The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – CBS

 Theme song: “Everybody Loves Raymond Theme” by Rick Marotta

• 001. Pilot – 9/13/1996
  • Ray Barone (Ray Romano) is a sports columnist for New York Newsday living in Long Island with his wife Debra (Patricia Heaton) and his daughter Ally (Madylin Sweeten) and twin toddler sons Matthew and Gregory (Drew, Justin, and Amber Ferreira). His parents Frank (Peter Boyle) and Rose “Marie” (Doris Roberts) and brother Robert (Brad Garrett) live across the street. Debra’s birthday is coming up and she would prefer to spend it alone with her family and not with Ray’s parents, whom she sees as intrusive. This feeling is further solidified when she finds out that while she was at the movies with a friend, Ray left the babysitting duties with his family while he went out for pizza with his friend Leo (Stephen Lee). Instead of telling him parents the truth, he tells them that he is taking Debra to Bear Mountain. When they come over to the house when Ray and Debra are supposed to be gone, Ray is forced to tell them that they need to be less invasive. His parents claim to understand, although Robert, who is often jealous of Ray, seems to be a bit hurt. Ray and Debra’s time alone is ultimately interrupted by Ally. 2/27/14
• 002. I Love You – 9/20/1996
  • Ray and Debra have dinner with an overly-affectionate couple named Bernie and Linda Gruenfelder (Tom McGowan, Maggie Wheeler), which gets Debra questioning why Ray isn’t more affectionate, especially in dispensing with the occasional “I love you.” Ray tries by getting Debra a card, but feels awkward in saying it, afraid that people will laugh at him. Ray confronts his father while he is fixing Ray’s shower that Robert broke, to ask him how often he and his mother say “I love you.” The parents end up feeling guilty and begin showering everyone with “I love you’s,” and soon Robert gets into the act as well. Ray gets annoyed with them, and Debra gets annoyed because Ray shared their problem once again, but before Ray takes off on the road with the Mets, he tells Debra he loves her, which causes Debra to laugh at him affectionately. NOTE: The twin sons names are changed to Geoffrey and Michael and are played by Sawyer and Sullivan Sweeten. Susan Varon is the Nemo’s waitress Suzy. 2/27/14
• 003. I Wish I Were Gus – 9/27/1996
  • Ray’s great-uncle Gus passes away and one of his last requests was to have Ray deliver the eulogy, which terrifies Ray. Marie has anxiety about attending as well, because she had a falling out with her sister Alda (Jean Stapleton) seven years earlier over a dispute about where she was seated at Ray’s wedding and the fact that she never gave them a gift. Ray’s eulogy about family inspires them to make up, but when Debra opens up the wedding wound, they wind up in another argument. Also causing embarrassment is the fact that Ally has painted a Hitler mustache on Geoffrey. 3/9/14 
• 004. Standard Deviation – 10/4/1996
  • Robert administers an IQ test to Ray and Debra as part of a class he is taking. The results are that Ray has a 100 IQ and Debra has 115, which is one standard deviation – putting Debra in a different league than Ray. Ray is initially upset, but then only pretends to be upset to get special treatment from Debra, advising his friend Bernie to do the same. Debra starts to get wise that Ray is milking his ‘depression,’ just as Robert tells them that he actually mixed up the results, which causes even further tension between them. In the end, Robert tells them that the scores were made up and his real assignment was to see how this affected their human behavior. He also tries the same routine on his parents. 3/9/14
• 005. Look, Don’t Touch – 10/11/1996
  • Bernie takes Ray to Nemo’s to see the new hot waitress Angelina (Tina Arning), and Ray leaves his wallet at the restaurant. When Angelina calls the house, he tries desperately to cover up his crush, but Debra can see right through him. Ray and Bernie return to Nemo’s to pick up the wallet and Frank joins them and figures out Ray’s crush. The word gets back to Debra and she insists on going to Nemo’s with Ray and the kids to see her. Ray gets even more nervous and ends up spilling milk on Debra. Back at home he apologizes, and Debra confesses that she finds one of Ray’s co-workers to be attractive. Joseph V. Perry is Nemo. 6/4/14
• 006. Frank, the Writer – 10/18/1996
  • Frank suggests that Ray submit an article to Reader’s Digest on the side, so Ray counter-proposes that Frank write a musing for them. Remarkably, Frank’s submission is accepted and he is given $300. He then begins to annoy Ray with ‘shop talk’ about writing and sees this as a new career. He comes up with his own column called I Was Just Thinking and asks Ray to submit it to his paper. Ray submits it under his own name, and his editor calls him screaming that it is embarrassing and amateurish. Ray is forced to tell his Dad, but mercifully tells him that he thought his column was great. Meanwhile, Robert is convinced that Michael hates him, so Debra substitutes Michael’s twin brother Geoffrey to prove him wrong. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar makes a guest appearance. 6/5/14
• 007. Your Place or Mine – 10/28/1996
  • Frank and Marie get into a fight about the way she made his tuna salad, so Marie decides to stay with Ray and Debra. She starts to drive Debra crazy and Ray can’t get his father to apologize because he has discovered salsa and his newfound freedom. Debra ends up going over to hang out with Frank and enjoys it for a while, until he starts to get demanding with her too, at which time she tells him what he needs to do to make up with his wife. Robert goes over to Ray’s and finds that their mother is babying Ray so he stays over there to eat junk food. Robert and Ray end up in a fight over a cereal prize, and Frank finally comes over to make amends with Marie…just in time, as Ray realizes that his mother’s presence is making him regress. 8/23/14
• 008. In-Laws – 11/1/1996
  • Debra’s parents Warren (Robert Culp) and Lois Whelan (Katherine Helmond) come to visit from Connecticut. Ray’s parents cannot stand their pretentiousness, but Ray insists that they come visit them and try and be nice. Warren and Lois end up inviting all of the Barones to go out for a fancy dinner at La Bernadu, which is completely out of their element. After much embarrassment with his family, Ray calls out the fact that the dinner was a horrible idea since their families are so different. When they get home, Ray thinks he’s taken his parents’ side, but they chastise Ray for insulting their host. Ray also has to apologize to Debra and promises to apologize to her parents as well. They both realize that they are becoming like their parents. Wayne C. Dvorak is the maitre’d. 8/23/14
• 009. Win, Lose or Draw – 11/8/1996
  • Frank invites Ray to play poker with his buddies Garvin (Len Lesser), Stan (Victor Raider-Wexler), and Eddie (Murray Rubin). Ray is afraid they will only make fun of him like they did when he was a child, but reluctantly goes along. Ray ends up way ahead of them all in poker chips, but when he gets cocky, Frank cleans him out and takes $2300 of his money. Both Debra and his mother are aghast. Marie insists Frank give Ray back his check, and when he won’t, she tries to give them $2300 of her own money. Eventually Robert sits them down and threatens to arrest them, but Ray will not take the money back, indicating that he doesn’t want his kids thinking that whenever they have a problem, they can get their father to resolve it. That touches Frank and he realizes that a boy should be able to have his father help solve problems…so he gives back the money. Ray plays strip poker with Debra, and is losing. 9/21/14
• 010. Turkey or Fish – 11/22/1996
  • Debra hopes to start a new Thanksgiving tradition of hosting her own dinner for both sets of parents. Marie refuses to come at first, but when Debra announces that she will be making fish instead of turkey, she changes her tune – which Debra assumes is because she thinks the dinner will fail. Debra works overtime to make everything from scratch, with Ray assisting begrudgingly…and accidentally putting the fish in the dishwasher. The guests, including Great Uncle Mel (Phil Leeds) and Aunt Emma (Pearl Shaer), with Marie bringing along her famous turkey. Debra is aghast, and even more so when Frank chokes on a piece of the fish. Debra retreats to the kitchen, but Marie realizes she was wrong to infringe and tells her that she only felt threatened. Ray declares it a successful Thanksgiving when everyone falls asleep. 9/21/14
• 011. Captain Nemo – 12/13/1996
  • Ray’s Nemo’s pizza league basketball team kicks their tyrannical team leader Kevin Daniels (Kevin James) out and votes in Robert because he is tall. He immediately benches Ray for fear of a nepotism scandal and becomes a tyrant himself. Ray takes over, but this means more time away from his family and the wrath of his mother. Ray tries to get Robert back as a player but he refuses in favor of joining Wo-Hop’s Take Out’s team. Ray realizes how annoying his teammates are when the invade his home shower to complain that Ray ordered the wrong uniforms. As he’s getting ready to leave for the play-off game, he sees his family having breakfast and decides to stay with them, not wanting to miss any more of his kids’ magic moments. Ray is rewarded in bed, and Nemo’s loses to Wo-Hop’s – with Robert leading their way to victory. Dave Attell is Dave. Andy Kindler is Andy. 10/23/14
• 012. The Ball – 12/20/1996
  • While going through stuff for the church charity drive, Ray finds the baseball signed by Mickey Mantle that his father gave to him as a child. Andy mentions that most of those items were forged, so Ray asks Frank about it and finds out that it was indeed forged. This distresses Ray who vows never to lie to his kids, to the point that he is about to tell Ally that Santa isn’t real. Frank and Robert attempt to do damage control and both come over dressed as Santa Claus, which confuses her even more. Ray confronts Frank about the ball and finds out that he had actually worked hard to forge the signature just to make his son happy. This touches Ray, who finds new meaning in cherishing the ball. Ray dresses like Santa and talks to Ally late at night, convincing her that Santa is real, stumbling and falling down on his way out. 10/24/14
• 013. Debra’s Sick – 1/3/1997
  • Debra wakes up with the flu, soon followed by Ally and Michael. This dislodges Ray’s plan to meet with Terry Bradshaw (himself) about ghost writing his book. Marie comes over to take care of Debra, while giving her a few back-handed jabs, and Ray takes the sick kids to the doctor, where he has Bradshaw meet him…but talking among the sick kids is impossible. Ray is also forced to admit to Dr. Hammond (Jack Blessing) that he spends so much time away from home that he has no idea what kind of routine Ally is on. This is made more apparent when it is realized that Michael is actually Geoffrey when Robert brings the right kid. Feeling guilty at home, Ray turns down another chance to meet with Bradshaw, but Debra convinces him that she needs him to be the breadwinner and not feel guilty about the time he spends working. 11/22/14
• 014. Who’s Handsome? – 1/17/1997
  • Robert asks Debra’s friend Amy MacDougall (Monica Horan) out on a date, but then gets cold feet when he fears that he isn’t handsome enough. Debra comforts him and starts to tell him that he’s the most handsome of the Barone family…but stops when Ray gets visibly hurt. Ray then starts to have a crisis of confidence that neither Debra nor his parents can assuage, with his mother telling him that Robert has a classical handsomeness. Robert has a successful date with Amy, but when he comes home, his feelings are likewise dashed when Marie tells him what a wonderful son Ray is. Ray comes home with a fake tan and his hair styled and gel, which only receives laughs from Debra. She insists that he is the one whom she is attracted to and he doesn’t need the accessories. They dance to their song. 11/23/14
• 015. The Car – 1/31/1997
  • Ray’s parents are ready to sell their old 1972 Valiant and Ray ends up buying it for $462.25 as a car for Debra to drive. It immediately breaks down and although Ray wants to keep it, she tries to return it to the folks. While they compete in a bread-making contest (Marie vs. bread maker) and refuse to refund the car, Robert reveals that the car was once dubbed “Lucky” by Ray because he first had sex with his old girlfriend Lisa Constantine (Kristin Bauer) in it. She confronts Ray with this, and he explains that the car was what got him out of the house. Debra agrees to keep it for a while until she imagines Ray and Lisa in it. Ray has his own flashback memories which are a little more awkward. Finally Ray agrees to get rid of the car, but Debra suggest that they make their own memory in the car…which catches on fire and has to be put out by Robert. 1/3/15
• 016. Diamonds – 2/7/1997
  • Robert arrests Frank’s friend Leon for selling counterfeit materials, and it so happens that Leon had been the source of the engagement rings that both Frank and Ray bought. Ray decides to swap out the diamond in Debra’s ring, so after trying and failing to take the ring while she is sleeping, he takes it while she is in the shower. Debra thinks she has lost the ring and is beside herself in grief as she searches for it. Ray brings the ring home with the new diamond, then finds out that Debra had already made the switch with her grandmother’s diamond valued at $15,000. Debra is naturally furious, even though Ray protests that he meant well. A children’s Valentine card puts things into perspective for Debra, but she still makes Ray dumpster dive in search of the original diamond. Meanwhile Robert and Amy exchange Valentine gifts; Robert gets a tie with guns on it and Amy gets a live iguana. Barry Bonds appears as himself in the opening scene at Shea Stadium. 1/3/15 
• 017. The Game – 2/21/1997
  • When the cable signal goes out at both Ray’s house and his parents’, both couples and Robert resort to playing the board game Scruples. Trouble begins when Debra asks Marie a question about adult diapers, and it escalates when Robert’s question revolves around Ray’s honesty and the fact that Ray one-time swiped Robert’s rain boots. Marie makes up her own question for Ray about whether she could move in with him after Frank died, which causes Debra to get angry when Ray says yes without discussing it with her. Frank insists that he is the only one who actually has scruples. But when the cable repairman (Jon Manfrellotti) arrives and finds an illegal splitter on Ray’s roof, which sends free cable to his parents’ house, it becomes clear who is actually the one with no scruples. They also realize that it had been Frank who stole Robert’s boots. Tom Williams provides the baby voice-over. 2/28/15
• 018. The Recovering Pessimist – 2/28/1997
  • Robert’s perfect attendance reward is overshadowed when Ray gets nominated for the Sportswriter of the Year award. Ray is so worried that he won’t win that he nearly doesn’t show up for the dinner. He does end up winning but somehow feels that disaster will strike as a result of his victory. Debra accuses him of being pessimistic, so he tries out a new optimistic attitude. But even when he is promoted at work, it requires a great deal of effort to maintain his optimism. When he goes over to his parents’ house to share all of his good news, they each look at the negative aspects of the trophy he won and his promotion. He returns home utterly deflated, and Debra gives him the bad news that his editor has assigned him to head to Alaska for two weeks to cover the Iditarod dog sled race. Although it’s terrible news, Raymond is elated that he was correct that disaster would befall him. He recognizes that part of his make-up is not being happy unless he is miserable. Katarina Witt and Marv Alpert appear at themselves at the award dinner. Tom Paris is the announcer. 2/28/15
• 019. The Dog – 3/3/1997
  • Raymond brings home a stray bulldog and talks Debra into letting him keep it until they can find the owner. The dog keeps everyone up at night, but Ray still wants to keep him when no one claims him. When Robert sees the dog, it is love at first sight, and Ray, remembering that Robert had to give up his childhood dog because Ray was allergic, lets Ray keep the dog. He names him Shamsky after the original dog. Soon the rightful owner Phyllis (Patience Cleveland), coincidentally a friend of Debra’s, shows up to claim the dog. Robert reluctantly lets the dog – actually named Baron – go, but not before they have had him neutered. Ray has to pay Phyllis $2000 since he was a prize-winning stud, but Robert gets to keep the dog. Kristi Yamaguchi appears as herself being interviewed by Ray in the women’s locker room. 4/10/15
• 020. Neighbors – 3/10/1997
  • Not only are Ray and Debra irritated by the bright lights, car alarm, and buzzsaw noises coming from Ray’s parents’ home, but the neighbors arrange a meeting with Ray to see if he can talk some sense into them or otherwise get them to leave the neighborhood. Frank and Marie catch them during the meeting and their feelings are hurt. They end up making amends with the neighbors by hosting a party and inviting all of them. Ray feels guilty about the situation and goes to see a priest (Don Perry). The priest suggests that Ray didn’t do anything wrong, but rather feels guilty because he agrees with the neighbors. When he realizes he knows Ray’s parents, he immediately absolves Ray of his sins, and gives the church’s blessing to confront them with his grievances. Ray tries to confront them but only ends up apologizing, which is all they ever wanted from Ray. Later Robert is seen talking the same priest about his parents. Tommy LaSorda appears as himself coaching Ray on his pasta sauce. The Barones’ neighbors include Mack (Lance E. Nichols), Lily (Cathy Ladman), Arthur (Steven Hack), and Ruth (Patricia Belcher). 4/11/15
• 021. Fascinatin’ Debra – 3/17/1997
  • Debra phones in to talk radio shrink Dr. Nora Sarasin (Mary Kay Adams) on the program It’s Your Problem to talk about how little time she gets to spend with Ray. Noral later calls Debra and asks if she can interview her for a book she is doing about the vanishing housewife. Debra warns Ray not to embarrass her, but when she arrives Ray, Robert, and their parents become the subject of Dr. Nora’s interview. Debra laments that she is not interesting enough, so Ray enlists his family to try to make Debra feel interesting, which fails miserably. Ray makes Debra feel a little better by convincing her that she must be somewhat weird since she puts up with him and his family. Football star Desmond Howard appears as himself. Production Coordinator Lorraine Shaw appears as a bartender. 7/6/15
• 022. Why Are We Here? – 4/7/1997
  • Debra is being driven crazy by the constant intrusions of Ray’s family when Frank comes over to dry his shorts, Marie swipes Debra’s pot roast to ‘fix’ it, and Robert has her call the TV station to find out what Twilight Zone episode is being shown. Ray and Debra reminisce about the day three years ago when they made the decision to move out of their tiny apartment in Queens when they found out that Debra was having twins, while Robert complains about the constant fighting with his wife Joanne. Ray doesn’t want to move anywhere near his parents, but Debra insists that she loves his family, so when Frank shows them a house across the street, she jumps at it despite Ray’s trepidation. Back in the present Debra realizes that she has no one to blame but herself. 7/6/15

SEASON 2

• 023. Ray’s on TV – 9/22/1997
  • Ray’s friend Kevin Daniels, a play-by-play commentator for the Mets, asks Ray to sit in on the live sports show Sportscall when Harvey Johnson is on vacation. Ray reluctantly accepts the job and does the show with Kevin, Ray Firestone (himself), and James Worthy (himself). His family all tell him that he did a great job, but Debra later confesses that he seemed a bit unrefined with incorrect pronunciations of the words ask and asterisk. His parents also admit that he looked a little foolish fiddling with his attached microphone and waved his arms. When he returns for a second show, he tries to overcome his foibles but manages to come off even worse. This time when he comes home, his family tells him how bad he was because Ray had demanded honesty. But when he gets his feelings hurt, they congratulate him for trying. Meanwhile Ally is drawing pictures of her grandparents like monsters. 9/2/15
• 024. Father Knows Least – 9/29/1997
  • When Debra can’t get Ally’s behavior under control, Ray steps in and ground her from television… which makes things even harder for Debra. Ray reluctantly agrees to attend a Parent Effectiveness class with Debra. Their teacher Celia (Linda Kash) teaches them about ‘Active Listening,’ using Ray as the example in the class. Debra practices at home but cannot seem to make any headway. Ray then uses what he learns to settle a dispute between his parents. Excitedly he rushes home and tries it on Ally, and is able to get Ally to change her tune about ripping her Michael’s stuffed giraffe in half. Ray if full of himself and Debra is downtrodden, but later Ray is unable to use his new skill to resolve a dispute over Kleenex with his parents. Meanwhile the family enjoys a commercial about a chicken eating chicken. 9/3/15
• 025. Brother – 10/6/1997
  • It the second anniversary of Robert’s divorce and he is down in the dumps. Marie and Debra convince Ray that he should go talk to him, so he reluctantly heads over and invites Robert to a movie. The two have a great time together, for which Robert is appreciative… until Ray lets it slip that his Mom had asked him to do it. Robert then gets embarrassed and hurt and gives Ray the silent treatment. Ray tries to apologize but Robert won’t listen, until they find more common ground in making fun of their parents. Robert then wants to spend a lot of time with Ray, but Ray gets worried that Robert is going to talk too much about his feelings, and therefore tries to keep Robert quiet. When Robert starts asking about Ray’s first sexual encounter, Ray at first clams up but then out of frustration blurts out the embarrassing truth… which leads Robert to turn the TV on and turn off the communication. 11/28/15
• 026. Mozart – 10/13/1997
  • Ally runs out of her music lesson with Marie and says she no longer wants to play the piano. Debra is agreeable with Ally, but Ray wants her to stick with it to see if she has a musical gift. It then comes to light that Marie had attempted to give both Robert and Ray piano lessons, but Robert had to quit because of nosebleeds, and Ray just preferred to play with other kids. Ray decides to resume his lessons so that he will be able to play a song for Ally. Marie is thrilled at first, until she discovered that Ray remembers very little and storms off. Ray blames his father for making him quit, but Marie ultimately convinces Ray that it was really his choice to quit. Ray ultimately learns to play Theme from Love Story for Ally. She is enthralled with the song, but when it ends, she is off to play tee-ball with Frank. Robert tries to play the drum again, but is plagued with another nosebleed. 11/29/15
• 027. Golf – 10/20/1997
  • With Kevin’s help of lying and saying it will be free, Ray tricks Debra into letting him play golf, despite her irritation of his obsession with the sport. While playing, Ray has an anxiety attack over guilt about lying to Debra. Ray stops at his physician Dr. Sundram (Iqbal Theba), who advises him that he can best overcome his anxiety by doing what he loves: playing golf. Ray shows the doctor’s note to Debra, who takes on even more responsibility so that Ray can play golf. Meanwhile Marie convinces Debra that she might help relieve his anxiety by being more ‘available’ to Ray. Again Ray feels guilty about deceiving Debra and heads home golf to confess. Debra immediately seduces him before he can tell her anything, but afterward Ray confesses everything. Debra is initially angry, but Ray is able to calm her down by telling her that he admitted everything because of his love for her. 1/29/16
• 028. Anniversary – 10/27/1997
  • With Ray’s parents’ 40th anniversary is coming up, his and Robert’s ineptness at throwing them a party convinces a reluctant Debra to take over the party duties. As they return from their anniversary and lunch and head into their party at Ray’s house, Marie confesses that she and Frank had separated for a year about thirty yeas ago. Marie tells the story through flashback, during which a young Frank (Ray Romano) is thrown out by young Marie (Patricia Heaton) for putting salt on his food before he tastes it. They get back together when a young Ray (Daniel Hansen) breaks his arm and Frank begin visiting again… and Marie offers him salt for his food. Ray starts to think that they should never have gotten back together, and by breaking his arm, it was his fault that they did. In addition he worries that he and Debra could become like them at some point. Ray visits his parents as they alternate bickering and being loving during their breakfast. He finally realizes that they are indeed happy together, and tells Robert that he now realizes that they would have gotten back together whether he had broken his arm or not. Robert confesses that he tampered with Ray’s bike to cause the accident because he knew it would bring their father home. 1/31/16
• 029. Working Late Again– 11/3/1997
  • Debra is disappointed when Ray has to stay late at the office and misses dinner once again. Marie tells Debra that this could mean Ray is happier at work than at home. When she goes to bring him food at work, she finds him playing paper football, watching TV, and ordering pizzas with the other guys. She talks him into working from home, which his boss agrees to. After having a satellite and fax machine installed by Guy (Christopher Michael Moore) from tech support, Ray starts working, only to be interrupted by his mother, the twins, and Frank and Robert who want to utilize the satellite. When Debra returns home from picking up the kids, she finds the house destroyed and Ray still in his robe in front of the TV with Robert and a sleeping Frank. She insists that he go back to work, content for him to ‘want’ to be home. Meanwhile Robert struggles with the hem job on his pants. 4/13/16
• 030. The Children’s Book – 11/10/1997
  • Tired of reading the same old children’s books, Debra decides to write a children’s book of her own. She enlists an unenthusiastic Ray to help her write about a character who considers running away from home, but they immediately clash on whether the main character should be her idea of a rabbit, or his idea of a dinosaur. Ray steps aside to let Debra write it her way, but she gets extremely frustrated with the project. Ray picks up and finishes the book where she left off, but Debra doesn’t like the fact that he named the bunny Winky. Debra re-writes it to make it rhyme, and changes the bunny’s name to Clive. They each test out their books on Ally, and she choose Ray’s book. Ray however tells Debra that she chose her, but Debra has already overheard their conversation. Debra gets angry, but then realizes that she could have done it on her own, and that Ray really had oversold his version to Ally. Meanwhile Frank reveals that he used to paint Marie nude. 4/14/16
• 031. The Gift – 11/17/1997
  • Ray only gets a card for his father for his 65th birthday, while Robert gets  him a “U.S.S. Remote Boat” remote control caddy. Feeling competitive with his brother, Ray tells his father that his gift is arriving later, and buys him a tropical fish tank. Frank loves the gift and Robert’s goes by the wayside, causing Ray to bask in the glory… but also become worried how he will ever top it the next year. However when one of the fish die, Frank tells Ray never to get him another gift. Debra thinks that the fish’s death is metaphoric for his own, and that is what’s got him so upset. However when Ray speaks to him about it, he finds out how expensive the fish and tank were, and then resents that Ray was successful that he can afford such things. Ray promises to give less in the future… and Frank ends up donating the tank to Wo-Hop’s (John Lee) Chinese restaurant and burying Stan the dead fish in the Remote Boat. 7/31/16
• 032. High School – 11/24/1997
  • Debra convinces Ray to attend his 20-year high school reunion, telling him that his success and his full head of hair will make his classmates jealous. However when he arrives, he re-connects with his nerdy friends Scott Preman (Bob Odenkirk) and Warren (Brian Posehn), and they are still intimidated by the beautiful former classmate Jessica Bell (Pamela Bowen). Debra makes friends with Jessica, and Ray winds up at the ‘cool table’ along with the jock Pete Hastings (Marty Rackham) who used to push Ray and friends into the girls’ restroom. Ray winds up alone at the table while Debra and the others dance the night away, and goes home realizing that while he was a nerd, Debra was one of the popular crowd. Debra and Robert, who was also part of the popular crowd, gang up on Ray and make fun of his nerdiness. Ray sulks, but then asks Debra out for dancing. She reminds him that he can’t have been too nerdy to score with her. Andrew Williams is another classmate in the cool crowd. Robert tutors Ray how to dance. 7/31/16
• 033. The Letter – 12/8/1997
  • Debra is hosting a Tupperware party with party host Helen (Nora Dunn), but Ray has invited over his friends to watch the fight. It all works out okay when the guys go up to the bedroom to watch the fight, but when Marie comes over and feels hurt by not being invited, Debra is forced to allow her to stay. She ends up ruining the party when she makes Linda think she’s being cheated on, rips a piece of lingerie belonging to Gayle (Kristen Trucksess), and causes the party to end prematurely. Debra is so angry she writes Marie a letter despite Ray’s objections which tells her that she is hurtful and destructive. Marie is devastated and she and Debra end up having it out, which ends in them crying, hugging, and admitting that they both thought that the other didn’t think they were good enough for their family. The men can’t figure out what exactly happened, but Debra realizes the letter made them closer. Marie makes sure she keeps the letter under lock and key. Joe Manfrellotti now plays Ray’s friend Gianni. 10/6/16
• 034. All I Want for Christmas – 12/15/1997
  • Ray tries to make an appointment to be intimate with Debra, but when he does, she ends up canceling because she is so exhausted. Ray seeks the advice of Andy and his co-worker Erin (Christine Cavanaugh), who tells Ray he need to put more effort into romancing his wife. He tries by getting her a back massager, but when it gets caught in her hair, it spoils the mood as well. As Ray is cleaning up in his underwear for a family Christmas lunch, it is actually Debra who gets turned on and she kisses Ray passionately. This turns him on, but they can’t act on it since the whole family is on their way over. After they open their gifts and have lunch, Ray asks Frank if he’ll take the kids for the afternoon, and he tactlessly agrees and rousts Marie to grab the kids. After they all make a big deal about it, the moment has passed for Debra. As Ray tries to get her back in the mood, she calls him pathetic, but confesses she thinks it is sexy. AS they get intimate, Robert flies the model plane he bought for Ray through the window. Andy gets luck with Erin by playing the ‘pathetic card’ he learned from Ray. 10/7/16
• 035. Civil War – 1/5/1998
  • Debra wants Ray to attend a couples baby shower, and thinks he can use it as an excuse to not be involved with a Civil War reenactment with his father and his friend Harry (John F. O’Donohue). However when he realize that his father hasn’t asked him about it, but has asked Robert, he gets his feelings hurt and asks his father about it. Frank ask Ray if he wants to go, so Ray jumps at the chance. Then he finds out that the South doesn’t have enough men so he will be loaned to them and not be on the same time has his father, Robert, and Harry. Finally he confronts Frank again and tells him that he only wanted to participate to do something with him. Frank tells him that he’s trying to be better than his father was, but knows he is failing. Ray acknowledges that he could be better with his own kids as well. Frank teaches Ray the Civil War handshake. Ray, in mustache and gray regalia, ends up participating, but is shot right away by Robert. 1/11/17
• 036. Mia Famiglia – 1/12/1998
  • Ally is working on a family tree, and Frank tells her about his Aunt Sarina, who is still living in Sicily. Ray tracks her down using the newspaper’s resources and writes her a letter. To their surprise, she (Argenita Brunetti) shows up at their front door. They reluctantly invite her to stay, and soon the whole family falls in love with her as she cooks for them and teaches them Italian speaking and singing, and before the long everyone is acting like a traditional happy Sicilian family, with even Debra eventually feeling engaged and included. When Frank finds an old photo of Sarina and her brothers, Sarina realizes she doesn’t know them… thus proving that she isn’t related to them after all. Sarina’s real brother’s granddaughter Anna Barone (Stella Farentino), and learns from her that many families named Barone simply stole the name when they arrived in America. Mike Batayeh is the cab driver. 1/11/17
• 037. Marie’s Meatballs – 1/19/1998
  • Debra get upset when Ray chooses to eat his mother’s spaghetti and meatballs over her lemon chicken. Ray takes it upon himself to ask him mother to give Debra the recipe, but instead she insists on teaching her to cook them, much to Debra’s irritation. Debra actually enjoys herself, but when it is clear from Ray’s reaction that her meatballs aren’t as good as Marie’s, she deduces that Marie may have falsified the recipe. She sneaks into Marie’s house and Robert helps her locate the recipes where she learns that the recipe is exactly the same. However when she starts packing up the ingredients, she realizes that Marie has put a tarragon label over the basil. Ray confronts Marie over this, and she admits that she’s afraid that if she wasn’t Ray’s primary food supplier, she wouldn’t see him as much. To make up for it, Marie gives Debra all of her recipes… but leaves out the steak pizzaiola recipe the Debra spotted earlier. Meanwhile Marie and Frank battle over the fact the he leaves mere drops in bottle of juice in the refrigerator. 4/13/17
• 038. The Checkbook – 2/2/1998
  • When Ray trivializes the difficulty of managing the house finances, Debra suggest that he take over the bills. He immediately overdraws the account when he pays off a large credit card bill, causing them to lose their electricity. Although he is able to get it turned on before Debra finds out, Ray is forced to ask for help from Andy, and then create a fake checkbook so she won’t see what he’s done. He also tells Robert that Debra has a spending addictions and asks to borrow $3000. It is a race against time to deposit it before Debra uses a blank check to get cash. Ray ends up getting arrested in front of the bank where Debra is when tries to cut into a fussy old lady (Martha Faulkner) at the ATM. Marie and Frank scheme to cut up Debra’s credit card. Meanwhile no one can get Angelina to greet them at Nemo’s. 4/13/17
• 039. The Ride-Along – 2/23/1998
  • After watching an episode of Cops together, Robert invites Raymond to a citizen’s ride-along in his police car with him and his partner Sergeant Judy (Sherri Shepherd). Ray quickly gets bored sitting in the back seat in his bulletproof vest, while a worried Marie calls to check up on him. They all stop to eat at Nemo’s, and while Robert is berating Ray for making fun of the tedium of his job, Ray spots a robber (Stephen Bruno) holding up Nemo. Robert springs to action and apprehends the robber, causing Ray to come home utterly traumatized… but also in complete awe of his brother. Ray decides to report the incident to his newspaper to draw attention to Robert’s heroic action, but the writer make the article all about Ray’s involvement. Ray tries to explain, but Robert won’t hear it, and when Marie gets involved, she also berates Robert for putting Ray in harm’s way. As Ray tries to explain how dangerous Robert’s job can be, Frank stops him, stating that Marie already knows but doesn’t want to think about it. Ray confesses to Robert how much he admired his actions, and the two reconcile and go for a walk… catching colds since they didn’t follow Marie’s advice to button their coats. 12/6/17 
• 040. The Family Bed – 3/2/1998
  • With Ally afraid of monsters, Debra allows her to sleep in their bed much to Ray’s irritation. Marie advises Ray to handle the situation with tough love, but Debra gives in and lets Ally back in bed with them, keeping them both up. Ray’s solution is to handle it the next night by sneaking Marie in to stay with Ally in her room. Debra thinks she hears someone humming, and then wants to kiss Ally goodnight, but Ray sidetracks her and keeps her in the bed. In the middle of the night Ray and Debra hear a knock on their door and it is Frank looking for Marie, followed by Ally running in scared thinking Marie had turned into a monster after she applied cold cream. Ray sends his parents home, leaving Ally in bed with them…followed by the twins. 12/6/17
• 041. Good Girls – 3/9/1998
  • Raymond is getting tired of the romantic attitude Robert constantly displays toward Amy because it makes him look bad, but even worse, when Marie lets Amy cook in her kitchen, Frank lets it spill that Marie likes Amy better than Debra. Frank loves her too, because it means that Marie has someone else to talk to. Ray feels the need to tell Debra, who believes that Ray is just hurt by this because of his sibling rivalry with Robert. Ray corners Marie and she reluctantly admits that she did in fact say that… citing the reason is that Amy is a ‘good girl’, meaning a virgin. So Ray tells Marie that when he married Debra she was a ‘good girl’ too, a lie that makes Debra angry, but causes Marie to start being much kinder to Debra right off the bat. When she goes overboard, Ray berates Marie for treating her differently for the wrong reasons, and admits that he lied to her. With the cat out of the bag, Robert has to admit that it was him who told Marie. Debra brings it up that the boys both told their mothers that their women were ‘good girls’ because of their sibling rivalry. It also comes out from Frank that Marie herself wasn’t a ‘good girl.’ She admits that she and Frank succumbed to temptation before they were married… and they got married because she got pregnant with Robert. He has to admit that Raymond wins again because he was born legitimately, and also learns that his birthday is on April 6, which happens to be that day. 8/8/18
• 042. T-Ball – 4/6/1998
  • Ally begins playing t-ball, and it is Debra’s week to bring the snacks. They run afoul of a fussy parent named Bryan Tranberth (Dan Castellaneta) who insists that they pretzels they show up with are not on the authorized ‘snack list,’ and he and his wife Lisa (Jenny Buchanan) supply the snacks from extras they have in the car. Bryan insists that Ray and Debra step up and bring snacks the next week. Ray is ready to appease Bryan, but Debra thinks the notion is ridiculous, and furthermore becomes furious with Ray for not standing up for her. She refuses to bring the snacks the following week, but Ray goes overboard to keep the peace and brings all the snacks on the list. Debra tells Ray that he just has to have everyone like him, and this proves true when he tries to sneak the snacks to Bryan. When Bryan tries to thank him and Debra, Ray tries to keep it a secret, but when Bryan persists, Ray finally blows his top and lays into Bryan so hard, that even Debra apologizes to Bryan. Debra is both ashamed and proud about Ray’s outburst. Meanwhile Frank vows to keep score in the game even though no one else is. Ray avoids any issue at all at the Jungle Gym during snack time by having his mother cater it with lasagna. Yolanda Snowball is the Jungle Gym teacher, and Jerry Hauck is the parent at the Jungle Gym.  8/8/18
• 043. Traffic School – 4/20/1998
  • Robert has been picking up some extra money teaching traffic school, but his evaluations from the students all indicate that he is boring them to death. He offers to practice his teaching skills by practicing on the family, and if his father and Ray agree, he will get their pending traffic violations cleared. They reluctantly agree, only to crack jokes while Robert tries to teach. When Ray tells him that he might be a better teacher if he ‘lightens up’, Robert returns with ventriloquist dummy Timmy and begins to teach through him. However the ‘teaching’ soon becomes a barrage of insults directed toward his parents and Ray. Eventually Timmy, with Robert in tow, storms out of the house. Later Ray apologizes to Robert and tells him that him being ignored by his parents growing up wasn’t as bad as what Ray went through being smothered by his mother. Frank meanwhile beheads Timmy and puts it in the freezer, giving Marie quite a start. 3/13/19
• 044. Six Feet Under – 4/27/1998
  • While attempting to measure Ally, Debra uses Ray as an example, and they both learn that Ray, who thought he was six feet tall, is now one-quarter of an inch under. Ray gets depressed and shares this news with his basketball teammates Robert, Kevin, Andy, and Gianni. They advise him that he is going through a mid-life crisis and that he should set a goal for himself so he isn’t consumed by self-pity. He tries coming up with some goals, but most have to do with things he wants to try eating. Debra laughs off his plight, and his parents just tell him that none of it matters since he is going to die someday anyway. Ray’s thoughts then turn toward his burial plot, which gets Marie talking about her grave as well. Debra is irritated by now and tells Ray that she too experienced a mid-life crisis and now does whatever she can to stay young, namely by applying lotion nightly. She also gives him some thick odor-eaters to put in his shoes that will make him reach his height goal. This is enough to cheer him up. 3/13/19
• 045. The Garage Sale – 5/4/1998
  • When Robert brings home an item he picked up at a garage sale, Marie decides she would like to have one to get rid a lot of old junk. Frank is adamantly against it until he realizes the neighbor made $200. He arranges to have a yard sales instead and invites Ray and Debra to contribute items to it. As Ray and Robert go through stuff in the basement, Robert realizes that their parents only kept Ray’s school work. However Robert does find a pair of his old shoes… which turned out to be a Christmas gift that his parents forgot to give him. Meanwhile Debra packs up their old junk for sale, which includes many baby items including the crib. Ray suddenly begins to realize that he might not be done having kids, even though Debra is convinced they are finished. The conversation spills over to the garage sale, where Marie tries to convince Debra that if she wants kids, she better do it quickly. Robert and Frank try to get involved in the conversation as well, and Ray gets in a fight with a pregnant lady (Susan Segal) when she tries to buy the crib. Ray and Debra finally sit down and talk and Debra brings up all of the difficulties raising kids, and finally convinces him that they have enough. A customer (Sarah Rush) finds some photos of a little girl that she wants to buy, and Robert realizes they are of him dressed up as a girl. Frank tries to sell a fold out couch that he can’t get out of the kitchen to a customer named Don (Richard Marion) who gets folded up into it. Nick De Gruccio is Wendell. 1/23/20
• 046. The Wedding: Part 1 – 5/11/1998
  • As Debra and Ray get ready to attend a wedding, they begin to reminisce via flashback to ten years earlier when Ray was attempting to propose to her. As he was preparing to have her over to his parents house and give her the ring, he is interrupted by his friends Kevin and Andy. After telling them the news, he scoots them out and begins to tell Debra that he was promoted to sports editor of Newsday and asks her to read his first article. However before she can read it, his father interrupts, find out the news from Debra, and begins to read the article out loud. Marie then comes in as Frank continues to read the article out loud… which ends in a marriage proposal. She says yes, but Ray quickly starts to worry that she only accepted because she was under pressure from his parents. Robert meanwhile is even more depressed that something else is going Ray’s way, but he is cheered up when Ray makes him the Best Man. Ray asks her again privately… making sure she sees the profile of his nose of which he is self-conscious… and she still accepts. Ray then begins to worry that she might have only accepted because Debra has been planning a wedding since she was a kid. He makes her promise to only have a small wedding and she agrees, although her idea of a small wedding is 250 rather than his idea of just having around twenty. As Debra starts to plan with her mother and father, Ray starts to feel like the wedding plans are running away without him. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 1/24/20
• 047. The Wedding: Part 2 – 5/18/1998
  • Still amidst the flashback of when they got married, Ray and Debra visit Father Hubley (Charles Durning) to discuss their upcoming marriage, but Debra becomes furious when Ray would rather argue semantics than simply answer why he wishes to marry Debra. She lays into him and tells him that even if he has cold feet, he better warm them up because they love each other and are getting married. On the day of the wedding, Ray would rather be alone to think, but he is interrupted to his mother, who apologizes that his father made him so ugly, and his father, who make it clear that he doesn’t like Debra’s father… and then offers Ray a bottle of Jack Daniels to help him loosen up. Ray is against it at first, but then has second thoughts as the big moment comes up. Ray stumbles out into the church and runs down the aisle to greet Debra and walk her toward Father Hubley. Ray acts giddy and giggly through the entire ceremony often interrupting the proceedings then kissing her passionately before the Father pronounces them man and wife. Debra is mostly amused, and the Father is happy to see a different attitude from him. At the reception afterward, Frank lets it slip that Ray was drunk, which infuriates Debra who thinks Ray could only go through with marrying her while drunk. Ray then shows her the unopened bottle, and tells her that he didn’t take a drop. But the fact that she sent him socks before the wedding to help his ‘cold feet’ made him realize how funny she was and how much he loved her. Back in the present day, Ray and Debra dance in the bedroom, and Ray confesses that he still isn’t sure why she married him… and it is revealed that their three kids are hanging all over their lower halves. Al Romano is Uncle Mel’s not-gay business partner. Fred Stoller is Gerard. Michael Duddie is Duddie. 5/8/20

SEASON 3

• 048. The Invasion – 9/21/1998
  • Ray’s house has termites and they need to have it fumigated, and although they plan to stay in a hotel, Marie insists on them staying at their place. Debra is resistant, but agrees, and Robert is resistant, but cooperates. Debra and Ray stay in Ray’s old room, which is preserved exactly as it was when he lived there. Things start to go sour quickly when Frank begins complaining about the kids getting into his things. Then when Debra insists on sitting in the living room and reading a book, Marie’s routine of watching her French language tutoring program is interrupted and she asks Ray to get Debra out of the room. The irony of Marie saying that she is intruding is too much for her, as she considers all of the time she comes into their house and re-does her housework, while Frank constantly comes over to fix things and leaves them in worse condition. Debra starts to purposely become disruptive, ruins Marie’s towels, feeds the household before dinner, and swipes Frank’s remote control. Ray gets angry at her and goes to sleep in Robert’s room, but the fact that he won’t put on underwear and tells Ray that he is intrusive gets Ray to go along with Debra’s plan. Ray plants the remote in Robert’s room and unscrews the refrigerator door to make it fall off. Ray and Debra tell Frank and Marie in an ironic way that they only wanted to pay them back for all of the things they’ve done at their house. However it backfires, as they interpret it to mean that they truly wanted to help, and now they need to spend more time there to show them how to do things right. Frank is ready for blood when he finds the remote in Robert’s room. 5/8/20
• 049. Driving Frank – 9/28/1998
  • Robert chases his father into Ray’s house trying to give him a ticket for crashing into Robert’s patrol car. Frank wants him to look the other way, but Robert says he has a moral obligation to report it. Frank also warns him that if he writes the ticket, he is kicked out and if he shows up at the house, he’ll have him arrested for breaking and entering. Robert stays with Ray, but considers just giving him a warning. Ray and Debra encourage him to stand up to Frank, but when Debra suggests that she doesn’t want Frank driving their kids any longer, Ray is too scared to tell him. When Frank and Marie show up to take the kids to Happy Zone, in order to prevent Frank from driving the kids, Ray and Debra go along. Frank and Ray show up late because he interrupted a funeral procesion and they got into a fight with the family members. Ray then tells his father that Debra doesn’t want him driving the kids, and when they find out his license is expired, they all take the keys away from him until he passes a driving test. Later Frank shows up at Ray’s house early in the morning to have him take him for a driver’s exam. On the way there, Frank runs a stop sign, flips off a driver, and nearly rear-ends someone at a light, all while arguing that he has been driving for fifty years and doesn’t need any guff from Ray. When Ray gets home, he announces to Debra with incredulity that Frank passed the test, but admits that part of him was proud of him, but also laments that his parents are getting older and they are going to need to start becoming their ‘parents’ and preventing them from being unsafe. When Frank shows up to pick up Ally for a movie on a rainy afternoon, Ray volunteers to go along… and Frank willingly gives him the keys to drive. Frank starts to become more childlike, asking for candy and jumping in the puddle on the way out. 8/21/20
• 050. This Sitter – 10/5/1998
  • Debra can’t seem to get anything done all day while watching the kids, so they find a babysitter named Lisa (Senta Moses) who does a terrific job at both entertaining the kids and keeping the house clean. Problems start to arise first when Marie gets jealous that she wasn’t asked to babysit, and then when Debra starts noticing that the kids have more fun with Lisa than with her. She then decides to return the job of babysitting to Marie, and fires Lisa. After Marie’s first day back with them, she winds up with a leg injury while roughhousing with the kids and tripping over a toy. Debra then breaks down because she feels guilty for setting up Marie to fail, knowing that the kids wouldn’t like having her there as much as they did Lisa, and thus making Debra feel the favorite again. Ray is more impressed that she did something so conniving, but then panics when he realized that Debra had fired Lisa. He finds out that she is now sitting for the Parker family, so he goes over to their house with a pizza and attempts to woo her back to babysit for them. She declines their offer, but even worse, Bill (David Hunt) and his wife Carrie (Elizabeth Herring) return how and catch him trying to steal her, causing Ray to get kicked out of the morning carpool as well. Tess Oakland is the Parker daughter Sally. NOTE: Carrie Parker is listed as Mary Parker in the credits. 8/22/20
• 051. Getting Even – 10/12/1998
  • Debra is running the Our Lady of Faith auction for Allie’s school to raise money for playground equipment, and she talks Ray into hosting the auction. He is nervous about speaking in front of everyone, but when he auctions off the jewelry box that Debra made and it starts to fall apart during the proceedings, he quickly wins over the audience by poking fun of the box and of Debra. That night she gives him the silent treatment, then tells him how humiliated and angry she is. He tells her that she can’t feel that way, and that makes her angrier and causes her to vow revenge. The next morning she apologizes for over-reacting, but he starts to become paranoid that she is still seeking revenge. He is scared to drink a soda she gives him because he’s afraid she’s shaken it, and he thinks she rigged a grapefruit to squirt him in the eye. When she relays some information about a gold tournament his going to be playing in, he starts to think she’s going to take her revenge there. He finally wakes her up in the middle of the night and tells her that he cancelled the tournament, and he wants her to get her revenge over with. She tells him that he can’t feel so paranoid, thus getting revenge by using his own words and causing him to combust on his own. He tells her that he was a step ahead of her and forced her to reveal the revenge plot, so he could play golf in peace… but then admits that he actually did cancel it after all. Meanwhile Frank has bid on multiple items at the silent auction, and has won a canoe trip that he doesn’t want. He and Marie take the canoe, but when she starts to pester him, he pushes her off from the dock without getting in the boat.
• 052. The Visit – 10/19/1998
  • Debra is anxious for her mother Lois to come visit for vacation while her husband Warren is in Zimbabwe. Ray feels uncomfortable around her, and never calls her by any name because he can’t bring himself to call her ‘Mom’, nor does he think he is on her level enough to call her ‘Lois’. She seems awkward being in the house, not knowing how to help with the children or the cooking. As they try to have a meal together, Ray’s parents stop by to bring a cake, much to Debra’s irritation. Lois takes a call from Warren, and Debra overhears her saying that being there isn’t much of a vacation and that she might move to a hotel. Debra offers to go shopping with her, but she says she’s rather go to the Renoir exhibit, which clearly wouldn’t be fun for the kids. As the tension mounts, Debra notices that Marie is taking care of the children, and she blurts out that she wished that Lois acted more like Marie. This thoroughly delights Marie and she expresses how great it feels that Debra is learning to be a mother from her… but also has no qualms in telling her how rude she was to her mother. Debra tries to apologize, but Lois also apologizes for not being very motherly, and tells her that it is a thrill to be with her and see how great of a mother she is. Marie smiles knowingly believing now that she deserves all of the credit. While they are talking and Marie is cleaning up, the men sneak back to Frank and Marie’s house and eat the cake. When Marie calls them to tell them to bring it back, the rush to finish it before she gets there. 12/8/20
• 053. Halloween Candy – 10/26/1998
  • Ray and Debra are about to make love one night shortly before Halloween, but realize that Debra is out of her spermicide. This leads to some bickering as to why it is always her responsibility, and Ray confesses he hates buying condoms. Debra suggests that he get a vasectomy, but the notion appalls him. After thinking about he decides to move forward with it, but then while chatting about it with Robert and Andy at Nemo’s, and they tell him about a friend who was unable to perform after getting one, Ray chickens out. However, as a compromise, he brings home a bag of multi-colored condoms that he agrees to use. That night they agree to have a romantic evening after they take the kids out trick or treating. Frank minds their house and hands candy out to the kids dressed as Frankenstein’s monster. After scaring Sally Parker and getting yelled at by her mother Carrie, he gives her and the other kids extra candy, and then winds up running out. Looking around the house, he finds the bag of condoms and thinks they are chocolate coins and starts passing them out. Ray and Debra leave the kids with Marie after visiting a few house, and return home, just in time to see Frank give out the last condom to a kid dressed as Dracula (Vinnie Buffolino). When Frank tells them that he passed out the coins he found in the kitchen, they realize what happened. Debra is mortified that she has to explain it to the other parents, while Ray is more concerned that he can’t have sex. He goes in search of ‘Dracula’ and ends up buying back the ‘coin’… which disappointingly turns out to be an actual chocolate coin. Zachary Robinson, Ben Rosenthal, Nick Rossitto, and Sam Skrovan are trick-or-treaters. 3/31/21
• 054. Moving Out – 11/2/1998
  • Robert resorts to getting private time with his girlfriend Amy while she is babysitting for Ray and Debra, but as they are getting intimate on the couch, Ray and Debra return from home. Furthermore once they return to Robert’s place, Marie eavesdrops on their conversation, and Frank refers to their talking as a ‘ruckus.’ Robert once again threatens to move out, and Ray, who has witnessed the altercation, advises Robert that he indeed does need to move out. When Robert thanks Ray profusely for the suggestion, Marie is livid with Ray that he has forced her son to leave home, while Frank also doesn’t want Robert to leave, as that would leave him alone with Marie. Later, Marie has clearly gotten over her anger with Ray, as she begins spending all of her spare time at his house, which naturally annoys Debra. Ray goes to see Robert in his new apartment, and it turns out to be a room over the garage of an older couple named Harry (David Byrd) and Rita Stipe (Anna Berger). Ray notices right away that the dynamic is nearly identical to that of Robert with his parents. The couple argue, Rita tries to feed Robert, and when Harry recognizes Ray as the sports writer, they begin to give special attention to Ray. Although he needs Robert to move back home in order to keep Marie from spending so much time at their house, he sees that Robert is disappointed that he didn’t end with a wife and family, so he encourages Robert to move someplace else so he can be truly independent. Naturally this leaves his parents, Debra, and even the Stipes angry with Ray, as Harry says that with Robert being gone, he will now have to be alone with his wife. 3/31/21
• 055. The Article – 11/9/1998
  • Ray agrees to look over a sports article that Andy wrote, but when he outlines some areas that Andy could rewrite to improve, it reduces Andy to tears. When Ray later tells Debra what a difficult day he had thanks to Andy’s reaction, Debra tells Ray that he was likely too hard on Andy and needs to not be so cocky. Ray then returns the next day and tells Andy that his article was good the way it was, and that he is there to help Andy if he needs it. Andy then tells him that Sports Illustrated bought the article and plans to publish it. Ray is surprised, but even more so when he finds out that Andy never made any of the changes that Ray suggested. He also says that Sports Illustrated is now crap with no standards, mostly because they never bought anything from him. Debra tries to tell Ray that he is very self-centered, a label that is backed up by Robert and his parents. Ray once again tries to take the advice to heart and give Andy his kudos for getting published, but is then told that Sport Illustrated actually rewrote Andy’s article just the way that Ray had told him to. Predictably, Ray turns it back to himself again and tries to ensure that Andy gave the magazine the credit he is due for making the same suggestions. Meanwhile, Frank and Marie argue on how to cut an English muffin, and whether Frank should read at the breakfast table. Marie solves it by cutting the newspaper and half, using the same method that Marie has been cutting open the English Muffins. 7/27/21
• 056. The Lone Barone – 11/16/1998
  • Ray gets irritated when Debra leaves with the kids, and expects Ray to stay home without showering so he can accept a delivery of Debra’s balloon curtains. Meanwhile, Robert is pleased as punch with his new apartment, freely spreading his peanut butter and jelly with his fingers, and then serving it to himself on a book. Amy comes over to see him, and reminds him of their future plans together, and starts trying to get him to rearrange the furniture already. He then goes to see Ray, who is in an irritated mood about being stuck at home, and equates his predicament to Robert as being a ‘hostage’ in his own home. When the curtains are delivered by the IPS man Doug Heffernan (Kevin James), Ray asks him to go play golf with him, and he says he can’t because he has to go shopping with his wife. Later, Debra informs Ray that she heard from Amy that she and Robert had split off because Robert starts taking about not wanting to give up his independence too quickly. Debra is furious about the things that Ray said, and how he undid all of the efforts for her to set up her friend Amy with Robert. Ray’s parents are also furious because it spoils their mother’s plans for her to marry Robert and bear four of his children immediately, and Frank doesn’t want to hear her complain. Robert then shows up to drop off Amy’s stuff so that Debra can return it, and Ray, under pressure from Debra and his mother, tries to convince Robert that marriage can be terrific, although he struggles to explain why. He finally get his thoughts out, and although they are fairly convinces, Robert announces that it wasn’t Ray who caused the breakup, but the fact that he grew up with a mother like Marie. He says that he’s always been under his mother’s thumb, and doesn’t want to jump into situation where another woman is trying to take control of his life again. He announces forcefully that he now is in charge of his own life. Debra admits that at least some of the things Ray said to Robert about marriage was touching. 7/27/21
• 057. No Fat – 11/23/1998
  • After attending a senior health fair, Marie decides that she and Frank need to eat healthy, so she starts to switch to healthier options like fake eggs and skim milk. Frank is naturally furious at this and won’t eat her cooking. Debra tries to help Marie find better tasting options so that she can be healthier, but when Raymond hears that this is going to extend to Thanksgiving dinner, even he isn’t happy about. Since Debra’s parents are traveling to Turkey for the holiday, they plan to have the dinner at Ray’s parents house, but once vegetables and tofu wind up on the menu, none of the men want to eat anything. However, Debra becomes so forceful, she makes them all eat some of the tofu, which everyone hates… including her. During the meal a food service delivery man (Joe Durrenberger) comes to door with a fully cooked meal, which he says was for the folks across the street. Ray is forced to admit that he ordered it, but claims that it was only for a ‘snack’ later after the meal. Marie is upset and retires to the kitchen, but she blames herself for disappointing her son. Ray initially acts as if he forgives her, but then admits he wasn’t being fair, and commits to eating the meal that she prepared. That night at Ray’s house, he wakes up at night and hears someone in the kitchen getting into the prepared meal, and is surprised to find out that it is his mother. She decides that she wants to be happy… and that means eating and preparing unhealthy food. Ray joins her at dinner, but they are caught by Frank, who would rather join them in eating rather than complaining. Robert then joins them, followed by Debra, followed by the kids, and they all go to town for a middle-of-the-night Thanksgiving meal. 1/24/22
• 058. The Apartment – 12/7/1998
  • Now that Robert has moved out into his new apartment, Frank starts working on developing his room into a giant lounge bathroom. Debra and his parents guilt trip Ray into going over to visit Robert and see the new apartment. Finally he agrees, and when he gets there, he rides up on the elevator with a very attractive woman named Michelle (Betsy Monroe). Then when he gets to the apartment, he is dumbfounded to see another woman named Sandy (Janelle Paradee) come to the door to borrow Robert’s phone. Robert generally finds the ladies annoying, but Ray can’t stop drooling over the ladies. When he tells Robert that he’s kind of jealous of him, especially after seeing a hot tub full of more women, Robert suddenly takes interest. Ray keeps returning to the apartment, and telling Debra that he’s helping him decorate. During one of his visits, he encounters his parents there, Marie to help clean, and Frank for the ‘broads’. Sandy and her friend Jessica (Kelly Rebecca Walsh) stop by to invite Robert to a party. While Robert is out of the room, Ray makes them some drinks… just as Debra walks in with Robert’s laundry. She suddenly understands everything, and is furious with Ray for lying. After laying down the law, she ultimately forgives him. Robert returns to the room and tells her that it’s been really nice having his brother hanging around with him. Debra says she encourages them to hang out… at their house. Frank is inspired by the hot tub and puts one in his new lounge. 1/24/22
• 059. The Toaster – 12/14/1998
  • Christmas is coming up and Ray is worrying that the engraved toasters that he’s bought to give to the family loved ones isn’t as great as he believes it is, no matter how much Debra tries to convince him. The family goes to see Debra’s parents in Connecticut for the holiday since they alternate families every year. When Debra’s folks open the gift, they are less than enthused… until they see the engraving on it. At this point, Ray becomes a hero and everyone is thrilled by the gift. Even Robert stops by Debra’s parents on the way back from a ski trip with his new girlfriend Leann (Drenda Sponholtz) to tell Raymond how much he loved it. Ray seems to get accolades from everyone who received a toaster… except his parents. When he tries to get to the bottom of how they felt about it, his mother clams up. He then goes to see his father, who won’t talk about it either. Eventually he gets it out of them that they never opened it to see the engraving and had exchanged it for a coffee maker. Ray berates them for never liking his gifts and how it always hurts his feelings. He doesn’t think they even care, but they have gone back to Bloomingdales’s to exchange it back. They lie to the exchange lady (Patricia Bethune) and tell her that they never used it. Still, she tells them to grab one of the toasters, but they can’t find the engraved one. Frank sneaks into the back room to look for it, but finds shelves upon shelves full of them. Out on the sales floor, the sales clerk (Phil Abrams) tries to assist him, but she overhears another customer (Peggy Doyle) bringing the engraved toaster back to get the correct names put on it. Marie overhears her, and tries to get the toaster away from her and they get into a scrap. Meanwhile, all of the toasters in the back can be heard collapsing and crashing to the ground. Back at home, Debra gets a call from Bloomingdale’s and tells Ray he had better get down there to get them after the commotion. The only thing Ray cares about is that he now realizes that ‘they care’ after all. 6/2/22
• 060. Ping Pong – 1/11/1999
  • While taking some fabric down to their parents basement that Marie intends to use to make Robert some new curtains, Raymond and Robert encounter the old ping pong table that their father used to torture them with as children. He would always beat them, goad them on, put voodoo curses on them. and obnoxiously sing and dance when he would score a point. Raymond makes it a point to remind Robert that it was him who eventually unseated him during his winning streak. When Marie joins the conversation, she agrees that she always hated the way he acted and taunted them when he played the boys, and that he had finally let Raymond win. This nearly destroys Raymond to hear that he may not have won legitimately, although it delights Robert. They go upstairs and ask their father, and although he doesn’t want to be interrupted from watching TV, he concurs that he let Raymond win. Raymond argues with him, and then challenges him to a rematch, taunting Frank by telling him that he lost fair and square. Frank finally agrees to a rematch, and Raymond goes home to practice and have Debra yell taunts at him to get used to it. On the day of the game, Raymond falls apart miserably and is skunked 7-0. Then he tells his father that he let him win this match, and asks him how he feels. When Frank demands a rematch himself, Raymond refuses, causing Frank to storm upstairs. Even Robert and Marie think that Ray has gone to far by taking away his dignity. Ray disagrees and confronts his father, who says that he never had a successful career doing anything he liked, but he had to fight his way through life after leaving the Korean War. He tells Ray that he only was hard on him in order to make him strong too. Ray asks him why he brought that all to an end, and Frank finally admits that he didn’t really let Ray win, so he made that their last game. Raymond then admits that he really didn’t let his father win either… but Frank then responds by laughing and telling Ray that he knew it all along!. Later Ray tries to play Robert a game, and they agree that taunts are permissible. However, as soon as Ray mentions that Robert experimented at camp, Robert can’t take it and he sulks his way upstairs. 6/2/22
• 061. Pants on Fire – 1/18/1999
  • Ray’s birthday is coming up and both he and Robert look at the pictures from their first birthday party. Frank however tells Robert that he didn’t actually have a party, but rather they just smeared chocolate on his face and took the picture, since kids don’t know any better at that age. Marie says they learned from their mistakes by the time Ray’s first birthday rolled around. Later Marie insists that Frank turn the heat on in the house and when he finally agrees, they hear a rattling in the heat vent. It turns out it was a beer bottle cap that Ray admits was from when he threw a party when his parents were in Florida. Marie is aghast to learn that Ray would have done something so sneaky, and then lied about it for twenty years. She ask him about all of his other lies, and he gives evasive answers, which makes her think she wasn’t a good mother after all. Suddenly Robert becomes her favorite, while Ray earns the respect of father for not being such a mama’s boy. Marie even breaks tradition and doesn’t give Ray the kiss on the forehead that she normally does on the minute he was born. When he realizes this, he even leaves Debra at home in bed as she was about to give him his ‘present’ to go confront his mother. He finds her making a cake after all… but she is making it for Robert to make up for his lost first birthday party. Robert eats it up, both the attention and the cake, but he finds it strange that she it taking it so personally. When he asks her if she would have been this upset if it had been him who through the party, she takes this to mean that he had actually thrown the party and Ray was just covering up for him like a good boy. She is happy that things now make sense again, so she takes the cake he gave to Robert and takes it over to Ray. He is stunned that Robert would have ‘admitted’ that it had been his party, but doesn’t correct her. He tells her to take the cake Debra made and give it to Robert. Marie gives Ray the forehead kiss after all, and Frank is hugely disappointed to see Ray is the mama’s boy again. Bradley Warden is the drunk kid at Ray’s party in flashback. 9/25/22
• 062. Robert’s Date – 2/1/1999
  • Robert and his cop partner Sergeant Judy are chatting in the patrol car, and when she finds out that he doesn’t have any plans for the weekend, she asks him if he’d like to go out to one of the clubs with her and her friends. He mentions going out with her to Ray, but assures him that it is platonic. When she comes to pick him up at Ray’s house, they run into Frank and Marie who are dumbfounded that Robert and Judy are going out socially. Marie claims that she isn’t bothered that Judy is black, while Frank can’t say much since he is standing there with his mouth open. The two head to the nightclub Etta’s, and Robert is the only white person there. After meeting Judy’s friend Sareesa (Shelley Robertson) and another male friend (Kivi Rogers), Judy finally gets Robert out on the dance floor. At first it is obvious that he is a fish out of water, but soon he lets loose and owns the dancefloor with everyone in the place rooting him on. After hanging out with Judy and her crowd repeatedly, Robert starts to dress like a street hustler and use street verbiage. Frank doesn’t care for it at all, but Marie still claims that it doesn’t matter to her through gritted teeth. Although there still isn’t anything romantic between him and Judy, Robert feels as if he’s found his people. However, when Judy asks to have a private dinner with her, he gets nervous that she is starting to fall for him. He asks Ray to come along with them to the dinner so he doesn’t have to face her alone. Robert winds up leaving the table, and after some awkwardness, Ray tells her that Robert doesn’t want to be her boyfriend… which brings hysterical laughter out of Judy. She tells Ray that she only wanted to tell Robert that he’s too ‘ethnic’ for her and her friends’ tastes, so she only wanted to ask him to cool it. She then decides that Ray would be better suited to tell him, and she hightails it out of there. Ray is then forced to tell Robert to be himself. Roberts laments that he’s not a group of friends for a long time, and that they seemed to like him at the beginning. Ray tells him that they liked him when he was being himself, just like Judy has always been his friend until he changed his personality. They decide to stay and eat at the Soul Food restaurant. 9/25/22
• 063. Frank’s Tribute – 2/8/1999
  • Marie tells Ray that Frank has been voted Man of the Year at his lodge, much to the incredulity of his family. Marie has to help organize the event, and she puts Ray and Robert in charge of doing a tribute to their father via a presentation of some sort. The head to the lodge to make a video testimonial of lodge members, although the first guy they speak to, Milt (Charles C. Stevenson, Jr.) suggests that they put on an act dressed as women. He sends them to the pool to interview other lodge members, where they find that all of the guys are naked. They first speak to Abe “Bullethead” Warchizer (John David Conti), but it turns out that he doesn’t even like Frank. Likewise, the second guy (T.R. Richards) tsks when he finds out they elected Frank as Man of the Year. Franks supposed friends Garvin and Stan scream at the video camera because Frank owes Garvin money and dented Stan’s car. Ray then comes up with the idea to take footage of the lodge members (Jack Axelrod, Lou Charloff, Ancel Cook, Al Eben, Stuart Gold, Greg Lewis, Allan Lurie, Fred Ornstein, John Spaulding) reacting to chocolate and then piecing them together. When Frank sees the video, he is highly disappointed with insincerity and brevity of the video. He decides to leave the presentation with Marie, without even eating his steak. When he gets home, he is angry and depressed. Frank doesn’t want to talk about it and says he’s quitting the lodge. Eventually, he asks Marie what she would have said about him if she had been asked. She tells him that she’d say they’ve been married for forty-two years and that they have two wonderful sons and three beautiful grandchildren… and that he’s always been a good provider and that Frank’s the one for her. She then asks Frank what he would say about her. He refuses to answer the question and says it is a stupid question, so Marie goes to be without him. After he sleeps on the couch for a while, he wanders into the bedroom… and finds that Marie is ready to continue the conversation. He still won’t answer her, which causes her to turn away from him in tears. Eventually he gets up and goes to the bathroom to get a towel to wipe away her cold cream and her tears. He then becomes affectionate with her. Meanwhile, Ray feels guilty about the tape and finally decides to call his father, who screams at him for calling so late. 1/18/23
• 064. Cruising with Marie – 2/15/1999
  • The boys have given Marie a weekend cruise to Bermuda as a gift, but just as they are getting ready to leave, Frank pops his knee as he’s carrying the luggage downstairs. The boys try to talk her into going with a friend or by herself, but she won’t settle for less than going with Raymond. He tries to use Debra as an excuse, but she gives him permission to go along. They board the boat and meat the cruise activities director Ted (Hiram Kasten), who thinks they are a couple. Ray isn’t really interested in any of the activities except for eating. As he visits all of the food bars and stuffs himself, Marie participates in activities and becomes a social butterfly. Raymond watches in a amazement as a newlywed lady named Mary Beth (Shannon Houston), a businessman named Walter (Jack Betts), and a widow named Thelma (Bobbie Norman), who leads an entire group of merry widows (Beecey Carlson, Leigh Rose, Jean Sincere, Edrie Warner) all give Marie rave reviews to Ray. While Ray is back in the room eating Alka-Seltzer, Marie is out partying, stopping back at the room to change purses before she goes dancing with all of her new friends. Ray tells her that he doesn’t recognize her this way and tries to talk her into staying in the room and ordering room service. When she refuses, he finally agrees to go with her, and even lets her show him how to Foxtrot, under the watchful eye of Ted. Meanwhile back home, Robert plans to take care of his father, but quickly learns that he was faking the knee injury the entire time. He’s looking forward to a peaceful weekend eating in front of the TV and napping on the couch, but as he’s celebrating, he really does pop his knee. Robert is forced to wait on him hand and foot, getting his food and helping him back and forth to the bathroom. When Frank becomes too demanding and starts ringing a servant’s bell, Robert decides to draw the line and let him boil in his own hot tub. By the time Marie returns, Frank is hugely grateful to see her and tells her how hard it was to get along without her. Ray tells Robert that if their father goes first, their mother will have no problem on her own. In contrast, Robert tells Ray that if their mother goes first, God help them all. 1/20/23
• 065. Ray Home Alone – 2/22/1999
  • Debra and the kids go to visit her parents, while Ray stays home by himself. He has his friends Doug, Andy, and Gianni over, but the guys all leave when Doug and Ray start talking about what makes them cry. Ray then heads over to Robert’s apartment and interrupts him with his girlfriend Aileen (Leslie Windram). As a result, Aileen decides to go home, which gets Ray upset at him. Robert accuses Ray of being afraid to be home alone. Ray retaliates by reminding Robert of all of things he was scared of as a child. Ray goes back home and tries to go to bed but keep hearing noises, so he heads over to his parents’ house. He is surprised to find his mother up, but she tells him that she’s making tea for Robert. He has told his mother that his apartment is being fumigated for army ants. They both start pointing fingers at each other and telling their mother that the other one is scared to be home alone. When Frank starts teasing both of them, they accuse him of trying to scare them as children, telling Ray that Robert wanted to steal his brain, and telling Robert that Ray was half-spider. Frank reminds them that they asked to be scared, and that Marie loved it too because then she could comfort them. Robert remembers that he used to be so scared that he would wet his bed, but Ray admits that he would pour water in his bed because then Robert would call for their mother and she could comfort them. Frank tells them that all of them have blood on their hands and it wasn’t him that caused all of their fears. Ray decides to go home and invites Robert to sleep on the couch. After they leave, they decide to sneak back in the back way and hide in their father’s closet so they can jump out and scare him. However, when they hear Frank getting romantic and physical with Marie, they are the ones who get disturbed. They try to sneak out but find Frank staring them down and laughing because he fooled them. After Marie takes them downstairs to pamper them again, Frank admits to himself that he actually scared himself a little. 7/3/23
• 066. Big Shots – 3/1/1999
  • Robert asks Marie to ask Ray to take him to the Baseball Hall of Fame to attend the 1969 Mets 3oth anniversary reunion. Ray doesn’t want to be in the car with Robert for four hours, but reluctantly agrees to go anyway. When they arrive, all of the old Mets (including Tommie Agee, Jerry Grote, Bud Harrelson, Cleon Jones, Ed Kranepool, Tug McGraw, Art Shamsky, and Ron Swoboda as themselves). The line for the public to meet the players is three hours, but Ray thinks he can use his press pass to get up to the front. However, a security guard (Gene Arrington) tells him that the press event was the previous night and now they will have to wait for the public. Ray first tries to blend into the line with a fan (D’Wayne Gardner) but another guy (Harry Freedman) stops him. Ray tells Robert to play 20 Questions with another fan (John Fairlie) while he goes to talk to Tug McGraw. Unfortunately, McGraw took issue with an article that Ray had written for New York Newsday and won’t help him skip the line. Robert just wants to get in the back of the line, but Ray keeps protesting until he is eventually thrown out. Ray and Robert head home and stop at a diner, where Robert razzes Ray for thinking is more important than everyone else. Robert lectures on the merits of humility and is quick to get the attention of the waitress Lisa (Valerie DeKeyser) by being nice. Ray gets so annoyed that he storms out and tells Robert that he is leaving and if he is coming, there will be no talking or restroom stops on the way home. As they are driving, they get pulled over by a police officer (Chip Heller). Robert tries to get Ray out of the ticket by showing him New York City police badge. However, the officer insists on giving the ticket anyway, and this time it is Robert whose pride is injured, much to Ray’s amusement. Back at the diner, the 1969 Mets try to get seated faster than the public, but the same fan who gave Ray a hard time tell him that there are ‘no cuts’. Ray and Robert sing the Meet the Mets theme song as they drive home… followed by War (What Is It Good For?). 7/3/23
• 067. Move Over – 3/15/1999
  • Ray is not happy with the way the Debra puts her arm him and crowds him at night. He tries to move her by pulling the sheet over, but she finds her way back and ends up knocking him out of bed. She questions why he slept on the couch, and he admits he can’t sleep when she crowds him. She thinks that men like to be held, but he explains that it brings back memories of when he and Robert had to sleep on a fold-out couch at their grandmother’s house, and Robert would crush him and keep him awake all night. The next morning, Debra is exhausted because she couldn’t sleep without cuddling Ray. She blames Robert, who tells her that they had their own rooms at their grandmother’s house. Now Debra is furious with Ray again for lying to her. She tells Debra that she will no longer touch him in any way in bed. Ray goes to see his priest Father Hubley (Charles Durning) about his issue sleeping with Debra. He tells Ray to look at it from Debra’s perspective in order to feel the intimacy that she doesn’t get during the day. He suggests that Ray show his loved ones that he cares for them all through the day. When he gets home and finds Debra cleaning up another mess that the kids made, he goes overboard giving her hugs and kisses while she’s mopping up chocolate from the floor. When he tells her that he was following the advice of Father Hubley, she is impressed that he went to see someone about his problem. That night in bed, Debra puts her arm around Ray, but he tells her that he thought by touching her throughout the day, she wouldn’t need the affection at night. He explains that he needs his sleep because he has to do it all over tomorrow. Debra suggests that he hold her until she falls asleep, and then he can sleep however he wants. Later that night, Ray finds himself with Debra’s leg draped over him with her hand covering his face. He gives her a floatation device to hold onto and then gets in the other side of the bed. Ally has Robert come to her school for show and tell. Sally Parker asks if he is a giant. Another little girl (Julia Skrovan) asks if he is a giant. A third boy (Martin Abbe-Schneider) asks if he is going to eat them. 10/28/23
• 068. The Getaway – 4/5/1999
  • Ray has agreed to go on a weekend getaway with Ray, but once Debra gets to the brochure phase, he starts to balk at picking a place. After going through several places, Ray settles on going to a bed and breakfast in Vermont because they have a tour of the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory. Debra goes clothes shopping with Amy but is disappointed that she can’t seem to find anything that makes her look good. She starts to feel like she’s not fun anymore and breaks down crying at the notion of being a boring housewife. Back at Ray’s, Robert gets offended that he wasn’t asked to help take care of the kids, so Ray gives him permission… as Marie promises behind his back to keep an eye on Robert and the kids. Ray is worried about the fact that Debra thinks the trip will be three days of romance but isn’t sure he can’t withstand the time between lovemaking. They arrive at the bed and breakfast and meet the owner Cecily Daly (Lynn Milgrim), and she gives them the rundown on the place, including the fact that there is no TV or private bathrooms in the room. They also meet the other tenants, Bill (Rick Hall) and Pam (Beth Skipp) who are stills in the throes of wild romance after six months of dating. Back home, when Frank comes to Ray’s looking for Marie, Robert assures him that she’s not there. However, she is upstairs ‘cleaning’ much to Robert’s surprise. Ray and Debra come back to the B&B after a day of hiking, apple picking, and touring Ben & Jerry’s and the Teddy Bear factory. Bill and Pam merely went crafting and bought a quilt but are still happy after a full day together. Ray says they’re happy because they’re not married. Debra tells Ray that they have a hayride scheduled for that night, but Ray wants to take a nap, which annoys Debra who runs off to the common bathroom in tears. Ray tells her he doesn’t know how to act and that he’s sorry. He goes in to talk to her, and she expresses her concern that she’s no longer fun to Ray and suggests that they go home. She says she thought that if she kept him busy that he wouldn’t realize that she’s his boring wife. He thinks it is funny and gives her a hug and admits that he ran out of things to say on the way there. He offers to go on the hayride, and she decides that the nap actually sound great. After their nap, they realize it is 9:00pm and decide to skip dinner and sleep through the night. Ray thinks it is a great vacation. 10/29/23
• 069. Working Girl – 4/26/1999
  • After meeting up with some of her friends, Debra starts to feel they have more exciting and meaningful lives, so she decides to take a part time job in Public Relations. Neither Ray nor Marie seems to care for the idea, but Robert supports her, referring to his family as “dream crushers.” Debra gets an interview with the Charlotte Sterling Agency as a copywriter, and winds up getting hired in the small company to work two days a week. Ray starts to worry that this will mean he has to do more work around the house to cover for her absence. Debra comes home after her first day of work to not only find a disaster in the kitchen, but to tell Ray that she’s been fired. Ray tries to be supportive, but she sees it as too little, too late. She tells him that she was fired for faxing a permission slip for Ally’s school trip to the zoo. Ray goes to see Charlotte (Julie Hagerty) to find out what happened, and Charlotte tells him that it had nothing to do with her using the fax machine on the clock, but rather a terrible marketing idea for a pizza place account in which she introduces the character Professor Pete Za. Even this wasn’t the final straw, but the fact that Debra continued to argue with Charlotte after she was told that the client wouldn’t like the idea. Ray tells Charlotte that Debra is under a lot of stress with him, his parents, and their seven kids. When Ray gets home, he tells Debra that he got her job back, but she becomes angry that he interfered. When Ray asks her about her marketing idea, it causes her to break down crying. She says she doesn’t understand why she had to act so stubborn with her new boss, but Ray thinks it is because he is surrounded by Barones, which makes her highly argumentative. Marie comes over with comfort food and suggests that Debra take up gardening to get the fulfillment she needs. Later, Marie herself meets with Charlotte to try and take the P.R. job, claiming she needs to get away from her husband. 3/8/24
• 070. Be Nice – 5/3/1999
  • Ray is looking for his newspaper, and nothing will stop him from asking Debra where it is, even when she is trying to talk on the phone. When she gets off, she blows up at him, and then tells him that he had promised to take the kids to the park so that she could get some quick rest. He agrees to spend 90 minutes, beginning that moment in which he starts walking as slow as he can to get the kids. As his kids play at the park, other mothers Elise (Stephanie Erb) and Lori (Mary Jo Keenan) ask about Debra, and he tells them she is home taking a nap. They are instantly impressed and think he must be the idea husband. He agrees to watch out for Elise’s son Justin while she goes to get Italian Ices for everyone. He then helps Lori fix a wheel on her stroller, just as Debra shows up with the twins’ jackets. She finds the whole notion that he is an unselfish father and partner laughable and congratulates him on his ridiculous performance. That night, Ray finds his newspaper in the car. He and Debra discuss the fact that they should put the same effort into being nice to each other as they are to strangers. Debra tells Ray he could be more considerate and generous with his compliments. Ray requests that she doesn’t call him an idiot. Debra asks that Ray not interrupt her phone calls, and he counters that if he is looking for something, Debra could put the other caller on hold and answer his questions. As the request begin to escalate into an argument, Ray considers Debra’s eyerolls as calling him an idiot. They continue being nice and courteous with each other into the next day, and Ray is forced to package up books and drive them to the Book Fair. Ray’s family questions what is going on between them, and Frank cautions them that they need to let off steam with each other so that they don’t do it with strangers and wind up in violent fights. Robert agrees that one can be too nice, as he was with his ex-wife Joanne, which ended in a messy divorce. When Ray makes a subtle comment about not having fish two nights in a row, Debra makes him a turkey sandwich. It is clear that Ray doesn’t care for the new dressing that she made, but he is too scared to say it. Debra then gets angry that he is being too patronizing. Ray insists that he is going to eat the sandwich anyway, but it becomes so disgusting to him that he strikes a deal that he can throw it away, and in return she can call him an idiot. After they make the exchange, they kiss passionately, and Ray asks her to go upstairs. She agrees… but walks as fast as Ray did when he was taking the kids to the park. 3/8/24
• 071. Dancing with Debra – 5/10/1999
  • While watching a movie at home, Ray and Debra are visited by Robert, who is depressed as he has just come from the Holiday Inn where they were holding a swing dance. Unfortunately, he was too nervous to ask any of the women to dance with him. When Debra mentions that she would love it if Ray would take her out dancing, Ray chimes in that she should go with Robert. He thinks this will be a win all around, as Debra and Robert will have a great time, and he will be able to stay home and watch his movie. Ray has his friend Gianni over to watch a gangster movie, and when Marie stops by, she joins them in watching as well. Robert and Debra returned, having had a good time at the dance, but when they start showing Ray some of their moves, Ray begins to feel a little jealous, especially when he finds out that they made another date to go out to check out another swing band on Saturday. Ray starts to press her for information and finds out that she and Robert didn’t even talk about Ray all night. The next day, Ray goes to visit Robert at his apartment, where he is practicing his dance moves on a CPR dummy. Ray tells Robert that it might not be a good idea to keep dancing with Debra, as she might be holding him back from finding a real date. Robert feels bad about cancelling, but Ray implies that Debra was faking having a good time with him. On Saturday, Ray starts complaining about Debra’s skimpy dress. Rober then calls and cancels the date, telling him that he has to go help a kid who is stuck in a well. Debra is disappointed, so Ray suggests that they go do something fun, so Debra suggests that they go dancing. Although Ray had had Nintendo in mind, he agrees to go with her. Naturally, when they arrive, Ray finds that Robert is there. Robert tries to sneak out, but Debra sees him before he can leave. After Robert and Debra talk, they both confront Ray, who tries to dance among the crowd of swing dancers to stay away from them. Eventually, Ray admits that he was jealous of the whole thing, even if he can’t justify it. Ray tells them to resume dancing together, but Debra notes that he has killed it. Robert tells Debra that he will give her a ride home but tells Ray not to worry as Debra will sit in the back. An attractive woman named Kristen (Jill Zimmerman) tells Ray that she was watching him dance and that he might have a middle-ear problem. Red Young is the singer of Red and the Red Hots. The swing dancers in the episode are: Amy Janon, Cristan Judd, Keith Kuhl aka Keith Kool, Karen Dyer aka Eva La Dare, Christian Perry, Erik Robison, Sylvia Skylar, Stacy Walker, Faune A. Chambers aka Faune Chambers Watkins, Michelle Weber, and Jason Yribar. 7/16/24
• 072. Robert Moves Back – 5/17/1999
  • Robert stops by Ray’s house to tell them about pulling over Amy’s boyfriend James P. Kitsos during a traffic stop. He feels funny about it because he clearly misses Amy. It turns out that he doesn’t need to because she stops by his apartment and tells him how much she misses him. In fact, she had encouraging James to speed, knowing that it was Robert’s speed trap area. Much to his surprise, she tells him that she misses him and then invites him back to his room where they make love for the first time. The next day as he is walking her to the elevator, one of the neighbors (Lawrence LeJohn) stops them and tells them to close the curtains the next time. Other neighbors see them and start laughing. One man (Rich Grosso aka Rich Battista) tells them that they disrupted their bible study. Another couple (John Harnagel, Shari Shaw) invites them to be swingers with them. Robert is so embarrassed that he asks if he can stay over at Ray’s house. Although Ray tries to direct him to their parents, Debra insists that he stay there. Robert sets himself up in the basement, where he invites Amy to hang out with him. Since it is Ray’s work area, he keeps interrupting them when he needs to print something. Ray tells Marie to come over and talk Robert into moving out of his basement, but when she comes over pretending to bring lasagna, she catches Robert and Amy making love in the basement. She freaks out, and they come upstairs only half-dressed. Frank then comes over to look for the lasagna. Marie starts to think that Amy isn’t the right person for Robert, but he tells them that he is in love with her. When Marie asks him if they are going to get married, Robert has no choice but to answer yes, which makes Marie happy and willing to forgive all. This upsets Amy, as it is clear that Robert is living under his mother’s thumb. Amy tells Marie that sometimes a mother needs to butt out. Amy storms out and tells Marie that the noodles in her lasagna are sometimes overcooked. Robert finally decides to think for himself and goes after Amy. When Marie makes a snide remark about Debra introducing Amy to Robert, she says that Amy is the best thing that ever happened to Robert. Ray follows Debra, but tells his mother that her noodles are perfect. When Marie leaves, Frank starts to eat the lasagna, thinks better of it, and follows her back home. 7/17/24
• 073. How They Met – 5/24/1999
  • While Ray is complaining to Debra about having Lemon Chicken again, Ally comes home from school and talks about a boy named Daniel who is going to come over to play. Ray mentions that it was a little ‘forward’ for Ally to ask a boy to come over, and Debra reminds him that if it wasn’t for her, she and Ray would have never gotten together. Ray disagrees and thinks that he was the instigator. Through flashback, they recall the circumstances, which begin when Ray and his partner Gianni were working as delivery men from Claude’s Futons. They show up to deliver the futon at Debra Waylon’s apartment, and Ray quickly notices how attractive she is. When he tries to show off by moving the futon across the room by himself, he winds up knocking her over and pinning her on the couch. When Debra laughs at one of Ray’s jokes, he tells Gianni that he wants to ask her out but has trouble building up the nerve. When Ray leaves the room, Gianni tells Debra that Ray likes her and wants to ask her out. Debra and Ray start to talk about the restaurant China Star, and Debra helps guide him through making arrangements to meet for lunch. Once has bumbled through it, he and Gianni leave, but they realize that they left the futon cover in the hall, so Ray knocks on the door to give it to her. She has just gotten out of the shower, but tells him that she is ‘coming’, which he mistakes for ‘come in’, prompting him to enter the apartment and see her naked. After this, Ray is embarrassed and fears that she will think he is a pervert, so he calls and leaves a message to cancel the date. He returns home to his parents and Robert, to whom he tells the story. Debra then shows up at his house to ask why he cancelled the date, believing that he didn’t like how she looked naked. She says as the person who was seen naked, it should have been up to her to cancel. She storms out and tells Ray that someone also needs to come fix the loose leg on the futon. Ray’s mother is quick to tell Ray that she isn’t the girl for him. He returns to fix the leg that evening, but there isn’t anything wrong with it. Debra tells him that she has made too much food and invites him to stay to eat. She admits that she has set it up so that she could meet him, having dated many rich, successful, and good-looking men, she found Ray to be very nice. He finds that he loves her lemon chicken. She also tells him that she works public relations for the Rangers, which aligns with his dreams of being a sports journalist. While she dishes him up more food, Ray gets up to get ice from the freezer and accidentally slams the door into her head and knocks her over. As he is helping her get up, she kisses him and tells him that he is a good kisser… but warns that it will be at least six months before he sees her naked again. Ray is just happy to have more chicken. Back in the present, surrounded by their three kids, Ray tells her that she still makes good lemon chicken. She tells him that he is still a good kisser. 11/21/24

SEASON 4

• 074. Boob Job – 9/20/1999
  • Ray is forced to miss a game on TV and his mother’s calzones so that he and Debra can attend a parent night with other school parents. Ray initially wants to leave as soon as possible but becomes intrigued when Debra tells him that the homeowner Cheryl Kaler (Meeghan Holaway) confessed to her that she has gotten breast implants, and not only showed them to her but asked her to touch them. Ray then wants to stay so that he can meet Cheryl, and then awkwardly do his best not to look at her chest. When Ray and Debra get home, he tells the story to his parents and Robert, who are still there finishing the game and snacks. The men are naturally intrigued and titillated, but Marie doesn’t care for the idea and is surprised that Robert and Ray are interested since she never breast fed them. That night, Debra gives Ray a sendoff in bed since he is going on the road for a week. As they are cuddling, Debra asks Ray if he thinks she needs a boob job, and he responds that he doesn’t if she thinks it is stupid, a remark that she doesn’t care for. A week later, Ray returns from his trip, and within seconds, his family shows up to watch another game. When Debra comes downstairs, everyone simultaneously notice that her breasts clearly look larger. Ray quickly throws his family out of the house so that he can be alone with Debra, who is clearly anxious to observe the new additions. Thye go upstairs, and Ray takes off his pants and waits for Debra. When she comes out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth, he can’t take his eyes off of her. She asks him if he is okay with the change, and he says that he supports whatever she wants to do with her body… and that she made two excellent choices. She asks if he wants to see them, and he jumps at the chance like a kid in a candy store. However, Debra then reveals that she has just stuffed her shirt with rolled-up socks, then calls him an idiot for wanting her to get the surgery so badly. He says he was merely trying to be supportive of her choice. He tries to tell her that he loves her body the way it is and accuses her of entrapment. Debra says she tired of men’s obsession with breasts and remind him that she carried three kids. She tells him that she loves him whether he’s hot or not, and he assures her he likes her and her breasts the way they are. She tells him that she likes him and his breasts as well. Later, Ray examines his chest in the mirror, only to be caught by Debra, who asks him if he wants to borrow her socks. 11/21/24

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