The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Paul Simms

Theme music composed by Mike Post

• 001. Pilot – 3/25/1995
  • Dave Nelson (Dave Foley) moves from his home in Wisconsin to New York City after accepting a job as news director at NewsRadio station WNYX from station owner Jimmy James (Stephen Root). As he meets station employees – reporter Lisa Miller (Maura Tierney), news co-anchors Bill McNeal (Phil Hartman) and Catherine Duke (Ella Joyce), news reporter Matthew Brock (Andy Dick), and secretary Beth (Vicki Lewis) – he realizes that no one has told the current station manager Ed Harlow (Kurt Fuller) that he is being fired. Jimmy tells everyone that Dave is the new sports announcer, and won’t reveal his true job until Dave is able to fire Ed. When Bill and Lisa – who also had hoped to become the news director – argue over who is going to interview Al Gore, Ed quits – but it is only temporary. Then after Ed hears Dave try and fumble through a sports newscast, Ed fires Dave. By this time, everyone but Ed knows that he is fired and all are anxious to tell him. Dave finally tells Ed, and he goes quietly, thinking that he is lined up to be news director at the competing WXYP…which Lisa reveals has gone out of business. 8/12/14

• 002. Inappropriate – 3/28/1995
  • Tension mounts between Dave and Lisa, who wants his job. They go out to dinner to discuss it and end up making out, which is quickly figured out by Beth. Dave tries to call it off, but they end up sleeping together, and continuing their office romance in the office when the others are out to lunch. Bill attempts to throw Catherine a small birthday party and host a lunch for her, but it his efforts are met with contempt. It turns out that their working relationship is a bit tumultuous because they attempted a fling several years earlier. Matthew wildly mispronounces the name Joey Buttafuoco on the air and is worried that he is going to be fired. Joe Rogan makes his first appearance as electrician and handyman Joe Garrelli. Khandi Alexander takes over the role of Catherine. 8/12/14
• 003. Smoking – 4/1/1995
  • Due to a state ordinance, Dave has to declare the office non-smoking, but Bill defiantly refuses to stop. Dave agrees that he will give up coffee if Bill gives up smoking, and Bill agrees to try. Unfortunately he reads the news like a robotic zombie until Jimmy shoves a cigarette in his mouth. Dave goes to his own doctor to get some nicotine patches to give to Bill, but Bill uses too many and winds up in the hospital. Dave and Bill then bond over the fact that they both cheated in their cessation. The final solution is to seal off the news booth to keep the smoke in. Meanwhile, Lisa thinks that Joe saw her and Dave at the movies together because Joe is acting strange. It turns out that Joe was afraid that Lisa saw him there with a flamboyant gay man but didn’t realize that Lisa was with Dave. Beth pretends that she is addicted to smoking and chews a huge wad of gum. Montae Russell is the paramedic. 9/8/14
• 004. The Crisis – 4/11/1995
  • When a subway derails in New York City, Dave works with the transit commissioner to get an underground press pass for Matthew. The rest of the group are distracted by the fact that Dave bought a new desk for Matthew, and are even more sensitive to the fact that he and Matthew went out to eat once – and he and Lisa have been out to dinner twice. Jimmy enjoys the chaos and brings his friend Bob (Steve Arlen) to hang out and watch the proceedings. Dave ends up stealing the pass from the commissioner. Jimmy orders new desks for everyone, but Dave doesn’t like his authority undermined so he sends them back – but they are taken before the old desks are returned. Matthew’s broadcast from underground is excruciatingly boring. Dave ends up making dinner plans with nearly everyone at the station…including Jimmy and Bob. 9/8/14
• 005. Big Day – 4/18/1995
  • Once Dave learns that the “big day” is the day that Jimmy gives out the bonuses, he is charged with coming up with the amounts – with one stipulation: everyone gets $400, but one gets $3000, and another gets nothing (aka “the shaft”). Matthew complains that he has gotten the shaft for the last three years, while Bill and Lisa both assume that they are getting the big bonus. Joe threatens to cut the power in the building if he doesn’t like his bonus. Dave offers to pool all the bonuses and divide them, but almost everyone is against that idea. Since Catherine is the only one not voicing her opinion, Dave awards her the big bonus…and gives himself the goose egg. Jimmy ends up upping some of the bonuses, but not Dave’s. Meanwhile, Bill complains to Dave about people constantly putting food on his desk. Albie Selznick plays the copy guy. 10/7/14
• 006. Luncheon at the Waldorf – 5/2/1995
  • Bill invites Beth to attend a fancy broadcasters luncheon at the Waldorf and she accepts, but as more people become concerned that he is going to expect something from her, she gradually becomes leery. When she returns from the lunch virtually in tears, everyone blames Bill – but Beth reveals that he behaved like a gentleman, and that it was actually her who tried to kiss him in the limo. Bill milks the situation for all its worth to get apologies from the others, as well as acting fearful to be alone with Beth. She simply blames it on “the moment.” Meanwhile, Dave tries to figure out why their expense is $6000 over budget, narrowing it down to Matthew’s long-distance phone calls, Catherine’s beauty salon visits, Bill’s limos, Beth’s magazine subscriptions, and most of all, Jimmy’s helicopter fuel usage. Jimmy suggests that they raise the fuel budget. 10/8/14
• 007. Sweeps Week – 5/9/1995
  • Dave expresses his jealousy when Lisa speaks frequently with her ex-boyfriend Stewart. Lisa suggest that Dave stay in communication with his ex-girlfriend Nancy (Janeane Garafalo) from Wisconsin, who ‘apparently’ thinks they are still a couple. Somehow Nancy invites herself to visit and stay with Dave. Nancy seems sweet, but then threatens both Beth and Lisa that she’ll kill them if they move in on Dave. When Dave finally breaks up with her and tells her that he is dating Lisa, Nancy tells everyone at the station. But they finally believe that she really is crazy, not believing that Lisa and Dave would ever be dating. Meanwhile, Jimmy suggests that a man he met at a conference named Tom P. Baxter (Bill Geisslinger) should be interviewed about his vision for business of the future, but Bill won’t let him get a word in, and refuses a second interview. Catherine ends up interviewing him and all he has to say is that the wave of the future is computers. 11/9/14

SEASON 2

• 008. No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie’s Life – 9/19/1995
  • Beth feels the sexual spark is dwindling in her long-distance relationship with her boyfriend Keith in England and decides to send naked pictures of herself. The photos get mixed up at the photo store with another customer’s and all of the employees ogle her. She takes more with a paper bag over her head. This causes Lisa to think that she and Dave are not very sexually adventurous, but Dave can only kid her about it. He reveals that it turns him on when Lisa is angry at him. Joe tries to catch the person who is stealing his Gelato and finally figures out that it is the janitor Milos (Steve Susskind)…but it turns out that Bill has hired him to steal it for him. Jimmy takes his vacation and is so bored that he just hangs around the office. He ends up getting mistaken for the water delivery guy and ends up spending his vacation delivering water. Kyle T. Heffner is the counterman at the photo store, Chris Kattan is one of its employees. 11/9/14
• 009. Goofy Ball – 9/26/1995
  • Dave wants to reveal his relationship with Lisa, but she will not allow it. Consequently, Joe sets Dave up with a fashion model named Shelia (Alison Brahe), who is in the building for a photo shoot. Lisa finally gets jealous enough to announce their relationship, which they do to Jimmy. He gives them the option to not tell anyone else, or one of them will have to get fired. Meanwhile Phil thinks a man (Dennis Miller) with an eye patch is a stalker planning to kill him. He has Joe design a stun gun from a garage door opener, but he Phil accidentally uses  it on himself. While unable to move, the pirate man approaches him, but ends up just sharing a news story for three hours and asking for a photo to hang in the diner where he works. Beth and Michael continually pass around a Goofy Ball – a toy with an annoying laugh (Judd Apatow) designed by Jimmy’s company – despite Dave’s objections. Wendy Hamilton and Elizabeth Sjoli are the other two models. 12/15/14
• 010. Rat Funeral – 10/10/1995
  • The building super (Mike Starr) lays down rat traps in the office, but Dave discovers that members of the staff are setting them off and asks them to stop. He finds out that they have all become attached to Mike the rat, and Bill accuses him of being cold-hearted. As Dave announces that he will remove the traps, one springs on Mike. Dave tries to be sensitive and even participates in the funeral in which they throw Mike into the incinerator. Later Beth thinks she has spotted Mike alive, but the trap springs again. This is followed by another funeral. The traps are replaced with fly paper, and Dave then has to put dozens of rats out of their misery. The office becomes bored with the funerals and just dumps them all down the incinerator…which Dave finds out is actually the mail slot. Marcelo Tuber plays the delivery man. 12/16/14
• 011. The Breakup – 10/31/1995
  • In the aftermath of a fight between Dave and Lisa, whereby he abandons her at the movies when they run into Joe and in the ensuing fight, he calls her a bitch, Beth buckles at the demand to keep lying for them. She convinces them that she’s already cracked and told about their relationship, so Dave and Lisa finally announce it to the staff…only to find that they had no idea. Mr. James thinks they will crack under the staff scrutiny and one of them will quit within two months. The staff teases them for a while, but then pretends no to care…until they leave and immediately being discussing their fight. Meanwhile, Catherine is livid when Bill announces on the air that it is her birthday and that she is 36 years old. She searches in vain to find Bill’s birth date and age to get even with him. Matthew is adamant about presenting her with a gift that she doesn’t want…until it turns out to be Bill’s birth certificate, which also reveals that his real first name is “Evelyn.” 1/28/15
• 012. The Shrink – 11/7/1995
  • The staff is feeling stressed out and everyone seems on edge, especially after Bill puts up a cubicle in which to relax. Jimmy feels that the staff needs to visit with a psychiatrist named Dr. Frank Westford (John Ritter), whom they once had on a radio segment. Dave thinks the staff will resist, but they all seem surprisingly willing. Dave on the other hand not only resents it when he finds out that Lisa once slept with him when he was her professor, but also that everyone on the staff so willingly follows Frank’s advice when they ignore the same advice when it comes from Dave. Eventually Dave confronts him about sleeping with Lisa, and Frank admits that he was a sex addict and makes a pass at Dave, who then proceeds to counsel him. Before Frank leaves, he makes one final attempt to get Bill to remove his cubicle walls, but it is only Dave knocking them down that seems to work. However when they find Bill relaxing with a cigar in his underwear, Dave puts them back up…and Frank can’t help but leering at him. 1/30/15
• 013. Friends – 11/14/1995
  • Dave hires a temp worker named Sandi Angelini (Bebe Neuwirth) to help Beth reorganize the company files, but it turns out that Beth has known her since grade school and Sandi has always stolen her boyfriends and copied everything Beth has done. Dave and Lisa don’t believe her, so she tries to set a trap by hitting on Matthew. Soon Sandi is also making passes at Matthew and in the heat of the moment, Beth gives Matthew a giant kiss, which leads him to believe that both women want him. Lisa confronts both women about their behavior and Sandi admits that she has tried to gain Beth’s acceptance all their lives. Both women end up turning down Matthew, so Dave tells him that he said they had to back off because company policy would not allow them to date. Meanwhile, two security guards (Tone Loc, Toby Huss) will not allow Bill in without his ID. Even once Lisa lets him in, the guard won’t let him back in after lunch. Eventually Joe brings him his ID, but the guard tells him that it is expired and Bill rips it up before the guard can tell him he was kidding. Mr. James becomes obsessed with the paper shredder. 3/15/15
• 014. Bill’s Autobiography – 11/21/1995
  • Bill asks Dave to sign a release so that he can work on his autobiography, of which various publishers have expressed an interest. Before Bill can ask him no to, Dave has told Lisa who has told the entire staff about the book, which puts undue pressure on Bill to write it. Bill suffers a massive writer’s block and sleepless nights trying to come up with stories, but the truth is that he spent his college years drinking and his aunt gave him his first radio job to get him to stop drinking. Bill gets depressed and fears he has no personality. Dave has his co-workers rally around him, but Bill soon realizes that they know he hasn’t written one word of the book. The next day Bill announces that he’s written three chapters of great material, but Dave refuses to sign the release because the book is disrupting everyone’s work. Bill later thanks Dave for letting him off the hook, as they had planned this together. Lisa stands up for Bill, which impresses Bill that Dave hadn’t told her of the plot. But naturally he has. 3/15/15
• 015. Negotiation – 11/28/1995
  • Matthew is promoted to ‘Coordinating Producer’ and thinks that the job gives him more authority than it does… which is none. Bill has a great time toying with him. Lisa is depressed because her mother does an annual Christmas newsletter and Lisa has far less to show for her year than her brothers. She tries out another temporary job as an MTV host, but while interviewing Anthrax (themselves: Scott Ian, Frank Bello, John Bush), she realizes she knows nothing about music and returns to the station. Matthew thinks that Lisa left because of his new position. Jimmy wants to choose a wife and sets his sights on financial analyst Melanie Sanders (Natalija Nogulich). Eventually he gets up the courage to open rapid-fire negotiations with her concerning the potential marriage, but the conversation breaks down when they can’t come to turns on their vacations. They do however leave together and head to a hotel. 6/7/15
• 016. The Cane – 12/19/1995
  • Mr. James has an annual retreat with the staff at the corporate office to go over new ideas. Dave is irritated when Lisa doesn’t tell him about it, and further so when she shoots down his ideas. At the next meeting, Dave dismisses her idea and it is clear there if friction between them. Mr. James arranges to only have Dave and Lisa at the next meeting in order to watch the sparks fly, but is disappointed when they end up supporting each other. Meanwhile Bill buys a cane that severely irritates Dave. When the cane disappears, Bill accuses Dave of taking it, but Dave vehemently denies it. Bill finally finds the cane taped outside Dave’s window and Dave is forced to admit that he took it… just before he breaks it in half. Dave says he’ll continue to steal any cane that Bill brings to the office, and Bill reveals that he has a large stash of them. Matthew is irritated that Joe needs a break from him. Jane Lynch is Mr. James’ assistant Carol. 6/7/15
• 017. Xmas Story – 12/19/1995
  • The group goes in on a Christmas gift for Jimmy and gives him an vintage Yankees jersey autographed by Jumpin’ Joe Dugan. They are extremely disappointed when he gives the second-hand personalized ball caps. Dave confronts him about this, so Jimmy gives Matthew a collection of Fibber McGee & Molly old time radio programs on tape, and gives the rest of the staff brand new Miatas. Matthew seems okay with his gift until he finds out that their cars are not rentals, then he flips out. David once again confronts him, but Jimmy tells Matthew that he has actually given him the rights to the entire Fibber McGee & Molly catalog and characters for merchandising. Meanwhile the Santa Claus (David Anthony Higgins) in the lobby keeps threatening Bill’s life, but no one will believe Bill. Finally the Santa confronts him in the bathroom and reveals himself to be Sam Belford, an aspiring radio announcer, and gives Bill his demo tape. Bill listens to it on the way home and hears the threats resume, along with the ominous claim that he Bill has no brakes on his car. 7/28/15
• 018. The Station Sale – 1/7/1996
  • Jimmy announces that he is selling WNYX and is currently in negotiations with Robertson Communications, who owns a series of A.M. radio stations. This sends the staff into a panic, with Bill practicing his voices for every occasion, Matthew handcuffing himself to a chair, and Joe pulling out various system boards in the office electronics. Dave then learns that in actuality Jimmy is interested in the CEO Jane Robertson (Maureen Mueller), and has no intention of selling, much to the relief of Dave and the staff. However when the offer becomes larger than he would have ever imagine, Jimmy has a change of heart and decides to sell. He lets the staff try and talk him out of it, but it isn’t until Beth gives him $49.25 and some used gum that he decides that it is more rewarding to get money out of a secretary than to make millions on the sale. For an $8 fee, he even admits to Dave that he loves the staff and couldn’t imagine selling. 7/29/15
• 019. Bitch Session – 1/14/1996
  • While Dave is looking at a bad phone connection under his desk, he overhears the entire staff mocking, which is something they claim to do on a regular basis. Dave is crestfallen, particularly because Lisa takes part in it. He seeks the advice of Mr. James, who tells him to confront the group. However when they find out that he was actually eavesdropping on them, they become angry at him, and he loses Mr. James’ respect. Mr. James gathers the staff and tells them that he is going to fire Dave, but they all put up a fight and proclaim their loyalty to Dave, who is eavesdropping once again. Lisa too is eavesdropping and hears Dave tell Mr. James he’s not sure if he can forgive her. Meanwhile Joe tries to manufacture a device to improve the quality of Bill’s voice. Bill can only get him to stop by using a trick to give is voice extra power, although it gives him intense headaches. 10/25/15
• 020. In Through the Out Door – 2/4/1996
  • Mr. James assigns Dave to introduce Bill’s at the Broadcasting Society. Bill is concerned that Dave will do him a disservice by not sounding dynamic enough so goes about coaching him relentlessly until Dave gets incredibly annoyed. When Bill can’t get through to him, he yells at Dave at the top of his lungs. Dave delivers a very successful introduction, but Bill has lost his voice for his speech. Meanwhile Matthew feels left out because everyone in the office is betting on sports events. He asks Joe to teach him how to gamble, so they bet on various small contests around the office, each double or nothing, Matthew losing all games until he owes Joe over ten thousand dollars. Lisa forces Joe to make a simple “which hand is the pencil in” wager so that Matthew can break even… but he somehow manages to lose even that. 12/29/15
• 021. The Song Remains the Same – 2/18/1996
  • Mr. James wages a war of practical jokes for an early ‘April Fools Day’, much to Bill’s chagrin as he is trying to engage in an interview with the Wall Street Journal reporter Scott Barker (John Posey). Bill comes across to the reporter as unflappable and is promised a cover story… but when Scott takes off his shirt and starts dancing, it is revealed that he is one of Mr. James’ practical jokes too. Meanwhile Dave tries to show no favoritism in his selection of sending Matthew to cover the primaries in New Hampshire. Lisa objects, and she and Matthew engage in a contest to see who knows more about the election. Matthew wins… but then has to decline going on the trip because he has cats. When an employee (Tom Chick) no one knows quits the station, Beth is assigned to clean out his desk and ends up falling in love with him on the strength of what he has in desk drawers. When he returns to pick up something, Beth kisses him passionately, but it turns out that she was actually cleaning out the wrong desk… of a man named Brian (Gerry Gibson) who still works there. 12/29/15
• 022. Zoso – 2/25/1996
  • Beth comes up with idea to manufacture hats based on the “Donald” character from Fat Albert, and turns to Mr. James for advice on how to negotiate a deal with a garment industry manufacturer and looks to Mr. James for advice on how to handle him. He obliges, and Lisa tries unsuccessfully to use some of his advice on Dave to try and get a raise. Dave agrees to give Lisa an advance on her pay, under the condition that she tell him what it is for. It turns out that it is to help her ex-boyfriend Stewart record his song Come Back Lisa. Mr. James accompanies Beth to her meeting with the financial shark Don Green (George Hamilton), but she has no luck using Jimmy’s methods. She does however have success by crying… and before it’s over, Jimmy is paying her to give him negotiating tips. Meanwhile Bill has a new girlfriend named Linda (Lynnda Ferguson), who is under the impression that Bill is British. Bill fakes an accent to keep up the illusion, but ultimately wants to tell her the truth… but can’t bring himself to do it when she tells him that she’s falling in love with him. Herschel Sparber is Green’s bodyguard. 3/7/16
• 023. Houses of the Holy – 3/10/1996
  • With Catherine out sick, Dave plans to put Lisa on the air in her place, but she advises Dave to run it by Matthew and Bill first. Matthew wants to fill in himself, and Bill maintains that he can do the show himself. Bill then puts Joe on the air, thinking that he won’t outshine Bill, but to everyone’s surprise Joe is more than capable of handling the job. When Joe starts getting calls and accolades, Bill wants to pull him off, but Dave refuses. Eventually Catherine shows up sick because she can’t stand hearing the electrician in her spot…and doing so well. Lisa admits that she fakes all of the Joe’s accolades. Matthew in retaliation to Joe starts dismantles his computer. Joe couldn’t care less about the job and happily returns to his original job. Meanwhile Beth is taken by Mr. James’ weird nephew Theo (David Cross) because he performs magic tricks. After making out with him, she starts to lose interest when he tells her how the tricks are performed. Eventually she breaks it off with him, but he tries unsuccessfully to win her back using more tricks. 3/8/16 
• 024. Physical Graffiti – 3/24/1996
  • Dave becomes increasingly jealous of the amount of time that Lisa spends talking to her ex-boyfriend Stewart (Wallace Langham), so he arranges for all three of them to have dinner together. When the inside jokes between Lisa and Stewart become unbearable, Dave excuses himself, and while he’s gone Stewart makes a plea for her to come back to him. Dave becomes even more jealous and angry when she says that she needs to think about it and then stays up all night talking to him. Even though she told Stewart they aren’t compatible, Lisa and Dave end up dumping each other simultaneously because of the event. Meanwhile Bill and Katherine engage in an ever-growing war of practical jokes, all orchestrated and aided by Joe, which culminates with doctored photos of each of their heads attached to a nude female body put on the internet. Mr. James gets involved and call out Joe, who admits he was just getting revenge of them for eating his tuna fish sandwich. Joe tries to bully Mr. James as well, but he soon finds out that Mr. James is just as powerful at finding out information as he is. John Apicella is the washroom attendant. 6/11/16
• 025. Led Zeppelin – 3/31/1996
  • Dave and Lisa announce their breakup to the staff. Lisa insists that she and Dave only communicate through memos, because she secretly knows that talking will lead to fighting, and when she yells at people it makes her horny. Dave works hard to compose a 24-page memo expressing his feelings, desperately trying to keep it out of the hands of his co-workers, but it seems the only person who doesn’t end up seeing the memo is Lisa, as he leaves it outside of her elevator and it gets pulled into the door. Meanwhile Bill draws comparisons to his breakup with his girlfriend Linda, but every example paints a picture of her as a psychotic. Mr. James continues to search for a wife by cold-calling various celebrities. Matthew is so upset about the breakup that he tries to come up with ways to reconcile them. 6/11/16
• 026. Presence – 4/14/1996
  • Mr. James plays in his annual poker game with other station owners, gambling with pieces of each station and ends up losing the coffee machine… and Bill to WTSB in Atlanta. Dave and Lisa each volunteer to sit in for him in the game, but Lisa has a poker face. As bill says goodbye to everyone and gives back everything he has stolen from everyone, Lisa has to learn poker and then sits in the game, with Joe trying his best to cheat using a camera in her lucky Boba Fett. Lisa ends up betting Dave in a hand against her fiercest competitor Stan (John F. O’Donahue). She tells Dave that she has four jacks, but when Stan sees the look on Dave’s face, he folds. It turns out she was bluffing with a pair of sixes, but she does get Phil back. Tina Arning is Cassandra, Kathleen McClellan is Valerie, both prostitutes whom Dave discusses his relationship with Lisa. Joe Furey is an office guy. 8/30/16
• 027. Coda – 4/21/1996
  • Matthew tries to arrange for the group to rent a summer house in the Hamptons, but no one will be the first to sign up for it, especially when the big room isn’t guaranteed for anyone. Meanwhile Bill is angry with Dave for chopping up his new season baseball promo, so Mr. James brings in an editor named Guy (Jeremiah Morris). After hours of working on it, they all become slaphappy. Joe pleads with Lisa to help him study to pass an electrical certification, but Joe overthinks every question. Eventually Beth gives Joe a pep talk and convinces that he can be stupid, and give the simple answers. Dave tries to arrange with Matthew that he and Lisa are in the Hamptons for the same weekend, but Lisa asks that they are there separate weekends. Eventually everyone gives up on the Hamptons house, so Matthew turns to other employees including Eddie (Philip McNiven), Milos , and a stranger he met on the street. Everyone agrees on a brief promo that Catherine comes up with, minimizing Bill’s role. This was Mr. James’s lesson to Bill about going over Dave’s head, and to Dave about cutting up Bill’s promos. Joe fails the test, but fixes the elevator when his class gets stuck in it… which Joe actually arranged. 8/30/16
• 028. Led Zeppelin II – 4/28/1996
  • Lisa gets wind that Dave has a lunch date, and becomes visibly jealous as she tries to figure out who it is. Meanwhile Mr. James begin seeing his ex-girlfriend Ruth (Jordan Baker), but can’t figure out why he had stopped seeing her before, although the reason was on his potential fiancee list in a code he can’t decipher. Joe finds out that they’ve installed a surveillance system in the stairwell and enlists Matthew to help him sabotage it. A fire breaks out in the building on the third floor but they are told to stay in place while the firemen try to put it out. As Bill tries to lead a revolution down the stairwell, Lisa suggests a final fling in case they perish. They are interrupted by Joe admitting he accidentally set the fire trying to sabotage the security system, and Mr. James announcing that he can find nothing wrong with Ruth and that she will be his fiancee. A fireman (Vic Wilson) announces that the fire is out, so Dave and Lisa reluctantly stop their passion in the office. When Ruth asks to get away the station, he finally remembers that she can’t stand his friends, so he breaks it off. When the building starts to settle, Dave and Lisa see this as another pending catastrophe and head back to the office. As the rest of the group heads down to check out the burnt third floor, Matthew starts another fire with a cigar. 11/19/16

SEASON 3

• 029. President – 9/18/1996
  • Dave returns from vacation in Wisconsin, and receives an excited greeting from Lisa, with whom he has reconciled, and finds two surprises: Mr. James is running for President, and Matthew has grown a thick mustache. Dave feels that Mr. James has gone crazy, and encourages Lisa to dig up any dirt on him that might take him out of the race, a challenge that both she and Mr. James accept wholeheartedly. During a press conference to announce his bid for President, Mr. James rebuffs Lisa’s questions about his marijuana usage and his involvement in the Watergate scandal. However when she figures out that he’s only running for office in order to meet women, he admits it and withdraws from the race… but not before asking for female sympathy from 15 million viewers. Meanwhile everyone tries to convince Matthew to shave his mustache. He offers to do it if someone will kiss him to try it out, but it is only Bill who accepts his offer. Al Roker appears as a man who claims not to be Al Roker. 10/26/15
• 030. Review – 9/25/1996
  • The annual review of radio stations in the New York Radio Guide are in, and although Bill is thrilled to be called ‘adequate’ and Dave and Mr. James are pleased by being referred to as ‘reliable’ and ‘workhorses’, others aren’t so happy with the review. Meanwhile after seeing a Dilbert cartoon at a new coffee counter in the building, Matthew becomes obsessed with the character and wants to do an article about the strip, not realizing that the strip is already universally well-known. Matthew gets so irritated when Dave denies him that he quits and gets a job at the coffee counter. It is only when Dilbert creator Scott Adams (Michael Adler) visits Matthew and convinces him that Dilbert would never quit that Matthew decides to come back to work. Bill finally admits that he is shattered by the ‘adequate’ review but is only trying to save face. Dave in turn admits that he is only pretending that the review is great to appease Mr. James, who admits that he is actually the one who wrote the article since he owns the magazine. Scott Adams appears as a customer in line. Mark Fite works at the coffee counter. 3/2/17
• 031. Massage Chair – 10/2/1996
  • Because of budget constraints, Mr. James forces Dave to tell the crew that free snacks in the breakroom will no longer be available. Although Dave stands in solidarity with his employees, this doesn’t stop Bill from leading a revolt against Dave, asking for donations so that he can get a massage chair to put in the smoking area. Only Matthew contributes, but Bill still won’t let him use it. Dave gets Mr. James to reinstate the snacks, and also agree to letting Dave get the credit. Bill gets jealous of all of the love that Dave gets for this, so he tells everyone they can use his chair… and they promptly break it. Meanwhile Joe soups up Catherine’s desk in hopes of getting a date with her, but his continual insinuations that he wants sex keep getting him slapped. Catherine tells Beth that she hopes he doesn’t stop trying. 3/2/17
• 032. Arcade – 10/23/1996
  • Beth submits a budget-cutting idea to get rid of the sandwich machine in the hallway, although Bill has become addicted to the old sandwiches in it because they remind him of his mother. Instead of just get ridding of it, she replaces it with the arcade video game Stargate Defender, which Dave had been addicted to in high school. Meanwhile Lisa thinks she is getting dumber, so Dave agrees to re-take the SAT test with her. Dave spends the entire night playing Stargate Defender and winds up scoring much worse than he had in high school. Bill dyes his hair grey to convince Dave that he has become addicted to the sandwiches’ preservatives, but ends up buying the old sandwiches that Joe manufactures himself. Beth ends up getting rid of the game and swaps it with a fortuneteller machine. Lelle Sobieski is a high school student, and Wesley Jonathan and Orion Courtin are the boys who crush on Lisa. Roger Hewlett is the vending man. Eugene Jarvis – the creator of the Stargate Defender and Robotron 2084 – is the delivery guy. 8/1/17
• 033. Halloween – 10/30/1996
  • Although the staff is excited about Mr. James’ upcoming Halloween party, they find out that they won’t be invited  because they never participate by dressing up. Lisa volunteers that Dave will lead the crew by dressing up in a crazy costume. He ends up coming in drag and looks so good that he is hit on by multiple men, and makes Lisa upset because he looks better in her dress than she does. The party psychic (Nancy Fish) tells Bill that he will die in 2032, inspiring him to live life to the fullest. He begins dating an elderly woman named Dorothy Johnson (Patience Cleveland), but when Bill starts to irritate the psychic, she tells him that he will live to be 282 years old. This causes Bill to break it off with Dorothy, but he later finds out that Dorothy was actually in costume and is actually a young, beautiful woman (Suzanne Taylor). James Healy Jr. is the snake handler. Tony DeCarlo is the juggler, and Joe Furey is the talking mime. 8/1/17
• 034. Awards Show – 11/6/1996
  • No one at WNYX has any confidence that they will receive an award at the upcoming American Broadcasters Society Awards banquet, as they’ve always lost in the past to WYXP under station manager Marty Jackson (Steven Gilborn). Dave however has confidence that the WNYX team have become winners and that they will win. Since Joe doesn’t normally get to go, Katherine agrees to take him as her date, but is concerned he might dress inappropriately. He dresses fine, but spends the entire evening being jealous of other men who may be ogling Katherine in her sexy dress. Meanwhile Matthew is convinced that the WNYX break room has become overrun with ants and that he has multiple bites on his rear end; he ultimately douses himself in insecticide in attempting to bomb the break room. Bob Costas (himself) presents the awards, which all go to WNYX, even one for Joe. Dave, now worried that he has nowhere to go but down, is congratulated by Marty, who relates that he was Dave’s age when he won his first award, and coped with his insecurities of being over his head by developing a drinking problem. Bob Costas has Matthew escorted out when he shows him his butt in the men’s room, and beats up Joe when he is accused of being inappropriate with Katherine. 2/17/18
• 035. Daydream – 11/13/1996
  • During a heat wave with the air conditioning down due to a broken thermostat, the staff at WNYX begins having daydreams. Mr. James wants everyone to work on improving the drive-time ratings and instructs Dave to put the 1932 radio show Fonebone’s Follies on during that time. Dave agrees, and uses the analogy of a smaller, smarter man stepping aside during a Judo match when a larger man comes at him. Lisa daydreams about correcting Dave’s analogy and becoming a hero. After a night of watching scary movies with Matthew, Beth daydreams various horror film scenarios with Matthew as the antagonist. Bill daydreams about kissing Lisa, then Beth, then a random girl named Jeanette (Rebecca Chambers). Catherine daydreams that more people of color worked at the office. Joe, while trying to fix the thermostat, daydreams that he turns everyone into robots that do his bidding. Dave merely daydreams that everyone do their jobs correctly. Even Howie (Charles C. Stevenson Jr.) daydreams that everyone at the station is interested in his life. When Dave broadcasts Fonebone’s Follies, Mr. James tells him that he was only using that as an example, and then daydreams about jumping out the window… and then that he is Dave and Lisa’s child simply imagining the whole station inside of a snow globe ala St. Elsewhere. Lance E. Nichols is George, Mike James is Mohammed, and Cheryl Murphy is Shaniqua, all people from Catherine’s fantasy. 2/20/18
• 036. Movie Star – 11/20/1996
  • Bill hosts movie star James Caan (himself) at the station, so he can study the technical aspects of working on the radio for an upcoming film. Bill is more interested in sharing ‘what makes him tick’ versus showing him how the equipment works. Caan becomes more fascinated with Matthew, who is star-struck and fumbles for words and forgets his own name every time he speaks to him. Ultimately he throws up on Caan, causing Cann to punch Bill. Meanwhile Dave takes Lisa to an appliance store so that he can buy her a TV, but Lisa has no interest in TV until she realizes that the news station C-SPAN exists. Dave is more interested in watching Green Acres, so they decide not to get the TV. Catherine and Beth argue over who gets Jimmy’s spare Knicks ticket, and Joe tries to mediate by finding out which one knows more about basketball. Beth can’t answer even the simplest question, while Catherine knows nearly every answer, but it never perfectly correct. Ultimately Jimmy gets an extra ticket and takes both, but then embarrasses them by strapping on a mask and acting like a goofball super-fan… which Dave sees on the TV that he and Lisa are watching, but she misses it. Allan Murray is the salesman. 11/5/18
• 037. Stocks – 12/11/1996
  • Beth inherits some money from her aunt and looks to Jimmy to provide her some stock tips. He refuses to help friends, but when she tries to go it alone, he begins tutoring her, while dodging Bill’s attempts to listen in. Meanwhile Matthew returns from Japan and can talk about nothing else. The only thing everyone is interested in are the gifts, although Dave doesn’t care for his sword. Lisa has a squeaky chair but resents everyone’s assertion that he will be buy her a new one if she just uses her womanly wiles. Jimmy uses the way Matthew eats candy to help determine which stocks to advise her to buy, and she immediately loses a bundle. Jimmy offers to cover her losses, but Beth admits that she didn’t buy the stock, and merely sold the tips to Bill, which Jimmy finds to be a brilliant stroke of business acumen. Dave insists on getting Lisa a new chair, and when she refuses, Dave attempts to chop the chair in half with chair… and ends up chopping several other things in half and cutting the power. Matthew admits he really didn’t go to Japan, but chickened out and spent the week at the library reading about it. 11/5/18
• 038. Christmas – 12/18/1996
  • Dave tells the team that they can leave early on the day before Christmas Eve provided they get their work accomplished. One by one, each person talks Dave into letting them go before the work is done, leaving for him to do even though he is trying to catch a flight to visit his parents in Milwaukee with Lisa. Meanwhile Bill hires Beth to perform on an audition tape for a garage door opener radio commercial. She proves so good that she gets hired to record the actual commercial with him, and becomes the next person to leave her work for Dave to do. The commercial director Steve (Shaun Duke aka Duke Moosekian) doesn’t feel their chemistry is working, so he brings in another voice actor named Roger (Terry Rhoads) much to Bill’s chagrin. Beth tries to sabotage the commercial by using a variety of strange voices, but only manages to wipe our her voice entirely. The session is ultimately finished when Bill steps in and plays the woman. Back at the office, Dave gets Matthew to finish the work so that he and a reluctant Lisa can head out, but Mr. James grabs Matthew and rewards him for helping him pick out his rich friends’ gifts by giving him a helicopter ride to his Christmas party. Dave and Lisa finally make their way to Milwaukee, only to find that his parents are visiting his aunt in Chicago. 8/16/19
• 039. The Trainer – 12/19/1996
  • Bill is coaxed by a salesman named Vic (Ben Stiller) to join a gym known for the famous Ted Chambers Workout, with the promise that he will be trained by Ted Chambers (Eric Allan Kramer) himself. However once he begins the training, it is quickly taken over by Vic, so Bill demands his money back. When they refuse, he works out a deal to make money by telling potential clients that they will be trained by radio personality Bill McNeil. Meanwhile Beth goes through Dave’s file and finds out that he was born in Canada, much to the shock and dismay of everyone on the staff. He tries to deny it at first, but then finally admits it to everyone, and expresses his lifetime fear that others might think he was a spy. Bill gives the team a pep talk about accepting different nationalities. They all agree to forgive him, while all admit that they steal office supplies. Dave gives Mr. James lessons on dinnertime etiquette for a Presidential fundraiser he is attending. It does not good, as he spills his meal next to Hillary Clinton during Bill Clinton’s speech. Patton Oswalt is Bill’s workout trainer. The Clintons are inserted into the episode digitally. 8/16/19
• 040. Rap – 1/8/1997
  • Lisa is named Cutest Reporter in New York by New York Magazine, but is hesitant to accept the title and participate in the photo shoot. Jimmy sees it as free promotion for the station and gives her a lecture on advertising. Beth and Catherine are irritated that they didn’t win, so Lisa tries to get out of it by demanding that all three ladies pose for the magazine. They actually agree to it, so all three attend the photo shoot. Lisa gets more and more into being cute, while Beth and Catherine opt for some sexy outfits, so Lisa ultimately leaves them to finish the photo shoot. Meanwhile, Joe fixes Bill’s car stereo by turning up the treble, enabling him to finally hear the lyrics to the rap music he is listening to. Bill becomes enraged when he hears how filthy they can be, so against Dave’s advice, he has Matthew pen an op-ed piece on the dangers of rap music. Dave has Jimmy arrange to bring in rapper Chuck D to debate Bill at the end of the piece. Bill quickly folds in the face of meeting of a celebrity. Vincent Riotta is the photographer. Susan Leslie is his assistant. 3/14/20
• 041. Led Zeppelin Boxed Set – 1/15/1997
  • Matthew is planning a book club meeting and invites all of his co-workers, but Bill makes fun and belittles him during the staff meeting, causing Matthew to burst into tears and locks himself in Dave’s office. Lisa talks to Bill about what he had done, but Bill seems unremorseful and stresses that he grew up in a house full of insults, so sees no maliciousness in it. Dave tries to talk Matthew down, but Matthew can only sing Bill’s praises and tell him that he loves and respects Bill like a brother. Dave rouses him to stand up for himself, while Lisa talks Bill into apologizing. Before Bill can say he is sorry, Matthew punches him in the face. Bill admits that he deserved it, but Matthew thinks this now makes him king of the office, and he thus begins barking orders, belittling everyone, and acting dominant to the women. No one can get him to stop, so during the team meeting Bill stands up and defends Matthew and ‘accidentally’ hits Matthew in the nose as he speaks… bringing Matthew back to earth and admitting he went to a dark place. Meanwhile, Jimmy has been bested in a subway station game of three card monte. Catherine teaches him how to beat the system, emphasizing that it is a scam. Jimmy faces the dealer (Lawrence B. Adisa) and his henchman (David Basulto) again, and this time they flee from Jimmy after taking his money and telling them there is a cop watching. Finally Jimmy returns and congratulates them on besting him yet again… this time stealing their wallets as he praises them. 3/14/20
• 042. Complaint Box – 1/29/1997
  • Mr. James is going on vacation on a fishing trip, and he has Joe set him up with a high-powered transmitter called the Garrelli 1000 so he can keep in constant communication with the team. Meanwhile Dave goes of the employee conduct manual and advises anyone with questions or issues to write them down and put them in the complaint box. When Matthew notifies him that they don’t have one, Dave asks Joe to put one up. Joe also works to perfect the Garrelli 5000 Voice Recording System, but hears a persistent click that he cannot locate. He nearly tears apart the break room to find it, only to discover that it is coming from the tape reel brushing up against the Garrelli 5000 sticker. Mr. James is bored enough on his trip that keeps asking Dave and Beth to carry ‘him’ around the office. When Beth sets him down to go to the restroom, the package delivery guy Brian (Billy Stevenson) accidentally takes him with some boxes. He winds up taking Mr. James to the movies to see Michael, before returning him to the station. Everyone begins to misuse the complaint box, as Matthew complains about Bill, then complains about himself. Someone complains that Lisa gets preferential treatment. Then they really start to roll in with insults and jokes. Dave takes the team to task asks them not to abuse the box and in the course of the lecture, he uses the term ‘bitching’. He gets a complaint lodged against him from Lisa, so Dave tells Mr. James-in-the-box about it. To cover himself, Lisa, Dave, and James-in-a-box all hold a meeting with the company lawyer (David St. James), Dave’s lawyer (Jon Simmons), and Lisa’s lawyer all present. Lisa admits she was just joking, so they all drop it. However there is a new policy that they have to fill out a formal form before putting a complaint into the box. Beth later rocks Jimmy to sleep and leave him on her desk. The next day Dave tries to talk to Mr. James about another complaint lodged against him, but Jimmy winds up preoccupied with being chased by an alligator at the lake. 6/25/20
• 043. Rose Bowl – 2/5/1997
  • Mr. James has bought a box of movie memorabilia which includes some mismatched tablets from The Ten Commandments, a sword from The Sound of Music, a sled that says ‘Rose Bowl’ from Citizen Kane, a Clark bar from Looking for Mr. ‘Clark’ Bar, and stuffed beaver from Basic Instinct. One Jimmy is told that it is all fake, he decides to sue the guy who sold him the stuff, Kyle Martin (Glenn Walker Harris, Jr.) from Enterprises Inc., and he chooses Joe to be his lawyer, who thinks he has a surefire way of winning with one word: Tubal-Cain. Meanwhile it is time for work evaluations, and Dave follows Lisa’s advice to have the employees evaluate each other. Beth does Lisa’s evaluation, and after complaining because she once stood her up at the movies, she mocks Lisa’s clothes and tells her that she obsesses about getting credit for what she does. Bill reviews Catherine and describes her work as ‘exemplary’ but accuses her of stealing from petty cash and drawing naked pictures of Dave, all things of which he himself does. Matthew reviews Beth in the lunchroom, and everything revolves around how much better she should be treating Bill. Dave does Bill’s review and although he says Bill is doing a great job, Bill is furious that he didn’t get a peer rating. Lisa continues to be upset that Dave didn’t give her credit for her review idea, and she winds up doing his review in which she indicates he’s a great boss, but often takes credit for her ideas, both at work and in real life. When he holds a team meeting, everyone expresses how much they hated the new process… so Dave finally gives her credit. In court, Kyle Martin ends up being a teenager, and Joe proves that skull of actor George ‘Goober’ Lindsey that he sold him is a fake by bringing in the real George Lindsey (himself). The judge (David Clennon) concedes that Joe has proven that Mr. James has a box of junk but chastises them for wasting the court’s time. However when Joe has Jimmy say the word Tubal-Cain, the judge reverses his positions and finds in favor of Jimmy, who then sells George Lindsey some of the fake memorabilia including the skull. Back at the office, no one is talking so Lisa initiates a group hug, which everyone embraces and Lisa uses to cop a feel. 6/25/20
• 044. Kids – 2/12/1997
  • Beth tries to spell check a handwritten essay about golf on a computer, Dave trips on a golf ball much to Matthew’s amusement, Dave keeps finding nudie magazines in the breakroom, and Jimmy announces that he has become a mentor to a group of students that he looks to be the ‘broadcasters of the future.’ Each employee is assigned a child, who turn out to be grade school age: Jimmy gets Rodney (Kyle Sullivan), Dave gets a boy (Curtis Blanck), Beth gets a girl (Sydney Berry), Bill gets Kevin (Colton James), Lisa gets Kim (Meighan Harris), Matthew gets Adam (Cory Buck), Joe gets Greg (Gregory Wheeler), and Catherine gets Martha (Katherine Zane). While Jimmy takes the teacher (Stephanie Erb) out to dinner, Dave has a meeting with the guys to determine who is leaving the magazines around. The girls and their counterparts get irritated that they are left out of the meeting, and hold their own meeting in Dave’s office where they discover all of the magazines he has accumulated. Everyone assumes they belong to Dave, which Lisa finds embarrassing. Dave denies it, and then holds another meeting with the guys to try and get them to admit who left them in order to prove his innocence. Eventually Beth admits that the magazines are hers, and that she is using them to compose the dirty essay about golf to publish in one of them. The teacher gets irritated with Jimmy when he acts a like a child and undermines her authority at lunch with Rodney. By the time he gets back to the office, he is well-mannered but can’t help making faces behind her. 10/10/20 
• 045. Airport – 2/19/1997
  • Dave and Bill are snowed in and stranded at an airport in St. Louis on the way home from a radio conference, and Bill is incredibly irritated with the Midwestern friendliness. He is particularly annoyed by a man (Jim Fyfe) who loans him his cell phone. Meanwhile back home, Beth and Matthew go to Bill’s house to water his plants, and find it to be a fancy sexual pleasure palace, which causes Matthew to become attracted to Beth. When Jimmy gets winds that Joe and Catherine are going to a movie, he tells Lisa, who has been handling Dave’s duties, that he wants her to put a stop to them potentially dating. Lisa thinks it would be hypocrital since she is dating Dave, but also doesn’t want to appear incapable of handling issues at the office. Phil manages to run afoul of the airline agent named Lee (Michael McDonald), and then when he gets special attention from an agent (Daniel Hagen), he starts abusing him even more in order to get freebies. Dave talks Bill into faking friendliness, but once he starts, he finds that he enjoys being friendly after all. Everyone to whom Bill had been mean meet in the bar, and give him a ‘Show Me State Hello’ by punching him in the stomach. Then they all get drunk together… including the pilot (Stoney Westmorland) of the plane they are about to take. Beth explains to Matthew that everything in the apartment is to make people think they are attracted to each other. Then when Bill calls and leaves a message there for the owner to water his plants, they realize they have been in the wrong apartment the entire time… belonging to Bill’s neighbor, a male prostitute. Lisa finally gets frustrated with trying to enforce something she doesn’t believe in, so she demands that Joe and Catherine go on a date. Jimmy then reveals that he was just trying to show her that sometimes Dave has very difficult issues to deal with. Lisa responds by throwing Jimmy out of the office. 10/10/20 
• 046. Twins – 3/12/1997
  • Mr. James declares that the radio station is over budget and brings in efficiency expert Robert (Steven R. Burnett), before gutting the station of all of its furniture. Dave promises to look for a solution and starts going over the books. Meanwhile, Matthew announces that his identical twin brother Andrew (Jon Stewart) is coming for a visit, but everyone can see that they look nothing alike. Their attempts to play pranks and pretend to be one another fall flat. Andrew finally admits to everyone that Matthew was adopted and his parents made him promise to never tell Matthew the truth. Bill quickly makes enemies all over the station when Dave uncovers that the station is over budget due to a confidential raise that Bill has received, and then tells everyone at the station. Moreover Bill spills the beans that Matthew and Andrew look nothing alike, and surmises that Matthew must have been adopted. The station gives Bill the cold shoulder, and although Bill vows he’ll do anything to make it up to them, he refuses to give back the money. Eventually he acquiesces and returns $200, but that barely makes a dent. Robert advises that he’s come up with a way to apply Bill’s raise to another department, if Bill can sign a contract for a fictitious job title. Bill gladly signs… and as a result winds up cleaning Mr. James’ pool and serving snacks at his party. Matthew confesses to Bill that it was Andrew who was actually adopted and he’s been carrying on the ruse as to not hurt his feelings. Photos of Matthew’s parents seem to verify this. 1/28/21
• 047. Office Feud – 3/10/1997
  • A non-profit environmental organization has moved in the floor above the station, and the constant banging around and the plaster dust falling into Dave’s office is driving everyone crazy. Joe has had enough and calls them to tell them to shut the hell off. Then, through Matthew’s bungling, Joe is shot with a seemingly booby-trapped fire extinguisher and coated with crystallized honey, and blames it on the group upstairs. Dave goes up to confront them and meets Carl Jackson (Jack Patterson), who is in a noisy electric wheelchair. He is embarrassed and apologetic and leaves, just as Carl then starts to shoot baskets in his office. He tells Joe and Matthew not to retaliate against the neighbors, and when Matthew admits that he caused the havoc to Joe, they rush upstairs to warn Carl about the booby-trapped elevator. Carl tells them he’s already fixed it, and leaves on the elevator… which then shoots ink all over Matthew and Joe. Meanwhile Catherine gets irritated when Bill promotes Rocket Fuel malt liquor using street dialect. She gets back at him and forces him to drink some of it, causing him to get drunk. She then tells him a series of gibberish words to use instead of his street lingo. Rocket Fuel representative Glenn Conrad (Taylor Nichols) then fires Bill for damaging the product’s street cred. Lisa covers the Easter Egg Roll at the White House, where Mr. James lives vicariously through her since he has been barred from the White House for insulting Rosalynn Carter and stealing a couch from the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims to have been Deep Throat. Lisa struggles with each kid, who does their utmost to ruin the interviews. Cory Buck is Timmy. Christopher Riccio is the Congressman’s son. Sara Paxton is Sara. Dion C. Overstreet is the boy who steals Lisa’s phone. 2/1/21
• 048. Our Fiftieth Episode – 4/2/1997
  • Bill is given a ticket for parking in front of a hydrant, and when he screams at the meter maid, he arrested and cuffed by police officer. When he tries to escape and is arrested, he is also put into a mental ward for observation. There he meets an inmate (Jon Lovitz) posing as a doctor, who goes alternately by Fred and Ulysses S. Grant. Everyone in the asylum including Fred, an orderly (Richard Harris), and Dr. Mandel (Doug Ballard) refer to Bill as Mike. Dave and Katherine speak to Dr. Mandel and attempt to get him out, but the doctor insists that he is actually insane. Mr. James puts Lisa in his radio spot, but insists that she partner with Joe, based on reports being gathered by Beth on the road. She is supposed to be surveying the public, but is spending company funds at beauty parlors, massage therapists, and casinos. Joe’s on-air character is crazy and he repeatedly lies on air for ratings. When he asks Lisa to marry him on the air, Lisa refuses to the show any longer, Mr. James takes her spot. Fred and Bill stage an overnight escape, but wind up in a four-walled area outside the window. Dave and Katherine finally are able to get Bill out, but Bill decides he doesn’t want to go, and wants to count it as a vacation, where all decisions are made for him. However, when he hears the travesty going on at his show, he decides to finally leave, saying goodbye to his new friend Fred. Susan Leslie is the hairstylist taking care of Beth. 5/23/21
• 049. Sleeping – 5/7/1997
  • With Joe’s help, Matthew hides in the breakroom refrigerator and jumps out and scares Katherine. He does the same thing to Mr. James, and James finds it hilarious… but then has a heart attack. He is taken to the hospital where Dr. Mandel (Scott N. Stevens) tells them that he’ll recover. They are then referred to see Jimmy’s lawyer (Drake Sather), where they watch a living will video of Jimmy, in which he states if he is ever on life support, he wants to remain at the station where he can be visited by his friends around the clock, and be attended to by Dr. Mandel (Scott N. Stevens) and other doctors. Although Jimmy remains unconscious, Bill tries to entertain Jimmy with heart attack humor, Joe tries to secretly tell him how much he means to him, Lisa tries to talk to him using note cards, but when it comes to talking about how much he has accomplished, she realizes that she now wants a baby. Jimmy wakes up just before that, but then faints dead away when he hears her say that. She brings this up with Dave, but she wants to have the baby first, and then think about getting married. Bill returns and broadcasts from the breakroom and plays some Slow Ride by Foghat. Katherine talks to Jimmy about ways to torture Bill. Dave then asks Mr. James for advice about whether to have a baby with Lisa, and then proceeds to guess what malapropisms Jimmy would choose. Matthew vows to give up practical jokes, and insists that all of his falls have been for humor instead of accidents. Lisa and Dave argue about whether they need to get married before a baby. Jimmy wakes up and tells them to shut up, and then tells everyone that he was dreaming of their arguing and ran toward the light, but then heard Slow Ride playing… and this is why he came back. After Bill plays it again, Bill says he’s heard it now and that his work is done, and pretends to die. Then he asks why he’s in the breakroom and not in the hospital. The show’s assistant Michael Risner portrays the doctor who has coffee spilled on him. 5/23/21
• 050. The Real Deal – 5/7/1997
  • Lisa has been given to produce a new hard-hitting show called The Real Deal with Bill McNeil, but Bill has made it about sound effects and creating controversy. When he has on Kevin Sparks (Gregg Daniel) from the Manhattan Transit Commission, Bill insults public transportation, and then refuses to come out and check the improvements, prompting Sparks to simply walk out. Dave complains to Mr. James how low the ratings are, so he attempts to have the program cancelled. However, Lisa and Bill promise a big surprise guest on the next show. They go out to a restaurant and discuss it, and with no ideas in hand, they spot Jerry Seinfeld (himself) in the restaurant, and start bothering him to do the show. Jerry is irritated and annoyed by them, especially when Bill keeps putting his hands into Jerry’s food and beverages, and drinking his coffee. Most of the entire interview is confrontational, and Jerry gets quite upset when Bill insults the waiter (Mark Fite). Meanwhile, Matthew confides in Dave to tell him that he is a 28-year old virgin and he’s trying to decide whether to have sex with his girlfriend, who everybody thinks is imaginary anyway. Before long, Matthew has included everyone in the conversation, and they all have ideas how to proceed. Eventually Irene (Bobbi Brown) comes to see Matthew, and everyone in the station is dumbfounded how gorgeous she is. Matthew announces to the office that he’s not going to have sex just yet, and then takes her to breakroom to deliver the news. While everybody waits outside the breakroom, Matthew comes out and tells everyone that he told her that she was really special, but he wasn’t ready… then they get romantic and have sex anyway. Bill re-edits his recorded interview with Seinfeld, and when he airs it, he makes Seinfeld sound like he’s angry and mentally unstable. Bill and Lisa decide what to do for their next show, then remember the waiter saying that Howie Mandel has a reservation, so they head back. 9/18/21
• 051. Mistake – 5/14/1997
  • Dave has done an interview for Radio Ink magazine, and since he had been given some drinks by the reporter, he spouted off at the mouth, complaining about basically everyone at WNYX, including the advertisers, management, and workers. He initially tries to keep everyone from reading it, but soon the issue has circulated to everyone. Meanwhile, Beth has brought in a temp named Brent (French Stewart) to organize show tapes from the past year, and is every bit as weird as Matthew. Dave begins writing apology notes to everyone at the station, and then personally handing them out. Most everyone accepts the apology gracefully. Bill offers his sperm to Lisa after he reads in the article that she wants to be a mother without getting married. Lisa hits the ceiling when she hears this, and Dave already has an apology note ready for her. He also tells her that he will be just as embarrassed as everyone else, since he also admitted in the article that he has been obsessed with becoming a professional tap dancer in college. Joe reads his apology letter and accepts gracefully, but since he already has a functioning device made to detonate two bombs at Dave’s desk, plus one at Matthew’s desk, he leaves the device in his office for Mr. James to detonate the bombs. Matthew confronts Brent and tells him there is only room for one weirdo at the station. The two then final commonalities between them and Brent compliments Matthew and tells him he’s the weirdest office worker he’s ever met. After Dave delivers his apology to Mr. James, he also tenders his resignation. Mr. James tells him that he can’t leave the station, and forces him to do one of his tap dances on top of the restaurant table, inviting everyone at the office to watch. Robert M. Koch is the waiter. 9/18/21
• 052. Space – 5/21/1997
  • Phil Hartman introduces the episode as one that will explore the age-old question ‘what if Newsradio took place in outer space?’ Many things are different in the WNYX offices of the future, with the building being a space station and nearly everything mechanized. Dave’s door only seems to listen to Lisa. Joe has been in suspended animation for the last 83 years and is finally awoken so that he can service the space station’s core reactor. Dave tells him that he had better call in a specialist, but Joe is certain he can fix it with a hammer an a pair of pliers. Matthew is dating a robot named Irene (Bobbie Brown). Jimmy is the only one who isn’t wearing a space suit, but rather a 20th century suit and tie. He and Dave go over the budget using virtual reality glasses, and determines he needs to slash it by quite a bit. He decides to make either Bill or Catherine go into suspended animation for fifty or sixty years. He makes them aware by having them watch a pre-recorded hologram, but neither can agree which one it should be. Bill gets stressed and goes for a spacewalk, but gets locked outside. Dave and Lisa decide after 30 years of dating to finally move in together, but can’t decide in which apartment to live. Beth and Joe take a trip to Venus to check out their newsstand, and Joe looks for back issues of Popular Mechanics. Everyone reconvenes for the office meeting, and Joe announces that he couldn’t fix the reactor, and the space station will be blowing up in three minutes. To survive they must all go into suspended animation. Joe asks to see Beth and Catherine naked before getting into their pods, but only Beth complies. Matthew decides to let Irene take his pod even though she doesn’t need it. Bill thinks it is all a ruse to get him into the pod for Jimmy. Matthew and Bill remain in the office rather than the pod, but Matthew trip over the pods’ plug and kills everyone inside. He and Bill decide they need to come up with a way to repopulate the planet using Petrie dishes. 3/18/22
• 053. The Injury – 6/4/1997
  • Matthew and Joe play a game of ‘who can get the coffee cup off the top of the light fixture’ and Matthew ends up cutting his hand and winds up in the hospital. Since Matthew has never signed up for his health insurance, Dave agrees to falsify the accident report stating that Matthew was helping Joe change a lightbulb. Mr. James doesn’t like the idea and brings along his lawyer Roger Edwards (Norm MacDonald) to back him up. Matthew refuses to lie to Mr. James, but Dave assures him that he will accept responsibility if OSHA should question them… which they immediately do. Roger brings up areas where Matthew lied on his job application, forcing Matthew to lie to OSHA agent John Anghy (Wayne Wilderson). Matthew feels terrible, and Mr. James adds Matthew to his policy…and then is able to jump up and grab the cup off the light fixture himself before the light comes crashing down. Meanwhile Bill’s broadcast of The McNeil Perspective is all about how he objects to other stations using the word ‘penis’ on the air, although he uses several times in his report. He delivers the shows before Dave can sign off on them and ends up getting fined. Bob Odenkirk is Dr. Smith. NOTE: This episode was filmed and was intended to air during the fifth season, but was delayed to the many uses of the word ‘penis’. 11/19/16

SEASON 4

• 054. Jumper – 9/23/1997
  • One morning a man named Mike Johnson (Jon Lovitz) outside Dave’s window greets him and tells him that he plans to jump. Dave tries frantically to call 911, but Joe is putting a new line in so Dave can have a shortcut for future 911 calls. Dave finally gets through and reports it to the police, but Bill then calls and tells them that Dave was his young son playing on the phone and to cancel the call. Bill would rather be the hero live on air and rescue the man from jumping, against Dave’s wishes. Joe ties a questionable harness on him and Bill goes outside to talk to Mike, who tells him that he is going to jump if he isn’t permitted to read his statement on the air. Jimmy also thinks this will provide good ratings so he allows it, but they have Bill attach the harness to Mike as well. When Mike goes to read the statement, Bill accidentally knocks the speech from his hand, and in trying to retrieve it, he and Bill both fall off the 13th floor ledge and are left hanging by the harness. Joe scales the wall using a harness of his own, and tells the guys to empty their pockets and drop anything heavy, while Matthew attempt in vain to catch everything at street level. Mike threatens to cut the rope with scissors if he isn’t able to read his statement. He finally reads it and takes issue with the fact that he was fired by the company owner Jimmy James. Jimmy immediately cuts off his broadcast, and Lisa suggests that Jimmy can be the hero if he offers him his job back on live television. Mike doesn’t believe Joe since Joe was never a boy scout, so they have to lower Dave to tell him the news, and since Dave was a scout, Mike trusts him. Jimmy offers him his job back on live TV and then once the cameras are no longer rolling, he has his men ship him off to Siberia. Dave and Bill try to recover from their experience by laying on the floor of Dave’s office and then crawling down to ground level to lay on the asphalt. Ivan Allen is the newsman. Co-executive producer Joe Furey is the guy who steals the wallet. 3/17/22
• 055. Planbee – 9/30/1997
  • Mr. James calls the team together to let them know that they are losing more money than they are bringing in, so he has hired efficiency Andrea (Lauren Graham) expert to scrutinize the operations of the station. She acts bubbly and perky, but privately discusses with Dave which team member should be fired. The team privately discusses the fact that they know that Matthew would be the likely person to get fired, so they try to keep him from doing anything stupid in front of her. Meanwhile, the writing is on the wall for Bill, who goes and meets with a producer (Scott Valentine) to audition for a TV broadcasting job at WNJE Channel 3. Before putting him on the air, his makeup artist (Charlotte Booker) advises him to stay at WNYX where all of his friends are. Once he is put on camera, he photographs terribly, likely as a result of tampering by the makeup lady. Andrea tries observing Matthew in action, but he admits he has little to do. He also winds up covering himself in wet paint, and when he gets it on Andrea’s paperwork, he removes his shirt to try and clean it up. He also tries to play Solitaire on Lisa’s computer and winds up blowing it up. When it comes time to choose who to fire, Dave grabs one of the station accountants Carl (Michael Kostroff) and brings him into the group. He then tries to build up everyone else, including Matthew, while badmouthing Carl. When Dave tells her that Matthew does basically the same thing as Lisa, Andrea decides to fire Lisa… causing Dave to panic and tell her immediately to fire Matthew. Bill volunteers to be the one to tell Matthew the news, which Matthew has a trouble comprehending. Matthew says his goodbyes to everyone and leaves the building. Dave does Bill the favor of putting a ‘SPAZ’ sign on his back on his way out. Reno is the second WNJE producer. John Vosler is the painter. 7/19/22
• 056. The Public Domain – 10/29/1997
  • The efficiency expert Andrea brings in a guy named Steve Johnson (Paul Gleason) to work with Dave, which is roughly translated as Dave will be working for Steve, who seems to have more of a command on discipline than Dave does. Dave asks Andrea to give him the day to show her how he can run things around the station. Matthew keeps showing up to check on the status of his job, while Dave insists he leave so that he can try to get his job back without Andrea seeing him hanging around. Dave has to get Joe to physically throw Matthew out of the building… several times.  Bill is still functioning under the notion that he will ultimately lose his job, so he starts working on a cabaret act by singing about current events. He brings a piano into the hallway and keeps practicing, despite Dave doing everything he can to make him stop. Bill moves the piano into the bathroom and then the elevator, which he starts treating like a nightclub for his adoring fans. Mr. James is having a documentary shot about his life, but everything the cameraman (Peter Spellos) tells him ‘action’, Jimmy speaks in a stilted robotic fashion. Lisa has the idea for the cameraman to only run the camera after he yells ‘cut’ so that Jimmy isn’t nervous while being filmed. However, he goes to far in talking about how to bypass the wishes of the Citizens for Broadcasting Decency by bribing them, all of which winds up on camera. Joe orchestrates the cameraman’s camera blowing up and the video of Mr. James making his bribery statements to explode as well.  Dave pleads with Bill to stop playing the piano, telling him that it makes it look like he has no control over the station, and how Steve is just waiting to undermine him and take over his duties. Bill tells Dave that he has a plan to handle Steve, and asks to speak with him. When Dave introduces them, Bill punches him in the face. Bill also passes the blame for the piano onto Andrea. The group then tries to convince Andrea that if she misjudged how good Steve was, she could just as easily have misjudged how bad Matthew was. She agrees to think over Matthew’s firing, which causes Matthew to jump out in celebration and fall over the piano. Cheryl Kirby is Bill’s elevator fan. 7/19/22
• 057. Super Karate Monkey Death Car – 11/4/1997
  • Everyone misses Matthew at the team meeting, so Bill sits in his space and pretends to be him. He then keeps unintentionally falling out of his char Andrea announces that the team members will be given a test that day. Meanwhile, Jimmy’s old memoir book Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer hits the top of the Japanese book charts when Jimmy has it translated into Japanese. With its newfound success, he has it translated back from Japanese to English and now plans to do a live reading. Joe manages to steal a copy of Andrea’s test and brings it to Dave, and they realize that it is a polygraph test. Dave calls a meeting with the staff at Chez Jean-Jacques, where they are surprised to find that Matthew is the waiter. They go over the polygraph test and learn that a couple of them have arrest records, but most astoundingly, Lisa has a felony, a federal offense, and three or more misdemeanors. Most of the offenses had to do with trying to score good grades, including stealing a car to be on time for the SATs, breaking into a post office to see if her college acceptance letters had arrived, and breaking into a library to get a copy of The Federalist Papers.  Now that everyone knows this, they realized they’d all have to be able to lie since one of the questions asks if any of the others are hiding a criminal record. When no one but Bill gets their food, Matthew finally admits that he doesn’t work in the restaurant, but rather followed them in. The maitre d’ (Zuhair Haddad) fires him since he doesn’t work there, but Matthew still turns in his application. Dave takes his polygraph test and fails the question when he says he’s not aware of anyone having a criminal record. Beth is able to hide her metabolic processes by chewing a Chinese herbal gum. Over at the bookstore, Jimmy reads from his book Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler. As it has been translated from Japanese, most everything in it sounds like complete gibberish. Most of the listeners leave before its done, but on oddball fan (Brian Posehn) sticks around to ask him what he meant by most of the incomprehensible verbiage. Andrea decides to go easy on Lisa, but Lisa blurts out that she stole a car. Andrea decides to forget about it, and then admits that just a year ago she burnt down her ex-boyfriend’s house and was arrested for arson. After the reading, Dave and Mr. James fly on a private jet to Japan for dinner. Jimmy is pursued by his many fans. Dave Allen is the lackey who introduces Jimmy at the bookstore. Mark Conley is Jimmy’s pilot. Michael Raysses is the polygraph technician. Ron Jeremy appears unbilled in Jimmy’s audience. 11/13/22
• 058. French Diplomacy – 11/11/1997
  • With Andrea continuing to force workers out, Dave suggests to Lisa that they take a break from their relationship, causing Lisa to start telling everyone that Dave dumped her. When Andrea gets wind of this, she is upset that Lisa, whom she considers a valued friend, didn’t talk to her about it. She becomes obsessed with getting details about their romantic relationship. When she tries to interview Beth about it, Beth refuses to speak because she thinks she is watched by someone with binoculars in the next building. Phil writes a piece for The Real Deal with Bill McNeal about foreign diplomats who don’t pay their parking tickets. He suggests on air that any diplomat who doesn’t pay their tickets should be dragged from their car and beaten. When this actually happens to a French diplomat, Lisa is initially blamed by Andrea. Bill then plays his segment The Real Deal Apologizes and says that the real criminal is “Joe Vigilante”, which leads to a guy actually named Joe Vigilante being beaten. Beth convinces Joe that someone is watching them, so they go outside and figure out in which building window the mysterious spy is located. It turns out to be Matthew, who is spying on them from a dentist office. The bigger surprise is that Matthew was hired as a dentist, and vocation he has always had a degree for, but preferred a life in radio. He winds up treating Beth, and continuously talking while she has a mouthful of Matthew’s hand. Bill makes a final announcement using Lisa’s words: to stop listening to the radio and listen to your own heart. This of course leads to a mental patient taking him literally and cutting out his own heart and holding it to his ear. Andrea ultimately forgives Lisa for not telling her details about her relationship with Dave. Privately she tells Dave that Lisa is better suited for another job. Dave tries to come to her rerscue and convince Andrea not to let her go, but it turns out that she gives Lisa Dave’s job, while relegating Dave to working for Bill. Nancy Bell is Brandi. Edith Barnes is Mrs. Barnes. 11/14/22
• 059. Pure Evil – 11/18/1997
  • Dave is not happy at all about his new job as Bill’s producer now that Lisa has become the news director. He confides to Catherine that because of this work situation, he has become pure evil. Meanwhile Matthew has moved into Lisa’s office and begun living there even though he no longer works there. Bill starts making broadcasts called Bill McNeil’s Hypothetical Interviews in which he does impressions of President Bill Clinton. Dave allows him to do this, so that he will be recognized as a terrible news producer and be reinstated in his old job. Jimmy thinks Bill’s show is a great idea, but acts as if he thinks it is a terrible idea so he can absolve himself of any wrongdoing. Lisa is nervous about conducting a staff meeting and chokes on her gum during the first one. At the next meeting, she bakes gourmet cakes and desserts in order to win everyone over. The next day, they try to have another staff meeting, but when Beth pushes her out of her office, she accidentally rips Lisa’s shirt off. The next morning, Lisa sleeps in the office, while Matthew takes a date to her apartment for the night without her knowing. Bill’s new show on the air makes him incredibly popular in New York and he becomes more famous than ever. On Friday, Dave laments the monster he created when Bill addresses the United States Senate to demand that he won’t be censored. Lisa finally hosts her meeting and congratulates Phil and Dave for bringing them their highest ratings since 1987. Lisa apologizes for not doing a good job in the position, but Dave defends her and tells her that she does a very good job while he was very, very bad. Although Dave was being sincere, everyone thinks he was being completely evil. Lisa goes out drinking with Beth and Catherine and they tell her she is doing a good job. Likewise, Dave goes drinking with the guys, and Jimmy tells him that he is happy with the higher ratings. Joe brings Bill a sexy girl named Cindy (Grace Morley), who wants Bill to sign her breast. A drunk Dave and drunken Lisa run into each other as they head home. Dave tells her that she’s really doing a good job. They kiss on the cheek and then head home separately, as Matthew watches from Lisa’s office with binoculars. George Dobosh is the Senator. 4/18/23
• 060. Catherine Moves On – 11/25/1997
  • Dave is annoyed at the crunching sounds that Bill makes with his cereal. Matthew has shown up at the office to made Bill’s coffee, despite not working there. Catherine asks whether she can hold a quick staff meeting. Once they gather, Catherine tells them that this will be her last day at WNYX and she wanted to say goodbye. After he announcement, she clears out her desk and leaves. By the time they call Jimmy and he arrives at the station, she is already gone. He wants to know what happens, but all Dave can recall was the amount of noise Bill was making with his food. Joe tells Lisa and Beth that he might be the reason since she threatened to file sexual harassment charges against him. However, he began recording their interactions, and when he plays them back, they notice a pattern: Joe makes a lewd remark, Catherine slaps him, and then she offers a counter remark that sound like she is flirting with him. They tells Joe that it is obvious she had a crush on him after all. Bill tells his version of the story to Jimmy, which involved her throwing herself at Bill after making the announcement. Matthew then tells Jimmy that a person dressed as a burglar knocked the coffee pot out of his hands. He then flashes back to when he and Bill went fishing ala Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, and they catch Dave on their fishing line. Then Matthew breaks a coffee pot on the raft. Jimmy insists that it is actually a dream he is recalling. Lisa tells Bill her version of the story, where she is incredibly busy and people come in one by one to stack papers on her desk. When Catherine asks her to have a meeting, she tells her that she’s too busy, prompting Catherine to quit. Beth reveals to Jimmy that Catherine really didn’t clean out her desk, but rather everyone took things from her desk after she left. When Catherine comes back to actually clean out her desk, she finds that everyone took her things. Jimmy asks to speak to her and she tells him what really happened: she received a job offer in London to be a correspondent for a new satellite news service. She had told this to Dave, but he is too busy focusing on Bill’s loud eating noises. Joe asks her if she liked him all of this time, and she tells him she’s been putting out every signal possible for years. She invites him to meet her at her apartment before she gets on the plane to London. Later, while having dinner with the WNYX staff, Catherine admits that the high point of her job at the station is going on at her apartment, where Joe has stripped naked when Bill walks in with flowers and champagne. 4/19/23
• 061. Stupid Holiday Charity Talent Show – 12/16/1997
  • In honor of Matthew’s wishes, Beth holds the annual lighting of the WNYX Christmas tree, but when they realize that Matthew isn’t watching with his telescope, they leave it for later. In the spirit of the holidays, Mr. James agree that they can hire Matthew back if they all agree to clean up after him, and that they all participate and win the New York Corporate Charity Talent Show in order to help Mr. James win a bet. Bill overhears Lisa trying to convince Dave to use his hidden talent in the show. Joe wants to enter the contest and show off how he can hit things hard, even if he can’t break them. Bill wants to enter the contest with him playing piano and Beth singing Makin’ Whoopee. Although Beth sound nice, Bill insists she isn’t singing pretty enough. Lisa claims she can answer complex math problems without a calculator. Dave finally agrees to resurrect his old act as Throwgali, master of the throwing knife. Although everyone is impressed by his skill, Dave fears that everyone is laughing at him. Lisa agrees to be his assistant in the act. When they all show up for the talent contest, Dave run into his old knife-throwing nemesis Throwdini (Kevin McDonald) and his partner Throwdetta (Lauren Moore). Dave loses his confidence and thinks he cannot beat Throwdini. However, when he tries a practice throw with Lisa, he throws it through the window. Bill and Beth wind up going on in his place, but Bill keeps interjecting his singing against Beth’s since he thinks she is singing poorly. When he keeps doing it, Beth walks off the stage. Matthew then steps in with his ventriloquist dummy Billy (voice of Tom Cherones). His performance and nearly unintelligible, but when he tells his sob story to the audience, he somehow reaches top tier on the applause-o-meter. Matthew feels bad about winning on a pity vote, and Mr. James is upset because he barely made any money on his bet because he didn’t know what a ‘ten-spot’ was when he made it. Matthew tries to put on another show with Billy for his friends, but Dave throws a knife at him and sticks him to the wall. Dave then shows that he was also the Great Ventriloquidini when he makes Billy say “that hurt.” Tom Parks is the emcee.  9/3/23
• 062. The Secret of Management – 1/1/1998
  • Matthew feels like no one is paying attention to him now that he’s back in the office, which he shows by standing outside the window behind Katie Couric (herself) and Matt Lauer (herself) as they host Today. Meanwhile, Lisa wants to go over the promotional budget with Mr. James, but he keeps blowing her off so that he can chat with Dave. When she finally confronts him about seeming to be more comfortable with Dave than her. Mr. James defends himself by telling Lisa that Dave had been the boss for a whole three weeks before he told him the secret of management. Naturally, Lisa then becomes fixated on having him tell her this secret. Bill brings in a gentleman’s gentleman named Cadbury (Ian Abercrombie), which mystifies Dave as to why. Dave becomes even more frustrated when Dave has to go through Cadbury every time that he wants to talk to him about the show. Joe and Beth take Matthew out to eat lunch to show him that they care, but Matthew is disappointed that Bill doesn’t show up, so he winds up going to the men’s room and leaving the restaurant. Lisa tries to find out the secret of management from Dave, but he tells her that she should be glad she doesn’t know. When Lisa pushes Jimmy again, Jimmy starts to act nervous and admits that perhaps Lisa is ready to find out. Jimmy insists that Lisa come to his house for dinner, where she will at last be told. Jimmy has Lisa drive his motorcycle with him in the sidecar to his place, where they sit at either end of a long dinner table. Finally, they squeeze together and apologizes for making Lisa think he likes Dave better. He tells her that the secret is a bond between him and Dave and that it will change her life. As he begins the ceremony, he accidentally dumps her chair backward, so she falls through a trap door. Matthew gets Dave and Bill to take him Petey the Pirate’s Fun Time Pizza Palace, where the unenthusiastic waitress (Mary Lynn Rajskub) struggles to remember her lines. After much beating around the bush, Jimmy finally reveals the secret of management to be: “measure twice, cut once.” When Lisa is puzzled, he adds “No shoes, no shirt, no service,” and “Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” He prattles on all night until 6:30am with 435 cliches, all of which he claims he wrote himself. He also claims they all have a unifying them, but Lisa still doesn’t get it. Matthew and Cadbury lose the car keys in the ball pit at the Pizza Palace and no one can find them. The next day, Bill reports that Cadbury has stolen most of his household belongings and run off. Lisa tells Dave that they went over about 500 cliches, which Dave tells her put her about one-sixth of the way through. Jimmy shows up and brings Lisa into her office to continue. 9/5/23
• 063. Look Who’s Talking – 1/6/1998
  • During a team meeting, Bill announces that he is having a baby. He clarifies that he plans to adopt a baby alone, although Dave says he can’t possibly be doing that and suggests that he get a pet instead. Bill tells him that all of his pets ran away, and he has the need to give love rather than just receive it. Meanwhile, Mr. James is going to a charity luncheon for orphans, and part of the lunch is that there is an eligible bachelor auction that in which he has to participate. He asks Beth to go with him and gives her $15,000 to bid on him so that he doesn’t suffer any embarrassment by not being bid on. While Dave and Lisa try to convince Bill how difficult raising a baby is, Joe helps Beth create her persona of the Duchess of Greater North Chesterborough, who she will be posing as at the luncheon. Dave, Matthew, and Lisa take Bill for a walk in the Central Park so he can see some children in action. He meets a baby named Cynthia and her mother (Lyn A. Henderson), and surprisingly, Bill is able to stop the baby from crying, while Lisa makes it cry. Matthew finds a little boy named Charlie (Logan Craig O’Brien), who immediately clings to Bill and tells him that he loves him. Lisa talks to another little girl named Jennifer, who runs from her to Bill. Her mother (Clarinda Ross) tells Bill that she will only take a nap while Bill is on the radio, then tells Lisa that she is making Jennifer nervous. Over at the luncheon, Beth brings along Joe, whom she tells everyone is her homosexual limo driver. She uses her haughty persona to bond with an elite rich woman (Patricia Place), poking fun at Joe. Dave and Lisa accompany Bill to the adoption agency where he meets another prospective father named Bill (Jim Hanna) and his wife (Kate Gladfelter), who are finally getting their son after a three-year wait. Bill says that his was expedited because he is famous. Beth meets a limo driver (Reed Rudy) and accompanies him to go look at artwork in the building. Consequently, when it comes time to bid on Jimmy, she is gone. The auctioneer (Judy Geeson) doesn’t get any bids on Jimmy, so Joe bids the entire $15,000, embarrassing Jimmy even further. The lady (Denise Dowse) at the adoption agency tells Bill that he is perfectly qualified to get a baby but tells him that the process takes four or five years. After he bribes her, she says she can bring it down to about three 0r four years. He comes out of her office quite sullen, but wants to hold the other couple’s baby Bill Jr. Once he gets it in his arms, he runs off with hit. Dave tells them not to worry because he has the keys to the car. 12/25/23
• 064. Chock – 1/13/1998
  • Dave’s birthday triggers a group of his old friends from Cedar Heights near Milwaukee, with whom he used to be part of an all make a cappella band called Chock Full o’ Notes, to show up at the station based on a promise they made to reunite on Dave’s 32nd birthday if they weren’t married. David Jackson (David Cross) shows up first and breaks the news to Dave that he quit his job as a comic book store manager to show up for the band. Their friend Bob (Bob Odenkirk) also shows up, and he also claims he is there to re-form the band. Dave thinks they are kidding, until the fourth member Brian (Brian Posehn) shows up and announces that he has cancelled his wedding to be there for the group’s reunification. Everyone thinks it is binding as they had all signed the back of a Denny’s menu with the details. Meanwhile, Lisa has trouble getting Matthew to do any of his assigned work, and eventually she screams at him at his desk. He finally does the work or organizing radio show tapes, but then doesn’t take them to Lisa’s office when he is asked. Beth then yells at him as well. Lisa feels bad about how they treated Matthew, while Matthew can’t stop crying. The Chock Full o’ Notes guys acquire striped uniforms, but Dave insists that they never wore those. When Mr. James refers to them as a Barbershop Quartet, they take issue with that as well. Bill tries to convince Dave to tell them that he doesn’t want to join them, but he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. Bill follows them into the breakroom and hurts their feelings, causing Brian and Bob to rush out crying. David confesses to Dave that he agrees that he thinks they are pathetic, and that the music form is ridiculous, but says he’s doing it for the other guys. Brian also admits that he’s rather get on with his life and regrets not getting married. Dave assumes that Bob must feel the same way since he gave up a successful law practice. Dave sits them all down and suggests that they’re all going through with this just to please the other guys, while none of them really want to do this. It turns out that Bob is the only one who wants to proceed with this, and admits he was actually fired from his law firm for singing too much. Mr. James helps Lisa try and discipline Matthew’s behavior, but Matthew insists that she is bringing her home-life problems to work with her. Between Matthew, Jimmy, Lisa, and Beth, they all wind up in a shouting match that nearly gets out of control, but the second the workday ends, Mr. James declares they need to stop arguing and leave their work life at work… and go and get drinks together. Dave confesses to Bill that he feels bad about letting down his friends, but they decide to go out on their own. However, when they try to sing goodbye to Dave, Bob discovers that David is completely off-key and hasn’t practiced at all over the years. 12/25/23
• 065. Who’s the Boss: Part 1 – 1/20/1998
  • When Lisa calls out Bill for trying to improvise his editorials, he refers to her as a ‘little lady’, causing Dave to come to her defense. Bill then makes it sound like Dave said she wasn’t little, and thus, was too fat. Meanwhile, Joe is striking to support the fellow union Industrial Retrofitters #238, and Matthew has to cross his picket line of one but diving over him and into the office. Dave and Lisa decide to concoct an ‘evil plan’ to teach Bill a lesson by putting him in charge of the station so that he can see what they go through. He is onto them from the beginning, but reluctantly accept the position. It seems from the start that Bill becomes remarkably efficient, as Beth is suddenly busy typing, Matthew is sending invoices out to bills to the advertisers, and Lisa is back on the air covering a bomb scare. However, Dave quickly points out that Beth is typing old weather reports from the 1980’s, the bills Matthew is sending out were just sent out, and the bomb scare isn’t real. Mr. James tries to get Joe to end his strike by telling him that the coffee maker is broken. He tries to guide Beth through repairing it by telling her when she’s getting hot or cold… until she eventually shorts it out entirely. Dave tells him that to be a good boss, he needs to assign more than mere busywork. Bill moves a piano into his office to play while he is thinking. When Joe won’t end the strike, Mr. James then starts destroying everything in the kitchen so that Joe will be tempted to fix them. Eventually Mr. James agrees with the demands of the strikers for a larger share of the profit sharing as long as Joe will fix his glasses. Bill tells everyone that Dave is lying about the phony assignments. Dave wants to end the farce with Bill and get him back into the booth. Lisa admits that she doesn’t want to be the boss after all and simply wants to go back on the air. She offers the job to Dave, but he doesn’t want it either. Lisa agrees to sleep with him, even if they aren’t actually dating, if he takes the job. When he still declines, they agree to flip a coin. The coin lands on its edge and neither one of them can even manage to blow it over. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 5/1/24
• 066. Who’s the Boss: Part 2 – 2/3/1998
  • When Lisa and Dave can’t agree on who will be the boss and the coin that they flip lands on its edge, Mr. James also tries to flip a coin for them, but this time it never comes down. Mr. James calls a meeting of the staff and pretends that they both are vying for the job, and he tells them that they will ultimately decide via vote. Jimmy orders them both not to let on that they don’t want the job. This reminds Matthew that the election for the floor fire marshal, and he wants to run a campaign for it… even if there is no one else actually running. Meanwhile, Joe’s brother Russ (Bryan Callen) comes into town for their parents’ 35th wedding anniversary. Joe and Russ can’t agree on much of anything, and they often violently display their hostility for each by way of physical fighting. Dave and Lisa both make their campaign speeches before they debate, and Dave promises to get rid of free soda in the breakroom, while Lisa promises to lock down the restrooms. Dave also promises to reveal all of their sexual secrets if he loses, and Lisa promises the same thing. Once the debate is over, only Bill sticks around to watch Matthew debate himself for the fire marshal role, and he upsets Bill by telling him that he plans to get rid of the smoking area. Joe and Russ’s other brother Jack (Nick Di Paolo) shows up and is disappointed to see them fighting, vowing to tell their other brother Sal about it if they don’t stop, and he too joins in on the fighting. Most everyone thinks they are just playing around, even when Joe is thrown through the glass window. Beth tries to make peace between them, but when Joe goes in for a hug, Russ punches him. Beth, Matthew, and Bill each tell Dave that they support him to be in charge. Bill starts a fire in a tray and calls Matthew over, but Matthew has no idea how to handle it. The Garelli brothers’ oldest brother Sal (Robert Hegyes) shows up, and it is revealed that he is a priest. However, this doesn’t stop him from going after them with a baseball bat. When they finally take a vote, Lisa gets all four votes. Dave makes his concession speech, but can’t help but ask what happened to their support? Lisa claims that they all told her that they were voting for her. Bill maintains that he did vote for Dave, while Joe used a randomized computer generator to vote, Beth realizes that Lisa doesn’t like coffee and doesn’t get as many calls, and Matthew is a lifelong Republican. Despite the vote, Jimmy gives the job to Dave, stating that it is better to be respected than liked. Bill thinks Dave can order Lisa to get back together with him. Dave pontificates on the fact that he is now back to square one. His first duty is to break up a fist fight in the newsroom. It turns out not be the brothers, but rather Matthew attacking Carl (Michael Kostroff) from Accounting, as he was elected via a write-in vote to become the floor fire marshal. NOTE: This is the second of two-parts. NOTE: Brother Sal is listed in the credits as “Al”. 5/1/24
• 067. Security Door – 2/24/1998
  • Dave has installed a security door requiring a key card to get into the station room, hoping to curtail the recent petty theft that has been going on. Meanwhile, Jimmy gets a new pair of headphones that cost $50,000 and has been listening to other stations, noting that they are copying things from WNYX like traffic reports from helicopters. Everyone seems to take issue with the door and tries to circumvent using their key cards by propping it open or taping over the lock. Bill announces that he has been offered a TV commercial deal for Blue Genie Blue Jeans from Czechoslovakia. He negotiates with Lisa to have her act as his agent in making deals with the company. Beth has been ignoring her job of monitoring the security door because she knows that Matthew will let anyone in and does just that when representatives from Blue Genie (Julian Stone, Nick Jameson) come to negotiate with Bill. Although Lisa tries to get him a good deal, Bill makes it difficult by becoming a jellyfish and agreeing to do anything for any amount of pay. Matthew tells Dave that a bird ran into the new security door, but it turns out to be a frozen Cornish hen. Dave takes over monitoring the door, but the next time someone buzzes in, Dave tries to get them state their name over the speaker only to be met with silence. It turns out to be Jimmy, who is wearing his headphones. Dave assembles the team and gives them an illustrated lecture using illustrations about using the door properly. Bill pulls Lisa out of the meeting to plead with her to come to his commercial shoot, but after she was embarrassed during negotiations, she refuses. She tells him that he is merely playing a father with one simple line. The next time Dave touches the security door, it spontaneously shatters. He calls everyone together to ask who rigged the door, but they all simply tell him that he needs to admit that he has gone overboard with his paranoia. Bill calls Lisa down to the set to deal with an emergency, and when she arrives, she sees that there is another actor (James Harnagel) playing the father of two girls (Meredith Lieber aka Meredith Roberts Quill, Jillian Bach) and that Bill is playing the Blue Genie. She thinks that Bill was swindled into playing this role, but it turns out that his emergency was that there wasn’t fruit in his dressing room. He is quite happy with the role because it had more lines. A guy (Timothy Durkin) from the door company explains to Jimmy and Dave that the door was not installed correctly, and that is why it shattered. Dave still thinks that the guy was in on the plan, but Jimmy offers to take him home for some rest. After Dave goes to get his briefcase, Jimmy pays off the door guy for the lie and then asks what really happened to the door. He says that someone rigged it to make Dave look crazy. As Dave gets ready to leave, his briefcase suddenly disappears. Jimmy escorts him out, and then two of the door workers produce the suitcase and saw it in half. Rich Harris is the production assistant on the set. 9/19/24
• 068. Big Brother – 3/3/1998
  • Matthew tells the other that he is involved in the Big Brother program and has been spending a lot of time with Danny (Michael Buckman Silver). When Danny shows up, Lisa and Beth are shocked to see that Danny is roughly the same age as Matthew and that he is acting like Matthew’s big brother. Dave returns to his office, and Lisa moves out, so Bill gives Dave a carton of cigarettes to welcome him. When he finds a pair of leotards in the desk drawer, Lisa tells him that she has started taking yoga. Bill assumes that she is now in a new relationship, speculating that she told the new man that she took yoga and then had to live up to it. Dave looks around further in the desk and finds a pair of ticket stubs for the movie Amistad. Bill becomes even more suspicious and questions her as to whether she has seen the movie and finds out that she and Beth have both seen it. Joe thinks that Lisa is dating Beth, but Dave finds the whole thing ridiculous and encourages everyone to mind their own business. Beth and Lisa explain to Matthew that he and Danny should each have a younger boy to mentor, which makes Matthew realize that he shouldn’t have forced the two boys following them around to scram. Joe goes through the office security tapes to see who Lisa was with during the evening of the Amistad viewing. It is unclear who she met, but they do notice that she is wearing the same outfit in footage taken the next morning. Next, they seize the company cell phone call records and come up with a number that she had called that day. It turns out to belong to Jimmy, who didn’t recognize his own number as he changes it every week. Lisa and Beth then try and talk to Danny about leaving Matthew to find a little boy to be a big brother to, but he surmises that Matthew needs the care and attention just as much as a little boy. Beth then tells Danny that she is in the Big Sister program and already takes care of Matthew. They then start to compete for Matthew’s love, which upsets Matthew and causes him to cry out that they are tearing him apart. Danny and Beth then take Matthew to the penguin house, and while Matthew is preoccupied looking at the penguins, they start to fall for each other and soon Matthew catches them kissing. When Joe, Lisa, and Bill concoct a distraction to steal Lisa’s hard drive, she catches them in the act and demands to know what is going on. Dave tells them that he wants no part of it, but she admits that she went to the movies with a guy named Mike from Accounting. When Bill asks whether she slept with him, she says that the furthest they got was a kiss on the cheek. When they ask her why she came to work the next morning in the same clothes, she admits that she slept with someone that night, but it was Dave. She says she was disgusted when Matt thought that John Quincy Adams was the second president, so she went over to Dave’s house afterward. Beth apologizes to Matthew for him seeing her kiss Danny, but she is able to smooth things over by offering to take him back to the penguin house. Mike Colt is the penguin house guard. NOTE: This episode was filmed prior to the previous episode released, explaning the story about Dave returning to this office. 9/19/24

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