SEASON 1 – NBC
Created by Michael G. Moye and Ron Leavitt
Theme music: “It’s Your Move” composed by Rik Howard and Bob Worth, performed by Mark Riddles
- 001. Pilot – 9/26/1984
- Matthew Burton (Jason Bateman) is a teenage con artist of sorts, living with his widowed mother Eileen (Caren Kaye) and sister Julie (Tricia Cast). He is very loyal to his mother and often slips her money unbeknownst to her. Matt and his chubby sidekick Eli (Adam Sadowsky) are planning a term paper sale with his other friends, having hid the papers in the floorboards in the apartment across the hall. Building managers Lou Donatelli (Ernie Sabella) announces that he’s rented the apartment, and the renter turns out to be a fledgling write from Chicago named Norman Lamb (David Garrison). Matt tries to arrange for Norman to be out of the apartment by pretending to interview Julie so that Matt can retrieve the papers, but Norman ends up on a date with Eileen. Matt attempts to have Eileen’s suitor Mort Stumplerut propose marriage, but Matt accidentally nails him into Norman’s apartment, thinking that it is Norman. Matt’s last-ditch effort is to forge a letter from Newsweek offering Norman a job in New York, but Norman knows it’s a fake since Eli has misspelled a word. Matt agrees to let Norman continue to see his mother as long as he promises to be good to her and admits to forging a second letter from Atlantic Monthly indicating that Norman has sold an article, leading him to buy an expensive bracelet for Eileen, expecting the arrival of the check). River Phoenix appears as Brian. Beto Lovato is Manuel. 3/1/14
- 002. Put to the Test – 10/3/1984
- Matt and Eli and friends are planning their next term paper sale, a plan in which they’ll throw a baby shower for their teacher Miss Feldman (Leigh French) and when she is distracted, take photos of the test. Norman tries to talk them out of this, but they move forward with the plan, which is pulled off smoothly until Norman turns up as their substitute teacher and scraps the original test. Matt and Eli plead with Norman for him to give them the new test, but he refuses. They then break into his apartment when he is out with Eileen to search for the test. Norman, knowing that they were coming, leaves them clues – including a red herring that causes Matt to search through all of the apartment’s top drawers. Eli goes home to study, and Matt eventually locates the test and gets it distributed to his classmates – but at the last minute, Norman changes his mind and gives the original test. Matt hides in a locker as his tough classmates Jim (Bradley Gregg) and Ernie (Timothy Brantley) seek their retribution. Evan Arnold appears as Ted. Marc Bentley is Mark. 3/1/14
- 003. Dating Games – 10/17/1984
- Matt does Norman a favor and has his phone turned back on after Norman can’t pay his bill, but it comes at the cost of Matt knowing that Norman will owe him a favor. Later Matt and Julie talk about their dates for the upcoming Harvest Ball dance at school, and Eli realizes that Matt is too busy to help him find a date. Eli turns to Norman for advice and is encouraged to not focus on Julie, but on someone more his speed, ie.’female seepage’. A homely girl named Joyce Bailer (Leanna Beth) accepts Eli’s invitation, but when Matt finds out that Eli turned to Norman for advice, he promises him to get a date with Julie. Pleading with her does not work, so Matt resorts to blackmail after he records Julie admitting that she had gotten sick on beer. Julie reluctantly goes to the dance with Eli, but as Matt is getting ready to leave, Joyce shows up to find out why Eli dumped her. Matt has compassion and arranges a date for Joyce…who turns out to be Norman, repaying Matt’s phone favor. Lisa Alpert appears as Angela. Stuart Charno is Fred. Dawn Schneider, Brenda James, and Martha Nix are girls at the dance. 3/20/14
- 004. Night Work – 10/24/1984
- When Matt finds out from Mr. Donatelli that Norman has been out all night, he becomes suspicious and intrudes on Norman’s morning sleep. Norman tells him that he is working at a job all night but won’t tell him what it is. Meanwhile at school, Matthew pleads with Stacey Hall (Shara Blue) to go on a date with him, and in order for her to accept, Matt lies and says he has his own car and apartment, planning to rent a limo and use Norman’s apartment while he is out working. When the limo arrives, Norman is the chauffeur, and Matt has a blast berating and humiliating him. The tables are turned however when Stacey lets it slip that Matt is pretending that Norman’s apartment is his. Matt pleads with Norman to let him use the apartment, and Norman agrees with the stipulation that Matt give him a good job evaluation, but it turns out that Eileen and Julie are hanging Norman’s curtains that night, so Matt is embarrassed in the end. Edmund Lupinski is the messenger. 3/20/14
- 005. Pajama Party – 10/31/1984
- Matt sends Julie on a wild goose chase for tortillas so that he can clean the apartment while she is out and gain his mom’s favor in order to host a party to spy on the neighbors the Millers. But Julie is able to manipulate her mom by crying, and she agrees to let Julie host a pajama party where she and her friends Stacey, Angela, Connie (Nancy Calabrese), Lisa (Kristin Murphy), and the Grizzlies team mascot Debbie (Justine Bateman) can practice cheers and share their Slambook. Matt decides to steal the Slambook so that he can ruin Julie’s reputation and he tries to enlist Debbie’s help. He also bugs and records the party from Norman’s apartment and he and Eli listen into the girls’ conversations. When Stacey puts the medal that contains the bug around her neck, Matt has to go across the hall to correct it. He hears the girls insult him and Julie defend him to her friends. He decides to stop the tape as she is about ready to reveal the location of the Slambook. 3/31/14
- 006. Love Letters – 11/14/1984
- Eileen starts to ‘go steady’ with Norman, and sends him a ‘secret admirer’ letter to celebrate the occasion, also advising Julie’s friend Laura (Kristy Swanson) to do the same to get the attention of a boy she likes – who turns out to be Matt. Matt visits Norman and uses reverse psychology to convince Norman that it was really him who wrote the letter, prompting Norman to stand up Eileen and invoke her wrath. Later, Eileen sends Norman a second love letter, Matt makes up his own to give to Norman, and Laura sends one to Matt. Both Matt and Norman think that the other wrote the letters, and end up standing up both dates, who sit together at the park disheartened and watching a mime. 3/31/14
- 007. Dad and Me – 11/21/1984
- Eileen and Julie go out of town for a cheerleading competition and Norman gets the task of watching after Matt, who professes not to need his help. When Matt is robbed by a pair of burglars (Alan Blumenfeld, Rick Lantz), he and Norman pretend to be father and son in order to get on a game show called Dad and Me, hosted by Jimmy Jay (Neil Thompson), in hopes of winning new furniture. They go up against father and son team Bill and Bill Jr. Williams (Paul Bashkin, P.J. Godwin), who are so much alike that they can answer the questions before they are asked. Matt disconnects the Williams’ buzzer, which enables them to defeat them and move onto the prize round. Matt and Norman are able to win the furniture, but after Norman purposely flubs a question that would enable Matt to win a telescope, Matt in turn sees to it that Norman doesn’t win a new car. In the end, Norman admits that he did in fact hire the robbers, and the new furniture now sits in Norman’s apartment. Twyla Littleton plays Doreen. NOTE: Jimmy Jay is named Jimmy Ray in the credits. 3/31/14
- 008. The Rival – 11/28/1984
- In order to take Norman out of the picture, Matt hires an actor named Elwood (Geoffrey Scott) to portray a legal client of Eileen’s, seeking advice that might save his marriage. Matt thinks that when Norman sees Elwood – who is using the name Jack – that he will fly into a jealous rage and ruin his relationship with his mother. Norman becomes gradually more and more emasculated by ‘Jack’s’ bravado, and Matt plants the seed in Julie’s head to go to Norman and convince him to act jealous. Norman comes banging on the door, but then timidly asks Eileen to go to a fancy dinner with him. It turns out that Norman figured out that Elwood was an actor and the two conspired together to get more money out of Matt – who then gets the last laugh by calling the restaurant pretending to be Norman and ordering an expensive bottle of champagne for everyone in the place. Kelly Brock plays Matt’s date Sandy. 4/2/14
- 009. Top Dog – 12/5/1984
- Matt and Eli’s teacher runs off leaving their class to fend for themselves, but when Eli sends his grandmother to take the physical for her, she fails. Principal Dwight Ellis (Garrett Morris) hires Norman to replace her, although there is one lady – a Mrs. Ethel Rubenstein – ahead of him. Since no one can locate Mrs. Rubenstein, Matt and Eli hire door-to-door candy saleslady Iris Clifford (Dorothy Patterson) to assume the role. The new teacher then begins blackmailing the kids for grades, while Norman is sent to another more dangerous school. Matt asks Norman to help them out of the mess, and since the kids from his new school have followed him and are taunting him, he agrees. He poses as Inspector Smoky Bates and interrogates Iris until she finally agrees to back off, at which point Norman becomes their teacher again. Chris M. Brown makes his first appearance as Alfred. Eve Smith appears as Candy, the applicant who starred in the donut commercial. Webster Williams and Brynja Willis aka Brynja McGrady are reporters. Michael Honma is the Japanese chef. James Calvert is the Gin player. Hart Sprager is the barber. Philip Tanzini is the kid in the picket line. 3/29/14
- 010. Don’t Leave Home Without It – 12/12/1984
- Norman, frustrated by the constant interruptions by Matt and Julie, gets a credit card and asks Eileen to go away with him for the weekend – without telling the kids that they’ll be together. Matt immediately has Norman’s credit card reported stolen, so Norman and Eileen have to hop a freight train to get back home. They are accosted by two hobos Mitch (Stan Yale) and Garth (Carmen Filpi), who attempt to rob Norman and Eileen until Norman pretends to be a spy and gives them directions to a fortune and diamonds. After the bums depart, Norman and Eileen fight about the trip, but eventually make up and get the romantic time they wanted. Back at home, Mr. Donatelli babysits for Matt and Julie, vowing to make Matt’s life miserable. Matt however spikes Donatelli’s potatoes until he passes out, and when Eileen arrives home, Donatelli is found in an embarrassing position on the couch with a doll and a poker. 3/29/14
- 011. The Christmas Show – 12/19/1984
- After offering Eli advice on how to handle running out of money for the holidays, Norman decides to make presents for everyone on his Christmas list. When Matt finds out, he assures him that his Mom will be disappointed that he didn’t get her the watch that she wanted. Sure enough when she opens the gift, she is surprised to find only a card that Norman wrote and no gift. The two end up in an argument over their clashing traditions. In order to make his mother happy, Matt comes to the rescue and gives Norman a wrapped present that he can present to Eileen and fix everything. It turns out to be another poem describing how foolish Norman has been. Norman can’t help but admit that the card solved the problem. Kristin Gamboa is the horrified caroler. 3/29/14
- 012. The Dregs of Humanity: Part 1 – 1/2/1985
- Matt is in charge of hiring a band for the school dance, but Eli manages to have the money stolen from his bank account. Matt has to abandon the notion of having Morning Breath play the dance, and instead steals four skeletons from the biology lab and dress them up in rock music outfits, using ropes and pulleys that Eli operates to simulate their movements as they play the song Sweatin’ Betty. The group goes over so well that Matt arranges to have Norman interview them for Music Press, by slapping a speaker on one member and letting Eli answer the questions over a microphone. As their popularity soars, Matt as the acting manager gets numerous offers for them to play, offers they decline…until the Palladium offers them $20,000. Donovan Leitch plays Julie’s date. Lonnie Burr is O’Leary. Hilary Shepard is Meg Rabinowitz. Harold Pruett is Angela’s boyfriend. Damon Martin is the Dregs fan who thinks they are ‘death’. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 3/29/14
- 013. The Dregs of Humanity: Part 2 – 1/9/14
- Matt and Eli plan to scrap the idea of using the skeletons to send four bums to the Palladium dressed in skeleton outfits and collect their $20,000. With fans clamoring outside of their apartment, they are visited by Mr. Rosenberg (Mark Withers), who is suing the band for trashing the hotel rooms of Hotel International, Mr. Graham (Richard Balin), who claims to be the band’s original manager, Mrs. Wembley and her daughter Peace (Desiree Boschetti), who claims that one of the members is the father of her unborn child, and O’Leary and Guys who claim that the Dregs stole one of their songs. In addition, Norman hopes to do a follow-up interview with the band for Rolling Stone magazine. Norman figures out the nature of the Dregs and Matt then confesses that he’s being sued for 28.5 million dollars and is over his head. Norman’s plan is to kill the band off, and Matt contributes the idea to have them go over a cliff in the car that Norman just purchased. In the end, Norman is distraught over the loss of his car, while Matt goes on MTV and chats with host Nina Blackwood (as herself) about the book he will be publishing about his experience with the Dregs. NOTE: This is the second of a two-part episode. 3/29/14
- 014. Caught in the Act – 1/26/1985
- Matt hatches a scheme to burn a legal file at his mother’s office, counting on the fact that her knowledge of the case will impress her boss and she will be promoted. Norman warns him not to do it, but in the process gives Matt the idea of how he can break into the office. Eli comes with him and distracts the guard (John O’Leary) while Matt uses the key that he swiped pretending that the the keyring brought back sentimental memories of his father. While burning the file with a cigar, his mother catches him in the act. Matt is forced to admit all of his indiscretions to his disappointed mother. While Norman gloats and brags how convincing he was when he told Eileen how this was all a shock to him, Eileen catches him in the act as well. Matt considers using the opportunity to tell her that he learned how to be a con man from Norman, but then reconsiders and says he actually respects Norman. But when Norman then tells Eileen how often Matt has stabbed him in the back, he is back in the doghouse and she scatters the manuscript that she had been typing for Norman all over the room. 4/4/14
- 015. Eli’s Song – 2/2/1985
- When Matt’s soccer coach Otto Bismark (Pete Schrum) is fired by Principal Ellis for his terrible coaching skills, Norman is appointed to the new soccer coach, even though his interests lie more in producing the school newsletter. Eli has been lamenting about not being involved in any activities at school, so Matt convinces Norman to put him on the team as a goalie backup, which Eli find thrilling. However when it looks as if Alfred might fail a big test and become ineligible to play, Eli becomes petrified of actually having to play. It turns out that Alfred scores a D, and plays the game…but he gets injured and Eli has to go in for him. After a dream sequence from Eli and a scene that freezes while the writers and producers of the show lecture the audience that Eli’s inclusion was what really counted, Eli does in fact manage to block the kick, much to the delight of Ellis, Julie and the cheerleaders, and Eli himself. 4/5/14
- 016. A Woman Is Just a Woman – 2/9/1985
- When Eileen turns down the marriage proposal of her rich ex-boyfriend Mort Stumplerut, Matt and Julie are heartbroken, Eileen starts to get irritated at her financial state, and Norman feels terrible about what she gave up for him. When an old girlfriend of Norman’s named Sandy Catfield (Mimi Maynard) visits him, she and Julie concoct a ruse to make Eileen feel better by pretending to be a rich old girlfriend who wants Norman back. Norman reluctantly agrees to turn down Sandy in front of Eileen’s bridge club, thus making her feel better. Matt doesn’t care for how they are toying with his mom’s emotions and gives Norman the chance to call off the charade. When Norman refuses, an actor (Marshall R. Teague) that Matt hired enters the apartment and repeats the dialogue that they had set up for Sandy, giving the impression that he is a former gay lover. Eileen’s bridge friends are Terry (Dee Hoty), Florie (Vicky McCarthy), and Eunice (Liz Sheridan). 4/5/14
- 017. The Experts – 2/16/1985
- Norman and Dwight look to Matt to give them a recommendation on what stocks to buy. For a commission of the earnings, he recommends Swiss Francs, which immediately go up yielding them a high return. When they begin going too fast, Matt advises them to sell and demands his earnings. They ignore him, and then go out for a night on the town, throwing their money around freely. When their stockbroker Gerard Allen (Robert DoQui) visits them at the bar to take their money to pay the margin call on the stock, which has fallen like a rock, it leaves them with no money to pay the bill. They call Matt and interrupt his date and ask for help. Matt has Donatelli take him to the bar, where Norman, Dwight, and Donatelli enter the amateur contest as Ellis and the Lambs and perform Midnight Train to Georgia. They lose the competition to Thomas “Iron Jaws” Wilson (as himself), but Matt gets the money they need by booking them for future performances. Matt’s girlfriends are Michelle (Katie Barberi), Charmaine (Heather Blodgett), and Brenda (Shawnee Smith). Galyn Gorg is the waitress, and Justin Lord is the emcee. 4/5/14
- 018. Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen – 2/23/1985
- Eli introduces the episode in Alfred Hitchcock Presents style. The mystery begins as Julie is getting ready for cheerleading tryouts and her pom-poms and panties come up missing. Then just before the audition, she is locked inside a cage in the supply closet. Matt agrees to help solve the mystery of figuring out who locked her in. She questions Julie’s friends Angela, Connie, and Freida (Noelle Harling), and then assembles them – along with Norman, Principal Ellis, and new gym teacher Ms. Gulch (Catherine MacNeal) at the apartment to present the facts. Several theories are put forth, but ultimately Matt surmises that the perpetrator left behind a blonde hair with a black root. The only one who fits that description is Eileen, who admits to visiting the school to catch a glimpse of Ms. Gulch, whom she though was trying to steal Norman. Ms. Gulch admits to having fallen for Norman, and it is determined that Eileen accidentally locked Julie in the closet. Matt and Eli congratulate themselves as Donatelli tries to scrub the Hitchcock caricature off the apartment hallway wall. 4/5/14
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