The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – HBO

Created by Larry David.

The series was developed from a one-hour HBO Special titled “Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm,” a fictional version of the life of Larry David, co-creator of the sitcom “Seinfeld”. 

Theme song by Luciano Michelini.

• 000. Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm – 10/17/1999
  • Larry David and his manager Jeff Greene pitch an idea to HBO for a cable special that would include the events leading up to Larry returning to stand-up comedy with his own concert followed by the concert himself. As part of the documentary portion, former co-workers and friends Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Rick Newman (himself), Richard Lewis, Carol Leifer (herself), Glenn Padnick (himself), and Larry Charles (himself), are interviewed for stories about Larry’s career. Jeff and Larry pitch the idea to the HBO development team of Allan Wasserman (himself) and Judy Toll (herself). Among the conversations and situations captured in the documentary portion are various stand-up routines being rehearsed at small comedy clubs and his wife Cheryl’s critique of his first routine; Larry discussing that he always nods at black people, Larry running into former Seinfeld writing assistant Jeff Yerkes (Eric Scott Gould) and agreeing to put in a recommendation for him at Warner Bros., then having an unpleasant encounter with Warner executive Michael Wengred when he tells Larry that he never watched and is not a fan of Seinfeld, Larry’s foll0w-up letter to Wengred which is passive-aggressive, and Jeff failing to get the job because of it and winding up working as a receptionist for HBO; having lunch with fellow comedians Mike Reynolds (himself) and Suzy Soro (herself) and running into comedienne Caroline Rhea (herself) and Larry pronouncing her name wrong and leaving without saying goodbye, which gets back to Jeff and leads to a later confrontation; Larry explaining to his manager Jeff that he should give a ‘one second’ finger while on the phone and someone else is in the room, Larry opting out of attending the funeral of his friend Mark Beltzman‘s (himself) father and conspiring with his other friend writer Ed Crasnick (himself) to not attend other, and resulting confrontation between Larry and Mark when Ed does in fact attend;  Larry and Jeff running into comedian Allan Havey (himself) who is interested in buying Larry’s old house in the Valley until Jeff discourages living there; Larry reviewing the concert stage design for the 3000 seat Pasadena Civic Auditorium and not liking what the production decorator (Suzy Nakamura) presents, a revolving stage of Seinfeld’s apartment and an unflattering caricature of Larry; Larry meeting HBO publicist Patrick O’Hara (Michael Patrick King), who passes on a rumor about Molly Shannon that Larry finds inappropriate; Larry meeting Jeff’s mistress Becky (Becky Thyre) and then being forced to take a walk with her in Central Park, resulting in them running into Cheryl’s friend Cindy DeCoast (Cindy Caponera) and Larry struggling to explain who he is with, and then following up with Larry leaving a message for Cheryl trying to explain himself in case Cindy talked with her, complicated by the fact that Cheryl hates Jeff; and Larry getting caught at the hotel with a bill for his room porn, which Jeff tries to get Patrick to have HBO pay for; and Larry checking out the concert venue and seeing the caricature of himself that he didn’t want. Ultimately Larry visits Alan and Judy and informs them that he needs to cancel the concert because he needs to go to Florida and be with his mother after his stepfather got into a car accident and is in and out of a coma. NOTE: Although Larry mentions having children in this special, they are never mentioned in the series. The HBO production team includes Linda Bates, Julie Claire, Don Lake, Susan Marque, and Larry Thigpen. HBO receptionists include Stefanie Singer and Donna Cooper. Losmir Marin is the hotel clerk. 12/27/19

• 001. The Pants Tent – 10/15/2000
  • Larry David (himself), the co-creator of the sitcom Seinfeld, lives in Los Angeles with his wife Cheryl (Cheryl Hines). After lamenting to Cheryl that his pants bunch up in the crotch, he looks for someone to go see the new Dustin Hoffman movie A Tough Nut to Crack. Cheryl is busy, and his friend comedian Richard Lewis (himself) already has a date to go to the same movie with his new girlfriend Sofia (Sofia Milos), so Cheryl hooks him up with her friend Nancy (Robin Ruzan). On the way there, Larry has a phone conversation with his manager Jeff Greene (Jeff Garlin), and he refers to Cheryl as Hitler, much to the chagrin of Jeff’s parents (Louis Nye, Mina Kolb) who are listening in on speaker phone. Once he arrives at the theater, he has an altercation with Sofia because she huffs when Larry tries to get by her to get to his seat, not knowing that she is Richard’s girlfriend. This causes him to cancel his plans to have diner with them at the new restaurant Mama’s Boy. Larry also gets in trouble with Nancy, when she attempts to console him after his altercation and she mistakes his pants tent for an erection. Cheryl alter tries to smooth the waters with her, but she insists that Larry is lying. When Jeff leaves an apologetic phone message to Larry for having him on speaker, he and Larry come up with the lie to tell Cheryl that Jeff was apologizing for not telling Larry that comedienne Kathy Griffin wanted him to write a pilot for her. Larry goes to Jeff’s house and apologizes for the Hitler comment, but then irks them again when Jeff’s wife Susie (Susie Essman) asks him to come up and look at a cute pose their daughter is doing, but Larry leaves instead. When they all convene at Mama’s Boy restaurant, they don’t have a table for two since Larry and Cheryl are now dining alone, so they are invited to join Jeff and Susie and Jeff’s parents, even though they are once again giving him the cold shoulder. Richard and Sofia show up and dine alone, and to make matters even more uncomfortable Kathy Griffin (herself) shows up and has no idea what Larry is talking about when he tries to cover his lie in front of Cheryl. Laurel Moglen is the hostess. Tucker Smallwood is Mama’s Boy. Antoinette Spolar is Larry’s receptionist Antoinette. 12/27/19
• 002. Ted and Mary – 10/22/2000
  • Larry and Cheryl have a fun night out bowling with their actor friends Ted Danson (himself) and Mary Steenburgen (herself), which is only soured when Louie (Louis Mustillo), who works the shoe counter, gives away Larry’s shoes to someone else. He promised to call if the man comes back, and Larry goes home shoeless. Ted and Mary invite the Davids to attend the Paul Simon concert with them in a private room the following weekend. Larry and Cheryl discuss their night with the Dansons, and Larry confesses that Ted uses the word ‘heaven’ too much and that he prefers the company of Mary. In fact, when Mary calls Larry, they arrange to meet and shop at the department store Barney’s, where Mary is shopping with her mother Anne (Anne Haney). Both Mary and Anne are extremely impressed with Larry who does everything right… until he accidentally takes a drink from Anne’s glass and makes a loud disgusted noise when he realizes it is hers. Larry also makes arrangements with the salesman Danny (Tim Bagley) to get his shoes replaced. Both Cheryl and Ted think it is strange that Larry joined the ladies shopping, and even more so that he bought the same jacket as Mary. Larry gets a call from Louis that the man (Joe Liss) who took his shoes is at the alley, so Larry confronts him and takes his shoes back. When he runs into Danny on the street, Danny forces Larry to admit that he isn’t coming back to pick up the shoes he ordered. With the date of the concert closing in on Friday, Larry and Cheryl start to worry that they have been uninvited when they don’t hear from Ted or Mary. Larry goes back to Barney’s to return the jacket he bought, but Danny flat out refuses to help him. He runs into Mary and Anne once again, and attempts to recover from the drink fiasco. Mary informs Larry that he had been invited to attend the Simon concert on Sunday and not Friday. Larry insists that Anne join them at the concert. When he arrives, he finds that Anne is the only one there. Ted and Mary had to cancel because Bill and Hillary Clinton flew into town and they had to dine with them. Cheryl had other obligations as well, so Larry and Anne watched the show alone, with Anne falling asleep on Larry’s shoulder. Candy Ford is the saleswoman. Buck Kartalian is the shoe repair guy. 12/27/19
• 003. Porno Gil – 10/29/2000
  • While practicing at the driving range, Larry snubs a man named Brian (Brian Polermo) when he drops his ball near Larry because Larry doesn’t like Brian’s hat. Later Larry attempts to make a phone call to his friend John Debellis and accidentally dials the number of another acquaintance named Gil Thilander (Bob Odenkirk), a porno star who went by the name Gil Bang and now plays golf at the same place as Larry. John invites Larry to come to a party at his house that weekend, and being caught off-guard, Larry accepts despite already having plans to eat dinner with Cheryl. Larry goes to visit Jeff who is in the hospital getting ready for bypass surgery, and Jeff asks Larry to get the porno videos and magazines out of the hiding place in his room in case something happens to him. That weekend, Larry and Cheryl head to Gil’s after dinner but can’t follow the directions he provided. Larry asks for help from an old lady (Nan Martin) on the street, but she gets frustrated with him and tears up the instructions. The next man he stops is Brian, but even though he is going to Gil’s party also, he refuses to help because of the golf ball snub. Larry finally arrives and finds it is a dinner party that has been held up waiting for him. In addition to being late, Larry refers to take his shoes off despite Gil’s wife Melanie’s (Melanie Hoopes) request. During the dinner, Gil relates a story from his porno days involving Tabasco sauce, which causes Cheryl to want to leave. Larry shows off his watch to another guest named Peter (Peter Steinfeld). When Brian drops his lighter, Larry picks it up, but breaks a valuable lamp in the process, causing Melanie to scream at him about the lamp and not removing his shoes. They finally get out the door, only to realize that Larry never got his lighter back, so he has to return for that. This time he takes off his shoes. Cheryl is furious with Larry, but cuts him some slack since he has already been screamed at, but her anger flares again when they get lost going home. Later Larry goes to Jeff’s to get the porn, and finds that one of the videos starring Gil called Motel Dick!. Larry pops it in Jeff’s VCR, and while he is watching Gil with two women (Castle, Bianca), Jeff’s parents come in and catch him watching the video. Other party guests include Cinammon (Sandy Brown), Paul (Paul Greenburg), and Jackie (Jackie Harris Greenburg). 1/16/20
• 004. The Bracelet – 11/5/2000
  • Larry gets in the doghouse with Cheryl when she returns from Tallahassee after being gone for four days, but pays more attention to the last two minutes of the football game on TV than he does her. After she gives him that silent treatment, he feels guilty and decides to buy her a bracelet that she wants. Having not shaved and dressed for a later workout, combined with the fact that a hobo (Clement Blake) follows him to the entrance of the store, the jewelry store clerks won’t let Larry inside. Larry calls Richard Lewis to come buy the bracelet for him, but by the time he arrives, the store is closed for lunch. He and Richard go get food at a restaurant, where Larry gets outraged that the bill has a space for a tip for the captain. He gives the waiter 30% and draws a line through the captain’s tip. Larry unwittingly leaves his credit card behind. On the way back to the store, Larry and Richard run into a blind man named Michael (Patrick Kerr) who requests some help moving boxes in his new apartment. Before they are finished, they’ve spent all afternoon arranging all of his furnishings as he barks orders at them. When they finally get back to the store, it is closed. Larry ends up buying roses for Cheryl and they make up, so when Richard requests it, he tells Richard that he can buy the bracelet for his girlfriend if he wants. Cheryl then tells Larry that she wants the bracelet, so he comes clean about telling Richard he could buy it, but vows to get to the store first thing and buy it. On the way, he stops back at the restaurant to retrieve his credit card, but his car gets blocked by another car when he parks in the employee lot. It turns out to be Perry the Captain (Perry Anzilotti) who has him blocked in, and because he didn’t receive a tip from Larry, he refuses to move the car. Larry runs to the jewelry store, arriving just when Richard Lewis does, and they wind up fighting in the entry way, as the store associates call the authorities and refuse to let them in. Robert B. Weide is the man Larry uses to screen his call to Richard so he doesn’t have to talk to Richard’s girlfriend. Laura Streicher aka Laura Fairchild is the restaurant manager. 1/17/20
• 005. Interior Decorator – 11/12/2000
  • While visiting his doctor John Lynch (Jack Gallagher), Larry hold the elevator for a woman named Marissa  Jaret Winokur (herself), who subsequently gets to the same doctor’s office before him, signs in first, and then gets called in first, despite Larry having an earlier scheduled appointment. Larry complains to the nurse (Lisa Ann Walter), the doctor, and anyone in the waiting room who will listen. The doctor does nothing for Larry’s jammed finger that he injured while fighting Richard Lewis. On the way out, Larry doesn’t have enough money in his wallet to pay for parking, so the attendant (Karen Maruyama) reluctantly spots him the money. The appointment causes him to be late and miss a meeting with actress Diane Keaton (herself, voice only), who wants to chat about starring in one of Larry’s projects. Back home Cheryl introduces Larry to their new interior decorator Carmen (Rose Abdoo), who also works for Diane Keaton, Diane has left a message on Larry’s voice message to give her a call, but it cuts out when she give her number. Despite hearing the message, Carmen refuses to give Larry Diane’s number, so he consequently fires her. Larry goes see his lawyer (Nia Vardolas), who is the wife of Dr. Lynch and shares the same office building, and on the way in, he drops off $10 for the attendant, but has to leave it with a different attendant (Oscar Nunez). Having been spurned the last time, Larry refuses to hold the elevator for a woman rushing it, but at the last minute realizes it is the first parking attendant. When his lawyer tries to charge him $1500 for reading Larry’s script, he fires her as well. On the way out, he runs into the female attendant who screams at him until Larry gives her $20, leaving him cashless on the way out and unable to pay his fee again. Even though the attendant is the same one he gave the $10 to, he refuses to give it back to Larry, forcing him to ask the lady in the car behind him to loan him $2.20… who happens to be his lawyer he just fired. Larry gets an appointment with Diane at her house, and runs into Carmen there, who demands money for their initial appointment. They wind up in a physical altercation on the floor destroying Diane’s lamp, and culminating in Carmen trying to kiss him passionately, while an incredulous Diane looks on. Larry returns to see his doctor, this time avoiding the attendant altogether and opting to plug a meter, and being spotted by his lawyer asking strangers for change. Larry runs into Marissa again, but this time she won’t hold the door for him, so Larry rushes up the stairs, tackles her at the elevator, and gets to sign in first… which is all for naught since they’ve changed their policy due to Larry’s complaint. Having jammed his finger further in his fight with Carmen, Larry is refused treatment until he pays the doctor’s wife. Kris McGaha is Diane’s assistant. 5/1/20
• 006. The Wire – 11/19/2000
  • Jeff has sponsored an inner-city kid to go to summer camp, where the kid has burned down the canteen and his cabin, and the camp wants him to pay the $17,000 cost. Larry has his own troubles, as he has to get signatures from his adjacent neighbors to have an unsightly electrical wire buried underground, and one couple Dean (Wayne Federman) and Phyllis Weinstock (Lucy Webb) are holding out signing until they meet Larry. When they meet, Larry recommends Dean to act as Jeff’s lawyer, but then things turn sour when Dean only agrees to sign off on the wire move if Larry will arrange for him to meet actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus (herself). Larry is infuriated, but Cheryl talks him into going along in the interest of getting the wire moved. Larry also infuriates Jeff’s wife Susie when he attempts to call at 10:20pm. Larry is under the impression that the cut-off time is 10:30, while Susie assures him it is 10pm. Jeff hires Dean, and also agrees to let the inner-city kid stay with him since he has been kicked out of camp. Larry takes Julia to meet Dean, but when they arrive, they find that Phyllis is hysterical because her cat just died, and Dean is with Jeff. An irritated Julia stays for a while, but then has to leave without meeting Dean. Before she leaves, she buys an antique bracelet from Phyllis which is the same one that Larry had wanted to buy for Cheryl before Richard Lewis got involved. While Cheryl is trying to convince Larry that she needs to arrange another meeting, Larry realizes he has lost his idea pad and think it is at Julia’s house. He makes a call and visit to Julia and her husband Brad Hall‘s (himself) to look for it, but they are both irritated that he has violated their 9:30pm call cutoff, and wind up throwing him out when his search of their house becomes invasive. Larry visits Jeff to play a golf video game and finds a furious Susie laying into Jeff because the kid has robbed them, and into Larry for breaking the call curfew and getting the involved with a shady lawyer. Back home Cheryl shows Larry her new bracelet, which is the same one that Julia bought. Julia stops over to ask if Larry has seen her new bracelet, and then spots Cheryl’s bracelet, causing Larry to plead with her not to think he stole it from her. Dean stops by at that moment and meets Julia, but the meeting traumatizes him because Julia lays into him for not showing up for their previous appointment. Larry throws him out, but then realizes that Dean has found his notepad at his house… and also demand the $500 reward that Larry had written inside the book would be given if the pad was ever found. Larry and Cheryl continue to live under the wire. Courtney Cronin is Jeff’s assistant. 5/2/20
• 007. AAMCO – 11/26/2000
  • Larry and Jeff stroll toward his office, where Larry office a homeless guy (Clement Blake) his leftover tuna sandwich and is declined. Jeff tells Larry that he is buying a 1957 Chevy convertible, but then later gets offended when Larry doesn’t congratulate him on the purchase. Back home Larry greets Cheryl’s friend Julie (Julie Welch), who feigns liking Larry’s movie Sour Grapes. They discuss the dinner party that Cheryl will be throwing and she mentions that the caterer canceled. Larry recommends using Jeff’s neighbor Debbie (Deborah Theaker) who is a caterer and Cheryl reluctantly agrees. Larry declares that he will not have a good time, and makes a bet with Cheryl for oral sex in the car if he doesn’t. Larry and Jeff go for a ride in the new Chevy, but when Larry hears the honking in an AAMCO commercial on the radio, he yells at the car behind him which irritates the driver so much that he rams Jeff’s car and causes damage to the transmission. At the dinner party Larry is bored to tears with conversations with Julie and her husband Pat (Pat Collins) talking about their move to Covina, and another couple Kevin (Kevin Ruf) and Allison (Allison Heartinger) who just want to talk about their cruise. He then meets a man named Mike Duffy (Mike Hagerty), who coincidentally works at AAMCO and offers to fix Jeff’s transmission. Larry is so appreciative of this that he has to bite his tongue when Mike swipes his seat at the head of table, says a Catholic prayer, and acts as if he is hosting the meal. The next morning Mike leaves a message on Larry’s machine that he wants to talk about something that bothered him. Larry assumes it that Mike’s wife Maggie (Maggie Baird) took it wrong when Cheryl told her that Larry would never allow anyone to stay in their guest house on Martha’s Vineyard. Larry and Cheryl also discover that Debbie has stolen all of the leftover food. Larry goes to her house to retrieve it, and finds out from her assistant Carmel (Alexis Ross) that she has given it to Jeff. Larry then goes to Jeff’s house to retrieve the food, but winds up giving it to the same homeless man. Larry and Jeff meet Mike at AAMCO where Larry sits down with him to hear his concern. Before Mike can tell him that he wanted to apologize for taking his chair, Larry blurts out that he thought it was about Martha’s Vineyard. This puts Mike off, and Larry and Jeff leave with the car still broken. That night after going out to dinner, Larry makes Cheryl deliver on their bet. 8/14/20
• 008. Beloved Aunt – 12/3/2000
  • Larry and Cheryl attend the funeral of Cheryl’s aunt Louise Hoenin, and Cheryl’s parents (Paul Dooley, Julie Payne) and sister Becky (Kaitlin Olson) and her boyfriend Craig (Craig Anton) also have flown in for the funeral. Craig confesses to Larry that he had planned to break up with Becky when Louise passed away. Larry advises him that it will be okay to do it the day after the funeral. Larry attempts several good deeds: inviting Cheryl’s parents to stay longer in their house, allowing Becky and Craig to extend their stay at the Roosevelt Hotel that he is paying for, having Jeff contact a friend to but an obituary in the paper for Louise, and buying a gift for Jeff mother for her birthday in order to smooth things over from their last visit. At a family gathering at Larry’s house, he attempts to entertain the guests, but when it becomes uncomfortable when Becky can’t stop crying after being dumped, Larry decides to go shop for the gift. He ends up with a pair of glasses that look like Elizabeth Taylor’s, but can’t seem to get a handle on getting it wrapped, asking both the sunglasses clerk (Julie Claire) and an attendant (Paul Goebel) and customer (Scott Butler) at the gas station for ideas. Upon arrival back home, he is bombarded by Cheryl and her family because the obituary misspelled ‘beloved aunt’ with ‘beloved cunt.’ He is further ostracized when Becky reveals that Craig told her that Larry had advised him to break it off with her. Cheryl kicks him out of the house, so he head to stay with Jeff. He winds up giving the glasses to Jeff’s mother unwrapped, but she says she can’t wear them because she wears prescription glasses, so Larry offers to get them filled. When she tries them on again and Larry helps her look at herself in the toaster, he accidentally puts his arm against her breast. In the middle of the night, Jeff kicks him out of the house because the mother is freaking out about the breast incident. He heads to the Roosevelt, but they are out of rooms. He tries to negotiate with the desk clerk (Karen-Eileen Gordon) and security (Regan Burns) by offering them the sunglasses to stay there. He also attempts to get Craig thrown out of his room since he is paying for it, and then when he spots him in the lobby with a new girl (Rose Colasanti) on his arm, he nearly gets in a fight with him. He is thrown out and winds up spending the night in his car in front of his house. The sunglasses come in handy when the sun comes up. 8/14/20
• 009. Affirmative Action – 12/10/2000
  • Cheryl is diagnosed with dermatitis and asks Larry to pick up some medicine at the pharmacist before they meet for dinner at Byzantine. Larry has a meeting with Richard Lewis beforehand, and Richard confronts him on why he always has to be the one to initiate their interactions. Larry admits that it is because he doesn’t like his girlfriend Sofia, but he offers to stop by after dinner. While they are chatting, they run into Lewis’s black dermatologist Dr. Justin Grambs (Gregg Daniel), Larry attempts to be affable and makes a joke about affirmative action and offends him. Larry is so shaken up by the event that he forgets to pick up the prescription, so by the time they get to dinner, Cheryl is itching madly. Larry bribes he Maitre d’ (Robert Cesario) and they at least get a table quickly. Larry has to use the restaurant but doesn’t want to walk by NBC Chairman Ted Harbert (himself), so he goes next door to Don Cuco Mexican restaurant, where instead he runs into a black lady named Denise Pendergrass (Karen Bankhead), whom he passed over as line producer for his film Sour Grapes. Larry had hired one of Cheryl’s friends, and now Denise accuses him of being racist. He also does not escape small talk with Ted, who comes over to his table. After dinner, they head to the pharmacy, where Larry realizes he gave the maitre d’ the prescription instead of the money. They attempt to retrieve it from the garbage, but then decide to see if Richard will hook them up with Dr. Grambs. When Richard agrees and forces Sofia off the phone, it solidifies the hate between Larry and Sofia even more. Grambs agrees to see them at his house. When Larry and Cheryl arrive, they find that Dr. Grambs and his wife Donna (Donna Cooper) are entertaining a roomful of black friends (Kevin Brewerton, Robert E. Collier, Gina Jackson, Monica McKinley, Tyronne Alonzo Rouege, Rachel Smith, Kenneth W. Watts). They all force Larry to repeat his affirmative action comment. Although his is embarrassed, he repeats the remark and somehow manages to win over the room… until Denise Pendergass comes out from another room and calls out Larry as a racist. Nevertheless, they get the prescription, but when Larry takes it to the pharmacy, it is crowded and will take nearly an hour. Larry tries to slip the pharmacist (William Mesnik) a bribe, but he gets angry and throws Larry out. Larry is forced to return home to a madly itchy Cheryl to tell her the news. 11/30/20
• 010. The Group – 12/17/2000
  • As Larry and Cheryl are going to bed, they discuss three topics: a planned dinner with Larry’s Uncle Nathan Gordon (Allan Arbus), a planned meeting for both of them with Jeff, and why Larry never initiates sex. On the latter, Larry explains that he is always available for her to tap him on the shoulder. Jeff tells Cheryl that he recommended her for a part in a performance of The Vagina Monologues and she only need to call the director Wendy to get the job. On the way out, they run into Larry’s ex-girlfriend, actress Lucy Montone (Melanie Smith), who asks Larry to lunch after Cheryl awkwardly leaves to sit in the car. That night, Cheryl taps David on the shoulder in bed, but he claims to be tapped out after fantasizing about Lucy. Cheryl makes him promise not to think about ex-girlfriends any more. Larry delivers an appreciative bottle of Blue Label whiskey to Jeff from Cheryl as a thank you for getting her the job, and Jeff meets Lucy as they are getting ready to have lunch. Jeff asks Larry for her number ostensibly to engage her as a client. Cheryl and her friend Nancy (Robin Ruzan) run into Larry and Lucy at the restaurant, providing another awkward encounter. During lunch, Lucy asks Larry to attend an incest survivor’s meeting with her, since she once had an encounter with her stepfather and he’s the only one who knows about it. During the group session, Larry endures some awkward tales from a lady named Gwendolyn (Laraine Newman), and then tells the group his name is Todd and that he had sex with his uncle when he was a young teen. That night as Cheryl is reading The Vagina Monologues out loud to Larry, the lesbian story turns him on and he taps her on the shoulder… but gets denied. When the two of them go to see the director Wendy, Larry realizes that she is Gwendolyn from the support meeting. Since the nature of the meeting is confidential, they make up a story about how they know each other that Cheryl doesn’t buy, causing her to storm out. Despite his vow to not reveal her secret, he tells Cheryl everything. She calls Wendy to apologize and pretends that he told her that they were in Gamblers Anonymous. It is all for naught, as she has already replaced Cheryl with Lucy, at Jeff’s suggestion. Jeff and Lucy celebrate in a bedroom, where they drink the Blue Label and then get into a car accident, leaving Lucy out of commission. Cheryl is brought back to do the reading, and Larry and his Uncle Nathan attend. When Wendy learns that Nathan is Larry’s uncle, she goes into a rage and throws him out of the theater. Cynthia Szigeti is the incest group leader. Jane Edith Wilson is one of the survivors. 11/30/20

SEASON 2

• 011. The Car Salesman – 9/23/2001
  • Larry and Cheryl have moved out of their house because of the unsightly wire and have taken residence in a hotel room, where Larry does nothing but watch TV and eat chips all day. Their real estate agent Susan (Susan Segal) takes them to see the lovely house of Jay (Matt North) and Barbara Schneider (Jeanne Chinn), and they end up buying it. Jay has Seinfeld actor Jason Alexander (himself) as a client and they work out an arrangement for Larry and Jason to meet. Larry however has some misgivings about Jay since he refers to the character of George Costanza as a loser, and he also claims that his shirt is 100% cashmere. While having lunch with Jeff, Larry meets one of Jeff’s friends, car salesman Tom Clarke (Rick Hall), and Larry, who has always though he’d make a great car salesman, asks if he can come work for a day or two at Toyota selling cars. When Cheryl finds out what Larry is doing, on the day that they are supposed to move into the new house no less, she is aghast. Larry and Jason meet, and Jason explains how he has been pigeonholed by his George Costanza character, and he too offends Larry by calling the character an idiot, especially since did many of the things that Larry had done in real life. As they argue, Larry comes up with an idea for a TV show in which Jason plays a character going through the same situation: typecast by a hit show and unable to get work. Larry goes to work on Monday, vowing to sell a car, but he’s unable to answer even the most basic questions from customers Archie (Chip Chinery), Shirley (Shirley Prestia), an old man (Harper Roisman), Dana (Dana Lee), Affion (Affion Crockett) and his lady friend (Cynthia Martells), and a lady (Abby Wolf) who doesn’t care about his Seinfeld connection. He comes home that night to spend the first night in his new house, and they find that there is a mysterious creaking sound that they cannot locate. The next day at work, Larry comes extremely close to selling a car to a man (Steven Pierce), until Richard Lewis comes in and interrupts, causing the man to wander off. Larry and Richard get into a physical altercation when Larry tries to see if Richard’s shirt is 100% cashmere, and Larry is fired. Cheryl hires a worker (Jim Zulevic) to find the noise in the house, and Larry gets him to come back at night when they are in bed to pinpoint the sound. Larry decides to move forward on the project with Jason, but Cheryl encourages him not to call him so late at night to tell him. 3/22/21
• 012. Thor – 9/30/2001
  • Jeff meets Larry for breakfast at the Universal City Hilton, and tells him that he has left his wife Susie, and asks Larry to go to the house to pick up some of his clothes. Jeff is concerned about the potential of getting divorce, as he’s afraid she might reveal all of his kinky sexual proclivities. Coincidentally, while Larry is thinking about Jeff, Cheryl asks him if he is thinking about sex. Larry calls Jason Alexander to meet to discuss ideas for a TV show to pitch to the networks, but Larry is irritated that he has to drive to Jason instead of the other way around. On the way there, he sees Cheryl’s friend Wanda (Wanda Sykes) jogging and yells out that he’d recognize her tush anywhere. He also pretends to play cowboys and Indians with three boys (Kenneth Schmidt, Kevin G. Schmidt, Kyler Fisher) in a station wagon in front of him. The driver, who turns out to be professional wrestler Thor Olson (Deron Michael McBee) slams on the brakes, gets out of the car, and berates Larry for promoting violence in the era of Columbine. He then apparently flattens one of Larry’s tires. When Larry tries to enlist AAA to help, he finds out that Cheryl has canceled their membership because they are too political. Larry tries to fumble through changing the tire, and although he gets some random advice from passersby (Dort Clark, Gita Isak), no one will help him. He arrives late and filthy to his meeting with Jason, so they attempt to re-schedule. However, Larry demands that Jason comes to his office in Santa Monica, while Jason maintains they never had the meeting they scheduled and wants to keep at his office. They are unable to reach an agreement and wind up shouting at each other. When Larry gets home, he yells at Cheryl for canceling AAA, while she yells at him for the comment he made about Wanda’s butt, thinking it was because she has a large butt. Larry says that he likes large butts, leading Cheryl to once again question him about his kinky thoughts. He later tries to explain to Wanda that he was only trying to be chummy, but she thinks he’s a pervert. Then he goes to get Jeff’s clothes, only to be berated by Susie, who reveals she knows about Jeff’s porn collection and asks Larry if he’s into big asses as well. Jeff’s parents show up, and his mother asks to go with Larry to see Jeff. They arrive at the Hilton with the clothes, and Larry sees Thor’s station wagon in the parking lot, and asks Jeff to empty the air in his tires. He also sees Thor’s boys and tells them that wrestling is fake. Jeff gets caught in the act by Thor of flattening his tires. Larry later gets a ticket with a traffic cam photo, which shows him staring at Mrs. Green’s rear end as she tries to get a pen out of his back seat while they were driving to the hotel, much to Cheryl’s surprise. Jennifer Caldwell is the waitress. 3/23/21
• 013. Trick or Treat – 10/7/2001
  • Larry and Cheryl meet up with their friends, the wheelchair-bound Cliff Cobb (Christopher Thornton) and his significant other Shelley (Holly Wortell) for dinner, and he quickly manages to anger Cliff when he asks for modifications to his Cobb Salad, which Cliff claims his grandfather created. Also, when Larry feels like Cheryl and Shelley are caught up in their own conversation, Larry jokingly tells Shelley, who is creating a special bracelet for Cheryl, that they should have sex sometime. Unfortunately, Shelley takes him seriously and asks to see him later, he has to tell her that he was joking. At the premiere of Cliff’s film 30 Below, Larry runs into his friend Donald (Danny Breen), who offers to play golf with him, but Larry feels bad since Cliff can’t play golf, so he claims he doesn’t play golf. While waiting in line, Larry whistles a tune by Richard Wagner and is accosted by one of Cliff’s friends Walter (Zane Lasky) for whistling a song about by an anti-Semite. They further biker in the theater when Larry munches his popcorn too loudly. The next day Larry stops in his office wearing golf clothes, and ask his receptionist to find out who invented the Cobb Salad… and it turns out to not be Cliff’s grandfather. During Trick or Treat, Larry refuses to give candy to two girls (Kimi Reichenberg, Rachel Crane) who are too old and not wearing costumes, and the presumably return and toilet paper his house. Larry reports it to the police (Steve Skrovan, Reggie McFadden) as a hate crime, but they seem to take the girls’ side. Larry drops by Jeff’s office and agrees to play golf with him on the morning of Cheryl’s birthday. Jeff also suggests that they pitch the same idea of a TV series to Julia Louis-Dreyfus as they did to Jason Alexander. Outside the office, Larry runs into Donald again, who accuses him of lying about playing golf since Larry is wearing his golf outfit. Larry then stops to pick up the bracelet from Shelley, and is accosted by Cliff for hitting on Shelley, and for wearing golf clothes. Larry retaliates with the information he learned about the Cobb Salad. As he heads home, he sees one of the girls who toilet papered his house and asks to see her parents. Her father turns out to be Walter, who berates Larry even more. Since Larry no longer has a gift for Cheryl, he hires an orchestra to play a Wagner song for her in their house. He nearly ruins it though when Jeff shows up to play golf, so Larry has to throw Jeff out. Larry then takes the orchestra over to play Wagner on Walter’s lawn. Stephen Kearin is the waiter. Randy Brion is the conductor. The musicians in the orchestra are Diane Alancraig, Mario Del Leon, Matt Funes, Paul Klintworth, Loren Marsteller, Michelle Richards, Rudy Stein, David Stone, and David Wailes. 7/17/21
• 014. The Shrimp Incident – 10/14/2001
  • Larry and Cheryl plan for a Chinese dinner, and Cheryl wants to stop off somewhere else for drink beforehand. Larry thinks it is ridiculous to go two places, and they can’t agree on it, so Larry picks up Chinese takeout. When he gets home, he has the wrong food, so he goes back to the restaurant and finds that HBO president Allan Wasserman had his food and has brought it back. They exchange, but when he gets home, he finds that there are seven or eight shrimp missing. Larry has a message from Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and recommends JoJo Griner (JoJo D’Amore) to massage Cheryl’s tennis elbow. Later Larry meets Julia and she likes the idea of Larry’s pitch, but wants to pitch it to HBO so she can cuss. Julia invites Larry and Cheryl to come to their house for a poker game, where another HBO executive named Michael Helbreich (Sam Pancake) will be. In the meantime, Julia and Larry visit HBO to make the pitch along with Jeff and Julia’s manager Fran Metzger (Jane Carr). However when Allan alludes to the lie Larry told him a couple of years about his sick stepfather, Larry immediately retaliates by accusing him of stealing his shrimp, then storms out of the meeting. Julia forces him to go back in and apologize so he does, but also vows to get to the bottom of the shrimp theft. At the poker game, Larry makes a verbal faux pas when he calls Michael a ‘cunt’ after he folds on a hand he should have played, which breaks up the game quickly. A dentist named Mickey (David Moreland) who is also at the game, calls Larry misogynistic for using the term. As Larry and Cheryl are leaving, they discuss the situation, and Larry playfully pretends he is beating her in full view of Mickey. Cheryl then goes to see Mickey professionally, and he also sees her bruised arm from JoJo’s massage session. Jeff later informs Larry that none of the women at HBO want to work with him, and also that Michael took a leave of absence to question his own sexuality after Larry’s comment. Larry and Jeff visit the Chinese restaurant to find out from the manager (Ming Lo) that there should’ve been eleven shrimp in dinner. Larry decides to take the pilot to ABC. When Larry and Cheryl finish a dinner at a restaurant, Larry is ready to order dessert, but Cheryl asks the waiter (Sean Lucore) for the check so they can eat dessert at another restaurant, leading to the same argument they started with earlier. Back at home, a social worker  Linda Johnson (Frances Callier) shows up to check on Cheryl, and she is just irritated enough with Larry to consider turning him in for abuse. Emily Kuroda is the Chinese restaurant employee. Laura Streicher is the HBO assistant. Thea Mann is Michael’s wife Melissa. Andi O’Reilly is Mickey’s wife. 7/16/21 
• 015. The Thong – 10/21/2001
  • Larry visits his therapist (John Pleshette) and talks about how he doesn’t connect well with Cheryl because they like to do different things. As a result, Larry decides to ask Cheryl to go to the beach with him since he usually doesn’t like outdoor activities. After the session, Larry runs into his doctor’s next patient Rob Reiner (himself), who asks him to participate in a fundraiser for Groat’s Syndrome, a neurologic disorder that causes hyperactivity, by being auctioned off to the highest bidder for a lunch date. Although Larry thinks no one will bid for him, he reluctantly agrees. When Larry runs into the doctor in the restroom before leaving, the doctor inexplicably won’t speak with him. Larry has an uncomfortable time at the beach, when he has no place to put his suit on, has to carry too much from the car to the beach, and then sees his therapist wearing striped thong. He immediately runs to Richard Lewis and they both agree to quit the doctor. The winning bidder for lunch with Larry is a man named John Tyler (Tom McGowan), who paid $4000 for lunch, whose daughter Melanie (Rachel Snow) suffers from the disease. Larry tries to hard to be funny and affable, and makes Tyler uncomfortable. He tells Tyler the whole story of therapist at the beach. When Larry’s food comes first, he gets in an argument over whether he should be able to start eating. Tyler is so put off that he tells Rob Reiner he is going to cancel the check, unless Larry does something more to get involved with Groats support by hosting a charity talent show. Larry tries to tell his therapist that he is quitting him, but somehow he knows that Larry was at the beach, and saw the thong. He manages to get out, but Richard is furious that Larry used his excuse of being cured. At the talent show, Tyler’s daughter performs a piano solo, but her Groats gets the better of her, and she starts playing too fast. Larry tries to get her off the stage, but Melanie winds up punching him the face. Mike Reynolds is the waiter. Raina Scott is the singer. Robert B. Weide is the man backstage. 1/14/22
• 016. The Acupuncturist – 10/28/2001
  • Larry visits with acupuncturist Kazu Muriyama (Keone Young) in order to get his sore neck addressed. Larry is skeptical and tells Kazu that he will give him $5000 if he heals him, but if it doesn’t work, Larry won’t be charged for the sessions, and Kazu agrees. On his way home, Larry stops at the deli and runs into a former co-worker of Larry’s named Barry Weiner (Jeremy Kramer) who used to work as a writer with Larry on Saturday Night Live. Now fallen on hard times, Barry tells Larry that his father (Ed Asner) is on death’s door, but won’t give him any of his inheritance until he is actually dead. Larry loans Barry $5000 on the condition that he will pay it back once his father passes away. Cheryl is distraught that Larry spend $10,000 in the space of three hours, and also that he accepted an invitation to Barry’s wife Carole’s (Ruth Rudnick) surprise birthday party. Larry is also surprised when a delivery man (Jay Evans) brings Larry flowers from Kazu. Larry think it might a Japanese gay thing, so he decides not to see him any longer. That day at lunch in a Japanese restaurant, Larry offends the waiter (Koji Kataoka) when he asks his opinion about the flowers that Kazu sent him, then he becomes even angrier when his arm catches on fire, and Larry puts it out with a glass of water. Larry also runs into his estate lawyer Joey Reynolds (Scott Adsit), and Larry criticizes him for participating in casual Friday by wearing jeans. On the night of the surprise party, Larry under-dresses and is forced to change clothes by Cheryl. This makes them late, causing them to run into Barry and Carole as they are approaching the house, thus ruining the surprise and earning the ire of everyone there, especially Carole. Barry’s father is also there, and hits on Cheryl as she pitches him making a donation to the NRDC. Mr. Weiner asks to meet her for lunch at the Japanese restaurant, where they can ostensibly talk about him making a donation. Larry also talks to him and tries to lead him down a path of giving Barry some of his money before he dies. Mr. Weiner then asks Larry to recommend an estate lawyer, so Larry tells him about Joel Reynolds. Larry later finds out from Barry that his father thinks that Barry put Larry up to the conversation, and consequently cut Barry out of the will. Larry goes to see Mr. Weiner, who is with Cheryl at the Japanese restaurant. The same waiter sees Larry there and tries to throw a glass of water on him, but it hits Mr. Weiner, causing to have a heart attack and die. When Larry attends the wake, Barry writes Larry the $5000 check to pay back the loan, and everyone there thinks that Larry had a hand in murdering Weiner. Barry’s cousin Doug (Doug Benson) is so angry at Larry that he puts him in a headlock, causing Larry’s neck injury to return. Larry returns to see Kazu, and the two argue on whether Larry was really ‘better’ and if he still owes him the $5000. Larry finally signs over the check from Barry. He also sees Kazu’s beautiful wife (Saki Miata), and determines that Kazu is not gay. Kazu tells a skeptical Larry that the flowers were an old Japanese custom. Aki Aleong is the Japanese restaurant manager. Funeral guests include Jackie Benoit, Joey Daniels, Stuart Gold, and Michael Reese. 1/14/22
• 017. The Doll – 11/4/2001
  • Larry and Julia pitch a new sitcom to ABC producer Lane Michaelson (Zach Grenier) about a former sitcom star named Evelyn who has been type casted in her role. Larry also learns that Jason Alexander is also starting a sitcom with ABC, but he has visited their office every time. Lane invites Larry to attend a screening of a new two-part series Harriet Beecher Stowe, and then to his house for a part afterward. Larry tells Jeff that his doctor has told him to drink at least eight bottles of water per day, but when he attempts to bring it into the theater that night, a woman named Amy (Merrin Dungey) tells him that no drinks are allowed in the theater. Larry later realizes she is simply a guest and doesn’t work at the theater, so he berates her during the show. That night at the party, Larry discovers that the guest bathroom has no lock on the door, so he steals away upstairs to use the bathroom in their daughter Tara’s (Bailey Thompson) room. While up there, Tara talks Larry into cutting her doll Judy’s hair. When Larry returns to the party, Cheryl has discovered the bathroom with no lock and asks Larry to stand guard. He gets distracted when Tara comes downstairs screaming because Larry has cut Judy’s hair. Larry listens to Lane’s wife Anne (Rita Wilson) scream it him, while Amy stands by shaking her head. During this ruckus, Lane wanders into the bathroom and catches Cheryl in a precarious position. She is furious with Larry and tells her that she wants no part of his dealings with ABC, but he is convinced that the deal will fall through unless he finds a replacement doll head. Jeff claims that his daughter Sammi (Ashly Holloway) has the same doll and they can take the head from there. When they attempt this, Susie comes home and catches them and Larry is forced to shove Judy’s head only down his paints, giving him a rash on his penis. Larry brings the head to Annie and all seems to end well, but then Sammi finds the headless Judy and freaks out, causing Susie to demand that the return the doll head. Larry returns to the house to request the doll head with the cut hair, and uses the bathroom to check his penis. Even though a locksmith (Jonas Lagonoff) is installing a new lock on the door, it doesn’t work, and Amy walks in while he is checking himself. Jeff and Larry return the haircut doll head to Susie, who can’t put her finger on what is wrong with it, but knows there is something odd about it. At the second part screening of Harriet Beecher Stowe, the Michaelsons show up and Tara has her Judy doll. When Susie sees it, she knows what they did. Larry asks Cheryl to stand guard for him at the ladies room because the men’s room smells so bad, but she takes revenge and walks away. When he comes out of the stall, he shoves the water bottle down his pants to hide it from Amy. Tara comes out of another stall, and gives Larry a hug for restoring her doll. She then runs out screaming that the ‘bum’ is in the restroom and she felt something hard in his pants. Larry tries to escape out the window. Ator Tamras is the waitress. Una Damon is the ABC executive. 5/23/22
• 018. Shaq – 11/11/2001
  • Larry and Cheryl are out to eat with their acquaintances Jeremy (Jay Johnston) and his wife (Terry Urdang) and Bob (Dan Kinsella) and his wife Jill (Brett Paesel). Larry gets irritated because he winds up with two assignments: to write a letter of recommendation for Jeremy for the L.A. Museum of Art, and to create a page for a birthday book for Bob as a surprise from his wife. Meanwhile, Larry plans to go to the Lakers-Wolves game with Jeff, who has excellent seats on the floor right next to the team bench, but Jeff has to babysit while Susie goes out of town, so he decides to take Richard Lewis. Jeff introduces Larry to Shaquille O’Neal‘s (himself) manager Albert Mayo (Mark DeCarlo), and the Lakers’ doctor Craig Wiggins (Joel McKinnon Miller). Larry asks the doctor to look at a growth on his back, and Wiggins rudely refuses. That night at the game, Larry stretches his legs out and accidentally trips Shaq, causing him to fracture his leg which will lay him up for two months. Although everyone in the city hates Larry for what he did, his luck starts to inexplicably change for the better when a guy (Dort Clark) standing next to him gets splashed by a car, and Larry manages to stay dry. Cheryl’s parents, who have been visiting, driving Larry crazy, and criticizing him for not saying goodnight, leave early, much to Larry’s delight. Bob’s wife tells him she no longer needs the birthday book page, and Jeremy tells him that he no longer needs the recommendation. All of this puts Larry into a wonderful mood, and he buys a round of drinks for the every customer in the coffee shop. Larry isn’t even phased by the janitor Chuck (Shelly Desai) or a man in a car (Carlos Williams) criticizing him for what he did. Larry tells his receptionist to get him video tape copies of every episode of Seinfeld, and then he takes them to Shaq at the hospital. While there, a doctor (Barry Diamond) is nice enough to look at the growth on his back and tell him that it is benign and harmless. Shaq ultimately forgives Larry when he receives the tape, and Larry runs into Dr. Wiggins playing Scattergories with Shaq and his girlfriend (Aisha Tyler), and realizes that Wiggins is cheating. When he tells Shaq, he fires Wiggins. Another doctor (Michael Raysses) also tells Shaq that they misdiagnosed his injury, and that Shaq will now only be out for a week. Larry leaves the hospital on top of the world, but he is then hit by the water from a passing car, receives a ticket, and ran into the doctor that diagnosed him. He turns out to be mental patient and is dragged off by two men in white coats (Angelo Dimascio, Jr., Bob Margitich). Joseph Brown is the coffee counter person. Evette Dabney is the nurse. Mike Reynolds is an angry Lakers fan. 5/23/22
• 019. The Baptism – 11/18/2001
  • Cheryl is sick of seeing Larry wearing an old maroon jacket, so she forces him to give it away to homeless man (Mark Boone, Jr.). Larry later head into his office, but when he arrives, he is made nervous by a man standing behind him as he enters his code to get into the building. He then finds that Richard Lewis is in his office waiting for him, insisting that when he and Larry were in Paris, Richard though of the outgoing message that is currently on Larry’s answering machine. Larry insists that he made it up long before the time Richard claims that he did, but decides to be the bigger person and change the message from the office. Larry and Cheryl then pack for a trip to Monterey where Cheryl’s sister Becky is getting married to a Jewish guy named Sheldon (Mitchell Whitfield), but plans to convert to Christianity by holding a baptism before the wedding. Larry decides they get drive themselves to the airport in the morning to catch the plane rather than taking a car service. The next morning, Larry can’t find their tickets and thinks he left them at his office. They head there, but Larry cannot locate them. He believes that the man who was standing behind him the previous day saw Larry punch in the code and broke into his office and stole the tickets. The head to airport but have trouble finding a parking space. One man (Ed Burke) gets in his car as if ready to leave, then just sits there. Eventually a furious Larry drives on to look for another space. They encounter a long line at their terminal to tell the ticket attendant (Wendy Kamenoff) that their tickets had been stolen. Larry begins accusing men in the terminal of being the one that stole his tickets, but both Chris Darga (Christopher Darga) and another man (Jimmie F. Skaggs) both threaten Larry. By the time that Larry and Cheryl get to the front of the line, the plane’s door has already been closed. The attendant offers to find them a flight to San Francisco, where they can rent a car and drive to Monterey in plenty of time to make the baptism. While waiting for their flight, Larry tries to get Cheryl to corroborate the fact that he had made up his phone message, but when he gets Richard on the phone, Cheryl wants no part of talking to him. Larry also discovers that his machine isn’t picking up when he tries to call home to get his messages, and Cheryl yells at him for not verifying it was working when he changed his message from the office. Once they arrive in Monterey, they have trouble finding the spot of the baptism, and when they get out of the car to look around, Larry spots the minister (William Fairchild) dunking Sheldon in the river. Since he has no idea what a baptism looks like, he starts yelling at the minister, causing Sheldon to float off since he can’t swim. After he is rescued, they all head back to their house, where most everyone is furious with Larry. However, many fellow Jews there including Sheldon’s brother-in-law David Levin (Hiram Kasten), his wife (Linda Ruffer), and another Jewish man (David Feldman) are all relieved that Larry stopped the baptism. Sheldon himself refuses to get his next two dunks, and as a result, Becky calls off the wedding. Although Larry initially claims that it wasn’t his attention, he winds up enjoying being hailed as a hero for what he did. As they near their home later that day, Larry and Cheryl run into the homeless guy that got Larry’s jacket. The homeless guy gives them the two plane tickets he found in the pocket of the jacket, and tells them that he had tries to call them but that it just rang. Kenneth Beck and Sharon Nakadate are airplane passengers. Rick Overton and Kevin Kendrick are angry Gentiles. 9/17/22
• 020. The Massage – 11/25/2001
  • Because of Larry’s seemingly constant shenanigans, Julia Louis-Dreyfus wants to pull the plug on their sitcom idea Aren’t You Evelyn? Jeff and Larry manage to convince her that they can get it together, and that he will take charge of pitching the show for CBS, and she agrees to give him one more shot. As Larry and Jeff are walking down the sidewalk after the meeting, they run into a sentenced shoplifter who has been handed a scarlet-letter punishment of wearing a sandwich board admitting that he is a shoplifter. They also pass the manager of Mojo restaurant, Rick Crane (Steve Sheridan), but Larry walks on after greeting him, not wanting to do a stop-and-chat. Later, Cheryl has Wanda over to stuff envelopes, and Cheryl announces she is going to see Kim the psychic, and they recall the times she has been remarkably accurate, even predicting Larry getting a hole-in-one in golf. Later, Larry and Jeff play golf, but Larry gets stressed when the group in front of them is moving too slow. To try to get Larry to relax, Jeff sends him to see his message therapist (Kathleen York). She offers to ‘finish’ Larry off, but Larry doesn’t realize what she is going to do, until she is busy doing it with her hand under the covers. After twelve pumps, Larry manages to tell her to stop. Larry storms into Jeff’s office where Jeff is meeting with Mike Binder (himself). Larry tells Jeff that he’ll never tell Cheryl what happened, but then starts to worry about Cheryl seeing Kim the psychic. Larry rushes home to try to stop Cheryl from seeing the psychic. She has made plans to take a limo that night to Mojo in the W Hotel for dinner to celebrate his meeting with CBS, and then possibly stay at the hotel for the night. He tries to have sex with her to keep her from going, but she gets out the door and tells him to wait until that night. During the meeting with the CBS executive (Nora Dunn) and her assistant (J. Keith van Straaten), Larry can’t concentrate since he is so worried about the psychic. He imagines a Korean woman named Kim (Amy Hill) telling Cheryl that Larry was having sex with the massage therapist’s hand and taking 32 pumps. Despite Larry’s lack of attention, the executive tells them that ABC would love to do the show. When Larry gets home, Cheryl tells Larry that the psychic told her that he was having an affair with a woman with long red hair and a star tattoo, which perfectly describes the masseuse. Larry denies every touching another woman, and he is able to convince Cheryl that the psychic was wrong. The continue with their plans for the evening and take the limo to Mojo. Sure enough, they run into Rick the manager, who snubs Larry as expected. Larry is upset by this, but even more so that they are leaving the limo driver Greg (Tom Booker) has been left outside with nothing to eat. Larry puts together their leftovers and runs it out to him. Greg is disappointed that it is all leftovers and that Larry didn’t bring him a fork or napkin. Larry goes back inside and grabs a fork and napkin off a table to take it out to him. Rick sees Larry take the fork and calls a police officer (Michael Pace), who tell Larry he must report to court. When they leave, Larry realizes that Greg never got to eat the leftovers. As they are leaving, Cheryl sees the redhead masseuse come out of the hotel with Jeff. She asks her if she has a tattoo of a star, and when she sees Larry, she immediately recognizes him and calls him by name. Larry later is shown in court and trying to explain what happened with Judge Katz (Burton S. Katz), but the judge shows him no mercy and sentences him to wear the scarlet letter board saying “I Steal Forks from Restaurants”. The three HBO executives Allan, Michael, and Judy, with whom he had worked pass him by and see his board, followed by ABC executives Lane Michaelson and his assistant, and then finally the CBS executives. Eric Londa is the golfer behind Larry and Jeff. Matt Siff is the waiter. 9/17/22

SEASON 3

• 021. Chet’s Shirt – 9/15/2002
  • Larry and Jeff are walking through the neighborhood to pick up Cheryl from her friend Barbara’s (Caroline Aaron) house. Along the way, Larry throws his apple core into someone’s trash can at the end of their driveway and the homeowner (Alan Havey) yells at Larry and threatens the next person to throw something in his can. Barbara’s husband Chet has passed away four months prior, and she is still reeling from the death. Nevertheless, Larry pushes to find out when she will be done framing a painting that she’s had in her possession for five months. Larry also notices a photograph of Chet wearing a two-tone shirt that Larry really likes. Even though she is too upset to think about it, Larry gets her to recall that he had purchased the shirt at Caruso’s. Jeff tempts Larry to invest in a new restaurant called Bobo’s that is getting ready to open, as many of the staff come from the successful Gus’s restaurant. Larry goes to Caruso’s and buys himself the shirt, and then heads to Bobo’s to meet with the investors, including Jeff, Ted Danson, Lou Dimaggio (himself), and actor Michael York (himself). Larry also meets the manager Jim Swenson (Jim Staahl) and the assistant manager Theresa Nakamura (Suzy Nakamura). Ted invites Jeff and Ted to come to his daughter Jill’s (Kelsey Danae Lewis) fifth birthday, which will have a Wizard of Oz theme. Jeff and David both want to be the Cowardly Lion, so Ted agrees to let Larry do it, and Jeff agrees to do the Tin Man. Larry suggests that they not serve kebabs, that the do serve sweet potatoes, that the tables have bells to summon the waiters, and that he be put in charge of picking out uniforms for the waiters. Cheryl isn’t thrilled by the whole idea. Larry’s dentist Dr. Blore (David Pasquesi) calls and invites Larry for dinner, which Larry finds invasive, so he tells him that he and Cheryl will be out of town. Larry and Jeff return to Caruso’s to look for uniforms for the waiters. Larry buys the last two shirts like the one he bought earlier, one for Ted Danson and one as an extra for himself. He also runs into a guy named Burt Bondy (Chris Barnes) who goes to the same dentist as him. Bondy offers to say hello to Dr. Blore, but David tells him he’d rather he wouldn’t. Larry sees a woman wearing a military-style shirt and chooses that for the waiters. Thankfully, Jeff has chosen another style with a vest, and that’s what everyone agrees on. Larry gives the shirt to Ted, but he discovers a hole in it. Larry suggests that Ted return it to be repaired, but Ted thinks Larry should be the one to take care of it since it was a gift. Ultimately, Ted declines the shirt. When everyone shows up at the party, with Larry wearing the new shirt, Ted gives the Lion costume to Jeff instead of Larry. He states that Ted is an a-s-s-h-o-l-e in front of Jill, and later Jill takes a swing at a pinata with a baseball bat and knocks Larry’s two front teeth out. Larry somehow convinces Dr. Blore to come in on a Sunday to see him, and then makes up a fake trip that he took to see his cousin on a Bartlett pear farm. When Blore gives him temporaries that are much too big for his mouth, Larry believes it is because of the dinner he missed. Ted comes over to Larry’s to apologize and to tell Larry he’ll take the shirt that he offered him. With one of Larry’s shirts now bloodied, he doesn’t want to give up the shirt. When Cheryl tells him that since he still has two left, he needs to give Ted one. Barbara stops by to bring the framed painting and when she sees The Wizard of Oz on TV and sees Larry wearing a shirt like Chet’s she collapses in tears onto Larry and ruins another shirt with her running mascara. Larry and Ted race to get the last shirt in the dining room and wind up tearing it in half. On his way home, Ted tosses his half of the shirt in a garbage can… which belongs to the homeowner who already threatened Larry and now is coming after Ted. Seth Schultz is the salesman at Caruso’s. 1/9/23
• 022. The Benadryl Brownie – 9/23/2002
  • Richard joins Larry as he shops for a new cell phone, and he tells Larry about his new relationship with a girl named Deborah (Robin McDonald), who is everything he ever wanted… except for the fact that she’s a Christian Scientist. Richard also asks Larry to view the videotape of his upcoming special, so Larry makes his first call with his new cell phone to ask Cheryl to ask if he can have Richard, Debrorah, and Jeff all over for dinner on Friday night. He gets the contact for his restaurant chef Randy (Jon Hayman) to cater the dinner. Richard tells Larry that Deborah is allergic to peanuts, so he relays that information to Cheryl. The dinner goes well except for when Jeff asks for ketchup from his steak. After dinner, they attempt to watch Richard’s video, but Larry can’t figure out how to get the TV working with all of the remotes he has. He and Cheryl get an argument about how ridiculous their TV setup is, and Cheryl demands that Larry fire their electronics guy Mike (Anthony Griffith). Larry is reluctant to fire him because he is black. Cheryl is concerned that she won’t be able to watch the satellite broadcast of the Emmys with her friends. Deborah enjoys the brownies that Jeff brought, which Jeff says that Susie made. Deborah starts to feel sick and realizes that she’s eaten peanuts. Jeff says there aren’t any peanuts in the brownies, and Larry verifies that Cheryl told Randy that he didn’t use any peanuts. Larry blames the new cell phone for dropping out when he said it. Larry takes Mike out to lunch to fire him, and Mike accuses him being racist. Larry picks up the check and Mike leaves the tip, but Larry goes back and adds more to the tip. Wanda is in the restaurant and sees this and is disgusted by Larry’s act. Larry goes over to see Larry at Deborah’s mother’s (Diane Salinger) house, where she is holding a Christian Scientist prayer circle. Deborah’s face is swelled up but wants to go with Richard to the Emmy’s as his guest. Larry recommends that she take some Benadryl, but she refuses since it is against her religion. David also notices that Mike is there programming their TV, so he quizzes Deborah on her remote situation. Larry gets roped into joining the prayer circle, and he is forced to hold two men’s hands. A phone call interrupts the prayer. Larry and Richard cook a scheme to bake Deborah some brownies laced with Benadryl, as Richard can’t stand the thought of taking her to the Emmys with her face like that. Larry goes to Susie’s house to ask her for the recipe for the brownies, but Susie says that it’s a secret recipe. Larry tells Susie that he might lose a testicle since he thinks that if he tells her a secret, she will tell him. She also tells him that she baked the brownies for Sammi to take the school, and Jeff stole them. They then ask Cheryl to make a boxed mix of Benedryl-laced brownies, and she reluctantly agrees. However, when they bring them to Deborah, she thinks they’re terrible and refuses to eat them. Cheryl and her friends Wanda, Julie, Allison, and Maria (Maria Quinones) all settle in to watch the Emmys, but they can’t get the TV to work again. When they call Larry to fix it, Wanda questions him about being a tip profiler, and when Larry tells her that he had just fired Mike and he had stormed out, Wanda wants to know why he fired a black man. He tells her it is because of the state of the TV, so Wanda shows him how to turn on the satellite, which resolved the entire issue. Once the Emmy pre-show comes on, they see Richard enter with Deborah, while Joan Rivers (herself) insults Deborah for being so ugly. Bill Blair is the Christian Scientist. 1/9/23
• 023. Club Soda and Salt – 9/29/2002
  • Larry is put-off when he comes home and finds Cheryl laughing with her tennis partner and aspiring actor Brad (Josh Temple). Over at the restaurant, as Larry is telling Jeff about Brad, someone bumps Jeff, and he spills coffee on one of the couches. The manager rushes over and puts club soda and salt on the stain and eradicates it. The restaurant’s chef Randy comes and tells Larry that he’s a terrible cook and is quitting before the restaurant opens. With only three weekends to go before the opening, Ted Danson suggests that they use his personal chef Josh (Daniel Escobar) so they all go over to taste test his cooking. In order to break Cheryl’s tennis date with Brad, Larry agrees to play with her instead. He criticizes the way she grunts every time she hits the ball. They run into their friends Ed (Scott Weintraub) and Melanie Loeb (Carrie Aizley), who are cold to them. Larry and Cheryl assume it is because they never got them a wedding gift and it is now fourteen months after the wedding. Later that night, Cheryl tells Larry that she wants to see the play Tony & Tina’s Wedding, a play where the characters mix in with the audience. After he tells her that he’d like to go, Cheryl tells him that Brad is in it. Larry takes the hint that she didn’t want him to go, but she insists that he is reading things into it. She tries to have sex with him to make up for being busted, but they spill a glass of juice, so Larry is anxious to try the new club soda and salt mixture to get out the stain. Larry and Jeff go over to Ted’s to try the food, but Larry is unenthusiastic about it and tells Josh the cook that he’s not what they’re looking for, much to Ted’s irritation. Larry and Cheryl go to get a gift for Ed and Melanie at Room with a View. On the way there, Larry discovers that Brad gave Cheryl a tape of Al Green music. After browsing through houseware items, they decide to get the couple an expensive bottle of wine, so Cheryl heads next door to pick it up and Larry waits. A saleslady (Laura Silverman) follows Larry around the store after he tells her several times that he doesn’t want to buy anything. Eventually he starts to yell at her and she throws him out. As they head to Ed and Melanie’s place, Brad calls on the speaker phone, and Larry is suspicious when Cheryl immediately tells Brad that Larry is in the car. However, he is happy that Brad knows a chef at Alsace who might be looking for a new job. He suggests that they meet there after the play to check it out. As they drive through Ed and Melanie’s neighborhood, Larry is pulled over by a police officer (Thomas Mills), who is responding to a report from a woman who says Larry is following her. The woman he is unknowingly following turns out to be the saleslady who he had the altercation with. Once the officer lets him go, they head to Ed and Melanie, who refuse to accept the bottle of wine since it is now fourteen months since the wedding and the cutoff for gifts is five years. On the night of the play, Brad runs into Larry in the restroom, and he performs in character as Angelo Anatola. He talks about having an affair with Tina and his plans to steal her away from Tony. Larry is annoyed as the conversation seems to mirror his crush on Cheryl. After the show, everyone meets at Alsace to try Fred’s food. Larry and Cheryl have the waiter (Geordie MacMinn) uncork the Loeb’s wine and then they tell everyone the story of the Loebs. In the middle of the conversation, Larry is attacked by a man (Brad Abrell) who turns out to be the saleslady’s husband accusing him of following his wife. He causes Larry to spill the wine on Cheryl’s shirt. While he is being choked by the husband, he is forced to watch Brad using club soda and salt on Chery’s breasts as he attempts to clean off the stain. Tim Kazurinksy appears as Hugh Mellon. 6/25/23
• 024. The Nanny from Hell – 10/6/2022
  • Larry goes to visit the restaurant under construction and runs into Hugh Mellon, who invites him to come to a pool party that he’s invited the other investors to. Larry mentions that as the head of Mellon-Ritter Publishing who does the book Bartlett’s Quotations, he might be interested to know that his friend Richard Lewis claims to have originated the phrase “the [blank] from hell.” Jeff tells Larry that he’s bringing Susie to the pool party and also confides in Larry that he and Susie are reconciling since Susie is pregnant. Larry and Cheryl stop at the Butterman’s Bakery to pick up a sponge cake to the pool party and find out from the counter girl (Khali Macintyre) that the place is going out of business. At the party, Jeff expresses how much he loves the cake. Larry is outraged when he finds out that the only restroom available is the one in the cabana. Larry wants to go in the house, but the housekeeper Martine (Cheri Oteri) won’t let him in. Larry talks his way in and vows that he’ll be responsible if Hugh is angry at her for letting him in. Larry and his group notice Hugh’s young son (Michael Aquino) and the size of his huge penis when he gets out of the pool. Larry meets Richard for lunch and tells him about Bartlett’s and the fact that Hugh Mellon might get him in. Since they are crammed into a table with other folks, Larry accuses the man (Brandon Johnson) next to him of eavesdropping. The mabn responds that it is the “lunch from hell.” Larry meets with the investors, and they try how to handle the chef situation. When Larry gets upset that his chair had no arms and then mentions that they should put applesauce on their menu and some of them yell at him, Larry criticizes everyone else for not showing up at Hugh’s party. After the meeting, Larry talks to Hugh and brings up his son’s penis size, causing Hugh to get highly offended and storms off. When Larry goes home, he finds Martine talking to Cheryl and telling her that he was fired by Hugh for letting Larry into the bathroom. She reminds Larry that he told her he would take care of it if she faced any repercussions. Larry starts to realize she might be crazy when she can’t stop humming the Looney Tunes theme song, since she wants worked at Magic Mountain at the Looney Tunes theme song. However, he gets the idea to offer Martine to become Jeff’s new nanny. As he’s taking Martine to meet Susie, they stop at Butterman’s and Larry buys Jeff the last twelve sponge cakes for his birthday, as Martine fills up on free samples. Susie is furious by the fact that Martine knows that she is pregnant and the fact that Larry has brought over so many sponge cakes when he’s already fat. Susie tosses the sponge cakes out with the garbage and then interviews Martine. Larry and Jeff meet Richard Lewis at an early screening of his HBO special, but Jeff has to leave when he gets a phone call about Martine attacking Susie. Hugh shows up as well, bringing along his son since he no longer has a nanny. When the kid keeps talking during the show, Larry gets in a name-calling match with the boy. Larry goes to see Susie and finds out that Martine had a meltdown when she heard Sammi watching a Looney Tunes cartoon. The ladies had a scuffle and Susie winded up being knocked off the balcony… but landing safely in the sponge cakes. Richard Tibbetts is the plumber working on the bar. 6/26/23
• 025. The Terrorist Attack – 10/13/2002
  • The Davids are meeting Stu (Don Stark) and Susan Braudy (Amy Aquino) for dinner at Barsac Brasserie to discuss an NRDC charity event that the Braudys will be hosting, featuring Alanis Morissette (herself) singing some songs. On the way in, they run into Paul Reiser (himself) and his wife Mindy (Linda Bates), but Larry fails to acknowledge Mindy. When Cheryl points it out, Larry feels terrible. During the dinner, Larry brags that he can get Alanis to tell him who she wrote You Oughta Know about. They also discuss the feud that exists between the Braudys and the Reisers, who haven’t been invited to the charity event at their house. Although Cheryl tells Larry not to pay for their dinner once again, Larry has no choice when Stu goes to the restroom immediately following dinner, like he always seems to. Later, Wanda stops by to tell Cheryl and Larry that her brother’s best friend works for the CIA and has information that there is going to be a terrorist attack somewhere in Los Angeles over the weekend. Wanda says she is leaving for Las Vegas with her boyfriend for the weekend and advises them to out out of town as well, also making it clear that they are to tell no one else. Larry wants to leave to go golfing in Pebble Beach, but Cheryl insists they need to stay for the NRDC event. Larry toys with the idea of leaving town by himself. Later, Larry drives by Mindy Reiser’s perfume store Palmetto and decides to try and get on her good side by telling her about the potential terrorist attack. She does in fact appreciate this, and she and Paul decide to go to Palm Springs for the weekend. Larry and Cheryl show up to the Braudys’ place for the party only to find that no one has shown up. Word has apparently gotten around through Mindy Reiser about the terrorist attack. Stu and Suan are furious with Larry for starting the rumor, as well as no telling them about the attack. Larry snaps back that Stu never picks up a check because he is such a cheapskate. Before they leave, Larry loads up on some of the caterer’s (Robert D’Avanzo) hors ‘d oeuvres. Cheryl decides that they should re-schedule the event at their house, and Larry notes that this time they will invite the Reisers, and not the Braudys. Larry has to face criticism from the janitor Chuck and his receptionist Antoinette for not telling them about the attack. Wanda shows up and berates Larry for not keeping the secret. Larry tries to appease Wanda by buying some perfume at Mindy’s place, where he has to listen to her tell him how much of an inconvenience it was for her and Paul to go to Palm Springs and be forced to stay in a Super 8 motel. Before he gets done paying Mindy, he notices actor Martin Short (himself) in front of the store, so he rushes out to talk to him. The two of them do impressions of Short’s character Jiminy Glick for quite a while, so Mindy closes up the store before he makes it back in. Later, Larry and Cheryl have Alanis Morissette, her guitarist (Dave Levita aka David Levitt), and her assistant (Gerald Devokaitis) over for a sound check. Larry does in fact get Alanis to tell him the name of the subject of her song You Oughta Know. Stu gets world that they are not invited to the benefit and that the Reisers are, so he hightails it over to Larry’s house to let him have it. He ends up running into Alanis as she is leaving. That night, Alanis sounds terrible as she is wearing a neck brace from the accident. Larry sees that Mindy is giving him the evil eye again, so he sneaks over to her seat and tells her the subject of You Oughta Know. Nancy Schnoll is the Barsac hostess. 10/22/23
• 026. The Special Section – 10/20/2002
  • Larry works in New York on a film that is directed by Martin Scorsese (himself), in which Larry plays a tough Jewish gang leader. In the scene he uses stage money to slap his fictional crew in the face as he yells and threatens them. Larry chastises Scorsese for shooting too much footage and for not paying attention as his scenes are being shot. Larry privately worries because his father Nat (Shelley Berman) has not returned his calls and his mother has been in the hospital. When they get back to Los Angeles, Larry has the cab drop him off at his father’s place and then take Cheryl on home. His father beats around the bush about where his mother is, and then finally is cornered into telling Larry that she has passed away. Larry is furious to find that they have already held the funeral, and even more annoyed that his cousin Andy (Richard Kind) was notified and has flown in from New York. Larry and Andy get into an argument that Larry didn’t call him when he was in New York, even though he wouldn’t have time to see him anyway. Larry and Cheryl go over their messages that they received while away, and Larry quickly realizes that he can use his mother’s death as a good excuse to cancel lunch dates and Bat Mitzvahs that he was scheduled to attend. He also puts off have a stop-and-chat with Ed Swindell (Harry S. Murphy) by using her death. Richard Lewis tells Larry that he wants to stop meditating, so Larry shares his mantra with Richard, which is repeating “Ji Ya.” Larry goes to the cemetery to see his mother’s grave, but it has been moved from the location they had purchased. The gravedigger (Adrian Sparks) tells Larry to see the general manager (George Coe) of the cemetery. He tells Larry that his mother was not permitted to be buried in the consecrated ground because they found a tattoo on her buttocks. Larry’s father tells Larry that they got tattoos right after their honeymoon on the boardwalk. Larry talks with his father and Andy about bribing the gravedigger to help them move the body onto the consecrated ground. Larry calls Richard and asks if they can share the mantra that Larry gave him, and after Larry uses the death of his mother as an excuse, Richard agrees to split it. Larry further uses his mother’s death to get sex from Cheryl. Larry’s father, Andy, and Jeff all come along to help dig up and move Larry’s mother’s body. Larry comes home filthy, so he takes a shower and meditates. Richard stops by to tell him that “Ji Ya” means “fuck me.” After all is said and done, Larry and Cheryl have a beautiful morning outdoors listening to the birds… until two policemen (Charley Rossman, Tom Dugan) show up with the gravedigger and put Larry under arrest for passing counterfeit bills. Apparently, Larry still had the stage money in his pocket from his Scorsese film. Larry tires to play his dead mother card with the cops, but they ignore him. He also attempts to repeat his mantra as he is hauled away. Gino Santangelo and George Pesce are film gangsters. Joseph Reidy is Scorsese’s assistant director. 10/22/23
• 027. The Corpse-Sniffing Dog – 10/27/2002
  • Larry interviews a chef named Phil Dunlap (Ian Gomez) for the opening of Bobo’s that will be taking place in three weeks. Larry immediately connects with him because he is also bald, and they discuss various facets of baldness. Larry and Cheryl later go out to eat again with Stu and Susan Braudy after they’ve made up for the events that took place the last time they ate out. During dinner, they tell the Davids that they are looking for a dog for their son Jakey. Larry suggests that they take Jeff and Susie’s corpse-sniffing German Shepard Oscar (Hunter) to whom Larry is allergic. Susie had gotten the dog while she and Jeff were separated, and now Sammi is attached to the dog. Although they put aside an argument when Stu attempts to send a bottle of wine back, they still can’t avoid an argument when Stu pays the check and Larry only thanks him for the meal and not Susan. Later, Larry attends a meeting at Bobo’s and expresses his concern that there are no partitions between the urinals. Jeff brings Oscar into the restaurant, and he begins barking and runs into the kitchen, fixating on one particular spot. Since he is a corpse-sniffing dog, they call in two cops (Charles Wright, Kate Flannery) and a detective (Leonardo Millan), who tells them that they need to dig up the kitchen to look for a buried body. With Jeff suffering from terrible allergies from Oscar, he decides he needs to move to a hotel, but Larry suggests that he have a heart-to-heart talk with Sammi to tell him that the dog is hurting him and that Oscar will need to go if he is going to say. However, things don’t go well when Sammi tells her father that she’s rather that the dog stay instead of him. As the dig gets deeper, Oscar finally reacts to something buried and it turns out that it is nothing more than a woman’s bra. The contractor (Mark Rolston) tells them that it will take nearly a month to put everything back together. Larry sees it as a blessing as they can now install the urinal partitions before the grand opening. Larry decides to go over and have a talk with Sammi about her father moving out. He has a glass of wine while she enjoys grape juice, but she accidentally drinks some of his wine, and in addition to slurring her words, she agrees that she wants to keep her Daddy and lose the dog. Larry takes the dog over to the Braudy’s house, where he finds that Susan is still hellbent on getting a ‘thank you’ from Larry that he refuses to give. She declines taking Oscar, but her two boys (Joey Hiott, Bret Loehr) fall in love with him, so she has no choice to let them keep him. Larry makes sure to get a ‘thank you’ from them. When Larry returns to Jeff’s house, Susie is livid that Larry got Sammi drunk and took her dog. Since Sammi now wants the dog back, Larry heads back to the Braudy’s place. He starts off by thanking Susan for the meal, and then asks to have the dog back. She is furious with him for only apologizing to get the dog, so she refuses to give it to him. However, Larry is able to coax Oscar out of the house by blowing his dog whistle. He takes back his ‘thank you’ for the meal, but thanks her for the dog as he drives off. When he gets to the Greene house, Jeff can’t understand why Larry is bringing the dog back, but he grabs his suitcase to move back into the hotel. 2/26/24
• 028. Krazee-Eyes Killa – 11/3/2002
  • Larry and Cheryl attend the engagement party of Wanda and famous rapper Krazee-Eyez Killa (Chris Williams), although Larry is more fixated on popping bubble wrap on the porch rather than socializing. Wanda’s father (Al Fann) and mother (Lynn Hamilton) are pleased with Wanda’s choice even though they aren’t rap fans. Larry helps give some pointers to Krazee-Eyes most recent rap tune. He takes a liking to Larry and discusses how much he loves oral sex. Larry admits that it gives him a neck ache and he is too lazy to perform it, while Krazee-Eyez admits that he can’t give it up since he likes so many ‘flavors’. Larry promises to keep his secret from Wanda. Larry leaves the party and stops by Jeff’s new house which is in Larry’s neighborhood. He has begun taking allergy medicine in order to live with their dog Oscar. When Larry arrives, Susie offers to give him a tour, but Larry declines, causing Susie to get angry and throw him out. When Larry gets home, Cheryl mentions that Krazee-Eyez really get around with the ladies, but Larry thinks she is talking about the oral sex. Cheryl reads between the lines that he is cheating on Wanda, but Larry tells her that if she mentions this to her, he is going to move out of the country out of fear of retribution from Krazee-Eyez. The next day at lunch, Jeff tells Larry to bring the jacket he was wearing and stole from wardrobe for re-shoots on the Martin Scorsese move he is in. Unfortunately, he finds out from Cheryl that she has thrown it away. She also yells at him for the bubble wrap that she steps on that is sitting on the floor. She tells him that the jacket came from Mitchell’s on Melrose, so Larry heads over there and finds the last jacket. Unfortunately, when Larry tries to fold a sweater that he was looking at, the salesman (Jason Sklar) insists that he will handle it. The argument escalates and the salesman throws Larry out of the store, refusing to sell him the jacket. When Larry gets home, he finds that Cheryl has left him a note that she is out having drinks with Wanda and Barbara, and Larry immediately imagines her telling Wanda about Krazee-Eyez cheating on her. He tries to find Krazee-Eyez phone number but doesn’t know how to describe his name for Information. He heads over to the house to find out where they are, but when he tries to leave, Krazee-Eyez insists that he take a tour of the house. When they look inside Krazee-Eyez’ bedroom, Larry spots the same jacket he needs for the re-shoots, and Krazee-Eyez lets him have it. Larry then heads to meet up with Cheryl and her friends. When he arrives, Wanda tells him that she heard that Krazee-Eyez has been cheating on him. Cheryl whispers that it didn’t come from her, so Larry tries to convince Wanda that she needs to tell Krazee-Eyez exactly where she heard it. Larry heads home, and Cheryl comes home later. Larry verifies that she never told Wanda the secret he shared, but Cheryl wants to know exactly what he said about oral sex. Larry becomes annoyed that Krazee-Eyez shared his secret. Suddenly, Krazee-Eyez shows up and begins pounding on their door, accusing Larry of telling his secret and demanding his jacket back. After Krazee-Eyez leaves, Larry agrees to give Cheryl oral sex. When Larry shows up at the move set the next day, he has to tell Martin Scorsese that he didn’t have the jacket. However, it makes no difference as the wardrobe girl Windy (Windy Morgan)  had a back-up, and only wanted Larry to return the jacket he took so she could put it back in wardrobe. Larry films his scene with two gangsters (George Pesce, Guido Grasso Jr.), but has to stop filming when he begins coughing from a pubic hair stuck in his throat. 2/26/24
• 029. Mary, Joseph and Larry – 10/10/2002
  • Larry goes to see Dr. Lynch because he has a pubic hair stuck in his throat. The doctor gives him an option for a painful procedure to have it removed or to just let it wash out naturally. He also mentions that he heard that Larry had gone to the U2 concert with Cheryl, a fact that Larry finds annoying. The doctor tells him that his secretary Marge found this out when she called to verify Larry’s appointment and heard it from Larry’s housekeeper Dora (Dyana Ortelli). When Larry gets home, he finds out that her parents are coming for Christmas, and she wants to put up a Christmas tree, much to Larry’s irritation. Larry begins his process of handing out Christmas tips to his staff, staring with Dora, to whom he also tells not to reveal his personal business to callers. He then gives a tip to Carlos the gardener (Gary Carlos Cervantes). Larry then meets up with Jeff so that they can visit the club and start handing out tips to the staff. Jeff tells him that he also heard from Dora that Larry had gone to the U2 concert. Jeff asks Larry to cover for him because he made a 2am phone call to a platonic female friend when Susie was out of town, and now that she’s found the call in the phone bill, he wants Larry to corroborate that he had gotten into a fight with Cheryl and was spending the night at their house. When Susie arrives, she does in fact ask Larry who he was calling in the middle of the night, he says that he was talking to his housekeeper Dora and trying her to convince her not to quit since Cheryl had yelled at her. Susie knows that at least one of them is lying about the situation. After tipping the wait staff, Larry thinks he tipped one waiter (Carlos Lacamara) twice, but when he confronts the waiter, he denies it. When Larry gets home, he finds Cheryl’s parents and sister Becky working on the tree. Cheryl questions him about why he isn’t wearing the itchy scarf that Dora gave to him for Christmas, and also why he tipped Carlos twice as much as Dora. Larry denies this and questions Carlos, who denies he ever said it to Dora. Larry decides to take Dora out for lunch at the club to try and set thing right with her, wearing his itchy scarf to appease her as well. They share an uncomfortable lunch with Larry telling her what she does well and not so well around the house. Susie, Sammi, and Jeff all come into the club, and when Susie sees Larry with Dora, she suddenly believes his story is true. She also makes it a point to tell Dora that Cheryl has no cause not to like her. When Larry gets home, the family is singing Away in a Manger and O Come All Ye Faithful while he is trying to get to sleep. Cheryl tells Larry that Dora has quit and that she has tracked down the story that he told to Susie. The family is also furious with him because he ate the Nativity scene cookies that they had made. The next day, Larry drives over to see Jeff, but when she sees Susie throwing him out, along with all of his belongings, he drives on. When Larry sees a live Nativity scene, he inquires of Joseph (David Koechner) about hiring them to set up their scene on his lawn in order to win over his in-laws. They agree on a $500 donation to the church and a meal for everyone taking part. They come through on the deal and Larry is well pleased. However, while taking their orders for food, Larry mentions how hot Mary (Alexandra Wilson) is, causing Joseph to become livid and tell him they are leaving. The altercation turns physical between Larry and Joseph, and it ultimately dislodges the pubic hair in his throat – all in plain view of Cheryl’s family, who have just returned to the house. Paul Lieber and John Capes are wisemen. Christopher Kriesa is a club member.  7/11/24
• 030. The Grand Opening – 11/17/2002
  • Cheryl is annoyed that Susie has cancelled a lunch date with her again, this time citing a dentist appointment. She is also trying to get rid of a cough, and her doctor has advised her to use Colon Cleanse to clear everything out. As she is asking Larry to pick it up for her, they see TV food critic Andy Portico (Paul Willson) giving his patented thumbs-down to another restaurant. This concerns Larry, as Portico is expected to attend their restaurant’s grand opening. Jeff accompanies Larry to the drugstore to get the Colon Cleanse, and he tells Larry that Portico’s son goes to the same school as Sammi. Jeff also verifies that Susie really was at the dentist. Larry is embarrassed when he can’t find the Colon Cleanse, so the clerk (Ben Falcone) blurts it out to the cashier Adam (Adam Paul) to ask where it is. As they are leaving, Larry sees the restaurant’s chef Phil leaving the store wearing a toupee. Larry decides that a bald man wearing fake hair can’t be trusted and fires him on the spot, despite Bobo opening in four days. When Larry and Jeff stop by Sammi’s school to pick her up, Larry notes some bald students who have shaved their hair in support of a fellow student with cancer and thinks about how he can hopefully one day support a cause like that. Some of the parents have joined the kids in a Dodgeball game, and Larry notes that Andy Portico is one of them. Larry joins the game and chats with Andy while playing, but when he notes Andy getting rather rough with the kids, Larry slams Andy with the ball so hard that he breaks Andy’s thumbs. Larry and Jeff meet with the other investors and the managers of Bobo’s, and all are naturally worried about not having a chef. They also discuss the fact that Ted Danson has backed out of the deal. Larry goes to see Andy Portico so that he can apologize, and Portico seems to hold no ill will, even though he can no longer do his thumbs-up/thumbs-down schtick. Portico recommends a chef who recently left the restaurant Martine’s named Guy Bernier (Paul Sand). Larry is grateful, and when Portico belittles his assistant (Jennifer Courtney) for bringing him spaghetti for lunch, Larry sticks around to feed Portico. Larry and the investors meet with Bernier and hire him, even though he seems to have some peculiarities and refuses to serve salmon or capers. They also hear him swearing loudly after leaving the restaurant. Later, Larry takes Cheryl to drop her off for a re-scheduled lunch with Susie. Along the way, Cheryl notes how dirty Larry’s car is, so he takes it through the Glen-Rock Car Wash. They wind up getting stuck inside, just as Cheryl’s Colon Cleanse is kicking in. Despite Larry trying to call and speak to the car wash cashier (June Kyoto Lu) to get them out, Cheryl reaches a point where she has to exit into the wet, soapy car wash to use the restroom. Susie doesn’t believe that Cheryl had gotten stuck in a car wash, although Larry verifies it to Jeff. Larry meets with the investors and Guy again, and this time they learn that Guy won’t use olives. He also has another round of cussing, and everyone realizes that he has Tourette’s Syndrome. Because Larry has seen numbers on his arm, Larry says they cannot fire him because he is a holocaust survivor. Larry and the others also realize that Portico had set Larry up. On the night of the big opening, Susie does not show up with Jeff. Larry also sees Guy wipe the numbers off of his arm, which were simply the lottery numbers he wrote down. All seems to be going well until Chef Guy has a huge outburst of cussing within earshot of the customers. When Larry recalls the chemotherapy sympathizers, he realizes this is his chance to join the good cause, so he begins cussing as well. This is followed by Jeff, then the other investors, and finally all of the customers, including Jeff’s, Cheryl’s, and Larry’s parents. However, Cheryl yells out her outburst just as Susie walks in, so she thinks Cheryl is finally telling her off, claiming she really did have a dentist appointment. Ann Allen is a Dodgeball player. 7/11/24

SEASON 4

• 031. Mel’s Offer – 1/4/2004
  • Larry and Cheryl dine in an Italian restaurant but have no idea what they ordered because the waiter (Andrea Piedmonte) only speaks Italian. Cheryl brings up the fact that their tenth wedding anniversary is coming up, and Larry surprisingly agrees to renew their vows. He also reminds Cheryl that she made him a promise just before they were married that he could sleep with another woman for their tenth wedding anniversary. Although Larry jokes about it, he tells her that he has no plans to actually do it, but when she starts to laugh at him and imply that he couldn’t get a woman to sleep with him even if he wanted to, he decides he might as well go for it. After dinner, Larry drags Cheryl to the Bleu Karaoke bar for a party, where director Mel Brooks (himself) is there singing Just in Time. Larry tells Jeff about Cheryl’s apparent challenge to him, and Jeff encourages him to go for it. Larry tells Jeff how poor he is at hitting on women, so he goes over and tries to a single girl (Teresa DePriest), but winds up talking about bowling balls. The Karaoke M.C. (Jeffrey Meyer) drags Larry onto the stage, where he sings Swanee to a very receptive crowd. Later, Mel calls Larry to meet with him, so he and Jeff head to his office. On the way in, Larry nearly hits a guy named Dennis (Michael D’Amore) who is in a wheelchair. The two have an altercation because Dennis was talking on his cell phone and pulled his chair in front of Larry’s car. As they walk inside. Larry finds a wallet on the floor which belongs to Dennis, so he turns it in to Mel’s secretary Joanne (Rachel Harris). He notices Joanne looking at baby names, and she tells Larry that she and her partner are adopting a baby from China. Larry suggests many Chinese sounding names including ‘Tang’, which clearly annoys her. Larry uses the restroom before he goes in to see Mel, but as he enters, Mel comes out and slams the door into Larry’s head, causing a large gash. Larry argues with hospital receptionist about putting his name on the sign-in form. Larry gets bored waiting in the office, so he uses the phone in the room to call Jeff in the waiting room. When Dr. Morrison (Philip Baker Hall) enters, he scolds Larry for using the phone. They argue for quite some time about why he cannot use the phone in the office. Morrison then tells Larry he will need stitches, but they also continue to argue about the phone, both agreeing that there will be a ‘prick’ involved in the stitches. As Morrison is looking over Larry on the table, he drools on Larry’s head. Larry returns to see Mel and runs into Dennis and asks him if he got his wallet back. When Larry tells him that it was him who found it, Dennis tells him that Joanne said she found it so he gave her a $100 reward. He then tells Larry to worry less about the wallet and concentrate on his driving. When Larry gets upstairs to see Joanne, he confronts her about the wallet, but she tells him to mind his own business, and then tells her partner Bobbi (Lela Lee) that Larry was the one who promoted the name ‘Tang’, prompting Bobbi to shove Larry against the wall and scream in his face. When Larry finally gets into see Mel and his business partners Norm (Paul Mazursky) and Rudy (Rudy De Luca), he finds out the Mel wants him to play the role of Max Bialystock in his Broadway musical The Producers. Larry can’t believe it since he is neither an actor nor singer, but says he will consider it, although Mel’s partners tell Mel that Larry isn’t right for the part. Mel is adamant that it will work and invites Larry to come see the show at the Pantages. Larry takes a pain pill for his head before the show. He also runs into Ben Stiller (himself) and his wife Christine Taylor (herself) in the entrance area. Ben, who will be playing opposite Larry in the show as Leo Bloom, does not seem happy with Larry being offered the part. He further becomes annoyed when Larry refuses to shake his hand after he sneezes. Larry and Cheryl watch the play starring Lewis J. Stadlen (himself) as Max, and Don Stephenson (himself) as Leo. Cheryl tells him that the ground rules for him sleeping with another woman is that it has to be before midnight on their anniversary and it can only be a one-time thing. As a drowsy Larry fixates on actress Cady Huffman (herself) as Ulla, he decides to do the show. He nods off from his medicine and starts drooling on the man below the balcony, who happens to be Dr. Morrison. Tracy Vilar is the admitting nurse at the hospital. 11/11/24

SEASON 5

• 041. The Larry David Sandwich – 9/25/2005
  • Larry has a near-death experience while swimming in the ocean, and then tells the story at a party that night. Due to this occurrence, Larry wants to attend temple with the Greenes, but Jeff tells him that the tickets are sold out but that he would try and find him one. Jeff also gives Larry some good news and tells him that Leo’s deli had named a sandwich after him, but Larry isn’t too pleased with the type of sandwich named after him: whitefish, sable, capers, cream cheese, and onions. After Larry criticizes a teacup for having a small handle, a boy named Graham (Galvin Chapman), who lives in the house, bumps into Larry and causes him to spill his tea. Larry tries to blame Graham to his mother (Susan Mackin) the homeowner, but she just gives him a dirty look. Larry wants to leave the party after the tea incident, but it means he has to leave Jeff and Susie stranded since Larry drove them. That night while making love with Cheryl, the phone rings and Larry answers it. It is Jeff, who tells Larry that he couldn’t get tickets. Cheryl is incredibly annoyed with this. Larry visits Leo’s with his father, who enjoys the Larry David Sandwich. Larry asks Leo (Ed O’Ross), whose handshake is so strong that he hurts Larry’s hand, if he can switch to another sandwich, namely Ted Danson’s, but Leo tells him that he can only do this if he gets Ted’s permission. Larry’s father chokes on the sandwich and has to go to the hospital, and Leo looks disapprovingly on Larry when he takes a handful of mints with him when they leave. Larry talks to Dr. Sewell (Kenneth Kimmins), who tells Larry that he is a big fan of Seinfeld and wants to personally perform the surgery on his father. He also invites Larry to play golf. When he is barely conscious, he seemingly tells Larry that he was adopted, which excites Larry greatly. Larry and Jeff go to see Ted Danson on the set of his new sitcom pilot to ask him if he will swap sandwich names with him. Ted is agreeable to it… until he finds out what is on Larry’s sandwich, then refuses. Larry buys $300 tickets to temple from a scalper (Paul Ben-Victor) outside of the synagogue and has to refuse a handshake from a friend named Robb (Robby Skyler) because of his injured hand. He also spots Graham entering the synagogue and gets a dirty look from him. Larry has given Jeff and Susie a ride once again, and Susie suggests that Larry try to find a relative to validate the adoption story. Larry says everyone in his family is dead, but his nanny Johanna Seiderman (Mary Gillis) is still living in a nursing home. Larry asks Jeff and Susie if they pick up the phone during sex, and they say they would never do that. Before entering temple, Larry spots Richard Lewis talking to Leo in the parking lot. During the service, as the rabbi (Zachary Shapiro) speaks, Richard begins questioning why Larry got his own sandwich. This leads to an argument during the service, until a security officer (Tracy Howe) escorts Larry and Cheryl out because Graham had told him about Larry buying scalped tickets. Later, while golfing with Dr. Sewell, Jeff and Larry witness his hands shaking while hitting the ball. Larry says that he has the ‘yips’ and doesn’t want him operating on his father. He tries to call Sewell at home, but Sewell is making love with his girlfriend (Kimberly Page) and doesn’t answer. Larry later visits his father, who now tells him that he was not adopted and denies ever saying it. Larry returns to Leo’s to make the sandwich switch, only to be told by the waitress (Tami Sagher) that he no longer has a sandwich at all, as Richard Lewis now has his name on the whitefish and sable sandwich. Larry yells at Richard and then tells him that he has found out that he is adopted. Leo overhears this and embraces Larry, as he too was adopted. Leo tells him that he can pick any sandwich he wants, and it will become the Larry David sandwich, so he chooses Ted Danson’s sandwich. Dr. Sewell then stops in at the deli, and Larry introduces him to Leo, who shakes his hand so hard that he nearly breaks the doctor’s hand. Mrs. Seiderman’s nurse (Crista Flanagan) tries to call Larry on her behalf, as she wants to answer Larry’s question about his adoption. Unfortunately, Larry is making love with Cheryl and decides not to answer the phone. Mrs. Seiderman then dies without ever revealing the information. Lynne Marie Stewart is Nat’s nurse. Jay Frailich is the cantor. Charlie Hartsock and Jamie Elle Mann are the sitcom actors. Veronica Welch is the woman at the party. 11/10/24

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