that Dobie actually won the contest. Furthermore, if Winnie proves that she entered the contest, then Dobie will be disqualified. Dobie decides he wants the date enough, that he’s willing to stop his mother’s efforts. However, Jessica is furious when she hears he’s going on a date, so Dobie decides he doesn’t want the date after all. Zelda then talks him into going on the date, claiming that if she hears him sing, she might make him a big star. As if to prove the point, she has him sing a duet with her of Don’t Shoot the Man on the Moon. This makes Dobie reconsider, and be even more adamant about going on the date. Herbert also wants her to see his gangster impressions so that he might become a star himself. On the day of the meeting, her handler (Lawrence Daniels) only allows Dobie a few minutes with her, and uses the gathering as a press junket to advertise her new film The Bugged and the Unbugged. Dobie sings his song, and Herbert does his impressions, but both are ignored. Jessica is still angry and won’t take him back, and when he tells her that his mother entered the contest, she is even more turned off by that, Herbert’s impressions, and Maynard’s existence that she says goodbye to Dobie forever. With Dobie’s confession, Winnie now sees the path to forcing Herbert to agree to the visit, and when they arrive, they are as annoying and mean to Herbert as ever. Dobie laments the existence of contests, while Maynard is busy entering some of his own. Tom Montgomery is a reporter. 5/9/21
• 059. The Second Childhood of Herbert T. Gillis – 3/7/1961
  • Dobie’s teacher Mr. Monty W. Milfloss (Marvin Kaplan) is preparing to get the class ready for their high school graduation. Dobie comes up and tells his parents that they’re hoping to get photos of the students with their parents in their graduation garb. Herbert thinks it is a terrible idea, and then admits to Winnie that he can’t do it because he never actually graduated from high school, having been pulled away by having to get a job, World War II, getting married, and having Dobie. Winnie suggests that Herbert return to night school so that he can finally get hid diploma. He reluctantly agrees, and winds up with Milfloss, who also teaches the adult class. He ashamed for Dobie to find out, so when he realizes they both have Milfloss, he tells him that his name is Fred C. Dobbs. Herbert has a hard time studying, so when he gets his first subject to learn about, President Millard Fillmore, he turns to Dobie and listens to him talk about Fillmore while doing his homework. He winds up producing a well-written paper on the subject, and he continues to use Dobie’s studying to jump start his own on the next two subjects, the Louisiana Purchase and the Panama Canal. Milfloss starts to get suspicious after the second essay, and by the time Herbert delivers his third, he believes that either Dobie or ‘Dobbs’ has plagiarized is report. In order to keep Dobie out of trouble, Herbert admits that he has copied Dobie’s work, much to the delight of his classroom rival Mr. Callahan (Robert Foulk). Herbert has to go home and admit this to Dobie as well, but Dobie only comforts him and tells him it will all be fine. With Dobie and Winnie by his side, Herbert pleads with Milfloss not to flunk him out. Milfloss tells him that the school has decided there will no punishment, and he will be granted the opportunity to re-write the essays. Both Herbert and Callahan pass the class, and attend the graduation ceremony with the kids in the class. The two men congratulate each other on friendly terms. Later, Dobie and Maynard want to bask in the graduation, but Herbert doesn’t want to talk about it. Then they see that Herbert is wearing his cap and gown as he works in the store. 9/1/21
• 060. Dobie Versus the Machine – 3/14/1961
  • Now that school is let out and Dobie is thrilled to be a free man, he has no idea what to do with his time, so he and Maynard wander back to the school and try to get back into Mr. Pomfritt’s class… but he sends them on their way. The return back to the grocery store where they attempt to look for advice from Dobie’s father, but he doesn’t have any practical advice to offer but offers to let him take over the store. Dobie says that’s a possibility, but wants someone wise with experience to counsel him. Maynard claims to know one, so he takes Dobie and his father to see Riff Ryan, but Riff can only offer that you get the most out of life when you just sit back and observe the world. Herbert is polite and thanks him for his advice, but says that is now his lifestyle and not a good fit for the boys. They then all go to see Mr. Pomfritt, who advises the to go see a Psychological Testing Center, where computers can aid them in determining what career best suits them. Dr. Macgruder (Robert Burton) take Dobie, and Dr. Campbell (Dorothy Konrad) takes Maynard and they go through a series of physical and aptitude tests. Dobie identifies everything in his word association and Rorschach tests as being associated with girls. Maynard can hear pitches that usually only dogs can hear, but can’t squeeze a handle together. Once all of the data is pulled, Dobie and his father return to the center to get the results. Before they run his numbers, Dobie decides he doesn’t want advice from a machine, but rather from a flesh-and-blood human. When he asks his father what he did after high school, Herbert tells him that Uncle Sam made the decision for him. Dobie realizes that enlisting in the service is just what he needs, and will allow him time to figure out his life. Herbert is proud of him when he enlists, but becomes aghast when he learns that Maynard also enlisted right along with him. 9/3/21
• 061. Baby Shoes – 3/21/1961
  • Dobie gets his letter back from Uncle Sam that tells him that he has been accepted into the United States Army. His emotional father comes in to tuck him in and sing him a lullaby. However, the next morning is a difference story, and he is more interested in whipping Dobie and Maynard into shape. He starts with blaring Reveille at 5am, and then begins with putting both boys through rigorous calisthenics. Herbert then has Dobie clear all of the old junk out of his room, but they start to find items that cause them to reminisce. Zelda finds an old Valentine that she gave him when they were kids, and Maynard finds a broken drum that he and Maynard swapped when they were kids. Herbert allows them to keep the items… then finds an item of his own: Dobie’s baby shoes. These cause him to recall the night of Dobie’s birth. He flashes back to the time he was on furlough and he brought some baby clothes including the shoes. Winnie laughs at the notion since babies can’t walk when their feet are that small. Just then Winnie goes into labor and Herbert has to take her to the hospital. Back in the present, Herbert stares longingly at the shoes. That night, Dobie is nervous about his departure, and although he tries to avoid Zelda, but she comes to see him anyway. He tires to tell her not to wait for him, but she won’t hear of it. Herbert makes everyone refrain from becoming overly sentimental when it’s time to leave. He, Winnie, and Zelda give him a cold farewell, so he slinks out the front door. However, once he’s gone, the trio can’t keep from bursting into tears even when trying to help a customer (Pat Goldin). Dobie comes back into the shop to see all of them crying – including the customer – and now has a look of satisfaction as he leave. 3/2/22
• 062. I Didn’t Raise My Boy to Be a Soldier, Sailor, or Marine – 3/28/1951
  • On the day that the boys are scheduled to leave for the Army, they meet their boisterous and grumpy Sergeant Floyd W. Ronk (Taggert Casey) who rounds them up and gets them on the bus to their military base. Chatsworth and Zelda join Dobie’s parents in seeing Dobie and Maynard off. Maynard gets nervous and suddenly remembers that he has left his water running in the bathtub. Before they can stop him, he takes off for home. When it comes time to get on the bus, Maynard still isn’t back, so they grab Chatsworth and tell the Sergeant that he is Maynard G. Krebs. Although Chatsworth protests the entire time, Ronk thinks he’s going for a Section 8 and that’s why he’s acting crazy. Back home, Herbert and Zelda try to convince Maynard to return in order to keep Dobie and Chatsworth out of trouble. They arrive at the induction center and Chatsworth is shoves into military gear, as he whines all the way. Chatsworth is inoculated, causing him to faint, and then put through a series of aptitude tests in which he excels beyond expectation. He gets to demonstrate his mastery of several languages and Morse Code to Corporal Grover P. Wister (John Fiedler), who is thrilled to have him in the Army. He is then sent to Dr. Worthington (Frank Wilcox) for Psychological testing, but Chatsworth ends up taking control of this conversation as well. Just as Chatsworth is getting ready to simply leave, they finally get Maynard to the base. He and Chatsworth change clothes, and Chatsworth goes home in Maynard’s clothes. Dobie tries to explain to Ronk that it is merely Maynard’s beard that makes him look so different. Wister then hands out the post-basic training assignments, and gives Maynard his assignment to attend Officers School. However, he bursts into tears when he sees the ‘new’ Krebs. Although Maynard thinks he could handle it, he doesn’t want to leave Dobie behind. 3/3/22
• 063. The Chicken Corporal – 4/4/1961
  • Private T.J. Strauss (Jack Mullaney) tells Dobie he thinks they have everything they could ever want in the Army, but Dobie disagrees… especially when he looks at the waitress Betsy (Diane Jergens) at the Px. She refuses to date him initially, but then tells Dobie that if he can manage to get a date for her ugly roommate Susie. When Dobie sees her, he can only think of one eligible candidate: Maynard. He isn’t interested in double-dating when he sees how attractive Betsy is, but miraculously, he thinks that Susie would be a good match. The only glitch is that the only passes they are giving to the trainees are for the ones who pass the military fitness test. Dobie will have no problem, but Maynard is currently ranked at the very bottom of the list. With only two tests left, personal inspection and marksmanship, Maynard thinks his best bet will be marksmanship. With Dobie being the soldier who will be scoring Maynard’s shooting scores, Dobie agrees to ‘adjust’ his scores. When they get on the field, Dobie starts to mark Maynard with bullseyes, but then gets inspired by the words of his officer Lieutenant Merriweather (Burt Metcalfe), and decides to score Maynard truthfully in order to possibly save his life on the battlefield. Both Betsy and Maynard are furious at him, but Dobie repeats the words of Merriweather, not knowing that Merriweather is proudly listening behind him. The Lieutenant then appoints Dobie to be the acting Corporal of the squad, and since he will be now be conducting the barracks inspections, he decides that this time he will be lenient on Maynard’s messy area. He says that since a messy bed is not life or death, he will be able to go through it this time so that they can go on the double date. However, as the Lieutenant again inspires him with words about how a messy appearance can lead to mistakes on the battlefield, Dobie again comes down hard on him and issues him numerous demerits. This time however, the Lieutenant feels that Dobie may be acting too hard on Maynard, and encourages giving him a second chance. In fact, he tells him that Maynard may need a day off. Things seem to be going in his favor, until Private Strauss mishandles his sentry duty, and the Lieutenant decides to relive him of his band let Dobie take over with duty for the night. Maynard winds up going on his date with Susie, and bring Strauss along to stand in for Dobie. Maynard comes in at 3am, and reports that the date went well, although he doesn’t think Betsy and Strauss hit it off, since he was holding her hand to keep her from hitting him, and then he fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up despite how many times she kissed him. 7/7/22
• 064. The Solid Gold Dog Tag – 4/11/1961
  • When Dobie returns to town on leave, Chatsworth is astonished when a blonde girl (Judy Nugent) and all of her friends stop fawning over him and turn their attentions to Dobie. To make matters worse, his mother and Trembley show up to feed him in front of everyone. Chatsworth then decides that it’s time he stop being coddled, and decides to join the Army himself. He winds up in Dobie’s platoon, where Dobie and Maynard make sure he’s for real, and then try to put in a good word for him with the other recruits. However, he quickly gets on their bad side when he starts showing off and volunteering for tasks for the platoon, and Sergeant Trotti (Roy Jenson) assigns him to teach the privates the Queen’s Salute and some Judo moves. Back at home, Mrs. Osborne has substituted a giant photo of Chatsworth with the real thing at the breakfast table. She decides to transfer herself to the barracks where Chatsworth is stationed, and she sets him up in the barracks with a giant comfortable bed and television set. Not only are the fellow privates aghast, but she also faces down Colonel Roy J. Stonehenge (Robert Burton). Suddenly Chatsworth is popular with the men again, when Mrs. Osborne announces she has purchased the land around the military base and plans to erect a giant recreational center for the men to use. Everyone assures him that they think he’s a jolly good fellow, even without the recreation center… but as soon as they get word that the plans have been nixed, they no longer worship at his feet. Dobie surmises that either Mrs. Osborne or the military changed their minds, but it was actually Chatsworth. He says he joined the Army to become a man, and he wants to be made one the honest way. He also tells his mother that he joined the Army to take care of her and all of the Mumsys of the world, and that although she is the last to realize it, he is a man now. Chatsworth says, he’ll put away is superiority complex… starting tomorrow after he slaughters Dobie at a game of Checkers. Jerry Summers is the private who comments on Chatsworth’s bed. 7/7/22
• 065. The Battle of Maynard’s Beard – 4/18/1961
  • Over at Camp Grace, Maynard’s superior officer Sgt. Wyncoup (Richard Bakalyan) gives Maynard a hard time about still having his beard on his face. Dobie reminds him that the recruiting officer back home told him that he could keep it. Wyncoup tells him that the first time the beard gets in the way, it is coming off. Just then Maynard gets his gun caught in his beard in front of Lt. Merriwether (now played by Richard Clair), who orders that it is shaven off immediately. Wyncoup puts Dobie in charge of making sure that it happens, much to Maynard’s displeasure. When Dobie tires to shave him, he winds up accidentally shoving the lathered brush into Wyncoup’s mouth. They try to escape and wind up in one of the instructional classes being taught by Lt. Portia Potter (Kaye Elhardt), who Dobie immediately falls in love with. Unfortunately, she is an officer, so it is forbidden for an enlisted man like Dobie to date her. She is teaching about the rights and privileges of the American soldier. Dobie thinks that if he demands a court martial on the behalf of Maynard to prove that it is his right to keep his beard, that even if he loses, he will be respected enough to be put into officer’s school. When Wyncoup sees that Maynard hasn’t shaved yet, he throws him into the base prison. The Colonel (Bartlett Robinson), and although Maynard is ready to throw in the towel and take a shave, Dobie insists that he is going to defend him. The Colonel decides to go easy on them since a legal officer is planning to visit the base, and tells them that if Krebs shaves, he’ll drop all of the charges. Again, Dobie demands the trial, and then admits to Portia why he wants to become an officer, but also adds the fact that he is now doing it on principle. Dobie also visits home and tells his father his plans. He gives Dobie some advice that he’s learned from Perry Mason, and then comes to court to support him. In court, Dobie is nearly able to convince the Colonel and the officers (Maurice Meyer, Chet Brandenburg) that there is no danger in Maynard keeping his beard… but then when Maynard tries to demonstrate his use of a gun, he gets it stuck in his beard again. When Dobie tries to show the officers the great men throughout history who had beards, he nearly gets mercy again… but then Maynard gets his microphone stuck in his beard as well. The officers are about to find Maynard guilty when Colonel Overholt (Earle McVeigh) from the judge advocate general’s office show up to watch the proceedings… and is wearing a full beard. The Colonel finds Maynard not guilty, under the watchful eye of Overholt. Dobie doesn’t get an offer to join Officer’s school, but he gets an invitation from Portia to stop by her house… and meet her fiancé. 10/27/22
• 066. Spaceville – 4/25/1961
  • At the Pentagon in Washington, Colonel Stonehenge (Robert Burton) and Dr. Halsey (Arthur Hanson) present an update to their General (Willis Bouchey) on the status of their Operation Moonshot, which will launch a human into space. Their only worry is that they’ve only tested superior specimens, and they want to find the least strong, intelligent, and capable they can find. They do indeed find such a specimen in Maynard G. Krebs. Maynard is reluctant to be a test subject, but he is reassured that he’ll be sealed in a ground dummy spacecraft. He agrees when he’s told that he’ll have both Dobie and Corporal Kilroy, a chimpanzee who will be the first in outer space, with him in the capsule. After eight days in the capsule, only the chimp is showing anxiety, but Maynard is struggling with the food situation, only comprised of capsules. Kilroy figures out how to unlock the window on the space capsule, and Mayard and Kilory sneak out and bring back a roast chicken. After 15 days, everyone is tested and weighed, and they are surprised to see that Maynard and the monkey have gained weight. This seems to indicate that Kilory is as ready as he’ll ever be to blast off for Operation Moonshot. Only Maynard and Dobie return to the dummy capsule. Maynard starts to miss Kilroy the night before his send-off, and he sneaks out of the fake capsule and into Kilroy’s real capsule. He and Kilroy discuss evolution with Maynard doing all of the talking. Maynard closes up the capsule when Col. Stonehenge comes in with two of his men and tells them they’ll be blasting off the next day. Dobie wakes up and finds Maynard gone, along with the capsule. He hears the tower control operator (Conrad Bachmann) counting down the launch and tries to call the tower via a difficult operator (Bea Benaderet) who can’t seem to connect him. He then tries to appeal to a military police officer (Tom Montgomery) to stop the launch, but he just accuses Dobie of being a spy. In the meantime, the missile launches and heads into space. Maynard lands on an island somewhere in the ocean, where he is surrounded by native girls catering to him and Kilroy. He believes they are ‘moon people’. 10/27/22
• 067. Like Mother, Like Daughter, Like Wow – 5/2/1961
  • Dobie flirts with a girl named Hazel Grimes (Yvonne Craig), who has come to dance with the servicemen at the recreation center. She tells Dobie in no uncertain terms that she’s not interested in him, but when she hears that his full name is Dobie Gillis, she instantly starts showering him with kisses. She explains that her mother is Bubbles Corrigan (Jane Dulo), an old girlfriend of Dobie’s father. She and her mother had just moved back in the area and are living in a trailer park, and she was told by her mother that if she sees Herbie, she is to give him a big kiss with Bubbles’ greetings. Instead, she has given the kiss to Dobie, but now finds him cute herself. Before they can continue their date that night, Dobie is picked up by an M.P. named Quentin (Hugh Sanders) and taken home to Dobie’s parents. When Dobie mentions Bubbles, Winnie immediately remembers her and starts to get upset with Herbert. At one point, Herb and Bubbles were caught in a convertible on the school property and the principal turned the sprinklers on them. Winne gets even more upset when she catches Herbert looking at his old yearbook at Bubbles. Meanwhile, Maynard worries that Hazel is only after Dobie for the money he is now making. When Dobie and Hazel go to look at furniture, Maynard follows them and hounds them the entire time. Bubbles finally shows up at the grocery store to see Herbert. Winnie is quite uncomfortable and gets downright upset when Bubbles and Herbert start reminiscing and dance to their old Kangaroo Hop together. When Herbert invites Bubbles to stay for dinner, Winnie retreats to the kitchen in tears. Bubbles comes to see her and tells her that she is not threat to Winnie. She says all men see her as a fun time, good for a few laughs before she is discarded. Winnie starts to feel sorry for her, and when Dobie and Hazel are brought home by the same M.P., Winnie introduces him to Bubbles to set them up on a date. 3/5/23
• 068. Dobie Plays Cupid – 5/9/1961
  • While at a dance at the Servicemen’s Recreation Center, Dobie decides that it is time that Maynard get a girl of his own. He introduces him to Angela Crittenden (Sibyl Rickel), but the act itself sends Dobie up a tree. He even tries to bet Mrs. Osborne involved in convincing Maynard that he needs to mingle at the Recreation Center, which she has funded. Dobie tries to calm Maynard down and engage in a simple conversation with Angela, but again, Maynard gets cold feet. Back home, Dobie expresses his concert for Maynard’s well-being and he and his parents decide that Maynard desperately needs to enter the real world and get a girl of his own. They decide that they should take the tack of bribing a girl to flirt with him in order to give him confidence with females. Dobie returns to Angela, and through flattery, is able to convince her that she is the perfect girl to win Maynard over. Herbert bribes local tomboy teenager Jenny (Trudi Ziskind aka Trudi Ames) with bubblegum and movie magazines to flirt with Maynard. Angela gets to him first and tells him how alluring he is, citing the way he bats his eyebrows as his greatest asset. By the time Jenny confesses her ‘feelings’ for him, Maynard is convinced that he and his eyebrows are irresistible but tells Jenny to try again when she is older. Dobie tries to trick Maynard into going to the next dance, but Maynard doesn’t need to b tricked and wants to go on his own. Upon arrival, he starts grabbing random girls, including Mrs. Osborne, and batting his eyebrows at them. Dobie has to stop him and tells him that he really doesn’t have any power over women. However, Maynard confesses he already knows that, and knew he was being tricked. He had only put on the spectacle in order to teach Dobie that he is a different kind of guy. He says that he respects other guys’ desires to have their own girls, but that this life isn’t for him, and he’ll know when he meets the perfect girl. His speech causes Angela to become truly attracted to him, mostly because he represents an intellectual challenge. Mrs. Osborne calls off Angela and admits that he reminds her of her late husband. Even Jenny has now become attracted to Maynard and pleads with him to look her up when she fills out in a couple of years. Dobie tries to tell Maynard that there is no allure in his eyebrows, but Maynard tells him not to be too sure. 3/12/23
• 069. Like Father, Like Son, Like Trouble – 5/16/1961
  • Lieutenant Merriwether has written a play called The Gory Battle of Deadman’s Gulch, but no one wants to be in it… until Merriwether implies they will be doing other, less desirable work, if they’re not part of the play. Dobie is given the role of Major Gates, while Maynard plays Sgt. Moony. For their efforts, they also receive a two-day pass. Dobie tells his father he wants to get out of the play, but he convinces Dobie that he has greasepaint in his blood through both his mother and father’s bloodline. After their first rehearsal, Dobie and Maynard head of to the PX where Dobie spots a girl named Dorrit “Dory” McCurdy (Carol Byron), but she turns him down flat, knowing that he is merely an enlisted man. After several successful rehearsals, Dobie perfects his role. They are all declared off-duty until the play opens, so they had back to the PX. This time, Dory sees Dobie in his costume and fake mustache, and thinks he is a real major. She suddenly becomes attractive to him and invites her over to her house. As they are getting ready to kiss on the couch, her father Col. McCurdy (Howard Petrie) shows up at home. He impressed enough by ‘Major Gates’ that he asks him to speak at the soldier’s commencement ceremony. Dobie starts to panic that he will be found out and will receive a dishonorable discharge. Herbert shows up at Camp Grace to see Dobie perform in the play, but Dobie winds up telling him about the predicament he has gotten into. It turns out that Herbert has known Col. “Hard-Rock” McCurdy since he was a Captain and Herbert was his First Sergeant. Herbert goes to see McCurdy, who vaguely remembers him, and is able to convince him that ‘Major Gates’ has a head wound that causes him to become a wild man and can get violent when he is over-stimulated. McCurdy decides that he had better find a substitute to speak at the graduation ceremony. Dobie and Maynard star in the play as planned and receive a rousing reception from the audience. Merriwether then introduces Col. McCurdy who is now onto Dobie’s ruse, after remembering more about Dobie’s father and how he was known as “Snow Job Gillis”. He allows Merriwether to dish out Dobie’s consequence, and Merriwether strips Dobie of his weekend pass. Dobie and Maynard are recruited to star in Merriwether’s next play Romeo and Juliet. Max Slaten in Irvin the soda jerk. 8/14/23
• 070. Be It Ever So Humble – 5/23/1961
  • After watching a sentimental war movie on TV in the barracks in which a homesick soldier named Jenkins (Jerry Summers) tells his Sergeant (Paul Bryar) how much he misses the smell of his mother’s apple pie, going to the ballpark, and walking down Main Street with his girlfriend, Maynard decides that he is equally homesick, despite having none of those things waiting for him. Dobie suggests that Maynard write a letter home to a loved one, so he sends a note to his bongos. Dobie then has Maynard’s parents write him a note, but they only tell him how happy they are that he’s away. Maynard then pleads with Lt. Merriwether to get a three-day pass, but he is denied. Dobie then has his father go to Maynard’s and get a smattering of his personal belongings and bringing them to Camp Grace. Maynard appreciates all of this, but it winds up making him feel more homesick. Meanwhile, Herbert is trying to get an insurance policy without taking the physical examination. He even shows the insurance salesman Mr. Daly (Douglas Bank) how he can lift a heavy box of groceries. Daly still insists that he take the physical, especially after he sees Winnie pick up the same box. Maynard does a handful of personal chores for Lt. Merriwether and then asks him again for a three-day pass. He is declines again, but then Merriwether takes pity on him and issues him the pass. Maynard jumps on the next bus home, but fails to tell Dobie that he is leaving, which makes Dobie think that Maynard has gone AWOL. Dobie tries to cover for him by doing double duty on all of his chores, half of the time wearing a “Krebs” shirt. Dobie decides to go try and find Maynard to bring him back, telling Merriwether that his father is on death’s door and needs to go see him. After Merriwether gives him a pass to leave, he calls the Red Cross and asks the agent Mr. Mimms (Jonathan Hole) to go check on Mr. Gillis. As Herbert is busy trying to get Maynard to stop playing his bongos all day in his store, the insurance doctor Mr. Caul (Norman Fell) shows up to examine Herbert. Dobie also shows up to drag Maynard back to Camp Grace and refuses to believe that Maynard received an actual pass to leave. Maynard storms out, angry that Dobie doesn’t believe him. Mr. Mimms then shows up to see Herbert, and once Dobie realizes why he is there, he starts to panic himself. After Dr. Caul has examined Herbert and deemed his health as adequate enough to get the insurance, Dobie rushes in and asks him to lay down and pretend he is sick. Herbert tries to act sick for Mr. Mimms, but when Dr. Caul comes back into the room; he tries to pretend to be healthy again. Both doctors then become suspicious, so Dobie tells them he is going to find a specialist… which turns out to be Maynard disguised as Dr. Distalfink of Vienna. Winnie comes in and exposes Maynard by ripping off his beard. Herbert becomes resigned to losing his insurance, while Dobie assumes he will be going to military jail. Mr. Mimms calls the military police to report the ruse. Instead of throwing them in jail, Lt. Merriwether puts both Dobie and Maynard on potato peeling duty. John Duke aka Barry Russo is the sergeant. Tom Montgomery is a soldier. 8/15/23
• 071. Aah, Yer Fadder Wears Army Shoes – 5/30/1961
  • When Dobie reports to Lt. Merriwether, he meets his secretary, a WAC named Marcia Turner (Barbara Bricker), who takes Dobie’s advances as an insult and tells Dobie about her ancestors’ longtime military tradition. Dobie then starts bragging about all of the military awards his own father won, but when Marcia tells him that this will be perfect because Father and Son Day is coming up that weekend. Lt. Merriwether then comes out and tells Dobie to make sure his platoon knows that he expects 100% participation. Dobie tells them that his father won’t be there because during World War 2 he went Missing in Action. Marcia suddenly becomes interested in Dobie and begins pampering him. When Maynard hears her telling Dobie how sorry she is about Dobie’s father, he just assumes it is because of how mean he can be. Maynard warns him not to show up at the Father and Son Dance, because surely he will make a speech and give herself away. Meanwhile, Maynard’s father refuses to come to the Father and Son Day, which leads Maynard’s mother Ethel to call Winnie to ask about the day. Herb assumes that Dobie hasn’t invited him to go to the special day because he is a blowhard who will talk about his days in the Army. Winnie convinces Herbert that Dobie didn’t invite him because he didn’t want his father to suffer the hardship of having to close up his shop. Herbert then decides to repay his son by showing up and surprising him. Maynard vows to keep Dobie from making any sort of speech, but when Lt. Merriwether announces that his father is M.I.A., Dobie can’t help but giving a speech about what an amazing man his father was, showing flashbacks of Dobie and his fellow P.O.W. prisoner Brooklyn (Herbert Ellis) escaping prison by using Judo on one of the Japanese prison guards (Fuji). The two men then escape and go on to blow up the Bridge over the River Kwai, with Herbert sacrificing his own body to let 50,000 volts glow through him to accomplish the espionage. Herbert then makes his presence known at the Father and Son Day ceremony, standing up in front of the crowd and corroborating Dobie’s tales about him and continuing the story for the men. Maynard then makes both Dobie and his father write on the board that ‘honesty is the best policy.’ 12/7/23
• 072. Everything but the Truth – 6/6/1961
  • Zelda has been sending love letters to Dobie ever since he joined the Army, but he is surprised to get a new hateful one that includes a barrage of bitterness and insults. Sure enough, Zelda is back home collaborating with Jenny about what a cad Dobie is to rebuff Zelda’s advances. However, Zelda tells a different story when the snooty Rochelle Kincheloe (Jennifer West) and says she’s returned home from finishing school in the East. When Rochelle insinuates that Zelda couldn’t possibly get her own date to her welcome-home party, Zelda tells her that she is engaged to Dobie Gillis. Meanwhile, Dobie and Maynard are getting ready to enjoy a weekend pass to go home, even though they both realize they have too many demerits. For some reason, they have been accidentally placed on the list to go on leave. Since Zelda thinks that Dobie will never get to come home that weekend due to his inevitable demerits, she plots to tell Rochelle that Dobie won’t be able to make it home, and that she couldn’t possibly go out with another date and betray her love. She feigns a fake phone call from Dobie and has flowers sent to herself that are supposedly from Dobie. Upon Dobie’s arrival back home, he quickly says hello to his parents, and then heads out to find a girl to go out with. Rochelle goes to meet Dobie at the grocery store, and quickly finds out from Dobie’s parents that Dobie has no sights on Zelda, and in fact runs away whenever she comes near to him. Rochelle tells Dobie’s parents to pass on the invitation to her welcome-home party, with the intention of embarrassing Zelda. At the party, Rochelle makes a big production of introducing Zelda to all of the guests and talking about her fiancé Dobie Gillis. When Dobie suddenly arrive at the party, Dobie is shocked to hear Rochelle referring to him as Zelda’s fiancé. However, once he catches on that Zelda has been telling this to Rochelle, he corroborates her story and tells Zelda that he is not happy that she has made him keep it secret from everyone including his parents all this time. Publicly, he dances with and swoons over Zelda, but privately he tells her that he’s going to strangle her. Later, Zelda tries to convince Dobie that he must really love her to do something so nice for her. She tries to get Dobie to say what he would say if he did in fact love her, all the while Jenny is hiding in the bushes attempting to make a recording of Dobie saying it. Tom Montgomery is the flower deliveryman. 12/8/23
• 073. Goodbye Mr. Pomfritt, Hello Mr. Chips – 6/13/1961
  • Dobie and Maynard decide to pay a return visit to Central High and say hello to Mr. Pomfritt and fully plans to give him an earful of constructive criticism. However, upon Pomfritt’s arrival that morning, he announces that he is going to be resigning at the end of the week and saying goodbye to Central forever. The boys are dumbfounded and wait around to ask him why he is leaving, and it all comes down to the fact that his teacher’s pay isn’t enough to support his family. Dobie gets him to admit that Pomfritt’s teaching career is his true calling. Dobie tells his parents about Pomfritt’s exit, and they recall the time that Maynard brought in a box of frogs to class, and they all got loose all over the room. As Mr. Pomfritt and the class are trying to gather them together, the principal Mr. Nettleton (John Graham) walks into the class and is furious about the chaos. He takes Dobie and Mayanrd to his office and calls Dobie’s parents. As Nettleton is getting ready to punish them, Mr. Pomfritt comes to their defense and tells them that they just have curious minds about the animal world. Dobe gets the idea to invite back some of Mr. Pomfritt’s alumni who have made good so that he can see how important his work is. They go to the library to look though old yearbooks and find the guest list. Maynard is in charge of sending out the invitations, but he ends up dropping them in a storage box instead of a mailbox. With no one else at the party except for the janitor Floyd Trigby (Joseph Corey), the mailman who returned the letters, Monty Ferguson (Frank London), and a couple who happened to be in the grocery store while Herbert was preparing the food, Clyde (Eddie Firestone) and Myrtle Tarantino, all of whom were Pomfritt’s alumni themselves. Although none of the guests are at a professional level, the working-class graduates tell Mr. Pomfritt has impacted their daily lives and their thirst for knowledge, art, and nature. Dobie realizes that the greatest help that Mr. Pomfritt gave was to the ordinary people, even ore so than the important, successful grads. Mr. Pomfritt reconsiders and decides to stay after all. He decides that if his wife has to continue babysitting, or needs to pick up extra work, nothing will drag him away from teaching. The next time Mr. Pomfritt shops at Herbert’s store, he gives him his groceries at less than half price, then has Dobie and Maynard do extra work to pay him back. Julie Ann Payne is Mary Lou. June Palmer is Lola. 4/12/24
• 074. Take Me to Your Leader – 6/20/1961
  • Dobie and Maynard have guard duty one dark and stormy night, and when they hear the sound of a frog croaking loudly, they assume it is an enemy approaching. Sgt. Wyncoup relieves them of their duty and puts two other guards in place after Maynard tells them that he and Dobie had once caught a Martian. As they tell Wyncoup the story, they flash back to three months earlier when the two of them and Zelda were watching the store while Dobie’s parents were at the movies on a dark and stormy night. When Maynard starts talking about the movie The Monster That Devoured Cleveland, Zelda starts telling them that if they ever saw an alien invasion, the monsters would be unrecognizable as they would attach to human hosts using symbiosis. She says that they would make people think they were looking at ideal people. Dobie professes what his ideal female would look like, right down to the mole on her chin. Minutes later a woman named Jane Smith (Barbara Lord) fitting Dobie’s exact ideal description. The guys start to suspect her of being an invader, especially when she starts talking on the phone about doing shooting and how the town is perfect place for the second unit. It turns out she is with Super Colossal Picture, whose producer Mr. Nicholby (Alan Carney) plans to bring an entire crew and wants Gillis’s grocery store to make 200 sandwiches for them. As Dobie works on the order, Maynard heads to see Police Chief Rosebottom (Herb Vigran) to tell him about the ‘aliens’, but when he arrives, he sees a lost little boy (Ron Howard), who Rosebottom and Officer Clancy (Max Mellinger) are appeasing by having him wear a space helmet and shoot at them with a toy ray gun. Maynard now thinks the invasion is in full force. Making matters worse, when Herbert and Winnie come back from seeing The Monster That Devoured Cleveland, they are aping the bad acting by pretending to be zombies themselves. Maynard now thinks they have been taken over by the aliens too. Maynard pushes Jane and Dobie’s parents into the freezer. Then when the actors Kim Breck (Baily Harper), Alabaman Schwarz (Neil Burstyn aka Neil Nephew), and Cedric Van Horn (Peter Brocco) arrive, they are shoved into the freezer as well. Mr. Nicholby then arrives with Rosebottom and Clancy, and as they find everyone in the freezer, they are pushed in as well. Dobie tries to get hold of the White House to tell them about the invasion. Eventually, they let everyone out, and Herbert tries to talk everyone into forgiving the stupidity of Dobie and Maynard. However, this does not stop them from putting the boys in the freezer as revenge. 4/13/24
• 075. This Ain’t the Way We Used to Do It – 6/27/1961
  • Dobie and his unit are getting ready to graduate Army basic training, and Lt. Spunky Meriwether (Jack Grinnage) tells the men that if the men perform to standards, there will be passes for everyone. They have also designated the upcoming weekend as Parent Visiting Weekend, to show off how they’ve been converted to lean, fighting men. Herbert is especially excited to attend the event, as he is anxious to see all of the backbreaking training exercises. Remembering how hard it was for him in basic training, Herbert thinks that the hardships toughen up men. Dobie makes Maynard write his parents a letter to invite them to the graduation. Lt. Meriwether informs Dobie’s superior officer Sgt. Clum (Nesdon Booth) that his squad has been choses for Operation Xerxes, a top-secret mission that requires two weeks training and special maneuvers. Dobie’s parents aren’t able to come when Mr. Krebs gets a terrible case of Hives, which Maynard says he gets when he hears Maynard’s name mentioned, so Dobie’s parents agree to act as his surrogate parents. Herbert is excited to see all of the rigors of Army life, but he soon realizes that things are much cushier than when he was in the Army. After watching their ping-pong tournaments and steak meals, Herbert says that he needs to take them out to train them using the old World War 2 methods. He takes them out for some calisthenics in the middle of the night, and when he has them try to climb a wall, Maynard falls on his head and becomes deaf. Herbert and Dobie insist that Maynard go to see a medic, but he doesn’t want to cause the men not to get their passes. Herbert volunteers to step in for Maynard so that they don’t know he is missing. Dobie thinks it is a bad idea, but Herbert insists, and soon he is marched off along with the troops to board an airplane. It is here that he finds out what the top-secret mission, and it turns out to be a parachute jump out of the plane as an exhibition for the parents. As soon as he learns, he tries to get out of it, but Dobie tells him that it is now too late, and Herbert is forced to make the jump. Winnie, watching for the ground, laments that Herbert is ‘missing’ the most exciting parts of the weekend. Herbet later tries to explain to Winnie what happened, and Dobie makes him out to be a hero who talked the other into going through with the mission. When things get back to normal, Maynard laments to Dobie that he causes so much trouble to Dobie that he is a millstone around his neck. Dobie denies this, but then has to walk Maynard through the simple act of taking a shower before they go to mess. 9/2/24

SEASON 3

• 076. The Ruptured Duck – 10/10/1961
  • Dobie and Maynard receive their official discharges from Lieutenant Merriwether, and they are sent back home. Maynard is scared to re-enter the world, and although Dobie tries to tell him that they can find jobs, he too becomes rather nervous about leaving the Army. While Dobie’s parents and Zelda are waiting to give him a big welcome home, Professor Pomfritt stops by the store and tells everyone that he has just started working at the S. Peter Pryor Junior College. He tells the Gillises how he is finally making a living wage and doesn’t have to put up with frustrating students like Dobie and Maynard. Herbert has a giant “And Son” sign made to add to their store’s sign so that Dobie can start as a partner in the grocery business. Dobie says he is not ready for that and isn’t sure what he really wants to do. He suggests that he further his education but doesn’t have the marks nor the money for college. However, the S. Peter Pryor College caters to young men and women like him. Pomfritt is aghast at the notion of once again teaching these same kids, but he feels compelled to welcome them to the school. Dobie, Maynard, and Zelda attend the opening night speech from Dean Magruder (Raymond Bailey). They receive a Freshman Orientation Guide which tells them exactly what to do to get through orientation week. They start with the Freshman Program Advisor Mr. Wurts (John Fiedler), who discusses Dobie’s curriculum. He considers Law, Medicine, and Physics, but winds up turning them all down. He winds up throwing darts at a list of courses and lands on Welding, Russian Literature, and Fingerprint Identification. Dobie and Maynard then meet their Big Brothers to show them the ropes on campus. Maynard gets a guy named Tyler Cruikshank (Hal England), but Maynard thinks that they are actual brothers. Dobie, Maynard, and Zelda then join Mr. Pomfritt for lunch, and when they find out what courses he is teaching, they all change courses so that they can be in his classes, English, Biology, and Fencing. They go through the rest of the day getting locker assignments, paying lab fees, buying textbooks, getting inoculated, taking a manual dexterity test, and receiving extracurricular assignments. At the end of the day, Dobie and Maynard start to think they’re not college types and have bitten off more than they can chew. Just when they are ready to drop out, Zelda has them read the last page of the Freshman Guide, which promises that things will get better, and they will come to love their alma mater. The guide suggests that they sing the school hymn, so they do, and are joined by Mr. Pomfritt, Mr. Wurtz, and a group of students. The next day, Dobie and his friend are all anxious to start their day at college. Herbert tosses his “And Son” sign in the garbage. NOTE: Angela Austin and Joe Galante are credited in the episode, but do not appear. 9/2/24

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