The Terrible Catsafterme

SEASON 1 – ABC

Created by Neal Marlens and Carol Black

Theme Song: “With a Little Help from My Friends” written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, performed by Joe Cocker

• 001. Pilot – 1/31/1988
  • Kevin Arnold (voice of Arye Gross) narrates the recollection of his younger self (Fred Savage) as he gets ready to enter school and Robert F. Kennedy Junior High in 1968, and his life in the suburbs of Anytown, USA. His father Jack (Dan Lauria) is a manager at the defense contractor NORCOM, and his mother Norma (Alley Mills) stays at home. Kevin has an older brother named Wayne (Jason Hervey) and an older hippie sister named Karen (Olivia d’Abo). He has been friends with neighbors Paul Pfeiffer (Josh Saviano) and Gwendolyn “Winnie” Cooper (Danica McKellar) since early childhood. Winnie’s older brother Brian (Bentley Mitchum), who was the idol of the neighborhood kids and often defended Kevin when Wayne would pick on him, is sent to Vietnam. Kevin starts his first day at the new school at the bus stop, where he sees Winnie dressed in a cut outfit and is stunned by his feelings for her. At lunch that day, Winnie joins him and Paul at the table elevating his hopes that he might achieve some popularity by being her friend. However Wayne quickly squashes that by embarrassing him and teasing him about his crush on Winnie, causing him to declare that he doesn’t even like her and storm out of the lunchroom. He is stopped at the door by Mr. Diperna (Raye Birk), who says he cannot leave the lunchroom with his apple. In his anger, Kevin throws the apple back into the lunchroom, prompting him to be marched to the principal’s office where his parents are summoned to pick him up. Kevin dreads what will happen to him when he gets home, but upon arrival, they are all met at the door by Karen and Wayne who announce that Brian Cooper had been killed in Vietnam. Kevin takes a solo walk to the climbing tree in Harper’s Woods and finds Winnie there. He effortlessly comforts her in her grief by hugging her and sharing their first kiss. Robert Picardo is Coach Cutlip, the physical education teacher. Linda Hoy is Mrs. Ritvo, Kevin’s homeroom teacher. Sean Faro is the mean greaser with the locker next to Kevin. Dah-ve Chodan is the hot girl by his locker. Donnie Jeffcoat is Eric Antonio, and Jacqueline Square is Gail Aslaynian. NOTE: Daniel Stern took over the role as narrator Kevin in the next episode. He then recorded the narration for the syndicated and DVD versions of this episode. 2/28/21

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SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Nat Hiken. 

Theme music composed by John Strauss.

NOTE: The series was originally titled “You’ll Never Get Rich,” and was later referred to as “Sgt. Bilko” or “Bilko” in syndication. 

• 000. New Recruits aka Audition Pilot – UNAIRED 1955
  • At the Army base of Fort Baxter in Roseville, Kansas, Master Sergeant Ernest Bilko runs a very efficient operation of the motor pool of Company “B”, Third Platoon. In fact, he runs it so efficiently that he and his men, namely Corporal Rocco Barbella and Corporal Steve Henshaw (Jack Warden), have little to do other than engage in gambling and get-rich-quick schemes. The men try to milk their privates for every dollar they have. After Bilko is interrupted from his poker game to perform roll call, he tells his men that he lost his $250 bankroll to a trio of Master Sergeants. The men, knowing he’ll need a new bankroll, scatter. Bilko also gets a lecture form the Chaplain “Padre” Tom (Jimmy Little), who also shows him how the men likely cheated with a mirror behind him. Colonel John T. Hall is convinced by the chaplain that by assigning Bilko a new group of basic trainees, he won’t have the time to get involved with his schemes, and consequently, gambling on the base will go down. Most of Bilko’s platoon is transferred and the new recruits are moved in. One of the men, Private Higgins, the acting PFC of the squad, is looking to make the Army his career, so he balks at Bilko’s bending of the rules in order to get money out of this new crop of men. Bilko also has trouble getting money because the men have entrusted Higgins to hold their money for their next furlough. Bilko tries to think of ways to swindle the money, but when Higgins offers to have Bilko hold the money, and Bilko finds out that the Chaplain had told Higgins that Bilko was trustworthy, his conscience overtakes him and he then becomes protective of the money and refuses to use it for gambling. As much as Barbella and Henshaw try to convince him to use the money, and the fact that he deals himself four aces while mulling it over, he won’t budge. With the temptation so big, he finally returns the money to Higgins and tells him to watch it. Barbella and Henshaw stand guard of Higgins, while Bilko sleeps like a baby. NOTE: This is the pilot/audition film that is remade nearly word for word for the first episode. Most of the actors, although unknown and uncredited, are different with the notable exceptions of Phil Silvers and Harvey Lembeck. 2/28/21

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SEASON 1 – CBS

Created by Whitney Blake and Allan Manings

Theme song: “One Day at a Time” written by Jeff and Nancy Barry

• 001. Ann’s Decision – 12/16/1975
  • Thirty-four year old Annie Romano (Bonnie Franklin), a newly divorced mother of two teenage daughters, moves herself and girls from Logansport, Indiana to Indianapolis, and gets an apartment and a job selling cosmetics. Her older daughter, the sixteen-year old Julie Cooper (Mackenzie Phillips) is attempting to arrange a camping trip with two other girls and three guys, and tries to get her mother’s quick approval to go. Annie doesn’t think it is a good idea and shuts it down quickly, leading to Julie storming off to her room. Her younger daughter Barbara Cooper (Valerie Bertinelli) is more congenial with her biggest current problem being the fact that she’s made the basketball team, but fears she won’t grow any longer. Annie also has to contend with her twenty-six year old lawyer David Kane (Richard Masur), whom she is casually dating but can’t see a future with because of their age gap, plus the building superintendent Dwayne Schneider (Pat Harrington, Jr.) who, despite being married, fancies himself a ladies man and is constantly hitting on Annie and letting himself in the apartment with his pass key. Julie emerges from her room and gives her mother an ultimatum that she will either let her go on the trip or she will return to her father Ed to live. Annie makes the quick decision to give Julie bus fare rather than be threatened. She quickly regrets it and calls Ed in a panic, after getting some advice from David that she should have at least sat down with Julie to discuss the matter. While she is talking to Ed, who is annoyed by there being two men in her apartment, Julie returns and tells her mother that she would miss her way too much to ever leave. Annie tells her that she still doesn’t want her going on the camping trip, but is going to allow it because she isn’t too sure of her decision. She also gives a speech to both girls about all of them sticking together through their mistakes. David offers to take all of the girls out to dinner, and Julie makes a phone call to her friend Trudy to tell her that despite the fight she put up, her mother wouldn’t allow her to go on the trip. 2/27/21

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MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY – SEASON 1 – ABC

NOTE: The series was titled “Make Room for Daddy” for the first three seasons, before becoming “The Danny Thomas Show.” During many of the syndicated runs, the title of the later episodes reverted to “Make Room for Daddy”

Music composed by Herbert W. Spencer and Earle Hagen

• 001. Uncle Daddy – 9/29/1953
  • Unavailable for viewing
• 002. Party Dress – 10/6/1953
  • Danny Williams (Danny Thomas), New York nightclub comedian and singer, argues with piano player Benny Lessy (himself) about having to rehearse in the afternoon, leaving him with less time to be with his wife Margaret (Jean Hagen), daughter Terry (Sherry Jackson), and son Rusty (Rusty Hamer). He especially espouses the joy of raising his 11-year old daughter and shows off a doll he is bringing home for her. When he gets home, he finds Margaret and the maid Louise (Louise Beavers) fussing over alterations on a new dress that Terry intends to wear to a school dance, and consequently Terry has no interest in the new doll. Danny adamantly objects to her going to a dance that age, causing Terry to retreat to her room in tears. Terry’s would-be date Donald Cooper (Walter Hamer) comes to see Terry, but Danny sends him on his way and tells him that Terry can’t go. Later while giving a bath to Rusty, Danny overhears Terry discussing her father with Margaret, who maintains that her father wants what is best for her, mostly because he doesn’t trust boys – since he was one – and knows that they are nothing but trouble. Danny thinks it over and expresses concern to Louise that his daughter might grow up to be an old maid if she never trusts in boys. Margaret sends Terry to butter up her father by telling him that he knows best, and that she’d rather stay home with him and play horsie. He tells her that she needs to get out and see boys because not all men are bad, and insists that she go to the dance. Donald is outside the door waiting, and says he knew it would work out because he always goes through this on his dates. Danny works at the Club Paul nightclub on the night of the dance, telling jokes about his daughter growing up, before singing Daddy’s Little Girl. He comes home that night and laments about his little girl growing up, but when Margaret has him peek in on her, she is clutching the new doll that he bought for her. 2/27/21

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SEASON 1 – FOX

Theme music: “Boss of Me” by They Might Be Giants

• 001. Pilot – 1/9/2000
  • The Wilkerson family are a slightly dysfunctional family living in the Midwest comprised of father Hal (Bryan Cranston), mother Lois (Jane Kaczmarek), and brothers Reese (Justin Berfield), Malcolm (Frankie Muniz), and Dewey (Erik Per Sullivan). They also have an older brother Francis (Christopher Masterson) who has been sent away to Marlin Academy military school for his behavioral issues. Malcolm’s mother arranges a play date with Stevie Kenarban (Craig Lamar Traylor), a black kid in a wheelchair. Malcolm is unenthusiastic until he finds out that Stevie has a massive comic book collection. Malcolm also is tested at school, found to be a child genius, and forced against his will to move to a gifted class known as the Krelboyne class, where Stevie is also a student. A group of bullies led by Dave Spath (Vincent Berry) pick on Malcolm and others, but Malcolm stands up to him in the school yard and dodges a punch that ends up grazing Stevie. The kids turn against Spath for hitting a kid in a wheel chair. Malcolm’s first teacher is played by Merrin Dungey, while the teacher in his new class, Caroline Miller is played by Catherine Lloyd Burns. Will Jennings is Eraserhead. Landry Allbright is Julie Houlerman. Kristin Quick is Flora Mayesh. 3/1/14

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