First of all, another disclaimer. The pictures that go along with the posting (and most particularly the humorous one of Briana at right) do not in any way, shape, or form tell my story from this time period. They just happen to be the only pictures at all that exist of this time period, showing what Ashleigh was snapping away with her camera, while I was on the literal verge of snapping. This posting will cover the segment of my life from March 26 thru July 7, 2006. It was assembled with a heavy reliance on old emails, jottings in my work calendar, and my own memories. It tells of what I consider to be my great transformation from one person into an entirely different person in matter of three months.
As our family wound down March, we had just gone through some very trying times which actually made us pull together somewhat. Ashleigh was involved in her Beaverettes heavily and Carolyn got the brunt of most of the taking to and picking up from practices, although I contributed whenever possible. Our perception of Ashleigh’s alleged bad behavior was somewhat improving as well. I had started to drop a few pounds for lent and was interested in getting in a bit better shape. We were doing some things together, hosting an “April Fools” Laurel and Hardy meeting at our house, and attending the showing of Annie Get Your Gun at La Comedia later in April.
On Saturday, April 8, Ashleigh and the Beaverettes team attended the state competition in Columbus. Denise went to watch some of her performances, and apparently Briana did too. Back in the Dayton area, I attended a surprise party thrown by my cousin Cathy for Diana & Tom’s 40th wedding anniversary and Diana’s 60th birthday. The actual anniversary date was April 16, while Diana’s birthday was on April 11. It was a great party, mostly held in Cathy’s basement. They grilled up some burgers and hot dogs and everyone brought a carry-in dish. The kids and some of the adults even participated in some karaoke singing. Not me though.
Briana on April 8, probably at Denise’s house getting ready to go the Ashleigh’s state competition
Denise at Ashleigh’s state competition in Columbus on April 8, which was also Denise’s 30th birthday
Creed in Ashleigh’s room on April 13
But somehow, while all of these things sound positive, we still ended up regressing back to our old ways. The silence between Carolyn and me was deafening. The tension was so thick in the house that neither of us wanted to be there and if we were, we didn’t want the other there. Small arguments spun wildly out of control. There was nothing healthy about our situation whatsoever.
I think deep down, it was because I knew that our life together was failing that I had better start making some other changes in my lifestyle. So after we spent that Easter at Carolyn’s sister Melanie’s house (on April 16), I started a real diet the next day. Just before Easter, Carolyn had left to stay at her sister Janette’s for a couple of weeks. This was only a trial separation. In the midst of her absence, I attended a welcome-home party for her brother-in-law Dustin, who had come back from the military. After the party I asked Carolyn to come home, but she wasn’t ready yet. I doubled up on my dieting efforts, eating an apple in the morning, a somewhat normal lunch with water, and only a can of tuna, or at times nothing at all for dinner. I would take an hour-long walk around the neighborhood pretty much everyday.
I’m not sure how much weight I actually lost because in the midst of all of this, I got a new digital scale that showed a different weight than the other. By the time Carolyn came back, I had dropped to 190, having lost at least 40 pounds, perhaps more.
Ashleigh on April 19
Tiny snoozes in Ashleigh’s room on April 19
I decided in mid-April to finally upgrade and get a new Dell computer and scanner, along with getting digital phone, internet, and cable. I moved my computer work station from the spare room down to the dining room. Carolyn didn’t like it, but made no effort to stop me… because she knew what was coming. In the hours that I wasn’t walking, I spent time with the new computer scanning in old slides, playing with Jukebox feature that my co-worker Garry had loaded onto my PC, looking for songs on LimeWire, and creating CDs of all of the number one Billboard hits.
A bit out of sequence, this photo is actually from July 28, but shows the new computer setup
When Carolyn came back home, it was short-lived and after the first week or so, she slept in the guest room. Although she was still attending some of Ashleigh’s events and competitions, I think her breaking point came as a result of one of Ash’s practices. On Saturday, April 29,while I was at work. Ashleigh had neglected to tell her that she needed to be taken to school for practice. She thought that since she was irresponsible, she should miss the practice. I told her that she should take her. It wasn’t a matter of right and wrong; we just had different opinions. But after that day, she was done.
Ashleigh and her friend Hillary on April 26
We managed to live under the same roof for another month. She had her water aerobics in the evening. I walked and continued to lose weight.
It was clear that we were living separate lives on the weekend of May 13. The night before, she and Ashleigh went up to Columbus to stay the night with her sister Rosemarie and they had a family get-together the next day that was presumbably celebrating the May birthdays in her family (Kedric on the 4th, Brett on the 21st, Bretton on the 27th, and Emma’s on the 30th).
Ashleigh and Emma with Christy (Carolyn’s brother Michael’s girlfriend) in the background taken on May 13 in Columbus
That same Saturday, I went to my Mom’s for a picnic and family reunion that centered around members of the Heywood family. Most if not all of my Mom’s siblings were there along with Grandpa Murphy. The Heywoods were the family of my Great Grandma Edith Heywood Murphy, my Grandpa Murphy’s Mom. There had recently been a memorial service for Grandpa’s aunt Helen and some of the relatives had reunited. Helen was the wife of Ted, the brother of my Great Grandma Murphy.
Helen and Ted’s daughter Virginia, who was my Grandpa’s first cousin, came to the picnic. In addition to our own family, Virginia brought two or three of her daughters that included Marcia and Beverly, and perhaps Cynthia or Sharon – along with their families. These sisters would be the second cousin’s of the Murphy sibs, and their kids would be my third cousins.
Virginia and Grandpa are in the middle. Marcia and her husband are to the right of Grandpa. On the far left is Cindy.
Marcia and one of the family babies
Ash and her Mom on May 14
During one of these weeks we were at least getting along well enough to go to another one of our La Comedia shows that we had season passes for: A Chorus Line on May 17. We also saw the Beavercreek High School presentation of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I liked this one so well that I took the girls back to see it later on.
As May came to a close, so did we. On May 24, the same day that I found out my friend Jimmy had been diagnosed with lymphoma, a cancer which appeared to be spreading, I was sitting at my new computer, scanning in old slides, when Carolyn told me that we needed to talk. It came as no surprise that she wanted a divorce or dissolution of our marriage. I nearly cried all night, thinking about what we had had, and what we had lost. This made opening a new store in St. Mary’s, Ohio the next morning quite unbearable.
She stayed around for a week or so as she packed up, but did not go to the Memorial Day picnic at Denise’s house. Hoping for a reconciliation, I didn’t tell anyone about this for two weeks. After she left, we exchanged several notes regarding the chance – or lack of one – of trying to work on our marriage any further. When it became fruitless, I sent notes to my parents, sister, and just a few select friends telling them that we were splitting up, and that at that point I had no desire to talk about it with anyone.
The week of June 11, Ashleigh went off to Youth Camp at Woodland Altars. Carolyn and I had naturally agreed on who would get what from our house, but I was somewhat taken aback when I came home from driving Ashleigh to camp and found all of our new purple furniture gone. I went to the Kroger Bag-Off at The Beach waterpark that Tuesday the 13th, downtrodden and disillusioned, even though Carolyn came and brought her nieces Alex and Madi. As I made my way out, I greeted my old co-worker Jamie Judge and her family who had come to the event to swim.
Ashleigh surrounded by her friends Jessica and Amy at Camp Woodland Altars on June 14, the day I started my vacation
The next day, I asked my boss if I could go ahead and take a mid-week to mid-week vacation to try and regroup. I did not want Ashleigh coming home to find no furniture in the house. My Mom and I went shopping at Value City and I purchased a large green sectional couch that filled my family room. The weekend after I returned to work, Ashleigh and I went to the Ascension festival on June 24. I recall that I was wearing one of my Styx t-shirts, size medium, that I hadn’t fit in since the early 1990’s. Most of Carolyn’s family was there and hadn’t seen me in a while. Jeanette remarked that I looked really good.
Ashleigh, Briana, and Creed on the new green couch – June 23. I always loved the expression on Creed’s face.
Briana leaping in my family room like an insane person
I believe it was on June 30 that Ashleigh was scheduled to work a booth in a festival with the Bear Creek Youth. The location was out beyond Brookville, so we swung by to see my Dad. He and Vicki were both surprised and shocked to see me as my weight had dropped to the low 180’s. I listened to my new iPod as I walked around the festival while Ashleigh worked. We rode a ride or two after her shift. I noticed at that time that I had completely morphed into a different person.
The new me in my office at work. If my planner is opened up to the current month, then this was taken in June 2006. The flower border is courtesy of co-worker Garry who took the photo.
I have discussed the occurances in my life and the physical changes I was going through, but what was going on inside my head was something new and revolutionary as well. It was a strange feeling of hopelessness combined with optimism. Although I had suffered a great loss and wouldn’t have cared if I had died at that very second, I also saw the world as something to conquer in the days that I had left. I saw time as being an hourglass with the sands gradually and irreversibly running out. Other than raising Ashleigh, I didn’t have a care in the world. I could do whatever I wanted and there was nothing or no one to stop me. I had literally nothing to lose. And if my world did end unexpectedly, I wanted to be able to say that I had accomplished as much as I possibly could. It’s hard to describe the combined effect of depression and elation at the same time. But that’s what I had – and it has carried me through many years since then.
Mom had an Independence Day picnic at her place on Saturday, July 1st and we all returned to Carolyn’s work at Howell Rescue on the holiday itself to watch the fireworks under Delco park as we had the year before.
Just four days later, Ashleigh and I would be setting out on our road trip to the Sons of the Desert convention in Augusta. Carolyn had originally planned on going on this trip with us, but considering all that had happened, we had to get her registration fee refunded. This trip was the first one of my new life – and the first in a long succession of trips where I would be grabbing every ounce of excitement out of life that I could…snapping lots of pictures along the way.
2006 will continue on our trip to Georgia (which was in fact my 2nd posting ever created for the Terrible Catsafterme)…
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