The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – NBC

Created by Glen and Les Charles and James Burrows

Theme song: “Where Everybody Knows Your Name,” performed by Gary Portnoy, written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo

• 001. Give Me a Ring Sometime – 9/30/1982
  • Sam Malone (Ted Danson) is the owner and head bartender at a bar named Cheers in Boston, Massachusetts. Sam is a former relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and a recovering alcoholic. His assistant bartender is one of his former coaches, Ernie “Coach” Pantusso (Nicholas Colasanto), and the head waitress is the bitter Carla Tortelli (Rhea Perlman), a single mother of four. A college student named Diane Chambers (Shelley Long) enters the bar with her fiancee Sumner Sloane (Michael McGuire), on their way to the airport to leave for their wedding in Barbados. Sumner leaves Diane in the bar to retrieve a family heirloom wedding ring from his ex-wife Barbara, and when he returns he confesses that his feelings for Barbara were once again stirred. He goes back again for the ring, all the while Sam tries to convince Diane that Sumner is ‘goofy’. She ends up finding out that Sumner left on the flight with Barbara. Sam offers Diane a job at Cheers, and although she initially declines, she ends up taking the job, thinking that the bar will be a good place for her to study life. George Wendt plays bar patron Norm Peterson. John Ratzenberger plays mailman and bar patron Cliff Clavin. Ron Frazier appears as Ron, and John P. Navin appears as the bar’s first customer, an underage wanna-be drinker. Erik Holland is Diane’s first customer, who only speaks Swedish. 12/29/14

• 002. Sam’s Women – 10/7/1982
  • Diane is surprised to find that Sam only seems to be dating dumb, shallow women, and when he hits on another blonde named Brandee (Angela Aames), she starts to publicly laugh at him. Sam takes it to heart and brings his ex-wife Debra (Donna McKechnie) into the bar claiming that they had visited the symphony. But when Diane discovers that their program is two years old, they admit that they went to see Star Wars again. Sam has it out with Diane, telling her that she has ruined his fun and that he is no longer enjoying dating dumb women, and she tells him that an intelligent woman would never fall for his lines. Later Sam romantically compliments Diane’s eyes, and she becomes lost in the moment, before realizing that Sam is just proving that he could fool her with one of his lines. Meanwhile a man named Leo Metz from Seattle visits looking for the bar’s former owner Gus to help solve the problem of his son marrying a gay black man. Coach stands in for the late Gus and inadvertently gives him good advice. Keenan Ivory Wayans has a bit as a bar extra. Jack Knight makes his first appearance as Jack. 1/2/15
• 003. The Tortelli Tort – 10/14/1982
  • After another Red Sox loss to the New York Yankees, an obnoxious fan named Ed Kellner (Ron Karabatsos) visits the bar and belittles the Sox, the patrons, and Sam and his former drinking problem. Carla physically attacks him and slams his head into the bar, prompting him to threaten to sue Sam and take away his bar if Carla is not fired. Diane later suggests that Carla go to therapy with her former psychologist Dr. Graham (Stephen Keep Mills), to which Carla reluctantly agrees. Sam calls Ed back to the bar to see if the therapy will suffice, and Ed puts Carla through a rigorous test of belittlement, insulting everything from Carla’s clothes to the Boston Bruins. She is able to ignore his attacks, and Ed calls off the lawsuit. However on the way out, he is accosted by a player from the Bruins. Meanwhile Coach buys 30 gross of joke napkins that no one finds funny, and the bar is visited by a customer named Fred, who buys a round of drinks for the bar every time a rich sibling dies and leaves him money. Thomas Babson and Paul Vaughn make their first appearance as bar patrons Tom and Paul. 1/2/15
• 004. Sam at Eleven – 10/21/1982
  • Sam’s old teammate and current sports broadcaster Dave Richards (Fred Dryer) comes to Cheers and asks Sam if he would be willing to be interviewed by him on the 6:00 news. Everyone in the bar is excited except for Diane, telling Sam that she always feels sorry for has-been people who show up in where-are-they-now segments. Privately Dave tells Carla that he is thankful that Sam came through after tennis player John McEnroe cancels and he no one else will fill in. Sam goes forward with the interview, but right in the middle of it Dave is told that McEnroe wants to speak with him, and he abandons the interview. Diane tries to cheer Sam up much to his chagrin, but while she is talking about embracing life, he kisses her… only to be thrown onto the pool table. Diane tells him that there can be nothing between them, and she listens to him finish his story that Dave interrupted. Harry Anderson appears for the first time as Harry “The Hat” Gittes. 2/20/15
• 005. Coach’s Daughter – 10/28/1982
  • Coach’s daughter Lisa (Allyce Beasley) visits the bar with her fiancee, the obnoxious and boorish suit salesman Roy (Philip Charles MacKenzie). Coach takes an immediate disliking to him, particularly when he pulls his chair up to a dessert cart at Melville’s and then sticks Lisa with the bill. Sam gives Coach the courage to confront Lisa, and she confesses that she knows that Roy is abrasive and is only using her because she is his supervisor at work, but that she has had no other offers for marriage and wants to have children. Coach sensitively tells her that she is beautiful on the inside just like her mother and deserves someone more special. Lisa calls off the engagement and Roy leaves in a huff. Meanwhile Diane attempts to draw caricatures of the bar patron with horrible results. Carla finds out that Coach has named all of the glasses. Tim Cunningham appears as Chuck, who works at a virus lab. 12/29/14
• 006. Any Friend of Diane’s – 11/4/1982
  • Diane’s old friend Rebecca Prout (Julia Duffy) comes to see Diane and break the news that she and her fiancee Elliot have broken up. Knowing Rebecca is looking for a quick mindless fling, Diane steers her away from Sam, but they wind up together anyway. When he returns to the bar, Diane is livid until Sam tells her that he couldn’t go through with sleeping with her because he found her and her Russian poems excruciatingly boring. Diane thinks that Sam did this on a subconscious level because he has honor, but when Rebecca returns and tells her that Sam sneaked out the window, she is angry with him again. In order to keep her confidence up, Diane has Sam pose as her boyfriend so that he had a valid excuse for leaving her. Sam has fun with it, trying to humiliate Diane in front of Rebecca. Meanwhile Norm bring his new boss Darrell Stabell (Macon McCalman) to the bar and has Coach hold him to one beer so that he doesn’t look like a lush. Norm struggles with this until his boss starts having fun and asks for more beer. 2/20/15
• 007. Friends, Romans, and Accountants – 11/11/1982
  • Hoping to impress the boss, Norm volunteers to act as party director for the annual party of accountants at his office. He realizes that he has no idea how to throw a party, so Diane suggests that he throw a Roman Toga party, which he does at Cheers. Norm ends up being the only one who shows up in a Toga and everyone ends up just standing around. In addition, Ruta the date that Norm has set up for his boss Herb W. Sawyer (James Read) cancels, so he asks Diane to be his escort. She angrily refuses until she sees that he is young and good looking which then irritates Sam. However when Sawyer starts to get too aggressive, Norm has to put him in a full-nelson to get him off her. Norm is fired by the boss, but the other accountants are thrilled with Norm’s action, causing them to come alive and carry Norm around the bar. Kenneth Kimmins is bandleader Fred Wilson. Peter Van Norden is Mischa. 4/4/15
• 008. Truce or Consequences – 11/18/1982
  • With Diane and Carla constantly bickering, Sam insists that they sit down and work out their issues. They opt to do so at the bar after it closes. Carla makes a strong drink called “Leap Into an Open Grave,” and they get a buzz on quickly. Carla confides in Diane that her youngest son Gino is actually the product of a fling between her and Sam. Diane calls Sam a beast and then promptly passes out. Sam comes back to the bar and helps take Diane home, and Carla tells him that she told Diane the biggest lie she could think of. The next day at the bar when Sam disciplines Carla, Diane lets it slip immediately about Gino, and then finds out from Coach that Gino is older than the amount of time Carla has known Sam. Diane is irate and yells at Carla for the lie, but Carla on the other hand notes that Diane obviously can’t be trusted to keep a secret. Sam again acts as mediator between them, which ends up going successfully as they all end up laughing at photos of Gino and his real father. 4/4/15
• 009. Coach Returns to Action – 5/25/1982
  • Coach has a crush on a younger lady named Nina Bradshaw (Murphy Cross) who has just moved into his apartment building, but tells Diane that he’s been out of action so long that he has no idea how to ask a woman out. He tells her that he used to get dates when he played baseball by intentionally injuring herself. Sam also tries to ask her out, which discourages Coach even more, but he gets shot down repeatedly. Diane and Carla finally give Sam the confidence to ask Nina out, but she turns him down as well. Coach then throws himself the down the stairs, gains her sympathy, and lets her take him home. Meanwhile Sam battles a broken bathroom and a tour guide (Bill Wiley) who keeps coming in for drinks with his group claiming Cheers is a historical landmark. Julia Hendler is the little girl. Keone Young, Barry Cutler, and  Eve Smith are tourists. 6/27/15 
• 010. Endless Slumper – 12/2/1982
  • Red Sox pitcher Rick Walker (Christopher McDonald) is suffering a slump and comes to Sam for advice. After an incident where Rick mistakes Diane’s advice to meditate for sex, Sam mentions his lucky charm, a smashed bottle cap. Sam reluctantly loans Rick the cap, but while Rick’s luck turns around for the better, Sam’s luck begins to fall apart. Sam calls Rick to get the bottle cap, and after waiting until a game that’s gone into 21 innings ends, Rick finally tells Sam that he lost the cap in Kansas City. Sam reveals to Diane that the bottle cap is off the last bottle of beer he ever had, and that it helps him not drink. Sam is about ready to get drunk in the bar, but then surprises Diane by sliding his famous beer curve down the bar, nearly giving Diane a nervous breakdown and bringing out her recurring facial tic. Anne Haney plays Mrs. Gilder, Carla’s new babysitter. 6/27/15
• 011. One for the Book – 12/9/1982
  • As Diane takes notes on interesting things that people in the bar say, into which Sam desperately hopes to get, the bar is visited by World War 1 veteran Buzz Crowder (Ian Wolfe) shows up for his reunion with his squad members in the 22nd Infantry Brigade. It turns out that he is the only one who shows up, leading him to believe that he is the only one left. Everyone in the bar comforts him by telling him that he can meet up with them regularly. Meanwhile a man named Kevin (Boyd Bodwell) comes into the bar for his first and last fling before entering a monastery. He drinks whiskey, makes a pass at Diane’s, and contemplates not entering the priesthood after all. When a player piano that hasn’t worked in twenty years begins playing, Kevin takes it as a sign from God and changes his mind. Coach later admits that he had just had the piano fixed. Sam, after lamenting the fact that Diane has excluded him in her book, finally makes a statement that get him in. Francis X. McCarthy is customer Mr. Phillips. 8/26/15
• 012. The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One – 12/16/1982
  • During the Christmas season, just before Norm heads out to join Vera in Maine, a mysterious man calling himself Eric Finch (Ellis Rabb) comes into the bar and alludes to being a spy. Diane doesn’t believe a word he says, but Carla and the others enjoy his exotic stories. Diane finally calls him out for being a liar, which he admits, then sulks out of the bar lamenting about his own life is boring. Diane feels terrible and first decides to quit, then to track him down. Finch returns on his own to explain that he has an over-active imagination from years of writing poetry. When he recites some of it to Diane, she excitedly phones the poetry editor of Atlantic Monthly, only to realize that Finch is merely reciting poems that he’s memorized. Finch confesses that his real name is Thomas Hilliard III and writes Sam a check for two million dollars to buy Cheers, which Diane angrily rips up. When Hilliard’s chauffeur (Bob Evan Collins) show up to pick him up, it is clear that Hilliard was at last telling the truth. 8/27/15
• 013. Now Pitching, Sam Malone – 1/6/1983
  • Sam meets an older female commercial agent named Lana Marshall (Barbara Babcock) who is having an affair with her young client hockey star Tibor Svetkovic (Rick Hill). Lana convinces Sam that he too could be good in commercials, and he ends up appearing as himself in a Field’s Beer commercial with fellow baseball pitcher Luis Tiant (himself). However Diane finds out that Sam is upset because he feels like Lana is using him to sleep with her at her command, or else she won’t get him work. Coach convinces Sam to break it off with Lana, but when he does she does in fact drop him as a client. Sam admits that Diane has taught him about integrity, and Diane admits that Sam was good in the commercial. Jan Rabson plays the commercial director. 11/23/15
• 014. Let Me Count the Ways – 1/13/1983
  • Diane receives a call from her family notifying her that her cat Elizabeth Barrett Browning has died. Initially her friends at Cheers are concerned until they realize that it was only a cat who died, and then blow off the situation in favor of watching the Celtics game. Diane can think of nothing but the cat and her friends’ lack of sympathy, so Sam takes her to the back to talk about the cat. Her story about Elizabeth previously saving Diane from thinking about suicide during a serious depression moves him to tears and they embrace, but when Diane accuses Sam of exploiting the situation, it leads to a giant fight between them. Their encounter ends poorly until Sam throws in one last apology about the cat, causing her to nearly return to their embrace, but then think better of it. Meanwhile cybernetics professor Marshall Lipton (Mark King) tells Sam and Coach that his infallible computer has predicted a Celtics loss, causing them to bet against the Celtics for the first time ever. Indeed the Celtics do lose and Sam and Coach struggle to not reveal their excitement. Alan Koss makes his first appearance as Alan. 11/24/15
• 015. Father Knows Last – 1/20/1983
  • No one wants to bring up the fact that Carla is pregnant with her fifth child, until she finally announces it to the bar. She reveals that the father is M.I.T. professor Marshall Lipton, but Diane quickly figures out when he lets on that they were only together one time that Marshall is only being used because Carla knows that he will support the baby. She confesses to Diane that the father is actually her ex-husband Nick who seduced her when she was having a particularly bad day. Diane tells Carla the story of The Telltale Heart hoping to stir up her good conscience, which finally gets to Carla and she tells Marshall the truth. He starts to storm out, but Sam tries to convince him to marry Carla anyway. When he refuses, Sam and the gang take up a collection and insist that Cheers will adopt the baby in spirit, sending Carla off by singing You’ll Never Walk Alone. Mary Ellen Trainor is Mary. Herb Mitchell is Tom. 1/24/16
• 016. The Boys in the Bar – 1/27/1983
  • Sam helps his old friend and roommate Sam Kenderson (Alan Autry) from his Red Sox days promote his book Catcher’s Mask, but since he hasn’t read the book, he doesn’t realize that Tom has come out of the closet in his book. Sam can’t believe it since they were both such hounds during their days together, but after some encouragement from Diane, Sam decides to publicly support Tom. The guys in the bar start worrying that Sam’s support will turn Cheers into a gay bar. Diane finds everyone’s attitude reprehensible, and tells the bar patrons that there are a pair of homosexuals in the bar right now. The guys turn it into a witch hunt and drive a pair of men named Larry (John Furey) and Richard (Michael Kearns) out whom they assume to be gay, but it turns out that the two gay men Fred (Kenneth Tigar) and Bob (Lee Ryan) have actually been watching and have pretended to be part of the lynch mob. The respond by giving Norm a kiss on the cheeks. Harry Anderson returns in the cold open. Wesley Thompson is the photographer. Al Rosen makes his first appearance as Al. 1/24/16
• 017. Diane’s Perfect Date – 2/10/1983
  • After Diane has a particularly bad weekend date with a man named Walter Franklin (Doug Sheehan) who can immediately count the letters in every spoken sentence, Sam and Diane agree to set each other up with the perfect date. Sam believes that his date will be Diane herself, so he doesn’t get a date. When Diane shows up with her friend Gretchen Darrow (Gretchen Corbett), Sam has to quickly find and pay a man named Andy Schroeder (Derek McGrath), who he introduces as ‘Andy Andy’, to take out Diane. When Andy admits to murdering a waitress, Sam quickly suggests that they double date. The women are anxious to end the date, after which Diane lambastes Sam for the joke he played, but Sam confesses that he had actually believed they would be going out with each other. Diane forces Sam to confess that he is carrying a torch for her, but won’t reciprocate the feelings, which angers Sam. Meanwhile Norm struggles to come up with a job resumé. 4/6/15
• 018. No Contest – 2/17/1983
  • Sam enters Diane into the Miss Boston Barmaid competition, not knowing that Diane despises contests like these. He tries to talk her into it, but she will have none of it and calls the contest organizers to yell out them, but then finds out that the press will be at the contest. She then plans to enter the contest so that she can denounce it when she is introduced, but when she finds out that she can speak on the radio if she wins, she tries her best to do so, facing off against waitresses Bonnie (Tess Richarde), Yvonee (Renee Gentry), and Jocelyn (Sharon Peters) for the judges (Daryl Keith Roach, James Sherwood, Bob Ari). When Sam finds Diane’s notecards and realizes what she is doing, he tries to ruin it for her by reminding her of her facial tic, which then sets it off in full motion. Diane overcomes it by delivering a heartfelt speech and wins the contest. As she receives her prizes, she finds out that the grand prize is a trip to Bermuda, which causes her to go crazy with glee and forget all about her hatred of the contest. Diane later confesses that she feels guilty, but Sam tells her that she was spontaneous, causing her to realize that Sam and the bar have changed her for the better. Meanwhile Cliff and Paul argue after Paul criticizes the postal service. Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill appears as himself. Charlie Stavola is the emcee. 4/7/16
• 019. Pick a Con… Any Con – 2/24/1983
  • When Sam finds out that Coach’s friend George Wheeler (Reid Shelton) has been slowly conning Coach out of $8000 by hustling him at cards, he enlists the aid of Harry the Hat to help Coach win back the money. Harry is familiar with George and agrees to rig a poker game, asking Sam to stake him with $5000. Sam reluctantly agrees, but as the poker game progresses, Sam realizes that Harry has been working with George to con him out of the money. Sam and the group confront George, who agrees to win back Harry’s split and turn it over to them. Coach agrees to give George the signal when Harry can’t beat George’s hand, but Coach accidentally signals too early, causing George to lose a fortune to Harry, who is driven out of the bar by Sam. It is then revealed that Harry and Coach had concocted the whole scheme and had won enough from George to pay back both Coach and Sam. Meanwhile Diane struggles to make a Bloody Mary, not realizing that Sam mixes up a batch of it in advance. 7/8/16
• 020. Someone Single, Someone Blue – 3/3/1983
  • Diane’s mother Helen (Glynis Johns) comes for a visit to Cheers and informs Diane that her father Spencer had stipulated in his will that if Diane wasn’t married by the next day – ten years following his death – Helen will lose her fortune. Helen suggests Sam, and Diane only agrees because she can’t bear to see her mother go broke. Sam too is skeptical but agrees under the condition that the marriage won’t mean anything. On the wedding day, as the Reverend Harrison Fiedler (Dean Dittman) is marrying them, Sam leers at a woman, causing Diane to get irritated and start an argument. Helen realizes they are making a mockery of marriage and calls it off. Resigned to being destitute, she is then proposed to by her limo driver Boggs (Duncan Ross), who admits he has been embezzling from her family for years and is now quite financially comfortable. Paul Willson makes his first appearance in the show, and is named Glen. 7/8/16
• 021. Show Down: Part 1 – 3/24/1983
  • As Coach considers taking a job in Venezuela to coach baseball if he can learn Spanish, Diane gets a call from Sam’s brother Derek (voice of George Ball) that he is coming to visit. Coach tells Diane that Sam hates him because he has always lived in his shadow. Derek is an attractive, talented, rich international lawyer with his own private jet, and when he arrives at Cheers he immediately enchants everyone with his singing, stories, and trick pool shots, teaches Coach Spanish in one evening, and gets a job for Norm. As Sam struggles with his confidence, Derek asks Diane to fly with Martha’s Vineyard with him. Sam tells her that he doesn’t care, but when she turns her back, he indicates the opposite. When she calls him on it, he denies it, so she does the same thing to him, saying “I’d rather stay with you.” Diane ends up going, while Sam gets a date named of his own named Debbie (Deborah Shelton)… but can’t concentrate on her when he hears a plane fly over head NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 9/29/16
• 022. Show Down: Part 2 – 3/31/1983
  • Diane continues to date Derek, while Sam goes on the prowl for women again, Norm gets fired from his new job, and Coach doesn’t get the Venezuela coaching job. Tongues are abuzz about Diane’s relationship with Derek, to the irritation of Sam. Diane shows up at Cheers and tells Coach that she is torn because she is attracted to Sam, and that Derek has asked her to go with him to Paris. Diane wants Sam to show his true feelings if she is going to consider turning Derek down, but Sam sticks his to guns with his stubbornness. Eventually they both confess their feelings and are ready to start a relationship, but Sam nearly ruins it with a few moronic statements. Diane keeps throwing Derek back in face, and Sam keeps telling her to go run to him. Their hatred reaches a boiling point, causing them to break down and kiss passionately NOTE: This is the second of a two-part episode. The opening sequence is re-used from the episode Coach’s Daughter. Lois De Banzie and Helen Page Camp are the dowager ladies. Peggy Kubena is Cindy.  9/29/16

SEASON 2

• 023. Power Play – 9/29/1983
  • After their passionate kiss, Sam and Diane look for a place they can go to make love, but Diane is very specific that she wants it to be a special place… so they decide on her apartment. As they leave, they get a very ambiguous response from their bar friend, which naturally bothers Diane. She also gets angry at Sam when he tells her that her stuffed animal collection is weird, and she ends up throwing him out. Sam heads back to the bar proudly declaring his independence again, but when Carla tells him that she knows how he can win back Diane, Sam can’t resist hearing her idea to go back to her apartment and act like a caveman. Sam busts into the apartment, scoops her up, and demands that she head to the bedroom. This appears to work at first, but then Sam hears her in the bedroom phoning the police. Sam is clearly defeated, broken, and scared of going to jail, but then Diane admits that she liked being lifted up and they head back to the bedroom. When she admits that she never called the police, Sam tosses her stuffed animals out the window. 12/26/16
• 024. Li’l Sister Don’t Cha – 10/13/1983
  • With Carla getting ready to have her baby, she arranges for her sister Annette Lozupone (Rhea Perlman) to come fill in for her at the bar during her maternity leave. Extremely shy and apparently innocent, Annette accepts a date with Cliff, who is getting ready to test a new vehicle for the post office… and ends up injuring his leg exiting it. Sam and Diane quickly realize that Annette isn’t so innocent when she accepts multiple dates from men at the bar, and even makes a pass at Sam. When Cliff returns he tells everyone that Annette has been taking care of him and that he is going to ask her to marry him. Everyone hopes that Cliff is turning Annette’s life around, but when they realize she doesn’t even know ‘which one is Cliff’, Norm jumps into action to tell Cliff the truth. Cliff takes it poorly and threatens Norm at first, but then realizes that Norm is just being a good friend. When Norm tells Cliff that anyone makes fun of him will have to go through Norm first, Cliff tells Norm that he’s the best friend anyone could ever have. Meanwhile Coach visits Carla and her new baby girl in the hospital with a home movie camera, but Carla’s kids take it from him and jump on his back. Jerry Prell is a customer. Paul Willson‘s character is now Tom. 12/26/16
• 025. Personal Business – 10/20/1983
  • Carla brings it to Sam’s attention that he has been doing a lot of work-related favors for her since they began dating, so Sam denies Diane’s request for a day-off request. Diane decides that it would be in their best interest if she looks for other work, and quickly gets an interview with a publisher pending a reference from her former boss. However when he calls Sam, he figures out that the new boss is only interested in Diane sexually. Diane comes back to work for Sam, but quickly realizes that he has actually hired her for sex as well. An argument ensues and they agree not to have sex for a month… but the time period quickly whittles its way down to fifteen minutes. Meanwhile Norm separates with Vera, but is later aghast to find out that she is going out on a date. Tony Brafa is the blubberbutt Mr. Anderson. James Ingersoll is the other Mr. Anderson. Patrick Stack is a customer. 4/7/17
• 026. Homicidal Ham – 10/27/1983
  • Andy “Andy Andy” Schroeder returns to Cheers with a smile and gun and attempts to rob the bar. Sam gets the gun away from him and calls the police, but when Andy tells him the gun isn’t loaded and explains that no one will give him a chance and he only wants to go back to jail, Diane takes pity on him. Finding out that Andy wants to be an actor, she takes it upon herself to become his acting tutor much to the chagrin of Sam. Diane calls in her old acting teacher Professor Sebastian DeWitt (Severn Darden) to watch Diane and Andy put on a scene from Othello at Cheers. Although Andy confesses his love for Diane, she thinks the relationship is platonic, and doesn’t hesitate to kiss Sam in front of Andy. During the strangulation scene of the play, Diane becomes nervous and tries to delay the scene and then end it quickly. When Andy actually does try to kill Diane, and it is only his mention of ‘kissing Sam’ that Sam and the others intervene and stop him. 4/7/17
• 027. Sumner’s Return – 11/3/1983
  • Sumner Sloane returns a year later to beg Diane’s forgiveness for leaving her at Cheers a year earlier, and then invites her to join him and Barbara for dinner. Diane accepts, but when asked if she is seeing anyone, she says that she isn’t. When Sam catches wind of this, he reads her the riot act, and surprisingly Diane agrees and invites him to join them. Fearing that he will be intellectually annihilated, Sam reads War and Peace in the five days before the dinner so that he’ll have something to discuss. Sumner arrives alone and says that Barbara is sick… and also refuses to discuss the book, claiming he taught it for years. Sam feels excluded at the dinner and finally blows up and tells Diane that she should just get back in the relationship with Sumner. Diane apologizes for Sam’s behavior, but when she finds out that Sunmer had in fact separated from Barbara and is truly trying to win her back, she throws him out and goes back to Sam, impressed that Sam had read War and Peace for her. 11/9/17
• 028. Affairs of the Heart – 11/10/1983
  • A customer named Hank Zenzola (Don Amendolia) is attracted to Carla, but she fears that anyone who likes her must have a fatal flaw. Finally Diane convinces her to give him a chance, and after putting him through his paces, they begin dating regularly. One night she promptly breaks it off with Hank, and explains to Sam that she hasn’t found anything wrong with him, so therefore he must be lousy in bed. Sam confronts her and accuses her of being a chicken, so after beating up Sam, she leaves with him and goes to Diane’s apartment with him. Coach then informs Diane and Sam that Hank has a heart condition, which causes them to scramble over to Diane’s to try and stop them from having sex and possibly triggering a heart attack. The catch them before they do anything, and Hank admits that he does have a weak heart, but liked Carla so much he was willing to take the risk. The two part ways amicably, with Hank saying it would be impossible to just be friends with Carla, while she says that in a way, he was the best lover she ever had. Meanwhile Sam raises the price of beer by a quarter, so Norm works unsuccessfully to ration his beers. 11/10/17
• 029. Old Flames – 11/17/1983
  • After a boring visit to art galleries with Diane, Sam is visited by his old friend Dave Richards, who tries to get Sam to go out carousing with him like they did in the old days. Sam almost takes off, until he sees Diane and remembers that they are in a committed relationship. Dave is incredulous that they are dating and bets them that they will be broken up within the next 24 hours, also bringing to light the fact that Sam still has his old black book of female phone numbers. Diane is furious that Sam is still carrying this and this leads to a fight that nearly does break them up. Thinking that Diane and him are a lost cause, Sam accepts a set-up with a girl named Didi (Elizabeth McIvor) and heads off to her hotel. The next day Diane is ready to apologize, but Sam is simply thrilled that after getting in bed with Didi he couldn’t go through with it. Diane fails to be happy about this, but when Sam lays out his feelings for Diane to Dave, she softens on him… up until Dave mentions that Didi mentioned how great of a kisser Sam was. 6/26/18
• 030. Manager Coach – 11/24/1983
  • Sam’s friend Mort Sherwin (Herb Mitchell) tries to convince Sam to coach a Little League team, but when Coach steps up and volunteers, Sam thinks it is a great idea. Diane however has a bad feeling about it, and tries to convince Sam that the parents might eat the sweet Coach alive. Just the opposite occurs however, when Coach begins to act like a tyrant to the kids. Diane wants Sam to talk to the Coach, but Sam wants to stay uninvolved, especially when he learns that the parents cheer Coach on every game. However the kids feel differently and threaten to disband the team altogether. Diane prompts the Coach to talk to the kids, so Coach relates a story about a teacher he hated… even though he can’t seem to arrive at the moral of the story. Diane steps in and tells him it is because he doesn’t want the kids to hate him the way he hated his teacher. Coach makes some changes and tells the kids there will be far less pressure, and they are happy to stay and accept Coach’s offer for free sodas. Meanwhile, Norm agrees to take a $500 loan from Cliff, who has just been promoted. Cliff become sorry he made the suggestion when Norm is so eager to accept. Carla brings her baby into the bar to nurse her. Corey Feldman is Moose. Elliott Scott is Peewee. Martin Davis is Tank. 6/26/18
• 031. They Called Me Mayday – 12/1/1983
  • Dick Cavett (himself) visits the bar while doing a book signing in Boston, causing Diane to immediately try to regale him with her poetry. Eventually Sam has to peel her off him so that he can enjoy his drink, and as Cavett is leaving, he pitches that Sam work on a rough draft of his autobiography highlighting how he over came his alcohol addiction. Diane is crestfallen at first, but then Sam offers to let her co-author the book with him. She agrees and uses the pen name name Jessica Simpson Bourgier. After Cavett reviews it, he tells Sam and Diane that his publisher thought it wasn’t controversial enough, but that if Sam threw in some of his stories of skirt-chasing, another publisher might be interested. Diane doesn’t want to prostitute her writing talents for smut, but agrees to help using her pen name. Sam and Diane go to work on the book in the office, and each of them has to take a break to throw water into their own faces. Meanwhile, Norm has moved into Cheers since his separation from Vera. He runs into his old high school wrestling friend, and competitor for Vera, Wally Bodell (Walter Olkewicz), who refers to Norm as “Moonbeam,” a name he acquired when he got his pants pulled down in a wrestling match. While reminiscing with Wally, Norm admits that he and Vera are separated, and reluctantly tells Wally it’s okay with him if he looks up Vera, since according to Cliff, Norm has a new girlfriend named Tonya Cocobutter. When Wally moves a little too fast for Norm’s taste, Norm has Wally arrested for holding marijuana, then ultimately challenges him to a wrestling match at Cheers. The match drags on for hours, but Norm ultimately wins, symbolizing winning back Vera’s hand. Ed Quinlan is Bob. 1/15/19
• 032. How Do I Love Thee?… Let Me Call You Back? – 12/8/1983
  • Diane purchases rare tickets to the Marvin Hagler fight for Sam from customers Dr. Phil Keplar (Kevin Rooney) and his friend Dave (Gerald Berns) with the stipulation that she doesn’t have to go with him to the fight. He appreciates the tickets so much, that after telling the guys to pick who he takes amongst themselves, Sam tells Diane he loves her. Diane is taken aback with the sentiment and lets Sam know, but he downplays it and says that he says it to women and friends all of the time. After arguing, Sam heads out to the game with Harry the Hat, who – to no one’s surprise – drew the high card. After the game he goes to visit Diane to make things right, but she is drunk. They discuss as best at they can, and decide to spend a week apart to each try to come up with the meaning of their relationship. Sam goes carousing with Carla and the guys for a week, having the time of their lives, but when the clock strikes midnight at the end of the week, Diane shows up at Cheers, interrupting Sam’s poker game, to claim her answer. Sam thinks he can come up with something under pressure, but can’t think of a thing. Diane lays out her ideas, but ultimately admits that the got them all from a book, and like Sam, she has no idea what their relationship means. Sam finally bursts out that the only reason he is with her is because he… but he can’t bring himself to say the word ‘love’. Diane rejoices in this, because where he always threw the word around before, now he can’t say it to her because she really matters. 1/15/19
• 033. Just Three Friends – 12/15/1983
  • Diane introduces her best friend from grade school Heather Landon (Markie Post) to the gang at Cheers. She is flirtatious with Sam, and he becomes concerned because he’s not sure he will be able to resist her if she comes onto him, so he asks Diane to keep them separated. Diane find the notion ridiculous, so brings the idea out into the open, where Heather delivers a half-hearted denial that she’s interested in Sam. Carla however warns Diane that Sam generally has a sixth sense when he says a woman is coming on to him. Diane hosts a spaghetti dinner for the three of them, where Sam seems over zealously excited about the three of them being friends. She continues her flirtation with Sam, and he continues to respond until Diane is clearly jealous. During dinner, Same and Heather eat their spaghetti sensually and start feeding each other, prompting Diane to completely melt down. Sam and Heather assure Diane that nothing is going on, and Diane apologizes profusely and implores her to stay. Sam gives each of the ladies a hug, but when he goes back for a second hug from Heather, Diane pulls him back. Meanwhile Coach brings a ferocious dog into Cheers to combat burglaries in the area, but it is so vicious that Sam can’t even get into his office. Coach gets hold of the owner and finds out that alcohol calms the dog down. Unfortunately, it also makes him incredibly amorous… as Norm finds out. 1/13/20
• 034. Where There’s a Will… – 12/22/1983
  • The snow is coming down, Diane has a new perm, and Sam is showing off some of his magic tricks with a match to a customer (Elizabeth Hill). Another customer named Malcolm Kramer (George Gaynes) confides in Sam that he only has six months to live. Sam takes pity on him and lets him re-live his glory days as a bartender and he has a great night at Cheers. After he leaves, Carla finds that he’s dropped a note in the tip jar that indicates he is leaving $100,000 to the people at Cheers who made him so happy. Everyone begins arguing about the validity of the will and who will get what including Tom the lawyer. Coach goes and retrieves Malcolm, who says he doesn’t have time to specify who gets what, so he just makes it all out to Sam. Everyone once again starts fighting about how much they will get so Sam burns the will. Diane is pleased with his action and goes into the office and thanks him, and Sam tells her that he still has the will, having only palmed the original using his ‘magic.’ Diane is furious and the two bicker over what he did, although he nearly persuades her that they can spend the money together. When Sam mentions wishing that Kramer will kick off earlier to get his yacht in the water, he has an epiphany and burns the will. Diane is once again relieved, although questions whether he actually burned the real will and letting him know how much guilt he will feel if he didn’t. After she leaves, he burns the real will, mumbling about how much he hates her. Elizabeth Cassel is the customer with the jacket. Tim Cunningham is now billed as Greg. 1/13/20
• 035. Battle of the Exes – 1/5/1984
  • As Diane tries to find a place for her and Sam to go on a weekend getaway, Carla comes into work in the worst mood of her life, and won’t let anyone talk to her… except for, surprisingly, Diane. She tells Diane that her ex-husband Nick Tortelli (Dan Hedaya) is taunting her with his engagement to the blonde airhead Loretta (Jean Kasem), and has even invited her to the wedding. She feels even worse because she doesn’t have anyone to go with her as her date. She mistakenly believes that Diane has suggested Sam, so Carla asks him to go with her, but since he plans on going out of town with Diane, he declines. However when Nick and Loretta come to the bar and he sees how much he is taunting Carla, he agrees to go. They dance the night away at the wedding, prompting Nick to become jealous, and to come into the bar after the wedding and ask Carla to come back to him. She resists his advances, even when he plants a kiss on her in front of Loretta. Sam congratulates her, but she is still crestfallen because she knows he only wants her because the thinks Sam does. This leads to a kiss between Sam and Carla, but they agree that they just needed to find out what it was like. Diane comes and picks up Sam for their weekend, fully pleased that she helped Carla stand up to Nick. Allen Williams is psychoanalyst Dr. Paul Kendall. Jacqueline Cassell is the customer who mistakenly identifies Cliff as a former hottie. 4/26/20
• 036. No Help Wanted – 1/12/1984
  • Norm has been late showing up at Cheers, and when the gang puts together the clues, particularly the cats that follow him around aggressively, they figure out that he works upstairs in the kitchen at Melville’s as a dishwasher. Diane convinces him that he is too good for that and encourages to become a personal accountant. She also talks an extremely reluctant Sam into firing his accountant and hiring Norm. He starts out by doing Sam’s taxes, but Sam becomes even more skeptical when Norm declares that Sam is going to get $15,000 back on his return. Diane throws her business Norm’s way, which gives Norm confidence and he starts recruiting other clients. Norm finds out that Sam had his tax return checked by his original accountant Cy, which offends Norm and turns everyone in the bar against him. Sam and Norm’s fight escalates to the point that Norm walks out, and Sam tells him not to come back. Norm heads straight to Sam’s office with venom in his threats, but once he enters, he breaks down crying and begs Sam to let him stay. Sam softens right away and tears up himself, telling Norm that he will remain his accountant right after this return. Sam triumphantly announces this to everyone in the bar, and he and Norm make fun of Diane for choking up at the emotional moment. Cliff tries to teach the bar about what is in a man’s DNA. Amanda Horan Kennedy aka Barbra Horan is Sam’s former fling Becky Hawley. Russ Martin is the customer who likes Moon River. Steve Giannelli is the customer, later to be billed as Steve, who demands Coach bring him a beer. Hal Ralston is the customer who smacks Carla on the butt. 4/27/20
• 037. And Coachie Makes Three – 1/19/1984
  • As Norm and Cliff are humiliating themselves with two women (Milda Dacys, Robyn Peterson) at the bar who they can’t bring themselves to speak to, Diane and Sam are finishing up a meal she prepared at her place. Diane starts to worry that they are becoming stagnant, so she dresses herself is a skimpy nightgown. Unfortunately, she doesn’t realize that Coach has joined Sam in watching Thunder Road on TV, and she nearly sits on his lap. When Sam sees what Diane had in mind, he throws Coach out immediately… then they start to feel bad and invite him back to watch the movie. Weeks later Coach has been hanging out with them constantly and they never have any alone time together. Carla thinks Coach has a crush on one of the tellers at his bank, and once they get the correct name and bank out of Coach, they arrange to have the teller Katherine (Eve Roberts), Sam and Diane set it up so all four of them can go out together. They seem to get along okay and Coach leaves with her to see her home… but then returns less than a minute later having simply shown her the bus stop. Sam and Diane try to break it to Coach that they don’t want him around, but wind up just blaming it on each other. Coach demands that Sam tell him what he wants to say, so they tell Coach they don’t want him hanging around them so much. They wind up spending the whole night blaming each other, and the next morning when Coach comes in and demands to know whose idea it was to throw him out. The still try to blame each other until Coach says he wants to thank them because he caught up with Katherine and they go to know each other and he is crazy about her. At that point, each of them start trying to take the credit. 8/10/20
• 038. Cliff’s Rocky Moment – 1/26/1984
  • One night at the bar Cliff is running at the mouth pontificating about giant cows and chickens, and a guy at the bar named Victor Shapone (Peter Iacangelo) insults him and tells him he doesn’t like him. Meanwhile Sam gets irritated that Diane won the football pool and is planning to enter again and bases her pick on arbitrary things like their team’s name and color of their uniforms. When Shapone insults Cliff again, Carla encourages Cliff to stand up for himself and promises him that the guy will back down. When Cliff challenges the guy, he accepts and asks Cliff to fight him outside. Cliff tells him he’ll be there and then sneaks out through Melville’s. Sam does horribly on the football pool and only gets 4 out of 13 correct, whereas Diane gets 12 correct. Cliff returns to the bar and brings a tough black co-worker named Lewis (Sam Scarber) with him. When Shapone comes in, Cliff instigates a fight with him. Lewis stands up for Cliff initially but then realizes that Cliff runs his mouth at the post office too, so he leaves. Shapone challenges Cliff again, so Cliff tells him that he knows karate. Shapone tells Cliff that he will be in the pool room and that he needs to be gone when he comes out. Cliff maintains that he does in fact know karate, but that his precept is to stay out of a fight at any cost. Rather than answer Shapone’s final challenge, Cliff walks out of the bar. Everyone feels bad for him and Sam suggests that Shapone take a hike as well. Cliff returns a few minutes later with a brick and a board, and manages to break both of them using a kick and a head butt. Everyone is incredibly impressed, but Cliff confesses to Diane that he has never taken a karate lesson and needs to be taken to the hospital. 8/10/20
• 039. Fortune and Men’s Weights – 2/2/1984
  • As Norm awaits going on a blind date later that evening, two delivery men (Alan Fine, Charles Champion) arrive with an antique scale that spits out fortunes. Coach has purchased it from an intimidating salesman, much to Sam’s irritation. Norm gets a fortune from the scales indicating that all of his problems will be solved, and later his blind date ends up being his wife Vera from whom he was separated. They end up getting back together, so some of the barflies – particularly Carla – start to believe that the scale is telling real fortunes. Both Sam and Diane are skeptical and the voices of reason, but when Diane gets a fortune indicating that dishonesty in a relationship will be costly, she starts acting strangely. Carla begins tying more and more customers’ fortunes to things that are happening to them, even when it is a stretch. When Sam gets on the scale, Diane has a meltdown and tells him to get off. She finally admits that when Sam was unavailable, she took another man to an art exhibit and had a nice time, culminating in a small kiss. Sam is hurt, and says he realizes that they aren’t fulfilling each other’s needs, and breaks it off with her. After they have an argument over who broke up with whom, Sam gets one more fortune, which Diane warns could hold the key to their futures. When he reads it, the card simply says that the machine is empty and advises to order more fortunes. 11/25/20
• 040. Snow Job – 2/9/1984
  • Norm has a new friend named George Foley (James Gallery), and judging by Norm’s reaction to him, he is a laugh riot. Cliff is feeling edged out, and even more so when Norm takes off to a hockey game with George. Coach is nearing a personal records for most number of days without a broken glass, and to ensure his victory, he covers the area behind the bar with feathers. He keeps getting cockier and cockier as the time nears, so much so that he breaks several glasses intentionally. Carla tells Diane that this weekend is the one that Sam usually goes to Stowe on a ski trip with his friends and they pick up ‘snow bunnies.’ Sure enough Sam delivers Diane a story about his Uncle Nathan dying, and a funeral he needs to attend in Stowe. Before he leaves, she gives him a speech about honesty. Diane and Carla disagree on whether he will be coming back or not, but every time Carla seems sure of herself, Sam does in fact keep returning, concerned that Diane may be on to his lie. As he gets more paranoid that she’ll call to check up to see if there really is a funeral, he finally admits that he is lying. This naturally leads to a fight, with Diane telling him to go sleep with whoever he wants, and then telling him that there is a box boy at the supermarket interested in her. Sam storms out of the bar, and as everyone bets on how long it will take him to return, he comes back in questioning her story of the box boy. Gary Gershaw is the mailman who tells Cliff that his boss once told him to get his head out of his ‘Clavin’. 11/25/20
• 041. Coach Buries a Grudge – 2/16/1984
  • Coach returns from Phoenix from the funeral of his good friend T-Bone Scarpiggione, but thinks a tribute would have been better if more of his friends from Boston were there to celebrate his life. Diane suggests holding a memorial service for him at the bar, but Sam doesn’t think it is a good idea, and for some reason doesn’t seem to think much of T-Bone. Diane finally gets it out of him that he once made a pass at Coach’s wife Angela. Unfortunately Coach overhears Sam telling her this, and suddenly his temper rages against T-Bone. When their friend Arthur (Arthur Lessac) shows up, Coach has nothing nice to say about T-Bone. Sam tries to cheer him up by putting on a ridiculous sweater that Diane bought him, but even that won’t work. Diane intervenes and has Coach role-play talking to Sam as if he were T-Bone. Coach can’t let go of his rage, and tells him that he is going to badmouth him during the service. However, when he stand up there, he can’t help but say in a heartfelt way that he knows all people make mistakes and he forgives him and will miss him. Arthur privately tells Coach that everything he said could nearly make him forgive him for going after his wife as well. Their friends Charlie (Don Bexley), Tom (Fred Carney), and Lefty (Jack O’Leary) all join in with their grievances about what a miserable person T-Bone was. They all leave to go out and hang his cardboard cut-out in effigy. Diane saves the day by singing Amazing Grace, and all of T-Bone’s friends join in. Bob Lobel is a bar customer. 3/16/21
• 042. Norman’s Conquest – 2/23/1984
  • Norm brings in a new client, a boutique owner named Emily Phillips (Anne Schedeen) for whom Norm saved lots of money on her taxes, into the bar. Norm and Emily seem rather friendly, and soon all of the guys in the bar are teasing him about her being hot for him. Even Sam concurs with her notion, while Diane warns him if he does anything with her, it will do irreparable harm to his marriage. The guys try to talk him into jumping into bed with her, and Carla warns him he might lose her business if he doesn’t comply. Diane tells him to call Vera just to hear her voice. After the guys make fun of him one too many times, he decides that he’s going go for it. Emily starts to get tired of him being ignored, so she starts to leave, but Norm stops her and the two decide to go back to her place. While the guys are discussing this at the bar, Emily calls looking for Norm and tells Carla that he dropped her off, went to park the car, and never came back. Norm shows up at the bar and begins bragging about his exploits that never happened, until Coach tips him off that Emily had called. Norm chats privately with Sam and admits that he loves his wife Vera and has never slept with any other woman. Sam tells him that he admires that, but they agree that it is in a man’s nature to not appear vulnerable. Norm decides to tell his friends at the bar about his love for his wife, but after some slight ribbing, he quickly digresses into a comedy routine making fun of her. Diane is disgusted, but Sam rushes out to hear the jokes. Tim Cunningham is finally billed as Tim, the name he will ultimately keep. 3/16/21
• 043. I’ll Be Seeing You: Part 1 – 5/3/1984
  • Sam tires to casually mention to Diane that he did an interview with Boston Magazine for an article on the 20 most eligible bachelors in the city. She is livid, but he quickly tries to cover up by saying that he told the interviewer that he has now met the girl of his dreams and gave them Diane’s name. Sam admits to the others that he’s afraid she’ll actually call the magazine to verify the story. Diane later tells Sam that she almost did call but wants to wipe the slate clean to restore trust to their relationship. Same then admits that not only did he not really tell the magazine that, but that he was glad he didn’t so that women will continue to lust after him. The guys talk Sam into having a portrait made for Diane to make it up to her, and Cliff recommends an artist named Philip Semenko (Christopher Lloyd), who is on his mail route. Semenko comes into the bar thinking that Sam is someone who wants to buy his art and is furious at the suggestion that Sam wants him to paint her so he can get back in her good graces. Same takes an equal disliking to him and throws him out. Diane, however, knows Semenko and his art, and is thrilled when Semenko tells her that he’s love to paint her, as she has an anguish he’s never seen. Sam adamantly tells her that he doesn’t want him painting her, but Diane decides to let him do it anyway, thinking that once Sam sees the painting, he’ll forgive her and Philip, wo assures her that he’ll hate the painting, and it will break them up… but that he’d like nothing more than to do it for free. Meanwhile, Coach tries to organize a Cheers picnic, but no one will sign up to help… or attend. Norm keeps getting lured back to the Hungry Heifer restaurant downtown. Christopher Carroll is bar patron Ed. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode.7/12/21
• 044. I’ll Be Seeing You: Part 2 – 5/10/1984
  • The Coach decides to call of the picnic due to a lack of interest, but when he tells the bar that he was doing it for them, they start to feel bad and sign up to attend. Coach notes that the pathetic old man routine really worked. Meanwhile, Philip Semenko works on his painting of Diane, and has his daily crisis of confidence, but this time he asks Diane to sleep with him. She refuses, but then he realizes that she has lost her anguish and suggests that she go see Sam. Diane gets irritated with the way he belittles Sam, but as she begins talking about him and thinking about how he hurts her, her anguish comes back, and he is able to finish the painting with one single stroke. Diane loves the painting and is sure that Sam will also, but Philip laughs at the notion. Sam has sent in a photo of Diane to an ad he saw in TV Guide and has received the tackiest painting almost everyone in the bar has ever see. Sam plays it off as if it were a practical joke. Diane gets ready to take the painting and show Sam, but Philip warns her that it will be the last time she ever sees him. She shows up at the bar, gives Carla a gift for covering her shifts, and sends her off to Coach’s picnic. When she tells Sam that Semenko has painted her, he is furious right off the bat. Diane doesn’t want to show him the painting while he is in the angry frame of mind, which makes him even more angry. The fight escalates to how she always tries to make him over into something he’s not. Eventually, they devolve to face slapping and nose pointing, and although Sam tries briefly to make up, but he winds up telling her to leave the bar. She insists that if he doesn’t stop her, he’ll never see her again. He tells her good-bye, and although they both consider calling each other back, Diane eventually heads home. Sam, knowing that their relationship is now truly over, opens the painting, and can only stare at and admire it, saying out loud to himself “wow.” NOTE: This is the second of a two-part episode. 7/13/21

SEASON 3

• 045. Rebound – Part 1 – 9/27/1984
  • Several months have passed since Sam and Diane’s split, and in the meantime, he has begun boozing uncontrollably, chasing skirt and chasing off waitresses, and Coach and Carla are particularly worried. Cliff has just returned from a two-week vacation in Florida, but no one seems to have noticed or cared, and Carla has forbidden everyone from mentioning Diane’s name. Coach, however, thinks she may be on the only way to cure Sam’s drinking, so he goes to see her. Diane has just returned from several months at Goldenbrook Sanitarium in Connecticut, where she has regrouped following the breakup. In fact, her mother’s chauffer Boggs has just picked her up and returned her back to the apartment when Coach shows up. She initially tries to tell him that he’s part of a life she wants to forget, but she takes pity on Sam when Coach tells her that he’s boozing again. Diane visits the bar and is subjected to a disgusted Carla and a condescending Sam. Carla reveals she’s a private detective oversee what she’s doing and tells everyone about her stint in Goldenbrook. Diane tries to talk Sam into seeing a doctor she met at the sanitarium named Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammar). Sam is reluctant, but everyone in the bar seems to agree that he needs help, so he agrees to see him. Much to his surprise, Frasier has been in the bar all afternoon, and warmly greets a startled Sam. Because of Diane’s kindness and concern for Sam, he thinks that she is still crazy about him and is only using Frasier as an excuse to get back in his life. Coach, however, witnesses that Diane and Frasier are now in love and are a couple. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. Anita Elevi is one of Sam’s baton twirlers. Larry Harpel is Larry, and Brian Burt is a customer. 1/8/22
• 046. Rebound – Part 2 – 10/4/1984
  • Cliff gives a recap of the previous week’s episode, all while showing pictures of his trip to Florida. Meanwhile, Frasier and Sam have been having sessions, and through that and Sam attending AA, Sam has stopped drinking for ten days and is doing much better. Although Frasier sends him mixed messages about how well he is doing, he finally gives Sam his blessings to stop their sessions together. After Frasier leaves, Diane shows up at Cheers to talk to Sam, who assumes that she is there to try and get back together with him. He is nervous about letting her down and declining getting back together, but she really wants to tell him that she is in a relationship with Frasier. She is taken aback when same initially finds it disgusting, but they wind up both laughing uncontrollably when they both tell each other that they’re over each other. Sam shares the news with the guys in the bar, but Norm finds it disgusting as well. Frasier comes back to get Diane, and after the whole bar gasps in disgust when they kiss, Sam extends his congratulations and best luck to Frasier. She tells everyone how they met, but the flashback images of her battling an old lady (Ethel Sway) while playing croquet tell a different story. Sam’s current waitress and conquest Julie (P.J. Soles) quits the bar when she finds out Sam is dating her sister, so Sam offers Diane her job back. She quickly declines, but Coach privately tells her that Sam will surely stop drinking if she walks out. However, he tells Sam that he told Diane she’d wind up back in the sanitarium if she leaves. Frasier doesn’t think it is a good idea, and adamantly objects to her working there. Coach tells Frasier that they are not allowed to work together, that the two will mythologize their relationship and won’t stop thinking about each other. Frasier pretends to have an epiphany and recommends Diane working there. Sam then has everyone in the bar hold Carla down as they give her the news. Frasier insists that Diane give Sam a kiss after he congratulates her, which proves to be the most awkward they’ve ever had. Nevertheless, Sam still thinks she is nuts about him. 1/8/22
• 047. I Call Your Name – 10/18/1984
  • Diane is out of sorts at work but will only tell the others that she is angry at Frasier for making a mountain out of a mole hill. Meanwhile, Cliff sees his fellow postman Lewis steal a perfume sample out of a magazine and wants to do his duty and tell on him. Everyone encourages Cliff to let it go, and when they remind him what a big guy Lewis is, Cliff decides to do just that. However, Carla calls him a chicken and says he would likely squeal on a smaller guy, so Cliff tries to prove his point and tells on him. Lewis later comes into the bar after being fired, and demands that Cliff find out who told on him. Cliff is scared to death, but he later hands Lewis an envelope with the name of the perpetrator inside but tells Lewis that the man who told on him was only doing his duty and is very sorry. Lewis decides not to open the envelope but tells Cliff to tell the fella that he’s lucky that Lewis didn’t tear him apart, and then alludes to the fact that he knows it was Cliff. After Lewis leaves, the guys congratulate him on being brave but then find out that Cliff had written the name of another co-worker who is currently in traction. Frasier comes to see Sam after the bar closes, and confides in him that he is worried about a patient, whose girlfriend had called out the name of an ex-boyfriend during lovemaking. Sam gives Frasier comforting advice and tells him it happens all of the time and had even happened to him, but secretly he deduces that Diane had called out his name. He uses the information to poke fun at her the next day and finally gives away the fact that he knows. Diane is furious at the smug Sam and even more so at Frasier. When Frasier comes in, he is angry that Sam divulged he knew since he had told him in confidence. Frasier is ready to step aside but Sam comforts him by saying that there is nothing at all between them. After Frasier leaves, Diane tells Sam that he is a good actor, and that there is clearly something between them, seducing Sam into kissing her passionately in the backroom. When their passion reaches a fever pitch, Diane calls out Frasier’s name just to infuriate Sam… and it works. Mitch Kreindel is Eddie, the date Carla blows off and sends with Coach. Erwin Fuller is Mr. Fancy Bottom, the customer who is rude to Diane. 5/19/22
• 048. Fairy Tales Can Come True – 10/25/1984
  • Cheers is having a Halloween costume party, and Cliff comes in wearing an eye mask, dressed as Ponce de Leon. His claims of being a lady magnet are laughed at by the other guys in the bar, and they even question Norm to find out if Cliff might be gay. Sam and Norm both defend Cliff and tell them that he is just painfully shy and acts like a blither idiot around women. Cliff surprised everyone when he meets a lady dressed as Tinker Bell (Bernadette Birkett) and they chat and dance together all the way up until Sam closes the bar. Cliff and the lady make a date for the next night to meet as themselves, out of character. Meanwhile, Diane and Frasier plan to go see the Boston Pops, and Sam tells Frasier how he actually enjoyed seeing the Boston Pops with Diane, especially enjoying the guys who played the cannons. When Frasier is called away on business, Frasier suggests that Diane go with Sam. Diane is resistant and merely tries to offer the tickets to Sam, but Sam talks her into going with him. The two have a lovely evening, and Diane remarks that it was nice to have an evening with Sam that had no prospect of sex taking place. Sam tells her the night isn’t over and humorously chases her out of the bar. Cliff casually shows up at the bar fifteen minutes before his date, and Norm remarks that he’s proud of Cliff for not being a nervous wreck. Cliff tries to dispel the myth that he’s scared of women by lighting a lady’s (Rebecca Soladay) cigarette and then finding himself unable to speak. He retreats to the back room, followed by Norm, who tells him that he’d better get out there for his date, or Norm is done defending him. Cliff finally works up his courage again and goes out to wait for her… but she never shows up after Cliff stand by the door for six hours. Cliff berates himself and thinks he is an undeserving loser who deserves no happiness. Tinker Bell then calls him at the bar and admits that she too was cripplingly nervous and too scared to see him as herself. However, she is across the street and comes over to see him after all. When they meet again, both of them barely manage to choke out their real names, Cliff Clavin and Sharon O’Hare, before they stand there paralyzed. Sam puts on some music and then shapes their bodies and pushes them together so that they can dance again. J. Alan Thomas is bar patron Jeff. 5/19/22
• 049. Sam Turns the Other Cheek – 11/1/1984
  • Sam breaks a relationship off with a woman named Maxine (Kim Lankford), despite the fact that she begs him not to dump her. After she leaves, he tells everyone in the bar that he has to call it off because he found out that she was married. Meanwhile, Norm and Vera are wanting to move, and Cliff expresses some interest in Norm’s house. After Cliff has the house looked at by an inspector who tells him that it is in tip-top shape, Cliff asks the others to keep it quiet as he hopes to lowball Norm on his offer. However, when Norm sees the offer, he is ecstatic with how much Cliff has offered, causing Cliff to think he is getting ripped off. After closing the bar at night, Maxine’s husband Marvin (Carmen Argenziano) shows up and threatens Sam and holds him at gunpoint. Sam diffuses the situation by apologizing and telling him that he broke it off as soon as he found out she was married. Marvin puts the gun down, and same casually takes it and says he’s going to keep it in a safe place… then promptly shoots himself in the rear end when he tries to put it in his back pocket. The next morning, Sam comes in using crutches, and when the others question what happened, Sam tells everyone that he foiled a robbery by kicking the gun out of one of the gang member’s hand and was shot in the leg as he was dropping the gun. Diane finds his story to be suspicious, and when Maxine comes in apologizing for her husband, Diane pieces the truth together. Sam asks Diane not to tell anyone, but she tries to warn him that he will look more ridiculous the bigger the lie gets. Sure enough, Sam begins bragging about the robbery and is even interviewed on the news. This only provokes Marvin further, and he returns with his gun again, threatening to kill him for coming out of the situation looking like a hero. When Diane returns to the bar unexpectedly, she too is held at gunpoint. She assures Marvin that she understands, as she too is love with Sam, another piece of garbage like Maxine. This time Marvin decides to spare Sam for Diane’s sake, even though he thinks she’d be better off without him. Marvin leaves without incident, and Sam asks how he can repay Diane. She tells him that the one way to repay him is to come clean with his lie. Sam calls the newspaper prepared to make a full confession, but when the girl at the desk has heard his story and wants more details, Sam stops in his tracks and makes a date with the girl, while an annoyed Diane exits the premises. Carla has a toothache, and gets through the appointment pain free, by grabbing the dentist in the crotch and makes a deal that she and he will not hurt each other… while leads to a date between the two. Mark Sawyer is the impressed customer. 9/14/22
• 050. Coach in Love: Part 1 – 11/8/1984
  • When Diane returns a pair of pants to Sam, she asks that he return anything she had left at his apartment. However, she tells him he can keep her childhood hand puppet Brian the Lion. Unfortunately, he had given it to Carla to use as a bar rag. Meanwhile, a mother and daughter duo named Irene (Bette Ford) and Sue Blanchard (Ellen Regan) come into the bar, and Coach predicts that Irene is the woman he is going to marry. Coach asks Sam to help him approach her so that they can ask the ladies out. Sam isn’t interested in Sue, but agrees to help Coach out. Coach takes Irene over to show her the player piano, while Sam goes the through the motions of asking out Sue. She tells him that she hasn’t been out with her mother lately and doesn’t want to leave her. However, Irene then accepts a dinner date with Coach, and tells Sue that she figured she wouldn’t mind since they’ve been out every night that week. Sam is incredulous that Sue is turning him down, especially when she admits she lied because she wanted to spare his feelings. Sam then becomes adamant about taking her out, and she winds up screaming at him to stop pestering her, much to his embarrassment. Coach, however, has great luck with Irene and they go out on several dates. He finally builds up the courage to ask her to marry him, and Irene accepts the proposal right away. Sue calls the bar just afterward, and after telling Sam she doesn’t know who he is when he assumes she called to beg him for another chance. She speaks to her mother and tells her that she just won two million dollars in the lottery. Irene buys a round of drinks for the house as they all celebrate her good fortune. When Sam and Diane point out the has had quite a night with two wonderful things happening to her, she can only remember winning the lottery, and forgets what the second thing was. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 9/14/22
• 051. Coach in Love: Part 2 – 11/14/1984
  • From outside their houses, we hear Norm, Cliff, Carla, Diane, and Sam catch the world up on what happened in the last episode. Coach hasn’t seen Irene since the night he proposed to her, but she has postponed the wedding twice. Still, the Coach still thinks that the wedding is going to move forward. Sam tries to clue him in on what is going on, especially since she’s moved and hasn’t told him where, but Coach stops him and asks him to be his best man. Eventually, Irene shows up at the bar to talk to Coach, and she tells him how much she’s changed since she won the money. She’s been hobnobbing with new folks, including the Governor. She tells Coach that they aren’t going to work out, but the thinks it’s just the money talking and offers to wait to let her get it out of her system, and then they can meet on their intended wedding night and reunite. On the day of the wedding, the Coach shows up dressed for the wedding. Diane thinks it is romantic, but Carla and Sam tell her it’s not healthy to keep Coach’s hopes up. Sam calls Sue to read her the riot act about the way her mother’s acting. He also feels the need to ask her out. She turns him down again but does admit that Sam is right about the way her mother is acting. She’s ashamed of how she acted but tells Sam that her mother is engaged to a millionaire industrialist named Stanislaw Glods and is living in Corfu. When Sam tells Coach, he still believes that Irene will show up before the day is over. Sam and Diane wait it out with him until the end of the day, but she doesn’t show up. As they are leaving, the phone rings. The Coach answers it, but only speaks and tells her that she made the right decision to go with the rich guy, and then hangs up. Sam and Diane are puzzled and left wondering if it was really her who calls. After the Coach leaves, the phone rings again, but Diane convinces Sam not to answer it, and to just assume that it is her. Alan Blumenfeld is the customer who Cliff bothers talking about his Florida tan. NOTE: Jason Tatar is credited as a customer but does not appear. 12/5/22
• 052. Diane Meets Mom – 11/22/1984
  • Diane is going to meet Frasier’s mother Hester (Nancy Marchand) for the first time when they have dinner at Melville’s. Diane is her usually chatty pseudo-intellectual self, and after dinner when Frasier goes to the bar to get drinks, Hester threatens Diane to stop seeing her son or she will use her gun and kill her. Diane is so taken aback that she can barely speak but manages to tell them to go on out without her to listen to some live music for the rest of the night. Diane later confides in Sam about what Frasier’s mother told her. He suggests that Frasier’s mother must have been simply joking. Diane thinks about it and comes to the same conclusion. The next time Frasier brings his mother to Cheers so they can all three go out for dinner again, Diane mentions that after they are married that they will have to put mother in a rest home where daily beatings are administered. Frasier is stunned and Hester is outraged at the suggestion, but Diane insists that she was just kidding like Hester had been. When she reveals what Hester had said to her, Frasier is ready to leave with his mother, but Diane warns him that he’s better stand by her if he loves her. When he asks his mother why she said that, she admits that she did say it, but only because she was worried about Frasier ruining his career by marry a pseudo-intellectual barmaid. Diane assures her that she has the best intentions and plans to make Frasier’s mother proud to call her a daughter-in-law. Hester apologizes, and she and Diane hug and make up. They all three head out to dinner, with Diane making light of the fact that the three of them, arm in arm, can’t make it through the doorway, while giggling like a schoolgirl. Before they leave the bar, Hester offers to pay Sam whatever he wants to start thing up again with Diane. Sam says there isn’t enough money in the world. Meanwhile, Norm celebrates his 36th birthday at Cheers, and when Coach tries to pop the cork in a champagne bottle at Sam’s request, it hits Norm in the head. Sam insists that he go get checked out at his expense. Norm later returns to the bar after having spent the night in the hospital with a $683 doctor’s bill. Sam gets annoyed that Norm took advantage and had a mole removed during his stay. Sam reluctantly agrees to pay it as Norm’s birthday gift. Tom Kindle is Phil Ryan, the telephone repairman. 12/5/22
• 053. An American Family – 11/29/1984
  • Nick visits the bar with his wife Loretta and tells Carla that he wants to take one of his children from her to come live with him and his wife. Carla flat out refuses to let him have one, but Nick then mentions that he will take her to court. She confers with the attorney Tom, and he tells her that it is possible that he could do it if he can prove her an unfit mother. Carla then realizes that Nick would never have the money to hire a lawyer, but then he takes her into the other room to talk to her. Loretta tells everyone that Nick has a spell he can put on women to make them bend to his will. Sure enough, when he comes out, he tells everyone that he is taking Anthony with him. Carla admits that she is a jellyfish and that she cannot resist his charms. She initially thinks it will be easier on her to only have four children instead of five, but then realizes how much she misses Anthony. With the help of her friends in the bar, she refuses to sign the adoptions papers when he and Loretta return to the bar. Loretta suddenly gets a burst of conscious and tells Nick that she can’t take a child away from his mother. Nick then uses his wiles to persuade her back to seeing things his way. Everyone in the bar tries to help keep Carla from being alone with Nick, but she decides she needs to face him on her own. He throws his stare, his singing voice, and his passionate kisses at her, but she stands firm and won’t give up Anthony. He finally tells her that she wins, but she knows that Nick went easy on her, so she thanks him. As Nick is leaving, Diane condescends to tell Nick that he has no power over women, but Nick whispers a secret in her ear, and the breath down her neck causes her to collapse. Meanwhile, Norm loses a bet to Cliff about Sam’s batting average, then realizes that the Coach lost money to Norm because he bet that Cliff would act obnoxious if he won. Cliff also lost money on the book of baseball stats he had to buy, but he borrowed the money form Norm with no intention to pay it back. When Sam makes a reservation for himself and a date at the Pequod, Diane reminds him that once spent a romantic night there. Sam finds it amusing that it will upset Diane for him to be there with another woman, but it is actually Sam who can’t go through with staying there again. 1/1/23
• 054. Diane’s Allergy – 12/6/1984
  • Diane and Frasier come into the bar to announce that they are going to be moving in together. Diane especially is somewhat smug about it, as she is sure that Sam will harbor some resentments since she never this step with him. Sam acts as if he couldn’t care less, but when Diane comes in after starting to move her things and has a sneeze and an annoying tickle in the back of her throat, Sam thoughtfully suggests that it may be psychosomatic because she doesn’t really want to move in with Frasier. She blows him off as it being ridiculous and blames Frasier’s dog Pavlov for the allergy. Frasier agrees that he will need to get rid of Pavlov since Diane’s health will come first, and Sam volunteers right away to take the dog. He re-names the dog Diane much to Frasier’s irritation. Frasier later visits the bar, clearly feeling defeated because despite the deep cleaning that they have done, Diane’s cold seems to be worse, and is now punctuated with a high squeaky voice. When Diane suggests that they add linoleum in the living room, Frasier has had enough and says that Diane’s symptoms are clearly psychosomatic, suggesting that they wait to cohabitate until she is ready. Frasier tells Sam that he wants Pavlov back now that Diane isn’t moving in, and the two get into a noisy argument about Frasier’s demands that she belongs to him and always will. Diane thinks that they are arguing about her rather than the dog, and Frasier insists that Sam doesn’t tell her otherwise. Meanwhile, it is Carla’s birthday, and everyone gets her a gag gift. Even Frasier and Diane get her fine dribble crystal glasses. Carla remains irritable about the lack of thought they all put into her birthday and take up a collection to have Cliff go out and buy a real gift. Cliff presents her with a nice sweater that Carla says makes up for everything, but Cliff later reveals that body heat will make the sweater spell out “I am horny as a hoot owl,” prompting the guys to eject Cliff from the bar. Cory “Bumper” Yothers is Ben, the boy who wants a Red Sox autograph. 1/2/23
• 055. Peterson Crusoe – 12/13/1984
  • Norm comes into the bar as white as a sheet because a work physical for a new job he is starting has revealed that he has something on his heart that needs to be checked out. He soon gets a call from Vera that the doctor called and said that everything was fine and the mark was just a blemish on the x-ray. Norm is so relieved that he leaves the bar to be with himself and goes and sits in a vegetable garden. When he returns, he tells everyone that he has decided to give up the life he is leading and to head to Bora Bora where he will build a hut on the beach and then send for Vera. Everyone thinks he is joking, but he winds up calling his new boss and quitting the job, then leaving his jacket at the bar for someone who needs it. When Cliff is sure that it is a joke, Norm takes off his wing tips and gives them to Cliff. A week goes by, and the gang receives a postcard from Norm in Bora Bora indicating that he has set up his new hut and his new life. However, while Sam is working in his office, Norm suddenly appears from the stock room with a giant bag of pretzels. He tells Sam that he chickened out like everyone said he would and has been living in the back room of the bar for several days. He is too ashamed to face everyone, so Sam goes out to the bar and asks what everyone would think if Norm had never gone to Bora Bora. Some respond that they would lose all respect, and a customer named Joe (John Marzillia) says that this was only good thing that Norm ever did in his life. Eventually they catch on that Norm is actually in the office, but he won’t come out because he is ashamed. Diane tries to tell him a story about how she wanted to believe she could be a ballerina, but that she fell on her face, literally. Then Cliff tells Norm through the door that he wanted to a trapeze artist. Everyone finds this hilarious and starts laughing at Cliff, so Norm finally comes out to defend Cliff. Still, Norm and Cliff can’t help but poke fun at each other for their ridiculous dreams. Meanwhile, when Carla criticizes Diane’s waitressing, they have a contest to see who can get the most top. Carla is poised to win, when Diane suddenly gets a big tip at the end of the night, making her the winner. Carla goes through depression over losing and keeps moping around the bar. Diane asks if there is anything she can do to help her get over it, and Carla says that the only way is if Diane admits that she cheated. Diane says she didn’t do anything to cheat but admits it anyway in order to help Carla feel better. Carla then announces how pathetic Diane is to have cheated in such a silly contest. Although Diane pretends not to care, she spends the evening telling all of the customers that she didn’t actually cheat. Howard Goodwin is Mark, the customer with the terrible drink. Michael Griswold is Conrad, who had great service from Carla. 1/2/23
• 056. A Ditch in Time – 12/20/1984
  • As Norm and the gang discuss potential names for a baby in case Vera does ever become pregnant, Sam hits on a customer named Amanda (Carol Kane) and they makes plans to have lunch together. Same then finds out that Amanda is a friend of Diane’s. Diane warns Sam that it is best that he does not go out with her, but Sam chalks it up to Diane being jealous. After the date, things seem perfectly fine, and Sam tells Diane that he may ask her out again. Diane finally tells him that they knew each other from Goldenbrook Sanitarium. She tells Sam that Amanda is obsessive about men and that she might become attached to him too quickly. Sam asks for an example of what this behavior might look like, as Amanda brings her parents Todd (David Wiley) and Mona (Kate Williamson) into the bar to meet Sam. Diane and Sam attempt to discuss his next move, despite the interruptions of Norm and Cliff in the pool room, and Sam says he’ll just use tact and break it off. Diane warns him that if he isn’t careful, she might try to harm herself. When Sam tries to talk to her, Amanda immediately starts begging him not to leave her. He finally gets the words out that he doesn’t want to pursue the relationship, which turns into a woozy, suicidal shell of a woman… to the point that Sam makes another date with her. Later, Sam tells Diane that he finally resolved the issue, and Diane learns how when Amanda returns dressed in black, asking if they should have a funeral for Sam. Diane is disgusted by this, so she brings her back to the office and reveals that Sam is still alive. Even after being tricked by Sam, Amanda maintains that her love is so strong that she could never fall out of love with him. Diane then reveals that the cretin “Ralph” whom she talked about during their sessions at Goldenbrook was actually Sam. This causes Amanda to snap out of her fixation and tell Sam that she’ll now only think of him when something scurries under the sink. After Amanda leaves, Sam asks Diane what all she said about him during their therapy. She goes through a litany of things Sam did to hurt and disappoint her, including getting her steak knives for Christmas, before Sam has nothing left to say but “I’m sorry.” He tells Diane that they had some bad times, but the good times with her were some of the best of his life. Diane considers this the nicest thing he ever said to her, but forbids him from saying anything further and then possibly ruining the moment. After she leaves, Sam agrees that he would have definitely ruined it. 1/3/23
• 057. Whodunit? – 1/3/1985
  • Frasier and Diane stop at Cheers after dinner with Frasier’s mentor Dr. Bennett Ludlow (James Karen). Frasier can’t help complimenting Ludlow constantly and falling all over himself to please him. However, he and Diane become uncomfortable when they notice that Dr. Ludlow has a piece of beef wellington from dinner on his tie. While they tiptoe around a way to tell him about it, Carla simply blurts it out and flicks it off. Ludlow becomes immediately taken by Carla and her fiery spunkiness. He compliments her and talks her into going out with him. They see each other privately for a couple of weeks, while Frasier and Diane can’t understand why he keeps canceling plans with them. Likewise, Carla keeps asking Diane to take her shift and it always seems to correlate with Diane becoming unexpectedly free. Sam puts the clues together and guesses that Ludlow and Carla are seeing each other, while Frasier and Diane think the notion is utterly ludicrous. When Ludlow and Carla finally publicly acknowledge that they are dating, Sam gloats to Frasier and Diane. Frasier tries to talk Ludlow into giving up this nonsense and returning to his real circle. Ludlow has other plans and says he plans to propose to Carla after he returns from a brief trip. True to his world, he does in fact propose to her. Carla says that it has been quite a day and that she would be crazy not to accept. While everyone is celebrating, Carla slinks back to the pool room and Diane follows her. Carla admits to Diane that not only has she not told him about her five children, but that she just found out that she is pregnant with the sixth. Ludlow senses something is wrong with her, and she finally admits the truth about her kids… including his. He still wants to go through the marriage, but Carla admits that she is in love with someone else, her fantasy man who doesn’t bear much resemblance to Ludlow. He says he’s in love with a spunky spitfire who fits her description perfectly. The two part ways, but he promises he will support their child financially. She comes clean about everything to everyone in the bar, but tells them that she wants no sympathy. When they comply, she questions whether they are made of stone. Ernie Sabella is Stan, the customer Coach tries to guess the age of. 6/20/23
• 058. The Heart Is a Lonely Snipehunter – 1/10/1985
  • Sam and Norm are planning on going fishing together, but once Cliff finds out about it, he starts to hint how much he’s like to go. Sam gets the hint and invites him to come along, and soon Alan and Tim are joining them as well. Meanwhile, Frasier comes into the bar feeling depressed by the constant whining of his patients. Diane convinces a very reluctant Sam to invite Frasier to come along on the trip as well. He lights up and heads out with them, bounding with enthusiasm. Later that evening, everyone returns to the bar except Frasier. The guys can’t help but laugh at the mention of his name, and finally admit to Diane that they took him ‘snipe’ hunting, a ritual by which they give the new guy instruction to stand by with an open sack while they rustle the elusive, but phony, ‘snipe’ out of its hiding place. The men then left Frasier in the woods while they went to dinner and back to Cheers for drinks. Diane is furious, and tells Sam that Frasier considers him one of his closest friends. She finally succeeds in guilting Sam into going back to get him, despite the fact that he maintains they’re only having good, clean fun. Before Sam can leave, Frasier shows up, seemingly angry, but only because they’ve introduces him to such an intoxicating sport. He is still full of enthusiasm and feels guilty for getting lost and separated from the group. As they are about to tell Frasier that it was all a joke, Diane tells Sam to make sure that no one tells him the truth because he will be crushed. In fact, Frasier suggests that they go back out and try snipe hunting even more that night. Since Diane won’t let them tell him the truth, the guys are thrilled aobut taking him back out and continuing the joke. Diane then takes Frasier aside to tell him the truth to save him further embarrassment, but Frasier tells her that he knows that there is no such thing as a snipe and figured it out two hours after they left. He now plans to get them back into the woods, take their picture, and continue the hunt. However, as soon as they leave his sight, he will take the car back to pick up Diane and leave the guys stranded in the woods. As they all head out again, it begins to snow, and Frasier and Diane give each other a knowing look. Walter Smith, Kim Elliott, and H.B. Newton are the Sunny Side of the Street customers. 6/20/23
• 059. King of the Hill – 1/24/1985
  • Sam is annoyed when Coach makes another frivolous purchase in the form of the Billiard Buddy adapter kit, which changes the pool table into a ping pong table or salad bar. Norm has picked up his mother-in-law and left her sleeping in the car while he visits Cheers. Sam gets a visit from Lenny Barnes (John Hancock), the publicist for the Chamber of Commerce charity softball game, who brings along a photographer (David Paymer) to take some publicity shots of Sam with various Playboy Playmates Andrea (Ola Ray), Ginger (Heidi Sorenson), and Becky (Jeana Keough aka Jeana Tomasina). Coach and Diane are surprised that Sam has agreed to appear in such an event, but when the Playmates show up, the reason why becomes obvious. After the game is over and Sam’s team has defeated the Playmates 7-0, with Sam getting 18 strikeouts. The Playmates don’t even bother to hang out after the game. Everyone including Diane thinks he was too hard on the Playmates, but Sam is annoyed that they don’t appreciate how well he did on the pitcher’s mound. He storms back into the pool room with Diane following him. She tells him that he is suffering from being overly competitive from his fear of failure, which may have drove him to drink in the past. Sam agrees when he realizes that he turned off all of the Playmates by not letting any of them past first base. Sam says it stems back to his father never being impressed by anything he ever did, from grades to his efforts on the baseball field. Diane is thrilled that Sam is sharing all of this, but feels the need to interject her story about not going to prom. Sam quickly discounts her story and keeps talking about his father. They wind up in an argument and Sam challenges her to a game of ping-pong to prove how competitive she is. The wind up playing late into the night, even after the bar has closed. Diane suggests that they both have a victory by walking away from the game, even though she only needs one point to win. Sam agrees with her and they both start to walk away, but as soon as Sam puts his paddle down, Diane serves the ball to get her final point and win.6/21/23
• 060. Teacher’s Pet – 1/31/1985
  • When Sam starts stealing away to his office and locking the door, Diane fears that he may have started drinking again. She asks to speak to him so that she can smell his breath, but soon finds out that alcohol isn’t culprit. Sam has been studying a Geology textbook, and Diane is thrilled that he is working to better himself. She insists that he tell the others about going back to school, so he reluctantly agrees. He gets cheers from the others for his effort, but Diane is considerably less impressed when Sam admits that he is going after his high school diploma rather than a college degree. Nevertheless, she still applauds the effort. Coach never graduated high school either, so he agrees to join Sam in the class. Over the weeks ahead, they both triumphantly return from classes, often getting the highest grades on the tests. Diane starts to become suspicious when Sam can’t seem to recall what the test that he just aced had on it in the way of questions. When Coach mentions that Sam seems to be the favorite of their teacher Alanna Purdee, Diane puts two and two together and accuses him of sleeping with the teacher for grades. Sam readily admits this and is quite ashamed. He tells Diane that he never intended for her to give him good grades from wrong answers, but rather he only thought she was cute and wanted to sleep with her. Diane tells Sam that what he must do is to call her and tells her that he wants to be given his legitimate grade. Sam is reluctant to do this since he won’t be able to pass the class final, but does it anyway, much to Miss Purdee’s amusement. Sam then feels a real need to cram, but when he tells Coach what he did, he is furious that Sam was goofing off while he was studying hard. When no one else is able to help him, Sam considers calling her back to get together for sex, but as he stops himself, the Coach returns and offers to help after all. He teaches his Sam of memorizing information by singing it. Sam works long and hard to study and winds up with a D to the Coach’s A. Sam still feels ashamed and stupid but receives his diploma with his D. When Diane tries to console him, she mentions the wrong capital of North Dakota, prompting Sam to make fun of her and tell everyone in the bar that Diane doesn’t know her capitals. Meanwhile, Ciff considers getting an ear tuck and begs Carla not to make fun of him. Ultimately, he decides not to do it, citing the reason that God make him the way he is and he doesn’t want to interfere. Norm then correctly guesses that Cliff’s insurance won’t cover it after all. 6/22/23
• 061. The Mail Goes to Jail – 2/7/1985
  • Sam is off on a ski trip with a girl named Bambi (Debi Richter), even though he left with a girl named Cindy, and while he is gone, the heat goes out at Cheers. Since the furnace is still working, they assume there is a problem in the duct. Meanwhile, Cliff shows up at the bar on the middle of his route, suffering from a cold, and too ill to continue. Norm offers to drop the last several letters off on his way home, and Cliff reluctantly agrees. Sam shines a flashlight into the vents and is baffled by what could be causing the issue. A police officer (Troy Evans) stops by the bar and asks Cliff if he authorized Norm Peterson to delivery his mail. Even though Norm has been charged with mail theft, Cliff lies and says he had told Norm to stop following him around since he has ‘postal envy’. Everyone in the bar is aghast that Cliff has sold out Norm for fear of losing his job, even though Norm is sitting in jail. Norm pinballs between trying to find out what will happen to him if he admits the truth and thinking of ways to blame it on someone else on his route. Since Diane is running her mouth about no one being able to fix the heat, she winds up climbing into the duct herself and getting her body stuck inside, with her head just below the floor vent. Carla thinks of different ways to torture her, while Sam can’t help but poke fun at her. With everyone’s persuasion in the bar, Norm finally agrees to call his supervisor and admit that he authorized Norm to deliver the mail. With his good record, he only winds up with a 30-day suspension. Cliff thinks Norm will forgive him, but when Norm comes in, he immediately chases him around the bar. Norm is furious and tells Sam he doesn’t want him in the bar any longer. Cliff says he will leave, but he wants Norm to realize that he only confessed to get Norm out of jail because he loves him. Norm finally agrees to forgive him if Cliff will buy him a beer… with his pants around his ankles, standing on the bar, and barking like a seal. Nick De Mauro is the customer who worries about a cover charge. NOTE: This is the last appearance of Nicholas Colasanto before his death. 10/18/23
• 062. Bar Bet – 2/14/1985
  • A guy named Eddie Gordon (Michael Richards) comes into Cheers to see Sam and acts as if they are old friends. Sam does not recognize him and can’t rely on Coach because he’s gone off to Maine to take his driving test because he heard it was easier there. Eddie finally jogs his memory and tells him that he once made a bet while they were drinking together that Sam would marry actress Jacqueline Bissett before the date that is upcoming the next date. If Sam doesn’t marry her, he will have to give Eddie his bar. The lawyer Tom doesn’t think the signed agreement is binding since it is a wager and not a contract. Even though Sam would easily win in court, Sam dreads having to publicly speak about his drinking days. Carla has the idea that Sam could find another woman named Jacqueline Bissett and marry her instead, which would fulfill the obligation of their wager. Sam enlists the help of everyone to go through Cliff’s collection of phone books from across the country to find a Jacqueline Bissett. Eventually Cliff finds one living in West Virginia and tells her that she has won a round-trip first-class ticket to Boston. Cliff picks up Jackie (Laurie Walters) at the airport and fills her in on the truth of the matter. She is a nice girl, but not willing to get married so frivolously, but Carla manages to talk her into going out and seeing Boston for the day with Sam so that she can hear him out and get to know him. By the time they get back, she is impressed enough with his character to help him out. Unfortunately, Diane gets a phone call from the minister Harrison Fiedler that he is going to be late because his wife is having a baby. Norm nearly winds up with the job since he had sent away to be a licensed minister form a hippy congregation. The minister does in fact show up, right before Eddie shows up to collect on the bet. When he realizes that Sam has gone to so much trouble to get married, he offers to let him off the hook for $5000. Sam flatly refuses to give him anything, including setting him up on a date, or free drinks. The best he can do is give him a free olive with a pimento. As Eddie eats it, he warns Sam about shooting his mouth off in a bar. Diane thinks Jackie might be a little upset after being charmed by Sam, but she sees him as an empty-headed idiot, and questions what kind of woman would actually fall for Sam. Diane agrees with he, and gives Sam a swift jab when he starts to mention that he and Diane had dated for a year. 10/19/23
• 063. Behind Every Great Man – 2/21/1985
  • A female journalist named Paula Nelson (Alison La Placa) comes into the bar looking to write an article about the singles’ scene in Boston for Boston Scene Magazine. Cliff can’t even get his words out, so Carla recommend that she talk to Sam. She starts to interview Sam but gets instantly turned off by his juvenile come-ons and ends the interview. He tells her that he’s merely giving her examples of the stupid things he hears men try to say to women. They wind up having dinner together at Melville’s. Sam feels challenged by Paula and really wants to win her over, so knowing that she likes impressionist paintings, Sam starts asking Diane questions about art in order to impress Paula. Meanwhile, Diane is annoyed with Frasier, who headed off to a fetish seminar once again. When Frasier hears Sam ask Diane about Giverney, he suspects that it is all part of Sam’s plan to win over Diane. They end on a sour note when Frasier gives her the number where he can be reached, and she throws it on the floor. While she is picking it up. she overhears Carla telling Sam to give up on the egghead who, she says, is out of his league. Diane naturally thinks Carla is referring to her. She then overhears Sam making a reservation at a hotel on the coast of Maine where he and Diane once visited. When he tells the hotel that he hopes to create the same old magic, she once again thinks he is going to take her. With the Coach away in West Virginia for a family reunion of a black family he once mistakenly received an invite to several years ago. Sam realizes he has no one to tend bar while he is away in Maine, so he decides to ask Diane. When he asks, she thinks he is asking her to go away with him, and she agrees to be at the bar at 3pm the next day. She arrives with her suitcase, as does Paula. The two chat about their weekends and the men they are meeting. Diane quickly realizes the mistake she made and quickly hides her suitcase. Diane tries to pretend that her suitcase belongs to Al and hands it over to him. Once Sam and Paula get out the door, she has to retrieve her suitcase and the sexy attire that he is already exploring. Norm takes Cliff to the Hungry Heifer, where Cliff learns about their substitute meats ‘beff’ and ‘loobster’. George R. Wendt Sr., as George, appears sitting next to real-life son George Wendt. 10/19/23
• 064. If Ever I Would Leave You – 2/28/1985
  • With Coach off to visit his sister in Deluth, Cheers receives a visit from Carla’s ex-husband Nick, who has been dumped by his wife Loretta after she receives a job with The Singing Americans. Down on his luck, he wants to see Carla but she immediately rejects him. Since Loretta forced Nick to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, he is left with nothing including his house. Exercising extreme pity, Sam lets Nick do odd jobs around the bar, which Carla agrees to tolerate so that she can watch him grovel. After three weeks, Carla hasn’t budged at all in her stance on Nick. Even Diane thinks Nick has gone through a metamorphosis and starts defending him. Loretta shows up at the bar to have Nick signs divorce papers, and he not only willingly signs them, but tells her that he no longer cares about her and is putting all of his effort into winning Carla back. Although Carla does allow him to tag along and spend some time with their kids, she refuses to go out on any dates with him. Sam and the others start to take sympathy on Nick and begin encouraging Carla to give him another chance. She tries to tell them all that she hasn’t fallen for his act, and to prove that he hasn’t changed, Carla calls Nick and pretends to be Loretta asking him to come back to her. At first, he rushes out the door, claiming that he is going to get cigarettes. However, he stops himself before leaving and tells everyone that Loretta has called him and begged him to come back, but he is refusing because all he could think about was Carla. Loretta then walks into the bar and tells Nick that she can’t stop thinking about him and wants to get back together. Nick shoots her down again and sends her on her way. With mounting pressure, Carla finally agrees to take Nick back. As they head out to celebrate, Nick tells Carla that the last test with the real Loretta was the hardest test yet. Carla tells him that it wasn’t a test and that she really wanted him back. He decides he has made the right decision to stay with Carla, and then fakes losing control of his body which backs up, exits the bar, and begins yelling for Loretta. Diane and the others admit that they made a mistake, but Diane points out that Carla never fell for Nick and should be proud of herself for standing up to him. She agrees but admits that she is more in love with Nick than ever. Diane admits that she too feels the uncontrollable passion for Sam, but when he overhears her, she says she was going to say that she felt that way for “Samurai Frasier Crane.” 10/21/23
• 065. The Executive’s Executioner – 3/7/1985
  • Norm’s boss Mr. Hecht (Richard Roat) from Talbot International stops by Cheers looking for Norm while he is supposed to be at work. Norm hides from him in the men’s room, but Hecht follows him in and confronts him in the stall. He threatens to fire Norm if he doesn’t accept a job as the new “corporate killer,” which would be a 300% raise. The board feels he is an ordinary Joe with nothing to envy, so would make the process of firing a man much easier. With no choice but to accept the job, Norm brings in an employee named Billy Richter (Mark Schubb) to Cheers after taking him to lunch, a ballgame, and a movie. When Billy mentions how his wife is pregnant and they’ve just put a down payment on a house, Norm breaks down into tears as he tells him that he is fired. This process repeats with an employee named Michael (Randy Miller). Shortly afterward, a corporate spy named Phil Wagner (David Wohl) who has been following him, gives him kudos on behalf of the company. Meanwhile, Cliff is complaining about his neighbors making noise and leaving garbage on the property, so Carla dares him to write the neighbor a scathing note. After he writes the note, he speaks to his mother, who says that the neighbors have cleaned up everything and that all is well. Cliff also learns that his neighbor is a kickboxer. However, the mailman Walt Twitchell (Raye Birk) has come to pick up the letter and won’t give it back, prompting Cliff to wrestle it away from him under threats of being reported. Norm continues his work by planning to fire John Parker (Warren Munson), a widower with sick parents, foster kids, and 35 years with the company. Norm starts to have dreams while falling asleep at Cheers that he is sending an endless line of executives down an elevator shaft, until he encounters one man wearing a mask… which turns out to be himself. When John Parker shows up at the bar to be fired, he is already prepared as word of Norm has gotten around the office. Norm is unable to summon any sympathy, so he resorts to fake crying, which is more insulting to Parker than anything. Norm realizes he can’t go on like this, so he calls one of his superiors Mr. Miller, but Miller just scrams and hangs up. Recognizing his new power, Norm calls Mr. Hecht and uses a menacing voice, hoping to scare him out of his wits. Alan Blumenfeld is the uncredited customer who tips Carla poorly in the opening scene. 2/21/24
• 066. Cheerio, Cheers – 4/11/1985
  • Frasier announces that he has been selected to be a visiting scholar at the University of Bologna in Italy, as they have the finest school of Psychology in the world. He is leaving in two weeks, and since he will have plenty of extra time for travels, he asks Diane to come with him. Diane mentions that Sam is fragile, and this might be too hard on him, so Frasier agrees to break the news to him to gauge his reaction. Sam simply tells them that he is happy for them, but Frasier thinks he is repressing and asks to speak to him privately. He then confesses to Sam that he fears that Diane isn’t excited about the prospect of leaving with him and doesn’t really love him. Sam tells Frasier that Diane will come around, so Frasier confesses his fears to her. Diane is now excited about the trip but thinks that Sam is only acting like he’s okay with it because he thinks that the trip will be the death knell for her relationship with Frasier. Sam tells her that he is sincere and wants them both to be happy. Meanwhile, Carla has been struggling with her faith because of the state of her life, but when she hears that Diane and Frasier are leaving, her faith becomes restored. Two weeks go by, and Sam throws Frasier and Diane a Bon Voyage party. She says her goodbyes to Norm, Cliff, Carla, and Coach. Sam asks Diane to think of him as a decent person, and Diane says she is glad they are parting amicably as friends. She tells them that she only returned to Cheers because she was concerned about his health. They embrace and hold on longer than necessary before finally letting go and saying goodbye. However, after going a few steps, Diane runs back to Sam and they passionately kiss, asking how they could have ever denied each other their passion. They agree to go back to Sam’s place, but when she says to “wait,” he has a meltdown, thinking that she is going to over-analyze everything. She tells him that she only wanted to retrieve her purse, but now that the floodgates are opened, she decides that it would be a mistake to have one night of passion over a lifetime commitment with Frasier. Sam admits that it would be a ‘day at a time’ with him, but that if she can handle that, to call him. After Diane leaves, Carla stops by and tells Sam that her priest told him that Diane and Frasier leaving for Bologna was not a true miracle. Later, Diane calls during a stopover in London to tell Sam that she thought about it and was glad that they didn’t give in to their passion. Sam asks Diane to send him a postcard and to write small since he likes to read between the lines. NOTE: This is the last appearance of Nicholas Colasanto as Coach before his passing. However, previously shot footage of him was used in the final episode of the season. 2/21/24
• 067. The Bartender’s Tale – 4/18/1985
  • Sam has been interviewing waitresses to replace Diane, but Carla insists that she has the final approval on who is hired as she doesn’t want a romance between Sam and her to get int the way of her work. After throwing out potential waitresses Sydney (Rhonda Shear) and Brenda (Brynja McGrady aka Brynja Willis), she finally comes across an applicant named Lillian Huxley (Lila Kaye), an elderly British woman who has extensive experience in pubs. Sam agrees to give her a chance, and she quickly wins everyone over by hosting frequent sing-alongs in the bar. She also helps Cliff fix his back after a day of delivering heavy catalogs. Meanwhile in Italy, Frasier struggles with the money conversion rate and winds up tipping a bellboy (Gregory Snegoff) $100 to carry bags eight feet. Sam admits that Carla was right, and since there is no chance of any romantic entanglements, Carla is thrilled with the choice of Lillian as well. However, a beautiful woman named Carolyn (Camilla More) comes into the bar and begins flirting with Sam, and they quickly learn that Carolyn is Lillian’s daughter. Carla insists that Sam stay away from her, and he agrees, but once she starts showing him her modeling photos and flirting with him, it becomes harder and harder for him to keep his promise. After another plea with Carla, she insists that they’ll walk out if he asks her out. When Sam can take it no longer, he begs her to reverse her stance. Carla agrees that if Lillian is okay with it, she’ll allow it against her better judgement. Sam takes Lillian into his office to see how she feels about it, but she thinks that Sam is coming on to her. He then becomes afraid of turning her down because it might mean she gets upset and leave. Since Carla can’t think of an excuse to give her either, she tells Sam to simply say that it is too bad that they can’t date because “you know,” hoping that Lillian will come up with the reason on her own. Lillian deduces that they must keep the working relationship intact, as she loves and needs the job, and they need her. However, when she tells Sam that two of her husbands died in bed because of her passion, Sam suddenly becomes intrigued with her. He decides to settle with taking out Carolyn, and then asks her about how her father passed away. She tells him that it was her mother’s passion that killed him, and that is why she has hated sex all of her life. 2/24/24
• 068. The Belles of St. Clete’s – 5/2/1985
  • As Cliff tries to convince the guys in the bar that he has a woman named Lynette Cahill is sending him love letters after a brief tryst while he was in Florida, Carla thinks she spots her old evil principal Drusilla Dimeglio (Camila Ashland) for her time at St. Clete’s School for Wayward Girls. Carla has sworn revenge on Dimeglio if she ever saw her again but wants to make sure that she is the right woman. After checking to see if Carla’s teeth marks are still on her left ankle and it is inconclusive, Carla invites some of the other girls, Kathy Settuducato (Kate Zentall), Donna Guzzo (Catherine Paolone), Roxanne Brewster (Marsha Warfield), and Mo McSweeney (Ellen Gerstein), to have lunch and then take a look at the lady. None of the ladies can decided if it is the same woman, nor are they interested in getting any sort of revenge twenty years later. However, they do all seem interested in taking Sam behind the bar and ravaging him. Meanwhile, Sam chats with Diane from their ski lodge where she and Frasier have no heat in their ski lodge. When Frasier returns from skiing, she offers to help him get off his feet, and then accidentally knocks him out with his skis. Norm gets hold of one of Cliff’s letters from Lynette and he and Sam decide to read it, only to find out that it is from a motel manager threatening legal action of Cliff doesn’t return the items he stole from the motel. Cliff catches them with the letter, and when the other guys see that they have it, they want to hear what it says. Norm apologizes for reading it, then pretends to read it to the guys, substituting in a steamy letter from a woman in love with Cliff. He is appreciative of Norm’s gesture but asks him to make it up to him but reading the ‘fake’ version of the letter to him over burgers. Carla is disappointed that no one wanted to exact revenge on Dimeglio, and she tells Sam that her fantasy was always to come up from behind her and shave her head. However, she agrees to put the matter to rest. However, after Sam leaves for the night and Carla is left alone to close up the bar, the lady returns to pick up her wallet that she left behind. When Carla forces her to give her name to get the wallet, she indeed reveals herself to be Drusilla Dimeglio. Later, Sam sees the lights on in the bar and returns to check it out, only to find that Carla and Demeglio have become friends and are drinking together and playing pool. Carla has decided to forgive her when she realized that Dimeglio was just doing her job. However, she didn’t feel this way until she had already shaved half of her head. 2/24/24
• 069. Rescue Me – 5/9/1985
  • During their travels through Italy, Frasier takes Diane to a restaurant called Luigi’s in order to try and have a perfect night. Unfortunately, the Chef Luigi has just died, and the staff buried him that morning, causing the waiter (Martin Ferrero) to frequently burst into tears. This doesn’t stop Frasier from proposing to Diane and suggesting that they get married in Florence the next day. As Diane starts to answer him, she spills her drink on herself and had to go wash up. While she is away from the table, she calls Sam, who is busy setting up his new answering machine. When she tells him the news, he is flippant about it and refuses to ask her not to get married. Clearly, he is distraught about it but thinks she only called to gloat and not to stop her. The waiter finally tells Frasier and Diane that they are going to have to close because no one in the kitchen is able to get past the death of Luigi. Frasier is stunned when the waiter tries to hand him a bill, but when he questions it, the waiter tears it up and tells him to go back to Pittsburgh. Sam has a fantasy about traveling to Florence, interrupting the wedding, and professing his love for Diane. She in turn tells him that she has always been in love with him, and Frasier gracefully steps aside for them to be together. As Sam carries her off, she tells him that she is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, even if it means letting him see other women. When he snaps out of his fantasy, he asks Cliff to contact his travel agent and check on flights to Florence. Norm thinks that they don’t work well together as a couple but tells them that he would do the same thing. Carla thinks he is complete fool to not simply remain a wolf. When Frasier’s car breaks down enroute to Florence, Diane tells him that she is calling her mother, but then calls Sam hoping that he will not be at Cheers, but rather on a plane to Florence. When she gets his new answering machine, she thinks it is him, so she asks Frasier to forget the wedding in Florence and get married in the little town where they are stopped. At the same time, Sam gets a chill at that exact moment, and tells the attractive stewardess (Susan Kase) on his flight to Florence to not go too far away as he might need some assistance. Dan Galliani is the priest in Sam’s fantasy. NOTE: This is the last appearance of Nicolas Colasanto as Coach, albeit in previously filmed footage of him running into an old player named Dan Corelli (James V. Christy) and thinking he was blind, when in fact the called him the ‘blind guy’ because he sold blinds. 7/6/24

SEASON 4

• 070. Birth, Death, Love and Rice – 9/26/1985
  • Sam returns from Florence, unsuccessful in his attempt to stop Diane from marrying Frasier. Not knowing that they had switched locations for the wedding, he scaled the fence of the mansion where he thought it was, causing him to get attacked by dogs and jump into a moat. He was henceforth arrested and purchased by a landowner before getting free and returning home. He demands that no one speak Diane’s name to him ever again. Months later, Coach has passed away. Cheers receives a visit from a pen pal of Coach’s named Woody Boyd (Woody Harrelson) from Hanover, Indiana, who had been writing to bars in the big cities about the prospect of getting a job. When Coach became the only person who answered him, they began exchanging pens, an idea of Coach’s. Sam decides to give Woody and chance and hires him on board. After a long period of silence, Frasier visits the bar to confront Sam and let him know that he and Diane never got married, as she left him at the altar upon being asked if she took him to be her husband. She then remained in Europe for a while, running wild in a life of debauchery before returning to the states, and beginning work at St. Anselm’s Abbey with the Sisters of the Divine Severity. Frasier blames Sam for all of the outcomes that have befallen him, including losing Diane and his job, believing that Diane was always in love with Sam and thus unable to love him. He pulls a gun on Sam, who quickly recognizes it to be empty. After Frasier fills in Sam about Diane’s life, he leaves, telling Sam that he still considers him a friend. Sam decides to go and see Diane, who is busy slaving away in the abbey kitchen, creating new recipes that the nuns can’t stand. Diane is shocked to see Sam, and after offering condolences about Coach, she asks him to leave. He asks her to return to Cheers, but she declines. They agree that they are glad that they were able to say goodbye and part as friends. Before he leaves, Sam confesses that he had flown to Florence to try and stop the wedding. After asking Sister Marie (Lois De Banzie) for advice on what to do, she tells Diane to put her faith in God, which is what Sister Marie intends to do after eating Diane’s latest concoction. Diane prays for the first time in her adult life and asks God for a sign to direct her path. When Sam returns to ask where the men’s room is in the convent, she realizes that she has received her sign. Arnold F. Turner is the bar patron who says Diane’s name. Patricia Huston is Sister Catherine. 7/7/24
• 071. Woody Goes Belly Up – 10/3/1985
  • With Diane back working at the bar, Frasier comes in to drink frequently and has run up a tab of $500. Out of work and hoping to pick up the shattered pieces of his life, he asks Sam if he can sweep the floors to both pay off some of his tab and make Diane feel sorry for him. Sam agrees, but Diane finds it annoying as seeks to avoid feeling guilty for leaving him. Meanwhile, Sam and Diane notice that Woody turns down a date offer from an attractive girl named Lisa (Liz Kiefer). When they ask him about it, he tells them about his old girlfriend Beth Curtis (Amanda Wyss), who chose to remain back home in Hanover rather than travel with Woody. Diane decides to meddle and bring her to Boston to reunite her with Woody. After Diane picks her up from the airport and brings her to Cheers, she mentions Woody being fat, and then proceeds to tell them how she recently lost fifty pounds. Woody and Beth have a joyful reunion, and he admits to everyone that he has lost 100 pounds since leaving Indiana. However, as soon as they see each other, they both head out to eat, even though they had both just eaten. After several days of constant eating, Diane tries to get to the bottom of what their issue is. Frasier says that they are substituting food for physical relations since neither of them feel like they can even talk about sex, much less actually do it. Diane, however, thinks that they can have a stimulating but healthy dinner and good conversation without eating junk food. Sam comes along with them, and they go to a fancy French restaurant where they eat nothing but vegetables. When they start to crave more rich foods, they go off to their own table and talk about sex for the first time, each of them admitting that they didn’t think that the other wanted to talk about it. Woody and Beth head off together, leaving Sam and Diane to reminisce about their first time. Although it was wonderful, they agree that there is no chance of all of that happening again. They start off by munching on celery, and soon find themselves with an entire able full of rich foods to fill the void of their hunger. Sean E. Markland aka Sean Everett is the waiter. 7/8/24
• 072. Someday My Prince Will Come – 10/17/1985
  • One night at Cheers, Diane finds that a customer has left behind a cashmere coat with a Bemberg lining and begins examining it to make an educated guess as to what the owner is like. She deduces he is a pipe smoker and notes that the pocket contains tickets to The Grand Kabuki and a dried rose, meaning that he is cultured and intelligent. Sam finds the notion ridiculous, but Diane puts her money where her mouth is when the coat’s owner Stuart Sorenson (Frank Dent) calls from his car phone to inquire about the coat, and she makes a date with him sight unseen. From their conversation, Diane claims he could be the most attractive man she’s ever met no matter what he looks like. When he shows up at the bar and is rather plain looking with a big nose, Carla and Sam both laugh at the situation. Diane, however, claims that she feels completely vindicated, and the two begin to date all week long. When Carla continues to make fun of his looks, Sam corrects her and admits that Diane’s intuition was right, and that Stuart has proven to be a really nice guy. The next time she comes into the bar with Stuart, Woody tells her how much he likes him, but wants to know if he’ll do the trick that Sam mentioned where he stops a clock by looking at it. Diane asks to speak to Sam, and he immediately apologizes and said that he made the comment before he knew Stuart. However, Diane is more angry at herself than Sam, and calls herself a ‘poo’ for being so small, vain, and petty, and constantly wishing that Stuart was better looking than he is. Despite him being a wonderful man, she isn’t attracted to him at all. She tells Sam that she wants to break it off but needs a lie from Sam so that she doesn’t hurt his feelings. Sam suggests that she tell him that she has a skin condition, and that insanity runs in her family. She thinks Sam’s idea is ridiculous, and vows to be honest and tell him that she’s only attracted to him as a friend. However, when Stuart tells her that he’s thinking of making a commitment, she immediately reverts to Sam’s lie. Stuart then tells her that he’s reconnected with an old girlfriend and that they are going to try to make it work again. Diane is relieved, even if embarrassed by her own behavior, especially since it is him who broke it off with her. Sam tells her to be honest with herself and admit that it is only looks that matter to her, and just to prove it, he asks her to name one reason anyone would go out with him other than looks, but she can’t name one thing. Meanwhile, Carla asks Cliff to work on her son’s Gino’s science project, which is an electric generator. Cliff finds it titillating when the electric travels from his neck to his lower regions and asks to have it cranked up again. 7/8/24
• 073. The Groom Wore Clearasil – 10/24/1985
  • Diane is planning to interview to get a job as a college teaching assistant again, and Sam warns her not to fall into the same trap that she did with Sumner. Diane assures him that she has matured since those days. Cliff brings in a potato that he believes looks like Richard Nixon and think he can get some publicity for it. Meanwhile, Carla comes in and complains about her son Anthony (Timothy Williams), who has entered into a nauseating relationship with his new girlfriend Annie (Mandy Ingber). Carla asks Sam if he will be a good influence to Anthony and show him the perks of bachelor life, so Sam agrees to take him out to a game. Afterward, they return to Cheers where Annie is already trying to track him down. Anthony tells Sam that he’s really in love and that they are thinking about getting married. Sam tries to show him how carefree his life is by making calls to various women in his little black book, but Anthony tells Woody that Sam has no one to care about or come home to. Diane interviews with Dr. Moffat (John Ingle), who tells her that he received a great recommendation from Sumner Sloane. Diane then goes overboard to clarify that she will emphatically not sleep with him, while telling him that she’s not implying that he wants to have sex with her, thus ruining her chances of getting the job. Cliff attaches his potato to a Ken-doll body and put it in front of a podium to help sell it as a Nixon lookalike, causing Norm to tell him that he’s completely gone off of the deep end. Carla furiously tells Sam that Anthony is thinking of getting married after his night with Sam. Anthony brings Annie into the bar and asks her to sign a consent form. Carla refuses, and Anthony threatens to get his father Nick’s permission instead. Carla thinks that since Anthony is a Tortelli, his eye will eventually wander, so she agrees to sign the form if they can stay away from each other for two weeks. They agree to the stipulation, while acknowledging that it will be heartbreaking to be apart. After two weeks, the kids keep their end of the bargain and show up at the bar to get Carla’s signature. However, Annie has her cousin Gabrielle (Sherilyn Fenn) with her, and Anthony can’t take her eyes off of her. When Anthony leaves with Gabrielle to go to breakfast, Annie acknowledges that Carla knew what she was talking about all along. Carla tells her that she knows three things about Tortellli men: 1) they draw women like flies, 2) they treat women like flies, and 3) their brains are in their flies. Annie agrees and adds that they also throw away the best women. Craig Berenson is the customer who gets the extra money from Diane. 11/4/24
• 074. Diane’s Nightmare – 10/31/1985
  • Sam lets Diane take a nap in the office since she’s been up late studying for her exams, and as she sleeps, the other guys play a game of Boggle and make up most of the words. Later, on a dark and stormy night, Sam reveals that he had some men checking the plumbing and discovered a hidden staircase in the closet that he has had converted into a wine cellar. He sends Woody down to get a bottle of wine, but he doesn’t come up. Diane starts to feel on edge, especially when Norm reads in the paper that Andy Schroeder, who had once tried to kill her, had escaped from the mental institution. As her fear increases, Carla, Cliff, and Norm go down to the wine cellar and never come up, although at one point she hears a blood-curdling scream from Norm. She reaches panic mode when the lights go out and phone dies. Sam insists they are just trying to scare her and suggests that she go down and let them get it over with. She follows his advice and goes down into the cellar, and then she sees Andy when he lights a match in front of her. She wakes up in Sam’s office screaming, and both Sam and Frasier come in to check on her. Frasier asks her about her dream and if it is once again related to Andy, a recurring nightmare that she has been having ever since Andy was released from the institution. Frasier then admits that he wanted to find out if Andy was dangerous, so he went to see him and is now counseling him. He wants Diane to talk to him to confront her fear, but she refuses. She asks Sam if she can have the rest of the night off, and on her way out, she encounters Andy face-to-face. He tells her that he is leaving the country and wants to plead for her forgiveness. Frasier talks her into telling him that he is forgiven, prompting Andy to ask for one more favor. He tells her that he is now engaged to a woman named Cynthia (Nancy Cartwright), who knows nothing of his past. He says that he has told her that everyone at Cheers was a friend of his and now wants them to act as if they all know and love him. Before he can coach them on any of the other lies that he’s told, Cynthia shows up at the bar. Andy then tells her that he owns the bar, that Diane was a former lover who he has dumped, and that he often counseled Frasier about his kleptomania. As he leaves, he takes all of the money from the cash register and heads out, giving Diane a big kiss on the way. Diane is certain that he won’t be coming back, but Sam trusts that he will return. Sure enough, he comes back, returns the money, and thanks everyone for lying for him. Diane starts to apologize to Sam for not trusting him and follows him back into the office. Much to her surprise, Sam has put on a smoking jacket, light up a pipe, and begins to recite poetry to her, telling her that his buffoonish facade was just for the benefit of his blue-collar customers. When Sam starts to play an opera that he is writing, Diane is turned on and pleads with him to make love to her. She then realizes that she is dreaming again when Sam wakes her up. She ask him if he owns a velvet smoking jacket, and he responds that he is smokin’ in any jacket. Sam is called back to his game of Boggle, and on the way out, he asks Diane if they had sex in the dream. She says that they certainly did not, to which he says it must’ve been a bad dream. After he leaves, Diane finds a pipe in his drawer, but it turns out that it merely blows bubbles. 11/4/24
• 075. I’ll Gladly Pay You Tuesday – 11/7/1985
  • While the guys in the bar are working on how many people they can stuff into one of the restrooms, Diane is fretting because she needs to come up with $500 quickly. She reveals to Carla and some of the patrons that she wants the money to purchase a signed copy of Ernest Hemingway’s book The Sun Also Rises that she’s discovered in a local bookstore. She decides to ask Sam to borrow the money, and he agrees to write her a check without even asking what it is for. He says that his philosophy is to loan money to friends without ever expecting it back, but Diane insists that she will honor the debt. Some time passes, and as Norman struggles with the after-effects of eating at the Hungry Heifer again, Cliff tries to get the world record for walking backwards, and Carla takes delight in teasing Sam about the fact that Diane hasn’t paid back the loan yet seems to be wearing a new sweater and is eating expensive lobster salad. Sam finally reaches his boiling point and asks Carla what Diane spent the money. When he finds out that it was a book, he smashes a box of cookies that Diane has just purchased from a little girl (Eve Glazier). When Diane realizes how upset he is over the book, she takes him into the office and turns the book over to him to hold as collateral. She only asks him to put it in his safe and make sure that nothing happens to it. Later, as Cliff explains that he had to abandon his effort to set the record when he backed into his mother’s curling iron, Sam brings the book into the bar and asks if anyone knows how to fix it after he dropped it into the bathtub while reading it. Sure enough, when Diane comes in, she immediately asks how the book is doing as she has purchased a bookstand for it. A collector named Bruce Sayers (William Lanteau) overhears their conversation and offers to buy the book for $1000. She accepts the offer and asks Sam to retrieve it from the safe. Knowing that he’s destroyed it, he gets into a bidding war with Sayers and when he reaches $1200, Diane decides that she wants Sam to have it and stops the bidding. After Sayers leaves, Diane confesses that this had made her very attracted to Sam and wants him to kiss her. However, when he realizes that she now wants him to pay her the $700, he starts to hold her ‘a little tight’. Rick Andosca is the customer who finds everyone in the restroom. 11/5/23
• 076. 2 Good 2 Be 4 Real – 11/14/1985
  • Diane is taking a mime class and puts on a display of what she’s learned, only to be mocked by the patrons. Meanwhile, Carla has begrudgingly took out a personal ad in the Boston Scene magazine, but after two weeks, she still hasn’t received any responses. The guys help her look over her ad and see that she has mentioned that she has six children, which helps to explain the lack of response. Sam has the idea of making up a guy to answer her letter, in hopes of giving her some confidence, which will help make her feel more attractive. They come up with a character named Mitch Wainwright, an international airline pilot who is always traveling, and use a photo that came with Norm’s wallet. Carla is immediately smitten with him, although Diane can immediately tell that this is Sam and the guys’ handiwork. When another customer (Jack Gallagher) notices that the photo of Mitch is of the same guy who came in the picture frame he bought, Carla simply assumes that Mitch is also a model. Diane invites her fellow student Lev Agajanian, otherwise known as Sotto the Mime (Don Lewis), to come to the bar to perform for everyone. Although Sam is horrified by the idea of having him around, he agrees to allow it if she keeps Sotto away from him. Carla mentions that she’s on top of the world with Mitch, when earlier she might have settled for a guy named Vinnie Claussen (Michael Alaimo), a funeral who has answered her ad and seemed like a loser. Realizing that his scheme has backfired, he tries to prod Carla into giving Vinnie a chance. Diane starts to berate everyone for spoiling Carla’s chance with a real human. Sam tells Sotto that he needs to leave, but Sotto keeps going through his routine, not even responding to Diane’s requests for him to leave. Diane suggests that he do his ‘robot winding down’ routine, and when he does, Norm and Cliff pick him up and throw him out of the bar. When he shouts through the window that he will see Diane in the next day, Woody thinks that it is a miracle that he spoke. Vinnie shows up at the bar to see Carla in person, so Sam decides that he has better come clean so that she will give Vinnie a chance. Naturally, Carla is furious and thinks that the guys were just having fun and laughing at her, but Sam convinces her that they truly did it because they care, a sentiment that even Diane backs up. As Vinnie is getting ready to leave, Carla screams at him from across the bar to sit down. She tells him that she’s going to give him a chance and finds out that he has seven kids. Carla asks if she can call him Mitch and pretend that he’s an airline pilot, just for the night, and he agrees as long as he can call her Raven and pretend that she’s a Vegas showgirl. 11/5/23

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