SEASON 1 – CBS
Created by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason
Theme music by Bruce Miller
- 001 & 002. Bees Can Sting You, Watch Out – 9/14/1992
- John Hartman (John Ritter) is a divorced father living in Washington D.C., raising his two young sons Ben (Justin Burnette) and Elliot (Clark Duke). He works as an aide to Southern Republican Senator Strobe Smithers (George Gaynes), while his best friend Billy Bob Davis (Billy Bob Thornton) also works in the same office, as does his wife and legislative aide Mavis (Wendie Jo Sperber). The senator is having an affair with his airheaded secretary Didi Star (later Dee Dee Starr) (Beth Broderick), and keeps promoting her up the ladder. Mavis is not happy with this and takes it out on Billy Bob by throwing him out of their house. Billy Bob comes to John’s house to carpool his daughter Carson Lee (Doren Fein) with Ben and Elliot, and not only asks John if he can stay with him, but informs him that John’s ex-wife Deandra is now in an affair with their former female marriage counselor Dr. Ruth. This becomes another pain point on top of being mugged and having his wallet stolen while on his last date, which mostly upset him because it had the first photo of him and Elliot. Meanwhile Ben is exploring how to make money by handing out towels in the bathroom, emulating what he saw in a restaurant. Elliot is working on a school report about an incoming bee migration. At the office, a chain-smoking liberal reporter named Georgie Anne Lahti (Markie Post) applies for the Senator’s Press Secretary job, and shows up with her black nanny Miss Lula (Beah Richards) in tow, who had raised her since childhood. Although she appears over-qualified, Georgie admits how down on her luck she is, having even lost all of her clothes when her cleaners burned down. Senator Smithers asks John to host a birthday party for Didi and he reluctantly agrees. A homeless man named Curtis May (Brent Briscoe) finds John’s wallet but his beloved photo is missing. Georgie asks Curtis if she can write a story about him and he agrees. When Georgie’s credit cards get denied and she gets thrown out of her motel, John agrees to let her and Lula stay with him. On the day of the party, Elliot collects bees in jar, and Ben makes plans to man the bathroom. The party gets wild with the Senator getting drunk, and Didi stripping down to her bikini. She declines another promotion and says she must remain a receptionist because her bikini business is keeping her too busy. Georgie has Curtis and his pregnant wife Melissa (Bryn Erin) in the kitchen for the interview, but refuses to take part in the party. John lays into her for being so self-absorbed and not helping him with the party and refusing to associate with any of the conservative crowd. She offers to leave and he takes her up on it. All hell breaks loose when the bees get released, Elliot’s friend Al calls 911, and Melissa goes into labor and gives birth on John’s bed. John collapses into a bubble bath, and Georgie comes to visit him and gives him the photo that he lost, admitting that she went through the garbage where Curtis found the wallet. She climbs into the tub fully clothed… and they wind up kissing. NOTE: This episode is to be continued. NOTE: This is a one-hour episode that airs in two parts in syndication. Adam Carl is Adam Carlson. William Thomas Berger is Nobel Prize winner Dr. Papov. John Stark is Dr. Krupcheck. Kathryn Spitz is Alma. Bobbie Ferguson is the cranky lady in the office. 4/12/20
- 003. The Big Date – 9/21/1992
- After the bathtub kiss, Georgie abandons the tub and jumps on the phone with her father for two hours, then says it meant nothing and that both of them were just at low points in their life. John is visibly irritated by being left hanging, and gets more irritated when she gets a call from actor George Hamilton (himself) asking her for a date. At work the next day Senator Smithers asks John to take Dee Dee out on a date on the night that the Senator will be with his wife for their anniversary. John asks Billy Bob if he and Mavis will come along with them, while Georgie asks Mavis if she and Billy Bob will double with her and Hamilton. Dee Dee gives Georgie a home perm kit to spice up her looks for her date. John helps her apply it, and as they argue about how she is feeding his kids improperly and letting them stay up too late, he forgets to set the timer and her hair winds up a frizzy mess. The wind up all going out on a trip date, but John has a bad attitude about Hamilton, indicating that men like him don’t like men who tip the band to stay after closing time. Everytime Hamilton tells a story, John tries to shoot holes in it, but when it turns out that Hamilton is truly good man and a philanthropist. Back at home that night, John finds Georgie outside crying over the state of her life, sad that was she was unable to capture the old magic with Hamilton, and also upset that she is falling in love with John. He admits that he can’t deny his attraction for her either, so they go back out to dance the night away, tipping the singer (Roger Clinton) to repeatedly play the song Hearts Afire. 5/22/20
- 004. Three Men and a Bed – 9/28/1992
- John is livid with Georgie because they went to bed together after their night out dancing, but before they could do anything, she hopped out of bed and brushed her teeth and got ready for sleep. After a cold shower and argument, John realizes he is sick with a fever. He also gets a call from his ex-wife Deandra who tells him that she and Ruth are sending someone over to take his bathtub. When the show up to get the bathtub, they also take the couch. While John is home from work sick, Georgie agrees to let the Senator stays at John’s house when his wife throws him out. Sick and exhausted, John is irritated that she allowed this, and finds more temptation when Georgie wears a rubber workout suit on his stationary stair-stepper in his room. With the couch gone, Georgie is forced to sleep on the bottom bunk in the boys’ room, while they share the top bunk. The Senator bunks with John, and as soon as they are ready to go to sleep, Billy Bob shows up after Mavis kicks him out when he insults her parents who are visiting from New York. They are all three forced to share the same bed. Dee Dee stops by to give the Senator his heart medicine and is shocked to find them all sleeping together. Later that night John can’t sleep and he finds Georgie downstairs, who claims she can’t stop thinking about John. She wants to kiss him but is afraid if she doesn’t go all the way, he’ll get angry again. He assures her that he is okay with it, but as they start to kiss, John gets a call from the hospital who did his blood work and he is told he needs to be quarantined. At the hospital he and Georgie simulate kissing passionately through the glass window… until he finally passes out. 5/22/20
- 005. John’s Stallion – 10/5/1992
- John comes home from the hospital and is excited to spend time with Georgie, with whom he thinks he is falling in love. She cautions that their relationship not just be based on physicality, but they start to become passionate in the kitchen… when her father George (Ed Asner) comes to the door, fresh from minimum security prison for an embezzling charge which he claims he was railroaded into. He claims he is on furlough but it soon comes to light that he is out, and he plans to open a franchise of McDonald’s in Cuba. He and John don’t get off to the best of starts when George smokes a cigar in his kitchen, but it gets worse when there appears to be constant gambling going on via phone in his house as well. Meanwhile Senator Smithers get a penile implant that keeps inflating at inopportune times. Although John is also irritated that George is teaching his boys gin, he reluctantly agrees to take him out to dinner with the Senator and Billy Bob. During the dinner, the Senator’s implant inflates and the men have to sneak him out of the restaurant, which inadvertently causes a fight with some other patrons, leaving John with a black eye. John agrees to allow George to stay with them for two weeks until his franchise deal goes through. Georgie is appreciative of John allowing this, and also tells her father how proud she is of him and how much she loves him. John expresses how much he wants to be part of her life and doesn’t want to spend his life waiting on fantasies. Georgie says her fantasy is to make all of John’s come true. 9/5/20
- 006. First Time – 10/12/1992
- Billy Bob and George take the boys on a camping trip, which leaves John and Georgie to finally have a night alone. Things start to heat up immediately, but quickly comes to a grinding halt when Georgie tells John that she want to feed Elliot’s snake Sam and it was missing. Deathly afraid of snakes, John takes Georgie to the Willard Inter Continental Hotel, where they try to get by without any money since Elliot took John’s wallet on the trip with him. After John manages to bypass tipping the bellman Dave (Jon Kean), he and Georgie start to get down to business… and are quickly interrupted by the young honeymooners Donnie (Tristan Tait) and Tammy (Kiersten Warren) in the adjoining room bickering with each other. When John asks them to be quiet, they find out that the couple saved themselves for marriage, but now making love for the first time isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The guys and girls pair off to discuss this, and John ends up talking about foreplay and how to be tender but assertive, while Georgie talks about how men behave and her first time, which took place in a car. They send the couple back to their room, and listen to each of them spout off information from the conversation, but still arguing over what a mistake their marriage was. John and Georgie finally leave the room and wind up making love for the first time in John’s car. 9/5/20
- 007. Significant Others – 10/26/1992
- John seems to be gradually losing control of his household, now that Georgie and her father George are staying there, and imposing some different parenting skills than he would like. One of them is telling Elliot that it is okay to punch his classmate Amber Douglas because she is picking on him. When he actually does this, John gets a call from her bodybuilder mother Debbie (Faith Minton) threatening him. John is also up in arms about having his ex-wife Diandra (Julie Cobb) over for dinner with her lover Dr. Ruth Colquist (Conchata Ferrell), but objects to anyone calling them lovers. The Senator has been kicked out of his house by his wife and is living in the Winnebago of staffer Adam Carlson that is parked in his driveway. John agrees to let them park it in his driveway when the Senator’s lawn is sprayed. Georgie has agreed to let Dee Dee have a lingerie selling party in John’s living room, so she brings over boxes of underwear to keep there. At the office, they discuss the fact that the cleaning crew is hearing the Senator and Dee Dee making ‘animal noises’ late at night, and the fact that C-SPAN is going to be broadcasting live overnight in a piece highlighting Senator offices. During the meeting, Debbie Douglas shows up and throws John into the wall, resulting in Georgie sweeping her and throwing her to the floor. At the dinner, John becomes increasing uncomfortable with the constant talk of homosexuality, while George thinks the world of Ruth, a psychiatrist who gets tired of Diandra’s constant anxiety. The Senator and Adam join them for after-dinner cigars when there is a gas leak in the Winnebago. When everyone starts drinking, the party gets wild with lots of dancing from everyone except for John and Georgie, who steal away to the office while she works on the Senator’s speech. John expresses that although he thought Georgie was the most unstable person in his life, she has been his rock. The two get passionate on the floor of the Senator’s office… just as the crew from C-SPAN is let in by the night watchman. 12/23/20
- 008. Everybody Loves My Baby – 11/9/1992
- The boys are home sick with a cold, as George babysits, prepares Elliot’s birthday cake, and plays poker with them. Meanwhile at work, Adam gets John and Billy Bob to commit to performing in the Capitol Hill Club talent show dressed in drag as the Chordettes performing Please Mister Postman. George finds out that his McDonald’s franchise idea in Cuba fell through, so he prepares to move out of John’s house to find a place of his own. Georgie insists that he be nearby, and they tearfully reminisce about all of the times they had together and how much of an inspiration he has been to her. However when she broaches the subject of George continuing to live with them, John tries to discard the idea saying that he has his boys to think of. Georgie finds his comments reprehensible and insensitive and tells him that if her family isn’t welcome there, then she won’t be welcome there. At Elliot’s birthday party, Georgie gives him a book that she made about how his first word was ‘moon’, making George see how much she adores the boys and is part of their lives. He has a conversation with George and offers to pay him to take care of the boys while he’s working. After the talent show, despite the fact that he’s dressed as a woman, Georgie tells him that she’s never loved him more… and proceeds to help him get his women’s clothes off as they kiss passionately. 12/23/20
- 009. Conversations with My Shrink – 11/16/1992
- With Georgie’s credit quickly dissolving to the point that she is denied a Vivien Leigh collector plate, she tries to get a job back on a newspaper, but the interviews she goes to are filled with smug, narcissistic, and misogynistic editors (Daniel Bardol, Steven Flynn, Justin Dana) and she winds up telling them all off. Her anger starts to rise to new levels, and she engages Dr. Ruth as her therapist. This concerns John, but it concerns her even more when her ex-boyfriend Redmund Walsh (Robert Foxworth), calls her when he arrives in town, and she accepts a dinner date with him. She tells her troubles to Ruth in a long session, and she admits that she loves John for his kindness. She also tells her that she accepted the invitation with Redmund in order to put a close to unfinished business by letting him have it for not telling her that he was married. John can’t help but object to all sexy the dress she is wearing to the date, but still trusts her to go. During the dinner, Redmund invites Georgie to come back to his hotel, but she tells him that she’s finally found someone she loves, and she doesn’t even feel anger for Redmund anymore, she simply misses John. When Redmund tells her that she’ll regret leaving this way, she pours his drink in his lap and declares she’ll have no regrets. Georgie returns home to John, admitting that he has ruined all other men for her. He gives her a Vivien Leigh collector’s play, and they head to the vertical hammock that her father put together without all of the correct pieces. 4/18/21
- 010. The Fundamental Things Apply – 11/23/1992
- When word gets out that the Senator’s wife Mary Fran (Mary Ann Mobley) is threatening to publicly air all of his dirty laundry if he doesn’t resign, so that she can run for his Senate seat. John and Billy Bob ask Georgie and Mavis to go have lunch with Dee Dee, and ask her to stop seeing the Senator before his affairs come to light. She tells them that their relationship is seldom sexual, and she just sees him as she feels it is her patriotic duty to help keep him happy and calm. But she agrees to back off if it is going to damage his career. John goes to see Mary Fran to see if he can talk her out of exposing her husband’s issues, and she winds up hitting on him and trying to interest him in an affair. He talks his way out of it by telling her that he’s already in a relationship. George later chats with the Senator about how he met Mary Fran when he was judging a beauty contest she was in. The way he speaks leads Georgie to recognize that he is still very much in love with her. She reminds him what it’s like to be in love, so he goes home and tries to make amends with his wife, and he coaxes her into singing As Time Goes By, a song they sang together when they were younger, while he accompanies her on piano. She puts her arm around him as he plays. 4/18/21
- 011. Smithersgate – 11/30/1992
- John starts to notice that Elliot is rambling on and telling stories that have no point. George tries to convince John that he is just not in the moment and never stops to smell the coffee. John then realizes that Elliot has inherited this trait from George himself. Meanwhile Georgie Anne meets up with a guy named Tom Dybala Jr. (Michael Hogan), whose father gave Georgie her start in journalism. Later at the office, Adam is excited that a young reporter asked him to spill details about a junket where Senator Smithers got adjoining rooms with Dee Dee. When John and Billy Bob hear this, they get nervous and think that there is a press leak in the office. Then they find out that young reporter is Georgie’s friend Tom Dybala Jr. The Senator gives John an idea how to smoke out the leak, by telling him an outrageous lie and see if it gets reported. Billy Bob thinks the leak maybe Georgie, but John disagrees. However just to be safe, he tells Georgie that the Senator once killed a man in a jealous rage. Georgie is astounded, especially when the story becomes a murder ‘spree’ when Billy Bob tells it. Later while John and Billy Bob are out at dinner, Georgie and Tom show up at the restaurant. John tries to eavesdrop on their conversation, but ends up knocking over a giant plant and revealing that he’s listening in. Tom gives him the newspaper article he wrote, which is actually a nice piece on the Senator, and it never mentions the junket. When John gets home, Georgie has a talk to him about their relationship, and says that if they want it to work, they need to trust each other. She also tells him that she worked all week to help him write the article, while purposely steering him away from anything seedy. They make up and head up to bed, only to overhear Elliot inside his room talking and telling the same old stories to his brother. Dierk Torsek is the waiter. 8/12/21
- 012. Everyday’s a Holiday – 12/14/1992
- John is making his plans for the Christmas holiday, but gets annoyed when he finds out that Deandra and Ruth plan to take the boys to the Berkshires to spend a week with their cousins. Still, Georgie is jealous of the beautiful surroundings and be being with all of his cousins and family, since she grew up an only child, she was always the only kid at the family parties. Later at the office, Georgie discusses the holiday plans with Mavis and Dee Dee. Mavis is headed to her family with Billy Bob, who can’t stand them. They get to talking and decide to all go together in Andy’s Winnebago. John thinks it is the perfect chance to one-up Deandra by taking the boys to Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Center to see the giant tree, and F.A.O. Schwartz toy store, the week before Christmas. As they make their way to New York, the snow starts to come down, and soon they find that they are stranded on the New Jersey turnpike. The boys are having a rotten time, and John feels like he failed in his quest to give them a better holiday than Deandra will. He goes to look for help, and George goes out to find a tiny tree to set up in the camper. By the time John returns, the boys are having a blast celebrating Christmas, caroling to the bathroom, skating on pie plates, and decorating the tiny tree. John has found a tow truck driver named Mr. Bukowski (Warren Munson), whose brother actually served in jail with George. He gives them a tow back to their house, and on the way, John realizes that it’s not about what you do, but about who you are with, and he vows to treasure every minute with his boys. Georgie tells John that he gave her the only thing she ever wanted… a family for the holiday. 8/13/21
- 013. While the Thomasons Slept – 12/21/1992
- As the Bushes are moving out of the White House and the Clintons are moving in, John and Billy Bob arrange to take the boys Ben and Elliot and Billy Bob’s daughter Carson Lee to the White House for a visit. Elliot is preparing for the day by celebrating Cookie Day, which originated from one of George’s prison tales. Georgie Anne is attempting to quit smoking. Billy Bob is preparing a speech for the Senator to read in the Senate promoting parental warning labels on music. They present the Senator with various filthy lyrics from modern day music, who is relieved that he doesn’t have to sing them. When the elderly Mr. and Mr. Richmond (Jeanette Miller) come to visit the Senator, she gets an autograph from him… which winds up being on the filthy lyrics card. While waiting to get into the Oval Office, John and Billy Bob discuss the incoming Clinton administration and poking fun of him, but remarking that Hillary Clinton is a ‘babe’… before realizing they are sitting in the room with Hillary’s father Hugh Ellsworth Rodham (himself). Once they get in the Oval Office with aide Lyle (Pepper Sweeney), Elliot wants a souvenir, but John doesn’t realize until he gets home that he has taken President Bush’s address book, when he uses it to call the President of Egypt. John has to resort to involving the Senator in returning the phone book when he has his farewell meeting with President Bush (Archie Kessell). The Senator addresses the Senate about the music labels, while he has a piece of tuna salad hanging from his lip. After Georgie Anne copies all of the phone numbers now, John and the Senator visit with President Bush, but when the Senator attempts to put down the address book, he leaves his wallet on the desk. Then they divert his attention by telling him that someone is climbing the Washington Monument, while John drops the address book on the table. Later that night, as Georgie Anne is eating an entire ham, they discuss the fact that John’s kids world is getting larger and he is trying to make things work by staying in Washington, while it seems that Georgie Anne is trying to widen her world and get out. Georgie Anne tells him that her world is getting smaller and she doesn’t care. She then tosses out all of the phone numbers… but makes one final prank call to Yitzhak Rabin. Danny Thomason is Rudy the photographer. Kate Asner is the female aide. 2/11/22
- 014. Trivial Pursuit – 1/4/1993
- As Georgie Anne continues to try and quit smoking by using a patch and scarfing down blueberry cobbler, John has Billy Bob and Mavis over to the house to meet with the Senator to work on some reports. When it turns out they don’t need to work on it after all, everyone gets involved in a hot and heavy game of Trivial Pursuit, with George reading the questions to the teams of John, Billy Bob, and Dee Dee, who are playing against Georgie Anne, Mavis, and the Senator. Despite the Senator giving the answer ‘Buckwheat’ an inordinate amount of time, their team ends up winning the game. John and Billy Bob are sore losers and believe that the answer of the type of column that graces the porch of Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello home. Georgie Anne answers ‘Doric’, but Billy Bob thinks it is ‘Ionic’. In order to prove it, the guys insist that they all drive out to Moniticello to prove they’re wrong. The girls think they’re crazy to drive hours away in the middle of a rainy night. On the way there, the radiator breaks down and they are forced to stop at the Serenity Motel, with a proprietor named Jerry (Thom Bray), who strongly resembles Norman Bates. Dee Dee points this out, but it angers Jerry. The stuffed birds, the fact that he gets in a fight with his unseen mother, brings them a sandwich, and puts them in Cabin #1 starts to freak all of them out. 2/11/22
- 015. Never Play Touch Football with the Kennedys – 1/11/1993
- As Elliot tries to come to terms with the fact that Superman is dead, Georgie Anne is hard at work early in the morning writing a speech about family health care for Senator Smithers. She thinks it is perfect, but John doesn’t think it will fit quite into his political agenda. Meanwhile, Billy Bob is poised to get football tickets for the weekend, while Mavis wants to go to a Frida Kahlo art exhibit. Smithers comes into work in a bad mood because he got a speeding ticket, and because he ran into Sam Donaldson who wanted a quote about the health care bill. Georgie shows him some of her speech, but John tells him that he’ll write him a speech. He tells them to each write one, and he’ll go with the best. This leads to numerous arguments and fierce competition between them, with Georgie insisting that he hates competing with a woman. Georgie enlists Mario Cuomo to help with some quotes for the speech she’s writing. She also accuses John of speaking loudly in order to distract her. Billy Bob gives her advice that things are less aggressive in the South, verses the more competitive Northern liberals, for instance the Kennedys’ touch football games, which got rather violent. Mavis, however, tells her to write the speech in ‘John’s blood.’ Georgie and John draw a temporary truce, but she keeps pushing that John was intimidated by her, and soon they are at it again. When all is said and done, the Senator chooses John’s speech. He also decides to keep the football tickets in order to keep his wife from forcing him to go to the Frida Kahlo speech. Back home, John admits to Georgie that he knows that the senator likes the word ‘dandy’ so he made sure to include it several times. Georgie admits that it was important to her to ‘win’ in the contest because she never got a Pulitzer. John surprises her with a birthday cake, after finding out that it was that day when her father called him to tell him he was going to miss it. She decides to put her differences aside and tell him that she’s falling in love with him. He draws a big S on his chest with cake icing, and they wind up in an icing fight… and making out. 6/19/22
- 016. Miss Starr Dates Georgie Anne’s Pop – 1/18/1993
- Georgie Anne sets up her father on a date with John’s babysitter Miss Purdle, but he thinks she is too old and boring for him. Meanwhile, the staff prepares to attend the Inaugural Ball. Neither the Senator nor John want to attend, but Mavis is really looking forward to it and brings in gowns to the office to get Georgie to help her choose from. Billy Bob asks John to teach him to slow dance, but when they get caught by the Senator, he offers to show him instead, claiming he used to win many dance contests in school. Mr. Lahti stops by the office to go to lunch with Georgie Anne, and while he’s there Dee Dee finds out her date to the Inaugural Ball cannot make it, so George volunteers to be her date. She jumps at the chance and says she likes older men, although Georgie has her reservation about them going out. George invites her over for dinner to get to know her before the ball. As they discuss a number of empty-headed subjects, Georgie tries to get Dee Dee to leave, and keeps alluding to how old her father is. She tries to get John to talk to him about it, but he really can’t thing of much to say. That night, he takes Dee Dee home and doesn’t come home until 3am… to a pacing Georgie who tells him he has to live by her rules under her roof. He laughs her off and tells her he’ll put her over his knee. He says he thinks Georgie is jealous, because that is how he felt when he first saw her go out with another man, realizing he will never again be the most important man in his life. He tells her that it is highly doubtful that he’d ever all in love with Dee Dee, and vice versa, but that one day it may happen, and if it does, he will always remain close to Georgie. Elliot keeps saying ‘ribbit’ and annoying everyone. Before they head out to the ball, Christine insists that she waltz with him in the living room, like he used to make her do before every prom. 6/20/22
- 017. While the Thomasons Slept in the Lincoln Bedroom – 2/1/1993
- Democratic Senator Rhonda Hall (Rita Moreno) has been elected and is moving into the Capitol building. Staff members are making introductions to each other, and John hits it off with the new Senator’s assistant Lila Walters (Pamela Bowen). The discover that they grew up on the same area and went to the same high school. They go out to lunch together, but George decides not to ‘tag along’. When they get home that night, Georgie shows her true jealousy after John sings her praises and describes her as attractive, and tells John he is free to sow his wild oats with her, and she will plan to do the same. Senator Hall’s team holds a reception for her at the Capitol, and John goes with Lila. Georgie makes a date to go with Hall’s press secretary Grant Moran (Richard Dent). However, he gets called back to the home state, so Georgie ends up at the reception alone. Dee Dee passes off Senator Smithers’ annoying nephew Martin Smithers (Christian Clemenson) to Georgie. They join John and Lila at a table, and John had plenty of opportunity to poke fun at Martin. When Martin goes to get punch, and John steps away from the table, Lila asks Georgie if John has said much about her. Georgie tries to tell Lila all of John’s faults, but can’t come up with anything other than him forgetting to change the coffee filter. Lila picks up the fact that Georgie has feelings for him, but she warns Georgie that once she has her sights on someone, it is best not to cross her. Georgie takes that as her cue to grab John and give him a passionate kiss right then and and there, which causes John to Lila that he has to leave right away. They rush home, and John tells Georgie he’s had enough experience with other women that he knows who he wants and it is her. Although he has a few laughs about her groveling over him, he is quick to rush her up to the bedroom, while basking in her adoration. 10/10/22
- 018. Her Year with Fidel – 2/8/1993
- There’s a lot of gossip and small talk going around the Capitol about First Lady Hillary Clinton, and the clothes she wears, the way she wars her hair, and other such trivialities, and Mavis take particular offense by it… especially when it is coming from Billy Bob. She also comes across an article in the Washington Post about women sleeping their way to the top, and the article mentions the rumors that went around when Georgie did her interviews with Fidel Castro about whether she slept with him to get the interview. John chimes in and asks her if she did in fact sleep with him, causing her to become furious at the accusation. The argument spills over into their home life, and the fact that John can’t seem to say the right thing, even mentioning how easily she slipped into his bathtub when they first met. She finally becomes so angry that she orders him not to touch her, speak to her, look at her, or walk where she has walked. Meanwhile, John puts together a fish tank and accessories for a school project of Elliot’s. However, when he makes the oxygen bubbles too powerful, the fish all die. He orders a new batch of fish, this time all male save for one female Oranda. At work, he sits with Billy Bob, while Georgie sits with Mavis and Dee Dee, and they each discuss the other. She is disappointed and disillusioned by John, while he can’t believe she is overacting so much. Georgie decides that the best way to get her anger out is to simply punch him. When she starts to head his way, John agrees with Billy Bob’s advice not to give in too easily, but by the time she gets to the table, he completely folds, begs for forgiveness and tells her he’ll do anything to make her love him again… which causes her to immediately forgive him and break into a passionate kiss. Back home, the Oranda eats all of the male fish in the tank. 10/11/22
- 019 & 020. Cold Feet – 2/22/1993
- Billy Bob and Mavis are planning to renew their vows, with John and Georgie Anne joining them at the Brighton Inn bed and breakfast with the Justice of the Peace across the street. Adam suggests that John and Georgie Anne get married at the same time, but they both agree that they are happy with their relationship as it is. Meanwhile, the Senator is supposed to be making a speech to sponsor his bill that afternoon. He shows up to work in a bathrobe because he has just burnt his house to the ground. He had attempted to start a small fire in the bathroom to keep his wife from finding out that Miss Starr was at their house helping him with some documents. When his bill’s co-sponsor is sick, he has to present the bill right away, so he borrows the jacket of the elevator operator and tells everyone it is a military jacket. With all of the chaos going on in his life, and in order to escape the press, the Senator goes along on the trip as well. The owners of the bed and breakfast, Jordan (David Spielberg) and Hollis Baker (Deborah May), put Senator Smithers in their daughter Susan’s room since she is away at college. The Senator passes his time by reading Susan’s diary. The place is very environmentally friend, to the point that their fellow guests Wayne (Fred Applegate) and Darla Falcoff (Kristen Lowman) can’t stand it there since there is absolutely nothing to do. While everyone is in misery down in the living room around the fire, John and Georgie Anne are having an evening of romance, and Hartman expresses his interest in actually getting married. Georgie Anne is more unsure, having never seen herself as a married woman, but keeps getting warmer to the idea. As they discuss it further, Christine says yes to John’s proposal. They call George and invite him to bring the boys, who are recently obsessed with rap music, to come up and join them for the ceremony. George makes his standard threat to John to never cause his daughter any unhappiness, then heads up to meet them. Things start to turn ugly between Billy Bob and Mavis as they struggle to write their vows, especially when Mavis wants to remove the word ‘obey,’ until they finally reach the point of calling the vow removal off. Miss Starr then shows up as the weather starts to turn to a blizzard and is followed by the press. Senator Smithers tries to make a statement to the reporters, but accidentally sprays mace inside his mouth. Everyone decides to head home except for John and Georgie Anne. They start to talk about how miserable Billy Bob and Mavis are, and gradually they inch away from going through with their wedding. When George calls them from the road, Georgie Anne advises them to go back home since they’ve decided to cancel the wedding. After discussing it with the boys, who are rapping all the way, they decide to head on to the bed and breakfast to try and change their minds. John and Georgie Anne are so tempted to go through with the wedding that they ask the desk clerk Richard (Ritchie Montgomery) to lock up their shoes. After they return to their room, they start reciting romantic poetry to each other and change their mind about the wedding. However, Richard won’t renege on his promise to them to keep their shoes locked up. They offer money to the Falcoffs to buy their shoes, but they won’t sell, so they decide to run to the Justice of the Peace in their bare feet. They get married and return to the inn to warm up their feet by the fire, where they find that George and the boys have arrived, and Billy Bob, Mavis, and Senator Smithers have returned. They all give their heartfelt toasts for a happy marriage to John and Georgie Anne. Steve Sekely, Dennis Redfield, and Gary Newton are reporters. NOTE: This was a one-hour episode that aired in two parts in syndication. 2/7/23
- 021. Take My Senate Seat, Please – 3/1/1993
- With the Senator’s 75th birthday coming up, Georgie Anne brings in and old friend named Jill Hanover (Brianne Leary), who now works for Person magazine, to take some photos of the Senator’s birthday party at the Capitol. The Senator is already depressed from all of the crazy things going on in his life, namely his burned-down house and his failing marriage. Jill and her photographer come in the cover the celebration, which starts off with a giant cake being wheeled in just before a scantily clad Dee Dee jumps out of it. The event quickly becomes splashed all over the newspaper headlines. John is angry that Georgie Anne didn’t try to stop her friend from selling the story. The Senator, Billy, and Mavis, come over to hang out at John’s house to do damage control. After ruminating on his life and career with George, he decides to resign from office. The next day as he plans to make his announcement, Dee Dee confesses to Georgie Anne how horrible she feels about the whole situation. The Senator makes his preparations to make his announcement to the press and then make his exit. Georgie Anne has her reservations about what he did and the culture he allowed in the office, but ultimately realizes how much the Senator means to so many people. The Senator questions the press about why the press seems so obsessed about finding the ugliness in the world. After he gives them a dressing down, he realizes that he forget to announce that he quit. As he’s about to announce it to the press, a reporter (Allen Schneider) rushes in and tells everyone that he just heard that the Clinton cat Socks has impregnated the White House gardener’s cat, and they all head out to cover that story. Since it seems the news cycle concerning the Senator has run its course, he decides to pretend as if he never planned to quit at all. Dee Dee comes in and reveals that the press has ‘fallen for’ her Socks rumor. Steve Pagett and Steve Jackson are reporters. 7/18/23
- 022. Flamingo Summer – 3/15/1993
- In the early days following her wedding, Christine is feeling overwhelmed by trying to take care of the boys, who are home with mumps, take care of John, plus do her work from home without having a breakdown. John tries to tell her that she needs to slow down, as she hasn’t fixed her hair in days. John tries to talk to Billy about how stressed-out Georgie Anne is, but Billy is more obsessed about everything he learned about J. Edgar Hoover in a book about him. While Georgie Anne beings the boys food in bed, she winds up breaking down, telling the boys how guilty she feels about what she’s done to the family. The boys wind up trying comfort her, and eventually she realizes that she has the mumps as well. John insists that she stay in bed, but she says she has to get up or something terrible is going to happen. She tells him that she writes romance numbers under the name as Dusty Silver and that she needs to get her advance on her latest book Flamingo Summer. She needs to get the money by Friday as she has taken a$20,000 loan from a loan shark named Rico to pay off her father’s legal fees. If he doesn’t get the money, he will start injuring Georgie’s loved ones. John panics, but ultimately decides she needs to stay in bed, and that he and Billy will try and finish the book. John and Billy bring over Dee Dee to do the typing and proceed to spend all night finishing up the complicated story that she wrote. They eventually manage to get through the book and get it turned in and collect the money. John tells her that bad news that ‘Dusty Silver’ has been fired by the publisher, when Dee Dee lets it slip that John and Billy wrote the ending of it. The publisher finds he liked the last chapters of the book and have commissioned John and Billy to write another one. John and Georgie Anne make out as they quote romantic situations in their writing style. 7/19/23
- 023. Class Reunion – 3/22/1993
- As Billy Bob laments his separation from Mavis, the boys play with a trunk full costumes and makeup that their grandfather purchased from a studio makeup man and sent to them. Ben gives Billy Bob some of the hair-in-a-can that came with the set of materials, and he decides to wear it to the reunion. Since Mavis has told Billy Bob that she most likely won’t go with him to their 25th high school reunion, Billy Bob wants to make sure he finds a girl with ‘big ones’. John also mentions that the thing he’s most looking forward to is letting his old rival Steve Whittaker (Michael Maguire) the hot woman he ended up with. Dee Dee decides to show Billy Bob a gorgeous girl who works with another senator at the office. Dee Dee takes him to get a look at her to see if he’s interested, so they check out Dorothy Bingham (Debbie Gregory) on the elevator. Billy Bob finds her drop-dead gorgeous and falls in love immediately. Dee Dee gives Billy Bob her phone number, so he calls her up and asks her out, and says that if they get along, he’d like her to go with him to the class reunion. Unfortunately, Dorthy gets ill for their blind date, so he has to take her to the reunion truly blind. As they wait for Dorothy to show up before leaving for the reunion, Georgie looks through their old yearbook and sees John’s homely old girlfriend Jan Lindsay (Barbara Stock), and an old teacher named Halbert Taylor (Halbert Carter), who thought people with small heads had less intelligence. Dorothy (Dona Hardy) shows up at the house, but it turns out to actually be the beautiful Dorothy’s mother, who received the call erroneously and decided to do something to make her life more adventurous. Billy Bob and John try to figure out a way to get rid of her, but Georgie says she refuses to go if they hurt her feelings. The boys come along and stay in the hotel room where they are babysat by their cousin. They are still wearing their costumes from the makeup kit, and when Georgie gets annoyed at the guys for making fun of the old Dorothy, Georgie decides to get back at John by using the makeup kit and giving herself a giant wart, buck teeth, and shaggy hair. Billy Bob takes a lot of ribbing right off the bat. When Steve makes fun of Dorothy, Billy Bob makes sure to let him know that John’s wife is one of the hottest women in the country, just as she makes her appearance in her ‘ugly’ outfit, blabbing and snorting with everything she says. She grabs Steve to dance, while John and Billy Bob deduce why Georgie is punishing them. As they realize that they are the laughing stocks of the reunion, Billy Bob’s hair starts to run down his face. Georgie tells John that Dorothy is really just her in thirty years, but John assures her that she is the one who she wants to fall apart with and will always love her. When Billy Bob is surprised when Dorothy tells him that she’s having a great time just being around him, and how ageism is the prejudice that everyone eventually outgrows, Billy Bob sincerely asks her to dance with him. However, he is cut off by Mr. Taylor, who calls him a pinhead. When Jan Lindsay shows up and is looking much better than she did in high school, Georgie quickly gets out of her hideous costume and introduces herself to her so that she will get away from John. Dennis Redfield is Mike Essory. Lee Magnuson is Frank. Don Oscar Smith is the “lock up your mothers” guy. NOTE: Tom and Debbie Clarkson are unidentified. NOTE: Lee Magnuson is credit as Kevin but does not appear. 11/17/23
SEASON 2
- 024 & 025. Lovely Always: Parts 1 & 2 – 10/27/1993
- John and Georgie Anne have decided to quit their life in politics working for the Senator in Washington and move themselves and Ben and Elliot back to the Southern small town where John grew up, hoping to recapture the small-town life of his youth. Billy Bob and Mavis have divorced, and while Mavis is getting her Master’s Degree at NYU, Billy Bob, who also grew up in the town, has taken Carson Lee to join John and Georgie in purchasing and running the newspaper. They have rented cheap moving vans to make the movie, and they nearly break down on the way. As they make their way into town, John is disappointed when he sees all new shopping centers replacing the old businesses of the past. He is also disappointed when he hears that so many of the older folks of his childhood have passed away. With John’s parents off in Indonesia, they all decide to live at their house temporarily, where Billy Bob’s mother Velma David (Maxine Stuart) frequently visits and brings baked goods. Since they have so much unpacking to do, there are lots of things they are having trouble locating, leaving Elliot grumpy when he can’t find his pajamas. John is thrilled by the many things that Velma prepared for them and tells Georgie to take note as these are the types of things that he likes. They then get a call from a woman named Dr. Madeline Stoessinger (Conchata Farrell) who claims that she has leased an office from them in the newspaper office building, who is reporting to them that the sprinkler system is going off in the building, even though there is no fire. They go to the office and find the place drenched, as well as meet Madeline who is a suicidal, bitter psychologist. They try to make sure she isn’t really going to kill herself, and also tell her if they will agree to lease the office to her. John starts to really get angry and begins to wallow in despair when he has trouble getting a loan to repair the water damage and get the newspaper up and running. Although the kids are missing a lot of their belongings, they do find the movie makeup box. Georgie makes John a pie because she thinks John wanted her to bake one but doesn’t want him to try it. She tells John that she can tell that he really wants her to be a small-town mother but doesn’t know if she can handle. She starts to search for something that comes from a foreign land for Elliot’s show-and-tell and comes up with a coming-of-age tribal outfit that comes from the Matsui tribe in South America. John starts using Madeline for a sounding board about George worrying that she won’t live up to his expectations. He feels that with his high expectations of simple living, he’s taken the fun out of it. Georgie accompanies Elliot to class to help him show off the tribal clothing. The teacher, Miss Barnes (Doris Hess) is impressed and tries to get the class to ask questions, but two boys (Jordan Benedict, Jacob Richardson) only want to talk about another student’s moon rocks. Miss Barnes then asks Georgie if she can do the coming-of-age dance, and she agrees to do it, as provocative and inappropriate as it is. Billy Bob unloads about his woes on Madeline as well. Once Georgie finishes up her dance and comes to the office, she too tells Madeline all of her problems about her desire to be acceptance and how she feels she’s falling short of John’s expectations. When Georgie gets home, she finds John going through things in the attic, where he has found a letter, from his pregnant grandmother Effie to his grandfather Charles, who has been struggling to fit in with the town. She mentions that they are building a home for their children and grandchildren. John realizes that he’s been looking at things incorrectly, and that they shouldn’t rely on the town to supply a home for them, but rather that the values have to come from inside them and be added to the things that their parents and grandparents gave them to work with. They profess their love and start to make out in the attic, until Billy Bob calls them down to get to work. The kids all come home from school, and Elliot tells Georgie that one of the kids said she was hot. Billy Bob finds her mother asleep on the couch again. John starts to give Billy Bob his speech about building the town back to its former glory, much to the annoyance of Billy Bob. John tells the kids they don’t have to do their homework, and they are going to take the rest of the day off and go fishing. As they walk in the woods toward the lake, they see a black and white Andy and Opie from The Andy Griffith Show now that they’ve found their Mayberry. NOTE: This aired as a one-hour episode that is shown in two parts in syndication. 11/19/23
- 026. Moonlighting – 11/3/1993
- As John tries to up the loan request for the newspaper up to $75,000, he also is trying to find a job for himself, Georgie, and Billy Bob. An offer finally comes in for them to work at the school, and when they arrive there, they realize it will be to serve food to the students under the watchful of eye of Doris (Diane Delano), a former prison guard. Billy Bob’s mother Velma babysits the kids and spoils them while the parents are away. After their humiliation of serving food to a bunch of smart-Alec students, they head over to the paper building to work on clean up. There they run into Dr. Stoessinger, who is treating two old friends of theirs: Reed (Mark Harelik) and Lee Ann Folsom (Beth Broderick), the identical sister of Dee Dee Starr. Reed does a lot of bragging about all of the money in his family, and when John mentions their money woes, Reed says he could easily loan them $75,000. However, he doesn’t want to discuss it until after they all fly to New Orleans for dinner. In fact, the week goes by with Reed and Lee Ann keeping them busy jet setting around the country without talking to them about the loan. This causes everyone to feel sluggish at work, until Doris pushes John too far and he rages at there. Doris threatens to report John to the school board. With the trio believing they are on the verge of getting Reed to talk to his ‘daddy’ about investing in the newspaper, so they agree to attend his birthday blowout on a party barge on the river. Reed has Little Richard (himself) on board singing Good Golly Miss Molly on repeat all night. Reed finally discusses the newspaper loan, but he insists on getting a byline with his name on it in the paper and also wants to add photos of women to the paper. He then demands that everyone get naked and jump in the hot tub. Although no one gets naked, they do sit around in the hot tub as the boat runs out of gas on the river. Stuck on the boat, John surmises that they might all be in hell. Billy Bob convinces John to stick it out with Reed, as he feels they may be in the home stretch. Eventually they see a rescue boat and they all jump overboard to meet it. When Little Richard sees them, he too jumps overboard. Students in the lunchroom are Tony Grande, who complains about how unhealthy the food is, Davina Duncan, Josh Waggoner, who asks George out on a date, Alison McMillan, who finds a hair in her food, Hayley Tyrie, John Altobello III, Eric Balfour, and Mario Singleton. 3/27/24
- 027. The Great Depression – 11/10/1993
- As Billy Bob is telling John that it will take them 38 years to dig their way out of debt at their current rate, John gets a phone call from their old high school principal Mr. Starnes (Ben Stein) who wants to see them. John hopes that they are going to be promoted to food service management or something at the district level. However, Starnes recalls all of the horrible things that John and Billy Bob did in high school, and then takes great pleasure in firing them for how shoddy and inconsistent their work has been. John, Georgie, and Billy Bob all fall into a depression after this blow to their dignity. Velma continues to take care of the kids and makes the boys soldier outfits and makes Carson Lee a fairy outfit. When they see the kids’ warm flannel pajamas, they all long for the simpler days of riding in Billy Bob’s father’s station wagons and look for shooting stars. As the store starts to revoke their credit line, they survive on Chines food, Gatorade, and playing the game Clue. John nearly has a meltdown when his fortune cookie doesn’t have a fortune in it. Georgie melts down when John eats all of her Kix cereal and accidentally spills on her order form for a hair stick to put her hair up. Billy Bob becomes obsessed with playing solo Bingo and can’t stop calling out the numbers randomly. The Folsoms stop by the house after a trip to Jamaica, and Reed again offers to fund the newspaper with $75,000 of his father’s money. However, he wants to be declared as the editor. John and Billy Bob don’t want to accept the offer, but when John finally talks to the Chinese restaurant, he makes them read him a fortune which turns out to be: “Don’t be afraid to accept an old friend’s generosity.” John takes this as a sign to finally accept Reed’s offer. Velma brings over newly made flannel pajamas for John, Georgie, and Billy Bob, and then takes them for ice cream in the station wagon, where they enjoy re-living their youth and finding a shooting star. The three kids call into the radio hotline and dedicates the song Young at Heart to the adults. 3/27/24
- 028. First Edition – 11/17/1993
- The Daily Beacon is getting ready to put out its first edition, and Billy Bob is practicing polishing up his writing skills for the social column by describing what everyone wore to breakfast. Elliot brings home a child’s Mercedes car that he plans to use to deliver the newspaper. He tells his father that he won it from little Reed Folsom. John initially tells him that he can’t accept a gift like that, but Ben reminds him that he took $75,000 from his father. Over at the office, Reed assists with meeting with applicants for the job of receptionist and printer. Reed also still wants the paper to be called Reed Folsom’s Daily Beacon, but they all nix the idea. Georgie plans to cover the news coverage at City Hall, and Madeline agrees to do an advice column. Later, when Georgie sees that the applicants for receptionists are all beautiful and big-breasted, and they are all waitresses from the Idle Hour country club; none know how to type or take shorthand. Georgie tells them to all leave and asks Madeline to enforce it. She then marches into the current interview that the three guys are doing and finds that they’ve hired another beautiful woman named Vicki Bumpers (Debbie Gregory). Georgie is furious that they hired her without consulting her and doesn’t change her mind when she finds out that Vicki is actually more than qualified. She insists that she will be the one to hire the printer, hoping that it will be a hot guy with ‘buns of steel.’ Unfortunately, her choices are slim, and she winds up hiring an old schoolmate of John and Billy Bob’s named Lonnie Garr (Leslie Jordan). They are worried about this since Lonnie was so weird in high school. It turns out that he is still very bizarre but has had years of experience at their competing newspaper The Blade. They eventually get everything together, and despite several arguments about the use of the co-ed toilet, they prove that they can get their first addition of the The Daily Beacon out the public, with their children acting as paperboys and girls. 3/28/24
- 029. String of Pearls – 11/24/1993
- John and Georgie’s first anniversary is coming up, and they are looking forward to a dinner at Ace’s Fish House and then parking at their old high school parking spot by the river. Georgie tells John she doesn’t want any gifts, but he insists that he already has one that is valuable and under lock and key. She doesn’t believe that he really has it, but he confesses to Billy Bob that it is his grandmother’s valuable string of pearls that are in his safety deposit box. As they finish up at the newspaper for the day, Georgie asks to speak to Madeline before they leave and tells her that she worries because the passion seems to be draining from their relationship since they are working so much. She laments that they used to steam up the car windows whenever they had a second alone, but that never seems to happen anymore. After John and Georgie head home, Madeline convinces Billy Bob that they need to cook them a romantic dinner for their anniversary instead of them going to the fish joint, so they call a restaurant in Paris that Georgie is always talking about to get a list of their menu items. That night at home, they both admit they are too tired to make love, but John gets a second wind and they start to become passionate… until Billy Bob and the three kids barge in the room so they can hear Georgie tell them a story. John ends up talking about their marriage story and through flashback, tell how they ran through the snow in their bare feet to the Justice of the Peace to get married. The story puts everyone to sleep. Meanwhile, Billy Bob and Lonnie are covering a wedding for the paper. The sheriff (Robert Donner), who didn’t like how Lonnie Garr photographed his daughter’s engagement picture in profile because she had hair growing out of her mole, walks in on Billy Bob and Lonnie as they are practicing dancing so that Lonnie can ask a woman at the wedding to dance. John and Georgie are called away to cover a fire and asks Billy Bob to pick up the string of pearls from the safety deposit box. Later, Billy Bob and Madeline work together on the dinner and bicker the entire time, with Billy Bob constantly making fun of Madeline’s weight. When Madeline doesn’t get the twine to sew up the chicken, he winds up using garbage bag twist ties. During the meal, the twist ties catch on fire. Billy Bob and Lonnie were late getting to the bank, so Lonnie is working with someone at the bank to get the pearls. Billy Bob suggests that Lonnie deliver the pearls while they are parking at the river. The plan is to knock lightly on the car, and John will grab the pearls. The plan goes well, until Lonnie gets his sleeve stuck in the car door and has to rely on Billy Bob to help him take off his jumpsuit so that he can get away. He gets cold and insists that Billy Bob put his arm around him. As they are walking away, the sheriff shows up in his cruiser and takes them to jail. Georgie is thrilled with the pearls, and even more thrilled that they are able to steam up the car windows once again. 8/16/24
- 030. The Stud Club – 12/8/1993
- Lonnie’s birthday is coming up and he plans to ask his longtime crush Brenda Swain from the Photo Hut to go to the Diamond Dan’s country and western club to celebrate. However, when Brenda turns him down and tells Lonnie that she is in love with somebody else, Lonnie comes over to tell John and Billy Bob with his crushing news. They try to convince him that there are plenty of women who would love to go out with him, so through tears, Lonnie decides to ask Vicki Bumpers to be his date for the night. Meanwhile, Georgie is getting bored with the town, where there seems to be no stories for her to pursue. They decide to spend the night on the town, but wind up having Big Gulps, going through the car wash, and playing miniature golf. John and Billy Bob admit to Lonnie that all of the things written in the high school restrooms were actually written by them, and they tell him that they are now part of their ‘Stud Club.’ John and Georgie agree to go along with Lonnie and Vicki if she accepts, and Billy Bob and Madeline both agree to go along too, thinking that Vicki will never agree to it. The men try to advise him to act macho and have confidence, while Georgie tells him to not be afraid to be vulnerable. When Lonnie eventually asks her, he tries to act macho at first, but then breaks down and begs her to go with him so that he doesn’t have to spend another birthday with his mother. Surprisingly, she agrees to go, which means everyone gets to go, although John and Billy Bob are nervous because Lonnie’s mother is making them country-western outfits. Lonnie tries to act macho during their night out, which quickly turns Vicky off. George is enjoying dancing with a big guy named M.C. Gainey (M.C. Gainey), who was also the leader of the band playing in the bar, as it is something new and adventurous for her. Another big guy named Roy (Donald Gibb) flirts with Madeline, until she insults him and puts him in his place. Lonnie gets stuck on the mechanical bull, and John has to jump on with him in order to shut it down. M.C. wants to dance some more with Georgie, but John eventually puts his foot down. M.C. and Roy start putting down Lonnie, so Billy Bob and John stand up for him, and they all wind up in a bar fight. Billy Bob, now with a black eye, types up the report on the social event of Lonnie’s birthday without specifically mentioning the fight. Dona Hardy is the elderly woman signing up for the newspaper at their office. 8/16/24
- 031. Blue Christmas – 12/15/1993
- It is two days before Christmas and John and Billy Bob are at the airport to pick up their kids who were home visiting their mothers. John also plans to pick up Georgie’s father as a special surprise for her. However, he calls from Seattle to let John know that he was re-routed to Vancouver because of the weather. Making matters worse, his bags are going to Ft. Lauderdale. Meanwhile, Christine is chatting with Madeline and is inexplicably reduced to tears. For years, she has been in different places for Christmas and hardly ever with family. Because her grandmother died on Christmas Eve, she has never been sentimental about the holidays but now finds herself crying during holiday commercials and seeing kids on Santa’s lap. The kids all arrive at the airport and are quite wound off after eating ice cream and candy canes all through the flight. Mavis has sent home a drum kit for Carson Lee. George calls John again to report that he is now in Calgary, and after a baby threw up on him, he has been forced to wear the only other item in his carry-on, a Santa Claus coat, to which he added sweatpants. He advises John to go ahead and go home for the night. George finds out that Vicki has received a message that John’s parents won’t make it to their house from Indonesia for Christmas due to John’s father having the flu. Lonnie tells Georgie that he knew a woman who became quite emotional like her because she was pregnant. This gets Georgie’s wheels spinning and she sends him to get her a pregnancy test. When she finds out that it is positive, she loses her trepidation and becomes excited about it. She goes home and looks through her old photo albums and mementos from her youth. Once they are all home, along with Billy Bob’s mother, the kids put on a play in the living room, in which Elliot plays a boy named Kevin Peterson who wants a Huffy Thunder Road Mountain Bike, and how it would kill him if he didn’t get it. Although John had already told Billy Bob that he refuses to give into the Christmas consumerism by actually getting these bikes, it turns out that he got them for all three of the kids. George shows up in the middle of the night, and when he spots some cookies, he goes for them, causing him to get snared in one of Elliot’s Santa net traps. John and Georgie wake up, and Georgie announces to them that she has an extra stocking to put up this year for someone that they’ve never met. They don’t quite get it, but George suspects that it is for her late grandmother Amelia… until she breaks down crying, and then they realize that she is going to have a baby. They celebrate by singing Silent Night while Georgie plays it on the piano. Dennis Redfield is the airport announcer. Anne Bellamy is the customer trying to put in a personal ad. Hank Adams is the airport passenger who wants to use George’s phone. 12/13/24
- 032. True Confessions – 12/29/1993
- During a meeting of the newspaper staff, Reed suggests that they increase viewership by adding more pretty girls to the front page of the paper, while it gets pointed out to Madeline that her advice column has taken a much darker turn lately. Billy Bob postulates that it is because she is suffering through the Vicky Darnell diet plan. Madeline and Billy Bob then agree to have a bet to see who can lose ten pounds first, whereby Billy Bob will have to wear one of Madeline’s dresses if she loses, and Madeline will have to do Billy Bob’s laundry if she loses. Meanwhile, as they all get their information back for their insurance plans with the newspaper, Vicky gives John the news that the insurance company says that he is uninsurable due to severe health problems. With John’s doctor, Dr. Harris, out of town at a convention, he cannot find out what these problems are but begins to fear the worst and assumes he might be terminal. He believes that he is coughing more, has dry skin, and more drool on his pillow in the mornings than he used to. With all of this in mind, he decides to get some things off of his chest that have made him feel guilty, starting with the fact that he made out with Billy Bob’s love interest in college and took her on a Florida getaway for the weekend. Billy Bob is furious about this and quite unforgiving. That night, John can’t sleep and confesses to George that he had ran her through an FBI background check when she first started working at the Senator’s office and had even gone through her computer. She gets so angry at this that she goes downstairs to sleep on the couch. The next day, John goes to talk to Madeline, who is now so hungry that she is about to eat an eraser and tells her that he is not only convinced that he is dying, but that he has driven away his wife and best friend. He says he’s not going to make any more confessions but then tells her that when they first moved in, he had contacted a lawyer to see if they could have her evicted. John then gets a message via Vicky that she found out that the dying man is actually John ‘Cartman’ and not John Hartman. John is utterly relieved and thrilled that he will see his baby born and his boys grow up. Billy Bob has become so hungry that he breaks down and eats a Little Debbie and the forfeits the contest to Madeline. It is just in time as Madeline told a guy in the personal section that no matter how bad his life has become, he can still eat pie of he wants. John comes into the paper after having been outside enjoying the fresh air, sunlight, and snow, and announces that he will never take life for granted again. He tells George and Billy Bob that he heard two songs on the radio and went to the store to buy cassettes of them. Georgie’s is the song My Girl, while Billy Bob’s, which he could not find, was You’ve Got a Friend, so he reads Billy Bob the lyrics instead. John wants to bring in some of the sunflowers and pebbles he had picked up and then wants to have a family crest made. Still annoyed at John, Billy Bob asks Madeline if the spoils of their bet are transferable. John winds up wearing Madeline’s dress on behalf of Billy Bob, leading to an angry customer (Michael Griswold) calling him a ‘sissyboy’. 12/13/24
Leave a Reply