The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – Showtime

Created by Tom Kapinos

“Main Title Theme from Californication” by Tree Adams and Tyler Bates

• 001. Pilot – 8/13/2007
  • Hank Moody (David Duchovny) is an alcoholic novelist who is suffering from writer’s block, on which he blames his hedonism and Los Angeles lifestyle after recently departing New York City. He maintains a relationship with his ex-girlfriend Karen Van Der Beek (Natascha McElhone), with whom he also has a 12-year old daughter Becca (Madeleine Martin). Hank has a dream that he goes to a church to pray for guidance and is seduced by a nun, and when he wakes up, he is in bed with Heather (Michele Nordin), the same gal who was the dream-nun Heather. Her husband (Chase Penny) comes home and he is forced to flee without his pants. From there, he meets Karen and Becca, and brings Becca home for visitation, where she finds a naked woman named Sandy Carr (Camille Langfield) in his bed. He blows her off and she accuses him of only sleeping with her to get even with her husband Todd, who had made his book God Hates Us All into the film Crazy Little Thing Called Love which he hated. Later Hank gets into a fist fight with a man (Philip Shahbaz) at the movie theater who is using a cell phone during the film. On his way home, he stops at a bookstore where he meets a girl named Mia Lewis (Madeline Zima), who is reading his book God Hates Us All. They go home together and have sex, during which she punches him twice in the face. Hank and Karen meet with Becca’s teacher Penny Lyons (Miriam T. Green) who tells them Becca is taking an interest in boys, and she caught a boy feeling her up, and she told Lyons that she didn’t know any other way to get a boy to like her. Hank meets with his best friend and agent Charlie Runkle (Evan Handler), who works with the UTK agency and tells him that Hell-A magazine has offered him a job blogging for them. They have dinner with Charlie’s wife Marcy (Pamela Adlon) and friend Meredith (Amy Price-Francis), whom he quickly insults causing her to walk out of the dinner. He meets another woman (Alison Mei Lan) before leaving the restaurant and goes home and sleeps with her. He had to run out on her when he gets a call from Karen because she was tipped off that Becca was at a party in the Palisades. They catch her getting ready to smoke pot, and Hank carries her off. Becca is furious, but Hank and Karen chat back at her place. Although Karen is engaged to a guy named Bill, Hank asks her to marry him. Before she can answer, Mia comes into the house and Karen introduces her as Bill’s 16-year old daughter. Stephen Sowan is the drunk kid. Michael H. Barnett is the gawky dweeb. 7/23/20

• 002. Hell-A Woman – 8/20/2007
  • Hank goes to pick up Becca, and meets Karen’s fiance Bill Lewis (Damian Young). Becca lets it slip that Karen and Bill are having their mutual friends Charlie and Marcie over that weekend and they all invite Hank to come as well. Hank visits Charlie who tries to convince him to do the blog for Hell-A magazine. Hank has a crush on Charlie’s assistant Dani (Rachel Miner), who tells him that he and the blog would be a good fit. He also meets with the publisher Nora (Lucy Davis), who tries to further convince him but refuses to sleep with him because she is in a relationship. He then hooks up with a blonde woman (L.E. Brooke aka Brooke Banner), who he finds out is a porn star. When he hears her infant daughter crying in the other room, he takes one of her videos and leaves with a kiss on the head, telling her to take care of her daughter. He goes home and begins his first blog which he titles Hank Hates You All. Later he attends the party at Bill and Karen’s place, and Karen tries to set him up with a woman named Sonja (Paula Marshall). As they eat dinner, Sonja rubs his leg on one side, as Mia rubs his other leg. Mia leaves with her boyfriend, and Hank smokes pot and hooks up in the guestroom with Sonja, who wants to sleep with a man now that her husband has left her for his male assistant Ted. Marcy questions whether Karen really wants to marry Bill, and then Karen shows Marcy around the house, walking in on a naked Hank and Sonja who both throw up on Bill’s new painting. As he is leaving, he encounters Mia who continues to flirt with him… and then tells him that her father is the owner of Hell-A magazine. 7/23/20
• 003. The Whore of Babylon – 8/27/2007
  • While doing a book signing, Hank is confronted by Todd Carr (Chris Williams), who adapted his book into the screenplay he hated. The two wind up in a war of insults and then a fist fight. After Hank is arrested, Bill comes to see him at the police station and they too get in a fight, with Hank giving him a titty-twister before Bill punches him in the stomach. Later Hank runs into Meredith out one night and apologizes to her for his previous behavior on their blind date, which prompts her to drop her date Jonathan Mandel (Robert Merrill) and go home with Hank. Meredith assumes it will be a one-night stand, but Hank asks her back out for that night. As soon as she leaves, Mia stops by to get help with a creative writing assignment. Karen comes to see him while Mia is in his bedroom to try and convince him to keep his job with Bill. Mia escapes before being caught, and leaves Hank’s files of his writing in shambles. Charlie also tries to sell Hank on keeping the job, prompting Hank to fire him as he does every few months. Charlie gets irritated with his secretary Dani when she brings him the wrong soda, and he fires her as well. Later she emails him nude photos, with cause him to reconsider and keep her on. They begin having an affair when she gives him the leeway to ‘punish’ her every time she messes up. She also tells him that Hank called and said that Charlie could keep his job with him. Hank goes out with Meredith again, who tells him that Jonathan is married, and she’s been in the affair for five years. She also says she left her dog Cat Stevens at his house and he was forced to tell his wife Nikki (Kathy Christopherson) that the dog is a gift for her. Hank helps her break in and steal the dog – as well as a an expensive painting – while the Mandels are having sex. Meredith later admits that Hank took the wrong dog. He goes over to see Karen and give her one more chance to marry him. She refuses, and he gives Becca the dog and gives Bill the stolen painting. Bill also announces that Mia has written an excellent short story for school, which is likely one that she stole from Hank. He agrees to continue working as a blog writer and pens his next piece on figuring out his life in California, even if only for Becca’s sake. 8/7/20
• 004. Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser – 9/3/2007
  • Meredith is concerned that she and Hank have been spending too much time in the bedroom, so he reluctantly agrees to accompany her to a fundraiser at UTK, which Karen and Bill are also attending. Upon arrival, he spots Todd Carr doing business with Charlie. Hank chats with Todd in the bathroom and they bury the hatchet long enough for Todd to tell him that he is leaving his wife Sandy… who is at the fundraiser. Hank uses Karen to try and stay hidden from Sandy. Meredith also introduces him to the Jonathan Mandel, with whom she’s having the affair, and his wife Nikki. While Nikki hits on Hank, Meredith is clearly trying to make Jonathan jealous, and when Hank realizes it, he helps by giving her a passionate kiss in front of him. Charlie takes Dani back to his office to take some sexy photos with her, and when Hank walks in on them, Charlie nearly has a heart attack, then breaks down feeling guilty for cheating. A jerk (John Scarangello) bumps into Karen and spills his drink on her and then cusses her out, but when she pushes him, Bill doesn’t stand up for her, but rather tells her to calm down. Meredith gets drunk and laments wasting five years with Jonathan. When Hank confronts Jonathan to tell him not to string her along like that, Jonathan tells him that Meredith told him that Hank was a joke and just someone she passed the time with. Sandy finally spots Hank and tries to throw a drink in his face, but hits Jonathan instead. As everyone is leaving, the jerk taunts Karen again, prompting Hank to punch him out. Becca expresses her concern about relationships and missing her father to Mia, who sympathizes and tells her that she’s luck to have a great father. When Karen gets home that night, Becca questions her mother’s love for both Bill and her father. After Hank helps Meredith get sick and puts her to bed, he talks to Becca on the phone to help her fall asleep. 8/7/20
• 005. LOL – 9/10/2007
  • Hank has a dream that he visits a church that has a black Jesus, with Bill as the father, who seems to want to give him oral sex. Karen enters dressed as a nun and begins making out with Bill. Hank wakes up in bed with Meredith, and although they have an intimate morning, Hank makes fun of Meredith for using the phrase ‘lol’. Meanwhile Marcy starts to wonder why Charlie isn’t having sex with her. She tries to seduce him, but he doesn’t like it when she sticks her finger in his butt. Bill comes to see Hank and ask for a favor that Hank speak at her girls school about writing. Hank at first thinks he knows about his affair with Mia and starts to apologize before realizing that he wants the favor. He agrees to do it if Bill will give him his jacket. During the speech to the class, all of the girls are smitten by him, and the teacher Nick Lowry (Lance Barber) confesses to Dave his frequent impure thoughts about the girls. Hank speaks on Henry Rollins‘ (himself) radio show and makes fun of people’s addiction and dumbing down from their smartphone culture, mentioning using the phrase ‘lol’. This leads Meredith to take offense and break it off with Hank, while they are out to dinner with Charlie and Marcy. Becca has a major crush on her guitar teacher Dave (Joaquin Pastor), a sentiment that seems to be shared by both Karen and Mia. Becca is crushed when Mia goes out on a date with Dave, and sees them kissing. Meredith comes to Hank’s house to pick up her clothes and return the key. She also tells Dave that Jonathan left his wife Nikki. Hank is upset over their breaking up, but Meredith says she knows he was just looking for an excuse to end it. They end it amicably and make out one last time. Hank and Becca go on a walk together and talk about their recent heartbreaks. Amy Okuda is Mia’s classmate. 11/22/20
• 006. Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder – 9/17/2007
  • Hank meets a beautiful young surfer girl (Michelle Lombardo) in a convenience store and takes her to sleep with him while they get stoned, but when he wakes up, she has stolen his guitar and records. Mia comes over and asks for more of Hanks’ writings and he turns her down, but agrees to help her write her papers. Charlie nearly gets caught by Marcy while he has Dani crawling around on his floor. He gets out of it, and she tells him she’s come to seduce him in his office and they have sex. Later at home, Charlie tries to get her into being kinky and she reluctantly goes along, but it is over before it starts when he spanks her too hard. Hank and Karen go to see Becca and her band Kill Jill (Robert Gilling, Jory Glick, Shira Kreitenberg, Myles Trifon) in a Battle of the Bands, but when it is over he has to leave abruptly when Mia calls to tell him that she needs his help. She claims that her teacher Mr. Lowry is high and is trying to get her and another classmate (Chelsea Blaine) into a threesome in a motel room. Hank reluctantly leaves to get her, but when he arrives, he finds that Lowry is being friendly and expecting him, hoping Hank will join them in using cocaine. Hank is still disgusted by him and burn him with a cigarette but is also annoyed with Mia crying wolf. Hank is invited in by Karen to have some drinks and they discuss whether she is happy with Bill. She claims she is, but she and Hank kiss passionately before he falls into the pool. He stays over and dreams of being with Karen, but wakes up to find Mia kissing him. As he sits around the breakfast table with Karen, Mia, and Becca, he feels like they are a family, but heads home when Bill calls Karen from out of town. Back at his apartment, as he reads over Mia’s writing, an apologetic surfer girl returns his guitar and records, and the two embrace and start to kiss passionately. Daisy Gardner is the cashier. Dana Michael Woods is the emcee. 11/24/20
• 007. Girls, Interrupted – 9/24/2007
  • Hank tries to convince Becca that despite Robert Frost’s poem Nothing Gold Can Stay, happy endings do exist. He tries to prove this by reconciling with her mother Karen, by making somewhat of a peaceful deal with Todd Carr for him to adapt his blog into a film, and in exchange, Todd agrees to hire Karen to design a guest house to his home, that is designed by one of Karen’s architect idols Ray Kappe. After Hank takes Karen to see it and give her the good news, he plans a celebratory dinner at her house, which will include Becca. As he is preparing a dish to bring, Mia calls him to tell her that she’s in trouble with her teacher Nick Lowry again, but he blows her off. However when he arrives at their house, he finds Karen on her way out to pick up Mia, who has overdosed on valium. Hank insists on going along, much to Becca’s dismay. When they arrive, Karen is furious with Lowry, and Hank shoves his face into Mia’s vomit. They get her home, but Karen becomes a little suspicious when Mia tells Hank in a relieved voice that she’s glad he came after all. With the night ruined, Becca tells Hank in so many words that she’s giving up on him. Meanwhile, Marcy makes fun of Charlie’s ‘spanking’ fetish, but admits that she’s always wanted a threesome with another woman. Charlie is thrilled… until Marcy picks Dani to be the third. Charlie tries to convince her that it’s not a good idea, but ultimately goes along with it. The threesome itself is awkward, with Marcy doing too much talking as she warms up with Dani. Eventually they both kiss on Charlie, but when Dani attaches a nipple clip on Charlie, Marcy accidentally tears off his nipple and they wind up in the hospital. When Charlie mentions that both Marcy and Dani both had reasons to hurt him, Marcy becomes a bit suspicious herself. 3/14/21
• 008. California Son – 10/1/2007
  • Hank gets a call from his sister in New York that his father Al (Mark Margolis) has passed away. Hank decides not to attend the funeral, and flashes back to events that had taken place over the last several years, starting with Hank picking up Al at the airport during one of his visits, and the grudge Hank holds for his dad being a womanizer who broke his mother’s heart before she died. In the present, Hank drinks in a hotel bar and meets a girl named Trixie (Judy Greer), who they both joke about being a prostitute. After they sleep together, Trixie reveals that her real name is Beatrice, and she indeed is a prostitute and wants payment. Hank tries to talk his way out of it since she seems to enjoy it so much, but she insists on cash… which he doesn’t have. She is forced to call in her pimp, who beats on him until Charlie brings him the money. Despite the circumstance, he and Trixie still seem to have a good connection. Hank flashes back to when he took his father to the movie set of Crazy Little Thing Called Love, where Hank confronts Todd about how much he hates the film. Al acts lecherous over an actress from the film named Amber (Amber Heard), and then later remarks how she was all over Hank during a family dinner with Karen and Becca. Hank and Al bicker when Al declines to visit with Becca in favor of visiting an old girlfriend in San Diego. This also leads to a fight between Hank and Karen, and they argue about Hank’s desire to move back to New York now that Karen is established. Eventually the argument spills over into her admitting that she has had an affair with her client Bill. The fight ends with them passionately kissing, until Karen pulls away. As Hank walks out, he grabs a letter from his father that came in the mail. In the present Karen comes to check on Hank and she reads the letter, which had remained unopened until then. In the letter, Al opens up and apologizes for being a bad father, and expresses how much he loves and is proud of Hank, who is genuinely moved by the sentiment. With emotions raw, Hank and Karen sleep together. Hank decides to fly to New York for the funeral, and when Karen drives him to the airport, he tells her that he loves her and thanks her for helping him cope with the loss. Cooper Barnes is Tom, Kathryn Adams is Katie – alluded to being Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. 3/14/2017
• 009. Filthy Lucre – 10/8/2007
  • Hank returns from his father’s funeral in New York, refreshed and proud that he was finally able to write a novella thanks to his fling with Karen. Bill returns on the same flight and meets Karen at the airport, and they give a Hank a ride back to their house. Becca is there performing Surrender with her band Kill Jill (Jonathan Carr replacing Robert Gilling). Bill disappoints Karen when he tell her that he’s rather they not play at their wedding. Karen then takes Hank to his place and they discuss their affair, and Karen makes it clear that she loves and is marrying Bill. Hank opens his mail and finds a huge royalty check that he wasn’t expecting, so he buys a new Porsche, after sleeping with the saleslady (Brigitte Bako) during the test drive, and an engagement ring for Karen. He also takes Becca to pick out a new guitar, but after seeing the Guitar Center employee (Ronnie Gene Blevins) refuse to buy a guitar from a down-on-his luck guitar player (Johnny D’Agostino), he and Becca decide to buy the guitar from him. Having given Karen his manuscript to critique, Hank is taken aback when she refuses to read it because she needs to move on from life with him. Despite Karen asking her not to, Mia borrows the manuscript. Meanwhile Charlie and Marcy’s relationship starts to seem forced, and when Charlie comes home with champagne to celebrate Hank’s return to writing, he finds that Marcy as been having an affair with Dani, so he fires Dani and walks out on Marcy. After deciding not to give Karen the ring after all, Hank leaves to go home and meets a woman (Alicia Marie Sixtos) asking for directions, but it turns out she is luring him to stop so that her boyfriend carjacker (Luis Moncada) can steal his Porsche… driving off with his manuscript. However, unbeknownst to anyone, Mia has made a copy of it. Lou Fusaro and Sara Wells are the Ferrari couple. 7/11/21
• 010. The Devil’s Threesome – 10/15/2007
  • Charlie moves in with Hank, and is ready to go on the prowl for women with him. He talks Hank into going to the gym, where his female boxing trainer Laura (Laura Niles) coaxes Hank into the ring and the beats the crap out of him. She claims that she slept with Hank in the past and he never called her. Hank can’t remember who she is, or why he didn’t call her, but knows it must’ve been for a good reason. Dani tells Charlie that things have gotten weird with Marcy, and she now wants to keep her job, threatening to go to HR if he doesn’t allow her to stay and then teach her to become an agent. Mia schedules an appointment to present Hank’s manuscript, which is based on Hank’s affair with Mia, to Charlie, but Dani winds up meeting with her instead, reads it, and then decides she wants to manage Mia and the book’s publication herself. Hank and Charlie go out drinking and get an invite to meet Laura over at Hank’s place. On their way out, they run into Karen and Marcy on their way into the bar for a night of drinking themselves. Back at Hank’s place, Laura tries to seduce Hank but he isn’t interested. Charlie, however, is interested, but Laura wants a threesome with them. Hank still isn’t interested, but agrees to it for Charlie’s sake. The girls get more drunk at the bar, and Marcy confesses how much she misses Charlie, and also how much she misses the days of Karen and Hank as a couple. She also tells Karen about the engagement ring, so they ultimately decide to head over to Hank’s and see the guys. In the midst of the threesome, as Charlie is servicing Laura, Hank remembers why he didn’t call Laura back. Seconds later, she douses Charlie in the face during an orgasm… just as Karen and Marcy walk in. Charlie tries to chase after Marcy as she storms out, while Hank follows Karen and tells her that he can’t just be there for her whenever she wants. He also says that he ended up giving the ring to a homeless woman. He says he’d love to give it to her, but that buying it was a mistake, because it was never about the ring, and has always been about her. Charlie and Hank head back in the house, with Hank mocking the fact that it’s good to be free. 7/11/21
• 011. Turn the Page – 10/22/2007
  • As Karen and the family are getting ready for the upcoming wedding, Becca drops a bomb on her and tells both of her parents that she wants to live with Hank. This greatly upsets Karen, and Hank had no idea it was coming. Meanwhile Hank has lunch with Charlie, and gets a look at Mia’s manuscript, which is a completely a completely plagiarized version of his book. He stops at the house to confront her, but only finds a Karen who is bitter about Becca’s move. He heads to Charlie’s office where he encounters Charlie and Dani in a meeting with Mia and a publisher he knows named Victoria (Mo Collins). No one will give Hank any time during the meeting, and Mia won’t admit that she stole the book. Hank meets Mia outside the office, and tells him that no woman likes to be scorned the way she has been. Hank warns her that many critics will know that it has been stolen, and for now she is enjoying the attention. Karen remains depressed about Becca, and hasn’t even signed the pre-nup yet. Becca packs up her stuff, and confesses that she’s moving in with her father not because she wants to be with him, but because she fears he’ll be depressed when the wedding actually happens. Charlie finally reads Mia’s book for himself, and recognizes that it is Hank’s work. Hank is forced to admit that he actually slept with Mia, and tells him the whole story. Charlie offers to take the book off the table from potential publishers. Karen brings Becca over for her first night living with her dad. That night Karen can’t sleep, so she steals away from Bill and goes over to Hank’s to tuck in Becca. She take a peek in at Hank as well. Mike B. Metz is Charlie’s temp. 1/7/22
• 012. The Last Waltz – 10/29/2007
  • Hank has a dream that he attempts to stop Karen and Bill’s marriage but falls off of a cliff… only to land in another dream where he is in bed with Karen. Then he is really awoken by Becca and it is the actual day of the wedding… and Becca has just gotten her first period. Hank takes her to a convenience store for tampons, but winds up in a fight over a woman (Christen Sussin) who tries to grab the last box, and a shoving match with her burly husband (Charlie Mattera). However, when they find out they are for Becca and her first time, the lady ends up helping her. Mia starts drinking early at the wedding, and when her father tells her that the book Fucking & Punching: A Memoir is too inappropriate, and the man in the book reminds him too much of Hank. While Marcy gets high before the wedding, Karen admits to her that she had sex with Hank after his mother died. As Mia gets drunker, she has a confrontation with Charlie, when he tells her that he knows she plagiarized the book. Hank makes one last effort to subtly convince Karen not to get married, but says he won’t make any grand gestures. She tells him that she is going through with it. However, when the minister (Lyn Alicia Henderson) asks if anyone has any objections to the wedding, Mia stands up and tells them that she objects, and that she knows they don’t love each other. When Karen objects, she says she knows that Karen is in love with Hank. She then gets angry and announces that he had sex with her and never called again, prompting Bill to punch Hank in the mouth. Hank tells her to go all the way and tell the truth to her father, but then she changes her story and says the story is just fiction from her book. The wedding continues and Karen and Bill get married. That night at the reception, Hank thanks Mia for saving him, while she thanks Hank because now that the he believes they didn’t have sex, Bill lets Mia publish the book. Hank then helps Charlie get back together with Marcy, and they have sex in the house hallway. After performing at the wedding, Becca gets kissed by one of her band members -Myles – who also asks her on a date. Hank dances with Karen, and tells her how much he regrets his behavior during their marriage, and when he hands her off to Bill, he wishes him luck, and mentions how badly he had blown it. As Hank and Becca drive off, Karen comes running after them and tells Hank to drive off with her. John C. McLaughlin is the dream priest. 1/7/22

SEASON 2

• 013. Slip of the Tongue – 9/28/2008
  • Hank and Karen are back together, but she insists on him using a condom for birth control, so Hank has a vasectomy. After he is finished with the urologist (Ossie Mair) and nurse (Sheri Moon Zombie), who makes a pass at him and tells him not to masturbate yet, he heads home in pain. Becca is upset about their plans to sell the house and move back to New York as a family. His pain becomes so great that he hold an ice tray against his crotch, just as the realtor and couple interested in the house come in. He winds up going to the grocery store to get some frozen peas and runs into a guy (Brian Posehn) in a wheelchair, as well as the surfer girl who stole his guitar and records. He goes over to retrieve Becca, who is hanging out with Mia, and has words with Mia’s boyfriend Pete Wentz (himself), and asks her not to contribute to Becca’s anxiety about leaving. She tells Hank that Karen is inevitably waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Hank to screw everything up. Hank and Karen go out drinking with Charlie and Marcie, and they run into Hank’s old one-night stand Sonja and her new boyfriend, artist and author Julian (Angus Macfadyan), who Hank mocks. Then they all head off to the party of Lew Ashby (Callum Keith Rennie) in Laurel Canyon. Hank and Karen steal away to one of the bedrooms to make love, but when he goes to the bathroom to check the status of his operation, he returns to the wrong room and goes down on the wrong naked woman named Destiny (Zita Vass). She chases him downstairs completely undressed and accuses him of molesting her, but he explains what happens and Lew agrees it is possible and diverts the girl’s attention. Marcie does cocaine at the party, and Charlie tries to get her to stop. Hank and a very irritated Karen leave the party and get pulled over by Officer Dick (David Fabrizio), and Karen’s comments about him lead Dick to think that Hank is drunk. When Dick gets rough with him, Hank pushes him and incurs his wrath. Dick uses a nightstick and hits Hank fully on his already painful crotch. 5/18/22
• 014. The Great Ashby – 10/5/2008
  • Karen and Becca come to see Hank in jail, but Karen refuses to talk to him… or pay his bail. Becca thinks her father is too pretty for prison, but Karen thinks he should have time to think about what he has done. Meanwhile, while Marcy is giving a waxing to porn actress Daisy (Carla Gallo), Marcy and Charlie plan a coke party for themselves. Hank is picked on by a gangbanger (Andres Stewart) and an oddball guitar player named Zed (Paul Rae) in jail, and then is surprised when Lew Ashby shows up in jail after Destiny reports him for domestic violence after she catches him cheating on her. Lew wants to write his biography and proposes that Hank be the one to write it. Mia has a meeting with Charlie and Dani about her book, now that director David Fincher is interested in adapting it. Charlie has nothing but contempt for Mia, but Dani considers her an important client. Dani then tries to seduce Charlie again, causing Charlie to throw her out and threaten to go see the agency president (Alexander Lyras). Karen has lunch with Sonja, who offers to partner with her in restoring a Lautner house with her. Sonja also defends Hank and tells her that what he did was an accident. Charlie goes to see the agency president but finds that Dani has already gotten to him and has given him a video montage of Charlie masturbating in his office multiple times. Mia comes to visit Karen and Becca, giving Karen a copy of her book. She and Becca both convince Karen that she should bail out Hank. However, before she gets a chance to, Lew Ashby bails him out, then takes him out for drinks, and offers him authorship of his book again. Hank doesn’t think there is enough material there, so Lew take him to the outside of his ex’s house and tells him how much he is still in love with her. At Charlie and Marcy’s coke party, Charlie starts weeping and tells Marcy how he doesn’t want to be an agent any longer. She calls Hank, and he and Lew go to their place, where Hank finds Charlie in the empty bathtub blubbering, and admits that he was fired. Hank tells Charlie that he will stick with him, and then gives him the good news about the offer he received from Ashby. Charlie finally makes his way home to Karen. The profess their love for each other, but Karen questions whether it will be enough. Alexis Arquette is the transgender prisoner. Billy Mayo and David Haley are prison cops. Samantha Maloney is Sam the chauffer. 9/12/22
• 015. No Way to Treat a Lady – 10/12/2008
  • Karen and Hank get ready for their day, Karen with Sonja starting work on her house, and Hank spending the day with Lew Ashby to work on his biography, and then to meet up at Lew’s house and out to eat together. Mia stops by to pick up Becca to head out on her first day of her private girls school. Over at Lew’s, the guys watch the band that Lew is producing before they take a break to bring in the prostitutes. One of them winds up being Trixie, and she is given to Hank to sleep with. However, he spends his time with her just talking and painting her toenails. He tells her about running off with Karen and how much he loves her, refusing to sleep with her. The band’s lead singer Dez (Paul Zies) winds up taking Trixie and sleeping with her, but gets rough with her and infuriates Trixie. Hank steps in and attacks Dez, until Ashby puts a stop to it by pulling out his rifle. Meanwhile, Charlie runs into porn star Daisy, while she is on her way to make a film. She tells Charlie how unhappy she is with the amateur director (Colin Malone). Charlie offers to go along with her so that he can talk to the director and negotiate with him. A strapping guy (Jules Theodore) picks her up in a van, and Charlie jumps in to go along. It turns out that the director is filming them together inside the van, which Charlie is forced to endure watching. Eventually, he’s had enough and starts telling Daisy how she is selling herself short and hadn’t negotiated her boundaries before starting to film. The director winds up throwing both Charlie and Daisy out of the van. Karen works with Sonja at the house but seems very nervous. Sonja’s boyfriend Julian takes Karen’s hand and reads her wrist, deducing that she is nervous and feels judged, and he inspires her to dare to dream about the job. Becca hits it off with the only boy at school, a kid named Damien (Ezra Miller), a son of the teacher Mrs. Patterson, who forces him to come along rather than sitting at home all day. As the day ends at Ashby’s house, he hears Trixie offering Hank a freebie, but Hank declines. When he hears her say how good he was, he starts to get jealous that she thinks Hank is better in bed than him. He wants them both to sleep with her together to see who is better, but Hank continues to decline. The two wind up in a wrestling match on the ground, just as Karen shows up. Trixie spills the beans that she had slept with them both for money, before realizing that she is Hank’s Karen. That night at home, Karen and Hank get into a huge fight about Trixie, but Hank refuses to apologize for things he did while he and Karen were split up. She however doesn’t believe that he’s changed at all. She winds up telling him that she hates him, and he reverts back to smoking a cigarette. 9/12/22
• 016. The Raw & the Cooked – 10/19/2008
  • Hank and Karen are planning a dinner party, but before everyone arrives, Hank proposes to Karen. Although she seems happy about it and wears the ring, she doesn’t give him an answer right away. Mia arrives first and is forced to watch the romance between a Hank and Karen. Becca invites her new boyfriend Damien over, and Hank gives him his intimidating routine while Damien is still in the hall. Finally, he lets him come in, mostly because Charlie and Marcy, who have dropped Ecstasy are making out in the hall. The drug also seems to have brought out the desire in Charlie to touch everyone’s fabric. Sonja and Julian then show up, and Julian kisses both Karen and Hank on the lips, much to Hank’s irritation. Finally, Lew and Destiny arrive, and Destiny is surprised to be in the home of her ‘mouth rapist’. During dinner, Becca says grace to Satan, which Julian doesn’t think is appropriate. Becca reads him the riot act about what the Satanic Bible is really about, and then bashes on Julian’s book, much to everyone’s amusement. Conversation then turns to Sonja’s pregnancy, and when questioned about how the baby was conceived, Julian admits that he is not the father of the baby. Mia then calculates that Hank could easily be the father of the baby… and Sonja admits that this is true. Mia toasts another fine mess. Hank catches Charlie, Marcy, Lew, and Destiny snorting cocaine in Becca’s room and throws them all out of the room. He then finds that Julian has left a floater in the bathroom, which he takes personally. Karen catches Hank snorting cocaine in the bathroom as he’s cleaning the toilet. Lew then has a seizure and Hank has to stab him with his EpiPen, while Charlie stabs him with a regular pen. This was caused by Destiny eating sashimi and then kissing him. Mia leaves with Lew and Destiny, and Hank warns Lew that she is a delicate flower and not to take advantage of her. Lew says he’s never messed around with jailbait. As they are leaving, Destiny mouths the words “call me” to Hank. When Damien leaves, Hank gives him another warning about Becca, but has to agree with him when he says how special he thinks Becca is. After everyone is gone, Hank and Karen chat about the pregnancy. Karen isn’t upset, since Hank didn’t do anything wrong. However, she thinks it was the wrong choice to drive off from her wedding with Hank. Although she acknowledges that it would have been wrong to marry Bill, it would be equally wrong for her to marry Hank. He is crushed and tells her that he can’t stay with her. Becca tells him that she knows he tries his best, and that it was fun while it lasted. Hank gets in his car and drives away. 9/12/22
• 017. Vaginatown – 10/26/2008
  • Hank dreams of happy times with Karen and Becca but wakes up hungover at Lew Ashby’s house. Hank makes a passing comment about a famous chef currently on the TV named Chloe Metz (Meredith Monroe), and how he’d like to both sleep with her and punch her in the face. Thinking it is Wednesday, Hank then shows up to pick up Becca from school. However, since it is Tuesday, Karen also shows up, but allows Hank to take Becca home from a while. Meanwhile, Daisy shows up at Marcy’s place of business, Hot Lips, where Charlie is answering phones. She tells Charlie and Marcy that she has been blackballed since Charlie’s interference. Marcy tells him that he needs to help Daisy, and she wants him to act as her agent to get a role in an important porn film called Vaginatown. Charlie arranges a meeting with the director Ronny Praeger (Hal Ozsan), but he isn’t interested in her since she doesn’t resemble a homely girl. Lew manages to get Chloe Metz to his house to sleep with Hank by the time he gets back home. They sleep together, and she is just as obnoxious in bed as she is during normal discussion, forcing Hank to pour chocolate on her during sex. Afterward, Chloe wants to spend the evening with them, but Lew says they are busy, and they try to take her home. When they pull up to her house, her husband Mario (Jonathan Goldstein), holding their newborn baby, chases them out, so they pull off. Chloe continues to try and get them to party, even trying to make out with their female driver Sam, but she pulls the car over and throws her out. Hank thinks that is not gentlemanly, so he insists on being let out as well so he can keep her company while her husband comes and picks her up. Charlie has Daisy change into something more humble and tracks down Praeger to see if he can change his mind about casting her. Praeger does indeed give her a second look, but says it is now moot because the funding for Vaginatown has been pulled. Charlie later comes home and tells Marcy that he got Daisy a job… and has invested $100,000 in Vaginatown. Hank has a nice chat with Chloe, and tells her how he hopes his daughter doesn’t grow up to be like Chloe, screwing everyone who sees her on TV and ‘orders’ her. She then calls home to talk to Becca, but Karen tells him that she is out on a date. It is revealed that Karen is painting a family portrait of Hank, Becca, and herself. Ida Darvish is Marcy’s client. 12/31/22
• 018. Coke Dick & First Kick – 11/2/2008
  • Hank locates the home of Janie Jones (Madchen Amick), the only woman who Lew Ashby couldn’t get over, and tries to interview her for his book, but he is thrown off the property by her husband Ron (Vincent Angell). Meanwhile, Charlie is nearing the end of production of the film Vaginatown, but when the final location falls through, he has to film at his own house, much to Marcy’s surprise when she comes home early. She and the film’s main star Jake Clittes (John Scaranegello) do cocaine together, and Charlie lambasts Marcy for seemingly being unable to stop. Hank catches Julian in the act of having sex with a groupie named Holly (Rie Sinclair aka Laurie A. Sinclair) at Lew’s house, so he snaps a picture of it and shows it to Karen. Daisy has a crisis of confidence before filming her last scene, but Charlie boosts her up. Unfortunately, Clittes is unable to perform since he has had so much cocaine, so Marcy suggests that Charlie step in for him. He is incredulous, but allows Marcy to trim him up, give him oral sex, and the shoots the brief final scene successfully. Hank picks up Becca from school to go to Lew Ashby’s house and play music, and he also brings along Mia and her friend Annika Staley (Carly Pope), a young reporter from Rolling Stone, who is trailing Mia to put in their upcoming “Hot Issue.” He also happens to see Janie Jones at the school, and asks her about Lew Ashby, but she denies having had any involvement with him. Hank runs into Sonja at Lew’s place and talks to her about Julian’s infidelity. Sonja admits that they have an open relationship because she doesn’t want to go through life alone. He also helps her with vomiting and feels the baby kick for the first time. Karen shows up as he is feeling her belly and picks up Becca. Hank and Annika chat into the night, and then have sex. When Hank comes out of his room, he meets Lew who has a girl in his room as well. When Lew’s girl comes out, Hank is distraught to see that it is Mia. 12/31/22
• 019. In a Lonely Place – 11/9/2008
  • Hank demands that Lew stop sleeping with Mia, which is made slightly awkward since Mia has told Lew that she slept with Hank. Meanwhile, Charlie starts taking more of an interesting in representing Daisy, and admits to Hank that he had slept with her during the porno shoot. Hank later throws himself in front of Janie Jones’ car in order to get some time to interview her. When she realizes it is him, she declines, but he flirts with her and asks her to meet him at Marat in Venice for a drink. Hank and Karen later have a conference with Becca’s teacher Mrs. Patterson (Justine Bateman) and is fairly obvious that she and Hank are flirting with one another. Karen asks Hank if he’s seen Mia around at Lew Ashby’s house. She tells him that Mia has been asking about dating an older man, and although she said that it can be a meaningful life experience, she doesn’t want him dating Ashby. He later runs into Mrs. Patterson, who as a recently divorced woman, and she invites Hank back to her place. They sleep together even though she is on her period and hasn’t shaved much recently. The next morning, he runs into Becca’s boyfriend Damien in the kitchen. Damien is furious and tells Becca that he father is a ‘dick’, causing her to break it off with him. She, however, is more furious with her father for being so reckless once again. Hank catches Lew and Mia in bed again, and once again demands that they stop their affair. Mia is flippant about it and tells Hank that if Karen finds out about this, she could also find out about Hank and Mia. To make up for it, Lew gives Hank a guitar that was played by Kurt Cobain. He offers it to Becca, but she wants no part of it. Hank goes to see Mrs. Patterson and Damien, but when Damien sees him, he tries to attack him. Hank calms him down by telling him how much Becca likes him. He also gives Damien the Kurt Cobain guitar and vows never to sleep with his mother again. Marcy finds Daisy sleeping in her car outside their house because her former manager and director keeps hounding her because she is now having Charlie represent her. Marcy insists that she stay with them and has her climb in bed with her and Charlie. Later the manager and his muscle Big (Big Spence aka Marcus D. Spencer) to strike a deal with Charlie. When he starts breaking things, Charlie agrees to dig into their emergency money so he can buy Daisy’s contract… only to find that Marcy has spent it all on drugs. He winds up giving him his Jaguar convertible and decides to send her to her mother’s house so that she can get a handle on her drug addiction. Hank walks Becca to see Damien and they discuss their issues. Becca tells him that she is tired of parenting her parents since she is just a kid and warns him that if continues to think that life is one big party, he is going to miss some really important things. When they arrive at the Patterson house, Hank offers to take Damien to the guitar store to upgrade the guitar he gave him. Damien says he’s like to keep it since it looks like something Kurt Cobain would play. Hank goes drinking at Marat and is invited to go home with the beautiful barmaid (Themina Sunny), but he turns her down by telling her that his daughter’s workds keep playing in his head. Janie Jones then show up for their meeting. 6/22/23
• 020. Going Down and Out in Beverly Hills – 11/16/2008
  • Hank walks in as Mia is auditioning a horrible acoustic song she wrote for Lew Ashby, who is getting tired of Mia and wants to get her to stop singing to him. He also warns Hank not to touch Janie. Hank continues interviewing her about Lew and tells Janie that he believes that Lew is still crazy about her, and after their discussion, she playfully pushes Hank into her pool. When Janie’s husband Ron comes home, Hank hides in the changing tent, where he meets the family maid Rosario (Paola Turbay) and smokes pot with her. Meanwhile, Charlie sends Marcy off to the airport to go to her mother’s, tipping the cab drive to ensure that she gets there. Marcy promises that she will stay there and go through recovery, telling Charlie to stay home and take care of himself and Daisy. Hank calls Karen to tell her that he can’t pick up Becca while he is stuck at Janie’s place. When Ron comes to the tent, Hank hides and witnesses Ron kissing Rosario and telling her to meet him later. Charlie takes Daisy to meet an executive (Michaela Watkins) from the porn production company Intense. She makes a lucrative offer to Daisy but tells her that all of their girls have at least DD chests and that she’s have to get implants, which Charlie is reluctant about. However, Daisy seems to be receptive as she stands on the precipice of the fame she’s always wanted. Rosario tells Hank about her affair with Ron and how he originally offered to take care of her family and send them to college. Rosario then seduces Hank and they sleep together. While picking up Becca, Karen sees Mia getting into Lew’s car. She calls Hank to accuse him of bringing Lew into their lives. She can tells that he is stoned and hears Rosario in the background, then hangs up on him. Karen goes to see Lew and chews him out for his relationship with Mia. After arguing, Karen follows down the stairs and injures her arm. As Lew is wrapping it for her, they smoke pot together and he kisses her, but she quickly leaves. Hank confronts Ron about his abuse of Rosario and her not letting him quit the relationship. He threatens to tell Janie about the affair if she is fired. Janie walks in and confronts Hank about sleeping with his maid, telling him that she is done with the interviews. She tells him that she is done, and if he wants to see her again, he’ll have to ask her out. She promises not to fire Rosario and says she doesn’t care if Rosario keeps sleeping with her husband as long as she keeps the house in order. Charlie gets ready to sleep with Daisy, but tells her that he suffers from very fast ejaculation, so she gets out his numbing cream. She pushes these things aside and tells him that she can coach him with his control. She works with him and they have a long session of lovemaking. He gets a phone call while they are in the middle and it is Marcy’s mother, telling her that she hasn’t heard from Marcy in quite a while. Hank stops by Karen’s place and brings sushi, but Becca is going to see Damien… and Karen is leaving to go see Lew, telling Hank that he is a great kisser, leaving Hank stunned. Saigon Kick drummer Phil Varone appears as himself as Lew’s houseguest. 6/22/23
• 021. La Ronde – 11/23/2008
  • Charlie, Hank, and Karen visit Marcy at the rehab center, where Marcy confesses about her past indiscretions. When Charlie expresses his annoyance at them, she points his sexual indiscretions as well. They all embrace in a group hug as they part. Hank later hits golf balls with Lew Ashby, and Lew tries to get information out of him about Janie, but all Hank will tell him is that her husband is cheating on her. When Hank mentions that he is going to see her later that night, Lew expresses concern that it will be a date. Daisy begins working at Charlie’s office, filling in at the front desk and re-scheduling Marcy’s appointments. She mentions that she feels like she’s part of their family and knows that they’re not going to be sleeping together again… much to Charlie’s dismay. Lew’s limo driver Sam picks up Karen to go on a special date, which turns out to be the empty Hollywood Bowl where violinist Lily Haydn (herself) and her band (Byron Thames, Itai Disraeli, Ana Lenchantin) perform the song Saddest Sunset just for them. Meanwhile, Hank and Janie go to an art gallery where they run into Sonja and Julian. Julian flirts with Janie and offers to have group sex. When he starts talking about Sonja trying to have a birth orgasm, Hank wants to leave, but Janie becomes intrigued with torturing Hank with them. Daisy goes out with a ‘regular’ guy named Steve (Stephen Hale), but she ultimately blows off the date to come home to Charlie and watch Dirty Dancing. At the end of Hank’s date, Janie invites him to come back to her place, but Hank declines because she is married, is Lew’s girl, and because he gets the strange feeling that he won’t want to just sleep with her once. Charlie and Daisy dance to the song (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life as it plays in the movie, and Charlie wistfully reminisces about his early days with Marcy. At the end of her date with Lew, Karen tells him how amazing the night was, but won’t do any more than shake his hand. She recommends that he give that date to the woman he loves. Hank heads over to Karen’s house and tells her how he turned down sleeping with a beautiful woman and wants to know what she did all night. They wind up in bed together, where Karen finds a lump on his testicles. 2/20/24
• 022. In Utero – 11/30/2008
  • Hank goes to see Dr. Reiss (Paul Lieber) about the lump on his testicles and is told it could be anything from a swollen lymph node to syphilis to cancer. While he takes a biopsy, Hank thinks back to his early days with Karen. They had been cheating on their mates at the time, and on the day of Kurt Cobain’s death, Karen finds out that she is pregnant after taking three pregnancy tests. They discuss abortion, and although Karen leans toward conservatism and is proud of her track record of never having had one, they start to swing toward terminating the pregnancy. In the present, Becca senses something is wrong when Hank keeps staying over at the house. Karen offers Hank sympathy sex, but he declines. He discusses his situation with Charlie and tells him that he’s not interested in chasing women as every moment he has wasted doing that already was time taken away that he could have spent with his daughter. Charlie tells him that he’s thinking that Daisy might be his soul mate, but Hank thinks the notion is ridiculous. With Hank still angry that Karen admits that she had kissed Ashby, when he catches Ashby at her house, he attacks him, and they fight throughout the house. In the process, he misses a call from Dr. Reiss. Charlie speak on the phone from the bar to Marcy and tells her that he forgives her and is proud that she is going through the 12-step program. Daisy shows up at the bar and tells Charlie that she wants to quit porn and start taking legitimate acting classes, and he offers to continue to manage her. Daisy tells him that if she can’t have him for real, then she wants her last on-screen sex to have been with him. After their fight, Hank and Ashby make up, and Ashby gives him his best wishes on his testicles. After he leaves, Hank tells Karen that he wants to be with her in the end of his life and wants to continue their closeness. He also feels concerns since he knows that Karen wouldn’t be kissing Ashby if she didn’t feel something for him. Dr. Reiss calls back and tells Hank that the lump is benign and should clear up with antibiotics. Hank remembers when he and Karen were getting to part ways after agreeing on the abortion. However, she sees him drop a card in the mail, and then asks him if he would like to join her at a Kurt Cobain vigil. The card tells Karen how he met someone who he has fallen for and thinks could be the one in his life who he is in love with years down the road. And although he doesn’t know if he would be the best person for her, he wants to live in the moments with her. 10/17/23
• 023. Blues from Laurel Canyon – 12/7/2008
  • Hank wakes up at Lew’s house with Mia sitting on top of him, touting the great reviews that her book has received. Lew has told her that they can no longer date but offers to have a book signing and release party in his house that night. Marcy is out of rehab and comes to the party with Charlie, who shares with Hank that he’s completely fallen for Daisy, but she won’t return his calls out of respect for Charlie’s marriage. Marcy struggles, as there are drugs everywhere at the party and she frequently repeats mantras to herself to keep from using. Annika Staley from Rolling Stone shows up at the party and tells Hank that his fingerprints are all over Mia’s book, meaning she thinks it was Hank with whom she had the affair that she wrote about in the book. Hank tells Mia that she needs to kill that rumor as Karen would be unforgiven if she ever got wind of it. Marcie asks Karen if anything strange happened with Charlie while she was gone, as he seems restless and overly patient with her. Becca catches her boyfriend Damien kissing another girl the party and is devastated. She won’t let her mother into the bathroom to comfort her, so Lew offers her tickets to see Slipknot if she’ll let her mother in to talk to her. Dani also shows up at the party, and Hank calls her over to tell Charlie that he is crazy to pursue Daisy, even though Marcy had messed up so bad with the drugs. She tells Charlie that he’s following the same pattern that has nine months ago, pursuing a much younger woman. Daisy shows up to the party with Ronny Praeger, who has plans for Daisy to appear in more porn. He speaks to her horribly, as if she is a piece of meat, which angers Charlie. Marcy doesn’t understand why Charlie is so invested in her, and he finally blurts out that he wants to divorce Marcy and be with Daisy. This leads to a fight between Marcy and Daisy and any other girl who gets in the way. Hanks has to fire a rifle into the ceiling to end the row, which breaks up the party. Karen takes Marcy home with her, and Janie shows up as they are leaving. Hank rushes up to get Lew, who has several girls in the bedroom snorting cocaine with him, so Hank clears them out. Lew doesn’t want to see Janie after all of the horrible things he did to her, including cheating on her while she was pregnant and then making her have an abortion. Hank tells him that he really needs to see her, and since she is the love of his life, he should never give up. Lew snorts two lines of coke to help build up his courage, and then starts to head downstairs. Suddenly, he overdoses, and Hank is unable to revive him. Cristin Michele is the party girl. 10/17/23
• 024. La Petite Mort – 12/14/2008
  • In the wake of Lew’s death, Hank puts the finishing touches on his biography of Lew in Lew’s house. As he smokes his joint and drinks his whisky, he sees imagines seeing Lew, who congratulates him on finishing the book, but wonders how it turned out since he doesn’t remember much of the life he lived. When Hank tells him that he plans to put his own life back together, Lew gives Hank the parting advice, that in the end, it is all about ‘her’, but won’t elaborate on who the ‘her’ is. Later, Hank runs into Mia at Lew’s funeral, and she tells him that she’s getting ready to go on a book tour with Fucking & Punching. She admits that she first slept with Lew to get under Hank’s skin, but that he ultimately really won her over. Karen later meets up with Hank and tells him that she was offered her dream job in New York and that she and Becca will be leaving Monday. Hank is thrilled with moving back to New York and offers to be her ‘manny’. She tells Hank that he’s not invited to come, mostly because he has so much unsettled business with his new baby. Hank maintains that he’s not convinced that the baby is his, and she tells him that there is something seriously wrong with him. Karen also tells Hank that Becca is really depressed about catching her boyfriend Damien kissing another girl. Hank goes to see Damien, who honestly tells him that he feels terrible, but since it was a beautiful girl initiating a kiss with him, he doesn’t think he would change it if it happened again. Meanwhile, Charlie is working at a car dealership as a BMW salesman, as Marcie is planning to take him for everything he has. Hank offers for Becca to stay behind in California with him, but she tells him that she needs a change of scenery that New York will provide. Hank gets a call that Sonja is going into labor, so they all head to the hospital, where Sonja is furious with Julian for showing up drunk. Hank tries to tell him to pull it together, but he breaks down into tears. Hank tells him to use them as tears of happiness in order to help comfort Sonja through the labor. Daisy comes home from her Groundling class and finds Charlie masturbating. She tells him that she got confused when doing a scene with her fellow student Gus (Nick Steele) and wound up sleeping with him. Charlie is devastated, especially since she is so blase about it, and then she offers to have sex to make him feel better. However, she also suggests that they take a break from their relationship. Charlie is incredulous since he just left his wife, but still agrees to the sex. When Sonja gives birth to the baby, everyone sees that it is black, leaving Hank euphoric that he’s not the father. Nonetheless, Julian promises to raise the baby even as his own, as Sonja recalls her brief night with a barista. Hank and Karen celebrate by sleeping together, and then they make plans to go to New York together. Charlie tries to reconcile with Marcy, but she tells him that it is way too late for that. She also shares the news that Ronny Praeger and told her that his film Vaginatown is making lots of money… but tells him that it will all be going to her since her lawyer is so good. As Hank, Karen, and Becca are heading out for New York, Becca is upset that she can’t find her iPod. Damien then shows up with it and tells her that he loaded a playlist of their songs. He also tells her that he was unjustly seduced, and although that’s not excuse for cheating on her, he wishes she wouldn’t leave because he loves her. Karen allows them to go up to her room to make out, much to Hank’s displeasure. However, he decides to offer staying behind with her so that she can work on her relationship and be happy, because after all, it’s all about ‘her’. As Hank and Becca later walk on the beach, they run into the surfer girl who once robbed Hank of his belongings after seducing him. He finds out that her name is Michelle, and although she makes a pass at him, Hank says he needs to be ‘parental’ right now. Becca gives her father a hug and thanks him for staying for her. Hank tells her that life is good. Nicholas Massouh is Charlie’s boss, the sales manager. Lordan Napoli is Sonja’s doula. 2/21/24

SEASON 3

• 025. Wish You Were Here – 10/4/2009
  • With Karen in New York and Hank still in Los Angeles taking care of Becca, the couple has resumed living their lives via dating others. After his busy days of working and taking care of his daughter, Hank is with a woman with a woman (Kristine Blackport) with whom he falls asleep while having sex, and as she storms out, Becca and her new friend Chelsea Koons (Ellen Davis Woglom) come home and run into her. Becca passive aggressively comments on her father dating instead of remaining pure, but then tells her that her mother isn’t remaining pure either. Hank can tell that Becca and Chelsea have been smoking marijuana but feels embarrassed when he realizes that they stole it from him. Meanwhile, Charlie is suffering in the current economy and cannot find a publisher for Hank’s book. He is now working on commission and running out of money. He and Marcy speak to a mediator named Marv (Bruce Katzman), who tells them both that it is within Charlie’s right to move back into the house until it can be sold to eliminate the rent payment that Charlie is stuck with. Hank meets Chelsea’s mother Felicia (Embeth Davidtz) at the school, and she has words with him about the marijuana that her daughter got from him. A college professor, she invites him to stay for a dinner party when she picks up Becca from their house that night. On the way to the Koons’ house, Hank runs afoul of a bicyclist who is hogging the road and flicks a cigarette at him, causing him to wreck his bike. It isn’t long before he realizes that the man is the university dean Stacy Koons (Peter Gallagher), Chelsea’s father. Hank also meets Richard Bates (Jason Beghe), a write who will be teaching at the university, and his teaching assistant Jill Robinson (Diane Farr). Within minutes, Hank tells Richard how much a fan he is of his work and insists that he drink with him, not knowing that Richard has been sober for ten years. Richard immediately falls off the wagon and gets drunk at the dinner. Despite the bike incident, Felicia insists that Stacy be nice to Hank and become friends. Richard gets so drunk that he emerges from the bathroom naked, does a dance at the table, and then runs outside to find the pool. Hank flirts with Jill, who has just exited a five-year relationship and requests that Hank not hit on her because she is so vulnerable. After Becca and Chelsea leave the table, Hank speculates to Chelsea’s parents that Becca and Chelsea might be experimenting with lesbianism. Charlie has drinks with his boss Sue Collini (Kathleen Turner), who is an overbearing woman who insists that she wants to have sexual adventures with Charlie. That night, he shows up at his house and asks Marcy if she will give him another chance. She refuses but allows him to use the bathroom. When he accidentally sprays himself in the face with disinfectant, then breaks down crying, she says he can stay in the guest room. Hank leaves the party at the same time as Jill and invites her for a nightcap, but she declines. He goes home and talks to Karen on the phone, and they chat about their dates and how Becca is doing. Hank wonders if by living their lives apart, they will fall out of love with each other. Luenell is Charlie’s receptionist Rhonda. 7/6/24
• 026. The Land of Rape and Honey – 10/4/2009
  • Hank and Becca join Charlie and Marcy at dinner now that they are living under the same roof again. As they are eating, a large black man (Billy Brown) comes to the door, and Charlie assumes he is selling magazine. However, he is there to pick up Marcy for a date. Meanwhile, Hank has replaced Richard Bates as the new creative writing teacher at the university. He seems less than interested when a student named Chris “Balt” Smith (Ed Westwick) reads his vampire fiction to the class. Balt’s roommate Jackie (Eva Amurri) critiques him and tells him that she’s told him many times that he needs to drop the vampire angle. His T.A. Jill notes how much she regrets no longer working for Richard. They have lunch, and she tells him how irritating she finds him, especially since he makes her read all of the papers and clearly has a crush on Jackie. He offers to interpret anything any of her dates do that she doesn’t understand. Balt comes to see Hank to ask if he has any future in writing, and also confesses his crush on Hank. When Hank tells him that the world doesn’t need any more vampire fiction and that if there is anything else he can do with his life, he should do it. When Hank tells Charlie about Balt’s crush on him, Charlie says that all men have gay tendencies buried within. He tells him about the time he and his best friend Mike Metts got naked and touched each other out of love and friendship. When Charlie gets home that night, he hears Marcy screaming in the other room, telling her date not to rape her. Charlie intervenes and attacks the date until Marcy tells him that it was all part of a fantasy. Hank is called in to see Dean Koons and is told that Balt tries to kill himself after their meeting. The dean presses Hank for details of their meeting, but Hank won’t take him seriously, so the dean asks him for his resignation. Charlie asks his boss Sue if women truly have rape fantasies, and she concedes that they do, while continuing to proposition him for herself. Hank goes to see Balt at the hospital where Jackie is visiting him. Hank tries to help comfort him and uses Charlie’s story about Mike Metts as his own. Hank also tells him about a line in his story that impressed him. Balt asks Hank to give Jackie a ride home, but she asks him to take her to the Faster Pussycat strip club where she works. She invites him to come in, but when she verifies that he would indeed see her naked in there, he declines to not ruin the teacher-student relationship. Charlie goes home and dons a stocking on his head, sneaks into bed with Marcy, and starts to have sex with her, thinking he is fulfilling her rape fantasy. She is furious with him and punches him and demands she get off of her. When Hank gets home that night, Becca tells him that she is heading out for the night to meet Chelsea at the promenade. Hank tells her that he wants her to stay home with her. When she tells him that she is going to go out anyway, he insists that she stay home because he said so. When she starts to text Chelsea to badmouth him, he takes her phone and throws it across the room. She tells Hank that she hates him, and he responds that he hates her too. NOTE: Maggie Reid and K.T. Tatara are credited as students but do not appear. 7/6/24
• 027. Verities & Balderdash – 10/11/2009
  • Hank has fantasies about Jackie at the strip club while he is sitting a faculty meeting, where he makes it clear that he isn’t paying any attention. After the meeting, Felicia tells Hank that he needs to attend a required faculty Fall mixer at her house that evening. Later, Becca complains to her mother how difficult it is living with Hank, who she thinks is trying to control her. He tells Becca to get ready to go to the mixer with him, where she can hang out with her friend Chelsea. Meanwhile, Charlie has lunch with his boss Sue, and they run into singer Rick Springfield (himself). Charlie proposes that Rick needs to get a dramatic role that can put him back on the map. Rick likes Charlie’s style and wants them to represent him. Charlie is thrilled with this development and calls Marcy and asks if she will celebrate with some champagne with him. She turns him down and tells him that she is going on a date of her own. Over at the mixer, Hank runs into Jill, who has been stood up for the party by her fireman date Ross (Greg Bond). Jackie is working the party as a bartender, and Hank tries to talk her out of his job stripping by telling her that she is selling herself short. When Hank finds out that Dean Koons is only offering his good liquor to certain guests, he goes snooping through the house to try and find it. Felecia catches him, and when Hank talks to her about his dating vulnerabilities, they wind up kissing… until Jackie walks in and interrupts. She then toys with Hank by telling him that he is selling himself short and that with just a little more effort, he could have had himself someone younger and hotter. After Jill’s humiliation by being stood up, she plans to leave the party. When she starts to make a scene because of her anger, Hank takes her into the Koons den where he finds the good alcohol. After they have some drinks and Hank compliments her, they have sex. The Dean comes into the room to get a bottle, and they both hide under the desk. When Jill’s phone ring, Hank jumps up and tells the Dean that he came in to use the phone. Becca and Chelsea hang out outside and eat some hallucinogenic mushrooms, somehow managing to not give themselves away to their parents. Felicia asks Hank to forget what happened between them. Marcy decides to meet up with Charlie after all at her office and runs into Sue at the office. She soon realizes that Charlie is behind her having sex with her. Hank helps Jill escape from the den through the window outside, and once she is out, the fireman finally arrives. Hank sends her off to have drinks with him at the party. Charlie is kicked out of the house and is forced to move in with Hank again. He laments the fact that if he had been able to resist Sue for just a little longer, he would have been back home for good. Cory Knauf is the waiter. Philip Lenkowsky is faculty member Dr. Mikhail Hannahn. 11/6/24
• 028. Zoso – 10/18/2009
  • Felicia comes to Hank’s office and tells him that she thinks that her husband is cheating on her, but that she had never stepped outside of her marriage before. She and Hank kiss with the promise of a future affair. Jill nearly walks in on them, and after Felicia leaves, she tells Hank that they shouldn’t have sex anymore unless they are going to do it on a regular basis. They lay down on the couch together and make out. Charlie takes Hank to see Sue about publishing his next book, and she suggests that Hank act as a gigolo to rich women and then write a book on his experiences. Hank is also surprised when she reveals that she is sleeping with Charlie. Hank offers to take Charlie to Faster Pussycat with him so that he can talk to Jackie and find out why she dropped his class. In the meantime, Hank takes Becca to shop at a trendy clothing shop but refuses to pay the high prices for the revealing clothes that she tries on, much to Becca’s annoyance. Felicia offers to take Becca shopping with her and Chelsea and promises to stick to whatever budget he gives her. After she kisses Hank, he agrees to allow her to go. That night Hank and Charlie visit the strip club, where Hank buys a dance from a girl named Diana (Diana Terranova), while he buys one for himself from Jackie, who calls herself “Ashley Madison” as her stripper’s name. While she dances nude for him, he tries to talk her into continuing with her writing talent. After Charlie ejaculates in his pants, he is called by Marcy to come home to show off the house, which they are trying to sell. On the way out of the club, Hank sees an obnoxious frat guy (J.J. Dashnaw) and his friends bothering Jackie. He confronts them, and they get into a fight, leaving Hank with bruised ribs. Jackie takes him home and they sleep together. Charlie and Marcie show off the house for a real estate agent (Pamela Guest) and her two clients, a young husband (Sonny Kang) and wife (Fiona Gubelmann), but they are all immediately turned off when they discover that Marcy has left a bloody tampon in the toilet. Marcy is beside herself with shame and grief, so Charlie tries to comfort her. After getting slapped, he manages to charm her, and they sleep together. After Hank gets home after a night out, he calls Karen on video chat as the sun is coming up on the East Coast, looking for some comfort to make him feel better about his sordid life. They tell each other than they are still in love. The next day in class, Jill shows Hank that she’s not wearing any underwear. Felicia comes in to audit the class and sits next to Jill. Jackie then comes in and says that she is rejoining the class and sits behind the other two. Hank walks to the board and simply writes the word “FUCK.” Elaine Loh is the saleswoman. 11/9/24

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