The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – Showtime

Created by Jenji Kohan

Theme song: “Little Boxes” written and sung by Malvina Reynolds

• 001. You Can’t Miss the Bear – 8/7/2005
  • Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise-Parker) is widow living in the town of Agrestic, a suburb of Los Angeles, California, with her two sons 15-year-old Silas (Hunter Parrish) and 10-year-old Shane (Alexander Gould). Although she appears to be a normal soccer mother involved with the school board, she is also dealing marijuana to inhabitants of the town, which she gets from her black female supplier Heylia James (Tonye Patona), who is assisted by her daughter Vaneeta (Indigo), son Keeyon (Tyrone Mitchell), and nephew Conrad Shepard (Romany Malco). One of Nancy’s most frequent customers is Doug Wilson (Kevin Nealon), an accountant and City Councilman for Agrestic, whose teenage son Josh (Justin Chatwin) is one of Nancy’s rival dealers. Silas is dating Quinn (Haley Hudson), the daughter of Nancy’s shallow friend Celia Hodes (Elizabeth Perkins). Quinn asks Nancy’s permission to have sex in the Botwin house, while Celia tries to get Nancy to use a Nanny-cam to prevent such a thing from happening. Nancy promises Celia that the kids will not have sex under her roof, but they end up having sex under a missing skylight that Shane has fallen through. Shane has bully problems, chief among them is Devon Ressler (Adam Taylor Gordon), who Shane ends up attacking with a paint gun. Nancy tries to convince Josh not to sell drugs to children, but when he won’t stop, she threatens to tell his father when she finds out that he is having gay sex with her neighbor Hiram Wells (John Kelly). Celia finds out that her husband Dean (Andy Milder) is having an affair with Helen Chin (Jina Song) when she views it on her Nanny-cam. With the craziness going on around her, plus the fact that her husband Judah dropped dead of a heart attack while jogging, Nancy visits the James house and breaks down crying in Conrad’s arms. Renee Victor is the Botwin maid Lupita. Allie Grant is Celia’s daughter Isabelle. Clayton Rohner appears as a soccer coach. Tressa DiFiglia is Maggie. 8/19/15

• 002. Free Goat – 8/14/2005
  • Nancy is having money troubles and get her phone shut off. She gets some advice from Doug to create a false business front. She is unable to pay Heylia for her next supply and ends up leaving her car, then wedding ring as collateral. Celia sends Quinn to boarding school in Mexico and rubs it into Silas’s face that she left without saying goodbye, which depresses Silas and makes him angry at his mother for their predicament of not having a phone. Shane laments the loss of his father (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and watches videos on the roof with his camcorder. He ends up falling off the roof and breaking his arm. Nancy smashes the camcorder in anger. Upset over Dean’s affair, Celia shaves his head while he is sleeping, follows him to his poker game, and then confronts Helen Chin (now played by Michelle Krusiec). The two go out for drinks, and although Celia is bitter toward her, she listens to her and understands Dean a little more. E.J. Callahan is crazy patient Mr. Norman. Shawn Schepps is Allison. Becky Thyre is Pam Gruber. 8/22/15
• 003. Good Shit Lollipop – 8/22/2005
  • Doug tells Nancy about a medical marijuana facility in the city where he and his friend have been purchasing ‘legal’ product as part of a ‘pot club.’ She immediately upgrades her merchandise and incorporates lacing food products with pot, which immediately wins back her customers, especially after they find out that the pot club has them in a government database. Meanwhile Celia finds out that Isabelle has been sneaking chocolate and gaining weight, so Celia substitutes the chocolate with laxatives causing her to have an accident in school. Andy is outraged, and Isabelle takes revenge by slipping her mom diarrhea medicine, causing her to become frustratingly constipated. There is a mountain lion on the loose in Agrestic, and Shane shoots it in the eye with his bb gun. Nancy thinks he has shot the neighbor’s cat and takes away his gun, but later spots the mountain lion with an eye injury. Silas pursues a deaf girl named Megan Graves (Shoshannah Stern), who initially is offended by him and sprays his crotch with spray paint. Craig X. Rubin is Craig X. Kathleen M. Darcy is the teacher. Jina Song is the reporter. 11/15/15
• 004. Fashion of the Christ – 8/29/2005
  • Nancy’s brother-in-law Andy (Justin Kirk) shows up at the house bearing gifts and a plan to stay with the family for an unspecified amount of time. Soon enough he gets on Nancy’s last nerve when he nearly gets Shane suspended from school for selling a batch of t-shirts that he got stuck with that say “Chris Died for Your Sins”, and he poses as Silas and has cybersex with Megan. Nancy feels she can’t back her pot goodies with Andy in the house, so Heylia refers her to get her product from the “Candyman”, who turns out to be a female fitness nut (Jane Lynch). When Andy visits Conrad, Heylia inadvertently blows Nancy’s cover by sending a batch of Nancy’s pot with him. Nancy is ready to kick him out, until he tells her that he knows about her business and wants to help her with it. A batch of cargo falls out of a plane and crashes through the Hodes house, just before Celia announces to Dean that she has cancer. David Doty is Principal Dodge. 11/15/15
• 005. Lude Awakening – 9/5/2005
  • Nancy is in the middle of a drive-by shooting while at Heylia’s house, which shakes her up and makes her start to question her business. A trunk falls on Conrad’s car while in Nancy’s possession. Celia’s cancer makes her start to act differently, giving away most of her clothes while anticipating have her breasts removed. While drunk and on Quaaludes, she shows Silas her breasts, much to Nancy’s chagrin. Andy wants to get in on the bakery that Nancy plans to open, bur she refuses and advises him to go into business of his own. He buys an ounce of pot from Heylia and gets pulled over by a bicycle cop (Lochlyn Munro) immediately and arrested. Nancy meets Andy’s lawyer Ms. Greenstein (Allison Janney) who she thinks might be useful later for her knowledge of marijuana laws. Andy and Doug bond over the porn film Incredahoes. Silas’s friend Brian (Joey Gray) advises him to break it off with Megan and play the field, telling him that a girl named Chelsea (Ayla Kell) likes him. Silas dumps Megan and then instantly regrets it when he finds out that Chelsea had no interest after all. Megan refuses to go back with him. Shane is sent to the school psychologist (Amy Aquino) for writing violent gangster rap. Shane bonds with Celia because they are both looked at as outcasts now. 1/10/16
• 006. Dead in the Nethers – 12/12/2005
  • As Nancy continues having fantasies about her late husband Judah, she starts working toward opening her baker, with Conrad acting as an adviser. Celia is ready to take her breast for a ‘final spin’ before they are removed, and gets Nancy and Conrad to go out with her. Celia and Conrad hit it off and they end up getting passionate in a car in the parking lot. Nancy meets an apparently high-powered drug dealer named Tusk (Keith Diamond) at the bar and looks for some advice. Andy is forced to visit Marijuana Anonymous, and talks an attractive lady named Sharon (Brooke Langton) to be his sponsor. He ends up faking a crisis of willpower and arranges a date with her ostensibly to keep from smoking, and they end up sleeping together. Lupita’s friend Serena (Yvonee Delarosa) tells Lupita that according to her cousin Alejandro, Nancy is selling drugs and infringing on his business. Lupita searches the house high and low for the drugs, and ends up finding them in a pillow when Shane asks her to help him make a pillow fort. She gives Nancy the drugs and demands a raise. Megan returns to Silas and they get back together, but get caught by Andy smoking pot. They end up sleeping together, and she speaks her first vocal words to him when he tells her that he loves her. Shane films a terrorist video with his friend Julie (Marielle Carrera), which concerns Nancy until Andy tells her that these are just the type of things that boys do. Nancy looks back at videos with Judah and can’t keep herself from crying. Jeffrey Ross is Billy. Remy Auberjonois is Mr. Albin. 1/11/16
• 007. Higher Education – 9/19/2005
  • Nancy finds a math tutor named Sanjay (Maulik Pancholy) for Silas, and while visiting the Valley State campus, she sees the business opportunity to sell pot to the students. While placing her order with Heylia, Nancy is strongly lectured about being cautious by not using a cell phone. Meanwhile while Celia is in the hospital for chemotherapy, her judgmental mother Pat (Concetta Tomei) visits, and begins passing judgment on the way that Isabelle is being raised. Once Celia and Dean have had enough criticism, they bond over locking Pat out of their home. Andy begins having an affair with Eileen Dodd (Clare Carey), the mother of Shane’s new best friend Max (Forrest Landis). Andy wants to break it off when he realizes that she is physically hurting him by biting, but Nancy warns him not to screw up Shane’s friendship. He ends up unable to perform anyway, so the relationship fizzles out with no damage to the boys’ friendship. Someone spies on Nancy at the campus and pelts her car with pennies. Although Heylia and Conrad warn her that someone is after her, she thinks it is a prank until someone stacks pennies outside her front door as a warning. Shane and Max order the teacher’s version of their workbook in order to cheat on tests. Silas gets jealous when both his mother and Sanjay can communicate with Megan using sign language. 3/23/16
• 008. The Punishment Light – 9/26/2005
  • After attending the unveiling of Judah’s headstone with her family, Nancy takes Shane to his Karate tournament where he bites his opponent Tim Scottson (Daryl Sabara) on the foot. Nancy apologizes profusely to Tim’s father Peter (Martin Donovan), who ends up taking Nancy and her boys out for dinner. Between the insults from Tim and Shane directed at each other’s parent, Nancy and Peter hit it off and end up kissing. Meanwhile at home, while a stoned Andy and Doug pursue a rat throughout the house, destroying it along the way, Lupita is visited by Alejandro (Vincent Laresca), who asks her to relay a warning message to Nancy, and gives her a roll of pennies. When Nancy finds out, she leaves the house with Alejandro in pursuit. They stop in an alley and have sex, and then Nancy warns him at BB gunpoint to stay away from her family. On the way home, Nancy has a meltdown, while also trying to deflect an invitation for a date from Peter via phone. Disgusted with Dean, Celia tells him that she slept with Conrad. The two then inflict a barrage of insults at one another, until they break down and sleep together. Nancy is furious with the mess that Andy and Doug made and makes Andy clean it up. Jules Mandel is the Rabbi. 3/23/16
• 009. The Punishment Lighter – 10/3/2005
  • Nancy opens the bakery and gets busted by a campus security guard named Cash (Todd Stashwick), who confiscates all of her pot… $14,000 worth. Sanjay confesses that he is in love with Nancy, but proves himself a coward when he flees the arrest. Meanwhile Celia undergoes her chemotherapy and loses her hair. She is ousted from the PTA since she is sick, which is taken over by a homophobic mother named Maggie (Tressa DiFiglia). However, Celia is able to take her spot back when she finds out that Maggie’s family’s house has been re-zoned for another school district. Shane steals a lighter from Silas and then uses it to start a fire at school and gets suspended. Nancy considers putting Shane on anti-depressants, and Silas punches Shane for getting the lighter, a gift from his father, confiscated. Now financially wrecked, Nancy tries to actually make the bakery successful, and Sanjay offers his services working there. Alejandro offers to form an alliance-with-perks with Nancy and to protect her from other dealers, but she declines. Silas runs off after his encounter with Shane and begins to bond with Megan’s father (Bruce Thomas). Cash shows up at Nancy’s house beaten up and returns her supply. 6/26/16
• 010. The Godmother – 10/12/2005
  • Conrad reveals to Heylia that it was him who beat up Cash, causing Heylia to insist that Conrad cut all personal ties with Nancy. When Heylia refuses to finance Conrad’s new marijuana strand, Conrad approaches Nancy to front him the money and form a partnership with him. Meanwhile Celia catches Isabella kissing her friend Peggy (Olivia Sui). She tries to discourage her behavior, but Isabella tries to stick with lesbianism… until she catches Peggy kissing a boy. Silas is brought home by a police Officer Wick (Kevin Sizemore) high on ecstasy. When he comes down, he refuses to let Nancy parent him as he reveals that he knows she sells drugs and has been lying to him. Andy tries to convince her to tell Silas the truth since lying made Shane so angry, but she refuses. Andy is tracked down by the Army who he fears want to send him to Iraq and reveals that he had once signed up for Army Reserves to impress a girl in Colorado years earlier. Nancy begins seeing Peter again, much to the ire of Sanjay. Andy enrolls in Rabbinical school to exploit a loophole and get out of the Reserves. Nancy assembles a team for their new drug operation: Alejandro on distribution and security, Doug on finance, Sanjay on sales, and Dean on legal. Shane watches all of this with great interest. Vaneeta gives birth to Heylia’s grandchild. Nancy sleeps with Peter, then finds out that he is with the Drug Enforcement Agency. 6/26/16

SEASON 2

Theme song “Little Boxes” performed by various artists, noted in the episode descriptions.

• 011. Corn Snake – 8/14/2006
  • Nancy confronts Peter about his job, and he readily admits that he is a D.E.A. agent, leading her to believe that their getting together was just a coincidence. Still Conrad walks out on her because of the new risk, although Nancy promises not to see Peter any longer. While waiting to pull out from the shopping center where there is no stop light and trying to keep Isabelle from eating a snack, Celia accidentally pulls out into traffic and is hit by an illegal alien maid Concha (Ingrid Oliu), who flees the scene. Nancy’s kids pay her no respect after she stays out all night with Peter, while Lupita thinks she now has the upper hand and doesn’t have to work since she knows about the drugs. When Celia pleads with City Council to put in a traffic light, Doug blow her off, angering her into declaring that she is going to run against him. Dean decides to help his wife instead of Doug, but she insults him and he backs out, leaving Celia with only Pam to help her. Andy attempts to enroll into Rabbinical school, but the attractive admissions officer Yael Hoffman (Meital Dohan) thinks he is full of hot air, and assigns him to write an essay about why he wants into the school. Nancy finally has had enough with her family and forces them to all sit down to a meal together. Sanjay torches the bakery so that Nancy will have enough insurance money to begin growing her product, which the fireman (Bernard Addison) does not detect. Theme music performed by Elvis Costello. 9/16/16
• 012. Cooking with Jesus – 8/21/2006
  • Nancy calls things off with Peter, telling him that as a widow, she can’t date him because of his dangerous job. Celia tries to get a family portrait taken for her campaign, but Dean refuses and Isabelle dresses too butch. Nancy tells her new crew that Conrad has backed out, but that she got them admission to the Mohasky Cup, a super secret trade show for buying marijuana plants. Andy gets baked at the show and writes his essay on a paper towel in the ladies room, which Yael finds profound, thinking it looks like the Torah, and accepts Andy provisionally into the school. Meanwhile Conrad seeks backing so that he can grow his own, but is denied by his banker friend Tyrell (Chris Williams) and his friend Mike (Mark Christopher Lawrence) who fears Heylia. Conrad’s dealer friend U-Turn (Page Kennedy) accepts his offer, but when U-Turn throws a knife at one of his men and demands 60%, it scares Conrad off. Celia continues her campaign by getting petition signatures, much to Doug’s irritation. Megan announces that she has been accepted to Princeton, causing Silas, at Andy’s suggestion, to begin planning to drop out of school and take a van to New Jersey to be with her. Although Nancy plans to nix this, Megan does it herself, telling him that he needs to stay to finish his senior year in high school. Nancy has trouble keeping the plant they choose alive, while her other workers seem incompetent. She eventually talks Conrad into coming back to the team, convincing him that Peter knows nothing. However Peter does continue to call Nancy an insists on seeing her. When she lays down the law about him leaving her alone, Peter tells her that he knows she’s a drug dealer… causing her to immediately vomit. Theme music performed by Death Cab for Cutie. 9/16/16
• 013. Last Tango in Agrestic – 8/28/2006
  • Peter announces his intentions to Nancy, telling her that there are much bigger fish to fry in his business, but that he is interested in continuing to see her without disrupting her drug dealing. Nancy returns home from an undisclosed location on a flight. Celia forces Isabelle to do calisthenics in the morning before school with trainer Ricardo (Rey Lucas), who gets her to join the class full of other cancer patients (Jean St. James, Susan Carol Davis). With Silas and Megan’s time growing short together, they have all the sex that they can… and Silas purposely pokes a hole in one of the condoms. A plumber (Tom Kiesche) repairs the Botwin pipes and tells Nancy that someone is stuffing socks down the toilet, so she enlists Andy to talk to Shane about pleasuring himself, and Andy gives him advice about using a banana peel. Doug, Conrad, and Nancy begins preparing their grow house in a gated residential neighborhood.  Andy comes face to face with Conrad, who allows him one punch, which Andy defers until later. Heylia falls for an Islamic neighbor named Joseph (Ron Canada), who doesn’t seem to care for Nancy. Celia forces Nancy to agree to help her with her campaign and keep her company. It is revealed that Nancy had flown home from Las Vegas after marrying Peter so that he cannot testify against him. Andy continues to pursue Yael. Nikitas Menotiades performs the ceremony as Elvis. Theme music performed by Engelbert Humperdinck. 12/10/16
• 014. A.K.A. The Plant – 9/4/2006
  • Nancy accompanies Celia on her door-to-door campaign, but they find that most people are Doug loyalists. A woman named Lane Cassidy tries to enlist Isabelle to model Huskaroos plus-sized children’s clothes, but Celia is embarrassed by it. Dean’s company downsizes and he makes a huge scene when he is let go and ends up getting tased. He takes out his anger by finally punching Conrad. Shane is embarrassed that he’s never received a hand-job from a girl, so Andy takes him to see a massage hooker named Jade (Jeanne Chinn), who refuses him initially because of his age… until Shane cries to get his way. With Shane busy, this frees Nancy up to go on a date with Peter to a firing range. Nancy takes on the alias “Lacy Laplante” and begins setting up the new house with materials to grow pot. Heylia talks Joseph into going on a date, although he is highly religious. Andy hits it off with Yael, but she shoots him down and says she’s not attracted to him because he’s merely ‘pretty’ rather than manly. Conrad gets a visit from an Armenian neighbor named Aram Keshisyan (Arthur Darbinyan), who had recognized the equipment that Victor (Franc Ross), the installer of the grow house equipment, is using. He orders them to leave, but Nancy seems unconcerned and tells Victor to continue. She returns home to the announcement that Megan is pregnant. Diane Sellers is the representative from the power company. Rhea Cohan is Rhea. Shane’s friends are ‘No Way’ (Cody Klop) and ‘Shut Up’ (Kasey Campbell). Tracii Show is Jada Henderson. Theme music performed in French by Kate & Anna McGarrigle. 12/11/16
• 015. Mrs. Botwin’s Neighborhood – 9/11/2006
  • Isabelle tries out for her commercial and does fabulously, despite Celia’s irritation with it. Megan tells her parents about her pregnancy and then doesn’t communicate with Silas for days, presumably having been forced to get an abortion. When Silas tries to break into her house to see her and cuts her father with a piece of broken glass, he punches Silas. Nancy warns him if he ever touches him again, she’d kill him. Conrad panics about the neighbor Armenians, but Nancy thinks she can solve the problem by telling Peter. Although he seems irritated, he ultimately heads up a drug bust and arrests the Armenians as a wedding gift for Nancy. Andy and Sanjay panic during the bust and flush some of the product. Shane brags about his experience with Jade and is overheard by Principal Dodge, who calls Andy in and accuses him of taking him to the massage parlor. Andy is able to convince Dodge that Shane had made it all up as his pubescent fantasy. Nancy decides she doesn’t have time to help Celia campaign, which causes Celia to attack her and pull her hair. No matter what preparations she has taken, and despite Doug’s complete lack of enthusiasm for the election, the small turnout for their debate still maintains their favor with Doug. Heylia prepares for a picnic with Joseph. David Bardeen is the director. Sammy Fine is Benj. Lynette Romero is the reporter. Eden Sher is Gretchen. Theme music performed by Charles Barnett. 3/20/17
• 016. Crush Girl Love Panic – 9/18/2006
  • Conrad tries to clean up the mess made by Andy and Sanjay when they thought they were being raided. He also starts to suspect the relationship between Nancy and Peter, and she finally admits that they were married…which freaks him out even more. Meanwhile Isabelle visits Doug to handle her money, and chooses her father to be the guardian of her money. This gets Celia so upset that she tries to blackmail Doug wit a picture of him smoking pot, but Doug couldn’t care less. Nancy tries to get Silas out of his funk and ends up buying him a car. After staying out nearly all night, he tells Nancy that he is okay with her career. Shane joins the debate club to be close to Gretchen, but his crush only manages to lead him to kick her in the shin when his friends are watching. The sexual tension between Andy and Yael intensifies and she finally gets him into bed… but she uses a strap-on with him. Heylia has Joseph over for dinner, but he ends up storming out when he clashes with Vaneeta, who thinks that Heylia is letting the business suffer while she focuses on Joseph. Nancy arranges a meeting with Peter and Conrad, and Peter cautions him that he’ll leave him alone if he doesn’t expand beyond the grow house and only sells to licensed medical dealers. John Paul Mitchell is himself, the hairdresser. Thomas Burr is the salesman. Christine Joaquin is the hostess. Theme music performed by Aidan Hawken. 3/21/17
• 017. Must Find Toes – 9/25/2006
  • Doug brings a stray dog to the grow house, and it bites off two of Andy’s toes. While in the hospital, he realizes that this gets Yael to have regular sex with him… and also that he no longer needs a reason to get out of military. When he tells Yael that he is going to quit the rabbinical school, she slaps him and walks out on him. Nancy wants Silas to get a conventional job, and she refuses to let him into business with her. Shane pursues Gretchen by joining her debate club, but when he resoundingly defeats her, she gets even angrier at him. When Doug goes to vote, he finds that his name isn’t on the ballot. Although Celia can’t take credit for it, Doug loses the election by three votes. Dean admits that he forgot to file the intent-to-run papers, and Doug furiously throws him out of his office. Nancy pops in on Peter and finds that he has his confrontational son Tim visiting. Conrad threatens to pack his bags and leave, but Nancy talks him out of it by telling him how much she sometimes wishes she was alone too while smoking a joint together. Celia advises Dean that she intends to make Agrestic a drug-free city. Dave Thomas is Dr. Bertner. Lee Lawrence is the election official. Bob Rumnock is the officer Mr. Lippman. Theme music performed by Oxomatli. 10/3/17
• 018. MILF Money – 10/2/2006
  • Nancy and the group enjoy the fruits of their labor with their successful strain, which Snoop Dogg (himself) dubs “MILF weed.” Andy quits when Nancy withholds his pay since he owes her so much. Celia preaches to the school about the dangers of drugs along with Pam – playing Sober the Sasquatch – and tells how she plans to install cameras around Agrestic. Shane stands up to her and accuses her of drinking and drug-use herself, which finally impresses Gretchen. Nancy goes on a spending spree with her profits. U-Turn tells Heylia about the MILF weed and that it is coming from Conrad and Nancy. Heylia tracks down Conrad and forces him out of his life, buying some of the MILF weed from him to deal. Celia invokes the ire of the entire town when she closes down the dog park, thinking that it breeds teenage drug use. Peter informs Nancy that he is bringing the heat on Heylia and U-Turn. Dan Bucatinsky is Max the jeweler. Telisa Shaw is Teenya. Josh Fadem is the reporter. Avery Kidd Waddell is Vernon/Fish Eye. Lily Knight is the dog lady. Theme music performed by The Submarines. 10/6/17
• 019. Bash – 10/9/2006
  • Peter and his partner Agent Fundis (Shawn Michael Patrick) attempt to make a bust on Heylia, but Nancy has forewarned her and Heylia and Joseph have set up the house to look like a Muslim worship service. Peter angrily confronts Nancy, and Shane spots Peter wearing his DEA jacket. Shane and Gretchen agree to go steady, but Gretchen vows she can’t kiss until her braces are removed. Isabelle films her Huskaroos commercial, but Dean won’t let Celia spend any of the commercial money. Doug interrupts Celia’s City Council meeting and embarrasses her. They later make peace and Doug teaches her some of the politics that she will need. They then have sex, although both admit they may be doing it to get revenge on Dean. The Botwins set up a party to celebrate Judah’s birthday, which is interrupted by a visit from Peter, asking Nancy to become a real wife to him. While she is talking to the, Shane tells Silas and Andy that Peter is with the DEA, causing them all to become furious with her. Christopher Allen Nelson is Mattias. David Goldman is Walter Straley. Theme music performed by Tim Delaughter of The Polyphonic Spree. 5/7/18
• 020. Mile Deep and a Foot Wide – 10/16/2006
  • Heylia threatens Nancy’s life if she doesn’t make things right so she can make a living again. With nowhere else to turn, Nancy takes Conrad’s advice and decides to walk away from drug life, and tells Peter she is ready to settle down. She invites him to have dinner with the family and asks Andy to serve paella. Meanwhile Andy is visited by an ex-girlfriend from Alaska named Kat (Zooey Deschanel), whom he had tried to escape and who is now writing a manuscript about their adventures titled Permafuck. She needs him to sign off that everything in the book is true. He is willing if she will leave before her giant Aleut boyfriend Abumchuk (Robert Allen Mukes) finds him. Andy and Kat have sex in her van, and he misses his appointment to make dinner. Celia and Doug continue their affair, despite her anniversary with Dean, who comes through with a gift at the last minute. The dinner with Peter goes poorly when he and Silas have an altercation. As she prepares for her first night with him, she can’t help but think of Peter laying a hand on Silas and asks him to leave so they can try again later. However, she calls Conrad later and tells him that she never wants Peter in her house again. Peter is listening in on the tapped line. Eric Cadora is Agent Shuman. Joe Zymblosky is the waiter. Theme music performed by Regina Spektor. 5/9/18
• 021. Yeah, Like Tomatoes – 10/23/2006
  • Nancy tries to get Kat to leave her house, and continues to try and fool Peter, not knowing that he’s already listened into her conversations. He pulls a gun on Conrad and tells him and Nancy that she needs to sell their last harvest and give him the cash, and then get out of his life. Meanwhile Doug and Celia decide to tell their respective spouses about their affair so they can be together. Celia tells Dean, but Doug can’t bring himself to tell his wife Dana, invoking the ire of Celia. Nancy goes to Heylia to try and sell the harvest, but she refuses to help. However, she goes to the prison and visits Aram for some unknown reason. Gretchen fears that Shane is falling for Kat, and tries to warn her to stay away from him. Nancy and Conrad go see U-Turn and his friend Marvin (Fatso-Fasano) to see if he’d buy the stash, and he agrees. Nancy sets up a time to sell to U-Turn and give the money to Peter, although it will interview with Shane’s graduation ceremony. Dean throws Celia out of the house. Nancy talks to the family about relocating. Silas blows his top and locks himself in his room. Nancy uses an ax break in and finds all of the Drug Free Zone signs and cameras in his room. Theme song performed by Jenny Lewis with Johnathan Rice. 12/30/18
• 022. Pittsburgh – 10/30/2006
  • Nancy gives Lupita instructions what to do with the kids if anything happens to her. Kat admits that Abumchuk is not an old boyfriend, but a bounty hunter looking for her because she stole 1.3 million dollars in poker chips and hopes to move to South American with Andy. Celia finds a video showing Silas stealing the cameras and comes looking for him with a gun. Shane gets ready for his graduation and expresses interest in moving to Pittsburgh. Shane delivers a profanity-laced speech at his graduation, where Nancy spots Peter. Abumchuk shows up at the graduation party, and Andy gives Kat his van keys so she can escape. She takes Shane with her, leaving Gretchen behind to lament the breakup. Andy and Abumchuk pursue them. Doug and Dean get into a skirmish at the party. Celia hits on Andy at the party and gives him a huge kiss. Peter shows up at the drug house but waits in the car when U-Turn and Marvin show up. He is picked up by the Armenians and assassinated. U-Turn and Marvin don’t have any money with them and try to take the drugs at gunpoint. The Armenians show up with their guns to get the money for the murder of Peter, which Heylia promised them. With no money, they all demand the drugs, only to find that it has all been stolen by Silas. He has the drugs in his car, but Celia pulls up with the cops to have him arrested for stealing the cameras. Nancy has all guns pointed at her by U-Turn, Marvin, and the Armenians. Bret Ernst is the Armenian assassin. Carlie Westerman is Jamie. Alan Saginian is one of the Armenians. Theme song performed by Malvina Reynolds. 12/30/18

SEASON 3

• 023. Doing the Backstroke – 8/13/2007
  • Mr. Tramigliosi (John D’Aquino) and his wife Dawn (Suanne Spoke) bring their son (Tyler Peterson) and daughter (Eliza Noxon) to see the house in which Dawn grew up, and stumble on the bad drug deal going down, which momentarily interrupts U-Turn’s gang and the Armenian gang who are holding guns on Nancy and Conrad. They allow the family to leave, and agree to let Nancy go and retrieve the pot with Marvin and Vasag (Muneer Abdelhadi) in tow, holding Conrad as hostage. Meanwhile Celia has Silas arrested and the officer (Benny Nieves) allows Celia to take Silas’s car home. Andy and Abumchuk continue their pursuit of Silas, who is abandoned by Kat when she meets a trucker named Bear (Bob Koherr) at a rest stop, forcing Silas to figure out how to drive the van. Dean and Doug continue their fight over Doug sleeping with Celia, but wind up finding Celia’s medicine cabinet and end up getting looped on her pills, devolving into an argument on who has the bigger penis while wearing her face cream. Nancy tries to track down the pot and visits Silas at the police station and learns that Celia took the car. Andy and Abumchuk get information from the store clerk (Bob Clendenin) at the rest stop about Shane and Kat, but Abumchuk gets sick of being made fun of by Andy, so he head butts him and abandons him. U-Turn buys out the Armenians’ share of the drugs, so the one with Nancy leaves the car, leaving only Nancy and Marvin to track down Celia. When the find her, they discover that she has dumped all of the pot into Nancy’s pool. Andy finds Shane’s van abandoned. William Francis McGuire is the desk cop. NOTE: This is the first of a two part episode. Theme song performed by Randy Newman. 12/21/19
• 024. A Pool and His Money – 8/20/2007
  • Nancy and Marvin attempt to retrieve the pot from the pool and dry it in the oven and clothes dryer, but it is destroyed and useless. Back at the house, U-Turn taunts Conrad, who is able to retrieve the gun Nancy hid in the microwave. U-Turn also discovers Sanjay in the closet, and Sanjay is scared into announcing that he is gay. U-Turn can’t accept this, so he has a girl named Clinique (Julanne Chidi Hill), who is delivering food to them, sleep with Sanjay. Celia returns home to Dean and Isabelle in a drunken state much to their disdain. Andy circulates an Amber Alert for Shane, but when he is spotted in the van by a NASCAR-loving couple (Jeremy Roberts, Karly Rothenberg), they assume he is the kidnapper and beat him up even further. It turns out that Shane has actually been caught driving by the police and returned to the police station where Silas has been waiting. Nancy and Marvin visit Heylia and tell her about the predicament that Conrad is in, so after Nancy and Ceylia get into a fight, Ceylia cuts out $150K from a chair and takes it to U-Turn to pay off Conrad’s debt. U-Turn won’t accept it though and insists that Conrad now work for him to grow his MILF weed. Ceylia won’t pay off Nancy’s debt, so U-Turn insists that she now owes him $150K and threatens her and her kids if she doesn’t come up with the money. Conrad returns the gun to Nancy, telling her that he couldn’t do anything since it had no bullets. Clinique finishes with Sanjay, but determines that he is indeed gay. Doug tracks down Celia at her motel and tells her that now that he and Dana are broken off, the two of them can be together. Celia lets him in and they have sex, but Doug breaks down crying at the end telling her that he still loves Dana. Nancy and Andy both show up at the police station to retrieve the boys. They go home and Nancy has a breakdown, taking off her clothes and jumping in the pool, screaming at the top of her lungs underwater. John Hemphill is the news announcer. NOTE: This the second of a two-part episode. Theme song performed by Angelique Kidjo. 12/21/19
• 025. The Brick Dance – 8/27/2007
  • After a 22-hour nap, Nancy attempts to pull the pieces of her life together by bringing the entire family on board to help raise money to pay U-Turn. Andy offers his guitar, before he is forced by Sergeant Holbrook (Tim DeZarn) to return to active duty in the Army, despite having two toes missing. Celia meets with her lawyer Arlene Cutter (Carrie Fisher), who advises her to restore her relationship with Isabelle if she plans to see of the income she is generating. Celia takes her for the weekend to a seedy motel, but when Isabelle finds a condom in her rollaway, she calls Children’s Service and is paid a visit by Miriam Walters (Patricia Belcher). Dean and his lawyer (Nick Toth) are able to leverage this, and Arlene doesn’t even attempt to stop it, causing Celia to walk out of the meeting and tell Isabelle that she is getting her wish to be rid of her. Nancy visits Doug and tells him to sell her house. She brings $7000 to U-Turn, which he finds unacceptable. He sends her to pick up a packages at a bar from a dealer named Guillermo Gomez-Garcia (Guillermo Diaz). He makes her jump through hoops by doing a ‘brick’ dance to pick up a brick of marijuana, but when she returns to U-Turn, he tells her that he was expecting heroin, so sends her to split up the brick and pay him $13K for it. Silas has his day in court, where Judge Delucie (Mark Bramhall) gives him six months of community service thanks to Celia testifying about the hardships the family has been going through. Despite being promised a desk job, Andy gets a taste of Army life by zealous drill Sergeant Lewis (Tim Colceri) and an over-enthusiastic ‘battle buddy’ named Rodriguez (Justin Huen). Heylia secures a warehouse for Conrad and tells him to start growing, promising that she will take care of U-Turn. As Shane helps Nancy break down the brick, the family is visited by DEA Agent Fundis, who wants to talk about his former partner Peter Scottson. Claudia Choi is Patti the real estate agent. Giovanni Lopes is Manuel. Theme song performed by Kinky. 4/7/20
• 026. Shit Highway – 9/3/2007
  • Agent Fundis questions Nancy about the whereabouts of Peter, but she simply tells him that they’ve broken up and she hasn’t seen him in days. Meanwhile City Planner Sullivan Groff (Matthew Modine) from the neighboring town of Majestic, addresses the Agrestic City Council and asks if they can re-direct their sewage through Agrestic in exchange for retrofitting the existing sewage system, and give them access to all of Majestic’s facilities. Doug sees money-making potential and begins hanging out with the City Council, much to the irritation of Celia. To get around this, Mitch Kamin (Randy Thompson) vacates his position and the council elects Doug to take his place. Then Doug makes a motion to appoint Mitch Kamin to contract all the landscaping involving the new ‘shit highway.’ Nancy, who is looking for a real job in order to make more money, is hired by Groff despite the fact that he knows she faked her resume. Silas works on his community service picking up trash and runs into an ultra-horny Pam Gruber who he believes is drunk. Meanwhile Andy and Rodriguez are assigned by Colonel Kors (Steve Tom) to stand in the desert with a phone to let a drone take pictures in the area. While Andy is using the phone to take pictures of them lighting their farts, the drone lands in Rodriguez’s chest and kills him. Sullivan runs into Celia at a restaurant and popositions her, but she turns him down. Shane gets the idea to sell marijuana to his fellow community service workers, and with U-Turn pressuring her to sell the brick he gave her and feeling as though she might be getting set up at the campus by Cash the security guard, Nancy says very little when Silas takes it all to sell. Felipe Alejandro is Jesus. Patricia Harris-Smith is Sarah. Kristopher Higgins is Noah. Richard Hilton is Harry. Rick Scarry is Brendan Kelly. Peter Smith is the waiter. Theme song performed by Donvan. 4/7/20
• 027. Bill Sussman – 9/10/2007
  • Andy goes AWOL from the Army after Rodriguez is killed by a drone, and takes on the alias Bill Sussman and returns home in disguise. Nancy hooks him up to stay with Sanjay and his parents (Iqbal Theba, Sathya Jesudasson), but that is short-lived when the parents throw him out. Silas sells $2000 worth of marijuana which Nancy brings to U-Turn, who tell hers that she is over $10,000 short. Marvin is shot in the butt on the street, and U-Turn forces Nancy to drive them to the hospital. U-Turn believes that the local Mexican Hernandez gang did the shooting, so he has Nancy take him by some Mexicans and does a drive-by shooting in retaliation. Shane starts Summer school, and his teacher Bob (Paul F. Tompkins) assigns the class to solve a murder mystery rather than stick to the textbook. Shane finds this enjoyable until the ‘murder’ turns out to be an abortion, which is party of the religious school’s agenda topics. The school administrator Eve Meriweather (Sharon Sachs) introduces herself to Nancy and tells her about all of the programs the school has, while Shane questions the blood in the back seat from Marvin. Sullivan meets with Doug and Celia separately to bribe them and ensure their support. Celia gets a new house, while Doug merely gets a golf club membership. With only one dissenting vote from Agrestic Eco-Warrior Jane Chaffin (Wendle Josepher) who hopes to save the dirt shrew, the motion is passed to move forward with the waterway. Colonel Kors and a representative (Stefan Marks) from the defense contractor Raytheon track down Andy and strongarm him into returning Rodriguez’s phone and signing a waiver that he was never near the incident. They give Andy an honorable discharge in return. Nancy comes home and finds that U-Turn is dropping off more merchandise that he wants Nancy to hold for him… which turns out to be a massive quantity of heroin. Theme song by Billy Bob Thornton. 7/19/20
• 028. Grasshopper – 9/17/2007
  • Nancy shows Andy the heroin that she’s holding for U-Turn and he estimates it might be worth up to a million dollars. Sullivan asks Nancy to put together a party for the Agrestic town council, so she put’s Andy in charge of catering it at her house, planning to pocket $4000 out of the $5000 expense she is being provided. U-Turn forces Nancy under his wing, and works to teach her to be tough in the thug life. He forces her to strongarm Conrad and Heylia to provide the pot they are growing for U-Turn. Sullivan asks Celia to be his date to the party, and Doug becomes jealous of their relationship and her new house, so he starts driving golf ball through her window. He also involves the Warden Shlapobersky (Jeffrey Hutchinson) from the Wildlife Commission to halt the construction of the sewer path, as it will interfere with the habitat of the dirt shrew. Silas begins doing some of his community service at the Majestic Senior Center and selling some of the residents marijuana. He meets a worker there named Tara Lindman (Mary-Kate Olsen), a religious and pure girl who smokes pot and will have fun with Silas without going all the way. Shane pines to have time with his mother so he can request that she not make him go to summer school. Sullivan’s party at Nancy’s house is a success as he continues his pursuit of Celia. Sullivan also offers Andy future work as a caterer. Shane again tries to find time to talk to Nancy, but he is blown off and winds up going to bed. Nancy, U-Turn, and Marvin go for a hike for exercise, and U-Turn has an attack because of his high blood pressure. When Nancy goes to get help, Marvin suffocates him to get even for all of U-Turn’s shoddy treatment of him, and for trying to make Nancy his second-in-command. When Nancy returns, Marvin feigns being devastated. Don Perry is Mr. Mertes, elderly buyer of pot. Chris Herrmann is the construction worker. Theme song performed by The Shins. 7/20/20
• 029. He Taught Me How to Drive By – 9/24/2007
  • Nancy, Conrad, and Heylia attend the wake of U-Turn, who is on display in his hot tub. She meets fellow mourner and drug dealer Two-Strikes (Curtis “Spider Loc” Williams) Marvin claims he is still in charge, but calls for a gang summit to iron out Nancy’s debt. Clinique reveals that she is pregnant, and she presumes that Sanjay is the father. Sullivan proposes merging Agrestic with Majestic to the City Council, but only Celia is on board. When Doug mocks them both, Celia proposes to put it to a referendum for the voters to decide. Shane calls out his teacher Bob for presenting his religious ‘mysteries’, by telling him that the school should not get federal funding when they are pushing religion. He also takes this complaint his mother, who is outraged when Silas has Tara sleep over… but then is relieved when she tells her that she’s remaining a virgin until marriage. Andy caters a porno shoot directed by Paul St. Moritz (Scott Klace) starring Lexington Steele (himself). The female stars Kirsten Price (herself) and Jessica Jaymes (herself) have Dean throws out for staring at breasts. When Andy’s food gives Steele gas, Doug offers to step in and take his place, and he is thrown out as well. Shane gets punched by classmate Kevin (Cole Petersen) for not being a Christian, but when a pretty young classmate named Amelia (Kay Panabaker) offers to help Shane find his faith, he is suddenly interested. However she stops tutoring him when something more important comes up for her: to help convince Isabelle that she’s not a lesbian. Marvin arranges a meeting with Guillermo, who wants his heroin back. He threatens Marvin’s life, and Nancy agrees to give Guillermo the heroin if Marvin will wipe out her doubt. They agree, and Guillermo warns them both to get out of the drug business. While Nancy is giving a construction crew fake ID’s per Sullivan’s direction, Guillermo and his men pick up the heroin from Nancy’s car. Nancy returns to Sullivan’s office and seduces him, warning him that the guys in her last two relationships wound up dead. As the rain falls, Peter’s body emerges from the ground. Juan Ramirez is the confused worker. Theme song performed by The Individuals. 11/5/20
• 030. The Two Mrs. Scottsons – 10/1/2007
  • With the discovery of Peter’s body, Captain Roy Till (Jack Stehlin) tells Agent Fundis that he knows that both Till and Peter were dirty cops who skimmed drug money. Nancy attends Peter’s funeral and spots Peter’s son Tim with another woman named Valerie (Brooke Smith). Nancy follows her all over town, getting in altercations, trying to control Tim, who kicks his karate instructor (Myke Schwartz) for no apparent reason, and goes to her job where she gives breast exams. Meanwhile Andy talks the porn director Paul into letting him perform, using his missing toes as his gimmick for foot porn. Shane and Isabelle are both suspended from school to think about how to be better Christians. They become fast friends and start smoking pot together, which leads to Shane touching her breast. Shane is shocked to find out that Isabelle knows that his mother is a drug dealer. Celia is self-conscious about her reconstructed breasts, but Sullivan tells her that he doesn’t mind at all. Nancy tells Heylia that her debt is now canceled with Marvin after she gave over the heroin. She also gets Doug to invest in a $50,000 purchase from Heylia, which he gets by embezzling city funds. After filming numerous scenes in various costumes, Andy is told to get back to work as the caterer, so he delivers an impassioned speech about being used as an object in porn. Nancy schedules herself to get a mammogram from Valerie. Once Valerie has Nancy’s breast clamped in the x-ray machine, she tells her that she knows who she is and demands to know why Nancy is stalking her. Michelle Shore is the porn slate girl. Theme song performed by Man Man. 11/5/20
• 031. Release the Hounds – 10/8/2007
  • Although Valerie isn’t very receptive to being stalked by Nancy, she agrees to have coffee with her. Nancy is standoffish enough that Nancy decides to leave, and gives Valerie the sketch she made of her. Valerie later feels guilty and comes to visit Nancy. Later they get together for dinner and get drunk together, and Valerie flirts with Andy. Meanwhile Dean takes his motorcycle for a spin, and a biker (Matt Schulze) offers to let Dean ride with his gang… but then run him off the road, leaving him in a ditch for dead. He is urinated on by numerous animals, which staves off infection and allows him to survive. The doctor (Cyd Strittmatter) tells Celia that she’ll be responsible to see that Dean gets proper care. Doug takes over as his power of attorney before he and Andy tap into his morphine drip. Silas convinces his mother to allow Tara, who claims that God wants her to sell pot, sell for her. Nancy thinks Silas has used poor judgement, so she has him work with a reluctant Conrad to learn how to grow. As Majestic continues to absorb Agrestic, Doug finds out from Dwight the Security Guard (Roger Eschbacher) that Doug has been kicked out of the club. In retaliation, Doug manages to cause a sewage geyser to erupt while Sullivan is unveiling the new Majestic. Sullivan vows to have Doug killed. Theme song performed by Joan Baez. 2/23/21
• 032. Roy Till Called – 10/15/2007
  • Money starts rolling in from the pot sales, so Nancy brings money to Doug to pay back the money he embezzled from Agrestic. However, he thinks it should be reinvested in product before they pay it back since Agrestic ceases to exist and it will take awhile to uncover it. Meanwhile Nancy gets a call to go see Captain Roy Till from the DEA, and although she is a nervous wreck about the visit, it turns out that she is owed $119 thousand dollars for life insurance, and she needs to be set up for pension payments. She is warned however that any attempt to expose his past illegal indiscretions could mess with the pension. When Nancy take Shane for a play date with Valerie and Tim, Valerie confronts her about the money and demands that she hand it over. Nancy tells her that she did in fact intend to give it to her, and promises to bring it after the weekend. Later Doug comes to Nancy in a panic because Majestic is auditing the books and he needs $100 thousand because he also took a loan on having Lasik surgery, and is now deathly afraid that he is going to jail. Nancy decides to use the insurance money to cover for the missing city funds, and gives Valerie just a little over $4000, causing her to melt down and assume that Nancy is swindling her. Celia is forced to take care of a nearly paralyzed Dean, including feeding, cleaning, and changing his diapers. When Sullivan comes to see her for a quickie, Dean ruins it when he starts barking from the laundry room where Celia has wheeled him to. She later breaks down sobbing during dinner because her life is so miserable. Nancy goes to see Sullivan to quit, and the two wind up having sex on the meeting room table. Celia walks in to bring Sullivan cupcakes and sees them. Town council investigators are Ann Carilli (Lisa Darr), Peter Gregory (Rod Britt), and Brian McNally (Steven Hack). Anna Khaja is the sympathetic DEA agent. Theme song performed by the Decemberists. 2/23/21
• 033. Cankles – 10/22/2007
  • Celia spies on Sullivan and Nancy having sex, and then sneaks out in a huff. When Tara tells Silas that she is dating another boy who fulfills her cultural needs, he asks Nancy to cut her out of dealing, but Nancy says she is too good of an earner for now. Nancy makes another small payment to Valerie, which she considers an insult. In retaliations, she hires private investigator Cliff Haskel (Brent Sexton) to dig up some dirt on Nancy. He does in fact find out about her drug dealing, but instead of taking the information to Valerie, he blackmails her for $50,000. She pays him off but also makes a recording of him collecting the money so that he can never do it again. Nancy then tells Valerie that that was her money, which she will now no longer be getting, especially since legally the insurance money belonged to Nancy. Doug furiously confronts the new Majestic council about how everyone in town was edged out of all of the city planning, insulting Ann in the process by pointing out her ‘cankles’. Celia starts asking questions about Aguatecture, the front business for the drug grow house, even visiting the facility, but no one will talk… until she starts torturing Dean. Conrad speaks to Celia, who tells him to relay the message that she knowns that Nancy is dealing again, and will be in touch. Theme song performed by Michael Franti. 6/20/21
• 034. The Dark Time – 10/29/2007
  • Celia finally confronts Nancy and tries to extort money from her under threat of reporting her dealing to the police. By this time, Nancy has had enough and puts a knife to Celia’s throat and tells her she’ll kill her of she goes to the police. Doug is furious at how badly Sullivan screwed him over, so he steals the cross off the Absolute Truth Ministries church, prompting a threat of retaliation from Sullivan. Heylia finds out from the landlord (Robert Silver) that there is going to be a fire department inspection of the building where they are housing Aguatecture, so they are forced to pack up all of their product and empty out the place. Nancy approaches Celia to see if she would consider renting her their extra house to use as a grow house. She agrees to let her use her current house for $15,000, while she will move into the spare house. Andy takes Dean to a wheelchair murderball match so that he can meet a girl named Denise (Sprague Grayden) who has been attending with her brother Lane (Tobias Forrest). She invites him to meet her at her place, but it turns out that the house a drug house where he meets a motorcycle gang led by a guy named Chess (Rodney Rowland) who threatens Andy to push Nancy to buy their ‘ditch weed’ from them. Sanjay offers to help Clinque with his baby, even suggesting that they get married. Nancy and Conrad’s crews move all of the product into Celia’s house. Nancy speaks intimately with Conrad and asks for assurance that she’s not a bad person. Their encounter leads to having sex. Mitch Longley is the Murderball referee. Theme song performed by Persephone’s Bees. 6/20/21
• 035. Risk – 11/5/2007
  • Doug brings the stolen cross over to Nancy’s house, but she demands that he gets it out. Andy pleads with Nancy to start selling the bikers’ crop of pot because he wants to keep seeing Denise, so she gives it a shot. However, everyone who has tried it hates it, so Nancy has to tell the bikers that she doesn’t want any more of his merchandise. Chess asks Nancy to go to dinner, but she declines that as well. Conrad continues to grow product in Celia’s house, and puts Heylia to work planting outside. Celia pays Sullivan a visit and destroys his office with a baseball bat, the heads over to work at her old house. She joins Heylia and Vaneeta with planting outside, and starts to connect with Heylia. Shane starts to hear the alarms go off, and then comes to believe that the ghost of his father is hanging around the house. Nancy gets a U-Turn tattoo on her butt, much to the irritation of Conrad. Nancy says she thinks the tattoo will make her feel stronger. Doug repurposes the cross to be a light over the pot in the grow house. Silas is pulled out of his car by members of Chess’s gang and is beaten up, and given a warning that they’re coming for Nancy. Shane reveals that he’s talking to his father, when he appears to be talking to no one. KK Goodrich and Darren Martin Kelly are the Majestic walker and jCogger. Brett Wagner is one of the bikers. Jf Pryor is the tattoo artist. Theme song performed by Laurie Berkner, Susan Lampert, and Adam Bernstein. 11/8/21
• 036. Protection – 11/12/2007
  • After Silas’s beating, Nancy takes him to see a nurse (Maree Cheetham) and Dr. Tupelo (Brian George) and find out there is no major damage. However, Silas is now paranoid of what is coming, so he swipes Conrad’s gun for protection. Nancy starts to fear for her family, so she goes to see Guillermo (Guillermo Diaz) and his gang, and asks him to intervene and protect them. Nancy agrees to pay him 50% of their take. Shane continues to talk to the ghost of his father, and Andy almost believes that he really is. Celia is told by the bank teller (Rasika Mathur) when she tries to take all of her earnings to the bank, that she has to fill out several forms when depositing that amount of money. She goes to Heylia for advice on how to handle this, and she advises her to take a good portion of it and and to start a business to launder the money. She goes to see Doug, who tries to get Celia to have sex with him, but she denies him, and simply insists that he help cover the tracks of her cash. Doug calls Sullivan to demand ransom for the cross using a voice disguiser, but when the device breaks, Sullivan easily figures out it is Doug talking. Conrad is visited by his new neighbor Eve Meriweather who has flyers to try and find out the location of the cross. When Nancy tells Conrad how she is paying Guillermo half of their earnings, he is furious… but that doesn’t stop him from making out with her… in plain sight of Heylia. Captain Roy Till and his partner Agent Shuman (Eric Cadora) a map created with a thermal imaging scanner while looking for meth labs, and find a view of the cross, so he calls Majestic to report it. Nancy comes home to find the new on TV, reporting an out-of-control fire that was started in the bikers’ grow fields. Nancy has no idea what to do, or if their grow house is in danger, so she asks Shane to ask him father what to do. Theme Song performed by Linkin Park. 11/12/21
• 037. Go – 11/19/2007
  • The fire that Guillermo started to get even with the bikers is now spreading across Majestic. Everyone is being evacuated out of their homes to the local rec center where they can get food and shelter. Shane initially refuses to leave because he claims that his father doesn’t want to leave the house. Nancy humors him and talks to Judah, and Shane finally gives in and goes. Heylia and Conrad load up the pot from the grow house and head out. Everyone contemplates what their next move will be if the neighborhood burns down. Firemen visit the grow house and find the remaining drugs, along with the stolen cross. Doug circles the rec center singing and playing banjo, even along with the Jesus freaks. When the freaks find out about the discovered cross, they all go inside to retrieve it, with many of them winding up being taken to the hospital. Tara is one of them taken to the hospital, and claims on the news that the Lord wanted them to do this. Silas decides that he is now over her. Despite Conrad’s warnings, Nancy leaves the rec to go meet with Guillermo, and they discuss Nancy’s future. Guillermo wants her to sell for him, while she wants to continue her work alone. When Guillermo mentions that maybe the fire won’t get to her house, Nancy goes to see the house and tells the policeman standing by that she needs to retrieve the ashes of her late husband inside. They give her a few minutes to do this, but she instead goes inside, pours gasoline all over, and lights a match. She leaves the house and tells the police that she forgot that she actually buried her husband. As she walks away, the entire town goes up in smoke and flames. The police trace the grow house back to Solomon, who tells them that Celia was living there. They bring in Celia, who then gives Nancy up, despite the fact that she had earlier told Nancy she wants to stay involved with their group. Leanza Cornett is the news reporter. Larry Poindexter is the fireman. Sam Vance and James McDonald are the cops. Theme Song performed by Malvina Reynolds. Closing theme performed by Pete Seeger. 4/28/21

SEASON 4

• 038. Mother Thinks the Birds Are After Her – 6/16/2008
  • Captain Till continues to question Celia, and in addition to Nancy, she drops the names of Doug, Dean, and Sanjay. Meanwhile, Nancy and her family head toward the border where they hope to stay with Judah and Andy’s grandmother Bubbie (Jo Farkas) in Del Mar, but when they arrive at the house, they think she’s not home. A neighbor boy named Rad Ferris (Joey Luthman) tells them that she’s in there but not answering the door, so they go inside and find out that she is essentially on life support. Andy deduces that his father Lenny (Albert Brooks) is taking care of her. Lenny never liked Nancy, who he refers to as not-Francie, or Andy, who he refers to as not-Judah, and always thought that Judah deserved better. When everyone keeps asking Nancy why she smells like gasoline, she finally admits that she set fire to the house. Additionally, she admits to Lenny that they are on the run, but he assumes it is because of something Judah has done. Till brings in the other guys from the gang, but they all blame Celia for being the mastermind. Celia rebuffs the advances of Till, so he keeps her incarcerated. Lenny agrees to let them stay there for a while, mostly because he likes Shane. Nancy meets up with Guillermo to survey the border and wall between America and Mexico, where she will act as a runner, although she refuses to bring heroin. They also run into Jorge (Horacio Galaviz) and some of Guillermo’s other runners, although one named Ivan was captured when his pants got caught on the fence. Birds seem to keep trying to poop on Nancy. Heather Marie Zagone is the surfer girl. Andrew Rothenberg is DEA Agent Shlatter. 5/1/22
• 039. Lady’s a Charm – 6/23/2008
  • Silas is watering his plants in the bathtub in Bubbie’s house, and Nancy insists he get them out of there, so he moves them to the van. Nancy pays Lenny $300 to not ask any questions, then he takes that money and loses it at the track. When Andy mocks him, Lenny reveals the real source of their friction: he had asked Judah and Andy to place a bet for him, but they spent it at the Boardwalk instead, causing him to lose out on a trifecta. Their arguing causes Bubbie to speak and say “kill me” in Yiddish. Celia gets a visit in prison from her incompetent public defender Maggie Shaheen (Lisa Arch), who thinks she is a different client altogether. Doug and Isabelle also visit, but Dean won’t come to see her, nor bring any bail money. Meanwhile, Nancy gets a page from Guillermo who smashes Nancy’s taillight, slaps a Jesus bobblehead on her dash, and sends her on a run to Mexico where she is told to find a certain garage to get the taillight fixed, promising her $10,000 after the job is done. He also asks her to pick up some inhalers for him. She arrives in Mexico and meets with Cesar de la Cruz (Enrique Castillo) and his men. They send her to the pharmacy to get her inhalers, do the work on her car, and return it to her. On the way home, she is forced to wait in a two-hour line to cross the border. During the wait, she buys souvenirs and pees in a cup. She nearly panics when a police dog sniffs down her car, then realizes she doesn’t have a passport, causing her to go through two separate searches. In the end, the border patrol only finds the inhalers and confiscates them. She returns to Guillermo and remarks how amazing the guys were at hiding the drugs. Guillermo tells her that there were not drugs in the car, but the Bobble-head Jesus contained a camera to see how she did with the border patrol. They give her $5000 and tells her to think about things she might have done wrong. Captain Till meets with a now beaten-up Nancy, and shows her a picture of Nancy with Guillermo and tells her that he is starting to believe her. Lydia Blanco Garza is border patrol agent Carla. Alejandro Patino is Cesar’s man Alphonso. Rigo Sanchez is Cesar’s other mechanic. JD Cullum is border agent Lawson. Paul Lincoln Alayo is Guillermo’s man Chewie. Travis L. Denham is the kid in the car. Eddie Martinez is the soda vendor. Pamela Shaddock is Beatrice the cop. Joe Gerety is border agent Kinman. Ezra Buzzington is border agent Ortiz. 8/26/22
• 040. The Whole Blah Damn Thing – 6/30/2008
  • After hearing Bubbie’s request to kill her, Andy starts to think that they should actually go through with ending her life to spare her the pain. He discusses it with Silas and Shane and they both eventually agree as well. Meanwhile, Captain Till gets Celia released but tells her that charges will be lessened or dropped contingent on how much info she can find out Nancy’s association with Guillermo. She breaks into Dean’s hotel room to read Shane’s messages to Isabelle, and is able to track the Botwins to Del Mar. After reviewing the Bobblehead Jesus cam, Nancy says she’s learned from her mistakes and is ready to make a run for real this time. Guillermo reluctantly agrees to give her a chance, and sends her in his car this time. She meets with Cesar and his men, and they load up the car with drugs, as well as Guillermo’s cousin Lento (Luis Chavez), who wants to sneak into America for his mother’s operation. This time she passes the border with no issues, but when she arrives at Guillermo’s garage, they have vacated it. With Lento wanting out, Nancy drives around trying to figure out what to do. Guillermo finally gets in touch with her and meets her at her house to retrieve Lento and the drugs. Celia tries to secretly take photos from her car nearby, but barely gets one of Guillermo getting into his car. Andy is able to convince his father that pulling the plug on Bubbie is the humane thing to do, but since no one else can bring themselves to do it, they volunteer Nancy to complete the task. She has the power cut off to her ventilator, but when she is still breathing, she asks Shane to bring her a pillow. Ann Carilli shows up at Doug’s place looking for answers on discrepancies on insurance policies at the municipal buildings. Instead of trying to answer, Doug simply sneaks out the back window, leaving Dean behind to watch Andy’s porn videos. Huell Howser is himself on TV. Maia Madison is the animal shelter lady with Huell Howser. 8/26/22
• 041. The Three Coolers – 7/7/2008
  • The Botwin family returns from the funeral of Bubbie, and prepares to sit shiva for seven days. They are joined on the first day by Bob Warden (Jonathan Slavin), a real estate agent who wants to sell the house. On the second day, Rad brings cheese from his mother. On the third day, another real estate agent named Katie Thatcher (Lisa Thornhill) comes by, but when she sees Bob, she leaves. On day four, Doug shows up after escaping Agrestic, telling everyone that Andy said he could stay there. On the fifth day, Guillermo sends flowers with a note telling Nancy to get back to work. On the sixth day, everyone has stopped talking. The shiva ends on the seventh day, and Bob is still there. Lenny tells him that they’re going to go with Katie, the hot chick who showed up on Tuesday. Nancy returns to work and Guillermo gives Nancy a new assignment to go just before the border and wait for a pickup. Katie tells Lenny that the house is worth a half-million less than he was hoping, so he decides to hold onto the house for a couple of years until the market bounces back. Celia meets with Captain Till and gives him photos she took of Nancy and her crew in a long meeting, which Till realizes is the family sitting in shiva. Lenny has Shane help him search the house for money that was hidden by Bubbie. They find $15,000, but Shane is convinced it belongs to Nancy. Lenny is able to deduce that Nancy is selling pot, and so he takes the money and leaves to go gamble, telling Shane to make sure that she deposits $10,000 in his gambling account every month for rent. As Silas, Doug, and Andy are smoking in the van, Nancy grabs Andy and takes him along on the pickup. While they are waiting, Mexican border police show up, so Nancy and Andy pretend they are making out. The police turn out to be the ones making the drop. There is so much merchandise that there isn’t enough room in the car for Andy to fit in with it. Nancy gives him the gun and tells him to wait at the border until she drops off the drugs, and that she’ll return in 45 minutes. After a while, Andy joins a band of migrants who are heading to Davenport, Iowa. Back home, Silas’s van with his grow house gets towed. When Silas goes to pick it up, the tow driver Billy Boesky (Greg Pitts) and his partner Weiner (Jonathan Rado) are smoking the merchandise. When Nancy returns to Guillermo’s, she is just in time to see Celia get dragged inside with a gun to her head after being caught taking pictures outside. Abraham Chaidez is the Mexican Sergeant. Gwendolyn Sanford is the Karaoke singer. Richard Azurdia is the migrant who says they’re going to Davenport. Gloria Garayua is the migrant Reyna. J. Anthony Pena is one of Guillermo’s henchmen. Emilio Rivera is El Coyote, the leader of the migrants. 12/11/22
• 042. No Man Is Pudding – 7/14/2008
  • With a gun held at Celia’s head, Nancy tells Guillermo that Nancy is with her and claims that she is her backup, and then punches Celia in the face and punches out one of her teeth. She holds everyone at gunpoint and takes Celia with her. Guillermo tells Nancy to meet her at the outlet malls by the border that night. Andy hikes with his migrant crew and befriends a girl named Reyna, who tells him how cruel and lawless their leader El Coyote is. They all board a pudding truck, and Coyote makes Andy give him $6 and his Fall Guy belt buckle. Nancy berates Celia for following her and she tells her how she has been hassled by the police since everyone left her behind and sold her down the river in Agrestic. Silas begins building a grow room in the house and when sawing into the wall, discovers a honeycomb and a swarm of bees, which attack them and causes Doug’s face to swell up. Nancy shows up at the location where Andy is supposed to be. She gets so upset that he is gone, she rolls up the window on Celia’s head and starts driving in circles. Nancy meets with Guillermo at the future Maternity World at the outlet mall, where he shows the photos of Nancy that he had developed from Celia’s disposable camera, and he assumes she is a jealous lesbian lover. He shows Nancy around the store and tells her that she is going to be running it. She has no desire to work retail but tells her to tell him how much she wants to make annually. After she writes it down, he tells her to ask for more… then tells her there will be no running, no drugs, but only managing the store. Meanwhile, El Coyote, Andy, and the migrants make a pit stop where El Coyote asks Reyna for sexual favors. When Andy tries to intervene, he pulls a knife on him. Andy pulls a gun and accidentally shoots him in the leg. He takes off with Reyna and ‘Davenport’, promising to get them to Davenport. He brings them back to the house and they all have a Popeye’s chicken dinner. She tells them all how much the family means to her. However, she tells a very swollen Doug that he needs to find a place of his own to live. She and the others also apologize for leaving Celia in such a bad situation and offers to let her stay with them. Nancy finally meets with Till and tells him to back off of her and Celia. He agrees to back off of Celia if she will deliver him Guillermo. Nancy tells him that he needs to just walk away because the grow house in Agrestic burned down and he has no evidence… and she also threatens to reveal all she knows about Peter Scottson. She claims that she’s now clean, has no contact with Guillermo, and is working a boring retail job. Back at the store, she hears some banging in the back room, and when she goes to check, she finds that a man (Ramon Franco) is coming up out of the floor, and there is a huge underground tunnel built which leads to Mexico. She ventures down into it and finds an entire crew of people, including drug kingpin Esteban Carlos Reyes (Demian Bichir) and his lieutenant within the drug cartel, Cesar de la Cruz, and his men. 12/11/22
• 043. Excellent Treasures – 7/21/2008
  • After Nancy finds the tunnel, she talks a walk in it through it and finds the drug kingpin Esteban Reyes. His men hold her at gunpoint, and then Cesar escorts her back to the shop and tells her to forget that she ever saw anyone or anything. The next day when she and Celia come into the shop, they find a man named Ignacio (Hemky Madera) sitting near the passage with an automatic firearm. Nancy continues with business as usual, selling outfits to a pregnant woman (Katie Locke O’Brien). While sitting out on the beach and checking out the women, Andy suggests to Doug that they become coyotes, escorting immigrants to safety. They also spot a woman with a terrific ‘yoga ass’. Guillermo tells Nancy that she got him in trouble by wandering through the tunnel. She asks him about Reyes, but he won’t say anything. Isabelle shows up in California asking Celia to let her live with her because she and her father have moved to Michigan, and she is tired of sitting in their hotel room listening to him whine, but Celia says she can’t help her. Being under the same roof, Doug propositions Celia for sex again, but she turns him down. During the estate sale, as Shane haggles with a man (Raymond Ma) over a coffee table, Doug and Andy spot the woman with the ‘yoga ass’, who turns out to be Lisa (Julie Bowen), the mother of Rad. They both try to hit on her, but she is clearly more interested in Silas. While Nancy is finishing up with a customer, two men throw a hood over Nancy’s head in broad daylight and shove her in their car trunk. Andy and Doug return to the beach where Silas counts over $8300 that they earned in the sale. They spot a batch of immigrants coming in from the ocean as border customs agents arrest them upon arrival. One agent (Zaid Farid) arrests a beautiful girl named Maria (Onahoua Rodriguez), who Doug refers to as a Mexican mermaid, a Mermex. She hangs on to one of his sandals and tells him to find her as the officer takes her away. Doug agrees with Andy that they should become coyotes. Lisa comes to see Silas and pretends that she wants a poster for Rad, but then admits she only wants to see Silas, so they head out for a walk on the beach. Celia goes to Detroit to retrieve Isabelle and take her back to California. Nancy winds up in front of Esteban Reyes, who knows everything about her. He is menacing but flirtatious and tells her that she needs to be punished by spanking. He then lets her go and tells her she can use the tunnel for the one and only time to return back to her shop. As she is leaving Mexico, she sees his face on a poster in town indicating that he is the mayor of Tijuana. 5/26/23
• 044. Yes I Can – 7/28/2008
  • Nancy is getting tired of living with so many men and tells Doug that he needs to leave. She wants to add an additional bathroom, so Shane volunteers to take charge of it. Nancy returns to Agrestic to see Sanjay and Clinique, Marvin, and Lupita to see if they want to start selling marijuana for her again. They tell her that they can sell a huge amount thanks to the vacuum left, so she goes to Guillermo to see if he can sell her some supply. He refuses to give her a reasonable deal and wants to supply them himself and give Nancy just 10%. Celia and Isabelle take a trip into Tijuana to buy some Restylane from a pharmacist (Daniel Zacapa), and he pushes Xanax on them as well. Isabelle accuses Celia of the maternity store being a front. Andy and Doug want to get in the business of becoming coyotes. The go to see a group of immigrants to ask about their experiences, but when they mention immigration, all of the men run off. Silas goes to see Lisa at her cheese shop, and they wind up getting extremely hot and heavy. Nancy goes to see Cesar and asks him to get him a meeting with Esteban. He tells her that she cannot do business directly with him, but she insists that she will go see him on her own. Andy and Doug find guys named Claudio (Ivo Nandi), Claudio (David Michie), Antonio (Emiliano Torres) and Miguel and bring them back for lunch to get more immigration on the coyote business. Claudio gives them some advice on how the best way to cross is, while making sure that they won’t exploit their people. He tells them to watch out for the Minutemen more so than the border patrol. Andy also engages them to work on the house remodel and bathroom. Cesar takes Nancy to see Esteban, where he is giving a public speech. He agrees to see her in his car and she asks about getting the supply that she wants. He gives her the brutal spanking that he has warned her about earlier. Celia goes to see Captain Till and DEA Agent Shlatter, where she is told that all charges against her have been dropped. Celia offers to go out with Till, but he tells her that he’s seeing someone already. It turns out to be Agent Shlatter. Shane and Isabelle find some nude photos of Nancy in a book about Sammy Davis Jr., which Isabelle covets and Shane takes them and uses them in bed. Doug goes to see a Minuteman Leader (Lee Majors), who tell him the technical rules of the game and what can and can’t be done to apprehend immigrants crossing the border. Nancy is titillated by the marks and bruises on her rear end. Later, a very reluctant and irritated Guillermo brings her the marijuana that she asked for but won’t speak to her. 5/27/23
• 045. I Am the Table – 8/4/2008
  • Despite Shane wanting to skip school to oversee the construction workers who are doing the expansion on the house, Nancy wants him to go to school Cesar stops by and tells Nancy that Esteban wants to see her. They drop Shane off at school in Esteban’s limo, which makes Shane fear that the other kids will pick on him. He has lunch with Isabelle and a dweeb (Mario Revolori aka Mario Quinonez, Jr.) and decides to earn a reputation by sucker punch the most popular boy Dan (Christian Vandal) with a lunch tray. Doug works with the Minute-Man leader and tells him that an area of the border is secure, then Doug crosses the border with a group of illegal immigrants. “Davenport” helps them get the migrants on buses, and then heads off himself to Davenport, Florida. Doug and Andy then realize they never got paid. When a customer (Willy Rosner) asks for a sandwich at Lisa’s gourmet cheese shop, Lisa gets offended, but Silas thinks she should sell gourmet sandwich to make more money. However, when she finds out that he is a drug dealer and then samples his project, she has the idea for him to grow in her backroom, thinking the small of cheese will cover up the smell of pot. Nancy and Guillermo arrive to see Estaban, and he reveals that Guillermo reveals that he heard that Guillermo has announced that he planned to kill Nancy in front of her family. He warns Guillermo not to do that under threat of his own death but promises he will increase Guillermo’s shipments. Esteban takes Nancy out to eat at a restaurant, and while she is in the restroom, an assassination is made on his life, with the place getting shot up. Celia can hardly stay at work due to her occasional drug use, so Ignacio gives her cocaine to wake her up. She quickly becomes addicted and runs around like a crazy person while waiting on a customer (Shania Accius) and has to ask Ignacio for more. He gives her some the first time, but then begins charging her. Celia then begins stealing cash from the register to pay for her drugs. Esteban takes Nancy to show her rare lion, then feeds a goat to it in front of her. They then go back to his place and make mad passionate love. Nancy heads back home through the tunnel, with fresh scratch marks down her back. Elsewhere a man (Luis Accinelli) tells El Coyote where he can find El Andy. Manuel Urrego is Luis. Bernardo Badillo is Garza. Armando Cosio is Julio. 9/28/23
• 046. Little Boats – 8/11/2008
  • Nancy and Esteban are having trouble connecting for dates, although it is mostly Cesar who is called away on business. Silas and Doug start taking growing equipment to the cheese shop. In order to fund her nasty drug habit, Celia starts offering discounts at the store if the customers use cash, which she then steals. Andy hears Shane masturbating and then sees him hide the Sammy Davis book, and when he looks inside, he finds the nude photos of Nancy. He then tells Nancy about it but refuses to talk to Shane and tells Nancy that she need to do it. Nancy comes to see Lisa in the cheese shop to make sure he isn’t doing anything stupid in the cheese shop. She gives Silas and Lisa advice on how to hide the grow room. She also gives Lisa a veiled threat about the fact that Rad will be seventeen years old soon. Ignacio suddenly refuses to sell Celia any more drugs, and she sneezes blood in his face. In a rage, she sneaks into the tunnel while Ignacio is in the restroom. A dirty man (Ramon Franco) in the tunnel catches her and he and Ignacio hold her in custody. Nancy comes and retrieves Nancy and offers the dirty man something from the store to keep his mouth shut. Doug and Andy visit Mexico and continue Doug’s pursuit of Maria. They find a nun (Lupe Ontiveros) in a bar who claims to know her, and after they give her money, she leads them outside and then runs away. El Coyote then appears and threatens Andy with a gun. Several Mexicans in the bar come out and stand up for Andy, including Raul (Carlos Aleman) who threatens to kill El Coyote if he hurts Andy, who makes a speech encouraging everyone to live in peace. One of the men named Hector doesn’t speak English throws a beer bottle at El Coyote and knocks him out. Showing a video fo Celia in the tunnel, Cesar warns Esteban that Nancy means trouble and that she is making him reckless. Nancy has a talk with Shane and explains how it is quirky to masturbate to photos of her. Shane throws a blanket over his head and listens to her speech. She swears to never mention it again but tells him that it needs to stop immediately. Nancy gets ready for a date with Esteban on a boat, but he calls and cancels again. Isabelle finds Celia passed out with a needle in her head and ask her if she’s addicted to heroin and tells her that she’s going to call her dad. Nancy says she’s fine and then sneezes blood on her. Rumors start to abound at school about Shane, with most of the kids thinking he is a psycho. However, two punk girls, Simone (Jillian Rose Reed) and Harmony (Hannah Marks), approach him with his name written on their stomachs and invite him to party. Two guys, Billy Boesky (Greg Pitts) and Patch (Gabriel Clark) appreciate the weed at the cheese shop and offer up some new clientele in baggage at the airport to Silas and Lisa. The guys at the Mexican bar unveil a painting of Andy on the wall. While Andy celebrates, Doug is depressed because he has been unable to find Maria, Raul vows to help Doug find her. When Silas suggests that he and Lisa move in together, she doesn’t take the idea well and they decide to slow things down between them. Esteban pays a surprise visit to her house, and they snuggle up on her couch with security standing guard outside. Marta Cross aka Marta McGonagle is Anabella. Andrew Sibner is Loathing. Terryn Westbrook is Denise the cash customer. 9/28/23
• 047. The Love Circle Overlap – 8/18/2008
  • As Nancy wakes up in the arms of Esteban, Celia wakes up handcuffed to the bed at a drug rehabilitation center where Dean and Isabelle have checked her in, and her friend Pamela Gruber is there for support. Celia lashes out, not only at the family interaction specialist Lee Milne (Nealla Gordon), but at Dean, holding him off with a fork. Isabelle is able to get to agree to stay under threat of calling Celia’s mother. While Nancy is getting Clinique started at the baby store, she notices lots of boxes going in and out of the hole, but Ignacio will only tell her that they are snacks. She also sees Guillermo arrive from Mexico through the tunnel with a woman named Amparo (Jocelyn Aguilar), whom he claims is his cousin. Nancy starts getting headaches with piercing noises ringing in her ears. Back at the Botwin house, Shane has his school girlfriends Harmony and Simone over at the house, where they are planning their sexual encounter with Shane. Silas is babysitting Rad, while his mother Lisa is at a mediation with her ex-husband Henry. Silas becomes angry when she stays out late and questions her as to whether they had sex. She doesn’t answer but reminds Silas that there is a huge twenty-year age difference between them. Andy finally finds Maria in Mexico and prepares to bring her back to America. Doug and Maria are anxious to talk to each other but doesn’t have much to say. Once the Minuteman leader is out of sight, Doug gives Andy the all-clear to bring Maria and others over the border. However, the Minuteman suspects them of foul play, and returns and holds them at gunpoint. Andy and Doug plead with him to let Doug rescue his true love Maria, and he finally gives in, although he wants another immigrant (Eddie Diaz) to arrest. When Nancy and Esteban get together again, her headache is still raging, so he takes her to see a medicine man named Kucho (George Perez) who makes her an Ayahuasca made from Amazon plants, causing her to go on a hallucinogenic trip to clear her head. During her trip, she has thoughts of Guillermo’s cousin. When Nancy wakes up, she is experiencing no pain, but her conscience is eating at her. She asks Andy to go for a walk, and she laments that she is compromising all of her principals and turning her eye from bad things. She again hallucinates seeing Guillermo’s cousin Amparo on the beach. Barry Finkel is the hotel waiter Sean. Anthony Ledesma is Esteban’s bodyguard. Carrie Madariaga is the Native Woman. Stacy Reed is Enid the customer. 1/24/24
• 048. Head Cheese – 8/25/2008
  • When Nancy realizes that Shane’s friends Harmony and Simone spent the night, she realizes that he had sex with them and gives him a spanking, although he clearly has lost all respect for her as a mother. After Maria gets some much-needed sleep, Doug is disappointed that she won’t sleep with him since she barely knows him. Since Doug is having trouble winning Maria’s affection, so Andy suggests that they take a walk on the beach and try to get to know each other. Maria is not impressed with Doug, especially after finding out he is wanted for embezzlement, is still legally married, and has four kids who he never sees. She goes to see Andy and tells him that Doug is a terrible person. Celia begins group therapy at the rehab center. She is partnered with a pilot named Barry (Bob Odenkirk), and as her ‘promise partner’ is accountable to look after him. When she catches him snorting cocaine, she almost joins him, but then takes her role seriously and tries to get it away from him. He then claims that she was trying to get him to do the drugs. Later, Barry admits that Celia saved him and that he owes her for getting him back on the road to recovery. Just as she is getting into the swing of things, the center’s financial administrator (Linda Gehringer) tells Celia that her insurance is no good and she is transferred to their more ghetto sister facility across town. Nancy demands to know what is inside the crates going through the Mexico tunnel, and although Ignacio won’t tell her and takes a shot at her for trying to find out, she gets one open and finds the weapons inside. Nancy asks Esteban about the tunnel, but he claims that he doesn’t get too closely involved with his men’s work but claims that there is no human trafficking going on. Meanwhile, Silas is cleaning up by selling his ‘head cheese’ sandwiches at the cheese shop, although the occasional fat customer (Brad Grunberg) wants an actual sandwich. Silas asks his mother if he can be partners with her in order to get more space to grow his merchandise, and she tells him that she will think about it. When Nancy sees two more girls being brought through the tunnel, she can no longer remain quiet, so she makes a phone call to FBI agent Captain Roy Till to report the human trafficking going on. Debra Christofferson is the uptown rehab counselor. Christopher Duva is the male Headcheese customer. Hayley Mancini is the vegan Headcheese customer. John Lafayette is the downtown rehab counselor. Jorge Ordonez is the priest. Jessica Chaffin is the downtown addict Cracklynn. Tina Ivlev is the blonde girl being trafficked. Charlie Noxon is Charlie, the boy on the beach. Daniel Edward Mora is the delivery illegal. 1/24/24
• 049. Till We Meet Again – 9/8/2008
  • Nancy meets with Captain Till and demands that after the bust is made on the human trafficking tunnel, no one will connect the information to her, and Till agrees. Meanwhile, Celia walks out of her rehab group, telling everyone that everyone there has such miserable lives that they will never recover. Maria walks in on Andy in the shower and tells him that she is attracted to him and not Doug. He tries to resist, but ultimately sleeps with her twice. Sanjay recognizes one of the customers in Maternity World as a gay man, even though he is pretending to be there with his wife, leading him to think that he may be an undercover officer. Shane asks Silas for once of his drug ‘sandwiches’ so that he can get his girlfriends high, but Silas refuses to sell to him. Shane, however, finds Silas’s stash and gets one of the sandwiches anyway. While Nancy is on a date with Esteban, the store and tunnel are raided, resulting in the arrest of Guillermo and the death of one of his men in a shootout. Cesar is able to escape with his armed men in the underground tunnel. He calls Esteban and gives him the key world ‘red licorice’, letting him know instantly about what happened. Meanwhile, Andy tells Doug that he and Maria had sex, and Maria says in front of Doug that she is in love with Andy and that he is the best lover she ever had. Doug seems calm, then asks to be alone and immediately calls the Department of Immigration & Naturalization to have her deported. Esteban begins questioning Nancy about the members of her crew to try and determine who tipped off the Feds, assuring her that his men do not talk. He tells her that he loves her, but that he cannot see her for a while, as Cesar begins heading up work to dig a new tunnel. Celia meets with Dean and Isobelle and tries in her sarcastic way to make amends with them, but the best thing she can say to Dean is she’s sorry she ever entered their sham of a marriage since she is so repulsed by him. Dean tells her that she should be more concerned about their other long-lost daughter Quinn, and that she should find her and try and make amends with her. Esteban makes a speech to the press about how the drug trafficking will not be tolerated, and that he will be cooperating with the FBI, including Captain Till who is present during his statement. Nancy later tells Captain Till that she has no idea who Guillermo’s boss is, and he tells her that he hopes she is being truthful as their men don’t play nicely. Elsewhere, Cesar has Agent Shlatter tortured until he tells them that the informant is Nancy Botwin, and then he kills Shlatter. Candice Goodman is Baguette. Ray Angel Torres is the Federale. 6/17/24
• 050. If You Work for a Living, Then Why Do You Kill Yourself Working? – 9/15/2008
  • Cesar report that Agent Shlatter had named Nancy as the informant, but Cesar says that the rants of a dying man can’t be trusted and orders him to keep looking deeper. Captain Till brings Nancy in for a sham questioning, but while he is there, he gets word that Shlatter, who is both his work partner and his lover, was found brutally murdered. He has a meltdown and throws Nancy’s lawyer Dean out of the room, telling her that if she knows who the boss of the operation is and isn’t telling him, he will kill her along with everyone along the way until he finds the man in charge. While Silas is celebrating his eighteenth birthday in bed with Lia, Rad and his father Henry (John Mese) walk in on them, with Henry telling her that she will never take custody of Rad. Celia finds the location of her daughter Quinn in Oaxaca and goes to see her and her husband Rudolpho (Kevin Alejandro). They have a nice visit, until Rudolpho drugs her, and Quinn tells her that she is kidnapping her for ransom, and unless Dean pays her, they will send little pieces of Celia to him. After Doug has Maria deported, he accuses Andy of being in love with her. When Nancy finally remembers that it is Silas’s birthday, he tells her that he wants financial backing for his drug business. Esteben calls her and tells her to come see him, after Cesar gives him photos of Nancy with Captain Till. Fearing that this might be the end of her life, she takes a long bath and lets Andy come in and sit with her in the bathroom, trying to justify the actions that she’s taken and why she has now risked her life for a girl they snuck in from Mexico. Nancy orders Silas a gift basket for his birthday as she drives to see Esteban. Doug writes his ex-wife Dana a heartfelt note, which appears to be a suicide note as he puts a noose around his neck… and then only masturbates. Silas and Shane lament the life that their mother is leading, and Silas reveals that he wants to buy some land in Mexico and start his own business. When Nancy arrives, Esteban sits her down with his men present and confronts her with the photo of her with Till. Her only response is to show him an ultrasound with his baby that she is carrying. Juan Carlos Cantu is the donkey man. Sophia Santi is the ticket lady. Ezra Cruz is Agent Ruiz. Joyce Kurtz is the voice of Carol with Terrifically Gift Baskets. 6/17/24

SEASON 5

• 051. Wonderful Wonderful – 6/8/2009
  • After Nancy tells Esteban that she is pregnant, Cesar shoots the other two henchmen in the room to make sure the word doesn’t get out. Esteban then has Cesar take Nancy home, although she is nervous that she too will be killed. Rudolpho calls Dean to try and extort ransom money for Celia, but he just tells them that he is broke, and he can just do what he’s got to do to Celia. Isabelle is equally as unconcerned. Quinn yells and beats Rudolpho and demands that he get her money. Nancy returns home to find that Silas and Shane are arguing about how gets her room if she doesn’t come home. She gets a call from Rudolpho as well, but she says that she and Celia really aren’t friends and hangs up on him. Andy tries to talk Nancy into fleeing to Denmark to escape the Mexican mafia and also tells her that he loves her. She tells him that she is pregnant and needs sleep. Shane gets caught selling drugs in the library by Mr. Sandusky (Todd Robert Anderson) but settles on just taking some pot from him. Rudolph calls Roy Till, Doug, and Andy to try and extort ransom for Celia, but no one will bite. Doug proposes moving their pot growing operation to Cleveland National Forest, and the make plans to move their operation. Celia tries to offer some sympathy to Rudolpho for dealing with the abusive Quinn, but she walks in on them and says that if no one will pay the ransom, they will kill her and sell her organs. Cesar takes Nancy to see Dr. Brisas (Carlos Gomez) to have pregnancy checked out under Esteban’s direction. When she puts up a fight, Esteban tells her that her life depends on doing what he tells her to ensure that she is really pregnant. When Rudolpho finds out that Nancy had cancer, he tells Quinn that none of her organs will sell since she had radiation chemotherapy. Quinn attacks her, but Rudolpho stops her and throws her out. Doug spills the beans about Nancy’s pregnancy to Shane, whom Nancy wants Andy to take to Oakland Hills to stay wither her sister Jill Price-Gray. As annoyed as Andy is about Nancy’s pregnancy, he agrees to do it for her. Shane confronts Nancy about being pregnant and she admits it and tells him that he has to go stay with his Aunt Jill. Silas and Shane wind up in a fistfight over this, causing Nancy to grab one of Andy’s hot banana-loafs he just made and throw it. Andy tells her that he ruins everything he touches. Doug and Silas head to the forest, while Andy and Shane head to Aunt Jill’s. None of them speak to Nancy as they leave. While Nancy is sitting with a teenager (Tequan Richmond) in the open-air mall, a flash mob breaks out, bringing a much-needed smile to Nancy’s face. However, she then sees that Cesar is watching her. 10/16/24
• 052. Machetes Up Top – 6/15/2009
  • Nancy wakes up one morning to find Cesar with a gun in her kitchen, who is there on order of Esteban. He tells Nancy that he hasn’t yet made up his mind. She finds a Jesus bobble-head on her outside table with a message from Guillermo to come see him. Andy wakes up in the home of Nancy’s sister Jill Price-Gray (Jennifer Jason Leigh), her husband Scott (Mel Fair), and their twin little girls Shayla (Amanda Pace) and Taylor (Rachel Pace). Nancy tricks Cesar by taking him to a Vietnamese beauty parlor and then sneaking out after she gets him started on a fish pedicure. While hiking through the forest, Doug and Silas happen upon a group of armed men who hold them at gunpoint. Nancy goes to see Guillermo in prison, and he tells her that she stepped over the line by reporting the Mexican tunnel to the DEA. When she tells him that she is pregnant, he tells her to get her affairs in order because she will wind up in a landfill after having the baby. Celia tries to convince Rudolpho that he is better off without Quinn, but he says he still loves her. She tells him that there are other women out there who don’t look like they are smelling bad cheese. He tells Celia to leave and go live, because she is worth nothing to him. Andy lies and tells Jill that Nancy witnessed a Korean gang war and that is why she needs to be in hiding, and why Shane needs to stay with her. She agrees to it and then opens a bottle of wine. While ties up, Doug and Silas meet the leader of the gang Linstead (Todd Giebenhain), who is impressed with their crop, but says that he could easily shoot them and throw them in the creek. Instead, he just keeps their crop and sends them on their way. Jill and Andy get drunk on wine, and Jill complains about her husband and her domestic life of servitude, as Andy tries to find an opportunity to kiss her and is eventually successful. Nancy visits with Dean to make arrangements in the event that she is killed. Celia sticks around and organizes Rudolpho’s tent of weapons and ammunition and begs him to stay with him and his guerilla warriors because everyone hates her at home. Andy and Jill have sex in the laundry room, while Shane films it from outside the window. Nacy visits a sushi bar and has the chef (Mio Takada) make her something special. She tells him the story about how she jumped off the Morristown Bridge. Nancy visits Esteban while drunk and tells him that she can’t live with this level of stress, not knowing when she will end up in a landfill. She pulls out a gun and demands that Esteban decide if she will live or die. Instead, he forces sex on her, and tells her that she doesn’t dictate the terms of their arrangement. Eileen Fogarty and Jane Le are Vietnamese attendants. 10/16/24

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