The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Dale McRaven

Theme Song: “Nothing’s Going to Stop Me Now” composed by Jesse Frederick & Bennett Salvay, performed by David Pomeranz

• 001. Knock Knock, Who’s There? – 3/25/1986
  • Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker), a Madison, Wisconsin native who has recently moved away from his large family to Chicago to pursue his dreams of becoming a photojournalist, is visited by sheepherder Balki Bartokomous, a native of the Mediterranean island of Mypos. Balki claims to be related by way of his fifth cousin thrice-removed, who is the step-uncle to Larry, and based on that relationship, plans to live with Larry. Balki is distraught when Larry initially turns him down, but then has a change of heart and tells Balki he can stay with him until he gets on his feet. Balki is intent on learning American culture and is fascinated by even the simplest things and phrases. Larry takes Balki to work with him the next day at Ritz Discount. When Larry is called away by his neighbor friend Susan Campbell (Lise Cutter), Balki tends to a customer (Stephen Vinovich), who cons Balki into selling him $200 worth of merchandise for $45. When Larry’s boss Donald Twinkacetti (Ernie Sabella) finds out, he is livid, but gives Balki a chance to repair an old radio to see if he will hire him on to repay the debt. Larry doesn’t think he can do it, so he plants a smaller radio inside the old one. However Balki finds the radio and spoils the ruse before it ever gets started. However when he turns on the radio, the noise is so loud that it shatters most of the glass in the shop. A customer (Bobby Hosea) is impressed by its power and offers $500 for it. Balki is seen as a hero to Twikacetti and tells Larry to do the manual labor so Balki doesn’t hurt his hands. As Larry is moving the radio, it is revealed that Balki had hooked the radio up to giant speakers that would have valued the package at $1000. Twinkacetti fires them both, but Balki gives him a speech about what a good man Larry is, and Twinkacetti changes his mind and re-hires them, mostly because he intends to collect all the money they owe him out of their paychecks. 11/9/20

• 002. Picture This – 4/1/1986
  • Larry gets tipped off by his friend Gus that Dolly Parton is secretly in town at a hotel and possibly having an affair with a man. Larry sees this as a great opportunity to get pictures to impress potential editors. Meanwhile, Balki has been doing favors for seemingly everyone and Larry preaches to him about saying ‘no’, as to not get taken advantage of. Larry also agrees to dog sit for his attractive stewardess neighbor Linda’s (Anna Nicholas) dog Gorbachev. After missing one opportunity at getting a photo of Dolly, Larry gets another call from Gus, but when he asks Balki to watch the dog, Balki refuses based on all of the advice from Larry. He consequently had to take the dog with him, which not only spoils his chance to get the photo, but he also gets dragged down the street by the dog and sprains his ankle. Larry refuses to speak to Balki after that, resulting in Balki returning his anger and giving him the ‘kiss of silence’. Balki takes yet another call from Gus, but refuses to tell Larry what he said. Larry is forced to beg and grovel to get Balki to forgive him. Finally Balki tells him that Dolly is in the lounge at the hotel with the mystery man, so he heads there and allows Balki to come with him. Balki starts to feel empathy for exposing Dolly and stops him from getting the picture. As he is warning the couple, they realize that the woman (Ava Cadell) is not Dolly after all. Larry feels terrible for being so sleazy to get a job, but Balki tells him the fact that he wants to improve proves that he’s a moral person. Larry helps Balki understand that he should do things for people when he wants to, but should not feel that he has to. James Ingersoll is ‘Dolly’s’ date. 11/9/20
• 003. First Date – 4/8/1986
  • Balki doesn’t know how to talk to American women, and his best effort so far is to throw himself at Susan’s feet. Larry tries to coach him to simply introduce himself, but he immediately scares off a customer (Sarah Partridge). Balki convinces a reluctant Larry to take him to a single’s club so he can learn more about meeting women. Larry teaches him how to make eye contact, and in the process makes eye contact of his own with an attractive woman. Balki follows suit and meets a girl named Diane (Mary Anne Dorward), and although he gets off to a rock start, he winds up making a date with her. Larry, on the other hand, approaches the girl staring at him and winds up getting thrown into the parking lot by her boyfriend Richard (Allan Graf). Susan talks Larry into going on the date with Balki, and even agrees to go along herself. Larry is incredibly wary because he hates to be embarrassed. He is on pins and needles throughout the date, cringing when Balki tells one of his sheepherder jokes, and is even more mortified when Balki gets everyone on the dance floor to dance the Dance of Joy. Larry tries to put a stop to it, but Richard insists that everyone is having fun, and forces Larry to dance. At the end of the night, everyone has had a good time, but Larry says he was miserable. He admits that he doesn’t know how to have fun, and feels like everyone will point at him if he loosens up and sings and dances. Balki notes that he learned a lot from Larry that if he behaves as himself, people will like him… and suggests that Larry has now learned the same lesson. Larry opens up by doing his James Cagney impression, but Balki then asks him to do Lacey. Mindy Sterling is credited as the hostess, but only appears in the background. 2/3/21
• 004. Baby, You Can Drive My Car – 4/15/1986
  • When Mr. Twinkacetti gets his drivers license renewed, Balki makes it known how much he’s like to one day have his own license. Twinkacetti laughs off his wish, but Larry has confidence and bets Twinkacetti $50 that he will pass his test. He is also backed into a corner and agrees to let him use his car. Larry starts Balki off by practicing with him in the living room using a plunger, packages of frozen beans, and a grapefruit as a stick and pedals. They then move onto practicing in the car in the parking lot, but Balki panics when Larry tells him to hit the grapefruit when a shopping cart heads toward and then rams his car. Balki becomes depressed and thinks he is unworthy of a license, but Larry gives him a pep talk no to lose confidence. He accompanies Balki to the license bureau, where Balki passes his written test with flying colors, even when he questions the one he missed, and forces the examiner Frank (Eddie Barth) to correct his grading. Frank then takes Balki on the driving test. Two hours later Larry is still looking for Balki at the shop, where Twinkacetti is eager to collect his bet. Balki shows up with tales of the freeway and the hospital, but it turns out that Balki mistakenly got on the freeway due to Frank’s unclear direction, and then Frank had a heart attack due to the lunch he ate. He is so grateful that Balki got him to the hospital that he gives him license. Larry collects the $50 bet, and heads out to take Balki to lunch… but Balki has locked the keys in the car. 2/4/21
• 005. Check This – 4/22/1986
  • Larry’s fold-out bed is broken and he talks about getting new furniture, prompting Balki to pull out the $128 he has hidden in the mattress. Larry advises him that he should put it in the bank, so they go and see bank manager Harrison Harper (Sam Anderson). Balki doesn’t quite understand how the bank works, but Larry’s frustration prompts him to deposit it anyway. Soon enough he is writing checks and buying gifts for his friends… including over $3000 worth of new, gaudy furniture for Larry’s house. Meanwhile, Mr. Twinkacetti wants to play poker for his friends and wants Larry to cover for him if his wife Edwina (Belita Moreno) asks. Larry refuses to lie, so Twankicetti sends him on a pickup involving tons of weights, When Larry arrives home unable to stand up straight, he sees the new furniture and melts down because all of his personal furniture is gone, Furthermore, he is furious that Balki wrote a check with money he didn’t have. Making it all even worse, Balki sold the old furniture to Mr. Twinkacetti. When they report to work the next day, Twinkacetti is on top of the world because he won $600 in poker and is on his way to selling all of Larry’s furniture, which he purchased from Balki for a mere $75. Since Larry wouldn’t help him out, he refuses to sell it back to Larry. However when Edwina comes into the store, and Balki realizes that Twinkacetti had used him as his alibi, he is able to talk Twinkacetti into selling it all back to him for $1. Twinkacetti’s luck plummets even more when Edwina finds his winnings and heads out to spend it. Steve Witting is the delivery man. 5/30/21
• 006. Happy Birthday Baby – 4/29/1986
  • It’s Larry’s birthday, but he is more excited that he’s sold one of his photos of a burning building to The Chicago Weekly Gazette. Balki believes the the birthday boy is supposed to give the gifts rather than receive them… until Larry sets him straight. Balki arranges with Susan and Tina (Georgia Harrell) to throw Larry a surprise birthday party. However, just before the party, Larry comes home and announces that they didn’t go with his photo after all. He is depressed and angry at the world and demands that he not even hear the word birthday. Balki scrambles to get rid of the guests and to hide the decorations and food before he sees them, even locking Larry in the closet while he clears them out. That night, Larry wakes up at 2am even more depressed that his life plan is falling apart. What’s more he laments that not a single person wished him a happy birthday. Balki, now feeling guilty, tries to get everyone back, but since it is the middle of the night, he can only get strangers, like Officer Finley (Greg Finley) and his detained prisoner Lou (Vinny Argiro), Lou’s friend (Pat Cranshaw), bakery clerk Sandra (Myra Turley) and her customer Snake (Karl Johnson), and the newsstand operator Max (Harry Woolf), to attend. Although they are all strangers, they warmly wish Larry a happy birthday. The next morning Larry feels better, is appreciative about what Larry did, and decides not let go of his dream of being a photo journalist. They and find that Lou’s friend and others are still in the spare bedroom partying. Anthony Grumbach is the cake delivery man. 5/32/21

SEASON 2

• 007. Hello Baby – 9/17/1986
  • While Larry and Balki are attempting to move a refrigerator into the store, Balki’s friend Gina (Candi Milo) from his citizenship class comes to see him to tell him that she has been evicted from her apartment. Because her husband is in Texas and she is pregnant, Balki offers to help her however they can. Much to Larry’s chagrin, Gina winds up in their apartment, and in Larry’s bedroom. After Larry and Balki finally get settled together with Balki’s stuffed goat Dmitri on the fold-out couch bed, Balki tells Larry that Gina is already two weeks overdue. Larry then wakes everyone up so that they can go through a drill if she should go into labor. Larry then vows to stay awake, alert, and prepared in case Gina wakes up. He naturally falls asleep, so he is taken by surprise when Gina does go into labor, and then spirals into a panic. His panic goes from bad to worse when he can’t find his keys, and then loses Gina in the hallway. The drive to the hospital is just as panicky and chaotic, when Balki starts tell Larry that Gina is going into labor into the car. He can’t go fast enough thanks to traffic, and he misses his turn to the hospital. Gina also grabs the back of Larry’s head so he can’t see the road. Balki has him pull the car over, and he delivers the baby himself. Larry takes one look at the baby and faints onto the steering wheel. When they get home, Larry feels terrible and worthless that nothing went right. Balki then tells Larry that he’s going to help Gina find a place to live, and picks an unsuitable apartment. Larry is quick to jump in and make some other suggestions, before realizing that Balki is just trying to show him how important and helpful he is. Larry realizes this, but appreciates it nonetheless. 9/22/21
• 008. Hunks Like Us – 9/24/1986
  • Balki joins Reuben’s Perfect Body health club, but Larry tells him that it is a waste of money, so Balki agrees to cancel his membership. Before he gets the chance, one of the club workers Jennifer Lyons (Melanie Wilson) who sold him the membership comes to see Balki to tell him he forgot to sign his application. Larry immediately falls in love with her, so he tells her that he plans to join the club himself. The two of them go to the club to try and get dates. Balki meets a girl named Mary Ann (Rebeca Arthur) immediately accepts his invitation to go out, while Larry beats around the bush and keep himself and Balki at the club working out for four hours. Balki finally asks Jennifer out on his behalf, and gets Larry furious… until Balki tells him that she said yet. They go home that night to wait for their dates. They quickly fall asleep and walk up just before the date time, and find themselves so sore that they can barely move. The are hardly able to pick up a phone or open a door before the girls show up. They find tasks like getting the wine and cheese from the kitchen to be excruciating, and eventually they have no choice to admit that they overdid it at the gym. They guys apologize for trying to deceive them, so the girls agree to stay and finish the date. After they leave, Larry admits to Balki that he was wrong about them, but based on his experiences in high school, he though he could never get the cheerleader type. They try to decide what to do now, but it seems too difficult to turn on the stereo or the TV, so they fall asleep at the front door. Richard Brose is the gym hunk. Lisa Coppenolle is the gym woman. Vanessa Paul is the instructor. 9/27/21
• 009. The Unnatural – 10/1/1986
  • Larry has been managing the softball team the Ritz Discount Royals, and they are on a winning streak, much to Mr. Twinkacetti’s delight. Balki has been acting as the team’s waterboy, score keeper, and cheerleader. With the team poised to enter the championship game, they get some alarming news when they find out that the team’s star player Slugger is going to be out of town for the championship game. Larry tries desperately to find a substitute player, all the while Balki is dropping hints that he’d like to play. He finally wears Larry down and he decides to give him a chance. Balki can’t wait until practice, so Larry lets him try pitching as they practice in the house. Larry is fearful something will get broken, so they use a rolled up pair of socks, but Larry still winds up smashing the lamp with the bat when he tries to hit a Balki pitch. Balki doesn’t do much better in actual practice, although he enjoys sliding, and proceeds to do a head-first slide into every base when he is supposed to be playing right field. On the night before the championship, Mr. Twinkacetti phones Larry and tells him that he’s found a great player named Duke Lyle (Terence Goodman) who has agreed to play if Larry gives him $50. Larry is desperate to win a trophy, as he’s lived his life in his brother Billy’s shadow, as he always bested Larry by winning all of the trophies in their room. Larry plans to tell Balki that he’s being replaced, but doesn’t have the heart to do it when Balki tells him how excited his family in Myposs will be that Balki is the first of their kind to play baseball. On the day of their game against the Spartans, Larry puts Duke into the game and tells Balki that he’s holding him out of the game at first because he is his ‘secret weapon.’ During the course of the game, the Royals get behind 4-3 by the bottom of the ninths. With two outs, Larry has Duke up to bat, and Balki realizes that he isn’t going to get to play. He tells Larry that he must prefer a trophy to a friend. Despite warnings from Twinkacetti, who has money riding on the game, Larry give in and puts Balki in to bat. With two strikes against him and one man on base, Balki somehow manages to hit a home run and the Royals win the game. Larry is proud of the tiny trophy he wins, which he managed to get even though he did the right thing. Balki then shows him the MVP trophy that he received, which is about three times bigger than Larry’s. Hank Robinson is the umpire. 3/24/22
• 010. Lifesavers – 10/22/1986
  • On the way to work one morning, Balki is almost hit by a speeding car, but Larry pushes him out of the way of the car. Because Larry saved his life, Balki feels he must become Larry’s servant for the rest of his life. He does nothing but live his life in service of Larry, and refuses to put his head higher than Larry at any time. When Larry takes a nap on the couch, Balki ties Larry’s leg to the table so he won’t sleepwalk and fall out the window. While he is sleeping, Balki thinks Larry is dead, so he pries his open and nearly scares Larry to death. He then falls flat on his face when he gets up and trips over the rope. He orders Balki to stop serving him, but this makes Balki think he’s failed at his duty from his Mypos upbringing. As a consequence, Balki has to wear a bag over his head. Mr. Twinkacetti suggests that Larry allow Balki to save his life so they will be even. He offers to call his actor friend and have him pose as a burglar, telling Larry that he charges $50. When the actor is busy with a play, Twinkacett pockets the money. That night a real burglar (Raf Mauro) breaks in, but Larry thinks he is the actor. He wakes up Balki to rescue him, but the burglar pulls out a gun and keeps pushing Larry down. Balki warns him not to push his cousin, and when the burglar continues to do it, Balki takes the gun away from him and they have him arrested. After the return from the police station, Larry tells Balki that he did much more for him than Larry did to save Balki, but then he tells him that they are equal so that Balki doesn’t expect any groveling from Larry this time. 3/24/22
• 011. Babes in Babylon – 10/29/1986
  • Larry comes home excited that they have won a contest from Shop and Spend grocery stores, which will entitle them to a new refrigerator… or a free trip to Las Vegas. Larry wants to go for the refrigerator, but Balki is more interested in the adventure of Las Vegas. They flip a coin to decide which one they will accept, and they wind up with the trip to Vegas. Although he’s never been there, Larry is convinced that Vegas stands against everything he believes. He eventually agrees to it, and they check into their fancy restaurant. However, Larry’s idea of fun is a trip to the Hoover Dam, Liberace Museum, and a hike in the desert. He tells Balki that gambling addiction runs in their family, and that their Uncle Pete lost everything. Balki wants to see Wayne Newton, so Larry agrees to that. He also agrees to show him the casino but they do little more than run through it. After Balki nearly picks up a prostitute named Wendy (Donna Denton) until Larry puts a stop to it, Balki asks if he can gamble his quarter in a slot machine, and he winds up winning $50. He then tries roulette and keeps hitting the right number. Balki is ready to head to the concert, but Larry wants to stay at the table and lose Balki’s money to prove a point. At first he starts winning, but then he starts to lose it all. He even sells his concert ticket, his airplane ticket, and the champagne in the room. Balki returns from the concert and finds a maniacal Larry at the roulette wheel and tries to pull him away. At first he steals the roulette ball, but security makes him put it back, so he steals Larry’s chips and runs off. Larry chases him to the room and stalks him to give him his chips… until Balki shows him a mirror, and he reminds himself of Uncle Pete. Larry finally calms down and says he a compulsive gambler. Balki tells him that he just needs to do things in moderation instead of all or nothing. Larry thanks Balki for helping him through, and they head out to catch Wayne Newton’s second show. Gary Pagett is Jim the Croupier. 7/24/22
• 012. Ladies and Germs – 11/5/1986
  • Larry comes home excited that he’s finally gotten a date with Bonnie Kleinschmidt, fourth runner-up in the Miss Chicago beauty contest to go to the Bruce Springsteen concert. Balki wants to go visit Mr. Twinkacetti in the hospital since he has a broken leg. Larry wants to cancel since he’s afraid of germs at the hospital that could get him sick and interfere with his date. Balki is panicked by germs, but still manages to talk Larry into going to the hospital. There they run into Twinkacetti’s wife Edwina, and their children Donnie (Matthew Licht) and Marie (Erica Gayle). Larry is quickly ready to get out of there before he catches anything, but before he leaves, Marie sneezes into his face. The next day, Larry has come down with a full-fledged cold. Instead of cancelling his date, he loads up on oranges and various pharmaceuticals. Balki tries to convince him to try the ‘Mypos cure’ which includes a ring of garlic, Wolf’s bane, fish parts, herbs, and pumpkin mold. Larry laughs off the notion that Mypos has the cure for the common cold, so he sticks with his own pills and a humidifier under a blanket. An hour and a half before the date, Larry has made no progress, so he finally agrees to try Balki’s formula. Balki cooks up a batch, and while Balki is out of the room, Larry drinks an entire cup of it. When Balki tells him that he should have only taken a spoonful. It hits Larry only seconds later and he tells Balki he can see through him, and then collapses on the couch and falls immediately asleep. When he wakes up, he is completely cured, feeling great, and ready for his date. Balki then has the task of telling him that he has been asleep for three days. He also mentions that he took Bonnie to the concert, but she abandoned him for a guy with front-row tickets. Finally, he tells him that Sprinsteen cancelled the show because he had a cold. Balki then gives Larry the two tickets for the postponed show, but this time Larry decides to take Balki to the show. 11/19/22
• 013. Falling in Love Is… – 11/12/19
  • Balki comes to work excited that he has been paired up with his crush Carol Mosely (Karen Lynn Scott) in class, and now he is in love and she likes him as well. Balki and Carol set a date at his place for a study date, and Larry promises to simply meet her and then vacate. However, his first impression of her is her asking Larry if she can set him up with a modeling gig, even if it is nude. Then she tells Balki that her grandmother is sick, and then leaves Balki with the homework. Larry thinks she is a barracuda and tries to tell Balki as much, but Balki only thinks that Larry is jealous and won’t listen to him. Weeks pass, and Balki remains just as in love with her, and she constantly tells him that she ‘wuvs’ him too. On the last day of class, Balki wants to ask her to go steady, and also wants to give her a family heirloom, a valuable broach that belonged to his Nana. Larry swipes the broach from him and tells him that he cannot give it away. Although Balki argues with him, Larry is adamant that he at least wants to hold onto it until she says yet. Larry prepares for him to come home crushed, but he comes home in a fabulous mood and tells Larry that she agreed to go steady with him. Larry apologises profusely and gives him the broach to give her, but then Balki tells Larry that Carol had told him he was ‘cute’ and then was so jubilant that she laughed at him after he asked her. He also says that she told him that she will be busy for a while, has to move out of ‘Jack’s place’, and has gotten a new phone and will give him the number later. Larry realizes that she has brushed him off, and tries to tell Balki this, but once again, he thinks Larry is lying to him. Larry has him call Carol, where Jack answers the phone. She also refuses a movie date with him for the weekend. Balki then understands that he’s been made a fool of and is crushed. Through tears, he tells Larry that he’ll never fall in love again, but Larry assures him that one day he will meet someone worthy of him and Nana’s broach. Balki tells Larry that he’s glad Larry is there for him, and then they share ice cream together. Cynthia Crummer and Dave Ketchum are customers in the antique store. 7/25/22
• 014. Two Men and a Cradle – 11/26/1986
  • Balki agrees to babysit his friend Gina’s baby boy Frankie for the weekend while she and her husband Steve go away for a weekend to Philadelphia. Naturally, he agrees to this before asking Larry. Although Larry agrees he might be open to it ‘next Summer’, he is annoyed that Balki agreed to it for this very weekend. They proceed with taking him home, but Larry tells Balki he will have to keep the promise to take care of the baby without his help. However, he is quickly charmed by Frankie as well, so when Balki starts struggling, he tells him he will guide him since he helped raise his eight siblings. He tells Balki to not wash the disposable diapers, recommends putting a towel on his shoulder while he burps the baby, and then tries to show him how to check the warmth of the bottle by pouring it on his wrist. Since the cap isn’t tightened, he winds up spilling it all over his arm. That night the baby won’t stop crying, so they are up deep into the night, Eventually, they get him to quiet down by singing him the theme to The Brady Bunch. The wind up taking him to the park, where he is finally able to sleep. When they bring him home and Balki starts to change his diaper, they realize that they have brought home a girl. Panicking, they return to the park to try and find the correct baby but fail. They report it to everyone at the park, the police, and the newspaper, and with Gina on her way home any minute, they panic at the thought of telling her. When Gina arrives, Larry keeps subverting Larry from telling her the truth. They try to stall her from looking at Frankie but making her freshen up in their bathroom. Fortunately, before Gina comes out, a woman named Linda Richards (Deborah Benson) shows up at their door with the real Frankie and claims her daughter Katie. They rush Linda out the door, and present Frankie – now wearing a “Katie” shirt – to Gina, who is curious about why he is wearing that shirt. After everyone is gone, Balki and Larry discuss how they miss Frankie, and also realize what a difficult job motherhood is, and decide to give their mothers gifts. 11/19/22
• 015. Can I Get a Witness? – 11/26/1986
  • Balki has taken another job from a man named Vince Lucas (John Del Regno) who sit in a car in front of the newsstand. With his extra money, Balki buys Larry a potato clock, but Larry is more concerned about the shady nature of the new job. Balki’s job is to simply to deliver a bag to an office, but Larry decides to accompany him on his job the next day so that they can find out what is inside the bag. Balki doesn’t want to open and they tussle over it until they accidentally break it open revealing bundles of money and slips of paper. Larry realizes that he is running numbers for Vince and demands that Balki tape the bag back up, and return the bag and the money to Vince. Before they can do this, they are both arrested by two undercover female cops who have been following them. They manage to get out of jail by agreeing to testify against Vince, but when Vince shows up at their apartment and threatens to kill them if they do so, Larry starts to have second thoughts. The next day in court, Larry tells the prosecutor Mr. O’Day (Milt Oberman) that they’re not going to testify after all, which will kill the entire case since all of the other witnesses either backed out or disappeared. Balki however thinks that it is his duty to testify against Vince. Unfortunately, Vince’s lawyer Mr. Dunne (James Gallery) tells Judge Francis T. Ceretto (Ivan Bonar) that it is Balki who is running the numbers and trying to recruit Vince to work for him. The judge says he will have to dismiss the case if O’Day can’t produce any more witnesses. At this point, Larry decides to be brave and stand by Balki, agreeing to testify after all. They wind up putting Vince away, and although Larry had called to get tickets to Buenos Aires, he claims that he had to prove that no one was going to push him around. Marianne Muellerleile is the policewoman. Kopi Sotiropulos is the bailiff. 5/2/23
• 016. The Rent Strike – 12/10/1986
  • Larry and Balki get frustrated when they don’t have any warm water and their sink and garbage disposal are not working. They organize the tenants in their building, including Susan, Jennifer, Maryanne, Max (Bob Larkin), and Mrs. Schlegelmilch (Mary Gillis) all meet together in the basement and put together a list of their demands to Mr. Twinkacetti, who is the landlord of the building. He acts as if he’d like to help, but say he can’t handle the burden since both of his grandmothers just went in for heart transplants. They call him out for lying, so he rips up their list of demands and storms out. The tenants all vote for Larry to be their leader and then infer from Balki’s comments that he wants them to go on a rent strike. Twinkacetti then relishes turning off everyone’s heat, power, and water. Larry has a particularly bad morning since he can’t even have a cup of coffee. Larry goes to confront Twinkacetti at the shop, where Twinkacetti charges him $10 for a coup of coffee. That night, Larry and Balki sneak the tenants into the shop to spend the night there. The next morning, Twinkacetti finds them, but is in a forgiving mood, even offering to end the stand-off if they will pay their rent immediately. When a phone call comes in from Twinkacetti’s bookie the Finger, Larry realizes why he is in such a hurry to settle. Larry is able to get him to give in to some of the demands, but not all of them. Balki feels like a failure that they didn’t get all of the concessions, but Larry teaches him about negotiating. Mary Anne is also impressed by Balki’s assertiveness and invites him up for breakfast. Balki tells Larry not to wait up for him because he will be ‘negotiating’. 5/2/23
• 017. A Christmas Story – 12/17/1986
  • Mr. Twinkacetti begrudgingly holds a Christmas party for the store employees, and it becomes clear that it was Mrs. Twankacetti who forced him to not only do that, but to give out employee bonuses. Larry is excited to head out of town with Balki to his hometown of Madison, Wisco nisin, where they will all share in Larry’s longtime family traditions. This year he gets to be the ‘Christmas Boy’ and hand out the gifts. Balki laments missing out on his family traditions in Mypos, which includes the painting of the Christmas turtle, but Larry convinces him that he will now be part of the new traditions. Jennifer and Mary Anne stop by before leaving for a skiing trip, and the guys take full advantage of the mistletoe. Unfortunately, when Larry calls to confirm that their flight is on time, he finds out that the flight has been canceled. In a panic, he tries to get a bus and then a snowplow but has no luck. Larry then decides to take his car, but it isn’t long before it is being pushed by Balki. They reach the end of their trip in front of a nearby Christmas tree lot where they meet the salesman (Jay Gerber), who tells them that he sold out of trees. Balki tkes a sparse tree from the garbage and heads home with it, while Larry goes for a walk to try and cool off. When Larry gets home, he finds the place decorated with items from Ritz, and ‘Santa Balki’ waiting for him, trying to cheer him up and get engaged with the spirit of Christmas, but no matter what he does, Larry can’t find any spirit. Finally, Balki becomes angry and calls out Larry for always insisting the Balki adapt to new situations, but he himself can’t adapt to this. Larry finally agrees to open their gifts, acting as the ‘Christmas Boy.’ Balki gets a new boom box and a Wayne Newton cassette, while Larry gets a quilt that Balki had been working on since he got there. Larry is nearly moved to tears by the gesture and explains how he had once given his mother a potholder that he had made, but never understood why she loved it so much. Now he understands and confesses that he has now gotten back his Christmas spirit. 9/9/13
• 018. Dog Gone Blues – 1/7/1987
  • Balki surprises Larry by bringing home a stray dog that they name Suprides (Friday). Although the dog brings back memories of his childhood dog Spot, Larry is worried about keeping the dog in the apartment since Mr. Twinkacetti’s lease expressly forbids it. Balki, who has memories of his own dog Couscous, talks Larry into it anyway. They make plans on how they can hide Suprides if Mr. Twinkacetti should show up, and quickly get a dry run when he comes to the upstairs hallway area to change a lightbulb. This gives Larry second thoughts again, but he decides that the dog is worth the inconvenience, even though taking him for a walk requires disguising their faces and climbing out the window. When Mr. Twinkacetti comes upstairs to collect the run, he hears Suprides barking. He becomes suspicious of them having a dog and forces his way in. When Twinkacetti finds a bag of dog food, Larry claims that it belongs to him and eats a handful of it to prove it. Suprides sneaks out the front door while Twinkacetti has his back turned. They finally get rid of the suspicious Twinkacetti, but he soon returns, having found the dog in the hallway. Larry resigns himself to the fact that they have no choice but to get rid of the dog. He finds a family named Cooper who has a perfect farm location for the dog, along with two kids who are dying to have a dog. He brings Mrs. Cooper (Tina Lifford) and the two kids (Ben Aaron aka Ben Hoag, Ebonie Smith) up to meet the dog, and Balki finally agrees to let Suprides go since it will be best for the dog. With the promise of being permitted to visit him whenever they want, they bid Suprides a tearful goodbye. Balki feels bad that he was selfish, but Larry tells him that once he realized what was best for Suprides, he made the right decision. Larry agrees that they can go buy a pair of fish. 9/9/23
• 019. Since I Lost My Baby – 1/14/1987
  • They guys are surprised when they hear someone in the office as they are opening up the shop, and after initially thinking it is a burglar and trying to get the jump on him, they realize it is Mr. Twinkicetti, who has spent the night there after having been kicked out by his wife Edwina. She is furious with him for once again forgetting their wedding anniversary, after sixteen years of marriage… and sixteen time forgetting it. Balki feels bad for him and invites him to stay with them in their apartment, much to Larry’s chagrin. From the minute he moves in, he starts taking over, claiming Larry’s  bedroom. Twinkicetti initially acts as if it is one big part and that he is unaffected by the separation. However, Balki prods him and causes him to break down and tell them how much he wants to go back home. In the interest of getting him out of the apartment, Larry agrees to help Balki save the marriage. They set up a date for him to meet with Edwina at the restaurant Tony’s Mambo Room. They try to coach him on what to say and how to act, but he insists that Larry and Balki come with him. Edwina tells Donald that he has five minutes to convince her to come back, but he naturally falls over his words and messes up. He also claims that he had brought Edwina to the restaurant for a romantic evening, and then realizes that it was another woman he brought. Twinkicetti tries to get more advice from Larry and Balki, but she then realizes that they are there coaching him. She tells Donald that she will be contacting her lawyer to start divorce proceedings. Twinicetti doesn’t come home that night, and the next morning the guys find him once again in the manager’s office at Ritz. However, this time he is with Edwina. Twinkicetti tried to think of a romantic gesture, so he had shown up at her window with his sacophone and a bag of eggrolls, and suggested they come to their backroom of the store, like they used to do when they were younger. Twinkicetti is feeling so romantic that he decides to keep the store closed and give the guys the day off. Edwina thanks the guys for all they did and tells them she realizes that the romantic side of Donald is still there and she isn’t going to give up on him after sixteen years of marriage. Larry admits that Balki was right about butting in and helping Mr. Twinkicetti. Dante D’Andre is the Maitre D’. 1/2/24
• 020. Trouble in Paradise – 1/21/1987
  • Larry is nervous because Jennier and Mary Anne are returning from a lengthy stint of flights to Rome. He isn’t sure if she should have called her since he is not clear on what their relationship’s current status is. Balki suggests that they have the girls over for dinner, and when the girls show up to say hello at the Ritz, Balki invites them over. Larry quickly starts to panic about throwing the evening together. He doesn’t want Balki to do any of the cooking, but when Balki starts crying, he gives in and tells him that he can put together the appetizers and the salad. When Balki prepares his strange dishes from Mypos, including a salad with wild olives, ginkgo root, mustard curd, onions, and liver oil. He also prepares the appetizer Dingding Mochmud aka pig snout with saffron, and Baaba Michi aka eel in grape leaves. Larry insists that he not serve any of them, but when Balki causes Larry to burn his duck by setting the oven at 500 degrees for his Sheepherders bread, they have no choice but to serve Balki’s dishes. Larry and Balki cannot stop bickering thorough the meal, the girls lecture them on how they have to get along as roommates. They then start to list their petty grievances against each other, describing how they manage to get along despite them. However, this then leads to an argument between the girls as well. Balki then helps the girls reconcile with each other and apologize. They all decide to just order a pizza, and they hang out together until 1am. Jennifer tells Larry that she is glad they got to hang out and get to know each other better. After the girls leave, the guys relish the moment, but realize that the girls they both like have such fallibilities, and that they need to learn to compromise with each other. Larry and Balki realize that they are in the same boat, and they apologize to each other for how they behaved about the food. 1/2/24
• 021. Beautiful Dreamer – 1/28/1987
  • Larry finds Balki rearranging the furniture at 3am so that he can do aerobics. With Mr. Twinkacetti’s monthly going-out-of-business sale just four hours away, Larry is anxious to get Balki back to sleep. Balki admits that he’s been up all night for the last four nights. When Larry finally gets him to fall asleep, Balki wakes up within seconds, screaming from a nightmare. The next day at work during the busy sales at the store, Balki can barely stay awake, and Larry tries to move him around the shop to keep him from breaking anything. In the end, Balki causes Larry to knock over a table full of broken dishes and a TV on top of them, all of which he will have to pay for. To try and prevent this from happening again, Larry tries to get to the bottom of what is causing Balki’s nightmare. Balki is able to recall little white cars coming toward him and not being able to run from them before they crush him. That night, Larry has Jennifer and Mary Anne over to help analyze the nightmare, but Balki doesn’t want to talk about it. However, as Larry prods him more and more, Larry realizes that the cars represent animals, and when Balki mentions that it is Bopoltide back home in Mypos, which is the time that the Mypiot people shear off the woold to sell and make money for the family. They determine that Balki might feel guilty that he’s not there to help them with this, which may mean they don’t make enough money to buy food. Larry suggests that Balki call home, but Balki thinks that this will cause them too much trouble as the only phone on Mypos is across the island from where his family lives. Larry arranges the call anyway, and Balki is able to call and speak to his mother. After he gets off the phone, he tells Larry that his mother said that they are doing well thanks to the sheep shearing equipment they bought from the money that Balki has sent home. Balki suddenly realizes how homesick he is. However, he is grateful to be with Larry, and tells him that anytime Larry needs help from him to let him know. Larry starts to ask him about what he thinks about his relationship with Jennifer, but Balki falls asleep before he can get the question out. Marte Boyle Slout is the customer with the TV, and Muriel Minot is the customer who runs screaming. 5/10/24
• 022. Tux for Two – 2/4/1987
  • While Balki is busy getting his head stuck to the suction from a vacuum cleaner, Larry rushes into Ritz with the great news that he has been extended an invitation to the black-tie opening night of his new photo exhibit of his photographer idol Roger Morgan (James Greene), who was one of the judges on the panel that selected Larry’s photo to be tenth place on the Chicago Gazette‘s photo contest. Balki is disappointed that Larry plans to take Jennifer as his guest, but Larry assures him that Balki would have been his second choice. However, when Jennifer finds out that Mary Anne made a mistake about their flight assignment to New Zealand rather than New York, she realizes she won’t be able to go to the event with him. Balki then jumps at the chance to be Larry’s second choice for his guest. Balki comes up with a ridiculous ensemble to wear to the event that looks like a bullfighter’s attire with shorts. Larry, however, has already rented Balki a tuxedo to wear, but when Balki tries it on, it is much too small, and the sleeves tear off. They are unable to find a tux rental location open, so Balki is forced to wear his own gear. Larry coaches Balki on how to behave at the exhibit and advises him to go along with everyone and agree with whatever they might say. Larry is in awe of all of the bigwigs that they see at the event, including the gallery owner Margaret Milgrem (Carol Bruce) and her young companion Dennis (Hank Stratton). When Balki hears Margaret and Dennis talking about one of Roger’s pieces, Balki is quick to go along with everything she says, but then tells her that they have a calendar of Roger Morgan’s work hanging over their toilet. After Larry then cautions Balki to not speak at all, they also discuss the same photograph, and Larry confides in Balki that he thinks the photo would have been better if Morgan had used a different lens. When Roger Morgan enters the room, Larry can barely muster his voice to speak with him. Larry pulls Balki aside and tell shim that it is over, and that Morgan obviously thinks he’s an idiot. Balki carries him back over to Morgan and then tells him that Larry admires him, but questions why he didn’t use a different lens on the photo they were discussing. Larry is mortified, and Dennis is so annoyed by the question that he runs over to tell Margaret, who then tries to rescind Larry’s invitation. She also makes fun of Balki, arousing the anger of Larry, who sticks up for Balki. When Balki refers to Margaret as Dennis’s ‘nana’, she goes to get security to have them removed. However, Morgan tells Larry that he agrees with his assessment and admits that he originally wanted to use the lens that Larry had suggested, but that it was locked in his car. Morgan tells Larry that it is refreshing for people to speak their mind rather than being a yes-man. He also remembers Larry’s submission and said that it was better than tenth place. Surprisingly, Morgan is also familiar with Mypos and Balki’s attire, even speaking the Myposian language. Morgan invites Larry to show him some more of his work, and as Larry tries to decide what to take, Balki advises him to bring the ones that Larry likes and not to worry what others think. Frank Birney is the waiter. 5/11/24
• 023. Ten Speed and a Soft Touch – 2/11/1987
  • Larry’s mother sends him boxes of his old belongings from home, including his beloved bicycle that he nicknamed “Black Beauty.” As he and Balki are going through the stuff at the store, a boy enters and tosses an apple core into the boxes. Larry then catches him trying to steal an electronic game and threatens to tell the boy’s mother. The boy tries to hightail it out of the store, but he leaves his school notebook behind, informing the guys that his name is Eddie Harris (Bobby Jacoby) and that he lives in their apartment complex. The boy promises not to come back into the shop if they don’t tell his mother, so Larry reluctantly agrees. After Eddie leaves, Larry remarks that he just needs a positive role model in his life so that he doesn’t wind up in bigger trouble in the future. Balki suggests that they take Eddie under their wing, so when they get home, Larry calls his mother and requests that they spend some time with him. Larry and Balki try to decide what to do with him, and although Larry doesn’t think Boochi Tag is the way to go, they get invested in their own game of the Myposian game. When Eddie shows up, Balki suggests that they play video games and eat hot dogs, and he likes the idea. They spend a fun afternoon together, and they feel if Eddie eventually came to enjoy being with them. However, the next morning, Larry realizes that his beloved “Black Beauty” bike is missing from the hallway. He immediately jumps to the conclusion that Eddie took, while Balki thinks he should give him the benefit of the doubt. When Eddie comes by that morning to go to the movies with them, Larry demands that he return the bike and won’t listen to Eddie’s profession of innocence. Eddie storms out and says that he could get this type of treatment from his mother. As Larry is getting ready to call Eddie’s mother, Jennifer and Mary Anne stop by with the bike. Jennifer tells Larry that she needed to borrow it to go pick up her car and didn’t want to wake them up so early in the morning. Larry feels terrible and apologizes profusely to Balki for not listening to him, but Balki suggests that there is someone who needs to hear the apology even more. Larry calls Eddie down to see him and he gives him a heartfelt apology. He follows that up by offering him the bike and tells him that he hopes he gets as much enjoyment out of it as he did. Eddie tells Balki that he doesn’t understand Larry, and Balki assures him that even though he makes mistakes, he has a heart the size of a liver. Larry promises to tell Eddie’s mother that he didn’t steal the bike. Balki and Larry resume their game of Boochi Tag. 9/25/24
• 024. Snow Way to Treat a Lady: Part 1 – 2/18/198
  • Balki books a getaway retreat for a weekend of skiing for himself and Larry, but Larry has no interest in skiing and was the only member of his family who couldn’t ski. However, when he realizes that he is going along with a group of skiers that include Jennifer and Mary Anne, he quickly changes his tune. He decides to learn from a book called The Zen Book of Skiing: Achieving Oneness with the Snow. He and Balki attach the boots and skis in the living room, but quickly are leaning back and forth while stuck in the skis. They get the skis tangled and fall all over each other, with Larry finally realizing that this isn’t going to work. However, rather than telling Jennifer that he can’t ski, he concocts a plan to fake an injury during his first session on the slopes and then spend the weekend with her doting on him. Balki likens telling one lie on top of another to falling in a pit into which a snowball of lies will ultimately land. When they arrive at the ski resort, Larry insists on going down the wrong side of the mountain. He naturally wipes out, so Jennifer and Mary Anne head down to help him. Balki follows, and he crashes as well. They wind up wandering around in the cold for two hours until they happen upon a cabin. Larry tells the girls that he has twisted his ankle There is no one there, but they find blankets and wine, so they decide to stay there for the night. Jennifer and Mary Anne go out to get firewood to build a fire, while Larry gloats about being in the perfect situation with the girls. Balki still thinks that it will come around to bite him since he lied to get there. They all sit in front of the fire while Larry tells even more lies about his experiences in skiing competitions. Balki tells the story of The Little Goat Herder Who Lied. Larry tries to cuddle up with Jennifer to stay warm, but she suggests that they get more wood for the fire. Larry volunteers to go out to find wood, while Balki and Mary Anne snuggle up and make out. As they kiss, the cabin starts shaking, and they deduce that there was an avalanche. When they open the door to check on Larry, they find that a wall of snow has crushed him up against the door. Larry tells the tale of the snow coming after him toward the cabin, which ended up engulfing the entire cabin, rendering them completely buried. NOTE: This is the first of a two-part episode. 9/26/24

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